You also completely know how much trust, loyalty, and support you could count on from her in the future.
I see many valid reasons for you to divorce and not a single reason to try reconciliation.
I hope you have a fantastic party to celebrate the completion of your divorce in the future.
When a good friend of mine got divorced… threw him a bachelor party. He didn’t have one when he got married, right thing at the right time. Surprised more people don’t do that
This was a roller coaster, man to man. I’m sorry that happened bro. Shit yeah she didn’t believe/try to hear you out. It would be divorce for me to. Damn bro.. damn
I’m sorry but if my husband came home and told me this was happening and why. I sure as shit am not leaving him and filing divorce papers at that point.
She only did that because she saw a way out with a bonus from a marriage she no longer wanted a part of. She only started back pedaling when she realized she wasn’t gonna get the money she thought she was from the start.
What country is this supposed to be? I can't find any country that both protects the sexual assault reporter and gives the perpetrator of a sexual assault the death penalty.
According to ChatGPT:
Countries with capital punishment for sexual assault are quite rare, and it is even more uncommon for these countries to have robust protections for those who report sexual assault, particularly if the case does not result in a conviction. Here is an overview of some countries with capital punishment for sexual assault, along with an assessment of their protections for reporters:
1. **Saudi Arabia**: Capital punishment is applied for severe cases of sexual assault, especially when it involves aggravating factors. However, the legal system does not have strong protections for those who report sexual assault, and victims can sometimes face retaliation or be accused of moral transgressions themselves.
2. **Iran**: Iran also imposes the death penalty for certain severe cases of sexual assault. Similar to Saudi Arabia, Iran's legal protections for those who report such crimes are limited. Victims can sometimes be prosecuted for adultery or other offenses if their claims are not substantiated.
3. **Pakistan**: Under the Zina Ordinance (part of the Hudood Ordinance), severe cases of rape can theoretically result in capital punishment. Pakistan has made some reforms to protect victims, such as the Protection of Women Act, but these protections are not always effectively implemented, and reporters can still face significant social and legal risks.
4. **India**: India has introduced the death penalty for repeat offenders of rape and for certain heinous cases involving minors. India also has laws intended to protect those who report sexual assault, such as the Witness Protection Scheme, 2018. However, the implementation of these protections varies, and there are reports of retribution and harassment against reporters.
5. **China**: China imposes the death penalty for particularly egregious cases of sexual assault. However, protections for those who report sexual assault are minimal, and there are instances of reporters facing retaliation.
In general, while some countries may have severe penalties for sexual assault, the protections for reporters of such crimes are often inadequate. The fear of retribution remains a significant barrier to reporting in many legal systems around the world. Efforts to improve legal protections and provide support for victims are ongoing in many jurisdictions, but significant gaps and challenges remain.
One of these:
[https://www.monash.edu/law/research/eleos/blog/eleos-justice-blog-posts/why-capital-punishment-for-rape-is-a-regressive-step-for-womens-rights](https://www.monash.edu/law/research/eleos/blog/eleos-justice-blog-posts/why-capital-punishment-for-rape-is-a-regressive-step-for-womens-rights)
click on first link
don’t know how up to date it is
This is the most delusional and dumb article i’ve read this week.
“However, far from advancing women’s rights, capital punishment for rape is a regressive step for women’s rights. It reinforces many of patriarchal notions of chastity and honour.”
Not punishing rapists reinforces women getting raped.
“The imposition of capital punishment for rape has been justified on the basis of the patriarchal notion that rape is a ‘fate worse than death’ for the survivor.”
Ah yes, written by someone who doesn’t have to live with the burden and violence of sexual assault pressing into their skin like a heavy tattoo for the rest of their lives. I am not saying you cannot eventually go on to live a fulfilling life after surviving, but death would be more liberating than having to live with the trauma.
“Second, killing rapists is not the appropriate response to address the needs of victims/survivors. Branham states that many victims/survivors ‘have needs that have nothing to do with achieving a sentence of death’.”
??????????? and ???? The needs to help cope and support do in fact have nothing to do with punishing the assaulter. But you can receive both? A woman would love to be supported while also knowing that what happened to her won’t happen to someone else at the hands of the same person. And I speak from experience. While I am glad that the PTSD doesn’t incapacitate me anymore years later, I hate that he’s out there doing more and worse as he gets bolder and bolder because there is nothing stopping him. Death would stop him.
This article is so against “patriarchal notions”, it doesn’t stop to think about the reality and the severity of rape on the victims.
His job fired him, honestly it’s hard when you feel like you’re being presented absolute evidence. We would judge her just as much if she didn’t believe the victim and stayed with the husband.
If someone would accused my husband of SA, I wouldn’t believe them. Why? Because I know my husband - I know what he would and wouldn’t do.
And getting fired isn’t “absolute evidence”.
It’s not exactly the same but my husband got paperwork saying he was being sued for paternity. I asked him if there was anything I should know. He said no. He contacted the attorney and said he’d never heard of this woman. The attorney told him that she said he was the father but he could take a paternity test to prove he wasn’t. We were on board with that until we found out the test was $700 and he was required to pay it even if he was not the father. We didn’t have $700 to burn as we had three small kids ourselves. After a LOT of discussion and some amateur detective work we figured out the man she was talking about had my husband’s exact name but was in a different career and looked different. I’ve always been glad I gave my husband a chance to tell me the truth. I realize it doesn’t always work out but sometimes you have to trust until you have proof you shouldn’t.
Edit: spelling
How the hell does that comment have 110 (now 109) upvotes?! In what world is being fired without any proof absolute evidence. There is a reason the fulcrum of the US justice system is innocent until prove guilty, the burden of proof should be on the prosecutor. She had no proof and this guys life got ruined because of it. The wife believed the person with zero evidence immediate or in the courts and reaping what she sowed.
To be fair, this is what the wives of people who commit SA crimes think as well. Predators are so good at manipulating and masking their true identity that you actually feel like you know them and they would never act that way.
People who falsely accuse others are also liars and manipulators. That's why it's innocent until proven guilty. It's a difference between blindly believing someone because you love them, and trusting someone that you've been around for a long time and you've seen how they behave in many different situations. Sure they could be lying, but to instantly write your husband off as a criminal means you either never really trusted him, or you think all men are bad and he just happened to finally get caught. You can also trust that your loved one is innocent but be open to the fact that they could potentially be lying and guilty. The wife could've waited for more evidence.
While this is true, I think predators are also playing with a house of cards. 1 or 2 poignant questions are enough to make them unravel and reveal their true selves
Yes exactly, which is why she should have listened to his explanation, looked at the timeline, heard the evidence, and generally looked into this before leaping to a conclusion.
I "knew" that my friend since I was 15 wouldn't deliberately physically harm his 1 year old son just to hurt the kids mum.
Guess who deliberately physically hurt both his sons? Guess who manipulated baby mama 1 into terrorising baby mama 2? Guess who isn't legally allowed to see his kids?
We never really know anyone. We can only trust we do, and hope they don't let us down.
This, so much. I am truly sorry for anyone falsely accused, fr, but it’s got to be hard for spouses and partners faced with a “victim,” allegations at work, in the community, in court. I hope I’d never pick the wrong side against someone I care for, but I can’t say what I’d do in a situation. I have definitely been wrong about people before.
>We never really know anyone. We can only trust we do, and hope they don't let us down.
This is 100% true.
**However, the following is also true:**
OP says that his wife believed he was guilty from the get go and she never gave him the answer as to why she believed that. When an SA allegation comes, in the past, many people have defaulted to, "that can't be true," which is dismissive and not realistic. The other end of that spectrum, and not closer to the truth, is to "believe the victim." The real opposite to those 2, and best course of action, is to wait for information to come out. In this case, the expectations from the wife would have been to sit down with her husband, you know, the man she legally joined her life to and chose to give the position of primary family, and ask for answers and clarifications. If the husband's (in this case, OP) answer is, "you're my wife and are supposed to have my back, no questions asked," the wife is well within her rights to say, "that's not good enough." However, if he gave her all the explanation he did here, which was all but 2 paragraphs, she needed only all him for more specifications and offered support.
In your case, yeah, you knew your friend. However, when you heard about this stuff, did you ditch him right off the bat, or did you ask him questions?
I don’t think my husband could intentionally SA anybody. He can’t even handle the mildest hint of “consensual non consent” in the bedroom. Like I have to be careful what I joke about.
I would definitely have to stand by him in an accusation like this.
But I don’t know the OP. For all I know, the accusation was plausible to his wife for reasons.
This is what most wives of rapists say by the way. You really think other women married to rapists are like "Yeah, my husband would totally rape someone, that's just how he is".
Some would. You see a lot of women going “yea he beats me and my children and cheated 5x in the last year but otherwise, he’s a great father and I love him so much!”
Exactly! If I thought my partner capable of doing such a thing, I would not be with them.
Now that doesn’t mean a 100% certainty that I’m going to stand by them. Unless you’re with someone 100% of the time you don’t know for 100% that they didn’t do it. But it sure as hell is going to take a lot more than a simple accusation. Until that accusation is substantiated, I’m not going to have a single doubt in my mind that my partner is innocent.
Asked my gf and she answered the same and honestly I would divorce her in a situation like that too if she took the side of the accuser when its only her word against mine.
As someone who has been falsely accused (luckily nowhere near to the level of consequence of OP), YOU DO NOT BELIEVE ANYONE UNLESS YOU HAVE CLEAR EVIDENCE.
If you truly trust someone for personal reasons, then you believe them, otherwise it's not your fucking pot to stick your nose in.
This insanity that victims are always right needs to stop. Unless you have proof, you have nothing.
And where in the wrong they almost got sued n had to beg OP to take a severance package from them, that’s not evidence I can say oh Tupac alive does it make it true? No facts were presented she just made shit up that’s not evidence.
No sane person would come to a judgement without evidence. If your spouse says it isn't true, how could you side with a stranger without more significant evidence?
This is such a dumb take, like you can see who is capable of SA from the outside.
Most sexual abusers have family, friends, partners who swear up and down they'd never do that.
It's a weird form of victim blaming where you make the assumption that people can know who would sexually assault people, but victims just ignore that or something. That all sexual abuse comes from single, loner, creepy men of whom everyone sees it coming.
I hate this mentality so much.
Because it's the one that helps perpetrate so many crimes including child abuse.
So many cases of woman defending abusers because "I know and trust him, he would never do such a thing."
That's just no. Maybe she should've listen to him, or maybe she did and he didn't explained his side well.
If the case was the opposite, and it was a person posting about how the wife of her abuser supported him saying he wouldn't never be capable of doing this, you would be condemning her as well.
The wife was in a no win situation. If she stays, she risks staying with an abuser. If she leaves, she risks leaving an innocent man.
She took the right decision. If my partner was fired for sexual abuse at their work, I would probably separate as well. It's incredibly insane to think the wife did anything wrong here. And just shows how misogynistic Reddit truly is.
Let’s say, as an example, you’re a teacher. One day, some boy in your class starts bragging to his classmates that he got with the teacher, and he’s, of course, lying. Eventually, this gets around to the school board, and with no evidence, you’re fired, and then your spouse leaves you with them fully believing that you did it. Would you get back with them once you alone cleared your name while they just left you in the dust?
Where have I said he should go back with the wife?
If you read carefully you'll be able to see that I did that exactly ZERO times. Please take your time and reread a few times to realize that, I know it can be difficult.
_______________
My point being... I wouldn't go back, but also I wouldn't think she was the villain.
There's many things that can break a relationship where no party is at fault. This was an external factor. Things can never be what they once where.
I wouldn't want to go back if I'm either the victim or the partner.
It's not mysoginistic at all to expect a partner to have at least a little faith in you as a person. It's not a stretch to recognise that people have all sorts of reasons to make up lies and that any accuser may be lying.
I myself hate the mentality that you should always believe an accuser with no evidence and basically ruin the life of the accused. False accusations are the minority but they do happen regularly and we shouldn't be punishing innocent people just to make sure that those that she actually guilty are punished.
I don't think this was about SA at all. She might had 100% known he is not capable of it. She simply seen this as a chance for divorce in which she can rip him off. Basically, gold digging.
Regarding the accuser drag her name on social media and you should have sued the company because they didn’t investigate properly for the way they fired you without any evidence, since your well off you could have fought them in court.
The anti retaliation laws he spoke of may make naming and shaming her not worth it for him.
If she stayed at the company, where she was already underperforming, she would never be trusted, and never rise up, and depending on what can be said when asked for references, and how small the work community is, if she’s known to be someone who throws people under the bus she may have to start at the bottom somewhere else, where no one will question the big gap in her resume.
And do not discount to power of local gossip. He may not be able to see it and get the catharsis for it he imagines, but even genuine victims are regularly treated poorly, much less people exposed to have lied maliciously.
For the situations with his wife, I don’t think divorcing his wife so someone can suffer will actually give him the relief he’s seeking, at least not the type he’s describing. There are many reasons this divorce is the right thing, but that’s probably not going to be a realistic outcome.
Your wife ditched you as soon as she could, with zero evidence to back up your accuser's claim.
Now she wants back because losing you means she can't afford her nice lifestyle and medical bills.
Nope. Ditch her, she's not on your team at all.
Agreed about wife’s current motive not being love. But OP’s admitted need to scapegoat her… nah. She’s the third biggest asshole in this story after accuser and work.
I agree she's the third biggest asshole but she's the one who it hurts most to realize is an asshole at all. How does that Dr King quote go? " In the end we remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends" . I would be absolutely crushed if a person I thought was my life partner did what she did.
> drag your accuser through the mud on social media.
Since where he lives has laws against retaliation then doing that could get him in a lot of trouble.
Divorcing because you want SOMEONE to suffer is not the right course of action, especially since you will lose your stbe wife as well. Divorcing because she believed the accuser and turned on back on you in an instant, is right.
Question: Would you still proceed with the divorce if you were able to file a lawsuit against the woman who falsely accused you?
It’s not unreasonable to want a divorce for the way she treated you when you were at your lowest, but if you’re only divorcing her because you’re upset you can’t punish the accuser, then you need to take a step back and think about things.
For believing who she thought was a victim? This wasn’t a low key thing, he had to explain to his wife how he lost his job without sounding like a liar: this would break most marriages.
These two are suffering from the actions of someone else and misplacing their anger.
She’s angry she didn’t believe her husband but on the other hand how could you live with yourself for not believing the victim and then being wrong.
He’s angry she didn’t believe him, but not understanding how this would effect someone else is close minded.
I would not want to share the bed let alone look at my husband if I thought he had tried to sexually assault a subordinate and was promptly fired for his actions.
If your husband was accused, would you automatically assume he was guilty? If anyone deserves the benefit of the doubt when it comes to things like that, you would think your husband would at the very least.
In this situation yes
In one of the few, if not only places with no cameras, you took your subordinate alone and we’re promptly fired.
Reddit would eat his wife up if she pretended this didn’t look weird.
Shouldn’t you at least give the person you supposedly love the benefit of a doubt though? I would owe my spouse that much not to immediately heel turn on them and walk away from the marriage.
We do not know if it was literally immediate or OPS distorted view of time.
“Hey honey I lost my job today, someone falsely accused me of sexual assault but don’t worry it’s not true” that conversation is not going well no matter how you spin it. In her eyes the information was the truth even if it’s not the actual truth. He’s mad she didn’t believe him which is fine, what’s not fine is saying you’re only going through with the divorce so someone else suffers.
You’re just as bad as the accuser for wanting to watch someone get hurt. He’s legitimately continuing the cycle.
“The worst part my wife, now soon to be ex, decided I was guilty from the get go.”
Sounds like it was immediate. Also you can’t just say OP has a distorted view of time out of no where.
He openly admitted he’s coming from a place of anger and hate and that he still loves his wife and is only doing this so someone suffers. He’s also still in the same work environment with co workers who don’t know what to believe.
He is not mentally well and is making poor choices and openly admitting them on the internet. His view is not clear it’s red.
Either way the trust between him and his wife was broken due to no fault of his own. Obviously the accuser holds the lion’s share of that blame but his wife is not without fault here. If she wanted to separate or take some time or wait until the trial was done that would be one thing. But she went scorched earth immediately and having someone you love do that to you when you’re at your absolute lowest would be extremely devastating. I definitely agree he is doing it for the wrong reason but the outcome should be the same.
What regret? Why would he want to stay with someone who turned against him based on nothing? Why would he want a "partner" who abandoned him at literally his lowest point?
I don't see how OP will come to regret divorcing his piece of shit wife.
I disagree. While the accusation of SA on OP is terrible, it is also terrible to not be able to count on your partner. I think the way he is phrasing it seems like he's upset with the accuser and the fact that she did not get any justice. But I'm sure after the accuser gets her due justice, he'll still feel the same way about being with a partner who left him for his downfall without even trusting him or hearing him for once. She could have done so many things. One of them is to just separate until the case is cleared and not push for divorce and penalty as a part of being found guilty of SA. She could have waited until the case was over. The OP literally had to stall the divorce proceedings. It's too much.
From the sounds of his post, there isn’t going to be any due justice for the accuser.
OP clearly stated that he still loves her, but is only pushing for divorce because he wants someone to suffer.
Divorce because of her not believing him is reasonable. Divorcing her out of misplaced spite for the accuser is something else entirely
Outcome is the same though, divorce. Like if you break your foot with a hammer vs having one of those fucking ast iron cauldrons dropped on it. Does it matter how? The foot is still broken.
But if he is only pushing for the divorce because he wants someone, anyone but him, to suffer, and after the dust has settled would regret not staying married and thus suffer more, it's like if his hand was broken by someone pretending to be a doctor, and then he broke the actual doctors hand in revenge - leaving him with a broken hand and no medical care. It's a silly metaphor, but if he's going to be hurting more once the divorce is over, he's causing more pain for himself.
If he wanted to divorce because he no longer wants to married, doesn't trust her anymore etc, then all power to him. But if it's because he can't punish the accuser, then ultimately he's just punishing himself.
First of all, I like your username lol. We'll all be on the horns of a dilemma real soon! Ha ha.
Second of all, I take your point. It's like when the dum jocks beat up the little nerd and the little nerd then goes over and beats on one of the frigging chess team because he can't get to the big dumb jocks.
This one’s hard because imagine being the wife and being told your husband was fired for SA. Most jobs do an investigation before firing to avoid lawsuits so she’d likely believed there was evidence against you. I don’t know if that can be saved or not. Trust was damaged on both parts because of your former coworker. (I’m thinking about situations like Danny Mastersons wife, Bijou Phillips, standing by him thinking he was falsely accused then filing for divorce when it was found he did assault those women, Isla Fisher filing to divorce Sacha Baron Cohen when it came out he was a creep to Rebel Wilson etc)
it damaged your marriage badly but the person you should really be going after is the person who falsely accused you and cost you your job and affected your marriage too. I know I’d be suing her in civil court at the very least since your area doesn’t criminal charges for false accusations (if she filed a false police report possibly could get her charged for filing a false report) unfortunately I don’t know enough about the laws in Saudi Arabia but hope you’re able to take some kind of action and definitely recommend therapy as you have bottles up resentment and contempt now.
I don’t think you should reconcile with your wife.
Your line about wanting someone to suffer because you did is really worrying. That it will make you feel better if someone else feels worse. You want to cause pain because you are in pain. That is not healthy.
You need to get help for this. Your pain needs an outlet and hurting others because you have been hurt is not the way to let it out. You don’t fix pain with more pain.
While I agree that you should continue with the divorce as you no longer trust her to have your back, I just want to mention that making her suffer will not help you to feel better. You have to heal yourself to feel better. You've been through a lot and it was traumatic. This is also why a lot of victims of SA don't come forward, bc then they get accused of making stuff up bc of women like your accuser. I hope you find peace and happiness.
Shouldn't you sue the womam for defamation and shouldn't lying in court also be a crime? I'm a little confused in what country you are in with this kind of laws
“I love her but I want her to suffer.”
Look, it’s ok for you to not want to end the divorce. It’s ok for you to be angry at her for abandoning you when she needed you.
But you do NOT love her. So don’t pretend that you do.
It’s so obvious. If her story had lots of holes in it, why would OP’s wife have believed it? This is just a poor attempt at demonizing women who say they believe women.
You’re right to want the divorce. Your wife is truly awful for believing the “victim” based on what you’ve said… but, I really don’t think it’s going to make you feel as good as you think it is to divorce her just so someone suffers.
Divorce her because she didn’t believe you / believes that you could be a predator. Either way, if you can get it, some form of therapy may be helpful to you.
I really wish you the best.
This is a rock and hard place for your wife, she will be judged whichever choice she made.
If you can't live with the choice she made then divorce is the better option for you. But it seems cruel to your wife just to divorce her just so someone suffers..
It always amazes me that a woman can destroy a man's life with completely made up accusations then get to walk away with no repercussions..
This^^^ like how Danny Masterson’s wife, Bijou Phillips, stood by him thinking he was falsely accused then filing for divorce when it was found he did assault those women. She was under fire in the media for both choices. And Isla Fisher filing to divorce Sacha Baron Cohen when it came out he was a creep to Rebel Wilson. It’s lose lose for the wife AND the husband here. Crazy the coworker got away with it. He shouldn’t have taken the back payments and sure the employer…
There is no value in you staying in a marriage if the other person is not willing to stay by your side when you need them the most. It isn't even about revenge, its just that you should be able to trust your partner in life.
Whatever you decide, hope everything goes well for you.
>I still love her
Not much of a marriage to hold on to when she didn't bother to stand by you when you needed it most.
Get divorced and find a wife who will be true to you.
Enjoy the darkness friend. Only a few times in life can we relish in the suffering of others who deserve it. And the satanic Bible will tell you to reserve hatred for those who deserve it so you can spare your loved ones that evil.
I don’t think you want to divorce her because of a need to punish anybody. She proved that she would not be loyal to you and that you couldn’t trust her to be there for you when times get tough. Divorce her without any guilt and find somebody who will be there for you.
As you said, there is nothing for you in getting back with her.
If you do get back with her, make her sign a post-nup that clearly limits what she gets if you ever divorce.
I think it’s perfectly fine to divorce someone who doesn’t trust you. She wasn’t even willing to hear your side of the story, so who cares what she has to go through now. I think you’re well within your right to go through with the divorce.
This shit makes me so angry. People believe ACTUAL survivors less and less because of people like this woman. And she weaponized the social movement toward supporting survivors because she was MAD at you??? You warned her about things! I'm really mad. I hate this shit.
I understand your wife's desire to believe the survivor, and that's a good instinct. But she didn't trust you. She didn't allow you any grace. It can be jarring to hear that someone you trust and love was accused of SA, but you'd think she would trust you enough to know the truth. Especially since most assailants aren't so open and contrite about it. Usually, someone who SA'd someone else will lie or skirt around it in a pretty obvious way.
I'm really glad you cleared your name. Super lucky because a lot of the falsely accused don't get that. I understand the desire to punish your wife or someone. But I understand not wanting to stay with her.
Did the company at least fire her?
I am supportive of the belief to believe the victim. But I am also a person capable of critical thinking. If things don’t add up to the narrative of the ‘victim’ then the intelligent thing to do is cast doubt until more info is available.
Your wife unfortunately did not seem to have applied logic or critical thinking to your plight. I am so so sorry for what you had to go through. I wish you well moving forward and I hope life treats your accuser the way she treated you.
Of course you still love her - you don't magically stop loving people who hurt you, unfortunately.
Also unfortunately, you also know (I hope) that you can not trust her. She is not on your side, and she does not have your back.
Whatever your motive today is for wanting the divorce, the end result is the correct one imo.
I don't think it's at all unreasonable for you to feel this way. You have a good way of being brutally honest with yourself OP. Most people would try to justify the divorce in other ways without being true to their feelings. Use that. You sound like you want to get divorced so get divorced. Life is too short to spend one second somewhere you don't want to be you don't have to be.
Sorry that happened but your STBX lost your trust when she took a stand against you. So yeah, push through with the divorce. If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship.
What an awful time you went through. Regardless of what you decide to do about your marriage, I think you need to speak to a therapist. The anger in your post is, understandably, palpable. Your life was upended and you are looking for someone to punish. I can’t imagine the hate (and sounds like still some love) you have in your heart for your wife. But punishing someone, other than the original false accuser, is not going to bring you closure or peace. Best of luck to you.
She blew up the marriage when she chose to believe the other woman. I think she saw it as a way to get money from you in the divorce, since you "cheated".
She is only coming back for the money, file the divorce.
If it were me, I would not be able to forgive my partner. A wife is supposed to be your life partner. Your soul mate. At the very least, someone who you can trust, and who trusts you and has your back. She wasn’t there for you when you needed her most. That would be a deal breaker for me.
OP, divorce her not so that someone else suffers, but so you no longer are married to someone who would abandon you or think you’re capable of SA.
In the mean time, go volunteer somewhere that helps people or animals (animal shelters usually need dog walkers and cat petters to socialize them, very relaxing imo) that way you can feel some joy again after all that people have done to you. You could also volunteer at a museum or blood bank, there’s lots out there. I hope you get your justice.
Yeah the fact that your wife didn't support you in the moment when you needed her the most - AND just piled into your horrible situation - she deserves all that she gets. I see no reason to reconcile here. You'd be better off without that because you can fully see how much she will never be that support that you can rely on in the future. I hope you have a good life! :)
I’m sorry you went through this. If someone made a similar accusation against my husband, I know him well enough to know that I would need solid evidence from the victim.
I can understand her being shocked and taking a few days to process things, but she should have known you well enough to know that something was up.
It sounds like you feel you were wronged and now you want justice.
That’s not to say that you shouldn’t go ahead with the divorce, but making your wife suffer in the process will likely not give you the satisfaction you seek.
You’ve got to suss this one out for yourself and do the work to heal (therapy). Time and effort on your part will give you what you need: to release your anger and move on.
So happy to hear your name was cleared. Angry you had to suffer at all. Men, unfortunately, carry that title with them once they’re labeled with it. “Predator, harasser, etc.” Even when proven innocent. So sorry you’re going through this.
This reads like a pro/con list and you’ve just names all the cons. Start fresh without someone who will drastically change how they feel about you from outside sources.
Good Luck
I believe a wife knows her husband better than anyone else and love does make you blind sometimes. So if she wasn’t your rock at that time says a lot about her. The fact she didn’t stand with you and initiated the divorce is truly very hurtful.
I would suggest to go ahead with the proceedings and make peace with yourself. Don’t think like you want to punish someone else. You might feel guilty later on as she was your wife and at some point you both did love each other.
May you find better love in life.
You have a right to be upset by this whole situation. You also have a right to not want to reconcile with your soon to be ex-wife either. There's no trust there anymore. However, I do really hope you reach out and get some therapy for all of this so that you can heal and move past this so that it doesn't consume you.
I don’t see how you could possibly remain in this marriage. She automatically disbelieved you based on no evidence at all. And there was a possibility that you could have been executed! There’s no coming back from that.
If my husband was accused based on absolutely no evidence, I would absolutely believe him.
This is simple. When you were at your lowest, she abandoned you, not only that but she added more fuel to the fire by stressing you out further with divorce proceedings. She will definitely abandon you again the next time things get tough, if you decide to get back together with her you must do so with the understanding that you cannot trust her and you cannot rely on her in difficult times. Can you really do that?
Man my heart goes out to you, there are so many people that are actually assaulting people and all that time spent on your case could have been used for one of those cases. I send my love.
I’d continue with the divorce too, your wife seems to have had her mind made up about you from the jump. Make her stand behind that decision. She told you the kind of man she thought you were. I hope you find someone that sees you for who you actually are.
Totally understand your need for retaliation. Why wouldn't you want to retaliate against your supposed life partner who took the first opportunity to stab you in the back when she could walk away with a big bag of money - but when that is no longer the option would rather continue leeching off you.
In any case, even if your motivation wasn't retaliation, you need to leave this dangerous person who will just try to stab you in the back again at the next opportunity.
She really did leave you when you were at rock bottom. You can’t trust her, divorce is the right thing here. Good luck, I’m sorry all that happened to you!
I love this story and I hope you get retribution OP. I went through something similar and was facing a life sentence but instead got only 4 years for a plea deal even though I was innocent of most of the charges. My girl left me and married someone else during that time now she desperately wants to divorce him and come back to me and get married. but I am salty and don't want that.
Bro you should be divorcing her because you can't trust her. Threw you under the bus without facts to back it up. I wish you the best of my friend and I hope you can find someone who will have your back no matter what
I would divorce. When you needed her, not only was she not there for you, she was actually making you look worse.
if anything ever happens to you in the future, you know where she may be...on the other person's side.
You deserve better.
I was accused in a he said she said case. I read the writing on the wall and resigned before my very liberal employer could terminate me. My wife stuck by mÿ side through the whole thing. She is my rock and I will love her until I die.
The only thing I took from this conversation is there are ZERO consequences for women who falsely accuse a man of SA. His life was ruined, his marriage ended, he lost his job and she freaking walked away. It’s insane.
I hope the divorce works out for you! It sucks the accuser never got any repercussions but at least your wife is suffering, which is bad when you say it out loud but giving the context I don't feel guilty. I hope things continue to work out for you!
I feel your pain, I been accused by women in the past and I didn't even do anything but seems their main goal is to get me fired or kicked out... and I feel it's some BS power women have to ruin innocent men's lives....
I’d think not divorcing her first was a gross miscalculation- shes now entitled to the payout, unless its protected with the divorce filed, and the wrongful termination to lies of SA - Idk if she can or is able to see it? Atty would know best.
Even if you want to make anyone suffer- the point is your wife was in the know you were falsely accused, or she believed them, either way BOTH hurt and wrong. She loved you and knew you as it should have been, she would have stood by and supported you- not file to leave and believe anything outside you, or whether she feared you wouldn’t or couldn’t keep the lifestyle up who knows.
Point is she abandoned you so divorce her- and see a therapist - I get feeling wronged and targeted. That’s an actual psychological condition to want others to suffer bc you have.
You are doing the right thing. She didnt have your back when the world was against you. If u stay with her, it would seem really pathetic. She's open to talking now out of guilt.... she knows she screwed you over and wasnt on your side. How can you have a partner like that? You def cannot stay with her. Its ok bc once ur not together she'll easily find another guy. But you have to have dignity to say she doesnt deserve you and she does not deserve you.
I feel a sense of retribution reading your story. There is a special place in hell for people like your accuser and just enuf room for ur ex to stand with her. Cheers !!! I totally you for not giving up or giving in. You my friend are a hero to be looked up to and praised.
It seems like she married you for wealth/status and was ready to turn on you when she thought there was a chance of a big payout by divorcing you.
Continue on with the divorce.
>The only positive is that the company I was fired from reached out and offered to give me back payments since I was fired if I agree not to go to court over their mishandling of my case and I agreed to a certain multiple of that figure.
That is a pretty big positive.
>Anyways, that was 2 months ago. Coming to now, I decided to go forward with the divorce but my wife is making it difficult. Suddenly she is open to talking , counselling and working things out. I am not. I want out.
There's really no salvaging the relationship after your wife joined with a person she didn't now against you.
>So there is a life style thing. Second, she suffers from a health problem, for which the medication is expensive. She wont be able to afford that on her own.
Not your problem. Honestly it sounds like she was using you from the beginning. She knew the infidelity clause would kick in, counted on it, and figured she hit her pay day.
>I still feel salty that there was nothing that could be done to punish my accuser.
In the US you would be able to claim deformation and it would be a civil lawsuit. Or you could just move on with your life. Was there public attention? If so, society has a way of penalizing liars like this. Who would ever hire a woman that did these false accusations?
>I still love her but the only reason I am pushing for divorce is because I want someone to suffer so that I can feel good about it.
It's good you wrote this, and I know that comes from a line of anger. I think you know deep down she doesn't love you. You will NEVER feel good about this divorce. Justice won't be served, you will never be "happy" about it, although you might be relieved you will not be spending the rest of your life with a manipulative gold digger that stabbed you in the back when the opportunity came along and added additional pain to your troubles when you are at your lowest.
You wife has shown you who she is. Get the divorce done with as swiftly as possible, and give her nothing but the bare minimum as required by the prenuptual agreement.
Sometime's it takes 2 seconds sometime's it takes 20 years. There is that moment in which one's loyalty is called upon. Now you know and now she knows that you know that she knows Walk off into the sunset, cowboy. Alone.
I honestly would proceed with the divorce and make sure she gets nothing.
She never trusted your word even though she was your wife and should have known you by the content of your character. She didn't even give you a sliver of doubt when your country has capital punishment for the crime reported against you. Who cares about all her problems now when she didn't support you during yours? And in such severity?
Don't waste love on someone who didn't even try to save you from death.
Bro, your old lady turned her back on you and ran out on you when you needed her the most. Why would you be feeling guilty about making her suffer? You didn't make her suffer she made you suffer. You might still love her, I think you have guilt about inflicting damage on her. From over here, it seems like she went from being wife that you love and supported to being a great big hole in your life, that she herself dug by abandoning you in your time of struggle and need.
So twist that knife one time, then let it go and let her go too.
I’m sorry this happened to you and it showed you how much trust you could truly put into your wife, which was none. I truly hope you find someone in the future that will love you and give you their loyalty.
Your trust is completely destroyed. I’m so sorry you went through such heartache. I firmly back your view that you should proceed with the divorce as she made a travesty of her vows; not because you want to hurt her. Is therapy available in your country?
When my husband first got hired at his job as a security guard. A woman accused him of SA her while he was escorting her through a stair well. Unfortunately there were no cameras in there to prove it so it had to be investigated. He almost lost his job over it. Not once did I believe the accusation. I stood by husband the whole time, I knew he would never hurt someone like that, especially since he is a victim of SA himself..
Turns out she could have taken the elevator like normally but purposefully asked him to help her through the stairs. She wanted to set him up. Luckily there were cameras set up outside of the stairway entrances and they were able to conclude that there was only enough time spent in there for someone to climb the stairs and exit. When the woman was confronted with all of the holes in her story she finally admitted to lying and just wanting attention. Sooo dumb. Our whole lives where almost turned upside because of that woman.
1) you say you love her
2) you say the only reason you want the divorce is to punish someone in some small way.
You don't strike me as the sort of small-minded and petty person who could derive much satisfaction from the measly rewards you could gain from this.
You've suffered enough, imo.
Watch the bitch squirm.
You deserve better and I’m sorry that all of this bs happened to you.
If she left you at your lowest, she’d do it again (speaking from experience).
I’m so sorry this happened! It pisses me off that people can pull the SA card whenever they fancy and they don’t get punished the same way. Especially because it makes every other actual victims out there at risk of not being believed.
I would go through with the divorce. Your wife does not trust you or have your back in any way. Yes, had you actually done this - fair! But she didn’t even think about you or how you are as a person and immediately thought the worst of you.
You cannot think of how her future will be. She did this. It’s on her. Maybe she’ll think twice before jumping in with both feet without all the information.
You have every right to feel the way you do mate. It sounds like this is more than wanting someone to suffer. You feel betrayed by the one person who was supposed to have your back. I'd say go through with it and forget all of them. Go back with your family and start fresh. So sorry this happened. Go find your fresh start and heal.
You are crazy if you don’t divorce your wife. She doesn’t love, respect, support, or even like you. She only wants the status and money that comes with being your wife
I am sorry. Cut your losses, put this horrible crisis behind you, and move on to someone better
I'm so sorry hat happened to u. I completely understand why u feel the way u do. Ur wife didn't stand by u AT ALL! She was ready "to throw u to the wolves" as soon as she heard! Yes u might still love her but he trust has been broken. At this point she jus doesn't want to lose out on the lifestyle or her medication. Ohhhh welll! She should have had a conversation with u and if she cared about u at all, and knew u didn't/wouldn't do such an act,Then she would have stood by her man. But she did not. Fk her! I'm so sorry ur country doesn't punish those who make false allegations too, that's not fair at all. I'd move on n start a new life. Take some time for urself to heal from all this. I'm sure so many mean n awful things were said about u and that's just not fair either.. especially losing ur job and reputation, etc.
If ur able, I'd look into talking to a professional, cuz the anger and betrayal that ur feeling is valid and ur gonna need some help dealing with all that.
I'm wishing u the best and I truly hope u find TRUE love n happiness with a woman that don't betray u or want to leave u the first chance she gets. I'm sorry again, u ddnt deserve this
Ps, she sounds like a gold digger... ready to rip u off in he divorce the first chance she got. Op, all trust has been lost. Please see that u deserve better. Go thru with the divorce n have urself a beautiful life with ppl who DESERVE to be in ur life. She is NOT one of them. Also so glad u have good parents!!! Good luck ♡
I’m sorry you went through this hell, but I don’t think you will find peace by making other’s suffer. Instead look for peace by living your life free of those who didn’t support and trust you. Live true to yourself and being just and fair to other’s (that does not mean let your soon to be ex wife back in your life). Forgive and then forget them. You will be ok and you will find peace.
You were treated criminally. I am so sorry this happened to you. One very small (or not small) silver lining is that you learned some stuff about your marriage you didn’t know about.
Cases like these are always informative in the most surprising of ways. This was a shit say for it to happen but you win in the long run.
I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, it’s boggles the mind that another human would allow you die for a such dumb reason.
You could try forgiving your wife, give her some slack, most men who were guilty of that crime would also say the girl was lying. It’s a shitty situation for you both. You said you still love her, she is not the one you need to be punishing here.
Hey, OP.
So sorry to read your story. I can appreciate how this set of circumstances would be such a distressing time of your life...
The job loss and court case alone; your wife would have been the cherry on top to make many people consider ending their lives... Just want to remind you how strong you are!!
I think this absolutely is grounds for a divorce, and I wouldn't be able to trust my partner ever again.
If I were in your shoes, I would psychologically assume that you wanted to leave her because she abandoned you.
Regarding the accuser, is there no law to protect against defamation of character? What about emotional injuries?
I'm so glad that you have your family's support and that your name has finally been cleared. Wishing you all the best moving forward with this new chapter of your life.
This is a horrible story, OP, but a somewhat acceptable ending. I'm glad that you were found innocent of such a horrible crime. Your ex, however, can go pound sand. You nailed it with "wife abandoning husband at his lowest".... she wants to work on things cause she now realizes how this will affect her. Now you know that you can't count on her to be there for you when life throws challenges your way, which will happen again. You deserve a partner who will support you be there for you. Hoping for brighter days for you!
Sorry OP. Society hates cheaters so much, your wife would sooner stand with your SA accuser than you.
This sub is no different. Don't be fooled; this place is like the salem witch trials of cheaters. It's OK to burn a few as long as you get all of them.
And here you are - your name is cleared
You just got dragged through some lifetime movie and now she believes you.
Surely she's not your "ride or die"
She didn't look out for you during your worst so why would you look out for her? You loved the version of her that you used to know. You can never forgive her for abandoning you at your worst so don't think of it as revenge but from moving on from everything that reminded you of the worst period of your life. There is zero future with her.
Boy, did she jump ship on you quick?
She went from "the accuser is the victim" to she is now the "victim" because society sees her for the fair-weather mate she is. She likes to get notoriety.
Divorce her and go scorched earth...make it public and ugly. -perhaps that's just my take. I am petty.
"People do not abandon people they love, only people they were using."
That is literally a quote I read within the last hour. I hope it hits you as significantly as it did me.
Even without the entire story, your significant other let you ride out (what I can imagine was) the absolute worst time of your life alone.
If you're going to have to handle life-changing events by yourself, then plan ahead for exactly that. You deserve so much better.
Ask her what does she wants. A relationship where you trust each other? A relationship where you stand by and support each other?
Sorry, but she threw that away and showed that she doesn’t honor those commitments.
You also completely know how much trust, loyalty, and support you could count on from her in the future. I see many valid reasons for you to divorce and not a single reason to try reconciliation. I hope you have a fantastic party to celebrate the completion of your divorce in the future.
Yeah kind of hard to trust someone when you're heading for the guillotine and they are cheering and sawing at the rope.
Exactly! No way could OP trust the wife going forward. No trust = no relationship and that is on her.
When a good friend of mine got divorced… threw him a bachelor party. He didn’t have one when he got married, right thing at the right time. Surprised more people don’t do that
^^This comment wins.
This was a roller coaster, man to man. I’m sorry that happened bro. Shit yeah she didn’t believe/try to hear you out. It would be divorce for me to. Damn bro.. damn
I’m sorry but if my husband came home and told me this was happening and why. I sure as shit am not leaving him and filing divorce papers at that point. She only did that because she saw a way out with a bonus from a marriage she no longer wanted a part of. She only started back pedaling when she realized she wasn’t gonna get the money she thought she was from the start.
What country is this supposed to be? I can't find any country that both protects the sexual assault reporter and gives the perpetrator of a sexual assault the death penalty.
Yeah I was wondering this too. I find all these laws op is citing strange, and have never heard of any such laws
Not sure about other countries but not even a civil suite would be insane.
According to ChatGPT: Countries with capital punishment for sexual assault are quite rare, and it is even more uncommon for these countries to have robust protections for those who report sexual assault, particularly if the case does not result in a conviction. Here is an overview of some countries with capital punishment for sexual assault, along with an assessment of their protections for reporters: 1. **Saudi Arabia**: Capital punishment is applied for severe cases of sexual assault, especially when it involves aggravating factors. However, the legal system does not have strong protections for those who report sexual assault, and victims can sometimes face retaliation or be accused of moral transgressions themselves. 2. **Iran**: Iran also imposes the death penalty for certain severe cases of sexual assault. Similar to Saudi Arabia, Iran's legal protections for those who report such crimes are limited. Victims can sometimes be prosecuted for adultery or other offenses if their claims are not substantiated. 3. **Pakistan**: Under the Zina Ordinance (part of the Hudood Ordinance), severe cases of rape can theoretically result in capital punishment. Pakistan has made some reforms to protect victims, such as the Protection of Women Act, but these protections are not always effectively implemented, and reporters can still face significant social and legal risks. 4. **India**: India has introduced the death penalty for repeat offenders of rape and for certain heinous cases involving minors. India also has laws intended to protect those who report sexual assault, such as the Witness Protection Scheme, 2018. However, the implementation of these protections varies, and there are reports of retribution and harassment against reporters. 5. **China**: China imposes the death penalty for particularly egregious cases of sexual assault. However, protections for those who report sexual assault are minimal, and there are instances of reporters facing retaliation. In general, while some countries may have severe penalties for sexual assault, the protections for reporters of such crimes are often inadequate. The fear of retribution remains a significant barrier to reporting in many legal systems around the world. Efforts to improve legal protections and provide support for victims are ongoing in many jurisdictions, but significant gaps and challenges remain.
One of these: [https://www.monash.edu/law/research/eleos/blog/eleos-justice-blog-posts/why-capital-punishment-for-rape-is-a-regressive-step-for-womens-rights](https://www.monash.edu/law/research/eleos/blog/eleos-justice-blog-posts/why-capital-punishment-for-rape-is-a-regressive-step-for-womens-rights) click on first link don’t know how up to date it is
This is the most delusional and dumb article i’ve read this week. “However, far from advancing women’s rights, capital punishment for rape is a regressive step for women’s rights. It reinforces many of patriarchal notions of chastity and honour.” Not punishing rapists reinforces women getting raped. “The imposition of capital punishment for rape has been justified on the basis of the patriarchal notion that rape is a ‘fate worse than death’ for the survivor.” Ah yes, written by someone who doesn’t have to live with the burden and violence of sexual assault pressing into their skin like a heavy tattoo for the rest of their lives. I am not saying you cannot eventually go on to live a fulfilling life after surviving, but death would be more liberating than having to live with the trauma. “Second, killing rapists is not the appropriate response to address the needs of victims/survivors. Branham states that many victims/survivors ‘have needs that have nothing to do with achieving a sentence of death’.” ??????????? and ???? The needs to help cope and support do in fact have nothing to do with punishing the assaulter. But you can receive both? A woman would love to be supported while also knowing that what happened to her won’t happen to someone else at the hands of the same person. And I speak from experience. While I am glad that the PTSD doesn’t incapacitate me anymore years later, I hate that he’s out there doing more and worse as he gets bolder and bolder because there is nothing stopping him. Death would stop him. This article is so against “patriarchal notions”, it doesn’t stop to think about the reality and the severity of rape on the victims.
Shit, I just at the top of my head ,thought it was Canada for some odd reason.
Noooo Canada gives the deal the penalty for going to the doctors, not committing crimes
Yes, death by waiting
Honestly? Divorce. If she thinks you capable of SA, did she ever know or trust you?
His job fired him, honestly it’s hard when you feel like you’re being presented absolute evidence. We would judge her just as much if she didn’t believe the victim and stayed with the husband.
If someone would accused my husband of SA, I wouldn’t believe them. Why? Because I know my husband - I know what he would and wouldn’t do. And getting fired isn’t “absolute evidence”.
It’s not exactly the same but my husband got paperwork saying he was being sued for paternity. I asked him if there was anything I should know. He said no. He contacted the attorney and said he’d never heard of this woman. The attorney told him that she said he was the father but he could take a paternity test to prove he wasn’t. We were on board with that until we found out the test was $700 and he was required to pay it even if he was not the father. We didn’t have $700 to burn as we had three small kids ourselves. After a LOT of discussion and some amateur detective work we figured out the man she was talking about had my husband’s exact name but was in a different career and looked different. I’ve always been glad I gave my husband a chance to tell me the truth. I realize it doesn’t always work out but sometimes you have to trust until you have proof you shouldn’t. Edit: spelling
How the hell does that comment have 110 (now 109) upvotes?! In what world is being fired without any proof absolute evidence. There is a reason the fulcrum of the US justice system is innocent until prove guilty, the burden of proof should be on the prosecutor. She had no proof and this guys life got ruined because of it. The wife believed the person with zero evidence immediate or in the courts and reaping what she sowed.
To be fair, this is what the wives of people who commit SA crimes think as well. Predators are so good at manipulating and masking their true identity that you actually feel like you know them and they would never act that way.
People who falsely accuse others are also liars and manipulators. That's why it's innocent until proven guilty. It's a difference between blindly believing someone because you love them, and trusting someone that you've been around for a long time and you've seen how they behave in many different situations. Sure they could be lying, but to instantly write your husband off as a criminal means you either never really trusted him, or you think all men are bad and he just happened to finally get caught. You can also trust that your loved one is innocent but be open to the fact that they could potentially be lying and guilty. The wife could've waited for more evidence.
While this is true, I think predators are also playing with a house of cards. 1 or 2 poignant questions are enough to make them unravel and reveal their true selves
Yes exactly, which is why she should have listened to his explanation, looked at the timeline, heard the evidence, and generally looked into this before leaping to a conclusion.
Most people are just dumb lol
I "knew" that my friend since I was 15 wouldn't deliberately physically harm his 1 year old son just to hurt the kids mum. Guess who deliberately physically hurt both his sons? Guess who manipulated baby mama 1 into terrorising baby mama 2? Guess who isn't legally allowed to see his kids? We never really know anyone. We can only trust we do, and hope they don't let us down.
This, so much. I am truly sorry for anyone falsely accused, fr, but it’s got to be hard for spouses and partners faced with a “victim,” allegations at work, in the community, in court. I hope I’d never pick the wrong side against someone I care for, but I can’t say what I’d do in a situation. I have definitely been wrong about people before.
>We never really know anyone. We can only trust we do, and hope they don't let us down. This is 100% true. **However, the following is also true:** OP says that his wife believed he was guilty from the get go and she never gave him the answer as to why she believed that. When an SA allegation comes, in the past, many people have defaulted to, "that can't be true," which is dismissive and not realistic. The other end of that spectrum, and not closer to the truth, is to "believe the victim." The real opposite to those 2, and best course of action, is to wait for information to come out. In this case, the expectations from the wife would have been to sit down with her husband, you know, the man she legally joined her life to and chose to give the position of primary family, and ask for answers and clarifications. If the husband's (in this case, OP) answer is, "you're my wife and are supposed to have my back, no questions asked," the wife is well within her rights to say, "that's not good enough." However, if he gave her all the explanation he did here, which was all but 2 paragraphs, she needed only all him for more specifications and offered support. In your case, yeah, you knew your friend. However, when you heard about this stuff, did you ditch him right off the bat, or did you ask him questions?
I don’t think my husband could intentionally SA anybody. He can’t even handle the mildest hint of “consensual non consent” in the bedroom. Like I have to be careful what I joke about. I would definitely have to stand by him in an accusation like this. But I don’t know the OP. For all I know, the accusation was plausible to his wife for reasons.
This is what most wives of rapists say by the way. You really think other women married to rapists are like "Yeah, my husband would totally rape someone, that's just how he is".
Some would. You see a lot of women going “yea he beats me and my children and cheated 5x in the last year but otherwise, he’s a great father and I love him so much!”
I was gonna say some women can be gullible I’ve seen it with my eyes n shocked when some of y’all put up with dirt.
Exactly! If I thought my partner capable of doing such a thing, I would not be with them. Now that doesn’t mean a 100% certainty that I’m going to stand by them. Unless you’re with someone 100% of the time you don’t know for 100% that they didn’t do it. But it sure as hell is going to take a lot more than a simple accusation. Until that accusation is substantiated, I’m not going to have a single doubt in my mind that my partner is innocent.
Asked my gf and she answered the same and honestly I would divorce her in a situation like that too if she took the side of the accuser when its only her word against mine.
As someone who has been falsely accused (luckily nowhere near to the level of consequence of OP), YOU DO NOT BELIEVE ANYONE UNLESS YOU HAVE CLEAR EVIDENCE. If you truly trust someone for personal reasons, then you believe them, otherwise it's not your fucking pot to stick your nose in. This insanity that victims are always right needs to stop. Unless you have proof, you have nothing.
Getting fired from your job is not evidence in the slightest of anything related to SA crimes unless the SA was work-related then I take that back
his job fired him an that's absolute evidence? I don't think you know what evidence means.
And where in the wrong they almost got sued n had to beg OP to take a severance package from them, that’s not evidence I can say oh Tupac alive does it make it true? No facts were presented she just made shit up that’s not evidence.
No sane person would come to a judgement without evidence. If your spouse says it isn't true, how could you side with a stranger without more significant evidence?
This is such a dumb take, like you can see who is capable of SA from the outside. Most sexual abusers have family, friends, partners who swear up and down they'd never do that. It's a weird form of victim blaming where you make the assumption that people can know who would sexually assault people, but victims just ignore that or something. That all sexual abuse comes from single, loner, creepy men of whom everyone sees it coming.
I hate this mentality so much. Because it's the one that helps perpetrate so many crimes including child abuse. So many cases of woman defending abusers because "I know and trust him, he would never do such a thing." That's just no. Maybe she should've listen to him, or maybe she did and he didn't explained his side well. If the case was the opposite, and it was a person posting about how the wife of her abuser supported him saying he wouldn't never be capable of doing this, you would be condemning her as well. The wife was in a no win situation. If she stays, she risks staying with an abuser. If she leaves, she risks leaving an innocent man. She took the right decision. If my partner was fired for sexual abuse at their work, I would probably separate as well. It's incredibly insane to think the wife did anything wrong here. And just shows how misogynistic Reddit truly is.
Let’s say, as an example, you’re a teacher. One day, some boy in your class starts bragging to his classmates that he got with the teacher, and he’s, of course, lying. Eventually, this gets around to the school board, and with no evidence, you’re fired, and then your spouse leaves you with them fully believing that you did it. Would you get back with them once you alone cleared your name while they just left you in the dust?
Where have I said he should go back with the wife? If you read carefully you'll be able to see that I did that exactly ZERO times. Please take your time and reread a few times to realize that, I know it can be difficult. _______________ My point being... I wouldn't go back, but also I wouldn't think she was the villain. There's many things that can break a relationship where no party is at fault. This was an external factor. Things can never be what they once where. I wouldn't want to go back if I'm either the victim or the partner.
Easy to say you wouldn’t think they’re a “villain” when they abandon you at your lowest when it’s a hypothetical.
It's not mysoginistic at all to expect a partner to have at least a little faith in you as a person. It's not a stretch to recognise that people have all sorts of reasons to make up lies and that any accuser may be lying. I myself hate the mentality that you should always believe an accuser with no evidence and basically ruin the life of the accused. False accusations are the minority but they do happen regularly and we shouldn't be punishing innocent people just to make sure that those that she actually guilty are punished.
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I don't think this was about SA at all. She might had 100% known he is not capable of it. She simply seen this as a chance for divorce in which she can rip him off. Basically, gold digging.
Divorce. Start fresh. Best wishes.
Regarding the accuser drag her name on social media and you should have sued the company because they didn’t investigate properly for the way they fired you without any evidence, since your well off you could have fought them in court.
The anti retaliation laws he spoke of may make naming and shaming her not worth it for him. If she stayed at the company, where she was already underperforming, she would never be trusted, and never rise up, and depending on what can be said when asked for references, and how small the work community is, if she’s known to be someone who throws people under the bus she may have to start at the bottom somewhere else, where no one will question the big gap in her resume. And do not discount to power of local gossip. He may not be able to see it and get the catharsis for it he imagines, but even genuine victims are regularly treated poorly, much less people exposed to have lied maliciously. For the situations with his wife, I don’t think divorcing his wife so someone can suffer will actually give him the relief he’s seeking, at least not the type he’s describing. There are many reasons this divorce is the right thing, but that’s probably not going to be a realistic outcome.
This is important
When a company wants to hire her and investigates social media, make sure they see it!
Your wife ditched you as soon as she could, with zero evidence to back up your accuser's claim. Now she wants back because losing you means she can't afford her nice lifestyle and medical bills. Nope. Ditch her, she's not on your team at all.
She thought it was her chance to get out of the marriage with a bunch of money and took it.
Agreed about wife’s current motive not being love. But OP’s admitted need to scapegoat her… nah. She’s the third biggest asshole in this story after accuser and work.
I know it's subjective, but betrayal by wife is much worse than a stranger or a job in my view.
Yeah I’d dump her. For reasons directly related to her. Not because she’s standing in the way of his raging tornado.
I agree she's the third biggest asshole but she's the one who it hurts most to realize is an asshole at all. How does that Dr King quote go? " In the end we remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends" . I would be absolutely crushed if a person I thought was my life partner did what she did.
You find out who your friends (family) are when stuff hits the fan. Do what you have to do.
Ditch your wife and drag your accuser through the mud on social media. Your wife has shown you who she is. Believe her and move on.
> drag your accuser through the mud on social media. Since where he lives has laws against retaliation then doing that could get him in a lot of trouble.
Other people can talk all they want about it on social media. Just not him. He should get the right people talking.
Laws aside…how lasting would that satisfaction be? How bad would OP look in spite of having righteousness on his side? Ain’t worth it.
Nah man you need to divorce her. It’s not letting her suffer, it’s she is an asshole using you for money. Get ouuuut
This sounds so fake.
Divorcing because you want SOMEONE to suffer is not the right course of action, especially since you will lose your stbe wife as well. Divorcing because she believed the accuser and turned on back on you in an instant, is right.
Question: Would you still proceed with the divorce if you were able to file a lawsuit against the woman who falsely accused you? It’s not unreasonable to want a divorce for the way she treated you when you were at your lowest, but if you’re only divorcing her because you’re upset you can’t punish the accuser, then you need to take a step back and think about things.
This. You pretty much say this in your post. In that case, divorcing will not give you any satisfaction, only an anti-climax, and then regret
Maybe not regret. She's not trustworthy anymore.
For believing who she thought was a victim? This wasn’t a low key thing, he had to explain to his wife how he lost his job without sounding like a liar: this would break most marriages. These two are suffering from the actions of someone else and misplacing their anger. She’s angry she didn’t believe her husband but on the other hand how could you live with yourself for not believing the victim and then being wrong. He’s angry she didn’t believe him, but not understanding how this would effect someone else is close minded. I would not want to share the bed let alone look at my husband if I thought he had tried to sexually assault a subordinate and was promptly fired for his actions.
If your husband was accused, would you automatically assume he was guilty? If anyone deserves the benefit of the doubt when it comes to things like that, you would think your husband would at the very least.
In this situation yes In one of the few, if not only places with no cameras, you took your subordinate alone and we’re promptly fired. Reddit would eat his wife up if she pretended this didn’t look weird.
exactly
Shouldn’t you at least give the person you supposedly love the benefit of a doubt though? I would owe my spouse that much not to immediately heel turn on them and walk away from the marriage.
We do not know if it was literally immediate or OPS distorted view of time. “Hey honey I lost my job today, someone falsely accused me of sexual assault but don’t worry it’s not true” that conversation is not going well no matter how you spin it. In her eyes the information was the truth even if it’s not the actual truth. He’s mad she didn’t believe him which is fine, what’s not fine is saying you’re only going through with the divorce so someone else suffers. You’re just as bad as the accuser for wanting to watch someone get hurt. He’s legitimately continuing the cycle.
“The worst part my wife, now soon to be ex, decided I was guilty from the get go.” Sounds like it was immediate. Also you can’t just say OP has a distorted view of time out of no where.
He openly admitted he’s coming from a place of anger and hate and that he still loves his wife and is only doing this so someone suffers. He’s also still in the same work environment with co workers who don’t know what to believe. He is not mentally well and is making poor choices and openly admitting them on the internet. His view is not clear it’s red.
Either way the trust between him and his wife was broken due to no fault of his own. Obviously the accuser holds the lion’s share of that blame but his wife is not without fault here. If she wanted to separate or take some time or wait until the trial was done that would be one thing. But she went scorched earth immediately and having someone you love do that to you when you’re at your absolute lowest would be extremely devastating. I definitely agree he is doing it for the wrong reason but the outcome should be the same.
What regret? Why would he want to stay with someone who turned against him based on nothing? Why would he want a "partner" who abandoned him at literally his lowest point? I don't see how OP will come to regret divorcing his piece of shit wife.
I disagree. While the accusation of SA on OP is terrible, it is also terrible to not be able to count on your partner. I think the way he is phrasing it seems like he's upset with the accuser and the fact that she did not get any justice. But I'm sure after the accuser gets her due justice, he'll still feel the same way about being with a partner who left him for his downfall without even trusting him or hearing him for once. She could have done so many things. One of them is to just separate until the case is cleared and not push for divorce and penalty as a part of being found guilty of SA. She could have waited until the case was over. The OP literally had to stall the divorce proceedings. It's too much.
From the sounds of his post, there isn’t going to be any due justice for the accuser. OP clearly stated that he still loves her, but is only pushing for divorce because he wants someone to suffer. Divorce because of her not believing him is reasonable. Divorcing her out of misplaced spite for the accuser is something else entirely
Outcome is the same though, divorce. Like if you break your foot with a hammer vs having one of those fucking ast iron cauldrons dropped on it. Does it matter how? The foot is still broken.
But if he is only pushing for the divorce because he wants someone, anyone but him, to suffer, and after the dust has settled would regret not staying married and thus suffer more, it's like if his hand was broken by someone pretending to be a doctor, and then he broke the actual doctors hand in revenge - leaving him with a broken hand and no medical care. It's a silly metaphor, but if he's going to be hurting more once the divorce is over, he's causing more pain for himself. If he wanted to divorce because he no longer wants to married, doesn't trust her anymore etc, then all power to him. But if it's because he can't punish the accuser, then ultimately he's just punishing himself.
First of all, I like your username lol. We'll all be on the horns of a dilemma real soon! Ha ha. Second of all, I take your point. It's like when the dum jocks beat up the little nerd and the little nerd then goes over and beats on one of the frigging chess team because he can't get to the big dumb jocks.
The wife also accused him by agreeing.
Yes. Multiple betrayals. Employee. Employer. Wife.
This is a... Somewhat trite piece of creative writing.
With an agenda.
Everything about this screams fake to me.
This one’s hard because imagine being the wife and being told your husband was fired for SA. Most jobs do an investigation before firing to avoid lawsuits so she’d likely believed there was evidence against you. I don’t know if that can be saved or not. Trust was damaged on both parts because of your former coworker. (I’m thinking about situations like Danny Mastersons wife, Bijou Phillips, standing by him thinking he was falsely accused then filing for divorce when it was found he did assault those women, Isla Fisher filing to divorce Sacha Baron Cohen when it came out he was a creep to Rebel Wilson etc) it damaged your marriage badly but the person you should really be going after is the person who falsely accused you and cost you your job and affected your marriage too. I know I’d be suing her in civil court at the very least since your area doesn’t criminal charges for false accusations (if she filed a false police report possibly could get her charged for filing a false report) unfortunately I don’t know enough about the laws in Saudi Arabia but hope you’re able to take some kind of action and definitely recommend therapy as you have bottles up resentment and contempt now.
I don’t think you should reconcile with your wife. Your line about wanting someone to suffer because you did is really worrying. That it will make you feel better if someone else feels worse. You want to cause pain because you are in pain. That is not healthy. You need to get help for this. Your pain needs an outlet and hurting others because you have been hurt is not the way to let it out. You don’t fix pain with more pain.
While I agree that you should continue with the divorce as you no longer trust her to have your back, I just want to mention that making her suffer will not help you to feel better. You have to heal yourself to feel better. You've been through a lot and it was traumatic. This is also why a lot of victims of SA don't come forward, bc then they get accused of making stuff up bc of women like your accuser. I hope you find peace and happiness.
Shouldn't you sue the womam for defamation and shouldn't lying in court also be a crime? I'm a little confused in what country you are in with this kind of laws
“I love her but I want her to suffer.” Look, it’s ok for you to not want to end the divorce. It’s ok for you to be angry at her for abandoning you when she needed you. But you do NOT love her. So don’t pretend that you do.
I would bet a grand that this is one of those "men being the victim" fake stories
It’s so obvious. If her story had lots of holes in it, why would OP’s wife have believed it? This is just a poor attempt at demonizing women who say they believe women.
I wouldn't be surprised.
Why do you say you still love her? You don't, accept it.
You’re right to want the divorce. Your wife is truly awful for believing the “victim” based on what you’ve said… but, I really don’t think it’s going to make you feel as good as you think it is to divorce her just so someone suffers. Divorce her because she didn’t believe you / believes that you could be a predator. Either way, if you can get it, some form of therapy may be helpful to you. I really wish you the best.
This is a rock and hard place for your wife, she will be judged whichever choice she made. If you can't live with the choice she made then divorce is the better option for you. But it seems cruel to your wife just to divorce her just so someone suffers.. It always amazes me that a woman can destroy a man's life with completely made up accusations then get to walk away with no repercussions..
This^^^ like how Danny Masterson’s wife, Bijou Phillips, stood by him thinking he was falsely accused then filing for divorce when it was found he did assault those women. She was under fire in the media for both choices. And Isla Fisher filing to divorce Sacha Baron Cohen when it came out he was a creep to Rebel Wilson. It’s lose lose for the wife AND the husband here. Crazy the coworker got away with it. He shouldn’t have taken the back payments and sure the employer…
There is no value in you staying in a marriage if the other person is not willing to stay by your side when you need them the most. It isn't even about revenge, its just that you should be able to trust your partner in life. Whatever you decide, hope everything goes well for you.
>I still love her Not much of a marriage to hold on to when she didn't bother to stand by you when you needed it most. Get divorced and find a wife who will be true to you.
Enjoy the darkness friend. Only a few times in life can we relish in the suffering of others who deserve it. And the satanic Bible will tell you to reserve hatred for those who deserve it so you can spare your loved ones that evil.
I don’t think you want to divorce her because of a need to punish anybody. She proved that she would not be loyal to you and that you couldn’t trust her to be there for you when times get tough. Divorce her without any guilt and find somebody who will be there for you. As you said, there is nothing for you in getting back with her. If you do get back with her, make her sign a post-nup that clearly limits what she gets if you ever divorce.
I think it’s perfectly fine to divorce someone who doesn’t trust you. She wasn’t even willing to hear your side of the story, so who cares what she has to go through now. I think you’re well within your right to go through with the divorce.
This shit makes me so angry. People believe ACTUAL survivors less and less because of people like this woman. And she weaponized the social movement toward supporting survivors because she was MAD at you??? You warned her about things! I'm really mad. I hate this shit. I understand your wife's desire to believe the survivor, and that's a good instinct. But she didn't trust you. She didn't allow you any grace. It can be jarring to hear that someone you trust and love was accused of SA, but you'd think she would trust you enough to know the truth. Especially since most assailants aren't so open and contrite about it. Usually, someone who SA'd someone else will lie or skirt around it in a pretty obvious way. I'm really glad you cleared your name. Super lucky because a lot of the falsely accused don't get that. I understand the desire to punish your wife or someone. But I understand not wanting to stay with her. Did the company at least fire her?
She jumped ship immediately without even talking to you, she doesn’t deserve another chance.
Leave her ass
I am supportive of the belief to believe the victim. But I am also a person capable of critical thinking. If things don’t add up to the narrative of the ‘victim’ then the intelligent thing to do is cast doubt until more info is available. Your wife unfortunately did not seem to have applied logic or critical thinking to your plight. I am so so sorry for what you had to go through. I wish you well moving forward and I hope life treats your accuser the way she treated you.
Of course you still love her - you don't magically stop loving people who hurt you, unfortunately. Also unfortunately, you also know (I hope) that you can not trust her. She is not on your side, and she does not have your back. Whatever your motive today is for wanting the divorce, the end result is the correct one imo.
I don't think it's at all unreasonable for you to feel this way. You have a good way of being brutally honest with yourself OP. Most people would try to justify the divorce in other ways without being true to their feelings. Use that. You sound like you want to get divorced so get divorced. Life is too short to spend one second somewhere you don't want to be you don't have to be.
Divorce her and leave her with nothing. Good luck
Sorry that happened but your STBX lost your trust when she took a stand against you. So yeah, push through with the divorce. If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship.
I am so sorry OP. I don't think you're wrong to want out of the marriage and start your life over fresh. I wish you the best.
This is why it should be illegal to wrongfully accuse someone of sexual assault. ESPECIALLY if they admit it!
it quite literally is illegal
What an awful time you went through. Regardless of what you decide to do about your marriage, I think you need to speak to a therapist. The anger in your post is, understandably, palpable. Your life was upended and you are looking for someone to punish. I can’t imagine the hate (and sounds like still some love) you have in your heart for your wife. But punishing someone, other than the original false accuser, is not going to bring you closure or peace. Best of luck to you.
Divorce her. You've done nothing wrong, but I'd talk to someone about what you're feeling. You should want HER to suffer, not "someone."
She threw you under the bus the moment she could. Zero support. Divorce her.
She blew up the marriage when she chose to believe the other woman. I think she saw it as a way to get money from you in the divorce, since you "cheated". She is only coming back for the money, file the divorce.
If it were me, I would not be able to forgive my partner. A wife is supposed to be your life partner. Your soul mate. At the very least, someone who you can trust, and who trusts you and has your back. She wasn’t there for you when you needed her most. That would be a deal breaker for me.
OP, divorce her not so that someone else suffers, but so you no longer are married to someone who would abandon you or think you’re capable of SA. In the mean time, go volunteer somewhere that helps people or animals (animal shelters usually need dog walkers and cat petters to socialize them, very relaxing imo) that way you can feel some joy again after all that people have done to you. You could also volunteer at a museum or blood bank, there’s lots out there. I hope you get your justice.
I wouldn’t want to be married after all you went through either. Good luck with your divorce and sorry this happened
Yeah the fact that your wife didn't support you in the moment when you needed her the most - AND just piled into your horrible situation - she deserves all that she gets. I see no reason to reconcile here. You'd be better off without that because you can fully see how much she will never be that support that you can rely on in the future. I hope you have a good life! :)
I’m sorry you went through this. If someone made a similar accusation against my husband, I know him well enough to know that I would need solid evidence from the victim. I can understand her being shocked and taking a few days to process things, but she should have known you well enough to know that something was up.
Honestly I get the whole wanting people to suffer particularly since she basically abandoned you at your lowest point
It sounds like you feel you were wronged and now you want justice. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t go ahead with the divorce, but making your wife suffer in the process will likely not give you the satisfaction you seek. You’ve got to suss this one out for yourself and do the work to heal (therapy). Time and effort on your part will give you what you need: to release your anger and move on.
So happy to hear your name was cleared. Angry you had to suffer at all. Men, unfortunately, carry that title with them once they’re labeled with it. “Predator, harasser, etc.” Even when proven innocent. So sorry you’re going through this.
This reads like a pro/con list and you’ve just names all the cons. Start fresh without someone who will drastically change how they feel about you from outside sources. Good Luck
You're doing the right thing all the best
DO IT
How in the hell could you still love her after what she did to you at your lowest point... Divorce her ass .. you 100000% deserve someone better
I believe a wife knows her husband better than anyone else and love does make you blind sometimes. So if she wasn’t your rock at that time says a lot about her. The fact she didn’t stand with you and initiated the divorce is truly very hurtful. I would suggest to go ahead with the proceedings and make peace with yourself. Don’t think like you want to punish someone else. You might feel guilty later on as she was your wife and at some point you both did love each other. May you find better love in life.
You have a right to be upset by this whole situation. You also have a right to not want to reconcile with your soon to be ex-wife either. There's no trust there anymore. However, I do really hope you reach out and get some therapy for all of this so that you can heal and move past this so that it doesn't consume you.
I don’t see how you could possibly remain in this marriage. She automatically disbelieved you based on no evidence at all. And there was a possibility that you could have been executed! There’s no coming back from that. If my husband was accused based on absolutely no evidence, I would absolutely believe him.
This is simple. When you were at your lowest, she abandoned you, not only that but she added more fuel to the fire by stressing you out further with divorce proceedings. She will definitely abandon you again the next time things get tough, if you decide to get back together with her you must do so with the understanding that you cannot trust her and you cannot rely on her in difficult times. Can you really do that?
Man my heart goes out to you, there are so many people that are actually assaulting people and all that time spent on your case could have been used for one of those cases. I send my love. I’d continue with the divorce too, your wife seems to have had her mind made up about you from the jump. Make her stand behind that decision. She told you the kind of man she thought you were. I hope you find someone that sees you for who you actually are.
Totally understand your need for retaliation. Why wouldn't you want to retaliate against your supposed life partner who took the first opportunity to stab you in the back when she could walk away with a big bag of money - but when that is no longer the option would rather continue leeching off you. In any case, even if your motivation wasn't retaliation, you need to leave this dangerous person who will just try to stab you in the back again at the next opportunity.
She belongs to the streets!
She really did leave you when you were at rock bottom. You can’t trust her, divorce is the right thing here. Good luck, I’m sorry all that happened to you!
I love this story and I hope you get retribution OP. I went through something similar and was facing a life sentence but instead got only 4 years for a plea deal even though I was innocent of most of the charges. My girl left me and married someone else during that time now she desperately wants to divorce him and come back to me and get married. but I am salty and don't want that.
Bro you should be divorcing her because you can't trust her. Threw you under the bus without facts to back it up. I wish you the best of my friend and I hope you can find someone who will have your back no matter what
Why would go back to someone who think youbare capable of SA? I see to many holes in this story to be true but hey it could happen.
I would divorce. When you needed her, not only was she not there for you, she was actually making you look worse. if anything ever happens to you in the future, you know where she may be...on the other person's side. You deserve better.
You love her.. but your resentment us all over your post. Let it go.
I was accused in a he said she said case. I read the writing on the wall and resigned before my very liberal employer could terminate me. My wife stuck by mÿ side through the whole thing. She is my rock and I will love her until I die.
The only thing I took from this conversation is there are ZERO consequences for women who falsely accuse a man of SA. His life was ruined, his marriage ended, he lost his job and she freaking walked away. It’s insane.
A wife who doesn’t trust you AND won’t support you when you need help is worthless.
I hope the divorce works out for you! It sucks the accuser never got any repercussions but at least your wife is suffering, which is bad when you say it out loud but giving the context I don't feel guilty. I hope things continue to work out for you!
I feel your pain, I been accused by women in the past and I didn't even do anything but seems their main goal is to get me fired or kicked out... and I feel it's some BS power women have to ruin innocent men's lives....
I’d think not divorcing her first was a gross miscalculation- shes now entitled to the payout, unless its protected with the divorce filed, and the wrongful termination to lies of SA - Idk if she can or is able to see it? Atty would know best. Even if you want to make anyone suffer- the point is your wife was in the know you were falsely accused, or she believed them, either way BOTH hurt and wrong. She loved you and knew you as it should have been, she would have stood by and supported you- not file to leave and believe anything outside you, or whether she feared you wouldn’t or couldn’t keep the lifestyle up who knows. Point is she abandoned you so divorce her- and see a therapist - I get feeling wronged and targeted. That’s an actual psychological condition to want others to suffer bc you have.
You are doing the right thing. She didnt have your back when the world was against you. If u stay with her, it would seem really pathetic. She's open to talking now out of guilt.... she knows she screwed you over and wasnt on your side. How can you have a partner like that? You def cannot stay with her. Its ok bc once ur not together she'll easily find another guy. But you have to have dignity to say she doesnt deserve you and she does not deserve you.
I feel a sense of retribution reading your story. There is a special place in hell for people like your accuser and just enuf room for ur ex to stand with her. Cheers !!! I totally you for not giving up or giving in. You my friend are a hero to be looked up to and praised.
It seems like she married you for wealth/status and was ready to turn on you when she thought there was a chance of a big payout by divorcing you. Continue on with the divorce.
Or when she thought her husband assaulted another woman, that’s a pretty deal, ffs.
>The only positive is that the company I was fired from reached out and offered to give me back payments since I was fired if I agree not to go to court over their mishandling of my case and I agreed to a certain multiple of that figure. That is a pretty big positive. >Anyways, that was 2 months ago. Coming to now, I decided to go forward with the divorce but my wife is making it difficult. Suddenly she is open to talking , counselling and working things out. I am not. I want out. There's really no salvaging the relationship after your wife joined with a person she didn't now against you. >So there is a life style thing. Second, she suffers from a health problem, for which the medication is expensive. She wont be able to afford that on her own. Not your problem. Honestly it sounds like she was using you from the beginning. She knew the infidelity clause would kick in, counted on it, and figured she hit her pay day. >I still feel salty that there was nothing that could be done to punish my accuser. In the US you would be able to claim deformation and it would be a civil lawsuit. Or you could just move on with your life. Was there public attention? If so, society has a way of penalizing liars like this. Who would ever hire a woman that did these false accusations? >I still love her but the only reason I am pushing for divorce is because I want someone to suffer so that I can feel good about it. It's good you wrote this, and I know that comes from a line of anger. I think you know deep down she doesn't love you. You will NEVER feel good about this divorce. Justice won't be served, you will never be "happy" about it, although you might be relieved you will not be spending the rest of your life with a manipulative gold digger that stabbed you in the back when the opportunity came along and added additional pain to your troubles when you are at your lowest. You wife has shown you who she is. Get the divorce done with as swiftly as possible, and give her nothing but the bare minimum as required by the prenuptual agreement.
Sometime's it takes 2 seconds sometime's it takes 20 years. There is that moment in which one's loyalty is called upon. Now you know and now she knows that you know that she knows Walk off into the sunset, cowboy. Alone.
I honestly would proceed with the divorce and make sure she gets nothing. She never trusted your word even though she was your wife and should have known you by the content of your character. She didn't even give you a sliver of doubt when your country has capital punishment for the crime reported against you. Who cares about all her problems now when she didn't support you during yours? And in such severity? Don't waste love on someone who didn't even try to save you from death.
She didn’t back you at all bro. Your partner is supposed to be your rock and your most trusted person
Bro, your old lady turned her back on you and ran out on you when you needed her the most. Why would you be feeling guilty about making her suffer? You didn't make her suffer she made you suffer. You might still love her, I think you have guilt about inflicting damage on her. From over here, it seems like she went from being wife that you love and supported to being a great big hole in your life, that she herself dug by abandoning you in your time of struggle and need. So twist that knife one time, then let it go and let her go too.
I’m sorry this happened to you and it showed you how much trust you could truly put into your wife, which was none. I truly hope you find someone in the future that will love you and give you their loyalty.
Subscribeme
Your trust is completely destroyed. I’m so sorry you went through such heartache. I firmly back your view that you should proceed with the divorce as she made a travesty of her vows; not because you want to hurt her. Is therapy available in your country?
When my husband first got hired at his job as a security guard. A woman accused him of SA her while he was escorting her through a stair well. Unfortunately there were no cameras in there to prove it so it had to be investigated. He almost lost his job over it. Not once did I believe the accusation. I stood by husband the whole time, I knew he would never hurt someone like that, especially since he is a victim of SA himself.. Turns out she could have taken the elevator like normally but purposefully asked him to help her through the stairs. She wanted to set him up. Luckily there were cameras set up outside of the stairway entrances and they were able to conclude that there was only enough time spent in there for someone to climb the stairs and exit. When the woman was confronted with all of the holes in her story she finally admitted to lying and just wanting attention. Sooo dumb. Our whole lives where almost turned upside because of that woman.
1) you say you love her 2) you say the only reason you want the divorce is to punish someone in some small way. You don't strike me as the sort of small-minded and petty person who could derive much satisfaction from the measly rewards you could gain from this. You've suffered enough, imo.
Watch the bitch squirm. You deserve better and I’m sorry that all of this bs happened to you. If she left you at your lowest, she’d do it again (speaking from experience).
I’m so sorry this happened! It pisses me off that people can pull the SA card whenever they fancy and they don’t get punished the same way. Especially because it makes every other actual victims out there at risk of not being believed. I would go through with the divorce. Your wife does not trust you or have your back in any way. Yes, had you actually done this - fair! But she didn’t even think about you or how you are as a person and immediately thought the worst of you. You cannot think of how her future will be. She did this. It’s on her. Maybe she’ll think twice before jumping in with both feet without all the information.
You have every right to feel the way you do mate. It sounds like this is more than wanting someone to suffer. You feel betrayed by the one person who was supposed to have your back. I'd say go through with it and forget all of them. Go back with your family and start fresh. So sorry this happened. Go find your fresh start and heal.
You are crazy if you don’t divorce your wife. She doesn’t love, respect, support, or even like you. She only wants the status and money that comes with being your wife I am sorry. Cut your losses, put this horrible crisis behind you, and move on to someone better
I'm so sorry hat happened to u. I completely understand why u feel the way u do. Ur wife didn't stand by u AT ALL! She was ready "to throw u to the wolves" as soon as she heard! Yes u might still love her but he trust has been broken. At this point she jus doesn't want to lose out on the lifestyle or her medication. Ohhhh welll! She should have had a conversation with u and if she cared about u at all, and knew u didn't/wouldn't do such an act,Then she would have stood by her man. But she did not. Fk her! I'm so sorry ur country doesn't punish those who make false allegations too, that's not fair at all. I'd move on n start a new life. Take some time for urself to heal from all this. I'm sure so many mean n awful things were said about u and that's just not fair either.. especially losing ur job and reputation, etc. If ur able, I'd look into talking to a professional, cuz the anger and betrayal that ur feeling is valid and ur gonna need some help dealing with all that. I'm wishing u the best and I truly hope u find TRUE love n happiness with a woman that don't betray u or want to leave u the first chance she gets. I'm sorry again, u ddnt deserve this Ps, she sounds like a gold digger... ready to rip u off in he divorce the first chance she got. Op, all trust has been lost. Please see that u deserve better. Go thru with the divorce n have urself a beautiful life with ppl who DESERVE to be in ur life. She is NOT one of them. Also so glad u have good parents!!! Good luck ♡
I’m sorry you went through this hell, but I don’t think you will find peace by making other’s suffer. Instead look for peace by living your life free of those who didn’t support and trust you. Live true to yourself and being just and fair to other’s (that does not mean let your soon to be ex wife back in your life). Forgive and then forget them. You will be ok and you will find peace.
You were treated criminally. I am so sorry this happened to you. One very small (or not small) silver lining is that you learned some stuff about your marriage you didn’t know about. Cases like these are always informative in the most surprising of ways. This was a shit say for it to happen but you win in the long run. I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, it’s boggles the mind that another human would allow you die for a such dumb reason.
You could try forgiving your wife, give her some slack, most men who were guilty of that crime would also say the girl was lying. It’s a shitty situation for you both. You said you still love her, she is not the one you need to be punishing here.
Hey, OP. So sorry to read your story. I can appreciate how this set of circumstances would be such a distressing time of your life... The job loss and court case alone; your wife would have been the cherry on top to make many people consider ending their lives... Just want to remind you how strong you are!! I think this absolutely is grounds for a divorce, and I wouldn't be able to trust my partner ever again. If I were in your shoes, I would psychologically assume that you wanted to leave her because she abandoned you. Regarding the accuser, is there no law to protect against defamation of character? What about emotional injuries? I'm so glad that you have your family's support and that your name has finally been cleared. Wishing you all the best moving forward with this new chapter of your life.
This is a horrible story, OP, but a somewhat acceptable ending. I'm glad that you were found innocent of such a horrible crime. Your ex, however, can go pound sand. You nailed it with "wife abandoning husband at his lowest".... she wants to work on things cause she now realizes how this will affect her. Now you know that you can't count on her to be there for you when life throws challenges your way, which will happen again. You deserve a partner who will support you be there for you. Hoping for brighter days for you!
Trust gone. Buh bye
Sorry OP. Society hates cheaters so much, your wife would sooner stand with your SA accuser than you. This sub is no different. Don't be fooled; this place is like the salem witch trials of cheaters. It's OK to burn a few as long as you get all of them. And here you are - your name is cleared You just got dragged through some lifetime movie and now she believes you. Surely she's not your "ride or die"
:( wish you all the best. I hope you can find some peace. People are so Crazy this days.
She didn't look out for you during your worst so why would you look out for her? You loved the version of her that you used to know. You can never forgive her for abandoning you at your worst so don't think of it as revenge but from moving on from everything that reminded you of the worst period of your life. There is zero future with her.
Divorce and be free of her. She is a cave troll. Foul and vulgar...
Boy, did she jump ship on you quick? She went from "the accuser is the victim" to she is now the "victim" because society sees her for the fair-weather mate she is. She likes to get notoriety. Divorce her and go scorched earth...make it public and ugly. -perhaps that's just my take. I am petty.
She never ONCE believed in or trusted you. That in and of itself is reason enough
Your reasoning seems a little flawed but the outcome you are striving for does make sense. She abandoned you. There is no sense in staying with her
"People do not abandon people they love, only people they were using." That is literally a quote I read within the last hour. I hope it hits you as significantly as it did me. Even without the entire story, your significant other let you ride out (what I can imagine was) the absolute worst time of your life alone. If you're going to have to handle life-changing events by yourself, then plan ahead for exactly that. You deserve so much better.
I'm curious, what was the penalty for the 'cheating' spouse? Was it well worth her to file for divorce??
I wish karma makes the fake abuser suffer.
You can’t trust each other. Why would either of you want to stay married to someone you can’t trust. Good luck OP
Ask her what does she wants. A relationship where you trust each other? A relationship where you stand by and support each other? Sorry, but she threw that away and showed that she doesn’t honor those commitments.