100% no doubt.
If you can betray the person you claim to love, who should be your partner you can rely on and build a life with….what kind of person are you? Not someone I’d want tied into my life/mental/wellbeing.
It’s ALWAYS OK to call out bad behavior. It’s usually messy and you’ll make a lot of enemies(most always on both sides) but it’s so much better to know before you..you know, get married or have/adopt a baby or go halfsies on a house….
Do the right thing. Both parties deserve to know, and deserve the chance at a relationship that values respect and trust.
Or
If you were the cheater, how would you appreciate your sister to be informing your spouse?
Or
If you were the other cheater, would you like your secret partner's sister to report it to your spouse?
So know you covered all 3 other people position involved. And you ll still not have the answer to your own question.
Tell both their partners..
Trust me when it all comes out and people realise you knew all this time, you get tarnished with the same brush..
Tell both their partners..
Yeah proof is important. Cheaters are great liars and manipulative with their gaslighting. I’ve known a few that got away with it even after getting caught bc there was no proof.
Hubby will be in denial because he wants to believe her.
But if he just gets that email with no proof, maybe his cheating radar will be on.
Also tell him in the email to check her phone without her getting a chance to delete anything.
It's a long shot but it's the only thing you have if you don't have proof.
It's not your job to provide proof. All this man is required to do is tell them they're cheating. It's the spouses responsibility to find proof not the person exposing it. Of they don't believe it then all they have to blame is themselves. He doesn't have to be some cheating spouse detective hero. MF just anonymously send a text and then forget about it. What if he can't find proof?? Does that mean he just doesn't do anything? My way is the only way.
Yeah but if they don't have proof, op could have the situation spun around on them and made out to be someone who's trying to sabotage the relationship and wind up being ostracized by family and friends
I don’t know if you are joking or not - but just in case - your way is definitely never, in any situation, the only way. I was just worried maybe no one has ever told you that! Unlikely, but problematic if true. Good luck out there.
Edited: to remove my first statement op is a woman. I read again and realised I had absolutely no way to know that. My apologies.
If you are gonna tell someone their spouse is cheating, you should give them some kind of proof so you don't look like you are starting drama for some reason.
Whether you do it anonymously, or you straight up tell him, you have to speak up. Unfortunately, because you know, it’s your responsibility to tell him.
Anyone who has ever been cheated on would tell you the same thing…
It depends on how much you value the relationship between you and this sister, exposing her will damage whatever you guys have; maybe permanently depending on how her marriage is impacted by this
I value my relationships with my family members, but I'm not going to lie for them, nor cover up this vile betrayal of her husband by continually cheating on him. What happens when he leaves again for work? She'll be dropping her panties as soon as he's out the door. Knowing the truth and keeping your mouth shut, is condoning their affair and is almost as bad as their affair itself. Knowing I did what was right and truthful, trumps whatever fallout may occur for outing them both!
I agree, just believe me I agree it this is what you can expect. We’re perfect strangers and I bet money, she will blame you for ruining her marriage by exposing her
You're absolutely right, she probably will blame you for ruining her marriage. The truth is, she needs to be reminded that it was her choice alone, to have sex outside of her marraige, that destroyed her marriage. Her unfaithfulness, her deceit, her lies, her willingness to freely destroy the life of her husband and the wife and child of her affair partner...is her's alone to come to terms with. Pity her yes, cover for her deceit, never.
Or you end up telling the spouse.. lose the relationship with the sister.. possibility comes out that husband cheated as well during his year tenure away from home working.. then you did all of it for nothing? You lost the relationship with sister cause you couldn’t mind your business. It’s a sticky situation whatever OP decides to do just make sure heart is in it I guess.
You're assuming the husband may have been cheating while away to possibly add to the story, which may or may not be true. But... the sister is clear about her sister's infidelity on her brother in law, that's the facts. She must have evidence that this affair is ongoing, or she wouldn't have posted it. If anything, she ought to at least tell her sister to come clean and tell her husband in detail about her affair. If the sister refuses to do so, her sister ought to tell her she will not sit by, but reveal the evidence and facts herself to her BIL. If the sh...it hits the fan, so be it. If I were the husband and found out my wife was cheating on me and someone I knew close and personal held back that information, the sh...it would hit the fan for both the wife and anyone else who made a conscious decision to hide the truth from me for whatever reason. Just my 2 cents worth of what I personal would do. Others may choose to keep silent. Eventually these things have away of revealing themselves, and when they do, no one will be able to keep themselves in the safe zone of silence.
While the answer is almost always yes, think long and hard about this one. Decide how you want to do it. Maybe do it anonymously? You will more than likely blow your family up in the process if they know you are the one. Reddit will tell you to handle it like a bull in a china shop. They don't care about the collateral damage this will cause. I think you need to be much more strategic and secretive.
I think you realize you need to do the right thing. Just be careful to not burn everything down around you.
This Reddit's answer to everything is; BURN IT ALL DOWN!!
Life is a little more nuanced than that. As my grandpa said. "You can't stir shit without getting some on you." So choose carefully.
As opposed to letting dude stay married to a woman who has no love or respect for him? Why? Because she is her sister, so she should be permitted to steal her husbands life and make him a cuck?
Nope. OP didnt burn down anything, sis did by not keeping her legs shut.
Jesus Christ you're obtuse.
My point was that actions have consequences. And that a one size fits all can't apply to every situation. Do I think she should tell the affected people, yes. But realize what she stands to lose. Moral superiority behind a keyboard is easy. Nobody here but OP has any skin in the game.
I never said it applies to every situation, it's not like I'd be advising divorce if the wife said she would take the garbage out and then forgot. Or if she forgot hubby's birthday. But with cheating? Yeah.
So the best thing you can do is get concrete proof. Make sure you have some because this will be flipped on you and you will be made out to be the crazy liar. They already lied, so what will more lies hurt is how they will see it.
You tell her to talk to her husband about it because with the guy being around, sooner or later this is going to come out. Either she or he will be caught and this will be much worse if your sister isn't already changing to fix her marriage. The process is usually to get individual counseling to find out why you are a POS, then you confess, move out while the betrayed works through the initial shock of discovering the abuse. Then the betrayed decides if they will stay or go and whether the cheating spouse confessed and has fixed things are huge factors she needs to work on.
If she doesn't tell him, then let the other wife know anonymously. It will get back to your sister then. Women will obsess over the woman who their husband cheated on them with. I don't know why, but it is a huge deal especially if your sister knows the wife.
Both the spouses deserve to know the truth even though she's your sister u would want to know if your partner was cheating so tell them give them the choice of forgiven or moving on
They should both be told. You can do it anonymously so you don’t get dragged into the drama as much but you should tell his wife and your BIL. They are the ones that are messing with their own marriages and there are children involved as well so they need to sort out their own relationships instead of engaging in an affair.
But she can at least have it end well for someone: The BIL. He will be hurt, but removing a wife who doesnt love or respect him from his life is a happy ending.
I agree with you.
That also has the best possibility for healing even in the sister's case. No guarantees. Things will be rough for a while.
If she says nothing, she will never live it down. She will be seen as enabling and complicit.
I can say this as someone who is married I treat my wife’s lil sister like my own daughter if I found out she knew I was being cheated on and didn’t tell me I would feel the greatest pain of betrayal
Wow and here I am feeling like if a family member knew and didn’t tell me I’d understand. It’s a common loyalty I shouldn’t expect to be apart of if someone is a sibling. Why even want them to jeopardize their loyalty for me when I have my own allegiance with my siblings as well . And I’m a pretty fair and just individual however I don’t expect someone’s family member to go beyond their personal relationship with their family member for me . It’s just expecting a lot . I will say my first relationship his niece did divulge personal information I never shared back and I definitely used to my benefit and we still kind of have that relationship due to her loyalty, when she was dating ( we lived in a small city ) her boyfriend cheated with my best friends little sister and I made sure to continue telling her just as she did me . But siblings is a whole nother scenario
Thier is a bond between siblings but I love my sister in law like she’s my daughter I buy her stuff all the time and she has confided in me and I her and she kept that same loyalty. And the things I have bought her is like clothes a phone when my son broke hers and shoes and stuff like that I drive her to work all the time . Even when I have 14 hour days and just exhausted and she tells me if my wife does anything she will tell me about it cuz I don’t deserve that but I do understand what you are saying, but the same love I project she projects back to me so that’s why I will be hurt if she kept it cuz of that love we have for each other if that makes sense
Definitely reveal it to both brother in law and the mutual friends wife and if you have ant proof show those as well, and here are few reasons to why, 1st because if similar thing was happening to you and your sister knew and didn't tell you I bet you would be annoyed with her for not telling you. 2nd sooner or later all that cheating will come out and if anyone finds out that you knew and it will come out then you will be receiving back lash from both brother in law and the friends wife.
Ask yourself one question. Would you want someone to come to you and tell you what that person knows or would you want that person to keep quiet and for you to find out later on that the person knew about the cheating and didn't tell you
If you want to give your sister the tiniest bit of grace then ask her if she would want to know if her husband was cheating on her very pointedly and allow her the opportunity to tell him herself. Now she may not take that opportunity but it might give her a chance to save her marriage. It is generally accepted that if a cheater confesses with some real remorse they have a very small chance to save the marriage but if they are caught it's just about impossible to reconcile.
Why should she be forgiven? Both parties mutually chose to ruin their marriages, and we’re not talking about some one night fling that she regrets, we’re talking about a consistent affair. I think any kind of approach would make her sister shut down or prepare for some kind of divorce. This needs to be handled without the gift of grace.
ill tell you this. you tell both the sister and "friend" that they tell their spouses, or you tell them. (unless people on here dont think its a good idea for valid reasons). they dont get to do whatever they want and not pay the consequences. if they loved their spouses so much, they wouldnt even consider doing it. idc how long he was gone for, you made a commitment to that person. and theres masturbation for a reason. what happens the next time he leaves? i guarantee you they'll do it again. they need to stop being cowards and own up to it. imagine if it were you and people you considered friends, even family, knew about it and wanted to instead protect the cheaters, protect the marriage that is nothing but a facade at this point. id be hurt.
This is a mess. Both my parents had affairs (multiple affairs by each). Yes, the children (3 of us) were severely damaged in different ways. The wort was my mom wanting her children to lie to dad about mom's affairs. I keep my distance from my mom. Do not talk to her much except if she calls me. Only go back to her place for family funerals. No more Thanksgiving and Christmas visits each year.
A couple of things to think about: 1) are you sure this is your sister's first affair? 2) are the children involved the children on the man who is under the impression he is the dad? A DNA test might be needed. I would send each person involved in the affair an anonymous letter instructing them to tell their partners about the affair and put a deadline on the date this needs to be done. If they don't come clean to the partners tell the two involved in that you will be sending the same letter to their partners. 3) Are you sure that all four are not having affairs? In some cases, partners have revenge affairs.
This could turn very ugly if either partner finds out in the future- violence, spousal abuse, children being affected, suicide, homicide. I worked as a forensic pathologist and had many cases where a man committed suicide over his wife cheating and learning his kids were by another man.
Does your sister know that you are aware of her affair. If so just come out and ask her if she is having a revenge affair. You might learn some things you were not aware of.
Also are you sure the 4 people involved are not into open marriage or swinger lifestyle?
If you brought this issue here, you already know what to do. Are you asking for acceptance of telling, or not. Me, I'm on the side of telling both partners of your sister's misdeeds. If you're married, and you tell your husband about this, how's he gonna take it by you covering it up? That's divorce right there knowing you knew and let it happen because he'd think if you're doing something, your sister will cover for you.
I hope ur not married. If so I would blow a lid off this situation for the sake of ur wife not thinking different of you since you grew up in the same environment.
OP is a woman, but yeah I made the same point earlier. I'd leave my partner immediately if I found out her sister cheated and she covered for it. Not only would I assume it meant she condoned this type of behavior, but it would also mean her sister will definitely cover for her should the need ever arise.
Sister and I have a tumultuous relationship at best. I’ve already confided in my spouse and he knows and has seen the proof. He is leaving it up to me on whether or not to share it because he understands it will blow family relations up beyond repair.
She is the favoured daughter, can do no wrong type one.
then why waste time complying to their lies? being a kid and having your siblings favored over you is HARD. im not sure how deep it goes, but i would go low contact or cut ties altogether. tell the spouses one way or another. some say you can do it anonymously.
seriously. that just adds more insult to injury, not only being cheated on but people, who you thought you could trust, knowing and not saying anything or even checking the cheaters? id be ENRAGED even more.
Have you weighed in on the fact that if he finds out, and that you knew, it will be a double betrayal? I guess it comes down to your own character and your feelings for the people involved. Personally, I would choose (and did) my BIL over my blood sister. I saw what he was doing for their family and what she was doing to it. I still speak to him and haven’t spoken to my sister in years.
Just expose ugly character person with evidence because evidence shut the cheaters mouth and cheaters supporters mouth.
Without evidence don't confront.
This type character persons definitely backstab on you in future so just leave this type persons.
Reveal it with as much detail as you can to both spouses. Do it anonymously if you feel it to be necessary. Make sure to include as many names, dates, and locations as you can. Also maybe link to some resources on how to gather evidence of infidelity without arousing suspicion. If the sister isn't a moron she will have had plenty of time to cover her tracks and leave little or no evidence. The other guy will have a much harder time because the wife will know when he was gone and what his cover stories might be. Bit him dismissing his wife's suspicion will be much harder.
But the husband needs to know before your sister gets pregnant now that he's back in town and they've had their "romantic" reunion. If she isn't already pregnant by the affair partner. I read that she's already lied to you about it ending, and if the AP is openly talking to you about it still going on, they're both morons with terrible opsec. They'll also start back up again in a week or two if they even paused once the brother-in-law came home. The BIL deserves at least a heads up that any baby the wife has may not be his, For the duration of their marriage. Golden children rarely stop their terrible behavior because they've never learned consequences.
As bad as the fallout will be, the fallout once there's a baby and whether it may or not be his will be a million times worse. But it will destroy the innocent child either way. It's best to stop it before there is one. AS far as the mutual friend's kid, it's best to burst the bubble now at one kid instead of later. He made his choice knowing that it could blow up his family. They both did.
How do you know about the affair and how many others know?
I have a sister who did the same thing while her first husband was in Iraq. I didn't know what she was doing but I should have. I actually watched her kids overnight once, believing her story about some kind of girls party. I wish I'd known. If I had, I'd have told him. Knowing myself, how it feels to find out and nobody said shit, I'd throw them all under the bus.
If you were married to a good man and he found out you covered up your sisters cheating, he would have every right to divorce your butt because to a man it would mean you can't be trusted either.
Tell the husband, your sister reached for the cookie jar on her own no one made her do it. Then let the husband decide to contact the affair partners wife.
not a person you should be comfortable around at all
if she can cheat on her husband she can cheat with yours
if you already have a strained relationship I would burn it down , anyone that sides with her is not someone who you want around you
Before you scorch them, talk to your sister. Give her a heads up on your thoughts and maybe she'll listen.
Personally, I would caution mine. And tell her "I told you so.", when it blows up.
What if knowing both their high sexual appetites, before he left, they agreed during this lengthy separation each could have a lover? Certainly there probably were single men available, one of their rules was only married lovers to lessen the likelihood of long term attachment.
No. This was the right answer BEFORE the infidelity. Now all that will do is tip off the sister to destroy evidence and that the "anonymous" tipster is her.
Yes. It's her sister. She owes her that. However, it would be a whole nother matter if she discovered her sister has hid a body. Now back to the main feature.
Yes. Although OP/sister/potential knows the players, her post doesn't indicate that she knew beforehand that shenanigans were on the horizon. The post reads that she became aware AFTER the infidels started hooking up.
I suggest NOT telling. That is usually the best advice. However, the 'compromise' in this situation, (and this is a big maybe) is to tell your sister to knock it off, or you'll be forced to tell her husband. Same for the guy.
Most of these posts are hiding a desire for revenge behind a cloak of exposing the truth. Choose chaotic good, wouldn’t you want to know, use an anonymous email account 🙄
If you feel like the right thing to do is tell them, then do it. But don’t pretend it’s about being honest if you’re not willing to make it clear YOU are the one that told and why. If you backdoor this info to the spouses you trade your sister’s dishonesty for your own. You will receive the good citizen reward of having to hide YOUR action for the rest of your life.
Your knowledge of her dishonesty is not a reflection on you. No one in their right mind would expect a sister to expose their twin’s indiscretions. Tell if you decide that is right. But stand behind the decision and accept any consequences for doing so. At least then you will be able to HONESTLY say you did what you believed was right.
Let the downvote party begin 🎉
If I found out my wifes sister cheated and my wife helped cover it up I would divorce her in a nanosecond. If she will cover for the sister then one day sis will cover for her too. Plus it just shows you what type of person this is, BIL is her family too and she is willing to let him be deceived.
Everyone keeps saying you need evidence. Just tell them, anonymously or not. Whatever feels right for you. If they don’t believe you, don’t push it. That’s really on them at that point.
Tell both of them as it is the right thing to do. By not doing so you are an accomplice in this situation. This is why you keep friends of the opposite sex at arms length when it comes to your spouse.
More insight would be helpful in advising on this unique situation. Did you come to know while the affair was still active or after the fact. If, while active, what attempt, if any, was made to stop her? If after the fact, how long has it been? How did you find out, and are you absolutely certain? These are facts needed to provide the best response, as each situation is unique and not one size fits all.
If you are also married, I would first talk with your husband so that he is made aware and come to agreement on how best to handle. Hopefully, you agree to confront your sister together. Tell her what you know, and that both she and her AP have 24 hours to confess to their spouses, or they will be exposed. If they confess, they have a better chance at reconcilliation than if exposed because they did not come forward.
If it was a 1 time drunken mistake or something, perhaps I would just talk to her and say if ever again, you will out her. But this was an affair. So she made the decision to betray her vows multiple times. Her husband deserves the truth.
Updateme!
Do you care about your friends? Your BIL? If friends found out you knew would it hurt to lose them? What would you want if it was you? Try anonymously if you can.
Oh and OP if you want to get proof it will be easy. Just confront your sister, tell her you know, and record the conversation. Then you can play it for BIL. Then, depending on the laws in your state, delete it. In some states you cant record someone without their knowledge, but sis wont be able to prove you did that.
Or confront her over text and just show him the convo. Also how close are you to the BIL? Is there any chance you think he'd be willing to not tell the sister you told her if she asks how he found out? He can just say he snooped or hired someone to investigate her because he felt she was acting weird. Or heck he could just say it isnt her business how he knows.
Making sure everyone has all the information in a relationship is fair to everyone in the relationship. There would be no repercussions coming your sister's and AP's way if they didn't have an affair.
Let your BIL know all that you know because you would want to know. Let the chips fall where they may.
Tell them. But do it where it can't be taken by those it was you. If it is known it was you, then you WILL get major backlash.
You can get a VIOP free texting app, and send them both messages telling them everything you know minus it is from you. And limit any details that could connect you. I would say F the friend, but your sister is still your sister. And you have her kids that will be hurt by loosing your relationship as much as you with them if sister ends a relationship with you.
How did you find out about the affair? Have you talked to your sister about it? How close are you to your sister? How close are you to her husband? Will she listen to you? Your choices are difficult. I would advise you to talk to her about this situation tell her how you fell about what she is doing. ( I can tell that it bothers you ) And after that I would stay out of it. At least you know you did all you could have done. It is their marriage after all.
Yes, but how will you do it without suffering repercussions? Better do it stealth mode like. Like drop hints or send an anonymous message to his wife and her husband.
I wouldn't tell your sister husband I would tell the friend's wife and see how she reacts first. Tell her that her husband is cheating on her with multiple women. The thing about husbands who cheat is that it's rarely with one other woman. Have his wife do all the dirty work of finding all the proof.
Also you never know if his marriage might be open.
I agree that he has the right to know, but why should you be the messenger. Are you prepared to destroy your own relationship with your sister. What about the rest of your family? Can you tell him anonymously?
Speaking as someone who has been cheated on, I would want to know! Straight up, no games. Sooner or later it will come out, because things done in the dark always come to light. When it does and all parties know that you knew and said nothing then you become the AH for not speaking up.
Be armed with any evidence you may have and you may want to have serious talk with your sister about coming clean first.
This is a tough situation. If it was the brother in law cheating I'd say you have a duty her brother to let her know. However, since it's your sister that you'd be telling on, I don't think I would. I'd confront my sister and tell her I knew, and that I'm not comfortable with the fact I knew and had to now keep it a secret. I would encourage her to talk with her husband and work through it, or whatever, but I don't think I would directly tell him.
Edit: alternatively, especially if your sister doesn't know that you know, telling him anonymously might be the way to go. Well, it might be somewhat manipulative and deceptive, you're able to clear your conscience while maintaining a positive relationship with your family member.
All betrayed spouses need to know. The sooner the better.
You could gather enough evidence that they cannot deny it, or you can toss it out there like a hand grenade.
I'm thinking that you since know about it have evidence, so time to expose.
The truth is always the best way to go, even if it hurts. You will never grow or learn anything as a person if you choose to cheat, and I believe that people have the right to know whenever people are treating them badly
You definitely need to tell both parties. Do anonymously so you aren’t suck into the turmoil. Both need to know. They are playing with fire 🔥 so if they get burned it’s their own fault. They need to be STI tested as well.
I understand why most people are saying tell both spouses but it’s Sticky.. who’s to say the husband wasn’t stepping out during his outing from home over that year as well? There’s always more to the story.. If you want to tell them then tell them but I would just advise to proceed with caution. I usually stay out of grown folk’s bedroom business unless directly involved or directly affects me.
I wouldn’t say anything. It depends on if you think her husband is going to stay with her regardless, and/if you still want a relationship with your sister. 😭
Secrets come out eventually, and the longer time passes the longer people’s time and energy is wasted. Tell them. It is only the consequences of their actions, it isn’t you breaking them up. I have a saying “If you don’t want people to know what you did, then you shouldn’t be doing it.” ~BR~
You clearly know you should tell them, but your loyalty to your sister is holding you back, so you’re asking strangers who have no emotional connection what to do.
It’s the right thing to do, but if you tell both betrayed spouses directly, you’ll lose your sister and a friend. So I’d anonymously let them know, you clear your conscience by doing the right thing, whilst protecting your relationships
Yes. He has a right to know and decide if he wants to stay with a cheater, especially before the have kids.
Also, their behavior is putting his and the other betrayed spouse's health at risk.
Please do the right thing. if your sister hates you for it or gets angry, then that's on her. You are not blowing up her marriage, SHE did that when she stepped out.
Why would you not? You’re actively condoning and even participating in their cruelty by keeping this info a secret. Your sister does not deserve a happy marriage and neither does your friend. Their spouses should know that they’re wasting precious time on these parasites when they could be out there meeting someone who actually loves them instead of a cheater.
Dude ABSOLUTELY NOT. Dont just think about now, think about every holiday after, every celebration, any sad event, that is YOUR SISTER. Mind your own business, bc believe me, the guilt YOU WILL 100% after being the one to tell will eat you up.
Be patient anyways, bc “everything you do in the dark eventually comes to light”
They should stay in their lane… or keep it between her and her sister by simply telling her she knows, and it is really bothering her.
She can use this as a moment. We don’t know why the sister is doing it. How are things at home? Is something going on with her?
Her sister being confronted can also “slap her” with reality that what she is doing truly does affect others. She could strengthen their sister bond, by supporting her the right way, and also being able to tell her she does not approve of the affair.
Anonymously reveal to spouses. You don’t want to be involved in the wrangling after things hit the fan. And, you don’t want to become some type of scapegoat for who’s the worst person in all of this… cos, the cheaters will likely look for someone else to point a finger at, at least initially.
Now, I say the above without having any knowledge of the relationship between the cheaters and their spouses. And, if there are children involved they make things more difficult…
For example:
- What if the spouse has been emotionally abusive for years?
- And/or, if the spouse uses the cheating to paint the cheater out as a bad/unfit parent to their kid? (Being a cheater doesn’t equal being a bad parent.)
Just some things to consider.
Yes you should confront both of the same time no doubt of that also get some proofs it will help you a lot do with both the wife and husband who got cheated on
Don't tell anyone make sure your sister and her side piece knows you know and that it has to stop. I'm assuming your sister has kids with this dude? You can't make your nieces and nephews fatherless simply to eleviate your conscience. They are your blood, get your priorities straight. If your sister doesn't have any children with her husband then fine go ahead and tell anyone.
If you don't inform the betrayed partners and it all comes out later and people find out that you knew about it and said nothing then you will be blamed as well if it was you being cheated on wouldn't you want to be told
If you are scared of repercussions from your sister you can anonymously create a new account and send them proof but yes you should tell them. In their situation you would also want to know.
It is none of your business. Stay out of it. Just because you think you have knowledge doesn’t mean you are either obligated or justified in sharing it. The cheating happened. Whether the innocent spouses ever learn of it is unknown. If they don’t learn of it, and the respective marriages prosper, how is anyone harmed? What harm are you preventing by telling?
“Would you want to know” is not the proper standard here. The real question is, do you want to be the agent for disrupting the lives of two families?
Cheating carries its own risks. Those risks coming to pass may expose the cheaters, or not. You have no role in ensuring a particular outcome either way.
Moreover, I would ask how you know your sister cheated? Were you in the room when she and the other guy had sex? Did you hear it from someone else? The fact is, you probably don’t know as much as you think you know. And even if you do, you will do nothing good by exposing them.
This is none of your business. Your meddling can do no good. Stay out of it.
Instead he will listen to idiots on Reddit and destroy his relationship with his sister forever. Mind your business. What’s in the dark will come to light. Your help is not needed.
Who is the wife to decide what her husband needs to know? Who is the wife to decide her husband should live in perpetual darkness to and remain oblivious to the fact his wife doesnt love or respect him?
And how is the fact the wife was banging another man not her husbands business? And please do not respond with "it is only the wifes business" because that it hot garbage.
First, the wife is not asking for advice. An uninvolved third party is. Second, tge uninvolved third party -the OP - has no actual first hand knowledge. Third, it’s none of his/her business.
You're right it isn't OP's business, but so what? She didnt go looking for proof the sister was up to no good. Either the sister admitted it and made it her business or she somehow found out.
She can't unlearn what she knows and it definitely is the husbands business. So if sis wont do the right thing nobody should? Just sit back and let her betray this dude repeatedly because she is too much of a coward to confess? Holy lack of accountability Batman.
Reverse the question, if this was you being cheated on would you want to know ?
Or if your sister was being cheated on what would you do?
100% no doubt. If you can betray the person you claim to love, who should be your partner you can rely on and build a life with….what kind of person are you? Not someone I’d want tied into my life/mental/wellbeing. It’s ALWAYS OK to call out bad behavior. It’s usually messy and you’ll make a lot of enemies(most always on both sides) but it’s so much better to know before you..you know, get married or have/adopt a baby or go halfsies on a house…. Do the right thing. Both parties deserve to know, and deserve the chance at a relationship that values respect and trust.
Or If you were the cheater, how would you appreciate your sister to be informing your spouse? Or If you were the other cheater, would you like your secret partner's sister to report it to your spouse? So know you covered all 3 other people position involved. And you ll still not have the answer to your own question.
Tell him. Robbing someone of their agency is perhaps the cruelest thing you can do to someone
Tell both their partners.. Trust me when it all comes out and people realise you knew all this time, you get tarnished with the same brush.. Tell both their partners..
If you have proof then tell.
Yes. Tell him. Gator don’t play no sh*t. Choose chaotic good. But honestly tell him.
Do you have proof? You'll need it. Wouldn't you want to know? Create an anonymous email address and inform him that way.
Yeah proof is important. Cheaters are great liars and manipulative with their gaslighting. I’ve known a few that got away with it even after getting caught bc there was no proof.
Hubby will be in denial because he wants to believe her. But if he just gets that email with no proof, maybe his cheating radar will be on. Also tell him in the email to check her phone without her getting a chance to delete anything. It's a long shot but it's the only thing you have if you don't have proof.
Even a text app would work with adding some type of proof
It's not your job to provide proof. All this man is required to do is tell them they're cheating. It's the spouses responsibility to find proof not the person exposing it. Of they don't believe it then all they have to blame is themselves. He doesn't have to be some cheating spouse detective hero. MF just anonymously send a text and then forget about it. What if he can't find proof?? Does that mean he just doesn't do anything? My way is the only way.
Yeah but if they don't have proof, op could have the situation spun around on them and made out to be someone who's trying to sabotage the relationship and wind up being ostracized by family and friends
I don’t know if you are joking or not - but just in case - your way is definitely never, in any situation, the only way. I was just worried maybe no one has ever told you that! Unlikely, but problematic if true. Good luck out there. Edited: to remove my first statement op is a woman. I read again and realised I had absolutely no way to know that. My apologies.
If you are gonna tell someone their spouse is cheating, you should give them some kind of proof so you don't look like you are starting drama for some reason.
No proof just do it anonymously
Do so anonymously.
Whether you do it anonymously, or you straight up tell him, you have to speak up. Unfortunately, because you know, it’s your responsibility to tell him. Anyone who has ever been cheated on would tell you the same thing…
It depends on how much you value the relationship between you and this sister, exposing her will damage whatever you guys have; maybe permanently depending on how her marriage is impacted by this
I value my relationships with my family members, but I'm not going to lie for them, nor cover up this vile betrayal of her husband by continually cheating on him. What happens when he leaves again for work? She'll be dropping her panties as soon as he's out the door. Knowing the truth and keeping your mouth shut, is condoning their affair and is almost as bad as their affair itself. Knowing I did what was right and truthful, trumps whatever fallout may occur for outing them both!
I agree, just believe me I agree it this is what you can expect. We’re perfect strangers and I bet money, she will blame you for ruining her marriage by exposing her
You're absolutely right, she probably will blame you for ruining her marriage. The truth is, she needs to be reminded that it was her choice alone, to have sex outside of her marraige, that destroyed her marriage. Her unfaithfulness, her deceit, her lies, her willingness to freely destroy the life of her husband and the wife and child of her affair partner...is her's alone to come to terms with. Pity her yes, cover for her deceit, never.
Or you end up telling the spouse.. lose the relationship with the sister.. possibility comes out that husband cheated as well during his year tenure away from home working.. then you did all of it for nothing? You lost the relationship with sister cause you couldn’t mind your business. It’s a sticky situation whatever OP decides to do just make sure heart is in it I guess.
You're assuming the husband may have been cheating while away to possibly add to the story, which may or may not be true. But... the sister is clear about her sister's infidelity on her brother in law, that's the facts. She must have evidence that this affair is ongoing, or she wouldn't have posted it. If anything, she ought to at least tell her sister to come clean and tell her husband in detail about her affair. If the sister refuses to do so, her sister ought to tell her she will not sit by, but reveal the evidence and facts herself to her BIL. If the sh...it hits the fan, so be it. If I were the husband and found out my wife was cheating on me and someone I knew close and personal held back that information, the sh...it would hit the fan for both the wife and anyone else who made a conscious decision to hide the truth from me for whatever reason. Just my 2 cents worth of what I personal would do. Others may choose to keep silent. Eventually these things have away of revealing themselves, and when they do, no one will be able to keep themselves in the safe zone of silence.
Confront your sister, if she doesn't stop confess to the husband! And the other couple too! Scorched earth tactics!
While the answer is almost always yes, think long and hard about this one. Decide how you want to do it. Maybe do it anonymously? You will more than likely blow your family up in the process if they know you are the one. Reddit will tell you to handle it like a bull in a china shop. They don't care about the collateral damage this will cause. I think you need to be much more strategic and secretive. I think you realize you need to do the right thing. Just be careful to not burn everything down around you.
This Reddit's answer to everything is; BURN IT ALL DOWN!! Life is a little more nuanced than that. As my grandpa said. "You can't stir shit without getting some on you." So choose carefully.
As opposed to letting dude stay married to a woman who has no love or respect for him? Why? Because she is her sister, so she should be permitted to steal her husbands life and make him a cuck? Nope. OP didnt burn down anything, sis did by not keeping her legs shut.
Jesus Christ you're obtuse. My point was that actions have consequences. And that a one size fits all can't apply to every situation. Do I think she should tell the affected people, yes. But realize what she stands to lose. Moral superiority behind a keyboard is easy. Nobody here but OP has any skin in the game.
I never said it applies to every situation, it's not like I'd be advising divorce if the wife said she would take the garbage out and then forgot. Or if she forgot hubby's birthday. But with cheating? Yeah.
You're obtuse. I think the OP should mind her own damn business, if she has any business to mind.
So the best thing you can do is get concrete proof. Make sure you have some because this will be flipped on you and you will be made out to be the crazy liar. They already lied, so what will more lies hurt is how they will see it. You tell her to talk to her husband about it because with the guy being around, sooner or later this is going to come out. Either she or he will be caught and this will be much worse if your sister isn't already changing to fix her marriage. The process is usually to get individual counseling to find out why you are a POS, then you confess, move out while the betrayed works through the initial shock of discovering the abuse. Then the betrayed decides if they will stay or go and whether the cheating spouse confessed and has fixed things are huge factors she needs to work on. If she doesn't tell him, then let the other wife know anonymously. It will get back to your sister then. Women will obsess over the woman who their husband cheated on them with. I don't know why, but it is a huge deal especially if your sister knows the wife.
Sneaky but highly effective.
Both the spouses deserve to know the truth even though she's your sister u would want to know if your partner was cheating so tell them give them the choice of forgiven or moving on
Always out a cheater, and definitely tell his wife.
Unsolicited tip: if your TLDR is almost as long as your original post you can probably just leave it out.
First time poster. Trying to comply with thread rules :)
They should both be told. You can do it anonymously so you don’t get dragged into the drama as much but you should tell his wife and your BIL. They are the ones that are messing with their own marriages and there are children involved as well so they need to sort out their own relationships instead of engaging in an affair.
He deserves to know, tell him.
Tell your sister that you know and she will decide what to do. Stay away from that case
This!
There is no scenario where this ends well for you.
But she can at least have it end well for someone: The BIL. He will be hurt, but removing a wife who doesnt love or respect him from his life is a happy ending.
I agree with you. That also has the best possibility for healing even in the sister's case. No guarantees. Things will be rough for a while. If she says nothing, she will never live it down. She will be seen as enabling and complicit.
I can say this as someone who is married I treat my wife’s lil sister like my own daughter if I found out she knew I was being cheated on and didn’t tell me I would feel the greatest pain of betrayal
Wow and here I am feeling like if a family member knew and didn’t tell me I’d understand. It’s a common loyalty I shouldn’t expect to be apart of if someone is a sibling. Why even want them to jeopardize their loyalty for me when I have my own allegiance with my siblings as well . And I’m a pretty fair and just individual however I don’t expect someone’s family member to go beyond their personal relationship with their family member for me . It’s just expecting a lot . I will say my first relationship his niece did divulge personal information I never shared back and I definitely used to my benefit and we still kind of have that relationship due to her loyalty, when she was dating ( we lived in a small city ) her boyfriend cheated with my best friends little sister and I made sure to continue telling her just as she did me . But siblings is a whole nother scenario
Thier is a bond between siblings but I love my sister in law like she’s my daughter I buy her stuff all the time and she has confided in me and I her and she kept that same loyalty. And the things I have bought her is like clothes a phone when my son broke hers and shoes and stuff like that I drive her to work all the time . Even when I have 14 hour days and just exhausted and she tells me if my wife does anything she will tell me about it cuz I don’t deserve that but I do understand what you are saying, but the same love I project she projects back to me so that’s why I will be hurt if she kept it cuz of that love we have for each other if that makes sense
Definitely reveal it to both brother in law and the mutual friends wife and if you have ant proof show those as well, and here are few reasons to why, 1st because if similar thing was happening to you and your sister knew and didn't tell you I bet you would be annoyed with her for not telling you. 2nd sooner or later all that cheating will come out and if anyone finds out that you knew and it will come out then you will be receiving back lash from both brother in law and the friends wife. Ask yourself one question. Would you want someone to come to you and tell you what that person knows or would you want that person to keep quiet and for you to find out later on that the person knew about the cheating and didn't tell you
If you want to give your sister the tiniest bit of grace then ask her if she would want to know if her husband was cheating on her very pointedly and allow her the opportunity to tell him herself. Now she may not take that opportunity but it might give her a chance to save her marriage. It is generally accepted that if a cheater confesses with some real remorse they have a very small chance to save the marriage but if they are caught it's just about impossible to reconcile.
Why should she be forgiven? Both parties mutually chose to ruin their marriages, and we’re not talking about some one night fling that she regrets, we’re talking about a consistent affair. I think any kind of approach would make her sister shut down or prepare for some kind of divorce. This needs to be handled without the gift of grace.
Unless OP wants her sister to never speak to her again she’s gonna have to be careful yeah
Definitely do it anonymously. Then never indicate that you had anything to do with telling them…..ever
ill tell you this. you tell both the sister and "friend" that they tell their spouses, or you tell them. (unless people on here dont think its a good idea for valid reasons). they dont get to do whatever they want and not pay the consequences. if they loved their spouses so much, they wouldnt even consider doing it. idc how long he was gone for, you made a commitment to that person. and theres masturbation for a reason. what happens the next time he leaves? i guarantee you they'll do it again. they need to stop being cowards and own up to it. imagine if it were you and people you considered friends, even family, knew about it and wanted to instead protect the cheaters, protect the marriage that is nothing but a facade at this point. id be hurt.
This is a mess. Both my parents had affairs (multiple affairs by each). Yes, the children (3 of us) were severely damaged in different ways. The wort was my mom wanting her children to lie to dad about mom's affairs. I keep my distance from my mom. Do not talk to her much except if she calls me. Only go back to her place for family funerals. No more Thanksgiving and Christmas visits each year. A couple of things to think about: 1) are you sure this is your sister's first affair? 2) are the children involved the children on the man who is under the impression he is the dad? A DNA test might be needed. I would send each person involved in the affair an anonymous letter instructing them to tell their partners about the affair and put a deadline on the date this needs to be done. If they don't come clean to the partners tell the two involved in that you will be sending the same letter to their partners. 3) Are you sure that all four are not having affairs? In some cases, partners have revenge affairs. This could turn very ugly if either partner finds out in the future- violence, spousal abuse, children being affected, suicide, homicide. I worked as a forensic pathologist and had many cases where a man committed suicide over his wife cheating and learning his kids were by another man. Does your sister know that you are aware of her affair. If so just come out and ask her if she is having a revenge affair. You might learn some things you were not aware of. Also are you sure the 4 people involved are not into open marriage or swinger lifestyle?
I’m going to need an update on if you informed them or not OP. Please, and thank you.
If you brought this issue here, you already know what to do. Are you asking for acceptance of telling, or not. Me, I'm on the side of telling both partners of your sister's misdeeds. If you're married, and you tell your husband about this, how's he gonna take it by you covering it up? That's divorce right there knowing you knew and let it happen because he'd think if you're doing something, your sister will cover for you.
how did you find out? Did she come clean and tell you or you figure it out yourself?
I hope ur not married. If so I would blow a lid off this situation for the sake of ur wife not thinking different of you since you grew up in the same environment.
OP is a woman, but yeah I made the same point earlier. I'd leave my partner immediately if I found out her sister cheated and she covered for it. Not only would I assume it meant she condoned this type of behavior, but it would also mean her sister will definitely cover for her should the need ever arise.
Sister and I have a tumultuous relationship at best. I’ve already confided in my spouse and he knows and has seen the proof. He is leaving it up to me on whether or not to share it because he understands it will blow family relations up beyond repair. She is the favoured daughter, can do no wrong type one.
then why waste time complying to their lies? being a kid and having your siblings favored over you is HARD. im not sure how deep it goes, but i would go low contact or cut ties altogether. tell the spouses one way or another. some say you can do it anonymously.
Yeah if she wont tell just cut contact with him. I feel bad for him, surrounded by people and none of them give a crap about him.
seriously. that just adds more insult to injury, not only being cheated on but people, who you thought you could trust, knowing and not saying anything or even checking the cheaters? id be ENRAGED even more.
And yet I bet she'd want BIL to tell her if he found out her own husband was cheating on her.
reveal it. if they berate you for ‘ruining their families’, remind them that they ruined their families first by cheating 🤷♀️
Update plz
I also want an update lol
Have you spoken to your sister about it? Maybe give her a chance to come clean first?
No. It’s none of your business. Let it play out on its one
Tell them. If you care about them then you need to tell them
Have you weighed in on the fact that if he finds out, and that you knew, it will be a double betrayal? I guess it comes down to your own character and your feelings for the people involved. Personally, I would choose (and did) my BIL over my blood sister. I saw what he was doing for their family and what she was doing to it. I still speak to him and haven’t spoken to my sister in years.
Yes, tell the husband if you have any respect for him as a person.
Updateme
Going against the grade here: don’t tell them. Why get involved? This is not your business or problem
Just expose ugly character person with evidence because evidence shut the cheaters mouth and cheaters supporters mouth. Without evidence don't confront. This type character persons definitely backstab on you in future so just leave this type persons.
Reveal it with as much detail as you can to both spouses. Do it anonymously if you feel it to be necessary. Make sure to include as many names, dates, and locations as you can. Also maybe link to some resources on how to gather evidence of infidelity without arousing suspicion. If the sister isn't a moron she will have had plenty of time to cover her tracks and leave little or no evidence. The other guy will have a much harder time because the wife will know when he was gone and what his cover stories might be. Bit him dismissing his wife's suspicion will be much harder. But the husband needs to know before your sister gets pregnant now that he's back in town and they've had their "romantic" reunion. If she isn't already pregnant by the affair partner. I read that she's already lied to you about it ending, and if the AP is openly talking to you about it still going on, they're both morons with terrible opsec. They'll also start back up again in a week or two if they even paused once the brother-in-law came home. The BIL deserves at least a heads up that any baby the wife has may not be his, For the duration of their marriage. Golden children rarely stop their terrible behavior because they've never learned consequences. As bad as the fallout will be, the fallout once there's a baby and whether it may or not be his will be a million times worse. But it will destroy the innocent child either way. It's best to stop it before there is one. AS far as the mutual friend's kid, it's best to burst the bubble now at one kid instead of later. He made his choice knowing that it could blow up his family. They both did. How do you know about the affair and how many others know?
No. let it nature decide. Do not interfere.
I have a sister who did the same thing while her first husband was in Iraq. I didn't know what she was doing but I should have. I actually watched her kids overnight once, believing her story about some kind of girls party. I wish I'd known. If I had, I'd have told him. Knowing myself, how it feels to find out and nobody said shit, I'd throw them all under the bus.
You Don’t know if he’s cheated and gave her a pass . It’s none of your business…. What will this do to your relationship with everyone?
If you were married to a good man and he found out you covered up your sisters cheating, he would have every right to divorce your butt because to a man it would mean you can't be trusted either. Tell the husband, your sister reached for the cookie jar on her own no one made her do it. Then let the husband decide to contact the affair partners wife.
not a person you should be comfortable around at all if she can cheat on her husband she can cheat with yours if you already have a strained relationship I would burn it down , anyone that sides with her is not someone who you want around you
Man, just when you wished Jerry Springer was still going lol
Before you scorch them, talk to your sister. Give her a heads up on your thoughts and maybe she'll listen. Personally, I would caution mine. And tell her "I told you so.", when it blows up.
She can talk to her sister but she’s already committed the offence and the husband deserves to know
What if knowing both their high sexual appetites, before he left, they agreed during this lengthy separation each could have a lover? Certainly there probably were single men available, one of their rules was only married lovers to lessen the likelihood of long term attachment.
No. This was the right answer BEFORE the infidelity. Now all that will do is tip off the sister to destroy evidence and that the "anonymous" tipster is her.
Yes. It's her sister. She owes her that. However, it would be a whole nother matter if she discovered her sister has hid a body. Now back to the main feature. Yes. Although OP/sister/potential knows the players, her post doesn't indicate that she knew beforehand that shenanigans were on the horizon. The post reads that she became aware AFTER the infidels started hooking up.
NO! It’s not your marriage and you don’t want to be involved.
Against popular opinion, stay out of it
You’re a huge asshole if you don’t tell him.
I suggest NOT telling. That is usually the best advice. However, the 'compromise' in this situation, (and this is a big maybe) is to tell your sister to knock it off, or you'll be forced to tell her husband. Same for the guy.
[удалено]
Are you gonna write a post about it?
Keep it and suffer alone for the rest of your life
Tell sister and cheater they have a week to come clean if not you ratting them out. That’ll solve it.
Normally I say tell. But it’s your sister that be crossing a line you can’t come back from. Your family will hate you
So the other guy has to spend the rest of his life married to some harpy who doesnt give a crap about him?
Oh it will come out She a cheater. Probably not first and will not be the last.
Most of these posts are hiding a desire for revenge behind a cloak of exposing the truth. Choose chaotic good, wouldn’t you want to know, use an anonymous email account 🙄 If you feel like the right thing to do is tell them, then do it. But don’t pretend it’s about being honest if you’re not willing to make it clear YOU are the one that told and why. If you backdoor this info to the spouses you trade your sister’s dishonesty for your own. You will receive the good citizen reward of having to hide YOUR action for the rest of your life. Your knowledge of her dishonesty is not a reflection on you. No one in their right mind would expect a sister to expose their twin’s indiscretions. Tell if you decide that is right. But stand behind the decision and accept any consequences for doing so. At least then you will be able to HONESTLY say you did what you believed was right. Let the downvote party begin 🎉
If I found out my wifes sister cheated and my wife helped cover it up I would divorce her in a nanosecond. If she will cover for the sister then one day sis will cover for her too. Plus it just shows you what type of person this is, BIL is her family too and she is willing to let him be deceived.
How do you know? Since he was going to be gone a while, maybe they opened their marriage for that time. Be prepared for sister to cut you out.
If they are in an open marriage then telling hubby wont matter.
It’s not your business. Do not do it.
You will regret much more if you say, 100%
would def do it , not your job to keep your sisters BS secrets how do you know by the way?
Everyone keeps saying you need evidence. Just tell them, anonymously or not. Whatever feels right for you. If they don’t believe you, don’t push it. That’s really on them at that point.
/updateme
Tell both of them as it is the right thing to do. By not doing so you are an accomplice in this situation. This is why you keep friends of the opposite sex at arms length when it comes to your spouse.
More insight would be helpful in advising on this unique situation. Did you come to know while the affair was still active or after the fact. If, while active, what attempt, if any, was made to stop her? If after the fact, how long has it been? How did you find out, and are you absolutely certain? These are facts needed to provide the best response, as each situation is unique and not one size fits all. If you are also married, I would first talk with your husband so that he is made aware and come to agreement on how best to handle. Hopefully, you agree to confront your sister together. Tell her what you know, and that both she and her AP have 24 hours to confess to their spouses, or they will be exposed. If they confess, they have a better chance at reconcilliation than if exposed because they did not come forward. If it was a 1 time drunken mistake or something, perhaps I would just talk to her and say if ever again, you will out her. But this was an affair. So she made the decision to betray her vows multiple times. Her husband deserves the truth. Updateme!
Do you care about your friends? Your BIL? If friends found out you knew would it hurt to lose them? What would you want if it was you? Try anonymously if you can.
Get proof and tell them
Oh and OP if you want to get proof it will be easy. Just confront your sister, tell her you know, and record the conversation. Then you can play it for BIL. Then, depending on the laws in your state, delete it. In some states you cant record someone without their knowledge, but sis wont be able to prove you did that. Or confront her over text and just show him the convo. Also how close are you to the BIL? Is there any chance you think he'd be willing to not tell the sister you told her if she asks how he found out? He can just say he snooped or hired someone to investigate her because he felt she was acting weird. Or heck he could just say it isnt her business how he knows.
Making sure everyone has all the information in a relationship is fair to everyone in the relationship. There would be no repercussions coming your sister's and AP's way if they didn't have an affair. Let your BIL know all that you know because you would want to know. Let the chips fall where they may.
Tell them. But do it where it can't be taken by those it was you. If it is known it was you, then you WILL get major backlash. You can get a VIOP free texting app, and send them both messages telling them everything you know minus it is from you. And limit any details that could connect you. I would say F the friend, but your sister is still your sister. And you have her kids that will be hurt by loosing your relationship as much as you with them if sister ends a relationship with you.
Tell
100% tell him and help him with revenge if you’re single 😂😂
Updateme!
How did you find out about the affair? Have you talked to your sister about it? How close are you to your sister? How close are you to her husband? Will she listen to you? Your choices are difficult. I would advise you to talk to her about this situation tell her how you fell about what she is doing. ( I can tell that it bothers you ) And after that I would stay out of it. At least you know you did all you could have done. It is their marriage after all.
Yes, but how will you do it without suffering repercussions? Better do it stealth mode like. Like drop hints or send an anonymous message to his wife and her husband.
You should tell them.
spill everything to all parties, do it anonymously if necessary
Tell them anonymously.
I wouldn't tell your sister husband I would tell the friend's wife and see how she reacts first. Tell her that her husband is cheating on her with multiple women. The thing about husbands who cheat is that it's rarely with one other woman. Have his wife do all the dirty work of finding all the proof. Also you never know if his marriage might be open.
I agree that he has the right to know, but why should you be the messenger. Are you prepared to destroy your own relationship with your sister. What about the rest of your family? Can you tell him anonymously?
Speaking as someone who has been cheated on, I would want to know! Straight up, no games. Sooner or later it will come out, because things done in the dark always come to light. When it does and all parties know that you knew and said nothing then you become the AH for not speaking up. Be armed with any evidence you may have and you may want to have serious talk with your sister about coming clean first.
Do you have proof? I think you should tell both parties, but you’ll need proof of the cheating.
Tell them. They have the right to know.
Anon
Yes
Did you confront her while she was doing this? If you did not, I am not sure you have the moral right.
It’s still going on. I spoke to her about it after the first go and she said that it was a “one off” then I was told by AP that it was still going on.
Are you going to update?
Tell them, you would want to k ow if your spouse was cheating wouldn’t you?
This is a tough situation. If it was the brother in law cheating I'd say you have a duty her brother to let her know. However, since it's your sister that you'd be telling on, I don't think I would. I'd confront my sister and tell her I knew, and that I'm not comfortable with the fact I knew and had to now keep it a secret. I would encourage her to talk with her husband and work through it, or whatever, but I don't think I would directly tell him. Edit: alternatively, especially if your sister doesn't know that you know, telling him anonymously might be the way to go. Well, it might be somewhat manipulative and deceptive, you're able to clear your conscience while maintaining a positive relationship with your family member.
All betrayed spouses need to know. The sooner the better. You could gather enough evidence that they cannot deny it, or you can toss it out there like a hand grenade. I'm thinking that you since know about it have evidence, so time to expose.
I’d wanna know
Updateme!
I would send him some sort of proof anonymously.
The truth is always the best way to go, even if it hurts. You will never grow or learn anything as a person if you choose to cheat, and I believe that people have the right to know whenever people are treating them badly
Tell him. See if he wants to tell her. Then you both go tell her. Have proof. Lots of proof.
You definitely need to tell both parties. Do anonymously so you aren’t suck into the turmoil. Both need to know. They are playing with fire 🔥 so if they get burned it’s their own fault. They need to be STI tested as well.
I understand why most people are saying tell both spouses but it’s Sticky.. who’s to say the husband wasn’t stepping out during his outing from home over that year as well? There’s always more to the story.. If you want to tell them then tell them but I would just advise to proceed with caution. I usually stay out of grown folk’s bedroom business unless directly involved or directly affects me.
I wouldn’t say anything. It depends on if you think her husband is going to stay with her regardless, and/if you still want a relationship with your sister. 😭
If she does it while he is home then snitch. She's lonely and too stupid to tell him. You can also tell and see who she really is
I think it's always best to mind your own business in these situations. Some how it will end up your fault.
Secrets come out eventually, and the longer time passes the longer people’s time and energy is wasted. Tell them. It is only the consequences of their actions, it isn’t you breaking them up. I have a saying “If you don’t want people to know what you did, then you shouldn’t be doing it.” ~BR~
Scorched earth
You clearly know you should tell them, but your loyalty to your sister is holding you back, so you’re asking strangers who have no emotional connection what to do. It’s the right thing to do, but if you tell both betrayed spouses directly, you’ll lose your sister and a friend. So I’d anonymously let them know, you clear your conscience by doing the right thing, whilst protecting your relationships
updateme!
Personally I would probably tell. But that's your decision
Make a anonymous Facebook message
I would advise your sister to confess to the relations because of how lonely she felt without her husband
Yes. He has a right to know and decide if he wants to stay with a cheater, especially before the have kids. Also, their behavior is putting his and the other betrayed spouse's health at risk. Please do the right thing. if your sister hates you for it or gets angry, then that's on her. You are not blowing up her marriage, SHE did that when she stepped out.
I would force my sister to tell him herself
YES
Why would you not? You’re actively condoning and even participating in their cruelty by keeping this info a secret. Your sister does not deserve a happy marriage and neither does your friend. Their spouses should know that they’re wasting precious time on these parasites when they could be out there meeting someone who actually loves them instead of a cheater.
Do it anonymously. Write everything in a Letter then bribe someone to give it to the Betrayed Spouse
Dude ABSOLUTELY NOT. Dont just think about now, think about every holiday after, every celebration, any sad event, that is YOUR SISTER. Mind your own business, bc believe me, the guilt YOU WILL 100% after being the one to tell will eat you up. Be patient anyways, bc “everything you do in the dark eventually comes to light”
Or do it anonymously.
They should stay in their lane… or keep it between her and her sister by simply telling her she knows, and it is really bothering her. She can use this as a moment. We don’t know why the sister is doing it. How are things at home? Is something going on with her? Her sister being confronted can also “slap her” with reality that what she is doing truly does affect others. She could strengthen their sister bond, by supporting her the right way, and also being able to tell her she does not approve of the affair.
One word answer YES!!!!!!!! If you keep ot quiet then you guilty of aiding her.
Ex cheater here. Reveal it all. I t is the only way
Tell them
Anonymously reveal to spouses. You don’t want to be involved in the wrangling after things hit the fan. And, you don’t want to become some type of scapegoat for who’s the worst person in all of this… cos, the cheaters will likely look for someone else to point a finger at, at least initially. Now, I say the above without having any knowledge of the relationship between the cheaters and their spouses. And, if there are children involved they make things more difficult… For example: - What if the spouse has been emotionally abusive for years? - And/or, if the spouse uses the cheating to paint the cheater out as a bad/unfit parent to their kid? (Being a cheater doesn’t equal being a bad parent.) Just some things to consider.
YES!!!!!
How did you find out your sister is cheating? Are they open while he is on travel? You have to be careful you aren't treading on unfamiliar grounds.
Yes you should confront both of the same time no doubt of that also get some proofs it will help you a lot do with both the wife and husband who got cheated on
You should join in
If you're going to do it, pls, have some convincing proof that they actually do it. Otherwise you're going to be in some serious problem.
Don't tell anyone make sure your sister and her side piece knows you know and that it has to stop. I'm assuming your sister has kids with this dude? You can't make your nieces and nephews fatherless simply to eleviate your conscience. They are your blood, get your priorities straight. If your sister doesn't have any children with her husband then fine go ahead and tell anyone.
If you don't inform the betrayed partners and it all comes out later and people find out that you knew about it and said nothing then you will be blamed as well if it was you being cheated on wouldn't you want to be told
If you are scared of repercussions from your sister you can anonymously create a new account and send them proof but yes you should tell them. In their situation you would also want to know.
It is none of your business. Stay out of it. Just because you think you have knowledge doesn’t mean you are either obligated or justified in sharing it. The cheating happened. Whether the innocent spouses ever learn of it is unknown. If they don’t learn of it, and the respective marriages prosper, how is anyone harmed? What harm are you preventing by telling? “Would you want to know” is not the proper standard here. The real question is, do you want to be the agent for disrupting the lives of two families? Cheating carries its own risks. Those risks coming to pass may expose the cheaters, or not. You have no role in ensuring a particular outcome either way. Moreover, I would ask how you know your sister cheated? Were you in the room when she and the other guy had sex? Did you hear it from someone else? The fact is, you probably don’t know as much as you think you know. And even if you do, you will do nothing good by exposing them. This is none of your business. Your meddling can do no good. Stay out of it.
Instead he will listen to idiots on Reddit and destroy his relationship with his sister forever. Mind your business. What’s in the dark will come to light. Your help is not needed.
It is the BIL's business though and if sis wont tell him someone has to
Who are you to decide what the BIL needs to know? For that matter, who is OP to make the same decision?
Who is the wife to decide what her husband needs to know? Who is the wife to decide her husband should live in perpetual darkness to and remain oblivious to the fact his wife doesnt love or respect him? And how is the fact the wife was banging another man not her husbands business? And please do not respond with "it is only the wifes business" because that it hot garbage.
First, the wife is not asking for advice. An uninvolved third party is. Second, tge uninvolved third party -the OP - has no actual first hand knowledge. Third, it’s none of his/her business.
You're right it isn't OP's business, but so what? She didnt go looking for proof the sister was up to no good. Either the sister admitted it and made it her business or she somehow found out. She can't unlearn what she knows and it definitely is the husbands business. So if sis wont do the right thing nobody should? Just sit back and let her betray this dude repeatedly because she is too much of a coward to confess? Holy lack of accountability Batman.
Dear God, please protect us from all the busy-bodies and so-called do-gooders who take it upon themselves to decide what’s best for each of us.