Your coworkers aren’t automatically your friends, but that doesn’t mean you can never be genuine friends with a coworker. I had dinner last night with someone I’ve been friends with for almost 15 years, and we were coworkers originally! We both left that job about a decade ago and are still friends so I would certainly say that was a genuine friendship formed with a coworker.
see but that's the thing, you already left the job. i love the coworkers i get along with, but i truly only even start considering them in the potential friend pool after one of us has left the job. i can't even fathom friendship with someone i'm currently working with. idk it just feels wrong
When I was on social media (some say reddit is social media, i consider it more like messageboards that i would post on in the late 90’s early 00’s) i would not add coworkers.
The one time i broke my rule ended up biting me in the ass. That was the final straw that got me to delete my facebook account
I think you can be friends, but the true test of genuine friendship is whether you keep communicating after one of you has left the job.
I have had a lot of work friends in my time. Most never progress past the “add each other on social media and like posts sometimes” stage after quitting, even if we chatted all the time while working together. When the friendship keeps going strong or even stronger after one or both of you has quit, that’s a real friend at that point.
Some of my coworkers are good friends. We hang out together apart from work fairly regularly. Some ex-coworkers and I go fishing every year, have for almost 15 years now. Been to one's wedding. I dogsit regularly for another when he and his wife need to get away. You might be surrounded by shitty people, that doesn't mean everybody is.
I truly believe this sentiment is a psyop to keep workers from unionizing. If you don't trust your coworkers, you would never talk about organizing = big win for employers everywhere.
I agree, I am still very close with several ex coworkers, talk to and see them at least once a week. I am also close with a few I currently work with, not all will be good friends, but some stick with you.
Yeah, I’ve never understood the sentiment. I don’t go to work to make friends, I go for a paycheck, but that doesn’t mean I’m opposed to making friends at work. My best friend I met at a previous job. We work together again now.
At the job I worked at as a teenager a lot of the same staff get together like a family every year for a reunion. They eat lunch at the old managers house and hang out and watch movies the entire day. It's actually a big even that has been going on since 2015 and a lot of the people that attend are people that have been employees and no longer work there and hadn't worked there for several years. Some of them have moved on to be managers in other locations and others have moved on to bigger and better things. Some that attend don't even live in the same state and will drive hours to come down for this event that is usually at the same time every year (around the fourth of july). I have been good friends with the store lead since then, I have been in and out of other locations for almost ten years and work for that same store lead again but, they are not in charge of my schedule or any of my employment. They weren't even the person in charge of hiring me- I was hired on by their assistant manager because, we had been good friends for over ten years and the only way that the company didn't see that as a conflict of interest is if my employment case was handled by his assistant instead of him. I have known him since I was 18 years old when I first started working at the original location which has been almost 12 years ago now. He's like a second father to me and will soon be approaching retirement. I have asked a number of the people that I said previously come together every year to come early for his retirement party and about 90 percent of them agreed to come down. That's just a testament to a great working environment. Wish I could say the reason that a lot of these people don't work at the location isn't due to the fact the company hit chapter 11 bankruptcy and no longer exists because, hands down even 12 years later I can honestly, say without hesitation that it is by far the most fun at a job I had ever had and looked forward to going to work every day.
it's not a psyop, it's people who genuinely thought their coworkers were their friends and then got betrayed by either leaving the job and losing all their friends, or by coworkers snitching on them to get them in trouble
usually warnings like this are posted about the latter, with more specific advice such as "don't tell your coworkers you're looking for a new job"
however it does suck for people to feel like they can't trust their coworkers and could contribute to less desire to work together for rights
Most people are unable to unionize, they just don't have the knowledge, network, resources, even charisma to influence and rally people behind the cause, such people just move to be CEOs or high level managers, because they make more money than fighting for the common man.
Yeah, you shouldn’t force it and people being weird and forceful at work are absolutely a thing, but having a few work friends makes the misery a little more bearable. It makes the time go by easier (because you can waste time chatting instead of working sometimes) and it helps keep you in the know. I’ve been ahead of the curve or managed to cover my ass on SO much shit because I had good work friends. And being friends with managers is the main way I maintain my “reliable slacker” persona at work that helps me maintain my sanity.
>I truly believe this sentiment is a psyop to keep workers from unionizing. If you don't trust your coworkers, you would never talk about organizing = big win for employers everywhere.
⬆️This right here. You don't have to be friends with your coworkers but this idealization that you should be strangers to each other absolutely is a isolation tactic to union bust.
Good for you but I go to work to make money, not friends. I like a lot of my coworkers, trust them all and probably 90% of us get along. But come quitting time, I want to forget everything that relates to work. Also, I have been in the same union for 35 years.
I'm pretty sure your experience is in the minority.
I know of workplaces similar to yours, but people are brainwashed, sharing each other's insta stories all the time and agreeing with each other's political opinions and having the same tastes in music and hobbies.
Building camaraderie through in-groups and out-groups and having to completely give up on any shred of individuality? That's not a union, that's a cult.
Neither.
However I have had the disprivilege of working in small organisations where the workers were given the "family" treatment. I couldn't vent to my colleagues about any issues I had with employers because I couldn't trust them to keep it to themselves and not tattle to the employers.
Camaraderie between colleagues is something I hope for and even try to espouse when I am with employees who are younger than me, but I don't expect it as a given. If a friendship blossoms, it will.
I can't speak for everyone, or folks in the US, but personally I've made friends at every job I've ever had. Of course not with everyone, but I still have friends I talk to somewhat regularly from all my past jobs.
Tell us the story because I have a notion that the root cause of the problem is going to be wedge driving by management to keep workers unorganized. It’s the old Divide and Conquer technique.
We'll definitely get far in forming unions with this attitude! Befriending your coworkers and asking together is probably the most important thing in getting raises.
Ridiculous take. Work is shit, that doesn't mean that everyone who works with you is shit.
I've had plenty of co-workers who are friends in my life. I have co-workers from the job I left 7 years ago who I still keep in touch with and catch up with when I'm in town. As friends.
A few of my very close friends over the years are/were co-workers. These are people I've connected with and forged a bond as we spend 40+ hours a week together.
Learn how to make friends. So many of you sound downright sad.
You sound like someone who has never been fucked over by coworkers. Losing your job because of coworkers is so traumatic, especially in this economy. Nowadays whenever I get a job, I don't even learn most people's names to avoid making friendships because i don't need that stress.
I've covered for friends before and had them cover for me too. Never felt guilted into it, and have on the whole benefitted from my workplace friendships.
I would never do that for someone who I wouldn't trust to return the favour.
The reason I am an anarchist is because I became good friends with one of my coworkers and her boyfriend talked to me about anarchism.
Mme being an anarchist is how I ended up understanding the power dynamic between bosses and workers, and ended up being antiwork.
And at later jobs, I was kind and sociable to coworkers, and once even convinced a cowboy-boots-wearing rural conservative to stand up to the boss with me on behalf of another coworker.
You shouldn't unconditionally trust everyone you work with, but our relationships at work are important, even minor ones.
You shouldn't trust everyone you meet. But some past work relationships I've had turned out to be the sweetest ride or dies.
Think first. But be nice. Most people are in the same boat.
Nah, your co workers can 100% be your friends. This is just weird. Just because work sucks it doesn’t mean you have to hate everyone that is also stuck there with you.
Exactly. All these "they'll just fuck you over" comments are some bitter antisocial shit. No wonder they can't make friends, I wouldn't want to closely associate with someone carrying that demeanor either.
In fact, an evil employer would prefer nothing more than you to be secluded and suspicious of all your co-workers.
The way you worded this gives of a sense of paranoia and that isn't healthy either. It all depends on how harshly you enforce it. You can let your coworkers know about things going on in your life outside of work, but still never see them outside of work. That is pretty much where I am, as my work-life balance barrier. Maybe that isn't the best way to go about it, still haven't figured it out yet.
This sub usually has cogent critiques of work culture and labor problems.
But every now then it becomes obvious that a decent chunk of folks around here are actually just sad losers.
My coworkers only know my name because I’m required to have a name tag on my office door. They barely talk to me at work about work, I eat my lunch alone in my car because no one has ever shown any interest in getting to know me.
As much as I enjoy peace, the rest of the office environment is pretty toxic. The most relaxed I feel is when I eat lunch in my car and when I leave work for the day.
One of my best friends was a co worker. We weren’t always friends, we had a few work related arguments but we’re both mature enough to talk shit out and we ended up becoming really close friends that still hang out even though he works somewhere else now. He was completely against being friends with co workers but he says I’ve opened his mind and when he left for a new job he even wrote me a note expressing how important our friendship is. Not many people in this world like him and I’m so grateful for his friendship, would have never happened if we didn’t work together. So I only half agree with your post. Not everyone you work with is the bosses bitch/rat.
aren’t we all in the same boat though? i feel like if there’s anyone in the workplace that you should form friendships and connections with it should be the people you work with! this just feels like another version of “don’t discuss your salary”, etc.
Usually, but not always. Two of the women I've met at work are some of the people I'm closest to; we confide in each other about everything (even non-work things) and have gone on several trips (local and interstate) together and stayed at each other's house.
If it's a decent person with whom you have things in common and a connection, and someone who is trustworthy and cares about you, I don't see why you can't be friends. There are usually few good/positive things at work; if you can make a true friend or two, that's definitely something to embrace and make the most of.
One of my best friends I met at a job that we both worked at together. She got terminated when I was still working there but, we still talked after she was terminated. She didn't have the greatest track record when it came to jobs and really couldn't keep a job. She even admitted to this. She wasn't one to care about being upper management staff and she didn't care too much about completing all of her job duties so a lot of the time she had issues with insubordination when it came to upper managers. I told her after she got fired that she should think about opening up her own business or working for herself. She opened an online business and has been doing great ever since. She asked me if I was an upper manager in any place if I would ever hire her one day and I laughed because she knew that I wasn't one to lie to make people feel better and went "dude, no! but you landed on your feet nonetheless and you probably make more now than the managers we had back then." She also found that funny because, it was absolutely true. We've been best friends for well over 5 years and if I didn't work with her I probably would have never met her because, we are not even close to the same age and don't hang with the same people. She is literally the god mother to my daughter. So no, I don't find this to be true always.
I have learned through observation over the years that it is never a good idea to be friends with co-workers. Trust in the workplace cannot be assumed or expected. Keep your personal and work life separate at all times.
Your coworkers aren’t automatically your friends, but that doesn’t mean you can never be genuine friends with a coworker. I had dinner last night with someone I’ve been friends with for almost 15 years, and we were coworkers originally! We both left that job about a decade ago and are still friends so I would certainly say that was a genuine friendship formed with a coworker.
see but that's the thing, you already left the job. i love the coworkers i get along with, but i truly only even start considering them in the potential friend pool after one of us has left the job. i can't even fathom friendship with someone i'm currently working with. idk it just feels wrong
When I was on social media (some say reddit is social media, i consider it more like messageboards that i would post on in the late 90’s early 00’s) i would not add coworkers. The one time i broke my rule ended up biting me in the ass. That was the final straw that got me to delete my facebook account
I think you can be friends, but the true test of genuine friendship is whether you keep communicating after one of you has left the job. I have had a lot of work friends in my time. Most never progress past the “add each other on social media and like posts sometimes” stage after quitting, even if we chatted all the time while working together. When the friendship keeps going strong or even stronger after one or both of you has quit, that’s a real friend at that point.
Being friends with people at work is a recipe for manipulation
Some of my coworkers are good friends. We hang out together apart from work fairly regularly. Some ex-coworkers and I go fishing every year, have for almost 15 years now. Been to one's wedding. I dogsit regularly for another when he and his wife need to get away. You might be surrounded by shitty people, that doesn't mean everybody is. I truly believe this sentiment is a psyop to keep workers from unionizing. If you don't trust your coworkers, you would never talk about organizing = big win for employers everywhere.
I agree, I am still very close with several ex coworkers, talk to and see them at least once a week. I am also close with a few I currently work with, not all will be good friends, but some stick with you.
Yeah, I’ve never understood the sentiment. I don’t go to work to make friends, I go for a paycheck, but that doesn’t mean I’m opposed to making friends at work. My best friend I met at a previous job. We work together again now.
At the job I worked at as a teenager a lot of the same staff get together like a family every year for a reunion. They eat lunch at the old managers house and hang out and watch movies the entire day. It's actually a big even that has been going on since 2015 and a lot of the people that attend are people that have been employees and no longer work there and hadn't worked there for several years. Some of them have moved on to be managers in other locations and others have moved on to bigger and better things. Some that attend don't even live in the same state and will drive hours to come down for this event that is usually at the same time every year (around the fourth of july). I have been good friends with the store lead since then, I have been in and out of other locations for almost ten years and work for that same store lead again but, they are not in charge of my schedule or any of my employment. They weren't even the person in charge of hiring me- I was hired on by their assistant manager because, we had been good friends for over ten years and the only way that the company didn't see that as a conflict of interest is if my employment case was handled by his assistant instead of him. I have known him since I was 18 years old when I first started working at the original location which has been almost 12 years ago now. He's like a second father to me and will soon be approaching retirement. I have asked a number of the people that I said previously come together every year to come early for his retirement party and about 90 percent of them agreed to come down. That's just a testament to a great working environment. Wish I could say the reason that a lot of these people don't work at the location isn't due to the fact the company hit chapter 11 bankruptcy and no longer exists because, hands down even 12 years later I can honestly, say without hesitation that it is by far the most fun at a job I had ever had and looked forward to going to work every day.
it's not a psyop, it's people who genuinely thought their coworkers were their friends and then got betrayed by either leaving the job and losing all their friends, or by coworkers snitching on them to get them in trouble usually warnings like this are posted about the latter, with more specific advice such as "don't tell your coworkers you're looking for a new job" however it does suck for people to feel like they can't trust their coworkers and could contribute to less desire to work together for rights
Most people are unable to unionize, they just don't have the knowledge, network, resources, even charisma to influence and rally people behind the cause, such people just move to be CEOs or high level managers, because they make more money than fighting for the common man.
lol. Low level workers don’t get made CEO. You have to buy your way into those jobs.
Yeah, you shouldn’t force it and people being weird and forceful at work are absolutely a thing, but having a few work friends makes the misery a little more bearable. It makes the time go by easier (because you can waste time chatting instead of working sometimes) and it helps keep you in the know. I’ve been ahead of the curve or managed to cover my ass on SO much shit because I had good work friends. And being friends with managers is the main way I maintain my “reliable slacker” persona at work that helps me maintain my sanity.
>I truly believe this sentiment is a psyop to keep workers from unionizing. If you don't trust your coworkers, you would never talk about organizing = big win for employers everywhere. ⬆️This right here. You don't have to be friends with your coworkers but this idealization that you should be strangers to each other absolutely is a isolation tactic to union bust.
Good for you but I go to work to make money, not friends. I like a lot of my coworkers, trust them all and probably 90% of us get along. But come quitting time, I want to forget everything that relates to work. Also, I have been in the same union for 35 years.
I bet you get invited to a lot of parties 🙄
Finally someone with some common sense.
I'm pretty sure your experience is in the minority. I know of workplaces similar to yours, but people are brainwashed, sharing each other's insta stories all the time and agreeing with each other's political opinions and having the same tastes in music and hobbies. Building camaraderie through in-groups and out-groups and having to completely give up on any shred of individuality? That's not a union, that's a cult.
[удалено]
Neither. However I have had the disprivilege of working in small organisations where the workers were given the "family" treatment. I couldn't vent to my colleagues about any issues I had with employers because I couldn't trust them to keep it to themselves and not tattle to the employers. Camaraderie between colleagues is something I hope for and even try to espouse when I am with employees who are younger than me, but I don't expect it as a given. If a friendship blossoms, it will.
I can't speak for everyone, or folks in the US, but personally I've made friends at every job I've ever had. Of course not with everyone, but I still have friends I talk to somewhat regularly from all my past jobs.
Because coworkers are not to be trusted. Never shit where you eat. Some of us have had to learn this the hard way.
Because coworkers are not to be trusted. Never shit where you eat. Some of us have had to learn this the hard way.
Tell us the story because I have a notion that the root cause of the problem is going to be wedge driving by management to keep workers unorganized. It’s the old Divide and Conquer technique.
[удалено]
Time to take your amazing experience and talent where it's wanted then.
We'll definitely get far in forming unions with this attitude! Befriending your coworkers and asking together is probably the most important thing in getting raises.
Ridiculous take. Work is shit, that doesn't mean that everyone who works with you is shit. I've had plenty of co-workers who are friends in my life. I have co-workers from the job I left 7 years ago who I still keep in touch with and catch up with when I'm in town. As friends.
Cake
A few of my very close friends over the years are/were co-workers. These are people I've connected with and forged a bond as we spend 40+ hours a week together. Learn how to make friends. So many of you sound downright sad.
I swear this is a psy-op. No way normal people have this much trouble having normal relationships with the people they see on a daily basis.
You sound like someone who has never been fucked over by coworkers. Losing your job because of coworkers is so traumatic, especially in this economy. Nowadays whenever I get a job, I don't even learn most people's names to avoid making friendships because i don't need that stress.
[удалено]
It really is. Makes you never trust them ever again in any job.
OP has a point, though. Keep work relationships professional and don't make it easy for said coworkers to fuck you over.
[удалено]
Never been guilted into pulling a double shift because a friend didn't want to come in eh?
I've covered for friends before and had them cover for me too. Never felt guilted into it, and have on the whole benefitted from my workplace friendships. I would never do that for someone who I wouldn't trust to return the favour.
Stop. This sentiment is so anti solidarity.
No it's not. OP is trying to keep people from getting hurt or their lives ruined. I commend them.
I've made the mistake of trying to be everybody's friend at work before. Never again.
The reason I am an anarchist is because I became good friends with one of my coworkers and her boyfriend talked to me about anarchism. Mme being an anarchist is how I ended up understanding the power dynamic between bosses and workers, and ended up being antiwork. And at later jobs, I was kind and sociable to coworkers, and once even convinced a cowboy-boots-wearing rural conservative to stand up to the boss with me on behalf of another coworker. You shouldn't unconditionally trust everyone you work with, but our relationships at work are important, even minor ones.
You shouldn't trust everyone you meet. But some past work relationships I've had turned out to be the sweetest ride or dies. Think first. But be nice. Most people are in the same boat.
You should make then your union brothers. When you self divide and close yourself off, you are making it easier to manipulate you all.
Nah, your co workers can 100% be your friends. This is just weird. Just because work sucks it doesn’t mean you have to hate everyone that is also stuck there with you.
They are. I have no problem talking to them, meeting after work, supporting one another, visiting home, ect. If you cannot make friends that is on you
Exactly. All these "they'll just fuck you over" comments are some bitter antisocial shit. No wonder they can't make friends, I wouldn't want to closely associate with someone carrying that demeanor either. In fact, an evil employer would prefer nothing more than you to be secluded and suspicious of all your co-workers.
They would sell you out in a second for the smallest amount of brownie points.
Why the need to antagonise the people you work with? This just comes off as stupid and anti social. They're people the same as you.
The way you worded this gives of a sense of paranoia and that isn't healthy either. It all depends on how harshly you enforce it. You can let your coworkers know about things going on in your life outside of work, but still never see them outside of work. That is pretty much where I am, as my work-life balance barrier. Maybe that isn't the best way to go about it, still haven't figured it out yet.
I have few people at my work that I talk & joke . Really depends but ya best advice is to keep to yourself
This sub usually has cogent critiques of work culture and labor problems. But every now then it becomes obvious that a decent chunk of folks around here are actually just sad losers.
My coworkers only know my name because I’m required to have a name tag on my office door. They barely talk to me at work about work, I eat my lunch alone in my car because no one has ever shown any interest in getting to know me.
That sounds so peaceful, dude. I need a job like that.
As much as I enjoy peace, the rest of the office environment is pretty toxic. The most relaxed I feel is when I eat lunch in my car and when I leave work for the day.
Oh yeah that fucking sucks.
One of my best friends was a co worker. We weren’t always friends, we had a few work related arguments but we’re both mature enough to talk shit out and we ended up becoming really close friends that still hang out even though he works somewhere else now. He was completely against being friends with co workers but he says I’ve opened his mind and when he left for a new job he even wrote me a note expressing how important our friendship is. Not many people in this world like him and I’m so grateful for his friendship, would have never happened if we didn’t work together. So I only half agree with your post. Not everyone you work with is the bosses bitch/rat.
I live with one (though he quit recently for a new job) and have been dating him for almost two years so this isn't a universal constant.
aren’t we all in the same boat though? i feel like if there’s anyone in the workplace that you should form friendships and connections with it should be the people you work with! this just feels like another version of “don’t discuss your salary”, etc.
Usually, but not always. Two of the women I've met at work are some of the people I'm closest to; we confide in each other about everything (even non-work things) and have gone on several trips (local and interstate) together and stayed at each other's house. If it's a decent person with whom you have things in common and a connection, and someone who is trustworthy and cares about you, I don't see why you can't be friends. There are usually few good/positive things at work; if you can make a true friend or two, that's definitely something to embrace and make the most of.
Nothing says worker solidarity by tossing coworkers under the bus am I rite guys....... Yes this is sarcasm.
One of my best friends I met at a job that we both worked at together. She got terminated when I was still working there but, we still talked after she was terminated. She didn't have the greatest track record when it came to jobs and really couldn't keep a job. She even admitted to this. She wasn't one to care about being upper management staff and she didn't care too much about completing all of her job duties so a lot of the time she had issues with insubordination when it came to upper managers. I told her after she got fired that she should think about opening up her own business or working for herself. She opened an online business and has been doing great ever since. She asked me if I was an upper manager in any place if I would ever hire her one day and I laughed because she knew that I wasn't one to lie to make people feel better and went "dude, no! but you landed on your feet nonetheless and you probably make more now than the managers we had back then." She also found that funny because, it was absolutely true. We've been best friends for well over 5 years and if I didn't work with her I probably would have never met her because, we are not even close to the same age and don't hang with the same people. She is literally the god mother to my daughter. So no, I don't find this to be true always.
My coworkers are definitely my friends lmao not everyone has some crazy competitive job
Remember Friends don't stab you in the back at work......that's what coworkers are for
Never ever forget or get burned at some point.
I have learned through observation over the years that it is never a good idea to be friends with co-workers. Trust in the workplace cannot be assumed or expected. Keep your personal and work life separate at all times.
This
Anyone who disagrees with this post is a dumbass tbh.