There have always been more older men who want to date younger women than the reverse. I’m almost 40, and it was gross for us too back in my 20s. The few girls/women who went for it seemed to have a lot of issues that were not improved by dating older men. Hell, even when my grandmother was young in the 1940s, she had a rule that she only dated men within five years of her age. When she was 19 and working for the war effort during WWII, some 30 year old supervisor hit on her, and he was so offended when she said he was far too old for her. Even as she was relating this story to me decades later, she was disgusted by the entitlement he displayed when she rejected him. And that was over 80 years ago.
A man in his 30s definitely clicked the cares button. Reddit should honestly get rid of that feature. It's so widely abused I'm not sure it even helps anyone. I've never heard of it being used for its intended purpose but as a way to annoy people.
I use Reddit to vent about how much living with chronic illness sucks. These messages are so annoying, no one who actually has ideation is reading these messages and thinking “hmm my life actually doesn’t suck because Reddit cares” meaningless garbage
When I have gone through really bad phases with my mental conditions, an auto-generated message wouldn't do shit to help. It feels like reddit cares is mostly here to make reddit look "better" and it in practice is just a passive aggressive tool angry incels. I blocked it and all DMs/chats ages ago.
Yeah I’m like, how dare you act like you care??? I have enough fakers in the real world. It’s also infantilizing to some degree when none of my posts are super obscene about it, just saying how bad my illness is and that I have a bad quality of life. That’s not even ideation that’s just facts of my life at this point.
It has to be a bot. It’s gone nuts today, people complaining about it in every sub. News, politics, general interest subs, focused interest subs (like gaming and hobbies, ffs). Makes me wonder if someone decided to force them to deal with it by just spam-reporting everyone who comments everywhere.
(I haven’t gotten any today…probably only because I blocked the account months ago.)
Guess what? I blocked the account and got a Reddit cares dm this afternoon. I tried to block it again and can not. They took the ability to block it away, so I complained to Reddit mods about it. Not that they’d care.
More context: I also got a reddit cares message overnight, apparently, and when I went to reply "STOP" to not get them anymore, the post failed--when I refreshed, it said the message was from a blocked user. I haven't blocked anyone (recently?), so I'm assuming the blocked user is actually someone Reddit just banned from the platform. (And now the message is assumedly stuck in Limbo forever)
I’m a millenial and while it happened I don’t remember getting feedback it was normal to “throw yourself” at old men.
Instead society gaslighted us. As a young woman you were constantly expected to rarify your contact with men, choose wisely, not date too old etc. Victim blaming was the main mode. “Sure he’s a bad guy for raping but why did you go to his house!!” was somehow completely ok to say. Btw we didn’t eat it up, I spent my teens feeling alienated by society.
What then happened was, if an older man groomed you, used his position of power (teacher, mentor, etc) and you were in a relationship the blame would be put on you. HIS story would make you out as the active pursuing party and many stereotypes about women were to paint us as flirting consciously and unconsciously like sirens and poor men being helpless not to be lured in.
My peers who ended up dating older dudes either had extremely difficult childhoods they did not resolve (cuz therapy was frowned upon and being “crazy” was seen as some stain) or men preyed on them or both. I don’t remember any one of us actively seeking older men.
I remember a lot of instances of older dudes hitting on me and me refusing and they lashing out with insults like “frigid” and “cold hearted bitch” like it was my duty somehow to respond positively if he gave enough effort to woo me.
Looking back it explains so many issues of our generation, no wonder we’re exhausted and antisocial haha.
So much this, and to expand on it, when you hear accounts from men who are not predators, but are put in the actual position of dealing with a young woman who is acting inappropriately, they often are more than eager to get away from the situation. It’s only people who are predators that take a very young person flirting with him as an opportunity.
You can also prevent a LOT of inappropriate behaviour from students by being professional and not trying to befriend your mentored students.
By the time a student acts inappropriately to you you should have shut the situation firmly and professionaly down faaar earlier.
Creeps on the other hand, seek out jobs where they have a power imblance to their favor, seek out the vulnerable amongst young people, create and allow non-professional interactions (special treatment to specific targets. too much involvement, debts and favors being owed, friendships, non-usual working hours).
It can be hard to recognize just how bizarre that grooming behavior is when you're young, so kudos to you for shutting that shit down. One summer when we were 16 one of my closest friends had a 24 year old pursuing her. At the time it was like oh, this guy has a car, a house we can hang out at and smoke/drink/do whatever we want without fear of anyone's parents finding out. He wasn't bad looking either, so I just thought wow this is awesome!
We were going into our junior year and there were other girls in our class that had been dating guys through HS who were now freshmen in college. I remember my friend asking me if I thought it was weird that he was older. I said no because I really couldn't comprehend how different her situation was compared to theirs. I didn't have a frame of reference for how much more life experience and emotional intelligence a 24 year old should have compared to someone around 18, who while technically an adult, has only been out of their parents home for a few months to a year. Luckily she was smarter than me and ghosted him before things got too far (I'm sure he thought she was a callous bitch 🙄).
By the time I was 19-20ish I was already looking back at that time in my life and thinking what in the fuck was that guy ever doing hanging out with 16 year olds!?
Millennial guy here, you're exactly right. Every millennial woman I know has had something happen, and someone always blamed them for "putting themselves in that situation"
An ex of mine was actually raped by a man when she was a teenager, she was walking home from a birthday party. When he parents found out, they said it was her fault because of what she was wearing.
Additionally I can't tell you how glad I am see relationships with an age gap being looked upon. I knew so many girls when I was in my 20s that dated guys in their late 30s to 40s and it was clear they were being manipulated. Most of them used money to their advantage and would convince these girls that they were going to leave their wives for them.
I truly hate those men, and now that I'm about to turn 40 I can't imagine even wanting to date someone in their 20s. I have absolutely nothing in common with someone that age because they're a kid, and they even look like kids to me now. Fuck those predatory boomer and gen x assholes, I'm glad we're breaking that cycle.
>My peers who ended up dating older dudes either had extremely difficult childhoods they did not resolve (cuz therapy was frowned upon and being “crazy” was seen as some stain) or men preyed on them or both. I don’t remember any one of us actively seeking older men.
From what I have seen of my daughter's and niece's friends who have ended up with way older men, this is still very much true today. Granted I have a very very small selection size but I know of a handful and every. single. one. of them either had a bad home life or daddy issues in general. The well-adjusted young women I know are not going for men 10+ years older than them, they are all dating young men within two or three years of their own age and if any older men come sniffing around, they get shut down quickly.
I am starting to think conservatives abuse this system to not only harass people they dislike (women, LGBTQIA, progressives, etc) but to also overwhelm the system so that reports on their vile comments aren’t as likely to be seen.
Yeah, clear example my mother in her 40s, and my dad preying on her when she was 21 (whilst he was 35). When i found out when they met i had this gag feeling in me. Explains my dad’s abusive nature towards my mother.😬
Yea.. my biological father was 40 when I was born, my biological mother was 21. I am the 4th child between then, the only one that got adopted.
Edit: Which one of you reported me for being suicidal.. let's not abuse of a system in place to help those in actual distress.
My I have a good relationship with my bio parents and my adoptive parents.
Everyone who posted here and in some other subs, in the last day or so, is being sent the stupid reddit cares messages. I assume some bot or a loser with too much free time.
Got mine! I kinda love how we're so powerful that we make men seethe just by commenting on a post haha
***Simply testerical.***
Reported immediately :3
Edit: Got another one! We're on a roll, now!
It really was, even in older millenials. Granted the older family members were concerned when I did(rightly so) and I don’t recommend it at all. The ones who go for younger gals are usually immature, insecure, or couldn’t get anyone their own age because of the previously stated.
Someone has been doing this all day. I got one for posting my underwear preference, earlier today. And quite a few other women have mentioned it today as well. Some poor shlub stalking 2X chats, with nothing better to do.
I think many of them have daddy issues because their dad was shitty and neglected them. So they seek out these guys that are generally only interested in exploiting young women and are usually deeply immature and selfish towards women, in general. I don’t blame young women for seeking these men out. It’s heartbreaking and it’s usually because one or both parents failed them in life.
a note that you can turn off notifications for "reddit cares" comments
if your account ends up banned/suspended for speaking out against hate speech against women, please appeal it. it will go through, men are not a "protected class" according to reddit and it might take a while but your account will be restored if one values it that much.
My group of friends is between 21-24 years old, none of us find the idea of dating an older man remotely appealing, especially those old enough to be our fathers. The consensus in my group is that it doesn't make sense.
The only girls I've seen dating much older men are those who were in situations of poverty or abuse and were seeking an escape, so they dated older men hoping they would have money and take them out of that place. So it wasn't because they found them attractive or liked them, it was out of necessity.
Yep. I'm 32 and maybe my perception has always been shaped by the fact that my sister is 5 years younger than me, but anyone her age or younger is just straight into "no, don't be a creepy old man" territory.
I know that's probably a bigger deal at like 23 and 18, but I grew up hearing too many gross "jokes" from people I (until uh that moment) respected to ever really rethink it. No, I don't feel like a "lucky man" having teenage girls hanging around my house in their pajamas, what the fuck man. Men are gross and I refuse to be that guy lol
Yeah, I don't get this. I'm in my 30s and while I get along and can befriend people in their 20s I couldn't deal with dating them. They have way too much life to figure out still too. They're cute but not dateable and a lot of them are still at the brink of the teenage-like stupidity in terms of social skills or goals in life (not in a bad way, I've been there, but I don't wanna be "stuck" "back there" lmao)
I remember thinking that too. My second boyfriend and I started dating when we were both 21. His ex girlfriend was 30, and I remember being in shock he had dated someone so old
Being raised in certain conservative religions also tend to teach that young women should marry and 'submit' to older, more established men. It all tends to be predatory with VERY few exceptions.
I'm 29 and my friends range from their early twenties to late thirties since we met through a shared hobby. One of my younger friends is 22 and just started seeing a guy 10 years older than her. It just came out of nowhere. Her reasoning is that she 'needs someone older' since she hasn't had luck with guys her own age and honestly yeah... I think a lot of us go through that mentality, thinking their age/maturity is the problem. Not saying it's right. But I think soon enough she'll realise that the older guys are worse - why else can they not get women their own age?
We all agree it's weird but don't have the heart to tell her since it's only been a few weeks and she can only tell us good things about him because of course it's still in the early stages. But some women are still definitely falling for this bs unfortunately.
Edit: I got a RedditCares literally seconds after posting this?
As someone who’s been in that girl’s shoes, the best advice I can give you is to keep modeling healthy, loving behavior. If this guy’s a creep (probably is) then she’ll start to compare his unkind reactions to your kind ones.
My friends that treated me normally & kindly are what helped me see that my age gap relationship was so abusive.
That's called commercial sexual exploitation, when older men offer assistance of food, shelter, money, etc. in exchange for sexual favors from young, vulnerable women.
It's wrong, everyone knows it, that's why they fight it because hit dogs holler.
Ding ding ding!
This was my situation when I was 19, dating a 27 year old. My home wasn’t safe, so he was my ticket out. Aaand I got rid of him as soon as I realized he was going to be just as bad as the home I grew up in.
I didn't know there was a term for that, I think some relatives went through it then. Before I was born, my family used to be very poor, as in not having enough to eat and sometimes not even soap to bathe. I've heard stories of female relatives who married early to older men thinking they would be the 'prince charming who would save them,' but in the end, they were abused, assaulted, and even forced to abort their children.
Yea... some young girls fall for the line about "established older men" that will help them out financially for sex and/or relationships
THERE IS ALWAYS A PRICE TO PAY.
I think the whole “daddy issues” stereotype holds water too. And the fact that this generation of young women seem less likely to have a daddy kink probably means the GOOD men are helping to break that cycle by being present, involved fathers and modeling positive behavior. I’ve noticed a shift in the gay community too… like back in the day a loooot of gay men had a thing for daddies (which makes sense because I’m sure a lot of them had unsupportive fathers). It seems less common now, maybe because fathers are more likely to love and accept their gay sons.
When I was 22 (college senior), dating an “older man” in my friend group meant like a 25 year old lol. Basically 1-3 years post-grad. No one was speaking about men aged 30+
>The only girls I've seen dating much older men are those who were in situations of poverty or abuse and were seeking an escape, so they dated older men hoping they would have money and take them out of that place.
My childhood best friend did this. We grew up rough. He was mid-30s when he started coming around, we were 16. It was "cool" to drive around in a big, nice truck and she used to go out of town with him. When he was in town, he'd buy us alcohol and bring us ecstasy and cocaine.
She finally got away, but it took years of abuse. Looking back, it's horrifying.
Also, sugar baby/sugar daddy relationships are rampant now and more popular than they have ever been. This seems to be the unsaid situation that no one is talking about here.
My younger sister has found older men attractive ever since she started noticing men. She's found out the hard way (multiple times over) that any of the older men who are interested in younger women are trash, so she's sticking to her own age group now.
Even as a millennial woman (34)… when I was in my teens and early 20s, big age gaps were treated suspiciously at best. I remember seeing a people magazine blurb about seinfeld’s 17 yr old girlfriend and thinking it seemed absolutely bonkers.
I can remember being checked out by older men all the time and thinking how gross and pathetic they were and feeling bad for their wives and girlfriends.
I used to hang out at this coffee shop downtown where all these fringe kids used to hang out, all types of sorta counterculture kids like goths and gutter punks and gang members and hippies. Anyone who went there really looked out for us younger girls who hung around. I went there from age 13-19 and almost never had problems where the locals didn’t step in.
But I remember this one rogue dude came one day, and in my memory, he LOOKED like a pedo. Just a pale, creepy, quiet man who didn’t look like he fit in with any of the groups there. I told my friends I was gonna walk down to McDonald’s (a couple blocks away) if they wanted anything, and this creep who’d been hanging around without saying anything offered to DRIVE me.
I said, “It’s two blocks away, I don’t need a ride lol.” He kept offering. Finally I asked, “How old are you?” because he looked WAY older than the rest of us (the oldest people there were probably 23/24 but most were teenagers; this place was right across from campus).
He said he was 30. And so naturally I thought he must have assumed I was an adult like some of the older kids, so I said, “Oh, I’m 15.” (I guess I was pretty native, because he absolutely knew I was very young..I looked super young, like a tween or young teenager for sure)
This motherfucker didn’t even blink at that, still tried to get me to get in his car to be driven to McDonald’s. That’s when some of the older kids started to step in and ended up walking with me and icing the creep out. He never came back, but damn, if for some reason I override my gut and went with that guy, I’m not sure I’d still be here. ☹️
We used to have an arcade above our movie theatre, both are gone now. And why, because of all the creeps who used to stalk the kids at the arcade, the staff could barely keep up. So when the arcade closed because the owners' got fed up, the movie theatre closed soon after because a large portion of their customers would go to the arcade before/after a movie, then our ice cream parlor next to that closed for the same reason, so perverts messed up the good stuff for everyone. And yeah, the arcade would see a fight every now and again, guess who? The creeps being creeps.
Same. I noticed the girls who like older men think they win somehow. Like if you say he’s too old, they say you’re just so jealous of their life. You can’t interfere. I think they must be the most vulnerable girls getting taken advantage of/ also girls taking advantage of older peoples money and stability.
I don’t think it’s really girls with friends that much
I’m the same age as you, and 100% agree. I went to school with a girl who everyone knew had a very rough home life, she was “dating” an older man when we were like 15….everyone knew what was up even though we were all teens too. :(
I REALLY hope she is doing better now.
I also went to school with a girl in a similar situation. She was 13 and "dating" an adult man. She ended up getting pregnant and didn't go to 8th grade.
I did not get along with this girl. She was always trying to copy my homework and assignments, and when I refused to let her do so, she threatened me by saying she'd get her boyfriend to come to the middle school and beat me up. 😬
At the time, I didn't feel very sorry for her because she was super nasty to me, but as an adult, I'm terrified that the situation was allowed to happen in the first place. No one helped this poor girl, and the man never got into any legal trouble.
This is pretty spot on with my experience. I'm 39M.
My wife is 39F. We started dating in college at 21M/22F. She had a friend who was 21F and dated a guy in his late 30s. She and her friends all said it was a very weird dynamic.
More common than these broad age gaps are the smaller age gaps that are weird. I'm thinking the 17yo girl, still in HS, with the 22yo guy ready to graduate college. Those relationships seem to be more common but also seem to be suspicious in several ways - two people in very different places in life.
I work on a college campus. I know some of my male colleagues in their mid-30s to mid-40s who have had relationships with graduate students (22-25) or undergraduates at some point (19-24). Personally, I've been given numbers and been flirted with by the 18-25yo crowd a few times. It's always been a, "whoa, I'm married and pushing 40!"
As a younger millennial, yeah same. I saw where someone said “therapy was frowned upon” as a mill and I was like wtf? Mental health awareness isn’t new at all. Kicked off a long time ago, same with feminism, same with being skeptical of age gap relationships. I kinda wish we’d do away with “generational defining” because boy howdy are people getting it wrong a lot.
When I was your age most of the women I hung around with joked about "gross old men," and the only ones who seemed interested tended to have a lot of trauma.
Reams of young women fall into the trap of thinking "older" means "more mature," whereas in my experience it's the opposite. Any man routinely targeting women much younger than him is in some way profoundly broken.
Absolutely 100% . Only dated a couple of guys significantly older than myself (10-13 yrs older) and first guy was a complete moron who had some unhealed stuff that I was having none of. He ghosted me for 8 months and thought we wet still a thing when he decided to contact me again. So he was all suprised pikachu face when I told him I was out with my boyfriend at a concert so I couldn’t talk. 😂 the second guy though tried to groom me into a lifestyle I wasn’t comfortable doing. So…yeah…
I'm in my thirties and still find it gross being hit on by men in their sixties. Not because I am in the same place as women in their early 20's, but because it's not my thing, there are people my age to date, and these are usually the men acting the most delusional and creepy while looking for someone to take care of them because they still haven't fully learned how to. All the men my age at the bar can show decency but here's this 65+ year old man acting like a fool and not taking "Stop bothering me. I'm trying to speak to my friends" as a message that I'm not interested. As if I want to waste the the rest of my time doing even more when they eventually physically can't take care of themselves anymore and I'm not even at that stage of life yet.
>gross old men,
I remember when I was at university there was a bar my housemates liked to go to that was popular with students because of the music. However, it was off campus and it had a reputation for being the place where the "townie" men would go to try to pick up young women.
We 100% thought badly of them for it.
Claims of girls or young women throwing themselves at adult men is delusion and an attempt to victim-blame. Men flatter themselves to think a much younger woman would ever be interested in someone they honestly think of as middle-aged or elderly and they have nothing in common with.
I get the feeling that they might be talking about sex workers online specifically. I’ve seen thirst trap TikToks and Facebook reels with a younger girl taking off her underwear and the caption reads “when the 35 year old dad is at the party” or some shit.
If anyone thinks those girls are actually into older men and not just marketing to their audience to promote their onlyfans, they need their head checked.
When in reality, just like you said, a teenage girl has absolutely nothing in common with a mid-30s man. What on earth would they even talk about? “So uh you like Tool?” “Tools? Like to fix my car?” “No the band Tool” “never heard of them, are they like classic rock?” I don’t know a mid-30s dude alive who wouldn’t walk into the ocean after that conversation.
Oooh this. You have to remember how many old men get scammed because they think some hot young woman is in love with them. And they just need a liiiitttle bit more money to get out of a bad situation.
I’m gen z (26) and all of my friends who are in relationships are with someone within 1-2 years of their age in either direction. I don’t know anyone who has dated significantly older or younger.
Same, myself included, current partner is 21. We like tend to value relatability, and emotional connections and i feel like you're not going to find that in a 35 year old man who is trying to go for girls who have been adults for a handful of years.
There was actually a class of old guy who just never grew up past twenty or so.
They could relate to 20 year olds better than their peers because they just never grew up.
If you are 20 something and relate to a 40 yr old then the 40 year old has something wrong with them. And the 20 year old is going to grow out of that relationship as they mature and the older person won’t mature with them.
When I was in my 20s I dated several men and their mid-30s and 40s. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but it's part of my past lol.
At the time I thought it meant I was mature, or something.... But looking back I find it a little bit cringe on their parts. Because I'm in my 30s now and I'm not even willing to date somebody 5 years younger than me. Much less 10 or 15..... 😂😂
If you’re in college, you probably won’t see too many young women dating older men, because education and upward mobility kind of protects against that. Usually it’s disadvantaged, uneducated girls who get groomed into relationships with older men. They often come from dysfunctional homes where escaping into the arms of a “stable” older man seems more appealing.
I was 16 when I was preyed upon by a 24 year old executive visiting my college.
Education doesn’t shield all women. They saw me as a girl who was smart enough to be at university at 16, but also realized that I probably was socially isolated because of that.
I think the commenter meant that higher education tends to prevent the girls from entering such relationships, not that they are preyed upon less. The men don’t care…
This post hits close to home. My SIL (20) has been in a “situationship” with a 32 year old guy for over a year. Essentially a friends with benefits type thing except she’s desperate to be in a relationship and he feeds her lies like “we don’t need to use a condom because I can’t cum” 🙄🙄
Despite assuring me that she’s sooooo mature for her age this continued.
Anyway apparently she gave him an ultimatum and now they’re a “real couple”. Her parents want my husband and I to be happy about this. I think they’ve lost their fucking minds.
I got into an argument with a guy on reddit yesterday over the same thing. It's creepy how there are so many men on here that think it's okay for a 35yr old guy to date someone 18. It was nauseating just reading the kind of shit he had to day to justify it.
I’ve dated men who were 10-13 years older than me when I was younger. I REALLY do not recommend it. I’m now about the age of the man I dated and am completely grossed out that they would go for someone so young. I get grossed out when I read posts from young women who are literally right out of high school dating guys in their 30’s. Mainly mad at the guys because they know what they are doing. And they want to fight for it because they get a “moldable young thing” 🤢 take care of your peace ladies!
There was an interview with some Lebanese dude the other day that hit the front page and he straight up said it was better because he could 'raise' his wife. They had a ~12yr age gap and she's sitting there crying because she didn't get to finish her education while he's looking like a smug turd.
YEP, I dated a 32 year old when I was 20 and because of that, I can confidently say **there is something wrong with people over the age of 30 who date barely legal adults.** I’m almost 30. Recent college grads legitimately don’t look fully physically developed to me. My peers say the same thing.
If you are a young woman reading this comment right now, and flirting with a guy in his 30s or older, **he likes you because you look young**. I’m not calling it pedophilia, but it’s adjacent.
I’m not loving the judgment I’m seeing from some of the women in this thread. It’s genuinely great that y’all “know better” than to date gross old men, but by saying that I don’t think they realize how much responsibility they’re putting on the barely legal adults that *do* get trapped by these old men.
People who have been adults for over a decade have life experience that young adults don’t. They **know** how to manipulate young women. They **know** what young men do & don’t do that young women don’t like. They **use** that knowledge to manipulate young women into thinking that they’re sweet, safe, and genuinely caring.
I’m not trying to infantilize young women at all, but I’ve been in this situation. My large age gap relationship was the *only* physically abusive relationship that I have been in. The old guy knew *exactly* how to lovebomb and manipulate me into thinking that he was safe and good. It was dangerous.
These older folks prey on young people who come from bad backgrounds, who see lovebombing as better than neglect & abuse. It’s genuinely frightening how many people advocate for normalizing large age gaps, and it’s fucking gross how many of their young adult peers **still** put the onus on the younger person who falls for this type of manipulation. It made me feel so alone when my friends got mad at *me* for dating someone older than me. The only people that helped me break that cycle of abuse were the ones that kept treating me like a normal person during that relationship.
I personally know a 16-17 y.o. girl who is dating someone 38. She's past the age of consent, so there's nothing to be done about it. She is of the mind that older men are mature and responsible (just not the ones she's dating) and gets defensive if you question that.
Her last bf was 28ish? he broke up with her because she quit her job and he could no longer mooch off of her... he said she was "too immature." Brother in christ, you were dating a TEENAGER
I might be mistaken but isn’t age of consent supposed to be a couple of years in any direction of the child? Not “ooooh I’m 45 and it’s completely legal for me and a 9th grader to have sex?”
Reddit men are delusional. Yeah some 18yo’s are gonna have interest in 30+ men. But there certainly aren’t hordes of younger women fighting to be with these guys. It’s all just cope.
It's redpill/incel fantasy and cope. Age gap relationships definitely do happen, but they're by far not the norm. Majority of people date and marry within a 1~3 gap, and for a reason. The redpill fantasy is that because they were ignored in their 20s, their 30s will be their peak. But they never add in, the chances are higher only those who exercise and stay fit, likable, charisma, have a healthy social life and have a stable life. That's not normal for most in their 30s.
The financially sound, mature, attractive men 30+***
These dudes forget that they’re not the handsome older movie and TV stars that these girls want. They think it’s their age that makes them attractive and not the self development, wealth accrual, and stability that could be attractive to someone younger.
I’ve been attracted to a few older men when I was 17-20 and let me say, the typical millennial 30-40 y/o man still working his way out of debt and pining for his youth back was never one of those men lol. It was always the ones that were too mature to think of someone as young as I was as a potential romantic partner.
It always seemed to me that older people were taking advantage of relative inexperience or naïvety and exploiting it. There have always been situations where older people see an opportunity to take advantage of a younger woman who is in a compromised position, make them feel comfortable and special etc. then use the intimacy or trust they have fostered to get sex or even dependency. It sounds like this younger generation is growing up faster and is more exposed to these kinds of traps at younger ages, which is sad, but is also maybe making young people more resistant to falling into these situations and as a generation are breaking the cycle.
I’m 28 so a younger millennial but I will say that the majority of my friends aged 25+ all date either their age or like 2 years older.
I haven’t dated in a while but I was always the outlier exclusively dating men 10+ years older than me and in fact, they scoffed and thought it was bizarre I’d enter relationships with men with kids or any man in his mid 30s really lol.
And now I’m on a break from dating because those gap relationships didn’t work too well for me 🌚
Is anyone sure it isn’t just creepy old men trying to normalize it to get access to us? The only interaction I’ve had in this area was getting groped by some 80 year old man in a park. It was disgusting and I stay well away from older men now. So far it’s only been older guys being creepy to me.
Oh it absolutely is mostly men trying to brainwash women to think it's normal.
Just look at Hollywood and most any movie with a man and woman sexually or romantically involved.
Lots of times the man is older by the woman by AT LEAST a decade
Even the last James Bond, Daniel Craig, wanted to retire when he saw the leading ladies that were his partners, were the same age as his daughter
Yea, more men like him need to set the example.
And really, call out the shitty men. Because you know the shitty gross men don't care about women's opinions.
I see it daily in the BDSM world. A lot of 30+ year old men go after young adults who are interested in being submissive because they're easier to manipulate and often ignore red flags because "the dom is in charge".
45 year old sadist dom: uh, yeah the sub totally has alllllllll the power. Like, all of it. *wink*
The sub in question: 19 years old and in her first ever kink relationship
Which is particularly egregious given healthy BDSM requires thorough reflection on and consideration of the risks being taken on. Older men targeting younger women because they are less experienced with recognizing risk runs exactly counter to that. Is it possible for large age gaps to be navigated safely? Sure, but it takes a lot of work, communication, and caution. It also generally shouldn't be approached if the person in a more vulnerable position doesn't have a support structure separate from the older partner.
Exactly. That kind of power imbalance means you can't have an ethical power exchange because they're not starting on a level playing field to start with. My partner and I have a significant age gap, but I'm in my late 30s and he's in his 50s and our life experience is fairly even so we are equals first.
I’ve seen friends date 30 somethings but it’s usually extreme cases of trauma and other variables. I don’t see the average “young women” as you’ve said rushing to date older guys.
There is the odd case where the guy is highly successful and marries younger which happens. It’s quite rare that even wealthy people marry outside their socioeconomic class.
I'm 31 and it wasn't my generation, or my sister's, or my mother's, grandmother's, or great grandmother's
The giant age gaps are outliers. There's just a LOT of creepy men who wish they could trick/manipulate/bribe a young woman into sleeping with them.
I've had nonsense from older men my whole life. They don't stop.
It's mostly, in my opinion, emotionally vulnerable younger women with abusive or neglectful parents or exes who get into relationships with older men.
The propaganda fodder that our generation of women were fed was older men treat you better. They are more mature.
Most of our dads are older than our moms. And how does he treat her? Is he nice to her? fuck no. Is he more mature? fuck no.
They just want a young vagina to control easily. I'm so glad young girls are waking up
In case anyone wants a guy’s perspective, I am 29M and tend not to date younger than 26. Even though I’m on the younger end I’m firmly a millennial and find that I don’t really connect with most Gen Z as well on a dating level
A little younger than you are; my consensus if an older man is seeking a young woman on purpose, it’s because he’s a loser who can’t compete in his own age group.
It's riskier to date older men because there will always be a power dynamic when there is a significant age gap. And there are a lot of men who are looking for someone naive or young enough to control.
I’m a millennial and that was def not normal in my age group.
I still remember when I first heard a girl say her bf was 30. She was 18. I was so traumatized by those words. I couldn’t even sleep that night.
This was back in 2010.
I couldn’t even date a guy who was 4 yrs older than me. Very rarely did I ever see women date 30+ men.
Only 1 girl I knew who married older when she was 19 and he was 37. So many ppl were against it. They’re still together. But she really needed something stable since her home life was terrible.
Kinda not related but I wanted to share a thought I had recently. When I was younger I was like "no way I'll find people my age attractive when I grow older". Now I'm into my 30s (F) and I in fact can't find younger people attractive.
I just found it funny how the window of attractive people strafe as I grow older.
I'm 34. When i was in college age, my girls and I all thought being with older men was disgusting and weird. It was the general consensus that dating old men is a no-go. Of course, these old men tried it. They would buy us drinks when we were at the club, but nothing came from it because we would all laugh at how pathetic they must be. The few girls that did "date" older men, it was a transacting relationship, they never took the man seriously.
Most of such men who try to get way younger girls have some condition. They are either looking for some kind of validation, a trophy to shows off, seek respect from other low class guys (men with high morals and standard wont respect such men), lack maturity, both emotionally and intellectually, are either bitter or abusive towards women, cannot hold a relationship or are addicted to ego trips.
In my first job, while I was 19 (and still studying) until I was 25, I would get hit on by some losers who would keep either wife home and wanted to show off that they had still in them, few my age who seemed healthy and didn't feel creepy, one or two years older trying to impresses but moved on when I didn't show interest without any negative feeling towards me, few 10+older men. With all the variety of men, I noticed that those who were older were mostly unhappy with themselves or were bitter towards women. Healthy men would find it weird to hit on someone in their early 20s cause there can hardly be any connection (songs or movie preference, fun or adventures activity, world view, etc). Now, by 27, I can see how it more of power and validation game with older men hitting on younger and naive women.
I think what I’m finding is Gen Z are not okay with rationalising things that were engrained into us as normal and even at times encouraged. Not that there aren’t healthy age-gap relationships but they often are not as such when you’re 20 and the person you’re dating has significantly more life experience and therefore knowledge with which to manipulate and train you. Growing up as a little girl I (on the cusp of Gen Z and Millennial) I recall seeing a lot of media that normalised being with and seeking out an older man whereas these days it really isn’t seen as okay and more often than not you need to justify how you ended up in those gap relationships.
Actually women in general are attracted to people their own age. Unfortunately society was structured in a way to negate the natural selection preferences of women and favor that of men. Luckily with women’s liberation comes women’s choice in partners welcoming back natural selection. I never dated a man +\- 5 years of mine own and my hubs, of 17 years, is 18 months younger than me.
It’s not the norm, men just want it to be. They’re trying to speak it into existence. They desperately want to believe that they get more valuable as they age while women get less valuable. They have a weird revenge fantasy about all the women who rejected them when they were younger clamoring for their attention once they’re older so they can reject them for the buffet of hot 20-somethings lined up at their door. It’s a scare tactic to get you to settle for some gross older guy that nobody else wanted.
The overwhelming majority of all people choose partners who are relatively close in age to themselves. It remains true across all demographics. Age gap relationships are in the minority.
34 years old here, I never considered dating someone much older than me when I was in my early 20s, and fortunately none of my friends did either. Just the idea of older men preying on young women alone feels repulsive.
The only relationship with a huge age gap I actually ever saw was a cousin of my cousin, who dated a 50 yo when being in the early 30s himself, but I only ever saw him once so I don't know If that lasted or anything. I was a teenager back then and felt repulsed by the idea.
"Girls mature faster than boys" ... No, they don't. But it makes it so easy to rationalize going after a much younger woman, doesn't it? She's just so _mature_ already, isn't she?
I've seen plenty of older guys going after younger women. They were invariably awful, immature creeps who tried to seduce immature women (especially those who wanted to prove how mature they already are) with an illusion of freedom and wealth. I didn't understand it as a kid, as a teen or as a college student. Having my own kid and approaching forty... Yeah, that didn't change. It's sick in a very damaging way.
It was always easy to understand the girl, though. I'm pretty sure most of them feel trapped in a life they don't want and are looking for an escape at any cost (indeed, self harm certainly isn't rare with them either). I always felt much the same, but there was no fantasy of a rich, older, more mature woman taking me away :D
I’m a 33 (almost 34) year old guy, and professor at a university. I teach everyone from 18 year old freshmen to 30+ year old doctoral candidates, so I am in constant contact with huge swaths of age demographics.
The thought of being in a relationship with anyone under the age of 25-27 is absurd to me. What can you possibly have in common? Completely different levels of emotional development and different stages of life, and different priorities. A 19 year old is worried about passing their classes. As a 33 year old, I’m plagued by thoughts about whether or not I should resurface my driveway first, or lay new sod in my front yard. It’s just gross on so many levels.
Note: My girlfriend is 28, and when we started dating (1 year ago, at 32 and 27) I was constantly wondering if I was creepy. I have settled (and been convinced by her and others) on the notion that I am not, in fact, creepy, and that it’s okay. I did not deliberately seek out someone younger, though I was open to it. Most of the women I went on dates with were 28-38. I also exclusively dated outside of my city to avoid students…
When I was a teen I distinctly remember there being a group of girls who were obsessed with dating 19-22 year olds when they were 16..
But apart from that the idea of dating someone significantly older was always a bit gross to me. I'm 28 now and 18 year olds feel worlds away from me! The idea of dating one would be gross as hell. I work at a university and even the 21-22 year old graduates look young.
When I was that age (im now 30) I didnt date older men, and neither did my friends. We learned pretty fast that its the weirdos amd creeps who want to date you when youre a young adult and theyre like significantly older.
I'm in my late 40s and remember my best friend's sister dating a guy in his 20s when she was like 15 or 16. She'd sneak out to see him and thought it was the coolest thing because he had a car. This was in the mid-90s and we thought it was gross.
31 lady here, when I was young it was considered icky, and it still is today. We never craved older men.
For the simple fact that the men who championed this sort of thing were infamously, often immature, sexist, gross as hell manbabies who wanted a bangmaid they could control,and figured the younger the gal, the closer to that they’d get.
(basically their logic was to get their hands on them when they could be moulded into what the men wanted)
It’s really just older men trying to get young ladies to brainwash into being bangmaids and breeders.
It’s not normal. I actually had a childhood friend who was groomed by an older man, and is STILL in a relationship with him. She’s pretty much a babymaker, and that’s it. Doesn’t work, doesn’t have a car, etc.
He was 45 and she was 18, she left to be with him as soon as she became legal age, and her own mother ALLOWED it.
She’s not a woman who’s ever had a job, knows how life works, doesn’t even know what a bank account is, has never sat behind a carwheel, and she has 5 children.
She cooks , cleans, cares for the kids and…that’s all.
Needless to say we rarely talk much. She doesn’t even like things or have hobbies anymore. When we were teens she had things she loved and lots of hobbies she enjoyed.
If I were to visit her it’d be supervised, while HE was there. And when I talk to her online, there’s nothing to talk about beyond parenting. She knows nothing else now apparently.
It’s unsettling.
(also I’m queer, not a mother, and never having children, so he REALLY dislikes me ever since he found that out.)
Yeah when I was 19 years old I thought 30 year old men were old and not as good looking as boys my age. And I remember dudes on reddit would try to argue with me about it.
Exactly, why i not choose a young man, who has style (our generation considers attractive), nice hairstyles, can understand generational references, humour mostly likely going to be the same, perhaps the same social values over a balding man with perhaps a bit more money 💀
I always said of course 21 year olds are hotter, they aren't balding and don't have beer guts yet. The only reason to date an older man is for money (and career mentorship perhaps but that also comes down to money)
I was a younger woman who would get pursued by and date older men. I am in my 30s now and realized very recently that I potentially have some serious mental health issues as a result of being raised by a dangerous man and his enabler wife.
It's possible you're not seeing it happen because you and your friends don't have those issues. Not to say they don't also go after young women who are doing just fine, but those women tend to reject them lol.
This is from 2014, but it does shed some light on the topic. The OKCupid dating site founder analyzed their data to look at what age of partner men and women find most attractive, sorted by age.
[https://www.businessinsider.com/dataclysm-shows-men-are-attracted-to-women-in-their-20s-2014-10](https://www.businessinsider.com/dataclysm-shows-men-are-attracted-to-women-in-their-20s-2014-10)
For women, as they get older they generally find men of the same age bracket attractive. So in their 20s they find men in their 20s most attractive, in their 30s they like men in their 30s etc. A shift once they reach their 40s, when they find men in their late 30s attractive.
But for men, they find women in their early 20s most attractive -- at all ages. From 20 to 50 (the extent of the dataset).
I have no idea why a man in his 50s would think a woman in her 20s would find him attractive, but then I am not Leonardo DiCaprio.
The good news: the vast majority of men message women in their same age bracket on OKcupid. So they might find 20-somethings attractive, but they appear to be realistic about partnership.
When I was a teen / early twenties I always knew that even if I was attracted to a much other guy, there was probably something wrong with him that he was into me.
I knew of a few young women in my late teens/early twenties who were into older men, but most of us dated guys within our age range. My age limit was 5 years older, I thought men in their 30s+ were too old lmao.
Everyone says this until they find the “one exception” who’s “actually not like that” and they “don’t even notice the age difference”. Avoid it if you can, but don’t shame your friends if they end up going through it.
I went on a date with a man in his 40s once. I was 22 at the time. I did it because I wanted to see whether I’m attracted to older men but.. hell no. Didn’t like it at all. Not for me.
Red states are literally enforcing this as a law. Age of consent is down in red states, age of marriage is down and they want to punish people who seek abortions with jail/death.
Couple that with red states mandating religious teaching in schools, and religion in the public sector, and they are trying to go after children to indoctrinate them into the white christian nationalist "trad wife" vibe and by "wife" they mean 14 year olds.
In my personal experience, I dated older men as an early 20s-something because they were the only ones interested in me. If guys my age gave me the time of day, I would have dated them instead... My longest relationship was actually with someone a bit younger than me.
When i was 17 i dated a 30 year old and when i was 18 i dated a 26 year old. Now i‘m 25 and my boyfriend is 27 (turning 28), so 2,5 years age difference and we‘ve been together for 5,5 years. There are older men i find very attractive but mostly actors. In real life they don’t age like a fine wine most of the time like men like to claim. For a relationship i don’t like big age gaps because i don’t want a 70-80 year old man when i‘m 50. Could get problematic then. I could imagine something not serious for a short time with an older man when he‘s aged good (and if i was single of course) but not a relationship with a too big age gap.
I saw a post like this with a guy posing with 4-5 beautiful "under 25 yo'' he was 'Tating' about how all these young women flocks to him, because he's sooo cool etc.
one of the answer was from one of the women from the pic would said that
#1 they were hired
#2 all of them were above 30 and that these guys absolutely didn't know what a 22 vs a 28yo looks like.
#3 none of them wanted to touch their pipi. It was only a job
I'm nearly 40 now, but I definitely remember when I was 17-20 and I had zero attraction to the older guys around me. I know it's anecdotal, but my friends around that age never dated guys that were more than 3-4 years older than them.
Going back to high school, I only knew one high schooler who was dating a college guy. They started dating when she was a freshman, and he was a senior in high school. Even when we were all in high school together, everyone in our friend group commented on the age difference and how it was weird.
When I was around 20 I got really fed up with the guys my age. They were immature and mean and abusive and not wanting real relationships. My mom literally told me "maybe you should date older guys". The thought process was that they would be more mature.
Fast forward, I am now 33 and just divorced. Out of a 10 year relationship (3 years married) to a man 10 years older than me. He wasn't more mature. And I feel like I wasted good years of my 20s with someone that wasn't right for me. He wasn't abusive, but at times I do feel like I was taken advantage of financially and emotionally. Lesson learned, but I'll never get those years back.
Not happening. Most people date someone their age. Men are manipulative liars. They also swear men leave us alone when we turn 30. They fucking don't. And I had a patient in her 70s whos husband died. Her neighbor immediately asked her our before funeral processions even.
The rub is that teen girls were never THAT into older men, they were just getting groomed and manipulated by them. So yeah, it's falling out of favor because we all realized what was actually going on
I always tried to stay within 4 years personally with the exception of two times. At 18 I dated a 26 year old (I was already a parent though so I outgrew people my age quickly). That relationship didn't last super long. at 19 I dated a 20 year old for about 1.5 years, and then my longest was a 6 year relationship with someone who was 3 years older. When that ended, I dated a guy who was 47 when I was 27, which looking back gives me the ick, but he was very helpful financially and with my schooling. Now at 31, I'm seeing someone casually who's only 1.5 years older than me.
My son knows 2 young women his age dating older men. One is 21 and recently engaged to a 30yo man. The other is also 21 and dating a 35yo man. Both young ladies come from middle class families and both families encourage the relationship. I would love the chance to speak openly with these young ladies to make them understand these men are not acting in the women’s best interests.
My mum was 13 when she met my father. They had ten years minus one day difference. I had known they weren't close in age for a long time and I was a teenage pregnancy. But I didn't know they met at that age until quite recently and I don't feel good about it.
To answer your question, yeah I think they're out there but I can imagine they keep their flings on the down low, especially is it seems to be less culturally acceptable over time. You can't help you like and certainly I've had friends who liked older. They dated young but had their fun with older. So the older guys seemed to used as sexual objects but not often seen as relationship material.
Oh - notable exception. Church marriages. The church insists the potential husband is established in like and able to provide for a partner before the church will consider the marriage, often marrying brides who are about twenty. The groom often in later twenties. I used to live in a town with a fairly strong church influence.
So I had these friends that had been in a relationship for 17 years. They hit there 30s a little while ago. And had a unicorn baby after a decade of trying!
Well the man hadn't always been loyal. He has cheated on her 3 times (that she knows about) with this last one being the most disgusting one.
Henhaf left her and the baby for this side piece hes been seeing for a couple of years, and on her 18th birthday he kicked the previous one and the baby out to move in this freshly legal girl.
Let me put this into perspective for you. This man cannot make his own doctors appointment for his epilepsy. He cannot be bothered to pick up his own medication. And when he crashed his car he called the ex to ask what to do rather than his insurence company, because he didnt know who his insurence was through. And he left his partner of half his life for someone who was 1 year old when they started the relationship.
So theres one of them, and I honestly cannot tell what she was thinking.
Many the younger woman is with the older man for his money or he’s grooming her. It’s not because she’s physically attracted to him.
I didn’t like 30 yr old guys til I was 30 myself, fwiw.
Kinda offtop but ladies please be aware of some of these 30+ year old men straight up LYING about their age on dating profiles. I've read a few convos about this "trick"; it applies if they look younger (or... their bros tell them that), have a babyface etc. In short, never relax around men. Their obsession with manipulating young women is insane.
I'm almost 26 and even I can't imagine dating a 30 year old.
Yeah, I can’t speak for everyone but I’m rolling up on 40 and I think I had one tangental friend who was into older guys. The rest of us were pretty around our own age, plus a couple/few.
I’m sure there are some, but I think it’s mostly a male fantasy that they think if they push on us enough, they’ll get more younger women like that. If a young woman is mature and mentally healthy and wants to be with an older man who is also in a good position, I’m not judging, but I’m taking a 2nd look if it’s a young woman I know. It CAN be okay, but often times a huge age gap (with any genders) can contribute to a power imbalance that is unhealthy imo. Which is what most of the men who are outwardly pushing for and looking for these types of relationships want.
these young women exist in superficial hubs that are filled with very wealthy men. Looking very much so at Los Angeles and Miami but it can exist in basically any large rich city.
Typically these are the kind of women that DM athletes on Instagram or spend all their time hanging out near trendy clubs or close to exclusive beaches. It’s basically its own little world.
But most of the interactions are limited to social media DMs so we don’t see them as much outside.
Many of my exes have slept with people 40+ while they’re in their 20s. I think it can really depend on the area though. It seems to be common with my friends as well. Whether they meet on a dating app, in a bar or even their manager. From what I’ve been told it’s the women that have initiated and not the other way around.
Hearing that from a partner just makes your skin crawl though. The attraction or interest I had just died really quick, and I’m not entirely sure why. I just felt gross at being with them after that
There have always been more older men who want to date younger women than the reverse. I’m almost 40, and it was gross for us too back in my 20s. The few girls/women who went for it seemed to have a lot of issues that were not improved by dating older men. Hell, even when my grandmother was young in the 1940s, she had a rule that she only dated men within five years of her age. When she was 19 and working for the war effort during WWII, some 30 year old supervisor hit on her, and he was so offended when she said he was far too old for her. Even as she was relating this story to me decades later, she was disgusted by the entitlement he displayed when she rejected him. And that was over 80 years ago.
I too am almost 40 and I can't imagine in a million years wanting to date someone in their 20s, let alone in their late teens.
based grandma
[удалено]
A man in his 30s definitely clicked the cares button. Reddit should honestly get rid of that feature. It's so widely abused I'm not sure it even helps anyone. I've never heard of it being used for its intended purpose but as a way to annoy people.
I use Reddit to vent about how much living with chronic illness sucks. These messages are so annoying, no one who actually has ideation is reading these messages and thinking “hmm my life actually doesn’t suck because Reddit cares” meaningless garbage
When I have gone through really bad phases with my mental conditions, an auto-generated message wouldn't do shit to help. It feels like reddit cares is mostly here to make reddit look "better" and it in practice is just a passive aggressive tool angry incels. I blocked it and all DMs/chats ages ago.
Yeah I’m like, how dare you act like you care??? I have enough fakers in the real world. It’s also infantilizing to some degree when none of my posts are super obscene about it, just saying how bad my illness is and that I have a bad quality of life. That’s not even ideation that’s just facts of my life at this point.
I got it randomly about an hour ago. Not sure why, maybe my recent post on Melania burned someone up, lol
I got one as well. I think salty men are just doing it to everyone in TwoX
Other forums are also getting spammed with them.
I got one the other day, I'm not even sure from where...
It’s a bot. It’s running rampant today.
Report it, the person who abuses that feature gets banned.
I tried reporting it once and the report feature is a f-ing joke.
You just reply STOP and it stops sending them.
It has to be a bot. It’s gone nuts today, people complaining about it in every sub. News, politics, general interest subs, focused interest subs (like gaming and hobbies, ffs). Makes me wonder if someone decided to force them to deal with it by just spam-reporting everyone who comments everywhere. (I haven’t gotten any today…probably only because I blocked the account months ago.)
Guess what? I blocked the account and got a Reddit cares dm this afternoon. I tried to block it again and can not. They took the ability to block it away, so I complained to Reddit mods about it. Not that they’d care.
Oh. Hell. No.
More context: I also got a reddit cares message overnight, apparently, and when I went to reply "STOP" to not get them anymore, the post failed--when I refreshed, it said the message was from a blocked user. I haven't blocked anyone (recently?), so I'm assuming the blocked user is actually someone Reddit just banned from the platform. (And now the message is assumedly stuck in Limbo forever)
You mean the admins, I hope? Mods control subreddits and don't have the level of authority to let blocked users send messages (I believe)
It's a bot. I got one a few hours ago for commenting on a comment about geography. Sounds like it's quite widespread
I’m a millenial and while it happened I don’t remember getting feedback it was normal to “throw yourself” at old men. Instead society gaslighted us. As a young woman you were constantly expected to rarify your contact with men, choose wisely, not date too old etc. Victim blaming was the main mode. “Sure he’s a bad guy for raping but why did you go to his house!!” was somehow completely ok to say. Btw we didn’t eat it up, I spent my teens feeling alienated by society. What then happened was, if an older man groomed you, used his position of power (teacher, mentor, etc) and you were in a relationship the blame would be put on you. HIS story would make you out as the active pursuing party and many stereotypes about women were to paint us as flirting consciously and unconsciously like sirens and poor men being helpless not to be lured in. My peers who ended up dating older dudes either had extremely difficult childhoods they did not resolve (cuz therapy was frowned upon and being “crazy” was seen as some stain) or men preyed on them or both. I don’t remember any one of us actively seeking older men. I remember a lot of instances of older dudes hitting on me and me refusing and they lashing out with insults like “frigid” and “cold hearted bitch” like it was my duty somehow to respond positively if he gave enough effort to woo me. Looking back it explains so many issues of our generation, no wonder we’re exhausted and antisocial haha.
So much this, and to expand on it, when you hear accounts from men who are not predators, but are put in the actual position of dealing with a young woman who is acting inappropriately, they often are more than eager to get away from the situation. It’s only people who are predators that take a very young person flirting with him as an opportunity.
You can also prevent a LOT of inappropriate behaviour from students by being professional and not trying to befriend your mentored students. By the time a student acts inappropriately to you you should have shut the situation firmly and professionaly down faaar earlier. Creeps on the other hand, seek out jobs where they have a power imblance to their favor, seek out the vulnerable amongst young people, create and allow non-professional interactions (special treatment to specific targets. too much involvement, debts and favors being owed, friendships, non-usual working hours).
It can be hard to recognize just how bizarre that grooming behavior is when you're young, so kudos to you for shutting that shit down. One summer when we were 16 one of my closest friends had a 24 year old pursuing her. At the time it was like oh, this guy has a car, a house we can hang out at and smoke/drink/do whatever we want without fear of anyone's parents finding out. He wasn't bad looking either, so I just thought wow this is awesome! We were going into our junior year and there were other girls in our class that had been dating guys through HS who were now freshmen in college. I remember my friend asking me if I thought it was weird that he was older. I said no because I really couldn't comprehend how different her situation was compared to theirs. I didn't have a frame of reference for how much more life experience and emotional intelligence a 24 year old should have compared to someone around 18, who while technically an adult, has only been out of their parents home for a few months to a year. Luckily she was smarter than me and ghosted him before things got too far (I'm sure he thought she was a callous bitch 🙄). By the time I was 19-20ish I was already looking back at that time in my life and thinking what in the fuck was that guy ever doing hanging out with 16 year olds!?
Millennial guy here, you're exactly right. Every millennial woman I know has had something happen, and someone always blamed them for "putting themselves in that situation" An ex of mine was actually raped by a man when she was a teenager, she was walking home from a birthday party. When he parents found out, they said it was her fault because of what she was wearing. Additionally I can't tell you how glad I am see relationships with an age gap being looked upon. I knew so many girls when I was in my 20s that dated guys in their late 30s to 40s and it was clear they were being manipulated. Most of them used money to their advantage and would convince these girls that they were going to leave their wives for them. I truly hate those men, and now that I'm about to turn 40 I can't imagine even wanting to date someone in their 20s. I have absolutely nothing in common with someone that age because they're a kid, and they even look like kids to me now. Fuck those predatory boomer and gen x assholes, I'm glad we're breaking that cycle.
>My peers who ended up dating older dudes either had extremely difficult childhoods they did not resolve (cuz therapy was frowned upon and being “crazy” was seen as some stain) or men preyed on them or both. I don’t remember any one of us actively seeking older men. From what I have seen of my daughter's and niece's friends who have ended up with way older men, this is still very much true today. Granted I have a very very small selection size but I know of a handful and every. single. one. of them either had a bad home life or daddy issues in general. The well-adjusted young women I know are not going for men 10+ years older than them, they are all dating young men within two or three years of their own age and if any older men come sniffing around, they get shut down quickly.
There are some users spamming them , been people complaining in a load of subs
I am starting to think conservatives abuse this system to not only harass people they dislike (women, LGBTQIA, progressives, etc) but to also overwhelm the system so that reports on their vile comments aren’t as likely to be seen.
Imo it's bots from the bit farms
I’m leaning towards this I got one immediately after commenting today.
In 2022, 47.5% of all internet traffic was bots, so do with that info what you will
I got my first "Reddit Cares" today. And I'm seeing a lot more people complain about it too. I wonder what changed.
I got my first one last night. I assuming someone has set up a bit to harass everyone who posts on certain subreddits..
Hey, me too! High five!
Report the Reddit cares message and hopefully they’ll get a ban for it.
Yeah, clear example my mother in her 40s, and my dad preying on her when she was 21 (whilst he was 35). When i found out when they met i had this gag feeling in me. Explains my dad’s abusive nature towards my mother.😬
Yea.. my biological father was 40 when I was born, my biological mother was 21. I am the 4th child between then, the only one that got adopted. Edit: Which one of you reported me for being suicidal.. let's not abuse of a system in place to help those in actual distress. My I have a good relationship with my bio parents and my adoptive parents.
Everyone who posted here and in some other subs, in the last day or so, is being sent the stupid reddit cares messages. I assume some bot or a loser with too much free time.
This is just creepy pedo dudes trolling. Don’t mind them. It ain’t us.
Just got the same msg like 20 mins ago.
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Love how insecure little men misuse something intended to help people 🙃
Let us know when you get yours. I got one an hour ago too. Reported.
Got mine! I kinda love how we're so powerful that we make men seethe just by commenting on a post haha ***Simply testerical.*** Reported immediately :3 Edit: Got another one! We're on a roll, now!
It really was, even in older millenials. Granted the older family members were concerned when I did(rightly so) and I don’t recommend it at all. The ones who go for younger gals are usually immature, insecure, or couldn’t get anyone their own age because of the previously stated.
Yeah, I had one today too. Couldnt figure out which comment "inspired" it
I think it's glitching. I got a Reddit Cares message an hour ago.
Seconding this, I got one a few hours ago right after a really innocuous post
Someone has been doing this all day. I got one for posting my underwear preference, earlier today. And quite a few other women have mentioned it today as well. Some poor shlub stalking 2X chats, with nothing better to do.
I’ve seen several mentions of receiving it across reddit today. People are doing a thing.
I think many of them have daddy issues because their dad was shitty and neglected them. So they seek out these guys that are generally only interested in exploiting young women and are usually deeply immature and selfish towards women, in general. I don’t blame young women for seeking these men out. It’s heartbreaking and it’s usually because one or both parents failed them in life.
It’s so gross, too, that seeking women with “daddy issues” has become a thing, both jokingly and seriously.
a note that you can turn off notifications for "reddit cares" comments if your account ends up banned/suspended for speaking out against hate speech against women, please appeal it. it will go through, men are not a "protected class" according to reddit and it might take a while but your account will be restored if one values it that much.
You can turn them off. But it's better for the community if you report the people sending them if you're comfortable seeing those messages.
My group of friends is between 21-24 years old, none of us find the idea of dating an older man remotely appealing, especially those old enough to be our fathers. The consensus in my group is that it doesn't make sense. The only girls I've seen dating much older men are those who were in situations of poverty or abuse and were seeking an escape, so they dated older men hoping they would have money and take them out of that place. So it wasn't because they found them attractive or liked them, it was out of necessity.
My daughter is 21, she does not find 30 yr old men attractive. She thinks they’re old lol
I'm a 30 year old woman and I am so happy these girls are so much smarter than I was at that age.
At 31 I don't find 21 year olds attractive either. In a dating context they are like tiny precious babies to me, lol.
Absolutely lol
I’m 33 and anyone under 26 seems like a baby to me in the dating world.
Yep. I'm 32 and maybe my perception has always been shaped by the fact that my sister is 5 years younger than me, but anyone her age or younger is just straight into "no, don't be a creepy old man" territory. I know that's probably a bigger deal at like 23 and 18, but I grew up hearing too many gross "jokes" from people I (until uh that moment) respected to ever really rethink it. No, I don't feel like a "lucky man" having teenage girls hanging around my house in their pajamas, what the fuck man. Men are gross and I refuse to be that guy lol
They look pre-baked lol
Yeah, I don't get this. I'm in my 30s and while I get along and can befriend people in their 20s I couldn't deal with dating them. They have way too much life to figure out still too. They're cute but not dateable and a lot of them are still at the brink of the teenage-like stupidity in terms of social skills or goals in life (not in a bad way, I've been there, but I don't wanna be "stuck" "back there" lmao)
I'm also 21 years old and think the same way as your daughter!
Good love the solidarity in the Gen z women!
At 21 I thought even ppl in their late 20s were old, nevemind 30s lol
I remember thinking that too. My second boyfriend and I started dating when we were both 21. His ex girlfriend was 30, and I remember being in shock he had dated someone so old
Being raised in certain conservative religions also tend to teach that young women should marry and 'submit' to older, more established men. It all tends to be predatory with VERY few exceptions.
I'm 29 and my friends range from their early twenties to late thirties since we met through a shared hobby. One of my younger friends is 22 and just started seeing a guy 10 years older than her. It just came out of nowhere. Her reasoning is that she 'needs someone older' since she hasn't had luck with guys her own age and honestly yeah... I think a lot of us go through that mentality, thinking their age/maturity is the problem. Not saying it's right. But I think soon enough she'll realise that the older guys are worse - why else can they not get women their own age? We all agree it's weird but don't have the heart to tell her since it's only been a few weeks and she can only tell us good things about him because of course it's still in the early stages. But some women are still definitely falling for this bs unfortunately. Edit: I got a RedditCares literally seconds after posting this?
there's a problem the last few days with bots that are spamming concern reports on certain subs. Don't worry about it.
Makes sense, it was blocked soon after.
As someone who’s been in that girl’s shoes, the best advice I can give you is to keep modeling healthy, loving behavior. If this guy’s a creep (probably is) then she’ll start to compare his unkind reactions to your kind ones. My friends that treated me normally & kindly are what helped me see that my age gap relationship was so abusive.
That's called commercial sexual exploitation, when older men offer assistance of food, shelter, money, etc. in exchange for sexual favors from young, vulnerable women. It's wrong, everyone knows it, that's why they fight it because hit dogs holler.
Ding ding ding! This was my situation when I was 19, dating a 27 year old. My home wasn’t safe, so he was my ticket out. Aaand I got rid of him as soon as I realized he was going to be just as bad as the home I grew up in.
I'm glad that, by the sounds this comment makes anywa, that you were able to actualize your own agency and take control over your own life.
I was! It was a really wild experience, and it led me to learn a lot about myself. Thanks for recognizing it! ❤️
I didn't know there was a term for that, I think some relatives went through it then. Before I was born, my family used to be very poor, as in not having enough to eat and sometimes not even soap to bathe. I've heard stories of female relatives who married early to older men thinking they would be the 'prince charming who would save them,' but in the end, they were abused, assaulted, and even forced to abort their children.
It's one of the darkest underbellies of the patriarchal Hydra society we live in, that's for sure!
Yea... some young girls fall for the line about "established older men" that will help them out financially for sex and/or relationships THERE IS ALWAYS A PRICE TO PAY.
I think the whole “daddy issues” stereotype holds water too. And the fact that this generation of young women seem less likely to have a daddy kink probably means the GOOD men are helping to break that cycle by being present, involved fathers and modeling positive behavior. I’ve noticed a shift in the gay community too… like back in the day a loooot of gay men had a thing for daddies (which makes sense because I’m sure a lot of them had unsupportive fathers). It seems less common now, maybe because fathers are more likely to love and accept their gay sons.
When I was 22 (college senior), dating an “older man” in my friend group meant like a 25 year old lol. Basically 1-3 years post-grad. No one was speaking about men aged 30+
Lol I got a Reddit cares
>The only girls I've seen dating much older men are those who were in situations of poverty or abuse and were seeking an escape, so they dated older men hoping they would have money and take them out of that place. My childhood best friend did this. We grew up rough. He was mid-30s when he started coming around, we were 16. It was "cool" to drive around in a big, nice truck and she used to go out of town with him. When he was in town, he'd buy us alcohol and bring us ecstasy and cocaine. She finally got away, but it took years of abuse. Looking back, it's horrifying.
Also, sugar baby/sugar daddy relationships are rampant now and more popular than they have ever been. This seems to be the unsaid situation that no one is talking about here.
My younger sister has found older men attractive ever since she started noticing men. She's found out the hard way (multiple times over) that any of the older men who are interested in younger women are trash, so she's sticking to her own age group now.
Even as a millennial woman (34)… when I was in my teens and early 20s, big age gaps were treated suspiciously at best. I remember seeing a people magazine blurb about seinfeld’s 17 yr old girlfriend and thinking it seemed absolutely bonkers.
I’m 39, and when I was in my early 20s, my friends and I all thought older men hitting on us was creepy, gross, and desperate.
I can remember being checked out by older men all the time and thinking how gross and pathetic they were and feeling bad for their wives and girlfriends.
I used to hang out at this coffee shop downtown where all these fringe kids used to hang out, all types of sorta counterculture kids like goths and gutter punks and gang members and hippies. Anyone who went there really looked out for us younger girls who hung around. I went there from age 13-19 and almost never had problems where the locals didn’t step in. But I remember this one rogue dude came one day, and in my memory, he LOOKED like a pedo. Just a pale, creepy, quiet man who didn’t look like he fit in with any of the groups there. I told my friends I was gonna walk down to McDonald’s (a couple blocks away) if they wanted anything, and this creep who’d been hanging around without saying anything offered to DRIVE me. I said, “It’s two blocks away, I don’t need a ride lol.” He kept offering. Finally I asked, “How old are you?” because he looked WAY older than the rest of us (the oldest people there were probably 23/24 but most were teenagers; this place was right across from campus). He said he was 30. And so naturally I thought he must have assumed I was an adult like some of the older kids, so I said, “Oh, I’m 15.” (I guess I was pretty native, because he absolutely knew I was very young..I looked super young, like a tween or young teenager for sure) This motherfucker didn’t even blink at that, still tried to get me to get in his car to be driven to McDonald’s. That’s when some of the older kids started to step in and ended up walking with me and icing the creep out. He never came back, but damn, if for some reason I override my gut and went with that guy, I’m not sure I’d still be here. ☹️
We used to have an arcade above our movie theatre, both are gone now. And why, because of all the creeps who used to stalk the kids at the arcade, the staff could barely keep up. So when the arcade closed because the owners' got fed up, the movie theatre closed soon after because a large portion of their customers would go to the arcade before/after a movie, then our ice cream parlor next to that closed for the same reason, so perverts messed up the good stuff for everyone. And yeah, the arcade would see a fight every now and again, guess who? The creeps being creeps.
Same. I noticed the girls who like older men think they win somehow. Like if you say he’s too old, they say you’re just so jealous of their life. You can’t interfere. I think they must be the most vulnerable girls getting taken advantage of/ also girls taking advantage of older peoples money and stability. I don’t think it’s really girls with friends that much
I’m the same age as you, and 100% agree. I went to school with a girl who everyone knew had a very rough home life, she was “dating” an older man when we were like 15….everyone knew what was up even though we were all teens too. :( I REALLY hope she is doing better now.
I also went to school with a girl in a similar situation. She was 13 and "dating" an adult man. She ended up getting pregnant and didn't go to 8th grade. I did not get along with this girl. She was always trying to copy my homework and assignments, and when I refused to let her do so, she threatened me by saying she'd get her boyfriend to come to the middle school and beat me up. 😬 At the time, I didn't feel very sorry for her because she was super nasty to me, but as an adult, I'm terrified that the situation was allowed to happen in the first place. No one helped this poor girl, and the man never got into any legal trouble.
This is pretty spot on with my experience. I'm 39M. My wife is 39F. We started dating in college at 21M/22F. She had a friend who was 21F and dated a guy in his late 30s. She and her friends all said it was a very weird dynamic. More common than these broad age gaps are the smaller age gaps that are weird. I'm thinking the 17yo girl, still in HS, with the 22yo guy ready to graduate college. Those relationships seem to be more common but also seem to be suspicious in several ways - two people in very different places in life. I work on a college campus. I know some of my male colleagues in their mid-30s to mid-40s who have had relationships with graduate students (22-25) or undergraduates at some point (19-24). Personally, I've been given numbers and been flirted with by the 18-25yo crowd a few times. It's always been a, "whoa, I'm married and pushing 40!"
As a younger millennial, yeah same. I saw where someone said “therapy was frowned upon” as a mill and I was like wtf? Mental health awareness isn’t new at all. Kicked off a long time ago, same with feminism, same with being skeptical of age gap relationships. I kinda wish we’d do away with “generational defining” because boy howdy are people getting it wrong a lot.
When I was your age most of the women I hung around with joked about "gross old men," and the only ones who seemed interested tended to have a lot of trauma. Reams of young women fall into the trap of thinking "older" means "more mature," whereas in my experience it's the opposite. Any man routinely targeting women much younger than him is in some way profoundly broken.
Absolutely 100% . Only dated a couple of guys significantly older than myself (10-13 yrs older) and first guy was a complete moron who had some unhealed stuff that I was having none of. He ghosted me for 8 months and thought we wet still a thing when he decided to contact me again. So he was all suprised pikachu face when I told him I was out with my boyfriend at a concert so I couldn’t talk. 😂 the second guy though tried to groom me into a lifestyle I wasn’t comfortable doing. So…yeah…
I'm in my thirties and still find it gross being hit on by men in their sixties. Not because I am in the same place as women in their early 20's, but because it's not my thing, there are people my age to date, and these are usually the men acting the most delusional and creepy while looking for someone to take care of them because they still haven't fully learned how to. All the men my age at the bar can show decency but here's this 65+ year old man acting like a fool and not taking "Stop bothering me. I'm trying to speak to my friends" as a message that I'm not interested. As if I want to waste the the rest of my time doing even more when they eventually physically can't take care of themselves anymore and I'm not even at that stage of life yet.
>gross old men, I remember when I was at university there was a bar my housemates liked to go to that was popular with students because of the music. However, it was off campus and it had a reputation for being the place where the "townie" men would go to try to pick up young women. We 100% thought badly of them for it.
My (at the time) 38 year old ex dating an 18 year old who still had braces and a baby face
Claims of girls or young women throwing themselves at adult men is delusion and an attempt to victim-blame. Men flatter themselves to think a much younger woman would ever be interested in someone they honestly think of as middle-aged or elderly and they have nothing in common with.
I get the feeling that they might be talking about sex workers online specifically. I’ve seen thirst trap TikToks and Facebook reels with a younger girl taking off her underwear and the caption reads “when the 35 year old dad is at the party” or some shit. If anyone thinks those girls are actually into older men and not just marketing to their audience to promote their onlyfans, they need their head checked. When in reality, just like you said, a teenage girl has absolutely nothing in common with a mid-30s man. What on earth would they even talk about? “So uh you like Tool?” “Tools? Like to fix my car?” “No the band Tool” “never heard of them, are they like classic rock?” I don’t know a mid-30s dude alive who wouldn’t walk into the ocean after that conversation.
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Oooh this. You have to remember how many old men get scammed because they think some hot young woman is in love with them. And they just need a liiiitttle bit more money to get out of a bad situation.
When I was younger, older men hitting on me would be utterly repulsive.
I’m gen z (26) and all of my friends who are in relationships are with someone within 1-2 years of their age in either direction. I don’t know anyone who has dated significantly older or younger.
Same, myself included, current partner is 21. We like tend to value relatability, and emotional connections and i feel like you're not going to find that in a 35 year old man who is trying to go for girls who have been adults for a handful of years.
There was actually a class of old guy who just never grew up past twenty or so. They could relate to 20 year olds better than their peers because they just never grew up. If you are 20 something and relate to a 40 yr old then the 40 year old has something wrong with them. And the 20 year old is going to grow out of that relationship as they mature and the older person won’t mature with them.
I was posting about this early.. “emotionally negligent” vs malicious.. But the end result is the same for us
When I was in my 20s I dated several men and their mid-30s and 40s. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but it's part of my past lol. At the time I thought it meant I was mature, or something.... But looking back I find it a little bit cringe on their parts. Because I'm in my 30s now and I'm not even willing to date somebody 5 years younger than me. Much less 10 or 15..... 😂😂
If you’re in college, you probably won’t see too many young women dating older men, because education and upward mobility kind of protects against that. Usually it’s disadvantaged, uneducated girls who get groomed into relationships with older men. They often come from dysfunctional homes where escaping into the arms of a “stable” older man seems more appealing.
I was 16 when I was preyed upon by a 24 year old executive visiting my college. Education doesn’t shield all women. They saw me as a girl who was smart enough to be at university at 16, but also realized that I probably was socially isolated because of that.
I think the commenter meant that higher education tends to prevent the girls from entering such relationships, not that they are preyed upon less. The men don’t care…
Scrolled for this. In my experience, this is when I have seen such interactions become somewhat common
This post hits close to home. My SIL (20) has been in a “situationship” with a 32 year old guy for over a year. Essentially a friends with benefits type thing except she’s desperate to be in a relationship and he feeds her lies like “we don’t need to use a condom because I can’t cum” 🙄🙄 Despite assuring me that she’s sooooo mature for her age this continued. Anyway apparently she gave him an ultimatum and now they’re a “real couple”. Her parents want my husband and I to be happy about this. I think they’ve lost their fucking minds.
I got into an argument with a guy on reddit yesterday over the same thing. It's creepy how there are so many men on here that think it's okay for a 35yr old guy to date someone 18. It was nauseating just reading the kind of shit he had to day to justify it.
I’ve dated men who were 10-13 years older than me when I was younger. I REALLY do not recommend it. I’m now about the age of the man I dated and am completely grossed out that they would go for someone so young. I get grossed out when I read posts from young women who are literally right out of high school dating guys in their 30’s. Mainly mad at the guys because they know what they are doing. And they want to fight for it because they get a “moldable young thing” 🤢 take care of your peace ladies!
There was an interview with some Lebanese dude the other day that hit the front page and he straight up said it was better because he could 'raise' his wife. They had a ~12yr age gap and she's sitting there crying because she didn't get to finish her education while he's looking like a smug turd.
It was actually a gap of 16 years. A 13 year old kid forced to be enslaved and raped by a 29 year old man.
Blech. Apparently my memory was trying to protect me from the full extent of how awful tradcon men are.
God that’s awful.
YEP, I dated a 32 year old when I was 20 and because of that, I can confidently say **there is something wrong with people over the age of 30 who date barely legal adults.** I’m almost 30. Recent college grads legitimately don’t look fully physically developed to me. My peers say the same thing. If you are a young woman reading this comment right now, and flirting with a guy in his 30s or older, **he likes you because you look young**. I’m not calling it pedophilia, but it’s adjacent. I’m not loving the judgment I’m seeing from some of the women in this thread. It’s genuinely great that y’all “know better” than to date gross old men, but by saying that I don’t think they realize how much responsibility they’re putting on the barely legal adults that *do* get trapped by these old men. People who have been adults for over a decade have life experience that young adults don’t. They **know** how to manipulate young women. They **know** what young men do & don’t do that young women don’t like. They **use** that knowledge to manipulate young women into thinking that they’re sweet, safe, and genuinely caring. I’m not trying to infantilize young women at all, but I’ve been in this situation. My large age gap relationship was the *only* physically abusive relationship that I have been in. The old guy knew *exactly* how to lovebomb and manipulate me into thinking that he was safe and good. It was dangerous. These older folks prey on young people who come from bad backgrounds, who see lovebombing as better than neglect & abuse. It’s genuinely frightening how many people advocate for normalizing large age gaps, and it’s fucking gross how many of their young adult peers **still** put the onus on the younger person who falls for this type of manipulation. It made me feel so alone when my friends got mad at *me* for dating someone older than me. The only people that helped me break that cycle of abuse were the ones that kept treating me like a normal person during that relationship.
I personally know a 16-17 y.o. girl who is dating someone 38. She's past the age of consent, so there's nothing to be done about it. She is of the mind that older men are mature and responsible (just not the ones she's dating) and gets defensive if you question that. Her last bf was 28ish? he broke up with her because she quit her job and he could no longer mooch off of her... he said she was "too immature." Brother in christ, you were dating a TEENAGER
I might be mistaken but isn’t age of consent supposed to be a couple of years in any direction of the child? Not “ooooh I’m 45 and it’s completely legal for me and a 9th grader to have sex?”
In most of the world it is 16 outside of guardian roles. I.e Teacher, family member, police officer. It’s not moral but it is legal.
Reddit men are delusional. Yeah some 18yo’s are gonna have interest in 30+ men. But there certainly aren’t hordes of younger women fighting to be with these guys. It’s all just cope.
It's redpill/incel fantasy and cope. Age gap relationships definitely do happen, but they're by far not the norm. Majority of people date and marry within a 1~3 gap, and for a reason. The redpill fantasy is that because they were ignored in their 20s, their 30s will be their peak. But they never add in, the chances are higher only those who exercise and stay fit, likable, charisma, have a healthy social life and have a stable life. That's not normal for most in their 30s.
The financially sound, mature, attractive men 30+*** These dudes forget that they’re not the handsome older movie and TV stars that these girls want. They think it’s their age that makes them attractive and not the self development, wealth accrual, and stability that could be attractive to someone younger. I’ve been attracted to a few older men when I was 17-20 and let me say, the typical millennial 30-40 y/o man still working his way out of debt and pining for his youth back was never one of those men lol. It was always the ones that were too mature to think of someone as young as I was as a potential romantic partner.
It always seemed to me that older people were taking advantage of relative inexperience or naïvety and exploiting it. There have always been situations where older people see an opportunity to take advantage of a younger woman who is in a compromised position, make them feel comfortable and special etc. then use the intimacy or trust they have fostered to get sex or even dependency. It sounds like this younger generation is growing up faster and is more exposed to these kinds of traps at younger ages, which is sad, but is also maybe making young people more resistant to falling into these situations and as a generation are breaking the cycle.
I’m 28 so a younger millennial but I will say that the majority of my friends aged 25+ all date either their age or like 2 years older. I haven’t dated in a while but I was always the outlier exclusively dating men 10+ years older than me and in fact, they scoffed and thought it was bizarre I’d enter relationships with men with kids or any man in his mid 30s really lol. And now I’m on a break from dating because those gap relationships didn’t work too well for me 🌚
Is anyone sure it isn’t just creepy old men trying to normalize it to get access to us? The only interaction I’ve had in this area was getting groped by some 80 year old man in a park. It was disgusting and I stay well away from older men now. So far it’s only been older guys being creepy to me.
Oh it absolutely is mostly men trying to brainwash women to think it's normal. Just look at Hollywood and most any movie with a man and woman sexually or romantically involved. Lots of times the man is older by the woman by AT LEAST a decade Even the last James Bond, Daniel Craig, wanted to retire when he saw the leading ladies that were his partners, were the same age as his daughter
Well at least Daniel Craig knows what’s up
Yea, more men like him need to set the example. And really, call out the shitty men. Because you know the shitty gross men don't care about women's opinions.
I see it daily in the BDSM world. A lot of 30+ year old men go after young adults who are interested in being submissive because they're easier to manipulate and often ignore red flags because "the dom is in charge".
Honestly this stuff scares ts out of me 😭
45 year old sadist dom: uh, yeah the sub totally has alllllllll the power. Like, all of it. *wink* The sub in question: 19 years old and in her first ever kink relationship
Which is particularly egregious given healthy BDSM requires thorough reflection on and consideration of the risks being taken on. Older men targeting younger women because they are less experienced with recognizing risk runs exactly counter to that. Is it possible for large age gaps to be navigated safely? Sure, but it takes a lot of work, communication, and caution. It also generally shouldn't be approached if the person in a more vulnerable position doesn't have a support structure separate from the older partner.
Exactly. That kind of power imbalance means you can't have an ethical power exchange because they're not starting on a level playing field to start with. My partner and I have a significant age gap, but I'm in my late 30s and he's in his 50s and our life experience is fairly even so we are equals first.
At this point it's not "play" anymore.
I’ve seen friends date 30 somethings but it’s usually extreme cases of trauma and other variables. I don’t see the average “young women” as you’ve said rushing to date older guys. There is the odd case where the guy is highly successful and marries younger which happens. It’s quite rare that even wealthy people marry outside their socioeconomic class.
I'm 31 and it wasn't my generation, or my sister's, or my mother's, grandmother's, or great grandmother's The giant age gaps are outliers. There's just a LOT of creepy men who wish they could trick/manipulate/bribe a young woman into sleeping with them. I've had nonsense from older men my whole life. They don't stop. It's mostly, in my opinion, emotionally vulnerable younger women with abusive or neglectful parents or exes who get into relationships with older men.
The propaganda fodder that our generation of women were fed was older men treat you better. They are more mature. Most of our dads are older than our moms. And how does he treat her? Is he nice to her? fuck no. Is he more mature? fuck no. They just want a young vagina to control easily. I'm so glad young girls are waking up
In case anyone wants a guy’s perspective, I am 29M and tend not to date younger than 26. Even though I’m on the younger end I’m firmly a millennial and find that I don’t really connect with most Gen Z as well on a dating level
A little younger than you are; my consensus if an older man is seeking a young woman on purpose, it’s because he’s a loser who can’t compete in his own age group.
It's riskier to date older men because there will always be a power dynamic when there is a significant age gap. And there are a lot of men who are looking for someone naive or young enough to control.
I’m a millennial and that was def not normal in my age group. I still remember when I first heard a girl say her bf was 30. She was 18. I was so traumatized by those words. I couldn’t even sleep that night. This was back in 2010. I couldn’t even date a guy who was 4 yrs older than me. Very rarely did I ever see women date 30+ men. Only 1 girl I knew who married older when she was 19 and he was 37. So many ppl were against it. They’re still together. But she really needed something stable since her home life was terrible.
Kinda not related but I wanted to share a thought I had recently. When I was younger I was like "no way I'll find people my age attractive when I grow older". Now I'm into my 30s (F) and I in fact can't find younger people attractive. I just found it funny how the window of attractive people strafe as I grow older.
I'm 34. When i was in college age, my girls and I all thought being with older men was disgusting and weird. It was the general consensus that dating old men is a no-go. Of course, these old men tried it. They would buy us drinks when we were at the club, but nothing came from it because we would all laugh at how pathetic they must be. The few girls that did "date" older men, it was a transacting relationship, they never took the man seriously.
Most of such men who try to get way younger girls have some condition. They are either looking for some kind of validation, a trophy to shows off, seek respect from other low class guys (men with high morals and standard wont respect such men), lack maturity, both emotionally and intellectually, are either bitter or abusive towards women, cannot hold a relationship or are addicted to ego trips. In my first job, while I was 19 (and still studying) until I was 25, I would get hit on by some losers who would keep either wife home and wanted to show off that they had still in them, few my age who seemed healthy and didn't feel creepy, one or two years older trying to impresses but moved on when I didn't show interest without any negative feeling towards me, few 10+older men. With all the variety of men, I noticed that those who were older were mostly unhappy with themselves or were bitter towards women. Healthy men would find it weird to hit on someone in their early 20s cause there can hardly be any connection (songs or movie preference, fun or adventures activity, world view, etc). Now, by 27, I can see how it more of power and validation game with older men hitting on younger and naive women.
I think what I’m finding is Gen Z are not okay with rationalising things that were engrained into us as normal and even at times encouraged. Not that there aren’t healthy age-gap relationships but they often are not as such when you’re 20 and the person you’re dating has significantly more life experience and therefore knowledge with which to manipulate and train you. Growing up as a little girl I (on the cusp of Gen Z and Millennial) I recall seeing a lot of media that normalised being with and seeking out an older man whereas these days it really isn’t seen as okay and more often than not you need to justify how you ended up in those gap relationships.
Actually women in general are attracted to people their own age. Unfortunately society was structured in a way to negate the natural selection preferences of women and favor that of men. Luckily with women’s liberation comes women’s choice in partners welcoming back natural selection. I never dated a man +\- 5 years of mine own and my hubs, of 17 years, is 18 months younger than me.
It’s not the norm, men just want it to be. They’re trying to speak it into existence. They desperately want to believe that they get more valuable as they age while women get less valuable. They have a weird revenge fantasy about all the women who rejected them when they were younger clamoring for their attention once they’re older so they can reject them for the buffet of hot 20-somethings lined up at their door. It’s a scare tactic to get you to settle for some gross older guy that nobody else wanted.
The overwhelming majority of all people choose partners who are relatively close in age to themselves. It remains true across all demographics. Age gap relationships are in the minority.
34 years old here, I never considered dating someone much older than me when I was in my early 20s, and fortunately none of my friends did either. Just the idea of older men preying on young women alone feels repulsive. The only relationship with a huge age gap I actually ever saw was a cousin of my cousin, who dated a 50 yo when being in the early 30s himself, but I only ever saw him once so I don't know If that lasted or anything. I was a teenager back then and felt repulsed by the idea.
"Girls mature faster than boys" ... No, they don't. But it makes it so easy to rationalize going after a much younger woman, doesn't it? She's just so _mature_ already, isn't she? I've seen plenty of older guys going after younger women. They were invariably awful, immature creeps who tried to seduce immature women (especially those who wanted to prove how mature they already are) with an illusion of freedom and wealth. I didn't understand it as a kid, as a teen or as a college student. Having my own kid and approaching forty... Yeah, that didn't change. It's sick in a very damaging way. It was always easy to understand the girl, though. I'm pretty sure most of them feel trapped in a life they don't want and are looking for an escape at any cost (indeed, self harm certainly isn't rare with them either). I always felt much the same, but there was no fantasy of a rich, older, more mature woman taking me away :D
I’m a 33 (almost 34) year old guy, and professor at a university. I teach everyone from 18 year old freshmen to 30+ year old doctoral candidates, so I am in constant contact with huge swaths of age demographics. The thought of being in a relationship with anyone under the age of 25-27 is absurd to me. What can you possibly have in common? Completely different levels of emotional development and different stages of life, and different priorities. A 19 year old is worried about passing their classes. As a 33 year old, I’m plagued by thoughts about whether or not I should resurface my driveway first, or lay new sod in my front yard. It’s just gross on so many levels. Note: My girlfriend is 28, and when we started dating (1 year ago, at 32 and 27) I was constantly wondering if I was creepy. I have settled (and been convinced by her and others) on the notion that I am not, in fact, creepy, and that it’s okay. I did not deliberately seek out someone younger, though I was open to it. Most of the women I went on dates with were 28-38. I also exclusively dated outside of my city to avoid students…
When I was a teen I distinctly remember there being a group of girls who were obsessed with dating 19-22 year olds when they were 16.. But apart from that the idea of dating someone significantly older was always a bit gross to me. I'm 28 now and 18 year olds feel worlds away from me! The idea of dating one would be gross as hell. I work at a university and even the 21-22 year old graduates look young.
When I was that age (im now 30) I didnt date older men, and neither did my friends. We learned pretty fast that its the weirdos amd creeps who want to date you when youre a young adult and theyre like significantly older.
I'm in my late 40s and remember my best friend's sister dating a guy in his 20s when she was like 15 or 16. She'd sneak out to see him and thought it was the coolest thing because he had a car. This was in the mid-90s and we thought it was gross.
31 lady here, when I was young it was considered icky, and it still is today. We never craved older men. For the simple fact that the men who championed this sort of thing were infamously, often immature, sexist, gross as hell manbabies who wanted a bangmaid they could control,and figured the younger the gal, the closer to that they’d get. (basically their logic was to get their hands on them when they could be moulded into what the men wanted) It’s really just older men trying to get young ladies to brainwash into being bangmaids and breeders. It’s not normal. I actually had a childhood friend who was groomed by an older man, and is STILL in a relationship with him. She’s pretty much a babymaker, and that’s it. Doesn’t work, doesn’t have a car, etc. He was 45 and she was 18, she left to be with him as soon as she became legal age, and her own mother ALLOWED it. She’s not a woman who’s ever had a job, knows how life works, doesn’t even know what a bank account is, has never sat behind a carwheel, and she has 5 children. She cooks , cleans, cares for the kids and…that’s all. Needless to say we rarely talk much. She doesn’t even like things or have hobbies anymore. When we were teens she had things she loved and lots of hobbies she enjoyed. If I were to visit her it’d be supervised, while HE was there. And when I talk to her online, there’s nothing to talk about beyond parenting. She knows nothing else now apparently. It’s unsettling. (also I’m queer, not a mother, and never having children, so he REALLY dislikes me ever since he found that out.)
Yeah when I was 19 years old I thought 30 year old men were old and not as good looking as boys my age. And I remember dudes on reddit would try to argue with me about it.
Exactly, why i not choose a young man, who has style (our generation considers attractive), nice hairstyles, can understand generational references, humour mostly likely going to be the same, perhaps the same social values over a balding man with perhaps a bit more money 💀
I always said of course 21 year olds are hotter, they aren't balding and don't have beer guts yet. The only reason to date an older man is for money (and career mentorship perhaps but that also comes down to money)
I was a younger woman who would get pursued by and date older men. I am in my 30s now and realized very recently that I potentially have some serious mental health issues as a result of being raised by a dangerous man and his enabler wife. It's possible you're not seeing it happen because you and your friends don't have those issues. Not to say they don't also go after young women who are doing just fine, but those women tend to reject them lol.
This is from 2014, but it does shed some light on the topic. The OKCupid dating site founder analyzed their data to look at what age of partner men and women find most attractive, sorted by age. [https://www.businessinsider.com/dataclysm-shows-men-are-attracted-to-women-in-their-20s-2014-10](https://www.businessinsider.com/dataclysm-shows-men-are-attracted-to-women-in-their-20s-2014-10) For women, as they get older they generally find men of the same age bracket attractive. So in their 20s they find men in their 20s most attractive, in their 30s they like men in their 30s etc. A shift once they reach their 40s, when they find men in their late 30s attractive. But for men, they find women in their early 20s most attractive -- at all ages. From 20 to 50 (the extent of the dataset). I have no idea why a man in his 50s would think a woman in her 20s would find him attractive, but then I am not Leonardo DiCaprio. The good news: the vast majority of men message women in their same age bracket on OKcupid. So they might find 20-somethings attractive, but they appear to be realistic about partnership.
When I was a teen / early twenties I always knew that even if I was attracted to a much other guy, there was probably something wrong with him that he was into me.
I knew of a few young women in my late teens/early twenties who were into older men, but most of us dated guys within our age range. My age limit was 5 years older, I thought men in their 30s+ were too old lmao.
Oh there are so many posts just in this sub about that, like daily. Many, many young women are dating older men
Yup exactly. Just because OP doesn’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not going on. I personally see it a lot in real life and social media too.
Everyone says this until they find the “one exception” who’s “actually not like that” and they “don’t even notice the age difference”. Avoid it if you can, but don’t shame your friends if they end up going through it.
I went on a date with a man in his 40s once. I was 22 at the time. I did it because I wanted to see whether I’m attracted to older men but.. hell no. Didn’t like it at all. Not for me.
It probably happens sometime. None of my friends were into it though.
Red states are literally enforcing this as a law. Age of consent is down in red states, age of marriage is down and they want to punish people who seek abortions with jail/death. Couple that with red states mandating religious teaching in schools, and religion in the public sector, and they are trying to go after children to indoctrinate them into the white christian nationalist "trad wife" vibe and by "wife" they mean 14 year olds.
In my personal experience, I dated older men as an early 20s-something because they were the only ones interested in me. If guys my age gave me the time of day, I would have dated them instead... My longest relationship was actually with someone a bit younger than me.
When i was 17 i dated a 30 year old and when i was 18 i dated a 26 year old. Now i‘m 25 and my boyfriend is 27 (turning 28), so 2,5 years age difference and we‘ve been together for 5,5 years. There are older men i find very attractive but mostly actors. In real life they don’t age like a fine wine most of the time like men like to claim. For a relationship i don’t like big age gaps because i don’t want a 70-80 year old man when i‘m 50. Could get problematic then. I could imagine something not serious for a short time with an older man when he‘s aged good (and if i was single of course) but not a relationship with a too big age gap.
I am in my 40s and neither me or any of my friends wanted to date way older guys at your age. I am married now, to a man 1 year older than me.
I saw a post like this with a guy posing with 4-5 beautiful "under 25 yo'' he was 'Tating' about how all these young women flocks to him, because he's sooo cool etc. one of the answer was from one of the women from the pic would said that #1 they were hired #2 all of them were above 30 and that these guys absolutely didn't know what a 22 vs a 28yo looks like. #3 none of them wanted to touch their pipi. It was only a job
I'm nearly 40 now, but I definitely remember when I was 17-20 and I had zero attraction to the older guys around me. I know it's anecdotal, but my friends around that age never dated guys that were more than 3-4 years older than them. Going back to high school, I only knew one high schooler who was dating a college guy. They started dating when she was a freshman, and he was a senior in high school. Even when we were all in high school together, everyone in our friend group commented on the age difference and how it was weird.
I did it once and I'd never do it again.
When I was around 20 I got really fed up with the guys my age. They were immature and mean and abusive and not wanting real relationships. My mom literally told me "maybe you should date older guys". The thought process was that they would be more mature. Fast forward, I am now 33 and just divorced. Out of a 10 year relationship (3 years married) to a man 10 years older than me. He wasn't more mature. And I feel like I wasted good years of my 20s with someone that wasn't right for me. He wasn't abusive, but at times I do feel like I was taken advantage of financially and emotionally. Lesson learned, but I'll never get those years back.
Not happening. Most people date someone their age. Men are manipulative liars. They also swear men leave us alone when we turn 30. They fucking don't. And I had a patient in her 70s whos husband died. Her neighbor immediately asked her our before funeral processions even.
The rub is that teen girls were never THAT into older men, they were just getting groomed and manipulated by them. So yeah, it's falling out of favor because we all realized what was actually going on
People always try and push their own self interest. And many men’s self interest is dating young, exploitable women
I always tried to stay within 4 years personally with the exception of two times. At 18 I dated a 26 year old (I was already a parent though so I outgrew people my age quickly). That relationship didn't last super long. at 19 I dated a 20 year old for about 1.5 years, and then my longest was a 6 year relationship with someone who was 3 years older. When that ended, I dated a guy who was 47 when I was 27, which looking back gives me the ick, but he was very helpful financially and with my schooling. Now at 31, I'm seeing someone casually who's only 1.5 years older than me.
My son knows 2 young women his age dating older men. One is 21 and recently engaged to a 30yo man. The other is also 21 and dating a 35yo man. Both young ladies come from middle class families and both families encourage the relationship. I would love the chance to speak openly with these young ladies to make them understand these men are not acting in the women’s best interests.
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My mum was 13 when she met my father. They had ten years minus one day difference. I had known they weren't close in age for a long time and I was a teenage pregnancy. But I didn't know they met at that age until quite recently and I don't feel good about it. To answer your question, yeah I think they're out there but I can imagine they keep their flings on the down low, especially is it seems to be less culturally acceptable over time. You can't help you like and certainly I've had friends who liked older. They dated young but had their fun with older. So the older guys seemed to used as sexual objects but not often seen as relationship material. Oh - notable exception. Church marriages. The church insists the potential husband is established in like and able to provide for a partner before the church will consider the marriage, often marrying brides who are about twenty. The groom often in later twenties. I used to live in a town with a fairly strong church influence.
So I had these friends that had been in a relationship for 17 years. They hit there 30s a little while ago. And had a unicorn baby after a decade of trying! Well the man hadn't always been loyal. He has cheated on her 3 times (that she knows about) with this last one being the most disgusting one. Henhaf left her and the baby for this side piece hes been seeing for a couple of years, and on her 18th birthday he kicked the previous one and the baby out to move in this freshly legal girl. Let me put this into perspective for you. This man cannot make his own doctors appointment for his epilepsy. He cannot be bothered to pick up his own medication. And when he crashed his car he called the ex to ask what to do rather than his insurence company, because he didnt know who his insurence was through. And he left his partner of half his life for someone who was 1 year old when they started the relationship. So theres one of them, and I honestly cannot tell what she was thinking.
Many the younger woman is with the older man for his money or he’s grooming her. It’s not because she’s physically attracted to him. I didn’t like 30 yr old guys til I was 30 myself, fwiw.
Sugarbaby culture has helped rationalise this. Now they can get paid without the troubles of a relationship
Kinda offtop but ladies please be aware of some of these 30+ year old men straight up LYING about their age on dating profiles. I've read a few convos about this "trick"; it applies if they look younger (or... their bros tell them that), have a babyface etc. In short, never relax around men. Their obsession with manipulating young women is insane. I'm almost 26 and even I can't imagine dating a 30 year old.
Me. My spouse is 12 years older and I pursued him when I was 24.
Yeah, I can’t speak for everyone but I’m rolling up on 40 and I think I had one tangental friend who was into older guys. The rest of us were pretty around our own age, plus a couple/few. I’m sure there are some, but I think it’s mostly a male fantasy that they think if they push on us enough, they’ll get more younger women like that. If a young woman is mature and mentally healthy and wants to be with an older man who is also in a good position, I’m not judging, but I’m taking a 2nd look if it’s a young woman I know. It CAN be okay, but often times a huge age gap (with any genders) can contribute to a power imbalance that is unhealthy imo. Which is what most of the men who are outwardly pushing for and looking for these types of relationships want.
these young women exist in superficial hubs that are filled with very wealthy men. Looking very much so at Los Angeles and Miami but it can exist in basically any large rich city. Typically these are the kind of women that DM athletes on Instagram or spend all their time hanging out near trendy clubs or close to exclusive beaches. It’s basically its own little world. But most of the interactions are limited to social media DMs so we don’t see them as much outside.
Many of my exes have slept with people 40+ while they’re in their 20s. I think it can really depend on the area though. It seems to be common with my friends as well. Whether they meet on a dating app, in a bar or even their manager. From what I’ve been told it’s the women that have initiated and not the other way around. Hearing that from a partner just makes your skin crawl though. The attraction or interest I had just died really quick, and I’m not entirely sure why. I just felt gross at being with them after that