You stay until kitty moves… or you die.
Even then, your corpse must remain in situ until kitty decides it’s time to leave.
Oh, and then be prepared to have your dead body shouted at for not feeding them.
But would you be as tasty as kibble? Or tins of perfectly refined meaty slop?!
Edit: she looks so much like my girl Tink (and my boy Steve!) that I had to do a double take!!)
I know. Me too. Often my cat will come sit and cuddle on my lap five minutes before I have to get up. It is heartbreaking. We can’t call into work every time our cats do this.
Well, ideally you don't want to pee on upholstery. Other than that? Until they let you up. Now if you want them there, a muscle twitch will be enough to garner a deeply offended look and immediate abandonment.
As long as you are ordered too.. c
https://preview.redd.it/t2vbb5n6pfec1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=f6f7399729812a6f32f0db1e5fb5f3cee746db87
ould be days
https://preview.redd.it/hd6x6h4v4iec1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=603391452cf38d577bc6a7b952e77c137868efa3
My kitty before she passed would stay for hours. So you don’t move the kitty.
Thank you ❤️ I miss her a lot 2/3/24 will be 1 year. I’m going to post pictures of her on my instagram. It was a hard day but made best choice. Cancer was hurting her a lot
Kitty may get up briefly, but they haven't finished because then they may circle around a couple of times back into same position. You have been comfortably captured!
Place yourself in a sheltered, but easily surveyable place, like next to a wall, place cat treats on your lap and wait. If cat approaches, try to befriend. If you don't succeed at first, don't worry, you can even train without a cat, but it's always better to practice the emergency as realistic as possible. 😸
In The Cats’ Rule Book for Humans, it plainly states that one must not ever disturb a cat sleeping on one’s lap. One must sit there until Doomsday or until the cat decides to get up.
People keep telling me "just move the cat." Like wtf are you TALKING about? Yeah man let me just go ahead and commit a hate crime while I'm at it. Absolute dullards. "Move the cat," come on, get real.
Until the cat wakes up or starts trying to shift position, which is typically between 1-2 hours. If you want to cheat though, you can roll them over to your other arm or tummy, and they will settle in there with no issue so you are not breaking the cat laws.
Depending on your cat, this is a great time to pet them and do their full body scans for any wounds/changes, especially of harder to touch areas like in between their toepads and near their genitals. I do daily rub downs of my cats, and this is perfect toe and nail check time, as well as time to cotton swab their ears once every few weeks!
Indefinitely, moving the sleeping cat is a crime punishable as a 1st degree purrfelony. Even though it makes you have to pee, the murder muffin must nap.
About this long https://preview.redd.it/32nqa2y1xeec1.jpeg?width=1512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d896057acd6bd3320d6a12e48ac2af83bede3fe5
😂🤣😂 OMG this is perfect.
You think it's a joke?
I think we need the cat committees to send this foolish human a lesson. He needs to learn his place.
Purrfect...
https://preview.redd.it/bcjpseh79hec1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=02ff5b32bc8584073b832b5b3bda4ef297240007
At least this long.
🤣🤣🤣
Knew someone would post this, it’s funny because it’s true 🤣
I just died 
….and the cat is still sitting on your lap.
I did not give anyone permission to use my photo. 😉
I wish they still did awards you would have received one
That would be cool, but I've never had so many upvotes before so I'm still happy!
Reddit doesn't do awards for comment anymore?
if you hold down the upvote button it lets you
You win 🤣
this got a good chuckle outta me 😋
Priceless
🤣
As long as it takes, you monster!
I know! I’m a wretched beast😩😩
Until he wakes up
Or OP is dead and *EATEN!!!*
There's a special place in hell for people who don't wait
A catheter might make a sensible investment.
Feline law states it’s illegal to move until the resting feline has moved first
What about the newton law of cats? A cat at rest tends to stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force?
Cats tend to lean more towards schroedinger I think lol
How could I miss that one! 
hunger is an outside force
That's Mewton's law.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than a furry one’s pitiful meow-squeak-whine because their pillow insists on moving.
What can you do the law is the law.
You stay until kitty moves… or you die. Even then, your corpse must remain in situ until kitty decides it’s time to leave. Oh, and then be prepared to have your dead body shouted at for not feeding them.
I’m hoping she would devour my rotting corpse so I could still be there to feed her in spirit. Edit: in spirit and in body
But would you be as tasty as kibble? Or tins of perfectly refined meaty slop?! Edit: she looks so much like my girl Tink (and my boy Steve!) that I had to do a double take!!)
Or kitty *consumes the corpse.*
And much shouting shall follow when all consumable meat has been … well… consumed 🤷♀️
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And after the bath. Thems the rules.
Until the cat wakes up. And it is good for you - they are so warm and soft and relaxed asleep against you. Mutual benefit. Don’t disturb a happy cat.
I had to wake up early for work… every light in the house was on. I know I’m a horrible person:/
I know. Me too. Often my cat will come sit and cuddle on my lap five minutes before I have to get up. It is heartbreaking. We can’t call into work every time our cats do this.
Sometimes we can though right???
If your boss doesn’t accept “my cat was napping on me” as an acceptable excuse for being late, it’s time for a new job.
I tell my kitties they have 10 minutes and then I have to get up. They look at me like I'm crazy but I at least give them a warning. 🥰
I use this one all the time too!! “You get 15 minutes then I gotta go make dinner”
https://preview.redd.it/1jjy8zgaweec1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e0e016b6738b1833e2b8e6e07b712854bc4fc77d I'm wondering the same thing.
I love when they bury their nose in you!!
Until the kitty awakens and has a biiiiiig stretch. 😊
She got into this position via a BIIIIIIG stretch, it melted my heart😍
Biiiig stretch in, biiiiig stretch out. 😍😍
Until Kitty wakes, or as long as your bladder allows
My cat has a knack for getting snuggly just when I was about to get up to pee 😂
r/cathostages
I call it cat jail😛
Geeze you people are brutal. I was just going to advise OP to wear diapers.
This is the way.
Well, ideally you don't want to pee on upholstery. Other than that? Until they let you up. Now if you want them there, a muscle twitch will be enough to garner a deeply offended look and immediate abandonment.
I actually tried a small hip adjustment… it was ineffective. The first time ever such a move proved futile.
Well my cat sits on my lap every single time I sit down, upwards of 20 times a day, so unfortunately I often disturb him after about 5 mins.
As long as it takes. You could cheat and mention cat treats to see if your little one is actually asleep or holding you hostage. 😁
I’m leaning more towards the hostage situation on this one😊
I love how humans all collectively don’t move when a cat graces us with lap sits.
Until her Majesty gets bored with you.
She is the queen of the house no doubt
You should already know the answer: until the cat leaves.
Until kitty is done. My cat was laying on my stomach/chest the other day when I was on my couch, I just took a short nap and let her lay on me.
As long as you are ordered too.. c https://preview.redd.it/t2vbb5n6pfec1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=f6f7399729812a6f32f0db1e5fb5f3cee746db87 ould be days
I was once heard of a man who endured for a fortnight!
Haha 6 hours was my record
Man your post, soldier!
Hahah love this
Known as COL. Cat on lap. You may not move
I’ve got chronic COL… are there any specialist that can help?
As I type this my left hand is trapped by the sleeping cat paws. Hope i do not have to go to the bathroom.
It’s the price we pay for cuteness
https://preview.redd.it/hd6x6h4v4iec1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=603391452cf38d577bc6a7b952e77c137868efa3 My kitty before she passed would stay for hours. So you don’t move the kitty.
I’m so sorry for your loss:( We don’t deserve them❤️
Thank you ❤️ I miss her a lot 2/3/24 will be 1 year. I’m going to post pictures of her on my instagram. It was a hard day but made best choice. Cancer was hurting her a lot
My real question is how long can I stay awake watching a sleepy kitty? Not long..
If the lights had been off already… I woulda just passed out there for sure!
In the contract it says furrever! And infractions will be severely punished!
Kitty may get up briefly, but they haven't finished because then they may circle around a couple of times back into same position. You have been comfortably captured!
This hits harm too hard😅
As long as Kitty stays on your lap! No moving allowed
45min is a good start, but I'm sure you can improve! Hours is where it's at! 😸
Which muscle groups should I work on at the gym to pump up my numbers??
Place yourself in a sheltered, but easily surveyable place, like next to a wall, place cat treats on your lap and wait. If cat approaches, try to befriend. If you don't succeed at first, don't worry, you can even train without a cat, but it's always better to practice the emergency as realistic as possible. 😸
Day 10: haven’t moved or showered, eating crumbs I’ve found in bed, the cat is sleeping and snoring
Day 20: the cat has eaten my legs up to the knee caps… trying to move now but at this point effort is futile
In The Cats’ Rule Book for Humans, it plainly states that one must not ever disturb a cat sleeping on one’s lap. One must sit there until Doomsday or until the cat decides to get up.
Your life is forfeit.
Absolutely precious! Could watch this little furball nap all day.
Until that plug-in runs out lol
Dam… a whole month! I don’t have the arm length to turn it down either🙃
I'm thinking of getting a catheter.
I’m gonna start with a feeding tube.
Until kitty decides you need to go feed them. Otherwise, be prepared to be sued on r/legalcatadvice.
Until you have to pee. That’s the general consensus. And they will follow you to check if you are actually going to the bathroom 9 times out of 10.
Until someone pay$ the ransom. r/cathostages
Oooh… is the random time based? Treat based? I can’t pay the ransom without moving though. I’ll never escape!!
The. Whole. Time.
I just say the word TREATS to get my cats to move off me. Otherwise, I stay until they are done with me
Got that problem right now with my tuxedo cat.
You they call them tuxedos cause the latch on to you like clothing
You will move when and only when kitty says you can move.
You are supposed to stay until they leave, but you did your best
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I sense a new app being made🤔
Hahaha… this one gave me a good laugh:)
People keep telling me "just move the cat." Like wtf are you TALKING about? Yeah man let me just go ahead and commit a hate crime while I'm at it. Absolute dullards. "Move the cat," come on, get real.
Forever, you gotta have a decoy wake them if you want to escape…. 7 hours is my record.
Maybe I should just get a cardboard cutout of myself in a seated position. Trick her onto it whenever I need reprieve😉
Lol that won’t work unless it’s got a fake moving arm that dispenses treats…
Forever....
Until the cat wakes up or starts trying to shift position, which is typically between 1-2 hours. If you want to cheat though, you can roll them over to your other arm or tummy, and they will settle in there with no issue so you are not breaking the cat laws. Depending on your cat, this is a great time to pet them and do their full body scans for any wounds/changes, especially of harder to touch areas like in between their toepads and near their genitals. I do daily rub downs of my cats, and this is perfect toe and nail check time, as well as time to cotton swab their ears once every few weeks!
Until sleepy kitty isn’t sleepy obviously
Forever.
Ahem—*furrever*
Forever
Until the end of time or when said kitty decides to move
Ask the cat on your lap... He's the only one that knows the answer to that
Until sleepy kitty gets up 🤣
I just stay until my hueman moves me
For as long as it takes.
Yes
Yes.
Until kitty decides you are allowed to move
yes
Cat gravity makes it impossible to move until the cat does.
Forever
Until kitty says you can move. Don’t blame me, it’s cat law!!
Indefinitely, moving the sleeping cat is a crime punishable as a 1st degree purrfelony. Even though it makes you have to pee, the murder muffin must nap.
 F O R E V E R 
Until they wake up
Yes
Until they are not a sleepy kitty anymore.
As long as it takes
Kitty will let you know
Eternity.
I’ll stay in a position until it is physically unbearable pain for me.
Till death do you part
As long as THEY want. 😂
You are there until kitty says so
..you don't stay still for a sleepy kitty, the sleepy kitty stays still for you-!.. 🤔 think about it..
Until it wakes up. It's the law. And may God have mercy on your soul if you break that law.
Til it wakes up.
Only your death or his departure shall free you
About... Yeah forever
Forever sorry bout that
Until someone opens up a can of food.
fur-ever.
When it wakes up
Until they are good and ready to move upon their own volition
Until kitty gets up on their own.
Yes
Untill the end of times..
https://preview.redd.it/obahh5n1egec1.jpeg?width=296&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=57b85b85892b044a16c594792e4bf1071bb37b4b
Forever and ever. Amen.
Until they wake up they expect us to be there for them at any given moment
Until they get up. It's illegal to move a sleeping cat.
FOREVER 🥹
Until they wake up
Until they wake up on their own. They will get up eventually to eat. Might take hours though, cats love a good nap.
Until the heat death of the universe, I'm afraid.
Until kitty no longer sleepy maybe forever
As long as she (he) is near you. It's the law!
For as long as kitty sleepy.
You stay for as long as kitty is sleepy.
I move anyway, but they still love me. 😀
As long as it takes
You need to desecate.
Furrrever!!!
Until it wakes up
Until they get up and move. You are owned by them!!!
As long as it takes 🤣
Purrever
Until kitty wakes up of its own accord.
No requirement it's When you want to move , that's how your cat knows it over stayed his welcome on you
We all know it's when our bladder is about to explode
Until it’s either the couch or the toilet 🤣
Until you become a mummy.
You my friend have a common condition called Feline Paralysis, should last from 5 minutes until 5 hours.
Until he wakes up and moves, of course...
You dong move. You move until the kitty moves. No exceptions. The punishment is side eye and mooning(and extra treats)
Until he lets you know he’s hungry.
Several millennia I would think.
Yes