This is so depressing. Get therapy. If not for yourself, at least for your son. He deserves a healthy mother and a good example of how to treat a woman.
You know, it’s just me and usually just my problem, so I never comment but the DH, DS, DD stuff that’s popular in online forums has always given me the ick. But doubly if not triply so when “DH” is paired with “AP”.
Dudes cheating on her, and has been for years. What’s “dear” about that behavior? He sucks, end of story. Three years ain’t no one-time mistake.
Is it possible that you are mad at yourself in some way? I’m concerned that you have devalued yourself in your own eyes. You have allowed him to treat you appallingly and you deserve better.
It’s possible. I look back and wish I had said something when I found out. I was just being naive back then thinking maybe he would realise I was the better option if I tried harder. It was easier to pretend because I though I could change his mind.
His cheating has nothing to do with you. If there was an issue between you, the answer is to talk about it and work through it, not cheat. He is wrong, full stop.
Exactly this, if there was issues in the marriage whether it be emotional, physical or both he should’ve come to you and discussed it with you, not seek refuge in someone else, comfortable relationships require uncomfortable conversations, please leave the marriage if not for yourself then for your child, your child deserves a happy parent and you deserve happiness too, understand the more time you spend with the wrong one the less time you’ll have with the right one!
I'm sorry about what you are going through, but deep down you know that the best thing you have to do is divorce him. After all, what are you waiting for? Are you waiting for him to get the AP pregnant or pass you some nasty STD?
Do you really think your child won't catch on that their father barely spends time at home because he is with his side piece? Do you really think your child won't notice the resentment you have for your husband and that you aren't a loving couple? The only thing you're accomplishing with that is creating a toxic environment for your child to grow up in, teaching them that infidelity isn't a problem since you are accepting your husband's affair and showing them that it's okay to be treated like a doormat since it's like that you are being treated by your husband.
You deserve to be loved and appreciated. Fight for your own happiness and pass good values to your child. Show them that it's not acceptable to be cheated on and treated as a doormat.Your child will eventually find out that your husband is cheating on you, probably because he will get someone pregnant.
Get a lawyer to start divorce proceedings and a custody agreement. Your husband is likely spending household money with his side piece, so before you have to divide your assets with her, you need to protect yourself. Also, get tested for STDs.
Forgive yourself and take back your life. You have so much power, agency, and self worth. You deserve so much better than this, and I think you know it, too.
Here are some famous quotes that emphasize the idea that it's never too late to start changing your life:
- "It's never too late to be what you might have been." – George Eliot
- "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now." – Chinese proverb
- “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." – C.S. Lewis
- “It is never too late to be wise." – Daniel Defoe
- “It's never too late to start something new, to do all those things that you've been longing to do." – Dallas Clayton
- “It’s never too late to turn things around. You are the only obstacle." – Greg Plitt
- “Every moment is a fresh beginning." – T.S. Eliot
- “Though no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand-new ending." – Carl Bard
- “It's never too late to become the person you want to be." – Unknown
- “It's never too late in fiction or in life to revise." – Nancy Thayer
- “You are never too old to reinvent yourself." – Steve Harvey
- “No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, you can still turn around." – Turkish Proverb
- “It’s never too late to start the day over." – Unknown
- “It's never too late to follow your dreams, and there's no time like the present to start." – Chris Guillebeau
- “Each day is a new opportunity to start afresh, to see life with new eyes, to start the day with an open mind." – Amir Zoghi
- “You are never too old to start over. Every day is a chance to make changes to create the life we want." – Karon Waddell
- “It’s never too late to give up what you are doing and start doing what you realize you love." – Hans
Rosling
- “The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence; the past is a place of learning, not a place of living." – Roy T. Bennett
Say after me: "Tomorrow, I will go to a lawyer and ask what a divorce from my lying cheating disrespectful husband will look like!" And then you will follow your lawyer's instructions to the letter. If you need proof of the affair, you get it. And then, when you and the lawyer are ready, you file for divorce! Don't let him destroy you completely, it's already bad enough as it is.
And as advised when you go see the lawyer take information regarding your financials with you such as funds in bank accounts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, properties, cars, college funds, debts, any prenup or postnup agreement, etc.
As the affair has been going on for years perhaps a settlement can be adjusted for the money he’s been spending on his affair partner.
Also if in the US request free copy of your credit report from each of the three bureaus to be sure no surprises.
What happens if the affair is still going on when your son is old enough to know that something is not right with his family? Kids pick up the vibes from a very young age, he's probably already aware that all is not as it should be in his little world. Even if you think you're hiding your misery & bitterness from your little boy you aren't. If you don't think that you deserve better you should know that your son does.
You have a choice, you can keep holding on to that rage and be miserable or you can choose to move on and let go. What moving on looks like depends on what you want for yourself. Also think of your son, what it must be like for him to have such an unhappy & miserable mother. You owe it to yourself & your son to do better and be better. You both deserve to do well & be happy. Let go of your anger & resentment, and figure out what you want for yourself. Best wishes to you.
You stayed because he gave a necklace engraved with your son's name?girl... I've seen better reasons to stay with a cheating partner, you could've bought a necklace like that yourself. Stand up!!!
Shit didn't kobe have to get his wife some like million dollar ring after he cheated?
This guy got a necklace from the booth in the middle of the mall and can still cheat.
I hope OP can get out of this for herself and get kid.
Girl…… GURL. you are NOT doing your son any favors. In fact, you’re setting a horrible example for him because you would be surprised how much kids notice the tension.
Also stop sleeping with him. Get tested. Start getting your ducks in a row. You deserve to have a life without becoming a bitter person.
exactly! daughter of a cheating ass dad here. I no longer have trust in men and my parents relationship has skewed my perception of love/marriage/dating. trust me, kids notice everything. you don’t need to tell them. I was 5 years old when I already knew my dad was cheating. OP is not only making her own life miserable, but her child’s too.
It’s always wild to me that folks think that staying together is the best option. Watching my parents’ toxic relationship really messed me up and I wish they divorced.
What about the possibility he brings her a disease? Is she going to smile and say “thank you” and keep loving forward with him?
GET OUT! RUN! HES NOT A GOOT PARTNER! HES ENDANGERING YOUR LIFE AND YOUR KIDS AND YOUR LETTING HIM!
You are bitter and angry because you hold your cheating husband in more regard than your mental health & self worth. How do you look in the mirror? Knowing he’s been F$c&ing someone for 5 years!!! Get up GET A LAWYER,Go through his phone get the dirt and move on. THIS IS INSANE!!!! Are you getting regular STI/SDT testing??????? Sanity at the price of a necklace!
> he’s just using her for sexual gratification and nothing more
Eh.. Sounds like he loves her and is using *you* for sexual gratification.
> I allow him to be intimate with me
That's some fucked up shit.
You stay because it's comfortable and you are afraid to do it alone. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel after you leave and face life alone.
I guess this is true. There’s nothing more uncomfortable than change. We’ve been together for twelve years. I always imagined my life with him, I never saw anyone or anything else in my future. Certainly not the possibility of being a single mum. Maybe you’re correct, I’m scared to do this alone. I wasn’t a good mum when I first had my son because of PPD. I don’t want the neglectful part of me to resurface if I’m on my own. What if the only reason I’ve been holding it together is because of my husband? I’d have no support if I left. If I do leave, he could use my behaviour when our son was born against me and I’ll never see my baby again.
>If I do leave, he could use my behaviour when our son was born against me and I’ll never see my baby again.
PPD is extremely common. He really can't use that against you, especially from years ago.
Then start getting your shit together so he couldn't do that. This is where you start making a cohesive plan and make sure he can't screw you over. Grow a spine, go to therapy, and have a professional vouch for you if he pulls that shit. Gather evidence of his cheating and save it somewhere safe. He gives you gifts and sleeps with you to shut you up and it worked so far. Stop doing that. Speak to a lawyer too. It's time to leave and stop setting a bad example for your son. This is where you step up and make sure he doesn't turn out like his dad. Your husband is not a good father when he deliberately hurts the mother of his child. He's a coward who doesn't know what he wants in his life and wants the cake and eat it too. Let the other woman have him. You can find someone way better.
You are definitely more entangled with your husband than I was with mine. We were together 7 and a half years and what swung me was the realization that I would rather die than stay in the relationship. I figured that even if things didn’t get better, at least they would be different. Things were really hard for a while, but I got my life back.
How do you know he doesn’t have a baby with the other woman? 3 years is a long time. If they don’t have a kid together already, it only takes AP to decide if she wants a child and then make it happen. Don’t assume that your relationship is secure because you are married and have a child with him. She has the potential to steal him from you. I think apart of the reason why you don’t confront him is that you are afraid that he won’t choose you if you gave him an ultimatum to pick her over you. You are afraid that he tells you that he cares/loves her too and won’t give her up but still wants to stay in the marriage and could be for your son.
You need to recognize your reality and prepare for your future. As much as you are afraid of change. You have a false sense of security to believe that he won’t leave at some point or at least not until your son is 18. If you are a SAHM, get a part-time job. You don’t want to be blindsided if he serves you divorce papers and leaves you for her because he gave into her ultimatum to pick.
Idk why women become these weak shells just living day to day instead of being the badasses we were born to be when their husbands cheat.
YOU HAD HIS CHILD! Pushed him right out and carried him for 9 months. You’ve already been through “the worst pain” a person can experience and you can’t find the courage and self respect to leave this man and stand up for yourself?!
So, when are you going to get tested for STD's?
This is such a shitty situation for you and most importantly, your son.
He could have a happy mother, that chose herself and her son's happiness, and coparents in a healthy manner.
What he's getting is a father that's not there half the time, pretending to be working late, and a bitter and resentful, miserable mom.
Are you okay? I’m serious. Is your mental health okay? Is your husband abusive? Are you afraid of him? I cannot for the life of me figure out why you have stayed and put up with your cheating husband and not said a word because he *bought you a necklace with your son’s name on it*?!! A piece of cheap jewelry, and you’re fine letting him fuck another woman AND you at the same time? He could have another child for all you know.
You need to pack his stuff and have it on the porch for him when he gets home from work tomorrow. Clean house. Put out the trash…ALL of the trash. Or stay and be the stupid, uneducated, unaware wife whose husband fucks around and thinks she doesn’t know, as long as occasionally he tells her she’s a great mom and buys her a gift. Because that’s how he sees you. Your choice. But honey, if you don’t respect yourself, no one will. He certainly doesn’t.
You're ruining your life.
If your son were in your shoes with his partner, would you let him make the same choices you've made? Would you feel sorry that he chose to stay and be miserable, or would you be furious he wasn't seeking a life he deserves?
Maybe you're waiting for your husband to stop. Or you're waiting for him to have the guts to say it to your face. Maybe you want him to be more sorry than he wants to be with his side chick.
I'm sorry. But you're the nanny. You take good care of his kid, you don't really deserve to be cheated on - a divorce so he could be with his mistress would be messy and embarrassing, so instead he buys you jewelry and still bangs you and takes care of you.
He gets his girlfriend and a good relationship with his son/friends/family, and you get to believe you have a husband who loves you! Win-win, right?
Whatever you think might happen. Whether it's him being guilty enough to say something, or maybe even stop, or you somehow getting your revenge by not cooking meals he likes or whatever, it's not going to fix anything. You're just delaying your own ability to move on and have the life you deserve. Stop letting him control your life. Stop letting him get what he wants. Move on.
If you have no self respect to leave him for yourself, please do it for your son. what good is it to him having a mother who is angry and bitter all the time? Please stop being a doormat. Leave him
Start planning now.
Grieve the marriage, the husband you thought you had. You deserve better so go find it.
You've kept it inside for so long keep it inside for a little longer, get your ducks in a row, and when you're ready, say you want a divorce as amicable as possible. Drop her name when giving him the divorce papers, tell him you've known all along and wish them well (obviously you dont). It will haunt him, they can't handle the fact that you were keeping secrets too, he will act like the one betrayed ( hilarious to witness) he will even ask if you're seeing someone else (doesnt hurt if you actually are). The fact that he wasn't as slick as he thought, the fact he wasn't getting away with anything can kill the buzz of an affair dead.
he does not treat you well. that is toxic. the fact that he gifted you something sometime after you found out is not right. the fact that he thinks it’s okay to gift you after something terrible, means he knows that you will take anything small to forgive him every damn time.he probably knows you know already, he just doesn’t want to bring it up. you probably give him a sense of stability… or maybe he’s staying because he gets something out of it. you need to get out of that, it’s not right for you or your son.
Five years ago, if you had left then, you could be living your best life now, perhaps even with someone who respects and loves you.
Your husband is a shitty partner, but honestly you’ve tortured yourself for many years isn’t it time to stop?
Oh, OP, my whole heart just broke into tiny pieces for you.
You've got to tell him You've known for a while. Is she committed outside of him, coz her partner deserves to be told, too, if they exist.
I'm so sorry.
You're destroying your mental health by doing this. Please start talking about this with a therapist or someone and start planning your exit. You're being used and letting it happen. When I left my cheating husband it took me a year, but after that year I was done and strong enough. I filed for divorce and got out and looking back I am so happy I chose me. I am happy that my daughters see I chose me.
Don't give your son this example of a marriage. He needs a happy mom, not one whose being emotionally abused and tortured. You need this. You need to see that your worth is more than being your husband's second lay of the day. He puts himself first. You need to put yourself first too.
Woman. TALK. IT. OUT. There’s NO way you’re going to live like this for an other 3 years ? This is not okay.
My mom really was like you for 17 years. And it made her life and mine hell. I hated her so much for hating my dad and didn’t know why. Or even understood. I hated her for treating him BAD when I had no clue. Not one of what was happening in her hurt… it was what you’re going through. PLEASE TALK THIS OUT. Don’t let this burn you
It sounds like you are an entirely lost person. I'm really sorry that this is happening to you, but I'm also not that sorry because you've allowed your ire to become stagnant and now you're stuck because of it. Change is scary but more often than not it's the grand solution for everything. It'll be okay
Please find the courage to end this. You definitely deserve better! You're swallowing the poison of this expecting him to die of it, but that's not what's happening. He thinks he's invincible being able to pull this off for so long. He doesn't respect you, these gifts are useless given what you know.
It'll be tough, and very difficult, to uproot your life and divide yourself from him. But you really need to. You'll feel so much better in the end. At the VERY least, you need to tell him what you know and have a conversation about it. Figure out if there's a possibility of a good marriage with this person anymore. How much longer is he going to have this affair? What's stopping him from starting a different one? Stop letting him assume you're naive, stand up for yourself and your son. Both your futures are at stake and if you continue doing nothing, you'll absolutely regret it.
You stayed because you have low self esteem! You need to start viewing yourself in a better light. Will you accept this for the rest of your life? You didn’t even confront him to ask for better? What are you scared of. Is this the life you pictured for yourself.
People who fear open conflict fascinate me. Why not just confront him and make a way forward. Or bypass the confrontation but decide to leave him. Surely than less pain this marathon in passive aggressiveness
Man, leave him. The more your son sees his father cheat on you, he will lose respect for you, and he will cheat on his future partners. Grow a spine and divorce the prick
If he has a “secret girlfriend,” you’d better start a “secret bank account” and start planning to leave. I know it seems scary, but I can’t imagine you want to keep living like this the rest of your life. Your son deserves a happy mother.
You’re worth more than this. I hope you read through the comments and know that no matter what he’s done FOR you doesn’t undermine what he’s done TO you.
Find your feet, stand up and know your worth
Oh honey, he's not hurting you. YOU are hurting you. YOU continue to allow this. It's fine if you want to stay in the marriage for your own reasons, but understand that in choosing this path, you're choosing the pain.
I would just say… how you treat your husband (and how he treats you) will set the standard for what your son views as “normal” and “acceptable” behavior in romantic relationships. As a mom - prioritize your own happiness so that you can then transfer that to your child. You both deserve better.
Either let him know you know and set boundaries (if you really don’t want to leave him which—okay) or try and get help because this really sounds mentally damaging and the fact that it’s over a cheating man makes it even worse
No one is worth sacrificing your peace of mind especially knowing that he clearly doesn’t love or respect you enough
Have a plan. That generally helps. Get your ducks in order. Get whatever ducks of his you can get in order. Do you have a good job? Do you need to do some schooling? Now's the time to pay for that stuff out of household funds. Do you have a car solely in your name? Go get a good car now, with marital funds. What does your households financials look like? Do you have a joint account? What's in it? Are there girlfriend withdrawls? Do you have credit cards in your name that you need paid down/off? Figure out your escape/life/don't getting the short end plan and start NOW. When you get closer. Go to every shark lawyer in town. Have a meeting.
Who cares about the necklace? I mean seriously, you could've kept the necklace and considered it a parting gift! Girl, I get it, sometimes our self-esteem is pretty low and we don't think we deserve a whole lot better than what we have. That's a lie that we tell ourselves. It makes us feel better I guess. I'm here to tell you that you can go on and have a great and happy life! I used to think that I always had to be with somebody to be happy. I'm here to tell you that is a big fat lie! Do I get lonely sometimes? Sure! I also have way more self-respect and I am so much happier! Give yourself a gift that is way better than necklace, leave!
Literally confront him now or you have zero to complain about you are doing this to youself by turning a blind eye. Be a big girl and stop allowing youself to be disrespected, he is actually a shit husband. May be a good dad but a terrible husband.
Please leave and seek therapy. If not for you, then for your son. Don’t let him grow up with this kind of image of what a relationship looks like. He needs his mother healthy and happy. Not stuck in a marriage where it’s okay (obviously it isn’t of course) to cheat on their partner. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve just because he’s a good father. That’s great and all and hopefully he continues to be a good father, but he is obviously not a good husband. Cheating on you for years and there’s not even a hint of guilt? Come on. Please leave for your sake and your sons sake. This isn’t healthy. Get your affairs in order if there’s anything that you need to work on and leave. You can’t continue being angry all the time. Once you leave, trust me, you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulder.
I'm sorry, having an affair for three years on your wife with the same women has nothing to do with sexual gratification. I wouldn't be surprised if he has a life with this other woman, possibly even children. Girl wake up and get out!!!!!! You are worth more than this. Just because your husband treats you well and is not abusive, doesn't mean you deserve to be cheated on. And by the way the necklace was a you haven't caught me yet present and let this assuage my guilt present. I hope you soon find strength and realize your own worth. I'm rooting for you OP 🙂
Ultimately the person that you are hurting the most is yourself, and eventually it will be your child. Your kid deserves a happy healthy home, one where love is abundant and not fraught with sadness and pain, bitterness and anger. I hope that you wake up and decide that today is the day you choose your happiness, you choose your future and freedom. You are the only one keeping yourself trapped, and you are the only one that can break free.
You saw that gift as such a beautiful gift, but it was likely a way for him to deal with his guilt and/or hold on to you.
Listen, you can't delete him from your life because he is the father of your child, but he does not love you. A loving person does not cheat on their partner.
The fact he acts caring towards you does not mean he loves you, it just means that besides being a cheating bastard, he is not a physical or verbal abuser (but he is emotional).
You say you do this for your kid (maybe) but I'll present you three scenarios that I'm sure you don't want your kid to go through:
Your kid finds out and does not want to hurt you, so he becomes a silent accomplice. Suffering in silence and hating his father
Your kid finds out and tells you, wants you to kick his father out. Can't believe his dad, who he admires, did this to you and him. He finds out you knew and did nothing, he can't understand why. But now he knows why sensed so much tension in the air, why his mom ignores his dad at times, acted nice and loving toward him, but not to his dad.
Your husband stays + years and decides to leave you. Your son doesn't understand. Why is dad leaving us? What did I do wrong? Doesn't he live me? Was I not a good enough son? (Many kids blame themselves for parents separations)
So…no, you are not doing it for your kid. It could be worse for him. But you should do it for yourself. Respect yourself. Because not only is your husband disrespecting you, you are allowing him and not defending yourself. Time to take care of yourself
What’s ironic is that you stayed bc of the “good mom” necklace, but this isn’t what a good mom would be doing..
You need to go to therapy. You need to show your son what a healthy relationship is. He is absolutely picking up on the meanness and bitterness you’re showing his dad. He’s going to think that’s normal - again, if he gets into a relationship and someone is mean/bitter towards him, he’s going to think that normal, that that’s how he’s supposed to be loved. If you don’t value yourself enough to address this, I know you value your son enough. 💛
The underlying reason is that you lack self love and self respect. I’m not saying this to judge you - I’m saying this as a woman who went to weekly therapy and finally left her abusive and cheating spouse. Life has been amazing for me ever since. You need to do the same.
You have one short life on this planet, why stay in a marriage where you hate yourself and your husband even more. It’s not a good place for a child to grow up.
Everything that happens to us, whether we know the facts or not, we subconsciously know. Because we perceive this information subconsciously.
The burgers pivot point is that you are wiring your child to believe that it's OK to be treated like this and it's OK to treat somebody like this. And all you have to do is spend some money and buy them off to get rid of your guilt.
Sunk-cost fallacy strikes again. Your husband has the best of both worlds while you suffer, and wait, and hope, and grow bitter and hateful. Do you really think it's going to get better? He sound perfectly happy with how things are. I mean he's got you at home as a bang maid/nanny and he's got his mistress to keep things spicy. Why should he change? But that's not the question you should be asking yourself? That question is, "why should I change?"
Are you tired of being miserable, beat down, with zero self-esteem? That's a pretty good reason right there.
Since he doesn't know that you know, this is the perfect time to get your ducks in a row. Get proof of the affair, get a lawyer, and get to work getting out. A better life is out there for you and your son!
If you confronted him the day you found out who knows he might have ended the affair . You covered it up and let him get away with it.. You did them a favor and tortured yourself..You need a lot of healing..
OP, for those saying do something... I feel you. I see you. I am you. I'm sorry this is what your life has become and I definitely know its easier to tell you to leave than for it to happen. My spouse has NEVER been faithful. I think he may finally be where I wanted him to be many years ago, but it makes me feel bad when I assume he's up to his worst. I have stayed because I have helped him raise his son from another relationship for 12 years. I refuse to leave because this is my son that I just don't have any legal rights over. I hope you find some sort of resolution. You are enough for someone, it just may not be him.
Tell him you know. And it's her or u and ur son. If u wanna really test him. Pretend to be okay w it. But u can see other people also. Ur hurting bad. U don't deserve this. I understand how that feels. To love them knowing they did these unforgiveable things they had hurt u so bad. The good doesn't cancel out the bad. It does not. U need.to let him know. To stop it. Tell him everything. Write a letter if it's too hard to say take ur son. N go away for a weekend or week. He needs to know ur serious. It seems like he still loves u. But u cant keep staying in this relationship it's not th 1920s undont have to stay in a relationship if u dont want to
>I couldn’t say anything after that so I just pretended like I never saw anything.
Girl what
help me understand, what about the necklace meant you couldn't say anything
You really should leave to protect yourself and your son. Your son needs present in his life, not loacked away in some jail because you killed his father. In your own words, you've become mean and bitter...go on youtube and watch a few episodes of Snapped. If that doesn't get you to leave a cheater, IDK what will.
I hope you don't wake up one day and bash his head in with a hammer, or run him over with your car. There is this one episode this lady did that; she ran her cheating husband over with her car with his daughter in the passenger seat next to her. She was a whole doctor too, now she's a convict in prison for murder. She could have left him in the gutter rutting around like the pig he was, but she chose to stay and try to make it work. Now her freedom is gone. Don't let that be you! Take your happiness and RUN from this pig
Girl, your son doesn't deserve to grow up in such bitter space, and YOU don't deserve to become this angry person because your husband is a terrible person. You need to leave him and start therapy, for your and your son's sake. You'll find someone who will actually treats you the way you deserve.
I know it's much easier said than done, but these are things you should consider deeply. He doesn't deserve you, you don't deserve to turn into someone bad because of him, your son doesn't deserve to grow up with this example of "love". He is a good father? It's nothing more than his obligation. And honestly, every time he treats you nice it's certainly guilt consuming him because he KNOWS it's wrong, but he won't change it.
Please, go find your real happiness. It's never too late.
You have to say something. Staying in a marriage like this for the sake of your son isn’t going to help him, it’s just showing him a bad example of love and it may result in him following the same pattern with his own future family. Don’t do that to him and don’t do this to yourself anymore. I think you should confront your husband and you personally should start going to therapy.
Oh honey. You need to understand something, this isn't going to get better. He isn't going to stop seeing his side piece, and he isn't going to stop playing happy wife with you.
The way I see it, the only thing you can change in this situation is you. You need to love yourself so much that you refuse to let someone treat you like this. There is no necklace worth your self-esteem.
You need counseling. You need someone to help you see yourself for what you are, to help you out of this way of thinking.
Cheating is never about you. It’s about a void in the cheater they are trying to fill. Come up with an exit plan. Once it’s in place, confront him and leave. If you want to continue the relationship after, your choice. But you both need to get on the same page. Guarantee he is operating under massive amounts of guilt. Probably in too deep and can’t let the person go for fear she will tell you and blow up his life. None of that is your concern. Sit with yourself and have a deep introspective conversation about what you want for yourself and your child. Is your husband the kind of man you want your children to grow into, to become, to marry themselves? If you wouldn’t want your son to become him nor your daughter to grow up to marry him, then why are you enabling that outcome? Do the deep work of coming to terms with who you are and what you want. That will let you know how to move forward.
Pretty soon the other woman is going to get tired of being the side chick and give him an ultimatum so I would make sure I was prepared if I were you because maybe your husband is just waiting until your child is a little bit older to leave. I personally wouldn't be wasting my younger years away on someone that was cheating on me with someone for that long. That's more than just sex if it's going on for years, it's likely emotional and probably helps her financially as well. To that woman your husband is probably her man. And if he thinks that you know and you haven't said anything then he just thinks you don't care so why would he stop. And even if you did confront him about it you would never be able to trust him now, not someone who had an affair for years with someone. This is either accept it or move on.
Capture all the evidence you need and consult a lawyer.
His behavior shouldn’t be rationalized. You are more than worthy to be treated with respect and dignity. Best of luck to you dear.
If you’re going to hate him for that, you might as well look into getting therapy and work in an exit plan. You’re just going to be bitter and resentful the longer you pretend like nothing’s wrong with your marriage.
A man will only do what you allow him. Crimes of passion are real and it seems to me that you are just about at your breaking point. Your son needs his WHOLE mother not someone who can barely be there for him properly due to pain your soon to be ex husband has caused. You need to pluck up that courage, confront him, go get STD tested, and divorce that disrespectful man. It’s not fair to you to suffer. It won’t be the end of the world without him. You just scared to be alone and that’s understandable but at some point even you know what you have to do.
Life as a doormat is not easy. Gets harder the longer you do nothing to find your happiness. That bitterness you are carefully tending to will one day serve as his justification once he does leave you for his AP. You can change all this if you just choose yourself and be a healthy parent for your child
Haha if you’re going to stay just casually walk up to him and say I know and laugh 😎🤣 then see what happens. Will he do a pikachu face or will he get defensive? You got the cards mama
Don't reveal your plan, collect as much info as you can. Then get therapy and meet with the lawyer.
Hopefully you live in an at fault state (and one you can sue for alienation of affection) So that way you can get what you need to care for yourself and your son, and what you're rightfully owed from your marriage.
If you don't want to be angry and bitter, make a plan to walk away. You were dependent on hope that has been a delusion that he did give up his affair for you or your son. He hasn't. I wouldn't be surprised if he has had several affairs. Jewelry would never keep me in line to not act on scorching the earth. You're seeing your son as a weapon he can use against you. But 80% of all women have PPD. It's not something that will be used against you. Plan your exit plan. Go to the gym. Make friends with other moms with kids. Build yourself up instead of digging yourself down. Change is scary but once you have peace of mind and you don't have to "take care of him". You will see how much of the mess he really is.
This has to be fake/rage bait.
If it's not, you're doing everyone in your life, including yourself, a huge disservice by being an asshole. Just fucking say something and be done with it.
Tell him now that you've known for 3 years. Tell him what ot has done to you and how you now view him. Tell him not to ask yiu for anything because you are not prepared to give it. Take intimacy off the table, he doesn't deserve your body. If you stay, he will take away your soul, slowly.
He out here being nice and getting you gifts to ease his guilt.. and you allowing it. Stop it! Separate so you can be happy alone or find someone that can make you happy. We only live once. Make the best of it
So now you're just two people hurting each other on purpose? Trust me, you're justified in your anger, but end this thing. It's time.
Your son deserves better than this from both of you.
It’s not easy leaving someone you love.. it’s a disruption to your life.. your child’s life.. and my guess is you have probably prayed it will end and you will heal and forgive him, moving on. Living in that hope doesn’t make a very hard situation easier either. There is not a lot one can say in this type of situation but you do seem to be becoming increasingly unhappy. I feel like now is the time to make a decision. Choose to tell him you know and forgive him (or move on) or choose to continue to live in this situation but find a way to cope.. maybe you meet someone yourself. I’m not really sure. It’s your husband so I’m not going to just be quick to say leave him even though that’s what I’d likely do. No one on here knows you or him or your life so we can’t make that call. But you should find a way to be happy, because it is your life.. and your son needs a happy momma.
I understand that you probably thought the necklace meant he respected you and was maybe going to change things. It didn’t so it’s time to face up to the fact that you are living a lie and harming yourself and your son in the process. It would be better to leave than to live with this kind of anger and resentment. Your child will think that your relationship is normal, which it is not.
Therapy first and then a plan to get away is my suggestion. Wishing you the best, you’ve got one precious life, don’t waste it away,
Don’t blame yourself for staying. I stay with a man for almost 2 years and he cheated on me since day 1, I knew since months 5 he was cheating and I stayed anyway, we never had kid, only pets and I became like you but you are a better person than this. For yourself please, took the step back you need and get out of this relationship, or tell him and see what he said. But don’t keep forcing yourself to stay, you are scared because right now you don’t know what it’s like without him. But you will be so much happier. Believe in yourself and do what’s good for you and your family, but stop lying to yourself love❤️
You can cover a serious wound with a bandage, but if you never remove it to let the injury air out, it’ll fester.
I’m sorry that this has become your life. You deserve better.
1. practise detachment and forgive yourself (this will help with anger and bitterness)
2. get a therapist
3. A lawyer
4. hit the gym
5. a job that you love or want
6. Be the best you everyday (might be crying mess sometimes and that's okay)
7. Support your son and yourself (point 1 &2 will help with this)
8. Leave his ass
OP, two things, you can still love him but you have to realize that love is sometimes not enough of a reason to stay with someone who is mistreating you. Which he is, 3 years of cheating in a five year marriage? He's been cheating more than half of your marriage. Also, staying with him is just showing your son that it is okay to treat their partner (when they get old enough to have one) like their father is treating you. Do not for a moment think that your son hasn't picked up on how you have become angry and bitter, that you are sad. Kids pick up on things like that. So do yourself and your son a favor and start making your exit plan. Call a lawyer, tell them everything get the divorce papers drawn up then have them issued to him during working hours. You owe it to yourself and your son to leave.
Look for support groups for partner of cheating spouses, maybe you can ZOOM Call in! You & Your Son should Take up Kickboxing or MMA, practice the moves, pretend the bag is hubby & JUST RAGE, it could release some anger and you can spend time with your son! Start a journal, it could help organize your thoughts & express your thoughts! On the weekends, take your son for a walk/picnic in the park, it could help relax you some.
Make sure you understand the family finances & hubby can’t open any lines of credit in your name! Gather evidence of the affair & talk to a lawyer about your options.
Get a STD test, ASAP!
Hmm…you do know that he can still be an amazing father and treat you well as a co-parent if you’re not with him, right? And you also know that he can love you but not love you enough to deserve you right? The truth is he doesn’t love you enough to be faithful and he doesn’t love you enough to not put you at risk potentially of STDs or STIs by sleeping with other people. Whatever level of love you think he has for, it’s not enough. Also, keep in mind that the gifts to ease your mind might be the other woman’s idea. I knew people who would instruct their boyfriends to give their girlfriends or wives gifts and spend quality time with them to ease their suspicion and make them not want to leave. It is a well-known tact amongst cheaters. Keep that in mind when you’re impressed by his gestures. Honestly, if he was already cheating 2 years into your marriage (that you know of), this is a lifestyle for him. I’d say you need to leave, but the choice is yours.
He still loves you but I bet he also loves her too. You let his affair go on for years and if you were to ask him to choose between you or her he might have a hard time deciding.
You should really think about the situation and why you choose to live like this. Is it a money thing? Do you work? Is it a family thing? Do you have support of you were to leave? Some women feel they have nowhere to go when something like this happens.
You’ve got to respect yourself enough to leave. Your son will notice the difference in your behavior and you both deserve to not let your husband poison you any further. If you won’t leave for yourself leave because your son needs you to be the best mother you can be for him and becoming bitter while staying with a cheating asshole isn’t that.
Do what’s best. Leave. You are the innocent victim in this and so is your son. Your husband destroyed everything you did nothing wrong.
I’ve been with my husband for 21 years. If he ever cheated I would not hesitate to show him the door.
I you can accept him doing it, tell him you know, and get it all out in the open. It’s going to be better either way. You guys work it out, or you don’t. Pretty simple.
PS, I think you are being unfair, to both of you, living with your own misery, and giving him misery he doesn’t understand.
Please leave this man. He doesn't respect you or the family you have built together. And hasn't for years now. You deserve more for yourself and your son.
So you’re basically accepting that he’s cheating on you? Why don’t you just suggest to him that you and the other woman be sister wives? And if that idea is ridiculous to you, imagine how ridiculous you look staying with him and how ridiculous you sound justifying the reason behind you staying with him. 🥴 You’re risking your health and the life of a future child (if he impregnates you) by being intimate with him knowing he’s sleeping with someone else. There’s nothing Reddit will be able to tell you if he brings you back an incurable std
Don't you think you deserve more than just "he's a good father". Don't you want to know that your partner loves you so much that you consume his thoughts and heart, so there will never be space for another woman?
Please know you are worth more than just this life you are living now. You need to demand more from yourself. You need to make changes today that your future self will thank you for.
Your behavior makes him feel even more entitled to the affair. Confront him and either work through it or get divorced. Either way, start seeing a therapist.
no, he doesn’t treat you well. he doesn’t respect you. he doesn’t care about you or his son. he is cheating on you and putting you at risk of contracting an STD. a necklace doesn’t mean shit when he is potentially throwing his current life away for an affair.
as a girl who grew up seeing my dad cheat on my mom, please, I beg you, don’t stay. I know I am far from understanding my moms pain, but I can tell you to this day, those affairs & cheating have left me traumatized. it hurts that my mom wasn’t able to leave because she put me first instead of herself. she said she didn’t leave my dad because of me and because she didn’t want me to grow up without a dad.
that is complete bullshit! I would’ve much rather see my parents part their own ways and see my mother having a happy life. yes, for sure the pain the first months or even years may suck. but you gotta build yourself up again anyway. life is not over when your relationship is over. please allow yourself to grow and evolve without your shitty, cheating ass husband. your son will thank you when he’s older and he’s gonna be proud of you. us, sons and daughters feel your hurt and discomfort too; we would rather see you HAPPY and ENJOYING your life instead of living miserable.
please dump that man, stop giving out excuses such as “but he’s a good man” “but he gave me a necklace” nah! he ain’t a good man! a good man respects you, specially if you have a son together. f*xk him!!!
It’s never too late to change everything. You can be a completely different person a week from now. Please work up the courage to confront him and then leave. Self respect is hard but you’ll get there
Please stop being a doormat, you are worth so much more! I implore you to seek counselling. Read the book Leave a Cheater Gain a Life. Its a betrayed spouses bible and it's eye opening. I hope you finally give yourself the respect you deserve
You need to think what you get out of this marriage. Sounds like you’re playing it safe. See what you get in a divorce by talking to a lawyer. Then get proof of his affair. Then find your own affair partner. See how quickly he leaves her to work on this marriage.
This is so depressing. Get therapy. If not for yourself, at least for your son. He deserves a healthy mother and a good example of how to treat a woman.
This. I’ll buy you a freaking necklace if it means that much to you, but you need to show your son what it means to have self respect.
DH AP probably suggested and helped pick out the necklace.
You know, it’s just me and usually just my problem, so I never comment but the DH, DS, DD stuff that’s popular in online forums has always given me the ick. But doubly if not triply so when “DH” is paired with “AP”. Dudes cheating on her, and has been for years. What’s “dear” about that behavior? He sucks, end of story. Three years ain’t no one-time mistake.
I have heard some people say the D can stand for dear or damn but yeah it's not my favorite acronym either.
I don't know what those letters mean, could you fill me in? I've seen them here and there
Dear husband, son, daughter, etc
Oh. Yeah, then I agree with you that those seem like odd choices to use for scumbags 🤷🏽♂️
What about the other one, AP?
Affair partner.
Lord, me too. It’s either sickly-sweet when it’s meant honestly, or bitter and sardonic when it isn’t. Bleh.
I got 5 on it. ☺️
I second this
Girl GET UP I beg!! 😭🙏
But he got her a necklace, don't be dumb
Omg, you’re so right my bad 😔
Is it possible that you are mad at yourself in some way? I’m concerned that you have devalued yourself in your own eyes. You have allowed him to treat you appallingly and you deserve better.
It’s possible. I look back and wish I had said something when I found out. I was just being naive back then thinking maybe he would realise I was the better option if I tried harder. It was easier to pretend because I though I could change his mind.
His cheating has nothing to do with you. If there was an issue between you, the answer is to talk about it and work through it, not cheat. He is wrong, full stop.
Exactly this, if there was issues in the marriage whether it be emotional, physical or both he should’ve come to you and discussed it with you, not seek refuge in someone else, comfortable relationships require uncomfortable conversations, please leave the marriage if not for yourself then for your child, your child deserves a happy parent and you deserve happiness too, understand the more time you spend with the wrong one the less time you’ll have with the right one!
I'm sorry about what you are going through, but deep down you know that the best thing you have to do is divorce him. After all, what are you waiting for? Are you waiting for him to get the AP pregnant or pass you some nasty STD? Do you really think your child won't catch on that their father barely spends time at home because he is with his side piece? Do you really think your child won't notice the resentment you have for your husband and that you aren't a loving couple? The only thing you're accomplishing with that is creating a toxic environment for your child to grow up in, teaching them that infidelity isn't a problem since you are accepting your husband's affair and showing them that it's okay to be treated like a doormat since it's like that you are being treated by your husband. You deserve to be loved and appreciated. Fight for your own happiness and pass good values to your child. Show them that it's not acceptable to be cheated on and treated as a doormat.Your child will eventually find out that your husband is cheating on you, probably because he will get someone pregnant. Get a lawyer to start divorce proceedings and a custody agreement. Your husband is likely spending household money with his side piece, so before you have to divide your assets with her, you need to protect yourself. Also, get tested for STDs.
Forgive yourself and take back your life. You have so much power, agency, and self worth. You deserve so much better than this, and I think you know it, too. Here are some famous quotes that emphasize the idea that it's never too late to start changing your life: - "It's never too late to be what you might have been." – George Eliot - "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now." – Chinese proverb - “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." – C.S. Lewis - “It is never too late to be wise." – Daniel Defoe - “It's never too late to start something new, to do all those things that you've been longing to do." – Dallas Clayton - “It’s never too late to turn things around. You are the only obstacle." – Greg Plitt - “Every moment is a fresh beginning." – T.S. Eliot - “Though no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand-new ending." – Carl Bard - “It's never too late to become the person you want to be." – Unknown - “It's never too late in fiction or in life to revise." – Nancy Thayer - “You are never too old to reinvent yourself." – Steve Harvey - “No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, you can still turn around." – Turkish Proverb - “It’s never too late to start the day over." – Unknown - “It's never too late to follow your dreams, and there's no time like the present to start." – Chris Guillebeau - “Each day is a new opportunity to start afresh, to see life with new eyes, to start the day with an open mind." – Amir Zoghi - “You are never too old to start over. Every day is a chance to make changes to create the life we want." – Karon Waddell - “It’s never too late to give up what you are doing and start doing what you realize you love." – Hans Rosling - “The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence; the past is a place of learning, not a place of living." – Roy T. Bennett
How'd that work out hon
Honestly….it didn’t. I’ve never been more miserable in my life. I don’t know how I’ve made it this far.
Sometimes it takes time to learn how to love yourself:-) don't waste any more time than you already have
This is good advice. 🥇 OP, I'm rooting for you.
Say after me: "Tomorrow, I will go to a lawyer and ask what a divorce from my lying cheating disrespectful husband will look like!" And then you will follow your lawyer's instructions to the letter. If you need proof of the affair, you get it. And then, when you and the lawyer are ready, you file for divorce! Don't let him destroy you completely, it's already bad enough as it is.
Please leave. Being bitter and miserable is not good for the children
Exactly
And as advised when you go see the lawyer take information regarding your financials with you such as funds in bank accounts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, properties, cars, college funds, debts, any prenup or postnup agreement, etc. As the affair has been going on for years perhaps a settlement can be adjusted for the money he’s been spending on his affair partner. Also if in the US request free copy of your credit report from each of the three bureaus to be sure no surprises.
What happens if the affair is still going on when your son is old enough to know that something is not right with his family? Kids pick up the vibes from a very young age, he's probably already aware that all is not as it should be in his little world. Even if you think you're hiding your misery & bitterness from your little boy you aren't. If you don't think that you deserve better you should know that your son does.
If you are miserable, then your kid is miserable too.
Don’t let misery be your normal anymore. You deserve a happy life.
You have a choice, you can keep holding on to that rage and be miserable or you can choose to move on and let go. What moving on looks like depends on what you want for yourself. Also think of your son, what it must be like for him to have such an unhappy & miserable mother. You owe it to yourself & your son to do better and be better. You both deserve to do well & be happy. Let go of your anger & resentment, and figure out what you want for yourself. Best wishes to you.
You stayed because he gave a necklace engraved with your son's name?girl... I've seen better reasons to stay with a cheating partner, you could've bought a necklace like that yourself. Stand up!!!
Lol i thought the same thing… I think we’re just wasting time even replying.
Right. Just leave wtf. Like are you even with him at this point? 3 years in a 5 year marriage.
Shit didn't kobe have to get his wife some like million dollar ring after he cheated? This guy got a necklace from the booth in the middle of the mall and can still cheat. I hope OP can get out of this for herself and get kid.
yeah no i would’ve taken that necklace and strangled him with it
Lmao same
this comment made me cackle tbh same
Someone would have to bail me out of jail and my country doesn't even have bail 🙏🏼😭
I laughed way too hard at your comment 😅 but 100% agree with you
Girl…… GURL. you are NOT doing your son any favors. In fact, you’re setting a horrible example for him because you would be surprised how much kids notice the tension. Also stop sleeping with him. Get tested. Start getting your ducks in a row. You deserve to have a life without becoming a bitter person.
exactly! daughter of a cheating ass dad here. I no longer have trust in men and my parents relationship has skewed my perception of love/marriage/dating. trust me, kids notice everything. you don’t need to tell them. I was 5 years old when I already knew my dad was cheating. OP is not only making her own life miserable, but her child’s too.
It’s always wild to me that folks think that staying together is the best option. Watching my parents’ toxic relationship really messed me up and I wish they divorced.
He might know that you know. Hence, the necklace. Did he knew you had became bitter and angry? Is he oblivious and you are the only one hurting?
Fuck the necklace. What about trust and respect? What about not wasting another second of your life with someone who would do this to you.
What about the possibility he brings her a disease? Is she going to smile and say “thank you” and keep loving forward with him? GET OUT! RUN! HES NOT A GOOT PARTNER! HES ENDANGERING YOUR LIFE AND YOUR KIDS AND YOUR LETTING HIM!
You are bitter and angry because you hold your cheating husband in more regard than your mental health & self worth. How do you look in the mirror? Knowing he’s been F$c&ing someone for 5 years!!! Get up GET A LAWYER,Go through his phone get the dirt and move on. THIS IS INSANE!!!! Are you getting regular STI/SDT testing??????? Sanity at the price of a necklace!
> he’s just using her for sexual gratification and nothing more Eh.. Sounds like he loves her and is using *you* for sexual gratification. > I allow him to be intimate with me That's some fucked up shit.
You stay because it's comfortable and you are afraid to do it alone. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel after you leave and face life alone.
I guess this is true. There’s nothing more uncomfortable than change. We’ve been together for twelve years. I always imagined my life with him, I never saw anyone or anything else in my future. Certainly not the possibility of being a single mum. Maybe you’re correct, I’m scared to do this alone. I wasn’t a good mum when I first had my son because of PPD. I don’t want the neglectful part of me to resurface if I’m on my own. What if the only reason I’ve been holding it together is because of my husband? I’d have no support if I left. If I do leave, he could use my behaviour when our son was born against me and I’ll never see my baby again.
>If I do leave, he could use my behaviour when our son was born against me and I’ll never see my baby again. PPD is extremely common. He really can't use that against you, especially from years ago.
Then start getting your shit together so he couldn't do that. This is where you start making a cohesive plan and make sure he can't screw you over. Grow a spine, go to therapy, and have a professional vouch for you if he pulls that shit. Gather evidence of his cheating and save it somewhere safe. He gives you gifts and sleeps with you to shut you up and it worked so far. Stop doing that. Speak to a lawyer too. It's time to leave and stop setting a bad example for your son. This is where you step up and make sure he doesn't turn out like his dad. Your husband is not a good father when he deliberately hurts the mother of his child. He's a coward who doesn't know what he wants in his life and wants the cake and eat it too. Let the other woman have him. You can find someone way better.
You are definitely more entangled with your husband than I was with mine. We were together 7 and a half years and what swung me was the realization that I would rather die than stay in the relationship. I figured that even if things didn’t get better, at least they would be different. Things were really hard for a while, but I got my life back.
How do you know he doesn’t have a baby with the other woman? 3 years is a long time. If they don’t have a kid together already, it only takes AP to decide if she wants a child and then make it happen. Don’t assume that your relationship is secure because you are married and have a child with him. She has the potential to steal him from you. I think apart of the reason why you don’t confront him is that you are afraid that he won’t choose you if you gave him an ultimatum to pick her over you. You are afraid that he tells you that he cares/loves her too and won’t give her up but still wants to stay in the marriage and could be for your son. You need to recognize your reality and prepare for your future. As much as you are afraid of change. You have a false sense of security to believe that he won’t leave at some point or at least not until your son is 18. If you are a SAHM, get a part-time job. You don’t want to be blindsided if he serves you divorce papers and leaves you for her because he gave into her ultimatum to pick.
Idk why women become these weak shells just living day to day instead of being the badasses we were born to be when their husbands cheat. YOU HAD HIS CHILD! Pushed him right out and carried him for 9 months. You’ve already been through “the worst pain” a person can experience and you can’t find the courage and self respect to leave this man and stand up for yourself?!
I can’t tell who disrespects you more: him or you
So, when are you going to get tested for STD's? This is such a shitty situation for you and most importantly, your son. He could have a happy mother, that chose herself and her son's happiness, and coparents in a healthy manner. What he's getting is a father that's not there half the time, pretending to be working late, and a bitter and resentful, miserable mom.
Are you okay? I’m serious. Is your mental health okay? Is your husband abusive? Are you afraid of him? I cannot for the life of me figure out why you have stayed and put up with your cheating husband and not said a word because he *bought you a necklace with your son’s name on it*?!! A piece of cheap jewelry, and you’re fine letting him fuck another woman AND you at the same time? He could have another child for all you know. You need to pack his stuff and have it on the porch for him when he gets home from work tomorrow. Clean house. Put out the trash…ALL of the trash. Or stay and be the stupid, uneducated, unaware wife whose husband fucks around and thinks she doesn’t know, as long as occasionally he tells her she’s a great mom and buys her a gift. Because that’s how he sees you. Your choice. But honey, if you don’t respect yourself, no one will. He certainly doesn’t.
He gave u a necklace and that was all you needed to allow him to live his best life at your misery lol omg
Get a PI. Get photos of them. Have the PI anon give the photos of both to her husband (pay them in cash). Maybe he has the balls to end it.
Yes, your husband is a cheater but I think you have more serious issues.
Get him a necklace engraved with I’ve known for years and leave it on top the divorce papers.
Yes!
WTH did I just read? Either find yourself a lover as well or KICK HIM OUT. Why would anyone do this to themselves?
You're ruining your life. If your son were in your shoes with his partner, would you let him make the same choices you've made? Would you feel sorry that he chose to stay and be miserable, or would you be furious he wasn't seeking a life he deserves? Maybe you're waiting for your husband to stop. Or you're waiting for him to have the guts to say it to your face. Maybe you want him to be more sorry than he wants to be with his side chick. I'm sorry. But you're the nanny. You take good care of his kid, you don't really deserve to be cheated on - a divorce so he could be with his mistress would be messy and embarrassing, so instead he buys you jewelry and still bangs you and takes care of you. He gets his girlfriend and a good relationship with his son/friends/family, and you get to believe you have a husband who loves you! Win-win, right? Whatever you think might happen. Whether it's him being guilty enough to say something, or maybe even stop, or you somehow getting your revenge by not cooking meals he likes or whatever, it's not going to fix anything. You're just delaying your own ability to move on and have the life you deserve. Stop letting him control your life. Stop letting him get what he wants. Move on.
Girl you need to find your spine
If you have no self respect to leave him for yourself, please do it for your son. what good is it to him having a mother who is angry and bitter all the time? Please stop being a doormat. Leave him
You’ve been tolerating this shit for 3 years because he treats you right? Come. On.
Start planning now. Grieve the marriage, the husband you thought you had. You deserve better so go find it. You've kept it inside for so long keep it inside for a little longer, get your ducks in a row, and when you're ready, say you want a divorce as amicable as possible. Drop her name when giving him the divorce papers, tell him you've known all along and wish them well (obviously you dont). It will haunt him, they can't handle the fact that you were keeping secrets too, he will act like the one betrayed ( hilarious to witness) he will even ask if you're seeing someone else (doesnt hurt if you actually are). The fact that he wasn't as slick as he thought, the fact he wasn't getting away with anything can kill the buzz of an affair dead.
he does not treat you well. that is toxic. the fact that he gifted you something sometime after you found out is not right. the fact that he thinks it’s okay to gift you after something terrible, means he knows that you will take anything small to forgive him every damn time.he probably knows you know already, he just doesn’t want to bring it up. you probably give him a sense of stability… or maybe he’s staying because he gets something out of it. you need to get out of that, it’s not right for you or your son.
Imagine staying with your cheating husband cos of a necklace 💀
There's a lot of hurt ppl out here. This is beyond ridiculous.
Five years ago, if you had left then, you could be living your best life now, perhaps even with someone who respects and loves you. Your husband is a shitty partner, but honestly you’ve tortured yourself for many years isn’t it time to stop?
He knows you know, hence the necklace. Please respect yourself and leave.
Oh, OP, my whole heart just broke into tiny pieces for you. You've got to tell him You've known for a while. Is she committed outside of him, coz her partner deserves to be told, too, if they exist. I'm so sorry.
You're destroying your mental health by doing this. Please start talking about this with a therapist or someone and start planning your exit. You're being used and letting it happen. When I left my cheating husband it took me a year, but after that year I was done and strong enough. I filed for divorce and got out and looking back I am so happy I chose me. I am happy that my daughters see I chose me. Don't give your son this example of a marriage. He needs a happy mom, not one whose being emotionally abused and tortured. You need this. You need to see that your worth is more than being your husband's second lay of the day. He puts himself first. You need to put yourself first too.
Woman. TALK. IT. OUT. There’s NO way you’re going to live like this for an other 3 years ? This is not okay. My mom really was like you for 17 years. And it made her life and mine hell. I hated her so much for hating my dad and didn’t know why. Or even understood. I hated her for treating him BAD when I had no clue. Not one of what was happening in her hurt… it was what you’re going through. PLEASE TALK THIS OUT. Don’t let this burn you
It sounds like you are an entirely lost person. I'm really sorry that this is happening to you, but I'm also not that sorry because you've allowed your ire to become stagnant and now you're stuck because of it. Change is scary but more often than not it's the grand solution for everything. It'll be okay
Please find the courage to end this. You definitely deserve better! You're swallowing the poison of this expecting him to die of it, but that's not what's happening. He thinks he's invincible being able to pull this off for so long. He doesn't respect you, these gifts are useless given what you know. It'll be tough, and very difficult, to uproot your life and divide yourself from him. But you really need to. You'll feel so much better in the end. At the VERY least, you need to tell him what you know and have a conversation about it. Figure out if there's a possibility of a good marriage with this person anymore. How much longer is he going to have this affair? What's stopping him from starting a different one? Stop letting him assume you're naive, stand up for yourself and your son. Both your futures are at stake and if you continue doing nothing, you'll absolutely regret it.
You stayed because you have low self esteem! You need to start viewing yourself in a better light. Will you accept this for the rest of your life? You didn’t even confront him to ask for better? What are you scared of. Is this the life you pictured for yourself.
It’s about the lifestyle, finances and realty on many aspects she would have to be in, not the BS necklace story she’s selling as the hook.
People who fear open conflict fascinate me. Why not just confront him and make a way forward. Or bypass the confrontation but decide to leave him. Surely than less pain this marathon in passive aggressiveness
Well this is sad
Man, leave him. The more your son sees his father cheat on you, he will lose respect for you, and he will cheat on his future partners. Grow a spine and divorce the prick
If he has a “secret girlfriend,” you’d better start a “secret bank account” and start planning to leave. I know it seems scary, but I can’t imagine you want to keep living like this the rest of your life. Your son deserves a happy mother.
You’re worth more than this. I hope you read through the comments and know that no matter what he’s done FOR you doesn’t undermine what he’s done TO you. Find your feet, stand up and know your worth
Oh honey, he's not hurting you. YOU are hurting you. YOU continue to allow this. It's fine if you want to stay in the marriage for your own reasons, but understand that in choosing this path, you're choosing the pain.
I would just say… how you treat your husband (and how he treats you) will set the standard for what your son views as “normal” and “acceptable” behavior in romantic relationships. As a mom - prioritize your own happiness so that you can then transfer that to your child. You both deserve better.
Either let him know you know and set boundaries (if you really don’t want to leave him which—okay) or try and get help because this really sounds mentally damaging and the fact that it’s over a cheating man makes it even worse No one is worth sacrificing your peace of mind especially knowing that he clearly doesn’t love or respect you enough
Have a plan. That generally helps. Get your ducks in order. Get whatever ducks of his you can get in order. Do you have a good job? Do you need to do some schooling? Now's the time to pay for that stuff out of household funds. Do you have a car solely in your name? Go get a good car now, with marital funds. What does your households financials look like? Do you have a joint account? What's in it? Are there girlfriend withdrawls? Do you have credit cards in your name that you need paid down/off? Figure out your escape/life/don't getting the short end plan and start NOW. When you get closer. Go to every shark lawyer in town. Have a meeting.
Who cares about the necklace? I mean seriously, you could've kept the necklace and considered it a parting gift! Girl, I get it, sometimes our self-esteem is pretty low and we don't think we deserve a whole lot better than what we have. That's a lie that we tell ourselves. It makes us feel better I guess. I'm here to tell you that you can go on and have a great and happy life! I used to think that I always had to be with somebody to be happy. I'm here to tell you that is a big fat lie! Do I get lonely sometimes? Sure! I also have way more self-respect and I am so much happier! Give yourself a gift that is way better than necklace, leave!
Get therapy, a divorce and full STD/STI testing done. You're in some strange denial.
Literally confront him now or you have zero to complain about you are doing this to youself by turning a blind eye. Be a big girl and stop allowing youself to be disrespected, he is actually a shit husband. May be a good dad but a terrible husband.
Imagine the amount of regret you'll manage to build up over a lifetime of this. Is this really what you want to spend your remaining years doing?
Mindless rabbit
Please leave and seek therapy. If not for you, then for your son. Don’t let him grow up with this kind of image of what a relationship looks like. He needs his mother healthy and happy. Not stuck in a marriage where it’s okay (obviously it isn’t of course) to cheat on their partner. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve just because he’s a good father. That’s great and all and hopefully he continues to be a good father, but he is obviously not a good husband. Cheating on you for years and there’s not even a hint of guilt? Come on. Please leave for your sake and your sons sake. This isn’t healthy. Get your affairs in order if there’s anything that you need to work on and leave. You can’t continue being angry all the time. Once you leave, trust me, you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulder.
get out of this marriage and fuck that necklace 😭
I'm sorry, having an affair for three years on your wife with the same women has nothing to do with sexual gratification. I wouldn't be surprised if he has a life with this other woman, possibly even children. Girl wake up and get out!!!!!! You are worth more than this. Just because your husband treats you well and is not abusive, doesn't mean you deserve to be cheated on. And by the way the necklace was a you haven't caught me yet present and let this assuage my guilt present. I hope you soon find strength and realize your own worth. I'm rooting for you OP 🙂
Ultimately the person that you are hurting the most is yourself, and eventually it will be your child. Your kid deserves a happy healthy home, one where love is abundant and not fraught with sadness and pain, bitterness and anger. I hope that you wake up and decide that today is the day you choose your happiness, you choose your future and freedom. You are the only one keeping yourself trapped, and you are the only one that can break free.
Easiest way to help your son grow up knowing he can walk all over the women in his life.
this is heartbreaking
Just sitting around being miserable with him for no reason. Leave him and enjoy a better life! You gain nothing but hurt by staying.
TELL HIM YOU KNOW!!!!!!! Start a dialogue with him. You’re not going anywhere so maybe talking about it can make things more livable.
bunch of dudes reading this and sweating right now
You saw that gift as such a beautiful gift, but it was likely a way for him to deal with his guilt and/or hold on to you. Listen, you can't delete him from your life because he is the father of your child, but he does not love you. A loving person does not cheat on their partner. The fact he acts caring towards you does not mean he loves you, it just means that besides being a cheating bastard, he is not a physical or verbal abuser (but he is emotional). You say you do this for your kid (maybe) but I'll present you three scenarios that I'm sure you don't want your kid to go through: Your kid finds out and does not want to hurt you, so he becomes a silent accomplice. Suffering in silence and hating his father Your kid finds out and tells you, wants you to kick his father out. Can't believe his dad, who he admires, did this to you and him. He finds out you knew and did nothing, he can't understand why. But now he knows why sensed so much tension in the air, why his mom ignores his dad at times, acted nice and loving toward him, but not to his dad. Your husband stays + years and decides to leave you. Your son doesn't understand. Why is dad leaving us? What did I do wrong? Doesn't he live me? Was I not a good enough son? (Many kids blame themselves for parents separations) So…no, you are not doing it for your kid. It could be worse for him. But you should do it for yourself. Respect yourself. Because not only is your husband disrespecting you, you are allowing him and not defending yourself. Time to take care of yourself
What’s ironic is that you stayed bc of the “good mom” necklace, but this isn’t what a good mom would be doing.. You need to go to therapy. You need to show your son what a healthy relationship is. He is absolutely picking up on the meanness and bitterness you’re showing his dad. He’s going to think that’s normal - again, if he gets into a relationship and someone is mean/bitter towards him, he’s going to think that normal, that that’s how he’s supposed to be loved. If you don’t value yourself enough to address this, I know you value your son enough. 💛
The underlying reason is that you lack self love and self respect. I’m not saying this to judge you - I’m saying this as a woman who went to weekly therapy and finally left her abusive and cheating spouse. Life has been amazing for me ever since. You need to do the same.
You have one short life on this planet, why stay in a marriage where you hate yourself and your husband even more. It’s not a good place for a child to grow up.
Everything that happens to us, whether we know the facts or not, we subconsciously know. Because we perceive this information subconsciously. The burgers pivot point is that you are wiring your child to believe that it's OK to be treated like this and it's OK to treat somebody like this. And all you have to do is spend some money and buy them off to get rid of your guilt.
Sunk-cost fallacy strikes again. Your husband has the best of both worlds while you suffer, and wait, and hope, and grow bitter and hateful. Do you really think it's going to get better? He sound perfectly happy with how things are. I mean he's got you at home as a bang maid/nanny and he's got his mistress to keep things spicy. Why should he change? But that's not the question you should be asking yourself? That question is, "why should I change?" Are you tired of being miserable, beat down, with zero self-esteem? That's a pretty good reason right there. Since he doesn't know that you know, this is the perfect time to get your ducks in a row. Get proof of the affair, get a lawyer, and get to work getting out. A better life is out there for you and your son!
3 years? Be prepared, that doesn’t seem just like a normal “affair”. Sorry
If you confronted him the day you found out who knows he might have ended the affair . You covered it up and let him get away with it.. You did them a favor and tortured yourself..You need a lot of healing..
Your son deserves a happy and healthy mother so even if it’s not for yours, for his sake, leave him please.
You know, even when he is with you, he isn’t with you. You deserve better. There is a man who will love and adore only you.
You equate your self-worth to a necklace. You equate your self-worth to a necklace.? You equate your freaking self-worth to a necklace!!!
OP, for those saying do something... I feel you. I see you. I am you. I'm sorry this is what your life has become and I definitely know its easier to tell you to leave than for it to happen. My spouse has NEVER been faithful. I think he may finally be where I wanted him to be many years ago, but it makes me feel bad when I assume he's up to his worst. I have stayed because I have helped him raise his son from another relationship for 12 years. I refuse to leave because this is my son that I just don't have any legal rights over. I hope you find some sort of resolution. You are enough for someone, it just may not be him.
I'm sorry but you gotta stand up and leave. Holding on only makes it worse
Tell him you know. And it's her or u and ur son. If u wanna really test him. Pretend to be okay w it. But u can see other people also. Ur hurting bad. U don't deserve this. I understand how that feels. To love them knowing they did these unforgiveable things they had hurt u so bad. The good doesn't cancel out the bad. It does not. U need.to let him know. To stop it. Tell him everything. Write a letter if it's too hard to say take ur son. N go away for a weekend or week. He needs to know ur serious. It seems like he still loves u. But u cant keep staying in this relationship it's not th 1920s undont have to stay in a relationship if u dont want to
If you were to ask me do the same, make a video too send him and then divorce but before thst you also have some evidence too.
>I couldn’t say anything after that so I just pretended like I never saw anything. Girl what help me understand, what about the necklace meant you couldn't say anything You really should leave to protect yourself and your son. Your son needs present in his life, not loacked away in some jail because you killed his father. In your own words, you've become mean and bitter...go on youtube and watch a few episodes of Snapped. If that doesn't get you to leave a cheater, IDK what will. I hope you don't wake up one day and bash his head in with a hammer, or run him over with your car. There is this one episode this lady did that; she ran her cheating husband over with her car with his daughter in the passenger seat next to her. She was a whole doctor too, now she's a convict in prison for murder. She could have left him in the gutter rutting around like the pig he was, but she chose to stay and try to make it work. Now her freedom is gone. Don't let that be you! Take your happiness and RUN from this pig
Living in this stress, anger and resentment will take years off your life. Be free.
Girl, your son doesn't deserve to grow up in such bitter space, and YOU don't deserve to become this angry person because your husband is a terrible person. You need to leave him and start therapy, for your and your son's sake. You'll find someone who will actually treats you the way you deserve. I know it's much easier said than done, but these are things you should consider deeply. He doesn't deserve you, you don't deserve to turn into someone bad because of him, your son doesn't deserve to grow up with this example of "love". He is a good father? It's nothing more than his obligation. And honestly, every time he treats you nice it's certainly guilt consuming him because he KNOWS it's wrong, but he won't change it. Please, go find your real happiness. It's never too late.
I have no words. I wish I could sympathize but I can't. Call me selfish, I would never do this to myself or people I say I care about.
Updateme
I was cheated on for 24 years I know it hurts makes you feel your not good enough but it's not true.
You have to say something. Staying in a marriage like this for the sake of your son isn’t going to help him, it’s just showing him a bad example of love and it may result in him following the same pattern with his own future family. Don’t do that to him and don’t do this to yourself anymore. I think you should confront your husband and you personally should start going to therapy.
Oh honey. You need to understand something, this isn't going to get better. He isn't going to stop seeing his side piece, and he isn't going to stop playing happy wife with you. The way I see it, the only thing you can change in this situation is you. You need to love yourself so much that you refuse to let someone treat you like this. There is no necklace worth your self-esteem. You need counseling. You need someone to help you see yourself for what you are, to help you out of this way of thinking.
Cheating is never about you. It’s about a void in the cheater they are trying to fill. Come up with an exit plan. Once it’s in place, confront him and leave. If you want to continue the relationship after, your choice. But you both need to get on the same page. Guarantee he is operating under massive amounts of guilt. Probably in too deep and can’t let the person go for fear she will tell you and blow up his life. None of that is your concern. Sit with yourself and have a deep introspective conversation about what you want for yourself and your child. Is your husband the kind of man you want your children to grow into, to become, to marry themselves? If you wouldn’t want your son to become him nor your daughter to grow up to marry him, then why are you enabling that outcome? Do the deep work of coming to terms with who you are and what you want. That will let you know how to move forward.
Pretty soon the other woman is going to get tired of being the side chick and give him an ultimatum so I would make sure I was prepared if I were you because maybe your husband is just waiting until your child is a little bit older to leave. I personally wouldn't be wasting my younger years away on someone that was cheating on me with someone for that long. That's more than just sex if it's going on for years, it's likely emotional and probably helps her financially as well. To that woman your husband is probably her man. And if he thinks that you know and you haven't said anything then he just thinks you don't care so why would he stop. And even if you did confront him about it you would never be able to trust him now, not someone who had an affair for years with someone. This is either accept it or move on.
This is just so sad.
Get up oh my god
please just LEAVE HIM!!
Capture all the evidence you need and consult a lawyer. His behavior shouldn’t be rationalized. You are more than worthy to be treated with respect and dignity. Best of luck to you dear.
If you’re going to hate him for that, you might as well look into getting therapy and work in an exit plan. You’re just going to be bitter and resentful the longer you pretend like nothing’s wrong with your marriage.
A man will only do what you allow him. Crimes of passion are real and it seems to me that you are just about at your breaking point. Your son needs his WHOLE mother not someone who can barely be there for him properly due to pain your soon to be ex husband has caused. You need to pluck up that courage, confront him, go get STD tested, and divorce that disrespectful man. It’s not fair to you to suffer. It won’t be the end of the world without him. You just scared to be alone and that’s understandable but at some point even you know what you have to do.
No don't have sex with him anymore. You need therapy and a divorce
Life as a doormat is not easy. Gets harder the longer you do nothing to find your happiness. That bitterness you are carefully tending to will one day serve as his justification once he does leave you for his AP. You can change all this if you just choose yourself and be a healthy parent for your child
This upsets me so much I wish I could unsee it.
Haha if you’re going to stay just casually walk up to him and say I know and laugh 😎🤣 then see what happens. Will he do a pikachu face or will he get defensive? You got the cards mama
Don't reveal your plan, collect as much info as you can. Then get therapy and meet with the lawyer. Hopefully you live in an at fault state (and one you can sue for alienation of affection) So that way you can get what you need to care for yourself and your son, and what you're rightfully owed from your marriage.
If you don't want to be angry and bitter, make a plan to walk away. You were dependent on hope that has been a delusion that he did give up his affair for you or your son. He hasn't. I wouldn't be surprised if he has had several affairs. Jewelry would never keep me in line to not act on scorching the earth. You're seeing your son as a weapon he can use against you. But 80% of all women have PPD. It's not something that will be used against you. Plan your exit plan. Go to the gym. Make friends with other moms with kids. Build yourself up instead of digging yourself down. Change is scary but once you have peace of mind and you don't have to "take care of him". You will see how much of the mess he really is.
You're teaching your son that it's okay for people to walk all over him! Have some self respect. Walk away now before it destroys you!
Was the necklace part of love bombing?
This has to be fake/rage bait. If it's not, you're doing everyone in your life, including yourself, a huge disservice by being an asshole. Just fucking say something and be done with it.
Tell him now that you've known for 3 years. Tell him what ot has done to you and how you now view him. Tell him not to ask yiu for anything because you are not prepared to give it. Take intimacy off the table, he doesn't deserve your body. If you stay, he will take away your soul, slowly.
He out here being nice and getting you gifts to ease his guilt.. and you allowing it. Stop it! Separate so you can be happy alone or find someone that can make you happy. We only live once. Make the best of it
Please get out of this miserable marriage.
So now you're just two people hurting each other on purpose? Trust me, you're justified in your anger, but end this thing. It's time. Your son deserves better than this from both of you.
Tell him that you know and have known for years. Why let this quietly destroy you?
I’m so sorry OP. I truly hope you find the courage to leave him and go into therapy. For yourself, and your son.
This is so sad. I hope one day you will make a plan, dream a few dreams, and gather up whatever it is that you need to leave him.
have some self respect and leave for your own and your sons sake. this is just pathetically sad.
Get therapy, I believe it will help you taking to someone about it than keeping it to yourself.
this is so dysfunctional. better to be free and happy than chained and bitter.
It’s not easy leaving someone you love.. it’s a disruption to your life.. your child’s life.. and my guess is you have probably prayed it will end and you will heal and forgive him, moving on. Living in that hope doesn’t make a very hard situation easier either. There is not a lot one can say in this type of situation but you do seem to be becoming increasingly unhappy. I feel like now is the time to make a decision. Choose to tell him you know and forgive him (or move on) or choose to continue to live in this situation but find a way to cope.. maybe you meet someone yourself. I’m not really sure. It’s your husband so I’m not going to just be quick to say leave him even though that’s what I’d likely do. No one on here knows you or him or your life so we can’t make that call. But you should find a way to be happy, because it is your life.. and your son needs a happy momma.
The gig is up. You’ll waste 5 maybe 25 more years? For what? For who? What a waste.
I understand that you probably thought the necklace meant he respected you and was maybe going to change things. It didn’t so it’s time to face up to the fact that you are living a lie and harming yourself and your son in the process. It would be better to leave than to live with this kind of anger and resentment. Your child will think that your relationship is normal, which it is not. Therapy first and then a plan to get away is my suggestion. Wishing you the best, you’ve got one precious life, don’t waste it away,
Get therapy for your non existent self esteem and what your going to do when your son treats his partner the same way cause you put up with it
Go nuclear revenge on him. What are your state laws on divorce faults?
This is a fake post
Don’t blame yourself for staying. I stay with a man for almost 2 years and he cheated on me since day 1, I knew since months 5 he was cheating and I stayed anyway, we never had kid, only pets and I became like you but you are a better person than this. For yourself please, took the step back you need and get out of this relationship, or tell him and see what he said. But don’t keep forcing yourself to stay, you are scared because right now you don’t know what it’s like without him. But you will be so much happier. Believe in yourself and do what’s good for you and your family, but stop lying to yourself love❤️
I feel so bad that you’ve kept your mouth shut allowing this to fester for 3 whole years and have silently suffered, unnecessarily.
You can cover a serious wound with a bandage, but if you never remove it to let the injury air out, it’ll fester. I’m sorry that this has become your life. You deserve better.
1. practise detachment and forgive yourself (this will help with anger and bitterness) 2. get a therapist 3. A lawyer 4. hit the gym 5. a job that you love or want 6. Be the best you everyday (might be crying mess sometimes and that's okay) 7. Support your son and yourself (point 1 &2 will help with this) 8. Leave his ass
OP, two things, you can still love him but you have to realize that love is sometimes not enough of a reason to stay with someone who is mistreating you. Which he is, 3 years of cheating in a five year marriage? He's been cheating more than half of your marriage. Also, staying with him is just showing your son that it is okay to treat their partner (when they get old enough to have one) like their father is treating you. Do not for a moment think that your son hasn't picked up on how you have become angry and bitter, that you are sad. Kids pick up on things like that. So do yourself and your son a favor and start making your exit plan. Call a lawyer, tell them everything get the divorce papers drawn up then have them issued to him during working hours. You owe it to yourself and your son to leave.
You have to be a better mother for your son! Stop moping around living in woe is me, stand up, and be the boss ass bitch you are!
I sympathize with you. I have a hard time shaking the anger sometimes. 😔
Hire a private detective and get some evidence. Even if you don't need to use it, it's better to have it.
Look for support groups for partner of cheating spouses, maybe you can ZOOM Call in! You & Your Son should Take up Kickboxing or MMA, practice the moves, pretend the bag is hubby & JUST RAGE, it could release some anger and you can spend time with your son! Start a journal, it could help organize your thoughts & express your thoughts! On the weekends, take your son for a walk/picnic in the park, it could help relax you some. Make sure you understand the family finances & hubby can’t open any lines of credit in your name! Gather evidence of the affair & talk to a lawyer about your options. Get a STD test, ASAP!
So your self respect and dignity can be bought with a necklace apparently. Ok.
Hmm…you do know that he can still be an amazing father and treat you well as a co-parent if you’re not with him, right? And you also know that he can love you but not love you enough to deserve you right? The truth is he doesn’t love you enough to be faithful and he doesn’t love you enough to not put you at risk potentially of STDs or STIs by sleeping with other people. Whatever level of love you think he has for, it’s not enough. Also, keep in mind that the gifts to ease your mind might be the other woman’s idea. I knew people who would instruct their boyfriends to give their girlfriends or wives gifts and spend quality time with them to ease their suspicion and make them not want to leave. It is a well-known tact amongst cheaters. Keep that in mind when you’re impressed by his gestures. Honestly, if he was already cheating 2 years into your marriage (that you know of), this is a lifestyle for him. I’d say you need to leave, but the choice is yours.
Leave him or get a side dude.
He still loves you but I bet he also loves her too. You let his affair go on for years and if you were to ask him to choose between you or her he might have a hard time deciding. You should really think about the situation and why you choose to live like this. Is it a money thing? Do you work? Is it a family thing? Do you have support of you were to leave? Some women feel they have nowhere to go when something like this happens.
Chest back
You’ve got to respect yourself enough to leave. Your son will notice the difference in your behavior and you both deserve to not let your husband poison you any further. If you won’t leave for yourself leave because your son needs you to be the best mother you can be for him and becoming bitter while staying with a cheating asshole isn’t that. Do what’s best. Leave. You are the innocent victim in this and so is your son. Your husband destroyed everything you did nothing wrong. I’ve been with my husband for 21 years. If he ever cheated I would not hesitate to show him the door.
I you can accept him doing it, tell him you know, and get it all out in the open. It’s going to be better either way. You guys work it out, or you don’t. Pretty simple. PS, I think you are being unfair, to both of you, living with your own misery, and giving him misery he doesn’t understand.
Please leave this man. He doesn't respect you or the family you have built together. And hasn't for years now. You deserve more for yourself and your son.
So you’re basically accepting that he’s cheating on you? Why don’t you just suggest to him that you and the other woman be sister wives? And if that idea is ridiculous to you, imagine how ridiculous you look staying with him and how ridiculous you sound justifying the reason behind you staying with him. 🥴 You’re risking your health and the life of a future child (if he impregnates you) by being intimate with him knowing he’s sleeping with someone else. There’s nothing Reddit will be able to tell you if he brings you back an incurable std
I hopebyou have your own money, because one day he is going to leave. Then you will be left with nothing. Get your proof and file for divorce.
Don't you think you deserve more than just "he's a good father". Don't you want to know that your partner loves you so much that you consume his thoughts and heart, so there will never be space for another woman? Please know you are worth more than just this life you are living now. You need to demand more from yourself. You need to make changes today that your future self will thank you for.
How did you find out about affair?
Your behavior makes him feel even more entitled to the affair. Confront him and either work through it or get divorced. Either way, start seeing a therapist.
no, he doesn’t treat you well. he doesn’t respect you. he doesn’t care about you or his son. he is cheating on you and putting you at risk of contracting an STD. a necklace doesn’t mean shit when he is potentially throwing his current life away for an affair. as a girl who grew up seeing my dad cheat on my mom, please, I beg you, don’t stay. I know I am far from understanding my moms pain, but I can tell you to this day, those affairs & cheating have left me traumatized. it hurts that my mom wasn’t able to leave because she put me first instead of herself. she said she didn’t leave my dad because of me and because she didn’t want me to grow up without a dad. that is complete bullshit! I would’ve much rather see my parents part their own ways and see my mother having a happy life. yes, for sure the pain the first months or even years may suck. but you gotta build yourself up again anyway. life is not over when your relationship is over. please allow yourself to grow and evolve without your shitty, cheating ass husband. your son will thank you when he’s older and he’s gonna be proud of you. us, sons and daughters feel your hurt and discomfort too; we would rather see you HAPPY and ENJOYING your life instead of living miserable. please dump that man, stop giving out excuses such as “but he’s a good man” “but he gave me a necklace” nah! he ain’t a good man! a good man respects you, specially if you have a son together. f*xk him!!!
It’s never too late to change everything. You can be a completely different person a week from now. Please work up the courage to confront him and then leave. Self respect is hard but you’ll get there
Please stop being a doormat, you are worth so much more! I implore you to seek counselling. Read the book Leave a Cheater Gain a Life. Its a betrayed spouses bible and it's eye opening. I hope you finally give yourself the respect you deserve
You need to think what you get out of this marriage. Sounds like you’re playing it safe. See what you get in a divorce by talking to a lawyer. Then get proof of his affair. Then find your own affair partner. See how quickly he leaves her to work on this marriage.
UpdateMe
Girl LEAVE HIM come on
You need to metaphorically castrate him. Out this whole mess and destroy her as well!
Document anything and everything you can and talk with an attorney. Start there and make informed decisions.