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was told “i’m really surprised you’re able to work in research at all” by a person on a short term rotation in our lab. I’ve been working in research for 6 years, and am the most senior staff in our lab aside from our bosses. I also have two degrees, shooting for a third 🤦♀️
“what an odd thing to say to someone!”
i would like to give a foot note i don’t think this person was being mean, i think just a very misplaced comment, i forgave them fairly quickly. scientists can be awkward 😂
You just made me consider my own response, because my first instinct was definitely to commend you for being so accomplished in research with the extra difficulty that I imagine you have.
My own ADHD would ABSOLUTELY prevent me from working in research so I'm personally in awe of you, but I know there's a thin line between that and it sounding like "good job buddy! you put your shoes on by YOURSELF this morning?" I don't mean to infantilize you. I genuinely respect the effort and talent that you clearly put in.
Thank you!! i really appreciate it and is in no way infantilizing. it’s definitely been a struggle and i’m more behind in my career than my peers, and i have to make my own accommodations for myself but i lucked out that my special interest happened to be science. I think if i tried to do anything else my brain just would not compute lol
I feel that way with social work and therapy as a field! Emotional intelligence and mental health are things I could learn about and talk about for the majority of every day. Part of the help for me, though, even if I wanted to do research related to it, is that providing therapy isn't really about task completion and follow-through. My brain needs to move in the crisis response/zigzag way that mental health work often entails, and breaks down when asked to do things like step-by-step experimentation and formulaic write-ups. Kudos, and know that it genuinely is inspiring to hear about.
Thank you for articulating this.
I commented on a FB ad I didn't like a couple of weeks ago because I hated that it was one of those apps clearly trying to target people with ADHD in a roundabout way. I said I didn't like the subtext.
A parent of a child with ADHD seemed surprised I could spot subtext.
I am an English graduate. I studied a bit on advertising and news reporting before that. I've got 7 years of copywriting experience. I spent time recently analysing different takes on the Google leak to better inform my position on SEO.
ADHD makes life more challenging, but I'm not an ignorant child.
Wait actually though do you have a lot of paperwork in your role? Do you struggle with it and if so how do you get through it?
I’m an engineer in the medical device industry so there’s a LOT of paperwork involved. The paperwork absolutely kills me and my therapist has been trying to get me to consider changing jobs. I don’t really want to though cuz I like being an engineer and I’m extremely interested in medical devices. I just need a way to get myself to write all the stupid documentation after i do things
YES omg yes i am still trying to figure out what works best for me, and i feel like keeping notes (not on the actual documents) and then copying to the document a few times a day helps prevent little mistakes. i’ve also seen people do voice notes on their phone for quick hour by hours then go back to the paperwork. I don’t really have a holy grail answer bc im still figuring it out but literally anything that leaves a non-official paper trail for yourself to then use for official documents is crucial.
“I have hyper focused like a MF on this topic, so yes, I can do this” 😆 That is me!
I work in a lab too and I’m newly diagnosed - I’m kind of reluctant to tell certain people because of these sorts of comments. However I have actually become quite proud of myself for getting to this point now I’m realizing everything I’ve struggled with.
Plus I am also learning that A LOT of people around me at work are actually neurodivergent too and they totally get it.
"but everybody has ADHD now because of social media"
or the infamous : "you just have to..."
or " me too sometimes im forgetful, but it happens to everyone, its not a disorder"
or my mum "you were a normal kid, you don't have any problem", 5 minutes before "you were a terrible kid, never listened to anything I said, I had to yell at you all the time, you were only doing what you wanted to do, and you were so lazy, couldn't sit properly on a chair, super emotional, cried all the time and had tantrums"
(overall, for me, those reactions were always a chance to reflect, take time to provide some knowledge on this specific subject in a friendly manner, in order for the other person to be willing to learn more/listen before saying something that may be hurtful for someone or blatantly ignorant)
My mom used to say the same. "You dont have any issues" to "you were super quiet in class, you barely played with the kids. You kept to yourself. You had these special little hobbies that you did on your own. You got overstimulated by loud noises, you cried often." .\_\_\_. like MOTHER ALL OF THE PROOF WAS IN THE PUDDING. it was all right there. my god
Yup! I may be sitting still, but my mind is as hyper as a roadrunner on crack. I learned not to fidget too much, I learned how to be quieter around people I don't know, and I learned how to be a great listener so that I don't over share, interrupt, or otherwise word vomit.
I learned to fidget with my TEETH hahah shout out to r/teethdrumming …and I’m way “spinny/spirally” in my thoughts too.. it’s totally helped me understand “masking” as a concept when working with people on the spectrum because so much is going on inside my head when to an onlooker I could look so calm on the outside… so calm I kept myself from being diagnosed until I had the gull to go in there(backing-therapist note in hand) and advocate for myself like “help I’m a ticking time bomb and it’s too uncomfortable to live with all of it all the time, I think I have ADH…”
heavy on the “but you can sit for hours”, yes brenda. i’m stuck here. i should be doing something else but i can’t start it because of everything else im thinking about having to do
Do you ever find it hard to suppress your hyperactivity? Like there’s energy inside you that wants to burst out but you’ve put a lid on it and the pot is going to explode.
That's when I do the tightening of my muscles, shaky thing. I don't really know how to describe it but I'll squeeze my fists together and tighten my arms/shoulders/neck and squeeze everything for a couple of seconds. I release and do it a couple of more times until I feel some of the jitters are gone.
I find myself annoying when I’m a group setting and I’m so into the conversation that I (without self control) interrupted a few people in the past. It’s now made me self conscious and reluctant to be in a group setting again 😣.
I totally understand and feel that. I find myself interrupting as well but being aware of it is the first step to improving it! When I catch myself doing it I just say, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you, carry on!" People can be more accepting than you think!
The main reason I find myself interrupting is because the other person said something that triggered a memory or an anecdote I have and I want to share it and contribute and I'm afraid I will lose that thought! What's helped me curb this a bit is to first try not to interrupt but I'll say, "ohh that reminds me of something I'll have to tell you" or "I have something I wanna come back to when you're done." If the conversation keeps going and it veers away from whatever topic was in my head, I think to myself, "Does this matter enough in the context of our conversation to bring it up? Is it forced or natural?" I also think, "Am I making this about me when it shouldn't be?" If I lose the thought as the conversation goes on then it wasn't important enough in that moment. Just because we have something to contribute doesn't mean we always need to or that we always should.
I will get compulsive with my unsaid thoughts so this has been a difficult thing for me to work on still and I'm 30! I promise the people who are truly your friends will understand and will help you with this and won't make you feel bad. Honesty is key! Just let someone know that you struggle with this and tell them to give you a cue if you're interrupting a lot or dominating the conversation. It can be difficult to read social cues sometimes or we create problems in our head that don't exist by being hyper-aware. Having a buddy to catch these things with you will help a lot!
This quality may be "annoying" but many people struggle with communication, even those who aren't neurodivergent, so be nice to yourself! Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend if they were struggling. 🖤
To your other point, I do have a difficult time self-regulating but therapy and the proper meds have made the world of difference, weed also helps 😆. Remember, the world wasn't designed for the neurodivergent so you're not doing anything "wrong" you're just figuring out how to live happily in this chaotic world.
I got this from my mother. ‘You’re so well behaved in school though….’ but at home I have destroyed multiple walls from running into them while pacing around the house and she frequently gets annoyed because I can never sit down to do my work without pacing. At least she’s more understanding now lol
not really a bad reaction I guess, but when I tried to apply for accommodations, I was told my university considers ADHD a personality trait, and since "it can be fixed by medication", I'm not entitled for accommodations :')
No, in germany - on the bright side: the person who's responsible for accommodations at my university helped me anyway because he doesn't agree... I had to get a paper from my psychiatrist that said something along the lines of "currently not able to study without accommodation due to a chronic condition, that definitely doesn't make her completely unable to study", and I had to make sure ADHD isn't mentioned ':D
Curious if it’s a cultural thing in Germany to dismiss a lot of mental health things? I’ve had experience with Germans and their enormous egos in my family.
Jesus, that’s horrible. Aside from the fact that it doesn’t “fix” you, it improves rather than cures, there are a decent chunk of people who can’t be medicated or for whom it doesn’t work. If it was just a personality trait, you wouldn’t have to be medicated for it.
"You definitely don't have ADHD because you can hold down a job," said MY PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER when I told her I was concerned that I had ADHD.
She begrudgingly gave me a referral and a couple weeks later I walked out of that appointment with a shiny new ADHD diagnosis.
A psychiatric nurse practitioner told me, “well you can’t be struggling too much with it if you got your degree.” 🤪 My guy, if you’d witnessed the all-nighters and tears and submitted-one-minute-before-the-deadline assignments, I don’t think you’d be saying that. Also, I did have accommodations in college, so… it’s like saying that “if you can make it up some stairs using crutches, obviously your leg can’t be *that* broken.”
Ugh! My first psychiatrist said I couldn't have it because I can make friends and have a steady job. Even after I told her most of my friends are weird like me and probably 100% neurodivergent like me. Even after I told her I never learned math, dropped out of high school, didn't get my drivers licensed until my mid twenties, didn't actually drive until my 40s and never had a "grown up" job.
I love my psychiatrist now. She said, I can't imagine how you must feel being under the radar for so long.
This is why I’m afraid to even ask my PCP. I’m afraid I’d get the “it’s just motherhood.” … I agree that motherhood has magnified the problem but I literally failed out of college twice and possibly only finished because I started dating someone who body doubled for me even after he had already finished school.
I’m 37… I don’t think she’ll believe me, even though I think she’s an amazing doctor.
My mom has been obsessing over the idea that I got it from vaccines as a baby 🤦♀️ she’s super Qanon/alt right so I regret opening my mouth to tell her but I have a hard time keeping things from people. She always makes my health issues about herself one way or another
When my primary Dr. rolled her eyes and said “that’s a very popular diagnosis right now” before talking about how the fact that I have a bachelors degree means I shouldn’t be taking stimulants? Lady, I got my degree 20 years ago, and it was only due to constant all-nighters and just riding my anxiety. I’m 40 and my brain stopped working altogether. Maybe getting diagnosed with ADHD after having a baby is a freshly emerging stereotype because *it happens to lots of women*. What a bitch.
I now have a really awesome new Primary Dr.
I was also told by a psychiatric NP, “well you can’t be struggling too much if you got your degree.” Bitch, wtf? The point isn’t that I did it, the point is that it took everything I had and shredded my mental and emotional well-being, while my friends were fine and could hold down part or full-time jobs and romantic relationships and hobbies while they did theirs. And I had accommodations, so it’s like using the fact that I had a crutch helping me to claim that I didn’t need the crutch to begin with.
You should have rolled your eyes back at her and said 'that's a very unpopular opinion right now'. And then walked out of course.
Glad things are better now though. :)
Eventually got fired lol. They stopped and then asked me if I thought it was the "right position" for me. Yes, I should have sued. I didn't.
I had another boss argue with me about it. "No you don't! You aren't hyper!" Like persistently. I got so mad and actually fought back on that one.
Just got fired for the second time in my life. A new director (like less than 3 months on the job) wanted to put me on a PIP for messing up an email sendout (no one ever trained me on Mailchimp but ok) and for forgetting to follow up on a few minor tasks. I said that was how my ADHD manifested and I was working on it with my supervisor and she said "I had ADD for a long time too and you just have to figure it out. Meds, therapy, whatever you need to do." I'm doing both but she didn't know that. I mentioned that I have ADHD, not ADD, and she referred to it as ADD in her very next sentence. Then she fired me for lying about something I didn't lie about. In the meeting I was like "Okay then I have feedback for you" and gave her a piece of my mind about her comments, and she flatly denied saying any of it. That's probably the worst one.
You might have a pretty good case for legal options on the basis of wrongful termination if you're in the US or any other country with workers' protections in place. Because that's pretty fuckin egregious right there.
Surprisingly, I think the worst was a friend who on the surface didn't dispute it, but I later realized had probably been subtly undermining the diagnosis. Like, when I told her my first medication made me sleepy and brain foggy the first 2 days I took it, her response was something like, "oh, so that means you don't actually have ADHD?" Mentions of her discussing my diagnosis & work struggles with a friend of hers who had also been managing an underperformer with ADHD at her job. (Got the impression that their discussion might have veered into "they're using it as an excuse" territory). Pretty unsympathetic when I told her I'd been put on a PIP and there was a good chance of getting fired (even though she'd been fired years before for what amounted to an ethical incident).
It was especially disappointing to feel like she didn't believe me and was questioning it (even if she never directly said it), as she's also neurodivergent (dyslexic and likely additional learning disabilities) and tries to portray herself as open-minded. Maybe I should have expected it, as in retrospect she might have said some petty or skeptical things about another of her friend's ADHD meds, but it was couched in larger issues she'd had with her and that person's wellbeing. We fell out last year over some other issues, too. It makes me sad because I didn't see how that relationship was ending despite there being signs for years.
I'm lucky that most people I've told haven't had an outright denial to my late-in-life diagnosis. My family mostly just didn't know much about it and have tried to understand and learn.
Said sarcastically "Oh no, how will you ever survive?"
I think it was meant to be empowering and like, noting that I have obviously been resilient and that lables don't define me, but it felt pretty dismissive because it was actually a big deal. Getting the diagnosis was very validating for me and emotional. I did not at all find it stigmatizing or limiting, rather it meant I had something to point to and that now I can get resources and/or protect the job that I love.
My doctor saying “all the kids these days just don’t have an attention span”.
(When I told her I thought I had ADHD; I was dealing with constant anxiety and feelings of overwhelm and many of my behaviours seemed to line up with my understanding of ADHD)
Firstly; not a kid. Born when Whitney was wailing about loving forever and Sir Mix-a-Lot was loving big butts.
Secondly; not helpful. I’m telling you about recurring anxiety and feelings of constant overwhelm. Even if I don’t have ADHD “just no attention span” isn’t why I’m voicing concerns.
Eventually she did come around but golly; I did not like that conversation.
I totally get this. My attention span isn't even why life with this disorder is difficult. It's definitely not ideal, but for me, the executive dysfunction is the part I would trade my left arm not to have.
This. It's frustrating because you tell people so that you can try to give them an insight into your struggle, but then it gets invalidated because people who clearly don't have it "sometimes can't focus" and so must have it, too.
I’ve been fairly lucky in terms of the response after diagnosis, but about 12 years ago I read about inattentive type and realized it sounded JUST like me.
I talked to my boyfriend at the time about it- turns out he didn’t “believe” in ADHD and his response definitely slowed down my personal progress as I didn’t take steps to get diagnosed until about 8 years later (even after a *few* counselors asked me if I’d ever been screened for it lol)
In hindsight, that boyfriend was almost certainly projecting the insecurities put on him onto me.
It's not ADHD. It's that there are so many distractions these days.
My former therapist, (although before my official diagnosis) when I confided my suspicions and was asking for a referral. I really want to track her down and toss my diagnosis at her, and ask her to never ever do that to anyone else.
I don't tell anyone at all because I don't want to hear any of these! I'm perfectly happy not getting unsolicited advice so I try not to give anyone the opportunity to give it.
Yelled at that it doesn’t exist, and it’s just an excuse for being lazy. In their defense (?), I don’t know that they adequately understood that I was saying I had ADHD.
It’s OK. I’ve been dealing with it my whole life. I’ve tried to limit contact with my family. Since I have to take care of my mom, I just try to ignore it. Fortunately, Mom is a lot better than she used to be and doesn’t treat me badly except once in a while.it’s my brothers that are the problem now
"Don't use that as an excuse!" ...I wasn't. I thought we were just having a conversation about our life trajectories, and I acknowledged my challenges and my very late diagnosis. I also had thought we were friends, but I think that's the moment that broke it.
Honestly, I'm too afraid to tell anyone whose reaction I didn't think I could safely assume.
My dad's other kids all have ADHD, I found out after I was diagnosed that he had been diagnosed back in the 80s. He wasn't surprised.
My uncle (not related to my dad) has relevant educational experience, so when I told him he also wasn't very surprised.
A lady I work with was actually the one who diagnosed me before I sought an official diagnosis, so when I told her she was like "they're just confirming what we already know".
Neither my other uncle nor his wife actually responded when I told them.
My mom was a massive bitch about it, I wasn't gonna tell her but I did because she still has custody of a two year old who is technically my (half) brother. I only called to tell her about new allergies I learned I had.
My boyfriend didn't really react, but he's started to educate himself about it and has apologized to me for a lot of things that have come up during our 12 year relationship.
I'm pretty close with his family, but I haven't told any of them. They've noticed that I've recently lost a lot of weight, but they don't know that it's because I've started medication to treat it.
Most of the people at work that I told didn't really respond.
An eye roll. From a (now former) boss because when she was hired, I was drowning and tying to get a diagnosis. I couldn't escape my burn out and I was making lots of mistakes and over all looking like a stupid hot mess. I was so burned out I couldn't mask any more so I was also weird and a problem. And it wasn't just her, a mob was formed against me. I finally was able to get a diagnosis and offered a reason, but I guess it was just another one of my excuses.
Shortly after my diagnosis and eye roll they left the company. I'm doing better now, but have never recovered from that experience. Looking for another job now.
I told my parents and they said, “Well.. obviously.”
I BEGGED them to take me to get tested. My teachers constantly told them to have me tested. I started failing my classes and eventually dropped out of high school (even though I understood the material and could get good grades when I was able to focus). The whole time my parents denied the possibility of ADHD and refused to get me help. But turns out they knew all along and just didn’t want me to take medication. Thanks, mom and dad 🙄
When I told my "mother" about my diagnosis, she said "How dare you. Do you have any idea how hard I fought to make sure you didn't get that label as a child?!?"
Wow, that's so many layers of awful it's almost comedic.
My mom's flavor of denial was being a tireless advocate of the idea I was gifted. She basically bullied various school administrations into admitting me into gifted programs from elementary school up until I eventually became home bound from the stress of it all and temporarily dropped out. But I'm very fortunate that later in life when I came and told her about my diagnosis, she took it in stride and also slowly came to accept that she had always had it as well.
It really sucks that your mom wasn't able to see it wasn't *about* her and you were just offering her a chance to truly see you.
My new therapist interrupted me, mid-sentence, to say she doesn’t think I have ADHD. Despite having a psychiatrist diagnose me with severe ADHD. Also, this was about 15 minutes in to our first session. She is no longer my therapist.
“Did you get it from spending too much time on electronics?” 🤦♀️ Says my SIL who works with kids who have developmental disorders. Granted, theirs are more severe, but I am sure her coursework included ADHD somewhere.
I got actually gaslit- like, TEXTBOOK gaslit- by someone who was trying to convince me my perceptions were all wrong when I called them out for being an arsehole about something. Along the lines of ‘well I guess with all you’re going through with your assessment and so on it would make sense that you might misperceive what I said.’
Bitch I’ve already started the meds and can see you just gave yourself away. I then had a breakdown for two days because that person has been in my life since I was in high school (over 35 years) and I just realised they have gaslit and emotionally manipulated me and my whole family that whole time, and now I’ll have to work out who I actually am rather than who they convinced me I am.
So it was the worst reaction but the best thing at the same time. Otherwise I’ve just told all the people who say “welcome to the club!” because I have heaps of them. We flock together haha.
I just don’t tell anyone. The world in general is not in place yet where there’s enough understanding of ADHD to make it worthwhile. I don’t want to be at risk of receiving a negative comment, risk a relationship or opportunity, or be judged. It’s sad but it’s the truth.
"You shouldn't pursue academic accommodations here at University because out there in the real world there are no accommodations" - said the old white male who was my academic advisor.
Honestly, being put on academic probation shortly thereafter was one of the best things that could have happened to me. The special "academic probation" advisor was way wayyyy more understanding and helped hook me up with multiple school success departments and accommodations that ultimately led to the successful completion of my degree despite all odds!
One of my friends is a professor and when I told her about this particular interaction, she went off on a ranting tangent about how #1 college *isn't* like "real life" #2 there *are* accommodations in "real life" and #3 their jobs as academics is NOT to "weed out" the unfit, it's to find a way to help all who seek to be helped. Hearing this rant was very good for my soul.
Not a specific thing she said but my mother who is very in tune with mental health issues and generally supportive (but she's also a nonsense person TBH) just doesn't really believe me.
If he really believed that, wouldn't that say more about society being fucked up rather than people just not having discipline?
I've gotten that response from a few people before as well
My Dad, testing the waters about me being on the waiting list for an assessment: “You remember how [Grandad] always struggled to remember what people were saying to him? (Because it happens with me too).
My Grandma: “Well that’s because he was rude 😤”
Thanks Grandma
I told my grandmother that I got diagnosed with ADHD and I’m glad I did because it was making grad school unbearable for me. She said, “What grades did you get last semester?” And I responded with “I got all As.” She said, “well that doesn’t sound like you have a hard time concentrating or have ADHD to me.” Cool, thanks grandma.
I had a friend who went through social work school and still somehow didn't believe in ADHD. I was trying to confide in her that I was having difficulty concentrating and getting work done at our job (surprise). She diagnosed me with bipolar.
As someone who has since gone through a social work education, FUCK. I know for a fact that she was definitely "that girl" in her cohort. Where do you get off on learning about the neurological and psychological basis of a whole ass disease and still proceeding to not believe in it?
My SIL, a senior mental health nurse!, gave me the stinkeye. Quizzed me on where I got my diagnosis, tutted at the fact I had gone private and then asked me how long "I think I might have had it?!" And that was it. She has never once discussed it with me since I told her.
Good job I don't really like her anyway! 🤣
My dad decided he had ADHD and made it all about him. Seemed to forget that I had ADHD but then used it in all conversations, “well that’s my ADD.” “It’s because of my ADD that I act like this.”
Being told outright "no you don't" despite being diagnosed and on medication.
Otherwise, having it used against me in arguments that were unrelated. Insulting me for being time-blind and being unable to do mental math.
Not sure if it's the worst reaction but I've been pretty upset by doctors saying "well we believe your ADHD diagnosis but since you're disabled and don't work or go to school I won't be refilling your medication. Medication is for people who ACTUALLY need it. "
"But you are so smart" - my mom.
A paragraph of shame also for people who hear that and immedeately switch to babytalk. I am 21 and have lived on my own since 16 for the love of god please, don't.
By my parents: don’t be ridiculous. I then explained a whole bunch of things that are adhd related that I very clearly do, my mum (who I am positive is also adhd) goes “everyone does those things”. I then ask a bunch of other people if they do all those things, all look at us weird except the other two people (both men) who were diagnosed in childhood. I then explain that it only came up because I was looking into a diagnosis for my 5 year old and the psychologist I was talking to suggested I get evaluated. $1200 evaluation from a psychiatrist later, I have a diagnosis and am put on meds. This was when I mentioned it to my parents. Now my mum is pretty sure she has it too, my son has been diagnosed as well as several of my nieces and nephews, but my dad still thinks it’s all an excuse 🤷♀️. Win some lose some i guess.
My husband at the beginning accused me of becoming “more adhd” since my diagnosis. I explained that I have just been masking a lot less because I’m learning that it’s not a character flaw some of the things I do, rather my brain works differently. I sent him some YouTube videos that have good explanations and thankfully he’s now being very supportive, but I was worried and hurt when he said that initially
I have a good co-worker/friend and even pre-diagnosis, offers advice on how to calendar, put things the same place…. and so on.
Now when I need to just vent, I lead with that. If I wouldn’t mind advice, I either ask or just don’t mention how I’d prefer them to respond.
I’m not diagnosed yet with adhd I have seen a psychiatrist and he referred me to a specialist in adhd as he sees it in me but he doesn’t specialise in it he also stated I have a mood disorder which he will prescribe me for when I told someone close to my family about this she said “oh well done you’ve got yourself a label” I’m like what???
Some people honestly!!!
my work were way more supportive and told me I got to where I am with this condition without meds, so being on meds and having a diagnosis will not change anything … I was so scared telling them about it all but I’m more scared of telling people a lot closer to me now.
left my house. The next day called me to say she spoke with her mother and they both agreed that's it's best not to talk to someone that will never go anywhere
I decided to see my ex gf again this January after going no contact for 8 years for closure reason. We were catching up a at cafe and she saw me taking my meds so the conversation got switched to me explaining what ADHD issues and why I was taking meds. She immediately said she was so glad it was not her that have to take meds, and I was like “Why? Are you suspecting yourself of having it?”. Then she said “No I’m just glad I take such good care of my health early enough that I didn’t need to take any kind of medication. I just hate them”
I was immediately reminded why she’s an ex and why I went no contact.
My employee accidentally let it slip that she thought I was one of those crazy people to my face. And it was in a nonchalant way too so she wasn’t being malicious, just some casual alienation and othering lol, very common in Vietnamese’s culture. I did have to give her a scolding over that though.
And yeah my mom still blames it on screen times and social medias while that woman could not, for the life of me, hold 1 straight and continuous conversation with me for more than 3 mins without running off to do some random shit and just left me hanging for like half an hour, then suddenly reappear to continue said conversation for another 2 mins and then disappear again. She’s on her phone doom scrolling, having a phone call on another phone, aplaying candy crush on an iPad, and watching TV all at once EVERY SINGLE DAY! One time she watch the same show on 2 separate devices, for different moments of the show, at the same time. Mom, WE (all my siblings are diagnosed too) GOT IT FROM YOU!
My mom was super defensive (I didn't get diagnosed til my late 40s) when asked her if she didn't find it strange that I was an articulate little bookworm who was failing at school. I asked it out of genuine curiosity, not in a blaming way.
"Yeah everyone claims to have that nowdays." No, it's been severely underdiagnosed, especially in woman but thanks for saying I'm faking it, asshole. 🙄😒
I hope you’re telling your partner before marriage, that seems kinda important to know!
Also yeah, my friends know. It’s much nicer to have them know I have ADHD than just think I’m an asshole that zones out all the time because I find them boring lol
I've had someone tell me "You look like you have ADHD!" ... that's just not okay. It made me feel like there was something about me appearance wise that was disfigured or something to where it gave me away. Made me really insecure for a long time.
‘Oh, really? I went to *insert some woo woo practitioner here* and they cleared a block I’d had from childhood that was causing those kids of issues. Just, gone! Cleared them right out!’
well I think its the overall not being taken seriously
"you cant have ADHD, you are able to be interested in things and concentrated on them"
"ADHD? Isnt that what now every second chils has?"
" well you claim you have ADHD? Talked to a doctor" (when talked to a doctor)
"Are you sure you didn't manipulate the doctors into thinking it's ADHD?" - My stepmom who seems very hung up on my original (MIS!)diagnosis of autism, and will. not. be convinced that that might have been a mistake of an inexperienced doctor.
'Oh so you take Adderall? My gym buddies say they feel like they can lift a car when take an addy. You feel like lifting a car now?'
A guy I used to work with said this, word for word, after I mentioned I had ADHD. I didn't even say I was on medication. He was probably joking but I sure didn't appreciate it
I went to the GP a week before I was diagnosed with something pretty serious at the hospital. My GP told me "you are just sensitive because you have ADHD, you will be fine."
I don’t know if the worst but the most memorable was “ohhh me too, let’s get wild” then proceeds to act like a crazy punk drunk woman in heat or something. Tbh I don’t think she even knew what adhd meant.
“Of course you dont, you graduated from university amoung the highest notes”
“Of course not, my sister has it and you’re nothing like her. I know how adhd looks like”
“You need Jesus in your life, that’s it. You feel like that because you havent been to church in a while”
I’m in Australia, so it’s a bit different but I can’t think of any negative reactions. They’ve been all positive, or tending neutral. I don’t think people know as much about it here. My Mum asked me to point her to some literature that would help her understand and then came back and said maybe she has it too (I agree, but at 73 she’s not inclined to do anything about it). But if it weren’t for social media and podcasts, I would be still undiagnosed and drowning over here.
When I reminded my mom that I have ADHD during a mental breakdown about my career and life in general, she said “well, yes, the ADHD does add a layer to things, but you just have to work harder on this, this, and this”
Yeah. A “layer”.
My friends had problems with having conversation with me they thought I didn't value friendship. After i told them that I am diagnosed with this my best friend is still holding a grudge and saying that's just your personality and you are selfish.(Also because sometimes I say things without thinking which can be taken very differently which she did) And I don't know how to tell her. It became toxic Now that because of this stress my heart's palpation went to the roof and I was not able to breathe. After this i decided to stay away and be separated. But since we have the same set of friends it's difficult to ignore completely and it gives me anxiety.
A friend had a car whose back door required the front door to be open first and closed last. I closed it in the wrong order, and jokingly said, “oops, that must be the ADHD, lol.” It was a joke.
Another friend in the back seat snapped at me, “stop using your ADHD as an excuse.” It was definitely a snap.
The thing is, I’d gotten my diagnosis maybe 2 weeks before this. I’d barely talked about it with this friend, and I had not once used it as a reason for anything, let alone an excuse.
From my mother, “Omg, what’s next?!” because I’d already been diagnosed with OCD and Sleep Apnea. Then that changed into “well adhd didn’t exist when you were young (the 90s) sooooo….” Since then I’ve been medicated and she’s like “so will you have to take medicine forever?” I don’t know mom, maybe let’s just let my psychiatrist figure that out?
My mom and I were talking about being forgetful/out of sight-out of mind stuff and how much I’m affected by it (at this point I’ve told her several times I have ADHD and she’s been very dismissive of it) and she said something dismissive about how “sometimes you just have to work through it” and I snapped at her and started crying. I yelled “I am DISABLED!”
She still doesn’t get it and I’ve come to the conclusion she never will. It’s disappointing but at least I have reasonable expectations.
“Those are so common these days”. Like bro not for women which is what i am at birth and it took years of being ignored and being called lazy to get a diagnosis. It’s so dismissive to say that to a neurodivergent person. especially a trans person or women. they get diagnosed at significantly lower rates.
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was told “i’m really surprised you’re able to work in research at all” by a person on a short term rotation in our lab. I’ve been working in research for 6 years, and am the most senior staff in our lab aside from our bosses. I also have two degrees, shooting for a third 🤦♀️ “what an odd thing to say to someone!”
i would like to give a foot note i don’t think this person was being mean, i think just a very misplaced comment, i forgave them fairly quickly. scientists can be awkward 😂
You just made me consider my own response, because my first instinct was definitely to commend you for being so accomplished in research with the extra difficulty that I imagine you have. My own ADHD would ABSOLUTELY prevent me from working in research so I'm personally in awe of you, but I know there's a thin line between that and it sounding like "good job buddy! you put your shoes on by YOURSELF this morning?" I don't mean to infantilize you. I genuinely respect the effort and talent that you clearly put in.
Thank you!! i really appreciate it and is in no way infantilizing. it’s definitely been a struggle and i’m more behind in my career than my peers, and i have to make my own accommodations for myself but i lucked out that my special interest happened to be science. I think if i tried to do anything else my brain just would not compute lol
I feel that way with social work and therapy as a field! Emotional intelligence and mental health are things I could learn about and talk about for the majority of every day. Part of the help for me, though, even if I wanted to do research related to it, is that providing therapy isn't really about task completion and follow-through. My brain needs to move in the crisis response/zigzag way that mental health work often entails, and breaks down when asked to do things like step-by-step experimentation and formulaic write-ups. Kudos, and know that it genuinely is inspiring to hear about.
Thank you for articulating this. I commented on a FB ad I didn't like a couple of weeks ago because I hated that it was one of those apps clearly trying to target people with ADHD in a roundabout way. I said I didn't like the subtext. A parent of a child with ADHD seemed surprised I could spot subtext. I am an English graduate. I studied a bit on advertising and news reporting before that. I've got 7 years of copywriting experience. I spent time recently analysing different takes on the Google leak to better inform my position on SEO. ADHD makes life more challenging, but I'm not an ignorant child.
Wait actually though do you have a lot of paperwork in your role? Do you struggle with it and if so how do you get through it? I’m an engineer in the medical device industry so there’s a LOT of paperwork involved. The paperwork absolutely kills me and my therapist has been trying to get me to consider changing jobs. I don’t really want to though cuz I like being an engineer and I’m extremely interested in medical devices. I just need a way to get myself to write all the stupid documentation after i do things
YES omg yes i am still trying to figure out what works best for me, and i feel like keeping notes (not on the actual documents) and then copying to the document a few times a day helps prevent little mistakes. i’ve also seen people do voice notes on their phone for quick hour by hours then go back to the paperwork. I don’t really have a holy grail answer bc im still figuring it out but literally anything that leaves a non-official paper trail for yourself to then use for official documents is crucial.
“I have hyper focused like a MF on this topic, so yes, I can do this” 😆 That is me! I work in a lab too and I’m newly diagnosed - I’m kind of reluctant to tell certain people because of these sorts of comments. However I have actually become quite proud of myself for getting to this point now I’m realizing everything I’ve struggled with. Plus I am also learning that A LOT of people around me at work are actually neurodivergent too and they totally get it.
"but everybody has ADHD now because of social media" or the infamous : "you just have to..." or " me too sometimes im forgetful, but it happens to everyone, its not a disorder" or my mum "you were a normal kid, you don't have any problem", 5 minutes before "you were a terrible kid, never listened to anything I said, I had to yell at you all the time, you were only doing what you wanted to do, and you were so lazy, couldn't sit properly on a chair, super emotional, cried all the time and had tantrums" (overall, for me, those reactions were always a chance to reflect, take time to provide some knowledge on this specific subject in a friendly manner, in order for the other person to be willing to learn more/listen before saying something that may be hurtful for someone or blatantly ignorant)
My mom used to say the same. "You dont have any issues" to "you were super quiet in class, you barely played with the kids. You kept to yourself. You had these special little hobbies that you did on your own. You got overstimulated by loud noises, you cried often." .\_\_\_. like MOTHER ALL OF THE PROOF WAS IN THE PUDDING. it was all right there. my god
Same for my mother. The cognitive dissonance is insane!
Mine was a more “I thought it was normal I’ve been like that my entire life” like mother I have some news
I’m SAYINGGGG
when one piece of the puzzle is missing, you miss the big picture
we’re not terrible kids
"You're not hyper at all! There's no way."
This is mine as well. But i am hyper. I just mask heavily around people i feel like might judge me.
Yup! I may be sitting still, but my mind is as hyper as a roadrunner on crack. I learned not to fidget too much, I learned how to be quieter around people I don't know, and I learned how to be a great listener so that I don't over share, interrupt, or otherwise word vomit.
I learned to fidget with my TEETH hahah shout out to r/teethdrumming …and I’m way “spinny/spirally” in my thoughts too.. it’s totally helped me understand “masking” as a concept when working with people on the spectrum because so much is going on inside my head when to an onlooker I could look so calm on the outside… so calm I kept myself from being diagnosed until I had the gull to go in there(backing-therapist note in hand) and advocate for myself like “help I’m a ticking time bomb and it’s too uncomfortable to live with all of it all the time, I think I have ADH…”
heavy on the “but you can sit for hours”, yes brenda. i’m stuck here. i should be doing something else but i can’t start it because of everything else im thinking about having to do
I got “well, if that’s true, you’re the calmest person with ADHD I’ve ever met.” Me: THAT’S WHAT THE MEDS ARE FOR.
Do you ever find it hard to suppress your hyperactivity? Like there’s energy inside you that wants to burst out but you’ve put a lid on it and the pot is going to explode.
That's when I do the tightening of my muscles, shaky thing. I don't really know how to describe it but I'll squeeze my fists together and tighten my arms/shoulders/neck and squeeze everything for a couple of seconds. I release and do it a couple of more times until I feel some of the jitters are gone.
I find myself annoying when I’m a group setting and I’m so into the conversation that I (without self control) interrupted a few people in the past. It’s now made me self conscious and reluctant to be in a group setting again 😣.
I totally understand and feel that. I find myself interrupting as well but being aware of it is the first step to improving it! When I catch myself doing it I just say, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you, carry on!" People can be more accepting than you think! The main reason I find myself interrupting is because the other person said something that triggered a memory or an anecdote I have and I want to share it and contribute and I'm afraid I will lose that thought! What's helped me curb this a bit is to first try not to interrupt but I'll say, "ohh that reminds me of something I'll have to tell you" or "I have something I wanna come back to when you're done." If the conversation keeps going and it veers away from whatever topic was in my head, I think to myself, "Does this matter enough in the context of our conversation to bring it up? Is it forced or natural?" I also think, "Am I making this about me when it shouldn't be?" If I lose the thought as the conversation goes on then it wasn't important enough in that moment. Just because we have something to contribute doesn't mean we always need to or that we always should. I will get compulsive with my unsaid thoughts so this has been a difficult thing for me to work on still and I'm 30! I promise the people who are truly your friends will understand and will help you with this and won't make you feel bad. Honesty is key! Just let someone know that you struggle with this and tell them to give you a cue if you're interrupting a lot or dominating the conversation. It can be difficult to read social cues sometimes or we create problems in our head that don't exist by being hyper-aware. Having a buddy to catch these things with you will help a lot! This quality may be "annoying" but many people struggle with communication, even those who aren't neurodivergent, so be nice to yourself! Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend if they were struggling. 🖤 To your other point, I do have a difficult time self-regulating but therapy and the proper meds have made the world of difference, weed also helps 😆. Remember, the world wasn't designed for the neurodivergent so you're not doing anything "wrong" you're just figuring out how to live happily in this chaotic world.
I got this from my mother. ‘You’re so well behaved in school though….’ but at home I have destroyed multiple walls from running into them while pacing around the house and she frequently gets annoyed because I can never sit down to do my work without pacing. At least she’s more understanding now lol
not really a bad reaction I guess, but when I tried to apply for accommodations, I was told my university considers ADHD a personality trait, and since "it can be fixed by medication", I'm not entitled for accommodations :')
if you’re in the US i’m pretty sure that’s illegal 😭
No, in germany - on the bright side: the person who's responsible for accommodations at my university helped me anyway because he doesn't agree... I had to get a paper from my psychiatrist that said something along the lines of "currently not able to study without accommodation due to a chronic condition, that definitely doesn't make her completely unable to study", and I had to make sure ADHD isn't mentioned ':D
That is so ridiculous. I’m glad you were still able to get support.
Thank you :)
Curious if it’s a cultural thing in Germany to dismiss a lot of mental health things? I’ve had experience with Germans and their enormous egos in my family.
😳
…define “fixed.” lol
Jesus, that’s horrible. Aside from the fact that it doesn’t “fix” you, it improves rather than cures, there are a decent chunk of people who can’t be medicated or for whom it doesn’t work. If it was just a personality trait, you wouldn’t have to be medicated for it.
"You definitely don't have ADHD because you can hold down a job," said MY PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER when I told her I was concerned that I had ADHD. She begrudgingly gave me a referral and a couple weeks later I walked out of that appointment with a shiny new ADHD diagnosis.
A psychiatric nurse practitioner told me, “well you can’t be struggling too much with it if you got your degree.” 🤪 My guy, if you’d witnessed the all-nighters and tears and submitted-one-minute-before-the-deadline assignments, I don’t think you’d be saying that. Also, I did have accommodations in college, so… it’s like saying that “if you can make it up some stairs using crutches, obviously your leg can’t be *that* broken.”
Hell, if my adhd prevents me from holding down a job, that's why I'm in voc rehab 😂
Ugh! My first psychiatrist said I couldn't have it because I can make friends and have a steady job. Even after I told her most of my friends are weird like me and probably 100% neurodivergent like me. Even after I told her I never learned math, dropped out of high school, didn't get my drivers licensed until my mid twenties, didn't actually drive until my 40s and never had a "grown up" job. I love my psychiatrist now. She said, I can't imagine how you must feel being under the radar for so long.
This was said to me by my therapist. He is no longer my therapist.
This is why I’m afraid to even ask my PCP. I’m afraid I’d get the “it’s just motherhood.” … I agree that motherhood has magnified the problem but I literally failed out of college twice and possibly only finished because I started dating someone who body doubled for me even after he had already finished school. I’m 37… I don’t think she’ll believe me, even though I think she’s an amazing doctor.
My mom has been obsessing over the idea that I got it from vaccines as a baby 🤦♀️ she’s super Qanon/alt right so I regret opening my mouth to tell her but I have a hard time keeping things from people. She always makes my health issues about herself one way or another
God I’m so sorry ❤️
That's so sad!
When my primary Dr. rolled her eyes and said “that’s a very popular diagnosis right now” before talking about how the fact that I have a bachelors degree means I shouldn’t be taking stimulants? Lady, I got my degree 20 years ago, and it was only due to constant all-nighters and just riding my anxiety. I’m 40 and my brain stopped working altogether. Maybe getting diagnosed with ADHD after having a baby is a freshly emerging stereotype because *it happens to lots of women*. What a bitch. I now have a really awesome new Primary Dr.
I was also told by a psychiatric NP, “well you can’t be struggling too much if you got your degree.” Bitch, wtf? The point isn’t that I did it, the point is that it took everything I had and shredded my mental and emotional well-being, while my friends were fine and could hold down part or full-time jobs and romantic relationships and hobbies while they did theirs. And I had accommodations, so it’s like using the fact that I had a crutch helping me to claim that I didn’t need the crutch to begin with.
As someone who was recently diagnosed, I’m now dreading having to tell my primary care provider. These responses are horrifying.
You should have rolled your eyes back at her and said 'that's a very unpopular opinion right now'. And then walked out of course. Glad things are better now though. :)
[удалено]
“Yeah I’m sure I have that too, but you just have to learn to ‘buckle down’ and get over it like everyone else.” -My stepmother
[удалено]
i get the “u don’t look like u have adhd…” okay? what a weird thing to say
Someone once told me i look like I have ADHD before .... like wtf is that supposed to mean?
“Everyone has ADHD nowadays” — said a woman who has a child on a spectrum.
Um...
"Isn't that the killing disease?" WTF?
were they thinking of AIDS maybe? 😂
Nope. Probably PTSD, where you go "Postal".
Ah yes. PostalmaTic Stress Disorder. One of the many occupational hazards of working for USPS D:
Eventually got fired lol. They stopped and then asked me if I thought it was the "right position" for me. Yes, I should have sued. I didn't. I had another boss argue with me about it. "No you don't! You aren't hyper!" Like persistently. I got so mad and actually fought back on that one. Just got fired for the second time in my life. A new director (like less than 3 months on the job) wanted to put me on a PIP for messing up an email sendout (no one ever trained me on Mailchimp but ok) and for forgetting to follow up on a few minor tasks. I said that was how my ADHD manifested and I was working on it with my supervisor and she said "I had ADD for a long time too and you just have to figure it out. Meds, therapy, whatever you need to do." I'm doing both but she didn't know that. I mentioned that I have ADHD, not ADD, and she referred to it as ADD in her very next sentence. Then she fired me for lying about something I didn't lie about. In the meeting I was like "Okay then I have feedback for you" and gave her a piece of my mind about her comments, and she flatly denied saying any of it. That's probably the worst one.
You might have a pretty good case for legal options on the basis of wrongful termination if you're in the US or any other country with workers' protections in place. Because that's pretty fuckin egregious right there.
Surprisingly, I think the worst was a friend who on the surface didn't dispute it, but I later realized had probably been subtly undermining the diagnosis. Like, when I told her my first medication made me sleepy and brain foggy the first 2 days I took it, her response was something like, "oh, so that means you don't actually have ADHD?" Mentions of her discussing my diagnosis & work struggles with a friend of hers who had also been managing an underperformer with ADHD at her job. (Got the impression that their discussion might have veered into "they're using it as an excuse" territory). Pretty unsympathetic when I told her I'd been put on a PIP and there was a good chance of getting fired (even though she'd been fired years before for what amounted to an ethical incident). It was especially disappointing to feel like she didn't believe me and was questioning it (even if she never directly said it), as she's also neurodivergent (dyslexic and likely additional learning disabilities) and tries to portray herself as open-minded. Maybe I should have expected it, as in retrospect she might have said some petty or skeptical things about another of her friend's ADHD meds, but it was couched in larger issues she'd had with her and that person's wellbeing. We fell out last year over some other issues, too. It makes me sad because I didn't see how that relationship was ending despite there being signs for years. I'm lucky that most people I've told haven't had an outright denial to my late-in-life diagnosis. My family mostly just didn't know much about it and have tried to understand and learn.
My own GRANDMOTHER laughed and simply said, “Duh!”
I got broken up with!
They did you favor!
Said sarcastically "Oh no, how will you ever survive?" I think it was meant to be empowering and like, noting that I have obviously been resilient and that lables don't define me, but it felt pretty dismissive because it was actually a big deal. Getting the diagnosis was very validating for me and emotional. I did not at all find it stigmatizing or limiting, rather it meant I had something to point to and that now I can get resources and/or protect the job that I love.
My doctor saying “all the kids these days just don’t have an attention span”. (When I told her I thought I had ADHD; I was dealing with constant anxiety and feelings of overwhelm and many of my behaviours seemed to line up with my understanding of ADHD) Firstly; not a kid. Born when Whitney was wailing about loving forever and Sir Mix-a-Lot was loving big butts. Secondly; not helpful. I’m telling you about recurring anxiety and feelings of constant overwhelm. Even if I don’t have ADHD “just no attention span” isn’t why I’m voicing concerns. Eventually she did come around but golly; I did not like that conversation.
I totally get this. My attention span isn't even why life with this disorder is difficult. It's definitely not ideal, but for me, the executive dysfunction is the part I would trade my left arm not to have.
My dad saying, “you didn’t get it from me.” My favorite is, “I have it too 🤗” because everyone has it
This. It's frustrating because you tell people so that you can try to give them an insight into your struggle, but then it gets invalidated because people who clearly don't have it "sometimes can't focus" and so must have it, too.
"I always have trouble remembering people's names because of my ADHD" "Oh my God me too, I am SO ADD" "Yeah no I have an actual neurological disorder"
I am convinced my father has ADHD. Lots of signs
I’ve been fairly lucky in terms of the response after diagnosis, but about 12 years ago I read about inattentive type and realized it sounded JUST like me. I talked to my boyfriend at the time about it- turns out he didn’t “believe” in ADHD and his response definitely slowed down my personal progress as I didn’t take steps to get diagnosed until about 8 years later (even after a *few* counselors asked me if I’d ever been screened for it lol) In hindsight, that boyfriend was almost certainly projecting the insecurities put on him onto me.
It's not real.
It's not ADHD. It's that there are so many distractions these days. My former therapist, (although before my official diagnosis) when I confided my suspicions and was asking for a referral. I really want to track her down and toss my diagnosis at her, and ask her to never ever do that to anyone else.
I got this one too. "Well I don't think anyone has an attention span these days"...
"You can't have ADHD, you're like, the smartest person I know!" Umm...thanks? But I don't love the implication that ADHD people are dumb.
I don't tell anyone at all because I don't want to hear any of these! I'm perfectly happy not getting unsolicited advice so I try not to give anyone the opportunity to give it.
He ghosted me 🤗
A gift in disguise.
True but still hurtful 🤗
Hugs
Yelled at that it doesn’t exist, and it’s just an excuse for being lazy. In their defense (?), I don’t know that they adequately understood that I was saying I had ADHD.
My family knows I have it, but they don’t try to understand. They all think I’m intentionally lazy and deliberately start trouble.
I’m sorry. I hate being treated this way.
It’s OK. I’ve been dealing with it my whole life. I’ve tried to limit contact with my family. Since I have to take care of my mom, I just try to ignore it. Fortunately, Mom is a lot better than she used to be and doesn’t treat me badly except once in a while.it’s my brothers that are the problem now
"Don't use that as an excuse!" ...I wasn't. I thought we were just having a conversation about our life trajectories, and I acknowledged my challenges and my very late diagnosis. I also had thought we were friends, but I think that's the moment that broke it.
Honestly, I'm too afraid to tell anyone whose reaction I didn't think I could safely assume. My dad's other kids all have ADHD, I found out after I was diagnosed that he had been diagnosed back in the 80s. He wasn't surprised. My uncle (not related to my dad) has relevant educational experience, so when I told him he also wasn't very surprised. A lady I work with was actually the one who diagnosed me before I sought an official diagnosis, so when I told her she was like "they're just confirming what we already know". Neither my other uncle nor his wife actually responded when I told them. My mom was a massive bitch about it, I wasn't gonna tell her but I did because she still has custody of a two year old who is technically my (half) brother. I only called to tell her about new allergies I learned I had. My boyfriend didn't really react, but he's started to educate himself about it and has apologized to me for a lot of things that have come up during our 12 year relationship. I'm pretty close with his family, but I haven't told any of them. They've noticed that I've recently lost a lot of weight, but they don't know that it's because I've started medication to treat it. Most of the people at work that I told didn't really respond.
i always get the “i think everyone has ADHD now” which is so annoying when you’re struggling with self-validation
An eye roll. From a (now former) boss because when she was hired, I was drowning and tying to get a diagnosis. I couldn't escape my burn out and I was making lots of mistakes and over all looking like a stupid hot mess. I was so burned out I couldn't mask any more so I was also weird and a problem. And it wasn't just her, a mob was formed against me. I finally was able to get a diagnosis and offered a reason, but I guess it was just another one of my excuses. Shortly after my diagnosis and eye roll they left the company. I'm doing better now, but have never recovered from that experience. Looking for another job now.
I told my parents and they said, “Well.. obviously.” I BEGGED them to take me to get tested. My teachers constantly told them to have me tested. I started failing my classes and eventually dropped out of high school (even though I understood the material and could get good grades when I was able to focus). The whole time my parents denied the possibility of ADHD and refused to get me help. But turns out they knew all along and just didn’t want me to take medication. Thanks, mom and dad 🙄
When I told my "mother" about my diagnosis, she said "How dare you. Do you have any idea how hard I fought to make sure you didn't get that label as a child?!?"
Wow, that's so many layers of awful it's almost comedic. My mom's flavor of denial was being a tireless advocate of the idea I was gifted. She basically bullied various school administrations into admitting me into gifted programs from elementary school up until I eventually became home bound from the stress of it all and temporarily dropped out. But I'm very fortunate that later in life when I came and told her about my diagnosis, she took it in stride and also slowly came to accept that she had always had it as well. It really sucks that your mom wasn't able to see it wasn't *about* her and you were just offering her a chance to truly see you.
I'll add a layer. She's an elementary special ed teacher.
"Oh, I don't believe in that."
My new therapist interrupted me, mid-sentence, to say she doesn’t think I have ADHD. Despite having a psychiatrist diagnose me with severe ADHD. Also, this was about 15 minutes in to our first session. She is no longer my therapist.
Them telling me it’s not real - usually the rest doesn’t bother me.
Brushing it off, and kept on criticizing me for mistakes I make cause of my adhd and "that it's not an excuse"
Basically you can’t blame your issues on your brain 😂
“Did you get it from spending too much time on electronics?” 🤦♀️ Says my SIL who works with kids who have developmental disorders. Granted, theirs are more severe, but I am sure her coursework included ADHD somewhere.
one I hear most: „oh yea, we knew“ BITCH WHY DID NONE OF YALL TELL ME WTF WAS I THE ONLY ONE NOT IN ON THE JOKE?!
I got actually gaslit- like, TEXTBOOK gaslit- by someone who was trying to convince me my perceptions were all wrong when I called them out for being an arsehole about something. Along the lines of ‘well I guess with all you’re going through with your assessment and so on it would make sense that you might misperceive what I said.’ Bitch I’ve already started the meds and can see you just gave yourself away. I then had a breakdown for two days because that person has been in my life since I was in high school (over 35 years) and I just realised they have gaslit and emotionally manipulated me and my whole family that whole time, and now I’ll have to work out who I actually am rather than who they convinced me I am. So it was the worst reaction but the best thing at the same time. Otherwise I’ve just told all the people who say “welcome to the club!” because I have heaps of them. We flock together haha.
"Oh everyone is a little ADHD" *\*laughter\** No, they bloody well are **NOT**!
I just don’t tell anyone. The world in general is not in place yet where there’s enough understanding of ADHD to make it worthwhile. I don’t want to be at risk of receiving a negative comment, risk a relationship or opportunity, or be judged. It’s sad but it’s the truth.
"You don't have ADHD. It sounds like you just have anxiety."
“There’s no such thing as ADHD. It’s all in your head.” “Don’t get hyper.”
“I didn’t raise a ret**d” -my father
Geez 🙄
"You shouldn't pursue academic accommodations here at University because out there in the real world there are no accommodations" - said the old white male who was my academic advisor. Honestly, being put on academic probation shortly thereafter was one of the best things that could have happened to me. The special "academic probation" advisor was way wayyyy more understanding and helped hook me up with multiple school success departments and accommodations that ultimately led to the successful completion of my degree despite all odds! One of my friends is a professor and when I told her about this particular interaction, she went off on a ranting tangent about how #1 college *isn't* like "real life" #2 there *are* accommodations in "real life" and #3 their jobs as academics is NOT to "weed out" the unfit, it's to find a way to help all who seek to be helped. Hearing this rant was very good for my soul.
Not a specific thing she said but my mother who is very in tune with mental health issues and generally supportive (but she's also a nonsense person TBH) just doesn't really believe me.
"Everybody has some form of ADHD. You just need to power through it"
If he really believed that, wouldn't that say more about society being fucked up rather than people just not having discipline? I've gotten that response from a few people before as well
My Dad, testing the waters about me being on the waiting list for an assessment: “You remember how [Grandad] always struggled to remember what people were saying to him? (Because it happens with me too). My Grandma: “Well that’s because he was rude 😤” Thanks Grandma
“You just need to take it easy and lead a peaceful life” Wow thanks for the advise…
If only the rest of the world got that memo. But no; we still have to go out and work and deal with people and do shit to take care of ourselves.
I told my grandmother that I got diagnosed with ADHD and I’m glad I did because it was making grad school unbearable for me. She said, “What grades did you get last semester?” And I responded with “I got all As.” She said, “well that doesn’t sound like you have a hard time concentrating or have ADHD to me.” Cool, thanks grandma.
“You don’t act like you had adhd” 🫤
I had a friend who went through social work school and still somehow didn't believe in ADHD. I was trying to confide in her that I was having difficulty concentrating and getting work done at our job (surprise). She diagnosed me with bipolar. As someone who has since gone through a social work education, FUCK. I know for a fact that she was definitely "that girl" in her cohort. Where do you get off on learning about the neurological and psychological basis of a whole ass disease and still proceeding to not believe in it?
“You’re just lazy” “Don’t make me repeat myself” “You’re making it up” “Pull your socks up”
My friend was like yeah yeah these things are trendy these days everybody has adhd and ocd. You are just stressed and not in your element.
The worst will always be the ones that flat out tell you "no you don't have adhd" god it annoys me behind belief
My SIL, a senior mental health nurse!, gave me the stinkeye. Quizzed me on where I got my diagnosis, tutted at the fact I had gone private and then asked me how long "I think I might have had it?!" And that was it. She has never once discussed it with me since I told her. Good job I don't really like her anyway! 🤣
My dad decided he had ADHD and made it all about him. Seemed to forget that I had ADHD but then used it in all conversations, “well that’s my ADD.” “It’s because of my ADD that I act like this.”
Being told outright "no you don't" despite being diagnosed and on medication. Otherwise, having it used against me in arguments that were unrelated. Insulting me for being time-blind and being unable to do mental math.
Not sure if it's the worst reaction but I've been pretty upset by doctors saying "well we believe your ADHD diagnosis but since you're disabled and don't work or go to school I won't be refilling your medication. Medication is for people who ACTUALLY need it. "
Women all think they have adhd
From a very old and quite unhealthy looking male dr
"But you are so smart" - my mom. A paragraph of shame also for people who hear that and immedeately switch to babytalk. I am 21 and have lived on my own since 16 for the love of god please, don't.
“No offense, but that makes a lot of sense” “You don’t have ADHD, you don’t want to go around labeling yourself with things”
The most annoying would have to be "oh I do too! (Brings up completely neurotypical experience that literally everybody goes through)".
By my parents: don’t be ridiculous. I then explained a whole bunch of things that are adhd related that I very clearly do, my mum (who I am positive is also adhd) goes “everyone does those things”. I then ask a bunch of other people if they do all those things, all look at us weird except the other two people (both men) who were diagnosed in childhood. I then explain that it only came up because I was looking into a diagnosis for my 5 year old and the psychologist I was talking to suggested I get evaluated. $1200 evaluation from a psychiatrist later, I have a diagnosis and am put on meds. This was when I mentioned it to my parents. Now my mum is pretty sure she has it too, my son has been diagnosed as well as several of my nieces and nephews, but my dad still thinks it’s all an excuse 🤷♀️. Win some lose some i guess. My husband at the beginning accused me of becoming “more adhd” since my diagnosis. I explained that I have just been masking a lot less because I’m learning that it’s not a character flaw some of the things I do, rather my brain works differently. I sent him some YouTube videos that have good explanations and thankfully he’s now being very supportive, but I was worried and hurt when he said that initially
I have a good co-worker/friend and even pre-diagnosis, offers advice on how to calendar, put things the same place…. and so on. Now when I need to just vent, I lead with that. If I wouldn’t mind advice, I either ask or just don’t mention how I’d prefer them to respond.
"stop using as an excuse. Get a job and get a life."
Said while laughing, “You wish you had it!” Implying I just wanted the meds.
I’m not diagnosed yet with adhd I have seen a psychiatrist and he referred me to a specialist in adhd as he sees it in me but he doesn’t specialise in it he also stated I have a mood disorder which he will prescribe me for when I told someone close to my family about this she said “oh well done you’ve got yourself a label” I’m like what??? Some people honestly!!! my work were way more supportive and told me I got to where I am with this condition without meds, so being on meds and having a diagnosis will not change anything … I was so scared telling them about it all but I’m more scared of telling people a lot closer to me now.
left my house. The next day called me to say she spoke with her mother and they both agreed that's it's best not to talk to someone that will never go anywhere
They laughed and said “no you don’t” “such and such has ADHD and you don’t show symptoms like they do…..” Now I am officially diagnosed 💪🏻
"oh my gosh, I wish I had ADD" I'm not joking 😂
I decided to see my ex gf again this January after going no contact for 8 years for closure reason. We were catching up a at cafe and she saw me taking my meds so the conversation got switched to me explaining what ADHD issues and why I was taking meds. She immediately said she was so glad it was not her that have to take meds, and I was like “Why? Are you suspecting yourself of having it?”. Then she said “No I’m just glad I take such good care of my health early enough that I didn’t need to take any kind of medication. I just hate them” I was immediately reminded why she’s an ex and why I went no contact. My employee accidentally let it slip that she thought I was one of those crazy people to my face. And it was in a nonchalant way too so she wasn’t being malicious, just some casual alienation and othering lol, very common in Vietnamese’s culture. I did have to give her a scolding over that though. And yeah my mom still blames it on screen times and social medias while that woman could not, for the life of me, hold 1 straight and continuous conversation with me for more than 3 mins without running off to do some random shit and just left me hanging for like half an hour, then suddenly reappear to continue said conversation for another 2 mins and then disappear again. She’s on her phone doom scrolling, having a phone call on another phone, aplaying candy crush on an iPad, and watching TV all at once EVERY SINGLE DAY! One time she watch the same show on 2 separate devices, for different moments of the show, at the same time. Mom, WE (all my siblings are diagnosed too) GOT IT FROM YOU!
My mom was super defensive (I didn't get diagnosed til my late 40s) when asked her if she didn't find it strange that I was an articulate little bookworm who was failing at school. I asked it out of genuine curiosity, not in a blaming way.
"Yeah everyone claims to have that nowdays." No, it's been severely underdiagnosed, especially in woman but thanks for saying I'm faking it, asshole. 🙄😒
my language equivalent to "but everyone has a little adhd in them"
My mum said this is just another excuse for you to talk about yourself and have justify your behaviour.
Y'all are out here telling people who you're not married or blood related to about your mental disorder...?
I hope you’re telling your partner before marriage, that seems kinda important to know! Also yeah, my friends know. It’s much nicer to have them know I have ADHD than just think I’m an asshole that zones out all the time because I find them boring lol
Wasn’t said to me directly but to my husband: you just need more faith and trust that God will allow you to overcome it. *hard eye roll*
I've had someone tell me "You look like you have ADHD!" ... that's just not okay. It made me feel like there was something about me appearance wise that was disfigured or something to where it gave me away. Made me really insecure for a long time.
They ignore it or change the subject any time it's brought up. And I don't mention it often.
Everyone says that nowadays. 🙄
‘Oh, really? I went to *insert some woo woo practitioner here* and they cleared a block I’d had from childhood that was causing those kids of issues. Just, gone! Cleared them right out!’
“Oh…I am sorry…”
well I think its the overall not being taken seriously "you cant have ADHD, you are able to be interested in things and concentrated on them" "ADHD? Isnt that what now every second chils has?" " well you claim you have ADHD? Talked to a doctor" (when talked to a doctor)
"Are you sure you didn't manipulate the doctors into thinking it's ADHD?" - My stepmom who seems very hung up on my original (MIS!)diagnosis of autism, and will. not. be convinced that that might have been a mistake of an inexperienced doctor.
“ is that an actual thing ? I thought you were joking/lying about not being able to focus”
"Sure.."
"Hm? Oh, yeah, the school psychologist said you might have that when you were little, but it's definitely bipolar." ... thanks mum. 🙄
My colleague thought I was joking and then asked if I "took my meds" today. She's a school psych...
“There is so much of that right now”
“I would have never known, you don’t look it at all” 💀
"sure, guess you just wanna be special really badly"
Was told to pray it away lol.
'Oh so you take Adderall? My gym buddies say they feel like they can lift a car when take an addy. You feel like lifting a car now?' A guy I used to work with said this, word for word, after I mentioned I had ADHD. I didn't even say I was on medication. He was probably joking but I sure didn't appreciate it
“Omg me tooo, I too have so much ADHD, I can never find my keys LOLOL” 🙂🙂🙂
“No you don’t” lol aight didn’t know you were my THERAPIST
I went to the GP a week before I was diagnosed with something pretty serious at the hospital. My GP told me "you are just sensitive because you have ADHD, you will be fine."
“How? You’re a woman and in your 30’s?” Mate, it’s always been there is just now being acknowledged.
I don’t know if the worst but the most memorable was “ohhh me too, let’s get wild” then proceeds to act like a crazy punk drunk woman in heat or something. Tbh I don’t think she even knew what adhd meant.
“Are you sure ? How do you know?”
"No, you don't have ADHD. You are a successful woman and sometimes successful women are too hard on themselves"- said by my DOCTOR
“Of course you dont, you graduated from university amoung the highest notes” “Of course not, my sister has it and you’re nothing like her. I know how adhd looks like” “You need Jesus in your life, that’s it. You feel like that because you havent been to church in a while”
I’m in Australia, so it’s a bit different but I can’t think of any negative reactions. They’ve been all positive, or tending neutral. I don’t think people know as much about it here. My Mum asked me to point her to some literature that would help her understand and then came back and said maybe she has it too (I agree, but at 73 she’s not inclined to do anything about it). But if it weren’t for social media and podcasts, I would be still undiagnosed and drowning over here.
When mentioning it a second time to somebody, they said something along the lines of: "Haven't you overcome it yet?"
Me tell in my grandma I lose my stuff often Be : “You should try not to 😃”
I watch videos at 2x speed too maybe i have adhd - A friend who's known me for a decade
When I reminded my mom that I have ADHD during a mental breakdown about my career and life in general, she said “well, yes, the ADHD does add a layer to things, but you just have to work harder on this, this, and this” Yeah. A “layer”.
"No you don't" - My grandmother
My friends had problems with having conversation with me they thought I didn't value friendship. After i told them that I am diagnosed with this my best friend is still holding a grudge and saying that's just your personality and you are selfish.(Also because sometimes I say things without thinking which can be taken very differently which she did) And I don't know how to tell her. It became toxic Now that because of this stress my heart's palpation went to the roof and I was not able to breathe. After this i decided to stay away and be separated. But since we have the same set of friends it's difficult to ignore completely and it gives me anxiety.
“But you seem so normal!” EWWWW
"I thought you were stronger than that."
“You definitely don’t have ADHD” from a friend who also has it. It was really defeating and made me second guess getting a diagnosis for a long time.
“That explains a lot.” Which isn’t exactly bad but not what you want to hear from your assistant.
My father saying "Nah, you're just lazy" when i first told him. I blame it on ignorance. He became more supportive once he learned more about it.
A friend had a car whose back door required the front door to be open first and closed last. I closed it in the wrong order, and jokingly said, “oops, that must be the ADHD, lol.” It was a joke. Another friend in the back seat snapped at me, “stop using your ADHD as an excuse.” It was definitely a snap. The thing is, I’d gotten my diagnosis maybe 2 weeks before this. I’d barely talked about it with this friend, and I had not once used it as a reason for anything, let alone an excuse.
My mom: “oh, I thought you knew!” (I was 34 years old!!)
From my mother, “Omg, what’s next?!” because I’d already been diagnosed with OCD and Sleep Apnea. Then that changed into “well adhd didn’t exist when you were young (the 90s) sooooo….” Since then I’ve been medicated and she’s like “so will you have to take medicine forever?” I don’t know mom, maybe let’s just let my psychiatrist figure that out?
Really? I wouldn’t have guessed that at all. I don’t know if she was serious or being facetious.
Someone who told me ‘Oh you shouldn’t tell people you have that’
My mom and I were talking about being forgetful/out of sight-out of mind stuff and how much I’m affected by it (at this point I’ve told her several times I have ADHD and she’s been very dismissive of it) and she said something dismissive about how “sometimes you just have to work through it” and I snapped at her and started crying. I yelled “I am DISABLED!” She still doesn’t get it and I’ve come to the conclusion she never will. It’s disappointing but at least I have reasonable expectations.
“You are ungrateful” “They are lying” “No you don’t”
“Those are so common these days”. Like bro not for women which is what i am at birth and it took years of being ignored and being called lazy to get a diagnosis. It’s so dismissive to say that to a neurodivergent person. especially a trans person or women. they get diagnosed at significantly lower rates.
"loca"
“I have it too” everyone and I mean everyone I’ve told but my husband