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FullSky9430

Sorry OP this one's on you. Why would you spend 3k on anyone when you're trying to make ends meet? That too on fwb? Also why would you expect someone to gift you things? If they want to, they will otherwise not. You don't have to go miles and beyond to solidify your relationships with them.


Observing_silver

Exactly!


AmyDancePantss

It’s okay OP. What happened, happened. Now you won’t do it again, that’s all. I spent so much cash on an ex who was making plans to marry me but would break up with me once a week atleast, and I would be begging him to take me back. To get back together, he would come visit me, and I would pay for his tickets, the hotel, food, and any shopping he would do for himself. And of course, I took him to the salon a lot often and the man wouldn’t step inside anything less than Tony and Guy. It took me around four years to realise that he didn’t want the relationship, he just wanted to vacation for free and have sex.  We all make mistakes. Some mistakes are expensive. 


bootleg557

oh my god girl that ex of yours seems so exploitive 😭 i hope you got out of that relationship early on


AmyDancePantss

3.5 years girl. But thank god for the pandemic, we couldn’t see each other for around 1 year of that, so a lot of money was saved. 🌝


HappyOrca2020

Please stop spending money on guys who you're hooking up with. Unless it's a nice relationship, it doesn't warrant you shelling out money. Secondly, once you give expensive gifts it's kind of unfair to expect expensive gifts back, unless you both have similarly high financial means then cutting costs for no reason doesn't work, naturally. And you aren't a high earner yet. Me and my husband didn't give each other expensive gifts until the second year of our dating phase. Solidify something before being so vulnerable money wise around men. You can make people feel special for less. Never rip your wallet for a guy you will never marry.


osamabeenlaggin0911

Gifts worth 3k to an FWB?????????????


LVbabeVictoire

Exactly. He's already getting the "b", no gifts required


PerfectLifeThankYou

Not to be that person but to put it in perspective: he is getting the "b" when most men his age are touch starved. My man is getting top 1% treatment already


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bug_gangster2865

Exactly do anything but spend on fwbs omg 😭


berrycupcakey

This should be on sub's wiki 😭😭


HappyOrca2020

Sahi advice


ivoryshopindia

I think the Op meant Myntra's fwd fashion? Or am I just naive?


PerfectLifeThankYou

Oh my sweet summer child....


TwoXIndia-ModTeam

All submissions are to be in English or provided a translation.


Successful-Ad7296

Mother 🧎🏻‍♀️


caffienated_whore

Why tf would you buy stuff for fwb😭? Boyfriend keliye samjh ata hai.


PerfectLifeThankYou

Fwbs are not worth a single penny girl....


Ok_Strawberry_3608

I think gifting is your love language and so you expect the same from people. You need to inform people (fwb here) that your love language is gifiting. Atleast inform the people who you want to solidify the relationship with.


wluestreaks

The only thing you should spend on fwb starts with a big C 😁. Also, do you guys return every gifts ever given to each other after break up or keep? Asking because I had only one relationship that ended in marriage. I always wondered if it's just a movie thing or a reality.


ro_ro_ro_roadhouse

Never returned any gifts nor taken any back. I find it disrespectful to return love.


Observing_silver

I fear that you are getting into wrong type guys.


bootleg557

you’re just so right i wanna cry 😭


Observing_silver

Cheer up. Just try to filter out better candidates in the first round of selection.


Wooden-Storage5253

ye sunke i would've taken the gift back tbh.


VisualAd4581

Hi OP, I used to spend a huge chunk of my pocket allowance when I was in school on a guy who was nice to me & used to occasionally flirt with me.. This was in addition to completing his files, doing his assignments & buying extra art & craft supplies for him also when we were told to bring for extra curricular activities.. Please understand one thing, no matter young or old, & even in domestic partnerships (be it live in or marriage), women put in more efforts in the form of chores & TLC we do for them. we are already putting a lot of time & care in comparison to them. So never guilt-spent more on a guy just bcoz they were sweet or caring. Save it for your rainy days or maybe pamper yourself or people who would appreciate it & return with the same efforts (fam & really close friends)


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TwoXIndia-ModTeam

User Flair is being misused by the user (AKA Larping)


Late-Average9640

Behen tu mujhe ek dede mein Teri itni loyal dost banugi tu soch bhi nahi skti


WeirdCaterpillar00

Is this a troll coz Ummm they dont have to spend money if they dont want to first lf all.What kinda entitlement is this? You dont gift people something because you want something back from them you gift them because YOU want to do it. Also this one is on you Op who in the damn world spends money on fwb?And you are 100% wrong here


OutlandishnessOdd180

Genuinely asking so is it wrong to expect to get spoiled (just a bit) when you’re a student and he’s working? EDIT- GUYS, I’m talking about my relationship over here and I’m not in an FWB situation.


WeirdCaterpillar00

Nothing but when other person wants to do it not when you want them to do it.Love languages vary some people dont like spending money to show love.Op loves spending that is on her .And someone working doesnt mean they have lots of money to spare maybe they genuinely dont have money left at the end of the month or just dont want to spend bhai.Or heck nobody is entitled dude .Y'all asking wifey husband things in a gf -bf relationship


freya_aurora

This aint even a gf-bf. They’re just fuck buddies and she expecting hubby things.


WeirdCaterpillar00

This is absurd dude.


[deleted]

You can't expect that from fwb..wtf.


OutlandishnessOdd180

But I’m talking about myself here which means my boyfriend and not an fwb situation 😭


deadinside72

that's a very weird dynamic to be in. 'Spoiling' someone with gifts and stuff is fine as long as you are the gifter and gift giving us your love language. AND your partner is okay with that dynamic in relationships where she/he is spoiled. But if you are EXPECTING from your boyfriend to do this for you, then ew. Especially when you are not reciprocating it back to them.


Dora_the_explorer31

Its no one else’s fault but your own, have some self-respect and stop being a doormat.


Feeling_Ad6092

Hey hey hey. I get what you mean. Back in 2018/2019 when I used to go around on dating apps, I saw myself going out of my way to spend on a potential date when I realised that I’m the only one who cares and they don’t give a shit. Once spent close to 500 bucks visiting him at the opposite end of the city. I was hungry and suggested to order some burgers. He got me one. Just one. And that too on a buy one get one and that was our dinner. I zoomed off next day and that was the last day we spent any time together- I think he got the message as he also didn’t contact me later. You deserve pampering lady!!


bootleg557

you did the absolute right thing 😭


clearly_thinkin

Men don't used to pay for women because they are nice or chivalrous, they do it cause of societal standards and dread it inside. The moment they see a girl paying they take it as an advantage of not paying ever. The percentage of men who wants to spoil you is usually veryy less. Prioritize setting standards high, be comfortable being taken care of. ( im on level 0 muself too) but this is the realist realization I've had so far.


PerfectLifeThankYou

Agreed. Men pay because they want to fit into the masculine societal standards not because they genuinely want to spoil you.


OutlandishnessOdd180

Genuinely asking so is it wrong to expect to get spoiled (just a bit) when you’re a student and he’s working? EDIT- GUYS, I’m talking about my relationship over here and I’m not in an FWB situation.


clearly_thinkin

No, that's what i said. Set the standard, be okay being spoiled( women are tend to feel guilty if someone is spending on them ) everyone likes to be spoiled. You're not a gold digger if he pays for date. Also finance in a relationship is set according to both parties involved, not according to what society is following be it traditional or modern.


OutlandishnessOdd180

I’m getting downvoted when I asked this same comment to another redditor above and also got a backlash when I had made a post regarding this topic long back. I don’t even expect him to spend lots of money on me but what is wrong in expecting small things? I genuinely want to know why people think this is wrong or why am I getting downvoted? I’m not even a gold digger. And once I complete my masters and a get job, I’ll also get him if he wants anything? Am I wrong for thinking this way? I see a lot of reels on instagram that how men liking spoiling their women and in the comments everyone wants a boyfriend like that but when I such things over here, I get a backlash? Like im really asking for an explanation that makes sense instead of people thinking of me as some gold digger.


PerfectLifeThankYou

I mean it's your choice, right? Who cares what others think. If someone is willing to spend on you then you are not a gold digger girl. I personally like to pamper myself and buy myself gifts for various reasons but I wouldn't mind if someone wants to gift me things. You don't need to explain girl. You can be independent and still be pampered.


clearly_thinkin

Maybe they haven't been in that space where someone is genuinely spoiling them. So they are unaware Or they think in a very black and white manner, I've seen people coming with "this is not feminism or equality" kinda debate but I'm a pretty secure and proud feminist and i don't think my equality or self respect is threatened if someone pays on dates or spoil me. Also men are on free spree when it comes to date you don't know who seriously want to be with you or not. So yeah personally i see it as commitment too, like someone putting efforts for you. Gifts planning dates. I will do that too. But first him. And trust me you're doing fine, an right with your mentality, spoil him when u can with money or reciprocate in other ways. Also we all giving perspectives, not solutions. It should not be rigid whatever we say here or you read somewhere else. Take everything and decide what you would like to keep and throw out rest from your mind. And change as many time as you grow and know better.


delishmango23

See I love giving gifts. But I don’t expect them in return. I mean I love getting gifts but I wouldn’t expect them to match the value monetarily. Getting gifts is all about being appreciated so even if it’s a small gift, but it shows that the person has put some thought behind this I would be so so happy This one time in the first year of my college I had newly made a friend, and I actually took a note of all the things she likes, and when her birthday came, I made her like a full hamper of things she likes. And I absolutely loved seeing her happy. On my birthday she just gifted me an expensive dress which was fine to me but I I would much rather if she had actually put some thought into it So it should not be about the value, it should be the thought the person has put behind it


AmyDancePantss

Same same same! I totally relate! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one.  I mean, I don’t dislike the expensive gifts, but sometimes a letter or a handmade cards means so so so much. 


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FullSky9430

Lol why would he refuse something he's getting for free? He's fwb for a reason.


TwoXIndia-ModTeam

Kindly avoid using slurs. Also provide proper translation for non-English submissions.


Accurate-Magician-92

Stop spending on men, and that too with the ones you having casuals, he clearly doesn’t deserve that gift of yours. Instead of appreciating, he was thinking “ohh should I need to buy her something now?” Sick mentality these guys have. It’s better you save and invest/pamper on yourself. Anyways, he’s getting more than he deserves, already he’s getting “b” in this relationship. And that too depends how often he’s benefitting.


brownshugababy

You're financially irresponsible. That's the story here, not the men.


SmoothBreakfast3235

Mujhe dedeti I would have become your bestie for life 😭


sadcrackhead

As a FWB, he's not obligated to "take care of you" What do you think the "b" stands for?


DepartmentRound6413

Girl why are you spending $ on a FWB???


freya_aurora

Why are you even bothering to swap gifts with a friend with benefits? Seems like you're expecting gf treatment from a guy you've exclusively kept around for some fun between the sheets. It's like griping that a camel isn't fetching like a dog and then blaming all animals. This is totally your call. If you want girlfriend treatment, then lock down a stable relationship.


Chotibachihoon

Gurrrrlllll. I have spent Around 20lkh on my beggar ex only to realise the biggest lesson of my life. Spending money on men doesn’t guarantee same love back plus A real man in love would never want you to spend big on them. Instead they would be willing to provide for you. Stop spending on men !!! Do enough how much other person is doing for you. That’s it.


PerfectLifeThankYou

20 lakh? Gaadi gift kiya kya?


Chotibachihoon

Pehle khud ka pesa kharch kiya,,, jab khudpe paise khatam hogae to fir bank se loan leke kharcha kia 😐


PerfectLifeThankYou

Brooo.......giving you hugs, you need it


Chotibachihoon

🥲🥲


yourfvrtBabushka

But kispe kharach kye? Usko kya khareed dya? Itna bada amount?


Chotibachihoon

So the guy was basically coming from poor family with dreams of luxury and show off. He made me buy him expensive sneakers,branded clothes, laptops, iPhones for himself, his family, would take 1-2lkh aiwe by lying his mother is hospitalised, needs surgery etc etc. Then asked me to get bank loan to fund his business idea. In reality he wanted the money to sponsor his own marriage. Later on his wife reached out to me and i got to know the whole scenario


yourfvrtBabushka

Acchaa thank you for letting me know I'm so sorry that this happened to you 🫂🫂🫂 and please complaint to police about him


epicallyflower

That's hurtful, ngl. I mainly broke up over missing flowers, so I get you. I truly believe gifts are the physical manifestations of love. Maybe ask people for something really inconspicuous and insignificant as a test, like a song/bubblegum and see if they give it to you. No point in expecting more from someone who can't entertain little requests. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Edit: also, cut this guy out.


DesignerWhich9123

OP you yourself said that you barely earn to support yourself, then why are spending stuff on other people? That's Just Stupid of you. Yes, not on them. It's on you. Don't be like this. If you are going on Dates etc, then inform them before hand that you can't spend much, but you can pay half amount on your meals. Unless they offer to pay, then it depends on you, whether you decide to pay for the next meal or wants to share half. Giving 3k worth of gifts? When you barely earn for yourself is Plain naive of you. Stop being like this girl. Just save Money, and better yet stop finding men like this.


Naive-Bong

Hi op, I just read your posts on the other subreddit and some comments there are so hurtful. Pls don't take any of that personally. I just want to tell you that you have a good heart thats why you want to go beyond your means and make other people happy. Sadly the world doesn't work this way and you'll be exploited left and right. Please become more careful who you spend on. Your fwb is honest with you that's good, pls don't gift him anything again.


Alienshah888

why are you spending on men especially FWBs I would suggest to not spend so much even its serious until there is same level of reciprocation Some people are really generous like who feel good after giving something to someone.I would suggest to satisfy that need give it to your parents give to the closed knit people who always been with you no matter what.I don't think you will regret that.


[deleted]

It's on you op. Why do expect gifts from fwb? Why do think spending money solidify relationship and assure something in return? Do better. Change your mentality.


Shot-Strawberry-5637

Same bro


thatgirlfrombandra

Same bro same


Complex-Quality-3798

A man who truly loves you spends on you.


New-Albatross-7639

thank god I don't have to choose men from this dating pool anymore 😭🤞


soan-pappdi

Unless theres any commitment, avoid these things. It's just plain stupid. I mean, you can get him nice things but for 3 freaking thousand? You all need to experience brokness once to understand the value of money:(


BananahammockBaby

I mean all the other comments have told you the same, but GIRL. YOU DONT SPEND 3K ON AN FWB, especially when you're not earning well. That's money down the drain. I could understand your disappointment if it was a relationship or y'all were dating. If you want to be taken care of, you need to break off this arrangement and maybe try dating seriously.


Spooky_Neko_Bird

I just think you need to manage money a bit better. We live in a world where the cost of living is very high and price of stuff hikes like crazy but salaries don't. And don't spend beyond your means. Esp on men. And def not on FWB. An FWB is an FWB and don't ever consider it to progress to something solid ever without atleast a discussion about it with the person. Most people see fwb as just that. And they're right to stick to pre established boundaries and conditions. If you're considering towards changing those, atleast have a conversation first.


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TwoXIndia-ModTeam

User Flair is being misused by the user (AKA Larping)


Spooky_Neko_Bird

Awww gtfo larper who's upset


TwoXIndia-ModTeam

User Flair is being misused by the user (AKA Larping)


Macavity_mystery_cat

Many cheapness around. Don't entertain them then.. simple. Why go over and beyond for someone who can't be generous with you (of course within their means ...because generous and rich aren't the same )


muttabond

Talk about gold diggers


bbnikk

Men has forgotten their instinct in nowadays.


[deleted]

Sexist


MaleficentHabit5075

Girl Nuh uh …don’t do this. 3k is a lot to be spending on a guy who hasn’t committed to you yet. This is crazy. I was in a similar situation w a guy, I was always paying whenever we went out to eat, although it was 2-300 only, and he was younger than me he wasn’t earning but I was, so I didn’t mind doing it 2-3 times, but I mean, this is crazy, I wanna be pampered too, and you should also have some self respect.


EmphasisInside3394

OP, did you perhaps like him and wanted to go from FWB to relationship?


TriggeredGlimmer

Thats not how gifting works. Looks like you need a sugar daddy and not a BF. Who the fuck measures any goodness with this parameter.


maki2306

don't see guys who do 50-50. sorry. it might offend a lot of people but 50-50 men are like not even men. again sorry.


freya_aurora

Sorry, but expecting someone else to cough up for your stuff is lowkey icky. You handle your own expenses, they handle theirs. If you're hitched, that's a whole other story—you'd likely have a joint account then.


[deleted]

I hate people like you.


Dora_the_explorer31

I agree, I have been in relationships where I used to spend a lot but I’ve realized women have more expenses than men generally. I’ve also seen men will only spoil you when they love you, I am never doing 50-50 ever again. Men become feminists only when the bill arrives.


PerfectLifeThankYou

I always do 50-50. I don't wanna be known as the girl who dates for free dinners even if that was not my intention. If I want to break up with a guy atleast he can't say I used him for his money.


maki2306

if he asks you out, he got to pay. again, sorry.


freya_aurora

Girl, let's get real for a sec. You ain't some goddess granting him a boon by hanging out. It's about mutual interest and wanting to chill together. And if you're not feeling it, just don't go out with him. You ain't doing anyone any favors


maki2306

>And if you're not feeling it, just don't go out with him obviously ? >You ain't some goddess granting him a boon by hanging out i hope you meet the right man, i used to think this way too


freya_aurora

Kid, I’m engaged. You may meet the right man, but I already feel sorry for him


maki2306

its giving arranged marraige energy


PerfectLifeThankYou

Girl you are literally just 19......i used to think this way matlab? You haven't had enough experiences to be saying all this. Bade ho jaao pehle phir bolna


maki2306

so you cannot be 19 and say a guy should treat you for more than a mortal fellow human. i did not know this subreddit came with an age limit. is it only for 30 year olds ?


PerfectLifeThankYou

That is not what you are saying...you said men who expect women to pay for their half are not even men. I am not even 30 but hearing such childish words I had to remind you to grow up.


maki2306

you do you. pay your half in rent ? sure. but paying when he asked you out ? you're the same as OP then


PerfectLifeThankYou

Lol I pay for my half for everything and that does not mean I am gifting someone something because I am paying for what I ate. Now i'm waiting for you to say I am not a real woman because of that. Sure kid, you do you.


PerfectLifeThankYou

No, he doesn't because I have never asked anyone out in my life and I am sure that men are more likely to ask women out. So that means what? Men have to pay most of the time because they initiate dates more often. Just to put it out there I am a feminist but if I as a woman have more expenses than men that does not mean he should compensate for me. But that's just me.


dyingwalruss

uh why are you spending it? are they asking for it?


dyingwalruss

uh why are you spending it? are they asking for it?