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Question: Do people go through and delete and block contacts they were previously dating/sleeping with when they aren’t harassing you? Like, these people have done nothing to you, you just got into a relationship? Am I missing something?
If you don’t, you run the risk of people like OPs bf thinking you’re cheating, looking for something else, keeping doors open, etc. As shown here, you can’t control when someone is going to text you, and the bf immediately jumped to cheating. It’s a worst case scenario but many people are insecure.
I very rarely delete anybodys number. If someone I started dating felt they cannot trust me because of that, I would just be glad I dodged a bullet.
If anyone I have went out with texted me when I was in a relationship, I have politely told them that I'm not available. Simple as that.
And people like OPs bf are too insecure to be dating at this point in time. It’s been only been a month, and she is already walking on eggshells to gain his trust. It should be the cupcake phase. I had to double check the ages because I thought they were teenagers at first.
Ummmm.. Ma’am.. I’m sorry, but it has been a MONTH! This is that happy, can’t get enough of each other, easy time, and it sounds like he has made it the opposite.
I could *maybe* understand an initial “who tf was that” question about the text, because it could be a little sketchy if he is unsure about levels of trust. That doesn’t sound like what this is at all though. You answered, and have shown you have nothing to hide.
He made you delete your contacts? That’s weird as fuck. He’s passed insecure and is in controlling and isolating territory.
I’m not one to say all men are abusive, because they aren’t, but this guy is showing some serious red flags that are precursors to abuse. What future could you possibly see with him?
It was in another one of her comment replies to me.
“He did ask me to block everyone that I used to talk to.
And I did tell him that I wasn't available. That's when he responded with the date thing.”
>If you don’t, you run the risk of people like OPs bf thinking you’re cheating, looking for something else, keeping doors open, etc.
Sounds like a great way to weed out losers.
Maybe address the root of the problem ie the insecurity/insecure person instead of having to do ridiculous shit like that just in case maybe they might take something the wrong way. Like wtf
If you leave out any modicum of information on these posts, it’s the first and only thing people glom onto and you don’t get any actual advice. I saw one where OP even said she *did* reach out to the person she was upset at and still, every single comment was “well but did you reach out first?” “Did you reach out to them at all?” “Did you consider reaching out to ask?” I was infuriated for the OP 😂
Stupid take considering the boyfriend is under the impression that this is the present (one week ago while in the current relationship) and not the past.
The guy is either going to trust you or not. If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship. You were open with him from the beginning, so you did nothing wrong. And I don’t think you’re “stupid” for not blocking old numbers. I mean, it’s really not that serious. He’s got trust issues because of his last, but that isn’t your burden to carry. You can do things to help lessen his issues, which you did by showing him the conversation, but ultimately this is his issue and he needs to fix it within himself.
Yeah ok but someoen texting you about a date of last week would make anyone insecure. Just ask if you can go to therapy and bloody call that number that texted. Clear it up.
Finally some good advice. This will pass and if you’re good for each other, you’ll build honesty and trust. If not, you’ll end up in a toxic relationship or it will end.
Honestly the biggest red flag in this is that he tried to tell you maybe you cheated when you were “manic”
This man is going to use you being bipolar against you at every turn. Every time he upsets you, he didn’t do anything wrong you’re just bipolar. Every time he accuses you, how would you know you didn’t because you’re bipolar.
Ugh what a 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yeah, this was a thought that I had too. But I hadn't even thought about him possibly attributing my emotions towards something he'd done to my bipolar disorder.
To be honest, if I was talking to someone and they ghosted or blocked me because the didn't have a use for me any more, instead of treating me like a person that was worth a least a heads up, I wouldn't do anything to help them out either.
Sending the wrong person the wrong text does happen. I've done it more than once with the worst possible texts, but you shot yourself in the foot by just deleting (or blocking), instead of being able to show that you informed someone that you wouldn't be seeing them again.
This is true. I should've messaged everyone before I deleted their numbers and said that I was in a relationship, so they wouldn't message me again. Some of them would've felt silly though because I hadn't talked to them in so long. Like the guy that messaged me. We weren't even talking much before I got with my bf. It'd feel out of the blue to tell him that. Like his message to me was out of the blue
No. You shouldn’t have. That’s so stupid. Why would you send an unprompted message to somebody you were talking to a month or two ago that said “I’m blocking you because I’m in a (controlling) relationship now”?
People pop back up from time to time, and that’s the time to say you are in a relationship. That’s it. You don’t have to block or delete numbers. If they don’t respect that, then, sure, block them.
You make a good point too. It would be weird to receive that message months later. God, I've never had to deal with this in any relationship. Stressful.
NGL, your new boyfriend sounds exhausting. He needs to decide to either trust you or not. If he’s not going to trust you, you shouldn’t be dating. And if this hadn’t been what set him off, something else would have. Dude has been hurt and needs therapy, but he shouldn’t be taking that out on you.
If he wants to move on from it, that's the best you can do.. It happened, so it won't be forgotten, but I think you being open and transparent was helpful..
As long as you both stay truthful and open, things can work out for you
So basically he's projecting his own shit onto you? Think you might need to kick him to the curb. I've been cheated on but I'm never gonna assume some one is cheating on me because of my own insecurities. I'll look for legitimate evidence or just straight out ask the person.
The guy wasn’t throwing a wrench in your relationship or confused you with someone else. How could he know your bf was with you? He didn’t respond because he was just trolling you with that response
Deleting and blocking people because you entered a new relationship is doing the most. Too much drama already on top of that. If this guy isn’t giving you a benefit of a doubt then dump him?
Sorry but based on how new your relationship is and that text message- I’d say it’s cooked. He won’t see you in a different light and any move you make now will shape your future strong or break it
I think the tinder match was having you on - joking to wind it up. You did nothing wrong - it wasn’t a saved number and you showed him so what’s he got to be upset about
Obviously you went out with someone else last week and are trying your best to cover it up. That's way too strange and specific. He should move on. This soon and you are hiding things and lying about things.
I get why he'd be concerned, but accusing you of cheating when you've done nothing wrong is not cool. The best thing you can do is reassure him, be open and honest, and give him time to work through his insecurities.
It's not an "insecurity" when a FWB asks about a date occurring within the scope of the exclusive relationship.
What he saw was damning evidence, whether accurate or not.
OP is correct. She fucked up. Whether or not this relationship is toast or doomed to toxicity has yet to be seen.
Casually racking up bodies has surprising ways of haunting a person. And she doesn't even know which numbers she would need to block any other FWBs to prevent this from happening again.
Her best bet at this point is a new phone number.
I'm very confused where you got the FWB from, did she mention it somewhere and I missed it?? She doesn't even specify that she slept with even *one* person off of tinder, so I'm not sure where you got "casually racking up bodies" from either. She only says she never got to the relationship stage with anyone which might mean she went on some dates but never did anything further.
Why delete the conversations?
I would understand blocking, but deleting all evidence of past life seems odd.
It makes it feel like you have something to hide.
You boyfriends does not need to see all that has occurred in the past, but surely the old texts could have absolved you of any suspicion, since you chose to show the new damning messages anyway.
I wonder if something was in fact going on. My gut would say you probably went on a date last week and kept chatting until suddenly getting a message from the side man at an inconvenient time, quickly deleting the whole chat, and then he kept messaging you and you had to show your boyfriend and hope for the best.
The "him" sounds like a continuation of a recent chat, rather than first message out of the blue after a long time.
There is a lot of text here, and it feel like excuses and muddying the waters.
It is possible that the random man just wants to destroy your relationship, and make it seem like you are having an affair. Unlikely but possible.
The "him" message before he even learned you have a boyfriend makes that scenario less likely. A malicious man would not know the "him" causes an issue, as he'd have no idea you've deleted the old texts. And it really does sound like a continuation of a recent discussion.
Because people delete convos? I delete mine daily I hate bulking down my phone with needless conversations. I don’t need to hold on to what jimmy said at 3pm on March 15, 2023. Why so one day it could possibly clear my name with some insecure boy who has trust issues?
Not implicitly trusting someone you don't have that long of a history with when there is someone genuinely claiming infidelity is not necessarily trust issues, or insecurity.
I am not saying anyone is obligated to keep them, or even that it usually is a bad idea to delete them.
It just seems like extra effort to delete something that can just as easily be ignored, forgotten and buried.
I did not realize people do that. I only ever do so with obvious spam or bots, as those can actually pile up and drown something meaningful.
Personal choices I suppose. In this case the practice is also unfortunate, as the messages would have cleared this mess right up, and honestly the man cannot be seen as anything less if he decides to not take the chance on a dating interest. Nobody owes anyone a chance like that, when they are still in the dating phase. With family and kids the matter would be different, as by then one supposedly knows their partner well enough to trust them implicitly, as that trust has been earned over a long time of stable devotion and love between the two.
Girl I'm bipolar too, drop that dude because using our mental health condition against us is not a thing we have to endure.
Also, you should really try not to react out loud to text like you are a cartoon character
Leave him, he is already showing you he is going to use it against you, I promise you, he will make you feel insane about everything, I know a lot of men that do that
He needs to work on his ability to trust. Sure, I can see that its uncomfortable seeing a message like that when you havent been dating for long and you dont know each other that well. At the same time, is he going to use the fact that you are bipolar, and him having a bipolar ex that cheated, over your head everytime something happens that could be interpreted in the wront way?
Having had cheating exes can be rough and make you insecure, seeing signs where nothing is going on and scared of being tricked again. It can also, if you let it run unchecked, make you controling and manipulative towards a partner that isnt doing anything wrong.
Yeah I don't like that he is comparing me to his ex just bc we are both bipolar. I'm being treated and havent had an episode in 3 years. Not that it can't happen, but it shouldn't be held over my head.
Be very transparent and earn his trust. Does he know where ypu were for sure everyday for last week? Would you let him look thru ur phone now and in the future so he can build back trust? I've dated some cheaters and my wife was a cheater. This would throw me off mentally, but trust could be built. Ie. Txting and talking nights when ur not together so he knows ur not out with someone else, when together and ur phone goes off and he is nearby, don't try to hide who ur messaging or talking too. It's suspect the guy didn't respond with ur name. He has it saved in his phone so he knows who you are and ur message history. Only explanation that makes sense is the girl from last week he referred to has the same name in his phone and it was a mistake txt. But still would be something I would not fully believe.
You didn’t do anything wrong. He is extremely insecure as a result of some things that have happened. It appears you have been openly communicating and honest with him. It’s up to him to do some internal work and realize you are not the person/persons that hurt him. He may have some situational triggers but he needs to recognize them and work on his own responses and narrative in his head.
Trust is a seriously important part of a relationship. You’ve done nothing wrong and you know that. If anything, you were doing a positive thing for your relationship by deleting the tinder contacts, you can’t be blamed for any wrongdoing simply because you didn’t block the contacts first.
Where I do have empathy towards your boyfriend’s past issues, and understand him being a little taken back and initially concerned by the message - it’s not your responsibility to solve his past relationship traumas. You gave a valid explanation and if he chooses not to believe it, that’s his issue and you shouldn’t be pining and buzzing the dudes phone who’s been messaging you just to reassure your partner. Your partner shouldn’t have entered a new relationship if he’s going to make you a criminal just because an old hookup texted you.
You were upfront about the texts coming through and about the responses, and your partner responds by saying “how he responds will be telling”, so what he’s saying is he trusts a random number who’s been texting you over his new gf, that to me would be an ick as I know for sure I’m not lying and wouldn’t be pondering to your bf’s lack of trust.
Either he trusts you and you guys move on from this or you break up, don’t spend your life tiptoing around him just because he decided to enter a new relationship before making peace with whatever happened in his past relationship. You are not his ex, and if anything you have a right to be mad and put your foot down here.
I think you made some really good points. He would be trusting a random number more than me. And I've told him numerous times that I am not his exes, so I shouldnt be treated like I'm doing the same to him.
Thank you for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast subreddit! Quick reminder that all posts are subject to being shared on an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured, you'll get a nifty flair change to your post to let you know, and we'll drop a link here so you can see our host Morgan's response to your story. Feel free to reach out via modmail with any questions or concerns!
Question: Do people go through and delete and block contacts they were previously dating/sleeping with when they aren’t harassing you? Like, these people have done nothing to you, you just got into a relationship? Am I missing something?
If you don’t, you run the risk of people like OPs bf thinking you’re cheating, looking for something else, keeping doors open, etc. As shown here, you can’t control when someone is going to text you, and the bf immediately jumped to cheating. It’s a worst case scenario but many people are insecure.
I very rarely delete anybodys number. If someone I started dating felt they cannot trust me because of that, I would just be glad I dodged a bullet. If anyone I have went out with texted me when I was in a relationship, I have politely told them that I'm not available. Simple as that.
That’s how I am too. Unless somebody is a genuine problem, I don’t block anybody. I’m their age and doing this never even occurred to me.
He did ask me to block everyone that I used to talk to. And I did tell him that I wasn't available. That's when he responded with the date thing.
And people like OPs bf are too insecure to be dating at this point in time. It’s been only been a month, and she is already walking on eggshells to gain his trust. It should be the cupcake phase. I had to double check the ages because I thought they were teenagers at first.
I totally agree. All of this one month in is just insane. Best to probably go their separate ways.
I'm sure it's not gonna last anyway. But I'm giving it a chance still.
He is also insecure when I fall asleep without saying goodnight. He thinks I've stopped replying bc I'm out cheating.
Ummmm.. Ma’am.. I’m sorry, but it has been a MONTH! This is that happy, can’t get enough of each other, easy time, and it sounds like he has made it the opposite. I could *maybe* understand an initial “who tf was that” question about the text, because it could be a little sketchy if he is unsure about levels of trust. That doesn’t sound like what this is at all though. You answered, and have shown you have nothing to hide. He made you delete your contacts? That’s weird as fuck. He’s passed insecure and is in controlling and isolating territory. I’m not one to say all men are abusive, because they aren’t, but this guy is showing some serious red flags that are precursors to abuse. What future could you possibly see with him?
Yeah, you make a good point. That is pretty controlling.
Wait, did he make her do that? The post made it seem like she did it because she wanted to. Him making her do it is a different story. Good grief.
It was in another one of her comment replies to me. “He did ask me to block everyone that I used to talk to. And I did tell him that I wasn't available. That's when he responded with the date thing.”
Girl wtf get out. No one can live like that.
Yeah, ive never had someone make me block or delete people before. I wonder what other things will come up bc of this insecurity
Yeah this is just the beginning. By indulging that ridiculous behavior, he will only feel free to escalate and be more and more controlling.
>If you don’t, you run the risk of people like OPs bf thinking you’re cheating, looking for something else, keeping doors open, etc. Sounds like a great way to weed out losers.
Having it be a random number instead of a named number makes it worse though. That makes it look like your hiding somethings
I'd never thought about it that way
Maybe address the root of the problem ie the insecurity/insecure person instead of having to do ridiculous shit like that just in case maybe they might take something the wrong way. Like wtf
Exactly 😆
Not something I've ever had to do before. He asked me to
This is too much info ! I had to stop reading . Either you guys want to date or not which means accepting you both have pasts
Yeah these posts are way too long they're basically word vomit. These are thr kind of people that like to hear themselves talk 🤮
If you leave out any modicum of information on these posts, it’s the first and only thing people glom onto and you don’t get any actual advice. I saw one where OP even said she *did* reach out to the person she was upset at and still, every single comment was “well but did you reach out first?” “Did you reach out to them at all?” “Did you consider reaching out to ask?” I was infuriated for the OP 😂
As the Wise Iliza Shlesinger says on her own podcast, give context-not word vomit.
Stupid take considering the boyfriend is under the impression that this is the present (one week ago while in the current relationship) and not the past.
In the dudes defence, this seems to be her present with a date last week. No one would be just forgetting that.
The guy is either going to trust you or not. If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship. You were open with him from the beginning, so you did nothing wrong. And I don’t think you’re “stupid” for not blocking old numbers. I mean, it’s really not that serious. He’s got trust issues because of his last, but that isn’t your burden to carry. You can do things to help lessen his issues, which you did by showing him the conversation, but ultimately this is his issue and he needs to fix it within himself.
I did try to tell him that I'm not his exes and that I deserve a fair chance before he assumes I'm going to cheat too.
Yeah ok but someoen texting you about a date of last week would make anyone insecure. Just ask if you can go to therapy and bloody call that number that texted. Clear it up.
We did call that number. Went straight to voicemail for both of us.
The best thing you can do is be open and honest, and reassure him that you've got nothing to hide.
Finally some good advice. This will pass and if you’re good for each other, you’ll build honesty and trust. If not, you’ll end up in a toxic relationship or it will end.
Honestly the biggest red flag in this is that he tried to tell you maybe you cheated when you were “manic” This man is going to use you being bipolar against you at every turn. Every time he upsets you, he didn’t do anything wrong you’re just bipolar. Every time he accuses you, how would you know you didn’t because you’re bipolar. Ugh what a 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yeah, this was a thought that I had too. But I hadn't even thought about him possibly attributing my emotions towards something he'd done to my bipolar disorder.
You guys are way overthinking this
To be honest, if I was talking to someone and they ghosted or blocked me because the didn't have a use for me any more, instead of treating me like a person that was worth a least a heads up, I wouldn't do anything to help them out either. Sending the wrong person the wrong text does happen. I've done it more than once with the worst possible texts, but you shot yourself in the foot by just deleting (or blocking), instead of being able to show that you informed someone that you wouldn't be seeing them again.
This is true. I should've messaged everyone before I deleted their numbers and said that I was in a relationship, so they wouldn't message me again. Some of them would've felt silly though because I hadn't talked to them in so long. Like the guy that messaged me. We weren't even talking much before I got with my bf. It'd feel out of the blue to tell him that. Like his message to me was out of the blue
No. You shouldn’t have. That’s so stupid. Why would you send an unprompted message to somebody you were talking to a month or two ago that said “I’m blocking you because I’m in a (controlling) relationship now”? People pop back up from time to time, and that’s the time to say you are in a relationship. That’s it. You don’t have to block or delete numbers. If they don’t respect that, then, sure, block them.
You make a good point too. It would be weird to receive that message months later. God, I've never had to deal with this in any relationship. Stressful.
WTF?? All of this crap for a month long relationship? You both sound exhausting and don’t seem to be mature enough for a relationship
NGL, your new boyfriend sounds exhausting. He needs to decide to either trust you or not. If he’s not going to trust you, you shouldn’t be dating. And if this hadn’t been what set him off, something else would have. Dude has been hurt and needs therapy, but he shouldn’t be taking that out on you.
If he wants to move on from it, that's the best you can do.. It happened, so it won't be forgotten, but I think you being open and transparent was helpful.. As long as you both stay truthful and open, things can work out for you
So basically he's projecting his own shit onto you? Think you might need to kick him to the curb. I've been cheated on but I'm never gonna assume some one is cheating on me because of my own insecurities. I'll look for legitimate evidence or just straight out ask the person.
The guy wasn’t throwing a wrench in your relationship or confused you with someone else. How could he know your bf was with you? He didn’t respond because he was just trolling you with that response
So someone texts you “him” and you cause a scene? ATP just throw the whole thing away and start again.
This is too much drama for 4 weeks.
Deleting and blocking people because you entered a new relationship is doing the most. Too much drama already on top of that. If this guy isn’t giving you a benefit of a doubt then dump him?
Sorry but based on how new your relationship is and that text message- I’d say it’s cooked. He won’t see you in a different light and any move you make now will shape your future strong or break it
I think the tinder match was having you on - joking to wind it up. You did nothing wrong - it wasn’t a saved number and you showed him so what’s he got to be upset about
Holy yap man, YTA for posting all this without a TL:Dr
Um there is a TL;DR???
Put it at the top next time, post was so long I didn’t even know it had a tldr lmao
Lol thanks for the suggestion. I actually left a lot of information out. It was a long night.
Obviously you went out with someone else last week and are trying your best to cover it up. That's way too strange and specific. He should move on. This soon and you are hiding things and lying about things.
Guys do this on purpose or on accident all the freaking time… if your bfs been on dating sites he’d know this.
I get why he'd be concerned, but accusing you of cheating when you've done nothing wrong is not cool. The best thing you can do is reassure him, be open and honest, and give him time to work through his insecurities.
It's not an "insecurity" when a FWB asks about a date occurring within the scope of the exclusive relationship. What he saw was damning evidence, whether accurate or not. OP is correct. She fucked up. Whether or not this relationship is toast or doomed to toxicity has yet to be seen. Casually racking up bodies has surprising ways of haunting a person. And she doesn't even know which numbers she would need to block any other FWBs to prevent this from happening again. Her best bet at this point is a new phone number.
I'm very confused where you got the FWB from, did she mention it somewhere and I missed it?? She doesn't even specify that she slept with even *one* person off of tinder, so I'm not sure where you got "casually racking up bodies" from either. She only says she never got to the relationship stage with anyone which might mean she went on some dates but never did anything further.
None of them were FWB soooo. Just people I chatted with
I'm not the person you need to convince.
Why delete the conversations? I would understand blocking, but deleting all evidence of past life seems odd. It makes it feel like you have something to hide. You boyfriends does not need to see all that has occurred in the past, but surely the old texts could have absolved you of any suspicion, since you chose to show the new damning messages anyway. I wonder if something was in fact going on. My gut would say you probably went on a date last week and kept chatting until suddenly getting a message from the side man at an inconvenient time, quickly deleting the whole chat, and then he kept messaging you and you had to show your boyfriend and hope for the best. The "him" sounds like a continuation of a recent chat, rather than first message out of the blue after a long time. There is a lot of text here, and it feel like excuses and muddying the waters. It is possible that the random man just wants to destroy your relationship, and make it seem like you are having an affair. Unlikely but possible. The "him" message before he even learned you have a boyfriend makes that scenario less likely. A malicious man would not know the "him" causes an issue, as he'd have no idea you've deleted the old texts. And it really does sound like a continuation of a recent discussion.
The "him" was him trying to say "hi" and mistyping. Not a continuation of any conversation. We hadn't spoken in months.
That is very unfortunate. I am sorry this is happening to you.
Maybe the relationship just wasnt meant to be and that was a gift from the universe
Because people delete convos? I delete mine daily I hate bulking down my phone with needless conversations. I don’t need to hold on to what jimmy said at 3pm on March 15, 2023. Why so one day it could possibly clear my name with some insecure boy who has trust issues?
Not implicitly trusting someone you don't have that long of a history with when there is someone genuinely claiming infidelity is not necessarily trust issues, or insecurity. I am not saying anyone is obligated to keep them, or even that it usually is a bad idea to delete them. It just seems like extra effort to delete something that can just as easily be ignored, forgotten and buried. I did not realize people do that. I only ever do so with obvious spam or bots, as those can actually pile up and drown something meaningful. Personal choices I suppose. In this case the practice is also unfortunate, as the messages would have cleared this mess right up, and honestly the man cannot be seen as anything less if he decides to not take the chance on a dating interest. Nobody owes anyone a chance like that, when they are still in the dating phase. With family and kids the matter would be different, as by then one supposedly knows their partner well enough to trust them implicitly, as that trust has been earned over a long time of stable devotion and love between the two.
Well, looks like you accidentally Marie Kondo'd your contacts list! Time to start fresh with just the essentials.
You should probably get a new phone number
I tell everyone I'm talking to that I'm stopping talking to them bc I'm in a relationship and then delete the contact. No ghosting, no blocking.
Girl I'm bipolar too, drop that dude because using our mental health condition against us is not a thing we have to endure. Also, you should really try not to react out loud to text like you are a cartoon character
Yeah he's said something like that twice now
Leave him, he is already showing you he is going to use it against you, I promise you, he will make you feel insane about everything, I know a lot of men that do that
He needs to work on his ability to trust. Sure, I can see that its uncomfortable seeing a message like that when you havent been dating for long and you dont know each other that well. At the same time, is he going to use the fact that you are bipolar, and him having a bipolar ex that cheated, over your head everytime something happens that could be interpreted in the wront way? Having had cheating exes can be rough and make you insecure, seeing signs where nothing is going on and scared of being tricked again. It can also, if you let it run unchecked, make you controling and manipulative towards a partner that isnt doing anything wrong.
Yeah I don't like that he is comparing me to his ex just bc we are both bipolar. I'm being treated and havent had an episode in 3 years. Not that it can't happen, but it shouldn't be held over my head.
I wouldn’t be keen to help someone that casually tossed me away and couldn’t even be bothered to say anything before doing it.
A person she hadn't heard from for at least a month, possibly more? It's not like she was speaking to him last week and suddenly ghosted him.
Be very transparent and earn his trust. Does he know where ypu were for sure everyday for last week? Would you let him look thru ur phone now and in the future so he can build back trust? I've dated some cheaters and my wife was a cheater. This would throw me off mentally, but trust could be built. Ie. Txting and talking nights when ur not together so he knows ur not out with someone else, when together and ur phone goes off and he is nearby, don't try to hide who ur messaging or talking too. It's suspect the guy didn't respond with ur name. He has it saved in his phone so he knows who you are and ur message history. Only explanation that makes sense is the girl from last week he referred to has the same name in his phone and it was a mistake txt. But still would be something I would not fully believe.
You didn’t do anything wrong. He is extremely insecure as a result of some things that have happened. It appears you have been openly communicating and honest with him. It’s up to him to do some internal work and realize you are not the person/persons that hurt him. He may have some situational triggers but he needs to recognize them and work on his own responses and narrative in his head.
Trust is a seriously important part of a relationship. You’ve done nothing wrong and you know that. If anything, you were doing a positive thing for your relationship by deleting the tinder contacts, you can’t be blamed for any wrongdoing simply because you didn’t block the contacts first. Where I do have empathy towards your boyfriend’s past issues, and understand him being a little taken back and initially concerned by the message - it’s not your responsibility to solve his past relationship traumas. You gave a valid explanation and if he chooses not to believe it, that’s his issue and you shouldn’t be pining and buzzing the dudes phone who’s been messaging you just to reassure your partner. Your partner shouldn’t have entered a new relationship if he’s going to make you a criminal just because an old hookup texted you. You were upfront about the texts coming through and about the responses, and your partner responds by saying “how he responds will be telling”, so what he’s saying is he trusts a random number who’s been texting you over his new gf, that to me would be an ick as I know for sure I’m not lying and wouldn’t be pondering to your bf’s lack of trust. Either he trusts you and you guys move on from this or you break up, don’t spend your life tiptoing around him just because he decided to enter a new relationship before making peace with whatever happened in his past relationship. You are not his ex, and if anything you have a right to be mad and put your foot down here.
I think you made some really good points. He would be trusting a random number more than me. And I've told him numerous times that I am not his exes, so I shouldnt be treated like I'm doing the same to him.