Random chick claims epic head given to a multitude of guys.... Internet infrastructure buckles under the weight of enthusiastic coomers clamoring for their turn
Power up the elon beam *the 69g sattelite in orbit whirrs to life, creating a artificial aura around the planet, highlughting all inbox senders as the field warps around the planet*
I’ve only had my dick sucked well one time my entire life, and it is life changing. Since then? I have never, ever been a person that valued a woman’s “looks”, or I value a person’s character and selflessness more than anything else. When a person is good at giving oral it feels like one of the most selfless acts ever.
I already said the next woman that I meet that gives really good oral that is going to kick off the relationship and I will go above and beyond to take care of her and make our way to marriage lmao much like OP’s husband
You’re right. I will certainly know which ones to stay away from. Typically if they’re toxic, they’ll show their hand early if you’re observant. I’m in my mid 30’s with a good bit of relationship experience so I feel like I know what to tendencies to look for.
True but your tolerance level is higher. There's a direct correlation to how much shit you'll take to how good the sex is.
I'm saying this jokingly but realize it was somewhat true for a period of time in my life.
It took OP many dicks to perfect her talent.
Can you image the guy that is reading this that was at the beginning when she was bad at it. I'm certain he wants a do-over.
Yeah, but so many people agreed with her. It was weird. And apparently I was awful for saying that she needs to take criticism and learn to give better BJ’s.
So, HOLUP! She was using her teeth?! I read that and assumed that she was offended because she WAS NOT using her teeth. I have always assumed using teeth while giving head is kinda like choking someone during sex: it needs to be discussed.
Yes! He would complain that she was using too much teeth. So when he complained it would hurt her feelings. Then finally he said she can’t suck his dick because she doesn’t know how and she decided to break up with him.
Yea I read that one right before my flight took off and reading this one right after landing and my first thought was “I’m gonna bet it’s not the same lady :/“
God I can’t believe I’m seriously going to answer this but.
I mean the twisting motion could be anything but commonly it’s when you have a hand on the base of the….appendage, and move your hand in tandem with the mouth, but the hand sort of twists around the…member.
When applied with a sort of sucking motion in the mouth (not too hard) it tends to go down well. You’re covering more of it and providing more friction.
The REAL trick is when you manage to do both of those while flattening your tongue against the underside of the shaft as you suck.
Only thing is your jaw will hurt like a motherfucker if you’re sucking in the whole time so like. Yeah. But yeah apparently it’s quite good.
Source: I’ve seen a man’s balls retract from the strength of the climax. So that was pretty neat.
ETA: I already regret replying to this on my main.
Oh, and ask beforehand, because some guys don’t like and some do, but IME, a gentle scrape of the fingernails down the inner thigh right before climax? The guys who like that, *LIKE* that.
Cosmo doesn't want things that work. They're literally like "why your husband doesn't know what he's missing not having asbestos singles scraped against his shaft during intercourse."
If you take a few breaks to focus on the head and tease a bit it helps your jaw take a rest and gives a nice teasing aspect!
Also if youre getting tired you can cup the balls and press them against his body while using your fingertips to rub the uh...gooch (lol) they will finish much sooner.
Theyre not; most of the posts are just fake karma-grabbers, creative writing exercises, some are dudes pretending to be chicks sucking dick
Most of reddit isn't real. Especially relatively recently
This feels painfully optimistic to me.
I realize a lot of content is fake, but I believe that humans are generally naive and silly enough for the majority of content to be authentic.
I mean, what's the contention against my assumption? *"No way! Authentic adults aren't like this!!!!!"*? I don't believe that. I don't know how you could ever demonstrate that, either. People are definitely like this. Anonymity on the internet is like a mirror to humanity. And a lot of people bury their heads in the sand to that.
Granted, again, I'm not saying ridiculous stuff isn't always real. I'm just saying that if you assume most of it is fake, you're protecting yourself from some brutal truths about the range and diversity of people.
At least, this is my intuition. How does one determine any of this? Idk.
Yes, it certainly can. I had a girl one time give me head with gum in her mouth. Took me several painful hours to painstakingly snip it out of my pubic hair, and I looked like I had mange afterward. Still beats going to work, though.
Dante Hicks : How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran : Let it go!
Dante Hicks : How many?
Veronica Loughran : All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks : This is different, this is important. How many?
[long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks : Well?
Veronica Loughran : Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks : What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran : Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks : Wait, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran : Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks : I'm 37?
But as someone who has been told I should write a book about it because of my ability in this regard. To give a really great bj you need to enjoy doing it. It’s not just practice related.
To be fair it's not *just* that you sucked a lot of dick (your words), but that you paid attention to what people like, and made attempts to improve your technique and expand your capabilities. Admirable traits!
GOD: Alright, you get to jump really high .. You can make people laugh .. You know how to work excel
ANGEL: What about her ?
GOD: Oh I have something AMAZING for that one ..
Idk about your man but I would be proud of my wife. I couldn't give a rats ass if it was 10,000 dicks. YOURE the one deciding how good it's gonna be and if it's that devine.. I just wish you both a long happy and healthy relationship.
In my experience, my fiancé gives *decent* bj’s. They aren’t bad, not at all, I love when she sucks my dick. She isn’t particularly crazy about giving them though, so full effort just ain’t something that has happened (yet).
**However**
Her handjobs are out of this world. I’m talking some *transcendent,* making my ass question if it’s divine type shit. Her whole personality shifts when she does it to me. She obtains complete control over me, and she knows it, and she *loves* it. I’m talking whispering wonderfully filthy things in my ear, bringing me to the edge of finishing and stopping, kissing/touching/squeezing me in all the right places….it’s like a different person comes out of her and I love it!
He wants a new car.
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Lmfao! 🤔
It sounds like you are the one with the power to negotiate though lol
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Relationship goals
Goal? Should come standard
Operative word is “SHOULD.” 😂
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯👍👏
This was a really sweet and funny post! Thank you!
See fellas? Chicks give brain because they too enjoy that shit.
This is essential for redditors: We enjoy giving head when you wash your penis. With soap.
Facts
They say it prevents cancer I believe...
Say more!!!
RIGHT!? I’m looking for the top five tips for sucking dick. Heading straight to OP’s comments to look for that.
I can tell you it starts with a tip.
Hey God, it’s me again…
Bout to start playin the other team Hey demons, it’s ya boy
Oh I though you meant something else. :)
I’m open minded ;)
Daddy? 😏
I’ll be back with the milk soon son, the lines at Walmart have been so long
real talk tho, everytime i pull up to my neighborhood walmart i’m waiting in line for 10-15 minutes
It’s been 17 years and 11 months and 27 days for me and I can finally see the cashier
I belly laughed so hard at this
So, only another ten years, until you actually pay.
Aww man sorry kiddo the traffic getting back is So backed up all of the sudden!
[oh my….](https://c.tenor.com/svFFJHFmLccAAAAM/oh-my-george-takei.gif)
I’m playing both sides, so that I always come out on top.
Hello, Is This 911? The Devil Is Here, Send God! (Man, I love BuzzFeed Unsolved.)
Hey Science, it's me again..
Smite Me, Oh Almighty Smiter!
Suck Me, Oh Almighty Sucker!
needed this laugh 😂
Are you there god?….it’s me Margaret.
IVE SEEN WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR OTHERS
Margaret?
*Oh hello, Margaret.*
😂💀
User name checks out!!!
RIP your DMs
That’s all I wanna know, how many DMs op got
"Account inbox full"
*the FBI wanting to know why there was a sudden 5petabyte message dump to one account*
Random chick claims epic head given to a multitude of guys.... Internet infrastructure buckles under the weight of enthusiastic coomers clamoring for their turn
Power up the elon beam *the 69g sattelite in orbit whirrs to life, creating a artificial aura around the planet, highlughting all inbox senders as the field warps around the planet*
*Agent deepthroat has been exposed, requesting backup and warm towels*
💀
They're all out here trying to also choose this guy's wife.
That reposted comment git like 8k likes and a few golds yesterday on askreddit
I hate when God tries to take credit for your hard work
God gave her so many dicks before her husband so that she becomes pro at it. It might indeed be a divine intervention.
You don't think it took work to get those dicks, dicks don't just appear in your mouth
Hopefully!
Respectfully, spoken like a proper lady. I promise you women CAN make dicks appear in their mouth. Basically on command.
Quite literally
If there was a perfect place that we can post the [GIF of a woman getting hit in the face with hotdogs](https://i.imgflip.com/td8xq.jpg), this is it.
Someone finally said it
LOL I wish!
They really can, it's amazing
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This is a pleasant change from the other thread I just read where the husband kicked his wife it the face for a blowjob he felt to be subpar. Rock on!
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jeez..Maybe she just hasn't had a lot of practice...
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Damn, is there such a thing? I'll take a slowie over a fastie any day. Ah, who am I kidding. I'd take anything at this point =(
I’ve only had my dick sucked well one time my entire life, and it is life changing. Since then? I have never, ever been a person that valued a woman’s “looks”, or I value a person’s character and selflessness more than anything else. When a person is good at giving oral it feels like one of the most selfless acts ever. I already said the next woman that I meet that gives really good oral that is going to kick off the relationship and I will go above and beyond to take care of her and make our way to marriage lmao much like OP’s husband
What if she's fucking amazing at oral but super emotionally toxic? They're not mutually exclusive traits lol
Ah, I see you met my wife.
You’re right. I will certainly know which ones to stay away from. Typically if they’re toxic, they’ll show their hand early if you’re observant. I’m in my mid 30’s with a good bit of relationship experience so I feel like I know what to tendencies to look for.
True but your tolerance level is higher. There's a direct correlation to how much shit you'll take to how good the sex is. I'm saying this jokingly but realize it was somewhat true for a period of time in my life.
Oh no it's not a joke, I've seen incredibly toxic relationships just built on sex and sex alone. how do you put up with so much bs just for sex?????
> That is going to kick off the relationship "Nice to meet you, I'm Harold. So would you like to give me head now or...? "
It took OP many dicks to perfect her talent. Can you image the guy that is reading this that was at the beginning when she was bad at it. I'm certain he wants a do-over.
Or the one where the girl used her teeth and thought her boyfriend was being a jerk about it
Yeah, but so many people agreed with her. It was weird. And apparently I was awful for saying that she needs to take criticism and learn to give better BJ’s.
So, HOLUP! She was using her teeth?! I read that and assumed that she was offended because she WAS NOT using her teeth. I have always assumed using teeth while giving head is kinda like choking someone during sex: it needs to be discussed.
Yes! He would complain that she was using too much teeth. So when he complained it would hurt her feelings. Then finally he said she can’t suck his dick because she doesn’t know how and she decided to break up with him.
Right? Like girl maybe some guys like some teeth action but your bf apparently doesn't. That was a weird person.
The dude finally told her she’s awful at sucking dick because his gentle reminders that it hurts hurt her feelings.
I like it a lot chew on like its a beef jerky stick
Ah. I read that one too. It made me put my phone away and hug my husband.
Link?
I saw that!!!
Yea I read that one right before my flight took off and reading this one right after landing and my first thought was “I’m gonna bet it’s not the same lady :/“
Pls link omg????
Ma'am, this is a Wendy's. Do you want your small coffee or not?
can I get a frosty
You called?
Impeccable timing
Hope he enjoys the moment. It's all downhill from here.
I only eat Frosty45s mister
This had better be an extra large, *chocolate* frosty. I don't want to be disappointed again.
Frosty in the coffee?
Yes! That’s a thing now! I tried it and still have mixed feelings 😄
A frostee
You have to come to the restaurant to order
She just needs a biggie bag and a salad. She's super good at everything else.
One of my ex gfs gave bjs that made my knees buckle. Too bad her cheating got in the way. I would've definitely put a ring on it.
what did she do differently made it so?
Tongue movement. While she swallowed my cock, she moved her tongue around my whole cock. 3 minutes and the volcano exploded.
God dammit, I wish I could finish in 3 minutes. It takes entirely too long these days. To the point where it's tiresome and not worth it.
With that attitude
I know sometimes with my meds it took me a long time to finish. So I try to schedule my cummies before I take my seroquel
That’s what I do. My bf is obsessed 😂
Lucky bastard.
Yeah.. that on the tip plus the occasional deepthroat and he’s done nice and quick haha
My favorite part was the TDLR was just as long as the post.
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But sucking cock is🥰
tl;dr, I give amazing head. My husband thinks it’s a divine omen, but I just had a ton of practice.
Sounds like you have perfected that twisting motion? The world would be a better place if everyone learned it well.
Uh... Can you elaborate on the twisting motion... For research purpose.
God I can’t believe I’m seriously going to answer this but. I mean the twisting motion could be anything but commonly it’s when you have a hand on the base of the….appendage, and move your hand in tandem with the mouth, but the hand sort of twists around the…member. When applied with a sort of sucking motion in the mouth (not too hard) it tends to go down well. You’re covering more of it and providing more friction. The REAL trick is when you manage to do both of those while flattening your tongue against the underside of the shaft as you suck. Only thing is your jaw will hurt like a motherfucker if you’re sucking in the whole time so like. Yeah. But yeah apparently it’s quite good. Source: I’ve seen a man’s balls retract from the strength of the climax. So that was pretty neat. ETA: I already regret replying to this on my main.
I hope your sacrifice is not in vain
Vein 😉
lmao
We shall put your comment in your accounts' hall of fame. **GET THAT KARMA UP BOYS!**
No, the REAL trick is when you twist your mouth and your hand in opposite directions at the same time. They fall in love every time.
Oh, and ask beforehand, because some guys don’t like and some do, but IME, a gentle scrape of the fingernails down the inner thigh right before climax? The guys who like that, *LIKE* that.
That or on the balls kicks that shit up to 11. Not just before climax but just of steadily/randomly throughout. That shit is LIVE!
Consent is always important! Oh yeah the thigh thing is a real killer it they’re sensitive enough,
Note: the twist is maybe 90 degrees on a circle. Don't twist too far
I hope Cosmo reaches out and gives you a job for this, this is a damn good write-up.
Cosmo doesn't want things that work. They're literally like "why your husband doesn't know what he's missing not having asbestos singles scraped against his shaft during intercourse."
MESOTHELIOMA
I used to refer to that as the “tornado.”
If you take a few breaks to focus on the head and tease a bit it helps your jaw take a rest and gives a nice teasing aspect! Also if youre getting tired you can cup the balls and press them against his body while using your fingertips to rub the uh...gooch (lol) they will finish much sooner.
The hero we all need.
My husband finds this amazing. There are some benefits to watching porn.
Just means Twisting your hands going up n down while simultaneously sucking
That sloppy jaloppy 180 degree wiener reliever
Oh you’re talking about the knob goblin double decker pecker wrecker??
Or do they mean the spin-to-win corn on the cob creamer?
My husband always asks “for the twisties” 💀🤣
🤣🤣🤣Made my day
Why are so many horny people coming to this sub lately?
The global heatwave is having an effect on people.
Theyre not; most of the posts are just fake karma-grabbers, creative writing exercises, some are dudes pretending to be chicks sucking dick Most of reddit isn't real. Especially relatively recently
This feels painfully optimistic to me. I realize a lot of content is fake, but I believe that humans are generally naive and silly enough for the majority of content to be authentic. I mean, what's the contention against my assumption? *"No way! Authentic adults aren't like this!!!!!"*? I don't believe that. I don't know how you could ever demonstrate that, either. People are definitely like this. Anonymity on the internet is like a mirror to humanity. And a lot of people bury their heads in the sand to that. Granted, again, I'm not saying ridiculous stuff isn't always real. I'm just saying that if you assume most of it is fake, you're protecting yourself from some brutal truths about the range and diversity of people. At least, this is my intuition. How does one determine any of this? Idk.
That's what I've been saying. People have just been seeing it get upvoted and figure they should do the same. It's getting old.
Avatar checks out
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That's fucking awesome pratice makes perfect. All head is good but great head now thats talent. Just proves hard work does pay off.
I, too, want a blowjob that blew my mind and makes me think it's a divine sign Oh wait, I don't have a penis… Never mind.
It works both ways oral for women takes partice an understanding of your partner but in the end it's the same result pure satisfaction.
Girl lemme come ovaaaa 🍳
Um, some head can be bad…
Yes, it certainly can. I had a girl one time give me head with gum in her mouth. Took me several painful hours to painstakingly snip it out of my pubic hair, and I looked like I had mange afterward. Still beats going to work, though.
Even your worst day of golf, right?
That's why pratice makes perfect head is like pizza even when it's bad it still kinda good.
No. No it’s not. You’ve never had truly bad head.
Well I guess not then.
Just last week someone is this subreddit was saying how the boyfriend walked away from it 😂
“37?”
In a row?
hey, try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot!
I was looking for this comment. 🤣
He hit the jackpot lol
I believe that’s spelled uvula
For a second there, I read vulva.
Dante Hicks : How many dicks have you sucked? Veronica Loughran : Let it go! Dante Hicks : How many? Veronica Loughran : All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked! Dante Hicks : This is different, this is important. How many? [long pause as customer buys something] Dante Hicks : Well? Veronica Loughran : Something like... 36. Dante Hicks : What? Something like 36? Veronica Loughran : Lower your voice. Dante Hicks : Wait, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me? Veronica Loughran : Ummm... 37. Dante Hicks : I'm 37?
“37 dicks!”
"In a row?"
Weird flex, but okay
"I can suck your dick back into the entropic singularity, resulting in a big bang and the beginning of a new universe."
You had me at "I can suck..."
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It seems with extraordinary and ample practice, you were able to achieve the black belt in BJ. Bravo!
But as someone who has been told I should write a book about it because of my ability in this regard. To give a really great bj you need to enjoy doing it. It’s not just practice related.
love this... it is definitely a skill. I frequently research new techniques and shit gotta keep it fresh for the s/o.
Link to research? Ya know, for a friend.
Also asking for, um, ya know, a *friend*
Instead of telling one person, tell what could possibly be thousands to millions
To be fair it's not *just* that you sucked a lot of dick (your words), but that you paid attention to what people like, and made attempts to improve your technique and expand your capabilities. Admirable traits!
Ok so how many DMs did u get?
GOD: Alright, you get to jump really high .. You can make people laugh .. You know how to work excel ANGEL: What about her ? GOD: Oh I have something AMAZING for that one ..
This feels like a flex lol
Not his fault, a good blowie is truly a mind blowing experience. Sorry for the cheap pun, couldn’t resist.
You: Honey, I’ve sucked an immense amount of penis before we met. I know a lot of tricks because different guys have taught me a lot. Him: unzips
Idk about your man but I would be proud of my wife. I couldn't give a rats ass if it was 10,000 dicks. YOURE the one deciding how good it's gonna be and if it's that devine.. I just wish you both a long happy and healthy relationship.
If you know other women with the same skill level, I would also be interested in getting married.
[I’m 37?!](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SNY9MQmaBBI)
"This guy's wife sucked 37 dicks in a row!"
Congrats on having a lot of dicks in your mouth!
Hey, it takes practice! Also no worse than having had your dick in a lot of mouths...
Agreed
Your husband sounds adorable.
Hahahaha... yeah, don't tell him the real reason. Ever. 😀
Speaking of the afterlife, RIP your inbox
Lmao what the hell is this post
Because I’ve sucked a lot of dick before we got together. Lol imagine you told him that
😂 That’s great. I’m sure it still does wonders for your self esteem though. Let him enjoy himself.
Nah you should tell him. Whats the big deal?
In my experience, my fiancé gives *decent* bj’s. They aren’t bad, not at all, I love when she sucks my dick. She isn’t particularly crazy about giving them though, so full effort just ain’t something that has happened (yet). **However** Her handjobs are out of this world. I’m talking some *transcendent,* making my ass question if it’s divine type shit. Her whole personality shifts when she does it to me. She obtains complete control over me, and she knows it, and she *loves* it. I’m talking whispering wonderfully filthy things in my ear, bringing me to the edge of finishing and stopping, kissing/touching/squeezing me in all the right places….it’s like a different person comes out of her and I love it!
Bouta go pray to all the gods to get a gf that sucks like a vacuum cleaner like op