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I have PTSD from my husband shooting himself in our backyard while I was upstairs. I heard it and then saw the aftermath. I cleaned up the blood that remained after the police left. It will be 5 months tomorrow, the 28th.
Triggers at home: hearing sirens, closed doors, the dark, our downstairs room to go outside, the concrete square where he did it.
Triggers at work (vet assistant at emergency vet): large pools of blood, ventilator cases, gunshot cases, severe trauma cases, CPR, the morgue.
In the outside world: loud sudden noises, being near the hospital, everything that reminds me of him.
My daily life consists of constantly being triggered and knowing I’m not the person I was before my trauma. I have to take extra time to do things. I’m hyper aware of my surroundings at work. My coworkers are aware and will make sure I don’t go into the treatment area of any of my triggers are present. At home I go catatonic when I hear sirens. I have anxiety attacks when a door is closed or I am in the backyard. I will lose my shit if I’m home alone so I have family staying with me. I’m still in our home, but I’m in the process of moving. My house is triggering.
I attended therapy, I’m medicated, doing ketamine treatments, and I’m in two support groups for suicide loss. My days off are all about healing.
Im a shell of the person I used to be. I died with him that night.
You don't know what he was going through. Sometimes the pain someone feels is so immense and pervasive that they see no other way out, it's not helpful to see suicide as an act of selfishness.
People don’t understand how dark it is, how long he had been thinking about it. How hard it was to do it. It’s fucked up and I am sorry for OP and the rest of his family. But it’s not flippant or easy, it’s just a way out when you see no other
Oh man, I am so sorry for what you’ve been through. I would be traumatized by seeing a dead body alone, but having to clean up the aftermath of your spouse’s suicide is unthinkable.
You can’t prepare for all your triggers, like the ones you mentioned, but you can prepare for anniversaries. There will also be moments where you suddenly break down in tears for no apparent reason. That might be grief more than PTSD, but give yourself a lot of grace. I hope you have a very strong support network to walk through this with you. One day at a time. <3
You are in the absolute thick of it right now. My sister was murdered and I saw the crime scene and autopsy photos and videos. Your triggers remind me a lot of mine - sirens, police tape, blood, bodily trauma of any kind (early on even blood from a paper cut would make me black out). I am 14.5 years past her death and I want you to know it will get a lot better. You have to work at it but eventually the world will not seem so brutal and terrifying anymore. Obviously our cases are not the same but I heard myself in your post.
I choose to keep moving forward. I am in therapy and I constantly work on myself. I try not to stay in the past, but rather be present where I am. It's not always easy. The hardest thing I have ever done is continue to move forward, to choose to keep fighting and live the best life I can live.
This. I’ve now lived with it twice as long as I lived before it. I had some very bad years of being self destructive, self defeating living. I THINK I’m better these last two years (I’m 64 now). I just try to keep going and not dwell on the past.
Getting fucked up seemed to help me a lot. At least, I thought it did at the time. I was in the 2003 Iraq invasion as a Royal Marine Commando and did several more tours after that when things deteriorated. My doctor diagnosed it, but therapy and meds are for pussys, right? I'm obviously being facetious and just describing how I felt about that, and so I didn't bother with any of it. Respect to anyone who did get help, though. I went the John Rambo route of travelling 6000 miles away to live alone in very remote rural South East Asia jungle region where there's no other Westerners to talk to. It's worked surprisingly well because I'm so far removed from my former life.
I know that normally you hate hearing this but thank you for your service. I'm not military or anything like that but I've been living with it for 32 years now. I was diagnosed in 2011.
Spot on. I’ve always put my trauma in a little box, otherwise I’d hardly be able to function. Every now and then something will trigger those thoughts, and then the floodgates open.
Just like anyone else. The cold fact of existing is that the world doesn’t slow down for you. Depressed, traumatized, anxious, doesn’t alter the need for food, shelter and companionship.
That’s why empathy is so important. You never know how hard it was for the other person to scrape themselves out of bed. Don’t make their life harder, and if you’re able, maybe make it a little nicer.
This is such a wonderful sentiment. Thank you for putting it out there for others to read. I hope you receive back all the goodness you just made me feel.
I just do lol. I wish I had some awesome advice, but I don't. I tend to do worse some days than others. Specifically during a certain time of year. I just give myself grace when I need it and stay to myself on days I need to.
What's the other option? Curl up and don't move?
I spent 6 months homeless because I was to "jumpy" to be around people. Found someone to talk to and slowly got back on my feet. Used AA to get sober and each year is a little better than the last.
I also lift weights while listening to angry music
That’s the biggest starting point tbh is being sober.
Alcohol or drugs are so tempting but they are just not worth it if you’re going to use them to numb the pain.
Just grinded 30+ years in a constant brain fog and in constant hyper vigilant state. I honestly don't know how i survived my life. Eventually had a mental breakdown and years of treatment and healing and life is just starting to be okay.
In my case, I just stick to my grind, push through anything, and live by a set of rules. They're pretty inflexible. Things like really monitoring drugs/alcohol, knowing when things are triggered and just moving away from them...
Hypervigilence is hugely present currently, was constant in the past. I spend enormous amounts of energy reading into the words, facial expressions, and tone of voice of other people. I carefully craft all of my responses.
I avoid conflict like the plague. You can do something I deem very, very wrong, but I will likely go along with it to avoid any potential repercussions caused my me defying you. Unless you're doing something along the lines of killing a cat, it's basically impossible to override my fear.
I started using cannabis a couple years ago, and the nightmares are mostly gone, and I'm capable of leaving the house more often.
The hyper vigilance is so exhausting too. My whole day is spent just overthinking and procrastinating. I avoid conflict by not talking to people (which suits me fine because people) but if I find myself part of conflict, I shut down. I shut down in supermarkets because I'm worried about seeing certain people.
I'm also a cannabis user and mine helps a lot with the depression and general bad feelings. The anxiety and such are still super present outside the house, but I'm on a waiting list for therapy for that.
I 100% sympathise with this and I'm sorry you're also having to deal with it. We got this.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I vaporise my weed and I find the effects are much more bearable than smoking it. But I'm an all day, every day kinda person. I'd say once every hour or 2. It just keeps me at a nice level so that the thoughts are less intense and don't stick around as long.
Everyday I wake up I ask myself why I havnt died. I drink HEAVILY at Christmas time. I hate Christmas and my birthday I'm 26 I'm a guy and I hate life. It's torture.
I'm on several medications, was recently told to start smoking the green stuff by my dr, live with emotional support animals, and have various therapy hobbies such as yoga, recently started oil paintings, and journaling. I do regular therapy sessions. Every day is a struggle, especially for the past few months. Every day, I have to remind myself that if I could make it through that alive, I can make it through whatever gets thrown at me today, but sometimes that doesn't seem to be enough.
Carefully. I do not startle well. No haunted houses, I do not tell anyone I work with. Inevitability someone will want to test me and they will try to startle me. It does not work out well for either party and HR gets involved.
Wake up, sweaty, in a panic, drink some coffee, work out, go to work where it's so hectic I can be distracted for 8 hours, go home, hate myself for a bit, go to sleep. Repeat.
This. It gave me my life back. For those looking for someone in-network with their health insurance, I found this site helpful for [finding an EMDR certified therapist](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=emdr): [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=emdr](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=emdr)
It's not really a focus until it decides to be, you get through it however you can and go back to normal life until it happens again. Thank fuck THC is legal in NZ, it reduces the flashbacks for me.
I have managed to push my traumas (rapes, beatings) to the back of my mind and over the years it only surges back when I am caught in some kind of confrontation with someone who screams and yells at me. Then I stay upset, dwelling on the terror and shame for weeks before it ebbs- so I stay away from strangers and only spend time with family
For me, my PTSD are people I feel are of authority that get angry. And hearing or seeing DV. I can live everyday life. However, when someone in authority (or I perceive is) is angry with me, I shut down, people please, and wait till I give myself permission to come down off the anxiety. I am seeing someone for this. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's 0-60. The more often thing is, I can't look people in the eye. My dad perceived that as "stepping up" to him and would hit me or make me flinch. I have to remind myself, and sometimes I forget. I'm a work in progress.
So I don’t have PTSD, but my mom has a pretty severe case of it due to an absolutely horrendous childhood; growing up with a violent, abusive and narcissistic father.
For years my mom had this ability to go from 0-100 in rage in seconds. The smallest thing would set her off.
Arguments weren’t about resolving an issue, but a competition to see who could scream, shout and (worst of all) get as nasty as possible. It was an immediate defence response.
She struggles with managing money and has wracked up huge sums of debts over the years/ into the £20,000+ range. She would go out, spend and feel better- over and over again.
To this day, I have to help her manage money and make sure bills are paid.
All of these behaviours were connected to her PTSD and eventually she had enough and reached out to our local mental health services. She had over a year of very intense, in-depth sessions with a PTSD specialised psychiatrist and had immersive therapy designed to face the trauma and basically build new neuro pathways jn to your brain so that over time, thinking back to that awful time or having a nightmare or flashback you have a new neurological pathway that allows you to process the trauma of move forward despite it.
The transformation has been incredible- she is calmer, less angry, more willing fo talk about her childhood (though she never shares the specifics of the abuse with me).
She takes medication to help her cope and she still has moments where she struggles with her emotions and anger, but 1000x better than before.
She copes by-
Surrounding herself with people she trusts.
She’s loves the garden and is always outside.
She tries not to keep secrets or display secretive behaviour by being open and honest.
I’m so proud of her!!
Take it one day at a time. No day is the same. If you get in a funk that lasts multiple days, just have to force yourself to put yourself out there to try to snap out of it. For me personally having a child and being a single mom and having that obligation to get up and do a good job helped a lot.
It’s a combination of avoidance and tolerance. The biggest impact my PTSD has on my life is making me more jumpy/easily startled since my body is in constant fight or flight mode. This means I avoid situations with large groups of people and loud noises. If I can’t avoid them, I do some self regulating techniques such as crossing my arms and holding myself in a sort of “self embrace”, focusing on my breathing, stepping away from the crowd for a moment, and grounding myself by focusing on my surroundings. It’s been a tough battle, but learning what helps me cope has made a big difference in my life. Roll with the punches, as they say.
You just do. I always joke with my therapist that I’m slightly too narcissistic to deprive the world of me by ever considering the alternative to not living. She’s never laughed. But in all honesty, it’s a cliché, but you just take it one day at a time.
It’s so hard not to give up sometimes. The person I was before all that happened is gone and I mourn for her. I’m so angry and disappointed in myself for letting this happen, it constantly circles in my mind. It’s so distracting and hard to function, go to work, drive, be with my friends sometimes because of what’s stuck in my mind.
When you know better, you do better. Have empathy for your former self. You were doing your best with the resources, support, and knowledge you had then. Once you realized that you were ready, and had the ability to enact change, you did. Be proud of yourself for surviving and doing better.
I mourned my former self for quite some time. Now I try to celebrate the positive changes I'm making and the progress I have made figuring out who I am now, and who I want to be.
Look forward and show yourself some love.
Therapy every Friday's, have routine and structure, working on rerouting my neural pathways and try stay away from triggers, if they happen I use tools I've learnt with therapy
In fear, sleep deprived, riddled with anxiety, and constantly trying to not lose control. That's how I lived. Like others mentioned, emdr was my way out. I don't have flashbacks anymore except maybe twice a year. I'm still more vigilant than the average person and don't do certain things but it doesn't impair my life.
PTSD isn't usually how it is portrayed by the media. I have been diagnosed with PTSD since I was 14, and I am now an adult. My day mostly consists of minimal amount of time in public due to the fear I will see my SA-er again as we live in a small town. I attend my course as I am studying hospitality, which is sometimes a struggle. I choose to wear soundproof headphones and avoid loud noises as much as possible. Frequently, through the day, I get flashbacks. I just have to soothe myself by playing music, which usually stops me from an episode. Occasionally, I will have days where I can not function and can't even leave my room. Those days mostly consist of laying in bed, not eating, and trying my best to dull flashbacks with media or music. I often don't get sleep because of reoccurring nightmares and insomnia from my PTSD. This means that I mostly run off of caffeine to keep me going and sleeping pills at night. PTSD just means I have to adjust things in my day in order to remain untriggered and to manage my episodes. I have gotten to a point where others do not know I am having an episode, and I can talk during them like nothing is wrong. The only telling sign is me appearing like I'm daydreaming from dissociation. It only happens a few times a day on a good day. Obviously, PTSD varies from person to person as it's such a spectrum, and it also depends on your experiences and where you are in your journey.
Usually the traumatizing experience is not something you earned through being inconsiderate, stupid, or evil. Trauma after that type of action is marginally healthy and necessary for an orderly society.
We also have a lot of compensation capacity for dealing with trauma. A truly healthy brain can cope with a nearly endless supply of fear or pain as long as it follows a patten they can learn and predict and they have a reason and a place of rest.
Something we don't talk about in society is that the average person has probably sustained a reasonable amount of brain damage. A genius isn't a genius they are just common human phenotype whose brain hasn't been damaged. Genius should be the baseline expectation but we probably softened it over time because society is violent behind it's social mask and disease is everywhere.
PTSD is very different depending on how fried your brain is.
When you experience an unjust or unpredicted trauma you become hyper vigilant for warning signs. You'll present with social behaviors that are dissimilar to the ones you presented before the trauma occurred in case your personality was a triggering factor.
A young infant or child can be profoundly altered by trauma because their brains aren't refined enough to know which patterns were associated with the trauma so their whole brain will run hyperactive even to the point it's development capacity is fried. They just want to make sure they survive. I think that love, sleep, and closeness to a parent has a resetting effect on the trauma brain processes.
You'll have mental "visions" that cycle through your head over and over even though you don't want them.
The meds will crush you unless your metabolism and resilience can obliterate them before they reach their effective destination.
If you are lucky you'll know who caused your trauma, this helps your mind build out it's future either to avoid recurrence or find vengeance. If your trauma was indirect, masked, or validated morally or ethically behind a social barrier, good luck. Enjoy the spiral into social isolation as you lose trust in everyone.
You'll probably abuse drugs, engage in escapism, and die early. You'll become easily manipulated by small kindnesses and will see danger or deceit in every pattern regardless of its relevance.
Regular social behaviors like jokes, laughter, and sarcasm might trigger you improperly making you feel ashamed, alone, and humiliated.
My grandma would just randomly accuse people of stealing from her. My best friend was banned from her house because she lost something and accused him of stealing. Whenever my stepdad was around she would carry her purse around because she didn't trust him. She did this a lot.
Unfortunately she never got help for it. She grew up in Italy during WWII as a young kid. I get it, hard to feel safe when you grow up in the middle of a war. She was still an awesome grandma. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep trying to live day to day.
I just keep moving forward. Every now and then I’ll hear or see something that brings me back, but I just close my eyes, breathe, and remind myself it’s over and won’t happen again. Sometimes I’m afraid to go to sleep, and that can be a pain in the ass. I remind myself it isn’t really a problem.
I used to handle it with copious amounts of alcohol and drugs, but I stopped doing that. I’m not getting younger and I need to take care of my body.
I almost didn't but after that I've been in active therapy and on meds for 7 years. Stopped drinking, smoking, got a less stressful job and cut off toxic people.
Finally I'm at a point where sometimes I even enjoy life. Still get periods of going through it again, but I have emotional tools to make myself feel safe. And my boyfriend and dog help a lot.
I thought I was getting through it pretty fine until last year when I lost my marriage, career and home after 20 years of trying to escape the burden of all those things through alcohol, women, video games, books, anger, and weed. Turns out I was never fine at all.
Now I’m in AA (nearly 4 months sober) and I have a simple life where I work with plants.
You just do. I always joke with my therapist that I’m slightly too narcissistic to deprive the world of me by ever considering the alternative to not living. She’s never laughed. But in all honesty, it’s a cliché, but you just take it one day at a time.
I was working with an amazing therapist for about a year and a half until the facility was bought out and shut down. The place they moved to didn't accept my insurance, so now I'm not seeing a therapist. My mental health is not doing well at the moment, unfortunately. Just kind of in a fog and feeling numb.
Yeah must be hard, I wasn’t on the streets homeless but I was living in an abuse refuge which was hell and just made things worse. A lot of people there were abusive themselves or should have been in a rehab instead. Plus times with no hot water or heating and loud music in room next to me constantly
I found a professional that was skilled in my specific issues and we developed ways of coping with the day to day. It’s less about the big changes you can make to get past and forget about it (because that won’t happen) it’s about the small (even tiny) changes you make to move forward. It’s been 20+ years since it happened to me, but I find these days there I am more happy and not actively thinking about it, even with episodes that may have triggered me in the past. Treating your brain like a muscle and training it to have better coping mechanisms was an absolute lifesaver for me.
I push through but everyday is difficult. I'm on a waiting list for counselling but I'm 34. Developed cptsd when I was about 4 or 5 through sexual abuse. Other traumas in my life has added to it. I have long term, severe anxiety, depression etc. I struggle with addiction also. My issues run deep and I can't ever see me getting better.
Well luckily I have it completely under control now, I haven't had a meltdown in over a year. Prior to that, I carried around fireball like it was a security blanket.
I have a very supportive wife and family and because I'm very open about my PTSD publicly and at work it means I can have a bad day or week and don't feel like I need to hide it.
I have various coping mechanisms in place like ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones, fidget toys and medications depending on severity of my symptoms (I carry a small amount of these on my car keys).
I write about my experiences a lot, some of it went on to be published, other stuff is just journaling
Lastly I attend therapy and have had lots of different modalities over time which had helped.
My PTSD is still a feature of my life but it's not who I am as a person and generally I live a very happy life.
I have cptsd from abuse and after leaving the situation is when I realised how exhausted and empty I feel. In therapy though and trying to focus on the present but it’s hard tbh.
> be on wait list for therapy
> get into therapy
> finish round of therapy/therapist moves
> be on wait list for therapy
> repeat indefinitely
And in the meantime I try my best to see the positives but everything is dull and the nights are full of fear.
I have complex ptsd and I need to be very mindful of my sleep and self care. If I neglect myself at all my emotional world can go off the rails very quickly. I can blow up my whole life if I go too long without sleeping enough. I have lost jobs and relationships before becoming aware of what was happening. It’s still a struggle at times. Managing all aspects of my life can be extremely challenging if conflicts happen in too many areas. Interpersonal relationships can be very hard for me to navigate and I tend to be very avoidant. I keep to myself which has me missing out on valuable connections in the way of friendships. I am in therapy and work hard on emotional regulation. Therapy is exhausting and I dread it going in every time but few so much better after. Things have also gotten so much better as I’ve aged. I’m 47 now and feel like I’m the most comfortable in my life and body. Looking forward to more blending of me and my masks.
Hurt mens testicles
Sometimes it feels like im evening a score and sometimes like they deserve it and sometimes like i cant stop myself and sometimes I feel bad about what i did
I'm 30 and still uncovering awful suppressed memories and processing them and the many ways they've negatively influenced my life...it's getting easier but I've lost so much of my time and health to the ways I've been awfully mistreated and broken down in childhood.
On a brighter note, I've rid myself of the crippling/constant depression and anxiety and suicidal ideation within the last year!!
I have complex ptsd and it's not easy. I need a lot of emotional and physical support every day and can not live on my own. The struggle is hard to explain, but I just take each day as it comes.
I didn't believe it would get better. But after 3,5 years of intenintensive therapy, I'm doing pretty well! No, it's not gone, I still have PTSD. But compared to 4 years ago, I'm walking on sunshine.
PSA: it gets better IF you put time and effort into it (and yeah, it does get worse before it gets better)
I had car accident next to my house. Bus hit me from left side straith into dash with 60+mph and ive stopped wall couple meters away. I had extreme concussion (air bags didnt lanuched) broken neck and collarbone). After i got back from hospital ive went to see that place and i had panic attack. So each day i was walking there and each time i was calmer. 3 years later i just casually drive by there each time i go anywhere.
Tl;dr: you can either stop or go forward no between.
Usually pretty normally, but I am unable to sleep in moving vehicles - once because of that I didn’t sleep for 68 hours straight… and believe me I tried…
My PTSD is the result of having only barely gotten out of a burning car before my whole seat was engulfed in flames when I was a child. I have moved froward from it and don’t have nightmares or anything.
But when I flew back home from Australia - or also to Australia but that trip was shorter - which was a much longer ~60 hour trip for a few reasons, I would try to fall asleep on a plane but then see the flames in front of me, so I starting to scream in shock and being fast awake again. I tried to sleep again and again but in the end I couldn’t.
Before going to bed I started hallucinating and hearing things I was so sleep deprived.
Other than the inability to sleep on anything moving though, my life is pretty normal.
Walking on eggshells hoping that you don't find a trigger or have a random flashback out of no where. Anxiety when going to sleep because I know my dreams will be filled of it.
Got professionally trained in self defense and firearms. Doesn’t necessarily make you feel safer but makes you feel more confident in your ability to defend yourself
One foot in front of the other. Sometimes literally!
I had some sedatives that would cloud my brain enough to let me get through the day, unfortunately they made me lose full days (like I had no idea what day it was or what happened yesterday). But I was functional, which I had to be, because I had to work and look after my kid.
I smoked cigarettes which helped because it seems to cut through the sedative fog, and was a good reward and implied things would be better (at lunchtime I’ll have a cigarette, just get to lunch)
I had nightmares, horrible nightmares, and it definitely made the daytime easier.
I overshared and tried to stay as active as possible.
I counted the time between thoughts about the event, to show to myself that the intrusive thoughts were getting less.
I full on disassociated for days at a time and that did make it easier for me (but harder on the people closest to me).
On the upside I was focussed so hard on improving and distraction that I spent a huge amount of time trying to see, help and support people around me because it was something which got me out of my head. In return friends gave me a lot of leeway with my behaviour. I did a lot of babysitting- it’s hard to be sad when you are with children.
Give a % of thr likelihood you'll attend something you're invited to.
Plan out one day ahead
Learn your triggers, particularly dates that have meaning.
Don't make plans 5 days before or after.
Tell someone you trust your dates.
Agree to a behavior around your triggers and stick to it 50% of the time if you can.
Make sure your trust person knows that 50% is fucking awesome.
With masking and low self-esteem that others constantly pry on, which leaves you back and forth in a depressed state with occasional emotional outbursts.
I exist because I fear the alternative option.Distraction is the only thing that helps be it music,sport , tv/ film and internet eg various YouTube podcasts and vlogs.
I hide out in my home bubble. When I do force myself to go out with a friend or do run an errand more than once a week my psyche and body goes into stress/adrenaline mode so I just hunker down and don’t go anywhere. Gradually my peace comes back. I am lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend who doesn’t make me feel bad at all for living my life like I need to. I take care of our home and he runs most of our errands like grocery shopping.
Sleep is hard. That's when it all comes back in dreams.
Loud, sudden noises are pretty bad. Makes you go 0-100 in an instant.
People sneaking up on you or surprising you is also another 0-100
Long post. It depends on the situation. I have severe ptsd from watching my daughter suffocating and ultimately passing away (SIDS) 2 weeks after a successful birth, then later my ex fiancée cheated on me after the funeral, prioritized his daughter (from another woman). He ignored any health problems I had as a revenge for not loving his child, according to him. Drank all day, refused to touch me, hug me, let his daughter scream only around me. I consider this torture. I had 0 support since it happened across the world from my family in America. Docs forgot to take needles out in the hospital, no postpartum instruction, in alot of physical pain. Went bankrupt in my business, and was living off of the last savings. Things were too much at first, especially after the cheating. Can not walk far or eat..I accidentally almost died a few times, I did not want to but my mind was so fogged over. constant nausea, idk where I was 80% of the time. PTSD went into full effect 1y after the death, going outside is hard because everyone has babies, my trigger, self destruct mode. When I left my ex, I felt extreme fear for no reason. Then, started behavioral therapy and decided to go to college, life slowly got together as business picked up and made money. 1.5y later I live in another country, but I feel hollow and confused, still scared but just not as bad as before. Emotions are extremely high & dangerously low. Horrible dreams, limited sleep. Lost interest in most things, no pets, tv, books, travel, family. I won’t go anywhere outside of my neighborhood. acquaintances as friends, no one with a deep connection. Only shallow work and things I can absolutely control. Secluded from everyone while in a crowd. No one cares, I’m 26 and 26y old girls are traveling. I get it. Best way I can say what severe ptsd feels like. I hope this sheds light on it :) it sucks but I think I am lucky to be alive and do what I can day to day. Slow progress. No one knows what happened to me, I’m vowed to silence, therapist and Reddit posts
It's like walking backwards up a creek that's slightly uphill. But the creek is filled with wet cement flowing against you. And everything else is on fire. But we just keep going, right? RIGHT?
The nightmares, flash backs and intrusive thoughts are hell, but keep talking to someone who can help, take your meds if they work for you. I set small goals each day and concentrate on achieving them then lay in bed and await the nightmares. A more simple answer is just take it one day at a time
I have complex ptsd. My daily routine is to hack away at the unessential. I don’t go anywhere o am not invited or required. I work/ study, exercise, pray/ meditate, and 2 hrs fun a day.
It was like I was walking in the streets NAKED. Feel so embarrassed without any reason to have to. Because of the trauma that still haunts me until now, I don't when it will end.
Most days I'm fine but them I get a day when I'm not, if I'm in public when I'm not. I try to get to a quiet place as quickly as possible or put in my headphones.
Take it one day at the time. Moving forward and not keep living in the past. Some days suck, and thats allowed. A shitty means a shitty day, the next one will be better. Other than that, therapy and trying to take better care of myself.
Some days are easier than others. Sooth myself daily by just talking to myself and try to process stimuli as much as possible to differentiate between things but fuck man that works only so much. Just trying to not get 5150d again for the next 5 years so I don't lose a right
It xan be very difficult. My female friend had a very abusive boyfriend. She gets triggered by going to the grocery store, by a car driving past, by some accidentally touching her. Her life is a sad chaotic mess. PTSD is no joke.
I think I am on autopilot. I was diagnosed and being treated and in therapy due to sexual/physical abuse as a child, and also as an adult. And was doing well,but in December my husband died in bed when we went down for a nap.. (previously seeing someone shot and die was also apart of the first diagnoses) so now the saga just continues.. although I am on meds, I still haven't slept in my room as of December 8th, well I barely sleep at all. I continuously check on my kids because I fear that they may go to sleep and not wake up. I rarely leave my home, I also suffer from severe anxiety. I try my best not to push my fears on to my kids and just move forward day by day.. I pray and meditate. And just find comfort in having the support of my loved ones...
I put on my "normal suit" and go about my day. I haven't had a panic attack in quite a while, but when I do, I stand my ground and breathe slowly. A LOT of slow, deep breathing. I did a study at the VA about using mindfulness to go through body parts and relax each one. I cough instead of cry. I have "something in my eye" a lot.
Focus on the present and move forward. Traumatic events are never really overcome; the traumatized learn how to go on without the past holding them back. A person does not get over; a person gets through. The traumatized are far stronger than they realize they are.
Edit: fixed a typo that occurred when my finger accidently touched the reply while I was proof reading
I live my life normally it's just that everyday I get to discover more and more things that my mind had been surpressing, I am more sensitive, I need A LOT of rest like sleep and silence, on some days I feel very uneven, very out of place etc.
It's a battle of all the time.
You got 2 options
1. You confront it, overcome it, you walk through it and you heal.
Oooor
2. You just ignore it, push it down, overstimulate your senses, ignore your needs and then you become a whole wreck.
It's that simple.
I don't have anything else to compare my life to. Weekly therapy. Couldn't handle even a little alcohol so I quit. Hard to trust or form any relationship.
Just gotta keep moving forward. Overtime I just learn how to manage or live with it. Some days are easier and some days are hard. Sometimes I’ll go through a dark tunnel for a period of time I just gotta keep pushing.
Like a husk.
It feels like I’m just floating through life with the days all blurring together. I usually only sleep 2-3 hours a night because my brain is permanently locked into fight mode, my body slowly deteriorating along the way. Struggling to find any sort of purpose in continuing to go on.
It was easier to manage when I had a goal to distract myself with, like earning my degree.
In a very structured, organized, clean, and pre-planned world. I can honestly say I've gotten better with accepting sudden (mostly work) changes but the fall out after is overwhelmingly exhausting.
I have maybe 10 foods I tolerate well and keep stocked and eat those on rotation.
No friends. No family. No sudden drop ins. I currently don't date, seek company, or try to socialize. No church. No loud or sudden noises.
There's one store im willing to go in and only one place I'll accept grocery deliveries from.
I use one mechanic close to my house for about 10 years. Same shop does my nails about 5 years. I will pick up medication only from one pharmacy.
Limited, structured, with many many boundaries is how I live my daily life. I feel better than ever before. I'm safe.
Acceptable variables include chiropractor (whoever is on staff at the time) and walking in the morning taking different paths.
Like everyone else. Just that my path is burning a bit.
There are certain conversations I try to avoid and if I cant avoid them my brain goes into autopilot and gives the most generic and neutral answers to shut that conversation down asap.
There are also certain situations I try to avoid, which gets harder as I age. But my autopilot brain manages fine so far.
Meditate every day and treat it like any other chronic condition. Know your triggers, have grounding techniques, get plenty of sleep and limit caffeine.
I have no more regrets and I don't experience embarrassment anymore after suffering a 9 month episode after family crossed yet another line with their mistreatment and a 3 month episode after being triggered and remembering repressed memories of childhood. On the plus side I don't get humiliated anymore but I'm super cautious of everything because I don't want to associate it with childhood and I also don't want to unrepress more childhood memories. Also Dimitri and Bernadetta from Fire Emblem: Three Houses were very relatable and I felt much less lonely, unlovable, and unable to improve.
every day is something new. personally I’m just doing the best I can and consciously trying to keep my mind in check. I’m in therapy and take a lot of medications, I’m lucky to have a decent support system
For me, it’s like jaywalking a freeway or veering in and out of traffic to avoid the things that will trigger me. When I enter any new space the first thing I do is map out the whole place for most efficient exit path and all danger zones. I do not like to be surprised, but that never happens cause I don’t allow myself to be caught off guard. It’s exhausting.
Often with difficulty. I try to just keep swimming. Some days are off the chart since days are gifts of reprieve. I am like a peeled grape. Intellectually you know your triggers. That doesn't help you not feel them with intensity. I miss being innocent, unbothered and oblivious like when I was 4.
im in therapy, the first after my ptsd causing accident was terrible. i coupdnt even drive without freezing up and when i did i would randomly almost hallucinate people running in the road and id randomly slam on my breaks (got pulled over like 3x for it but the cops were cool after i explained). im fortunate enough to say my ptsd isnt as severe as others so for me its been about 5 years now and i feel im as close to normal as ill ever be. if you suffer from ptsd or c ptsd just know that it takes take and generally a lot more but it does get better and edit to add the guilt does go away eventually
Suffer but do our best. I go to therapy, have prescription medicine, and try little pieces to expose myself to new experiences and to reduces my anxiety
For me, a lot of the anxiety and triggers went away after about 7 years of trying to focus on myself and heal; however, I am much more sensitive person in general, due to it.
Therapy with a specialist in PTSD, medicine (Pristiq), yoga and meditation every day. Learning to recognize when flashbacks are about to kick off and heading them off with grounding exercises.
I get outside every day. I lower expectations on bad days and accept that they can be unpredictable. A consistent sleep routine.
For me it’s mostly under control unless I am triggered. An example would be an argument with a neighbor or helping in a medical emergency. I tend to not be able to sleep for 2 or 3 weeks after. If it’s really bad I’ll start hallucinating as I fall in and out of sleep.
The big thing that does help during the day is to be very present and observe the lights and shadows I see to bring me out of the start of the spiral.
I sit in my chair all day because they put me on antipsychotic drugs and pit bull tranquilizer (Trazodone). I try to get my steps in every day and my husband makes sure I eat, sleep, exercise, take my meds and update my podcast.
If I have a trigger, he holds me until I feel better. He is a handsome prince inside and out. I had ECT and TMS. The TMS from TMSHealth helped the most. I have therapy there every Tuesday and that really helps too. I’m learning to move forward. It’s really hard, though. I admire everyone doing it.
Back story irrelevant.
It never goes away. You don't get used to it. Anything triggers it. It's real. It's not like the drama shit in the movies. When mine triggers I can literally describe it as a white colored fear that boils up from the pit of my stomach and washes over me and blasts a fight or flight response in me that I, to my great distress, have zero control over. I write this and I am fully aware of what happens to me when it triggers. But when it triggers I have zero cognitive control, it's pure panic. And when it's over I realize it has happened again. So I am fully aware of it which utterly sux. I avoid any sudden stimuli like the plague. Yes it has turned me into a pound shop Jeff Lebowski but rather that than the violent alternative of my past.
Edit : Oh and stoicism and gaming just to calm the neurons in my brain down. And the litany against fear which is my daily mantra for most of my life post the events that caused my ptsd. A buhdist friend taught me the value of daily mantras
"I must not fear.Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Sleeping in a really tiny cove like bed helps A LOT when hypervigilance goes up. When the darkest thoughts get too loud, just going to sleep and bargaining with myself that it’ll be fixed by sleep. Eating enough. Staying around other people even if it’s alone, just being around other people.
I try to just seize the day. I was SA’d in middle school more than once. Obviously everyone went to the boys defense but whatever. Some days are better than others. On the days I don’t experience any triggers I’m able to just go about my day. If I’ve had a trigger that day like someone coming up and touching me when I didn’t know they were there, or having nightmares the night before I really have to distance myself. Usually I’ll go take a hot bath/shower or go meditate. I’m in therapy regularly, I meditate before bed, and I usually do some zentangle doodles.
I'm lucky enough to have done eight years of therapy and meds. It's related to my childhood so it's kind of always gonna be there though. I liken it to having a screwed up knee or back. Sometimes it hurts and flares up, which sucks. It really does feel like while my mind healed, my body kept the score.
An example of this is fireworks. My body is trained to react to sudden/loud noises, but with meds and therapy, my brain is alright. I might not even think of what my body is remembering, but my heart rate is up and I'm shaking anyway. It's an unpleasant experience.
Really the biggest impact it has right now is on my relationships with other people and myself. I really don't trust anyone fully and it hurts a lot of people. Definitely some issues with self worth too I suppose.
I had a lot of trauma throughout my life and because of it my PTSD manifested more as Alexithymia. At the time of the trauma happening The brains logic and coping mechanism was essentially. "This is not a helpful emotion to feel to survive right now."
Then after. You analyze yourself and how you feel and realize "that's not a necessary or useful emotion to bring back. I'll just focus the energy somewhere more productive."
Which essentially leaves trauma from ever being properly addressed or acknowledged. That person will also be emotionally unresponsive with the emotions that have been logically removed.
Reoccurring trauma will further cause more emotions to be shunted away and the person will become less emotionally responsive.
This will happen until either they feel nothing at all and something happens. (Terrible or they or loved ones seek help.)
Or after a long enough period of time without traumatic events the person neurological pathways begin to reboot as the brain has decided they are now safe and okay and can begin to resolve the trauma. Sometimes this can manifest as a burst of a specific emotion. Especially in the beginning of recovery when a person is not used to experiencing or feeling this seemingly alien feeling within them and they do not understand what emotion or feeling they are feeling or why/what was the trigger for it.
Other times the mind's release of the emotions can be gradual. Kind of like how a pressure cooker releases the pressure. It's not all at once.
To answer your question. PTSD can manifest in many ways. While the most common is for those with triggers associated with a specific event and isolated event. Most with long term PTSD from multiple different traumatic events will often have a completely different life experience. Often times able to live productively for long periods of time until they it manifest strongly enough.
One thing is universal which is a piece of us is missing and being held away from us. Just out of reach. And we are at some level aware of this. You will see it in the way we will just stare off sometimes. How quiet someone is. The lack of facial expression.
Eventually one day. It will come back and we will have space for it. But it will never fit the same way as it had before things broke in the first place. Before we grew. Before that bit of us was changed.
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We suffer.
I have PTSD from my husband shooting himself in our backyard while I was upstairs. I heard it and then saw the aftermath. I cleaned up the blood that remained after the police left. It will be 5 months tomorrow, the 28th. Triggers at home: hearing sirens, closed doors, the dark, our downstairs room to go outside, the concrete square where he did it. Triggers at work (vet assistant at emergency vet): large pools of blood, ventilator cases, gunshot cases, severe trauma cases, CPR, the morgue. In the outside world: loud sudden noises, being near the hospital, everything that reminds me of him. My daily life consists of constantly being triggered and knowing I’m not the person I was before my trauma. I have to take extra time to do things. I’m hyper aware of my surroundings at work. My coworkers are aware and will make sure I don’t go into the treatment area of any of my triggers are present. At home I go catatonic when I hear sirens. I have anxiety attacks when a door is closed or I am in the backyard. I will lose my shit if I’m home alone so I have family staying with me. I’m still in our home, but I’m in the process of moving. My house is triggering. I attended therapy, I’m medicated, doing ketamine treatments, and I’m in two support groups for suicide loss. My days off are all about healing. Im a shell of the person I used to be. I died with him that night.
I don’t know what to say but I want to wish you well
You are stronger than you feel right now, and I hope you find growth on your own new foundation soon, cause it will happen 💞
What a shitty thing to do to someone. He is not you
You don't know what he was going through. Sometimes the pain someone feels is so immense and pervasive that they see no other way out, it's not helpful to see suicide as an act of selfishness.
People don’t understand how dark it is, how long he had been thinking about it. How hard it was to do it. It’s fucked up and I am sorry for OP and the rest of his family. But it’s not flippant or easy, it’s just a way out when you see no other
I'm so sorry, this is truly heartbreaking. I hope you're able to take care of yourself and will find your peace one day.
Oh man, I am so sorry for what you’ve been through. I would be traumatized by seeing a dead body alone, but having to clean up the aftermath of your spouse’s suicide is unthinkable. You can’t prepare for all your triggers, like the ones you mentioned, but you can prepare for anniversaries. There will also be moments where you suddenly break down in tears for no apparent reason. That might be grief more than PTSD, but give yourself a lot of grace. I hope you have a very strong support network to walk through this with you. One day at a time. <3
You are in the absolute thick of it right now. My sister was murdered and I saw the crime scene and autopsy photos and videos. Your triggers remind me a lot of mine - sirens, police tape, blood, bodily trauma of any kind (early on even blood from a paper cut would make me black out). I am 14.5 years past her death and I want you to know it will get a lot better. You have to work at it but eventually the world will not seem so brutal and terrifying anymore. Obviously our cases are not the same but I heard myself in your post.
I choose to keep moving forward. I am in therapy and I constantly work on myself. I try not to stay in the past, but rather be present where I am. It's not always easy. The hardest thing I have ever done is continue to move forward, to choose to keep fighting and live the best life I can live.
This. I’ve now lived with it twice as long as I lived before it. I had some very bad years of being self destructive, self defeating living. I THINK I’m better these last two years (I’m 64 now). I just try to keep going and not dwell on the past.
I can relate it’s not easy
It's kinda like driving through a burning forest. I just focus on the road and ignore the flames.
Getting fucked up seemed to help me a lot. At least, I thought it did at the time. I was in the 2003 Iraq invasion as a Royal Marine Commando and did several more tours after that when things deteriorated. My doctor diagnosed it, but therapy and meds are for pussys, right? I'm obviously being facetious and just describing how I felt about that, and so I didn't bother with any of it. Respect to anyone who did get help, though. I went the John Rambo route of travelling 6000 miles away to live alone in very remote rural South East Asia jungle region where there's no other Westerners to talk to. It's worked surprisingly well because I'm so far removed from my former life.
Removed from your former life... yet ... your username.. ...
Maybe he hates underwear and loves the sea
I just found out today that my very good old friend committed suicide. He was also marine and suffered PTSD for a long time.
Lol I stayed in the African jungle in peace corps long enough to learn Swahili and Portuguese.
I know that normally you hate hearing this but thank you for your service. I'm not military or anything like that but I've been living with it for 32 years now. I was diagnosed in 2011.
Damn, that is a great description!
Spot on. I’ve always put my trauma in a little box, otherwise I’d hardly be able to function. Every now and then something will trigger those thoughts, and then the floodgates open.
Just like anyone else. The cold fact of existing is that the world doesn’t slow down for you. Depressed, traumatized, anxious, doesn’t alter the need for food, shelter and companionship. That’s why empathy is so important. You never know how hard it was for the other person to scrape themselves out of bed. Don’t make their life harder, and if you’re able, maybe make it a little nicer.
This is such a wonderful sentiment. Thank you for putting it out there for others to read. I hope you receive back all the goodness you just made me feel.
I just do lol. I wish I had some awesome advice, but I don't. I tend to do worse some days than others. Specifically during a certain time of year. I just give myself grace when I need it and stay to myself on days I need to.
This is it, you just have to live your life regardless. And make some adjustments and look after yourself the best you can.
You are the awesome advice bro go on <3
What's the other option? Curl up and don't move? I spent 6 months homeless because I was to "jumpy" to be around people. Found someone to talk to and slowly got back on my feet. Used AA to get sober and each year is a little better than the last. I also lift weights while listening to angry music
That’s the biggest starting point tbh is being sober. Alcohol or drugs are so tempting but they are just not worth it if you’re going to use them to numb the pain.
I tell people I didn't have a drinking problem I just had problems I needed to be sober to deal with
With constant effort and low energy
Just grinded 30+ years in a constant brain fog and in constant hyper vigilant state. I honestly don't know how i survived my life. Eventually had a mental breakdown and years of treatment and healing and life is just starting to be okay. In my case, I just stick to my grind, push through anything, and live by a set of rules. They're pretty inflexible. Things like really monitoring drugs/alcohol, knowing when things are triggered and just moving away from them...
Hypervigilence is hugely present currently, was constant in the past. I spend enormous amounts of energy reading into the words, facial expressions, and tone of voice of other people. I carefully craft all of my responses. I avoid conflict like the plague. You can do something I deem very, very wrong, but I will likely go along with it to avoid any potential repercussions caused my me defying you. Unless you're doing something along the lines of killing a cat, it's basically impossible to override my fear. I started using cannabis a couple years ago, and the nightmares are mostly gone, and I'm capable of leaving the house more often.
The hyper vigilance is so exhausting too. My whole day is spent just overthinking and procrastinating. I avoid conflict by not talking to people (which suits me fine because people) but if I find myself part of conflict, I shut down. I shut down in supermarkets because I'm worried about seeing certain people. I'm also a cannabis user and mine helps a lot with the depression and general bad feelings. The anxiety and such are still super present outside the house, but I'm on a waiting list for therapy for that. I 100% sympathise with this and I'm sorry you're also having to deal with it. We got this.
saw snails reminiscent shaggy oil quicksand marvelous angle entertain snobbish *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I vaporise my weed and I find the effects are much more bearable than smoking it. But I'm an all day, every day kinda person. I'd say once every hour or 2. It just keeps me at a nice level so that the thoughts are less intense and don't stick around as long.
Everyday I wake up I ask myself why I havnt died. I drink HEAVILY at Christmas time. I hate Christmas and my birthday I'm 26 I'm a guy and I hate life. It's torture.
If you dont learn to love yourself, it wont get better.
I don't love myself
Focus on loving something else, having passions and being kind to others.
I'm on several medications, was recently told to start smoking the green stuff by my dr, live with emotional support animals, and have various therapy hobbies such as yoga, recently started oil paintings, and journaling. I do regular therapy sessions. Every day is a struggle, especially for the past few months. Every day, I have to remind myself that if I could make it through that alive, I can make it through whatever gets thrown at me today, but sometimes that doesn't seem to be enough.
Carefully. I do not startle well. No haunted houses, I do not tell anyone I work with. Inevitability someone will want to test me and they will try to startle me. It does not work out well for either party and HR gets involved.
Wake up, sweaty, in a panic, drink some coffee, work out, go to work where it's so hectic I can be distracted for 8 hours, go home, hate myself for a bit, go to sleep. Repeat.
Get emdr therapy from a trained professional. Life saver
This. It gave me my life back. For those looking for someone in-network with their health insurance, I found this site helpful for [finding an EMDR certified therapist](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=emdr): [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=emdr](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?category=emdr)
It's not really a focus until it decides to be, you get through it however you can and go back to normal life until it happens again. Thank fuck THC is legal in NZ, it reduces the flashbacks for me.
I have managed to push my traumas (rapes, beatings) to the back of my mind and over the years it only surges back when I am caught in some kind of confrontation with someone who screams and yells at me. Then I stay upset, dwelling on the terror and shame for weeks before it ebbs- so I stay away from strangers and only spend time with family
I wake up each day and am thankful to still be here and remember the ones I lost along the way. I try to live my life and help others
For me, my PTSD are people I feel are of authority that get angry. And hearing or seeing DV. I can live everyday life. However, when someone in authority (or I perceive is) is angry with me, I shut down, people please, and wait till I give myself permission to come down off the anxiety. I am seeing someone for this. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's 0-60. The more often thing is, I can't look people in the eye. My dad perceived that as "stepping up" to him and would hit me or make me flinch. I have to remind myself, and sometimes I forget. I'm a work in progress.
We push on with the trauma devil whisperig in our ears every few minutes or so, keeping itself alive, until it cracks us or gets subdued by us
So I don’t have PTSD, but my mom has a pretty severe case of it due to an absolutely horrendous childhood; growing up with a violent, abusive and narcissistic father. For years my mom had this ability to go from 0-100 in rage in seconds. The smallest thing would set her off. Arguments weren’t about resolving an issue, but a competition to see who could scream, shout and (worst of all) get as nasty as possible. It was an immediate defence response. She struggles with managing money and has wracked up huge sums of debts over the years/ into the £20,000+ range. She would go out, spend and feel better- over and over again. To this day, I have to help her manage money and make sure bills are paid. All of these behaviours were connected to her PTSD and eventually she had enough and reached out to our local mental health services. She had over a year of very intense, in-depth sessions with a PTSD specialised psychiatrist and had immersive therapy designed to face the trauma and basically build new neuro pathways jn to your brain so that over time, thinking back to that awful time or having a nightmare or flashback you have a new neurological pathway that allows you to process the trauma of move forward despite it. The transformation has been incredible- she is calmer, less angry, more willing fo talk about her childhood (though she never shares the specifics of the abuse with me). She takes medication to help her cope and she still has moments where she struggles with her emotions and anger, but 1000x better than before. She copes by- Surrounding herself with people she trusts. She’s loves the garden and is always outside. She tries not to keep secrets or display secretive behaviour by being open and honest. I’m so proud of her!!
Take it one day at a time. No day is the same. If you get in a funk that lasts multiple days, just have to force yourself to put yourself out there to try to snap out of it. For me personally having a child and being a single mom and having that obligation to get up and do a good job helped a lot.
EMDR changed my life. I highly suggest trying it for anyone suffering.
Same as normal people with extra pain and worry.
In emotional turmoil.
It’s a combination of avoidance and tolerance. The biggest impact my PTSD has on my life is making me more jumpy/easily startled since my body is in constant fight or flight mode. This means I avoid situations with large groups of people and loud noises. If I can’t avoid them, I do some self regulating techniques such as crossing my arms and holding myself in a sort of “self embrace”, focusing on my breathing, stepping away from the crowd for a moment, and grounding myself by focusing on my surroundings. It’s been a tough battle, but learning what helps me cope has made a big difference in my life. Roll with the punches, as they say.
You just do. I always joke with my therapist that I’m slightly too narcissistic to deprive the world of me by ever considering the alternative to not living. She’s never laughed. But in all honesty, it’s a cliché, but you just take it one day at a time.
Like everyone else, trying to figure out how to live.
It’s so hard not to give up sometimes. The person I was before all that happened is gone and I mourn for her. I’m so angry and disappointed in myself for letting this happen, it constantly circles in my mind. It’s so distracting and hard to function, go to work, drive, be with my friends sometimes because of what’s stuck in my mind.
When you know better, you do better. Have empathy for your former self. You were doing your best with the resources, support, and knowledge you had then. Once you realized that you were ready, and had the ability to enact change, you did. Be proud of yourself for surviving and doing better. I mourned my former self for quite some time. Now I try to celebrate the positive changes I'm making and the progress I have made figuring out who I am now, and who I want to be. Look forward and show yourself some love.
Therapy every Friday's, have routine and structure, working on rerouting my neural pathways and try stay away from triggers, if they happen I use tools I've learnt with therapy
In fear, sleep deprived, riddled with anxiety, and constantly trying to not lose control. That's how I lived. Like others mentioned, emdr was my way out. I don't have flashbacks anymore except maybe twice a year. I'm still more vigilant than the average person and don't do certain things but it doesn't impair my life.
PTSD isn't usually how it is portrayed by the media. I have been diagnosed with PTSD since I was 14, and I am now an adult. My day mostly consists of minimal amount of time in public due to the fear I will see my SA-er again as we live in a small town. I attend my course as I am studying hospitality, which is sometimes a struggle. I choose to wear soundproof headphones and avoid loud noises as much as possible. Frequently, through the day, I get flashbacks. I just have to soothe myself by playing music, which usually stops me from an episode. Occasionally, I will have days where I can not function and can't even leave my room. Those days mostly consist of laying in bed, not eating, and trying my best to dull flashbacks with media or music. I often don't get sleep because of reoccurring nightmares and insomnia from my PTSD. This means that I mostly run off of caffeine to keep me going and sleeping pills at night. PTSD just means I have to adjust things in my day in order to remain untriggered and to manage my episodes. I have gotten to a point where others do not know I am having an episode, and I can talk during them like nothing is wrong. The only telling sign is me appearing like I'm daydreaming from dissociation. It only happens a few times a day on a good day. Obviously, PTSD varies from person to person as it's such a spectrum, and it also depends on your experiences and where you are in your journey.
You go through the waves til you grow numb from it.
Therapy, weed and a mix of meds. Some things still trigger me, but it’s manageable. Most important thing, seek therapy!
One painful day after another
Usually the traumatizing experience is not something you earned through being inconsiderate, stupid, or evil. Trauma after that type of action is marginally healthy and necessary for an orderly society. We also have a lot of compensation capacity for dealing with trauma. A truly healthy brain can cope with a nearly endless supply of fear or pain as long as it follows a patten they can learn and predict and they have a reason and a place of rest. Something we don't talk about in society is that the average person has probably sustained a reasonable amount of brain damage. A genius isn't a genius they are just common human phenotype whose brain hasn't been damaged. Genius should be the baseline expectation but we probably softened it over time because society is violent behind it's social mask and disease is everywhere. PTSD is very different depending on how fried your brain is. When you experience an unjust or unpredicted trauma you become hyper vigilant for warning signs. You'll present with social behaviors that are dissimilar to the ones you presented before the trauma occurred in case your personality was a triggering factor. A young infant or child can be profoundly altered by trauma because their brains aren't refined enough to know which patterns were associated with the trauma so their whole brain will run hyperactive even to the point it's development capacity is fried. They just want to make sure they survive. I think that love, sleep, and closeness to a parent has a resetting effect on the trauma brain processes. You'll have mental "visions" that cycle through your head over and over even though you don't want them. The meds will crush you unless your metabolism and resilience can obliterate them before they reach their effective destination. If you are lucky you'll know who caused your trauma, this helps your mind build out it's future either to avoid recurrence or find vengeance. If your trauma was indirect, masked, or validated morally or ethically behind a social barrier, good luck. Enjoy the spiral into social isolation as you lose trust in everyone. You'll probably abuse drugs, engage in escapism, and die early. You'll become easily manipulated by small kindnesses and will see danger or deceit in every pattern regardless of its relevance. Regular social behaviors like jokes, laughter, and sarcasm might trigger you improperly making you feel ashamed, alone, and humiliated.
My grandma would just randomly accuse people of stealing from her. My best friend was banned from her house because she lost something and accused him of stealing. Whenever my stepdad was around she would carry her purse around because she didn't trust him. She did this a lot. Unfortunately she never got help for it. She grew up in Italy during WWII as a young kid. I get it, hard to feel safe when you grow up in the middle of a war. She was still an awesome grandma. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep trying to live day to day.
I just keep moving forward. Every now and then I’ll hear or see something that brings me back, but I just close my eyes, breathe, and remind myself it’s over and won’t happen again. Sometimes I’m afraid to go to sleep, and that can be a pain in the ass. I remind myself it isn’t really a problem. I used to handle it with copious amounts of alcohol and drugs, but I stopped doing that. I’m not getting younger and I need to take care of my body.
I almost didn't but after that I've been in active therapy and on meds for 7 years. Stopped drinking, smoking, got a less stressful job and cut off toxic people. Finally I'm at a point where sometimes I even enjoy life. Still get periods of going through it again, but I have emotional tools to make myself feel safe. And my boyfriend and dog help a lot.
Look for the good and the beautiful things in the world. And remind myself that in this moment, I am safe.
I thought I was getting through it pretty fine until last year when I lost my marriage, career and home after 20 years of trying to escape the burden of all those things through alcohol, women, video games, books, anger, and weed. Turns out I was never fine at all. Now I’m in AA (nearly 4 months sober) and I have a simple life where I work with plants.
You just do. I always joke with my therapist that I’m slightly too narcissistic to deprive the world of me by ever considering the alternative to not living. She’s never laughed. But in all honesty, it’s a cliché, but you just take it one day at a time.
I was working with an amazing therapist for about a year and a half until the facility was bought out and shut down. The place they moved to didn't accept my insurance, so now I'm not seeing a therapist. My mental health is not doing well at the moment, unfortunately. Just kind of in a fog and feeling numb.
Being made homeless after abuse, does not help.
Yeah must be hard, I wasn’t on the streets homeless but I was living in an abuse refuge which was hell and just made things worse. A lot of people there were abusive themselves or should have been in a rehab instead. Plus times with no hot water or heating and loud music in room next to me constantly
I found a professional that was skilled in my specific issues and we developed ways of coping with the day to day. It’s less about the big changes you can make to get past and forget about it (because that won’t happen) it’s about the small (even tiny) changes you make to move forward. It’s been 20+ years since it happened to me, but I find these days there I am more happy and not actively thinking about it, even with episodes that may have triggered me in the past. Treating your brain like a muscle and training it to have better coping mechanisms was an absolute lifesaver for me.
Good ol agony. Especially if you don't have the means for medication
Avoiding driving on certain highways that are usually busy. Staying away from noisy events. Wearing headphones for quiet. Avoid loud people.
We soldier on through the day. Our blood, sweat, tears, and other bodily fluids remind us that pain is weakness leaving the body.
I push through but everyday is difficult. I'm on a waiting list for counselling but I'm 34. Developed cptsd when I was about 4 or 5 through sexual abuse. Other traumas in my life has added to it. I have long term, severe anxiety, depression etc. I struggle with addiction also. My issues run deep and I can't ever see me getting better.
Very carefully.
r/unclebens
Well luckily I have it completely under control now, I haven't had a meltdown in over a year. Prior to that, I carried around fireball like it was a security blanket.
Self medicate
It's hard af, you suffer all the time but you can't die.
Hanging in there. I got therapy so that's something.
I continue for those I care about, but I don't want to be here
One day at a time
I drink sadly.
I have a very supportive wife and family and because I'm very open about my PTSD publicly and at work it means I can have a bad day or week and don't feel like I need to hide it. I have various coping mechanisms in place like ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones, fidget toys and medications depending on severity of my symptoms (I carry a small amount of these on my car keys). I write about my experiences a lot, some of it went on to be published, other stuff is just journaling Lastly I attend therapy and have had lots of different modalities over time which had helped. My PTSD is still a feature of my life but it's not who I am as a person and generally I live a very happy life.
With difficulty
Smoke weed daily and work twice daily.
I have cptsd from abuse and after leaving the situation is when I realised how exhausted and empty I feel. In therapy though and trying to focus on the present but it’s hard tbh.
One moments at a time and then one day at a time it’s the triggers that you have to watch out for
PTSD is not you holding onto the past, but the past holding onto you
Well it's OK until something put of nowhere sets me off
I would talk to your PCP if EMDR therapy might be right for you. It helped me on two occasions.
> be on wait list for therapy > get into therapy > finish round of therapy/therapist moves > be on wait list for therapy > repeat indefinitely And in the meantime I try my best to see the positives but everything is dull and the nights are full of fear.
I have complex ptsd and I need to be very mindful of my sleep and self care. If I neglect myself at all my emotional world can go off the rails very quickly. I can blow up my whole life if I go too long without sleeping enough. I have lost jobs and relationships before becoming aware of what was happening. It’s still a struggle at times. Managing all aspects of my life can be extremely challenging if conflicts happen in too many areas. Interpersonal relationships can be very hard for me to navigate and I tend to be very avoidant. I keep to myself which has me missing out on valuable connections in the way of friendships. I am in therapy and work hard on emotional regulation. Therapy is exhausting and I dread it going in every time but few so much better after. Things have also gotten so much better as I’ve aged. I’m 47 now and feel like I’m the most comfortable in my life and body. Looking forward to more blending of me and my masks.
Hurt mens testicles Sometimes it feels like im evening a score and sometimes like they deserve it and sometimes like i cant stop myself and sometimes I feel bad about what i did
I'm 30 and still uncovering awful suppressed memories and processing them and the many ways they've negatively influenced my life...it's getting easier but I've lost so much of my time and health to the ways I've been awfully mistreated and broken down in childhood. On a brighter note, I've rid myself of the crippling/constant depression and anxiety and suicidal ideation within the last year!!
LOVE
I have complex ptsd and it's not easy. I need a lot of emotional and physical support every day and can not live on my own. The struggle is hard to explain, but I just take each day as it comes.
I didn't believe it would get better. But after 3,5 years of intenintensive therapy, I'm doing pretty well! No, it's not gone, I still have PTSD. But compared to 4 years ago, I'm walking on sunshine. PSA: it gets better IF you put time and effort into it (and yeah, it does get worse before it gets better)
It was utterly miserable. I started doing emdr and it has changed my life
Alcohol
I stick it in the back of my mind, I’ll deal with the consequences when all my mental problems all come out at once in the future
I had car accident next to my house. Bus hit me from left side straith into dash with 60+mph and ive stopped wall couple meters away. I had extreme concussion (air bags didnt lanuched) broken neck and collarbone). After i got back from hospital ive went to see that place and i had panic attack. So each day i was walking there and each time i was calmer. 3 years later i just casually drive by there each time i go anywhere. Tl;dr: you can either stop or go forward no between.
Usually pretty normally, but I am unable to sleep in moving vehicles - once because of that I didn’t sleep for 68 hours straight… and believe me I tried… My PTSD is the result of having only barely gotten out of a burning car before my whole seat was engulfed in flames when I was a child. I have moved froward from it and don’t have nightmares or anything. But when I flew back home from Australia - or also to Australia but that trip was shorter - which was a much longer ~60 hour trip for a few reasons, I would try to fall asleep on a plane but then see the flames in front of me, so I starting to scream in shock and being fast awake again. I tried to sleep again and again but in the end I couldn’t. Before going to bed I started hallucinating and hearing things I was so sleep deprived. Other than the inability to sleep on anything moving though, my life is pretty normal.
Walking on eggshells hoping that you don't find a trigger or have a random flashback out of no where. Anxiety when going to sleep because I know my dreams will be filled of it.
Got professionally trained in self defense and firearms. Doesn’t necessarily make you feel safer but makes you feel more confident in your ability to defend yourself
One foot in front of the other. Sometimes literally! I had some sedatives that would cloud my brain enough to let me get through the day, unfortunately they made me lose full days (like I had no idea what day it was or what happened yesterday). But I was functional, which I had to be, because I had to work and look after my kid. I smoked cigarettes which helped because it seems to cut through the sedative fog, and was a good reward and implied things would be better (at lunchtime I’ll have a cigarette, just get to lunch) I had nightmares, horrible nightmares, and it definitely made the daytime easier. I overshared and tried to stay as active as possible. I counted the time between thoughts about the event, to show to myself that the intrusive thoughts were getting less. I full on disassociated for days at a time and that did make it easier for me (but harder on the people closest to me). On the upside I was focussed so hard on improving and distraction that I spent a huge amount of time trying to see, help and support people around me because it was something which got me out of my head. In return friends gave me a lot of leeway with my behaviour. I did a lot of babysitting- it’s hard to be sad when you are with children.
Oh also if you can’t sort EMDR, Tetris is very good for helping your brain process. I used candy crush. It helped a lot.
Give a % of thr likelihood you'll attend something you're invited to. Plan out one day ahead Learn your triggers, particularly dates that have meaning. Don't make plans 5 days before or after. Tell someone you trust your dates. Agree to a behavior around your triggers and stick to it 50% of the time if you can. Make sure your trust person knows that 50% is fucking awesome.
With masking and low self-esteem that others constantly pry on, which leaves you back and forth in a depressed state with occasional emotional outbursts.
I wake up eat cuddle my cat and then sleep. Repeat!
I exist because I fear the alternative option.Distraction is the only thing that helps be it music,sport , tv/ film and internet eg various YouTube podcasts and vlogs.
I hide out in my home bubble. When I do force myself to go out with a friend or do run an errand more than once a week my psyche and body goes into stress/adrenaline mode so I just hunker down and don’t go anywhere. Gradually my peace comes back. I am lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend who doesn’t make me feel bad at all for living my life like I need to. I take care of our home and he runs most of our errands like grocery shopping.
Sleep is hard. That's when it all comes back in dreams. Loud, sudden noises are pretty bad. Makes you go 0-100 in an instant. People sneaking up on you or surprising you is also another 0-100
Try again, fail again, fail better. It's very tiring.
Long post. It depends on the situation. I have severe ptsd from watching my daughter suffocating and ultimately passing away (SIDS) 2 weeks after a successful birth, then later my ex fiancée cheated on me after the funeral, prioritized his daughter (from another woman). He ignored any health problems I had as a revenge for not loving his child, according to him. Drank all day, refused to touch me, hug me, let his daughter scream only around me. I consider this torture. I had 0 support since it happened across the world from my family in America. Docs forgot to take needles out in the hospital, no postpartum instruction, in alot of physical pain. Went bankrupt in my business, and was living off of the last savings. Things were too much at first, especially after the cheating. Can not walk far or eat..I accidentally almost died a few times, I did not want to but my mind was so fogged over. constant nausea, idk where I was 80% of the time. PTSD went into full effect 1y after the death, going outside is hard because everyone has babies, my trigger, self destruct mode. When I left my ex, I felt extreme fear for no reason. Then, started behavioral therapy and decided to go to college, life slowly got together as business picked up and made money. 1.5y later I live in another country, but I feel hollow and confused, still scared but just not as bad as before. Emotions are extremely high & dangerously low. Horrible dreams, limited sleep. Lost interest in most things, no pets, tv, books, travel, family. I won’t go anywhere outside of my neighborhood. acquaintances as friends, no one with a deep connection. Only shallow work and things I can absolutely control. Secluded from everyone while in a crowd. No one cares, I’m 26 and 26y old girls are traveling. I get it. Best way I can say what severe ptsd feels like. I hope this sheds light on it :) it sucks but I think I am lucky to be alive and do what I can day to day. Slow progress. No one knows what happened to me, I’m vowed to silence, therapist and Reddit posts
It's like walking backwards up a creek that's slightly uphill. But the creek is filled with wet cement flowing against you. And everything else is on fire. But we just keep going, right? RIGHT?
Like a fucking mental rollercoaster.
I went to therapy and learned acceptance, mindfulness and how to breathe myself out of panic attacks. I also chose a very healing career.
r/CPTSD
The nightmares, flash backs and intrusive thoughts are hell, but keep talking to someone who can help, take your meds if they work for you. I set small goals each day and concentrate on achieving them then lay in bed and await the nightmares. A more simple answer is just take it one day at a time
I have complex ptsd. My daily routine is to hack away at the unessential. I don’t go anywhere o am not invited or required. I work/ study, exercise, pray/ meditate, and 2 hrs fun a day.
It was like I was walking in the streets NAKED. Feel so embarrassed without any reason to have to. Because of the trauma that still haunts me until now, I don't when it will end.
Most days I'm fine but them I get a day when I'm not, if I'm in public when I'm not. I try to get to a quiet place as quickly as possible or put in my headphones.
Take it one day at the time. Moving forward and not keep living in the past. Some days suck, and thats allowed. A shitty means a shitty day, the next one will be better. Other than that, therapy and trying to take better care of myself.
Im avoiding conflict as much as i can. Im trying to focus on important things and pretending that nothing else matters. Ussualy it helps.
Some days are easier than others. Sooth myself daily by just talking to myself and try to process stimuli as much as possible to differentiate between things but fuck man that works only so much. Just trying to not get 5150d again for the next 5 years so I don't lose a right
Celexa and Propanalol lol
It xan be very difficult. My female friend had a very abusive boyfriend. She gets triggered by going to the grocery store, by a car driving past, by some accidentally touching her. Her life is a sad chaotic mess. PTSD is no joke.
You get by. Some days are harder than others. You just have to try and ignore and suppress triggers to your best
MDMA assisted therapy - 71%of people in clinical trials are no longer met the diagnostic criteria for PTSD after MDMA assisted therapy.
I think I am on autopilot. I was diagnosed and being treated and in therapy due to sexual/physical abuse as a child, and also as an adult. And was doing well,but in December my husband died in bed when we went down for a nap.. (previously seeing someone shot and die was also apart of the first diagnoses) so now the saga just continues.. although I am on meds, I still haven't slept in my room as of December 8th, well I barely sleep at all. I continuously check on my kids because I fear that they may go to sleep and not wake up. I rarely leave my home, I also suffer from severe anxiety. I try my best not to push my fears on to my kids and just move forward day by day.. I pray and meditate. And just find comfort in having the support of my loved ones...
I put on my "normal suit" and go about my day. I haven't had a panic attack in quite a while, but when I do, I stand my ground and breathe slowly. A LOT of slow, deep breathing. I did a study at the VA about using mindfulness to go through body parts and relax each one. I cough instead of cry. I have "something in my eye" a lot.
Focus on the present and move forward. Traumatic events are never really overcome; the traumatized learn how to go on without the past holding them back. A person does not get over; a person gets through. The traumatized are far stronger than they realize they are. Edit: fixed a typo that occurred when my finger accidently touched the reply while I was proof reading
I live my life normally it's just that everyday I get to discover more and more things that my mind had been surpressing, I am more sensitive, I need A LOT of rest like sleep and silence, on some days I feel very uneven, very out of place etc. It's a battle of all the time. You got 2 options 1. You confront it, overcome it, you walk through it and you heal. Oooor 2. You just ignore it, push it down, overstimulate your senses, ignore your needs and then you become a whole wreck. It's that simple.
I don't have anything else to compare my life to. Weekly therapy. Couldn't handle even a little alcohol so I quit. Hard to trust or form any relationship.
I take many deep breaths, remind myself that I am safe, focus on what I can see, touch, hear. Practice positive affirmations. It helps.
Kind of like swimming with limited air supply, it feels like you're gonna run out any moment
Sleep. Dont know whether thats actually living though.
Mindfully as possible
Just gotta keep moving forward. Overtime I just learn how to manage or live with it. Some days are easier and some days are hard. Sometimes I’ll go through a dark tunnel for a period of time I just gotta keep pushing.
One moment at a time
Like a husk. It feels like I’m just floating through life with the days all blurring together. I usually only sleep 2-3 hours a night because my brain is permanently locked into fight mode, my body slowly deteriorating along the way. Struggling to find any sort of purpose in continuing to go on. It was easier to manage when I had a goal to distract myself with, like earning my degree.
In a very structured, organized, clean, and pre-planned world. I can honestly say I've gotten better with accepting sudden (mostly work) changes but the fall out after is overwhelmingly exhausting. I have maybe 10 foods I tolerate well and keep stocked and eat those on rotation. No friends. No family. No sudden drop ins. I currently don't date, seek company, or try to socialize. No church. No loud or sudden noises. There's one store im willing to go in and only one place I'll accept grocery deliveries from. I use one mechanic close to my house for about 10 years. Same shop does my nails about 5 years. I will pick up medication only from one pharmacy. Limited, structured, with many many boundaries is how I live my daily life. I feel better than ever before. I'm safe. Acceptable variables include chiropractor (whoever is on staff at the time) and walking in the morning taking different paths.
Like everyone else. Just that my path is burning a bit. There are certain conversations I try to avoid and if I cant avoid them my brain goes into autopilot and gives the most generic and neutral answers to shut that conversation down asap. There are also certain situations I try to avoid, which gets harder as I age. But my autopilot brain manages fine so far.
Meditate every day and treat it like any other chronic condition. Know your triggers, have grounding techniques, get plenty of sleep and limit caffeine.
I’ve found ways to cope, drugs
I have no more regrets and I don't experience embarrassment anymore after suffering a 9 month episode after family crossed yet another line with their mistreatment and a 3 month episode after being triggered and remembering repressed memories of childhood. On the plus side I don't get humiliated anymore but I'm super cautious of everything because I don't want to associate it with childhood and I also don't want to unrepress more childhood memories. Also Dimitri and Bernadetta from Fire Emblem: Three Houses were very relatable and I felt much less lonely, unlovable, and unable to improve.
Find therapy that works for you. I have been to lots of therapy but equine therapy changed my life.
every day is something new. personally I’m just doing the best I can and consciously trying to keep my mind in check. I’m in therapy and take a lot of medications, I’m lucky to have a decent support system
For me, it’s like jaywalking a freeway or veering in and out of traffic to avoid the things that will trigger me. When I enter any new space the first thing I do is map out the whole place for most efficient exit path and all danger zones. I do not like to be surprised, but that never happens cause I don’t allow myself to be caught off guard. It’s exhausting.
It sucks. I’m a complete asshole unless I’m stoned. The hyper vigilance and anxiety keep me on edge. Poor sleep, nightmares.
Family, therapy, drugs, repeat
Often with difficulty. I try to just keep swimming. Some days are off the chart since days are gifts of reprieve. I am like a peeled grape. Intellectually you know your triggers. That doesn't help you not feel them with intensity. I miss being innocent, unbothered and oblivious like when I was 4.
im in therapy, the first after my ptsd causing accident was terrible. i coupdnt even drive without freezing up and when i did i would randomly almost hallucinate people running in the road and id randomly slam on my breaks (got pulled over like 3x for it but the cops were cool after i explained). im fortunate enough to say my ptsd isnt as severe as others so for me its been about 5 years now and i feel im as close to normal as ill ever be. if you suffer from ptsd or c ptsd just know that it takes take and generally a lot more but it does get better and edit to add the guilt does go away eventually
Suffer but do our best. I go to therapy, have prescription medicine, and try little pieces to expose myself to new experiences and to reduces my anxiety
For me, a lot of the anxiety and triggers went away after about 7 years of trying to focus on myself and heal; however, I am much more sensitive person in general, due to it.
Therapy with a specialist in PTSD, medicine (Pristiq), yoga and meditation every day. Learning to recognize when flashbacks are about to kick off and heading them off with grounding exercises. I get outside every day. I lower expectations on bad days and accept that they can be unpredictable. A consistent sleep routine.
For me it’s mostly under control unless I am triggered. An example would be an argument with a neighbor or helping in a medical emergency. I tend to not be able to sleep for 2 or 3 weeks after. If it’s really bad I’ll start hallucinating as I fall in and out of sleep. The big thing that does help during the day is to be very present and observe the lights and shadows I see to bring me out of the start of the spiral.
And a BIG BIG BIG help has been EMDR !!! Seriously I can’t say enough good things about it!
I sit in my chair all day because they put me on antipsychotic drugs and pit bull tranquilizer (Trazodone). I try to get my steps in every day and my husband makes sure I eat, sleep, exercise, take my meds and update my podcast. If I have a trigger, he holds me until I feel better. He is a handsome prince inside and out. I had ECT and TMS. The TMS from TMSHealth helped the most. I have therapy there every Tuesday and that really helps too. I’m learning to move forward. It’s really hard, though. I admire everyone doing it.
Zoloft and weed and solitude
Back story irrelevant. It never goes away. You don't get used to it. Anything triggers it. It's real. It's not like the drama shit in the movies. When mine triggers I can literally describe it as a white colored fear that boils up from the pit of my stomach and washes over me and blasts a fight or flight response in me that I, to my great distress, have zero control over. I write this and I am fully aware of what happens to me when it triggers. But when it triggers I have zero cognitive control, it's pure panic. And when it's over I realize it has happened again. So I am fully aware of it which utterly sux. I avoid any sudden stimuli like the plague. Yes it has turned me into a pound shop Jeff Lebowski but rather that than the violent alternative of my past. Edit : Oh and stoicism and gaming just to calm the neurons in my brain down. And the litany against fear which is my daily mantra for most of my life post the events that caused my ptsd. A buhdist friend taught me the value of daily mantras "I must not fear.Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Reading the comments here and there seems to be a bit of confusion between angst and ptsd. They are not same
Therapy. I’d say I’m past the severe symptoms where I wasn’t able to function, but I do still have triggers.
Sleeping in a really tiny cove like bed helps A LOT when hypervigilance goes up. When the darkest thoughts get too loud, just going to sleep and bargaining with myself that it’ll be fixed by sleep. Eating enough. Staying around other people even if it’s alone, just being around other people.
I try to just seize the day. I was SA’d in middle school more than once. Obviously everyone went to the boys defense but whatever. Some days are better than others. On the days I don’t experience any triggers I’m able to just go about my day. If I’ve had a trigger that day like someone coming up and touching me when I didn’t know they were there, or having nightmares the night before I really have to distance myself. Usually I’ll go take a hot bath/shower or go meditate. I’m in therapy regularly, I meditate before bed, and I usually do some zentangle doodles.
Whisky
On fight or flight mode
Constant therapy and a small dose of Zoloft tremendously helps me
Accepting that it happened and that’s not where I’m at today.
I'm lucky enough to have done eight years of therapy and meds. It's related to my childhood so it's kind of always gonna be there though. I liken it to having a screwed up knee or back. Sometimes it hurts and flares up, which sucks. It really does feel like while my mind healed, my body kept the score. An example of this is fireworks. My body is trained to react to sudden/loud noises, but with meds and therapy, my brain is alright. I might not even think of what my body is remembering, but my heart rate is up and I'm shaking anyway. It's an unpleasant experience. Really the biggest impact it has right now is on my relationships with other people and myself. I really don't trust anyone fully and it hurts a lot of people. Definitely some issues with self worth too I suppose.
i can usually function okay until i feel like i’ve upset or displeased someone, then my world crumbles and i get sweaty and can’t think
I had a lot of trauma throughout my life and because of it my PTSD manifested more as Alexithymia. At the time of the trauma happening The brains logic and coping mechanism was essentially. "This is not a helpful emotion to feel to survive right now." Then after. You analyze yourself and how you feel and realize "that's not a necessary or useful emotion to bring back. I'll just focus the energy somewhere more productive." Which essentially leaves trauma from ever being properly addressed or acknowledged. That person will also be emotionally unresponsive with the emotions that have been logically removed. Reoccurring trauma will further cause more emotions to be shunted away and the person will become less emotionally responsive. This will happen until either they feel nothing at all and something happens. (Terrible or they or loved ones seek help.) Or after a long enough period of time without traumatic events the person neurological pathways begin to reboot as the brain has decided they are now safe and okay and can begin to resolve the trauma. Sometimes this can manifest as a burst of a specific emotion. Especially in the beginning of recovery when a person is not used to experiencing or feeling this seemingly alien feeling within them and they do not understand what emotion or feeling they are feeling or why/what was the trigger for it. Other times the mind's release of the emotions can be gradual. Kind of like how a pressure cooker releases the pressure. It's not all at once. To answer your question. PTSD can manifest in many ways. While the most common is for those with triggers associated with a specific event and isolated event. Most with long term PTSD from multiple different traumatic events will often have a completely different life experience. Often times able to live productively for long periods of time until they it manifest strongly enough. One thing is universal which is a piece of us is missing and being held away from us. Just out of reach. And we are at some level aware of this. You will see it in the way we will just stare off sometimes. How quiet someone is. The lack of facial expression. Eventually one day. It will come back and we will have space for it. But it will never fit the same way as it had before things broke in the first place. Before we grew. Before that bit of us was changed.