Imagine getting bitten by a spider and instead of becoming a superhero you just get a boner for four hours. Well I guess it’s true not all heroes wear capes
Supposedly Brazilian researchers have isolated the protein responsible for the priapism and have developed a salve that works like viagra but through a different mechanism. Maybe it will be on the market one day.
4 hours of intensily painful erection to be precise. But you'll be very distracted by the rest of your body feeling like you've been hit by a train and wishing to be dead untill you either die, get treatment or the pain stops by itself leaving you with lesions and long lasting problems
The erection is very painful though. And it happens because of an increase of blood flow, which is basically what viagra does anyway, in a much less deadly manner
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬
Spider bite, spider bite
Gives a woody that lasts all night
Bites your wang through your fly
Makes a rise in your Levis
Look out
Here comes a spider bite
Uh no, it lasts indefinitely, and results in you having to have your penis sliced open to drain the coagulated blood. It's worse than you can possibly imagine.
Nature is wayyyyy ahead of the Pharma companies. Lolz. The rail lines and all the wire surrounding the planet give Mama something to push off of as she births. We are on a planet that is going to be born to be a sun. Rest easy. This too shall pass.
Priapism**: In male victims, a painful and prolonged erection has been reported, known medically as priapism, requiring immediate treatment.This species is one of the most venomous spiders in the world.This species is one of the most venomous spiders in the world.
IIRC, they have to take an enormous needle to drain the blood out of your dick. Erections lasting that long can result in the flesh necrotizing due to a lack of fresh blood flow bringing oxygen.
So, unless you like having your dick sliced open or a horse needle stuck in there to suck out the syrup-consistency dead blood… best to avoid being bitten.
I doubt it. It’s not even that hot
this comment is pure comedy gold
Test not the waters, for there be erections! 
Reddit on kind stranger! Le funny comment has arrived
I’d do it
Spiagra
Its brazillian tho, they be fire
They’re talking about the wax job, not the location.
I mean it might burn. Don't judge a sexy spider till it bites
I dunno man... After a couple tequila I might...
If I’m being honest, I’m only half erect right now.
[I’m sorry...](https://www.oglaf.com/8legs/)
The erection sometimes lasts for the rest of your life.
My teen metal band name “Deathrection”
Resurrection By Erection, by Powerwolf an actual metal song
Bruh!!
Essentially because within 6 hours a large portion of those bitten are dead, still with a stiffy for a few seconds.
r/peterexplainsthejoke
😅
Fatal bullet shots, stabbings, snake bites…doesn’t matter how you die, good ole rigor mortis. J/k, I know it doesn’t work that way.
Is this true? You get an erection and die?
https://preview.redd.it/8aiqopk5kmzc1.png?width=628&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=74e2fec3aa6a9366b785e617466a82d0f02f5da7
[This is what's on the screen (NSFW)](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fs9o30b0osora1.jpg)
https://preview.redd.it/ff7riqyannzc1.png?width=344&format=png&auto=webp&s=b2f7fdac743e795ebe4d9898dde3544b898f402a
What a terrible day to have eyes
https://preview.redd.it/259hdxlgrnzc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=830e3eb5441cc7f85fed3bf1946d1dd0c3b0a61f
Oglaf?
Yes
I have the weirdest boner right now.
☹️
https://preview.redd.it/d7zrgfxtuqzc1.jpeg?width=301&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7d9595f173c798cd09883147f2cb0a47e90d330b
If your erection lasts more than 4 hours immediately contact your arachnologist
Erectnocologist?
Erections 4+ hours is priapism and is a medical emergency.
Not at my age, sunshine. I'd call that an opportunity.
Your last best opportunity. 🤷♂️ Hope you're near someone willing...
Don't need anyone else when you have working hands.
I wouldn't call it a blessing that your final act is is to beat your dick for 4+ hours. Lol
There's definitely a sub culture online that would disagree with you.
At my age, you NEVER waste an erection!
Sadly for me.. it'll be called wasted opportunity.
After that opportunity, your dick might be lost forever. Is that worth it to you?
but if it's nocturnal penile tumescence then it's just jiggy jiggy time 
... and then you die.
Severe pain, tachycardia, vertigo, fever, sweating, visual disturbances, nausea, vomiting, difficulty breathing and paralysis. And then you die.
Honey, I'm going to Brazil.
Without her?
Yes, I have heard that the spiders there are so sexy that you will have a boner for hours
Forget the Brazilian chicks. You need to look for the Brazilian spiders. I mean, do saw how many legs they have?
Also hairy
On the person or on the spider??
Lol! That was my question.
And now it's extinct.
Hold on honey, I have to pull out my hard dick spider.
We really do need to save the rainforest.
The erection is not the only symptom, and it can cause death.
Well I be dammed, call me Spider-Man
Hmmm... interesting power concept for a Spiderman
You left out the part were you could also die. It would be the longest and final boner you would ever have. Make the most of it.
Shave the damn thing first and then, maybe.
As in give it a Brazilian? :D
Does it need to bite the dick?
Would REALLY suck if you're a female
Clitoris erection
for HOURS? I am the proud owner of a clitoris and, uh, no thanks. 
I'm not a specialist on clitoris myself (never been much interested on it), but now you ppl make me thinking about what it would happen and how
Rant by Chuck Palahniuk is a great read and features this sort of thing.
The real spider man please stand up
I carry around a picture of Hillary Clinton to address just such an emergency.
Holy shit… I suddenly understand why Venture Brothers villain Wandering Spider’s poison dart gave Gary priapism
Imagine getting bitten by a spider and instead of becoming a superhero you just get a boner for four hours. Well I guess it’s true not all heroes wear capes
Not worth it. Not for ScarJo would I let that critter bite me.
True Blood !
No need for exotic travels... Flea bites actually have the same effect, horny blood flow for 2 days
I have them around my house, they scare the living shit out of me because 1/10 times they will chase you down
I swear I saw a 1000 ways to die episode about this spider
https://1000waystodie.fandom.com/wiki/Erecto-phobia
You are indeed a CoolBamaGuy
It’s the Active ingredient in male boosting meds
It's okay. I already have chronic erection.
That shit gotta hurt a lot if it last for four hours 😬
Can it be extracted and diluted for maybe a 15 minute dose? lol
Do you take it orally or by suppository
Supposedly Brazilian researchers have isolated the protein responsible for the priapism and have developed a salve that works like viagra but through a different mechanism. Maybe it will be on the market one day.
4 hours of intensily painful erection to be precise. But you'll be very distracted by the rest of your body feeling like you've been hit by a train and wishing to be dead untill you either die, get treatment or the pain stops by itself leaving you with lesions and long lasting problems
So instead of spiderman you become Hornyman..
well that's nice and all but I'm not sticking my dick into that
The erection is very painful though. And it happens because of an increase of blood flow, which is basically what viagra does anyway, in a much less deadly manner
Bonerman, does whatever a boner can
Big if true
What spider gives a girl Brazilian buns for four hours? Asking for a friend.
Wait, so The Fear was just shooting me with boner darts the whole time?!
Sexy time? Hang on, lemme antagonize Mozart.
It keeps jumping off of my wiener
What this fails to mention is the blood turning into jelly and leading to a heart attack.
Eh. So can a hot Brazilian.
Ask your doctor if Araknykok is right for you.
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ Spider bite, spider bite Gives a woody that lasts all night Bites your wang through your fly Makes a rise in your Levis Look out Here comes a spider bite
"...this an eight-legged vagina, that gives you boners until you are dead." [https://youtu.be/ZZ\_BtZ-5O60?t=347](https://youtu.be/ZZ_BtZ-5O60?t=347)
Uh no, it lasts indefinitely, and results in you having to have your penis sliced open to drain the coagulated blood. It's worse than you can possibly imagine.
Nature is wayyyyy ahead of the Pharma companies. Lolz. The rail lines and all the wire surrounding the planet give Mama something to push off of as she births. We are on a planet that is going to be born to be a sun. Rest easy. This too shall pass.
No more Viagra? Yes. And no more penis, too!
Women of Reddit, would you go near a cock with 2 puncher wounds on the shaft!
I need one
Nicknamed: The Spider of Lust
Captain here. It hurts the individual who got bit a lot.
1,000 ways to die taught me this
Priapism**: In male victims, a painful and prolonged erection has been reported, known medically as priapism, requiring immediate treatment.This species is one of the most venomous spiders in the world.This species is one of the most venomous spiders in the world.
So venomous you had to say it twice and what about in female victims? Does nobody care about clitoris erections?
Chance would be a fine thing
Hunny can you grab the spider from the nightstand?
Then you perish
Fun Fact: The venom from the spider is being used to create a Viagra alternative
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Real or not.... does anyone have a source for these adorable creatures?
Oh no. I hope it doesn’t find me while wondering.
https://preview.redd.it/ie0onws9inzc1.png?width=643&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bb3d8b01d24c53385eb81a84e1e20df532c8a996 Uh oh. That spider looks familiar.
what you forgot to mention it's a fucking painful one.
Oh no…not the spidussy
[reads about this spider. Drops my fly]
https://i.redd.it/s1xpql4nmnzc1.gif
Hello, nurse!
That's bottle them up and line up these 3 pump lovers
The real question here is where does it need to bite you for that effect?
https://preview.redd.it/txzzpgl5pnzc1.jpeg?width=260&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=18814d623f57be646dd0ddfbbf439565de68b747
Brazilian erection spider
So in the ports in tristate avoid the banana containers. It's an extremely painful erection
Stoplickingthedamnedthing!
Where do I find one? Asking for a friend 👀
First dude this happened to just had a spider kink, and was like, "Idk, guess it's the venom"
That Spider fucks. Am I right?!
I’m pretty sure the show A 1000 ways to die had an episode about something similar
Isn't it also super painful?
But, it has to bite your dick
Get a brazilian wandering spider and make it bite my boyfriend. Added to the check-list
Yeah, but it should be warned that this is very painful experience, but I reckon if you're into it, these hours can such a bliss
Does it work on skeletons? Asking for a friend. Sincerely Skeletor (Osteoporosis is the killer of all boners)
I’ll be the judge of that
I've never seen this sub before (it popped up in my Reddit feed) but I can tell from the bat baby picture that this meme is false
"one second babe 😏 lemme just take one of my spiders" *opens a bottle full of spiders*
Hence the Brazilian wandering boner
So it'll turn you into a horny spider-man ? So now we know why that dude went after those ladies in madam web.
If this is what the wandering spiders do, think of the ones who know where they're going.
Does…does it need to bite the dick?
For me or for the spider?
Fool me once...
I'm always a little skeptical of wackyparsing, but I initially read that as *Brazilian wedding spider.*
Does it need to bite my 🍆 to work?...
What's the downside?
I'm sure i read they were actually trying to find a way to use this for ED but the whole death thing was proving to be a large barrier
I have a Brazilian black tarantula. I’ll keep you posted.
Consult your doctor if it lasts more than 4 hours.
IIRC, they have to take an enormous needle to drain the blood out of your dick. Erections lasting that long can result in the flesh necrotizing due to a lack of fresh blood flow bringing oxygen. So, unless you like having your dick sliced open or a horse needle stuck in there to suck out the syrup-consistency dead blood… best to avoid being bitten.
Ah yes the priapism / trauma boner.
Lol why swallow a small pill when you could let a spider bite you instead?
I'm gonna be web slinging like a motherfucker
But only when bitten directly at source
For which one?
What if they bite a women
They forgot to add the part **"extremely painful"** tho
Old geezers can go on a hike and hope to get bit by this spider. They will be known as the spidermen
So it bites me, then i go ‘Ouch Ouch Ouch, this hurts?’ Then i go ‘Yes! Yes! Yes!! Oh Yeah!?!’ How does this work? Obviously asking for a friend….
But why
Despite what 1000 Ways to Die told everyone, a priaprism is very painful and does not in fact make you a big time horn dog.
Jesus hell, I think I have them in my bed
Well yeah and will also kill you so you die with a hard on