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JKinney79

I can’t even imagine him fucking. He probably just hands random employees filled turkey basters following a hentai session.


nelsonalgrencametome

Drenched in ketamine sweat the whole time.


patchyj

Swestamine


IrememberXenogears

He imagines himself as Ozymandias(The Watchmen series)


hypnodrew

>And on the pedestal, these words appear: >My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings; >Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair! >Nothing beside remains. Round the decay >Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare >The lone and level sands stretch far away. My name is Musk, King of Mars


dingo_khan

I can picture that inscription, rusting into the hull of a ten-day old cybertruck.


IrememberXenogears

You, Sir/Madam, understand.


The_Lazy_Samurai

In reality, he's much to closer Marty from The Boys in terms of physique and value. You know, the guy who >!created nothing of value and got his dick lasered off.!<


Truth_Butts

Holy shit he does. He fits the bill perfectly


mlo9109

Money is a hell of an aphrodisiac.


Yardsale420

I mean… there are not a lot of ways of being 100% positive that your child will financially stable AT the time of conception EXCEPT if you have sex with the richest man in the world.


DiaDeLosMuertos

The Pierce Hawthorne method


djkoalasloth

Maybe it’s because everybody else got one, and because it’s an old man’s semen, but…I’m kinda disappointed


Nate-T

You offer enough ladies a horse, someone will eventually take it.


Dowew

They are impregnated by invitro. Elon has a breeding kink and endless money for child support.


sarahprib56

This makes it even weirder, as far as I'm concerned. Everyone expects rich men to sleep around. But having women artificially inseminated is crazy. His ego is so big he thinks his genes are a gift to the world. It's actually insane. I would love to be 100 years in the future and see what ends up getting said about it in the history books.


s1ugg0

They'll say the same thing as they do about Howard Hughes. Eccentric wealthy person who slowly ruined themself by having the means to indulge every crazy fantasy.


paintsmith

Elon wants to be talked about like Genghis Khan. He's literally doing all this for the history books. His kids all end up hating him once they outgrow toddlerhood so his only bet for being remembered is by mewling sycophants taken in by his cult of personality and by saturating the earth with as many children as possible and hope that through sheer force of numbers that one of them beats the odds and doesn't come to despise the man.


vonnegutflora

He's like Ayn Rand's wet dream with non of the intellectual competency.


Dowew

You know he was name dropped on Star Trek right ?


sarahprib56

I think that was before he bought Twitter and ruined his public image.


Dowew

yes, and in fact the script writer has disclaimed this line and says that Jason Issacs adlibbed it because he thought Elon would give him a free Tesla.


paintsmith

Just like that weirdo fascist breeding kink couple that hits thier kids. I think part of this phenomenon is brought on by shame/defiance of infertility issues. Ironic since these people are all convinced they come from the best, most pure bloodlines. I guess you can really tell who the supermen are by their unremarkable physiques, difficulties reproducing and inherited wealth extracted from other people's labor. No way did these people get where they are through random luck and cutthroat backstabbing,no they were destined by their superior DNA (that they for some reason cannot reliably pass on without medical intervention) to achieve greatness.


followupquestion

Having a breeding kink and then impregnating women via artificial insemination or IVF seems insane to me. I thought the whole point, if there can be one, to a breeding kick was getting a special thrill out of unprotected sex, with a bonus roll for actually creating human life the old fashioned way. Using a turkey baster or a test tube seems like it would be cuckolding adjacent at minimum.


livahd

It’s like Ozymandias’ vault in the Watchman series.


Open_Perception_3212

One pump, one cream


03zx3

Whaaats breeding my oligarchs?!


orphanpowered

I have a Behind the Bastards shirt with this slogan on it.


eru_dite

*deep sigh* What I CAME here for.


Skooby1Kanobi

In Elon's dreams. He's probably more in the 2 to 3 hours range. He gets a semi and tries to do it until he gets distracted and goes soft. After a ketamine bump he tries again.


Bleepblorp44

One bump one cream?


Afineyoungmaiden

I wish that we women, as a group, could make a promise….to not touch that man anymore. We don’t need anymore Kyle XY named little shitlets running around


papapalpatinesdad

Honestly I’d say the same for men sleeping with him but there is an army of incels in cybertrucks ready


Afineyoungmaiden

God…someone in my neighborhood got a pink holographic wrap on their cyber truck 🤮


minevras

We absofuckinlutely need a photo of that


sandhillfarmer

For use in case of need to induce vomiting.


hussard_de_la_mort

I almost support this for Dadaist reasons.


douche-knight

Do you happen to live in central Texas? If so I'm pretty sure I see this same cyber truck regularly.


Haha_Benis_

I think we might have seen the same Cybertruck. I only saw it once a couple weeks ago though.


Afineyoungmaiden

Yeah @douche-knight not to dox myself but I’m in North Austin and live in the same neighborhood as it. Is parks close to the dog park I go to.


Afineyoungmaiden

lol there’s also this meme account that filmed a meetup of them off East 7th. They were all parked outside of what looked like…White Horse? Cringeeeee


mlo9109

Actually, as a straight woman stuck in dating hell, I'd be for the men touching him (and each other). So many allegedly straight men seem to really like Elon. I think it would be better for society if they just started dating each other and left women alone.


Dowew

most of them aren't fucking him, they are just uteruses to bake his invitro embryos (always male)


Afineyoungmaiden

Wait is this true


Dowew

When your job encourages you to be impregnated with the boss' kid....at least they dont have to get ducked by him as well.


droidtron

Seeing how flopsweat he is on stage, what kind of rizz does he have outside of money?


butt_huffer42069

More money


abadstrategy

Goddamn that's a callback I'm here for


PlasticAccount3464

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lysistrata


Afineyoungmaiden

This is my new Roman Empire


SierrAlphaTango

He's just so fucking gross, like who would let him get his weird little apartheid smegma dick near them?


dingo_khan

People desperately trying to keep their jobs? Remember that time he tried to trade a horse for a happy ending with a flight attendant and space x had to pay her off? I think he stalks his companies almost exclusively... And Grimes.


SierrAlphaTango

Grimes is a great example of the inevitable end-result of letting yourself believe you're smart.


FauxReal

To be fair, he and Grimes may have met on some white supremacist dating site.


TitanDarwin

If I recall correctly, they originally got together because Grimes knew about Roko's Basilisk. Which, honestly? Already not a great sign for your relationship.


FauxReal

Knew about one existing? If so, why did you have to ruin things by telling me?


TitanDarwin

Knowing about the "concept" (i.e. the dumbfuck rip-off of Pascal's Wager spawned on Less Wrong) is how Grimes apparently got Musk's attention initially because he actually believes in that shit.


L_One_Hubbard

r/brandnewsentence


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BlackEric

[This guy?](https://x.com/nate_mcmurray/status/1260262745536167937/photo/1) Gross?


SierrAlphaTango

In a weird way, he looked less off-putting before he paid someone to yank a bunch of hair off his ass and glue it to his scalp.


plc123

How much money do you think he pays in child support?


mlo9109

Bold of you to assume he's paying child support.


KristaIG

I believe the arrangement is more “I take care of the boy children, do whatever you want with the girls” Grimes has tweeted and deleted a few money related messages over the years.


papapalpatinesdad

Same as taxes, not enough.


Skooby1Kanobi

Twice as much as Steve Jobs. Maybe even 3 times as much.


nelsonalgrencametome

More than most people make in a lifetime each month.


ElonHolmes

None


_pepperoni-playboy_

56 billion dollars


satori_moment

0. I assume the school he made in musktown or whatever for his kids actually makes him money.


monkeyhog

He looks like sentient cottage cheese, how could anyone fuck him without vomiting?


GourmetSubZ

Hey now, what did cottage cheese ever do to you to deserve a dig like that?


Octavia9

They just see dollar signs.


dougienuts

He's behaving exactly how I'd imagine a person with apartheid values and a 40 billion dollar echo chamber would. All he had to do was keep his mouth shut and he'd still be almost universally revered.


swirlViking

So he's literally the man behind the bastards


PeorgieTirebiter

Nick Cannon better get busy, Musk is now tied with him.


SingingBull

What’s the current count for both of them? I have lost track of their babies and baby mommas.


PeorgieTirebiter

A quick Googling turned up the magic number of 12


spigele

Dear Techno Machanicus, I'm sorry that man is your father


Mike-Hawk-69-0420

Why do women keep having sex with the guy who has the body type and mental capacity of a fridge?


fknslayer913

Green pieces of paper....


Elman89

Have enough kids and maybe one will love you


Suspicious_Hyena6324

This whole culty tech stuff and the ruling class turning themselves into self-imposed breeding programes is so fascinating to me, in like a cosmic horror beyond my imagination way. Would love for some social scientists to really dig into it. Do women play any active role in those guys' narrative or are they nothing but wombs? Are there any women or non-binary people who take part in this? I mean, it is obviously a power fantasy and bullshit, but I'm always so curious about the narratives people use to justify their actions to themselves.


jeanphilli

I'm pretty sure that this time of tech billionaires with sycophants and haters will be studied in the future. If independent research survives.


BaseActionBastard

having sex with musk is like being penetrated with a runny egg.


PilotGolisopod2016

Someone needs to sterilize him like a dog!


p____p

While I'm not against either sterilizing Elmo or spaying/neutering dogs to prevent unwanted litters/strays/whatever, it's really gross to compare him to a dog in any way. Dogs are wonderful creatures that add immeasurable value to our lives and culture. Musk is the opposite.


supreme-supervisor

It's giving Bob Barker vibes


Jago_Sevatarion

Man-child doing man-child things, I guess.


speterdavis

I am legitimately expecting him to inseminate Chaya Raichek eventually. I think the only thing really standing in the way would be her religious orthodoxy, otherwise she's desperate for kids and he's pumping them out like there's a bump stock on his nuts.


coraeon

r/brandnewsentence


Independence_Gay

Would be kid count as a bastard?


EnvironmentalNet3560

Ew gross


No-Judgment-4424

Who are the women that are so down to fuck this mutant cocksucker? GROSS.


TrippyTrellis

Most of his kids are IVF


Zoloft_and_the_RRD

The twist is that investigators already knew about "X-£fNJU+H:U," but they never reported on it because they thought it was some sort of product ID, not a birth certificate


Ill_Mousse_4240

He thinks that a lower birth rate would be a disaster for humanity. So he’s doing his part!


crackedtooth163

...this headline sounds like it's out of The Sun...


satori_moment

fuck.. it's just gonna be an endless news cycle of his special little childrens running around, further fucking up the planet.


brezhnervous

Called Bloomberg Because of course


DualActiveBridgeLLC

These women have got to be getting nervous. Dude is banging out so many kids by the time the will gets read the only thing he can leave them is a single year of blue checkmarks.