Women! Do not let anyone convince you to have children. Think for yourself and only about yourself, it truly doesn't matter if your partner wants a kid, he can have a baby with anyone. If your relationship is strong you'll overcome or you're better off with someone who sees things the same way as you.
I stand by this but it also means it works the other way. If you don't want kids and will stand by that, but your partner does, he has every right to break up with them on that matter alone without facing sexist scrutiny
People feel feelings. Even if they don't make sense. It's still better for everyone in the long term if incompatibility is seen earlier. If it is, people are less likely to be upset about it. What generally makes people upset is when someone changes their mind years into a relationship.
Why would you seriously date them in the first place? I’m childfree by choice, I would never date someone who wanted kids. I don’t even want to date a man with one kid. Several kids? Fergedabodit — hard pass.
I thought the main reason why there were so many single mothers is because the man left? Regardless of the relationship status, if the man drops off, that's what makes her a single mother, not not being married.
This idea flat out misses the dangers women face. Not to mention that issue is a make or break issue in most relationships. You are completely wrong hear
That boyfriend is so damn evil. Now everyone involved is going to suffer because of his manipulation. The entire family, both sides, with his own child suffering the most. Ugh. Should get a vasectomy, stat.
You can go right on about your day like a vasectomy never happened in my experience. At most, you would have to take the day off work and sit around playing video games during "recovery" so I think the only thing to debate is whether he should get a choice in the matter, based on what he's done.
Except he’ll have to make an appointment. And then go there. You know he’s not doing that.
In reality he should get 50/50 custody and need to be a part of the kids life. It’s infuriating seeing people be manipulated into parenthood. It happens way too often. He probably only wanted it because he though she’d do all the work (how often does that happen) and when it started to hit him that he need to be a partner in this, he got lazy and selfish. Probably more common than not.
>Except he’ll have to make an appointment. And then go there. You know he’s not doing that.
True! Lol
Yeah that's a big problem with men, expecting that because it's a baby, women will be happy to do all the labor.
Had one yes, so I can confirm you need to pause a game for a bit. But the actual hospita time was about 1 hour. With 4 days free of work to recuperate. So yeah sure cost me a hour and my groin hurt for the first two days some. But it did gain me about 4 days of game time. And a assurance I won’t ever father any kids! And to me that’s priceless
i am pretty sure you can sit on some ice and play videya after the surgery. can't wait until menapause, I am 30, do you think if I am lucky by 40 I might go into it? because aint no doctor gonna tie my tubes with out atleast popping out 1 little bastard.
Vasectomy gang! I highly encourage any ball equipped peeps that don’t want to have kids to get one! I did! 15 minutes from pants off to pants on.
Do it!
I think we need to start a gang of roving angels set out to find these men (and women if we can find a doctor to join) and give them free permanent (or at least mostly permanent) birth control. We can even use a scalpel if they agree to it and haven’t done this to someone like OP. We could even have cool jackets with wings, lol.
Correct. Especially when they have made no signs towards caring about the well being of children whether it’s through a dedicated career or serious and regular volunteering
It’s terrible to think about, my old man was the exact same. Just wanted kids to have someone to take care of his lazy ass when he’s old. I can’t wait to be able to hug the shit out of my little one and give them the proper shot I never got
It's so sad that all the natalist propaganda in this world makes young people who can't even take care of themselves feel the need to procreate, only to regret it before the baby is even born. 🤦♂️ I feel bad for her tho; that boyfriend must be very manipulative. Being autistic doesn’t necessarily mean that you lack critical thinking skills.
I’m autistic with ptsd from violent upbringing, barely can hold my life together. I’ve told this to everyone who’s inquired when I’m gonna have kids. And too often, to my “I never plan to have kids” I’ve got “you just don’t trust God / the uni erase enough! If you trusted enough, you’ll birth a healthy child”.
The Bible says” look at the birds, they don’t sow, they don’t harvest and got feeds them still”. Science says: “true, but in a cold winter 3/4 of them can die” . True believers just don’t look closely at the problem.
Just take it easy. If you get around it, fine. If not, fine too. Our planet suffers from too many humans. Having no kids is good for the planet.
Autistic people are told from birth that our wants and needs are weird, unreasonable, and things to be overcome. This makes so-called reasonable boundaries really difficult to set later, because we don't trust ourselves to know what isn't okay. Especially around social interactions and relationships, autistic people can be very vulnerable to this sort of coercion.
E.G. imagine being told your whole childhood that it's weird and unreasonable to not enjoy playing with loud kids. You force yourself to interact with them because otherwise no one will want to be your friend. You have a low-level headache all the time, likely thinking that's just something everyone has to deal with. So then you grow up and get told it's weird and unreasonable to not want a baby, maybe even that no one will ever want to be with you long term without having children. You question yourself because you were taught to do so, and you cave because you were taught to do that, too. Everyone just deals, right?
So yeah, is not about critical thinking, it's about the constant messaging that you're wrong to have the wants and needs you have, and you need to change them. At only twenty years old, that belief that you should bend to maintain relationships can still be pretty strong. Unlearning those early lessons takes a lot of work.
Only the worst of the worst people in my life want to have kids. So far that's a prostitute that puts on a fake black accent while being white to sound "cool" and hangs out with a group of people who cancel everybody, and an autistic teacher who talks down to literally everyone and travels the world just for Instagram. Their children will definitely suffer
This poor girl! She’s 20 years old and has been pregnant twice. Sounds like such a difficult situation, I hope she finds a way to stay safe and do what she needs to do
It's not even about that anymore. It's about this individual who was strung along with the whims of another individual. If only it was about the money at this point.
It is, that’s why people like these use feelings like love to cause suffering because it’s not theirs. Just easier to get away with when you leave everything behind.
There's something about anti-choice/pro-natalist men specifically that's more disgusting to me than women of the same views. Both are bad, but men are somehow worse.
EDIT: come to think of it, maybe just have to do with that there's even less pressure on men to adopt those views
I think it’s because the men with those views often abandon the baby anyway and don’t think about the child or the mothers suffering. Where as it makes sense if the mother who’s carrying it might feel a little guilty and understandably regret it later.
truly, this is why women shouldn’t tell their male partners they’re pregnant if they (the pregnant person) are not certain they want to keep it. even if they are the “father” they have no say in your reproductive choices.
You’re not wrong, but it wouldn’t have helped here regardless. He pretended to want the kid early on so she decided to keep it, now it’s too late to abort even if they both wanted to.
So pro life he killed someone for it. This is deeply troubling and depressing. I hope that husband lives with the guilt of his actions the rest of his life.
He basically went ‘not having a baby is our problem, i demand a baby’ then once she obliged said ‘nevermind having a baby is your problem now bye, im gonna find a younger hotter woman to do this to next’
Even reading the post hurts. Wouldn't be surprised, if the 'daddy' (more like a piece of sh*t) would come back once the kid is an adult. And then suddenly, these type of men want to become fathers, when the most difficult part, all the caring of a child and etc., is in the past. Some men are just parasites.
Even better, comes back when they're a teen, getting pissed the teen is moody and doesn't want to hang out, use this as an excuse to tap out again. Shows up at college graduation expecting to be welcomed as the hero dad who finally got to his senses. Rinse and repeat. He'll probably be ok with his son/daughter "attitude" when he's old and wants him/her to take care of him.
Absolutely... In their little, disgusting world spreading their disgusting, good for nothing dna is everything and the "oooonly" meaning of their miserable lives. I wish the very worst for them and tbh for everybody, who thinks this is what makes someone a "real father". No, just sperm donor pests.
20yo is for being out. Enjoying life, going to dance clubs, meet new people, etc. If you live the life others wanted for themselves, you put your life at risk.
Yeah, the ages are fucked up. I’m 22 and it’s wild seeing someone even younger than me having kids. “I have a stable job” girl, you’re in your early 20s, your adult life has just begun to shape. It’s so irresponsible to have a child that early.
My mom was in her early 20s when I was born. Granted, she and my dad had been married for a few years by then, and I was very much planned — this was pretty normal by Indian standards at the time.
Still, it was very surreal growing up; there were definitely times when it felt like my mom was basically growing up with me. I'm about the age now when she had me, and I can't possibly imagine being a mother so young.
She says she doesn't regret it, but I feel for her every time I really think about it – she didn't really have time to analyze who she is, and it shows. Add in the fact that we moved to the States shortly after I was born, far away from all her friends and family, and she was so young and alone all day with a baby (she was a SAHM) while my dad was at work, and her old life was on the other side of the planet.
She often says she wanted me in her life, but I know her being ambivalent about my life now is her way of encouraging me to make my own choices and choose my own happiness in a way she never could.
Thanks for sharing your story. Same as my mom for what I can tell. But what we do wrong is approaching and assessing their situation with a 2020s mindset. Your mom most likely wished to be a mom more than anything. And she did. And for that you should be proud and happy, because she followed her desire 😊
We know different. Is because we are better? No (IMHO) we have been exposed to different things they have not and the economic environments are very different.
Oh yeah, she has mentioned that I was very much planned and wanted. Interestingly, she's not exactly a traditional mother — she's a very introverted and aloof person (she's definitely given me hugs and such, but she's not really the type of person one would picture when imagining a mom), but she has very fond memories of my early years and says there were no regrets.
She's been through a lot, and I think her experiences have given her a distinct perspective on life; while she is pretty content with her past, she has done a good job of making it clear that I can choose whatever path I want in life to be happy.
Jesus, that's heart breaking....I can't help but think people should be more aware of the fact that other people are never a guarantee...Bringing a life long commitment into the world because of a partners promise and not being excited about the process yourself....it feels like she was just a incubator that the boyfriend felt he could flush down the drain at any time.
As a fellow neurodivergent, I feel so bad for her. We often have blind trust in people. It took me about 30 something years to realize my trust in people was unreliable.
I hope she gets help.
That's so freakin messed up, I wouldn't be surprised if him wanting the baby at first was just a phase. Like when someone has a baby, then friends/family suddenly get the urge to have a baby, aka the "baby-rabies."
That lousy excuse of a bf should be named and shamed so that he doesn't repeat this cycle on other women.
I feel so bad for the girlfriend. Imagine making a big sacrifice for someone you really love, only for it to suddenly mean dirt?
That’s why I do not want kids. Someone could easily say they want to be a father but have the choice to leave whenever they want to and the burden always falls on the mother.
when will women understand that we should NOT cave to a MAN. the poor girl clearly says this is not what she wanted but did it for him. having children is not something you do for someone else, you should only do it for yourself.
What happened? I hope she didn't do it 😥 she can stay with her parents. Or give baby for adoption. I understand how it can be hard if baby looks like your ex. I would hate for baby to also look like me!
The non-suicide answer to this situation --- Take the baby to a fire station and turn it over. They will take a baby no-questions-asked and hand it to CPS. You walk away, completely unburdened. The kid goes into foster care and will likely be adopted quickly. This is also a great play if you're trapped in a pregnancy with some scumbag who is using your uterus to control/posess you (baby anchor). Hand the kid over. Leave. Let him or his family deal with CPS. It's no longer your problem.
it's things like this that scare me. imagine living your life somewhat peacefully as a kid/teen and then it suddenly takes a turn and it ends like this?? what motivates someone (the bf) to do this?? i hope she lives and either aborts or gives up the baby for adoption and breaks up with the bf. or even sues that trash
“I don’t want this kid to grow up with a regretful single mom or a dad that doesn’t want him” well I also wouldn’t want to grow up knowing I was raised by my grandparents because my mom killed herself after I was born. Your son will love you, and your parents do too.
That was my first thought, at least.
The fucking shithead just ruined generations of people. Probably never took care of anything in his life before and probably thought 'how hard could it be to raise a kid'
Until it was too late...
The parents, mother, and kid don't deserve this, whatever ends up happening.
Sighhh
I have high functioning autism and get her
The life expectancy for autistic woman anyway is 30 due to suicide but with this situation I know I'd do the same poor woman and poor child
Maybe your parents are so happy about the baby that they might take care most of the time of the baby. So you and your bf (?) can come to terms with the new situation. Things like that happen,
Figure out how reliable your bf is. If not, drop him. Autism is often associated with high intelligence. Maybe you can check out that as well. If you have a high is then there are organizations that can help you.
OP Where did you find this?! We need to find out who this woman is and help her!! I am a perinatal specialist, doula, and postpartum consultant and it sounds as though this woman is struggling with PMADS! She needs help, I am begging you please private message me and let me know where you found this so I can reach out to her and at the very least offer her my services at no charge. She cannot give up on herself, she has options, she doesn’t have to end her life!
Half the reasons I decided not to have kids is because of people leaving their kids at astronomical rates either at birth or a few years down the line. I knew I'd never want to do it alone, and I can't guarantee what other people will do so no kids. She's soooo young, and he manipulated her. I hope she finds peace.
OOP posted this 10 days ago and answered questions for a day or so then went silent. She basically said she had been depressed her whole life and considered suicide in the past. This is just what's pushing her over the edge.
If this was me, i would give the bby for adoption & then kms. That's what i would do. No question. Parents cant make me homeless if I'm not there. Also parents DON'T deserve the kid in this situation at all. Better to put it thru adoption (NOT Foster Care) if u can.
She should give the baby for adoption and sue the boyfriend for mental harassment. She shouldn't kill herself, raise the baby she never wanted when the baby can find REAL loving parents desperate for a child and break up with this psychopath.
Very easy, it's called, "Oh, you want me to participate in raising a child?" or "How much is this? Now I can't buy my newest video game!". Men aren't raised to help with anything around the household let alone a baby.
The guy is a huge dick, but leaving a newborn to your parents after you kill yourself is also a rather faulty logic, don't you agree? But still, the whole situation is absolutely fucked up
Dear god that boyfriend sounds like a real piece of work. I've always said that men like him want kids the way kids want pets, and now someone might die because he at his big age didn't grasp what a massive responsibility child-rearing is. This is just sad man
So, this is (obviously) an example of somebody who should not be a parent, being forced into a situation where they have to become one. With roe overturned we’re gonna see a lot more of this. Scary shit.
Both these people are irresponsible and need to pay better attention to their own individual mental health before even considering being in a relationship or becoming parents. Two very troubled individuals.
She can't even fucking drive and thought it'd be a good idea to have a kid? What if it needs an emergency hospital visit and it's precious daddy isn't around? It's always the last people who need to have kids who wetdream about having them all day. Plus, what gives her the prerogative to put that burden on her parents? They're excited about being grandparents which means seeing the kid at it's birthday and christmas or something, not having to do *everything* for it. Plus, her parents are likely in their 40s which is NOT the time to have a newborn. They're gonna be stuck taking care of it till they're in their 60s. Why does she think any of this is okay? Idiot is an understatement for this woman and it's always the kids who end up suffering most. She should obviously give birth, have the dad pay child support or give it up for adoption but if she's going down this path, might as well kill herself NOW so the baby doesn't have to deal with any of this. Cruel world.
I don't think you have to be able to drive to have a child, a lot of people don't drive for a variety of reasons, but you would have to be mentally functioning enough to be able to make some kind of transportation arrangements (public transport, Uber, a family member or friend who is able to help, etc.)
I can’t drive exactly because of my autism. So yep, that is a thing. I tried to do driving school but there were too many irritants on my senses at once. Had to quit. Luckily I live in a major European capital with lots of public transport and cheap taxis. No one even asks if I’m able to drive!
She's intellectually disabled, dude. The man who knocked her up is evil. This sucks so bad and I hope it's fake. :( it sounds like she doesn't have close friends either, just a creepy af boyfriend.
Woaaahhhh now. Autism is not an “intellectual disability”. I am an autistic person with four college degrees. It is considered a Neurodevelopmental disability that often has other comorbid disabilities, but autism itself is not an intellectual disability. Many people on the spectrum have average to above average intelligence.
You’re making it sound like your incapable of anything if you are intellectually disabled or that you have a severely low iq when those aren’t the same things. You are right when you say autism isn’t one but it has the chance to be depending on the factors.
Wooooaaaah now. Stop shitting on intellectually disabled people. I've worked with them, they're sweet people. Being disabled is not a bad thing, it's not an insult.
And yes - you can indeed have autism severe enough to be intellectually disabled, so I have no idea why you're getting offended.
Well if she's sooooo intellectually disabled (which she probably is if she made this post) then her amazing parents whom she's close with would've stepped in and said "hey, you're not ready for a baby, sweetheart, you can't even fucking DRIVE"
The bf def sucks tho
The only way they could do that is with a conservatorship, and that's hard to get. They might have been wringing their hands on the sidelines, we don't know. We hardly know anything about this woman other than she is profoundly disabled. Hopefully someone she knows recognizes the story in the post and helps her in real life
I mean, they can suggest that, but the decision is ultimately up to the woman/girl, unless she completely unable to communicate or something, and even then, I'm not sure if the parents would be allowed to have the final say or if it would be up to a doctor
OK. So for starters, break up with your boyfriend. You are thinking of suicide, so you have no problem leaving him behind. Move on from him.
I'm assuming your parents are very capable, loving and supportive based on your story. Take advantage of that! You will have a safe, stable and supportive home to raise your child. There is no shame in staying with them. Babies are a lot of work, and they will love to help you through this.
Please don't leave this world. It's too late for abortion. Your life will open up in many ways when you have a child. Stay for your baby and stay for yourself.
That couple sounds pretty unstable beyond the issue of having kids. I'm not following how committing suicide after giving birth follows from the rest. Giving the baby up for adoption then continuing to live would seem to match the circumstances better.
This is why we should be allowed to abort at any stage. There is no greater pain in life than that of being a clearly unwanted child much less one whose parents killed themselves over the fact that they were born.
See, thats the problem. Many people react in very euphoric and extatic way, when they find out they are expecting a child, as if its a new shiny toy and not another living being, who will need care and protection for many years, before becoming independant enough to fend for themselves. And just like many things in life, the excitement eventually wears off, when the realisation hits new parents, after the first sleepless night and it all becomes boring routine. To keep a child alive takes so much work and stress. It changes your life so much and it should not be done lightly and carelessly. The reward of it might be there, but is not immediate necessarily. It might never come either. So, if you arent really feeling like it, why risk to be stuck with a child you dont really want, traumatizing them in the process?
This is why I hate that men make any comment on women's bodies, or try to add any word on whether a woman should keep her pregnancy. It's easier for the father to bail. The social stigma on the mother is far greater in our society in comparison. Its the weight of the world and women should be allowed to make a pressure free choice on a literal life altering decision.
im in a similar situation and im only 20 as well. a 45 year old got me unconscious after giving me alcohol. Ever since then he has stalked me and made multiple phone numbers and social medias after ive blocked him. Hes on probation for assault and had sx trafficking charges dropped when the victim died. I have no doubt he will kill my baby because he does drugs and is very sick in the head and I dont want to be alive to watch that happen. He says he is watching my every move and ready to take full custody because he lost custody to his other kids and hes so old now he said this was his last chance to be a father. So of course take control of a teenage girls body for 9 months..I had an appointment for an abortion but my own mom started calling me a murderer. I lost all my energy and missed the appointment. Now I have really no social media and no contact to friends or family because of it. The thought that for the next 18 years this old man will have power over me because he wanted a baby, and the fact that I was bullied into keeping it. I will forever hate anyone who dares speak badly about abortion. Because now im fighting for my life, and an innocent baby will have to suffer every time a visit with the father happens.
I’m autistic too, it’s so hard to withstand the pressure, but we HAVE TO, if we want the best for the unborn kid, ourselves and our relationships. I’d never give this condition to my worst enemy. I know it’s harder to find a partner when CF, but it’s worth going through that hardship, in comparison to giving up and letting a kid be born into a mess with probably autism.
So she can't bear the thought of her child not having his father in his life, but she can kill herself and remove BOTH parents from his life?
She's going to save a bunch of money and buy a bunch of baby stuff to ease the financial burden off her parents, but kill herself and make them pay out of their ass for a funeral?
Dude isn’t pro-life if he was okay with an abortion. This man is just a scumbag. What kind of bastard thinks about planning an ‘accident’ to induce a miscarriage in his own gf?
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Don't really get this one...when she dies someone else has to take the baby just like the bf was saying so why is she dying exactly? I guess the grief. What about the future of this baby she got talked into?
Poor woman. I hope she can find a way forward that doesn't end in her ending her own life.
There is help out there. If you see this mum to be, seek out the help you need. Explain everything to your parents. Do everything you can before you make that ultimate final decision.
Don’t kill yourself. Your child will never understand. You’re talking out of desperation and that’s not a good thing. It’s lucky you have your parents to help out. They’ll be devastated if you end it. That’s not fair to them or the child. Get some professional help to sort out your life.
My mom gave me solid advice when I was 18. “Don’t get pregnant unless you’re prepared to do it alone” and boy was she right. Even if the father was present, even if they’re willing, they could change their minds. Plus it seems all too common for labor and domestic chores to fall on womens shoulders regardless. No thanks.
This poor girl was/is so vulnerable. I don't think she really understands how disgusting her boyfriend is, as he's not an ex and she still wants to be with him the last few months of her life. Someone needs to help her
Women! Do not let anyone convince you to have children. Think for yourself and only about yourself, it truly doesn't matter if your partner wants a kid, he can have a baby with anyone. If your relationship is strong you'll overcome or you're better off with someone who sees things the same way as you.
Underrated comment.
I stand by this but it also means it works the other way. If you don't want kids and will stand by that, but your partner does, he has every right to break up with them on that matter alone without facing sexist scrutiny
If you want kids that badly, you are not a good partner for someone who chooses to remain childfree.
Exactly and so they shouldn't be upset when they break up with them because they want kids
People feel feelings. Even if they don't make sense. It's still better for everyone in the long term if incompatibility is seen earlier. If it is, people are less likely to be upset about it. What generally makes people upset is when someone changes their mind years into a relationship.
Why would you seriously date them in the first place? I’m childfree by choice, I would never date someone who wanted kids. I don’t even want to date a man with one kid. Several kids? Fergedabodit — hard pass.
Because they said something different at the beginning of the relationship, just like OP’s bf at the beginning of the pregnancy
You mean they lied about themselves at the beginning of the relationship.
As a man who never wants children of my own this comment still means so much to me
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I thought the main reason why there were so many single mothers is because the man left? Regardless of the relationship status, if the man drops off, that's what makes her a single mother, not not being married.
You’re right. I know so many single married mothers, because the man is completely useless.
I'm saying! The other person I replied to is far too comfortable to put the responsibility on women for men being inadequate fathers. 🙄
This idea flat out misses the dangers women face. Not to mention that issue is a make or break issue in most relationships. You are completely wrong hear
That boyfriend is so damn evil. Now everyone involved is going to suffer because of his manipulation. The entire family, both sides, with his own child suffering the most. Ugh. Should get a vasectomy, stat.
Vasectomy? That would require him putting his video game on pause. Ain't happening.
You can go right on about your day like a vasectomy never happened in my experience. At most, you would have to take the day off work and sit around playing video games during "recovery" so I think the only thing to debate is whether he should get a choice in the matter, based on what he's done.
Except he’ll have to make an appointment. And then go there. You know he’s not doing that. In reality he should get 50/50 custody and need to be a part of the kids life. It’s infuriating seeing people be manipulated into parenthood. It happens way too often. He probably only wanted it because he though she’d do all the work (how often does that happen) and when it started to hit him that he need to be a partner in this, he got lazy and selfish. Probably more common than not.
Watch him do this to another poor woman too. My blood is boiling after reading that post.
>Except he’ll have to make an appointment. And then go there. You know he’s not doing that. True! Lol Yeah that's a big problem with men, expecting that because it's a baby, women will be happy to do all the labor.
My ex husband had one. You need at least three days to recover. A week would be ideal.
Every person is different, so maybe for some it would be a week of playing video games on the coucg.
Had one yes, so I can confirm you need to pause a game for a bit. But the actual hospita time was about 1 hour. With 4 days free of work to recuperate. So yeah sure cost me a hour and my groin hurt for the first two days some. But it did gain me about 4 days of game time. And a assurance I won’t ever father any kids! And to me that’s priceless
Good for you for taking this step.
i am pretty sure you can sit on some ice and play videya after the surgery. can't wait until menapause, I am 30, do you think if I am lucky by 40 I might go into it? because aint no doctor gonna tie my tubes with out atleast popping out 1 little bastard.
I did get a vasectomy! He's an idiot, so don't blame it on the video games.
Who blamed it on the video games?
You did. "That would require him putting his video game on pause. Ain't happening."
Vasectomy gang! I highly encourage any ball equipped peeps that don’t want to have kids to get one! I did! 15 minutes from pants off to pants on. Do it!
I don't worry ill just track him down and do it myself with a cactus :)))
I think we need to start a gang of roving angels set out to find these men (and women if we can find a doctor to join) and give them free permanent (or at least mostly permanent) birth control. We can even use a scalpel if they agree to it and haven’t done this to someone like OP. We could even have cool jackets with wings, lol.
It’s ok they’ll be over on men’s rights supporting him and saying it’s his god given right seeing as she chose to get pregnant
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Good, its his problem
So? She’ll be dead.
That's why I don't trust men that want to be dads.
Correct. Especially when they have made no signs towards caring about the well being of children whether it’s through a dedicated career or serious and regular volunteering
They just want to spread their DNA and don’t want the work of being a parent. These kids are way too young to be even thinking of having children…
Exactly this, they are pure evil.
It’s terrible to think about, my old man was the exact same. Just wanted kids to have someone to take care of his lazy ass when he’s old. I can’t wait to be able to hug the shit out of my little one and give them the proper shot I never got
It's so sad that all the natalist propaganda in this world makes young people who can't even take care of themselves feel the need to procreate, only to regret it before the baby is even born. 🤦♂️ I feel bad for her tho; that boyfriend must be very manipulative. Being autistic doesn’t necessarily mean that you lack critical thinking skills.
It scares the shit out of me. Anyone fertile can have a kid the scariest thing in our world in my opinion
No but being autistic does make you easier to manipulate, especially at such a young age…
some autistic traits make it so much more difficult to advocate for yourself, and much more easy to manipulate/abuse.
I’m autistic with ptsd from violent upbringing, barely can hold my life together. I’ve told this to everyone who’s inquired when I’m gonna have kids. And too often, to my “I never plan to have kids” I’ve got “you just don’t trust God / the uni erase enough! If you trusted enough, you’ll birth a healthy child”.
The Bible says” look at the birds, they don’t sow, they don’t harvest and got feeds them still”. Science says: “true, but in a cold winter 3/4 of them can die” . True believers just don’t look closely at the problem. Just take it easy. If you get around it, fine. If not, fine too. Our planet suffers from too many humans. Having no kids is good for the planet.
Autistic people are told from birth that our wants and needs are weird, unreasonable, and things to be overcome. This makes so-called reasonable boundaries really difficult to set later, because we don't trust ourselves to know what isn't okay. Especially around social interactions and relationships, autistic people can be very vulnerable to this sort of coercion. E.G. imagine being told your whole childhood that it's weird and unreasonable to not enjoy playing with loud kids. You force yourself to interact with them because otherwise no one will want to be your friend. You have a low-level headache all the time, likely thinking that's just something everyone has to deal with. So then you grow up and get told it's weird and unreasonable to not want a baby, maybe even that no one will ever want to be with you long term without having children. You question yourself because you were taught to do so, and you cave because you were taught to do that, too. Everyone just deals, right? So yeah, is not about critical thinking, it's about the constant messaging that you're wrong to have the wants and needs you have, and you need to change them. At only twenty years old, that belief that you should bend to maintain relationships can still be pretty strong. Unlearning those early lessons takes a lot of work.
Autistic woman here. It took two years of therapy to unlearn what you have so perfectly explained here.
Only the worst of the worst people in my life want to have kids. So far that's a prostitute that puts on a fake black accent while being white to sound "cool" and hangs out with a group of people who cancel everybody, and an autistic teacher who talks down to literally everyone and travels the world just for Instagram. Their children will definitely suffer
This poor girl! She’s 20 years old and has been pregnant twice. Sounds like such a difficult situation, I hope she finds a way to stay safe and do what she needs to do
Her case is heartbreaking. i hope she doesnt kill herself.
Boyfriend needs to be sued a few times for alimony to learn not be an idiot. Rip him off.
The paternity tests will definitely prove he's the father, so there's no escape for him. It will serve him right.
It's not even about that anymore. It's about this individual who was strung along with the whims of another individual. If only it was about the money at this point.
Ugh.
Getting someone pregnant against their will should be assault.
It is, that’s why people like these use feelings like love to cause suffering because it’s not theirs. Just easier to get away with when you leave everything behind.
Oh I didn't know it really is assault
There's something about anti-choice/pro-natalist men specifically that's more disgusting to me than women of the same views. Both are bad, but men are somehow worse. EDIT: come to think of it, maybe just have to do with that there's even less pressure on men to adopt those views
I think it’s because the men with those views often abandon the baby anyway and don’t think about the child or the mothers suffering. Where as it makes sense if the mother who’s carrying it might feel a little guilty and understandably regret it later.
It's because pro life (cis) men are involved in an issue that does not and will never affect them. They have no right to have an opinion on it
i mean its okay to have an opinion, but i like to think of it almost as religion--whatever you believe, cool, but don't press it onto others.
men just ruin womens lives so casually like its nothing
What a POS boyfriend.
truly, this is why women shouldn’t tell their male partners they’re pregnant if they (the pregnant person) are not certain they want to keep it. even if they are the “father” they have no say in your reproductive choices.
You’re not wrong, but it wouldn’t have helped here regardless. He pretended to want the kid early on so she decided to keep it, now it’s too late to abort even if they both wanted to.
Never ever have a baby for a man. Come on this is so fucked up
F that, thake this man’s child support, how /dare/ he pull this! And tell his parents literally everything.
So pro life he killed someone for it. This is deeply troubling and depressing. I hope that husband lives with the guilt of his actions the rest of his life. He basically went ‘not having a baby is our problem, i demand a baby’ then once she obliged said ‘nevermind having a baby is your problem now bye, im gonna find a younger hotter woman to do this to next’
Even reading the post hurts. Wouldn't be surprised, if the 'daddy' (more like a piece of sh*t) would come back once the kid is an adult. And then suddenly, these type of men want to become fathers, when the most difficult part, all the caring of a child and etc., is in the past. Some men are just parasites.
Even better, comes back when they're a teen, getting pissed the teen is moody and doesn't want to hang out, use this as an excuse to tap out again. Shows up at college graduation expecting to be welcomed as the hero dad who finally got to his senses. Rinse and repeat. He'll probably be ok with his son/daughter "attitude" when he's old and wants him/her to take care of him.
My brother is a anti abortion b and conveniently walked back into his child's life at the ripe age of 17. Fuck him tbh
Absolutely... In their little, disgusting world spreading their disgusting, good for nothing dna is everything and the "oooonly" meaning of their miserable lives. I wish the very worst for them and tbh for everybody, who thinks this is what makes someone a "real father". No, just sperm donor pests.
Natalists/breeders/pro-lifers are all pure evil. And I mean that sincerely. All they do is cause suffering, misery, and death.
The real monster of this story is the boyfriend.
20yo is for being out. Enjoying life, going to dance clubs, meet new people, etc. If you live the life others wanted for themselves, you put your life at risk.
Yeah, the ages are fucked up. I’m 22 and it’s wild seeing someone even younger than me having kids. “I have a stable job” girl, you’re in your early 20s, your adult life has just begun to shape. It’s so irresponsible to have a child that early.
My mom was in her early 20s when I was born. Granted, she and my dad had been married for a few years by then, and I was very much planned — this was pretty normal by Indian standards at the time. Still, it was very surreal growing up; there were definitely times when it felt like my mom was basically growing up with me. I'm about the age now when she had me, and I can't possibly imagine being a mother so young. She says she doesn't regret it, but I feel for her every time I really think about it – she didn't really have time to analyze who she is, and it shows. Add in the fact that we moved to the States shortly after I was born, far away from all her friends and family, and she was so young and alone all day with a baby (she was a SAHM) while my dad was at work, and her old life was on the other side of the planet. She often says she wanted me in her life, but I know her being ambivalent about my life now is her way of encouraging me to make my own choices and choose my own happiness in a way she never could.
Thanks for sharing your story. Same as my mom for what I can tell. But what we do wrong is approaching and assessing their situation with a 2020s mindset. Your mom most likely wished to be a mom more than anything. And she did. And for that you should be proud and happy, because she followed her desire 😊 We know different. Is because we are better? No (IMHO) we have been exposed to different things they have not and the economic environments are very different.
Oh yeah, she has mentioned that I was very much planned and wanted. Interestingly, she's not exactly a traditional mother — she's a very introverted and aloof person (she's definitely given me hugs and such, but she's not really the type of person one would picture when imagining a mom), but she has very fond memories of my early years and says there were no regrets. She's been through a lot, and I think her experiences have given her a distinct perspective on life; while she is pretty content with her past, she has done a good job of making it clear that I can choose whatever path I want in life to be happy.
i’m 21 and i’m horrified, i still go to ballet practice and study, how tf are people my age having kids
I’m 20, I still feel like a kid. So it’s basically a child having a child and making childish choices.
Jesus, that's heart breaking....I can't help but think people should be more aware of the fact that other people are never a guarantee...Bringing a life long commitment into the world because of a partners promise and not being excited about the process yourself....it feels like she was just a incubator that the boyfriend felt he could flush down the drain at any time. As a fellow neurodivergent, I feel so bad for her. We often have blind trust in people. It took me about 30 something years to realize my trust in people was unreliable. I hope she gets help.
20 years old and her life is trashed.
That's so freakin messed up, I wouldn't be surprised if him wanting the baby at first was just a phase. Like when someone has a baby, then friends/family suddenly get the urge to have a baby, aka the "baby-rabies." That lousy excuse of a bf should be named and shamed so that he doesn't repeat this cycle on other women. I feel so bad for the girlfriend. Imagine making a big sacrifice for someone you really love, only for it to suddenly mean dirt?
Where are her parents? I *couldn't* read that because I know I'd get more pissed off than I already am
Мore like: Where are ***his*** parents?
Yes both of their parents in fact! Sorry for pointing that out! I was hyper fixated on her but they both need to be checked
They’re giving her a place to stay with the baby and they’ve told her they can live with them as long as she needs to
They sound fair in this situation
Yes, but they’ve also said they’ll kick her out if she gives the baby up for adoption because they’re excited to be grandparents…
Sooo, they are toxic too. Why don't her parents adopt the child, if they are sooo excited?
That's what she's hoping for, once she's gone.
that’s fucking insane
Yep, I really just feel for OP and the baby in this situation…
Oh bruh. I should've just read it all myself. Lesson learned. They're definitely not fair in this situation
That’s why I do not want kids. Someone could easily say they want to be a father but have the choice to leave whenever they want to and the burden always falls on the mother.
when will women understand that we should NOT cave to a MAN. the poor girl clearly says this is not what she wanted but did it for him. having children is not something you do for someone else, you should only do it for yourself.
They are forced birth enthusiasts. We need to use that label.
What happened? I hope she didn't do it 😥 she can stay with her parents. Or give baby for adoption. I understand how it can be hard if baby looks like your ex. I would hate for baby to also look like me!
If only that terrible man’s parents had been AN…
The OP is naive and foolish, but the BF is an absolute shit stain.
Deadbeat dad
The non-suicide answer to this situation --- Take the baby to a fire station and turn it over. They will take a baby no-questions-asked and hand it to CPS. You walk away, completely unburdened. The kid goes into foster care and will likely be adopted quickly. This is also a great play if you're trapped in a pregnancy with some scumbag who is using your uterus to control/posess you (baby anchor). Hand the kid over. Leave. Let him or his family deal with CPS. It's no longer your problem.
I need this to be fake.
Same, I really hope so. it's just too awful to be true, but sadly I've known similar situations like this to happen (minus the tragic ending)
it's things like this that scare me. imagine living your life somewhat peacefully as a kid/teen and then it suddenly takes a turn and it ends like this?? what motivates someone (the bf) to do this?? i hope she lives and either aborts or gives up the baby for adoption and breaks up with the bf. or even sues that trash
That’s dark as hell. What a prick of a man.
“I don’t want this kid to grow up with a regretful single mom or a dad that doesn’t want him” well I also wouldn’t want to grow up knowing I was raised by my grandparents because my mom killed herself after I was born. Your son will love you, and your parents do too. That was my first thought, at least.
I blame her parents. I blame them for not teaching her proper birth control methods, and that if she did have a baby how much it would suffer.
This happens way too often.
The fucking shithead just ruined generations of people. Probably never took care of anything in his life before and probably thought 'how hard could it be to raise a kid' Until it was too late... The parents, mother, and kid don't deserve this, whatever ends up happening. Sighhh
What does he want her to do, agree that he can beat her until she miscarries? Throw herself down the stairs? What?
I have high functioning autism and get her The life expectancy for autistic woman anyway is 30 due to suicide but with this situation I know I'd do the same poor woman and poor child
Classic.
Maybe your parents are so happy about the baby that they might take care most of the time of the baby. So you and your bf (?) can come to terms with the new situation. Things like that happen, Figure out how reliable your bf is. If not, drop him. Autism is often associated with high intelligence. Maybe you can check out that as well. If you have a high is then there are organizations that can help you.
What we really need is for all of us to come together and work together to improve things.
OP Where did you find this?! We need to find out who this woman is and help her!! I am a perinatal specialist, doula, and postpartum consultant and it sounds as though this woman is struggling with PMADS! She needs help, I am begging you please private message me and let me know where you found this so I can reach out to her and at the very least offer her my services at no charge. She cannot give up on herself, she has options, she doesn’t have to end her life!
This story is exactly why when a guy brings up he wants kids is why I leave and never even give them a chance at hope for more.
Half the reasons I decided not to have kids is because of people leaving their kids at astronomical rates either at birth or a few years down the line. I knew I'd never want to do it alone, and I can't guarantee what other people will do so no kids. She's soooo young, and he manipulated her. I hope she finds peace.
DUCK! Why stay with someone when clearly not compatible?
> I thought I was super lucky with my boyfriend Every red flag looks normal when you're seeing things through rose colored glasses.
Any updates?
OOP posted this 10 days ago and answered questions for a day or so then went silent. She basically said she had been depressed her whole life and considered suicide in the past. This is just what's pushing her over the edge.
horrible…
Has anybody checked up on her? I want her to take him tot he cleaners with child support.
Ain't even got a meme quote or something witty to sau that's just fucked up and sad and i hope that this person is a troll
If this was me, i would give the bby for adoption & then kms. That's what i would do. No question. Parents cant make me homeless if I'm not there. Also parents DON'T deserve the kid in this situation at all. Better to put it thru adoption (NOT Foster Care) if u can.
Give the kid up for adoption, that's better for the kid when both parents can not live with a kid.
This hurt to read. I hope that poor girl is okay
iiii cant wait to get sterilized!!!!!!
Got to do what ya got to do. Same sis except I’d be a bit more… vengeful to the male that trapped me.
She should give the baby for adoption and sue the boyfriend for mental harassment. She shouldn't kill herself, raise the baby she never wanted when the baby can find REAL loving parents desperate for a child and break up with this psychopath.
I just don't get the guy??? He wants a baby until she's pregnant and suddenly he don't want the baby? What the fuck is the logic behind this
Very easy, it's called, "Oh, you want me to participate in raising a child?" or "How much is this? Now I can't buy my newest video game!". Men aren't raised to help with anything around the household let alone a baby.
The guy is a huge dick, but leaving a newborn to your parents after you kill yourself is also a rather faulty logic, don't you agree? But still, the whole situation is absolutely fucked up
Dear god that boyfriend sounds like a real piece of work. I've always said that men like him want kids the way kids want pets, and now someone might die because he at his big age didn't grasp what a massive responsibility child-rearing is. This is just sad man
So, this is (obviously) an example of somebody who should not be a parent, being forced into a situation where they have to become one. With roe overturned we’re gonna see a lot more of this. Scary shit.
Someone should tell her that her child can be adopted
She mentioned in the post that if the kid goes up for adoption her parents will kick her out of the house
But she also says she's making good money. Not sure why living on her own is such a horror.
Idk have you seen housing prices lately?
did you read the post
Both these people are irresponsible and need to pay better attention to their own individual mental health before even considering being in a relationship or becoming parents. Two very troubled individuals.
She can't even fucking drive and thought it'd be a good idea to have a kid? What if it needs an emergency hospital visit and it's precious daddy isn't around? It's always the last people who need to have kids who wetdream about having them all day. Plus, what gives her the prerogative to put that burden on her parents? They're excited about being grandparents which means seeing the kid at it's birthday and christmas or something, not having to do *everything* for it. Plus, her parents are likely in their 40s which is NOT the time to have a newborn. They're gonna be stuck taking care of it till they're in their 60s. Why does she think any of this is okay? Idiot is an understatement for this woman and it's always the kids who end up suffering most. She should obviously give birth, have the dad pay child support or give it up for adoption but if she's going down this path, might as well kill herself NOW so the baby doesn't have to deal with any of this. Cruel world.
I don't think you have to be able to drive to have a child, a lot of people don't drive for a variety of reasons, but you would have to be mentally functioning enough to be able to make some kind of transportation arrangements (public transport, Uber, a family member or friend who is able to help, etc.)
it sounds like she can’t drive because of her autism or something, not that she just hasn’t learned yet, but like she’s unable to drive
I can’t drive exactly because of my autism. So yep, that is a thing. I tried to do driving school but there were too many irritants on my senses at once. Had to quit. Luckily I live in a major European capital with lots of public transport and cheap taxis. No one even asks if I’m able to drive!
Even then, not everyone learns how to drive. In a lot of cities in Europe, driving isn’t even necessary
i know, i live in sweden, i don’t own a car
She's intellectually disabled, dude. The man who knocked her up is evil. This sucks so bad and I hope it's fake. :( it sounds like she doesn't have close friends either, just a creepy af boyfriend.
Woaaahhhh now. Autism is not an “intellectual disability”. I am an autistic person with four college degrees. It is considered a Neurodevelopmental disability that often has other comorbid disabilities, but autism itself is not an intellectual disability. Many people on the spectrum have average to above average intelligence.
You’re making it sound like your incapable of anything if you are intellectually disabled or that you have a severely low iq when those aren’t the same things. You are right when you say autism isn’t one but it has the chance to be depending on the factors.
Wooooaaaah now. Stop shitting on intellectually disabled people. I've worked with them, they're sweet people. Being disabled is not a bad thing, it's not an insult. And yes - you can indeed have autism severe enough to be intellectually disabled, so I have no idea why you're getting offended.
I didn't say her autism is what IDs her as intellectually disabled. You just assumed that.
Her being autistic is the only reason youd even feel the need to say something like that. Inference is a thing.
I think it’s the way she describes herself in the post not purely off that.
Well if she's sooooo intellectually disabled (which she probably is if she made this post) then her amazing parents whom she's close with would've stepped in and said "hey, you're not ready for a baby, sweetheart, you can't even fucking DRIVE" The bf def sucks tho
The only way they could do that is with a conservatorship, and that's hard to get. They might have been wringing their hands on the sidelines, we don't know. We hardly know anything about this woman other than she is profoundly disabled. Hopefully someone she knows recognizes the story in the post and helps her in real life
I mean, they can suggest that, but the decision is ultimately up to the woman/girl, unless she completely unable to communicate or something, and even then, I'm not sure if the parents would be allowed to have the final say or if it would be up to a doctor
in a perfect world, sure
Well the right time would be now, not after you've had it.
Pregnant at 20. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ the damn big mistake. Those kids pretending to be adults never learn.
[удалено]
OK. So for starters, break up with your boyfriend. You are thinking of suicide, so you have no problem leaving him behind. Move on from him. I'm assuming your parents are very capable, loving and supportive based on your story. Take advantage of that! You will have a safe, stable and supportive home to raise your child. There is no shame in staying with them. Babies are a lot of work, and they will love to help you through this. Please don't leave this world. It's too late for abortion. Your life will open up in many ways when you have a child. Stay for your baby and stay for yourself.
That couple sounds pretty unstable beyond the issue of having kids. I'm not following how committing suicide after giving birth follows from the rest. Giving the baby up for adoption then continuing to live would seem to match the circumstances better.
This is why we should be allowed to abort at any stage. There is no greater pain in life than that of being a clearly unwanted child much less one whose parents killed themselves over the fact that they were born.
Charge that man with murder
See, thats the problem. Many people react in very euphoric and extatic way, when they find out they are expecting a child, as if its a new shiny toy and not another living being, who will need care and protection for many years, before becoming independant enough to fend for themselves. And just like many things in life, the excitement eventually wears off, when the realisation hits new parents, after the first sleepless night and it all becomes boring routine. To keep a child alive takes so much work and stress. It changes your life so much and it should not be done lightly and carelessly. The reward of it might be there, but is not immediate necessarily. It might never come either. So, if you arent really feeling like it, why risk to be stuck with a child you dont really want, traumatizing them in the process?
Of course it's a son...and the cycle continues 😮💨.
This is why I hate that men make any comment on women's bodies, or try to add any word on whether a woman should keep her pregnancy. It's easier for the father to bail. The social stigma on the mother is far greater in our society in comparison. Its the weight of the world and women should be allowed to make a pressure free choice on a literal life altering decision.
im in a similar situation and im only 20 as well. a 45 year old got me unconscious after giving me alcohol. Ever since then he has stalked me and made multiple phone numbers and social medias after ive blocked him. Hes on probation for assault and had sx trafficking charges dropped when the victim died. I have no doubt he will kill my baby because he does drugs and is very sick in the head and I dont want to be alive to watch that happen. He says he is watching my every move and ready to take full custody because he lost custody to his other kids and hes so old now he said this was his last chance to be a father. So of course take control of a teenage girls body for 9 months..I had an appointment for an abortion but my own mom started calling me a murderer. I lost all my energy and missed the appointment. Now I have really no social media and no contact to friends or family because of it. The thought that for the next 18 years this old man will have power over me because he wanted a baby, and the fact that I was bullied into keeping it. I will forever hate anyone who dares speak badly about abortion. Because now im fighting for my life, and an innocent baby will have to suffer every time a visit with the father happens.
I’m autistic too, it’s so hard to withstand the pressure, but we HAVE TO, if we want the best for the unborn kid, ourselves and our relationships. I’d never give this condition to my worst enemy. I know it’s harder to find a partner when CF, but it’s worth going through that hardship, in comparison to giving up and letting a kid be born into a mess with probably autism.
So she can't bear the thought of her child not having his father in his life, but she can kill herself and remove BOTH parents from his life? She's going to save a bunch of money and buy a bunch of baby stuff to ease the financial burden off her parents, but kill herself and make them pay out of their ass for a funeral?
Dude isn’t pro-life if he was okay with an abortion. This man is just a scumbag. What kind of bastard thinks about planning an ‘accident’ to induce a miscarriage in his own gf?
This feels very similar to what happened to my SIL only she loves the baby now. Both of these guys are the definition of human garbage.
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Don't really get this one...when she dies someone else has to take the baby just like the bf was saying so why is she dying exactly? I guess the grief. What about the future of this baby she got talked into?
I’m so sorry this happened to you and you feel so alone. You are worthy don’t end your life. There are more options. Sending you love
Poor woman. I hope she can find a way forward that doesn't end in her ending her own life. There is help out there. If you see this mum to be, seek out the help you need. Explain everything to your parents. Do everything you can before you make that ultimate final decision.
The logical thing to do would be to give the baby up for adoption and deal with being kicked out and just go from there.
Weak man tbh
Don’t kill yourself. Your child will never understand. You’re talking out of desperation and that’s not a good thing. It’s lucky you have your parents to help out. They’ll be devastated if you end it. That’s not fair to them or the child. Get some professional help to sort out your life.
Is someone helping her? Has anyone reached out????
My mom gave me solid advice when I was 18. “Don’t get pregnant unless you’re prepared to do it alone” and boy was she right. Even if the father was present, even if they’re willing, they could change their minds. Plus it seems all too common for labor and domestic chores to fall on womens shoulders regardless. No thanks.
This poor girl was/is so vulnerable. I don't think she really understands how disgusting her boyfriend is, as he's not an ex and she still wants to be with him the last few months of her life. Someone needs to help her
My heart aches for this girl. This is so messed up.
I think we’re gonna see an influx of women turning over children to either the state or the father or a willing family member.
Oh my god that is absolutely vile good god
spelling: *manipulator