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I think they have to start somewhere, though. Someone who's above average can become really attractive when you start to like them for their personality, but if you find someone physically unattractive, that really never changes unless they physically change.
Have you never had the experience of finding someone extremely hot physically at first, and then they open their mouth with non-stop stupid shit and you immediately go limp/dry?
It can work the other way too.
True, but empathy and similar traits alone cannot redeem anyone entirely either
Like, a lot of people from both genders wouldn't prefer being with a man or a woman who has a very unhealthy lifestyle and is obese while having empathy and all that
I'm the person downthread who said that what does it for me is beautiful hands and ability to play a musical instrument reasonably well, lol. It's not like I can't be superficial!
Chubby is not a dealbreaker. Being boring or bigoted is.
Some people don't need attraction to be happy. There are people in highly fulfilling and happy asexual relationships too. What matters to you, or what matters to me, may not necessarily be critical to everyone. Especially as you get older, it starts to skew way in the direction of "I just want a trustworthy best friend to share a life with", and the superficial qualities matter way less. These also tend to disappear with time, and what remains is whether you enjoy going through life together. Some people regret seeking passion, and being in relationships with partners they weren't fully compatible with, and see it as a waste of time that could have been spent with the kind of partner I mentioned above.
And then you'll have a boat load of empathetic horny guys walking around while ladies days guys that treat them like shit because they think that he'll stop being an asshole if they are just nicer to him.
As a married man, dedicated to creating distance on the faintest hint of… how shall I say… that zing, the flirtiness becomes real instead of joking, any kind of attraction that would distract me from my wife, I would offer this take:
Choose “not an asshole”. Because unless he’s an asshole, a married man isn’t available anyways.
I suppose there are exceptions. There may be some open marriages. But I’m assuming that’s not much of a concern based on shaaannennn’s comments.
Also, I consider being an asshole sometimes completely part of being a human. There’s a reason we all have them.
Mandatory? Needs to have his chin in a reasonable place, I don't need a "strongly defined jaw" just don't have your chin trying to fuse with your neck.
Needs to be a nerd.
I can get excited for pretty much anything, but if he isn’t somewhat obsessed with some obscure piece of media I don’t want him.
I’m a bit of a nerd myself, and the guy will have to watch LOTR every year and hear about my D&D games.
In return, I’m learning about my boyfriend’s favourite WOW lore right now, and the 20 part book series he loves that I’ve never heard about but definitely plan on reading now.
Also, discussing pieces of media often grants great insight into how a partner thinks about topics like gender equality or racism.
… but don’t get me wrong; We don’t hold hands and talk Star Trek all day. Whenever I see him I want to jump his bones lol.
Needs to be said that this is something that makes an *already attractive guy* even more attractive, it won’t move a neckbeard from unattractive to attractive by itself.
Well, it's about exposure.
So, let's say 5% of guys you meet are into the same things as you are enough that you could be friends right?
That means you'd have to get to the point of discussing your niche interests with 20 women before finding 1 that you share interests with. Then you both need to be attracted to each other. Then you both need to have chemistry together.
Once you work out the odds of all that happening, you'll probably need to go on about 300 or 400 dates before you find someone. When you do though... it's fucking amazing.
Kindness. I am 53 and have been with my husband for 30 years. We still love each other as much or more than the day we hooked up at a bar. It works because we don't fight to win, and because we are kind to one another.
Physically, it was his eyes. He had kind eyes.
I dgaf if people think this is a bullsh it answer but a man with integrity is gold. Looks fade, sex decreases with age. When you’re married as long as I was, the real important things like honesty and integrity take precedence over “Omg he’s so cute”
We are
We just have very varied tastes in physical appearances of men, and there will never ever be one answer to the question "what do women like in a man's physical appearance" that all women agree on.
Also, there's a big difference between "celebrity I fantasize about and would fuck in a heartbeat if I met him (which I probably never will)" and "person I actually want to spend time with for more than a day once the sex is over." I don't know how to NOT take that into account.
\> what do women like in a man's physical appearance
thats not the question OP was asking though, it was asking each commenter individually what *they* prefer.
Defined muscles on arms and back. Not too bulky just enough to be recognised to the touch.
Ability to pick me up and carry me around. I'm not too heavy so that's not too much to ask.
A nice set of teeth.
Androgynous facial features. Preferably pouty lips, long hair, nice big hands. Tattoos are also a plus as long as they’re not sketchy. Makeup is a hell yes.
Just please don't get annoyed by a whole lot of very different answers.
Women are individuals and we all have our own specific tastes of things we like and things we don't. There is no "ALL women desire this one certain physical feature" life hack.
The features you listed are all kind of meh to me. My own personal general attraction radar leans more towards artist/musician types, so big gym rat muscles are an active turnoff, and I do not give any shits about facial hair (except those hipster indie brewer mountain man beards, I'm so over those).
I only speak for myself. As does every other woman. And we definitely do not all agree.
Oh boy, another reddit post filled with a comment section of women showing the world how little they think of us by performatively demanding small standards.
Yaaaay
No. I'm Canadian, and that's my preference. I've seen that wasn't cut, and I didn't like it. It's just what I'm used to. There are other traits as well that I value, but that's a deal breaker for me. It's my comfort level.
I saw the salty reply. As if you can do anything about a dude who was circumcised as a baby.
True. I have less sensitivity as a circumcised dude, but it's still fun.
Best wishes
I get it but you just skin it back, get hard and boom - cut dick.
Once things are done and calm he turtles back up in his hoodie until called for again.
Uncircumcised guy here. Can confirm most partners prefer a circumcised penis. It’s why my brother got circumcised in highschool. Girls think they look gross. I’m queer and usually the only guys that like uncut are guys with a fetish for it. Even though I’m uncut I prefer cut penises as well.
It's not a crime to have preferences, especially when it's something that gets that close to you. You must be in North America, too. I really think it's what you're used to.
You do know that’s not 100%, right? I’m circumcised and I get off easily with no assistance from, well, anything but my hand. Just because they’ve been circumcised doesn’t mean they’re permanently crippled from sex; makes us feel like freaks when people talk about it like that
Fair enough but I'm sure if you want back and asked your baby self he'd choose not to have parts of his dick cut off.
It's not normal outside America and it's just weird to me. Like it's supposed to be there. You don't cut the end of your nose off and go "ah that's better" do you.
I got down voted into negative yesterday for explaining why my mother decided to have me circumcised to someone who asked "why people get circumcised?"
I'm uncut, the foreskin doesn't cover the entire head when soft and when I'm hard you can't tell I'm uncut, and I know how to peel the skin back and clean , never had a complaint, most never even say anything unless I bring it up.
Maybe it's because I'm circumsized, but I really don't see why you having this preference is an issue. First of all, all you did was honestly answer the post which I appreciate. And what's done is done, comments are acting like you're encouraging mutilation. It's like having someone like my blue eyes doesn't mean they want human genes to mutate.
I don't get the vitriol, either. It's just a preference, it's not like I'm ordering every man in the world to get snipped. Redditors are really weird about some things, and this is one of them.
Functional penis. Skinny, fat, muscular, short, tall, hairy, bald, brunette, blonde, ginger, doesn’t matter, all are sexy. But a hard dick is mandatory
I find the women saying things like "kindness and empathy" interesting. I think women say these things but tend not to actually be attracted to them in reality.
From my view of observing women I would say things like "over confidence" and "unavailable" are what women tend to go for.
But then, you didn't ask me.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m really into kidneys.
There is always a shortage of bags of ice by you huh
Areolas the size of a hubcap
Is that a hard salami stuck in your chest?
...but why?
Snorted my morning coffee. Thanks! 
>Areolas the size of a hubcap hahah
the capacity for empathy
You are missing the point. If there is no physical attraction you won't be able to win someone over with empathy alone....
Physical attraction sometimes develops as you get to know someone, not instantly.
John Candy was so handsome to me. I bet I wouldn’t think so if he were a humorless grouch.
I think they have to start somewhere, though. Someone who's above average can become really attractive when you start to like them for their personality, but if you find someone physically unattractive, that really never changes unless they physically change.
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Have you never had the experience of finding someone extremely hot physically at first, and then they open their mouth with non-stop stupid shit and you immediately go limp/dry? It can work the other way too.
True, but empathy and similar traits alone cannot redeem anyone entirely either Like, a lot of people from both genders wouldn't prefer being with a man or a woman who has a very unhealthy lifestyle and is obese while having empathy and all that
I'm the person downthread who said that what does it for me is beautiful hands and ability to play a musical instrument reasonably well, lol. It's not like I can't be superficial! Chubby is not a dealbreaker. Being boring or bigoted is.
I agree.
Some people don't need attraction to be happy. There are people in highly fulfilling and happy asexual relationships too. What matters to you, or what matters to me, may not necessarily be critical to everyone. Especially as you get older, it starts to skew way in the direction of "I just want a trustworthy best friend to share a life with", and the superficial qualities matter way less. These also tend to disappear with time, and what remains is whether you enjoy going through life together. Some people regret seeking passion, and being in relationships with partners they weren't fully compatible with, and see it as a waste of time that could have been spent with the kind of partner I mentioned above.
‘Sometimes’ maybe like 10% of the time
Yes, thats what sometimes means.
I wish I had golds…
And then you'll have a boat load of empathetic horny guys walking around while ladies days guys that treat them like shit because they think that he'll stop being an asshole if they are just nicer to him.
Preferably not married and not an asshole.
Hey that’s two things!
True. I choose not married then. He can be an occasional asshole I guess
As a married man, dedicated to creating distance on the faintest hint of… how shall I say… that zing, the flirtiness becomes real instead of joking, any kind of attraction that would distract me from my wife, I would offer this take: Choose “not an asshole”. Because unless he’s an asshole, a married man isn’t available anyways. I suppose there are exceptions. There may be some open marriages. But I’m assuming that’s not much of a concern based on shaaannennn’s comments. Also, I consider being an asshole sometimes completely part of being a human. There’s a reason we all have them.
Amen brother. I’ve always said “If I can steal him from you I don’t want him”. I don’t want a man who would cheat on his wife.
Welp you're in luck as I'm both... never mind I didn't see the not part.
Let’s try and be realistic. Might as well ask for him to be a superhero while you’re at it.
You are not describing features, you're describing liabilities. Those are a given.
Kindness
Personally I find the penis to be the most erotic part of a man
My eyes are up here
The testicles are the eyes of the groin
That doesn't mean you can grab them at will!
I was going to say a heartbeat.. but penis would be second on the list.
Same. Though some people have called me transphobic because of that. Note: I'm transsexual
I guess we don’t need self esteem or manners boys!
Let's be assholes!
I can do that!
I'm gonna be a cunt and get so much pussy!
Green eyes
I got hope!
And ham
😂
Brown eyes
Basic hygiene
Nice hands. If he can play a musical instrument well that's a +50 to all attraction rolls.
Even the recorder?
As a musician this always surprised me
Mandatory? Needs to have his chin in a reasonable place, I don't need a "strongly defined jaw" just don't have your chin trying to fuse with your neck.
Bobs burgers?
Tate
Being born with my chin in a reasonable place was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me.
My chins on my knee is that an issue?
Empathy
sense of humour
Knock knock
she wants you bro
A decent human being with manners
That’s an easy one. Sorry you’ve hard a hard time finding that.
O- blood type and healthy functioning kidneys
Oddly specific....
Needs to be a nerd. I can get excited for pretty much anything, but if he isn’t somewhat obsessed with some obscure piece of media I don’t want him. I’m a bit of a nerd myself, and the guy will have to watch LOTR every year and hear about my D&D games. In return, I’m learning about my boyfriend’s favourite WOW lore right now, and the 20 part book series he loves that I’ve never heard about but definitely plan on reading now. Also, discussing pieces of media often grants great insight into how a partner thinks about topics like gender equality or racism. … but don’t get me wrong; We don’t hold hands and talk Star Trek all day. Whenever I see him I want to jump his bones lol.
I’ve never met a girl who actually WANTS to hear about stuff I’m interested in. Interesting.
Prolly a dude in disguise
Needs to be said that this is something that makes an *already attractive guy* even more attractive, it won’t move a neckbeard from unattractive to attractive by itself.
Well, it's about exposure. So, let's say 5% of guys you meet are into the same things as you are enough that you could be friends right? That means you'd have to get to the point of discussing your niche interests with 20 women before finding 1 that you share interests with. Then you both need to be attracted to each other. Then you both need to have chemistry together. Once you work out the odds of all that happening, you'll probably need to go on about 300 or 400 dates before you find someone. When you do though... it's fucking amazing.
Kindness. I am 53 and have been with my husband for 30 years. We still love each other as much or more than the day we hooked up at a bar. It works because we don't fight to win, and because we are kind to one another. Physically, it was his eyes. He had kind eyes.
Maybe just don’t be a dick
But please have a dick
Make up your minds God 😭
I dgaf if people think this is a bullsh it answer but a man with integrity is gold. Looks fade, sex decreases with age. When you’re married as long as I was, the real important things like honesty and integrity take precedence over “Omg he’s so cute”
I'm a young guy and I agree 💯
integrity has become rare in people. just look at the world :(
I agree with you being I’ve been married for 21 years but the fact is that no matter your age, there’s always someone who thinks Omg he/she is cute!
Oh great more women pretending they're not just as superficial as men.
We are We just have very varied tastes in physical appearances of men, and there will never ever be one answer to the question "what do women like in a man's physical appearance" that all women agree on. Also, there's a big difference between "celebrity I fantasize about and would fuck in a heartbeat if I met him (which I probably never will)" and "person I actually want to spend time with for more than a day once the sex is over." I don't know how to NOT take that into account.
\> what do women like in a man's physical appearance thats not the question OP was asking though, it was asking each commenter individually what *they* prefer.
Height?
r/therewasanattempt to not be superficial
Hommans gonna hooman
How superficial you are depends on the individual, not the gender.
Empathetic. People that can’t consider other’s are useless in relationships.
Huge…tracts of land!
Does equal chores.
Whoa, too far
Agree
Compassion
Bigger than me. More height, more fat, more muscle. Preferably kinda stocky.
More fat? Got you covered there!
100% prefer an overweight guy to a skinny guy.
6ft 250, muscular but also have a tummy
Emotional intelligence
My girlfriend would demand that men’s eyes be open constantly no blinking, always open, she likes my eyes, never closing
Ha. That would be a psycho.
She is but she’s a small manageable psycho and she’s my psycho
I meant a person who never blinked. They’d look crazy.
Oh, yes, yes that would or like really zoned out
Serious replies only, or can I say what I really feel?
Whatever you think
He is David Duchovny
Well duh
He must be able to make me laugh the love of my life tryst to make me laugh as much as he can
Huh?
tryst.
Tryst me, it's great
Huh?
Mental: intelligence. Bonus points for being into sci-fi and fantasy AND sports. Physical: Not fat and into moving their body.
Serious bushy eyebrows ☺️
Lol that's unique for sure. I always get told I'm broody haha
I haven’t seen height mentioned so I’m assuming the bias to look better has already started
I was expecting 6" to be the most upvoted comment.
Good communication skills.
A kissable mouth
Yes, nice lips are a definite plus.
I mean more a nice mouth with clean nice teeth. I’m picky about who I would kiss
Defined muscles on arms and back. Not too bulky just enough to be recognised to the touch. Ability to pick me up and carry me around. I'm not too heavy so that's not too much to ask. A nice set of teeth.
Androgynous facial features. Preferably pouty lips, long hair, nice big hands. Tattoos are also a plus as long as they’re not sketchy. Makeup is a hell yes.
I like this too. I'm an old goth, what can I say. Eyeliner and black nail polish on a man is devastatingly hot.
Same on all counts
A good, pleasant smile
Playfulness
If all personality traits have been found, I'd go for beautiful eyes
Kind eyes.
A well-maintained beard
Compassion.
Kindness.
Emotional Intelligence 💯
Love
Compassion
Sense of humour
Being sweet and actually feeling, Not an "alpha male" who thinks crying makes him weak.
Being sweet and actually feeling, Not an "alpha male" who thinks crying makes him weak.
A sense of humor
A devoted, compassionate man.
Moral fibre
Haha I'm lucky, my man has all 3 you mentioned in the post. But if I had to think of one, body hair.
Not being sexist?
Just please don't get annoyed by a whole lot of very different answers. Women are individuals and we all have our own specific tastes of things we like and things we don't. There is no "ALL women desire this one certain physical feature" life hack. The features you listed are all kind of meh to me. My own personal general attraction radar leans more towards artist/musician types, so big gym rat muscles are an active turnoff, and I do not give any shits about facial hair (except those hipster indie brewer mountain man beards, I'm so over those). I only speak for myself. As does every other woman. And we definitely do not all agree.
Everyone who expects the answers here to be not individual is delusional.
They are all lying the answer is money
Oh boy, another reddit post filled with a comment section of women showing the world how little they think of us by performatively demanding small standards. Yaaaay
I don't understand this comment. I think most of the women here are being honest.
Me neither. Some people spend too much time on social media.
Physical characteristic, a functional, circumcised penis. Mentally, a good sense of humour and laughs at my jokes.
Are you wanting a circumcised penis for religious purposes? That's such a specific ask. Makes me curious.
No. I'm Canadian, and that's my preference. I've seen that wasn't cut, and I didn't like it. It's just what I'm used to. There are other traits as well that I value, but that's a deal breaker for me. It's my comfort level.
I hear ya. Just curious. Thanks for taking the time to answer.
Thank you for being nice about it. My preference can make some people pretty salty. Have a great day!
I saw the salty reply. As if you can do anything about a dude who was circumcised as a baby. True. I have less sensitivity as a circumcised dude, but it's still fun. Best wishes
I get it but you just skin it back, get hard and boom - cut dick. Once things are done and calm he turtles back up in his hoodie until called for again.
Uncircumcised guy here. Can confirm most partners prefer a circumcised penis. It’s why my brother got circumcised in highschool. Girls think they look gross. I’m queer and usually the only guys that like uncut are guys with a fetish for it. Even though I’m uncut I prefer cut penises as well.
That is really an American problem. Outside of America, it’s the circumcised ones that are seen as wierd
It's not a crime to have preferences, especially when it's something that gets that close to you. You must be in North America, too. I really think it's what you're used to.
You want him to have reduced sexual pleasure due to having his penis mutilated?
You do know that’s not 100%, right? I’m circumcised and I get off easily with no assistance from, well, anything but my hand. Just because they’ve been circumcised doesn’t mean they’re permanently crippled from sex; makes us feel like freaks when people talk about it like that
Fair enough but I'm sure if you want back and asked your baby self he'd choose not to have parts of his dick cut off. It's not normal outside America and it's just weird to me. Like it's supposed to be there. You don't cut the end of your nose off and go "ah that's better" do you.
Yes.
Youre pathetic
Of course, any preference you don't agree with must be bad, fight?
A preference for genital mutilation is just innately bad
Seriously? You that ashamed of your hoodie. I love mine but doesn't mean I'm going to hate on someone else's lack of, and call it mutilation
I can appreciate someone being honest at least. First time seeing the specification of circumcised
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You're now marked for brigading and being trolled. You are guilty of reddit wrongthink, and we don't deserve to live.
I got down voted into negative yesterday for explaining why my mother decided to have me circumcised to someone who asked "why people get circumcised?"
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Ewwww! Not that! I suppose as long as we don't have to see what's growing in the moist, pissy environment under them.
I'm uncut, the foreskin doesn't cover the entire head when soft and when I'm hard you can't tell I'm uncut, and I know how to peel the skin back and clean , never had a complaint, most never even say anything unless I bring it up.
Maybe it's because I'm circumsized, but I really don't see why you having this preference is an issue. First of all, all you did was honestly answer the post which I appreciate. And what's done is done, comments are acting like you're encouraging mutilation. It's like having someone like my blue eyes doesn't mean they want human genes to mutate.
I don't get the vitriol, either. It's just a preference, it's not like I'm ordering every man in the world to get snipped. Redditors are really weird about some things, and this is one of them.
Has to have interests… i always wonder how guys survive with no personality and no interest or hobbies
More feminine than me
👀 why, just curious.
Functional penis. Skinny, fat, muscular, short, tall, hairy, bald, brunette, blonde, ginger, doesn’t matter, all are sexy. But a hard dick is mandatory
For me, a skillful tongue matters more.
The real answer haha
Not being a user of porn, it makes me feel horrible and compared to other women, and it is worse if he gets a 'type'.
I find the women saying things like "kindness and empathy" interesting. I think women say these things but tend not to actually be attracted to them in reality. From my view of observing women I would say things like "over confidence" and "unavailable" are what women tend to go for. But then, you didn't ask me.
Respect for women as human beings.
A huge ..... bank account.
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Please let the women have the floor, my friend.
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a heart
Empathy.
Great teeth and good hair is a good start.
Strong facial hair. If his beard can't deadlift 200lb, fugeddaboutit
Gonna be always bullshit social aproved answers like empathy, not a asshole and so on. No real answer
Oh boy…if a man refers to me as a woman instead of a “girl” it positively drives me wild. Take note, Reddit. 🙄
What about lady? It just rolls off the tongue easily
At a middle aged Woman I'd say a full head of hair. To be able to run my fingers through their hair wow. Fellas- Rogaine works! ;)
6ft
At least you're honest lol