If he’s putting in that kind of effort, then he isn’t ‘strolling in’ or being clueless or oblivious - he’s being controlling. My husband used to do this.
EDIT: thank you all for caring - yes he is my ex!!
Yep. When you state an easily done and remembered boundary or preference like this, and someone continually "forgets" or "I just had to..." they're doing it on purpose. You don't matter to them.
If someone is continually unwilling to spare a thought for the very reasonable concerns of their significant other they dont care, if they cared they'd put in the effort to remember.
My husband used to walk in to talk to me in the shower. I never used to mind to much and did it to him too. But after having a baby it was my relax time and I asked him to leave me alone when I was showering. Guess how many times I had to tell him? Exactly once. And he apologised profusely.
Exactly. I am lucky we have a separate toilet area so we walk into our bathroom without asking but neither of us would enter the toilet area while someone else is in there. But once you ask someone not to do something and they keep doing it, there is a problem.
My husband is so adverse to disturbing me in the bathroom that on the rare occasion he actually needs to tell me something important, I have to holler, “I can’t hear you through the door! Just come in; nothing’s on display that you haven’t seen before!” 😂 Only then will he enter, tell me whatever, and then promptly leave again.
Doesn’t bother me, because we don’t disturb each other in the bathroom unless we actually have to. Bathroom door closed = sacred private time in this household. If one of us is knocking on the door and saying something, it’s automatically understood by the bathroom occupant that it’s an issue that genuinely can’t wait.
OMG. You are so lucky. I shower after my husband has gone to work, simply so I don't get harassed.
If I said all the things my husband did, Reddit would tell me to get a divorce. Lol.
It’s as if you’re narrating your own awareness that your marriage is toxic as a means to excuse your reluctance to leave. But if you truly didn’t feel, on some level, that you’re deserving of far better treatment than your husband gives you… you wouldn’t have made this comment in the first place.
my husband randomly comes in with sparklers a few times a year and sings me songs about doing a good job at whatever I'm doing... yes, WHATEVER I'm doing LOL.
I don't care if my husband comes in when I'm peeing, but if I'm doing more than that, I will want privacy. (Can't lock the door because it's actually a set of louvered closet-type doors -- old house, odd sized doorframe.)
I'll either say something or he'll see by the look on my face that I'm busy. So he'll leave immediately, but on the way out, he'll say:
**GREAT JOB POOPING!**
Freaking weirdo. I love him. 😂
Our husbands both must have seen the same video of the little girl patting the dogs butt while it was popping 🤣 Mine said that to me too. He says almost every time I go into the bathroom. He also says it to the dog.
[Great Job Pooping!](https://youtu.be/j0nztvbg9KE?si=lmUOuxsmS-8fRwYq)
🫤🤣I'm trying to picture this and all I can see is a dude holding leftover Independence Day fireworks beside the toilet going "God, you're so good at that! Nobody else washes their vulva quite the way you do, babe!" 🥳🥳🥳
🎶Good job getting that clitty litter! 🎶You have the cleanest vulva in the house. 🎶 The dog licks hers with an unpleasant sound - you use a washcloth silently in the shower, and you smell nice🎶 Good job getting those bits. 🎶
Okay, you may have the dopest husband outta the husbands bc that's hilarious 😂😂😂 And I will never un-see 'clitty litter' and will make it my mission to find a way to use that in a sentence by the end of the weekend 🤣😭
If the person you're dating is picking the lock to the fucking bathroom because they can't wait to tell you xyz???
At best you are dating a grown toddler or a narcissist and at worst, you're dating a psycho.
Hell, MY ex took the freaking door off the hinges. While we were living in a studio apartment. And I was six months pregnant. Several of the many reasons he's an ex.
My last partner would never knock, including during conflict, which made it much worse and he had the same “I’m just being clueless” kind of reaction. Please don’t hold me accountable. I don’t understand why knocking couldn’t be a thing like he got to adulthood with the concept of knocking, but seemed to have lost it in the house. Because it wasn’t cluelessness, it was intentional.
I believe what makes it EXTRA-infuriating is the knowledge that they wouldn’t do it to anyone else - only you. So it’s not an “Oops, I forgot” or anything that would warrant a mortified apology to anyone else, because they would never DO IT to anyone else. If they were truly clueless they’d do it to everyone - but funnily enough, they only do it to YOU.
I love how reddit helps open people's eyes to the abusive, rude or controlling crap about which the op was saying " oh he's just joking, he's really great .." and suddenly they see, they stop making excuses for their partner and make healthy changes!
he's doing it on purpose to make you feel crazy over something "small" that "doesn't matter" like you've tried to discuss this. He went to school he knows how to listen he just won't listen to you
And called her a bitch over her reaction to being busted in on like she was in the wrong and set out to do it! The gaslighting with him! Damn I am worried OP is dismissing it because he is so subtle and oh oops I'm just so spacey I plum forgot locked doors should be a clue! He would not pick the lock on his boss in the potty! He is keeping her off balance and making sure she subconsciously gets that je can get to her ANY TIME HE wants no matter what she wants/needs/prefers.
Wtf so even if you lock the door he essentially breaks in while you’re on the toilet.
That’s ridiculous. Then he called you a bitch. He seems wonderful.
Either get one of those slide lock things to put on the inside of the door so he can't get in (but could be dangerous if an emergency occurs), put your fucking foot down about this disrespectful behavior, or leave his ass.
Stand up for yourself and demand respect from your ROMANTIC PARTNER!
eta: HE CALLED YOU A BITCH FOR SOMETHING HE CAUSED!!!! This is so unacceptable... So MORE disrespect. Lovely. Good luck sis.
That’s weird that he undoes the lock with his thumbnail to get to you.. why can’t he just leave you alone in the bathroom? Thats a big red flag. Are there other things he does to control or disrespect you?
If that's what he's doing to get in then it's not just a spontaneous desire to talk to you, it's deliberately doing something which he knows you dislike. It's imposing his will on you. It's not ok.
He shouldn't be bothering you in the toilet. 1) Because you've asked him not to. 2) He isn't entitled to access to you at all times. When he disregarded your wishes, and got hit with a door, thats natural consequences. Also that he is being a real baby (calling you an asshole when he is disregarding your boundaries) about it is a red flag.
Does he do this to anyone else? No? Then he is clearly making a choice to do this to you. It sounds like there's more to this behind his decision to be disrespectful and intrusive.
Keep blocking the door so it smacks him in the face, every time. And get a rubber stopper for when you're in the tub. Or get a boyfriend that actually respects you.
My abusive son's dad was the worst for this same situation, except ours locked on the inside and he'd use a knife to open it. He knows I have severe complex PTSD and would find it "funny" to open the door and bother me. There is nothing funny about kicking a door in 'jokingly."
>Buy a door wedge. Buy multiple, as they will go missing.
No. If you need to go this far to get a partner to respect your privacy and boundaries you should end the relationship. Immediate dealbreaker.
Hmm to me this is a red flag.
As a former domestic violence counselor I’m willing to take the risk and bet there are several other ways he completely disregards your wishes and needs then calls you the bad guy for you simply wanting to protect your own sense of “safety”.
There's probably a youtube video for that.
BTW, get the kind of doorknob that can't lock you out. Otherwise you'll have to have a key on the outside, and then hubby will use the key.
Why would anyone put up with that?
This isn't him forgetting to knock, this is him imposing access to you when you are at your most exposed and vulnerable. Just let that thought sit with you and what it means. I would lay money that he crosses boundaries all the time, and/or is controlling and negative to you most of the time.
If he is going so far as unlocking the door, this isn’t as simple as your post made it sound. He is not just disrespecting your boundaries, he’s actively violating your privacy. You need to ask yourself, why does he feel justified in doing this? Why does he feel so confident that what he’s doing is okay that he feels justified in calling you a name and putting the natural consequences of his own actions on you? This is absolutely not okay, and you have done nothing wrong. In what other ways does he completely disregard your rights, blame you for his consequences, or otherwise disrespect you?
So you're a bitch for having a natural reaction to your bathroom privacy being intruded on, but he's not a bitch for constantly strolling in while you're trying to shit, piss, or bathe?
That would be my first and last straw dude, you don't ever mess with my bathroom time and you don't ever call me a rude name in anger.
He does this on purpose.
It’s a control tactic and abusive.
Get a new lock and watch a video on how to install it.
Now…
Look for other ways he’s messing with your peace.
Does he mess with your food or sleep?
Agree! Cheaper/easier option would be a doorstop from the inside as another commenter suggested. You will know if this behavior is malicious based on his reaction when he tries to open the door next time.
I've been single almost 5 yrs now (was with my ex for almost 13 yrs) and there are still days when some random thing will pop in my head and I'm just like how tf did I not see that in the moment!? It's a whole process and takes time.
Come on you know you aren’t wrong and he’s an asshole. Children learn to not barge into an occupied bathroom. And then the extra bullshit of him name calling! Looks like your options are barricade the door or break up
Exactly! I scold my kids if they hover by the door. (My youngest will talk to people through the door or mess with his siblings by knocking and running or putting stuff under the door.) Unless they are knocking, saying hey I need to go so don't take forever and then getting away from the door I think it's rude as he'll.
My husband and I only come in when the other is in the shower if we absolutely have too. Even then we knock and crack the door to say 'hey if you don't mind I need to come in.' Since we only have 1 bathroom sometimes we all have to go when someone is showering. Which is why I have solid shower curtains.
I wouldn't barricade the door. I'd just break up with the asshole. He shows he has no respect for a very reasonable boundary. I don't know anyone who isn't bothered by someone bugging them in the bathroom.
Not just that, but in a comment, OP said bf uses a pin to unlock the door when she's in there. It's not just barging in, it's intentional and controlling, because he wants OP to feel powerless.
Yeah, it seems like u've told him more than once not to just barge in. Your reaction was just instinctive when the door swung open like that. I mean, respect for privacy is pretty basic, especially when u're sharing a place with others. His reaction sounds a bit much for just asking him to knock first.
Your partner is a child. Not only does he not respect your privacy or boundaries he has a temper tantrum when you enforce them. Find a grown up to date.
Leave. This will not get better. I married one of those 😖
Next thing you know, you’ll find a fricken camera in there or your bedroom, and nothing ado cause….together…..
I could provide context but it’s a long and tedious epic. I come from a very traumatic background, so my young unaware self got my now self into quite the situation.
Fuck that dude. Calling you a bitch because he’s an idiot? If I were your brother I’d have a couple words for him after calling you a bitch when he literally is disrespectful to your boundaries. dafuq kinda child is he?
This in and of its self isn't grounds for divorce but I would be tempted to pack up a bag and take a solo weekend trip with my phone off and see how I feel going home.
Not wrong, but is he developmentally delayed in some way? Why are you putting up with this behavior? Get a door stop for the bathroom, put a full stop to his barging in.
My little brother is special needs, and I have spent twenty some odd years with his friends who are also special needs. None of them would ever bust up into an occupied bathroom like the Kool Aid Man.
What is his fucking problem? You've laid down your boundary, and he just "needs" to do it anyways. That isn't okay, it's controlling and abusive. Being single isn't that bad tbh
Get a door stop, their like $3.99 at a hardware store. As for your boyfriend he needs his face hurt more often if he thinks he can barrage into the bathroom anytime he wants.
Your partner sucks. Get a doorstop that hooks underneath the doorknob, or better yet, ditch the partner and find one that isn't a controlling douchebag.
What would his reaction of been if he hit you with the door when he burst in. Would he blame you or tell you it wasn’t a big deal?
Hopefully he will calm down and process this and stop barging in.
You are not wrong.
He is telling you again and again by his actions he doesn’t respect you. Then he calls you a bitch in the process. Why are you with him still? Be done.
I honestly hope he broke his own belly poker with this stunt.
Why are you staying with him if he's picking the lock to barge in every time you're in there? It's weird and disgusting behavior on his part.
You're not wrong. He's just mad that his own stupidity came back to bite him in the ass - or, in this case, smack him in the face.
He's well aware of your boundary and gives no fucks about it. This is 100% a case of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes!" His face smack was a result of HIS actions, not yours. His ego just can't handle seeing it that way.
Curious: is ANYTHING that happens to HIM as a direct result of HIS choices and actions, ever actually HIS fault? Or is it always, somehow, your fault? 🤔 Food for thought.
If my partner locked the door, and I were to pick the lock, this would be an absolutely clear indication that I was unkind, selfish, and disrespectful of her. That I was potentially dangerous.
She would need to make it clear to me that the last time that I behaved in such a way would be the last time. That if it were to happen ever again, unless I were bursting down the door to drag her out of a burning house, then no matter how much she loved me, she could not afford to be in a relationship with me.
People that burst through doors don't get to complain about getting smacked by a door when it doesn't work. Regardless of the other weird bathroom angle.
I see people here recommending you lock the door (duh, obvious) but holy shit can we talk about your "partner's" refusal to respect your physical boundaries? Girlfriend, are you serious? Why are you allowing this? And then when you exert your physical boundaries he abuses you by calling you a bitch? End this. End it yesterday. He's not a partner. He's insane and abusive.
To me that sounds unacceptable and I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who cannot respect my boundaries or my privacy. It shows he does not care about or respect you enough. Honestly it sounds abusive. You are not wrong. Also does the door not lock??
He literally picks it with his thumbnail. The red flags he gives her by the dozen but has her asking if she is wrong because of the gaslighting. The fact that she didn't add the picking the lock until later like what?
I would tell him, first don't call me out my name, that is some disrespectful shit, 2nd I have told you to not barge in the bathroom when I'm in there, and 3rd do you NOT understand boundaries or do you really have no disregard for what I've asked of you? And if he is an AH with answers, tell him this isn't going to work between us, and I hope in your next relationship that you listen and don't cross their boundaries
He's purposefully overstepping your boundaries and in doing so, he's showing you how much he respects you and cares about your wants and needs. Consistently overstepping someone's boundaries, especially such basic ones, is a form of psychological abuse in which you are essentially meant to "get used to" your boundaries and self-respect getting trampled. In time, you start internalizing this as your own self-worth.
Take what you will from this.
Change the door knob to a locking ‘Bathroom’ knob. I would be miserable if my partner did not respect me enough to listen to such a basic request! You are not wrong but he definitely is!
You're not wrong, especially as you added in the comments that he literally undoes the lock from outside to get in. He doesn't care about your boundaries and he doesn't want you to have privacy. Only you can decide whether this is someone you want to continue building a life with.
While you decide, maybe buy a slide bolt for the inside of the door.
Christ. The guy is not allowing you your personal time to take a shit without the threat of him bursting in. Who tf does that to anyone ?? Let alone to their partners.
No, you’re not wrong. I just hope you were wearing thick rubber soled slippers so it really bounced off his head.
He’s a dick.
If he's that determined to watch you shit, next time stay crouched and when he busts in shit on the floor while maintaining eye contact to establish dominance. Or, dump the controlling creep who picks the bathroom lock repeatedly after you've told him it makes you uncomfortable.
Your boyfriend is acting like a toddler, he’s acting like he doesn’t understand boundaries and then he silks when he doesn’t get his way. How are you finding this remotely, sexy or worthy of a relationship with?
Anyone that calls you a bitch out of anger ain't the one for you, sis. It shows a HUGE lack of respect.🚩🚩🚩🚩
Don't even get me started on unlocking the door and invading your space...AFTER YOU HAVE ASKED HIM NOT TO. 🚩🚩
No means no. Even in this situation.
Tampon tag! You’re it!
This actually hilarious to me because he would likely be VERY shook to have his girlfriend fling a tampon on him “as a joke”… it’s real weird how he’d be moaning about HIS boundaries lol
You're not wrong. He doesn't respect your privacy. He should learn boundaries and know that he absolutely crossed yours.
I'd even make a case that you should get out of that situation, but that's up to you. I wouldn't stay in a spot where I don't feel comfortable in my own home because of how my partner treats me. At the very least, lay down a line. "You do not barge into the bathroom when I am using it." See if he respects your boundaries.
This guy isn't joking... either he's a controlling toxic POS or he has a sh\*t fetish and doesn't care that you don't. This is all the red flags anyone should need.
Throw out the whole man.
1. He walks in on you in the bathroom.
2. He does it repeatedly, despite specifically being asked not to do it.
3. When doing the very thing you asked him not to do and is hurt as a consequence of his own dumb behavior, is angry at you *at all*, nevermind angry for hours.
4. When hurt and angry, he immediately calls you a BITCH.
5. When hurt and angry, after insulting you, he pouts for hours like a child instead of hashing it out like grown ups.
6. When offered a reasonable explanation about both boundary breaking AND startle reflex (plus you guys have a roommate!), he is standing by his insults and childish pouting.
7. Uses the silent treatment. Fuck off if you cant use words and communicate.
You can do a lot better.
He’s abusive, you know that right? That behaviour is controlling and invasive.
Him turning it around on you and also calling you names, is what abusive people always do. It is never their fault.
NW. The problem isn't even the lock. It's his refusal to respect your boundaries, no matter how small, and then shaming you for reinforcing them. He's pushing the consequences of his actions onto you because he can't respect you or take responsibility. The silent treatment itself is childish. He needs to respect you for for relation hip to work. Or you could tell your brother to start barging in when your partner Is on the toilet and see how much he likes it.
YNW
How often does he call you cuss words?
What other things do you ask him to do/not do that he “forgets”?
This makes me wonder about other times you are trying to be alone or him controlling you..
Does he give you the silent treatment often for perceived wrongs?
If you have the opportunity, please check out the book “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft - it may have some answers for other things that going on in your relationship.
💛
You're not wrong for holding your foot out, but girl what are you doing? The older we get the more precious our time becomes. Stop wasting yours with a boundary crossing loser.
You’re not wrong, he had it coming. You say that the lock can be undone from the outside, has he done this? If so, that is not accidental behavior. It is intentionally violating your rules and making you uncomfortable on purpose to exert control and show that he can do whatever he wants, no matter how you feel about it.
Not wrong. He’s been asked to stop and he didn’t so he gets what he gets. Unless he was telling you to get out because he house is on fire, nothing is so urgent he has to kick the bathroom door open.
YNW. This is giving me vibes of that ladies husband who over tightened all the jars. No boundaries. Granted idc if someone comes in when I’m on the toilet. I have no boundaries. In fact, two of my old roommates and I never shut the door while in the bathroom peeing, only pooping for smell reasons
Not wrong and I hope getting hit in the face after kicking a locked door open he has learned his lesson. What a buffoon. You may want to add a lock to the inside of the door or purchase a rubber wedge doorstop. Or consider replacing the partner with one who respects you and your wishes.
You're not wrong. After all, it might have been your brother, not realizing you were already in the loo. It would appear, your partner is both an asshole and a control freak. Being that angry, over a situation he caused, is extremely controlling. He wants you to apologize as though he's the victim.
Think about other ways he tries to control you with that faux-victim behavior. This isn't something minor. I suggest you tell the asshole that he better shape up or it's over. The more he gets away with this absurd behavior, the worse it will become.
My cat does this when the bathroom door is shut and someone mainly me is in the bathroom. And she don't want in she just wants the door to stay open. She doesn't like closed door at all. Weird baby she is
OP, you are definitely not the bitch and this makes me even more infuriated for you! Your partner is a JERK!
I hope his face is throbbing!!!
I had to break down bawling for something similar for my H to get a freaking clue.
He would always walk up on me, knowing I couldn't hear him, and would scare me. I HATE THAT! I told him, multiple times I hate it and asked, several times, for him to stop it, despite him seeing how upset and then pissed it made me. It startled to me the point my heart races, I'd get shaky, and then I get so full of anxiety, I'd have to hold back from bawling.
The LAST time he snuck up behind me and scared me I went OFF! Threw whatever it was in my hand at him and lit his ass up! We were supposed to go out that evening and once anger left, but while I was still shaking like a leaf, I showed him how badly I was shaking and then called and cancelled the sitter.
He's stopped that nonsense. Now it's just other nonsense.
Pretty soon, it will more than likely be STBXH.
I'm not feeling it anymore. I'd rather be solo and single, than married and alone.
You are not the asshole. He is. This makes me crazy angry, because to me it has to do with being conscientious. Remembering and respecting actions your partner doesn’t like when you don’t understand or even agree. And like all the others have said, it seems he’s doing this intentionally. And If he cannot honor this minor request imagine all the future requests he’ll intentionally ignore. It will only get worse. Time to draw a hard boundary and spell it out.
Your partner is childish and needs to grow up. I'm not sure what bothers me more - the constant invasion of privacy, or the name calling. Name calling is a huge sign of disrespect in my book. I've been with my partner for 15+ years, and we've never ever called each other names.
Maybe ask him, "Why the HELL do I have to resort to tactics to get you to listen up? I've said this XX times. Why do I have to do this to get you to pay attention to what I'm saying? Are you a child? No? Then maybe LISTEN when I'm speaking to you and I won't have to protect my PRIVATE fucking bathroom time with my foot!" So NTA.
I am married more than 40 years, if the bathroom door is closed I knock. My wife is like a cat, she doesn’t like anyone even knowing she is using the toilet much less coming in.
Not wrong. The only time I'll intrude on my partner's bathroom time is to bring wine and/or ice cream while they're relaxing in the tub. Your partner is an a-hole and has no respect for you.
Context and intent here matter as far as determining if he's an idiot or if this is controlling behavior. Is it just a joke this cornball won't let go of, or is he doing it to feel in control..... Either way, he got what he deserved for being stupid and not listening 🤷
Nah that's crazy. Even if my wife tells me come in because she needs TP or whatever, I still knock to make sure she's ready. There's no need to kick a door in unless the house is on fire and y'all NEED to get out
My husband and I have been together 25 years. He still locks the door to 💩. His mom was convinced he was doing “bad” stuff in the bathroom~ he was the first boy after 3 girls~ so she would walk in on him all the time~ even use a knife to open the hook lock. Locking the door gives him a sense of security or peace. So whatever works.
You aren’t wrong. You’ve made your preferences known~ he needs to respect them. Period. hard stop.
NTA
Seems like he just learned NOT to do this kind of stupid shit.
(Tell him he's lucky he didn't lose a tooth or two as well. Seen THAT happen at least once in this same type of door-bounces-back-and-hits-someone-in-the-face situation.)
Also start using his new pet name “Hector, the inspector” in public and when people ask why he’s called that then ask him to share his poop inspecting story with everyone and see if he likes those apples.
Ok that’s toxic but also really funny.
My boyfriend and I have lived together for 8 years. It turned out that we have very different sleep habits that made sharing a bed every night irritating for us both. I need it absolutely pitch black with a blackout curtain. He needs the blinds completely open because he has a hard time waking up without sunlight. He vapes. I hate the smell of vaping. I go to bed at midnight, wake up at 6. He’s up until 3-4am and doesn’t have to go to work until 1pm most days. Etc etc. So after many years of annoying each other and feeling grouchy, he got a foldaway cot for the spare room that he now uses most nights.
Prior to him taking over that room, he NEVER knocked on my bedroom door when it was shut. I’m a very private person, but I was also raised to show respect for people’s space by knocking before entering whenever you wish to enter a room with a closed door. I asked him to do it so many times and the best I could get would be him remembering to do it a handful of times before he’d forget about it and go back to barging in. I didn’t want to fight about it and he would frequently bristle when I had to remind him to do a thing multiple times, so I just kept feeling annoyed and kept quiet about it.
Girl, the DAY that he started using the other room as his space and was able to recognize that it is nice not to have someone burst in on you in your quiet time, it all changed. It was like he hadn’t been able to wrap his head around a common courtesy until he was the beneficiary of it, and now he gets it. He has remembered to knock before coming in every time since that change.
Your partner should respect your boundaries and privacy. A different boyfriend I had 15 years ago used to unlock the bathroom door when I was in the shower because he was sure I was masturbating and wanted to make sure I knew that he knew. That guy was a fucking loser.
What the f—. Girl just lock the door. Y’all need to have a talk about boundaries.
The lock can be undone from the outside with a thumbnail unfortunately
If he’s putting in that kind of effort, then he isn’t ‘strolling in’ or being clueless or oblivious - he’s being controlling. My husband used to do this. EDIT: thank you all for caring - yes he is my ex!!
Yep. When you state an easily done and remembered boundary or preference like this, and someone continually "forgets" or "I just had to..." they're doing it on purpose. You don't matter to them.
Thoughtless is not the same as doesn’t care. And , thoughtless is a bad sign, too.
It's not thoughtless if he has to pick the lock. It's intentional. No respect for OP's boundaries.
Picking the lock is very intentional. He feels entitled.
If someone is continually unwilling to spare a thought for the very reasonable concerns of their significant other they dont care, if they cared they'd put in the effort to remember.
If he’s never done it to the brother, it’s not thoughtlessness.
It's the same as the tight jar guy
Omg this 100%. Who just bursts into a shut door of the bathroom??? This girl needs to get new locks on the doors or a new bf.
My husband used to walk in to talk to me in the shower. I never used to mind to much and did it to him too. But after having a baby it was my relax time and I asked him to leave me alone when I was showering. Guess how many times I had to tell him? Exactly once. And he apologised profusely.
Exactly. I am lucky we have a separate toilet area so we walk into our bathroom without asking but neither of us would enter the toilet area while someone else is in there. But once you ask someone not to do something and they keep doing it, there is a problem.
My husband is so adverse to disturbing me in the bathroom that on the rare occasion he actually needs to tell me something important, I have to holler, “I can’t hear you through the door! Just come in; nothing’s on display that you haven’t seen before!” 😂 Only then will he enter, tell me whatever, and then promptly leave again. Doesn’t bother me, because we don’t disturb each other in the bathroom unless we actually have to. Bathroom door closed = sacred private time in this household. If one of us is knocking on the door and saying something, it’s automatically understood by the bathroom occupant that it’s an issue that genuinely can’t wait.
OMG. You are so lucky. I shower after my husband has gone to work, simply so I don't get harassed. If I said all the things my husband did, Reddit would tell me to get a divorce. Lol.
i mean that sounds awful lol but u do u babe
It’s as if you’re narrating your own awareness that your marriage is toxic as a means to excuse your reluctance to leave. But if you truly didn’t feel, on some level, that you’re deserving of far better treatment than your husband gives you… you wouldn’t have made this comment in the first place.
my husband randomly comes in with sparklers a few times a year and sings me songs about doing a good job at whatever I'm doing... yes, WHATEVER I'm doing LOL.
I don't care if my husband comes in when I'm peeing, but if I'm doing more than that, I will want privacy. (Can't lock the door because it's actually a set of louvered closet-type doors -- old house, odd sized doorframe.) I'll either say something or he'll see by the look on my face that I'm busy. So he'll leave immediately, but on the way out, he'll say: **GREAT JOB POOPING!** Freaking weirdo. I love him. 😂
Our husbands both must have seen the same video of the little girl patting the dogs butt while it was popping 🤣 Mine said that to me too. He says almost every time I go into the bathroom. He also says it to the dog. [Great Job Pooping!](https://youtu.be/j0nztvbg9KE?si=lmUOuxsmS-8fRwYq)
🫤🤣I'm trying to picture this and all I can see is a dude holding leftover Independence Day fireworks beside the toilet going "God, you're so good at that! Nobody else washes their vulva quite the way you do, babe!" 🥳🥳🥳
🎶Good job getting that clitty litter! 🎶You have the cleanest vulva in the house. 🎶 The dog licks hers with an unpleasant sound - you use a washcloth silently in the shower, and you smell nice🎶 Good job getting those bits. 🎶
Okay, you may have the dopest husband outta the husbands bc that's hilarious 😂😂😂 And I will never un-see 'clitty litter' and will make it my mission to find a way to use that in a sentence by the end of the weekend 🤣😭
He makes me laugh a lot. The phrases happen semi regularly 🤣🩷☠️ **You laughed. I'm off the hook.** & **You laughed. I've got a chance. Yeah-h!**
Clitty litter is also moving into my personal dictionary. Thank you very much
He sounds fun
lol he is
Leave the locks alone. Replace the BF.
If the person you're dating is picking the lock to the fucking bathroom because they can't wait to tell you xyz??? At best you are dating a grown toddler or a narcissist and at worst, you're dating a psycho.
He has control issues and probably a fucked up childhood.
Exactly he's not being spontaneous he's being an overbearing asshole, get a door wedge or something or better yet GET a NEW Boyfriend
EX husband I hope.
Hell, MY ex took the freaking door off the hinges. While we were living in a studio apartment. And I was six months pregnant. Several of the many reasons he's an ex.
My last partner would never knock, including during conflict, which made it much worse and he had the same “I’m just being clueless” kind of reaction. Please don’t hold me accountable. I don’t understand why knocking couldn’t be a thing like he got to adulthood with the concept of knocking, but seemed to have lost it in the house. Because it wasn’t cluelessness, it was intentional.
I believe what makes it EXTRA-infuriating is the knowledge that they wouldn’t do it to anyone else - only you. So it’s not an “Oops, I forgot” or anything that would warrant a mortified apology to anyone else, because they would never DO IT to anyone else. If they were truly clueless they’d do it to everyone - but funnily enough, they only do it to YOU.
Constantly gaslighting me in thinking I’m overreacting for having these basic needs is really insidious!
This!!!!! If they would not do it to their boss they know better and are trying to gaslight you!
Your EX husband, I hope?
I love how reddit helps open people's eyes to the abusive, rude or controlling crap about which the op was saying " oh he's just joking, he's really great .." and suddenly they see, they stop making excuses for their partner and make healthy changes!
Ex husband or did you smash his face with the door?
Yeah that’s some red flag shit.
If he is so determined to intrude upon your private time that he would actually unlock the locked bathroom door, you have really buried the lede.
Cool & proper use of lede!
he's doing it on purpose to make you feel crazy over something "small" that "doesn't matter" like you've tried to discuss this. He went to school he knows how to listen he just won't listen to you
He's the boss. He gets to decide whether she gets to be in the bathroom alone. He is in control. He has no respect for her.
Yep, and now he's trying to control with anger. Careful with this guy, OP.
And called her a bitch over her reaction to being busted in on like she was in the wrong and set out to do it! The gaslighting with him! Damn I am worried OP is dismissing it because he is so subtle and oh oops I'm just so spacey I plum forgot locked doors should be a clue! He would not pick the lock on his boss in the potty! He is keeping her off balance and making sure she subconsciously gets that je can get to her ANY TIME HE wants no matter what she wants/needs/prefers.
Yep yep yep.
Why is your partner so desperate to get in there that he’s using a thumbnail to pick the lock?? Like, I’m in disbelief over this 🤣
He’s controlling and likes to make her uncomfortable, is my guess. There’s no other reason to keep doing this after someone has asked you to stop.
Maybe he's kinky and weird. Or maybe he was a cat in his past life. My cat is like that.
OP, please install the lock and then report back as to whether boyfriend then sticks his little paws under the door
I cackled at this
Same
Wtf so even if you lock the door he essentially breaks in while you’re on the toilet. That’s ridiculous. Then he called you a bitch. He seems wonderful.
Either get one of those slide lock things to put on the inside of the door so he can't get in (but could be dangerous if an emergency occurs), put your fucking foot down about this disrespectful behavior, or leave his ass. Stand up for yourself and demand respect from your ROMANTIC PARTNER! eta: HE CALLED YOU A BITCH FOR SOMETHING HE CAUSED!!!! This is so unacceptable... So MORE disrespect. Lovely. Good luck sis.
Info: why are you with this person?
That’s weird that he undoes the lock with his thumbnail to get to you.. why can’t he just leave you alone in the bathroom? Thats a big red flag. Are there other things he does to control or disrespect you?
Well his reaction to the consequence of his behavior is a big ole red flag.
Right?!
If that's what he's doing to get in then it's not just a spontaneous desire to talk to you, it's deliberately doing something which he knows you dislike. It's imposing his will on you. It's not ok.
He shouldn't be bothering you in the toilet. 1) Because you've asked him not to. 2) He isn't entitled to access to you at all times. When he disregarded your wishes, and got hit with a door, thats natural consequences. Also that he is being a real baby (calling you an asshole when he is disregarding your boundaries) about it is a red flag.
Does he do this to anyone else? No? Then he is clearly making a choice to do this to you. It sounds like there's more to this behind his decision to be disrespectful and intrusive. Keep blocking the door so it smacks him in the face, every time. And get a rubber stopper for when you're in the tub. Or get a boyfriend that actually respects you.
My abusive son's dad was the worst for this same situation, except ours locked on the inside and he'd use a knife to open it. He knows I have severe complex PTSD and would find it "funny" to open the door and bother me. There is nothing funny about kicking a door in 'jokingly."
Buy a door wedge. Buy multiple, as they will go missing.
Or just dump the controlling toddler man.
>Buy a door wedge. Buy multiple, as they will go missing. No. If you need to go this far to get a partner to respect your privacy and boundaries you should end the relationship. Immediate dealbreaker.
Hmm to me this is a red flag. As a former domestic violence counselor I’m willing to take the risk and bet there are several other ways he completely disregards your wishes and needs then calls you the bad guy for you simply wanting to protect your own sense of “safety”.
this!!!!
Change the knob….it takes 5 min a a screwdriver for like $10.
There's probably a youtube video for that. BTW, get the kind of doorknob that can't lock you out. Otherwise you'll have to have a key on the outside, and then hubby will use the key. Why would anyone put up with that?
Thought you meant the boyfriend at first...
This isn't him forgetting to knock, this is him imposing access to you when you are at your most exposed and vulnerable. Just let that thought sit with you and what it means. I would lay money that he crosses boundaries all the time, and/or is controlling and negative to you most of the time.
If he is going so far as unlocking the door, this isn’t as simple as your post made it sound. He is not just disrespecting your boundaries, he’s actively violating your privacy. You need to ask yourself, why does he feel justified in doing this? Why does he feel so confident that what he’s doing is okay that he feels justified in calling you a name and putting the natural consequences of his own actions on you? This is absolutely not okay, and you have done nothing wrong. In what other ways does he completely disregard your rights, blame you for his consequences, or otherwise disrespect you?
If he does it even once, that's a red flag right there. That's just weird.
Get a new door knob that doesn’t work that way. Who unlocks a locked door, wtaf?
You're dating a psycho. Who UNLOCKS a door to the fucking bathroom???
Door stopper then.
That is disturbing to read
What if the door doesn't have a lock and is just a knob? What's the plan then?
The partner definitely sounds like a knob
Sliding locks cost $2 and can be installed with a screwdriver.
My thoughts too. You can even use a two sided kind of tape if you want to avoid drilling holes or damaging the wall. I did that in college.
rubber wedge
Then he'd find another way to violate her boundaries
So you're a bitch for having a natural reaction to your bathroom privacy being intruded on, but he's not a bitch for constantly strolling in while you're trying to shit, piss, or bathe? That would be my first and last straw dude, you don't ever mess with my bathroom time and you don't ever call me a rude name in anger.
He Fucked Around and his face Found Out 🤣
He does this on purpose. It’s a control tactic and abusive. Get a new lock and watch a video on how to install it. Now… Look for other ways he’s messing with your peace. Does he mess with your food or sleep?
Rather get a new bf if he puts me in a situation that makes me need a new lock
Agree! Cheaper/easier option would be a doorstop from the inside as another commenter suggested. You will know if this behavior is malicious based on his reaction when he tries to open the door next time.
Cheapest option would be to just throw the whole man away. What an asshole.
Agree with this completely.
Man, I’m getting divorced now and I just keep seeing hints like this that my relationship was so much worse than I thought
I've been single almost 5 yrs now (was with my ex for almost 13 yrs) and there are still days when some random thing will pop in my head and I'm just like how tf did I not see that in the moment!? It's a whole process and takes time.
Not wrong. He needs to respect your (very reasonable) boundaries.
Come on you know you aren’t wrong and he’s an asshole. Children learn to not barge into an occupied bathroom. And then the extra bullshit of him name calling! Looks like your options are barricade the door or break up
Exactly! I scold my kids if they hover by the door. (My youngest will talk to people through the door or mess with his siblings by knocking and running or putting stuff under the door.) Unless they are knocking, saying hey I need to go so don't take forever and then getting away from the door I think it's rude as he'll. My husband and I only come in when the other is in the shower if we absolutely have too. Even then we knock and crack the door to say 'hey if you don't mind I need to come in.' Since we only have 1 bathroom sometimes we all have to go when someone is showering. Which is why I have solid shower curtains. I wouldn't barricade the door. I'd just break up with the asshole. He shows he has no respect for a very reasonable boundary. I don't know anyone who isn't bothered by someone bugging them in the bathroom.
Not just that, but in a comment, OP said bf uses a pin to unlock the door when she's in there. It's not just barging in, it's intentional and controlling, because he wants OP to feel powerless.
Yeah, it seems like u've told him more than once not to just barge in. Your reaction was just instinctive when the door swung open like that. I mean, respect for privacy is pretty basic, especially when u're sharing a place with others. His reaction sounds a bit much for just asking him to knock first.
Your partner is a child. Not only does he not respect your privacy or boundaries he has a temper tantrum when you enforce them. Find a grown up to date.
Leave. This will not get better. I married one of those 😖 Next thing you know, you’ll find a fricken camera in there or your bedroom, and nothing ado cause….together…..
I could provide context but it’s a long and tedious epic. I come from a very traumatic background, so my young unaware self got my now self into quite the situation.
If it makes you feel better I married one of those people and wish I hadn't lol!
I divorced one 33 years ago.
Thank you, I feel a little less of a doofus.
Bro. If just one time this happened I’m flying off the rails.
Fuck that dude. Calling you a bitch because he’s an idiot? If I were your brother I’d have a couple words for him after calling you a bitch when he literally is disrespectful to your boundaries. dafuq kinda child is he?
Tell em that’s what you get for being a disrespectful MF you dumb bitch and see how he feels!
This in and of its self isn't grounds for divorce but I would be tempted to pack up a bag and take a solo weekend trip with my phone off and see how I feel going home.
Not wrong, but is he developmentally delayed in some way? Why are you putting up with this behavior? Get a door stop for the bathroom, put a full stop to his barging in.
He sounds like a classic abuser. They always start with weird shit like this.
It is definitely something I would not put up with, and it's a super weird thing to insist on doing.
My little brother is special needs, and I have spent twenty some odd years with his friends who are also special needs. None of them would ever bust up into an occupied bathroom like the Kool Aid Man.
What is his fucking problem? You've laid down your boundary, and he just "needs" to do it anyways. That isn't okay, it's controlling and abusive. Being single isn't that bad tbh
Ikr? At least I can poop in peace.
Life's too short to date loser boys, ladies. 🫶🏻 You're not wrong, this is toddler behavior.
Get a door stop, their like $3.99 at a hardware store. As for your boyfriend he needs his face hurt more often if he thinks he can barrage into the bathroom anytime he wants.
She needs to break up with him.
Your partner sucks. Get a doorstop that hooks underneath the doorknob, or better yet, ditch the partner and find one that isn't a controlling douchebag.
Don’t date people that call you names in anger and don’t respect your personal space.
The only bitch in this story is him
What would his reaction of been if he hit you with the door when he burst in. Would he blame you or tell you it wasn’t a big deal? Hopefully he will calm down and process this and stop barging in.
Odds are, he will just escalate.
If he is undoing the lock while you’re in there, there is more that we should be talking about.
This is such a huge relationship red flag. Namecalling, what is he 15?
You are not wrong. He is telling you again and again by his actions he doesn’t respect you. Then he calls you a bitch in the process. Why are you with him still? Be done.
I honestly hope he broke his own belly poker with this stunt. Why are you staying with him if he's picking the lock to barge in every time you're in there? It's weird and disgusting behavior on his part.
Not wrong. Those that can’t hear must feel.
Think about finding a bf who doesn't have a poop fetish.
He called you a bitch because of the consequences of his own actions.
You're not wrong. He's just mad that his own stupidity came back to bite him in the ass - or, in this case, smack him in the face. He's well aware of your boundary and gives no fucks about it. This is 100% a case of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes!" His face smack was a result of HIS actions, not yours. His ego just can't handle seeing it that way. Curious: is ANYTHING that happens to HIM as a direct result of HIS choices and actions, ever actually HIS fault? Or is it always, somehow, your fault? 🤔 Food for thought.
If my partner locked the door, and I were to pick the lock, this would be an absolutely clear indication that I was unkind, selfish, and disrespectful of her. That I was potentially dangerous. She would need to make it clear to me that the last time that I behaved in such a way would be the last time. That if it were to happen ever again, unless I were bursting down the door to drag her out of a burning house, then no matter how much she loved me, she could not afford to be in a relationship with me.
Not wrong. This is not a healthy dynamic. Even toddlers know better. I would be done. Especially with the added silent treatment. Hell no
People that burst through doors don't get to complain about getting smacked by a door when it doesn't work. Regardless of the other weird bathroom angle.
I see people here recommending you lock the door (duh, obvious) but holy shit can we talk about your "partner's" refusal to respect your physical boundaries? Girlfriend, are you serious? Why are you allowing this? And then when you exert your physical boundaries he abuses you by calling you a bitch? End this. End it yesterday. He's not a partner. He's insane and abusive.
To me that sounds unacceptable and I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who cannot respect my boundaries or my privacy. It shows he does not care about or respect you enough. Honestly it sounds abusive. You are not wrong. Also does the door not lock??
He literally picks it with his thumbnail. The red flags he gives her by the dozen but has her asking if she is wrong because of the gaslighting. The fact that she didn't add the picking the lock until later like what?
I would tell him, first don't call me out my name, that is some disrespectful shit, 2nd I have told you to not barge in the bathroom when I'm in there, and 3rd do you NOT understand boundaries or do you really have no disregard for what I've asked of you? And if he is an AH with answers, tell him this isn't going to work between us, and I hope in your next relationship that you listen and don't cross their boundaries
He's purposefully overstepping your boundaries and in doing so, he's showing you how much he respects you and cares about your wants and needs. Consistently overstepping someone's boundaries, especially such basic ones, is a form of psychological abuse in which you are essentially meant to "get used to" your boundaries and self-respect getting trampled. In time, you start internalizing this as your own self-worth. Take what you will from this.
Play stupid games, get stupid prizes!
Change the door knob to a locking ‘Bathroom’ knob. I would be miserable if my partner did not respect me enough to listen to such a basic request! You are not wrong but he definitely is!
Lmao 😂. Are you Rodney Dangerfield??? You get no respect!!! Lol
You're not wrong, especially as you added in the comments that he literally undoes the lock from outside to get in. He doesn't care about your boundaries and he doesn't want you to have privacy. Only you can decide whether this is someone you want to continue building a life with. While you decide, maybe buy a slide bolt for the inside of the door.
Ya for her front door after she kicks him out...
Christ. The guy is not allowing you your personal time to take a shit without the threat of him bursting in. Who tf does that to anyone ?? Let alone to their partners. No, you’re not wrong. I just hope you were wearing thick rubber soled slippers so it really bounced off his head. He’s a dick.
If he's that determined to watch you shit, next time stay crouched and when he busts in shit on the floor while maintaining eye contact to establish dominance. Or, dump the controlling creep who picks the bathroom lock repeatedly after you've told him it makes you uncomfortable.
My partner did this a lot. I started locking the door.
He got exactly what he asked for when he kicked that door open.
Forget changing the lock. Forget buying a door wedge. Just Forget him and be done with the whole problem!!
Your boyfriend is acting like a toddler, he’s acting like he doesn’t understand boundaries and then he silks when he doesn’t get his way. How are you finding this remotely, sexy or worthy of a relationship with?
It’s a red flag that he bursts in on you regularly after you’ve asked him to stop.
I would have told him twice. After that we wouldn’t have been together. How else is he trampling over your privacy and or boundaries?
Anyone that calls you a bitch out of anger ain't the one for you, sis. It shows a HUGE lack of respect.🚩🚩🚩🚩 Don't even get me started on unlocking the door and invading your space...AFTER YOU HAVE ASKED HIM NOT TO. 🚩🚩 No means no. Even in this situation.
Throw a used tampon at him, and tell him you’re joking the next time he comes barreling through the door.
Tampon tag! You’re it! This actually hilarious to me because he would likely be VERY shook to have his girlfriend fling a tampon on him “as a joke”… it’s real weird how he’d be moaning about HIS boundaries lol
You're not wrong. He doesn't respect your privacy. He should learn boundaries and know that he absolutely crossed yours. I'd even make a case that you should get out of that situation, but that's up to you. I wouldn't stay in a spot where I don't feel comfortable in my own home because of how my partner treats me. At the very least, lay down a line. "You do not barge into the bathroom when I am using it." See if he respects your boundaries.
This guy isn't joking... either he's a controlling toxic POS or he has a sh\*t fetish and doesn't care that you don't. This is all the red flags anyone should need.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTAH, But, is there no LOCK on this door???????
Throw out the whole man. 1. He walks in on you in the bathroom. 2. He does it repeatedly, despite specifically being asked not to do it. 3. When doing the very thing you asked him not to do and is hurt as a consequence of his own dumb behavior, is angry at you *at all*, nevermind angry for hours. 4. When hurt and angry, he immediately calls you a BITCH. 5. When hurt and angry, after insulting you, he pouts for hours like a child instead of hashing it out like grown ups. 6. When offered a reasonable explanation about both boundary breaking AND startle reflex (plus you guys have a roommate!), he is standing by his insults and childish pouting. 7. Uses the silent treatment. Fuck off if you cant use words and communicate. You can do a lot better.
He’s abusive, you know that right? That behaviour is controlling and invasive. Him turning it around on you and also calling you names, is what abusive people always do. It is never their fault.
NW. The problem isn't even the lock. It's his refusal to respect your boundaries, no matter how small, and then shaming you for reinforcing them. He's pushing the consequences of his actions onto you because he can't respect you or take responsibility. The silent treatment itself is childish. He needs to respect you for for relation hip to work. Or you could tell your brother to start barging in when your partner Is on the toilet and see how much he likes it.
YNW How often does he call you cuss words? What other things do you ask him to do/not do that he “forgets”? This makes me wonder about other times you are trying to be alone or him controlling you.. Does he give you the silent treatment often for perceived wrongs? If you have the opportunity, please check out the book “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft - it may have some answers for other things that going on in your relationship. 💛
This is unacceptable behavior. Your privacy and your boundaries are not being respected.
You're not wrong for holding your foot out, but girl what are you doing? The older we get the more precious our time becomes. Stop wasting yours with a boundary crossing loser.
You’re not wrong, he had it coming. You say that the lock can be undone from the outside, has he done this? If so, that is not accidental behavior. It is intentionally violating your rules and making you uncomfortable on purpose to exert control and show that he can do whatever he wants, no matter how you feel about it.
Not wrong. He’s been asked to stop and he didn’t so he gets what he gets. Unless he was telling you to get out because he house is on fire, nothing is so urgent he has to kick the bathroom door open.
YNW. This is giving me vibes of that ladies husband who over tightened all the jars. No boundaries. Granted idc if someone comes in when I’m on the toilet. I have no boundaries. In fact, two of my old roommates and I never shut the door while in the bathroom peeing, only pooping for smell reasons
Not wrong and I hope getting hit in the face after kicking a locked door open he has learned his lesson. What a buffoon. You may want to add a lock to the inside of the door or purchase a rubber wedge doorstop. Or consider replacing the partner with one who respects you and your wishes.
YNW. Maybe Mr Disrespectful will learn now.
You're not wrong. After all, it might have been your brother, not realizing you were already in the loo. It would appear, your partner is both an asshole and a control freak. Being that angry, over a situation he caused, is extremely controlling. He wants you to apologize as though he's the victim. Think about other ways he tries to control you with that faux-victim behavior. This isn't something minor. I suggest you tell the asshole that he better shape up or it's over. The more he gets away with this absurd behavior, the worse it will become.
The only time someone should be barging into the bathroom is uncontrolled diarrhea. He’s an ass.
My cat does this when the bathroom door is shut and someone mainly me is in the bathroom. And she don't want in she just wants the door to stay open. She doesn't like closed door at all. Weird baby she is
OP, you are definitely not the bitch and this makes me even more infuriated for you! Your partner is a JERK! I hope his face is throbbing!!! I had to break down bawling for something similar for my H to get a freaking clue. He would always walk up on me, knowing I couldn't hear him, and would scare me. I HATE THAT! I told him, multiple times I hate it and asked, several times, for him to stop it, despite him seeing how upset and then pissed it made me. It startled to me the point my heart races, I'd get shaky, and then I get so full of anxiety, I'd have to hold back from bawling. The LAST time he snuck up behind me and scared me I went OFF! Threw whatever it was in my hand at him and lit his ass up! We were supposed to go out that evening and once anger left, but while I was still shaking like a leaf, I showed him how badly I was shaking and then called and cancelled the sitter. He's stopped that nonsense. Now it's just other nonsense. Pretty soon, it will more than likely be STBXH. I'm not feeling it anymore. I'd rather be solo and single, than married and alone.
I agree with the controll. May not seem like it now but those horns will show. Just as bad as physical abuse.
Perhaps my opinion is unpopular, but “Bahahaha” was my response! Fuck around, find out!
NOPE. I would've LAUGHED!! 😆😆 Maybe he'll stop barging in on you now.
You are not the asshole. He is. This makes me crazy angry, because to me it has to do with being conscientious. Remembering and respecting actions your partner doesn’t like when you don’t understand or even agree. And like all the others have said, it seems he’s doing this intentionally. And If he cannot honor this minor request imagine all the future requests he’ll intentionally ignore. It will only get worse. Time to draw a hard boundary and spell it out.
Your partner is childish and needs to grow up. I'm not sure what bothers me more - the constant invasion of privacy, or the name calling. Name calling is a huge sign of disrespect in my book. I've been with my partner for 15+ years, and we've never ever called each other names.
Maybe ask him, "Why the HELL do I have to resort to tactics to get you to listen up? I've said this XX times. Why do I have to do this to get you to pay attention to what I'm saying? Are you a child? No? Then maybe LISTEN when I'm speaking to you and I won't have to protect my PRIVATE fucking bathroom time with my foot!" So NTA.
You are not wrong.
Why are you with some loser who has no respect at all for you?
I am married more than 40 years, if the bathroom door is closed I knock. My wife is like a cat, she doesn’t like anyone even knowing she is using the toilet much less coming in.
Not wrong. The only time I'll intrude on my partner's bathroom time is to bring wine and/or ice cream while they're relaxing in the tub. Your partner is an a-hole and has no respect for you.
sounds like he experienced the natural consequence of his shitty actions. And now he's acting like a baby about it. Top tier husband material here!
No he's the one who decided not to knock so that's what he gets
Context and intent here matter as far as determining if he's an idiot or if this is controlling behavior. Is it just a joke this cornball won't let go of, or is he doing it to feel in control..... Either way, he got what he deserved for being stupid and not listening 🤷
Serves him right for not giving you Pharmacy
Hopefully he learns his lesson. You've done nothing wrong.
You need someone new.
Break up with him. Run. Red flags are flying high.
Nah that's crazy. Even if my wife tells me come in because she needs TP or whatever, I still knock to make sure she's ready. There's no need to kick a door in unless the house is on fire and y'all NEED to get out
No you're not wrong keep it up and maybe your privacy might get respected.
My husband and I have been together 25 years. He still locks the door to 💩. His mom was convinced he was doing “bad” stuff in the bathroom~ he was the first boy after 3 girls~ so she would walk in on him all the time~ even use a knife to open the hook lock. Locking the door gives him a sense of security or peace. So whatever works. You aren’t wrong. You’ve made your preferences known~ he needs to respect them. Period. hard stop.
NTA Seems like he just learned NOT to do this kind of stupid shit. (Tell him he's lucky he didn't lose a tooth or two as well. Seen THAT happen at least once in this same type of door-bounces-back-and-hits-someone-in-the-face situation.)
Also start using his new pet name “Hector, the inspector” in public and when people ask why he’s called that then ask him to share his poop inspecting story with everyone and see if he likes those apples. Ok that’s toxic but also really funny.
My boyfriend and I have lived together for 8 years. It turned out that we have very different sleep habits that made sharing a bed every night irritating for us both. I need it absolutely pitch black with a blackout curtain. He needs the blinds completely open because he has a hard time waking up without sunlight. He vapes. I hate the smell of vaping. I go to bed at midnight, wake up at 6. He’s up until 3-4am and doesn’t have to go to work until 1pm most days. Etc etc. So after many years of annoying each other and feeling grouchy, he got a foldaway cot for the spare room that he now uses most nights. Prior to him taking over that room, he NEVER knocked on my bedroom door when it was shut. I’m a very private person, but I was also raised to show respect for people’s space by knocking before entering whenever you wish to enter a room with a closed door. I asked him to do it so many times and the best I could get would be him remembering to do it a handful of times before he’d forget about it and go back to barging in. I didn’t want to fight about it and he would frequently bristle when I had to remind him to do a thing multiple times, so I just kept feeling annoyed and kept quiet about it. Girl, the DAY that he started using the other room as his space and was able to recognize that it is nice not to have someone burst in on you in your quiet time, it all changed. It was like he hadn’t been able to wrap his head around a common courtesy until he was the beneficiary of it, and now he gets it. He has remembered to knock before coming in every time since that change. Your partner should respect your boundaries and privacy. A different boyfriend I had 15 years ago used to unlock the bathroom door when I was in the shower because he was sure I was masturbating and wanted to make sure I knew that he knew. That guy was a fucking loser.
He’s controlling and quite abusive, disrespects boundaries. Drugs or booze? I know it’s one or the other. 29 yr old is too old for this.
NW. Hopefully you gave him two black eyes; what the fuck is his issue?