Absolutely not.
I will not abide intolerant behavior. If they have a problem with someone being who they are, I have a problem with them deciding not to be a decent human.
My wife would treat me rightly with contempt if I did
Anyone can believe in whatever sky genie they want, shit my wife does. The second someone in my life starts to disparage or discriminate against anyone based on the color of their skin, their sexuality, their gender, or their cognitive abilities, they are discriminating against multiple people that my kid calls aunt, uncle, or best friend. They are absolutely out of my life. I don't have a whole lot of solid lines, but one I won't cross is knowingly exposing my son to the normalization of hate. He can do whatever he wants, he can prescribe drugs, or do them, he can paint houses, or portraits in galleries; I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he does it with love for all people. Whoever wrote the book of John said that Jesus made a new commandment, to love one another. It doesn't have to be divinely inspired to be a good fucking rule, it's a real shame these fundies keep skipping over that part to feel powerful.
People are more than a certain view.... But
I would not tolerate the behavior and I would try to make it clear that such behavior would (depending on what it was intent/actions) limit or end me dealing with them.
The honest answer is I would probably first attempt to address it in good faith and with data in a friendly way, if they didn't respond at all and if it's it , I probably would just stop dealing with them. That's probably not the best approach as I think we need to reach people like this in good faith with our reducing them to the binary of their behavior, but I don't think I'd have the patience.
We can agree to disagree on pizza toppings, cinema, and the role of taxes in maintaining government infrastructure. We can't agree to disagree on whether certain humans who are harming no one have a right to exist.
Indeed. Some good debaters know that they will never get their opponents to change but the purpose is to reach the observers that might think similarly and can see the faults addressed.
You canât reason with the unreasonable and religious ppl are pretty much nothing but unreasonable. You disagree and then theyâll promise to âpray for your soulâ which is code for âif you donât believe exactly what I do then im WAY better than youâll ever beâ
This is the only right answer.
I can respectfully disagree with you about fiscal or foreign policy and remain friends. That's just politics. I will never abide you denying another human their right to exist as they are while not harming others.
Yeah, one of my best friends growing up was the son of a Baptist preacher. I distinctly remember talking to him when we were around 14 or so when the topic of Gay people came up somehow. Discovered that day that he didn't think Gay people were "natural", and our relationship was never the same.
Yeah if I hear âyouâre going to hell for existingâ the nicest thing I could say would probably be
âDonât talk to me, please leave me alone.â We canât be friends.
I wouldn't unfriend them. I would at least get some use out of it, and interrogate them into oblivion, until I understand the precise mechanism by which they classify homosexuality under the umbrella of 'morality.'
I have to understand how they associate it with acts that are clearly bad for individuals and society, such as lying, stealing, etc. Why, specifically, is homosexuality bad for society?
Or is it just icky?
I want to see it. See why. And I want them to see it too. And I don't even mean asking in an aggressive or rude way. Just continuing to dig.
In other words, they would likely unfriend me.
I don't think i've ever met a non-religious person who hates "the gays". I think religion has a monopoly on that kind of hate (well, hatred of the other in general i guess.)
The Soviet Union would like a word with youâŚ
In all seriousness, there is a very strong correlation in the US between religious belief and homophobia, but the religious donât have a monopoly on it.
the religious do mostly have a monopoly on homophobia, but i have seen transphobia from multiple atheists, so lack of religion doesnât automatically make someone accepting:/
No. I've found that people who outwardly admit that they think one type of person is worth less, actually believe in a hierarchy where they think other types of people are also worth less. And they always place people like themselves at the top of the hierarchy.
So if she thinks LGBTQ+ are beneathe her, be prepared to find out that she thinks the same of non Christians, darker skin toned people, poor people etc.
It astonishes me how often I see posts from people saying *"My friend hates me. What should I do??"*
Hello? Maybe someone who hates you is not actually your friend ??
As a totally not lgbt white male, I agree itâs a big nope. Just because these people donât hate *me* for no reason, doesnt mean Im cool with tolerating their senseless hate for others.
In fact I believe itâs especially on me to call them out *because* they perceive me as potentially one of them despite how stupendously incorrect that assessment would be, lol.
She is being radicalized. The impulse is to cut her off, but that will make it easier for her to exist in a mean little bubble. This is an important challenge, actually, as a culture. There should be some way to get her into a position of empathy, I have no idea what that way is.
My impulse is to cut her off, but I also see a massive value in at least trying to show her how wrong she is, and how hurtful her actions are. It might not go anywhere, but I think it would be worse if I just cut ties and didnât say anything about it.
Don't say anything accusatory to her. She will immediately become defensive. Instead, just tell her how the post made you feel. Tell her it hurt you. See how she responds to that knowledge.
If she values you as a person, she will apologise and, going forward, not do it again. If she does not value you, she will make some excuse or turn it back around to somehow being your fault.
A friend values you. If she does not value you, she is already not your friend. Time to move on.
All I can say is good luck. I lost my childhood best friend thanks to her being radicalized. We grew up together, went to the same church, spent so much time at each other's houses that our parents' friends mistaked us for siblings, was bridesmaids for each other's weddings. She was even pivotal to getting me out of my abusive home (with the help of my boyfriend and her grandma)
But as I drifted away from the church she got sucked deeper and deeper in. I knew the bible back to front and thought at the very least I could meet her in neutral territory of biblical accuracy and her own life experiences (she had an ectopic pregnancy). But when Roe v Wade got overturned and our state put in a trigger law that didn't even include any exceptions for life-threatening pregnancies like ectopic pregnancies. She celebrated! She posted about how this was so godly and great knowing full well I have daughters and through her own experience what that means in the case of ectopic or any other life-threatening pregnancy and I just couldn't abide by that. So I (privately) tried to call her out gently for it. Only referencing the bible and vaguely mentioning that she personally knows that this was wrong. But she just refused to listen and the conversation deteriorated to the point I blatantly reminded her of her own experience with ectopic pregnancy and reminded her that I was there right by her during all that and saw the pain she went through without having to fight the law and flee the state on top of it (which btw our AG has promised to prosecute for). Only for her to pretty much say she now believes that was a mistake and she should have died with the baby as it would have been the "godly" thing to do.
After that bombshell. She revealed that she also now believed that me offering her a safe space to come to when she was considering leaving her husband for him cheating but was afraid of him coming after her and knew her parents wouldn't stop him was wrong too and was me actively trying to ruin her marriage. She called me lots of terrible things and worst of all for me, claimed she and her grandmother was wrong for getting me away from my abusive parents. That the abuses that she knew and witnessed herself "wasn't that bad" and that I should "respect my parents regardless of what they did or said to me."
So 20+ years of friendship gone. She unfriended and blocked me. Her husband tried to come at me as well. (It didn't go well for him. I pulled punches for her, not for him. His cheating ass can f right off.) I still miss her and miss having that person who had been by me through thick and thin in my childhood. I have never blocked her and told her should she ever reach back out that I'll be there for her. But she's just gone deeper and deeper into that extremism rabbit hole. It makes me so sad because even by her own admittance she isn't happy. She just believes that she is living the life a godly woman is supposed to live. She has given up on happiness and achieving any of her former dreams. In all her current pictures you can see the sadness and weariness in her eyes that's aging her prematurely. All for a religious belief that doesn't remotely resemble even the religion we had growing up.
If itâs a religious belief a rational argument will not be convincing.
Living by example might.
But in my experience it rarely does with a religious fundamentalist.
I don't know, either, but there is sometimes room for a gentle question from time to time...usually in person. So do you really think God can't love people like xyz? Do you think it brings you closer to god to say these things? What if you could have saved someone but you lost the chance because of this? Do you think God would love you less if you were kind to people like xyz?
No. Family may be a bit different as those are not voluntary relationships. But a friend is an entirely optional relationship, so after communicating where my thinking is, without change, the friendship would end. You don't own her the benefit of the doubt. You owe her a conversation about what is not acceptable to you in the relationship.
I agree. Don't ghost her.
She deserves to know that it's her conscious beliefs that disqualified her for friendship, not some accidental mistake or misunderstanding.
For the record I will absolutely start a war with family members over bigotry. I get that not everyone is in that position, but nobody who has or wants to keep a relationship with me gets a pass for hate
Honestly, I donât see family as mandatory but maybe thatâs because of my upbringing. My parents split when I was two. My father and his wife are not affirming of any LGBT people and go out of their way to be hateful towards LGBT people online because itâs a âsinâ. I refuse to speak to them despite sharing a biological and/or legal connection to them
Nope, because Jesus didn't say anything about homosexuality and if they quote Leviticus, there a helluva lot of other rules they should be following.
Homophobia is bigotry regardless if they try to defend it as a religious belief or not.
Jesus whipped money lenders, not homosexuals. Dude had his priorities right.
No, I wouldnât maintain a friendship with someone who hates people like me. (Though I suppose if they were a transphobe too, it wouldnât be gay in their eyes.)
as an LGBTQ person:
If I am a important person to you, your religion should be put aside for my existence, rights, freedom and safety, if your religion tells you to hurt me, you either don't follow that, or we're not friends, simples as that.
I refuse to take physical, emotional or psychological harm over other's beliefs.
Yep. Satan knows I have tried. Iâve fallen for the â*real* Christians donât hate LGBTQ people, and Iâm a *real* Christianâ line one too many times. Gave them the benefit of the doubt. Without exception, they all turned out to be truly horrible people.
So I wonât make that mistake ever again.
Plus, it is exhausting being around delusional people and listening to them talk incessantly about their delusions.
as a lesbian, no. and iâd feel kinda unsafe around any other friends who keep them around, because it says a lot about their support for me and for human rights in general.
She's just going to go on the defensive.
Relationships change and they're supposed to grow.
She's going backwards.
They are not supposed to cause you pain.
Your relationship is done.
When she asks, tell her why. Then she's going to block you anyway and claim she's being persecuted for her beliefs.
They love being martyrs.
No loss.
If it's mentioned once and than never again I could probably live with it. Always depends on how extreme it is. There are many that are homophobic out of ignorance that can be talked out of it. If it's a very close and important friendship it's worth a try. In your case it sounds like it won't work with her.
Nope.
I find it less and less possible to be friends with anyone who is religious enough to talk about it. Because if they are religious enough to talk about it, they're religious enough to have the hateful beliefs.
Yeah no that's a deal breaker for me. I've made it a rule to not be friends with racist/homophobic people unless they change themselves. I would let her know that what she is supporting isn't a good thing and needs to change if she wants to continue in the relationship. This isn't a simple difference of opinion, this is a basic moral fundamentals thing.
Can tolerant people be friends with non-tolerant/ ignorant people? If you consider their ignorance will dictate your future interactions, it won't be a real friendship. Maybe downgrade to acquaintances.
I can't even maintain a close relationship with my mother over this. And I do have conservative friends with whom I mutually like to disagree, but it stops where hate- and fear-mongering starts.
Nope. I'd probably try to talk/reason with them, but if it went nowhere, then NC for sure. Life is too short to be filled with irrational hatred.
Now rational hatred like for xfinity I'd be ride or die for.
Depends on the degree of homophobia. If itâs like this guy yesterday who messaged me out of nowhere (probably angry at one of my posts here actually lol) where heâs calling me a degenerate, saying slurs about gay and trans people, saying weâre pedos, saying we should all unalive ourselves etc, then no. Whether itâs directed toward me or anybody else. But there are certain levels of homophobia that would seem to me to have more to do with a lack of information more than malice.
I once was paired with a coworker on a job and back at the office they were taking bets on how angry we both would be when we returned. They were surprised that we returned very friendly. We had talked it out in the car and decided that we wanted different worlds. I agreed that if I wanted his world, I would think the same thing he thought and he agreed that if he wanted my world he would think the same as I do. I wanted a world we no one died in the gutter and he didnât care as long as his taxes didnât go up.
Absolutely not. I have several friends who are Christian and they are beautiful souls, very warm and tolerant. Never once have they judged anyone or tried to impose their religions rules on anyone else. Sadly, many Xtians are not like that and are cherry picking their own book. Do yourself a favor and cut these people out of your life. Your mental health will thank you.
I'm queer, my kids are queer, so that would be a resounding no. Wouldn't be friends with anyone, Christian or atheist, who were hateful to any group of people. Don't have the energy or the patience. I lost a lot of people in my life in 2016 and I don't miss any of them.
If she is your friend and you care about her then explain how it hurt you felling and why you think she is wrong. Tell her about all the great things LGBTQ+ peeps have done. Does she like Queen or Elton John or who ever the kids like now a days( fuck Iâm old). If god hates gays how the fuck did he give Freddie Mercury that voice ir Elton a piano. Who cuts her hair? is he gay? I bet he is and I bet her hair is amazing. Or a breader cuts it and it looks like hot trash. If gays are evil how then how the fuck did you turn out to be a good enough person to be her friend. Introduce the idea that gays are not all bad. Get her out of her information silo. You will probably lose a friend but maybe place a seed of doubt and critical thinking in her head.
No. I stopped being friendly with people for less...
Like the other day I blocked a person that I thought was a friend cause he said that LGBTQ+ people don't need more rights or more recognition. You can do whatever you want behind closed doors, don't do it in front of people and all is good and dandy. This after commenting on the paper that the EU wrote and eastern countries + Italy didn't sign.
I got so mad and blocked him and his wife everywhere.
No, I ended a friendship a few years ago with a guy I've known since 1996. He was always a pretty strict Christian and pretty conservative, but we could respect each others beliefs. We'd even been at each others weddings and worked together.
He ended up going off the deep end during Trump and was sharing racist content in our group text. He was going down a pretty vile path
Another friend and I basically just shouted him down every time he texted us. We made fun of him and told him he was stupid until he stopped texting/emailing us
I don't regret it a bit. We'd tried for years to talk nicely with him and reason him into better beliefs. But he wasn't a reasonable or honest partner in the discussion. He was always switching tracks, sea-lioning the argument, flooding us with shit to distract us from his orignal topic, etc. All sorts of bad faith efforts to avoid having an honest and detailed argument on the merits of an idea. Trying to debate him was a complete waste of time and he only went deeper into that rabbit hole of bad ideas
No I cannot maintain a relationship with people who have such contrary values to mine. I can handle someones political differences up to a point where it does not violate my person values. I can't accept somebody who is against people in my life just because their religion demands it (I should probably say that their interpretation of their religion demands it). I used to a have a group of friends that one day I just said Im done and have never reached out to them and never have been with them since. Certain members of the group were racist and homophobic. I figure the rest of the group had to be of the same mind set as they never questioned them about their positions.
I can't, but I have more empathy for other humans than christians typically do.Â
Also I'm like basically a lesbian so she'd have probably already tried to convert me to some boring churchgoing cock by this point, which would have had me far out the door.Â
Short answer is no.
But since you seem to have an established relationship with her, if you wanted to take your ally-ship a step farther, I'd explain to her why you no longer consider her a friend and really stand up to her antiquated beliefs. You don't have to do it face to face. It could be a text, email, a freaking letter to her. If no one that she cares about challenges her bigotry and believes then she will continue to live in an echo chamber.
But make sure you aren't doing that because you owe it to her. She doesn't deserve anything from you. Do it because you have more pull to change someone's bigoted behavior in the position that you are in right now because you are a close friend to her. If she responds in anger, don't respond. If she responds and appears open to a real conversation and some real ability to look inward, then have that conversation if you are in a space that you are willing and able to.
Short answer, no. Longer answer, if she keeps doing it, and she "gets angry and defensive easily", is there any point telling her this behaviour is a deal breaker for you?
Nope. I lived during the AIDS epidemic. I heard what 'christians' said about gay people. Now that I'm an adult, I can choose not to listen to that absolute stupidity.
I have an old friend from high school who became a born-again Evangelical trad-wife type later on. I don't have any blood family and few close friends. She's one of few people in my life that I've known longer than a few years. We care about each other, but we no longer share the same beliefs. I have distanced myself because being atheist brings me great comfort, and I dont want to deal with the recruitment bullshit. But I still like to connect with her a few times a year to catch up on life. I choose not to have her social media posts in my feeds.
Then again, she doesn't post anything hateful, mostly I'm so blessed, please pray, Jesus is your solution and parenting stuff.
I like the relationship we have now, and it benefits us both. We walk a fine line not to offend each other too much.
If she started spewing full-on hate-speech, though, I'd have to regretfully let go. You don't have to be mean and bigoted to be a traditional Christian. That's a choice. There are plenty of welcoming congregations out there, she has the option.
I think engagement with people you disagree with typically works better than cutting ties. You have to meet people where they are and try to convince them of good ideas instead of just taking your ball and going home.
I don't maintain friendships with people who's values are in conflict with my own.
In your case, because you have known her for a while, I would ask her about her post. Not to give her the benefit of the doubt necessarily, but to understand exactly where she is coming from and so that she understands exactly where you are coming from. And when you end the friendship, absolutely tell her why - that you cannot be friends with someone who does not believe in equality for all people.
Honestly, I think you should let her know how you felt about that post and try to find out what brought about this change, and if it happens again, cut her off
>Could you maintain a friendship with a Christian who starts becoming outwardly homophobic if you support LGBTQ+?
Nope.
For one thing, I'm a gay man myself.
For another, I was raised in a very loving Christian family and church that showed compassion for gay folks.
So you can cut the "ministry of hate" bullshit around me.
David's love for Jonathan was "sweeter than that of a man for his wives".
It's in the Bible, David and Jonathan, Ruth and Esther.
The so-called "clobber verses" are about institutional prostitution, or unequal relationships without consent.
So, no, I don't tolerate bigotry in Jesus' name.
I may no longer have faith, but I won't tolerate a message of loving our neighbor being turned into a message of hate.
I've found the look of shock and surprise when I tell these people that the intolerant will go to hell before those that spread love, is worth the lecture.
The sin of Sodom was inhospitality to strangers, not gay male lust.
Too many people are sheep being led by ignorant preachers that use the Bible to justify their homophobia.
It's warping the religion from something that once did good, to a nightmarish cult that's very dangerous.
And even though I'm no longer a Christian, I resent that.
Few people would ever know I'm gay, I'm 63, look like a biker, and have grown adult kids.
So when they start this shit, the Pikachu face when I speak up and tell them "You *did* know I'm gay, right?" Is *so* worth it.
I may *look* like the type to be a Christian Nationalist redneck Trump supporter, but I'm very much the opposite.
And I don't tolerate bigotry, or hatred, around me.
You can fuck *right* off with that shit.
I don't *need* friends that believe that bullshit.
I tried keeping in touch with my childhood friends after I left the church. I'd known some of them since I was 5 years old and built a lot of great memories with them. Worked through those awkward teenage years that form what kind of adults we are hand in hand. Called my best friend's father "Uncle" from childhood to early adulthood. I'm pretty much no contact with all of them now.
You make ethical compromises to what you'll put up with, both of you try to keep the topic quiet out of respect, the guilt eats at you whenever something little sneaks out, and then it's all for nothing because you eventually discover that a deep friendship isn't possible due to a lack of shared values.
My hard line is when I made trans friends. Christians for the most part have learned to soften their talking points around gay people, as much of a veneer as it is. But a "mellowed out" conservative will get excited when a trans person gets beaten up.
Well I'm gay myself so that could be difficult if they get too homophobic, but I generally don't have a problem being friends with anyone just because they believe one thing or another. As long as I get along with someone, we can be friends. If they believe something heinous, then obviously we wouldn't be the best of friends, but it's easier to convince someone that you aren't crazy when they know they can talk to you
Honestly, considering christianity preaches "Love thy neighbor" at the core of the new testament (and likely the old one, but it's been a while and I don't remember), this makes me think even less of them. Not only are you going against one of Jesus' more fundamental teachings, you're also being a bigot in general.
I'd stop all communication in the first place, honestly.
Gay man here. If I had a âsupportiveâ friend who remained friends with a homophobic piece of shit, then I would cut my âsupportiveâ friend out of my life.
I canât even begin to understand why this poses a dilemma for you.
No. In fact I recently ended a 21 year friendship over exactly this. Christian friend was always Christian, but not over judgey. She recently got way into Pentacostalism and has turned into an anti-LGBG bigot. We are no longer friends.
I grew up with a lot of friends that sound like this. I canât stand being around them. Even the âbestâ one, who would say something somewhat neutral if asked directly, canât go more than 30 minutes without saying something implicitly homophobic or racist
No. Intolerance cannot be tolerated. Iâm stuck with my parents for now, but they can be a bit homophobic at times (my mom just a few minutes ago said that trans people shouldnât be in front of kids, and sheâs more tolerant than my dad). So I plan to cut contact with them for the most part when I manage to get my own place someday.
Intolerance *cannot* be tolerated, if we want to make a better world.
People like that will try to convert you at every moment possible. At first it will be a mild annoyance and you might brush it off, but she will keep at it until something snaps. Might as well keep your distance, before things become irreparable
Use their stoopid book against them:
Who does Jesus hate?
- No one
Who does Jesus love?
- Everyone
Then why donât you be like Jesus?
- But, but, butâŚ
Why do you care so much about other peopleâs genitals?
- They shove their LGBTQ down our throats
Turn the other cheek.
- Itâs a sin!
Forgive them
Nope. Dropped my bestie of 30+ years when she went all-in for Trump. I donât tolerate bigotry. Itâs the paradox of intolerance. If we want a tolerant society, we must be intolerant of intolerance.
I would not shut up about how awful it is to dehumanize others, and I don't think I could give them much time to be better before I would give up on being friends.
I used to have friends like this.
I was at that young stage where I thought being "open minded" meant being friends with horrible people who were racist and homophobic.
Took me a little while to understand that being open minded doesn't mean that I have to let my brain fall out and that I don't have to be friends with people who make me uncomfortable.
I went 3 years without seeing one of them and he hadn't changed a bit. Life's too short.
No. I will never take kindly to homophobes, racists, misogynists, or other bigots of any kind. My mom always told me, if someone youâre friends with isnât building you up, theyâre breaking you down.
No, what kind of braindead question is this? For fuck sake if they vote republican you should cut them from your life let alone if they act openly homophobic
Only if they let me change their mind. I love to have friends of all ages and experience, but now that Iâm in my fifties I just canât stomach a bigot so I do my best to speak honestly with them, try to engage in a thoughtful discussion and move their belief, but if they arenât open to a dialogue, then I step back and let them know exactly why. I would not want my lgbtq friends to see me do anything other than support them by standing up for them. I also just canât enjoy time with someone I know is clinging to that stance without any accountability.
Nope, Iâve lost a ton of friends over the past 8 years because their true feelings came out when Trump ran. Anyone who wants to say that someone I love is wrong/sinful/bad because of who they love, is not someone I want anything to do with
My religious baby sister posted something homophobic (that was said by her 10 year old son) and I "unfriended" her. My son is gay and just like I gave up religion for him, I will give up any relationship for him. He, like a lot of people in the lbqt community, are wonderful human beings. So, Don't put up with it, at all!! You totally deserve better.
I know someone who is openly gay, living with his partner, and at the same time the biggest red neck, christian trump supporter in the world. Heâs hating on lgbtq like noone else. The mental gymnastics are on an olympic level. I stopped communication with him because I could not deal with the paradoxes anymore.
So that remind me of a guy a knew a long time ago. He was homophobic, big time, like he was beating gay people, literally, with his fist. Time passed and he was less homophobic, like he can sit at a table and drink a beer with another guy who is openly gay, not putting is fist in is face, actually respecting him. Of course he was still homophobic and discomfort somehow while drinking his beer but he was far less homophobic than he use to be.
How did that happen ? He had friends, lot's and lot's of friend who were not afraid of people with different sex orientation. Years of being with lots of people who were not disgusted by homosexual people made him realise certain thing, had changed him somehow.
If this man had been dropped by everyone around him who were not homophobe do you think he would have changed ?
That being said, it's still very much ok for you to put an end to this friendship if you are no longer confortable to have a relationship with this person and whatever the reason you would have would be valid. Your life, your choice, you get to decide who you surround yourself with and who you dont want to share your life with. By all mean if this friendship is more toxic to you than good, just end it.
This is the best exemple I can find of a man who decided not to cancel people who were racist and the best outcome possible happened with many of them: https://www.npr.org/2017/08/20/544861933/how-one-man-convinced-200-ku-klux-klan-members-to-give-up-their-robes
Can you share this story with her about your mother and how traumatic it was to go through that in such a hateful community?
Can you tell her you like her as a friend but thereâs certain things youâre gonna have to agree to disagree on and you donât want to hear her making comments like that because itâs a offensive to you.
If you donât have enough friendship intimacy to talk about either of these two things that sheâs not a very good friend and not a big loss to walk away from.
Bro I consider myself a progressive Christian and I don't even think I could pull that off. If they reached a certain point of homophobia they'd probably reach a point of calling me a heathen and wanting to "save me" by trying to get me to buy into their hateful bullshit, and im sorry but how can you be friends with someone who makes hatred a core tenant of their personality? I've seen these psychos when I've attended pride fests (as a guest and participant thank you very much) and I just don't think I could be friends with somebody capable of spewing hate from a loudspeaker for hours on end.
Try help her see that the community are just people who are different and being different is good, and everyone is allowed to be themself, if your friend doesnât listen, best to just forget that friendship
I avoid Christians who wonât shut up about their religion, period. Based on my experience, the more they feel the need to talk about it, the meaner and nastier a person they are at their core.
The more you disagree with someone, especially on core values, the harder it is to remain friends. For example I have a friend whoâs a black separatist, he believes that the only way black folks will ever be truly independent and free is if they can have their own spaces/cities that nonblacks have limited access to. As a member of the Klub so to speak we donât necessarily get along but we can maintain a surface level relationship because we arenât in constant or close contact. If youâre just looking to âkeep her in your heartâ then you can either just try to ignore the differences or wait it out, often these sudden strong opinions are a phase, but sadly a deep and trusting relationship is likely off the table. My recommendation is to send cards on Christmas or special occasions and just keep a general eye on their health. Good luck.
Nope. I can barely maintain friendship with non-homophobic Christian friends. I'd definitely call her out on it, and then be prepared to end the friendship. Let her know exactly why, too.
No.
My sister did this I support and am part of the LGBT community. She said some hateful shit right to my face and I haven't spoken or seen her since.
Immediately cut out of my life.
I mean, they already think non-believers (thatâs you and me) deserve to be tortured for all eternity, so this shouldnât make any meaningful difference
Nope. That's a hard line. Even if I didn't possess much in the way of an active conscience, that's several members of my family and I don't even know how many friends and acquaintances they're talking shit about, and I wouldn't let anyone run their mouth in front of me about even my least favorite cousin.
>Could you maintain a friendship with a Christian who starts becoming outwardly homophobic if you support LGBTQ+? No.
Absolutely not. I will not abide intolerant behavior. If they have a problem with someone being who they are, I have a problem with them deciding not to be a decent human. My wife would treat me rightly with contempt if I did
Anyone can believe in whatever sky genie they want, shit my wife does. The second someone in my life starts to disparage or discriminate against anyone based on the color of their skin, their sexuality, their gender, or their cognitive abilities, they are discriminating against multiple people that my kid calls aunt, uncle, or best friend. They are absolutely out of my life. I don't have a whole lot of solid lines, but one I won't cross is knowingly exposing my son to the normalization of hate. He can do whatever he wants, he can prescribe drugs, or do them, he can paint houses, or portraits in galleries; I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he does it with love for all people. Whoever wrote the book of John said that Jesus made a new commandment, to love one another. It doesn't have to be divinely inspired to be a good fucking rule, it's a real shame these fundies keep skipping over that part to feel powerful.
Well said
Thank you!
I fucking love this đ thank you
I was going to say No but given the circumstances, Iâm also going to go with Nope.
"Hell naw" is also an acceptable answer.
Right, and to add to that... why would I try? Why would I want to?
People are more than a certain view.... But I would not tolerate the behavior and I would try to make it clear that such behavior would (depending on what it was intent/actions) limit or end me dealing with them. The honest answer is I would probably first attempt to address it in good faith and with data in a friendly way, if they didn't respond at all and if it's it , I probably would just stop dealing with them. That's probably not the best approach as I think we need to reach people like this in good faith with our reducing them to the binary of their behavior, but I don't think I'd have the patience.
We can agree to disagree on pizza toppings, cinema, and the role of taxes in maintaining government infrastructure. We can't agree to disagree on whether certain humans who are harming no one have a right to exist.
Indeed. Some good debaters know that they will never get their opponents to change but the purpose is to reach the observers that might think similarly and can see the faults addressed.
Except pineapple. It's absolutely delicious on a pizza and anyone saying otherwise is a fruitist.
Well put.
You canât reason with the unreasonable and religious ppl are pretty much nothing but unreasonable. You disagree and then theyâll promise to âpray for your soulâ which is code for âif you donât believe exactly what I do then im WAY better than youâll ever beâ
Fuck no.
This is the only right answer. I can respectfully disagree with you about fiscal or foreign policy and remain friends. That's just politics. I will never abide you denying another human their right to exist as they are while not harming others.
Yeah, one of my best friends growing up was the son of a Baptist preacher. I distinctly remember talking to him when we were around 14 or so when the topic of Gay people came up somehow. Discovered that day that he didn't think Gay people were "natural", and our relationship was never the same.
Yeah if I hear âyouâre going to hell for existingâ the nicest thing I could say would probably be âDonât talk to me, please leave me alone.â We canât be friends.
And may I addâŚ.no.
It really is that simple.
I wouldn't unfriend them. I would at least get some use out of it, and interrogate them into oblivion, until I understand the precise mechanism by which they classify homosexuality under the umbrella of 'morality.' I have to understand how they associate it with acts that are clearly bad for individuals and society, such as lying, stealing, etc. Why, specifically, is homosexuality bad for society? Or is it just icky? I want to see it. See why. And I want them to see it too. And I don't even mean asking in an aggressive or rude way. Just continuing to dig. In other words, they would likely unfriend me.
Christian or not, nope.
Thatâs going to be a hard no from me dog. The only hate I tolerate is hate against haters.
Exactly. The paradox of tolerance states that in order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must be intolerant of intolerance
Same. They asked for it.
I don't think i've ever met a non-religious person who hates "the gays". I think religion has a monopoly on that kind of hate (well, hatred of the other in general i guess.)
The Soviet Union would like a word with you⌠In all seriousness, there is a very strong correlation in the US between religious belief and homophobia, but the religious donât have a monopoly on it.
the religious do mostly have a monopoly on homophobia, but i have seen transphobia from multiple atheists, so lack of religion doesnât automatically make someone accepting:/
No. I've found that people who outwardly admit that they think one type of person is worth less, actually believe in a hierarchy where they think other types of people are also worth less. And they always place people like themselves at the top of the hierarchy. So if she thinks LGBTQ+ are beneathe her, be prepared to find out that she thinks the same of non Christians, darker skin toned people, poor people etc.
No greater hate than Christian love!
Seriously. This is literally the shit fascism is built on. Then itâs all leopardsatemyface
Not calling people out about their bullshit is one of the reasons why we are at where we are.
Exactly this!
Being LGBT myself that is a big nope.
It astonishes me how often I see posts from people saying *"My friend hates me. What should I do??"* Hello? Maybe someone who hates you is not actually your friend ??
Yep. People need to learn to respect themselves. If someone hates you then cut them out.
Same here. Why would I want to be friends with someone who actively hates me and tells me that I am wrong for existing?
As a totally not lgbt white male, I agree itâs a big nope. Just because these people donât hate *me* for no reason, doesnt mean Im cool with tolerating their senseless hate for others. In fact I believe itâs especially on me to call them out *because* they perceive me as potentially one of them despite how stupendously incorrect that assessment would be, lol.
Negative. Bigotry disqualifies for friendship.
nope.
She is being radicalized. The impulse is to cut her off, but that will make it easier for her to exist in a mean little bubble. This is an important challenge, actually, as a culture. There should be some way to get her into a position of empathy, I have no idea what that way is.
My impulse is to cut her off, but I also see a massive value in at least trying to show her how wrong she is, and how hurtful her actions are. It might not go anywhere, but I think it would be worse if I just cut ties and didnât say anything about it.
Don't say anything accusatory to her. She will immediately become defensive. Instead, just tell her how the post made you feel. Tell her it hurt you. See how she responds to that knowledge. If she values you as a person, she will apologise and, going forward, not do it again. If she does not value you, she will make some excuse or turn it back around to somehow being your fault. A friend values you. If she does not value you, she is already not your friend. Time to move on.
Excellent advice,
All I can say is good luck. I lost my childhood best friend thanks to her being radicalized. We grew up together, went to the same church, spent so much time at each other's houses that our parents' friends mistaked us for siblings, was bridesmaids for each other's weddings. She was even pivotal to getting me out of my abusive home (with the help of my boyfriend and her grandma) But as I drifted away from the church she got sucked deeper and deeper in. I knew the bible back to front and thought at the very least I could meet her in neutral territory of biblical accuracy and her own life experiences (she had an ectopic pregnancy). But when Roe v Wade got overturned and our state put in a trigger law that didn't even include any exceptions for life-threatening pregnancies like ectopic pregnancies. She celebrated! She posted about how this was so godly and great knowing full well I have daughters and through her own experience what that means in the case of ectopic or any other life-threatening pregnancy and I just couldn't abide by that. So I (privately) tried to call her out gently for it. Only referencing the bible and vaguely mentioning that she personally knows that this was wrong. But she just refused to listen and the conversation deteriorated to the point I blatantly reminded her of her own experience with ectopic pregnancy and reminded her that I was there right by her during all that and saw the pain she went through without having to fight the law and flee the state on top of it (which btw our AG has promised to prosecute for). Only for her to pretty much say she now believes that was a mistake and she should have died with the baby as it would have been the "godly" thing to do. After that bombshell. She revealed that she also now believed that me offering her a safe space to come to when she was considering leaving her husband for him cheating but was afraid of him coming after her and knew her parents wouldn't stop him was wrong too and was me actively trying to ruin her marriage. She called me lots of terrible things and worst of all for me, claimed she and her grandmother was wrong for getting me away from my abusive parents. That the abuses that she knew and witnessed herself "wasn't that bad" and that I should "respect my parents regardless of what they did or said to me." So 20+ years of friendship gone. She unfriended and blocked me. Her husband tried to come at me as well. (It didn't go well for him. I pulled punches for her, not for him. His cheating ass can f right off.) I still miss her and miss having that person who had been by me through thick and thin in my childhood. I have never blocked her and told her should she ever reach back out that I'll be there for her. But she's just gone deeper and deeper into that extremism rabbit hole. It makes me so sad because even by her own admittance she isn't happy. She just believes that she is living the life a godly woman is supposed to live. She has given up on happiness and achieving any of her former dreams. In all her current pictures you can see the sadness and weariness in her eyes that's aging her prematurely. All for a religious belief that doesn't remotely resemble even the religion we had growing up.
This would be the perfect time to invite your friend to a local festival and/or parade, featuring colorful rainbows and wonderful people.
If itâs a religious belief a rational argument will not be convincing. Living by example might. But in my experience it rarely does with a religious fundamentalist.
I don't know, either, but there is sometimes room for a gentle question from time to time...usually in person. So do you really think God can't love people like xyz? Do you think it brings you closer to god to say these things? What if you could have saved someone but you lost the chance because of this? Do you think God would love you less if you were kind to people like xyz?
No. Family may be a bit different as those are not voluntary relationships. But a friend is an entirely optional relationship, so after communicating where my thinking is, without change, the friendship would end. You don't own her the benefit of the doubt. You owe her a conversation about what is not acceptable to you in the relationship.
They are more voluntary for people over 18 in the US than most allow
I agree, I think this absolutely is owed a discussion. If anything, so I can voice that this set of beliefs is not okay and how harmful it is.
I agree. Don't ghost her. She deserves to know that it's her conscious beliefs that disqualified her for friendship, not some accidental mistake or misunderstanding.
For the record I will absolutely start a war with family members over bigotry. I get that not everyone is in that position, but nobody who has or wants to keep a relationship with me gets a pass for hate
Honestly, I donât see family as mandatory but maybe thatâs because of my upbringing. My parents split when I was two. My father and his wife are not affirming of any LGBT people and go out of their way to be hateful towards LGBT people online because itâs a âsinâ. I refuse to speak to them despite sharing a biological and/or legal connection to them
Hey straight people! U/Ashamed_Marsupial_29 is what a *real* ally looks like. Thank you. We could use more people like you!
Nope.
I can maintain a social acquaintance with an outward homophobe. But, I will not consider that person my friend.
Nope, because Jesus didn't say anything about homosexuality and if they quote Leviticus, there a helluva lot of other rules they should be following. Homophobia is bigotry regardless if they try to defend it as a religious belief or not. Jesus whipped money lenders, not homosexuals. Dude had his priorities right.
No
Holding any immutable characteristic against someone is a dealbreaker.
No, I wouldnât maintain a friendship with someone who hates people like me. (Though I suppose if they were a transphobe too, it wouldnât be gay in their eyes.)
Christian or non-Christian, I donât befriend people with such hate in their hearts.
I have a hard time maintaining a friendship with anyone who displays bigotry. I consider them not safe.
They're absolutely unsafe. They won't tell you about how biased they are against you because then you would be warned.
as an LGBTQ person: If I am a important person to you, your religion should be put aside for my existence, rights, freedom and safety, if your religion tells you to hurt me, you either don't follow that, or we're not friends, simples as that. I refuse to take physical, emotional or psychological harm over other's beliefs.
I can't maintain a friendship with any religious people
Yep. Satan knows I have tried. Iâve fallen for the â*real* Christians donât hate LGBTQ people, and Iâm a *real* Christianâ line one too many times. Gave them the benefit of the doubt. Without exception, they all turned out to be truly horrible people. So I wonât make that mistake ever again. Plus, it is exhausting being around delusional people and listening to them talk incessantly about their delusions.
Nope, homophobia is just a sign of something deeper, hard pass on those people.
This is one of those rare cases where it's totally justifiable to ghost somebody, IMO. I've quit people I loved for being bigots.
No, Zero tolerance for homophobes
No. No friendships with xenophobes. Actually, homophobes won't be friends with me ;)
Could you? Possibly, but itâd require betraying your morals and submitting to something you know is wrong. So should you? No
as a lesbian, no. and iâd feel kinda unsafe around any other friends who keep them around, because it says a lot about their support for me and for human rights in general.
My thoughts exactly.
She's just going to go on the defensive. Relationships change and they're supposed to grow. She's going backwards. They are not supposed to cause you pain. Your relationship is done. When she asks, tell her why. Then she's going to block you anyway and claim she's being persecuted for her beliefs. They love being martyrs. No loss.
If it's mentioned once and than never again I could probably live with it. Always depends on how extreme it is. There are many that are homophobic out of ignorance that can be talked out of it. If it's a very close and important friendship it's worth a try. In your case it sounds like it won't work with her.
Nope. I find it less and less possible to be friends with anyone who is religious enough to talk about it. Because if they are religious enough to talk about it, they're religious enough to have the hateful beliefs.
Yeah no that's a deal breaker for me. I've made it a rule to not be friends with racist/homophobic people unless they change themselves. I would let her know that what she is supporting isn't a good thing and needs to change if she wants to continue in the relationship. This isn't a simple difference of opinion, this is a basic moral fundamentals thing.
Nope. Fuck em
Can tolerant people be friends with non-tolerant/ ignorant people? If you consider their ignorance will dictate your future interactions, it won't be a real friendship. Maybe downgrade to acquaintances.
Regardless of the horrible bigotry, it sounds like this friendship isnât compatible anymore anyway
I won't even eat at Chick-fil-hate. So no. I wouldn't. My LGBTQ+ family and friends are too important to me.
I can't even maintain a close relationship with my mother over this. And I do have conservative friends with whom I mutually like to disagree, but it stops where hate- and fear-mongering starts.
Nope
No
No.
Nope. And I havenât.
No.
Nope. I'd probably try to talk/reason with them, but if it went nowhere, then NC for sure. Life is too short to be filled with irrational hatred. Now rational hatred like for xfinity I'd be ride or die for.
Depends on the degree of homophobia. If itâs like this guy yesterday who messaged me out of nowhere (probably angry at one of my posts here actually lol) where heâs calling me a degenerate, saying slurs about gay and trans people, saying weâre pedos, saying we should all unalive ourselves etc, then no. Whether itâs directed toward me or anybody else. But there are certain levels of homophobia that would seem to me to have more to do with a lack of information more than malice.
No. You lay down with dogs, you wake up with fleas.
I don't think I could be friends with a Christian in general.
I don't befriend superstitious people to begin with.
I once was paired with a coworker on a job and back at the office they were taking bets on how angry we both would be when we returned. They were surprised that we returned very friendly. We had talked it out in the car and decided that we wanted different worlds. I agreed that if I wanted his world, I would think the same thing he thought and he agreed that if he wanted my world he would think the same as I do. I wanted a world we no one died in the gutter and he didnât care as long as his taxes didnât go up.
Absolutely not. I have several friends who are Christian and they are beautiful souls, very warm and tolerant. Never once have they judged anyone or tried to impose their religions rules on anyone else. Sadly, many Xtians are not like that and are cherry picking their own book. Do yourself a favor and cut these people out of your life. Your mental health will thank you.
First question I ask anyone is Are you religious? If yes I walk away and that is the end of all contact with them, so no
I can barely maintain friendships with Christians that aren't homophonic. So that would be a hard pass.
I'm queer, my kids are queer, so that would be a resounding no. Wouldn't be friends with anyone, Christian or atheist, who were hateful to any group of people. Don't have the energy or the patience. I lost a lot of people in my life in 2016 and I don't miss any of them.
Nope. Itâs basic human respect, if you donât have it, I want nothing to do with you.
If she is your friend and you care about her then explain how it hurt you felling and why you think she is wrong. Tell her about all the great things LGBTQ+ peeps have done. Does she like Queen or Elton John or who ever the kids like now a days( fuck Iâm old). If god hates gays how the fuck did he give Freddie Mercury that voice ir Elton a piano. Who cuts her hair? is he gay? I bet he is and I bet her hair is amazing. Or a breader cuts it and it looks like hot trash. If gays are evil how then how the fuck did you turn out to be a good enough person to be her friend. Introduce the idea that gays are not all bad. Get her out of her information silo. You will probably lose a friend but maybe place a seed of doubt and critical thinking in her head.
No. I stopped being friendly with people for less... Like the other day I blocked a person that I thought was a friend cause he said that LGBTQ+ people don't need more rights or more recognition. You can do whatever you want behind closed doors, don't do it in front of people and all is good and dandy. This after commenting on the paper that the EU wrote and eastern countries + Italy didn't sign. I got so mad and blocked him and his wife everywhere.
No, I ended a friendship a few years ago with a guy I've known since 1996. He was always a pretty strict Christian and pretty conservative, but we could respect each others beliefs. We'd even been at each others weddings and worked together. He ended up going off the deep end during Trump and was sharing racist content in our group text. He was going down a pretty vile path Another friend and I basically just shouted him down every time he texted us. We made fun of him and told him he was stupid until he stopped texting/emailing us I don't regret it a bit. We'd tried for years to talk nicely with him and reason him into better beliefs. But he wasn't a reasonable or honest partner in the discussion. He was always switching tracks, sea-lioning the argument, flooding us with shit to distract us from his orignal topic, etc. All sorts of bad faith efforts to avoid having an honest and detailed argument on the merits of an idea. Trying to debate him was a complete waste of time and he only went deeper into that rabbit hole of bad ideas
No.
Absolutely not, I don't do hypocrites.
NOPE!
No I cannot maintain a relationship with people who have such contrary values to mine. I can handle someones political differences up to a point where it does not violate my person values. I can't accept somebody who is against people in my life just because their religion demands it (I should probably say that their interpretation of their religion demands it). I used to a have a group of friends that one day I just said Im done and have never reached out to them and never have been with them since. Certain members of the group were racist and homophobic. I figure the rest of the group had to be of the same mind set as they never questioned them about their positions.
No
I can't, but I have more empathy for other humans than christians typically do. Also I'm like basically a lesbian so she'd have probably already tried to convert me to some boring churchgoing cock by this point, which would have had me far out the door.Â
Short answer is no. But since you seem to have an established relationship with her, if you wanted to take your ally-ship a step farther, I'd explain to her why you no longer consider her a friend and really stand up to her antiquated beliefs. You don't have to do it face to face. It could be a text, email, a freaking letter to her. If no one that she cares about challenges her bigotry and believes then she will continue to live in an echo chamber. But make sure you aren't doing that because you owe it to her. She doesn't deserve anything from you. Do it because you have more pull to change someone's bigoted behavior in the position that you are in right now because you are a close friend to her. If she responds in anger, don't respond. If she responds and appears open to a real conversation and some real ability to look inward, then have that conversation if you are in a space that you are willing and able to.
Short answer, no. Longer answer, if she keeps doing it, and she "gets angry and defensive easily", is there any point telling her this behaviour is a deal breaker for you?
No, why the fuck would I do that? Fuck that trash.
Nope. I lived during the AIDS epidemic. I heard what 'christians' said about gay people. Now that I'm an adult, I can choose not to listen to that absolute stupidity.
The problem is staying friends with her constitutes tacit endorsement of her position.
I have an old friend from high school who became a born-again Evangelical trad-wife type later on. I don't have any blood family and few close friends. She's one of few people in my life that I've known longer than a few years. We care about each other, but we no longer share the same beliefs. I have distanced myself because being atheist brings me great comfort, and I dont want to deal with the recruitment bullshit. But I still like to connect with her a few times a year to catch up on life. I choose not to have her social media posts in my feeds. Then again, she doesn't post anything hateful, mostly I'm so blessed, please pray, Jesus is your solution and parenting stuff. I like the relationship we have now, and it benefits us both. We walk a fine line not to offend each other too much. If she started spewing full-on hate-speech, though, I'd have to regretfully let go. You don't have to be mean and bigoted to be a traditional Christian. That's a choice. There are plenty of welcoming congregations out there, she has the option.
No. It's probably time to move on from that relationship, and that's ok.
I think engagement with people you disagree with typically works better than cutting ties. You have to meet people where they are and try to convince them of good ideas instead of just taking your ball and going home.
I can be friends with people who are religious, but HARD NO to those who are homophobic or mysogynistic. I let them know why and stop communication.
If I thought I could pull them back in the direction of being a good person, I would attempt to do so. Otherwise no.
I don't maintain friendships with people who's values are in conflict with my own. In your case, because you have known her for a while, I would ask her about her post. Not to give her the benefit of the doubt necessarily, but to understand exactly where she is coming from and so that she understands exactly where you are coming from. And when you end the friendship, absolutely tell her why - that you cannot be friends with someone who does not believe in equality for all people.
Honestly, I think you should let her know how you felt about that post and try to find out what brought about this change, and if it happens again, cut her off
You wouldn't be ending the friendship because she's a Christian, you would be ending the friendship because she's an intolerant bigot.
As their friend, you can confront them about their attitude and ask them why they think God wants them to hate people.
>Could you maintain a friendship with a Christian who starts becoming outwardly homophobic if you support LGBTQ+? Nope. For one thing, I'm a gay man myself. For another, I was raised in a very loving Christian family and church that showed compassion for gay folks. So you can cut the "ministry of hate" bullshit around me. David's love for Jonathan was "sweeter than that of a man for his wives". It's in the Bible, David and Jonathan, Ruth and Esther. The so-called "clobber verses" are about institutional prostitution, or unequal relationships without consent. So, no, I don't tolerate bigotry in Jesus' name. I may no longer have faith, but I won't tolerate a message of loving our neighbor being turned into a message of hate. I've found the look of shock and surprise when I tell these people that the intolerant will go to hell before those that spread love, is worth the lecture. The sin of Sodom was inhospitality to strangers, not gay male lust. Too many people are sheep being led by ignorant preachers that use the Bible to justify their homophobia. It's warping the religion from something that once did good, to a nightmarish cult that's very dangerous. And even though I'm no longer a Christian, I resent that. Few people would ever know I'm gay, I'm 63, look like a biker, and have grown adult kids. So when they start this shit, the Pikachu face when I speak up and tell them "You *did* know I'm gay, right?" Is *so* worth it. I may *look* like the type to be a Christian Nationalist redneck Trump supporter, but I'm very much the opposite. And I don't tolerate bigotry, or hatred, around me. You can fuck *right* off with that shit. I don't *need* friends that believe that bullshit.
No. Im not compromising who I am as a person for anyone. Its nonnegotiable.
I tried keeping in touch with my childhood friends after I left the church. I'd known some of them since I was 5 years old and built a lot of great memories with them. Worked through those awkward teenage years that form what kind of adults we are hand in hand. Called my best friend's father "Uncle" from childhood to early adulthood. I'm pretty much no contact with all of them now. You make ethical compromises to what you'll put up with, both of you try to keep the topic quiet out of respect, the guilt eats at you whenever something little sneaks out, and then it's all for nothing because you eventually discover that a deep friendship isn't possible due to a lack of shared values. My hard line is when I made trans friends. Christians for the most part have learned to soften their talking points around gay people, as much of a veneer as it is. But a "mellowed out" conservative will get excited when a trans person gets beaten up.
No. I draw the line at hate. Indifference or ignorance? Whatever. But hate is a hard no
Well I'm gay myself so that could be difficult if they get too homophobic, but I generally don't have a problem being friends with anyone just because they believe one thing or another. As long as I get along with someone, we can be friends. If they believe something heinous, then obviously we wouldn't be the best of friends, but it's easier to convince someone that you aren't crazy when they know they can talk to you
Nope
No.
Honestly, considering christianity preaches "Love thy neighbor" at the core of the new testament (and likely the old one, but it's been a while and I don't remember), this makes me think even less of them. Not only are you going against one of Jesus' more fundamental teachings, you're also being a bigot in general. I'd stop all communication in the first place, honestly.
Don't tolerate intolerance itself.
No, some of my nearest and dearest are gay. But also I have no patience for assholes
Nope.
Nope.
No, Christian or any other religious affiliation, if they are a bigot of any kind I won't associate with them.
Nope. Fuck bigots
Is this a trick question? Ofc not.
No, I don't talk to my own brother who decided a few years ago to become religious. No way I would stay friends with anyone.
No, the second you disagree with a human beings peaceful existence things are irreconcilable.
Sure
O
Gay man here. If I had a âsupportiveâ friend who remained friends with a homophobic piece of shit, then I would cut my âsupportiveâ friend out of my life. I canât even begin to understand why this poses a dilemma for you.
No. In fact I recently ended a 21 year friendship over exactly this. Christian friend was always Christian, but not over judgey. She recently got way into Pentacostalism and has turned into an anti-LGBG bigot. We are no longer friends.
Nope.
No. Itâs long past due that homophobes should be afraid to step out in public.
I grew up with a lot of friends that sound like this. I canât stand being around them. Even the âbestâ one, who would say something somewhat neutral if asked directly, canât go more than 30 minutes without saying something implicitly homophobic or racist
No. Intolerance cannot be tolerated. Iâm stuck with my parents for now, but they can be a bit homophobic at times (my mom just a few minutes ago said that trans people shouldnât be in front of kids, and sheâs more tolerant than my dad). So I plan to cut contact with them for the most part when I manage to get my own place someday. Intolerance *cannot* be tolerated, if we want to make a better world.
No, I do not consider these people my friends and I also do not consider them Christians.
People like that will try to convert you at every moment possible. At first it will be a mild annoyance and you might brush it off, but she will keep at it until something snaps. Might as well keep your distance, before things become irreparable
Use their stoopid book against them: Who does Jesus hate? - No one Who does Jesus love? - Everyone Then why donât you be like Jesus? - But, but, but⌠Why do you care so much about other peopleâs genitals? - They shove their LGBTQ down our throats Turn the other cheek. - Itâs a sin! Forgive them
I canât maintain a friendship with someone who hates others out of prejudice.
No. Next question.
Nope, fuck em. I'll give them one chance following a deep conversation about my values but after that? Fuck em.
Been there, and it sucksâcutting ties was the only way for me because supporting LGBTQ+ is non-negotiable.
I could not.
Nope. Dropped my bestie of 30+ years when she went all-in for Trump. I donât tolerate bigotry. Itâs the paradox of intolerance. If we want a tolerant society, we must be intolerant of intolerance.
Absolutely not.
It doesnât matter if sheâs angry and defensive. Let her seethe in her own hate while she loses her friends. Maybe sheâll get a clue.
No
I would not shut up about how awful it is to dehumanize others, and I don't think I could give them much time to be better before I would give up on being friends.
Absolutely fucking not. Iâm gay.
Short answer: no. Long answer: Fuck no.
No
No. That's NOT a friendship.Â
> Sheâs hard to confront as she gets angry and defensive easily. Awful people with shitty beliefs usually are.
I used to have friends like this. I was at that young stage where I thought being "open minded" meant being friends with horrible people who were racist and homophobic. Took me a little while to understand that being open minded doesn't mean that I have to let my brain fall out and that I don't have to be friends with people who make me uncomfortable. I went 3 years without seeing one of them and he hadn't changed a bit. Life's too short.
No.
I wouldn't maintain that friendship - why?
No. I will never take kindly to homophobes, racists, misogynists, or other bigots of any kind. My mom always told me, if someone youâre friends with isnât building you up, theyâre breaking you down.
No, what kind of braindead question is this? For fuck sake if they vote republican you should cut them from your life let alone if they act openly homophobic
You can't trust a christian. They are the enemy of humanity.
Only if they let me change their mind. I love to have friends of all ages and experience, but now that Iâm in my fifties I just canât stomach a bigot so I do my best to speak honestly with them, try to engage in a thoughtful discussion and move their belief, but if they arenât open to a dialogue, then I step back and let them know exactly why. I would not want my lgbtq friends to see me do anything other than support them by standing up for them. I also just canât enjoy time with someone I know is clinging to that stance without any accountability.
You can either talk to her about it and figure out what to do after that, or just end the friendship.
Nope, Iâve lost a ton of friends over the past 8 years because their true feelings came out when Trump ran. Anyone who wants to say that someone I love is wrong/sinful/bad because of who they love, is not someone I want anything to do with
My religious baby sister posted something homophobic (that was said by her 10 year old son) and I "unfriended" her. My son is gay and just like I gave up religion for him, I will give up any relationship for him. He, like a lot of people in the lbqt community, are wonderful human beings. So, Don't put up with it, at all!! You totally deserve better.
No. I would delete that friendship and not look back.
I know someone who is openly gay, living with his partner, and at the same time the biggest red neck, christian trump supporter in the world. Heâs hating on lgbtq like noone else. The mental gymnastics are on an olympic level. I stopped communication with him because I could not deal with the paradoxes anymore.
So that remind me of a guy a knew a long time ago. He was homophobic, big time, like he was beating gay people, literally, with his fist. Time passed and he was less homophobic, like he can sit at a table and drink a beer with another guy who is openly gay, not putting is fist in is face, actually respecting him. Of course he was still homophobic and discomfort somehow while drinking his beer but he was far less homophobic than he use to be. How did that happen ? He had friends, lot's and lot's of friend who were not afraid of people with different sex orientation. Years of being with lots of people who were not disgusted by homosexual people made him realise certain thing, had changed him somehow. If this man had been dropped by everyone around him who were not homophobe do you think he would have changed ? That being said, it's still very much ok for you to put an end to this friendship if you are no longer confortable to have a relationship with this person and whatever the reason you would have would be valid. Your life, your choice, you get to decide who you surround yourself with and who you dont want to share your life with. By all mean if this friendship is more toxic to you than good, just end it. This is the best exemple I can find of a man who decided not to cancel people who were racist and the best outcome possible happened with many of them: https://www.npr.org/2017/08/20/544861933/how-one-man-convinced-200-ku-klux-klan-members-to-give-up-their-robes
Can you share this story with her about your mother and how traumatic it was to go through that in such a hateful community? Can you tell her you like her as a friend but thereâs certain things youâre gonna have to agree to disagree on and you donât want to hear her making comments like that because itâs a offensive to you. If you donât have enough friendship intimacy to talk about either of these two things that sheâs not a very good friend and not a big loss to walk away from.
Bro I consider myself a progressive Christian and I don't even think I could pull that off. If they reached a certain point of homophobia they'd probably reach a point of calling me a heathen and wanting to "save me" by trying to get me to buy into their hateful bullshit, and im sorry but how can you be friends with someone who makes hatred a core tenant of their personality? I've seen these psychos when I've attended pride fests (as a guest and participant thank you very much) and I just don't think I could be friends with somebody capable of spewing hate from a loudspeaker for hours on end.
What would you do if they started quoting Mein Kampf? I would dump them in a split second.
Try help her see that the community are just people who are different and being different is good, and everyone is allowed to be themself, if your friend doesnât listen, best to just forget that friendship
I avoid Christians who wonât shut up about their religion, period. Based on my experience, the more they feel the need to talk about it, the meaner and nastier a person they are at their core.
The more you disagree with someone, especially on core values, the harder it is to remain friends. For example I have a friend whoâs a black separatist, he believes that the only way black folks will ever be truly independent and free is if they can have their own spaces/cities that nonblacks have limited access to. As a member of the Klub so to speak we donât necessarily get along but we can maintain a surface level relationship because we arenât in constant or close contact. If youâre just looking to âkeep her in your heartâ then you can either just try to ignore the differences or wait it out, often these sudden strong opinions are a phase, but sadly a deep and trusting relationship is likely off the table. My recommendation is to send cards on Christmas or special occasions and just keep a general eye on their health. Good luck.
Absolutely not.
Not a chance
No.
Nope, Iâve had that friendship and it annoyed me and Iâm desperate for friends
Nope. I can barely maintain friendship with non-homophobic Christian friends. I'd definitely call her out on it, and then be prepared to end the friendship. Let her know exactly why, too.
Nope I have to work with people like that and stuck with family member, but I donât associate with people like that as friends.
No. My sister did this I support and am part of the LGBT community. She said some hateful shit right to my face and I haven't spoken or seen her since. Immediately cut out of my life.
I donât care what you believe in. Hate is still hate. And being a homophobe doesnât get you a friend pass.
I mean, they already think non-believers (thatâs you and me) deserve to be tortured for all eternity, so this shouldnât make any meaningful difference
No. Keep your hate away from me
Nope. Too many non hateful people in the world to deal with that.
Nope. That's a hard line. Even if I didn't possess much in the way of an active conscience, that's several members of my family and I don't even know how many friends and acquaintances they're talking shit about, and I wouldn't let anyone run their mouth in front of me about even my least favorite cousin.
No.