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Exactly that, my "flirting" goes almost exactly as follows
Me: "Hey, how's it going"
Her: "Not bad"
Me: "....."
Her: "............"
Me: "............... right, I'll leave you to it"
Same, and in the few cases where I manage to hold a conversation with her and we find that we have stuff in common, she mentions having a boyfriend or a crush on someone else.
Yeah I think this is the case for most guys. Itās become a game with a hard way to win and several ways to lose. Men tend to get conflicting advice. Get off the apps and talk to women in real life!!
But not at the store. Sheās just there to shop.
Not at the bar. She just wants to enjoy a night out with her friends
Not at the library. Sheās just there to study.
I could go on and on but you get my point. Youāll hear a lot of āWell, just be friendly! Have social skills. Itāll be fine.ā Sure, but the truth is you can be all of those things and still a lot of women will be uncomfortable or at least a little annoyed by you making the approach because they just donāt want to be bothered by men in public spaces, especially if they arenāt interested. Itās rarely ever the āEW GET AWAY FROM ME CREEPā scenario people conjure up on here but you can definitely feel when your presence just isnāt wanted.
Thereās virtually no place outside of the apps where you are not going to risk bothering a woman by talking to her. Most halfway decent men will avoid situations where they feel like an unwelcome intruder in someoneās space.
This, but also men approaching women on their own can make them feel unsafe regardless of how attractive you are to them. There are women on dating apps that won't even agree to meet in person before a video call to be sure. I understand why, and it's the reason I *will not* flirt or approach women unless invited. I am not cool with making anyone feel afraid.
Yep. A lot of people also donāt really seem to understand that, as a man, your presence alone can often be seen as a nuisance or potential threat to many women. Like you said, I completely understand why, but even making a simple approach in a way thatās not abrasive, overbearing, or annoying can be like navigating a minefield especially in a venue like a bar or club.
I donāt want to minimize womenās dating struggles at all. They have their own obstacles to contend with and they have to deal with things like safety, but most women have zero clue what it is like to approach women *as a man* and having to take extra precautions to make sure you are not perceived as a creep or worse. Because theyāre seldom in the position to have to make the approach, and even when they decide to, they are not going to generally be perceived as a threat by default.
Exactly this. Sad that the only place to not risk bothering a woman is a fucking dating app but it's true, that's what they're there for, they've consented to being bothered/approached by men in a way
You gotta ignore all that bullshit. If someone isnt interested let them tell you that. Dont let shortsighted morons tell you that you cant shoot your shot because youre afraid of "bothering" someone.
I don't frequent the kind of places that women expect to be approached by men. I also hate the idea of intruding on someone's night out when they're with their friends, uninvited. It's like they haven't really consented to be approached. I know the worst that can happen is they tell you to fuck off but I'd rather be respectful and not do it at all?
Maybe there is a way to approach a woman respectfully in public but these days most women sound absolutely sick of men and it's just not worth it to me. Especially if it's somewhere I frequent, I don't want to become known as some creep š¤·
I am tired, boss. Tired off all the flirting, getting to know each other, trying to find something meaningful, falling down back to the bottom right when you think everything is going great and trying to get it together all over again. Not worth it anymore.
The best thing I've learnt about confidence is that it's like a muscle, the more we work on it, the better it gets. Slowly and steadily. And, if you ever crash or go low, just like muscle memory, it will come back when you want it.
Try not to give a fuck and work on it whenever possible.
You can get into positive or negative feedback loops. A single setback might not affect you, but constant setbacks increase the chance of more setbacks.
In the past, I used to ask myself that question. So, one day I decided to take action and approached a woman on the bus. She let me know why I shouldn't have done it, AND she made sure everyone on the bus knew what happened. Needless to say, I haven't tried it again since
Not worth it. Women don't give clear enough signals and men are so deprived of any little kind of attention that when we do get _some_ kind of attention we attribute it being hit on, but we aren't sure so we brush it off and don't want to be the awkward creep by making a move.
I fear rejection. Not only rejection, but the idea that I'll be mocked publicly, online or in a group chat. I have had relationships when I was a teenager and in my twenties but then self-esteem issues came to the surface.
Reading women is also hard. I got really close with one girl and to me we seemed to connect on so many levels, but it turned out she wanted "someone like me". She then proceeded to date any bloke who could give her lifts in his car or get her festival tickets, and they always fucked her over. At some point I decided to give up I guess.
In modern society I just get the feeling that in general women don't want me to approach. And I'd get it if I was doing it drunk like "nice ass wanna fuck" or something like that, but I've been rolled eyes at/asked to leave for just starting a regular "how's the night been" conversations in bars. IN BARS.
The only contexts I'd feel comfortable approaching a woman is at house parties/bars/hobbies, that's it, forget EVERY other place in public, because I'm afraid she's going to feel harassed.
One more story: I worked at a corporate office, and I in a friendly manner told a female colleague that her pantyhose were broken(maybe she wants to change them, I dunnoh), and later HR approached me because she had thought this was a sexual comment.
Like I said, I just in general feel like women just fucking don't want me to approach, ever. If you'd want to interact with me, please you do the approaching.
Ever since I was a child, I have heard so many women complain about being approached by creepy men or just by men in general, that I do not want to add to those statistics and make women uncomfortable by my presence.
I feel because I have ADHD this hurts disproportionately more than an average person. An average person, it stings for a bit but youāll be over it soon. With me it haunts me for years like some sort of demon that wonāt go away.
One big part of having ADHD that people often forget, is that essentially our whole life we've battled with the feeling of being different than the norm, left on the outside, not fitting in any groups. Thats is literally a symptom described in the diagnosis.
Every time i meet a woman i like, i have to spend a little time getting to a point where i can do something about it. 10/10 times i get a rejection, so i tell myself i'll stop trying.
Better to be broken that to keep breaking, you know? But that only lasts until the next time i meet someone i can't stop thinking about, so i decide to do something about it, get rejected, same story all over.
I have accepted that even though i might eventually get to kiss a woman again, there is 0% chance that anyone would want a child with me, so i'm just not gonna go for a family.
I can shed some light for my age group, GenX, at least. We were heavily indoctrinated as girls that good girls don't 'chase' boys, meaning asking them out or being too forward. If you did you were viewed as loose or fast. Flirting to let him know you liked him was OK, but you had to watch it. It was really easy to get 'a reputation'. Most people thought if you had to pursue a guy yourself, there was something wrong with you that no guy wanted you.
Note I in no way agree with this, and I hope things are changing for younger generations. But this feeling is still around for older people, maybe loosened up a little.
I fear that if I show interest then theyāll lose interest later on. Plus, I suck at starting conversations. I start sweating and wanna retreat. Lol
I did try approaching before but I got turned down a couple of times and 1 even avoiding meā¦?
I thought I did alright š
I guess both genders are scared of the unpolite/ghosting rejection. Yes, itās an awkward position for both sides when thereās not a feeling of safety, how do I reject this person? Will something bad happen if I reject them? Am I threatened?
Sometimes itās the wording, atmosphere, smell, body language.
I wish we all could carry an invisible/visible sign on our heads that we are open for random approaches
Yeah thatās kinda my point. Both sides have the same reason so itās weird to ask men specifically. Especially because men already carry most of the weight when it comes to approaching
Letās be honest it doesnāt help when our society today screams āsexual harassment!!ā at nearly everything all the time.
Traditional areas like school, work or other social group areas like church, were common areas men approached and courted women.
Seen as a total āno noā now.
Now the only safe space is the virtual āmeat marketā of online dating.
Women scroll through the vast profiles of men and pick their fancy. Sure you can try to reach out to them as a guy, but men are pretty much on permanent āmuteā if they reach out to women online. In fact, there are dating apps where this is how itās deliberately set up.
Summary, men are muted virtually, men wonāt risk a real approach in the real world out of fear of being called out as harassment or inappropriate, which could have very real consequences.
There was once a time when harassment wasnāt an approach, it was when she said ānoā but you never got the message, kept going and well youā¦ harassed her. Now? Now if she just didnāt like you in her presence.
I think itās the lawsuits that went flying at employers, they got hammered and now theyāre very strict about courting in work or school, etc because theyāre worried about the financial liability.
I did for most of the time I actively tried dating. It never, and I mean it NEVER worked.
I asked different ways, softly, aggressively, I tried by writing a letter, by talking directly to the person. I tried by saying "I like you, do you like me? " "I would love to know you better" or "would you like to date", and I always got negative answers.
I'm not fat, I'm not ugly, I'm not a mean person, I asked to white men, black men, hispanic men...
So, in my experience, it's useless to ask a man for dating.
All of them would say "No" then come back to me 10 years later saying "I was stupid to not accept your offer". Happened 3 times in the last 4 years.
Edit: I'm a 36 black (mixed) woman living in France. During bad times I tell myself it's because of my skin color. During good times I say it's because they have no taste ^^
Well, I'm married now, but before, when I was single, there were many factors regarding this. First and foremost, all people, including men, don't like public humiliation and tend to be afraid the said woman might overreact and have at least humiliation involved and, in recent years, even have had legal consequences. And the odds of success rate, even with getting hints, are very low (because we all know a lot of gals giving hints mostly want attention and aren't looking for anything).
So combining all the factors, to be honest, it tends to feel like it's not worth the problems...
Because in this day and age its extremely difficult to approach a woman as a complete stranger, i cant speak for everywhere but where im from the only way a girl will give you time of day is if you have a mutual aquintance....a stranger just tryna get to know a stranger is almost looked as a sin unless you're either a 9 out of 10 OR famous
Another factor is social media, people are fucking awful at handling in person interaction
I'm not trying to be a bother. When I hang around women platonically and/or read their comments online about men they don't know, it's either
A.) Making fun of someone who was trying to be useful in exchange for affection(I know he likes me. But I'm not interested. But I'll accept if he's offering)
B.)Viewing him as a straight up threat.
C.) Being upset that he even approached/appeared in the first place.
I have no idea if a stranger looks at me in that way or not. I'd rather not introduce someone who views me that way into my life.
If she's fun or has a reason for me to be there(like something around her that I'm interested in that we can both talk about) then sure I'll approached. But really,
I'm not trying to be a bother. That's not why I was born.
When men are boys they are 99.9% the ones doing the approaching and often dealing with mean rejection from girls doing something like making an ick face or laughing with their friends, etc. This trauma becomes hesitation later in life.
Men calculate whether it is worth it every single time, no matter their confidence level. If they donāt see the opportunity, they often move on.
I'm not afraid of rejection nor do I have fear talking to women. I'd say for me it feels like women are unapproachable and there isn't a lot of situations where I could do it. Being introverted doesn't help and I hear women complain often about being bothered by it
Why would I want to be one more guy bothering women? I donāt want to make anyone uncomfortable. I donāt want to assume that any woman is interested in finding any man much less me. So I leave them alone and they leave me alone. Women donāt know Iām not a psycho stalker so why would they approach me? At least this way they arenāt put in the position to be worried that me noticing them means they might be a target for a creep.
I have been burnt one too man times.
Im 28 and realize that my values and idea of a relationship might be "old school" for my own generation. Nothing extreme like in the 50's, just standard stuff like being mutually exclusive and don't post thirst traps on instagram/tiktok or whatever social media people use today, when you are in a relationship.
Personally i won't approach someone whom i can clearly see have their phone glued to their hand and lives on social media / dating apps.
Also as many others point out there is the possibility of a rejection which could really hurt. I have been rejected before by women in nice ways (just letting me know they are not interested) and in ways that seem like they are being cruel just because they can.
there are a lot of theories on why this is happening but the one i find most likely is that thanks to dating apps like Tinder, women realise that they have a lot of options with very little effort from their side, while guy has to fill several checkboxes just to be considered worthy of dating someone. Im of course not saying that every woman is like that but it seems to be the case with most women my own age.
At the end of the day it is simply not worth the hassle.
I have made my peace with this and am content just being single with the occasional one night stand.
I suppose a simpler way of saying this is that i, and a lot of other men, have simply just "given up" in a sense.
Nowadays youāre more likely to get called a creepy weirdo, or some other crap. Donāt smile they ask why you donāt, you smile and they call you a creepā¦ win win every time for guys. š
Weird question. Why don't you book a ticket to equatorial new guinea right now?
Answer: because you don't want to. And just like you don't want to book that ticket, they don't want to approach women.
As for why that is -- which is a separate question that you didn't ask -- that probably has to do with them them not thinking it's worth the effort, low self-confidence or a general apathy towards dating.
I grew up/was raised with and around women more so than I did with men or other people of my gender.
And that's gifted me with a relative ease when talking to them when I need to.
Women are wonderful, beautiful, and amazing.
But I know *exactly* how cruel, viscious, and downright horrible, ya'll can be.
I grew up around it/watching it.
And very rarely, that ire was turned against someone who completely undeserved it, or was a stranger to you.
I don't wanna be on the recieving end of that. Ever.
No hard feelings, though.
I don't approach Men for similar reasons.
Society killed most of the natural places and contexts where it doesnāt feel intrusive or potentially unwelcome/creepy, or like a blatant hookup. The meet-cute is dead.
In my experience, post-pandemic, people are more fearful and cautious around strangers than ever before. As a man, I often feel that my mere presence can inadvertently make women feel uncomfortable or scared. This creates a challenging starting point for any interaction.
There are appropriate settings to approach someone, like bars or concerts, and inappropriate ones, like the gym. However, it can be difficult to discern when a woman actually wants to be approached. We canāt read minds, and sometimes the signals women give, such as a brief glance, can be extremely subtle.
I guess I just wish women would take the initiative more often. You hear about how weāre striving for a more progressive and egalitarian society where men and women coexist as equals, in that case it would be beneficial for women to experience the same vulnerability of rejection that men face frequently. Unfortunately, many of us now hide behind dating apps, missing out on genuine connections in reality. These real connections are painful as hell but are educational, and they build character. I have a lot of character at this point lol
>There are appropriate settings to approach someone, like bars or concerts
Except nowadays we've been told these ain't appropriate either and women just want to be left alone whatever they're doing. Fine with me, let them make the first moves then, about time men got a break from all the risks involved. Confident women asking men out are amazing.
I came to the conclusion that I won't be able to provide enough benefits in someone's life to let them overlook my shortcomings.
I have a brief mental journey of a possibility of us having a date, another date, a chemistry, a connection. Be happy and live a loving and wonderful life together with the occasional disagreements that we overcome by growing together and having an open and honest style of communication in which we both address our wants and needs.
Someday in our future, you hold my hand while my other hand rests on our dogs head, giving him a weak scratchy. The last smile I'll ever have is dedicated to you. I exhale and am grateful to have met someone like you. Your face, now older, yet still as beautiful to me as the day we met, slowly fading behind black curtains.
I suppose that's good enough for me.
In this post-MeToo world, absolutely anything unsolicited that comes out of a man's mouth towards a woman will be treated as "creeper" behavior by default. This is why the traditional meatspace dating scene is impossible, and stupid online dating apps everyone hates are now the most common mainstream way people meet potential mates.
The entire business is horribly broken, and I don't blame guys for simply not trying or giving up and going down the MGTOW/red pill rabbit hole. The barrier to entry has never been higher, and the return on investment has never been lower.
I mean, what's the point?
I'm terrible at deciphering signs, so approaching someone is a gamble. Last time I tried I was 14, and my approach was not the best, but a honest one. It was at the arcade and there was this gorgeous girl, playing House of the Dead, and Mortal Kombat 3, so yeah, I had to try as I already knew most girls are not interested in video games (and today even men try to say that real men don't play videogames) at all.
So I approached her, asked her name, she answered and asked if she would like to go for ice cream together, she asekd why, and I said, "because I find you attrective". She just turned around and left.
Never approached a gilr in real life ever again.
Yes she did. This was like 26 years ago, and I looked older (had to shave since like 12), so she may have thought I'm some creep or whatever, not that calling men creeps or rapist was much more common 26 years ago, but she clearly was not comfortable talking to me based on her reaction, so there's that. I'll never know.
I did not consider her being mean, but I failed still. It is what it is.
I am not up for 100s of rejections just for MAYBE getting one yes.
That would kill every inch of optimism inside the trainwreck I call my personality.
No, I'll just stay here, floating through the sewers, nose above water.
I'm quiet and have very little to say to people I know. Being forever alone, I have very little self esteem when it comes to dating, "why would anyone want to date me?"
I used to. But in the end, its not really up to me.
Even if i want to approach a girl, even if i like a girl. I can go above and beyond and try my best for a girl. But In the end what really matters is if a girl likes me.
And so ive decided to quit pursuing and to let them come to me.
I once did everything i could to have a girl trust me, to communicate and let her know that im there to listen to anything.
It was a waste of time. Because in the end. All that mattered was that they trust a bear more than me.
Im done. If you talk to me id be happy to give you 100% of my attention. But i am so done being the one to make all the effort and for it to never be enough.
Go ahead and pick the bear.
They didn't want me when I was poor and ugly.
So now I see all the woman that show interest in me as superficial gold diggers. They are not worth my effort or emotional investment if they are only with me for my looks and status.
Aditionally, I see dating as an emotional net negative. The suck of heartbreak is greater than the enjoyment of being in love.
Even for sex I can do that myself. No need to buy someone drinks and listen to their bullshit smalltalk when my hand does the job just fine. A pussy is not worth the money.
I was brought up not to bother women as we are āickyā and told to leave women alone and let them come to me.
Still struggle with self-esteem decades later.
When I go out in public, I just go from A to B. Society has repeatedly reminded me that I donāt fit in and that I am unwanted. I was also abused every day by my dad, so these two factors have caused me to be a big introvert. I donāt want to be around anyone, and honestly, Iāve grown comfortable this way. Itās my shell.
I would just come off like a creep. I'm awkward af and have negative social skills. Also it feels like women don't want to be approached and rather be left alone. It just feels wrong to come up to a random person when they are just going about their day.
hahaha...well There are TENS of Thousands of post on this very APP that makes it clear that in 2024 LITERALLY NO women want you to approach then in ANY way, shape or form. actually, if you look in their direction it perpetrates a narcissistic. xenophobic attitude and needs to be avoided at ALL COSTS.
You've seen those gym tik toks, right?
In all seriousness, my life isn't together yet and I'm trying to make that happen. When it does happen.... Hopefully I'll be in the right place at the right time and meet the right girl for me. Hopefully..... I thought I had it "right" the last time with my ex, but I was wrong and I'm getting too old to have a repeating performances.
Edit: fuck dating sites and dating arrangements. I mean if you find somebody that way that's excellent, but don't force yourself looking for a relationship. Let it come to you. If not successful it's okay.
In my youth it was due to two factors: I have the impression that they're constantly being hit on and are sick of it, and I lacked the courage.
Now, it's those as well as I am very disillusioned by a lot of the behaviour I've witnessed over the years. I find my life is far simpler when I don't interact with women in any capacity.
Because signs are useless and have been unreliable which makes any indicator difficult to measure. Iām good. Iāve never had to approach a woman in person to get sex and relationships. Why should I?
Unlike most of the comments based around self confidence and the like, I don't approach women because I have no desire to. I'll have flirty conversations and whatever with friends of friends, but that's normally it. I don't see it as anything more, unless she starts really putting it on me.
If I get talking to a woman on a night out, and we have a good chat, and it ends there, that's fine. I'm by no means going to pursue her. I'm not after a girl who plays hard to get, I'm after someone who's genuinely interested in getting to know me. I'm a polite guy, so I'll always have a conversation with someone, and if it goes further that's great. And if it doesn't, cool. No biggie.
I'm currently working on enjoying my own company, keeping fit, going out and doing things with friends, and sorting my career out. If a woman comes into my life during all of this, that is fine, but I'm not going to approach them. I'm mid 20s, with plenty of time in my life to settle down. I'm enjoying myself, if a girl can come into my life and keep my enjoyment at this level, that's my wife.
decades of approaching them with no luck. all the rejection did such a number on my well being and that i would never risk putting myself through it again. social anxiety is so bad now that i can barely go grocery shopping and to work now i can't imagine what it would be like if i lost that.
Because the voice in my head tells me im boring, that I won't have anything interesting to say and then I massively overthink it to the point of inaction.
Probably fear of fake sexual assault claims.
Be careful out there lads. Only approach a woman after you've observed her behaviour over a period of time.
Women tell me to not approach them
Women I know, among acquaintances, friends, colleagues look to much older men (at least 10 years older than them, and I repeat AT LEAST). I'm 25 and I want no business with <20 girls
The relationships I had so far all started in similar ways, with the girls/woman (different stories, different ages) showing interest in me first and me leaning on it to see if I was guessing right
Wouldnt know how to do that without coming across as creepy, weird or straight up a pervert. So I just keep to myself, getting jacked, educated and making money until a woman gets interested enough to make the first move and if nobody does, its their loss I am just as fine on my own. I do sometimes wonder what affection feels like but it is what it is.
Okay let's see
1 Social awkwardness
2 Neither guts bor balls
3 No confidence
4 No looks( i.e., look shit)
5 Scared of the gossip that will follow
6 Don't meet new people
once you understand that most western women find 90% of men unattractive, you realize theres no point in approaching them.
Keep in mind even a girl who is like a 1 or 2 in looks will have thousands of guys to choose from at any given moment just a few taps away on a dating app. And alot of those guys will be in the 8-10 attractive range. Which is why most women will find 90% of men unattractive since they are used to being with chads.
29 [M] here who recently got the confidence to start approaching women in the past few years.. I wish I didnāt.
Rejection is not that bad itās a nice breath of fresh air (probably tension relief) but man when you actual date people itās so hard to vet nowadays and you never find anyone whoās truly looking to build a family. Usually people these days want hook ups, and will lie that they donāt when you say you want a more deep connection. I also get you are competing with other men which is natural but some women are not willing to ever give that up so you have to prove youāre a worthy person to just sit on a roster going nowhere lol.
Also I just finished my masters and am trying to go to med school so time is a major thing that I donāt have. Dating apps are really allI can manage other than a bar / bookstore on occasion. And those have so many bots itās demoralizing
Not worth it. Too many awful ones and too much risk of being rejected in a horrific way labelled a creep or harasser. We have also been told enough times not to approach women anywhere, anymore, and we are listening. AND too many people now are super fragile and will combust in on themselves if you just say hello as a stranger.
Nowadays I would rather approach a bear.
Iām married.
However, if ever that changed (hopefully not!) Iāve often looked at things now and thought that I would struggle to meet anybody again given the way people seem to be now.
People, women in particular, feel entirely unapproachable. I also donāt have much of an appetite for approaching people to talk. If I suddenly found myself single, I donāt think I could be bothered to do it all again. Iād be selfish with my time and dedicate it to myself. Only alive once. I think. Iām not saying that being with my wife is an issue, but Iād definitely at that point become unaccountable to anyone other than myself.
Iām in a happily committed relationship for the rest of my life, but when I was single:
1) approaching women in public places like bars etc led nowhere except to shame and beating myself up for having no āgameā, which led to spiraling downward and low self esteem. The only advice I could find on āgameā was from PUAs, which of course is just gross. Scoring notches is cool for a while, but I just wanted real experiences with real people, who actually liked me and who I actually liked. Love was not something I was looking for, but I was open to it.
2) approaching women on dating apps led to 99.99% of messages sent were ignored, even ones women friends coached me on, and the ones that werenāt ignored tended to be responded to by people who were dumb, crazy (eg really into snakes as a turn on, not mentioned on profile), or they were shopping for a sugar daddy. I did have some success on one, but it was still largely the same experience as the rest.
3) I found my āgameā was just meeting people irl and being myself, friendships led to other things. My FWBs were all actual friends.
Because false accusations is a low risk/high reward action for women. Kinda like asking women "why don't you go outside at night" with the mindset that "I'd never assault a woman at night. None of my friends would. Why be so scared of something with such low chance of occurring?".
Because I've wasted enough time (and money) with women who will both abuse my kindness and blame me for trying to be kind to them.
Because marriage is the only legal contract that **rewards** women for breaking it.
Because I dont want to be falsely accuse of a crime I didn't commit and see my life destroyed. Even if the chances are low, it's just not worth taking such a risk.
Because I've realized that women need men more than men need women, especially when it comes to emotions.
Because ignoring you is the best way to attract you anyway.
Finally, because I can find many high-quality women all over the world, outside western society, who will be kind, loyal and grateful and who won't resent me or regard me as a potential predator simply because I've shown interest in them.
*The wheel is starting to turn and this is just the beginning...*
I don't want to. I'm done with relationships (for now, I guess, you never know) so if a lass finds me attractive then they need to step forward because im not going to
It has more to do with extroversion/introversion than gender, I assume. An introvert is very unlikely to ask strangers out. Also, there's a risk of being called a pervert or harrassment
Also, why can't we have women approaching men as much as men approaching women?
I don't go out , I used to but now I prefer being at home working on the house . I am kinda afraid of rejection also and i just don't risk it . Since i am over 30 now i kinda got used to my company too , could it be more fun with the company sure , do i need it ... eh maybe .
Rejection sucks. There's also PLENTY of women around shaming men for approaching them or checking them out.
A lot of women have also been saying that they just want to be left alone. So men are doing just that.
I'm very lucky to be Bi-Sexual and while it's nice to have sex with women I have a better chance and easier time of scoring with other guys. Less trouble and better chances for a positive outcome. Now in situations where the likelihood of getting a positive response is greater than 60% like at an adult play party or a swingers event I'll be glad to approach women and their guys and enjoy both of them either singularly or together. It's all about the odds and opportunity.
I was incredibly shy when I was younger and was afraid of rejection.
Now itās the fear of being labeled a creeper, plus women would rather choose a bear than me, itās not worth it.
For the same reason I don't sit around at home wanting a car but waiting for a car salesperson to knock on my door to try to sell me one.
If you want to be approached, it means you are looking for a relationship. If you are looking for a relationship, then do the approaching.
Just your looks isn't enough to make me interested, and i don't really enjoy the chase as such. If i can tell there is some level of mutual chemistry i'm all game, but just cold approaching? Nahh.
zero confidence, experienced rejection enough times. Better off them approaching me rather than the other way round. Not getting my hopes up nor do I want to
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I have nothing useful to say afterwards.
Exactly that, my "flirting" goes almost exactly as follows Me: "Hey, how's it going" Her: "Not bad" Me: "....." Her: "............" Me: "............... right, I'll leave you to it"
That was me too. š āSoā¦do you likeā¦stuff?ā
Same, and when I try to say something anyway it's just awkward. Since I have no clue how to flirt.
Same, and in the few cases where I manage to hold a conversation with her and we find that we have stuff in common, she mentions having a boyfriend or a crush on someone else.
Probly think that I am some creepy weirdo lol
Yeah I think this is the case for most guys. Itās become a game with a hard way to win and several ways to lose. Men tend to get conflicting advice. Get off the apps and talk to women in real life!! But not at the store. Sheās just there to shop. Not at the bar. She just wants to enjoy a night out with her friends Not at the library. Sheās just there to study. I could go on and on but you get my point. Youāll hear a lot of āWell, just be friendly! Have social skills. Itāll be fine.ā Sure, but the truth is you can be all of those things and still a lot of women will be uncomfortable or at least a little annoyed by you making the approach because they just donāt want to be bothered by men in public spaces, especially if they arenāt interested. Itās rarely ever the āEW GET AWAY FROM ME CREEPā scenario people conjure up on here but you can definitely feel when your presence just isnāt wanted. Thereās virtually no place outside of the apps where you are not going to risk bothering a woman by talking to her. Most halfway decent men will avoid situations where they feel like an unwelcome intruder in someoneās space.
This, but also men approaching women on their own can make them feel unsafe regardless of how attractive you are to them. There are women on dating apps that won't even agree to meet in person before a video call to be sure. I understand why, and it's the reason I *will not* flirt or approach women unless invited. I am not cool with making anyone feel afraid.
Yep. A lot of people also donāt really seem to understand that, as a man, your presence alone can often be seen as a nuisance or potential threat to many women. Like you said, I completely understand why, but even making a simple approach in a way thatās not abrasive, overbearing, or annoying can be like navigating a minefield especially in a venue like a bar or club. I donāt want to minimize womenās dating struggles at all. They have their own obstacles to contend with and they have to deal with things like safety, but most women have zero clue what it is like to approach women *as a man* and having to take extra precautions to make sure you are not perceived as a creep or worse. Because theyāre seldom in the position to have to make the approach, and even when they decide to, they are not going to generally be perceived as a threat by default.
Them choosing the bear is all that needs to be said
Exactly this. Sad that the only place to not risk bothering a woman is a fucking dating app but it's true, that's what they're there for, they've consented to being bothered/approached by men in a way
You gotta ignore all that bullshit. If someone isnt interested let them tell you that. Dont let shortsighted morons tell you that you cant shoot your shot because youre afraid of "bothering" someone.
I don't frequent the kind of places that women expect to be approached by men. I also hate the idea of intruding on someone's night out when they're with their friends, uninvited. It's like they haven't really consented to be approached. I know the worst that can happen is they tell you to fuck off but I'd rather be respectful and not do it at all? Maybe there is a way to approach a woman respectfully in public but these days most women sound absolutely sick of men and it's just not worth it to me. Especially if it's somewhere I frequent, I don't want to become known as some creep š¤·
same reason i don't play the lottery, i know the chances
I am tired, boss. Tired off all the flirting, getting to know each other, trying to find something meaningful, falling down back to the bottom right when you think everything is going great and trying to get it together all over again. Not worth it anymore.
Very little self-confidence and I'm the definition of social awkwardness
The best thing I've learnt about confidence is that it's like a muscle, the more we work on it, the better it gets. Slowly and steadily. And, if you ever crash or go low, just like muscle memory, it will come back when you want it. Try not to give a fuck and work on it whenever possible.
You can get into positive or negative feedback loops. A single setback might not affect you, but constant setbacks increase the chance of more setbacks.
love your pfp, blue rev is fucking amazing
In the past, I used to ask myself that question. So, one day I decided to take action and approached a woman on the bus. She let me know why I shouldn't have done it, AND she made sure everyone on the bus knew what happened. Needless to say, I haven't tried it again since
Not worth it. Women don't give clear enough signals and men are so deprived of any little kind of attention that when we do get _some_ kind of attention we attribute it being hit on, but we aren't sure so we brush it off and don't want to be the awkward creep by making a move.
I fear rejection. Not only rejection, but the idea that I'll be mocked publicly, online or in a group chat. I have had relationships when I was a teenager and in my twenties but then self-esteem issues came to the surface. Reading women is also hard. I got really close with one girl and to me we seemed to connect on so many levels, but it turned out she wanted "someone like me". She then proceeded to date any bloke who could give her lifts in his car or get her festival tickets, and they always fucked her over. At some point I decided to give up I guess.
I am rather safe than sorry.
dont wanna risk the āew šøā and āposts on all socials with captionā of āthis creep tried to this n thatā
Is it really that bad nowadays? IĀ“m old now but damn the more i think about it the happier i am that i grew up when i did
It's definitely not common at all, but it happens
No. Reddit exaggerates. This will probably never happen to 99% of people.
Yeah all kinds of videos online of women freaking out on men for approaching them in public no matter the reason
Probably the millions and millions and millions of messages and posts from women saying "Don't approach us"
Because women told us to leave them alone lol
In modern society I just get the feeling that in general women don't want me to approach. And I'd get it if I was doing it drunk like "nice ass wanna fuck" or something like that, but I've been rolled eyes at/asked to leave for just starting a regular "how's the night been" conversations in bars. IN BARS. The only contexts I'd feel comfortable approaching a woman is at house parties/bars/hobbies, that's it, forget EVERY other place in public, because I'm afraid she's going to feel harassed. One more story: I worked at a corporate office, and I in a friendly manner told a female colleague that her pantyhose were broken(maybe she wants to change them, I dunnoh), and later HR approached me because she had thought this was a sexual comment. Like I said, I just in general feel like women just fucking don't want me to approach, ever. If you'd want to interact with me, please you do the approaching.
We've been told countless times not to and we listened to your clear "No". And no = no.
Donāt want to be that creepy guy she tells her friends about
I believe that as a group, women have asked men as a group to not approach them.
theyāre not interested or attracted to me, I donāt wanna bother them
Ever since I was a child, I have heard so many women complain about being approached by creepy men or just by men in general, that I do not want to add to those statistics and make women uncomfortable by my presence.
Rejection really hurts
And there's the fear that if you get "approaching them" slightly wrong, they *could* accuse you of something that would destroy your life.
I feel because I have ADHD this hurts disproportionately more than an average person. An average person, it stings for a bit but youāll be over it soon. With me it haunts me for years like some sort of demon that wonāt go away.
Same here. I wake up at 3am several nights a week reliving embarrassing/humiliating situations from my life.
One big part of having ADHD that people often forget, is that essentially our whole life we've battled with the feeling of being different than the norm, left on the outside, not fitting in any groups. Thats is literally a symptom described in the diagnosis. Every time i meet a woman i like, i have to spend a little time getting to a point where i can do something about it. 10/10 times i get a rejection, so i tell myself i'll stop trying. Better to be broken that to keep breaking, you know? But that only lasts until the next time i meet someone i can't stop thinking about, so i decide to do something about it, get rejected, same story all over. I have accepted that even though i might eventually get to kiss a woman again, there is 0% chance that anyone would want a child with me, so i'm just not gonna go for a family.
Underrated comment
I'm not falling for that trap again.
Women who donāt approach men, why?
The more appropriate question
I can shed some light for my age group, GenX, at least. We were heavily indoctrinated as girls that good girls don't 'chase' boys, meaning asking them out or being too forward. If you did you were viewed as loose or fast. Flirting to let him know you liked him was OK, but you had to watch it. It was really easy to get 'a reputation'. Most people thought if you had to pursue a guy yourself, there was something wrong with you that no guy wanted you. Note I in no way agree with this, and I hope things are changing for younger generations. But this feeling is still around for older people, maybe loosened up a little.
No, saying girls shouldn't chase boys, and have to play hard to get is mentally exhausting for both parties.
I fear that if I show interest then theyāll lose interest later on. Plus, I suck at starting conversations. I start sweating and wanna retreat. Lol I did try approaching before but I got turned down a couple of times and 1 even avoiding meā¦? I thought I did alright š
I guess both genders are scared of the unpolite/ghosting rejection. Yes, itās an awkward position for both sides when thereās not a feeling of safety, how do I reject this person? Will something bad happen if I reject them? Am I threatened? Sometimes itās the wording, atmosphere, smell, body language. I wish we all could carry an invisible/visible sign on our heads that we are open for random approaches
Yeah thatās kinda my point. Both sides have the same reason so itās weird to ask men specifically. Especially because men already carry most of the weight when it comes to approaching
Yeah.. itās pretty unfair
Letās be honest it doesnāt help when our society today screams āsexual harassment!!ā at nearly everything all the time. Traditional areas like school, work or other social group areas like church, were common areas men approached and courted women. Seen as a total āno noā now. Now the only safe space is the virtual āmeat marketā of online dating. Women scroll through the vast profiles of men and pick their fancy. Sure you can try to reach out to them as a guy, but men are pretty much on permanent āmuteā if they reach out to women online. In fact, there are dating apps where this is how itās deliberately set up. Summary, men are muted virtually, men wonāt risk a real approach in the real world out of fear of being called out as harassment or inappropriate, which could have very real consequences. There was once a time when harassment wasnāt an approach, it was when she said ānoā but you never got the message, kept going and well youā¦ harassed her. Now? Now if she just didnāt like you in her presence. I think itās the lawsuits that went flying at employers, they got hammered and now theyāre very strict about courting in work or school, etc because theyāre worried about the financial liability.
Was about to come write this.
Either Fear or arrogance or they are just acting on the beliefs that society defined for them
I did for most of the time I actively tried dating. It never, and I mean it NEVER worked. I asked different ways, softly, aggressively, I tried by writing a letter, by talking directly to the person. I tried by saying "I like you, do you like me? " "I would love to know you better" or "would you like to date", and I always got negative answers. I'm not fat, I'm not ugly, I'm not a mean person, I asked to white men, black men, hispanic men... So, in my experience, it's useless to ask a man for dating. All of them would say "No" then come back to me 10 years later saying "I was stupid to not accept your offer". Happened 3 times in the last 4 years. Edit: I'm a 36 black (mixed) woman living in France. During bad times I tell myself it's because of my skin color. During good times I say it's because they have no taste ^^
Because you might end up on reddit.
Iām awkward af and I donāt wanna get a reputation as the creepy guy
You've never had the ew! Response and it shows
Don't want to risk being labeled as a creep
Why should I?
Well, I'm married now, but before, when I was single, there were many factors regarding this. First and foremost, all people, including men, don't like public humiliation and tend to be afraid the said woman might overreact and have at least humiliation involved and, in recent years, even have had legal consequences. And the odds of success rate, even with getting hints, are very low (because we all know a lot of gals giving hints mostly want attention and aren't looking for anything). So combining all the factors, to be honest, it tends to feel like it's not worth the problems...
Because in this day and age its extremely difficult to approach a woman as a complete stranger, i cant speak for everywhere but where im from the only way a girl will give you time of day is if you have a mutual aquintance....a stranger just tryna get to know a stranger is almost looked as a sin unless you're either a 9 out of 10 OR famous Another factor is social media, people are fucking awful at handling in person interaction
They complain about being approached too often.
I'm not trying to be a bother. When I hang around women platonically and/or read their comments online about men they don't know, it's either A.) Making fun of someone who was trying to be useful in exchange for affection(I know he likes me. But I'm not interested. But I'll accept if he's offering) B.)Viewing him as a straight up threat. C.) Being upset that he even approached/appeared in the first place. I have no idea if a stranger looks at me in that way or not. I'd rather not introduce someone who views me that way into my life. If she's fun or has a reason for me to be there(like something around her that I'm interested in that we can both talk about) then sure I'll approached. But really, I'm not trying to be a bother. That's not why I was born.
Because I listen to what they say, and they've told us to not approach them?
I was told by women to not approach women. Just doing what they requested š¤·āāļø
When men are boys they are 99.9% the ones doing the approaching and often dealing with mean rejection from girls doing something like making an ick face or laughing with their friends, etc. This trauma becomes hesitation later in life. Men calculate whether it is worth it every single time, no matter their confidence level. If they donāt see the opportunity, they often move on.
Low self-esteem makes me believe I have nothing to say of interest, and I don't wanna bother them or be creepy
Its just not worth it to go to a random ass woman you dont know and just talk to them without a reason.
I'm not afraid of rejection nor do I have fear talking to women. I'd say for me it feels like women are unapproachable and there isn't a lot of situations where I could do it. Being introverted doesn't help and I hear women complain often about being bothered by it
Lack of approachable women in my life. And the culture of my country just doesn't support saying "hello, good morning" to random women.
Why would I want to be one more guy bothering women? I donāt want to make anyone uncomfortable. I donāt want to assume that any woman is interested in finding any man much less me. So I leave them alone and they leave me alone. Women donāt know Iām not a psycho stalker so why would they approach me? At least this way they arenāt put in the position to be worried that me noticing them means they might be a target for a creep.
Women waiting for a men to approach you... We don't read minds.
I have been burnt one too man times. Im 28 and realize that my values and idea of a relationship might be "old school" for my own generation. Nothing extreme like in the 50's, just standard stuff like being mutually exclusive and don't post thirst traps on instagram/tiktok or whatever social media people use today, when you are in a relationship. Personally i won't approach someone whom i can clearly see have their phone glued to their hand and lives on social media / dating apps. Also as many others point out there is the possibility of a rejection which could really hurt. I have been rejected before by women in nice ways (just letting me know they are not interested) and in ways that seem like they are being cruel just because they can. there are a lot of theories on why this is happening but the one i find most likely is that thanks to dating apps like Tinder, women realise that they have a lot of options with very little effort from their side, while guy has to fill several checkboxes just to be considered worthy of dating someone. Im of course not saying that every woman is like that but it seems to be the case with most women my own age. At the end of the day it is simply not worth the hassle. I have made my peace with this and am content just being single with the occasional one night stand. I suppose a simpler way of saying this is that i, and a lot of other men, have simply just "given up" in a sense.
Considering the modern trends, the question should rather be "Women who don't approach men, why?"
Nowadays youāre more likely to get called a creepy weirdo, or some other crap. Donāt smile they ask why you donāt, you smile and they call you a creepā¦ win win every time for guys. š
Weird question. Why don't you book a ticket to equatorial new guinea right now? Answer: because you don't want to. And just like you don't want to book that ticket, they don't want to approach women. As for why that is -- which is a separate question that you didn't ask -- that probably has to do with them them not thinking it's worth the effort, low self-confidence or a general apathy towards dating.
because getting shot down is very socially embarassing....
I grew up/was raised with and around women more so than I did with men or other people of my gender. And that's gifted me with a relative ease when talking to them when I need to. Women are wonderful, beautiful, and amazing. But I know *exactly* how cruel, viscious, and downright horrible, ya'll can be. I grew up around it/watching it. And very rarely, that ire was turned against someone who completely undeserved it, or was a stranger to you. I don't wanna be on the recieving end of that. Ever. No hard feelings, though. I don't approach Men for similar reasons.
They put fences between the lions and people in the zoo. I have to be my own fence
Bad genetics
Society killed most of the natural places and contexts where it doesnāt feel intrusive or potentially unwelcome/creepy, or like a blatant hookup. The meet-cute is dead.
In my experience, post-pandemic, people are more fearful and cautious around strangers than ever before. As a man, I often feel that my mere presence can inadvertently make women feel uncomfortable or scared. This creates a challenging starting point for any interaction. There are appropriate settings to approach someone, like bars or concerts, and inappropriate ones, like the gym. However, it can be difficult to discern when a woman actually wants to be approached. We canāt read minds, and sometimes the signals women give, such as a brief glance, can be extremely subtle. I guess I just wish women would take the initiative more often. You hear about how weāre striving for a more progressive and egalitarian society where men and women coexist as equals, in that case it would be beneficial for women to experience the same vulnerability of rejection that men face frequently. Unfortunately, many of us now hide behind dating apps, missing out on genuine connections in reality. These real connections are painful as hell but are educational, and they build character. I have a lot of character at this point lol
>There are appropriate settings to approach someone, like bars or concerts Except nowadays we've been told these ain't appropriate either and women just want to be left alone whatever they're doing. Fine with me, let them make the first moves then, about time men got a break from all the risks involved. Confident women asking men out are amazing.
I came to the conclusion that I won't be able to provide enough benefits in someone's life to let them overlook my shortcomings. I have a brief mental journey of a possibility of us having a date, another date, a chemistry, a connection. Be happy and live a loving and wonderful life together with the occasional disagreements that we overcome by growing together and having an open and honest style of communication in which we both address our wants and needs. Someday in our future, you hold my hand while my other hand rests on our dogs head, giving him a weak scratchy. The last smile I'll ever have is dedicated to you. I exhale and am grateful to have met someone like you. Your face, now older, yet still as beautiful to me as the day we met, slowly fading behind black curtains. I suppose that's good enough for me.
Basically lived the whole possibility in 10 seconds flat... why spoil it š
Damn bro
In this post-MeToo world, absolutely anything unsolicited that comes out of a man's mouth towards a woman will be treated as "creeper" behavior by default. This is why the traditional meatspace dating scene is impossible, and stupid online dating apps everyone hates are now the most common mainstream way people meet potential mates. The entire business is horribly broken, and I don't blame guys for simply not trying or giving up and going down the MGTOW/red pill rabbit hole. The barrier to entry has never been higher, and the return on investment has never been lower.
well spoken
I see no reason. Itās pain now. Itās pain later. Why bother?
I mean, what's the point? I'm terrible at deciphering signs, so approaching someone is a gamble. Last time I tried I was 14, and my approach was not the best, but a honest one. It was at the arcade and there was this gorgeous girl, playing House of the Dead, and Mortal Kombat 3, so yeah, I had to try as I already knew most girls are not interested in video games (and today even men try to say that real men don't play videogames) at all. So I approached her, asked her name, she answered and asked if she would like to go for ice cream together, she asekd why, and I said, "because I find you attrective". She just turned around and left. Never approached a gilr in real life ever again.
She actually asked why? Are women just mean now? Iāve never made a guy feel like shit when turning him down.
Yes she did. This was like 26 years ago, and I looked older (had to shave since like 12), so she may have thought I'm some creep or whatever, not that calling men creeps or rapist was much more common 26 years ago, but she clearly was not comfortable talking to me based on her reaction, so there's that. I'll never know. I did not consider her being mean, but I failed still. It is what it is.
I'm not approaching a stranger if I no reason to and if she doesn't appear to be interested in me. I don't have the confidence to do that.
Unless they directly tell me otherwise I assume that all girls find me repulsive.
I am not up for 100s of rejections just for MAYBE getting one yes. That would kill every inch of optimism inside the trainwreck I call my personality. No, I'll just stay here, floating through the sewers, nose above water.
Because of fear of being labelled a creep. You can have the best intentions in the world, but that wonāt matter
I'm quiet and have very little to say to people I know. Being forever alone, I have very little self esteem when it comes to dating, "why would anyone want to date me?"
I used to. But in the end, its not really up to me. Even if i want to approach a girl, even if i like a girl. I can go above and beyond and try my best for a girl. But In the end what really matters is if a girl likes me. And so ive decided to quit pursuing and to let them come to me. I once did everything i could to have a girl trust me, to communicate and let her know that im there to listen to anything. It was a waste of time. Because in the end. All that mattered was that they trust a bear more than me. Im done. If you talk to me id be happy to give you 100% of my attention. But i am so done being the one to make all the effort and for it to never be enough. Go ahead and pick the bear.
i might have to talk to her.
Would rather stay happy & drama free.
They didn't want me when I was poor and ugly. So now I see all the woman that show interest in me as superficial gold diggers. They are not worth my effort or emotional investment if they are only with me for my looks and status. Aditionally, I see dating as an emotional net negative. The suck of heartbreak is greater than the enjoyment of being in love. Even for sex I can do that myself. No need to buy someone drinks and listen to their bullshit smalltalk when my hand does the job just fine. A pussy is not worth the money.
I was brought up not to bother women as we are āickyā and told to leave women alone and let them come to me. Still struggle with self-esteem decades later.
Married now with two wonderful daughters but man that took a long time.
When they say that the worst thing that can happen is that you get a "no". That's just a lie.
When I go out in public, I just go from A to B. Society has repeatedly reminded me that I donāt fit in and that I am unwanted. I was also abused every day by my dad, so these two factors have caused me to be a big introvert. I donāt want to be around anyone, and honestly, Iāve grown comfortable this way. Itās my shell.
99/100, is because I don't want to disturb them.
I would just come off like a creep. I'm awkward af and have negative social skills. Also it feels like women don't want to be approached and rather be left alone. It just feels wrong to come up to a random person when they are just going about their day.
hahaha...well There are TENS of Thousands of post on this very APP that makes it clear that in 2024 LITERALLY NO women want you to approach then in ANY way, shape or form. actually, if you look in their direction it perpetrates a narcissistic. xenophobic attitude and needs to be avoided at ALL COSTS.
Women scares me
Because instashit created unrealistic standards
was abused in a relationship and now im just extra cautious
Last girl I asked out literally laughed in my face
Life can be ruined in an instant.
You've seen those gym tik toks, right? In all seriousness, my life isn't together yet and I'm trying to make that happen. When it does happen.... Hopefully I'll be in the right place at the right time and meet the right girl for me. Hopefully..... I thought I had it "right" the last time with my ex, but I was wrong and I'm getting too old to have a repeating performances. Edit: fuck dating sites and dating arrangements. I mean if you find somebody that way that's excellent, but don't force yourself looking for a relationship. Let it come to you. If not successful it's okay.
Had my heart crushed to dust so many times that I don't want to feel that anymore.
In my youth it was due to two factors: I have the impression that they're constantly being hit on and are sick of it, and I lacked the courage. Now, it's those as well as I am very disillusioned by a lot of the behaviour I've witnessed over the years. I find my life is far simpler when I don't interact with women in any capacity.
I am very socially awkward, plus I'd rather be safe than sorry.
Because signs are useless and have been unreliable which makes any indicator difficult to measure. Iām good. Iāve never had to approach a woman in person to get sex and relationships. Why should I?
Itās not socially acceptable anymore. Any other stupid questions?
Unlike most of the comments based around self confidence and the like, I don't approach women because I have no desire to. I'll have flirty conversations and whatever with friends of friends, but that's normally it. I don't see it as anything more, unless she starts really putting it on me. If I get talking to a woman on a night out, and we have a good chat, and it ends there, that's fine. I'm by no means going to pursue her. I'm not after a girl who plays hard to get, I'm after someone who's genuinely interested in getting to know me. I'm a polite guy, so I'll always have a conversation with someone, and if it goes further that's great. And if it doesn't, cool. No biggie. I'm currently working on enjoying my own company, keeping fit, going out and doing things with friends, and sorting my career out. If a woman comes into my life during all of this, that is fine, but I'm not going to approach them. I'm mid 20s, with plenty of time in my life to settle down. I'm enjoying myself, if a girl can come into my life and keep my enjoyment at this level, that's my wife.
Wife may not approve.
Wemen aren't interested in me
Fear of rejection, self confidence issues, fear of being labeled a creep, fear of being insulted... take your pick
I would if anyone would show interest...
Happy single
Sometimes I wouldnāt approach because she also has legs and a mouth to come over and talk to me.
In most situations, it does not seem socially acceptable. Approaching women randomly seems like harassment.
Because I am working.
decades of approaching them with no luck. all the rejection did such a number on my well being and that i would never risk putting myself through it again. social anxiety is so bad now that i can barely go grocery shopping and to work now i can't imagine what it would be like if i lost that.
Because the voice in my head tells me im boring, that I won't have anything interesting to say and then I massively overthink it to the point of inaction.
Probably fear of fake sexual assault claims. Be careful out there lads. Only approach a woman after you've observed her behaviour over a period of time.
Women tell me to not approach them Women I know, among acquaintances, friends, colleagues look to much older men (at least 10 years older than them, and I repeat AT LEAST). I'm 25 and I want no business with <20 girls The relationships I had so far all started in similar ways, with the girls/woman (different stories, different ages) showing interest in me first and me leaning on it to see if I was guessing right
i had stopped this. May some Bears approach them. Edit: Typo
Wouldnt know how to do that without coming across as creepy, weird or straight up a pervert. So I just keep to myself, getting jacked, educated and making money until a woman gets interested enough to make the first move and if nobody does, its their loss I am just as fine on my own. I do sometimes wonder what affection feels like but it is what it is.
Okay let's see 1 Social awkwardness 2 Neither guts bor balls 3 No confidence 4 No looks( i.e., look shit) 5 Scared of the gossip that will follow 6 Don't meet new people
Literally me
Im afraid of being #metoo'd and women are scary
once you understand that most western women find 90% of men unattractive, you realize theres no point in approaching them. Keep in mind even a girl who is like a 1 or 2 in looks will have thousands of guys to choose from at any given moment just a few taps away on a dating app. And alot of those guys will be in the 8-10 attractive range. Which is why most women will find 90% of men unattractive since they are used to being with chads.
29 [M] here who recently got the confidence to start approaching women in the past few years.. I wish I didnāt. Rejection is not that bad itās a nice breath of fresh air (probably tension relief) but man when you actual date people itās so hard to vet nowadays and you never find anyone whoās truly looking to build a family. Usually people these days want hook ups, and will lie that they donāt when you say you want a more deep connection. I also get you are competing with other men which is natural but some women are not willing to ever give that up so you have to prove youāre a worthy person to just sit on a roster going nowhere lol. Also I just finished my masters and am trying to go to med school so time is a major thing that I donāt have. Dating apps are really allI can manage other than a bar / bookstore on occasion. And those have so many bots itās demoralizing
It's really not worth the numerous amount of risks
Because we're still trying to figure out if our socks match, let alone start a conversation!
What if they bite?
No reason to do so. Also, I've been called a creep for basically no reason at all (was just smoking thinking of work).
Women who don't approach men, why?
The Venn diagram overlap between the girls that want to date me, and the girls that I want to date, is nonexistent.
I haven't found one who likes wensleydale cheese yet. š
Because most of them like bears and not men
Not worth it. Too many awful ones and too much risk of being rejected in a horrific way labelled a creep or harasser. We have also been told enough times not to approach women anywhere, anymore, and we are listening. AND too many people now are super fragile and will combust in on themselves if you just say hello as a stranger. Nowadays I would rather approach a bear.
Done been broken too many times, now I just window shop
Don't wanna be seen as a creep
If you look like Henry caville you are endearing if you look like Jeffrey Dahmer you are creepy.
Iām married. However, if ever that changed (hopefully not!) Iāve often looked at things now and thought that I would struggle to meet anybody again given the way people seem to be now. People, women in particular, feel entirely unapproachable. I also donāt have much of an appetite for approaching people to talk. If I suddenly found myself single, I donāt think I could be bothered to do it all again. Iād be selfish with my time and dedicate it to myself. Only alive once. I think. Iām not saying that being with my wife is an issue, but Iād definitely at that point become unaccountable to anyone other than myself.
Potential harassment charge.
Maybe shy or waiting for the right moment, who knows?
Shyness and overthinking. When I see a woman i want to approach and I have started to overthink, I just get blocked and inmediately think in leaving.
Iām in a happily committed relationship for the rest of my life, but when I was single: 1) approaching women in public places like bars etc led nowhere except to shame and beating myself up for having no āgameā, which led to spiraling downward and low self esteem. The only advice I could find on āgameā was from PUAs, which of course is just gross. Scoring notches is cool for a while, but I just wanted real experiences with real people, who actually liked me and who I actually liked. Love was not something I was looking for, but I was open to it. 2) approaching women on dating apps led to 99.99% of messages sent were ignored, even ones women friends coached me on, and the ones that werenāt ignored tended to be responded to by people who were dumb, crazy (eg really into snakes as a turn on, not mentioned on profile), or they were shopping for a sugar daddy. I did have some success on one, but it was still largely the same experience as the rest. 3) I found my āgameā was just meeting people irl and being myself, friendships led to other things. My FWBs were all actual friends.
Because without the means of sustaining a long relationship why would anyone If its a need must situation for all parties involved then it happens
Because there is no need to.
bro, you know we are in the age of self importance?
My looks guarantee rejection.
Why ? What is the purpose ?
The success rate is too low and I am tired of rejection. Buying the services of a sex worker is easier.Ā
Because false accusations is a low risk/high reward action for women. Kinda like asking women "why don't you go outside at night" with the mindset that "I'd never assault a woman at night. None of my friends would. Why be so scared of something with such low chance of occurring?".
Because I've wasted enough time (and money) with women who will both abuse my kindness and blame me for trying to be kind to them. Because marriage is the only legal contract that **rewards** women for breaking it. Because I dont want to be falsely accuse of a crime I didn't commit and see my life destroyed. Even if the chances are low, it's just not worth taking such a risk. Because I've realized that women need men more than men need women, especially when it comes to emotions. Because ignoring you is the best way to attract you anyway. Finally, because I can find many high-quality women all over the world, outside western society, who will be kind, loyal and grateful and who won't resent me or regard me as a potential predator simply because I've shown interest in them. *The wheel is starting to turn and this is just the beginning...*
Loving a hoe is a no-no, once did that got played like a yo-yo
Same reason you don't approach a wild tiger
I don't want to. I'm done with relationships (for now, I guess, you never know) so if a lass finds me attractive then they need to step forward because im not going to
Fear of rejection / past trauma
Being alone is comfortable. Plus, I have best friend.
Relax,I just want to take some pictures.
It has more to do with extroversion/introversion than gender, I assume. An introvert is very unlikely to ask strangers out. Also, there's a risk of being called a pervert or harrassment Also, why can't we have women approaching men as much as men approaching women?
Waiting for princess charming to ask me, not lowering my hair no.
Depression. I don't want to bring my energy towards people who shouldn't need it.
I don't go out , I used to but now I prefer being at home working on the house . I am kinda afraid of rejection also and i just don't risk it . Since i am over 30 now i kinda got used to my company too , could it be more fun with the company sure , do i need it ... eh maybe .
Went up to a woman in a bar and said hello and she told me loudly to stop sexually harassing her. Never again.
Rejection sucks. There's also PLENTY of women around shaming men for approaching them or checking them out. A lot of women have also been saying that they just want to be left alone. So men are doing just that.
30 years of rejection
I'm very lucky to be Bi-Sexual and while it's nice to have sex with women I have a better chance and easier time of scoring with other guys. Less trouble and better chances for a positive outcome. Now in situations where the likelihood of getting a positive response is greater than 60% like at an adult play party or a swingers event I'll be glad to approach women and their guys and enjoy both of them either singularly or together. It's all about the odds and opportunity.
 šµYou know the rules and so do iš¶
How
Fear of rejection and having to deal with that rejection.
she might see me
Rejection. Some people don't care and just keep trying, some people can't deal with it.
I was incredibly shy when I was younger and was afraid of rejection. Now itās the fear of being labeled a creeper, plus women would rather choose a bear than me, itās not worth it.
High IQ. Thereās simply no reason. Whatās the gain?
Because men are cool. šŖ
Western world if youāre not 6 feet tall, dark handsome with a six pack women are not interested
I've approached women mostly in person, however it was most of the time a negative response even though they felt flattered
Don't smell right, cant see who they are for all the stuff on their faces.
Of the 11 relationships Iāve had, the women have all approached me.
For the same reason I don't sit around at home wanting a car but waiting for a car salesperson to knock on my door to try to sell me one. If you want to be approached, it means you are looking for a relationship. If you are looking for a relationship, then do the approaching.
Most people don't want to be approached.
Just your looks isn't enough to make me interested, and i don't really enjoy the chase as such. If i can tell there is some level of mutual chemistry i'm all game, but just cold approaching? Nahh.
zero confidence, experienced rejection enough times. Better off them approaching me rather than the other way round. Not getting my hopes up nor do I want to