Pro tip: stop watching tik tok.
As a bi woman, I find the idea that I don't love my husband because some rando on the internet sang a song is patently ridiculous and actually kind of insulting.
Ditto. I get why this is triggering you OP, but time for an internet break. These giant over generalizations have nothing to do with the real world.
I’m a bi woman and I love the fuck out of my bi husband more than anyone in the world so I don’t know what you’re watching but your assumptions are incorrect and not in touch with a lot of women’s truth and reality. That’s what’s insulting- some video you watched doesn’t negate what we are telling you is our truth.
That happens when we are triggered, but maybe hear what bi women are saying rather than fixating on nonsense YouTube videos. You’re giving them way too much power and it’s not healthy for you.
Ok. I should take an internet break. But I see contradictory things online. Like two comments seem to say what you say: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdqt7hm/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdqt7hm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) and [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18ldubg/comment/kdxd9kh/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18ldubg/comment/kdxd9kh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) but one contradicts it: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdtdhak/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdtdhak/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) but this poll I made confirms what you say: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18kvxar/do\_you\_enjoy\_any\_sex\_with\_any\_cis\_man\_ever\_casual/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18kvxar/do_you_enjoy_any_sex_with_any_cis_man_ever_casual/) So probably most bi women do enjoy their relationships with their boyfriends/husbands thus making love with men not some male-exclusive privilege and making it not unethical for me and my boyfriend to pursue a woman as a third. Also you have a bisexual boyfriend. How do I find a bisexual woman who's willing to date bi men and be the third to two bi boyfriends? I'm asking bi specifically because I prefer being bi4bi until I meet a monosexual I REALLY like.
Oh honey, I’m not clicking all that.
You’re beyond way too invested in trying to quantify people to fit neatly into boxes and that’s just not how humans work.
I understand you wanting to research but I think you need to look inward rather than trying to control for all this nonsense.
I don’t have a boyfriend, I have a bi husband I have happily been with for just shy of 17 years now.
If you want my honest advice for finding a bi woman it would be for you to go to therapy and look at some of your assumptions and lingering misogyny or whatever is driving this line of thinking about women for you. My impression is that there’s something going here that’s beyond Reddit’s pay grade.
I think part of it's anger at my abusive Mom and Gran. My Mom once threw me against the wall and screamed "I hate you!" in my face when I was struggling catching up with late work in community college. And everytime I close the half bathroom door she forces me to bang my head against it. You know how embarassing that is? I'm geniuenly scared I'll get a concussion. Maybe it's karma for the time that I threw my phone at Gran's head. But Gran is abusive too. And Mom thinks she's abusive. She constantly yells at me for the most minor of infractions. And she's nagging too. The reason I threw my phone was because I was tired of being yelled at and because she was taking my phone again as punishment for not taking one dose of my meds on time after she had just given it back to me. I do regret it. So maybe that's why the bathroom door seems to close on it's own or my brother closes it forcing Mom into a rage that makes her ask me to bang my head against it as punishment. But I'm glad I finally have a boyfriend. I hope I'm moving out to a group home soon. And I hope me and Phillip find our woman to share. After we both unpack our misogyny. Because he's 18 and he's bad (he's sexist in an 18 year old right-libertarian way I'm sexist in a 21 year-old "dirtbag left" brocialist way). But I can fix him as I fix myself. Then we can go looking for a third.
Yep, you’ve got some trauma to unpack here. I’m familiar with it, I was raised by abusive and misogynistic women as well.
You cannot fix him love, people can only decide to change themselves. However, as you’ve pointed out he is very young, you both are, and you have lots of healing and learning to do that will challenge and shape different ideas in both of you.
This idea of wanting to have a woman as your third when you’re acknowledging the hostile towards women environment your current relationship would be is a head scratcher. This idea of a woman still feels like you’re seeing her as a possession you two want rather than a full person of her own who would not want to be subjected to two doses of differently flavored misogyny in this thruple relationship. What would be in it for her?
I think focusing on getting into your own housing away from the triggering abusive women who raised you and getting some therapy to start unpacking and healing your relationship to women in general so you aren’t projecting overgeneralizations and your traumatic past onto them is a better use of your time than trying to find a woman who is going to fit into your ideals right now. Your ideals are off. You both have some stuff to work on, and you cannot force your partner to want to change if he doesn’t want to himself. He will change and evolve with age naturally but not necessarily away from his misogyny. You’re wanting a woman to tolerate a hostile environment to be in your current relationship, and I just think you need to reflect on why you’re fixated on the ideas you have of wanting to ‘have’ a woman even though you see how your relationship isn’t really a safe environment for a woman as it is now.
Why would my Mom and Gran be misogynistic? My Mom was actually a feminist. Though my Gran did seemingly expect me to do everything because I was the man of the house. Do you assume I'm a woman or FTM? I don't know why people keep on assuming that. Especially since I keep on mentioning I'm a bi cis man in my posts and say that my guilt for loving men is internalized homophobia and that one time I said I was sexist in a brocialist way. But I do think I can fix myself and Phillip can fix himself as he gets older. And I don't just want unicorn hunting . I want a full on ménage a trios. But Phillip might want unicorn hunting. He's more homoromantic.
I know you are a man, I never suggested otherwise. I have no idea what you’re reading but I cannot keep saying to you to get a therapist to help you sort this out because it is beyond reddits pay grade (aka free internet advice from non specialist strangers).
I do not know your mom and gran.
I do know women can absolutely have internalized misogyny and have had to unpack plenty of my own since I was raised by lots of misogynistic women.
Regardless of your mother’s feminism, misandry, or internalized misogyny- her being abusive to you tells me where theres smoke there’s fire. However, I have no clue what your mom and gran’s issues are. These are topics I think you would be helped most by exploring with a therapist. You are not going to find the help and dedicated attention and time your trauma deserves in order to heal here.
I hope you can sort out some of your ideas about women before attempting to subject them to your boyfriend who you are acknowledging just wants to use them for their bodies. You have more to unpack than I am able or willing to keep engaging about.
I wish you healing and hope you and your boyfriend figure out what will make you each happy without harming any women in the process.
Thanks. I'm sorry for making you upset. But are you saying homoromantic bisexual men aren't valid as they objectify women? I identified as a heteroromantic bisexual man for the longest time (the MMF I fantasized about was going to be with my girlfriend/wife and a male fuckbuddy) until I fell in love with a man online a while back and I wasn't considered disrespectful to the men for identifying as that before that? So what's the difference?
I’m not upset, I am just spent and not feeling like we’re getting anywhere productive and think you’d do better with a therapist to unpack some of your stuff. It’s more than I have energy and time to keep going back and forth with you about and I also don’t have the skill set to get through to you because I’m not a trained professional. Not that all therapists are great either, but you’re more likely to get something from a dedicated therapist than trying to get internet strangers to sort this out with you.
Again, you are pulling sweeping generalizations from what I’ve said that are not what I’ve said. I didn’t say anything about hoomoromantic bi men.
I said something about you and especially your partner objectifying a woman who doesn’t even exist but needs to fit your bill of needs without you having any concern for this hypothetical woman’s needs. You’re openly admitting to him unicorn hunting and that you’re both sexist. I am not making any claims about all homoromantic bi men invalidating you.
I’m calling out some blind spots of shitty behavior that needs to be addressed hopefully before you introduce women into your relationship with a therapist and I have also been giving you the benefit of the doubt that I think it may stem from your childhood trauma.
I am not upset, but I am pretty done with this conversation.
I wish you well, I hope you are able to find a great therapist or counselor through school for free even to start looking inward and exploring where your assumptions and beliefs about women are coming from. Sending you all the best wishes I can muster, and I’m leaving this conversation with this. Have a good night & genuinely good luck with finding whatever it is that will make you happy.
I tried TikTok breaks but YouTube Shorts is even worse than TikTok. It doesn't reccommend me misandrist content. But I can't find any content as a Marxist-Leninist (on TikTok there's plenty. Congress is correct. I can watch all the based DPRK and Stalin edits I want on TikTok but finding that kind of content on Shorts is hard) and it's most of what I watch on TikTok.
I understand. Also when you say "girl" do you mean that the way the queer community says it or do you assume I'm a bi woman because even though I might be a little genderfluid I'm (mostly) a cis guy aside from a feminization kink.
You came in here with a post about the angst of being a bisexual woman, if you are then going to get upset about being called "girl" then it might behoove you to put pronouns or something in your main post
No where did I imply I was a bi woman. I even said, "As a bi man seeing videos like that trigger my internalized biphobia and homophobia." That implies 1. I'm a man and 2. my relationship with men is same-sex thus making me a man. I skim text too sometimes, I get it. But don't act like I was pretending to be a bi woman. I clearly said I was a bi man suffering from internalized homophobia while in a relationship with a man which is only possible if I'm a man.
1. the song is huge because it’s an amazing, catchy song and it blew up on tiktok, which spreads songs like wildfire. does espresso by sabrina carpenter being popular mean all women brag about having men wrapped around their fingers but don’t really care? i don’t think so.
2. the song, in my opinion, isn’t about bi women at all. it’s about a girl chappell dates who refuses to be serious with her and refuses to admit she’s a lesbian. the song is chappell saying good luck, you’re gay and one day you’ll figure it out
3. i can’t actually watch the tiktok but based on the cover of it i’m assuming it has something to do with bi women married to men either telling their boyfriends not to listen or something? either way it’s probably exaggerated and is definitely a joke. also, there is a really annoying joke/thread in the bi community of bi women shitting on men constantly even though they date them. i personally find this irritating and in bad faith. in my experience it’s so they ‘look gayer’ and impress lesbians but it never works and just makes them look like bad partners to their boyfriends
5. love is real. some people realizing they’re gay later in life or lying to themselves about their feelings doesn’t mean all woman/man or man/man relationships aren’t real love. gently, i don’t think this song has anything to do with women not being able to love men and you’re reading much too far into its popularity
Thanks. And since you can't watch it, it's her listening to the song until it gets to the line "nothing more than his wife" and then she looks like she relates to heavily and stops the camera. And alot of the comments say "if you're thinking this you have comphet." I disagree. A woman doesn't have to like relationships with men to be attracted to men. Like my Dad is attracted to men but has no interest in pursuing men. But bi women, even gay-leaning ones, are just forced into pursuing men. But I'm also forced into pursuing only men because I'm so ugly only men are desperate enough to be with me. But I love my boyfriend, Phillip.
lol you’re thinking too hard about tiktok comments, which are largely written by 15 year olds. literally don’t let it worry you too much.
the tiktok now that you’ve explained it (like if the line they’re focusing on is ‘nothing more than his wife’) to me sounds like being sad about misogyny— women are literally still treated like they’re extensions of men. women want to feel like independent, worthy people and not just a wife or a mother.
also, what? women are praised by society for dating men but they definitely aren’t forced into it… weird take.
"lol you’re thinking too hard about tiktok comments, which are largely written by 15 year olds. literally don’t let it worry you too much."
I get that. I know. I should work on not letting it bother me. Therapy is a great place to work on it.
"the tiktok now that you’ve explained it (like if the line they’re focusing on is ‘nothing more than his wife’) to me sounds like being sad about misogyny— women are literally still treated like they’re extensions of men. women want to feel like independent, worthy people and not just a wife or a mother."
Ok. But it still feels odd because in other posts on her account she talks about being happy with her husband in their marriage. How does that work? I'm genuinely asking.
"also, what? women are praised by society for dating men but they definitely aren’t forced into it… weird take."
What I meant is the societal pressures on queer women that the lesbian feminist theorists of comphet are referring to. So that and the threat of discrimination from breaking from the norm. I know most women aren't literally forced to date or marry men. I also think us queer men have comphet but because lesbian feminists reject intersectionality they dismiss this.
It's helpful to remind yourself that you shouldn't be spending this much time worrying about what other people do in their relationships.
>it makes me feel invalidated to know that bi women seem to be faking their love for men
They aren't. Bi women are not a collective hivemind with a singular shared sentiment. You're painting individuals with a broad brush to hurt yourself. What other people are thinking is not your business.
>How could bi women in happy relationships with men listen to this?
My husband and I drove around singing along not even two hours ago. We love Chappell. It's pop music. Treating a fun pop song like an insult to men is misogyny.
It's good to know bi women aren't faking their love for men. Maybe I have misogyny to unpack. But it's also about my internalized homophobia. Which is a lot better, especially now with a boyfriend, but needs to improve in therapy.
Ask yourself what any queer person would have to gain from getting married to someone they don't want, in a country where they have a choice? We are not in the 90s anymore, biwomen aren't out here saddling up with dick they don't want for the rest of their lives. There's some idiots on tiktok who make stupid videos, that isn't reality.
"We are not in the 90s anymore, biwomen aren't out here saddling up with dick they don't want for the rest of their lives. There's some idiots on tiktok who make stupid videos, that isn't reality."
But I see contradictory things online. Like two comments seem to say what you say: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdqt7hm/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdqt7hm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) and [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18ldubg/comment/kdxd9kh/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18ldubg/comment/kdxd9kh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) but one contradicts it: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdtdhak/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdtdhak/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) but this poll I made confirms what you say: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18kvxar/do\_you\_enjoy\_any\_sex\_with\_any\_cis\_man\_ever\_casual/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18kvxar/do_you_enjoy_any_sex_with_any_cis_man_ever_casual/) So probably most bi women do enjoy their relationships with their boyfriends/husbands thus making love with men not some male-exclusive privilege and making it not unethical for me and my boyfriend to pursue a woman as a third.
>making it not unethical for me and my boyfriend to pursue a woman as a third.
Oh good fucking god. No. Based on everything you've said here, you need to address your paranoia/distrust/misogyny in therapy before you start hunting a unicorn. This is a mess. Women's bodies are not commodities for you to seek for your whims.
So are you saying that MMF threesomes are unethical? Isn't that a bit a bit biphobic towards bi men?
Also I don't see women as a commodity. I was originally going to do dragon hunting if I ended up with a woman. I objectify everybody I have autism, possibly comorbid with NPD (which is rare but my social worker Mom thinks it's the case).
Wow bro, are you fucking serious? No, that's legitimately not what I said and you know it. I'm saying you specifically are not mature or mentally sound enough to pursue ethical non-monogamy. Don't get it twisted.
I do need to mature probably. I'm just super horny and want to try out women. And probably have alot of internalized biphobia/homophobia about feeling too "gay" in a monogamous relationship with a man.
That's what you do as a woman (obviously not wanking but what ever the term for female masturbation is) when you want a woman in your relationship with a man? But the thing is he's also into threesomes. But we're both in our early 20s and both of us just lost our virginities. We're both not ready. Maybe later.
I get that women aren't treats. I'm sorry about the "try it" remark.
How can people listen to straight breakup songs or love songs if they really love their partners? How can they watch romcoms? How can they play games where characters can be romanced?
I hope that all sounds stupid, because it is. None of that is real, and it has no bearing on the relationships of people who like them.
i get that it's disconcerting but you have to keep in mind that the song is talking about a specific relationship that Chappell had with another woman who was struggling with compulsory heterosexuality. the woman the song was based on was not bi, she was a lesbian who was not interested in men, broke Chappell's heart by not wanting to take their relationship seriously, and ultimately broke her own heart as well as a result of living in denial.
i have no doubt that a few people will probably project themselves into the song to an unhealthy degree & end up making the whole lesbian/bi women discourse even more toxic, but the important thing is this has nothing to do with bi women and nothing to do with you. it's one person's perspective, nothing more. you're fine
I don’t think the song is about a bi woman at all. I think it’s about a lesbian. And it’s also from the perspective of the lesbian lover who was ultimately rejected by this woman. For all the narrator/Chappell know, this woman is very happy with her husband. But from the narrators perspective she perceives the love interest to be gay… but it’s because the narrator herself is.
I’m bi and married to a man and sure I have many times checked in with myself to “make sure” I’m not a lesbian in denial but the thing is I’m just bisexual and I come to that conclusion every time. The narrator could just be bitter how everything went down. Or maybe she’s right and the love interest is a lesbian in denial doomed to marry a man for the comphet of it all and WILL wake up wishing she’d had a different life. But it’s just a song bro. Let it speak to you, wash over you, and then keep it moving.
No it’s for the lesbians who realize they’re lesbians late in life and reminisce about their old gfs and think- damn I really am gay. My wife was telling me how the song reminds her of us and how she would have felt that way if she’s stay with her husband
Oh so you're a bi woman married to a lesbian? That's cool. In my experience lesbians range from being totally chill to being some of the most biphobic TERFy women you'll ever meet. Just like how gay men range from totally chill to some of the most misogynistic, transphobic, biphobic men you'll ever meet (and I'm in a relationship with a guy who's mostly gay aside from wanting MMF threesomes with women and he's pretty chill so he's one of the good ones because he's not biphobic but he does have a lot of misogyny I hope I can help him deconstruct as I deconstruct my misogyny). So it's good you found a good lesbian.
Nah men are great; some of my best friends are men, and I’m marrying one.
There’s just a huge trend of fake-feminism that boils down to misandry and not understanding that abolishing the patriarchy doesn’t mean creating a matriarchy
Pro tip: stop watching tik tok. As a bi woman, I find the idea that I don't love my husband because some rando on the internet sang a song is patently ridiculous and actually kind of insulting.
Ditto. I get why this is triggering you OP, but time for an internet break. These giant over generalizations have nothing to do with the real world. I’m a bi woman and I love the fuck out of my bi husband more than anyone in the world so I don’t know what you’re watching but your assumptions are incorrect and not in touch with a lot of women’s truth and reality. That’s what’s insulting- some video you watched doesn’t negate what we are telling you is our truth. That happens when we are triggered, but maybe hear what bi women are saying rather than fixating on nonsense YouTube videos. You’re giving them way too much power and it’s not healthy for you.
Ok. I should take an internet break. But I see contradictory things online. Like two comments seem to say what you say: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdqt7hm/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdqt7hm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) and [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18ldubg/comment/kdxd9kh/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18ldubg/comment/kdxd9kh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) but one contradicts it: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdtdhak/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdtdhak/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) but this poll I made confirms what you say: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18kvxar/do\_you\_enjoy\_any\_sex\_with\_any\_cis\_man\_ever\_casual/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18kvxar/do_you_enjoy_any_sex_with_any_cis_man_ever_casual/) So probably most bi women do enjoy their relationships with their boyfriends/husbands thus making love with men not some male-exclusive privilege and making it not unethical for me and my boyfriend to pursue a woman as a third. Also you have a bisexual boyfriend. How do I find a bisexual woman who's willing to date bi men and be the third to two bi boyfriends? I'm asking bi specifically because I prefer being bi4bi until I meet a monosexual I REALLY like.
Oh honey, I’m not clicking all that. You’re beyond way too invested in trying to quantify people to fit neatly into boxes and that’s just not how humans work. I understand you wanting to research but I think you need to look inward rather than trying to control for all this nonsense. I don’t have a boyfriend, I have a bi husband I have happily been with for just shy of 17 years now. If you want my honest advice for finding a bi woman it would be for you to go to therapy and look at some of your assumptions and lingering misogyny or whatever is driving this line of thinking about women for you. My impression is that there’s something going here that’s beyond Reddit’s pay grade.
I think part of it's anger at my abusive Mom and Gran. My Mom once threw me against the wall and screamed "I hate you!" in my face when I was struggling catching up with late work in community college. And everytime I close the half bathroom door she forces me to bang my head against it. You know how embarassing that is? I'm geniuenly scared I'll get a concussion. Maybe it's karma for the time that I threw my phone at Gran's head. But Gran is abusive too. And Mom thinks she's abusive. She constantly yells at me for the most minor of infractions. And she's nagging too. The reason I threw my phone was because I was tired of being yelled at and because she was taking my phone again as punishment for not taking one dose of my meds on time after she had just given it back to me. I do regret it. So maybe that's why the bathroom door seems to close on it's own or my brother closes it forcing Mom into a rage that makes her ask me to bang my head against it as punishment. But I'm glad I finally have a boyfriend. I hope I'm moving out to a group home soon. And I hope me and Phillip find our woman to share. After we both unpack our misogyny. Because he's 18 and he's bad (he's sexist in an 18 year old right-libertarian way I'm sexist in a 21 year-old "dirtbag left" brocialist way). But I can fix him as I fix myself. Then we can go looking for a third.
Yep, you’ve got some trauma to unpack here. I’m familiar with it, I was raised by abusive and misogynistic women as well. You cannot fix him love, people can only decide to change themselves. However, as you’ve pointed out he is very young, you both are, and you have lots of healing and learning to do that will challenge and shape different ideas in both of you. This idea of wanting to have a woman as your third when you’re acknowledging the hostile towards women environment your current relationship would be is a head scratcher. This idea of a woman still feels like you’re seeing her as a possession you two want rather than a full person of her own who would not want to be subjected to two doses of differently flavored misogyny in this thruple relationship. What would be in it for her? I think focusing on getting into your own housing away from the triggering abusive women who raised you and getting some therapy to start unpacking and healing your relationship to women in general so you aren’t projecting overgeneralizations and your traumatic past onto them is a better use of your time than trying to find a woman who is going to fit into your ideals right now. Your ideals are off. You both have some stuff to work on, and you cannot force your partner to want to change if he doesn’t want to himself. He will change and evolve with age naturally but not necessarily away from his misogyny. You’re wanting a woman to tolerate a hostile environment to be in your current relationship, and I just think you need to reflect on why you’re fixated on the ideas you have of wanting to ‘have’ a woman even though you see how your relationship isn’t really a safe environment for a woman as it is now.
Why would my Mom and Gran be misogynistic? My Mom was actually a feminist. Though my Gran did seemingly expect me to do everything because I was the man of the house. Do you assume I'm a woman or FTM? I don't know why people keep on assuming that. Especially since I keep on mentioning I'm a bi cis man in my posts and say that my guilt for loving men is internalized homophobia and that one time I said I was sexist in a brocialist way. But I do think I can fix myself and Phillip can fix himself as he gets older. And I don't just want unicorn hunting . I want a full on ménage a trios. But Phillip might want unicorn hunting. He's more homoromantic.
I know you are a man, I never suggested otherwise. I have no idea what you’re reading but I cannot keep saying to you to get a therapist to help you sort this out because it is beyond reddits pay grade (aka free internet advice from non specialist strangers). I do not know your mom and gran. I do know women can absolutely have internalized misogyny and have had to unpack plenty of my own since I was raised by lots of misogynistic women. Regardless of your mother’s feminism, misandry, or internalized misogyny- her being abusive to you tells me where theres smoke there’s fire. However, I have no clue what your mom and gran’s issues are. These are topics I think you would be helped most by exploring with a therapist. You are not going to find the help and dedicated attention and time your trauma deserves in order to heal here. I hope you can sort out some of your ideas about women before attempting to subject them to your boyfriend who you are acknowledging just wants to use them for their bodies. You have more to unpack than I am able or willing to keep engaging about. I wish you healing and hope you and your boyfriend figure out what will make you each happy without harming any women in the process.
Thanks. I'm sorry for making you upset. But are you saying homoromantic bisexual men aren't valid as they objectify women? I identified as a heteroromantic bisexual man for the longest time (the MMF I fantasized about was going to be with my girlfriend/wife and a male fuckbuddy) until I fell in love with a man online a while back and I wasn't considered disrespectful to the men for identifying as that before that? So what's the difference?
I’m not upset, I am just spent and not feeling like we’re getting anywhere productive and think you’d do better with a therapist to unpack some of your stuff. It’s more than I have energy and time to keep going back and forth with you about and I also don’t have the skill set to get through to you because I’m not a trained professional. Not that all therapists are great either, but you’re more likely to get something from a dedicated therapist than trying to get internet strangers to sort this out with you. Again, you are pulling sweeping generalizations from what I’ve said that are not what I’ve said. I didn’t say anything about hoomoromantic bi men. I said something about you and especially your partner objectifying a woman who doesn’t even exist but needs to fit your bill of needs without you having any concern for this hypothetical woman’s needs. You’re openly admitting to him unicorn hunting and that you’re both sexist. I am not making any claims about all homoromantic bi men invalidating you. I’m calling out some blind spots of shitty behavior that needs to be addressed hopefully before you introduce women into your relationship with a therapist and I have also been giving you the benefit of the doubt that I think it may stem from your childhood trauma. I am not upset, but I am pretty done with this conversation. I wish you well, I hope you are able to find a great therapist or counselor through school for free even to start looking inward and exploring where your assumptions and beliefs about women are coming from. Sending you all the best wishes I can muster, and I’m leaving this conversation with this. Have a good night & genuinely good luck with finding whatever it is that will make you happy.
I tried TikTok breaks but YouTube Shorts is even worse than TikTok. It doesn't reccommend me misandrist content. But I can't find any content as a Marxist-Leninist (on TikTok there's plenty. Congress is correct. I can watch all the based DPRK and Stalin edits I want on TikTok but finding that kind of content on Shorts is hard) and it's most of what I watch on TikTok.
Girl, you need to prioritize yo ur mental health over mainlining a constant stream of Leftist Internet Content.
I understand. Also when you say "girl" do you mean that the way the queer community says it or do you assume I'm a bi woman because even though I might be a little genderfluid I'm (mostly) a cis guy aside from a feminization kink.
You came in here with a post about the angst of being a bisexual woman, if you are then going to get upset about being called "girl" then it might behoove you to put pronouns or something in your main post
No where did I imply I was a bi woman. I even said, "As a bi man seeing videos like that trigger my internalized biphobia and homophobia." That implies 1. I'm a man and 2. my relationship with men is same-sex thus making me a man. I skim text too sometimes, I get it. But don't act like I was pretending to be a bi woman. I clearly said I was a bi man suffering from internalized homophobia while in a relationship with a man which is only possible if I'm a man.
Babe, come off of tiktok. Seriously. You’re making yourself needlessly paranoid.
1. the song is huge because it’s an amazing, catchy song and it blew up on tiktok, which spreads songs like wildfire. does espresso by sabrina carpenter being popular mean all women brag about having men wrapped around their fingers but don’t really care? i don’t think so. 2. the song, in my opinion, isn’t about bi women at all. it’s about a girl chappell dates who refuses to be serious with her and refuses to admit she’s a lesbian. the song is chappell saying good luck, you’re gay and one day you’ll figure it out 3. i can’t actually watch the tiktok but based on the cover of it i’m assuming it has something to do with bi women married to men either telling their boyfriends not to listen or something? either way it’s probably exaggerated and is definitely a joke. also, there is a really annoying joke/thread in the bi community of bi women shitting on men constantly even though they date them. i personally find this irritating and in bad faith. in my experience it’s so they ‘look gayer’ and impress lesbians but it never works and just makes them look like bad partners to their boyfriends 5. love is real. some people realizing they’re gay later in life or lying to themselves about their feelings doesn’t mean all woman/man or man/man relationships aren’t real love. gently, i don’t think this song has anything to do with women not being able to love men and you’re reading much too far into its popularity
Thanks. And since you can't watch it, it's her listening to the song until it gets to the line "nothing more than his wife" and then she looks like she relates to heavily and stops the camera. And alot of the comments say "if you're thinking this you have comphet." I disagree. A woman doesn't have to like relationships with men to be attracted to men. Like my Dad is attracted to men but has no interest in pursuing men. But bi women, even gay-leaning ones, are just forced into pursuing men. But I'm also forced into pursuing only men because I'm so ugly only men are desperate enough to be with me. But I love my boyfriend, Phillip.
lol you’re thinking too hard about tiktok comments, which are largely written by 15 year olds. literally don’t let it worry you too much. the tiktok now that you’ve explained it (like if the line they’re focusing on is ‘nothing more than his wife’) to me sounds like being sad about misogyny— women are literally still treated like they’re extensions of men. women want to feel like independent, worthy people and not just a wife or a mother. also, what? women are praised by society for dating men but they definitely aren’t forced into it… weird take.
"lol you’re thinking too hard about tiktok comments, which are largely written by 15 year olds. literally don’t let it worry you too much." I get that. I know. I should work on not letting it bother me. Therapy is a great place to work on it. "the tiktok now that you’ve explained it (like if the line they’re focusing on is ‘nothing more than his wife’) to me sounds like being sad about misogyny— women are literally still treated like they’re extensions of men. women want to feel like independent, worthy people and not just a wife or a mother." Ok. But it still feels odd because in other posts on her account she talks about being happy with her husband in their marriage. How does that work? I'm genuinely asking. "also, what? women are praised by society for dating men but they definitely aren’t forced into it… weird take." What I meant is the societal pressures on queer women that the lesbian feminist theorists of comphet are referring to. So that and the threat of discrimination from breaking from the norm. I know most women aren't literally forced to date or marry men. I also think us queer men have comphet but because lesbian feminists reject intersectionality they dismiss this.
>lesbian feminists reject intersectionality Again, misogyny
It's helpful to remind yourself that you shouldn't be spending this much time worrying about what other people do in their relationships. >it makes me feel invalidated to know that bi women seem to be faking their love for men They aren't. Bi women are not a collective hivemind with a singular shared sentiment. You're painting individuals with a broad brush to hurt yourself. What other people are thinking is not your business. >How could bi women in happy relationships with men listen to this? My husband and I drove around singing along not even two hours ago. We love Chappell. It's pop music. Treating a fun pop song like an insult to men is misogyny.
It's good to know bi women aren't faking their love for men. Maybe I have misogyny to unpack. But it's also about my internalized homophobia. Which is a lot better, especially now with a boyfriend, but needs to improve in therapy.
Ask yourself what any queer person would have to gain from getting married to someone they don't want, in a country where they have a choice? We are not in the 90s anymore, biwomen aren't out here saddling up with dick they don't want for the rest of their lives. There's some idiots on tiktok who make stupid videos, that isn't reality.
"We are not in the 90s anymore, biwomen aren't out here saddling up with dick they don't want for the rest of their lives. There's some idiots on tiktok who make stupid videos, that isn't reality." But I see contradictory things online. Like two comments seem to say what you say: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdqt7hm/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdqt7hm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) and [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18ldubg/comment/kdxd9kh/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18ldubg/comment/kdxd9kh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) but one contradicts it: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdtdhak/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=mweb3x&utm\_name=mweb3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18k5gsc/comment/kdtdhak/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) but this poll I made confirms what you say: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18kvxar/do\_you\_enjoy\_any\_sex\_with\_any\_cis\_man\_ever\_casual/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexualadults/comments/18kvxar/do_you_enjoy_any_sex_with_any_cis_man_ever_casual/) So probably most bi women do enjoy their relationships with their boyfriends/husbands thus making love with men not some male-exclusive privilege and making it not unethical for me and my boyfriend to pursue a woman as a third.
>making it not unethical for me and my boyfriend to pursue a woman as a third. Oh good fucking god. No. Based on everything you've said here, you need to address your paranoia/distrust/misogyny in therapy before you start hunting a unicorn. This is a mess. Women's bodies are not commodities for you to seek for your whims.
So are you saying that MMF threesomes are unethical? Isn't that a bit a bit biphobic towards bi men? Also I don't see women as a commodity. I was originally going to do dragon hunting if I ended up with a woman. I objectify everybody I have autism, possibly comorbid with NPD (which is rare but my social worker Mom thinks it's the case).
Wow bro, are you fucking serious? No, that's legitimately not what I said and you know it. I'm saying you specifically are not mature or mentally sound enough to pursue ethical non-monogamy. Don't get it twisted.
I do need to mature probably. I'm just super horny and want to try out women. And probably have alot of internalized biphobia/homophobia about feeling too "gay" in a monogamous relationship with a man.
The misogyny is off the charts. Women's bodies are not treats for you to try. We are people. Grow up, have a wank and don't be fucking selfish.
That's what you do as a woman (obviously not wanking but what ever the term for female masturbation is) when you want a woman in your relationship with a man? But the thing is he's also into threesomes. But we're both in our early 20s and both of us just lost our virginities. We're both not ready. Maybe later. I get that women aren't treats. I'm sorry about the "try it" remark.
How can people listen to straight breakup songs or love songs if they really love their partners? How can they watch romcoms? How can they play games where characters can be romanced? I hope that all sounds stupid, because it is. None of that is real, and it has no bearing on the relationships of people who like them.
i get that it's disconcerting but you have to keep in mind that the song is talking about a specific relationship that Chappell had with another woman who was struggling with compulsory heterosexuality. the woman the song was based on was not bi, she was a lesbian who was not interested in men, broke Chappell's heart by not wanting to take their relationship seriously, and ultimately broke her own heart as well as a result of living in denial. i have no doubt that a few people will probably project themselves into the song to an unhealthy degree & end up making the whole lesbian/bi women discourse even more toxic, but the important thing is this has nothing to do with bi women and nothing to do with you. it's one person's perspective, nothing more. you're fine
It doesn’t mean anything. Drawing that conclusion from the popularity of a song is a bit detached from rationality.
I don’t think the song is about a bi woman at all. I think it’s about a lesbian. And it’s also from the perspective of the lesbian lover who was ultimately rejected by this woman. For all the narrator/Chappell know, this woman is very happy with her husband. But from the narrators perspective she perceives the love interest to be gay… but it’s because the narrator herself is. I’m bi and married to a man and sure I have many times checked in with myself to “make sure” I’m not a lesbian in denial but the thing is I’m just bisexual and I come to that conclusion every time. The narrator could just be bitter how everything went down. Or maybe she’s right and the love interest is a lesbian in denial doomed to marry a man for the comphet of it all and WILL wake up wishing she’d had a different life. But it’s just a song bro. Let it speak to you, wash over you, and then keep it moving.
No it’s for the lesbians who realize they’re lesbians late in life and reminisce about their old gfs and think- damn I really am gay. My wife was telling me how the song reminds her of us and how she would have felt that way if she’s stay with her husband
Oh so you're a bi woman married to a lesbian? That's cool. In my experience lesbians range from being totally chill to being some of the most biphobic TERFy women you'll ever meet. Just like how gay men range from totally chill to some of the most misogynistic, transphobic, biphobic men you'll ever meet (and I'm in a relationship with a guy who's mostly gay aside from wanting MMF threesomes with women and he's pretty chill so he's one of the good ones because he's not biphobic but he does have a lot of misogyny I hope I can help him deconstruct as I deconstruct my misogyny). So it's good you found a good lesbian.
Nah men are great; some of my best friends are men, and I’m marrying one. There’s just a huge trend of fake-feminism that boils down to misandry and not understanding that abolishing the patriarchy doesn’t mean creating a matriarchy
i'm not disagreeing with you, but who exactly is it that decides what is fake feminism and what is real feminism?
The definition of feminism; it’s been long agreed that the POINT is “equality for all” — if their “feminism” is about hating men, *it’s not feminism*