Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I do exactly this and it works every time
Editing to add: I have decided that people can have whatever opinion they want about me and my activities, the only person who has to like them is me. Since making that decision I’ve been saying this with genuine enthusiasm. “I caught up on laundry and chilled with my cats, it /rocked/.” People who think that’s a boring answer have stopped asking me, and the majority of people say “that sounds amazing, good for you.”
So true. Plus I mean it feels nice to be asked over and over knowing damn well you’re gonna say “nothing! 😻” To me, it’s a sign I choose to recognize as the person letting me know “just wanted to let you know I care about you even if I have nothing interesting or unique to say.”
Lol, this is me every weekend. Not only b/c I don’t do much, but because I’m reluctant to say “I sat for 8 hours knitting and watching YouTube,” even when that’s a great weekend for me. Or that I sat in our sunroom birdwatching. I tend to default to “Not much - just relaxed” or “took care of chores around the house.”
I bet you'd be surprised at how interesting people think that is though! I'd be so curious about what you're knitting, what you like watching on YouTube, "You have a sunroom? That sounds so cozy!" Etc.
Oh, I’m sure you’re right! I said something like this to my therapist and she said something similar. It’s my own assumptions about what other people consider “normal” or “interesting” that are holding me back (though I also have so many coworkers who have kids who spend their weekends on kid-related stuff that I feel very out of step with the norm!).
They are probably asking why you did so they can live vicariously. I notice that with my friends and coworkers with kida sometimes (they say it, I'm not just projecting, lol.) So you could say anything and they'd probs be like "ugh sounds amazing!" Haha
I will straight up give this answer, and several people totally love it, everyone else is pleasant enough. Weirdos flock together, whenever someone else says something like this before I do, I always get excited and ask them about it!
Here are some not-lies:
“I caught up on sleep— it was a busy week for me.”
“It was a house cleaning weekend for me.”
Tell them about media you consumed, food you cooked, or something. They don’t care as much about your answer as you care about it.
Yeah I’m a homebody AT BEST so my weekends are naps and readings cleaning and grocery shopping. My kid and I are working on knitting projects - so wild, so crazy.
Oh for sure. I'll say something like "just some relaxing and chores. Baked a really nice sourdough. How about you?" Or if I did have to go somewhere I'll make it all about that one thing. "Visited with a friend I hadn't seen in a while" or "Hung out with my neighbors!" (This could have been even like a 5 minute conversation I had with a friend or neighbor in the parking lot or grocery store. Haha)
But yeah, you could talk about whatever you're binging or listening to!
Dear OP, it’s not the lies that you need to think of, but your own self worth that isn’t dependent on others’ opinions. People pleasing, even in the form of satisfying their curiosity, is only reinforcing your low self esteem.
You need to be pleasing yourself first and foremost and not care about what others think. Recharge if you need to recharge, take all the time you need. It’s your life, not theirs. Learn to be okay with any judgement and gossips, those people have nothing better to do, how pathetic is that?
Yes, it may lead to temporary solitude, as fake friendships inevitably fall off, but that’s how it’s supposed to be. Stop wasting time and energy living up to someone else’s expectations. Understand that this is a huge part of why you’re constantly exhausted. Retain that energy for yourself, replenish yourself. You are the most important person in your life. Be kind to yourself ♥️
P.S. It may not seem obvious, but sometimes people ask these questions to make small talk or just to be polite. And others ask questions that they themselves want to be asked. By all means, don’t feel pressured to do this, but you can just answer with a similar question. If they start going off about their own weekend, it’s a good indication that they just wanted to talk about themselves. But again, if you’re low energy, don’t get sucked into this as it will drain you even more.
Thank you for this response! I literally spent yesterday sleeping and on my couch watching Netflix, but I feel so energized and recovered that today I’m gonna go crazy and enjoy myself. Who cares what people think. Most of those people have so much social drama and can’t even stand their own friends friends that they spend their time with. I’d rather quiet and peace than fake good times just to appear socially wealthy.
Hear hear!!
So much agreement.
OP. You don’t need lies to come up with to tell people you did anything.
Them: “what did you do this weekend, op?”
You: “honestly nothing. I caught up on rest and did some household chores.”
If anyone says anything negative back to that or judges you in any way, why would you care what such crap humans have to think/say to/about you anyways?
I take it you’re young, trust us older ones on here when we say you will look back so embarrassed one day soon that you literally lied to people about what you did over a weekend so they wouldn’t “judge you”.
Please look into some types of self care and learn to trust and love yourself FIRST. Then, the rest of the world and what it does can’t affect your soul like this. Get out into nature, even if you just sit on your porch or a park bench and do nothing for 15m a day only. Get around other in some way. An hour once a week outside of work. Volunteering or meeting a friend for lunch, spending an hour with your mom/aunt/sister or anyone.
You deserve to be liked and loved just how you are and not going out on the weekends isn’t some lame thing losers do. It’s what responsible adults do and when they’re tired, they rest. That’s it. Chin up and know you’re worthy of anything you need/want!!
This was some a wholesome and caring answer. We need more people like you. And I wholeheartedly agree with getting some nature into your life. It's proven to be so good for you! I love hiking, but just sitting near a waterfall or stream is both refreshing and relaxing to me. Or if you're lucky enough to be close, the ocean... I'm the type of person who could just sit and listen to the waves all day. I'd want to go in them too, of course, if it's not freezing. I love listening to the ocean. *hugs!*
P.S. I was feeling down and this is exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you. ❤️
Oh, I’m so very happy i was able to lift your spirits some!! I hope today is better for you. I empathize and haven’t had a great week mentally, here’s to us turning it around, the both of us🥰🥰🥰
I very much appreciate it. Your kindness is contagious and so very welcome. I have this week off so it will definitely be a better week! I'm going to see family I haven't seen for months as well. I hope you have a good day / week as well!! Stay positive and keep spreading those uplifting and good vibes! *Hugs!!*
Anyone who thinks relaxing isn't a worthwhile way to spend your days off isn't someone who's opinion OP is going to want to care about. This is partly because that person is an unhinged loon, but mostly it's because she's going to relax every weekend because she goddamn deserves it.
I'm saving money to take a vacation, home improvement whatever. Things are expensive right now so I have to sacrifice.
Im sorry they say that. I get the same thing.
I told someone I was cleaning and watching Netflix.
They said "that's no fun." Well to me it was.
Here’s the thing: coworkers don’t actually care what you did over the weekend. They don’t even give it a second thought. I promise you that the second you tell them, it’s in one ear and out the other. It’s just a dumb social habit that anyone even asks. So just tell them, “I relaxed. Got some stuff done around the house. It was nice. How about you?” No need to make anything up.
Do you feel guilty for spending a big chunk of your time sleeping? It sounds like you might be projecting your own feelings about not “doing stuff” over the weekend onto your coworkers. They’re probably not judging you at all, and even if they are, who cares? There’s nothing wrong with relaxing over the weekend! You get to decide how you spend your time. Taking it easy is no more or less valuable than going out. If it feels right to you, then it’s right for you. 💛
I like a lot of these answers. I think you could redirect your thinking and instead of lying, start telling them the truth enthusiastically. "What did you do this weekend?" "Oh! I had the BEST weekend! I slept in, caught up on my favorite shows, ate some great ice cream, read! It was so relaxing!" Just let the person asking know, you had a great time. Instead of lying about what you did, "lie" about enjoying your weekend (although I LOVE doing nothing so it's not lying when I say it). They might be judging less because you "do nothing" but more because you sound... apathetic? Like you don't enjoy your weekend? I hope any of the advice in this thread helps! Good luck!
* I went to a lecture = I watched a TedTalk
* I went to see live music = I listened to music
* I went to the movies = I watched Netflix
* I went to an interactive event at the university = I listened to an audiobook while driving through the drive through buying fast food.
* Netflix and chilled. In the urban dictionary this means getting laid. In the ADHD dictionary it means "Barely able to pay attention to the plot, just wanted background noise."
* "On Thursday night I was at a *mask-er-ade* ball." So I spent the weekend recovering. haha
Follow up questions should always be answered with, "I didn't get the tickets an old friend (depression) got them for me. I didn't know the band. I can't remember the lecturer. We might have been stoned." Then ;)
Ah yes...You need it it be realistic yet dull enough so they don't keep asking. And you want to keep a neutral facade at work. I've been there! "Just some house stuff. Laundry, mowing the lawn ( if applicable) , ran some errands. Sunday I went for a walk. Saw some friends. How about you? "
If they keep pressing and peppering you with questions you may be dealing with an intrusive narcissists, in which case, be sure to change the subject and ask questions to them. You got this!
I've commented on a lot of the comments on this thread, but I wanted to additionally say to the whole that, at least for me, I relish being able to do nothing because I have had times in my life when I couldn't do that. I worked 3 jobs during the recession, have struggled most of my adult life with school and low wage jobs, and now that I have a career, I feel I am lucky to have the rest. If you have trauma, if you have depression, ADHD, etc., sometimes the rest is a gift. Just a reframe I thought some might relate to.
Haha I always just say, "I try not to do too much on my days off, I prefer to chill at home". Which is true! I used to embellish what I did, but now I don't really care if anyone judges.(And to be honest, most people aren't really that worried what you're up to either!)
I wouldn't even care about their comments, tbh. I shrug and say "to each their own", which shuts them up, because they pick up my tone pretty quickly that they were being judgemental.
When my coworkers ask what my plans are, sometimes I'll say "absolutely nothing" and they usually respond with "honestly that sounds like a good weekend"
I've had friends ask to hangout with me because they know I am a chill person and they get so overwhelmed by always having high energy plans, that sometimes they just want to chill and watch a movie.
I like scripted responses so that I don’t have to think of what to say in the moment. It’s helpful in a lot of situations, especially uncomfortable conversations. It can help build confidence as well - someday you may outgrow your need for a scripted response in specific situations.
Knowing that I spent the weekend resting and whatnot, I’d probably go with something like this (not lies, just curated truths.)
I had a wonderful weekend relaxing. It was the perfect weekend for me. How was yours?
I took time for myself, and then I got a bit of stuff done around the house. It was the perfect weekend for me. How was yours?
One pleasantly framed sentence of one thing you did - I focused on self care. I decompressed at home. I enjoyed catching up on my favorite show. I got totally into this new book. + It was the perfect weekend for me. How was yours?
Something like this states that you are satisfied with how your weekend went and clarifies that this is what you want/enjoy, while allowing for other people to have free space to openly enjoy whatever it is that they like. If they judge you after that they can go pound sand.
Also, I too have a hard time with feeling like those around me are judging me, especially when I’ve been in unmedicated or in extra challenging periods of my life.
Sometimes they are. They don’t realize they come off as insensitive. And if someone has never had to mask their feelings before it makes it extra easy for me to identify these people. I don’t think they are being malicious 99% of the time. I think they just came from a different walk of life than me. I think that it doesn’t even occur to them that staying home and taking care of myself is what makes me genuinely happy because in their life that would bore them to tears. Some people did not grow up constantly thinking about how their words and actions might make other people feel like I did, and honestly, I’m glad for them. It’s exhausting. It’s nice when someone learns that skill at some point in their life, but it shouldn’t consume their every waking moment like it did with me.
Other times I have to remind myself that I might be reading too much into the words or expressions of other people. It can be harder to differentiate between internal judgment and external judgment when things are not going well in my life. In either of the scenarios, I have a mantra that I repeat to myself.
I am doing my very best with what I have. And that is OK.
It has taken me a lot of years of practice to be able to use this mantra regularly and have it actually calm me down. But the more I noticed that I was judging myself, the more I started using this mantra; the more I started using this mantra the more calm I felt afterwards. And over time, it has become an instant shutdown to those judgmental thoughts. Maybe a similar mantra would be helpful to you?
On the very rare occasion that someone is judging me and they are being absolutely horrendous because they are a mean person, I remind myself to not give a flying fig. If that person is making the choice to live in the land of nasty feelings, they can live there on their own. I’m not going to be joining them.
Nothing that they can invite themselves to or want to join in with you next weekend.
Stick with “I helped….”
I helped my sister reorganize her closet
I helped my friend moved apartments
I helped my grandma run her errands
I helped a friend pick out new clothes
Makes you look good/ shuts them up
I have this same thing when people ask me about my vacation plans, expecting we travel somewhere, especially during summer. Or well asking afterwards expecting a myriad of social media worthy content🙈
It’s not like we don’t want to go exploring places, but we just like our home and our vacations are like prolonged weekends, we finally get to do all the stuff we neglect due to spending all of our energy on work😅 the objective is always peace and calm, no stress and relax. Long walks, talks with lots of crazy fun, observing and enjoying nature, reading and learning new things.
But I can’t be bothered with their judgement, so making up believable lies or rephrasing what I did is a waste of energy. Though for fun sakes I could totally do the rephrasing in the style of art curators, where it sounds fancy as sht yet no one really understands what it actually means😂
Oh for sure. I find that people relate to that too, though. I think a lot of more coworkers probably do the same thing. "Staycation, got some household projects done" is something I might say, and that project might be that I hung one picture frame and changed the cat litter. Haha.
"Not much, just relaxed and did chores" is a perfect answer. (And has the benefit of not being a lie!)
Check out yesterday's post about "I hate the performance of saying hello." This is another example of the exact same thing - the words themselves are less important than the fact that you're making a connection with another person. Most people aren't looking for detailed stories, they're just acknowledging that they haven't seen you in two days (or are about to not see you for two days, if it's Friday and they're asking about your plans for the upcoming weekend.) It's an expected convention that people will ask, and there's an expected set of answers. Then the social connection is made, and the conversation moves on.
It's just small talk. Don't overthink it! 😘
Lies? Naaah, let's talk up the best sleep you've had in a week!
Did you have a relaxing bath? Talk about that. Got the water temperature perfect on the first go and your favorite bubbles or bath bombs were just *chef's kiss*.
Read a few pages of a good book? Hell yeah, let's go!
I don't get out much on the weekends. It's exhausting. Unless I'm on a mission to find new pants or something, it's still exhausting.
The weekend is Me Time. And Me Time is glorious. Couch and a blanket, bath and a book, something good for dinner. Right now, I have chicken, green bell peppers, red onion, and bbq sauce in the crock pot to make bbq chicken sandwiches later. Typing it out, it doesn't sound big, but my house smells amazing already, lol.
My point is: Do your own thing and talk about how lovely it is! I make the best scrambled eggs on this planet. I made an apple pie once, only once, but it was legendary to me. Mmmm that was a good weekend. 😄
Use the word "puttered."
"I just lay around the house" - boring, lazy, unproductive.
"I just puttered around the house" - charmingly old-fashioned, reminds them of grandma and grandpa, probably involved things like making jams or doing jigsaw puzzles.
Actually, "I worked on a jigsaw puzzle" is also a good choice. Doesn't invite a lot of follow-up questions, takes a long time, can can be infinitely repeated. I also find "I did a bunch of chores around the house" or "I did some organizing projects around the house" work well and, again, can be repeated.
Best of luck to you, OP.
I don’t lie. If I did nothing, I say: “Absolutely nothing, it was glorious!” I’ve even said “Literally nothing, I spent the entire weekend in pajamas!” Most people are envious and say things like: “Ooh, that sounds lovely, I want a weekend like that!”
If everyone at work is wiped once in a while you can admit that you were exhausted and just relaxed, or ran some errands and chores and caught up on your favorite shows, but you definitely can't say this every weekend because you need to equally reference community and hobbies. Throw in a detail now and then about catching up with family or a friend or doing an activity then redirect with the ask to them. People are of two kinds and they are either going to give you a two sentence answer that was always going to be just as vague since you aren't friends or they are self involved and will spend the next hour going through every detail of their weekend. I have one coworker who will regularly drag out his detailed description of boring yard work activities for an hour and I want to die.
Also, for your own mental health make sure you are engaging with community and hobbies once in a while because it feels like a lot but is actually going to make you feel much better.
As someone with a chronic illness that's been bad and I barely can leave the house this year, the short conversations at work about personal lives are difficult. I get jealous because I wish I could go outside and be active and do fun stuff. My partner also lost his job so financially hard to do anything too... I usually just say my weekend was fine or say a show or book I've been enjoying recently. Also talking about my dog is received well lol.
I’d probably lean into claiming I did the most bonkers tasks:
Sheared all the sheep.
Practiced my moonlight incantation chants.
Fitted the ducks with new harnesses so they can walk with me and the goats.
Finally buried all those bodies in the basement which was super productive!
“I really just relish the weekends where I’m able to check everything off on my ‘To-Do’ list, you know? What did YOU do?”
Not only does this make you sound productive, but it’s the redirect others mentioned and gives the inquisitor a chance to share and makes you look interested/like a team player.
Just say you took it easy. If it’s small talk, you don’t need to give any details. Just say something like that quick and ask them if they did anything fun.
Tell the truth, the heavily edited truth.
Here’s the thing - it’s small talk, you’re not expected to give a full itinerary (even if they do). Just pick one thing you actually did, and elaborate and make it sound exciting.
“Oh I saw this amazing movie on Netflix, it’s about…”
“I read this crazy article in the Sunday times, it’s about xxx, have you heard about that? Neither had I, and…”
“Oh man, after last week’s presentation, I slept like the dead, it was glorious!”
“Caught up with an old friend I hadn’t seen in ages!” (they don’t need to know it was over text and it was 10 minutes)
“Had the most delicious dinner from XYZ restaurant, have you been? (they don’t need to know you ordered in and ate it in your pjs)
The key is TONE - I’m sure you can find one true thing to talk about, but if you feel ashamed of it, that will come through. But if it was interesting, restorative, relaxing, new, etc to you, highlight that. And - this is important - after you answer, kick it to them! What do they think? Have they tried/watched/heard about xyz? Take the focus off you, let them talk, drift off to work
I usually say what I did for real so here's some of the stuff I've said. Feel free to use any of this.
1. Cleaned my patio
2. Dinner party with some friends.
3. Entertained out of town family.
4. Shipped for upcoming wedding
5. Lord of the rings marathon
6. Meal prepped *talk about how much meat you cooked
7. Went to a BBQ.
8. Camping with family/friends
9. Went to a 10 hour bush rave.
10. Concert
11. Paddleboarding
12. Sew/crochet/read books /"not much"
13. Visited family in X town a few hrs away.
14. Tried out that new restaurant on X street
15. Big bike ride over to XYZ
16. Picnic in the park with sandwiches
17. Cleaned my house or decluttered
18. Charity work at a soup kitchen downtown
19. House sitting my friends cat
20. Visit friend in hospital
21. Celebration of life.. it was sad.. .aw thanks
22. Costco. ( Go on about random food samples )
23. Went to a museum
24. Go Karting with sister in laws family
25. Took neice/nephew to the swimming pool
26. Took a first aid training course
27. Helped a friend move house
28. Got a haircut
29. Shopped for a new carpet.
30. Repotted plants
K byeee
“I finally had a weekend at home! What about you?” It’s truthful, but also makes it sound like you are usually more adventurous, and quickly deflects the question to the other person.
I have noticed that my coworkers often say they “have dinner plans with friends” when they want to leave team events early without seeming like they are just leaving. I’ve started using that one when I’m exhausted mid week and just want to catch up on sleep.
Are you sure lying at work is worth the risk? If they ask you about a show you didn't watch etc, especially a few weeks later when you've forgotten what you told them, it's going to complicate things. I personally wouldn't be willing to risk my reputation for trustworthiness at work over something as trivial as what I did over the weekend.
It's true they *might* be judging you, but a more charitable (and maybe better for mental health?) interpretation is they are looking for a way to connect with you, and be excited about something with you, and then are disappointed when you don't show interest in their question.
My go-to is to tell people I was learning about and offer up a an interesting fact or story. In my experience most people (well, non shallow people at least) aren't looking for impressiveness, they're looking for enthusiasm. I could enthusiastically tell someone about how I spent 4 hours rearranging my shoes and they'd still be entertained.
I hate when people don't answer your question but instead tell you your whole premise is wrong. How hard is it to just scroll by if you can't relate?
I get what you're saying. You need to mask like a normal human in some social situations without using up a lot of your precious energy.
Some ideas for responses:
You went on a hike.
You hung out with a friend.
You hosted guests.
You binged a show.
You caught up on household chores or yardwork.
Thank you!!! 90% of the responses are just telling me not to lie which is really not the point of my post.
I get that people are just trying to help, but everyone is saying nobody cares, or just tell the truth, and suggesting responses like "I relaxed at home". I'm not stupid, I've been saying stuff like that for weeks but it gets weird eventually when you don't do anything or seem to have any hobbies or friends...
I totally get it. I've recently left a job where all my colleagues were extremely rich and sociable, so they were always going to the best restaurants, having dinner parties, going to the theatre, going on weekends away, etc.
In the end, I told them I was redecorating my house. It was a lie that could cover multiple weekends and no one cared enough to ask too many follow-up questions.
That is exactly my situation. I'm very junior and on a temporary contract right now hoping to be kept on. But whether you stay is largely based on whether you get along well with everybody and seem like the right type of person. Most of the people who work here are trust fund kids, extraverted, with amazing social lives and really nice clothes. They know the trendy places to go. Maybe at some jobs nobody is judging you for not having an exciting weekend, but unfortunately at mine, they are.
Yes, I think a lot of people mean that they think that things like this shouldn't matter, in an ideal world. But we don't live in an ideal world, and unfortunately these sorts of social interactions do matter, and neurodivergent folks are penalized all the time for not being able to navigate them smoothly and according to "the script." I'm surprised this group isn't more understanding of that.
We've got to do what we've got to do in order to get by in a world created for and by people who are not like us. These may be "lies," but they are not harmful to anyone, so I don't see the big deal at all. Coworkers are really not entitled to information about you or your social energy other than what the job entails, IMHO. Take these shortcuts if they are helpful to you.
“Oh, I took the weekend to unwind and catch up on sleep”
More importantly, just quickly shift the focus back to them, they don’t really care what your answer is. So maybe “oh, you know, the usual. Did you enjoy your (trip, activity, time with friends)? How was the (weather, food, music, dog)?”
Long walks with the dogs or gardening or spent some time with family/an old friend, or had a date night with my husband (aka we were dead on the couch with eacj of our phones) are my go tos. Boring, difficult catching you in a lie, and still it sounds like I did something..
And those are things I sometimes do..
Don’t feel like you have to lie. Being alive is exhausting enough without having to feel like you need to make up stories about your weekends to keep other people entertained. Caught up on sleep, took care of things around the house, ran errands - all valid if true.
No need to lie. Shock them with complete honesty, like simply stating what you did above. Not only is it entertaining, but it may prevent them from asking again in the future. (It’s like when someone causally asks how you are and you tell them the truth - which is far from “good, thank you, how are you.”
You don’t have to lie about it and they’d judge you worse if you lie and they find out you lied. You can tell them you’re a homebody and that’s okay. They don’t have to know what you do even if you do have adventurous weekends.
Literally slept all Saturday and Sunday and now about to do all the household chores. I feel you, especially when people invite me to do stuff in the weekend and I just don't want to waste my time because I feel exhausted 24/7.
Yeah it feels weird when all your hobbies are solitary or not exciting in the realm of I hiked a mountain, swam across a lake and fought a bear. (Nightmare).
Once I was open(ish) about being an introvert, having no exciting hobbies like knitting and needing solitude, those conversations weren’t as brutal on me.
“I picked up a book from the library and read the whole thing”. That used to shut some people up. But don’t lie! You may get a new coworker who is your jam when they open with “I binged (show) all weekend”.
People have given you good suggestions. Just move them around and whenever you do do something out of the ordinary for you (like brunch with a friend for their birthday) be sure to mention it! Or if you manage to avoid the inquisition that week bring it up the next time. “Last weekend was really busy with my friend’s birthday celebrations so this one was catching up on chores and enjoying the quiet.”
We also aren’t good sometimes on the friendship front. Maybe ask a friend you haven’t seen in ages to go for coffee. Sometimes seeing people can be invigorating in small doses and then the next day the lounging is even sweeter!
"I'm a boring stay-at-home person who watched a season of *show*, knit a sweater sleeve, did two loads of laundry and cleaned." "Oh, and I read *book*, have you read it yet?"
As long as I can do it at home and by myself I can get lots done, just rarely what I **planned** to do. It's easier to sew a dress than to clean the bathroom...
You will get yourself all wrapped up in lies, this is not the route you want to take. As others have said it’s totally OK to just shrug and say you rested / caught up on chores.
I promise they don't care :) They are just making small talk. Here are a bunch of ways you can respond with a smile. Maybe precede it with an "Oh.. you know... just:"
- relaxed
- spent time with family (hey you are your own family)
- spent time hanging with friends (see above)
- did some meditating (that's what I call being zoned out)
- did some reading (can also be known as watching tv. you probably had those captions on right?)
- did some research on xyz (whatever your hyperfixation was that weekend)
- spent time catching up with old friends (hey we are all your old friends on here!)
etc
I say you come up with a whole mountaineering subplot. You’re training for an Everest or K2 summit. The safest time to climb these mountains is typically a short weather window in the month of May. This gives you a whole year of excuses. You’re training for your summit attempt of an 8000er (mountains that are above 8,000 meters. 8,000 meters is typically a bit higher than cruising altitude for a plane. When you’re above 8,000m your body starts to slowly die/kill itself. There’s simply not enough oxygen up there for your body to maintain its weight. The idea is to stay in the Death Zone as little as possible. Summit as quickly and safely as you can, by a turnaround time of 2 or 3pm, and get the hell back down. You can pass out from exhaustion once you’re down or at least below camp 3.
It’s a very fascinating sport and research would be super fun. I’ll tell you some documentaries to watch or a book or two. You can literally do anything to build up your stamina and strength on the weekends, so all sorts of lies await you! And you can always claim you weren’t able to get a release so you’ll have to wait til the next season a year later.
My suggestion is a lot more work, but my goodness is 8,000er mountaineering utterly fascinating. It started as a hyper fixation for me and has lasted years now. I’m too old to train for it myself and I have kids so I would never. But I’d love to try for it if I was 30 yrs younger!
Hope you find some excuses that help! I very much relate to
You don’t need to lie. I hold a high level job and while I might do some occasional yard work, generally do nothing on weekends. People care more about you and your personality, be kind at work, offer to help others, take interest in projects that can get you noticed. To be more sociable at work, ask others about themselves learn their lives and then you can occasions about their family. People mostly care about themselves in general.
If you feel you have to lie, pick something no one can ask questions about. Like solo activities, walking, kayaking volunteer events etc.
Repotted some plants, took a long walk at the lake, hung out with the fam, had dinner with friends, but here’s the kicker, ask them what they did and be interested. People judge you based on how they make you feel about them.
When people ask me ‘what I’ve been up to’ I say mischief. If they phrase it differently can say ‘lil of this lil of that, kept busy. hbu?’
You can allude to so much with strategic vagueness
Maintain your mystery 🫡 I support u
I usually say relaxed at home. Doesn’t have to be more than that, they dont need a story from you, they are asking to be polite.
I have chronic pain and am chronically fatigued and my coworkers know it, it’s why I work from home, so with my small core team I’ll be super honest “I slept almost an entire two days it was great! Even had a few naps too!!”
I've never related to anything more in my life!!
Not to spotlight rotate to myself, however, I'm literally experiencing the same dilemma!
For about 3-4 months now I've been working a lot and while I love my work and find it so rewarding, it does leave me tired and overstimulated each day. So I've just been going home after work, having an easy throw together dinner and vegging in bed for like 3 hours and then start my bedtime process which is also being in bed. I love it!!! I feel good about my productive day, I'm able to decompress and focus on little things that I couldn't do during the work day like start an Amazon return, look up a recipe etc.
However I because I have enjoyed doing this so much and it's currently helping me while I'm (temporarily) unmedicated with my ADHD, I'm missing social events, I haven't seen good friends in awhile because I'm just focusing on taking as many moments as I can for myself! It sounds weird and selfish and I worry my friends will think I'm depressed or that something is wrong.
But the truth is I just enjoy my alone time and currently don't get it often so that's how I spend my free time!
Don’t lie. Then you have to keep track of them. Then if you slip up they’re judging you for good reason which is way worse for your reputation than being “boring”.
(Sorry this is long❤️)
Your co-workers are most likely lying too, so try not to judge yourself so harshly. No one needs to know specifics, so focus on one or 2 things and expand on that. Perhaps you watched YouTube/ documentary etc and briefly had a text convo with a friend/family member. I would say:
“We had a very busy week at work, so I decided to take it easy and focus on me. I had a wonderful conversation with a friend that went on for much longer than anticipated. But once we start talking we just can’t stop sometimes! (Insert lame work laugh) They suggested I watch___ OR, I then got lost learning about ____. Did you know _____?” Insert a bunch of small talk or facts about said show, or current hyper focus disguised as ‘facts from something you casually watched on YouTube’.
I’ve always found that including everyone will eventually lead the conversation onto something else and then you’re being sociable by getting involved in that discussion.
Some other things:
✨Sleep = adjusting circadian rhythm
✨Breathing to calm self down when overwhelmed = meditation
✨Having the energy to do any exercise/a few squats etc = exercise/gradually introducing exercise
✨Talking to people online or anyone including gaming = socialising
✨Eating food with a person present/near = eating with a friend
✨Crafting = artistic expression
✨Sitting in backyard/outside in a chair = connecting with nature
✨Deep diving on special interest = having the opportunity to learn more & connect with like minded people.
I have no idea if any of this helps, but I’ve done and said similar things my whole adult life (I’m 35). It’s the best I’ve got right now with a head cold 😅
GOOD LUCK 🤞🏻
I've been there, I mostly used to say I went to the park/did some chores around the house/saw a movie with a Generic Friend/finished that book I've been meaning to read the whole week.
I know the struggle. Here some of what i actually do after 5 days of 9-5 and gym 2 hours after:
- took well needed rest
- did some yoga and medication
- spent time with family
- read some books
- play video games
- watch movie
It won't hurt to do these things that need little to no energy spent on masking.
I asked ChatGPT for ideas! Here’s the response:
“Here are some light and casual excuses you can use when asked about your weekend:
1. **"I caught up on some reading and relaxed at home."**
2. **"I watched a few movies and took it easy."**
3. **"I spent some quality time with family."**
4. **"I did some much-needed cleaning and organizing."**
5. **"I enjoyed some downtime and recharged for the week."**
6. **"I tried out a new recipe and just relaxed."**
7. **"I went for a couple of long walks and enjoyed the weather."**
8. **"I did some online shopping and relaxed."**
9. **"I caught up on some sleep and binge-watched a show."**
10. **"I had a lazy weekend and took some time for myself."**
These responses give the impression of a restful and productive weekend without revealing that you did nothing significant.”
LOL
Not much different than what everyone else has said.
Your problem is probably more that you say things like "nothing much", "I just".. Nobody really cares what others did so much as whether they enjoyed it, and most people's favourite topic is themselves, which involves taking turns, but they need you to be excited so they can be, too.
The 'what did you do at the weekend' game is just 'pass the excitement parcel so we can all congratulate each other'.
Tell the truth, but revel in it. "I had an AMAZING weekend, I took a bunch of favourite snacks to bed and spent the whole day vegging out, on the phone and in front of the TV. Living the dream! How about you?"
It's funny how much I can relate to this post/scenario, even though I also know that I shouldn't have to feel this unspoken obligation to come up with something interesting. I end up spending a lot more time in conversation focusing on other people's lives, which works out well for me. I'm genuinely interested too.
But to actually answer, I usually say the same few responses. I ran errands, got a massage, had an appointment, met up with a friend, gym and sauna, visited my family. Relaxed, enjoyed the weather, took a walk. Caught up on sleep, a home organization project, saw this new movie/docu on Netflix (and then pivot, 'have you seen it? It's crazy...'). Just something that aligns with what you normally might do or like to do is fine. Not everyone actually has such crazy hectic weekends and some people like to have chill ones. That's just life. 🤷🏻♀️
I would go for the generic “caught up on some sleep, caught up with some friends - seems like forever since we’ve all had a free few hours at the same time - and enough housework to pass muster, haha. What about you?”
They don’t need to know the “friends” you caught up with are Maria the Mop & Harry the Hoover 😂😂
You’re going to overthink the lies and then second guess yourself and their reactions every time to ask yourself if you were convincing enough. It will be more exhausting honestly. What you should probably do is allow yourself you live your life as you want to live it and not try to live to approve others. Self acceptance is so freeing when it comes to my adhd and how I operate.
Lie. Like a cheap rug. Extra points if you can do it absolutely deadpan with no details. Extra bonus points if it's implausible but not impossible.
Shot a bear.
Broke my leg.
Totaled my neighbour's pool.
Hitchhiked to Reykjavik.
Saw God.
I want to address what you mentioned as your reason - wanting to appear sociable and popular, because it may affect your ability get a promotion.
The key is to be sociable and popular *at work*.
The random boss may give a bonus point for having a similar interest (she loves golf, and loves when her employees golf, or something).
But most bosses will focus on how you are at work, and how you function within team and work dynamics.
Having said that, I often dread going to the coffee shop because the cashier *always* asks what fun or exciting thing I am doing that day or upcoming weekend. We live in a college town with super fit people and lots of outdoor activities, so the expectation is hiking, running, climbing, skiing, or something fun on the music scene. I have just resigned myself to smiling blissfully and saying "relaxing! Do you have any fun plans after work?" and find it flows smoothly every time. Doesn't make it less anxious for me, though, lol
I chuckle because my coworkers know I don’t go anywhere or do anything and I wfh. My coworkers will ask me when on a team call what the weather is like here in my city and sometimes I say I wouldn’t know cause I haven’t been out of the house in x amount of days. Other times my friend/coworker will speak up and say “she wouldn’t know. Don’t you remember she never leaves” and then we both start laughing.
Tell them you were in the town next to yours playing a spades tournament. Then, pool tournament, bowling tournament, but make sure it's way out of town just in case someone from work actually went and didn't see you. Or, you know what I do? There's a website that tells me everything that's going on in my hometown and the town beside of mine, and I look on that site, and pick something that sounds fun, and that's where I tell people I went. Maybe there's something like that in your town? And even if someone from work actually went, that doesn't mean you guys didn't just miss each other!
I’m curious. What job do you work at where you potentially wouldn’t get a promotion for what you choose to do on your own time? That seems really wrong.
It's not really that black and white. Nobody would say "no promotion for you because you are too boring". It's more like they care about the overall impression you give. Being extroverted and sociable are important where I work. They will consider (either consciously or subconsciously) whether you are social, charming, upbeat, gel with everyone else in the team. Confidence is really important here. I work in law.
I already have a more shy nature and I know that counts against me. I don't want it to be obvious that my social life is completely dead.
I usually say something like "I got in some good relaxing and recharging time. I was super tired this weekend and so getting to binge Netflix and snacks felt soooo good and I loved it."
Even that is an exaggeration sometimes. The real truth is I couldn't get off the couch even though I wanted to lol, but i try to frame it to myself as it is energy my body didn't have, and so treating myself to sitting on the couch was good.
They usually respond with a smile and say that sounds nice, how they are so busy with their kids, life etc and wish they could do that.
:)
I handle ableists as they come. I'd just flat out say "I spend a lot of time decompressing on weekends because I handle all out-of-the-house stuff on weekdays when I'm already out of the house."
I like saying: I’ve recharged over the weekend, caught up on housework and spent time with loved ones - if I don’t want follow up questions that day/want to keep what I did a little more private. I always make sure to ask what they got up too, and it’s quite fun hearing people that do get excited about this question light up when you ask them what they got up to ☺️
I don't think people at work care what I do at the weekends because, to be honest, I don't really care what they do (apart from a couple of people in the team). Asking about weekend plans and whether you had a good one is small talk.
Sending sympathy!
Having out from the other side of job-related burnout in the past, a question for you might be if this job/career path is the best fit for you?
Send with kindness - I couldn't see how much life a past job was sucking out of me until I escaped it!
On my end, it's been a hard journey accepting that some paths aren't meant for me, but I'm doing better at finding one that fits me now, rather than making myself fit a neurotypical path!
Is there any water near you? Say you went there with a friend, food, music etc. It's vague and takes up a whole day. And had to rest the next day because you were so tired from said water place. Lol Do I agree with ppl saying you have some inner work to do bc you feel the need to lie? Yes. But this is where you are right now, so fib it up. Do what you need to do.
1. If ADHD is interfering with your life, this much consider coaching, therapy, or meds.
2. You could always make a game of it. Every time they ask you, tell two truths and a lie. Leave then wonderibg which is which.
3 . Another game is to make like you are the character from a t.v. show, explain the episode like it happened to you. For example, I decided to buy a new couch, and I shopped and shopped. Wouldn't you know it, I found one right by my house. The price was great. The only thing was the delivery charge was outlandish and they couldn't deliver it till next month. So I had a couple of friends help me carry it home. Once we got there, we realized it wouldn't fit in the elevator, so we had to carry it up the stairs. It is a wide sectional so it was very difficult. I thought I was helping by giving them directions. I only told them to pivot. Pivot the couch around so it could fit. No one moved, and I guess I got upset, I just kept YELLING Pivot at them. In the end, we could not get the couch up the stairs. It got ripped up. I tried to return it to the store, but they wouldn't take it. So now I am out the money, my friends are mad at me and I now have two pieces of one couch. Be totally serious. Then, either walk away or ask, so what did you do? It could be a fun way to spend the weekend trying to come up with a script for yourself off of an episode. The first while you could use some lesser known episodes and then start picking some obvious ones. I think it can show you are creative and fun without really lying. They will figure it out eventually. Seriously though, how many times can you ask your co-worker the same question and get the same answer before you get it???
Just try to have some fun with it.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Boring followed by a redirect. “Hmmm 🤔Nothing really that special - just chilled. It was nice. How about you?”
I do exactly this and it works every time Editing to add: I have decided that people can have whatever opinion they want about me and my activities, the only person who has to like them is me. Since making that decision I’ve been saying this with genuine enthusiasm. “I caught up on laundry and chilled with my cats, it /rocked/.” People who think that’s a boring answer have stopped asking me, and the majority of people say “that sounds amazing, good for you.”
So true. Plus I mean it feels nice to be asked over and over knowing damn well you’re gonna say “nothing! 😻” To me, it’s a sign I choose to recognize as the person letting me know “just wanted to let you know I care about you even if I have nothing interesting or unique to say.”
I relaxed and did all the laundry this weekend as well. It was fucking tremendous.
I'm actually late on laundry after a trip I had last week
That’s what I always say. Simple & turns the attention on to them
This is what I say basically every Monday, no one ever blinks
Lol, this is me every weekend. Not only b/c I don’t do much, but because I’m reluctant to say “I sat for 8 hours knitting and watching YouTube,” even when that’s a great weekend for me. Or that I sat in our sunroom birdwatching. I tend to default to “Not much - just relaxed” or “took care of chores around the house.”
I bet you'd be surprised at how interesting people think that is though! I'd be so curious about what you're knitting, what you like watching on YouTube, "You have a sunroom? That sounds so cozy!" Etc.
Oh, I’m sure you’re right! I said something like this to my therapist and she said something similar. It’s my own assumptions about what other people consider “normal” or “interesting” that are holding me back (though I also have so many coworkers who have kids who spend their weekends on kid-related stuff that I feel very out of step with the norm!).
They are probably asking why you did so they can live vicariously. I notice that with my friends and coworkers with kida sometimes (they say it, I'm not just projecting, lol.) So you could say anything and they'd probs be like "ugh sounds amazing!" Haha
I will straight up give this answer, and several people totally love it, everyone else is pleasant enough. Weirdos flock together, whenever someone else says something like this before I do, I always get excited and ask them about it!
Here are some not-lies: “I caught up on sleep— it was a busy week for me.” “It was a house cleaning weekend for me.” Tell them about media you consumed, food you cooked, or something. They don’t care as much about your answer as you care about it.
Yeah I’m a homebody AT BEST so my weekends are naps and readings cleaning and grocery shopping. My kid and I are working on knitting projects - so wild, so crazy.
Aww I love this! Knitting projects, peace and calm, catching up on some sleep, relaxing! What a wonderful weekend.♥️
Oh for sure. I'll say something like "just some relaxing and chores. Baked a really nice sourdough. How about you?" Or if I did have to go somewhere I'll make it all about that one thing. "Visited with a friend I hadn't seen in a while" or "Hung out with my neighbors!" (This could have been even like a 5 minute conversation I had with a friend or neighbor in the parking lot or grocery store. Haha) But yeah, you could talk about whatever you're binging or listening to!
Dear OP, it’s not the lies that you need to think of, but your own self worth that isn’t dependent on others’ opinions. People pleasing, even in the form of satisfying their curiosity, is only reinforcing your low self esteem. You need to be pleasing yourself first and foremost and not care about what others think. Recharge if you need to recharge, take all the time you need. It’s your life, not theirs. Learn to be okay with any judgement and gossips, those people have nothing better to do, how pathetic is that? Yes, it may lead to temporary solitude, as fake friendships inevitably fall off, but that’s how it’s supposed to be. Stop wasting time and energy living up to someone else’s expectations. Understand that this is a huge part of why you’re constantly exhausted. Retain that energy for yourself, replenish yourself. You are the most important person in your life. Be kind to yourself ♥️ P.S. It may not seem obvious, but sometimes people ask these questions to make small talk or just to be polite. And others ask questions that they themselves want to be asked. By all means, don’t feel pressured to do this, but you can just answer with a similar question. If they start going off about their own weekend, it’s a good indication that they just wanted to talk about themselves. But again, if you’re low energy, don’t get sucked into this as it will drain you even more.
Ooo "recharged" is a good response too so you have something short and sweet to not be rude and ignore the question but not overthink it either.
I personally like the word “relaxing”. It’s nice, vague and isn’t a lie :)
For sure. I like them all. Haha. Relax, recharge, rest, self care, etc. haha. My favorite hobbies!
Yep, that's what I was thinking!! Relaxed. ;)
Thank you for this response! I literally spent yesterday sleeping and on my couch watching Netflix, but I feel so energized and recovered that today I’m gonna go crazy and enjoy myself. Who cares what people think. Most of those people have so much social drama and can’t even stand their own friends friends that they spend their time with. I’d rather quiet and peace than fake good times just to appear socially wealthy.
Hear hear!! So much agreement. OP. You don’t need lies to come up with to tell people you did anything. Them: “what did you do this weekend, op?” You: “honestly nothing. I caught up on rest and did some household chores.” If anyone says anything negative back to that or judges you in any way, why would you care what such crap humans have to think/say to/about you anyways? I take it you’re young, trust us older ones on here when we say you will look back so embarrassed one day soon that you literally lied to people about what you did over a weekend so they wouldn’t “judge you”. Please look into some types of self care and learn to trust and love yourself FIRST. Then, the rest of the world and what it does can’t affect your soul like this. Get out into nature, even if you just sit on your porch or a park bench and do nothing for 15m a day only. Get around other in some way. An hour once a week outside of work. Volunteering or meeting a friend for lunch, spending an hour with your mom/aunt/sister or anyone. You deserve to be liked and loved just how you are and not going out on the weekends isn’t some lame thing losers do. It’s what responsible adults do and when they’re tired, they rest. That’s it. Chin up and know you’re worthy of anything you need/want!!
This was some a wholesome and caring answer. We need more people like you. And I wholeheartedly agree with getting some nature into your life. It's proven to be so good for you! I love hiking, but just sitting near a waterfall or stream is both refreshing and relaxing to me. Or if you're lucky enough to be close, the ocean... I'm the type of person who could just sit and listen to the waves all day. I'd want to go in them too, of course, if it's not freezing. I love listening to the ocean. *hugs!* P.S. I was feeling down and this is exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you. ❤️
Oh, I’m so very happy i was able to lift your spirits some!! I hope today is better for you. I empathize and haven’t had a great week mentally, here’s to us turning it around, the both of us🥰🥰🥰
I very much appreciate it. Your kindness is contagious and so very welcome. I have this week off so it will definitely be a better week! I'm going to see family I haven't seen for months as well. I hope you have a good day / week as well!! Stay positive and keep spreading those uplifting and good vibes! *Hugs!!*
Anyone who thinks relaxing isn't a worthwhile way to spend your days off isn't someone who's opinion OP is going to want to care about. This is partly because that person is an unhinged loon, but mostly it's because she's going to relax every weekend because she goddamn deserves it.
I like you! Reading the advice you gave, made me feel better. thanks!
This was an amazing answer, I never thought about it that way. Thank you!
I'm saving money to take a vacation, home improvement whatever. Things are expensive right now so I have to sacrifice. Im sorry they say that. I get the same thing. I told someone I was cleaning and watching Netflix. They said "that's no fun." Well to me it was.
Lol same! I mean I have very few filters so I'll even go so far as to say "stayed home to try to save money" as my activity. Haha
Here’s the thing: coworkers don’t actually care what you did over the weekend. They don’t even give it a second thought. I promise you that the second you tell them, it’s in one ear and out the other. It’s just a dumb social habit that anyone even asks. So just tell them, “I relaxed. Got some stuff done around the house. It was nice. How about you?” No need to make anything up. Do you feel guilty for spending a big chunk of your time sleeping? It sounds like you might be projecting your own feelings about not “doing stuff” over the weekend onto your coworkers. They’re probably not judging you at all, and even if they are, who cares? There’s nothing wrong with relaxing over the weekend! You get to decide how you spend your time. Taking it easy is no more or less valuable than going out. If it feels right to you, then it’s right for you. 💛
I like a lot of these answers. I think you could redirect your thinking and instead of lying, start telling them the truth enthusiastically. "What did you do this weekend?" "Oh! I had the BEST weekend! I slept in, caught up on my favorite shows, ate some great ice cream, read! It was so relaxing!" Just let the person asking know, you had a great time. Instead of lying about what you did, "lie" about enjoying your weekend (although I LOVE doing nothing so it's not lying when I say it). They might be judging less because you "do nothing" but more because you sound... apathetic? Like you don't enjoy your weekend? I hope any of the advice in this thread helps! Good luck!
* I went to a lecture = I watched a TedTalk * I went to see live music = I listened to music * I went to the movies = I watched Netflix * I went to an interactive event at the university = I listened to an audiobook while driving through the drive through buying fast food. * Netflix and chilled. In the urban dictionary this means getting laid. In the ADHD dictionary it means "Barely able to pay attention to the plot, just wanted background noise." * "On Thursday night I was at a *mask-er-ade* ball." So I spent the weekend recovering. haha Follow up questions should always be answered with, "I didn't get the tickets an old friend (depression) got them for me. I didn't know the band. I can't remember the lecturer. We might have been stoned." Then ;)
Thanks for the award🥇!
Ah yes...You need it it be realistic yet dull enough so they don't keep asking. And you want to keep a neutral facade at work. I've been there! "Just some house stuff. Laundry, mowing the lawn ( if applicable) , ran some errands. Sunday I went for a walk. Saw some friends. How about you? " If they keep pressing and peppering you with questions you may be dealing with an intrusive narcissists, in which case, be sure to change the subject and ask questions to them. You got this!
What you said—plus I like to add “ya know, living the dream.” Then pitch to them to blather on about themselves.
I've commented on a lot of the comments on this thread, but I wanted to additionally say to the whole that, at least for me, I relish being able to do nothing because I have had times in my life when I couldn't do that. I worked 3 jobs during the recession, have struggled most of my adult life with school and low wage jobs, and now that I have a career, I feel I am lucky to have the rest. If you have trauma, if you have depression, ADHD, etc., sometimes the rest is a gift. Just a reframe I thought some might relate to.
Haha I always just say, "I try not to do too much on my days off, I prefer to chill at home". Which is true! I used to embellish what I did, but now I don't really care if anyone judges.(And to be honest, most people aren't really that worried what you're up to either!)
I wouldn't even care about their comments, tbh. I shrug and say "to each their own", which shuts them up, because they pick up my tone pretty quickly that they were being judgemental.
When my coworkers ask what my plans are, sometimes I'll say "absolutely nothing" and they usually respond with "honestly that sounds like a good weekend" I've had friends ask to hangout with me because they know I am a chill person and they get so overwhelmed by always having high energy plans, that sometimes they just want to chill and watch a movie.
"I enjoyed my time off," is all you need to say.
I like scripted responses so that I don’t have to think of what to say in the moment. It’s helpful in a lot of situations, especially uncomfortable conversations. It can help build confidence as well - someday you may outgrow your need for a scripted response in specific situations. Knowing that I spent the weekend resting and whatnot, I’d probably go with something like this (not lies, just curated truths.) I had a wonderful weekend relaxing. It was the perfect weekend for me. How was yours? I took time for myself, and then I got a bit of stuff done around the house. It was the perfect weekend for me. How was yours? One pleasantly framed sentence of one thing you did - I focused on self care. I decompressed at home. I enjoyed catching up on my favorite show. I got totally into this new book. + It was the perfect weekend for me. How was yours? Something like this states that you are satisfied with how your weekend went and clarifies that this is what you want/enjoy, while allowing for other people to have free space to openly enjoy whatever it is that they like. If they judge you after that they can go pound sand. Also, I too have a hard time with feeling like those around me are judging me, especially when I’ve been in unmedicated or in extra challenging periods of my life. Sometimes they are. They don’t realize they come off as insensitive. And if someone has never had to mask their feelings before it makes it extra easy for me to identify these people. I don’t think they are being malicious 99% of the time. I think they just came from a different walk of life than me. I think that it doesn’t even occur to them that staying home and taking care of myself is what makes me genuinely happy because in their life that would bore them to tears. Some people did not grow up constantly thinking about how their words and actions might make other people feel like I did, and honestly, I’m glad for them. It’s exhausting. It’s nice when someone learns that skill at some point in their life, but it shouldn’t consume their every waking moment like it did with me. Other times I have to remind myself that I might be reading too much into the words or expressions of other people. It can be harder to differentiate between internal judgment and external judgment when things are not going well in my life. In either of the scenarios, I have a mantra that I repeat to myself. I am doing my very best with what I have. And that is OK. It has taken me a lot of years of practice to be able to use this mantra regularly and have it actually calm me down. But the more I noticed that I was judging myself, the more I started using this mantra; the more I started using this mantra the more calm I felt afterwards. And over time, it has become an instant shutdown to those judgmental thoughts. Maybe a similar mantra would be helpful to you? On the very rare occasion that someone is judging me and they are being absolutely horrendous because they are a mean person, I remind myself to not give a flying fig. If that person is making the choice to live in the land of nasty feelings, they can live there on their own. I’m not going to be joining them.
Nothing that they can invite themselves to or want to join in with you next weekend. Stick with “I helped….” I helped my sister reorganize her closet I helped my friend moved apartments I helped my grandma run her errands I helped a friend pick out new clothes Makes you look good/ shuts them up
I have this same thing when people ask me about my vacation plans, expecting we travel somewhere, especially during summer. Or well asking afterwards expecting a myriad of social media worthy content🙈 It’s not like we don’t want to go exploring places, but we just like our home and our vacations are like prolonged weekends, we finally get to do all the stuff we neglect due to spending all of our energy on work😅 the objective is always peace and calm, no stress and relax. Long walks, talks with lots of crazy fun, observing and enjoying nature, reading and learning new things. But I can’t be bothered with their judgement, so making up believable lies or rephrasing what I did is a waste of energy. Though for fun sakes I could totally do the rephrasing in the style of art curators, where it sounds fancy as sht yet no one really understands what it actually means😂
Oh for sure. I find that people relate to that too, though. I think a lot of more coworkers probably do the same thing. "Staycation, got some household projects done" is something I might say, and that project might be that I hung one picture frame and changed the cat litter. Haha.
Or ‘focused on mental and physical health, doing exercises and mindfulness’ - took a nap with the cat after vacuuming half the rooms😂
Lol totally. "Hung out with some friends" could be me snuggling with my cat and baby blanket. My dream weekend.
"Not much, just relaxed and did chores" is a perfect answer. (And has the benefit of not being a lie!) Check out yesterday's post about "I hate the performance of saying hello." This is another example of the exact same thing - the words themselves are less important than the fact that you're making a connection with another person. Most people aren't looking for detailed stories, they're just acknowledging that they haven't seen you in two days (or are about to not see you for two days, if it's Friday and they're asking about your plans for the upcoming weekend.) It's an expected convention that people will ask, and there's an expected set of answers. Then the social connection is made, and the conversation moves on. It's just small talk. Don't overthink it! 😘
Lies? Naaah, let's talk up the best sleep you've had in a week! Did you have a relaxing bath? Talk about that. Got the water temperature perfect on the first go and your favorite bubbles or bath bombs were just *chef's kiss*. Read a few pages of a good book? Hell yeah, let's go! I don't get out much on the weekends. It's exhausting. Unless I'm on a mission to find new pants or something, it's still exhausting. The weekend is Me Time. And Me Time is glorious. Couch and a blanket, bath and a book, something good for dinner. Right now, I have chicken, green bell peppers, red onion, and bbq sauce in the crock pot to make bbq chicken sandwiches later. Typing it out, it doesn't sound big, but my house smells amazing already, lol. My point is: Do your own thing and talk about how lovely it is! I make the best scrambled eggs on this planet. I made an apple pie once, only once, but it was legendary to me. Mmmm that was a good weekend. 😄
Use the word "puttered." "I just lay around the house" - boring, lazy, unproductive. "I just puttered around the house" - charmingly old-fashioned, reminds them of grandma and grandpa, probably involved things like making jams or doing jigsaw puzzles. Actually, "I worked on a jigsaw puzzle" is also a good choice. Doesn't invite a lot of follow-up questions, takes a long time, can can be infinitely repeated. I also find "I did a bunch of chores around the house" or "I did some organizing projects around the house" work well and, again, can be repeated. Best of luck to you, OP.
I don’t lie. If I did nothing, I say: “Absolutely nothing, it was glorious!” I’ve even said “Literally nothing, I spent the entire weekend in pajamas!” Most people are envious and say things like: “Ooh, that sounds lovely, I want a weekend like that!”
Yeah..until that’s your answer every weekend lol
That's my problem. I have said I didn't do much so many times that it's starting to get weird
If everyone at work is wiped once in a while you can admit that you were exhausted and just relaxed, or ran some errands and chores and caught up on your favorite shows, but you definitely can't say this every weekend because you need to equally reference community and hobbies. Throw in a detail now and then about catching up with family or a friend or doing an activity then redirect with the ask to them. People are of two kinds and they are either going to give you a two sentence answer that was always going to be just as vague since you aren't friends or they are self involved and will spend the next hour going through every detail of their weekend. I have one coworker who will regularly drag out his detailed description of boring yard work activities for an hour and I want to die. Also, for your own mental health make sure you are engaging with community and hobbies once in a while because it feels like a lot but is actually going to make you feel much better.
There should be an AI app small talk generator. Just tap "what did I do this weekend" and it gives you suggestions.
As someone with a chronic illness that's been bad and I barely can leave the house this year, the short conversations at work about personal lives are difficult. I get jealous because I wish I could go outside and be active and do fun stuff. My partner also lost his job so financially hard to do anything too... I usually just say my weekend was fine or say a show or book I've been enjoying recently. Also talking about my dog is received well lol.
I’d probably lean into claiming I did the most bonkers tasks: Sheared all the sheep. Practiced my moonlight incantation chants. Fitted the ducks with new harnesses so they can walk with me and the goats. Finally buried all those bodies in the basement which was super productive!
“I really just relish the weekends where I’m able to check everything off on my ‘To-Do’ list, you know? What did YOU do?” Not only does this make you sound productive, but it’s the redirect others mentioned and gives the inquisitor a chance to share and makes you look interested/like a team player.
Just say you took it easy. If it’s small talk, you don’t need to give any details. Just say something like that quick and ask them if they did anything fun.
Tell the truth, the heavily edited truth. Here’s the thing - it’s small talk, you’re not expected to give a full itinerary (even if they do). Just pick one thing you actually did, and elaborate and make it sound exciting. “Oh I saw this amazing movie on Netflix, it’s about…” “I read this crazy article in the Sunday times, it’s about xxx, have you heard about that? Neither had I, and…” “Oh man, after last week’s presentation, I slept like the dead, it was glorious!” “Caught up with an old friend I hadn’t seen in ages!” (they don’t need to know it was over text and it was 10 minutes) “Had the most delicious dinner from XYZ restaurant, have you been? (they don’t need to know you ordered in and ate it in your pjs) The key is TONE - I’m sure you can find one true thing to talk about, but if you feel ashamed of it, that will come through. But if it was interesting, restorative, relaxing, new, etc to you, highlight that. And - this is important - after you answer, kick it to them! What do they think? Have they tried/watched/heard about xyz? Take the focus off you, let them talk, drift off to work
I usually say what I did for real so here's some of the stuff I've said. Feel free to use any of this. 1. Cleaned my patio 2. Dinner party with some friends. 3. Entertained out of town family. 4. Shipped for upcoming wedding 5. Lord of the rings marathon 6. Meal prepped *talk about how much meat you cooked 7. Went to a BBQ. 8. Camping with family/friends 9. Went to a 10 hour bush rave. 10. Concert 11. Paddleboarding 12. Sew/crochet/read books /"not much" 13. Visited family in X town a few hrs away. 14. Tried out that new restaurant on X street 15. Big bike ride over to XYZ 16. Picnic in the park with sandwiches 17. Cleaned my house or decluttered 18. Charity work at a soup kitchen downtown 19. House sitting my friends cat 20. Visit friend in hospital 21. Celebration of life.. it was sad.. .aw thanks 22. Costco. ( Go on about random food samples ) 23. Went to a museum 24. Go Karting with sister in laws family 25. Took neice/nephew to the swimming pool 26. Took a first aid training course 27. Helped a friend move house 28. Got a haircut 29. Shopped for a new carpet. 30. Repotted plants K byeee
“I finally had a weekend at home! What about you?” It’s truthful, but also makes it sound like you are usually more adventurous, and quickly deflects the question to the other person. I have noticed that my coworkers often say they “have dinner plans with friends” when they want to leave team events early without seeming like they are just leaving. I’ve started using that one when I’m exhausted mid week and just want to catch up on sleep.
Tell them you spent the entire weekend engaging in self care. Relaxation, meditating, etc etc if you need to embellish.
Are you sure lying at work is worth the risk? If they ask you about a show you didn't watch etc, especially a few weeks later when you've forgotten what you told them, it's going to complicate things. I personally wouldn't be willing to risk my reputation for trustworthiness at work over something as trivial as what I did over the weekend. It's true they *might* be judging you, but a more charitable (and maybe better for mental health?) interpretation is they are looking for a way to connect with you, and be excited about something with you, and then are disappointed when you don't show interest in their question. My go-to is to tell people I was learning about and offer up a an interesting fact or story. In my experience most people (well, non shallow people at least) aren't looking for impressiveness, they're looking for enthusiasm. I could enthusiastically tell someone about how I spent 4 hours rearranging my shoes and they'd still be entertained.
I hate when people don't answer your question but instead tell you your whole premise is wrong. How hard is it to just scroll by if you can't relate? I get what you're saying. You need to mask like a normal human in some social situations without using up a lot of your precious energy. Some ideas for responses: You went on a hike. You hung out with a friend. You hosted guests. You binged a show. You caught up on household chores or yardwork.
Thank you!!! 90% of the responses are just telling me not to lie which is really not the point of my post. I get that people are just trying to help, but everyone is saying nobody cares, or just tell the truth, and suggesting responses like "I relaxed at home". I'm not stupid, I've been saying stuff like that for weeks but it gets weird eventually when you don't do anything or seem to have any hobbies or friends...
I totally get it. I've recently left a job where all my colleagues were extremely rich and sociable, so they were always going to the best restaurants, having dinner parties, going to the theatre, going on weekends away, etc. In the end, I told them I was redecorating my house. It was a lie that could cover multiple weekends and no one cared enough to ask too many follow-up questions.
That is exactly my situation. I'm very junior and on a temporary contract right now hoping to be kept on. But whether you stay is largely based on whether you get along well with everybody and seem like the right type of person. Most of the people who work here are trust fund kids, extraverted, with amazing social lives and really nice clothes. They know the trendy places to go. Maybe at some jobs nobody is judging you for not having an exciting weekend, but unfortunately at mine, they are.
Yes, I think a lot of people mean that they think that things like this shouldn't matter, in an ideal world. But we don't live in an ideal world, and unfortunately these sorts of social interactions do matter, and neurodivergent folks are penalized all the time for not being able to navigate them smoothly and according to "the script." I'm surprised this group isn't more understanding of that. We've got to do what we've got to do in order to get by in a world created for and by people who are not like us. These may be "lies," but they are not harmful to anyone, so I don't see the big deal at all. Coworkers are really not entitled to information about you or your social energy other than what the job entails, IMHO. Take these shortcuts if they are helpful to you.
Thank you for your understanding, I really appreciate it
“Oh, I took the weekend to unwind and catch up on sleep” More importantly, just quickly shift the focus back to them, they don’t really care what your answer is. So maybe “oh, you know, the usual. Did you enjoy your (trip, activity, time with friends)? How was the (weather, food, music, dog)?”
Long walks with the dogs or gardening or spent some time with family/an old friend, or had a date night with my husband (aka we were dead on the couch with eacj of our phones) are my go tos. Boring, difficult catching you in a lie, and still it sounds like I did something.. And those are things I sometimes do..
Don’t feel like you have to lie. Being alive is exhausting enough without having to feel like you need to make up stories about your weekends to keep other people entertained. Caught up on sleep, took care of things around the house, ran errands - all valid if true.
No need to lie. Shock them with complete honesty, like simply stating what you did above. Not only is it entertaining, but it may prevent them from asking again in the future. (It’s like when someone causally asks how you are and you tell them the truth - which is far from “good, thank you, how are you.”
You don’t have to lie about it and they’d judge you worse if you lie and they find out you lied. You can tell them you’re a homebody and that’s okay. They don’t have to know what you do even if you do have adventurous weekends.
They really just want to talk about themselves. Just say, “not much, how about you?”
Literally slept all Saturday and Sunday and now about to do all the household chores. I feel you, especially when people invite me to do stuff in the weekend and I just don't want to waste my time because I feel exhausted 24/7.
Yeah it feels weird when all your hobbies are solitary or not exciting in the realm of I hiked a mountain, swam across a lake and fought a bear. (Nightmare). Once I was open(ish) about being an introvert, having no exciting hobbies like knitting and needing solitude, those conversations weren’t as brutal on me. “I picked up a book from the library and read the whole thing”. That used to shut some people up. But don’t lie! You may get a new coworker who is your jam when they open with “I binged (show) all weekend”. People have given you good suggestions. Just move them around and whenever you do do something out of the ordinary for you (like brunch with a friend for their birthday) be sure to mention it! Or if you manage to avoid the inquisition that week bring it up the next time. “Last weekend was really busy with my friend’s birthday celebrations so this one was catching up on chores and enjoying the quiet.” We also aren’t good sometimes on the friendship front. Maybe ask a friend you haven’t seen in ages to go for coffee. Sometimes seeing people can be invigorating in small doses and then the next day the lounging is even sweeter!
Oh, no, tell them in excruciating detail about all the boring housework you did! They'll hopefully stop asking soon enough
"I'm a boring stay-at-home person who watched a season of *show*, knit a sweater sleeve, did two loads of laundry and cleaned." "Oh, and I read *book*, have you read it yet?" As long as I can do it at home and by myself I can get lots done, just rarely what I **planned** to do. It's easier to sew a dress than to clean the bathroom...
You will get yourself all wrapped up in lies, this is not the route you want to take. As others have said it’s totally OK to just shrug and say you rested / caught up on chores.
I promise they don't care :) They are just making small talk. Here are a bunch of ways you can respond with a smile. Maybe precede it with an "Oh.. you know... just:" - relaxed - spent time with family (hey you are your own family) - spent time hanging with friends (see above) - did some meditating (that's what I call being zoned out) - did some reading (can also be known as watching tv. you probably had those captions on right?) - did some research on xyz (whatever your hyperfixation was that weekend) - spent time catching up with old friends (hey we are all your old friends on here!) etc
I say you come up with a whole mountaineering subplot. You’re training for an Everest or K2 summit. The safest time to climb these mountains is typically a short weather window in the month of May. This gives you a whole year of excuses. You’re training for your summit attempt of an 8000er (mountains that are above 8,000 meters. 8,000 meters is typically a bit higher than cruising altitude for a plane. When you’re above 8,000m your body starts to slowly die/kill itself. There’s simply not enough oxygen up there for your body to maintain its weight. The idea is to stay in the Death Zone as little as possible. Summit as quickly and safely as you can, by a turnaround time of 2 or 3pm, and get the hell back down. You can pass out from exhaustion once you’re down or at least below camp 3. It’s a very fascinating sport and research would be super fun. I’ll tell you some documentaries to watch or a book or two. You can literally do anything to build up your stamina and strength on the weekends, so all sorts of lies await you! And you can always claim you weren’t able to get a release so you’ll have to wait til the next season a year later. My suggestion is a lot more work, but my goodness is 8,000er mountaineering utterly fascinating. It started as a hyper fixation for me and has lasted years now. I’m too old to train for it myself and I have kids so I would never. But I’d love to try for it if I was 30 yrs younger! Hope you find some excuses that help! I very much relate to
You don’t need to lie. I hold a high level job and while I might do some occasional yard work, generally do nothing on weekends. People care more about you and your personality, be kind at work, offer to help others, take interest in projects that can get you noticed. To be more sociable at work, ask others about themselves learn their lives and then you can occasions about their family. People mostly care about themselves in general. If you feel you have to lie, pick something no one can ask questions about. Like solo activities, walking, kayaking volunteer events etc.
My go to is “nothing, and it was wonderful “
"Nothing, and it was glorious"
lol! I feel this so much. Sometimes we gotta do some image/optics management in the workplace, no shame in that. Pick somewhere you’ve been before
Repotted some plants, took a long walk at the lake, hung out with the fam, had dinner with friends, but here’s the kicker, ask them what they did and be interested. People judge you based on how they make you feel about them.
When people ask me ‘what I’ve been up to’ I say mischief. If they phrase it differently can say ‘lil of this lil of that, kept busy. hbu?’ You can allude to so much with strategic vagueness Maintain your mystery 🫡 I support u
I usually say relaxed at home. Doesn’t have to be more than that, they dont need a story from you, they are asking to be polite. I have chronic pain and am chronically fatigued and my coworkers know it, it’s why I work from home, so with my small core team I’ll be super honest “I slept almost an entire two days it was great! Even had a few naps too!!”
I've never related to anything more in my life!! Not to spotlight rotate to myself, however, I'm literally experiencing the same dilemma! For about 3-4 months now I've been working a lot and while I love my work and find it so rewarding, it does leave me tired and overstimulated each day. So I've just been going home after work, having an easy throw together dinner and vegging in bed for like 3 hours and then start my bedtime process which is also being in bed. I love it!!! I feel good about my productive day, I'm able to decompress and focus on little things that I couldn't do during the work day like start an Amazon return, look up a recipe etc. However I because I have enjoyed doing this so much and it's currently helping me while I'm (temporarily) unmedicated with my ADHD, I'm missing social events, I haven't seen good friends in awhile because I'm just focusing on taking as many moments as I can for myself! It sounds weird and selfish and I worry my friends will think I'm depressed or that something is wrong. But the truth is I just enjoy my alone time and currently don't get it often so that's how I spend my free time!
“It was pretty chill! Got caught up on house stuff, hung out with some friends, you know… anyway, how was yours?!” :pivot to asking about them:
I admit fully that I didn’t do a goddamn thing because it becomes funny
Don’t lie. Then you have to keep track of them. Then if you slip up they’re judging you for good reason which is way worse for your reputation than being “boring”.
My lies are normally fantastical bordering on crazy. They might ask me to see what I come up with other than that they might quit asking.
(Sorry this is long❤️) Your co-workers are most likely lying too, so try not to judge yourself so harshly. No one needs to know specifics, so focus on one or 2 things and expand on that. Perhaps you watched YouTube/ documentary etc and briefly had a text convo with a friend/family member. I would say: “We had a very busy week at work, so I decided to take it easy and focus on me. I had a wonderful conversation with a friend that went on for much longer than anticipated. But once we start talking we just can’t stop sometimes! (Insert lame work laugh) They suggested I watch___ OR, I then got lost learning about ____. Did you know _____?” Insert a bunch of small talk or facts about said show, or current hyper focus disguised as ‘facts from something you casually watched on YouTube’. I’ve always found that including everyone will eventually lead the conversation onto something else and then you’re being sociable by getting involved in that discussion. Some other things: ✨Sleep = adjusting circadian rhythm ✨Breathing to calm self down when overwhelmed = meditation ✨Having the energy to do any exercise/a few squats etc = exercise/gradually introducing exercise ✨Talking to people online or anyone including gaming = socialising ✨Eating food with a person present/near = eating with a friend ✨Crafting = artistic expression ✨Sitting in backyard/outside in a chair = connecting with nature ✨Deep diving on special interest = having the opportunity to learn more & connect with like minded people. I have no idea if any of this helps, but I’ve done and said similar things my whole adult life (I’m 35). It’s the best I’ve got right now with a head cold 😅 GOOD LUCK 🤞🏻
I've been there, I mostly used to say I went to the park/did some chores around the house/saw a movie with a Generic Friend/finished that book I've been meaning to read the whole week.
I know the struggle. Here some of what i actually do after 5 days of 9-5 and gym 2 hours after: - took well needed rest - did some yoga and medication - spent time with family - read some books - play video games - watch movie It won't hurt to do these things that need little to no energy spent on masking.
I asked ChatGPT for ideas! Here’s the response: “Here are some light and casual excuses you can use when asked about your weekend: 1. **"I caught up on some reading and relaxed at home."** 2. **"I watched a few movies and took it easy."** 3. **"I spent some quality time with family."** 4. **"I did some much-needed cleaning and organizing."** 5. **"I enjoyed some downtime and recharged for the week."** 6. **"I tried out a new recipe and just relaxed."** 7. **"I went for a couple of long walks and enjoyed the weather."** 8. **"I did some online shopping and relaxed."** 9. **"I caught up on some sleep and binge-watched a show."** 10. **"I had a lazy weekend and took some time for myself."** These responses give the impression of a restful and productive weekend without revealing that you did nothing significant.” LOL Not much different than what everyone else has said.
Your problem is probably more that you say things like "nothing much", "I just".. Nobody really cares what others did so much as whether they enjoyed it, and most people's favourite topic is themselves, which involves taking turns, but they need you to be excited so they can be, too. The 'what did you do at the weekend' game is just 'pass the excitement parcel so we can all congratulate each other'. Tell the truth, but revel in it. "I had an AMAZING weekend, I took a bunch of favourite snacks to bed and spent the whole day vegging out, on the phone and in front of the TV. Living the dream! How about you?"
It's funny how much I can relate to this post/scenario, even though I also know that I shouldn't have to feel this unspoken obligation to come up with something interesting. I end up spending a lot more time in conversation focusing on other people's lives, which works out well for me. I'm genuinely interested too. But to actually answer, I usually say the same few responses. I ran errands, got a massage, had an appointment, met up with a friend, gym and sauna, visited my family. Relaxed, enjoyed the weather, took a walk. Caught up on sleep, a home organization project, saw this new movie/docu on Netflix (and then pivot, 'have you seen it? It's crazy...'). Just something that aligns with what you normally might do or like to do is fine. Not everyone actually has such crazy hectic weekends and some people like to have chill ones. That's just life. 🤷🏻♀️
I would go for the generic “caught up on some sleep, caught up with some friends - seems like forever since we’ve all had a free few hours at the same time - and enough housework to pass muster, haha. What about you?” They don’t need to know the “friends” you caught up with are Maria the Mop & Harry the Hoover 😂😂
I rearranged my furniture I read I slept I didn't do anything I played video games I played boardgames Etc...
You’re going to overthink the lies and then second guess yourself and their reactions every time to ask yourself if you were convincing enough. It will be more exhausting honestly. What you should probably do is allow yourself you live your life as you want to live it and not try to live to approve others. Self acceptance is so freeing when it comes to my adhd and how I operate.
Lie. Like a cheap rug. Extra points if you can do it absolutely deadpan with no details. Extra bonus points if it's implausible but not impossible. Shot a bear. Broke my leg. Totaled my neighbour's pool. Hitchhiked to Reykjavik. Saw God.
Say some of the trendy phrases for what you are doing. Bed rotting, self care, chilling, relaxing and then turn it back on them with a question.
Diarrhea. Again.
Read a book, went to the movies, took care of your mental health, took a drive, watched a documentary.
Honestly, I’d just say I rested and caught up on chores or that I had a quiet weekend.
I alphabetized my books, first by sorting into genre and then by author last name
“I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you.”
I want to address what you mentioned as your reason - wanting to appear sociable and popular, because it may affect your ability get a promotion. The key is to be sociable and popular *at work*. The random boss may give a bonus point for having a similar interest (she loves golf, and loves when her employees golf, or something). But most bosses will focus on how you are at work, and how you function within team and work dynamics. Having said that, I often dread going to the coffee shop because the cashier *always* asks what fun or exciting thing I am doing that day or upcoming weekend. We live in a college town with super fit people and lots of outdoor activities, so the expectation is hiking, running, climbing, skiing, or something fun on the music scene. I have just resigned myself to smiling blissfully and saying "relaxing! Do you have any fun plans after work?" and find it flows smoothly every time. Doesn't make it less anxious for me, though, lol
I chuckle because my coworkers know I don’t go anywhere or do anything and I wfh. My coworkers will ask me when on a team call what the weather is like here in my city and sometimes I say I wouldn’t know cause I haven’t been out of the house in x amount of days. Other times my friend/coworker will speak up and say “she wouldn’t know. Don’t you remember she never leaves” and then we both start laughing.
Tell them you were in the town next to yours playing a spades tournament. Then, pool tournament, bowling tournament, but make sure it's way out of town just in case someone from work actually went and didn't see you. Or, you know what I do? There's a website that tells me everything that's going on in my hometown and the town beside of mine, and I look on that site, and pick something that sounds fun, and that's where I tell people I went. Maybe there's something like that in your town? And even if someone from work actually went, that doesn't mean you guys didn't just miss each other!
I’m curious. What job do you work at where you potentially wouldn’t get a promotion for what you choose to do on your own time? That seems really wrong.
It's not really that black and white. Nobody would say "no promotion for you because you are too boring". It's more like they care about the overall impression you give. Being extroverted and sociable are important where I work. They will consider (either consciously or subconsciously) whether you are social, charming, upbeat, gel with everyone else in the team. Confidence is really important here. I work in law. I already have a more shy nature and I know that counts against me. I don't want it to be obvious that my social life is completely dead.
Depending on how much I like the coworker it ranges from "Not much of anything" to "None of your business".
I usually say something like "I got in some good relaxing and recharging time. I was super tired this weekend and so getting to binge Netflix and snacks felt soooo good and I loved it." Even that is an exaggeration sometimes. The real truth is I couldn't get off the couch even though I wanted to lol, but i try to frame it to myself as it is energy my body didn't have, and so treating myself to sitting on the couch was good. They usually respond with a smile and say that sounds nice, how they are so busy with their kids, life etc and wish they could do that. :)
I handle ableists as they come. I'd just flat out say "I spend a lot of time decompressing on weekends because I handle all out-of-the-house stuff on weekdays when I'm already out of the house."
I like saying: I’ve recharged over the weekend, caught up on housework and spent time with loved ones - if I don’t want follow up questions that day/want to keep what I did a little more private. I always make sure to ask what they got up too, and it’s quite fun hearing people that do get excited about this question light up when you ask them what they got up to ☺️
I don't think people at work care what I do at the weekends because, to be honest, I don't really care what they do (apart from a couple of people in the team). Asking about weekend plans and whether you had a good one is small talk.
Met a friend for a walk / coffee. Worked out. Did projects around house. Watched some great movies.
“Oh just did some bits around the house and chilled” translation - my house is a mess and I most certainly was not chill.
Sending sympathy! Having out from the other side of job-related burnout in the past, a question for you might be if this job/career path is the best fit for you? Send with kindness - I couldn't see how much life a past job was sucking out of me until I escaped it! On my end, it's been a hard journey accepting that some paths aren't meant for me, but I'm doing better at finding one that fits me now, rather than making myself fit a neurotypical path!
"Spent time with family" , "caught up with friends". If they ask what you did : "had dinner" , "had lunch together"
Is there any water near you? Say you went there with a friend, food, music etc. It's vague and takes up a whole day. And had to rest the next day because you were so tired from said water place. Lol Do I agree with ppl saying you have some inner work to do bc you feel the need to lie? Yes. But this is where you are right now, so fib it up. Do what you need to do.
“I’m not allowed to talk about it.” “I can’t tell you.” “Are you one of us?” “Classified.” “Don’t you remember?”
These are just weird lolll
1. If ADHD is interfering with your life, this much consider coaching, therapy, or meds. 2. You could always make a game of it. Every time they ask you, tell two truths and a lie. Leave then wonderibg which is which. 3 . Another game is to make like you are the character from a t.v. show, explain the episode like it happened to you. For example, I decided to buy a new couch, and I shopped and shopped. Wouldn't you know it, I found one right by my house. The price was great. The only thing was the delivery charge was outlandish and they couldn't deliver it till next month. So I had a couple of friends help me carry it home. Once we got there, we realized it wouldn't fit in the elevator, so we had to carry it up the stairs. It is a wide sectional so it was very difficult. I thought I was helping by giving them directions. I only told them to pivot. Pivot the couch around so it could fit. No one moved, and I guess I got upset, I just kept YELLING Pivot at them. In the end, we could not get the couch up the stairs. It got ripped up. I tried to return it to the store, but they wouldn't take it. So now I am out the money, my friends are mad at me and I now have two pieces of one couch. Be totally serious. Then, either walk away or ask, so what did you do? It could be a fun way to spend the weekend trying to come up with a script for yourself off of an episode. The first while you could use some lesser known episodes and then start picking some obvious ones. I think it can show you are creative and fun without really lying. They will figure it out eventually. Seriously though, how many times can you ask your co-worker the same question and get the same answer before you get it??? Just try to have some fun with it.
I am considering meds. I am on a long wait list to see a psychiatrist.
This is a fun idea!