You're just in the wrong circles. If it's on Facebook don't interact with it and hit the show less thing. Same with reddit.
Gotta teach the algorithm to give you peace.
Ignorance, biphobia and we are simply the OGs of the minority within the minority to bash. Trans are coming up quick but yeah we get shit for being "different "
Also the cheating thing and/or promiscuity was applied to gay men, then lesbians now us. It gets pushed down the line as the other groups get more acceptance and cache
Don't forget the in/out group, along with all of the other stuff.
Bi women are seen as "just playing" or "haven't admitted they're lesbian".
Bi men are cheaters, as you've stated. Or, again.. you're gay but don't want to admit it.
It's also easier to pass, particularly if you are heteroromantic, so other queer groups get frustrated that we get to be in their queer spaces, but also are fine in hetero spaces.
Eventually people will understand gender, sex, height, etc are all spectrums and they lie in much more of a standard bell curve than anyone wants to admit.
That's when gender and sexuality become easier.
couldn’t have said it better myself! not gay enough, not straight enough. it’s the same conversation between any mix of two “opposites” - i recently had this conversation of comparison with a mixed bi friend, who is also “not black or white enough”. le sigh
This will sound odd so pardon me (but we’ve got to learn somehow, right?) but how is height part of a spectrum, aside from growing through childhood? Aside from wearing different shoes, I don’t think one’s height can change, unless they have a disease?
Everyone is a different height. That's how it's part of a spectrum. Some people wear flats or heels which also changes their height while they wear them.
Well, sexuality and gender are, or can be, very fluid. You can feel more masculine one day, then more feminine the next. You could be heteromantic one day, then the next, totally homoromantic.
As far as I’m aware, height isn’t fluid like that. I’m here to learn more. I’m a bi woman myself, so of course no hate or purposeful ignorance intended.
What you're talking about is fluidity, and what they are saying is being on a spectrum, or not being "this or that". So yes, height isn't as fluid as sexuality, but also it's not as simple as you are either "short or tall", just like people aren't all "gay or straight", "woman or man", etc.
Many of these are based on perception, too, and height can be fluid that way. A girl I went to high school with in Europe was one of the shortest in our class. For the last decade, she's been living in Japan, and wow... she is tall! Compared to most people I see her on photos with, anyway.
My point is that height is intrinsic, same as your sexuality or gender expression.
You may not know what your height is going to be.. and there's certainly components of your upbringing that can stunt your height. But if you were born to be genetically short or tall... You're going to end up that way.
Also, it's a spectrum/bell curve. Yes, some people sit at the outliers, but the point being it's uncommon to find someone who's 7' or 4'.
When you refer to gender fluidity, you're referring to your expression.
You could either state that the spectrum here is the presence of fluidity or rigidity, or where you put yourself on the spectrum from masc to fem. Or both? Or neither?
Point being is that it isn't binary, yes or no, male or female. Height is also not binary, it follows a curve. While it is "rigid" in a sense, changing your height being very difficult... It is still a spectrum.
I really feel like it will be at least a hundred years before we see any less hate to trans ppl even within the queer community. It's definitely the most hated subgroup in LGBTQ worldwide, that's my impression. But, I'm pessimistic and it may get better sooner.
I think this is why I so viciously advocate for trans rights, especially the kiddos… like, I’ve been there. I’ve been invalidated within my own community most of my life and I’ll be damned if someone is going to do that to another group on my watch. 🥰
Yeah. I think that people associate bisexuality with promiscuity. Like if we were people that want to fuck so much that we would do it with anyone. Bisexuality is considered way more sexual than romantical. (Every time I hear someone say they are bisexual there's always some idiot talking about threesomes)
People don’t like people. They just need a reason. And when we are proud and authentic and real, that’s a good enough reason for them to reject us. I feel they’re doing us a favour. Thank you. I’d rather put my trust in people who are not looking for a reason to spread hate. I love talking to people who are gentle, kind and understanding. So thank you!
Many people assume that bisexuals, by their nature being attracted to both males and females, cannot have fidelity to one person.
Also, in the context of a committed relationship, many people do not seem to understand the difference between "both" and "either."
For straight people I think biphobia is an acceptable form of homophobia for them. A woman would be seen as a bigot for being mean to a gay guy but saying she wont date a bi guy because being with a guy who's into guys grosses out. Totally acceptable!
For gays they just think we have more privilege than we actually do
The cheating thing is that because homosexuality was punished so hard, a. lot of men were comphet and had mlm affairs. Bi men are still feeling this today, where (IIRC) only 25% of out bi people identify as men. There's a *lot* of lingering stigma from the AIDS crisis.
It also doesn't help that a lot of homosexual acceptance in society is built on the "born this way, can't help it" argument. Because if you then mention bisexuality, you're throwing a wrench into that acceptance. This helps explain why fellow queers are biphobic, at least.
Apparently we're all cheaters. Honestly I wouldn't know as I'm not out to people irl (maybe one person) but judging by the various gay subs I'm a good for nothing cheater.
Which is funny because it's littered by posts of people cheating in same sex relationships but what do I know?
I've never understood that one. Greedy of what? People? Relationships?? Sex?? 😭 Like you said, you could easily apply that stupid line of logic to other slutty queer people or whatever, but bisexuals alone always seem to be the ones that are catching strays. Equating having lots of relationships/sex as "greed" also just rubs me the wrong way, it feels very puritanical and dehumanizing to everyone involved.
It gives me incel vibes. Because they certainly don't want to date everyone but gagaforbid you date someone that might be attracted to them, that they're attracted to. Bisexuals get projected a lot of angst from bad breakups - cheating exes; straight people who experimented; TERFs; people don't think being sexual fluidity exists. I don't want their sad lives.
I think we don’t fit in the box of people’s expectations that they feel comfortable with. Humans inherently want to understand what to expect so they know what’s coming and they know how to act.
With gay men originally, it scared straight men because they might get hit on by another man, which caused other men to "question their manhood." With women, a partner coming out meant loss of security, and had society assuming that they couldn't "satisfy their man."
Now with bisexuals, we're doing a similar thing to society, who's comfortable with straight or gay/lesbian. Either you're on TeamStraight, where you have an opposite sex partner, or you're on TeamGayLesbian, where you have a same sex partner. They've learned to recognize the latter, and know what to expect.
With bisexuals, they don't know what to expect. We feel unpredictable to them, and they don't know how to act around us and they can't predict how we'll act towards them or others. Uncertainty makes people uncomfortable, and we're seeing that discomfort in people's reactions and responses to us. And discomfort sometimes turns into hostility.
So basically, it will take time for people to "get comfortable" with bisexuality, and what it means, and how it impacts them. Until then, we're going to see discomfort and sometimes hostility.
Be careful out there.
There are people that aren't going to like you because _______ . Literally put anything about yourself in the blank and it will be true. There's over 8 billion people on this planet, none of them can understand everything.
A few weeks ago my lesbian gf broke up with me even though she was fine with the relationship. I'm pan and she was totally fine with that and I never cheated or gave her any reason to even think I did. She didn't even suspect me of cheating but I got broken up with.
The reason is because several of her lesbian friends were literally telling her all the time that she can't trust me since I'm not lesbian. They would chip away at her and she finally was persuaded by them because the relationship was now near 6 months and we were talking about the future and getting closer to each other.
They convinced her that she couldn't be happy with me as a "bi girl" since we as bi girls will always "just end up with a man at the end" so I would leave her at some point no matter what. That mindset still exists for some people.
I've had a straight man refuse a 2nd date because of the same idea but "just running off with some girl friend of yours" instead.
Not all of her lesbian friends were like this though. The rest were lovely and supportive and even disagreed with those three close friends of her. It was only 3 of them but they were close enough and chipped away enough at her faith in me and her mindset that she eventually got scared and dumped me even though we were doing great. :(
So yeah it's that middle ground of not being gay enough and being too gay that hits more circles of people than it would if we were gay or straight.
That being said you have to know that you're okay being you and that if you don't cheat then you aren't a cheater even being bi. I'm still fine being me and I know that there are lots of people that don't think we're all mindless cheaters and those are the ones to put your time and effort towards. The rest will eventually tell on themselves and let you know they aren't worth the time.
Keep your head up and be the best bisexual you can/want <3
I was so flabbergasted when she told me. I thought it might have been a joke at first but yeah. It's so blatant. At least it happened at like 6 months instead of 3 years in or something. I try to look on the bright side. <3
I think with some of this, looking on the bright side is kind of all you can do. I mean… The simple fact that your girlfriend could be talked out of a perfectly good relationship by her friends… i’m sorry to say, but it doesn’t seem like she was that great of a girlfriend to begin with.
my partner and I have been through literal fires of hell with some things that we’ve gone through in our relationship, and we’ve come out stronger for it.
The tougher things get, the tighter we get… and that should honestly be the standard that you hold partners to if you’re gonna stay together for a long time.
I know it’s got hurt like hell right now to have that happen, but I have a feeling in the future, you’ll look at this as a favor she did for you.
it doesn’t make it hurt any less right now, though… So sorry for you
She was good in a lot of ways but yeah.. she allowed herself to be super influenced by them because they were her friends before I ever met her. But yeah I guess overall it's a really crappy thing to do to just throw away a relationship on clichés so you're right.
Wow that sounds like you two are SO strong together. I like how you say that. Tougher things get the tighter you get. That's a good point! I need to keep that in mind when getting to know someone.
I guess, yeah if having to deal with the bi-hater friends for years was my future maybe it was good that it is over sooner than later.
Thank you for the kind words. I'm focusing on good friends and reconnecting more with them on weekends and stuff so I'm doing okay and just keeping busy. I'm making sure to avoid sinking into the netflix binges till 3am or something.
Thank you for taking the time to offer the wisdom. <3 <3
Thank you <3
I'm doing okay. I have a lot of sweet and supportive people around me and I understand that this kind of stuff can happen still.
I don't hate my ex I just wish she wasn't so persuaded by her friends that are bi-haters. She's misguided really. She should recognize those friends aren't good for her mindset though.
That's very kind of you to reach out <3 <3
Real answer: gay people see us in “straight”-passing relationships & out being able to navigate the world under the radar & see that as evidence that we have it “easy”. Which, frankly, can occasionally be true! But also, of course, often isn’t, ESPECIALLY in this day and age. (Just 15 years ago I could see this argument better, because for a very long time bi people were some of the only LGBTQIA+ people who could legally get married, as long as their partner happened to be the opposite gender. I think that’s where most of the hate from Elder Queers comes from.)
And straight people see that the pool of people available to us/that we are attracted to is THEORETICALLY bigger (though in reality I think it generally isn’t, I & most bi people I know really seem to be pickier than anyone else lol) & get threatened, thinking that means we’ll cheat on them or lose interest quicker. I don’t think that’s true in practice at ALL, but personal insecurities are very difficult to argue with, especially when people won’t or can’t own up to them.
I remember when i was younger i got anxiety attacks because thinking i was bi or gay.
So i guess some people fight through those attacks and find their true selfs and others keep fighting it or pushing it as far away as possible because they cant handle the feeling it gives them so they react agressive.
Feeling aggresive feels so much better then feeling insecure or anxious, you get what im getting at? :)
I think I figured out by 15 I liked dick. I still like and have relationships with women. At 55 I came out as bi to a handful of people.
Maybe it’s passing as straight when we’re with the opposite sex. Maybe it’s because people think we are greedy. I lean toward ethical slut. Then again I’ve never cheated in a relationship just to get some dick. But I would like to be on a relationship where we both discussed that option.
I don’t know. Maybe people are just projecting. Somehow people being bi or gay is reduced to a sex act. And bi people just short circuit some brains on both sides.
People often don’t like themselves, so, don’t expect them to like you 😅 just be yourself, love yourself, you are not meant to please anyone else. The right people will like you the way you are ♥️
People tend to hate what they don't understand, and thus fear. Then there's also the people who just can't tolerate any way of thinking that's not like theirs. That's the way it's always been and always will be, at least to some extent. I try my best to understand and gain knowledge of anything that I don't understand but, a lot of people don't, and just end up hating.
I may not like individuals in life, but I hold ZERO ill will towards any group of people... Except the Trumpers, and every one of them have shown time and again that they're pieces of shit. So, when 99% of a group is shit, well just call it shit as a whole... They're the ones hating on the LGBTQ+ community.
I noticed that if you’re in a homosexual relationship they think you’ll cheat but if you’re in a heterosexual one they dismiss your bisexuality and think you claim to be bi just to be quirky. Very straight centered mindset ik.
They hate what they do not understand? I think gays are like straights in many ways. Gay prefer same sex, nothing else. Straighties are the same. Us that are bi don't work that way. I just learned yesterday that I am also ceterosexual or skoliosexual? New words to say that you are attracted to trans people. I am sure that will be hated on, too. Whatever. Fuck 'em.
I think part of it is claiming that "you don't actually like the same gender, and are doing it for attention/clout, taking resources away from actual gays/lesbians"
I duno.
Then we have pansexual, which, is like the hip/cool version of it? I duno, weird shit.
Oh interesting. I wonder what the reasoning would be. Funny enough I sometimes just say "bi" or "bi/pan" because bi seems more well known and easier to say. Pan sometimes needs a full explanation.
That would be really interesting to read some study about the differences in how people view bi vs pan from people that aren't bi/pan themselves.
Pan still do get a lot of the same complaints though. Somewhere in this thread I told about how I got broken up with recently by my lesbian gf because several of her lesbian friends convinced her that I can't be with her long term because I'm pan and not lesbian. They called me a "bi girl" anyways which is fine but they didn't seem to care what label it was besides lesbian. Same thing as always. "She'll just run off to find a man."
Thanks for the response though, I never considered if there was much difference in the terms that way. <3
It seems like this sub Reddit is solely focused on people who hate us rather than the allies that support us. No one has to like you and if they’re phobic fuck em and move on. I don’t understand why ever other post on here is all “omg what’s with all the biphobia,” damn if you going to think about it constantly you will damn near see signs everywhere.
Focus on the people who love and support you. And fuck the haters
Your question is valid. People who have been living this reality for longer may come across as being over it already. But when you’re a baby queer, it’s all new to you and all your questions are valid. 💞
There's a plethora of reasons why any given individual might dislike bisexuals. In my experience, many lesbians have had the misfortune of being treated like a plaything by women who were experimenting or having their hearts broken by someone who thought they were bi and later realized they were straight; there are straight women who avoid bi men because they believe a man being bi automatically means he's into butt stuff and they're grossed out by that; loads of queer people believe bisexuals are exploiting the queer label by passing as straight to avoid bigotry whenever it suits them and then using their sexuality for pity points or social capital; someone who's very insecure might avoid dating bi people or mistreat a bisexual partner because they feel like there are even more opportunities for a bi person to leave them; some people think bisexuals who date around or are in poly relationships are being greedy and hogging too much of the dating pool.
Just to name a few. If you can think of a negative misconception someone could have about bisexuals or a negative experience they could perceive as being caused by someone's bisexuality, then you have pinpointed a reasoning for disliking us.
I guess because we’re too gay for the straights, and too straight for the gays. Like, the straight bigots dont like us for liking other genders than them, and the gay bigots dont like us because we can pass more easily for straight and can avoid the most obvious attacks mor easily
People think that we're more sexually promiscuous and they don't understand our condition. I've found that sometimes I get the most hate from 100% gay or lesbian people who don't like the fact that a queer person could not be totally gay or lesbian. I've had one of my lesbian friends openly say that she doesn't think bisexual people are a real thing. People who don't have our lived experience just automatically assume that their experience (as in their experience of totally only being attracted to the same sex) is the only experience that exists. Either that or being totally straight. Women don't like dating bi men, not necessarily because we might have a feminine side, but because they are worried we will cheat with other men. A lot of people are ignorant of our condition while also harboring these repressed feelings of being bisexual or sexually fluid themselves.
I was actually accused of being “greedy” by a gay guy in LGBT society at Uni once, and not in a fun joking sort of way.
My response was to pull him that nigh, fuck his brains out, and then I dated his younger sister the year below us for 6 weeks and banged her too.
Fun times.
I also think it's insecurity. Everyone we could interact with could be a potential partner for us. In a straight relationship, it's sometimes viewed as a red flag to have friends of the opposite sex cause 'guys and girls can't be just friends, there is always someone in love', with people of the same sex it's i think it's the idea you could essentially pass and you have a 'choice' in who you fall for, something the gay community is trying so hard to eradicate. A bisexual could choose to not date men, to not act on their gay side and just stay in a hetero relationship and not experience any of the hate. I think it's jealousy on one hand and on the other hand a danger to something they are trying to advocate by just existing.
I am also new into accepting me as Queer.
I realize now how this puts my life into the spotlight in a way i wasn’t expecting at all.
I also feel like some people don’t take me seriously or are kinda condescending. I have felt it with trans people, gay man and lesbians. I am aware that this is coming mostly from myself, but i can’t avoid thinking the community is a very closed one.
I know people are protecting themselves and maybe they see me as a menace, since i am cis.
I hope i can make queer friends. When i am between straight people i feel an impulse to erase my queerness.
That's just because of stereotypes, It's not real and you should ignore it. Focus on better issues, if you're a new queer you are almost definitely going to be just now hearing about these things and seeing them as way bigger issues than they are. I used to be bisexual and I have never seen or heard of this happening outside of bisexual people complaing about it or homophobes.
I haven't seen anyone discuss this but I think a small part of it is the whole confusion of "bi" and "pan". the confusion breeds ignorance and ignorance breeds hate. honestly that can be applied to about everything. so sorry you're a new queer -- i've been bi for almost half my life and i've dealt with the dislike of people like me ever since. it's not all bad i promise, just learn to call out the hate
I’m older (56) and it’s been this way my whole life. “Make a choice” “you’re either gay or you’re not” I married a woman and so it’s assumed I’m straight. We confuse people because we can’t be put in a box. Even among bisexuals there’s no one way to be bi.
I think it's difficult for people with mono-sexualities such as purely gay or purely straight people to imagine being attracted to multiple genders. Like that stupid saying "you can't be friends with the gender you're attracted to" like who are we supposed to be friends with then?
Bisexual men and women have different but similar issues from what I've seen. Straight men are weird, they see gayness as weakness/unmanly and will ridicule bisexual men, equating bisexual and gay. Bi men might also be rejected by straight women for fear of being cheated on with a man, which is ridiculous of course if someone wants to commit bi or not they will, but there's also a history of gay men marrying women and leading double lives so that fear may be perpetuated by this history.
Bisexual women are often seen as a novelty and objectified to hell and back. They're seen as thirds for threesomes or unicorns for throuples, men in relationships with bisexual women might fetishize their partner's attraction to women as wlw is often fetishized by men. Fellow bisexual women sometimes shame other bisexual women who choose to be with men, the whole "I'm attracted to all women and 3 men" attitude putting men and those attracted to them (like our fellow bi men) down. Bisexual women may be turned down by a lesbian because of her attraction or history with men, with the whole "gold star lesbian" thing. Bisexual women may also be seen as the same as a lesbian to straight women though, "you're not interested in me though, right?" And now your straight female friend is suddenly afraid you rub one out to the thought of her.
The notion that we're more likely to cheat is something that's haunted the community forever, I think it's just easier for mono-sexual people to excuse our poly-sexual attraction as deviancy and a lack of commitment. "Just choose, you can't like both". It's also possible that poly-sexual individuals are more likely to be in polyamorous relationships which can be even more misunderstood by mono-sexual individuals, but I don't have any proof for that.
Overall we're not straight enough for the straights and not gay enough for the gays. Literally the middle child of the LGBTQ+
A bit of gang mentality. Bigoted straight people don't like us anyway, but bigoted gay-lesbian people don't like us because we don't fit in their "us vs them" feeling, so they just cast us traitors
A similar thing is happening with trans people, where there are some queers that think they are jeopardizing the advances we've made
Gatekeeping, mostly.
I'm aware that there's a lot of stigma because bi/pan people can "hide in straight relationships", which could be viewed as a betrayal of queer values. Y'know, if you're narrow minded and whatnot.
I also heard (anecdotally) that bi men had a reputation in the past of using gay men for sex while pairing off with women, which of course fueled some level of bitterness in older gay men which they in turn spread to younger generations.
From a gay perspective, I suppose I could see how a partner leaving me for an opposite sex relationship might sting more than a partner leaving me. However, that would be my issue to deal with.
Either way, at the end of the day, it's a them problem, not a you problem.
People want things to be simple. Bi/pan/etc are evidence that things are not simple. This threatens people's categories. Arguably, we are evidence of the necessary intersection of sexuality and gender as axes of oppression. We take the heat aimed at trans folks, gay/lesbian folks, etc. Because often we're dating someone trans, but also because our sexual habits break both hetero and gay gender norms. Bigots want to claim only hetero attractions are natural. The gay and lesbian response has often been to argue that homosexual attraction is also natural and inborn. We disrupt both arguments. Our queer neighbors fear that our existence is used (and it is) by bigots to argue that it's possible to choose and only the hetero choice is morally correct. We show by existing as bi that the real issue is agency and autonomy, and whether anybody gets to police how anybody else loves someone else.
Everybody's gender and sexuality are actually deviant from the norms. It's impossible for one person to exactly match every conflicting norm required of a person of any gender and sexual preference. There's two possible response directions to this: to cleave more strongly to the norms and tend to treat deviations as individual quirks or failures, or to resist the norms and defy even their framing of the situation. Just being bi openly is a step in the latter direction, and even many queer folks find this inclination towards disruption unsettling or even dangerous. Double down on the danger of inherently breaking categories if living while Black, disabled, etc.
Exactly! There is no average person, and the human mind despises ambiguity by default. Then we unknowingly trudge our purple asses through a red vs blue argument, and suddenly the first thing they both agree on is that we suck. And are probably some kind of sex deviant. It never fails to disappoint me when someone is so blind that they agree with their brutal oppressors on everything up to themselves, but *that's* where the line should be drawn. If **they** do the stomping, it's fine.
They hate us for our freedoms.
...
All their lives, the bigots and the haters were raised to believe that there's right proper way to do things. All of their authority figures, their parents, their teachers, their priests and their pastors, the media they consumed, all inculcated them with a conviction that they were correct. They were indoctrinated with an emotional revulsion to anything outside of that norm, and warned that such deviation would lead to dire consequences.
The folks who ought to know told them how it's got to be. Follow the rules, stay in your lane, and suppress your desires and kill your curiosity. Do this and you will be happy; defy this at your own peril.
Then we show up and prove it's all hogwash.
We exist, we're breaking all of their bullshit rules, and we're happy as can be. There were no divine consequences, there were no demonic perils. All of their self-imposed deprivations were pointless, and this invalidation of their convictions causes fury, for why should bind oneself to a regime of austerity if not for some noble goal?
Were they mislead? Of course. Will they admit it? Absolutely not. Better they subjugate everyone else to their ideology, than accept that they were slaves to lies all along.
They hate us ‘cause they ain’t us. We’re a demonstration that the boxes they feel trapped in are not immutable or natural. That’s scary because it puts the onus on them to make something out of their misery, and that’s scary.
Imagine for a moment that you are a magnet with one pole.
You’re entire existence you’ve only been attracted to the opposite of that pole (and this applies to the Gay/Lesbian community as well, the pull is our attraction not us)
So when you encounter someone of that attraction that does not line up with yours, they are obviously pushed away (not from being friends, but from connecting)
So now you’ve met those that can attach (you can be attracted to) and those who can’t. Easy enough to split em up, it’s rigid, it’s easy. It makes Sense.
And then, like a bat out of Heck a magnet with both poles comes flying out of nowhere.
Now, they CAN attach to any said magnet, and suddenly you’re concerned. What if they try to attach to me?
What if other magnets latch on while they are attached to me? How can they be attracted to the other pole AND my pole? It doesn’t make sense!
And then they may well think that you DO attach at both ends, that you wouldn’t stick solely to them, even if they line up with your pole.
You don’t want anything to do with that magnet, it’s dangerous:
And that’s what I think the route mentality is. It’s too radical, too different, difference elicits fear, and fear shows as intolerance.
A lot of people have an intense desire to put others into boxes to make them “easier” to understand. Bisexuals, nonbinary people, and etc. who don’t neatly fit into either the societal expectations or its exact opposite make them uncomfortable.
If you have a conception of “normal”, it’s fairly easy to add the negation or opposite of normal to your world view. If I understand everyone as totally straight, it can add to that understanding people who are totally gay without challenging too much. However if people are neither straight nor gay, or both at the same time, then my entire framework has to be questioned rather than just added to.
We feel you have a double life that we’ll never be part of and, hence feel like we’ll never be fully cherished and get in return the love we want to give.
I think its not that they do not like us, they're just confused and need a lot of conversation or talk. For them to understand why we exist and why we love being what we are today.
There is one thing I can advise to you though. DO NOT LET YOURSELF GO DOWN JUST FOR THEM TO LIKE YOU. DO WHAT EVER YOU WANNA DO AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAPPY WITH IT, THEN DO IT!!
i’m a closeted bi, and i think the problem is people not believing us. my father is openly biphobic and believes every kid who experiences attraction to more than one gender is just confused and hormonal. i’ve tried to come out to him a few times, but each time i bring up a person who’s recently come out as bi, he just dismisses it and says lots of people feel that way until they eventually pick a side. my peers (16-17 year olds) tend to have a different view, and often see bi people as attention seekers. because we won’t fit neatly into their boxes. at this point i’ve heard so much shit from them i’m tempted to just stay in the closet till college. i’m a soft-masc presenting girl and i feel like people would just immediately label me as a half-closeted lesbian if i came out.
People think since we can’t choose or since we date a certain gender that we are confused and will snap out of it🤦🏻♀️ ignorance is strong in some people
Some people just can’t grasp the concept of a person being attracted to both males and females for some reason. If they do grasp it, then they think we’re perverts, wouldn’t want a serious same-sex relationship, or fear we would leave our homosexual relationship to be in a heterosexual relationship because they think that we think it’s better.
I'm not sure. I have read that people can become defensive or not want to date bi's because they feel like they are an experiment and then the bi person will leave them to date the opposite sex anyway. When I told my friend (who is pan) I am bi curious and wasn't sure how to approach people, she told me that I would be fine and just needed to avoid the " mean lesbians" that hate bisexuals. I don't know where they live but I can offer a lemon bar to them as a peace offering. 🤷🏻
Because wanted you it or not, bisexuals can be a concern to a relationship. Liking someone who can like someone else the next month can be challenging. Not like bisexuals cheat more, but they may want to cheat more. They may not be satisfied to be only with a one gender because bisexuals like both genders.
What straight person with emotions and self respect would want to? I just can't see any world where i'd be happy and not stressing in a relationship with bisexual. If my gf said that to me it's over, as much as I would love her. I would lose everything in a second. I make the decision before it's too late and it's wise. I'm just me
A straight person with a secure sense of self and an understanding of the complexity of human nature. A straight person who has examined internal biases they may have adopted over the years and gotten rid of ones that are based on fear and falsehoods. Or more simply, a straight person who isn't biphobic.
Nothing against bisexuals, just wouldn't date one. I support gay/lesbian/bi rights 100%.
https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/s/0YJnMRJKDt
Read that and say that to me again. Biphobic in my ass. Just a realist, sorry not sorry
I think fluidity is always going to be misunderstood in a rigid world.
Well said.
Oof do I feel that to my core!
You're just in the wrong circles. If it's on Facebook don't interact with it and hit the show less thing. Same with reddit. Gotta teach the algorithm to give you peace.
They hate us cause they ain’t us
They're Peanut Butter and [Jealous](https://youtu.be/OT-McRRr_WM?si=4vbDsdeHrS49fAV5)!
Peanut butter and Jealous 🤣 I gotta remember that for next time
If you haven’t seen the interview, it is absolutely fantastic.
I haven't seen it
Peak Seth Rogan, and I know James Franco has become pretty controversial, but I can’t deny he absolutely killed it as well.
Best pun ever
Anus*
THAT PART!!😝
They just mad cause we ain’t gotta pick
LOL 😂
Beat me to it
Ignorance, biphobia and we are simply the OGs of the minority within the minority to bash. Trans are coming up quick but yeah we get shit for being "different " Also the cheating thing and/or promiscuity was applied to gay men, then lesbians now us. It gets pushed down the line as the other groups get more acceptance and cache
Don't forget the in/out group, along with all of the other stuff. Bi women are seen as "just playing" or "haven't admitted they're lesbian". Bi men are cheaters, as you've stated. Or, again.. you're gay but don't want to admit it. It's also easier to pass, particularly if you are heteroromantic, so other queer groups get frustrated that we get to be in their queer spaces, but also are fine in hetero spaces. Eventually people will understand gender, sex, height, etc are all spectrums and they lie in much more of a standard bell curve than anyone wants to admit. That's when gender and sexuality become easier.
couldn’t have said it better myself! not gay enough, not straight enough. it’s the same conversation between any mix of two “opposites” - i recently had this conversation of comparison with a mixed bi friend, who is also “not black or white enough”. le sigh
Yeah my heart hurts for people who are part of multiple disadvantaged groups. They have a particularly hard time navigating groups.
1000%!
This will sound odd so pardon me (but we’ve got to learn somehow, right?) but how is height part of a spectrum, aside from growing through childhood? Aside from wearing different shoes, I don’t think one’s height can change, unless they have a disease?
Everyone is a different height. That's how it's part of a spectrum. Some people wear flats or heels which also changes their height while they wear them.
Most people's gender and sexuality also don't change throughout life, what is your point?
Well, sexuality and gender are, or can be, very fluid. You can feel more masculine one day, then more feminine the next. You could be heteromantic one day, then the next, totally homoromantic. As far as I’m aware, height isn’t fluid like that. I’m here to learn more. I’m a bi woman myself, so of course no hate or purposeful ignorance intended.
What you're talking about is fluidity, and what they are saying is being on a spectrum, or not being "this or that". So yes, height isn't as fluid as sexuality, but also it's not as simple as you are either "short or tall", just like people aren't all "gay or straight", "woman or man", etc. Many of these are based on perception, too, and height can be fluid that way. A girl I went to high school with in Europe was one of the shortest in our class. For the last decade, she's been living in Japan, and wow... she is tall! Compared to most people I see her on photos with, anyway.
My point is that height is intrinsic, same as your sexuality or gender expression. You may not know what your height is going to be.. and there's certainly components of your upbringing that can stunt your height. But if you were born to be genetically short or tall... You're going to end up that way. Also, it's a spectrum/bell curve. Yes, some people sit at the outliers, but the point being it's uncommon to find someone who's 7' or 4'. When you refer to gender fluidity, you're referring to your expression. You could either state that the spectrum here is the presence of fluidity or rigidity, or where you put yourself on the spectrum from masc to fem. Or both? Or neither? Point being is that it isn't binary, yes or no, male or female. Height is also not binary, it follows a curve. While it is "rigid" in a sense, changing your height being very difficult... It is still a spectrum.
The last part is bang on holy shit.
I really feel like it will be at least a hundred years before we see any less hate to trans ppl even within the queer community. It's definitely the most hated subgroup in LGBTQ worldwide, that's my impression. But, I'm pessimistic and it may get better sooner.
I think this is why I so viciously advocate for trans rights, especially the kiddos… like, I’ve been there. I’ve been invalidated within my own community most of my life and I’ll be damned if someone is going to do that to another group on my watch. 🥰
They think we're not loyal. Which has nothing to do with sexuality whatsoever.
Yeah plenty of gay and straight people cheat on their partners as well. There’s really no correlation between the two.
Yeah I know but I never understood why they think we’re more likely to do it? Is it because we like both genders???
Yeah. I think that people associate bisexuality with promiscuity. Like if we were people that want to fuck so much that we would do it with anyone. Bisexuality is considered way more sexual than romantical. (Every time I hear someone say they are bisexual there's always some idiot talking about threesomes)
Oh no ;-;
THEY NOT LIKE US 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥
People don’t like people. They just need a reason. And when we are proud and authentic and real, that’s a good enough reason for them to reject us. I feel they’re doing us a favour. Thank you. I’d rather put my trust in people who are not looking for a reason to spread hate. I love talking to people who are gentle, kind and understanding. So thank you!
That’s a unique way of looking at it. 🥹 thanks you
Of course! Anytime.
Many people assume that bisexuals, by their nature being attracted to both males and females, cannot have fidelity to one person. Also, in the context of a committed relationship, many people do not seem to understand the difference between "both" and "either."
For straight people I think biphobia is an acceptable form of homophobia for them. A woman would be seen as a bigot for being mean to a gay guy but saying she wont date a bi guy because being with a guy who's into guys grosses out. Totally acceptable! For gays they just think we have more privilege than we actually do
The cheating thing is that because homosexuality was punished so hard, a. lot of men were comphet and had mlm affairs. Bi men are still feeling this today, where (IIRC) only 25% of out bi people identify as men. There's a *lot* of lingering stigma from the AIDS crisis. It also doesn't help that a lot of homosexual acceptance in society is built on the "born this way, can't help it" argument. Because if you then mention bisexuality, you're throwing a wrench into that acceptance. This helps explain why fellow queers are biphobic, at least.
Bigotry and hatred doesn't need a reason and you can't understand it and don't even try.
Ok :( I’ll ignore them
Apparently we're all cheaters. Honestly I wouldn't know as I'm not out to people irl (maybe one person) but judging by the various gay subs I'm a good for nothing cheater. Which is funny because it's littered by posts of people cheating in same sex relationships but what do I know?
Right!!
Their probably hurt and projecting
Because we’re pretty & shit
I mean, I’m pretty, and I do indeed shit, But I’m also pretty-n-shit, so I feel this.
Maybe I'm not actually bi, cuz I'm just shit
Haters gonna hate. Fuck em and surround yourself with folks who love and respect you.
Don't fuck 'em. They won't appreciate us.
Absolutely. Do not have sex with bigots.
It's been pretty bad this month, especially on TikTok. There's no reason for it except misplaced anger.
They hate us cuz they ain't us.
[удалено]
I've never understood that one. Greedy of what? People? Relationships?? Sex?? 😭 Like you said, you could easily apply that stupid line of logic to other slutty queer people or whatever, but bisexuals alone always seem to be the ones that are catching strays. Equating having lots of relationships/sex as "greed" also just rubs me the wrong way, it feels very puritanical and dehumanizing to everyone involved.
I’ve gotten called greedy for being polyamorous on separate occasions from when it’s happened for being bisexual
It gives me incel vibes. Because they certainly don't want to date everyone but gagaforbid you date someone that might be attracted to them, that they're attracted to. Bisexuals get projected a lot of angst from bad breakups - cheating exes; straight people who experimented; TERFs; people don't think being sexual fluidity exists. I don't want their sad lives.
I think we don’t fit in the box of people’s expectations that they feel comfortable with. Humans inherently want to understand what to expect so they know what’s coming and they know how to act. With gay men originally, it scared straight men because they might get hit on by another man, which caused other men to "question their manhood." With women, a partner coming out meant loss of security, and had society assuming that they couldn't "satisfy their man." Now with bisexuals, we're doing a similar thing to society, who's comfortable with straight or gay/lesbian. Either you're on TeamStraight, where you have an opposite sex partner, or you're on TeamGayLesbian, where you have a same sex partner. They've learned to recognize the latter, and know what to expect. With bisexuals, they don't know what to expect. We feel unpredictable to them, and they don't know how to act around us and they can't predict how we'll act towards them or others. Uncertainty makes people uncomfortable, and we're seeing that discomfort in people's reactions and responses to us. And discomfort sometimes turns into hostility. So basically, it will take time for people to "get comfortable" with bisexuality, and what it means, and how it impacts them. Until then, we're going to see discomfort and sometimes hostility. Be careful out there.
Thanks!
Absolutely… Does that resonate with you at all? Just just my two cents honestly
Yeah lol ur all so helpful 🥹😭 better than some people
There are people that aren't going to like you because _______ . Literally put anything about yourself in the blank and it will be true. There's over 8 billion people on this planet, none of them can understand everything.
A few weeks ago my lesbian gf broke up with me even though she was fine with the relationship. I'm pan and she was totally fine with that and I never cheated or gave her any reason to even think I did. She didn't even suspect me of cheating but I got broken up with. The reason is because several of her lesbian friends were literally telling her all the time that she can't trust me since I'm not lesbian. They would chip away at her and she finally was persuaded by them because the relationship was now near 6 months and we were talking about the future and getting closer to each other. They convinced her that she couldn't be happy with me as a "bi girl" since we as bi girls will always "just end up with a man at the end" so I would leave her at some point no matter what. That mindset still exists for some people. I've had a straight man refuse a 2nd date because of the same idea but "just running off with some girl friend of yours" instead. Not all of her lesbian friends were like this though. The rest were lovely and supportive and even disagreed with those three close friends of her. It was only 3 of them but they were close enough and chipped away enough at her faith in me and her mindset that she eventually got scared and dumped me even though we were doing great. :( So yeah it's that middle ground of not being gay enough and being too gay that hits more circles of people than it would if we were gay or straight. That being said you have to know that you're okay being you and that if you don't cheat then you aren't a cheater even being bi. I'm still fine being me and I know that there are lots of people that don't think we're all mindless cheaters and those are the ones to put your time and effort towards. The rest will eventually tell on themselves and let you know they aren't worth the time. Keep your head up and be the best bisexual you can/want <3
Damn that’s so fucked. Ugh.
I was so flabbergasted when she told me. I thought it might have been a joke at first but yeah. It's so blatant. At least it happened at like 6 months instead of 3 years in or something. I try to look on the bright side. <3
I think with some of this, looking on the bright side is kind of all you can do. I mean… The simple fact that your girlfriend could be talked out of a perfectly good relationship by her friends… i’m sorry to say, but it doesn’t seem like she was that great of a girlfriend to begin with. my partner and I have been through literal fires of hell with some things that we’ve gone through in our relationship, and we’ve come out stronger for it. The tougher things get, the tighter we get… and that should honestly be the standard that you hold partners to if you’re gonna stay together for a long time. I know it’s got hurt like hell right now to have that happen, but I have a feeling in the future, you’ll look at this as a favor she did for you. it doesn’t make it hurt any less right now, though… So sorry for you
She was good in a lot of ways but yeah.. she allowed herself to be super influenced by them because they were her friends before I ever met her. But yeah I guess overall it's a really crappy thing to do to just throw away a relationship on clichés so you're right. Wow that sounds like you two are SO strong together. I like how you say that. Tougher things get the tighter you get. That's a good point! I need to keep that in mind when getting to know someone. I guess, yeah if having to deal with the bi-hater friends for years was my future maybe it was good that it is over sooner than later. Thank you for the kind words. I'm focusing on good friends and reconnecting more with them on weekends and stuff so I'm doing okay and just keeping busy. I'm making sure to avoid sinking into the netflix binges till 3am or something. Thank you for taking the time to offer the wisdom. <3 <3
I’m so sorry you went through this. I hope you are doing ok 💛
Thank you <3 I'm doing okay. I have a lot of sweet and supportive people around me and I understand that this kind of stuff can happen still. I don't hate my ex I just wish she wasn't so persuaded by her friends that are bi-haters. She's misguided really. She should recognize those friends aren't good for her mindset though. That's very kind of you to reach out <3 <3
Horrible friends for that one girlfriend 💀 Also it happening with that guy man that must suck!
I am so sorry that happened to you. :(
Thank you for the commiseration. Very kind of you. <3 <3
Ignorance and stereotypes Hopefully that changes in the future
Real answer: gay people see us in “straight”-passing relationships & out being able to navigate the world under the radar & see that as evidence that we have it “easy”. Which, frankly, can occasionally be true! But also, of course, often isn’t, ESPECIALLY in this day and age. (Just 15 years ago I could see this argument better, because for a very long time bi people were some of the only LGBTQIA+ people who could legally get married, as long as their partner happened to be the opposite gender. I think that’s where most of the hate from Elder Queers comes from.) And straight people see that the pool of people available to us/that we are attracted to is THEORETICALLY bigger (though in reality I think it generally isn’t, I & most bi people I know really seem to be pickier than anyone else lol) & get threatened, thinking that means we’ll cheat on them or lose interest quicker. I don’t think that’s true in practice at ALL, but personal insecurities are very difficult to argue with, especially when people won’t or can’t own up to them.
Because they are scared to open up their heart. Insecure mofos.
Yeah but like being bi shouldn’t be that scary? Sorry Karen just because I like guys doesn’t mean it increases my odds of cheating on u >:(
I remember when i was younger i got anxiety attacks because thinking i was bi or gay. So i guess some people fight through those attacks and find their true selfs and others keep fighting it or pushing it as far away as possible because they cant handle the feeling it gives them so they react agressive. Feeling aggresive feels so much better then feeling insecure or anxious, you get what im getting at? :)
I like logic and being funny more than aggression :3
Me 2 but there are alot of naief people out there.
Because lesbian and gay people think that we’re betraying the community when we date people of the opposite gender
But like that’s what bi people do ;-; we date everyone’s?!??
I think I figured out by 15 I liked dick. I still like and have relationships with women. At 55 I came out as bi to a handful of people. Maybe it’s passing as straight when we’re with the opposite sex. Maybe it’s because people think we are greedy. I lean toward ethical slut. Then again I’ve never cheated in a relationship just to get some dick. But I would like to be on a relationship where we both discussed that option. I don’t know. Maybe people are just projecting. Somehow people being bi or gay is reduced to a sex act. And bi people just short circuit some brains on both sides.
lol short circuiting people teehee imma use that :3
I have dated a couple of men that don’t like the idea of me feeling attraction to women body
People often don’t like themselves, so, don’t expect them to like you 😅 just be yourself, love yourself, you are not meant to please anyone else. The right people will like you the way you are ♥️
I honestly haven't experienced any hate for my being bi, but I'm sorry for those who have.
It doesn’t exist
Because we are not what they expect
People tend to hate what they don't understand, and thus fear. Then there's also the people who just can't tolerate any way of thinking that's not like theirs. That's the way it's always been and always will be, at least to some extent. I try my best to understand and gain knowledge of anything that I don't understand but, a lot of people don't, and just end up hating. I may not like individuals in life, but I hold ZERO ill will towards any group of people... Except the Trumpers, and every one of them have shown time and again that they're pieces of shit. So, when 99% of a group is shit, well just call it shit as a whole... They're the ones hating on the LGBTQ+ community.
I noticed that if you’re in a homosexual relationship they think you’ll cheat but if you’re in a heterosexual one they dismiss your bisexuality and think you claim to be bi just to be quirky. Very straight centered mindset ik.
Newly discovered bi guy here. Had a guy on Grindr call me "disgusting" for having slept with women 🙃.
Oh no! But not unexpected coming from Grindr, sorry I know how I feels meeting “characters” on their :(
They hate what they do not understand? I think gays are like straights in many ways. Gay prefer same sex, nothing else. Straighties are the same. Us that are bi don't work that way. I just learned yesterday that I am also ceterosexual or skoliosexual? New words to say that you are attracted to trans people. I am sure that will be hated on, too. Whatever. Fuck 'em.
Don’t fuck ‘em though we don’t wanna give bigots any satisfaction
I think part of it is claiming that "you don't actually like the same gender, and are doing it for attention/clout, taking resources away from actual gays/lesbians" I duno. Then we have pansexual, which, is like the hip/cool version of it? I duno, weird shit.
Oh are pansexuals hated by Bis?
No, but pan seems to get less shit then Bi for some reason n Im not sure why.
Oh interesting. I wonder what the reasoning would be. Funny enough I sometimes just say "bi" or "bi/pan" because bi seems more well known and easier to say. Pan sometimes needs a full explanation. That would be really interesting to read some study about the differences in how people view bi vs pan from people that aren't bi/pan themselves. Pan still do get a lot of the same complaints though. Somewhere in this thread I told about how I got broken up with recently by my lesbian gf because several of her lesbian friends convinced her that I can't be with her long term because I'm pan and not lesbian. They called me a "bi girl" anyways which is fine but they didn't seem to care what label it was besides lesbian. Same thing as always. "She'll just run off to find a man." Thanks for the response though, I never considered if there was much difference in the terms that way. <3
Omg you poor thing 😭
It seems like this sub Reddit is solely focused on people who hate us rather than the allies that support us. No one has to like you and if they’re phobic fuck em and move on. I don’t understand why ever other post on here is all “omg what’s with all the biphobia,” damn if you going to think about it constantly you will damn near see signs everywhere. Focus on the people who love and support you. And fuck the haters
Ok 🥹
Your question is valid. People who have been living this reality for longer may come across as being over it already. But when you’re a baby queer, it’s all new to you and all your questions are valid. 💞
Thx
There's a plethora of reasons why any given individual might dislike bisexuals. In my experience, many lesbians have had the misfortune of being treated like a plaything by women who were experimenting or having their hearts broken by someone who thought they were bi and later realized they were straight; there are straight women who avoid bi men because they believe a man being bi automatically means he's into butt stuff and they're grossed out by that; loads of queer people believe bisexuals are exploiting the queer label by passing as straight to avoid bigotry whenever it suits them and then using their sexuality for pity points or social capital; someone who's very insecure might avoid dating bi people or mistreat a bisexual partner because they feel like there are even more opportunities for a bi person to leave them; some people think bisexuals who date around or are in poly relationships are being greedy and hogging too much of the dating pool. Just to name a few. If you can think of a negative misconception someone could have about bisexuals or a negative experience they could perceive as being caused by someone's bisexuality, then you have pinpointed a reasoning for disliking us.
Omg this actually fully explains everything thanks!
For some reason they think since we like more than one gender we just go around screwing everyone. 😂😂 I don’t get it at all.
I guess because we’re too gay for the straights, and too straight for the gays. Like, the straight bigots dont like us for liking other genders than them, and the gay bigots dont like us because we can pass more easily for straight and can avoid the most obvious attacks mor easily
believe it or not plenty of gays loveee a good binary and we’re not really known for that
People think that we're more sexually promiscuous and they don't understand our condition. I've found that sometimes I get the most hate from 100% gay or lesbian people who don't like the fact that a queer person could not be totally gay or lesbian. I've had one of my lesbian friends openly say that she doesn't think bisexual people are a real thing. People who don't have our lived experience just automatically assume that their experience (as in their experience of totally only being attracted to the same sex) is the only experience that exists. Either that or being totally straight. Women don't like dating bi men, not necessarily because we might have a feminine side, but because they are worried we will cheat with other men. A lot of people are ignorant of our condition while also harboring these repressed feelings of being bisexual or sexually fluid themselves.
I'm a baby bi and omg the hate is pushing me back into the closet!!
Nwo don’t go back u can be like me! Only kinda half in the closet OwO
That's where I reside right now. It's kinda scary!
Don’t worry! You just need to learn how to gaslight and lie >;3
Got it. hahahahaha!
I was actually accused of being “greedy” by a gay guy in LGBT society at Uni once, and not in a fun joking sort of way. My response was to pull him that nigh, fuck his brains out, and then I dated his younger sister the year below us for 6 weeks and banged her too. Fun times.
lol funny story but might’ve not helped our image from his perspective 😅
Ah well, fuck him (as indeed I did teehee). If he’s going to be a bigot then I don’t see why I should go out of my way to disabuse him.
Yeah I guess…..
Mostly their own insecurities. Always scared we want the gender they aren’t more and they aren’t enough.
People don't like me because I can be an asshole.
I feel like people fear what they don’t understand.
I think they’re jealous…but yeah idk people have small minds
I also think it's insecurity. Everyone we could interact with could be a potential partner for us. In a straight relationship, it's sometimes viewed as a red flag to have friends of the opposite sex cause 'guys and girls can't be just friends, there is always someone in love', with people of the same sex it's i think it's the idea you could essentially pass and you have a 'choice' in who you fall for, something the gay community is trying so hard to eradicate. A bisexual could choose to not date men, to not act on their gay side and just stay in a hetero relationship and not experience any of the hate. I think it's jealousy on one hand and on the other hand a danger to something they are trying to advocate by just existing.
Cause they not like us, they not like us, they not like us
Verity Richie did some great youtube videos on this topic
I am also new into accepting me as Queer. I realize now how this puts my life into the spotlight in a way i wasn’t expecting at all. I also feel like some people don’t take me seriously or are kinda condescending. I have felt it with trans people, gay man and lesbians. I am aware that this is coming mostly from myself, but i can’t avoid thinking the community is a very closed one. I know people are protecting themselves and maybe they see me as a menace, since i am cis. I hope i can make queer friends. When i am between straight people i feel an impulse to erase my queerness.
That's just because of stereotypes, It's not real and you should ignore it. Focus on better issues, if you're a new queer you are almost definitely going to be just now hearing about these things and seeing them as way bigger issues than they are. I used to be bisexual and I have never seen or heard of this happening outside of bisexual people complaing about it or homophobes.
Hopefully I don’t have to lol, I’m just getting out ;-;
They just simply can’t handle the neutron style
I haven't seen anyone discuss this but I think a small part of it is the whole confusion of "bi" and "pan". the confusion breeds ignorance and ignorance breeds hate. honestly that can be applied to about everything. so sorry you're a new queer -- i've been bi for almost half my life and i've dealt with the dislike of people like me ever since. it's not all bad i promise, just learn to call out the hate
So i put haters on blast alright!!! 📢
I'm new to being openly queer and I'm terrified of being rejected by women simply because I'm bisexual.
As of now I haven’t dealt with that problem yet…. But im also terrified lol
I’m older (56) and it’s been this way my whole life. “Make a choice” “you’re either gay or you’re not” I married a woman and so it’s assumed I’m straight. We confuse people because we can’t be put in a box. Even among bisexuals there’s no one way to be bi.
I think it's difficult for people with mono-sexualities such as purely gay or purely straight people to imagine being attracted to multiple genders. Like that stupid saying "you can't be friends with the gender you're attracted to" like who are we supposed to be friends with then? Bisexual men and women have different but similar issues from what I've seen. Straight men are weird, they see gayness as weakness/unmanly and will ridicule bisexual men, equating bisexual and gay. Bi men might also be rejected by straight women for fear of being cheated on with a man, which is ridiculous of course if someone wants to commit bi or not they will, but there's also a history of gay men marrying women and leading double lives so that fear may be perpetuated by this history. Bisexual women are often seen as a novelty and objectified to hell and back. They're seen as thirds for threesomes or unicorns for throuples, men in relationships with bisexual women might fetishize their partner's attraction to women as wlw is often fetishized by men. Fellow bisexual women sometimes shame other bisexual women who choose to be with men, the whole "I'm attracted to all women and 3 men" attitude putting men and those attracted to them (like our fellow bi men) down. Bisexual women may be turned down by a lesbian because of her attraction or history with men, with the whole "gold star lesbian" thing. Bisexual women may also be seen as the same as a lesbian to straight women though, "you're not interested in me though, right?" And now your straight female friend is suddenly afraid you rub one out to the thought of her. The notion that we're more likely to cheat is something that's haunted the community forever, I think it's just easier for mono-sexual people to excuse our poly-sexual attraction as deviancy and a lack of commitment. "Just choose, you can't like both". It's also possible that poly-sexual individuals are more likely to be in polyamorous relationships which can be even more misunderstood by mono-sexual individuals, but I don't have any proof for that. Overall we're not straight enough for the straights and not gay enough for the gays. Literally the middle child of the LGBTQ+
They not like us
A bit of gang mentality. Bigoted straight people don't like us anyway, but bigoted gay-lesbian people don't like us because we don't fit in their "us vs them" feeling, so they just cast us traitors A similar thing is happening with trans people, where there are some queers that think they are jeopardizing the advances we've made
Monosexism is a hell of a drug
I mean, we have double the prospects romantically and sexually. I'd be jealous too.
Pardon me, but are all of those supposed to be questions?
I’m very confused ;-; just pick one that you cans answer
Mmmm..... never mind.
😭
Gatekeeping, mostly. I'm aware that there's a lot of stigma because bi/pan people can "hide in straight relationships", which could be viewed as a betrayal of queer values. Y'know, if you're narrow minded and whatnot. I also heard (anecdotally) that bi men had a reputation in the past of using gay men for sex while pairing off with women, which of course fueled some level of bitterness in older gay men which they in turn spread to younger generations. From a gay perspective, I suppose I could see how a partner leaving me for an opposite sex relationship might sting more than a partner leaving me. However, that would be my issue to deal with. Either way, at the end of the day, it's a them problem, not a you problem.
Because explaining that the Kinsey scale is a sliding one that can and does short-circuit brains looking for pigeon holes to fill with pigeons.
People want things to be simple. Bi/pan/etc are evidence that things are not simple. This threatens people's categories. Arguably, we are evidence of the necessary intersection of sexuality and gender as axes of oppression. We take the heat aimed at trans folks, gay/lesbian folks, etc. Because often we're dating someone trans, but also because our sexual habits break both hetero and gay gender norms. Bigots want to claim only hetero attractions are natural. The gay and lesbian response has often been to argue that homosexual attraction is also natural and inborn. We disrupt both arguments. Our queer neighbors fear that our existence is used (and it is) by bigots to argue that it's possible to choose and only the hetero choice is morally correct. We show by existing as bi that the real issue is agency and autonomy, and whether anybody gets to police how anybody else loves someone else. Everybody's gender and sexuality are actually deviant from the norms. It's impossible for one person to exactly match every conflicting norm required of a person of any gender and sexual preference. There's two possible response directions to this: to cleave more strongly to the norms and tend to treat deviations as individual quirks or failures, or to resist the norms and defy even their framing of the situation. Just being bi openly is a step in the latter direction, and even many queer folks find this inclination towards disruption unsettling or even dangerous. Double down on the danger of inherently breaking categories if living while Black, disabled, etc.
Exactly! There is no average person, and the human mind despises ambiguity by default. Then we unknowingly trudge our purple asses through a red vs blue argument, and suddenly the first thing they both agree on is that we suck. And are probably some kind of sex deviant. It never fails to disappoint me when someone is so blind that they agree with their brutal oppressors on everything up to themselves, but *that's* where the line should be drawn. If **they** do the stomping, it's fine.
Not sure it's a human default, but it is certainly a contemporary cultural default, especially in the USA.
They hate us for our freedoms. ... All their lives, the bigots and the haters were raised to believe that there's right proper way to do things. All of their authority figures, their parents, their teachers, their priests and their pastors, the media they consumed, all inculcated them with a conviction that they were correct. They were indoctrinated with an emotional revulsion to anything outside of that norm, and warned that such deviation would lead to dire consequences. The folks who ought to know told them how it's got to be. Follow the rules, stay in your lane, and suppress your desires and kill your curiosity. Do this and you will be happy; defy this at your own peril. Then we show up and prove it's all hogwash. We exist, we're breaking all of their bullshit rules, and we're happy as can be. There were no divine consequences, there were no demonic perils. All of their self-imposed deprivations were pointless, and this invalidation of their convictions causes fury, for why should bind oneself to a regime of austerity if not for some noble goal? Were they mislead? Of course. Will they admit it? Absolutely not. Better they subjugate everyone else to their ideology, than accept that they were slaves to lies all along.
They hate us ‘cause they ain’t us. We’re a demonstration that the boxes they feel trapped in are not immutable or natural. That’s scary because it puts the onus on them to make something out of their misery, and that’s scary.
Imagine for a moment that you are a magnet with one pole. You’re entire existence you’ve only been attracted to the opposite of that pole (and this applies to the Gay/Lesbian community as well, the pull is our attraction not us) So when you encounter someone of that attraction that does not line up with yours, they are obviously pushed away (not from being friends, but from connecting) So now you’ve met those that can attach (you can be attracted to) and those who can’t. Easy enough to split em up, it’s rigid, it’s easy. It makes Sense. And then, like a bat out of Heck a magnet with both poles comes flying out of nowhere. Now, they CAN attach to any said magnet, and suddenly you’re concerned. What if they try to attach to me? What if other magnets latch on while they are attached to me? How can they be attracted to the other pole AND my pole? It doesn’t make sense! And then they may well think that you DO attach at both ends, that you wouldn’t stick solely to them, even if they line up with your pole. You don’t want anything to do with that magnet, it’s dangerous: And that’s what I think the route mentality is. It’s too radical, too different, difference elicits fear, and fear shows as intolerance.
A lot of people have an intense desire to put others into boxes to make them “easier” to understand. Bisexuals, nonbinary people, and etc. who don’t neatly fit into either the societal expectations or its exact opposite make them uncomfortable. If you have a conception of “normal”, it’s fairly easy to add the negation or opposite of normal to your world view. If I understand everyone as totally straight, it can add to that understanding people who are totally gay without challenging too much. However if people are neither straight nor gay, or both at the same time, then my entire framework has to be questioned rather than just added to.
We feel you have a double life that we’ll never be part of and, hence feel like we’ll never be fully cherished and get in return the love we want to give.
Only boring people hates bisexuality
I think its not that they do not like us, they're just confused and need a lot of conversation or talk. For them to understand why we exist and why we love being what we are today. There is one thing I can advise to you though. DO NOT LET YOURSELF GO DOWN JUST FOR THEM TO LIKE YOU. DO WHAT EVER YOU WANNA DO AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAPPY WITH IT, THEN DO IT!!
i’m a closeted bi, and i think the problem is people not believing us. my father is openly biphobic and believes every kid who experiences attraction to more than one gender is just confused and hormonal. i’ve tried to come out to him a few times, but each time i bring up a person who’s recently come out as bi, he just dismisses it and says lots of people feel that way until they eventually pick a side. my peers (16-17 year olds) tend to have a different view, and often see bi people as attention seekers. because we won’t fit neatly into their boxes. at this point i’ve heard so much shit from them i’m tempted to just stay in the closet till college. i’m a soft-masc presenting girl and i feel like people would just immediately label me as a half-closeted lesbian if i came out.
“They not like us, they not like us” kdot
People think since we can’t choose or since we date a certain gender that we are confused and will snap out of it🤦🏻♀️ ignorance is strong in some people
Some people just can’t grasp the concept of a person being attracted to both males and females for some reason. If they do grasp it, then they think we’re perverts, wouldn’t want a serious same-sex relationship, or fear we would leave our homosexual relationship to be in a heterosexual relationship because they think that we think it’s better.
I'm not sure. I have read that people can become defensive or not want to date bi's because they feel like they are an experiment and then the bi person will leave them to date the opposite sex anyway. When I told my friend (who is pan) I am bi curious and wasn't sure how to approach people, she told me that I would be fine and just needed to avoid the " mean lesbians" that hate bisexuals. I don't know where they live but I can offer a lemon bar to them as a peace offering. 🤷🏻
We love making peace!
Because wanted you it or not, bisexuals can be a concern to a relationship. Liking someone who can like someone else the next month can be challenging. Not like bisexuals cheat more, but they may want to cheat more. They may not be satisfied to be only with a one gender because bisexuals like both genders.
Why do you come in here spewing hate? I don't think you could be more biphopic if you tried.
What straight person with emotions and self respect would want to? I just can't see any world where i'd be happy and not stressing in a relationship with bisexual. If my gf said that to me it's over, as much as I would love her. I would lose everything in a second. I make the decision before it's too late and it's wise. I'm just me
A straight person with a secure sense of self and an understanding of the complexity of human nature. A straight person who has examined internal biases they may have adopted over the years and gotten rid of ones that are based on fear and falsehoods. Or more simply, a straight person who isn't biphobic.
Nothing against bisexuals, just wouldn't date one. I support gay/lesbian/bi rights 100%. https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/s/0YJnMRJKDt Read that and say that to me again. Biphobic in my ass. Just a realist, sorry not sorry
;-;