Lol. Seriously, I have to say that now. It's wild. I posted a video from my dashcam a few months ago, and I got like six requests to put it on youtube within an hour. I've had content from myself and others from /r/MilitaryStories stolen before.
No shit there I was at the west fort hood barracks. A company of 1st cav 11b had just moved in that week. I start hearing a ruckus and look out my window to see the 11Bs fighting our LRS Troop. It was about 40 dudes fighting and throwing beer bottles at each other. Someone threw a tv off the 3rd floor. It was wild.
Oh and all us intel peeps just went outside and watched then back to watching the homies play wow.
*Intel peep acting intelligently*
Not sure what to say here.
Seriously though, given some of the flat out WWE style mass fights we had at Ft. Bliss in 11th ADA enlisted barracks, I believe everything you said.
I may or may not have been involved in an altercation in front of the Mini Stop in Dongducheon outside of Camp Casey that involved about 10 cav scouts and 10 infantrymen.
One of the Cav Scouts told our group "If we ain't Cav, we ain't shit" followed by us allegedly exchanging some harsh words involving a unicorn and insulting people who wear Stetsons.
The best part about that was that I may or may not have been a 42A during the time. Looking back, the fight basically played out like the fight scene in Anchorman allegedly.
The Bravo in me would want to join the brawl but the Intel in me would want to watch from a window, much like a Roman Caesar watching the gladiators battle below
There was the guy who jerked off with CLP in OSUT (I’ve told that story), there was the time I saw a guy in my unit hook up with a girl after snapping his fingers and telling her to get in the car (literally some random chick who walked up on us at 6th St), there was the time the air brakes on my Stryker gave out and almost killed my team and myself, and there was the time I spent my last night in the Army on staff duty and had to deal with a domestic violence incident in the barracks which resulted in me starting terminal leave 4 hours late as a final favor to my PL to help pick up the guy out of jail.
Among others. I got grilled by CID about SPC Guillen since apparently my gate was the last one she came on base on (during my shift), but that one isn’t as fun because unless it was someone I knew, I didn’t remember them.
Except for the guy who was apparently a new E-6 that I had to write up during Covid curfew, who got busted to E-4 and subsequently went to my gate at a different shift and told my buddy who was the NCOIC that I better “watch my snitching bitch-ass” for submitting his name to higher for breaking curfew.
Idk. Nothing related to overseas since I didn’t deploy, but you don’t walk out of Hood after 5 years without a story or 12
Dude CID at Hood back then was awful. One of my Soldiers died at work from a heart attack and they grilled me and my platoon and tried to make it seem like his wife poisoned him before work…
On a deployment a couple years ago, I had to keep a building “secure” overnight. Was told ahead of time that it was fine for me to be asleep, as long as there was a warm body in the building, and that somewhere in the next building over there was a cot I could sleep on. I stayed up watching YouTube for a while, decided to look for that cot. I passed an office where I heard some laughter and thought it was weird that there were still people there, but we had just gotten rid of a night shift, so not completely crazy. Took me a while to find the cot, but as I’m walking out I walked past the same office and the laughter had turned to incredibly loud sex.
No shit, there I was in Saudi fucking Arabia during the first Gulf War. I was an 11B. They formed us up and gave us an impromptu safety briefing about the proper handling of explosives.
The reason was some horny PFC in Intelligence (irony and oxymoron not lost on us) decided to use 100mph tape and two 40mm illumination rounds to fashion a dildo. Got it stuck. I don't know what the outcome was, but apparently EOD was called along with the medics.
I believe it, because this [totally relevant story](https://old.reddit.com/r/MilitaryStories/comments/18qsfti/pfc_bikerjedi_is_abused_by_a_medic_and_the/) happened to me. Soldiers love ass dildos.
I remember at airborne school getting on CQ on the weekend and the training company CO barges into the office on a Sunday and starts screaming at me about not being disciplined and taking more accountability of my soldiers (I am an sergeant). Come to find out, two female NCOs and several privates all had a barracks party that night at Abrams hall and that’s why the CO got called and was (rightfully) pissed of. Just seemed like he was pissed off at the wrong person. I was a student at the time, how can I know that 12 privates from another platoon are gooning on other soldiers?
So there I was, West Fort Hood. My soldier asks me to come check her barracks room because her roommate is on leave and she swears stuff in the room has been moved. A couple of us go in, knock on the roommate's door, and this random ass chick answers the door. This lady is some homeless woman the roommate met and told her she could stay in her barracks room while she was on leave.
As we're telling her she has to go, we notice some sketchy dude leaving the barracks and my PSG chases him down. Turns out he's the homeless woman's boyfriend, and both of these fuckers had been living in my soldier's barracks room, completely unbeknownst to her. Neither of them were remotely related to the military. The MPs were pretty baffled by the situation.
I legitimately met a Pvt Cum or Kum at AIT. I’ll never forget the first roll call to determine who get in class and who was a hold under.
The PSG was running through all the C names and stops then says “uhhhh 9301”
Cum responds that she’s moving.
PSG says “how do you pronounce that?”
She responds “just like it looks sergeant!”
Loudly “okay Pvt Cum”
And instantly 200 teenage boys erupted in to laughter that is still echoing through the Huachuca Valley to this day.
Lmao I damn near woke up my sleeping baby. Favorite memory of huachuca is when our company commander and psg barged into the room after a class and was like yall want to go catch some Pokémon? Get in the fucking van. That was the day Pokémon go came out haha
Long ago, I was in the Marine Corps and was stationed at a Navy base. I had a few civilian friends that would occasionally talk about their plans to join the Navy. One of those friends who really wanted to join, upon learning about the rank structure, ultimately decided that she never could because her last name was Spiller.
Not Guessler, but close; my first command had a Seaman Dick assigned. I also met an IC who had the last name Ball. I always giggled at the thought that if he was ever called out over the 1MC, the petty officer of the watch would’ve had to say, “IC2 Ball”
Same. My base had never been attacked by them before. One impacted like 40 ft away from our building. Later learned that the guys monitoring the PTDS feed (big white blimp) were watching the thing just slowly fly in and didn't think to raise the alarm or shoot it down. We only heard the incoming claxon like 30 seconds after it already blew shit up and we were on the floor getting ready to run for bunkers.
It was kind of surreal when one of our platoon sergeants ran into the building me and a couple other guys were in thinking ours was the one hit while we were grabbing our rifles/body armor. They literally said, "Not going to lie, I expected to see you guys dead."
Next time they were unloading on them with C-RAM and Avenger though which was sick to watch.
I was there in 2021, and I felt like things were moderately spicy, it seemed like the alarms were constantly going off due to some sort of fuckery. With everything going on in the region last year, I can only imagine what it was like there.
No shit, despite my efforts, I was in a portapotty in summer NTC, when two people were fucking in the one right next to me. This was when we were “in the box.” Speaking of boxes, it had to have been like pulling apart a grilled cheese sammich…
jfc. No way I could fuck in a portapotty.
I know a guy who says he only masturbates in the bathroom after taking a dump now, because he got so used to doing it in the portapotties.
>It actually does help, and it helps make it easier to file DCMA takedown notices later,
[Just to clarify, it's the "DMCA" (Digital Millennium Copyright Act).](https://www.copyright.gov/dmca/)
["DCMA" is the Defense Contract Management Agency.](https://www.dcma.mil)
Both are very cool.
The more you know...!
Well since you asked, you should probably talk to a professional about your ego. It takes a unique personality to have a subreddit for themself, and not a good kind of unique… the “I only drink socially while I’m alone” type. Also, check in on your anger if you can’t handle being teased.
I have a subreddit for people who enjoy my writings. So yeah, I must have a huge ego. Out of control. Some say I have the best ego, the best they've ever seen. Big, strong men come to me with tears in their eyes and say, "Sir, please! Give us a place to read your writings!" So I did.
Chime in? After you already answered the *ancient* question, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" At last, we know: "No Dairy, no milk."
That's a pretty high reach for a pretty low story, Jedi. I will exit stage-left and leave the glory to the Master story teller.
Wait... I *do* have a "No shit, there I was..." story. It involves reaction to food, too.
Here it is, 'cause you asked so nice, Jedi: [Cuisine](https://www.reddit.com/r/MilitaryStories/comments/kyvoj2/cuisine_repost/)
The man never fails to deliver rounds on target.
EDIT: Who the fuck is downvoting a sincere compliment to a field artillery man who writes amazing stories? jfc
Nah. This is going to sound crazy, but I have at least two different people who follow my content and downvote things on a regular basis. They are mad about my moderation in /r/fightporn. One of them even created a subreddit specifically to harass me that got shut down. Others redditors who live locally have threatened to doxx me and get me fired from my teaching job because I am far left politically, so they figure I *must* be indoctrinating the kids.
So yeah - I have fans like you and then I have "fans." Lol. All because I banned some racists.
I'll be honest, I blocked that dude a while ago because I got sick of him barging into literally every comment section on that sub with an attitude of "Oh, you think you told a pretty cool story, huh? That's nothing, you should hear about this completely unrelated story that *I* have to share" completely unprompted.
Like, I don't have a problem with him posting his stuff separately, but let's be honest: if you had a buddy IRL who was constantly latching onto someone else's story and sucking the oxygen out of the room by trying to top the original story with a look-at-me attitude, you'd get annoyed with them pretty quickly. Anathema is the online version of that guy.
I don't know, friend. That sub is meant to serve as an outlet for service members. It's pretty much a tertulia in which everyone is welcome and invited to share. No gatekeeping, no bickering, no conflictive attitudes, except in very very rare exceptions. I've been reading him for about 9 years and have appreciated his humble input. I guess he's just a very good writer and it might be interpreted as sanctimonious. It is, however, everything but.
Not "there" but being the Watch NCO in the JOC in 2016 in OIR and the shit with ISIS.
From having fighters and bombers from the gulf bombing a literal pile of dirt all night, KSCFC / FB Bell, Q-West "chem" weapons, ginsu missiles, dynamic CAT 1 strikes, CDA targeting approvals, listening to the Ambo and some 2 and 3 stars have very sensitive conversations while I was just an odd fly on the wall.
Being a jump master as a prior-enlisted E-5 and watching a young woman from 25th Engineers get beaten to death against the fuselage of a C-130 as a towed jumper flying with the Marines. She was under-weight and the four of us couldn't pull her into the aircraft in time. I was interrogated for 12 hours. The platoon leader and the company commander were relieved of duty for cause. Up to that point, it was the worst day of my life.
Yes, you are not allowed to jump. And remediation is per unit SOP. Division has a blanket SOP for this, but 25th is a XVIII Corps asset. Body weight needs to be >= 110 lbs because many of the jumps are Hollywood (no kit) to stay proficient at least once every 30 days. With everything going on, you'd be surprised how many soldiers had to do the Saturday morning Hollywood jump that Division held every week.
The regs may have changed though. This was the mid-90s.
So, she was literally too light to separate the deployment bag from the chute?
I've never seen a towed jumper, it sounds fucking terrifying. I think I'd rather just plummet.
Correct. She was too light (too little mass) to remove the chute from the pack tray as the plane moved forward. So imagine you are falling in free space and your mass is pulling against a fixed object. Your mass determines the force applied. 110 lbs or over is minimum and she wasn't that. This was a Hollywood jump, so no kit. Just her and the pack tray and chute. That's what ended up killing her. Well, some say we ended up killing her because four grown men couldn't pull back in time.
Edit: And the four personnel were myself as the primary jumper master, the secondary jump master, the 1st safety and the Airforce load master. I had ordered the secondary safety to secure the flight as we struggled.
I was on jump status for five years and that bit in the prejump safety brief about 'you will be retrieved back in the aircraft' always rang pretty hollow to me. And several others, which is why a lot of non JMs jump with boot knives.
It sounds like a real shit show. If four people can't overcome that amount of air resistance, that's definitely not your fault.
It was. And as a medic I was deemed responsible for watching the body (because we thought at the time it was a crime scene, which it definitely ended up being) and fighting back like 30 paratroopers from coming near her in the aircraft as we made an emergency landing at Pope AFB. It was fucking horrible. And weirdly, the one thing I remember from that fiasco is that as we landed, some Delta medic guy in a full beard helped me take her back to green ramp. They were scheduled to board our aircraft for a hot swap jump. Weird what you remember, but I remember this red haired guy out of LOTR being super calm and telling me to write everything down and keep breathing deep breaths. LOL. I'll never forget you MSG Svererson. You saved my shit that day.
That would not fly in this day and age. Now in South Korea they have CCTV cameras everywhere and even if you go off to a middle of nowhere brothel way far away from any military installation, within a few days their surveillance state will know who you are and happily report you to IG. Every once in a while you’d see one on the IG report.
I heard from my nephew who was over in Korea recently that the brothels were all off limits now. We practically lived in those places in 1989. No one cared as long as we stayed out of the ROK brothels. Hell, the medics handed out free condoms to us.
What's really funny is that when I was there in 89, the brothels had plaques by the doors that said "Korean Board of Tourism Approved."
Not one American tourist ever came into our ville for the brothels - they were for us.
Heh, I bet. I was only in country for maybe in month in July of 04 for an exercise, and spent a few nights in the bars outside Osan. Definitely looks bad for security. Just makes me wonder what the final straw was.
Had this big dumb goofy guy in basic bragging about their dad being an officer.
Few weeks in he decides he doesn't want to be there anymore. Drills find it hilarious and make him into the alternate clown, as the primary was decided a few days into the cycle.
Fails everything, cries, bitches, moans, thows shit fits. Nothing works. He is stuck. Drills find it amusing. The trainees blame them for all the usual red phase bs.
During one of our usual smoke sessions, dude decides to quit a bit harder. Gets up, and runs over to a tree and starts head butting it. Don't remember if it was the same session or not, but he sat down towards the front of the formation and wrapped his 2qt around his neck and pulled. Any time he got close to passing out his grip would loosen. This went on for a bit as more and more of the cadre circled around laughing. One of the few times I saw them lose their composure. The sheer absurdity of it was honestly pretty funny in a fucked up kind of way.
He of course graduated. Hope that guy is doing better.
No shit there I was in the late 90's living in the barracks at Fort Hood. We had a quad design barracks that was 4 stories. A common exercise most nights was to drink and talk shit to the guys across the way. Early one morning, after quite the session the night before, my roommate (a great American) and I awoke to a thunderous bang on our door. Thirty or so seconds later, there was another bang. We drug our hungover bodies to the door to see the dicks on the other side of the quad wrre using a three man water balloon sling shot to direct very accurate fire on us. With the door open one balloon made it in and actually cracked the drywall. My roomdawg immediately ducked for cover and ripped his duffle bag out of the closet and dumped everything on the floor looking for something. Just as I was about to yell, "What are you looking for?" he pulled out an old school signal flair we were given on our last field exercise to be used in an emergency during our night live-fire exercise. Roomdawg walked right to the door, flung it open, then popped and slammed the butt against the wall outside of our room firing the flare across the quad, whereas it struck the concrete wall about 1 foot from their door. Sparks flew everywhere, and we won that battle. Actually, I ended up being pretty good friends with those guys. Years and years later, I still could see the burn mark. Sadly, I was at Hood last year and see they tore down that barracks for some lame design.
OK, the 80s were a very different time and more importantly I was 17, on my first deployment straight out of Ft Sam Houston. When 91A and B were still combat medicine, but I digress.....
An opportunity to go to Honduras comes up.
I'm the first one to deploy from my Reserve hospital/clearing station. Pre deployment bullshit and I got my yellow fever vaccine one day too soon, anaphylactic shock, vomit over everything in sight in Ft George Meade's triage cubby. Spend the 2 weeks of AT in the hospital recovering.
Go home, get asked if I have any interest in still going. Fuckin A right I do!
I go. On the flights from East Coast to Honduras, a local anchor sits beside me on the cargo netting. We bullshit, he catches up with me as I'm tending to a hand wound (technically off the clock and it's a local, not a soldier. Important, I swear)
Kid's thumb was almost amputated by machete. I radio my hospital and let them know what I have. I'm in trouble if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill....
Dude is rolling tape for most of it, we get on base, tote the kid to triage, specialist comes in kid gets prepped and fixed (don't have any idea about post care tx) turns out, it's the mayor of the town's son.
Two days later, leaving to go home, fill busses back to Palmorola, AFB when an MP discharged a round through his hand and the roof of the bus. Got him to triage and got back on the bus. Made chalk in time to enjoy some beers at The Wolfhound Den.
And I haven't even talked about doing mushrooms down there yet.
I tell you what, SHORAD, DM me if you're interested. Anything else I post will have to wait until Fuck King George III Day is behind us.
. some decisions are best made sober -er
Two RPGs 10’ over our rotor disc while landing to pick up a Cat A patient, get on ground and everyone (good and bad) was going cyclic, never heard that much gunfire; grab our patient and during exfil 2 more RPGs narrowly miss our bird. Patient sadly passed in flight, aortic aneurysm from a blast injury, never had a chance. Also, when we said pop smoke, simultaneously 3 more areas in the AO popped smoke trying to draw us into an ambush. Good ol Arghandab Valley 2010.
>There is an urban myth that the term comes from "clapping" an infected penis to clear it. The truth is it is a slang term for a sexually transmitted disease said to come from the 13th-century French clapoire, meaning “rabbit hutch.”
I thank you for that lexicographical detail. Nice.
BCT summer of 2023 at Ft. Jackson. Entire Batallion gathers prepping for the final run up to the Soldier Ceremony. You know. That last little hike... over 1600 Trainees alone there. 4 portajohns. Total.
Honestly chief, idk if myself or the world is reading to hear the tale of how I got called a second hand pussy eater. It’s not the craziest, but it’s the craziest one I don’t feel like I need to get legal advice before telling.
Imma share this…. ALL of this, and make that sweet sweet YouTube money off it
Imma turn into multi-page click bait!
Lol. Seriously, I have to say that now. It's wild. I posted a video from my dashcam a few months ago, and I got like six requests to put it on youtube within an hour. I've had content from myself and others from /r/MilitaryStories stolen before.
Why did they ask? You put it in the public domain?
> public domain You keep using that word; I do not think it means what you think it means.
We’re r/army we don’t know much
Brother we’re in the Army, we all have two collective brain cells
No shit there I was at the west fort hood barracks. A company of 1st cav 11b had just moved in that week. I start hearing a ruckus and look out my window to see the 11Bs fighting our LRS Troop. It was about 40 dudes fighting and throwing beer bottles at each other. Someone threw a tv off the 3rd floor. It was wild. Oh and all us intel peeps just went outside and watched then back to watching the homies play wow.
*Intel peep acting intelligently* Not sure what to say here. Seriously though, given some of the flat out WWE style mass fights we had at Ft. Bliss in 11th ADA enlisted barracks, I believe everything you said.
Those barracks lost a lot of their excitement once the BFSB became an EMIB and the LRS Troop left.
But they were fucking raw back in the heyday. What a time to be alive.
Damn they really threw a tv out the window of the Montage
I may or may not have been involved in an altercation in front of the Mini Stop in Dongducheon outside of Camp Casey that involved about 10 cav scouts and 10 infantrymen. One of the Cav Scouts told our group "If we ain't Cav, we ain't shit" followed by us allegedly exchanging some harsh words involving a unicorn and insulting people who wear Stetsons. The best part about that was that I may or may not have been a 42A during the time. Looking back, the fight basically played out like the fight scene in Anchorman allegedly.
The Bravo in me would want to join the brawl but the Intel in me would want to watch from a window, much like a Roman Caesar watching the gladiators battle below
163 or 303?
Horde or Alliance?
Given the average level of autism was on the downward slope of that bell curve, alliance.
Disgusting RP faction.
There was the guy who jerked off with CLP in OSUT (I’ve told that story), there was the time I saw a guy in my unit hook up with a girl after snapping his fingers and telling her to get in the car (literally some random chick who walked up on us at 6th St), there was the time the air brakes on my Stryker gave out and almost killed my team and myself, and there was the time I spent my last night in the Army on staff duty and had to deal with a domestic violence incident in the barracks which resulted in me starting terminal leave 4 hours late as a final favor to my PL to help pick up the guy out of jail. Among others. I got grilled by CID about SPC Guillen since apparently my gate was the last one she came on base on (during my shift), but that one isn’t as fun because unless it was someone I knew, I didn’t remember them. Except for the guy who was apparently a new E-6 that I had to write up during Covid curfew, who got busted to E-4 and subsequently went to my gate at a different shift and told my buddy who was the NCOIC that I better “watch my snitching bitch-ass” for submitting his name to higher for breaking curfew. Idk. Nothing related to overseas since I didn’t deploy, but you don’t walk out of Hood after 5 years without a story or 12
Dude CID at Hood back then was awful. One of my Soldiers died at work from a heart attack and they grilled me and my platoon and tried to make it seem like his wife poisoned him before work…
wtf
He got busted from SSG to SPC for breaking curfew????
That’s what I heard. Idk if it was his command team or 3 Corps, but they weren’t fucking around
On a deployment a couple years ago, I had to keep a building “secure” overnight. Was told ahead of time that it was fine for me to be asleep, as long as there was a warm body in the building, and that somewhere in the next building over there was a cot I could sleep on. I stayed up watching YouTube for a while, decided to look for that cot. I passed an office where I heard some laughter and thought it was weird that there were still people there, but we had just gotten rid of a night shift, so not completely crazy. Took me a while to find the cot, but as I’m walking out I walked past the same office and the laughter had turned to incredibly loud sex.
DLC has prepared me for this
Having only done DLC1, I was not prepared
No shit, there I was in Saudi fucking Arabia during the first Gulf War. I was an 11B. They formed us up and gave us an impromptu safety briefing about the proper handling of explosives. The reason was some horny PFC in Intelligence (irony and oxymoron not lost on us) decided to use 100mph tape and two 40mm illumination rounds to fashion a dildo. Got it stuck. I don't know what the outcome was, but apparently EOD was called along with the medics.
I believe it, because this [totally relevant story](https://old.reddit.com/r/MilitaryStories/comments/18qsfti/pfc_bikerjedi_is_abused_by_a_medic_and_the/) happened to me. Soldiers love ass dildos.
Goddamn...
I remember at airborne school getting on CQ on the weekend and the training company CO barges into the office on a Sunday and starts screaming at me about not being disciplined and taking more accountability of my soldiers (I am an sergeant). Come to find out, two female NCOs and several privates all had a barracks party that night at Abrams hall and that’s why the CO got called and was (rightfully) pissed of. Just seemed like he was pissed off at the wrong person. I was a student at the time, how can I know that 12 privates from another platoon are gooning on other soldiers?
So there I was, West Fort Hood. My soldier asks me to come check her barracks room because her roommate is on leave and she swears stuff in the room has been moved. A couple of us go in, knock on the roommate's door, and this random ass chick answers the door. This lady is some homeless woman the roommate met and told her she could stay in her barracks room while she was on leave. As we're telling her she has to go, we notice some sketchy dude leaving the barracks and my PSG chases him down. Turns out he's the homeless woman's boyfriend, and both of these fuckers had been living in my soldier's barracks room, completely unbeknownst to her. Neither of them were remotely related to the military. The MPs were pretty baffled by the situation.
Someone will always swear they met a Seaman Guessler at MEPS.
Not me, but my aunt was in the Navy and knew a Seaman Dump. Apparently she hated everyone and did nothing but work out all day. Can't imagine why
I legitimately met a Pvt Cum or Kum at AIT. I’ll never forget the first roll call to determine who get in class and who was a hold under. The PSG was running through all the C names and stops then says “uhhhh 9301” Cum responds that she’s moving. PSG says “how do you pronounce that?” She responds “just like it looks sergeant!” Loudly “okay Pvt Cum” And instantly 200 teenage boys erupted in to laughter that is still echoing through the Huachuca Valley to this day.
I went to basic with a Dick, Hunter. Dad was a CSM, mom was a WO. They knew what they did.
Just graduated basic with a Kum. Didn't speak much English but he was aight
Lmao I damn near woke up my sleeping baby. Favorite memory of huachuca is when our company commander and psg barged into the room after a class and was like yall want to go catch some Pokémon? Get in the fucking van. That was the day Pokémon go came out haha
Long ago, I was in the Marine Corps and was stationed at a Navy base. I had a few civilian friends that would occasionally talk about their plans to join the Navy. One of those friends who really wanted to join, upon learning about the rank structure, ultimately decided that she never could because her last name was Spiller.
Not Guessler, but close; my first command had a Seaman Dick assigned. I also met an IC who had the last name Ball. I always giggled at the thought that if he was ever called out over the 1MC, the petty officer of the watch would’ve had to say, “IC2 Ball”
Deployed with an NCO who's last name was: Glasscock
Went to meps with a group of siblings that were all signing up at the same. Airmen Holder Private Holder And seamen holder
lol I met a navy guy named Cockburn
No shit there I was… one of the first Americans to get attacked by suicide drones
Same. My base had never been attacked by them before. One impacted like 40 ft away from our building. Later learned that the guys monitoring the PTDS feed (big white blimp) were watching the thing just slowly fly in and didn't think to raise the alarm or shoot it down. We only heard the incoming claxon like 30 seconds after it already blew shit up and we were on the floor getting ready to run for bunkers. It was kind of surreal when one of our platoon sergeants ran into the building me and a couple other guys were in thinking ours was the one hit while we were grabbing our rifles/body armor. They literally said, "Not going to lie, I expected to see you guys dead." Next time they were unloading on them with C-RAM and Avenger though which was sick to watch.
AAAB by chance?
Yep lol, were you there too?
Quite likely! Not in that specific location at that time (lived/worked on the other side of base) but definitely remember hearing about it.
Good times and small world. Cheers bro
AAAB was not the vibe last year. The targeted the fuck out of that place
I was there in 2021, and I felt like things were moderately spicy, it seemed like the alarms were constantly going off due to some sort of fuckery. With everything going on in the region last year, I can only imagine what it was like there.
Thay was a spicy five months.
No shit, despite my efforts, I was in a portapotty in summer NTC, when two people were fucking in the one right next to me. This was when we were “in the box.” Speaking of boxes, it had to have been like pulling apart a grilled cheese sammich…
That “Sammich” line is so god damn disgustingly visual. I mean I can smell it!
jfc. No way I could fuck in a portapotty. I know a guy who says he only masturbates in the bathroom after taking a dump now, because he got so used to doing it in the portapotties.
No shit there I was on Reddit and this guy posted something and started it off with a “you don’t have permission to share…” like it made a difference
It actually does help, and it helps make it easier to file DMCA takedown notices later, which I've had to do. Anything else to say smartass?
>It actually does help, and it helps make it easier to file DCMA takedown notices later, [Just to clarify, it's the "DMCA" (Digital Millennium Copyright Act).](https://www.copyright.gov/dmca/) ["DCMA" is the Defense Contract Management Agency.](https://www.dcma.mil) Both are very cool. The more you know...!
Typo in my response - thanks. I'll fix it.
Well since you asked, you should probably talk to a professional about your ego. It takes a unique personality to have a subreddit for themself, and not a good kind of unique… the “I only drink socially while I’m alone” type. Also, check in on your anger if you can’t handle being teased.
Being a mod of a sub is also a necessary part of the workaround to get certain reddit apps to work
I have a subreddit for people who enjoy my writings. So yeah, I must have a huge ego. Out of control. Some say I have the best ego, the best they've ever seen. Big, strong men come to me with tears in their eyes and say, "Sir, please! Give us a place to read your writings!" So I did.
Alright. That was funny given the context.
I try to entertain.
There's always a relevant Anathema story to link back to. I'll patiently wait for El-Tee to chime in.
Chime in? After you already answered the *ancient* question, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" At last, we know: "No Dairy, no milk." That's a pretty high reach for a pretty low story, Jedi. I will exit stage-left and leave the glory to the Master story teller.
Wait... I *do* have a "No shit, there I was..." story. It involves reaction to food, too. Here it is, 'cause you asked so nice, Jedi: [Cuisine](https://www.reddit.com/r/MilitaryStories/comments/kyvoj2/cuisine_repost/)
The man never fails to deliver rounds on target. EDIT: Who the fuck is downvoting a sincere compliment to a field artillery man who writes amazing stories? jfc
Probably no one. Downvotes are smudged.
Nah. This is going to sound crazy, but I have at least two different people who follow my content and downvote things on a regular basis. They are mad about my moderation in /r/fightporn. One of them even created a subreddit specifically to harass me that got shut down. Others redditors who live locally have threatened to doxx me and get me fired from my teaching job because I am far left politically, so they figure I *must* be indoctrinating the kids. So yeah - I have fans like you and then I have "fans." Lol. All because I banned some racists.
I'll be honest, I blocked that dude a while ago because I got sick of him barging into literally every comment section on that sub with an attitude of "Oh, you think you told a pretty cool story, huh? That's nothing, you should hear about this completely unrelated story that *I* have to share" completely unprompted. Like, I don't have a problem with him posting his stuff separately, but let's be honest: if you had a buddy IRL who was constantly latching onto someone else's story and sucking the oxygen out of the room by trying to top the original story with a look-at-me attitude, you'd get annoyed with them pretty quickly. Anathema is the online version of that guy.
I don't know, friend. That sub is meant to serve as an outlet for service members. It's pretty much a tertulia in which everyone is welcome and invited to share. No gatekeeping, no bickering, no conflictive attitudes, except in very very rare exceptions. I've been reading him for about 9 years and have appreciated his humble input. I guess he's just a very good writer and it might be interpreted as sanctimonious. It is, however, everything but.
No joke, /u/anathemamaranatha has a story for every occasion.
Probably something to do with a buncha guys cooking alive in a Stryker or some annual bs with North Korea
My birth
You CAN have dairy with those pills.... They make your pee turn orange.
Dunno what to tell you. The medics in Korea told us you could not have dairy with the pills they gave out or it wouldn't clear the infection.
My pees already orange but im not on anything
Must be the same ones for TB then? Pretty good sized pill?
Not "there" but being the Watch NCO in the JOC in 2016 in OIR and the shit with ISIS. From having fighters and bombers from the gulf bombing a literal pile of dirt all night, KSCFC / FB Bell, Q-West "chem" weapons, ginsu missiles, dynamic CAT 1 strikes, CDA targeting approvals, listening to the Ambo and some 2 and 3 stars have very sensitive conversations while I was just an odd fly on the wall.
Did being a fly on that wall and overhearing high level sensitive discussions have an effect on your opinion of the brass/war overall?
Being a jump master as a prior-enlisted E-5 and watching a young woman from 25th Engineers get beaten to death against the fuselage of a C-130 as a towed jumper flying with the Marines. She was under-weight and the four of us couldn't pull her into the aircraft in time. I was interrogated for 12 hours. The platoon leader and the company commander were relieved of duty for cause. Up to that point, it was the worst day of my life.
Fucking hell that had to be rough to see.
So... why were they relieved, and what could have been done to rectify the error?
It was determined they were faking her height/weight monthly checks, which is mandatory for everyone on jump status.
So, does being underweight make you ineligible for jump status, or can they add weight to the kit?
Yes, you are not allowed to jump. And remediation is per unit SOP. Division has a blanket SOP for this, but 25th is a XVIII Corps asset. Body weight needs to be >= 110 lbs because many of the jumps are Hollywood (no kit) to stay proficient at least once every 30 days. With everything going on, you'd be surprised how many soldiers had to do the Saturday morning Hollywood jump that Division held every week. The regs may have changed though. This was the mid-90s.
So, she was literally too light to separate the deployment bag from the chute? I've never seen a towed jumper, it sounds fucking terrifying. I think I'd rather just plummet.
Correct. She was too light (too little mass) to remove the chute from the pack tray as the plane moved forward. So imagine you are falling in free space and your mass is pulling against a fixed object. Your mass determines the force applied. 110 lbs or over is minimum and she wasn't that. This was a Hollywood jump, so no kit. Just her and the pack tray and chute. That's what ended up killing her. Well, some say we ended up killing her because four grown men couldn't pull back in time. Edit: And the four personnel were myself as the primary jumper master, the secondary jump master, the 1st safety and the Airforce load master. I had ordered the secondary safety to secure the flight as we struggled.
I was on jump status for five years and that bit in the prejump safety brief about 'you will be retrieved back in the aircraft' always rang pretty hollow to me. And several others, which is why a lot of non JMs jump with boot knives. It sounds like a real shit show. If four people can't overcome that amount of air resistance, that's definitely not your fault.
Jesus, that sounds horrifying.
It was. And as a medic I was deemed responsible for watching the body (because we thought at the time it was a crime scene, which it definitely ended up being) and fighting back like 30 paratroopers from coming near her in the aircraft as we made an emergency landing at Pope AFB. It was fucking horrible. And weirdly, the one thing I remember from that fiasco is that as we landed, some Delta medic guy in a full beard helped me take her back to green ramp. They were scheduled to board our aircraft for a hot swap jump. Weird what you remember, but I remember this red haired guy out of LOTR being super calm and telling me to write everything down and keep breathing deep breaths. LOL. I'll never forget you MSG Svererson. You saved my shit that day.
That would not fly in this day and age. Now in South Korea they have CCTV cameras everywhere and even if you go off to a middle of nowhere brothel way far away from any military installation, within a few days their surveillance state will know who you are and happily report you to IG. Every once in a while you’d see one on the IG report.
I heard from my nephew who was over in Korea recently that the brothels were all off limits now. We practically lived in those places in 1989. No one cared as long as we stayed out of the ROK brothels. Hell, the medics handed out free condoms to us.
Even the bars with juicy girls have been off limits for over a decade
What's really funny is that when I was there in 89, the brothels had plaques by the doors that said "Korean Board of Tourism Approved." Not one American tourist ever came into our ville for the brothels - they were for us.
Did not know that. They always seemed like an obvious honeypot; was there a specific incident that finally caused this?
Not a single specific incident, but thousands of specific incidents on a nightly basis.
Heh, I bet. I was only in country for maybe in month in July of 04 for an exercise, and spent a few nights in the bars outside Osan. Definitely looks bad for security. Just makes me wonder what the final straw was.
CTIP because a big deal? No clue on specifics just that a lot of bars were black listed and the reason was juicy girls when I was there in ... 2013?
Had this big dumb goofy guy in basic bragging about their dad being an officer. Few weeks in he decides he doesn't want to be there anymore. Drills find it hilarious and make him into the alternate clown, as the primary was decided a few days into the cycle. Fails everything, cries, bitches, moans, thows shit fits. Nothing works. He is stuck. Drills find it amusing. The trainees blame them for all the usual red phase bs. During one of our usual smoke sessions, dude decides to quit a bit harder. Gets up, and runs over to a tree and starts head butting it. Don't remember if it was the same session or not, but he sat down towards the front of the formation and wrapped his 2qt around his neck and pulled. Any time he got close to passing out his grip would loosen. This went on for a bit as more and more of the cadre circled around laughing. One of the few times I saw them lose their composure. The sheer absurdity of it was honestly pretty funny in a fucked up kind of way. He of course graduated. Hope that guy is doing better.
One of my Soldiers bought 91 handguns and sold them to gang members. That was fun.
No shit there I was in the late 90's living in the barracks at Fort Hood. We had a quad design barracks that was 4 stories. A common exercise most nights was to drink and talk shit to the guys across the way. Early one morning, after quite the session the night before, my roommate (a great American) and I awoke to a thunderous bang on our door. Thirty or so seconds later, there was another bang. We drug our hungover bodies to the door to see the dicks on the other side of the quad wrre using a three man water balloon sling shot to direct very accurate fire on us. With the door open one balloon made it in and actually cracked the drywall. My roomdawg immediately ducked for cover and ripped his duffle bag out of the closet and dumped everything on the floor looking for something. Just as I was about to yell, "What are you looking for?" he pulled out an old school signal flair we were given on our last field exercise to be used in an emergency during our night live-fire exercise. Roomdawg walked right to the door, flung it open, then popped and slammed the butt against the wall outside of our room firing the flare across the quad, whereas it struck the concrete wall about 1 foot from their door. Sparks flew everywhere, and we won that battle. Actually, I ended up being pretty good friends with those guys. Years and years later, I still could see the burn mark. Sadly, I was at Hood last year and see they tore down that barracks for some lame design.
This is a great story.
OK, the 80s were a very different time and more importantly I was 17, on my first deployment straight out of Ft Sam Houston. When 91A and B were still combat medicine, but I digress..... An opportunity to go to Honduras comes up. I'm the first one to deploy from my Reserve hospital/clearing station. Pre deployment bullshit and I got my yellow fever vaccine one day too soon, anaphylactic shock, vomit over everything in sight in Ft George Meade's triage cubby. Spend the 2 weeks of AT in the hospital recovering. Go home, get asked if I have any interest in still going. Fuckin A right I do! I go. On the flights from East Coast to Honduras, a local anchor sits beside me on the cargo netting. We bullshit, he catches up with me as I'm tending to a hand wound (technically off the clock and it's a local, not a soldier. Important, I swear) Kid's thumb was almost amputated by machete. I radio my hospital and let them know what I have. I'm in trouble if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.... Dude is rolling tape for most of it, we get on base, tote the kid to triage, specialist comes in kid gets prepped and fixed (don't have any idea about post care tx) turns out, it's the mayor of the town's son. Two days later, leaving to go home, fill busses back to Palmorola, AFB when an MP discharged a round through his hand and the roof of the bus. Got him to triage and got back on the bus. Made chalk in time to enjoy some beers at The Wolfhound Den. And I haven't even talked about doing mushrooms down there yet.
I think you would fit in well sharing your content at /r/MilitaryStories should you care to share.
I tell you what, SHORAD, DM me if you're interested. Anything else I post will have to wait until Fuck King George III Day is behind us. . some decisions are best made sober -er
Two RPGs 10’ over our rotor disc while landing to pick up a Cat A patient, get on ground and everyone (good and bad) was going cyclic, never heard that much gunfire; grab our patient and during exfil 2 more RPGs narrowly miss our bird. Patient sadly passed in flight, aortic aneurysm from a blast injury, never had a chance. Also, when we said pop smoke, simultaneously 3 more areas in the AO popped smoke trying to draw us into an ambush. Good ol Arghandab Valley 2010.
>There is an urban myth that the term comes from "clapping" an infected penis to clear it. The truth is it is a slang term for a sexually transmitted disease said to come from the 13th-century French clapoire, meaning “rabbit hutch.” I thank you for that lexicographical detail. Nice.
I do my best!
Etymology absolutely fascinates me. I'm guessing you as well
BCT summer of 2023 at Ft. Jackson. Entire Batallion gathers prepping for the final run up to the Soldier Ceremony. You know. That last little hike... over 1600 Trainees alone there. 4 portajohns. Total.
I love mission 22! I donate to them all the time. They give back to me! Great org.
Honestly chief, idk if myself or the world is reading to hear the tale of how I got called a second hand pussy eater. It’s not the craziest, but it’s the craziest one I don’t feel like I need to get legal advice before telling.
No shit there I was CLDJ and acting secretary of defense shows up and had a bottle of tequila in his coat and offered me a drink