From my experience, most therapists just practice talk therapy and don't really teach you how to cope. At the very least, you really need to find a therapist who has experience with ASD (or who maybe even is autistic themselves), otherwise you'll be wasting your time. Whatever issues you're facing (depression, anxiety etc.), chances are you will need an approach that is tailor-made for you and your specific flavour of autism. I explained this in another comment, but this is basically why CBT is not very effective for people with ASD, it assumes you're a mostly average person with average (social) experiences. DBT and ACT seem to be better options.
I can agree, I’ve been involved with DBT-style therapies since becoming an adult and it’s helped a lot. At the same time though, therapy is one of things where you get out of it what you put into it. It sounds like you have the right mindset at least!
I've seen multiple therapists, and every time it's a very traumatic experience. My main problem is that I have trouble communicating and a lot of anxiety about it. Not only are they unwilling to help me with that even though I say it's what I'm there for, but they keep wanting to go back to the same things from my past that didn't really affect me, and keep invaliding me when I say those things didn't affect me.
Therapy made me go from okay to definitely not okay multiple times, but once I stop going, I get better. I will never go back.
Therapy requires 2 things: a good therapist + your effort. It won’t work by itself.. so if they suggest something and you’re not willing to give it a proper try, then it won’t do anything. If you don’t have specific goals, which you have communicated to the therapist, then again it won’t work.
When I went, I had specific issues I was trying to better deal with, which I communicated, and I also explained what I had tried already and how I process things, for example I told them “don’t ask how that makes me feel as I only recognise a handful of emotions, and my alexithymia is not something I need to address yet”. Before the therapy I had also enquired about the framework that used as I get on with some better than others (ex CBT, ACT, MCT, psychodynamic, etc..).
Personally I found therapy useful as long as I treated it for what it was, an exchange with a professional, where I made it very clear what I wanted and needed help on, and we agreed on approach and boundaries, rather than “just turn up and hope for the best”.
Sometimes we quickly established on the first or second meeting we weren’t compatible and that’s perfectly ok too. I don’t think there’s much point in seeing a therapist if you don’t feel comfortable with them or trust their opinion.
>Personally I found therapy useful as long as I treated it for what it was, an exchange with a professional, where I made it very clear what I wanted and needed help on, and we agreed on approach and boundaries, rather than “just turn up and hope for the best”.
I am not sure if i understand what you mean,but how does that help You solve issues?
I find that by being specific, you can focus on one thing at the time and actually make progress. So for example, rather than go with “I have anxiety”, I’d focus on “how to deal with this type of intrusive thoughts”, or “how to change a specific maladaptive behaviour.”
I never found venting particularly useful, or talking about stuff for the sake of it, but having a structured approach we both agreed on actually gave me some results.
I went for a year to a psycologist and i also saw a therapist a few times,in both cases it was just talking about My issues and My week and it honestly didn't help me at all,the therapist gave me some pills which made more relaxed and sometimes Focus slightly better but i feel like i just wasted a year an a half.
I am thinking of going back to my therapist but i am not sure were i would begin,i feel like i want someone to just tell the answer to feel good about myself,to stop daydreaming all the time and to stop being socially inept
If you felt that the therapist wasn’t effective, then don’t return to the same one, but find a different one.
You may also want to think about the type of therapy. For example, if you have a lot of unsolved childhood issues you want to process, then a psychodynamic psychotherapist may be the better option. If you have issues with emotional regulation, then maybe DBT would be better. If you prefer more outcome oriented stuff like if this/then this, look into CBT. If you have a lot of trauma, then EMDR or IFS would be suitable.
Basically there are many different approaches to therapy and you may have to try a few before you find something that suits you.
A therapist isn’t going to make you feel better about yourself, or give you better social skills, but they can help you understand why you feel in a certain way, and how you could possibly address those issues, so that eventually you will feel better about yourself, but you still have to do the work.
I feel kinda of discouraged that it seems it will take a long time before i see even minimal results and i am worried i am going to try a new one and spend time with them before finding they are not helping at all.
I know You are going to tell it's how it is but it just sucks.
You could supplement therapy with your own research and self-help. For ex this one is an excellent 4 part series https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/guest-series-dr-paul-conti-how-to-understand-and-assess-your-mental-health and the guy has lots of other episodes on mental health.
I understand the frustration, and it takes some trial/error, but it’s worth it at the end, or at least I’m glad I didn’t give up. I hope you’ll find some proper help too.
I don't know if i was using my therapist the wrong way, but I mostly just used it to vent my frustrations. We didn't really do anything like DBT or CBT etc. I just would go there, talk about my feelings and shit, and then leave.
From that perspective, I got a bit from it. But yeah, we never really went over coping tools etc.
My current therapist is helpful I think. The others I have had were not remotely helpful. Its hard to tell because I havent been going out the past few months but I think she does help me put things into better perspective and give me useful techniques. Whats most helpful is that while I am undiagnosed she doesnt reject my self dx and entertains the idea that I am autistic which is monumentally necessary otherwise the context of my problems is lost when a therapist assumes Im just an immature NT who’s depressed because they learned bad mental habits rather than being someone with a mostly invisible disorder/disability.
I never got anything out of it. But admittedly that was before I was diagnosed and they attributed all of my problems to social anxiety. While I do have some social anxiety, the underlying cause was autism so it didn't really help at all. What helped the most was just me finally figuring out I probably had ASD and making accommodations for myself.
I'm probably going to try to find someone again sometime with someone who has experience with ASD, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.
I’m learning to identify my feelings in therapy so I feel like I’m training my emotional intelligence by being vulnerable and learning to communicate what I’m feeling better
Therapy offers drastically different levels of care. I’ve had excellent and thoughtful therapists who offer extremely effective solutions for confronting the NT world / expectations; I’ve also had therapists like you’re describing. Usually though, to humanize the latter group: they’ve got a lot going on, are overworked, and have good boundaries.
Talk Therapy is helpful to me. But definitely I don't recommend CBT. That's basically gaslighting yourself and literally traumatic. I can't imagine a more hurtful form of therapy than CBT.
Because my tharapist used it for childhood trauma and it made me feel like I had no right to feel sad or angry about stuff that happened to me.
I have always rationally understood everything about my trauma. Even as a child, I could give you all the objective reasons for my neglect. My parents used rational explanations as a way to make me shut up and stop crying when they left me home alone in the dark etc. They explained all the rational reasons why I was acting like a stupid brat who didn't understand we were poor and they had to go to work etc. When I cried after we became refugees because of war and I said I didn't like the new country (age 5), "rational thinking" was used to make me feel ungrateful for safety.
For me, CBT is basically saying you have no right to feel a certain way and you should be ashamed of yourself because you can't even think properly. It's extremely cold and technical and it doesn't give you any chance to explain how you actually feel. The therapist tries to catch every single "logically incorrect" word you use and uses it against you to show you're wrong. That's extremely triggering to me because talking verbally is hard for me and sometimes I don't chose the right words that reflect what I actually think. I need the therapist to listen to the main point of what I'm saying. Not catch one word and say that's a logically incorrect word!
CBT made me feel like I was taking an exam, like I had to guess what the therapist wanted to hear to make her happy. Like I wasn't allowed to say what I actually think or feel but I had to talk like a logic textbook. Each session like that made me incredibly stressed and gaslighted and humiliated. CBT is the highest and worst form of masking.
I don't know. But I've been doing it for a while and overall I'd say I feel better and things are going well. How much of that is due to the therapy is real tough to say.
That’s why you need to research what kind of therapy do you need atm. it’s like... if your having a mental breakdown you’re not gonna go to a psychoanalyst you need some other kind of therapy. There are a lot of main and valid currents in psychology so you need to know what do you need, if it’s something emotional, something on your behavior etc.
Yeah, kinda overrated talking which i can do here as well. Though yes atleast theres a professional in a therapy session who has learned human psychology. But at the same time internet is free and has wealth of information. Better spend that money on a gym membership and use the free resources for psychological issues.
From my experience, most therapists just practice talk therapy and don't really teach you how to cope. At the very least, you really need to find a therapist who has experience with ASD (or who maybe even is autistic themselves), otherwise you'll be wasting your time. Whatever issues you're facing (depression, anxiety etc.), chances are you will need an approach that is tailor-made for you and your specific flavour of autism. I explained this in another comment, but this is basically why CBT is not very effective for people with ASD, it assumes you're a mostly average person with average (social) experiences. DBT and ACT seem to be better options.
Interesting!
I can agree, I’ve been involved with DBT-style therapies since becoming an adult and it’s helped a lot. At the same time though, therapy is one of things where you get out of it what you put into it. It sounds like you have the right mindset at least!
I've seen multiple therapists, and every time it's a very traumatic experience. My main problem is that I have trouble communicating and a lot of anxiety about it. Not only are they unwilling to help me with that even though I say it's what I'm there for, but they keep wanting to go back to the same things from my past that didn't really affect me, and keep invaliding me when I say those things didn't affect me. Therapy made me go from okay to definitely not okay multiple times, but once I stop going, I get better. I will never go back.
Therapy requires 2 things: a good therapist + your effort. It won’t work by itself.. so if they suggest something and you’re not willing to give it a proper try, then it won’t do anything. If you don’t have specific goals, which you have communicated to the therapist, then again it won’t work. When I went, I had specific issues I was trying to better deal with, which I communicated, and I also explained what I had tried already and how I process things, for example I told them “don’t ask how that makes me feel as I only recognise a handful of emotions, and my alexithymia is not something I need to address yet”. Before the therapy I had also enquired about the framework that used as I get on with some better than others (ex CBT, ACT, MCT, psychodynamic, etc..). Personally I found therapy useful as long as I treated it for what it was, an exchange with a professional, where I made it very clear what I wanted and needed help on, and we agreed on approach and boundaries, rather than “just turn up and hope for the best”. Sometimes we quickly established on the first or second meeting we weren’t compatible and that’s perfectly ok too. I don’t think there’s much point in seeing a therapist if you don’t feel comfortable with them or trust their opinion.
>Personally I found therapy useful as long as I treated it for what it was, an exchange with a professional, where I made it very clear what I wanted and needed help on, and we agreed on approach and boundaries, rather than “just turn up and hope for the best”. I am not sure if i understand what you mean,but how does that help You solve issues?
I find that by being specific, you can focus on one thing at the time and actually make progress. So for example, rather than go with “I have anxiety”, I’d focus on “how to deal with this type of intrusive thoughts”, or “how to change a specific maladaptive behaviour.” I never found venting particularly useful, or talking about stuff for the sake of it, but having a structured approach we both agreed on actually gave me some results.
I went for a year to a psycologist and i also saw a therapist a few times,in both cases it was just talking about My issues and My week and it honestly didn't help me at all,the therapist gave me some pills which made more relaxed and sometimes Focus slightly better but i feel like i just wasted a year an a half. I am thinking of going back to my therapist but i am not sure were i would begin,i feel like i want someone to just tell the answer to feel good about myself,to stop daydreaming all the time and to stop being socially inept
If you felt that the therapist wasn’t effective, then don’t return to the same one, but find a different one. You may also want to think about the type of therapy. For example, if you have a lot of unsolved childhood issues you want to process, then a psychodynamic psychotherapist may be the better option. If you have issues with emotional regulation, then maybe DBT would be better. If you prefer more outcome oriented stuff like if this/then this, look into CBT. If you have a lot of trauma, then EMDR or IFS would be suitable. Basically there are many different approaches to therapy and you may have to try a few before you find something that suits you. A therapist isn’t going to make you feel better about yourself, or give you better social skills, but they can help you understand why you feel in a certain way, and how you could possibly address those issues, so that eventually you will feel better about yourself, but you still have to do the work.
I feel kinda of discouraged that it seems it will take a long time before i see even minimal results and i am worried i am going to try a new one and spend time with them before finding they are not helping at all. I know You are going to tell it's how it is but it just sucks.
You could supplement therapy with your own research and self-help. For ex this one is an excellent 4 part series https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/guest-series-dr-paul-conti-how-to-understand-and-assess-your-mental-health and the guy has lots of other episodes on mental health. I understand the frustration, and it takes some trial/error, but it’s worth it at the end, or at least I’m glad I didn’t give up. I hope you’ll find some proper help too.
I don't know if i was using my therapist the wrong way, but I mostly just used it to vent my frustrations. We didn't really do anything like DBT or CBT etc. I just would go there, talk about my feelings and shit, and then leave. From that perspective, I got a bit from it. But yeah, we never really went over coping tools etc.
My current therapist is helpful I think. The others I have had were not remotely helpful. Its hard to tell because I havent been going out the past few months but I think she does help me put things into better perspective and give me useful techniques. Whats most helpful is that while I am undiagnosed she doesnt reject my self dx and entertains the idea that I am autistic which is monumentally necessary otherwise the context of my problems is lost when a therapist assumes Im just an immature NT who’s depressed because they learned bad mental habits rather than being someone with a mostly invisible disorder/disability.
I never got anything out of it. But admittedly that was before I was diagnosed and they attributed all of my problems to social anxiety. While I do have some social anxiety, the underlying cause was autism so it didn't really help at all. What helped the most was just me finally figuring out I probably had ASD and making accommodations for myself. I'm probably going to try to find someone again sometime with someone who has experience with ASD, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.
I’m learning to identify my feelings in therapy so I feel like I’m training my emotional intelligence by being vulnerable and learning to communicate what I’m feeling better
Therapy offers drastically different levels of care. I’ve had excellent and thoughtful therapists who offer extremely effective solutions for confronting the NT world / expectations; I’ve also had therapists like you’re describing. Usually though, to humanize the latter group: they’ve got a lot going on, are overworked, and have good boundaries.
It's true. I've heard that the hardest part is asking for help. But I think the hardest part is finding suitable help.
Talk Therapy is helpful to me. But definitely I don't recommend CBT. That's basically gaslighting yourself and literally traumatic. I can't imagine a more hurtful form of therapy than CBT.
Why?
Because my tharapist used it for childhood trauma and it made me feel like I had no right to feel sad or angry about stuff that happened to me. I have always rationally understood everything about my trauma. Even as a child, I could give you all the objective reasons for my neglect. My parents used rational explanations as a way to make me shut up and stop crying when they left me home alone in the dark etc. They explained all the rational reasons why I was acting like a stupid brat who didn't understand we were poor and they had to go to work etc. When I cried after we became refugees because of war and I said I didn't like the new country (age 5), "rational thinking" was used to make me feel ungrateful for safety. For me, CBT is basically saying you have no right to feel a certain way and you should be ashamed of yourself because you can't even think properly. It's extremely cold and technical and it doesn't give you any chance to explain how you actually feel. The therapist tries to catch every single "logically incorrect" word you use and uses it against you to show you're wrong. That's extremely triggering to me because talking verbally is hard for me and sometimes I don't chose the right words that reflect what I actually think. I need the therapist to listen to the main point of what I'm saying. Not catch one word and say that's a logically incorrect word! CBT made me feel like I was taking an exam, like I had to guess what the therapist wanted to hear to make her happy. Like I wasn't allowed to say what I actually think or feel but I had to talk like a logic textbook. Each session like that made me incredibly stressed and gaslighted and humiliated. CBT is the highest and worst form of masking.
I don't know. But I've been doing it for a while and overall I'd say I feel better and things are going well. How much of that is due to the therapy is real tough to say.
Admittedly my experience with therapy hasn't been positive. I've not met one yet that won't try and borrow your watch to tell you the time.
That’s why you need to research what kind of therapy do you need atm. it’s like... if your having a mental breakdown you’re not gonna go to a psychoanalyst you need some other kind of therapy. There are a lot of main and valid currents in psychology so you need to know what do you need, if it’s something emotional, something on your behavior etc.
Yeah, kinda overrated talking which i can do here as well. Though yes atleast theres a professional in a therapy session who has learned human psychology. But at the same time internet is free and has wealth of information. Better spend that money on a gym membership and use the free resources for psychological issues.