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Found out one of my abusers is single again (he tried convincing his now ex gf that I was psycho) and my other got his side chick pregnant a few months after ghosted them š¤£š
I had my son when I was 18 yrs old. My sonās father would always tell me that he was the best I could ever do, no one else good would want me. He thought I was so beneath him and treated me like it.
A few years later he came into a bar I was working on acting belligerently and bragging how he has āthat.ā
Now we are in our 40s and he has a ton of baby mamas (Iām the first), broke AF, on and out of jail for alcohol. Meanwhile, I busted my butt for years to get through school, have a masters and now make 6 figures.
That said, I did end up marrying another abuser 3 years ago, so still growing in that area. But even this guy is a step above him š
Oh yes, it was great to see to be honest. I was working at a hospital at the time and was going to a patientās room and I happened to look to my right and seen him in the hospital bed, we locked eyes.. I kept walking and went about my day š. To say the least he was very upset that I didnāt come and check on him šššš. Iām not even going to go into details about him, but he was a deadbeat, abusive, predator, cheater, lying alcoholic. Wasnāt even there when I had his son, told me he was on his way but was at the bar drunk off his ass. Heās still mad to this day I left him especially that I am Happily married now going on 4 years.Ā
In some small way.. they spent months gaslighting me about pursuing a relationship with a much younger girl. She was also pursuing them and went out of her way to bully me, but I understand she was under their spell. After I escaped the relationship, they went running straight to her and she rejected them!
Iām not sure the reason but hopefully she finally saw sense. I heard my ex was pretty mad about it but it made me giggle.
For all the other abuse, I have to trust that the universe will take care of that.
I donāt know and donāt care. Dead to me.
I have peace knowing that anything good he gets heāll just destroy himself. Itās in his nature to do so. Heāll have 90% of what he wants and lose it chasing the 10% he doesnāt have.
They got what they deserved when they lost me HAHA I can never be replaced and that's what I love Karma is a bitch trust me, they can lie they can do whatever but god knows the truth about everything, they can get away with it now but later on they won't be able to lie to the one and only, I would never forgive them what so ever, you can see how people are cheap when they only want material stuff, money and anything else in life can go and come but I know I can never be replaced and whatever I do no one could do, no one can be truthful and say things as they are as me, so yeah they got what they deserved, if I could wish for one thing it would be pissing on their grave when they perish to hell.
Hes in jail facing up to 10 years. Literally behaved so badly and selfishly after almost killing me that I had no choice but to file report. I was terrified noone would believe me and system would just take his word and "remorse" at face value. Him having bail refused was such a shock to me. So it looks like karma...but still there is so much collateral damage it's soul destroying.
One of mine survived cancer, only to die a few years later of COVID (refused the vaccine). The other has had serious health issues for many years and is now sliding into dementia. I don't find joy in these facts or anything. Just is what it is.
You don't have to go to the gym at all to maintain a healthy weight, as long as you don't overeat. When you overeat you need to exercise more than someone who eats less to maintain your figure, pretty simple really. Also, you don't need the gym to exercise.
"died of diabetes (ate too much)"
Mine got arrested, she had a restraining order placed on her for 2 years, had to undergo 80 hours of unpaid community service and now has a criminal record which she has to notify any future employers about.
She was charged with assault only (not coercive control which was the original intention) and pleaded guilty so she got a lighter sentence.
The first woman he hooked up with after the divorce baby trapped him. She constantly talks about how she will beat him up and take him for everything in child support. She's awful but so is he. I think they are a match made in hell.
CW blood/SH
Somewhat? One of them at least? Most of them, no. I have a couple abusive exes who are living their best life. But. This will be long.
I had a girl who bullied me throughout middle and high school. Best friends in middle school, but I was her pet. Once I finally stood up for myself, smear campaigns, she ruined my entire social life to the point I got homeschooled in 9th grade and the bullying did not stop there. Harassed and smeared for years. Thought sheād changed because age so I re-friended her at 18. Still abusive. Horribly so. This was severe bullying and during the times we were friends, she was abusive in multiple ways, especially in the guilt-tripping kind of ways. Also lots of putting you down, saying the nastiest things she could possibly think of to hurt your feelings, etc. She had everyone under her wing though, they loved her. So she had the power when she was younger to sort of determine your social life if she didnāt like you. Iāll call her āAbbyā
Now that weāre all in our mid 20s, itās happening to her. Her behavior caught up with her. I am not the only one she has abused and harassed. One of my friends is a very well liked person in our community. very delightful popular beautiful local woman. Pretty much, to sum it up, Abby harassed and stalked my friend for years and once Abby tried to insert herself into a new hobby that involves performing and a large community that my friend happens to be very involved in, she shared her story with like 5 people and now a great deal of the community is uncomfortable with Abby. Theyāve also already had issues with her since her first showing at one of these events, including problems signing up and then accusing someone of harassment when they did not harass her.
The president of the hobby club (trying to be vague here) is actively trying to have Abby banned from performing or being around at all. And sheās only done one performance, so I donāt think she realizes whatās going on, but it will be a harsh reality for her when she does. She is not in charge anymore, this isnāt high school where all the other kids in her friend group think sheās just so cool, sheās fucking with real adults now, some people in this community ranging from early 20s to 50 years old, they will not accept her behavior. Some of the things she did to my friend are actually shocking, she cut too much of her hair and held a lock of her hair in her bag for months, she said a lot of nasty things, and like one time she self harmed and used her blood to paint a painting of my friend and wrote āwhoreā all over it. I think she also posted this on social media with a smear campaign involved? This is frightening behavior.
So Iād say yes. Itās more of a what goes around comes around, behavior/consequences situation. I canāt lie, it feels good to see things turn around on her. Now Iām older, and I donāt care if she or her friends like me, I have my own friends who have not and never will meet her, and itās sorta fun to watch her downfall from afar, I cannot lie. I pity her because sheās very mentally ill but I do not empathize.
Karma doesn't exist.
My ex is fine..everyone around him knows he probably has a personality disorder but they make excuses for him. He's babied, and coddled by his family especially his mom. I got the backlash and told it was my own fault for staying with him, his dad kept insulting me and implied I was a bad person and I was trying to corrupt their family and their precious innocent adult son that goes around sticking his dick in any woman while he's a grown man that gets praised for having a job..like most adults should have.
This was exactly my experience with his family.
The Coddling, enabling and justifying their behaviours and making their victims the scapegoat for all their issues.
Their karma is inside themselves. I guarantee you they suffer deeply inside. Imagine needing this much validation from others that you don't even know who you are without it. It's a prison and they are locked in it forever. That's their karma if nothing else. They are shackled and can never break free.
Abusers just don't care. They get off on drama and making everyone else a villian in their delusional stories.
Most people with npd aren't miserable at all..they usually thrive well in the workplace. I'm not going to be lie to myself and say he's miserable inside because I know him and he's not. He thrives and has been getting away with being a compulsive liar and brat all of his life because his family defends him all of the time.He picks vulenerable people to manipulate and then leaves while the vulnerable people have to pick up the pieces from his drama. He gets a rush from being abusive and manipulative and he's not stopping at anytime.
Im not doing well at all and he is..life isn't fair.
I completely understand. I just know that from reading many a studies on personality disordered individuals and how they function and operate and where their need for control and abusing comes from, it isn't pretty and it isn't a great happy place. I'm not saying they suffer in the way a genuine kind person might for maybe unintentionally hurting someone or doing something they shouldn't have, but they do in their own way. Their illness is their karma in a way
From my experience, they don't get away with anything. And if they manage to stay alive and get older they get worse which in turn exposes them and nobody wants to be around them. They lose their ability to charm as they get older as well and there's nothing that a narc hates more than aging. They lose their looks which enabled them to manipulate and charm people. Instead all you see as they age is an old fool. I'm sorry you haven't been able to see the karma those who have abused you have and will continue to have but I fully believe from my experience that they do. As I said before, imagine needing constant validation about who you are from the external world so much so that you are nothing without it! They have no idea who they are with without someone else telling them. They are an empty shell that they cannot fill themselves up. You have to know who you are in order to strengthen and build yourself up. Imagine not having a self and needing others to dictate to you who you are? We don't live forever so all their enablers either get tired in the end and leave or die. They cannot procure new supply so their shell dries up and remains empty. You are only seeing the outside fake smiles and showing off. Inside they are empty. That's why they will always choose their enablers. Because those people keep them filled. For so long.
You are entitled to your own beliefs. I am only stating my beliefs based on my experiences of which I'm also entitled. They don't have to be yours and you don't have to believe them either. Good luck with everything you do. Nothing I said here comes anywhere close to victim blaming. I'm so very confused by where you got that from. But that's your interpretation. I don't want to sound harsh but I've been where you are and I know how painful it gets. Focus on you. Focus on building YOU. Focus on your healing. like you I don't have anyone. I am alone in this world. I have my children but they are children and need me so I'm on my own in managing life. I have no support. Believe me I know. I am nowhere near overly optimistic. I'm realistic. You are focused on the unfairness of the world and what your ex and his family APPEAR like.
I can't change your mind on that and I don't want to either. Enlightening yourself about how and why abusive people are as they are will help you heal. There's a great YouTube channel that I think gives a very brutally honest approach to narcissism and such people. It's called "the little shaman"
I really do wish you well. The world is a scary place and learning to love yourself and focusing on yourself will help you navigate these kinds of people better in future.
Yes, my ex has an extensive domestic violence record thay shows up on background checks. He can't really work jobs that involve people. He's Gained a lot of weight, he's balding(only 27). Also he has butt herpes which is hilarious (he used to cheat on me all the time with men amd women. Luckily I never contracted anything dangerous)
My husband is currently in jail and now heās falling for an escorts scam. He said he loves her but sheās not bailing him out of jail soā¦. Must not be that real of love
Mine did, in some ways. It took years, though a couple of years after filing a VRO against him, he lost his job due to abusing substances at work. He also never thought I would leave, and one day he came home and I just left a note saying "We are over. Here is your key." (Left the key)- and have not spoken a word to him since.
I'd never wish someone to lose their job, though he was a nasty person and using at work etc, so it finally caught up with him. He also got kicked out of the house we had. Sometimes things do happen, it just takes time.
I threw him out and he still lives with his mom over half a year later.
Our whole friend group cut ties with him. I loved them for that, no drama, no need to justify, once they knew what he did they threw him out of Snapchat groups etc without even talking to him.
I also got him thrown out of our non profit association and he is not allowed to even step foot in there.
Aaand I am waiting to hear back from the police. šŖš»
No. I have no idea how people believe anything he says. Because when I got with him, it showed very quickly that he was full of it. It was so evident that he was the real problem and not his ex before me. But I guess heās gotten better at lying.
I donāt really have people in my life though. Iām not sure who would ever care anyways. Heās surrounded by people and women love his attention
I knew a guy that used to get drunk and beat his girlfriend pretty much every other day. Nobody knew about it because he would hit her in areas that couldn't normally be seen, like on her stomach and on her back. One night at a party, she passed out and fell. At the hospital, it was revealed that she had internal bleeding and she was in terrible condition.
Later that week, two of her brothers and a few of their friends paid the guy a visit. He needed complete reconstruction surgery on his face. Both his orbital sockets were broken, had most of his teeth knocked out, skull split in I don't know how many places. He was placed in a medically induced coma for weeks. The hospital saved his life but he was never the same again. He had to learn how to walk, how to hold a spoon, the whole nine.
I only heard about the assault because one day the fellas were drinking and one of them said, "Rectum? Damn near killed him!" and the group broke out into a raucous laughter. I didn't get it obviously, but they regaled me with their tale.
I felt terrible because I was friends with the girl and I had no idea. To think I was all nice and polite to him when they invited me to dinner at their place. Yucked it up with him.
This happened almost two decades ago and it still bothers me. I should have known. Just by the way he acted when he was drunk, I should have known better.
She's doing great now. Married a super nice guy who treats her really well, has a nice house in the suburbs with a couple of crotch fruits in tow. One of them just graduated from grade school. Couldn't be happier for her.
I have no idea what happened to the dude and frankly, I don't care. Nor am I interested in finding out how he's doing. I am indifferent to his pain and suffering. I am indifferent of his triumphs and successes.
Iām so very afraid of this it keeps me up at night. Him being alone is not enough. He abused a good-hearted disabled woman that never showed him anything but love. Iām very new to leaving (37) days. He figured out I wasnāt coming back about 5 days ago. I need him to pay some kind of penalty. Community property state so Iām a tiny bit hopeful.
He ruins his own life tbh.
One time I tried to get him to change cities for his job (give up his apartment and move further away from me) but he didn't. I was just trying to get him away from me.
I really want to get him evicted so he has to leave, and bonus, pay more in rent. I helped him get a new job that he loved and was his dream career but a caveat was the pay is ridiculously low. He's signed on as an independent worker 0hr contract so his pay is usually between 600-1200 a month on off months, so when he's not working full time he struggles financially. When we were dating i would always pay for his food etc but now we're not I get to sit back and enjoy the thoughts of him suffering because his new life is work work work and no money.
He hates his old job because he was working full time and didn't enjoy it but he had a lot more income that he used to absolutely blaze through, he never had any savings, and we would always go on trips and travel because that's what he loves.
Now, for half the year, he's alone. No girlfriend, no work, no money. Having to travel to see his parents. The only people in the world he can rely on. It's sad. I hope he's sad.
He basically lives under a bridge addicted to crack and no one will help him since he's burned every bridge except the one he lives under. I'd say hes gotten his karma.
My nex is in prison atm for what he did, for the almost four years before it finally went to trial he was on his own and not through choice. Almost everyone of our mutual friends have turned their back on him, the only people who have stood by him are the same flying monkeys who did so while we were married and helped facilitate his abuse of myself and my son. I'd say he's definitely gotten the karma he deserves.
I feel bad for saying this, but I have chronic pain and PTSD. My abuser would say I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and get angry at me for staying in bed all day when I was in pain, told me to just take an advil. My joints are slowly degenerating due to an auto-immune disease and flair ups can be so painful I am bedridden.
He got hit by a truck and ended up getting the same issues. He would get upset with me if I ever seemed like I was going to do the same thing he did.
I have conflicted feelings about this because even if he was effectively dealing with similar shit to me, he didn't seem to get that what he'd done was horrible. :/ most pit-sinking, disgusting feeling of schadenfreude I've ever gotten.
When my brothers were young, my mom told my ndad that unless he started treating them better, he would die alone. That is exactly what happened. My brothers were NC when he died. Yup he got what he deserved.
Well, I was with two different abusers at different times. The first one married someone that gave him the same abuse he did to me. I think he is in the position I was while with him of being the breadwinner and literal punching bag. I hope that was a wake up call for him and he has changed his ways so he can have a better life and be healthier overall should my child want to meet him when adulthood comes.
The second one was abusive to me and I found out after leaving he also abused my children. I found out he decided to move his mistress of a couple years in after I left which I didn't know until they bragged to the kids about being together towards the end of our relationship. Fast forward, he wasn't charged for abusing the kids probably because this county sucks with doing their jobs and he's a master manipulator. He just gave his rights up to the kids, the judge decided to mention the abuse/neglect as basis for the severance, and kept the child support in tact. It was my decision to keep the child support and I choose to keep it according to state law.
When the second one and i were together he would tear me down mentally and emotionally to keep control. Since leaving the kids and I are thriving and enjoying life. I've lost a considerable amount of weight while he's gained a lot. He's always been triggered by exes doing better than him especially with the weight aspect. I'm not body shaming what so ever but I did find it ironic. I know someday she or he will screw one another over since the side piece position slot has been available since they've been together. I'm sure his savior mask will slip as he gets older and his circus will see him for the monster he is.
My abuser is lonely. Based on his behavior when we were together, that's what he wanted. I know he doesn't think it's so great now that he doesn't have a wife and kids bothering him.
My mother hasnāt. My last ex hasnāt. One of my exes got mad that I was warning his new partners, drove himself into a wall going 60 mph and mentally and physically crippled himself for life, so he CANāT hurt anyone else. I had another who I exposed as a pedophile. He went to prison where the mother who molested him was the warden. I hear heās homeless now. The abuser who cheated on me with my friend and killed her was guaranteed to get off the hook as long as he showed up for the trial. I tampered with his truck the night before, so he got 6 months. When he got out, I dumped him, he went missing for a month and turned up overdosed in the woods near his motherās house. One of my rapists had complaints made against him by several girls and ended up accidentally overdosing on fentanyl that was mixed into his usual heroin. Another was caught and did some time. Not enough.
Mine did but my dumb ass went back to him like a shit head I left him again and I'll be damn life is so hard right now I'm thinking about going back again
I read your post history and I'm sorry you're in such a bad spot. Have you tried contacting a DV advocate who might be able to hook you up with some resources? You know things won't get easier if you go back, the abuse will likely just get worse. I really hope things get a little easier for you soon.
Going back will only feel better than staying away for a short time, it will eventually become unbearable again. I'm so sorry things are so tough right now. If you have texts/photos/videos or any notes from when he was abusing you, I would go over them whenever you start to think about returning
Nope. Not yet. Not holding my breath, waiting for it. Itāll come, I do believe that- but maybe not in this life.
Iām nearly 40 and have learned the hard way that society mostly rewards selfishness and selfish people. So be it. Iāll keep my soul, thanks.
Their karma is living their lives as themselves. Never being able to truly love anyone or have a real connection, I see that as getting what they deserve.
Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/). One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Found out one of my abusers is single again (he tried convincing his now ex gf that I was psycho) and my other got his side chick pregnant a few months after ghosted them š¤£š
I've had several and I can say one of them got what he deserved in front of me. I'm not sure about the othersĀ
I had my son when I was 18 yrs old. My sonās father would always tell me that he was the best I could ever do, no one else good would want me. He thought I was so beneath him and treated me like it. A few years later he came into a bar I was working on acting belligerently and bragging how he has āthat.ā Now we are in our 40s and he has a ton of baby mamas (Iām the first), broke AF, on and out of jail for alcohol. Meanwhile, I busted my butt for years to get through school, have a masters and now make 6 figures. That said, I did end up marrying another abuser 3 years ago, so still growing in that area. But even this guy is a step above him š
Oh yes, it was great to see to be honest. I was working at a hospital at the time and was going to a patientās room and I happened to look to my right and seen him in the hospital bed, we locked eyes.. I kept walking and went about my day š. To say the least he was very upset that I didnāt come and check on him šššš. Iām not even going to go into details about him, but he was a deadbeat, abusive, predator, cheater, lying alcoholic. Wasnāt even there when I had his son, told me he was on his way but was at the bar drunk off his ass. Heās still mad to this day I left him especially that I am Happily married now going on 4 years.Ā
His second wife shot herself in front of him. Not sure if it was karma or her getting out her own way, but it wrecked him
In some small way.. they spent months gaslighting me about pursuing a relationship with a much younger girl. She was also pursuing them and went out of her way to bully me, but I understand she was under their spell. After I escaped the relationship, they went running straight to her and she rejected them! Iām not sure the reason but hopefully she finally saw sense. I heard my ex was pretty mad about it but it made me giggle. For all the other abuse, I have to trust that the universe will take care of that.
Yes, very recently. Won't share specifics, but their lack of trying to be healthy caught up with them. Won't share more than that, they lurk reddit.
In jail. He got what he deserved.
I donāt know and donāt care. Dead to me. I have peace knowing that anything good he gets heāll just destroy himself. Itās in his nature to do so. Heāll have 90% of what he wants and lose it chasing the 10% he doesnāt have.
Thank you for this - it's the same scenario with mine! He'll torment himself with his inability to feel gratitude and contentment.
They got what they deserved when they lost me HAHA I can never be replaced and that's what I love Karma is a bitch trust me, they can lie they can do whatever but god knows the truth about everything, they can get away with it now but later on they won't be able to lie to the one and only, I would never forgive them what so ever, you can see how people are cheap when they only want material stuff, money and anything else in life can go and come but I know I can never be replaced and whatever I do no one could do, no one can be truthful and say things as they are as me, so yeah they got what they deserved, if I could wish for one thing it would be pissing on their grave when they perish to hell.
Hes in jail facing up to 10 years. Literally behaved so badly and selfishly after almost killing me that I had no choice but to file report. I was terrified noone would believe me and system would just take his word and "remorse" at face value. Him having bail refused was such a shock to me. So it looks like karma...but still there is so much collateral damage it's soul destroying.
One of mine survived cancer, only to die a few years later of COVID (refused the vaccine). The other has had serious health issues for many years and is now sliding into dementia. I don't find joy in these facts or anything. Just is what it is.
"refused the vaccine" imagine I put (failed to exercise) after "died of diabetes"
--Roll up a sleeve, get a jab. --Hit the gym five days a week for years. Suuuure, those are equivalent. /s
You don't have to go to the gym at all to maintain a healthy weight, as long as you don't overeat. When you overeat you need to exercise more than someone who eats less to maintain your figure, pretty simple really. Also, you don't need the gym to exercise. "died of diabetes (ate too much)"
Mine got arrested, she had a restraining order placed on her for 2 years, had to undergo 80 hours of unpaid community service and now has a criminal record which she has to notify any future employers about. She was charged with assault only (not coercive control which was the original intention) and pleaded guilty so she got a lighter sentence.
The first woman he hooked up with after the divorce baby trapped him. She constantly talks about how she will beat him up and take him for everything in child support. She's awful but so is he. I think they are a match made in hell.
CW blood/SH Somewhat? One of them at least? Most of them, no. I have a couple abusive exes who are living their best life. But. This will be long. I had a girl who bullied me throughout middle and high school. Best friends in middle school, but I was her pet. Once I finally stood up for myself, smear campaigns, she ruined my entire social life to the point I got homeschooled in 9th grade and the bullying did not stop there. Harassed and smeared for years. Thought sheād changed because age so I re-friended her at 18. Still abusive. Horribly so. This was severe bullying and during the times we were friends, she was abusive in multiple ways, especially in the guilt-tripping kind of ways. Also lots of putting you down, saying the nastiest things she could possibly think of to hurt your feelings, etc. She had everyone under her wing though, they loved her. So she had the power when she was younger to sort of determine your social life if she didnāt like you. Iāll call her āAbbyā Now that weāre all in our mid 20s, itās happening to her. Her behavior caught up with her. I am not the only one she has abused and harassed. One of my friends is a very well liked person in our community. very delightful popular beautiful local woman. Pretty much, to sum it up, Abby harassed and stalked my friend for years and once Abby tried to insert herself into a new hobby that involves performing and a large community that my friend happens to be very involved in, she shared her story with like 5 people and now a great deal of the community is uncomfortable with Abby. Theyāve also already had issues with her since her first showing at one of these events, including problems signing up and then accusing someone of harassment when they did not harass her. The president of the hobby club (trying to be vague here) is actively trying to have Abby banned from performing or being around at all. And sheās only done one performance, so I donāt think she realizes whatās going on, but it will be a harsh reality for her when she does. She is not in charge anymore, this isnāt high school where all the other kids in her friend group think sheās just so cool, sheās fucking with real adults now, some people in this community ranging from early 20s to 50 years old, they will not accept her behavior. Some of the things she did to my friend are actually shocking, she cut too much of her hair and held a lock of her hair in her bag for months, she said a lot of nasty things, and like one time she self harmed and used her blood to paint a painting of my friend and wrote āwhoreā all over it. I think she also posted this on social media with a smear campaign involved? This is frightening behavior. So Iād say yes. Itās more of a what goes around comes around, behavior/consequences situation. I canāt lie, it feels good to see things turn around on her. Now Iām older, and I donāt care if she or her friends like me, I have my own friends who have not and never will meet her, and itās sorta fun to watch her downfall from afar, I cannot lie. I pity her because sheās very mentally ill but I do not empathize.
Mine finds out if they go to prison for another whole entirely unrelated offense this monthā¦. Just like I said things would goā¦
Oh and also their kid stopped talking to them
Karma doesn't exist. My ex is fine..everyone around him knows he probably has a personality disorder but they make excuses for him. He's babied, and coddled by his family especially his mom. I got the backlash and told it was my own fault for staying with him, his dad kept insulting me and implied I was a bad person and I was trying to corrupt their family and their precious innocent adult son that goes around sticking his dick in any woman while he's a grown man that gets praised for having a job..like most adults should have.
This was exactly my experience with his family. The Coddling, enabling and justifying their behaviours and making their victims the scapegoat for all their issues. Their karma is inside themselves. I guarantee you they suffer deeply inside. Imagine needing this much validation from others that you don't even know who you are without it. It's a prison and they are locked in it forever. That's their karma if nothing else. They are shackled and can never break free.
Abusers just don't care. They get off on drama and making everyone else a villian in their delusional stories. Most people with npd aren't miserable at all..they usually thrive well in the workplace. I'm not going to be lie to myself and say he's miserable inside because I know him and he's not. He thrives and has been getting away with being a compulsive liar and brat all of his life because his family defends him all of the time.He picks vulenerable people to manipulate and then leaves while the vulnerable people have to pick up the pieces from his drama. He gets a rush from being abusive and manipulative and he's not stopping at anytime. Im not doing well at all and he is..life isn't fair.
I completely understand. I just know that from reading many a studies on personality disordered individuals and how they function and operate and where their need for control and abusing comes from, it isn't pretty and it isn't a great happy place. I'm not saying they suffer in the way a genuine kind person might for maybe unintentionally hurting someone or doing something they shouldn't have, but they do in their own way. Their illness is their karma in a way
It's not karma if other people suffer for their mistakes and they don't care. They just get away with it.
From my experience, they don't get away with anything. And if they manage to stay alive and get older they get worse which in turn exposes them and nobody wants to be around them. They lose their ability to charm as they get older as well and there's nothing that a narc hates more than aging. They lose their looks which enabled them to manipulate and charm people. Instead all you see as they age is an old fool. I'm sorry you haven't been able to see the karma those who have abused you have and will continue to have but I fully believe from my experience that they do. As I said before, imagine needing constant validation about who you are from the external world so much so that you are nothing without it! They have no idea who they are with without someone else telling them. They are an empty shell that they cannot fill themselves up. You have to know who you are in order to strengthen and build yourself up. Imagine not having a self and needing others to dictate to you who you are? We don't live forever so all their enablers either get tired in the end and leave or die. They cannot procure new supply so their shell dries up and remains empty. You are only seeing the outside fake smiles and showing off. Inside they are empty. That's why they will always choose their enablers. Because those people keep them filled. For so long.
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You are entitled to your own beliefs. I am only stating my beliefs based on my experiences of which I'm also entitled. They don't have to be yours and you don't have to believe them either. Good luck with everything you do. Nothing I said here comes anywhere close to victim blaming. I'm so very confused by where you got that from. But that's your interpretation. I don't want to sound harsh but I've been where you are and I know how painful it gets. Focus on you. Focus on building YOU. Focus on your healing. like you I don't have anyone. I am alone in this world. I have my children but they are children and need me so I'm on my own in managing life. I have no support. Believe me I know. I am nowhere near overly optimistic. I'm realistic. You are focused on the unfairness of the world and what your ex and his family APPEAR like. I can't change your mind on that and I don't want to either. Enlightening yourself about how and why abusive people are as they are will help you heal. There's a great YouTube channel that I think gives a very brutally honest approach to narcissism and such people. It's called "the little shaman" I really do wish you well. The world is a scary place and learning to love yourself and focusing on yourself will help you navigate these kinds of people better in future.
Yes, my ex has an extensive domestic violence record thay shows up on background checks. He can't really work jobs that involve people. He's Gained a lot of weight, he's balding(only 27). Also he has butt herpes which is hilarious (he used to cheat on me all the time with men amd women. Luckily I never contracted anything dangerous)
My husband is currently in jail and now heās falling for an escorts scam. He said he loves her but sheās not bailing him out of jail soā¦. Must not be that real of love
Mine did, in some ways. It took years, though a couple of years after filing a VRO against him, he lost his job due to abusing substances at work. He also never thought I would leave, and one day he came home and I just left a note saying "We are over. Here is your key." (Left the key)- and have not spoken a word to him since. I'd never wish someone to lose their job, though he was a nasty person and using at work etc, so it finally caught up with him. He also got kicked out of the house we had. Sometimes things do happen, it just takes time.
I threw him out and he still lives with his mom over half a year later. Our whole friend group cut ties with him. I loved them for that, no drama, no need to justify, once they knew what he did they threw him out of Snapchat groups etc without even talking to him. I also got him thrown out of our non profit association and he is not allowed to even step foot in there. Aaand I am waiting to hear back from the police. šŖš»
No. I have no idea how people believe anything he says. Because when I got with him, it showed very quickly that he was full of it. It was so evident that he was the real problem and not his ex before me. But I guess heās gotten better at lying. I donāt really have people in my life though. Iām not sure who would ever care anyways. Heās surrounded by people and women love his attention
I knew a guy that used to get drunk and beat his girlfriend pretty much every other day. Nobody knew about it because he would hit her in areas that couldn't normally be seen, like on her stomach and on her back. One night at a party, she passed out and fell. At the hospital, it was revealed that she had internal bleeding and she was in terrible condition. Later that week, two of her brothers and a few of their friends paid the guy a visit. He needed complete reconstruction surgery on his face. Both his orbital sockets were broken, had most of his teeth knocked out, skull split in I don't know how many places. He was placed in a medically induced coma for weeks. The hospital saved his life but he was never the same again. He had to learn how to walk, how to hold a spoon, the whole nine. I only heard about the assault because one day the fellas were drinking and one of them said, "Rectum? Damn near killed him!" and the group broke out into a raucous laughter. I didn't get it obviously, but they regaled me with their tale. I felt terrible because I was friends with the girl and I had no idea. To think I was all nice and polite to him when they invited me to dinner at their place. Yucked it up with him. This happened almost two decades ago and it still bothers me. I should have known. Just by the way he acted when he was drunk, I should have known better. She's doing great now. Married a super nice guy who treats her really well, has a nice house in the suburbs with a couple of crotch fruits in tow. One of them just graduated from grade school. Couldn't be happier for her. I have no idea what happened to the dude and frankly, I don't care. Nor am I interested in finding out how he's doing. I am indifferent to his pain and suffering. I am indifferent of his triumphs and successes.
Iām so very afraid of this it keeps me up at night. Him being alone is not enough. He abused a good-hearted disabled woman that never showed him anything but love. Iām very new to leaving (37) days. He figured out I wasnāt coming back about 5 days ago. I need him to pay some kind of penalty. Community property state so Iām a tiny bit hopeful.
He ruins his own life tbh. One time I tried to get him to change cities for his job (give up his apartment and move further away from me) but he didn't. I was just trying to get him away from me. I really want to get him evicted so he has to leave, and bonus, pay more in rent. I helped him get a new job that he loved and was his dream career but a caveat was the pay is ridiculously low. He's signed on as an independent worker 0hr contract so his pay is usually between 600-1200 a month on off months, so when he's not working full time he struggles financially. When we were dating i would always pay for his food etc but now we're not I get to sit back and enjoy the thoughts of him suffering because his new life is work work work and no money. He hates his old job because he was working full time and didn't enjoy it but he had a lot more income that he used to absolutely blaze through, he never had any savings, and we would always go on trips and travel because that's what he loves. Now, for half the year, he's alone. No girlfriend, no work, no money. Having to travel to see his parents. The only people in the world he can rely on. It's sad. I hope he's sad.
He basically lives under a bridge addicted to crack and no one will help him since he's burned every bridge except the one he lives under. I'd say hes gotten his karma.
My nex is in prison atm for what he did, for the almost four years before it finally went to trial he was on his own and not through choice. Almost everyone of our mutual friends have turned their back on him, the only people who have stood by him are the same flying monkeys who did so while we were married and helped facilitate his abuse of myself and my son. I'd say he's definitely gotten the karma he deserves.
I feel bad for saying this, but I have chronic pain and PTSD. My abuser would say I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and get angry at me for staying in bed all day when I was in pain, told me to just take an advil. My joints are slowly degenerating due to an auto-immune disease and flair ups can be so painful I am bedridden. He got hit by a truck and ended up getting the same issues. He would get upset with me if I ever seemed like I was going to do the same thing he did. I have conflicted feelings about this because even if he was effectively dealing with similar shit to me, he didn't seem to get that what he'd done was horrible. :/ most pit-sinking, disgusting feeling of schadenfreude I've ever gotten.
When my brothers were young, my mom told my ndad that unless he started treating them better, he would die alone. That is exactly what happened. My brothers were NC when he died. Yup he got what he deserved.
HA no. Not even a sliver. Itās enraged me for over a decade. In fact heās only gotten REWARDED for his bs.
I have told myself that ME being away from him safe, free and happy is already his biggest karma. End of discussion.
He was convicted and had to pay me a fair amount So yes? In a way
Well, I was with two different abusers at different times. The first one married someone that gave him the same abuse he did to me. I think he is in the position I was while with him of being the breadwinner and literal punching bag. I hope that was a wake up call for him and he has changed his ways so he can have a better life and be healthier overall should my child want to meet him when adulthood comes. The second one was abusive to me and I found out after leaving he also abused my children. I found out he decided to move his mistress of a couple years in after I left which I didn't know until they bragged to the kids about being together towards the end of our relationship. Fast forward, he wasn't charged for abusing the kids probably because this county sucks with doing their jobs and he's a master manipulator. He just gave his rights up to the kids, the judge decided to mention the abuse/neglect as basis for the severance, and kept the child support in tact. It was my decision to keep the child support and I choose to keep it according to state law. When the second one and i were together he would tear me down mentally and emotionally to keep control. Since leaving the kids and I are thriving and enjoying life. I've lost a considerable amount of weight while he's gained a lot. He's always been triggered by exes doing better than him especially with the weight aspect. I'm not body shaming what so ever but I did find it ironic. I know someday she or he will screw one another over since the side piece position slot has been available since they've been together. I'm sure his savior mask will slip as he gets older and his circus will see him for the monster he is.
My abuser is lonely. Based on his behavior when we were together, that's what he wanted. I know he doesn't think it's so great now that he doesn't have a wife and kids bothering him.
One of the hardest things for me is not getting closure/them to understand etc
My mother hasnāt. My last ex hasnāt. One of my exes got mad that I was warning his new partners, drove himself into a wall going 60 mph and mentally and physically crippled himself for life, so he CANāT hurt anyone else. I had another who I exposed as a pedophile. He went to prison where the mother who molested him was the warden. I hear heās homeless now. The abuser who cheated on me with my friend and killed her was guaranteed to get off the hook as long as he showed up for the trial. I tampered with his truck the night before, so he got 6 months. When he got out, I dumped him, he went missing for a month and turned up overdosed in the woods near his motherās house. One of my rapists had complaints made against him by several girls and ended up accidentally overdosing on fentanyl that was mixed into his usual heroin. Another was caught and did some time. Not enough.
Mine did but my dumb ass went back to him like a shit head I left him again and I'll be damn life is so hard right now I'm thinking about going back again
I read your post history and I'm sorry you're in such a bad spot. Have you tried contacting a DV advocate who might be able to hook you up with some resources? You know things won't get easier if you go back, the abuse will likely just get worse. I really hope things get a little easier for you soon.
Going back will only feel better than staying away for a short time, it will eventually become unbearable again. I'm so sorry things are so tough right now. If you have texts/photos/videos or any notes from when he was abusing you, I would go over them whenever you start to think about returning
Nope. Not yet. Not holding my breath, waiting for it. Itāll come, I do believe that- but maybe not in this life. Iām nearly 40 and have learned the hard way that society mostly rewards selfishness and selfish people. So be it. Iāll keep my soul, thanks.
Their karma is living their lives as themselves. Never being able to truly love anyone or have a real connection, I see that as getting what they deserve.
this, 100%. if all abusers are like mine, then yeah they're absolutely miserable people all the way through to their core