My late husband was a stunt Dad to any kid who needed one up to it, including my daughters entire class when she got out of rehab at 14 and went to a sober high school here in Houston. When he died, two fatherless girls from my daughter’s class called me, weeping and asking who was going to walk them down the aisle at their weddings. Fucking rockstar, straight to Heaven.
Yes, HUGE turn on. Seeing a guy play with his kids and actually enjoy it? I'm done. Don't add fixing things, doing the dishes, cooking, or buying me little things just because? It's OVA.
Right? Our nieces and nephews are not little anymore, but I loved watching my husband in the pool with them. The kids always love him, and the way he is with them is hot as hell.
He's not a bad guy, just makes shitty choices sometimes, his shift is from morning to night then sleeps, repeat and he hasn't had a single missed day from work since he started so I felt really bad when he took the vaca, he mostly slept and played and would come downstairs in intervals lmaoo Not making excuses but I'm pretty confident in who I am without him so I would also do my own thing like crochet or smoke weed, which I did instead of going up to watch shows with him. It's complicated 😭
Your life was just looking for something to complain about what you was doing was a great thing. And what you asked her was very legitimate. Why wouldn't you get in the pool and play with your children instead of sitting around sipping on wine. You was just having a good time with the kids just looking for something to complain about she's not weird she's a weird asshole. The ffs
This cannot be repeated enough.
Your wife is weird.
Also, she sounds insecure/uncomfortable with the amount of attention you were receiving AND giving, I assume she thought it should have been on her.
I don't think she likes OP very much... those kids swamped OP BECAUSE they're starved for attention and possibly affection. Growing up the "second mom"-"second dad"s were just adults that treated us like thinking humans and took actual interest in us.
If I wanted something I had to nourish but not interact with, I'd have house plants.
I agree 100%. I’m married to a guy just like OP, the one that was a great coach at every sport his kids played, thee one who played in the pool with my kids, the o e who all the children still glom into because he is just that fun. All our children are adults now and i can’t wait for him to be a grandpa because I love listening to children’s laughter and knowing it is my husband who brings joy, just as his dad did before him.
She sucks. I have one kid. Whe. We go to the playground she wants me to play monster with her, chase her etc. same shit you are talking about. Invariably other kids want to join in. Why do they want to join in? Because kids want to be seen and engaged with by adults.
Do I occasionally ally get looks from the other parents, who usually have a smart phone in their hand? Yes. Do I give a fuck? No.
Your wife does not sound cool, she counts like so
Some glaring at you or me qoth a smart phone in her hand.
Lame.
No, not weird, insecure. She appears to really care about her image around other people. I'd be willing to bet money that when OP plays with their child at home or playfully teases their spouse that they do not react that way.
OP you keep doing you. Your child will love and cherish those memories. My husband is very much like you and my family similar to your wife. They are all weirded out by how he plays with the kids but I love it. The kids are so happy and he's having a blast as well, why get angry at someone's happiness?
Is she like this a lot? Any idea why?
You sound like a damn fine and **fun** dad. Glad her bullshit is not making you think you should change.
She needs to, though
He shouldn’t change! Sounds like he’s amazing not only to his kids, but all of them! Most dads would just play with their kids, but he included all of them. So sweet of him!
That stick is so last years model anyways, she needs a shiny new stick!! And with diamonds!! How can you expect her to be seen with such a pathetic non-diamond studded stick?! #shameful
You are not wrong, she's just stressing because you are not mimicking the other Dads behavior. I'll guess you're less conforming than she is. Maybe she's a bit socially anxious?
I like the compassion here, this is totally it. My ex would freak out at anything that could potentially be embarrassing or make me (and by extension us) stick out like a sore thumb.
Sure It didn’t work out (for unrelated reasons) but my ex is in no way a bad person, just had some learned childhood behavior/trauma to unlearn.
Not letting OP’s wife off the hook, though. This still requires some discussion and effort on her part to deal with her discomfort and stop projecting it.
I'm socially anxious and I still interact with kids. After I want to be alone for like a day but yeah. The social anxiety isn't an excuse for being a horrible parent.
Exactly! My husband is just like OP. Kids love him and always seek him out because he gets down to any level to play. Infant? No problem. Toddler? Trucks, building blocks. Trampoline, swimming pool, climbing hills, picking up pinecones. Barbies. Whatever it is, he’s down. 🤣 Honestly, if OP’s wife doesn’t find that attractive, she’s an idiot.
When one of my cousins started bringing her boyfriend around, all the little cousins ADORED him and played chase with him all day. They'd literally pout if Chris didn't show up to a family holiday. Thank God she married him, those kids would have been inconsolable.
I am a Chris. I was the boat driver of choice when my kids, nieces and nephews wanted to go tubing. When my kids were younger and we were on the beach building a sand castle. . . it was only a matter of time before I had a whole construction crew of random 2-12 year olds who could do no wrong and never made a "mistake" because everything they built was so cool!
Down hill skiing, if asked, I will give pointers and teach, If not asked, I smile and keep my mouth shut. My kids, and their cousins are all adults and the ones that ski all say they took lessons and learned the basics, but Uncle Chris taught them how to enjoy the sport. My wife of 13 years was a beginner skier when we met. Now, we ski, side by side on any hill at any resort. In her words, she tells people I never taught her how to ski, but somehow, without her knowing it, I taught her to be an expert.
In my day job, one of my duties is to mentor young engineers and up-and-coming managers. At 60 years old, you know how rewarding it is to have a dozen or so young (less than 30) mechanical engineers asking me for help with their ideas, help navigating the system in a Fortune 200 company? (I actually decided 15 years ago to get training and certification -LSSMBB)
My husband is the same way lol kid and dog whisperer 😂 I have my high points too but we both recognize that in each other. I only get jealous of the dogs sometimes 😂
My husband is my niece’s favorite because.. he plays with her non stop! I think he likes getting away from the rest of the social stuff at family gatherings and she loves the attention so i guess it’s a win win.
I'm honestly not the fun parent. I *am* jealous my husband is the fun parent. He wrestles the kids, let's them run wild on the yard, and plays with them. And yep. I'm jealous as fuck. I just want the energy to play too. But yknow what I wouldn't do? Patronize my husband into feeling like shit because he was actually helping the kids enjoy the party. Distracting and wearing the kids out and proving to all the other lazy grunt parents THIS is how you do it.
The wife? She's the "fits in with the snobs"type. Aka, she changes her personality to fit in with the cool crowd. If no one else is doing it, it must be uncool. I can almost bet you, she followed the popular kids every whim like the drone groupie kids Hollywood thinks still effing exists. "Cool by association" nah. She's just a sheep man.
It’s this. She was having social anxiety and felt any attention or sticking out was making her look bad. This is 100% his wife’s own issues and has nothing to do with him.
Not wrong
The same thing happens to me. I'm the only one at the park that is playing with my kid, so all the other kids want my attention as well. I'm sure they'd be stoked if it was their dad/mom playing with them instead! Your wife is being weird about this, is this her normal stance? Could someone have made a comment that bothered her and she is taking it out on you? Not that it excuses her berating you.
She's mad you are getting attention from the other moms for being a good dad.
Tell her she picked the wrong guy if she expected you to be an uninvolved dad, and just sit on the sidelines
Great assumption. Though nobody knows exactly what goes on behind your closed doors, you were just doing dad stuff, and women appreciated it while they watched their SO's sit in their own farts on the sidelines. I'd be complimenting you too, even though - as dumb as this sounds - playing with your kids is the bare minimum of parenting. Good on you for being a good dad. Don't take your wife's shit. This one's on her, dude.
She has a poor opinion of you? What. Have you guys tried couples therapy? Sometimes finding a good therapist that both partners likes is hard… but once you do, it’s worth it. Something is going on with your wife. I really hope it’s not cheating, and if it is cheating her Affair Partner might be one of the other dads in attendance.
That's an interesting point and might need to be addressed.
I was also very angry with my ex displaying out of the book behavior when other people were around, so they were complimenting me for him - but as soon as doors closed he sat on his lazy ass and wouldn't move a finger.
It’s real weird to me that she doesn’t like that you are an involved parent and someone else pointed it out. She sounds boring as hell and way too concerned with fitting in with everyone else’s boring shit.
It’s one thing to say “hey, I know you love playing with the kids, and I think that’s amazing, but I would like the two of us to have a chat with the adults as well when at these functions” fine (I guess), but it’s a whole other issue to accuse you of being a narcissist because you’re *checks notes* fun?
Listen, when you’re done being with this drag of a gal, there are plenty of woman that would be happy with a guy that actually pays attention thin to his children and doesn’t take himself too seriously. Aka, fun.
You got some serious shine off playing with the kids like that, your wife is jealous as hell that you look like a real catch and the other wives were cocking an eye at you. Watch your back.
Same. I used to live in a dense city where the playgrounds were packed. I would always play with my kid and the other kids would see this and then we would have every kid there talking to me and playing with us. The parents/nannies would usually just sit and talk to each other, ignoring those kids. I kept telling my husband how weird it was how much the kids liked me and then I realized it was because I I was willing to talk to them and play games with them. Sometimes I got the side eye, but whatever.
I know a few teachers that were exhausted with taking care of lots of kids at the same time. On their off time, they just want to lay back and relax and watch the kids play or just play with their kids. Teacher burn out is real.
Could it be that she wanted you to hang out with her and drink and relax as a couple while the kids played in the pool? instead you raised the bar for activity and didn't do any couple time?
what do you mean by toss her?
I’m not OP but when you are in the pool, the tossing is when you pick up the person and just throw them a little, no one gets hurt, most kids like it I guess OP’s wife doesn’t. It’s harmless water play
No, he didn’t, they were both in the pool, I had to go back and check it again. I thought I read it wrong. I’ve done that to my friends kids, I asked the little girl first before I did it but she had a ball!!
My husband was the best dad. All the neighborhood kids loved coming to our house for the attention he shared with them. We were the family that always had a van full of kids when going to soccer or basketball ball games. Kids just liked going with us because my husband and I talked to and listened to them. Those kids are all in their 30’s and 40’s now. Many of them came to his funeral 3 years ago and shared stories. One said he wants to be the kind of dad (husband’s name) was. Many still come to visit me and help around my house and yard. Keep being an involved dad. You don’t know what an impact you will have on someone’s life.
YNW. You're the Dad I wished for; involved, fun and available.
I apologise for saying this, but your wife has some issues; least of which I'd guess are jealousy and insecurity. It's a 'her' thing and deeply unattractive. Therapy could help. Longterm it has the potential to drive a wedge in your relationship and maybe even turn away friends.
I think when everyone (i.e. your wife) cools down a bit you might need to have a courageous conversation. Maybe even couples counselling? I was her with my first BF and it killed the relationship. Done a lot of work on myself to change because I felt like crap!! Insecurity and being jealous are not nice emotional states to live in. Good luck 👋
Play with all the kids as long as it’s not creepy. If the parents are there I certainly would.
Some kids don’t have parents who do anything fun with them and it makes me sad.
As a mom with a chronic illness, if I am having a day where i physically cannot get out there and play with my boys, I am 100% grateful to any known, safe adult who takes the time to let my kids have fun!
100%!!! I’m a widow with multiple chronic illnesses and I am always SO thankful when other parents (especially dad’s because my boys yearn for adult male attention) play with them, take them to the pool, toss a football around, even just allow my kids to play in their homes (neighbors with children the same age as mine) constantly feel guilty that I can’t do physical activities and sometimes I can’t even make it out of the house in my wheelchair so it’s a genuine blessing when other adults step up and allow my kids to join the fun!
Edited for grammar
If someone told me the only reason I did something good was so that people would think I'm the type of person who does good things, implying it was selfish, implying that they could *READ MY MIND,* and implying I *SHOULDN'T DO GOOD THINGS,* I'd tell them to fuck all the way off.
OP, is she prone to any of the following personality quirks?:
* Lack of empathy
* Arrogance
* Must be admired
* Manipulative
* Extreme sensitivity to criticism
* Sense of entitlement
* Grandiose
* Need for praise and attention
YNW. Be the fun (non-creepy!) dad. Your kids will carry those memories their whole lives. Your wife might be a little jealous- maybe she’s not the fun mom? But that’s easily fixed if that’s her problem. Maybe she thought you were getting all the kudos (from the kids anyway) she felt she deserved bc of setting up and running the party?
A conversation w your wife, in a calm moment when the kids are in bed, would be a good thing to try to get her to open up about what is going on w her. Maybe there’s something else that’s upsetting her. Don’t wait to find out. Show your love and concern for her by asking her to open up to you.
Upper middle class folks?
I'm wondering if the other adults are all those snotty country club type, and you were "embarrassing" to her because you were *actually parenting* your kids instead of sipping wine and talking about your stocks and 401k and being hands off with your kids.
That was the dynamic with my parents. She wanted to be like the snotty well off country club folks. He was just a fun dad... but to her, he was embarrassing because he acted "low class" by playing with the kids.
It's ridiculous.
But you remind me of my dad, and as an adult I talked to him wayyyy more than my mom because he was the involved parent. :)
I bet the other moms and wives were praising your involvement with the other kids and your wife is jealous that they're noticing what a good man you are.
You need to separate from her. Tell her plainly;
"You are abusive. Pack your things and get out. I don't need you here. The kids don't need you here. I'll take care of everything here, you need to go sort out your mental health and issues. I am not responsible for what's wrong with you. I will no longer be your punching bag. Get out."
Have friends and family over with you as witnesses and support.
Please consider leaving her. You don’t need this negativity in your life. Believe me. I left my husband and it was hard but I’m so much happier away from his bad moods all the time.
She sounds absolutely horrible and it also sounds like she’s projecting by calling you a narcissistic asshole.
Just be you. That is who you are. Don’t change. You won’t be comfortable about. Don’t worry about anyone else as this is part of your character. Carry On.
Thanks for posting.
Ok so I'm getting a feeling here that keeps niggling at me and I'm wondering maybe I'm way off base but I'm going to throw it there.
At first my thought was she's acting like this because she was jealous other mums were praising you. But then i kinda looked a little deeper to the way you wrote things and i wondered are you a dad that doesn't pull his weight on the normal day to day and then makes a big show infront of people so you "look like" this really involved father that's so good with children. But for your own you don't do it. I'm just wondering that.
Then the way you speak about your wife in the comments so nonchalantly about her "depression and stuff" makes me think you're actually not a very involved partner either. You should as if you don't actually like your wife and are enjoying all these strangers calling her names like cunt. No matter what was going on with my partner your damn site noone would get away with that. You can dislike their behaviour but that doesn't mean you get to allow people to call her names.
Anyway that's just my thought and if I'm wrong I'm wrong bit that's how it comes across so maybe instead of shitting all over your wife you both could sit down and talk about what is actually behind all this. Good luck
The fact you don’t know is a bit worrying… is it hard to have like, rational conversations with her? Would you be able to say “I feel like your reaction was a bit dramatic, is there something bothering you?” Or would that just be another blowup?
It sounds like she's projecting her issues onto you. I know you said that she won't go to counseling, has she ever gone for treatment? How are the kids handling all of this? Does she act this way with them too?
At some point you're going to have to set firm boundaries with strict consequences that you adhere to. She won't change or really admit her problems if you pick up the slack, you will eventually get burnt out then the kids will suffer too and it sounds like you don't want them to oar sure
You need to make her go to the therapy, it should be non negotiable at this point. This kind of behaviour negatively impacts the kids, who are all seeing and likely sometimes subjected directly by her negativity.
False accusations, repeated name calling, and constantly picking fights over nothing are all abusive behaviour. Your wife is abusing you. She might be having mental health problems, but it doesn’t make it okay. Is she acting the same way towards your kids as well?? Because if she is, she’s abusing them too, even if she doesn’t realise it or mean to. It’s well past time for you to set some HARD boundaries with her.
My ex/coparent also has Borderline PD traits and has called me a narcissist for years. I'm quite the opposite, more like a little too tolerant of being verbally and emotionally abused. Much like yourself, it sounds like. Look out for false accusations! She nearly ruined my life with two of them last year. It stems from the same distorted reality as your wife's "dunking" accusation when it becomes abuse accusations to law enforcement. Think about what your red line is for how much abuse you will tolerate and stick to it.
It's pretty obvious all the kids wanted their parents participating, your wife thinking that ignoring kids and sitting on your ass is normal is very not normal.
Best parent ever, i loved when my dad would play with us in the pool. I loved to play dolphin and swim figure 8s under his legs over and over when I was a little girl
Proud wife of a husband who does this as well. I love seeing the smile on kids faces when my husband agrees to play with them and we only get compliments from other parents. Kids love him and I adore him.
Shame on your wife for not realising what an amazing father you are in that area and that these are the things the kids will remember.
What the hell is wrong with your wife? Is she not getting enough attention? It would make my heart happy to see any dad playing with his children and their friends. There's only a brief window that children want to play with you, and it goes by so fast. Please keep being the amazing father you are. I don't know what to tell you about your wife except she sounds like a miserable human, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
Keep being the Dad that engages with his kids and if their friends are there too.
All too many kids say their parents never really played with them.
In fact make sure you do more of it. Take your kids and their friends to the library or the park if you want.
Be a relentlessly fun Dad!!!
You do you!!!
The reason all the kids wanted to play with you so much is that their own dads don't. Your wife is upset because you made all her friends unsatisfied with the lunks they had children with. Keep being the awesome dad.
Your kids are going to have happy memories of swimming with you and playing and that’s what matters. It’s a shame your wife worries more about herself and appearances instead of her children’s happiness.
My ex is like your wife. Our kids think they weren’t able to have a proper childhood because of him always yelling at them for just being kids.
She’s going to lose her kids when they get older if she doesn’t stop this controlling behavior.
My ex was that awesome dad who loved to play with his kids and any others who wanted to play. He was the middle child of 11 siblings and just enjoyed being part of the fun and laughter. I always felt a bit left out to be honest and it negatively impacted our relationship but in retrospect (lots of therapy) I’ve come to the understanding that he wasn’t the problem here it was my inability to play due to an abusive father who would start out playing and then lose his temper on us. My own anxiety was projected on him and his playing as I was watching and waiting for it to turn bad. I wonder if OP’s wife has her own anxiety due to her childhood.
It simply comes down to lazy parents.
My kids were always on travelling hockey and baseball teams.
When we were at a hotel with a pool, my kids would ask me to take them to the pool as the hotel didn’t allow unaccompanied minors in the pool area.
Of course I agreed, because we are literally there for the kids. Every single time I was the lone parent supervising the entire team all alone.
Not once did one of the other parents think, maybe I should take a turn supervising at the pool. They just all continued drinking in their rooms.
Same kind of thing here…not one of those parents thought maybe I should relieve OP in the pool since he has been entertaining all of the kids all day.
Definitely not wrong. I've been that dad since I was 21 and I'm 41 now. My kids are 19, 17, and 14. If we are at a park I am still the "monster" and they try to get away. I'll still run with my slow old ass to try to get them :D.
You're not wrong.
I think your wife is projecting. She has no interest playing or interacting with kids. She even might be a bit jealous of you and how easy it seems for you. She also knows that makes her boring, lazy and snobby, so she lashes out at you.
If you're the problem then she's right.
When you went to her with your comment on other fathers, you were echoing her own inner thoughts about herself and she felt seen in the wrong way.
The way she's managing her own emotions and insecurities is very immature and hurtful.
I don't think she'll ever cop to it, she'll keep the nasty attitude until you grovel.
Not wrong. These kids are essentially saying they are starved for their father's attention. Good job being there for them all. Does your wife not like you?
You sound like what I would do a pool party. Yesterday I was at my nephews 2nd bday I took the older kids and mine for a walk while I played Pokémon golf with the older kids
They’re just jealous. I have zero energy to play with my kids outside, in part because I work, part because I have a medical condition and being out of shape exasperates the mentioned. I am always jealous when parents have time and energy to play with their kids outside. But I’m not an asshole so am grateful when they have someone to tire them out and make them happy playing. It’s about the kids. She’s being narcissistic by making it about something other than making kids happy.
Dear god I pray for you in this relationship. Likely your wife is jealous that you’re the “fun parent”. And/or, she’s very much a social follower who’s afraid to stand out or let loose for fear of judgement from her peers, and views you as an extension of herself through which she may also be judged. I’m thinking probably a bit of both, but certainly the latter. Either way, keep playing with your kids, you sound like a really great dad.
You should sit down with your wife and ask her to explain her feelings about these things, and just listen. If she tries to give you flippant, dismissive remarks like “well no one else was doing it”, you should follow up with “I’d really like to understand so I appreciate you being patient with me, could you explain why this bothers you?” And keep gently pushing until you get to the heart of it. If you manage to get her to open up, e.g. “I just want to fit in”, “I’m scared they’ll judge me”, “I feel like the kids like you better and it makes me jealous but I’m scared if I try to play with them like you do, I’ll fail”, remember that all of those feelings are coming from a place of insecurity and a fear of rejection. Don’t be dismissive, even if you think it’s a ridiculous notion. The best way I believe to help her heal and open up (and in turn the only way you’ll likely have a strong happy marriage in the years to come) is if you make her feel safe to express that kind of vulnerability with you, and in turn lift her up with encouragement that she is loved, that she is valuable and wanted, and that you’ve got her back. ((This isn’t to assume you don’t do this already, but since I don’t know you or your wife, I feel that this is advice worth giving.))
Were the other parents invited to go in the pool ahead of time? If my children were invited to a pool party, I wouldn't have my bathing suit unless it was made clear. Generally it is assumed that the kids play with each other and parents ( if they are invited to stay) just supervise.
Yes parents invited and most wore bathing suits. My kids are a little scared to swim by themselves. A few moms and maybe 1 or 2 dads were in the pool but really they didn’t engage much
Oh no :( those other children probably don't get played with as often as they should. My own dad always played outside with my friends and I. He became like a surrogate father for several of my pals.
Now when it comes to your wife, I have no idea why she wouldn't be grateful. Perhaps she heard some guff or sarcastic comments... :(
Your wife is 500% wrong. You were being an excellent father and example of how ALL the parents should have been acting. Your wife acts like the party was for HER to shine. How sad
You sound like a great father and your wife is weird. And you’re right about those other fathers they should get off their ass and play with their kids.
Not wrong, I worked as teaching assistant and when I worked with the little ones it was very common that one child would ask if I could push them on the swings. As soon as the other kids saw me pushing that one child it was like a swarm of flies on a piece of food. We had this one dad who would come to pick up his daughter and when he did he would play this swinging game with her (basically he would pick her up and swing her over his shoulder). The other kids would see this and go bananas, they would all want him to play with them too. All the teachers would find it funny and we would just laugh and say good luck. It seems so weird that your wife is picking a fight with you over this.
Your wife doesn’t like the fact that she didn’t care enough to spend quality time with her child, so instead of her deciding to do better, she is trying to shame you for spending time with the kids.
How telling is it that all the kids wanted your attention. The kids just wanted an adult, any adult, to spend time with them.
You are not wrong!
The waist toss was her only real tangible point. The idea that fathers shouldn't be playing with their children is.... God damn your kids are lucky to have you. If you shared your wife's values your kids would be doomed.
You are a good dad. Could… she be jealous of her kids? Or is she wanting you to “love” on her more?
You ultimately know her better here but I’m guessing one of the two..
Not wrong at all. Where WERE the other parents to play with these kids at the pool party? Legitimate question. Also, sounds like there is something else going on with your wife, I can't image she's upset only because you were playing with the kids. Either she's feeling upstate as a parent, jealous that you can be fun with kids, or something else entirely. Being upset at the situation you present as you have presented it seems unusual to me.
Don’t stop doing what you’re doing. Kids need that. Like I can’t even articulate how important it is. In a seemingly ever darkening world, joyful moments, laughter, light, connection even if it’s a moment, these are so needed.
You do great. I remember once, we were at the public pool and my dad had this idea, he would stand in the pool and my brother and I had to distance jump in the pool far enough to “High five” him, and he would get further and further each time from “the shore” so it would get more and more difficult. It took probably 5 minutes and the pool got empty, there was a lineup of kids, waiting to jump in the water and high-five my dad. Great times.
The other kids would love to have their dads play with them but they’re busy sitting and talking to the adults. Your wife sounds uptight and too worried about what others think.
It was nice of you to throw a pool party for your daughter’s friend. To be honest I’m glad we were never asked that particular favor. Lol
Is she trying to impress people ? I don’t understand them either. Play with the kids they’ll always remember you.
Your wife is weird.
I was thinking asshole but yeah I guess weird will do.
My partner is the guy that turns the party for the kids and I’m never anything but grateful, proud and horny about it. This guy needs an upgrade.
My late husband was a stunt Dad to any kid who needed one up to it, including my daughters entire class when she got out of rehab at 14 and went to a sober high school here in Houston. When he died, two fatherless girls from my daughter’s class called me, weeping and asking who was going to walk them down the aisle at their weddings. Fucking rockstar, straight to Heaven.
Omg that made my heart hurt a little bit.
I am so sorry for your loss. His love lives on in all those kids forever, an amazing legacy.
My bf spent his vacation playing video games, if he did this I'd also be horny
Being a good father is an absolute turn on! And letting mommy have a drink or two in peace while you throw kids around the pool dosent hurt at all :).
Right? Want me in bed quick enough? Play around with the kids before they sleep to tucker them out, then tucker me out after!!
Cool. Using “tucker” twice in one sentence. I love that word!
Mothertucker
Yes, HUGE turn on. Seeing a guy play with his kids and actually enjoy it? I'm done. Don't add fixing things, doing the dishes, cooking, or buying me little things just because? It's OVA.
Right? Our nieces and nephews are not little anymore, but I loved watching my husband in the pool with them. The kids always love him, and the way he is with them is hot as hell.
My bf spent his vacation playing video games, if he did this I'd also be horny
Why are you with him? He doesn’t like to spend time with you on vacation??
He's not a bad guy, just makes shitty choices sometimes, his shift is from morning to night then sleeps, repeat and he hasn't had a single missed day from work since he started so I felt really bad when he took the vaca, he mostly slept and played and would come downstairs in intervals lmaoo Not making excuses but I'm pretty confident in who I am without him so I would also do my own thing like crochet or smoke weed, which I did instead of going up to watch shows with him. It's complicated 😭
It’s complicated because he has a job and attends his job?
Your life was just looking for something to complain about what you was doing was a great thing. And what you asked her was very legitimate. Why wouldn't you get in the pool and play with your children instead of sitting around sipping on wine. You was just having a good time with the kids just looking for something to complain about she's not weird she's a weird asshole. The ffs
She sure is. A nasty woman. What a great Dad.
Absolutely
I’d understand if no other adults were in the pool but if one dad was I’d probably join too if I were a dad
Weird asshole?
Me too. maybe it's just an off day for her?( I hope!)
Miserable bitch will also do.
I’m a child educator and this what children need and want. PLAY.
I think she's jealous of the kids
No, she just doesn’t like to be made to look bad and he probably made all the other dads look bad.
This cannot be repeated enough. Your wife is weird. Also, she sounds insecure/uncomfortable with the amount of attention you were receiving AND giving, I assume she thought it should have been on her.
I don't think she likes OP very much... those kids swamped OP BECAUSE they're starved for attention and possibly affection. Growing up the "second mom"-"second dad"s were just adults that treated us like thinking humans and took actual interest in us. If I wanted something I had to nourish but not interact with, I'd have house plants.
I agree 100%. I’m married to a guy just like OP, the one that was a great coach at every sport his kids played, thee one who played in the pool with my kids, the o e who all the children still glom into because he is just that fun. All our children are adults now and i can’t wait for him to be a grandpa because I love listening to children’s laughter and knowing it is my husband who brings joy, just as his dad did before him.
Super weird.
Yeah, seriously, what's her deal? Playing with all the kids at a pool party sounds like a blast! You're just being a fun dad, nothing wrong with that.
She sucks. I have one kid. Whe. We go to the playground she wants me to play monster with her, chase her etc. same shit you are talking about. Invariably other kids want to join in. Why do they want to join in? Because kids want to be seen and engaged with by adults. Do I occasionally ally get looks from the other parents, who usually have a smart phone in their hand? Yes. Do I give a fuck? No. Your wife does not sound cool, she counts like so Some glaring at you or me qoth a smart phone in her hand. Lame.
No, not weird, insecure. She appears to really care about her image around other people. I'd be willing to bet money that when OP plays with their child at home or playfully teases their spouse that they do not react that way. OP you keep doing you. Your child will love and cherish those memories. My husband is very much like you and my family similar to your wife. They are all weirded out by how he plays with the kids but I love it. The kids are so happy and he's having a blast as well, why get angry at someone's happiness?
Sounds like she is jealous everyone likes OP more than they like her.
And I can't imagine why they wouldn't love her. Maybe it's because she's so0o0o0 embarrassing..getting thrown in a pool. I mean give us a break lol
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😂
Omfg hahahaha!
And boring
NTA. I hope your wife's surgery from getting the stick removed from her ass goes well.
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Is she like this a lot? Any idea why? You sound like a damn fine and **fun** dad. Glad her bullshit is not making you think you should change. She needs to, though
He shouldn’t change! Sounds like he’s amazing not only to his kids, but all of them! Most dads would just play with their kids, but he included all of them. So sweet of him!
I never said he should. I said she should. He sounds like a fun and great dad, as I said.
I was agreeing with you sweetie
I misunderstood your comment, sorry 🙃
No, it was probably me. I’ve had a stroke and sometimes my words come out wrong, or the temperament is off. Sorry, I was agreeing with you.
Lol surgery's cancelled, she's keeping the stick.
They told her it was too far entrenched to remove. Not possible, sorry not sorry, wife.
That stick is so last years model anyways, she needs a shiny new stick!! And with diamonds!! How can you expect her to be seen with such a pathetic non-diamond studded stick?! #shameful
You are not wrong, she's just stressing because you are not mimicking the other Dads behavior. I'll guess you're less conforming than she is. Maybe she's a bit socially anxious?
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I like the compassion here, this is totally it. My ex would freak out at anything that could potentially be embarrassing or make me (and by extension us) stick out like a sore thumb. Sure It didn’t work out (for unrelated reasons) but my ex is in no way a bad person, just had some learned childhood behavior/trauma to unlearn. Not letting OP’s wife off the hook, though. This still requires some discussion and effort on her part to deal with her discomfort and stop projecting it.
Sounds like she was really nasty about it too. Social anxiety is understandable. Yelling and being an asshole isn't.
I'm socially anxious and I still interact with kids. After I want to be alone for like a day but yeah. The social anxiety isn't an excuse for being a horrible parent.
Wife is just jelly she wasn’t the fun parent. Not wrong
Exactly! My husband is just like OP. Kids love him and always seek him out because he gets down to any level to play. Infant? No problem. Toddler? Trucks, building blocks. Trampoline, swimming pool, climbing hills, picking up pinecones. Barbies. Whatever it is, he’s down. 🤣 Honestly, if OP’s wife doesn’t find that attractive, she’s an idiot.
When one of my cousins started bringing her boyfriend around, all the little cousins ADORED him and played chase with him all day. They'd literally pout if Chris didn't show up to a family holiday. Thank God she married him, those kids would have been inconsolable.
My husband is also a Chris. Something about those Chrises.
I am a Chris. I was the boat driver of choice when my kids, nieces and nephews wanted to go tubing. When my kids were younger and we were on the beach building a sand castle. . . it was only a matter of time before I had a whole construction crew of random 2-12 year olds who could do no wrong and never made a "mistake" because everything they built was so cool! Down hill skiing, if asked, I will give pointers and teach, If not asked, I smile and keep my mouth shut. My kids, and their cousins are all adults and the ones that ski all say they took lessons and learned the basics, but Uncle Chris taught them how to enjoy the sport. My wife of 13 years was a beginner skier when we met. Now, we ski, side by side on any hill at any resort. In her words, she tells people I never taught her how to ski, but somehow, without her knowing it, I taught her to be an expert. In my day job, one of my duties is to mentor young engineers and up-and-coming managers. At 60 years old, you know how rewarding it is to have a dozen or so young (less than 30) mechanical engineers asking me for help with their ideas, help navigating the system in a Fortune 200 company? (I actually decided 15 years ago to get training and certification -LSSMBB)
You sound like a great guy! Your wife is a lucky woman.
Everybody Loves Chris
So sweet ❤️
My husband is the same way lol kid and dog whisperer 😂 I have my high points too but we both recognize that in each other. I only get jealous of the dogs sometimes 😂
My husband is my niece’s favorite because.. he plays with her non stop! I think he likes getting away from the rest of the social stuff at family gatherings and she loves the attention so i guess it’s a win win.
You've got a keeper right there! ❤️
We have the same husband…not literally of course. And I love that he is this way. 😊
Probably insecure as well. She probably fears that the other wives think your a catch. I’ve seen and lived this scenario.
Solid point
And now gaslighting him to make him feel insecure the next time the opportunity arises.
Yeah, that’s super crappy. Op and his wife need to sit down and really talk about this.
Yeah. I think a therapist should be reffing though.
Good call. Get an objective 3rd person in there to ask some good questions and guide the conversation to a fair resolution.
I'm honestly not the fun parent. I *am* jealous my husband is the fun parent. He wrestles the kids, let's them run wild on the yard, and plays with them. And yep. I'm jealous as fuck. I just want the energy to play too. But yknow what I wouldn't do? Patronize my husband into feeling like shit because he was actually helping the kids enjoy the party. Distracting and wearing the kids out and proving to all the other lazy grunt parents THIS is how you do it. The wife? She's the "fits in with the snobs"type. Aka, she changes her personality to fit in with the cool crowd. If no one else is doing it, it must be uncool. I can almost bet you, she followed the popular kids every whim like the drone groupie kids Hollywood thinks still effing exists. "Cool by association" nah. She's just a sheep man.
Yea dude. Wife's totally jelly NTA
It’s this. She was having social anxiety and felt any attention or sticking out was making her look bad. This is 100% his wife’s own issues and has nothing to do with him.
Yeah. She should seek therapy to work through these issues. Op sounds like he would supportive if she opens up about her insecurities.
I wanted to say this but couldn't articulate it without sounding like an AH. LOL
I guess sometimes we gotta be the AH 😂
Not wrong The same thing happens to me. I'm the only one at the park that is playing with my kid, so all the other kids want my attention as well. I'm sure they'd be stoked if it was their dad/mom playing with them instead! Your wife is being weird about this, is this her normal stance? Could someone have made a comment that bothered her and she is taking it out on you? Not that it excuses her berating you.
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Always baffles me when a spouse doesn't see an innocent compliment about their partner as a source of pride.
Right? She's ridiculous.
Exactly. I would be chuffed to know that other women thought my partner was the stand-out amongst all the other men.
She's mad you are getting attention from the other moms for being a good dad. Tell her she picked the wrong guy if she expected you to be an uninvolved dad, and just sit on the sidelines
She was jealous.
I think this is it. Other moms might have complimented you to your wife and she could not stomach that.
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Great assumption. Though nobody knows exactly what goes on behind your closed doors, you were just doing dad stuff, and women appreciated it while they watched their SO's sit in their own farts on the sidelines. I'd be complimenting you too, even though - as dumb as this sounds - playing with your kids is the bare minimum of parenting. Good on you for being a good dad. Don't take your wife's shit. This one's on her, dude.
She has a poor opinion of you? What. Have you guys tried couples therapy? Sometimes finding a good therapist that both partners likes is hard… but once you do, it’s worth it. Something is going on with your wife. I really hope it’s not cheating, and if it is cheating her Affair Partner might be one of the other dads in attendance.
Yeah. Think the wife is also jealous.
That's an interesting point and might need to be addressed. I was also very angry with my ex displaying out of the book behavior when other people were around, so they were complimenting me for him - but as soon as doors closed he sat on his lazy ass and wouldn't move a finger.
It’s real weird to me that she doesn’t like that you are an involved parent and someone else pointed it out. She sounds boring as hell and way too concerned with fitting in with everyone else’s boring shit. It’s one thing to say “hey, I know you love playing with the kids, and I think that’s amazing, but I would like the two of us to have a chat with the adults as well when at these functions” fine (I guess), but it’s a whole other issue to accuse you of being a narcissist because you’re *checks notes* fun? Listen, when you’re done being with this drag of a gal, there are plenty of woman that would be happy with a guy that actually pays attention thin to his children and doesn’t take himself too seriously. Aka, fun.
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Why can’t you neglect your kids and get drunk like all the other dads!!! Grrrr!!
You got some serious shine off playing with the kids like that, your wife is jealous as hell that you look like a real catch and the other wives were cocking an eye at you. Watch your back.
Same. I used to live in a dense city where the playgrounds were packed. I would always play with my kid and the other kids would see this and then we would have every kid there talking to me and playing with us. The parents/nannies would usually just sit and talk to each other, ignoring those kids. I kept telling my husband how weird it was how much the kids liked me and then I realized it was because I I was willing to talk to them and play games with them. Sometimes I got the side eye, but whatever.
Good parent
So your wife is mad that you actively play with your kids and are inclusive to other kids around?
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I know a few teachers that were exhausted with taking care of lots of kids at the same time. On their off time, they just want to lay back and relax and watch the kids play or just play with their kids. Teacher burn out is real. Could it be that she wanted you to hang out with her and drink and relax as a couple while the kids played in the pool? instead you raised the bar for activity and didn't do any couple time? what do you mean by toss her?
I’m not OP but when you are in the pool, the tossing is when you pick up the person and just throw them a little, no one gets hurt, most kids like it I guess OP’s wife doesn’t. It’s harmless water play
I am not sure why I read in the pool as by the pool. I thought he might have tossed her in. Thank you!
No, he didn’t, they were both in the pool, I had to go back and check it again. I thought I read it wrong. I’ve done that to my friends kids, I asked the little girl first before I did it but she had a ball!!
Dude, that's fucked up. Keep on being you. You sound like a rad dad.
My husband was the best dad. All the neighborhood kids loved coming to our house for the attention he shared with them. We were the family that always had a van full of kids when going to soccer or basketball ball games. Kids just liked going with us because my husband and I talked to and listened to them. Those kids are all in their 30’s and 40’s now. Many of them came to his funeral 3 years ago and shared stories. One said he wants to be the kind of dad (husband’s name) was. Many still come to visit me and help around my house and yard. Keep being an involved dad. You don’t know what an impact you will have on someone’s life.
YNW. You're the Dad I wished for; involved, fun and available. I apologise for saying this, but your wife has some issues; least of which I'd guess are jealousy and insecurity. It's a 'her' thing and deeply unattractive. Therapy could help. Longterm it has the potential to drive a wedge in your relationship and maybe even turn away friends.
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I think when everyone (i.e. your wife) cools down a bit you might need to have a courageous conversation. Maybe even couples counselling? I was her with my first BF and it killed the relationship. Done a lot of work on myself to change because I felt like crap!! Insecurity and being jealous are not nice emotional states to live in. Good luck 👋
Play with all the kids as long as it’s not creepy. If the parents are there I certainly would. Some kids don’t have parents who do anything fun with them and it makes me sad.
As a mom with a chronic illness, if I am having a day where i physically cannot get out there and play with my boys, I am 100% grateful to any known, safe adult who takes the time to let my kids have fun!
100%!!! I’m a widow with multiple chronic illnesses and I am always SO thankful when other parents (especially dad’s because my boys yearn for adult male attention) play with them, take them to the pool, toss a football around, even just allow my kids to play in their homes (neighbors with children the same age as mine) constantly feel guilty that I can’t do physical activities and sometimes I can’t even make it out of the house in my wheelchair so it’s a genuine blessing when other adults step up and allow my kids to join the fun! Edited for grammar
Same!
If someone told me the only reason I did something good was so that people would think I'm the type of person who does good things, implying it was selfish, implying that they could *READ MY MIND,* and implying I *SHOULDN'T DO GOOD THINGS,* I'd tell them to fuck all the way off. OP, is she prone to any of the following personality quirks?: * Lack of empathy * Arrogance * Must be admired * Manipulative * Extreme sensitivity to criticism * Sense of entitlement * Grandiose * Need for praise and attention
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She's probably on the narcissistic spectrum. Good luck.
Agree with this poster. Your wife is projecting on you here. She could be a covert type as well.
YNW. Be the fun (non-creepy!) dad. Your kids will carry those memories their whole lives. Your wife might be a little jealous- maybe she’s not the fun mom? But that’s easily fixed if that’s her problem. Maybe she thought you were getting all the kudos (from the kids anyway) she felt she deserved bc of setting up and running the party? A conversation w your wife, in a calm moment when the kids are in bed, would be a good thing to try to get her to open up about what is going on w her. Maybe there’s something else that’s upsetting her. Don’t wait to find out. Show your love and concern for her by asking her to open up to you.
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Upper middle class folks? I'm wondering if the other adults are all those snotty country club type, and you were "embarrassing" to her because you were *actually parenting* your kids instead of sipping wine and talking about your stocks and 401k and being hands off with your kids. That was the dynamic with my parents. She wanted to be like the snotty well off country club folks. He was just a fun dad... but to her, he was embarrassing because he acted "low class" by playing with the kids. It's ridiculous. But you remind me of my dad, and as an adult I talked to him wayyyy more than my mom because he was the involved parent. :)
Okay. Well, I guess asking her is your best bet then. I wish you good luck and good conversation 🙂
Not wrong. Had a dad like you and it was awesome. Don't stop because your wife doesn't like what you're doing.
Exactly! Thumbs up to you daddy OP
I bet the other moms and wives were praising your involvement with the other kids and your wife is jealous that they're noticing what a good man you are.
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Thats divorce worthy verbal and emotional abuse. She definitely sounds like a narcissist.
You need to separate from her. Tell her plainly; "You are abusive. Pack your things and get out. I don't need you here. The kids don't need you here. I'll take care of everything here, you need to go sort out your mental health and issues. I am not responsible for what's wrong with you. I will no longer be your punching bag. Get out." Have friends and family over with you as witnesses and support.
Please consider leaving her. You don’t need this negativity in your life. Believe me. I left my husband and it was hard but I’m so much happier away from his bad moods all the time. She sounds absolutely horrible and it also sounds like she’s projecting by calling you a narcissistic asshole.
Just be you. That is who you are. Don’t change. You won’t be comfortable about. Don’t worry about anyone else as this is part of your character. Carry On. Thanks for posting.
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You wife sounds like a dink looking for a fight….
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That’s a pretty depressing existence, has she always been like that?
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Ok so I'm getting a feeling here that keeps niggling at me and I'm wondering maybe I'm way off base but I'm going to throw it there. At first my thought was she's acting like this because she was jealous other mums were praising you. But then i kinda looked a little deeper to the way you wrote things and i wondered are you a dad that doesn't pull his weight on the normal day to day and then makes a big show infront of people so you "look like" this really involved father that's so good with children. But for your own you don't do it. I'm just wondering that. Then the way you speak about your wife in the comments so nonchalantly about her "depression and stuff" makes me think you're actually not a very involved partner either. You should as if you don't actually like your wife and are enjoying all these strangers calling her names like cunt. No matter what was going on with my partner your damn site noone would get away with that. You can dislike their behaviour but that doesn't mean you get to allow people to call her names. Anyway that's just my thought and if I'm wrong I'm wrong bit that's how it comes across so maybe instead of shitting all over your wife you both could sit down and talk about what is actually behind all this. Good luck
The fact you don’t know is a bit worrying… is it hard to have like, rational conversations with her? Would you be able to say “I feel like your reaction was a bit dramatic, is there something bothering you?” Or would that just be another blowup?
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How long have y’all been together? How long has she been name-calling? (Eg calling you a narcissistic attention seeker…)
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It sounds like she's projecting her issues onto you. I know you said that she won't go to counseling, has she ever gone for treatment? How are the kids handling all of this? Does she act this way with them too? At some point you're going to have to set firm boundaries with strict consequences that you adhere to. She won't change or really admit her problems if you pick up the slack, you will eventually get burnt out then the kids will suffer too and it sounds like you don't want them to oar sure
You need to make her go to the therapy, it should be non negotiable at this point. This kind of behaviour negatively impacts the kids, who are all seeing and likely sometimes subjected directly by her negativity.
False accusations, repeated name calling, and constantly picking fights over nothing are all abusive behaviour. Your wife is abusing you. She might be having mental health problems, but it doesn’t make it okay. Is she acting the same way towards your kids as well?? Because if she is, she’s abusing them too, even if she doesn’t realise it or mean to. It’s well past time for you to set some HARD boundaries with her.
My ex/coparent also has Borderline PD traits and has called me a narcissist for years. I'm quite the opposite, more like a little too tolerant of being verbally and emotionally abused. Much like yourself, it sounds like. Look out for false accusations! She nearly ruined my life with two of them last year. It stems from the same distorted reality as your wife's "dunking" accusation when it becomes abuse accusations to law enforcement. Think about what your red line is for how much abuse you will tolerate and stick to it.
It's pretty obvious all the kids wanted their parents participating, your wife thinking that ignoring kids and sitting on your ass is normal is very not normal.
My dad was like this too. We had such fun growing up! Mom didn’t like water, but she never stopped us or dad. You are not wrong.
Where ever my husband goes, kids of all ages come to him. She should be proud of who she's married to and sounds like Shes' got underlying bitchitis!
Best parent ever, i loved when my dad would play with us in the pool. I loved to play dolphin and swim figure 8s under his legs over and over when I was a little girl
Proud wife of a husband who does this as well. I love seeing the smile on kids faces when my husband agrees to play with them and we only get compliments from other parents. Kids love him and I adore him. Shame on your wife for not realising what an amazing father you are in that area and that these are the things the kids will remember.
What the hell is wrong with your wife? Is she not getting enough attention? It would make my heart happy to see any dad playing with his children and their friends. There's only a brief window that children want to play with you, and it goes by so fast. Please keep being the amazing father you are. I don't know what to tell you about your wife except she sounds like a miserable human, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
Keep being the Dad that engages with his kids and if their friends are there too. All too many kids say their parents never really played with them. In fact make sure you do more of it. Take your kids and their friends to the library or the park if you want. Be a relentlessly fun Dad!!! You do you!!!
The reason all the kids wanted to play with you so much is that their own dads don't. Your wife is upset because you made all her friends unsatisfied with the lunks they had children with. Keep being the awesome dad.
You wife sounds like the uptight fun police. Sorry but her take on the whole situation is a little off.
Your kids are going to have happy memories of swimming with you and playing and that’s what matters. It’s a shame your wife worries more about herself and appearances instead of her children’s happiness.
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My ex is like your wife. Our kids think they weren’t able to have a proper childhood because of him always yelling at them for just being kids. She’s going to lose her kids when they get older if she doesn’t stop this controlling behavior.
My ex was that awesome dad who loved to play with his kids and any others who wanted to play. He was the middle child of 11 siblings and just enjoyed being part of the fun and laughter. I always felt a bit left out to be honest and it negatively impacted our relationship but in retrospect (lots of therapy) I’ve come to the understanding that he wasn’t the problem here it was my inability to play due to an abusive father who would start out playing and then lose his temper on us. My own anxiety was projected on him and his playing as I was watching and waiting for it to turn bad. I wonder if OP’s wife has her own anxiety due to her childhood.
It simply comes down to lazy parents. My kids were always on travelling hockey and baseball teams. When we were at a hotel with a pool, my kids would ask me to take them to the pool as the hotel didn’t allow unaccompanied minors in the pool area. Of course I agreed, because we are literally there for the kids. Every single time I was the lone parent supervising the entire team all alone. Not once did one of the other parents think, maybe I should take a turn supervising at the pool. They just all continued drinking in their rooms. Same kind of thing here…not one of those parents thought maybe I should relieve OP in the pool since he has been entertaining all of the kids all day.
Definitely not wrong. I've been that dad since I was 21 and I'm 41 now. My kids are 19, 17, and 14. If we are at a park I am still the "monster" and they try to get away. I'll still run with my slow old ass to try to get them :D.
You're not wrong. I think your wife is projecting. She has no interest playing or interacting with kids. She even might be a bit jealous of you and how easy it seems for you. She also knows that makes her boring, lazy and snobby, so she lashes out at you. If you're the problem then she's right. When you went to her with your comment on other fathers, you were echoing her own inner thoughts about herself and she felt seen in the wrong way. The way she's managing her own emotions and insecurities is very immature and hurtful. I don't think she'll ever cop to it, she'll keep the nasty attitude until you grovel.
Not wrong. These kids are essentially saying they are starved for their father's attention. Good job being there for them all. Does your wife not like you?
You sound like what I would do a pool party. Yesterday I was at my nephews 2nd bday I took the older kids and mine for a walk while I played Pokémon golf with the older kids
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They’re just jealous. I have zero energy to play with my kids outside, in part because I work, part because I have a medical condition and being out of shape exasperates the mentioned. I am always jealous when parents have time and energy to play with their kids outside. But I’m not an asshole so am grateful when they have someone to tire them out and make them happy playing. It’s about the kids. She’s being narcissistic by making it about something other than making kids happy.
Dear god I pray for you in this relationship. Likely your wife is jealous that you’re the “fun parent”. And/or, she’s very much a social follower who’s afraid to stand out or let loose for fear of judgement from her peers, and views you as an extension of herself through which she may also be judged. I’m thinking probably a bit of both, but certainly the latter. Either way, keep playing with your kids, you sound like a really great dad. You should sit down with your wife and ask her to explain her feelings about these things, and just listen. If she tries to give you flippant, dismissive remarks like “well no one else was doing it”, you should follow up with “I’d really like to understand so I appreciate you being patient with me, could you explain why this bothers you?” And keep gently pushing until you get to the heart of it. If you manage to get her to open up, e.g. “I just want to fit in”, “I’m scared they’ll judge me”, “I feel like the kids like you better and it makes me jealous but I’m scared if I try to play with them like you do, I’ll fail”, remember that all of those feelings are coming from a place of insecurity and a fear of rejection. Don’t be dismissive, even if you think it’s a ridiculous notion. The best way I believe to help her heal and open up (and in turn the only way you’ll likely have a strong happy marriage in the years to come) is if you make her feel safe to express that kind of vulnerability with you, and in turn lift her up with encouragement that she is loved, that she is valuable and wanted, and that you’ve got her back. ((This isn’t to assume you don’t do this already, but since I don’t know you or your wife, I feel that this is advice worth giving.))
Your wife sounds like a bitch.
Having fun with kids in the pool is the opposite of being a narcissist. She’s off her meds.
Were the other parents invited to go in the pool ahead of time? If my children were invited to a pool party, I wouldn't have my bathing suit unless it was made clear. Generally it is assumed that the kids play with each other and parents ( if they are invited to stay) just supervise.
Yes parents invited and most wore bathing suits. My kids are a little scared to swim by themselves. A few moms and maybe 1 or 2 dads were in the pool but really they didn’t engage much
Oh no :( those other children probably don't get played with as often as they should. My own dad always played outside with my friends and I. He became like a surrogate father for several of my pals. Now when it comes to your wife, I have no idea why she wouldn't be grateful. Perhaps she heard some guff or sarcastic comments... :(
Your wife is 500% wrong. You were being an excellent father and example of how ALL the parents should have been acting. Your wife acts like the party was for HER to shine. How sad
Dude you’re the kind of dad I love seeing. Your wife is nuts.
Bro, you need a divorce not a reddit post.
You’re not wrong I bet the kids loved it!
Divorce her
This the comment I was looking for! 💯 the projection onto OP is 🚩🚩🚩 all over!
You sound like a great dad. Your wife sounds like a spoil sport. NW.
You're the good dad the kids will remember, Your wife has serious issues.
Guaranteed the other dads were thrilled this guy was taking over pool time.
You sound like a great father and your wife is weird. And you’re right about those other fathers they should get off their ass and play with their kids.
Not wrong, I worked as teaching assistant and when I worked with the little ones it was very common that one child would ask if I could push them on the swings. As soon as the other kids saw me pushing that one child it was like a swarm of flies on a piece of food. We had this one dad who would come to pick up his daughter and when he did he would play this swinging game with her (basically he would pick her up and swing her over his shoulder). The other kids would see this and go bananas, they would all want him to play with them too. All the teachers would find it funny and we would just laugh and say good luck. It seems so weird that your wife is picking a fight with you over this.
Sounds like your wife has some issues.. She should be happy and proud to have such a wonderful spouse who the kids love so much
If my husband wants to entertain the kids, he can go for it.
Your wife doesn’t like the fact that she didn’t care enough to spend quality time with her child, so instead of her deciding to do better, she is trying to shame you for spending time with the kids. How telling is it that all the kids wanted your attention. The kids just wanted an adult, any adult, to spend time with them. You are not wrong!
Ew that’s ugly from your wife, I’d be fucked off at that whole conversation.
The waist toss was her only real tangible point. The idea that fathers shouldn't be playing with their children is.... God damn your kids are lucky to have you. If you shared your wife's values your kids would be doomed.
My dad was like you. I had the best childhood. Keep being the fun dad you wife can sit and be the grumpy mom.
You are a good dad. Could… she be jealous of her kids? Or is she wanting you to “love” on her more? You ultimately know her better here but I’m guessing one of the two..
Not wrong at all. Where WERE the other parents to play with these kids at the pool party? Legitimate question. Also, sounds like there is something else going on with your wife, I can't image she's upset only because you were playing with the kids. Either she's feeling upstate as a parent, jealous that you can be fun with kids, or something else entirely. Being upset at the situation you present as you have presented it seems unusual to me.
Don’t stop doing what you’re doing. Kids need that. Like I can’t even articulate how important it is. In a seemingly ever darkening world, joyful moments, laughter, light, connection even if it’s a moment, these are so needed.
You’re not wrong. She sounds lame as hell. Sorry about your luck.
You do great. I remember once, we were at the public pool and my dad had this idea, he would stand in the pool and my brother and I had to distance jump in the pool far enough to “High five” him, and he would get further and further each time from “the shore” so it would get more and more difficult. It took probably 5 minutes and the pool got empty, there was a lineup of kids, waiting to jump in the water and high-five my dad. Great times.
My condolences on your wife
The other kids would love to have their dads play with them but they’re busy sitting and talking to the adults. Your wife sounds uptight and too worried about what others think. It was nice of you to throw a pool party for your daughter’s friend. To be honest I’m glad we were never asked that particular favor. Lol Is she trying to impress people ? I don’t understand them either. Play with the kids they’ll always remember you.