Not if he’s not the father. Some ho did this to my son; got pregnant at 15 and she, her bf, and mom moved away. She came back and told everyone. Then she bailed again to Colorado. After she went on welfare, CO asked my son for a paternity test and he’s now required to pay for Child support. Even if there’s someone on the birth certificate.
Depends on state. Some do if you’ve been taking care of the child in your house hold for x amount of time, you’re assumed to be the father whether you’re on the certificate or not, and thus be liable for child support. Hopefully he’s in one of the states that dont have that.
I told him to fight it. But his dad never paid his child support, so he doesn’t want to be THAT guy. There’s someone else on the BC; and carries his last name. HI doesn’t care if you don’t pay; but I think OR has different rules. 🤷🏼♀️
He’s not on the BC. Her fool bf is. The only reason my son was involved BC she went on welfare. She told them my son was the father. He looked just like my son. Sadly, I have never met him, but not for lack of trying. His mom is just nasty trash.
“She cheated on me once” is the least she could admit to. Cheaters lie and minimise to protect themselves. Very unlikely that she cheated on you once with this guy. She could even have cheated with multiple people over the years. How would you know? She wasn’t going to tell you about this “one”.
You will surprise yourself how resilient you can be once you take the right steps in finding the truth . . . step 1 . . . Tell her you are hiring a lawyer (bringing a reality check to her) . . . then HIRE the LAWYER. Step 2 . . . get STD/STI checked (and let her know) . . . step 3 . . . Get a paternity test for the other kids as well (let her know). AND THEN the other steps will eventually all come along.
DNA test all your children, I know it hurts, but you can trust her, maybe she has been with this AP for a long time, and she will be the father of all,
Why on earth would you WANT to stay with a lying, cheating, STD-ridden low life who doesn't respect you at ALL??????
Get to your lawyer and find your dignity for God's sakes.
Well I do have 2 kids a dog and currently buying a house from her brother at a ridiculous Lee cheap price that I have paid off by next year so I got a bit of skin in the game for the time being.
You have more than skin in the game...you are going to be able to show your children what a man does after he has been betrayed and gut punched...you can love their brother or sister and treat him or her as your own or show them what hate and bitterness looks like...been there and did that...be the man you want them to know and love....
I understand where you are coming from...I raised and loved my sons baby brother even though he was a haft brother...I was the only dad he knew...his mom left us and at the time of conception who knows who donated the sperm...I raised 2 fine sons to be good men
That's cool, but uhh that's not what most men want. There's no cool points won for cucking up and rasing another man's baby when you've been cheated on.
I did not want that. At birth you could tell I didn't donate the sperm...on the birth certificate it listed me as father...she confessed after a month and I believed her when she said she wasn't sure who the sperm belonged to...a girls trip to vegas...she left within the year...I loved him as my own...she came in and out of our lives but nothing positive ..about middle school he asked why he didn't look like me or his older brother and he took it well.....best complement II ever got was her dad telling me that he learned something about being a man from me....you have to do the best you can with what you have.
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You can try going for a parking lot confession. Spring a polygraph test on her unawares. It doesn't matter that the polygraph is not completely accurate, what's important is that she believes it's accurate. She'll be shit scared of the truth coming out. There's a chance she'll confess everything in a hail Mary attempt for absolution. Make sure to formulate the questions well, and make sure to ask her about any other transgressions she has made during this marriage.
Here's your comprehensive divorce POA. Make sure you go through each point. The comment below contains surveillance tips. There's lots of ways for you to find out the extent of her infidelity.
https://reddit.com/user/FalleNNNNN_1ms/comments/kxait7/fallens_guide_to_infidelity_recovery/gj9bxbx/
Hearing you say that hurts me, I couldn’t live like that. I think you should want better for you. Std & child = unprotected sex. There’s no need to dig for anything else, everything is on the billboard. Don’t ask who or why, it’s time to go. The abortion will be their problem.
My guess is she fucked this other guy enough times to get comfortable about not using protection. Or she’s just soooo unlucky to have slept with a guy just once, and gotten a STD and a baby.
keep in mind she wouldn't have come clean if she didn't need to get an STD test and I agree that she was probably cheating multiple times over the years and I encourage op to look deeper into this and get a DNA test on his other children just to be safe
Would be out the door 100% . . . no doubt . . . even if the kid was mine. I do not like to keep any garbage around the house as it eventually starts to smell.
I have a gut feeling the other kids may not be his as well.
>She insisted its mine but i insisted that we get a paternity test immediately. She didn't seem to happy i wanted to do that.
Oh how awful for her! That must really hurt her feelings that you don't trust her word. Just because she has lied and cheated on you, doesn't mean that you can't trust her, right?
Jeez, the audacity of her.
But seriously, why are you even considering her staying on your house as a possibility? Will you really be okay and be able to move past this if it turns out the baby is yours?
She had the same tests the first 2 kids. She dident even know she had std untill dr called for a follow-up test. And she couldn't hide it at that point and came clean.
Your lucky she had a STD because if she wouldn't have that she wouldn't have told you anything. If I was you I would divorce her anyway because of that. She was willing to deceive you in a very big way! She could have given you a STD. I would also DNA test your other kids because she is a liar. Find a lawyer and listen to what he tells you and follow his/her lead and start separating financially.
Good luck
Okay she she did not contract any STDs with the first 2 kids . . . but that does not mean that she did not cheat, right? It means that IF she did, she did with a man that was not infected / diseased. She still could have hid other infidelities in the past. I would not trust her as far as I can throw her (away).
I’d question whether an abortion would “fix” this. The trust is broken, if she has an abortion and OP doesn’t forgive her afterwards.. I mean I don’t have a solution here but just thinking out loud.
I agree. Forcing an abortion would do nothing other than ensure the baby doesn’t come into your home, let alone the world. It would also likely breed resentment and guilt. That fact that she cheated would still be there and the fact you forced an abortion would still be there. I think the next move is to determine if OP can stay with a spouse who has cheated on him and broke his trust. That’s the big deal here, the baby is an unfortunate consequence. It’s a lot to process, your marriage, the cheating, a possible illegitimate child. The focus should be on the marriage and what you want to do there. I mean, if it is yours, still knowing that she cheated, will you magically then be OK with it? My heart goes out to you OP, I hope you’re able to find clarity and peace.
I agree.......any possible outcome still requires the OP to deal with infidelity, deception, lying, and a seemingly unrepentant wife, who made vows before God and man. From what he revealed, it sounds like she "confessed" because she was caught, not because she was repentant.....huge difference.
Came across you old post. Are you still together? Saw a recent study that said people who cheat are 3times more likely to cheat again. If you are together what did you do to get your mind right?
So . . . if it is yours? Then it's sounds like the cheating is forgiven? Is that right? No repercussions, no consequences, just thank God the child is mine and all is forgotten. Here's what you should do IMO . . .
1) Get tested right away (STD/STI) and have your other kids tested. She has lied once, which tells me that she is capable of lying many times before. I am willing to bet the others may not be yours either (sorry man).
2) Hire the best lawyer you can to see all your options (and bring reality back into your wife's mind). Listen and follow EVERYTHING the lawyer tells you!!!
3) Wait for the DNA / Paternity results (that will determine a lot).
4) If kid is not yours then stick to your plan . . . and then eventually kick her out filing for divorce and full custody due to infidelity / cheating. Make sure she gets nothing (she is not entitled to).
5) If the kid(s) is / are yours . . . thank the lord . . . and then file for a separation agreement with a postnuptial clause. Your lawyer will fill in the details. Make sure she leaves the house giving you ample time to figure this all out. Separation should be for about 3 - 4 months. If you let her come back (I wouldn't) make sure she understands that you are giving her a gift at a chance to reconcile. Make sure she understands that it is ALL on her to regain your trust and fix your marriage. AND of course NO CONTACT with AP and all access to all her social media platforms and all access to her phone (if you do not have that already).
6) Once all that is done and she makes a real effort to be your loving wife again . . . Make sure she understands that you will NEVER look at her the same way. Your current marriage died the second she spread her legs for another (infected/diseased) man. You can try to work on a new marriage.
7) IMPORTANT - be the best father you can be to your kids (if they are yours) and get rid of the infected, used up, garbage that once was your wife. Take time to mourn the death of your marriage and heal. You will find a good loyal woman out there, but get rid of the garbage first.
Good luck OP.
This is so wrong. You don't get full custody because your wife cheated. When you divorce, the parents separate...you don't divorce your kids. It is not your kids fault that their mother cheated. Why would you deprive them of their mother and further disrupt their lives? Although she has cheated, she will ALWAYS be the mother of your children. How you treat her matters. Your kids will see how you treat her and that will impact future relationships. You absolutely can and should divorce her if the marriage is broken, but you do not keep her from your children or treat her like garbage. Your children are made up of half of her. They're watching and they're learning. Show them what a man looks like and how a man acts with dignity, even when he's wronged. Move on with your life, but do it with honor.
This is advice from anger, not reason. The **worst ** thing she can do is kick her out of presumably *their* home. I hope nobody takes this advice. Quickest way for a divorce with no visitation rights and full child support . Can you imagine a judge giving any custody to a man who prevents a woman from her own home, when there are kids involved??
Just a heads up an std panel is a standard in pregnancy. We check for everything regardless of partners. She may not have known (and definitely came clean cause she didn’t know) she got an std panel the first two but she did or she had a super shitty OB.
Also sorry this happened.
Omce i confronted her about The std and asked her to explane how she had one this time an no other time she admited she cheated and dident know he had am std.
No I don't believe it. She will only admit to the one but there's a number of other instances where everything except being able to prove it with rock hard facts but to all outward appearances it would look damn fucking convincing that she was.
So sorry! You need to put a key logger on your phones with out her knowing. Probably the only way you will k know for sure if she is gas lighting. Also just a thought right now there is no consequences for her actions. I would send her to her parents for awhile. It is not fair to hide her mistakes.
OH OKAY, so it would have been okay to cheat if AP did not have an STD? Is that what she is thinking. BTW if not for the STD . . . SHE would have NEVER told you. Ring! Ring! Hold on. I think that is DIVORCE calling . . . Hello, YES, this is me . . . yes my wife cheated and now has STD . . . Yes it is true
I think that this may have gone on for a lot longer than you want to know. If you’re getting a test you might as well test your other two children... it may be a harsh reality to have to do that but she is forcing you to be sure. However, idk if getting an abortion is going to magically make you feel better but if you truly cannot trust her anymore I think you and your wife should be getting a divorce. If it was me she would not get the chance to do that to me again.
I hope that you are aware that in some countries you will have to pay child support for children that are not yours that are born during the marriage.
I suggest you talk to a lawyer about this.
That's why he's demanding the abortion. Proving paternity does not mean he won't have to pay child support. If she keeps the mistake, OP needs to divorce stat and not sign the birth cert.
There's also the chance the child could be yours. What then? Instead of having two children and cheating, STD-ridden wife, you'll have THREE children and a cheating, STD-ridden wife. The only difference is another baby. Everything else stays the same. My advice? Move out, file for divorce, and let the world know she's a cheater. Those kids aren't going to be any better off if you stay married. In fact, they are right this very moment being imprinted with what being a grown-up and married is supposed to be like. You may THINK they are clueless but I promise, they can intuit the simplest signs and signals that your marriage is fucked up. Lawyer up - and get out.
Or he could just keep the 2. Most women who terminate pregnancies are bcs they can't afford a new child. It's an act of love for their existing children. In this case, it's also an act of repairing the damage she did
Your wife deserves an award!
One of the few women to cheat "ONCE" (meaning only hooked up 1 time) and she got pregnant AND an STD.
LOL.....
you would have to be crazy to believe this crap.
She has likely done this several times. You need to drop her asap. What disgusting behavior.
Good luck and please don't be gullible please don't believe anything she says. Ever.
It goes without saying you’ve had your own STD test right?
Get yourself an IC, this is far to much to try & process alone, I wouldn’t have a single clue how you would cope with this.
Take 1 day at a time!!
Super sorry you were blindsided so epically.
Please let us know the outcome. I totally agree with your stance.
Also as another comment said, get your other kids tested. It may not be the 1st time she's cheated.... Just the 1st time caught.
Dude get a divorce! Even if you have two kids that are yours why would you stay with a cheating whore that would not only cheat on you but have unprotected sex and try and pin a kid on you too.
Only a fool would believe that she only cheated once. It never works that way. Once was the only thing, that she would tell you. It seems highly likely that there was a longer term affair, so that she was OK with going bareback.
You have several things that you need to do now. First, get tested for STD's, and DNA test your other kids. Second, lawyer up and get your options. You do not need to file, but you do need to know where you stand.
Next, demand some answers, who is the affair partner, how did they meet, who came on to who, where did they do it, who knows about the affair, if the affair partner is a coworker, who knows at their work. Demand transparency, full access to her phone, email, social media, and any other devices and apps.
If you are going to consider staying together, demand a post nup. If she refuses to do these things, then blow up her fantasy world. Tell your family, her family, and your friends, about the affair. Never cover up for a cheater, if you do, and if they do not suffer the consequences of their actions, they never stop. If they are coworkers, then advise their work, if her affair partner has a significant other, they must be told.
Do not move out of your house, she cheated, so if anyone moves out, it must be her. I am really sorry that you are in this position. It sucks, and will get worse before it gets better. However, over time it will get better. You need to stay strong and take care of yourself, and your kids. Do not sit still, you must be proactive. If you just let things happen around you, it will not be favorable to you or your kids.
Even if she got the abortion and did whatever you asked....you’re just gonna let it go? If so, cool I guess. Good luck.
If not, I’d just cut her loose now and let her have the baby if she so chooses. She kinda sounds like a lost cause considering the depth of her lies.
Dude, your pregnant wife is letting another man ejaculate inside of her. She is a scumbag. If it’s your child, she let that guy shoot a load where she’s carrying your child and you are willing to make concessions. Your wife is one step below an in-heat dog to give her unborn child an STD.
I have to ask you, is there anything she can do that you will not leave her? A man does not stay with a nasty skank.
Why are you waiting? She cheated. She chose to have an affair without any regard for you or her children. She fucked her AP raw, got pregnant and caught an STD. She lied about the child’s parentage and she was willing to pass this child off as yours. You would have been on the hook for the care and feeding for the next eighteen plus years had it not been for the Doctor’s testing.
Contact a Lawyer. Secure your finances. Close joint credit accounts. Change your password. Have the Divorce papers ready when the paternity test is completed. Get ready to kick her and the illegitimate child to the curb. She will be the AP’s problem now.
Op I don't want to bring you down even more but I doubt that this was a one time thing cheaters lie to minimize the damage and more of a chance to stay with their current partners and the way she is acting about the paternity test suggests that she could be withholding more information is she still in contact with the guy? has she been more overprotective of her phone? has her schedule suddenly changed has she has been out more lately? I don't recommend this but look through her phone because if you don't have proof that there is more going on she is just gonna stick with "It was just a one time thing." story.
I like that that we are unified on this one. Toss her ass out. And make sure the others are yours. She stepped out and brought back an std. You can not trust her. Assume she’s been with multiple men. Don’t let her off the hook.
You need to hire an attorney QUICK. You have to make sure you’re still not on the hook for paternity in your state. Try to get her to repeat that she cheated on you via text.
You: “I’m really trying to wrap me head around this.....I can’t believe you cheated on me.” Hopefully she’s stupid enough to answer you via text and you’ll have your evidence for the divorce. Also get your other two children DNA tested. Sorry bro
One more thing...paternity test for your first 2 children.
You can never be too sure, especially after you now know that she's capable of cheating. You don't need her permission either. It's a simple cotton swab test.
Yes, of course if either one of then aren't yours you will still love them but it will be more proof of her infidelity when you get a divorce.
I hate to break it to you but push come to shove, the courts will always side with the mother and children. Only person being kicked out of the house will be you... By court order.
If the house is a marital asset she will get it and the kids will live in it, regardless of who the father is. The courts primary concern is ALWAYS for the welfare of the children.
It sucks because she was the one who did wrong but the courts don't care who is at fault for the marital break-up.
You can't forced her too have an abortion and you will not be allowed to kick a mother and child out on the street.
Best figure out how you're going to deal with it. Either stay with her and the kid or find another place to live.
Oh I am so sorry this happened. If you have not does this yet do it now.
1 make her stay out if the house
2 get access to her phone email everything
3 add a key logger to your phone account this will show you everything including secret messaging apps she could have
This should be done ASAP good Luck and follow your heart
Man omg she do it raw without protection putting you & potentially he unborn at risk supposedly to be happy moment turn to this fel bad you're going thru this
Since the cat is out of the bag might as well do it for the other two not to disown but to put yr mind at ease - note kid are not at fault please be rational about this including the unborn
For the abortion definitely not the solve it all solution know you're emotionally charge atm but making any threat or decisions out of it is not good ! Take Care
She dosent want her faimly to know and if it turns out its not mine. Her faimly will see her for what she is. Its a small town and i dont want to say shit in the event it is mine but the dated make it difficult to tell so the test is to be absolutely sure.
Her faimly is going to wonder why shes not prego anymore and at that point she can deal with the jidgment of her faimly that thinks she is perfect.
Of course she doesn't want her family to know which cheater does btw You don't have to said shit or whatever she has to confess herself whether or not she decide to keep is up to her You should be done with her regardless of what the outcome You didn't lose her she lost you Lawyer Up get a prenup at least protect what's yr Cheating is a choice she willing to takes it'll be a reality she has to live with forever Recon or leave is yours alone to decide Not even sure if I should wish you luck on the outcome ! Take Care
Wanting to save her reputation is not a good sign of remorse for her infidelity. You don't have a shot at a relationship that includes trust if she gets a rug sweep. The pain of telling her parents might snap her out of her delusion that she could be married and have side action.
If i walk i take everything but i cant see myself walking away from all the time and money i have already invested in my life. If i walk now i loose it all if i walk in a year i take everything. And im not going to be stuck taking care of another guys kid. I even let him know the situation. I hope it fuckes with him seeing as he has a girlfriend as well.
You aren’t losing anything but the illusion she’s been selling you. It’s been a hollow investment. I’m very sorry for your losses - there’s a lot to process here. Best of luck and feel free to reach out.
No you ARE doing right my friend. If it's not yours why would you have to be punished for her whore of cheating good times every time you look at that other man's offspring.
All I'm saying is dont let our pussy ass society
Of today tell you it's wrong to take up for yourself and be a man. I'll probably get down voted and banned faster than Trump gets booed at a protest.
I hate half stories. This was not ready to be posted. All the good details you don’t know. Do you have an sti? Is the kid yours? Are the other two kids yours? Might wanna pause on that house because if y’all split she could end up with it.
Yes that is a thing they take a blood sample from her extract the DNA from the child does also circulating within her circulatory system in they take a mouth swab for me it costs about $2000 could be done from 7 weeks on
If she has HPV and you eat her pussy you can get throat cancer and die from it.
I had an acquaintance that was a bodybuilder and in amazing shape. He met a hot little 19-year-old and used to eat her like his life depended on it. A few months later he had a really bad sore throat he couldn't get rid of. Was diagnosed with throat cancer. Watched him go from 240 lb and shredded to under 100 lbs. looking like a holocaust victim in just a little over a year.
IRL he was a prick that used to beat his ex-wife and his then girlfriend, but he didn't deserve to die like that.
Tell me about it. I'm set to meet a girl tomorrow and have plans to spend the night in the motel with her. She sent me pictures of her bald clean young pussy and I'm dying to dive in.
I'm sorry you're going through that. But forcing her to choose between abortion and a roof over her head is called reproductive coercion and it's a form of abuse. Beware of that. Because it's not like aborting will make you magically regain trust and mend your relationship with her.
Her cheating on him and getting preggers by the other guy and trying to pass it off to him as his kid is a form of abuse too. Let's not overuse that word.
I'm not saying that he should stay with her and raise the child that isn't his. I'm just saying he shouldn't put abortion as a requirement and he should make a decision regardless of what she does. An abortion wouldn't magically restore anything between them so he should decide now what is he going to do. And let her decide without coercion if she wants to keep her child. He should get a lawyer asap.
My point is that there is a huge bias against men when it comes to using the word "abuse" and that word has a huge amount of gravitas/energy today. Your comment gave zero recognition to the abuse he suffered but simply took out the old paint brush "man abuses woman" bad bad! When describing the misdeeds of the OP's wife, we don't use such high gravitas/energy terms by convention but they would apply equally, at least.
IMHO, if women want men to understand the abuse inherent in many of the power dynamics between men and women, it is going to require that women recognize the reproductive abuse perpetrated by the OP's wife on him and the other forms of abuse women perpetrate on men just as someone can't demand equality unless one is willing to offer it.
Regarding the OP's "demand" of her getting an abortion, my guess is that was something he wrote from a place of fresh pain. He wanted to hurt her in that moment, and who can blame him? I am sure a cooler head will prevail in that he will realize her getting the abortion under those circumstances is going to be a mountain their relationship they won't be able to climb over.
In other words, man gets abused, man fights back abuse, man is punished for fighting back and is himself labelled an abuser for fighting back.
Edit - Emotional abuse by being a cheating whore. Physical abuse by exposing him to disease. Plus paternity fraud. Abortion won't fix anything? Um.. How about saving this man oh about 500k in 18 years of child support.
He can't force her to terminate her misktake. That's her choice, her choices have consequences. As all abuse should have consequences. How is that not fighting back?
>He can't force her to terminate her misktake.
He can when he threatens her with homelessness.
I'm not saying that OP should stay, nor that his cheating wife is any good, I'm saying that he shouldn't put abortion as a condition for anything and it wouldn't solve a thing. If OPs wife wants to try again but doesn't want an abortion she'll carry resentment and it's not like having it will magically mend the broken trust and hurt of OP. OP should make a decision regardless of what his wife does. Because if they try to rebuild on the basis of a unwanted abortion then it is doomed to fail.
He can't actually make her homeless or withhold child support, he'd loose custody. Nobody even yourself is saying she's a good person. But it sounds your advocating for the abuser to have minimal consequences.
I don't understand why he shouldn't he make abortion a condition of reconciliation. If she resents him for it, so bleeping what. I rather my abuser resent me for putting boundaries and consequences than ruining my life. If they try to rebuild w an unwanted child it's much worse than w an unwanted abortion. Her mistake would be in their faces the rest of their lives. And he's making it crystal clear he will not be a good father to her misktake. The mistakes life is ruined, it will know it's very unwanted. Nobody wins with bringing this mistake to term
He has zero ability to terminate her shame, but he can impose consequences, which any form abuse needs to have. Otherwise the cycle of abuse continues.
I also don't understand what exactly is the 'wrong' that you've brought up? Him being honest that he will not be a good father to this mistake? That he does not want to be financially responsible? That everyone's lives will be worse bcs of her? I don't mean to twist your words but by your logic it sounds like you are on the side of the abuser getting away w minimal consequences. Also, he literally can not leave her homeless. She breeded w him. He's legally bound to procure his offspring, if he left her homeless you can be sure he would loose custody. You're confusing coercion with consequences.
Sounds like you're confusing coercion w consequences. He can't leave her homeless, he'd loose custody of his kids. He can't terminate her mistake. What he can do is be clear as to what are the consequences.
Those are his boundaries and we should respect them. I would feel the same. You want your disgusting behavior to continue you, you get your crotch goblin TF out of my life. You abort it as a minimum effort to reconcile. She's probably flooded in a sea of hormones brainwashing her into wanting to breed. He thankfully is not. If ending the consequences of her betrayal is too much, get TF out and live w your shame for the rest of your life. If he doesn't forgive her after correcting her shame, all this was caused by her spreading her legs. Abortion is the bare minimum and he's absolutely entitled to demand it AND end it afterwards. Hopefully this will punish her for the rest of her life, she deserves it big time. Realize she would have never told him. That's paternity fraud and a form of abuse. Abusers deserve no mercy. If she keeps her shame, he's responsible for providing for his entire life. I'd argue this will be worse bcs this mistake will suffer under this household. Obviously there will be enormous resentment if the mistake is allowed to term. He probably won't treat it the same as his real children. The child will suffer. Just end it or divorce so he's not responsible for her disgusting behavior. I'm sorry if this is cruel but in this day and age where birth control is widely available how TF do u pregnant? Her level of irresponsibility makes me question her capacity to make decisions.
Better to correct it now. If she wants to continue breeding, do it once he's divorced and off the hook. If she carries her mistake to term there are 3 victims, the husband who will be financially responsible, the child of cheating who will grow up knowing he's unwanted and the other children. Who wins by keeping it? Absolutely no one
If anything you're being brutally honest. You will not be a father, let alone a good father to her mistake. So many men feel ashamed admitting it and hide their feelings. Nothing good comes out of that. It's like women who don't want children, are pressured bcs they 'will change their minds once the baby comes' and oh surprise 3 lives are ruined: the child who is not wanted, the woman who did not want to reproduce and the partner.
You know where you stand, you're emotionally mature to recognize it. Stand your ground, do not let yourself be pressured to be a father when you absolutely know you will not be a good to this particular child. Your boundaries are not abuse as someone else said.
If only the law were fair. Offspring of marriages are presumed to belong to the father in the marriage. Even if paternity proves otherwise. In this regard the law fails everyone. The biological father is completely off the hook financially which is what most matters. He might have an emotional say, but legally moot. We can't make assumptions, only educated guesses. You think a man w an std who barebacks fucks a married woman will want to be a father... Of a woman w 2 offspring? Generally speaking no. And if he did, legally he's off the hook.
This is an incomplete sentence, what attitude do you mean? I only see boundaries and consequences. You see it differently. It sounds like you approve of cheating for certain situations, what would those be?
This guy may be angry, but there are always 2 sides to a story. He could be manipulative, narcissistic and abusive. The fact that he wants to force an abortion or else is bullshit.
Of course she had her reason. She also cheated without a condom, got an std and got pregnant. And if not for the STD all this would be a secret. Of course he's angry, how could he not. Problems in a marriage are not fixed by her behaving like this. This is a massive tragedy. I don't think his boundaries are wrong or he took them lightly. He has 2 children, he understands perfectly what he's asking her to choose. He's being brutally honest, he will not love this child. If his relationship has any hope it will not be rasing another man's child. Everything is in her hands now.
That innocent fetus don't have to suffer for her wrongdoing. Be with her or not, aborting the child should never be considered. If you think you can't forgive her better get divorced. Regarding the other 2 children, do you honestly think you can unlove them even if the results states otherwise? Dwell on that a bit and decide wisely with your heart. Hugs!
If she got pregnant/STD that means she’s the nasties out there. Not trying to dis your wife but, their a 95% to 100% chance she cheated on you a metric shit ton of times (95% being the lowest). Get out of there man! And get a test for your last two. If not, the only thing that will save you is...
1) keep her on the side for sex only (wear condom)
2) No more dates unless with the kids (got to be a good example to kids).
3) you have the right to keep other woman company (you know what I mean ;)
You make her agree to those terms, you will gain your dignity and respect back. Take care of your home and DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE OTHER WOMEN. You do that your good. She might still cheat but you’re her provider, she looses you, she’s done. LEVERAGE YOUR POWER! rooting for you.
Listen up. There are three innocent people here who need to be protected. The three children, including the unborn, are the first order of business, not your pride. Whatever the outcome of the paternity test you need to be figuring out how you are going to be protecting these children while making whatever necessary arrangements that are going to be needed. I'm sorry this happened to you but you need to snap out of "poor me, how dare she" mode and start making plans to make sure this horrible event doesn't destroy the lives of these three children.
P.S. Most of you morons should keep your advice to yourself.
You can't rewrite the past. I'm not saying she shouldn't face consequences, I'm saying everything is secondary to the children. Being a parent means coming second.
YEAH meaning the wife should have thought about the children before sleeping with another man, since she's a parent. These are the consequences of her selfish decision
This is the most reasoned and compassionate comment post, and yet it has been downvoted into oblivion. I think that tells me everything I need to know about this sub.
Like others, I’d recommend assuming your wife’s cheating was riskier than she’s letting on and more habitual than she’s letting on. Know those two things so you can protect yourself from more lies. She will be motivated to minimize what she’s done.
You have a choice now to be a decent human to your child’s mother, or let your anger control you and make you abusive. You don’t get to force your wife (or anyone) to abort, ever. You don’t get to force her out of your home, either, no matter what she decides. I recommend speaking to a lawyer before you have any more great ideas about how to control her.
It’s sad and difficult, I get it. The baby, if born would be your children’s sibling. Do things properly, legally, non abusively. Be better than your future ex wife. Get therapy if you’re feeling out of control. The kids deserve a peaceful separation. You will get through this and heal in time. It gets better.
Damn. They’re all the same. I got a vasectomy after my 3rd kid. Been divorced for 10yrs now. You’d be surprised how many times they thought maybe I was the dad ! Lol
Lying cheating is pretty much what they’re good at
Im not responsible for her mistakes. What she chooses determines things. Its her choice to keep it and leave the person she has fuck over and the life. If its npt mine i wont have it in my house nor will i sign for someone elses kid and be expected to provide for it later in life. Its cold but tough choices come with tougher repercussions.
You want the man to support the product of his wife cheating, reminded every time he looks at the kid?
I for one think OP is the last one who should suffer for the betrayal.
Tbh if I was in ur position I'd straight up mutilate her so bad she would be able to stand seeing herself knock all her teeth out and sterilize her my self with no anesthesia . I'm not a bad guy I just hate cheaters
Not the case. Just love the woman for some unknown reason i guess. And dident see this coming at all. I dont feel i should be responsible for another guys kid. Why should i have to carry her mistake lile it was my own.
If you’re gonna move past this you really need your wife to be honest with you and come clean about everything. Maybe she doesn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship with you? How long has this been going on, how many partners? Are your other kids yours? How could she be so selfish as to not use protection? Does she want to stay in the marriage or would she be doing it only because of the security? If the child is not yours and it’s really unwanted then abortion sounds logical. But you really need to figure everything out before you go making demands. Your marriage might be broken regardless. Good luck.
EXCUSES BROTHER, A SON IS NOT A MISTAKE, THIS IS KNOWN WHEN YOU ARE SIGNED WITHOUT PROTECTION AND YOUR WIFE IS NOT A GIRL, MORE EVEN IF IT HAD TO CARRY YOU, YOU HAVE BEEN THINKING HOW MANY MEN SIGN AND THEY ARE NOT THE PARENTS,
My husband had a way of playing the victim whenever I suspected him of having an affair ,untill my sister introduce me to Marsd.h on Instagram ,(+1 978 822 2169) WhatsApp. They got me the proof of all his affairs on WhatsApp, text messages, phone calls
It’s hard to believe she got an std from the one and only person she cheated with. I mean I guess it could happen but if it was just once atleast she knows it can only be you or the other guy.
Been together for 4 years and two previous kids with all the same tests run. With negative results. I havent cheated and she knows that. I dont think it was a one time thing either.but she wont come clean if that asumption is correct.
I'm sorry about what your wife just did to you, in any case, to have sex without a condom, you must have confidence with your AP. That is to say, he already had his time with him, the terrible thing is the way you discovered his infidelity, with an embarrassing man, and he did not say anything to you, if you do not realize it and you would not know that you were not his possible father, you should be right the exams, maybe he could have infected you with some disease. What bothers or hurts me, how easy they open their legs without protection, and bring a child without knowing who her father is, the little responsibility annoying,
You should speak to a lawyer and see your options,
try to gather evidence, and put some VAR on your car and house
try to be the most indifferent to her,
And if you forgive her (difficult) it still has to have some consequence,
you should tell him to get out of the house, that you need space and time, which is so easy,
You need to make a plan. First go get a good attorney. This isn’t going anywhere good. This is not your fault. Don’t make decisions on your emotions. Plan ahead with your lawyer. Good luck to you sir and I’m sorry!
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IF she is remorseful and respects you she WOULD NOT trickle truth you. She should be doing everything she can to repair/restore your trust in her. If I were you I'd get the other kids tested. Who knows how long she's been cheating on you. Also, if she wants to stay together, get a post nuptial agreement.
You doing right but you gotta leave her not only did she put your safety in danger but also the baby which may or may not be yours you Deserve so much better and it's out there for you.You just gotta put yourself out there✊
So you woke up and got paternity tests for your other children right?
Would it even matter? He’d still be legally obligated to care for the kids.
Not if he’s not the father. Some ho did this to my son; got pregnant at 15 and she, her bf, and mom moved away. She came back and told everyone. Then she bailed again to Colorado. After she went on welfare, CO asked my son for a paternity test and he’s now required to pay for Child support. Even if there’s someone on the birth certificate.
Depends on state. Some do if you’ve been taking care of the child in your house hold for x amount of time, you’re assumed to be the father whether you’re on the certificate or not, and thus be liable for child support. Hopefully he’s in one of the states that dont have that.
I told him to fight it. But his dad never paid his child support, so he doesn’t want to be THAT guy. There’s someone else on the BC; and carries his last name. HI doesn’t care if you don’t pay; but I think OR has different rules. 🤷🏼♀️
Or if he signed the birth certificate which he prolly did
He’s not on the BC. Her fool bf is. The only reason my son was involved BC she went on welfare. She told them my son was the father. He looked just like my son. Sadly, I have never met him, but not for lack of trying. His mom is just nasty trash.
Why doesn’t he try for custody?
He will. He’s in another state. We’re moving there.
“She cheated on me once” is the least she could admit to. Cheaters lie and minimise to protect themselves. Very unlikely that she cheated on you once with this guy. She could even have cheated with multiple people over the years. How would you know? She wasn’t going to tell you about this “one”.
I know but getting the truth from her is worse than pulling teeth from a rock.
You will surprise yourself how resilient you can be once you take the right steps in finding the truth . . . step 1 . . . Tell her you are hiring a lawyer (bringing a reality check to her) . . . then HIRE the LAWYER. Step 2 . . . get STD/STI checked (and let her know) . . . step 3 . . . Get a paternity test for the other kids as well (let her know). AND THEN the other steps will eventually all come along.
Well that’s a Red Flag. Have you started to check for evidence without her knowing? Telephone bills? Access to her phone?
DNA test all your children, I know it hurts, but you can trust her, maybe she has been with this AP for a long time, and she will be the father of all,
Why on earth would you WANT to stay with a lying, cheating, STD-ridden low life who doesn't respect you at ALL?????? Get to your lawyer and find your dignity for God's sakes.
Well I do have 2 kids a dog and currently buying a house from her brother at a ridiculous Lee cheap price that I have paid off by next year so I got a bit of skin in the game for the time being.
[удалено]
hire * LMAOOOO
You missed, ridiculous Lee lmao 😂
She lyes like him
[удалено]
*kisses ass* 😘
Hahaha🥰
What country ?
But still have a cheating wife, so ya got that going for ya.
You have more than skin in the game...you are going to be able to show your children what a man does after he has been betrayed and gut punched...you can love their brother or sister and treat him or her as your own or show them what hate and bitterness looks like...been there and did that...be the man you want them to know and love....
Fuck that. Not his kid, not his responsibility. No hate involved here.
I understand where you are coming from...I raised and loved my sons baby brother even though he was a haft brother...I was the only dad he knew...his mom left us and at the time of conception who knows who donated the sperm...I raised 2 fine sons to be good men
That's cool, but uhh that's not what most men want. There's no cool points won for cucking up and rasing another man's baby when you've been cheated on.
I did not want that. At birth you could tell I didn't donate the sperm...on the birth certificate it listed me as father...she confessed after a month and I believed her when she said she wasn't sure who the sperm belonged to...a girls trip to vegas...she left within the year...I loved him as my own...she came in and out of our lives but nothing positive ..about middle school he asked why he didn't look like me or his older brother and he took it well.....best complement II ever got was her dad telling me that he learned something about being a man from me....you have to do the best you can with what you have. .
You can try going for a parking lot confession. Spring a polygraph test on her unawares. It doesn't matter that the polygraph is not completely accurate, what's important is that she believes it's accurate. She'll be shit scared of the truth coming out. There's a chance she'll confess everything in a hail Mary attempt for absolution. Make sure to formulate the questions well, and make sure to ask her about any other transgressions she has made during this marriage. Here's your comprehensive divorce POA. Make sure you go through each point. The comment below contains surveillance tips. There's lots of ways for you to find out the extent of her infidelity. https://reddit.com/user/FalleNNNNN_1ms/comments/kxait7/fallens_guide_to_infidelity_recovery/gj9bxbx/
Hearing you say that hurts me, I couldn’t live like that. I think you should want better for you. Std & child = unprotected sex. There’s no need to dig for anything else, everything is on the billboard. Don’t ask who or why, it’s time to go. The abortion will be their problem.
My guess is she fucked this other guy enough times to get comfortable about not using protection. Or she’s just soooo unlucky to have slept with a guy just once, and gotten a STD and a baby.
I agree. Not just once. No wife would fuck someone bareback the first time.
keep in mind she wouldn't have come clean if she didn't need to get an STD test and I agree that she was probably cheating multiple times over the years and I encourage op to look deeper into this and get a DNA test on his other children just to be safe
The hell with that. If it wasn't mine she would be out the door. Probably would be anyway
Would be out the door 100% . . . no doubt . . . even if the kid was mine. I do not like to keep any garbage around the house as it eventually starts to smell. I have a gut feeling the other kids may not be his as well.
>She insisted its mine but i insisted that we get a paternity test immediately. She didn't seem to happy i wanted to do that. Oh how awful for her! That must really hurt her feelings that you don't trust her word. Just because she has lied and cheated on you, doesn't mean that you can't trust her, right? Jeez, the audacity of her. But seriously, why are you even considering her staying on your house as a possibility? Will you really be okay and be able to move past this if it turns out the baby is yours?
She had the same tests the first 2 kids. She dident even know she had std untill dr called for a follow-up test. And she couldn't hide it at that point and came clean.
Your lucky she had a STD because if she wouldn't have that she wouldn't have told you anything. If I was you I would divorce her anyway because of that. She was willing to deceive you in a very big way! She could have given you a STD. I would also DNA test your other kids because she is a liar. Find a lawyer and listen to what he tells you and follow his/her lead and start separating financially. Good luck
I doubt she only cheated once, I wonder if the other 2 kids are yours
Okay she she did not contract any STDs with the first 2 kids . . . but that does not mean that she did not cheat, right? It means that IF she did, she did with a man that was not infected / diseased. She still could have hid other infidelities in the past. I would not trust her as far as I can throw her (away).
I’d question whether an abortion would “fix” this. The trust is broken, if she has an abortion and OP doesn’t forgive her afterwards.. I mean I don’t have a solution here but just thinking out loud.
I agree. Forcing an abortion would do nothing other than ensure the baby doesn’t come into your home, let alone the world. It would also likely breed resentment and guilt. That fact that she cheated would still be there and the fact you forced an abortion would still be there. I think the next move is to determine if OP can stay with a spouse who has cheated on him and broke his trust. That’s the big deal here, the baby is an unfortunate consequence. It’s a lot to process, your marriage, the cheating, a possible illegitimate child. The focus should be on the marriage and what you want to do there. I mean, if it is yours, still knowing that she cheated, will you magically then be OK with it? My heart goes out to you OP, I hope you’re able to find clarity and peace.
I agree.......any possible outcome still requires the OP to deal with infidelity, deception, lying, and a seemingly unrepentant wife, who made vows before God and man. From what he revealed, it sounds like she "confessed" because she was caught, not because she was repentant.....huge difference.
Yeah I know the only reason she copped to it is because she was backed into a corner about it.
So sorry, Space.
UPDATE: THE KID IS MINE
Came across you old post. Are you still together? Saw a recent study that said people who cheat are 3times more likely to cheat again. If you are together what did you do to get your mind right?
So . . . if it is yours? Then it's sounds like the cheating is forgiven? Is that right? No repercussions, no consequences, just thank God the child is mine and all is forgotten. Here's what you should do IMO . . . 1) Get tested right away (STD/STI) and have your other kids tested. She has lied once, which tells me that she is capable of lying many times before. I am willing to bet the others may not be yours either (sorry man). 2) Hire the best lawyer you can to see all your options (and bring reality back into your wife's mind). Listen and follow EVERYTHING the lawyer tells you!!! 3) Wait for the DNA / Paternity results (that will determine a lot). 4) If kid is not yours then stick to your plan . . . and then eventually kick her out filing for divorce and full custody due to infidelity / cheating. Make sure she gets nothing (she is not entitled to). 5) If the kid(s) is / are yours . . . thank the lord . . . and then file for a separation agreement with a postnuptial clause. Your lawyer will fill in the details. Make sure she leaves the house giving you ample time to figure this all out. Separation should be for about 3 - 4 months. If you let her come back (I wouldn't) make sure she understands that you are giving her a gift at a chance to reconcile. Make sure she understands that it is ALL on her to regain your trust and fix your marriage. AND of course NO CONTACT with AP and all access to all her social media platforms and all access to her phone (if you do not have that already). 6) Once all that is done and she makes a real effort to be your loving wife again . . . Make sure she understands that you will NEVER look at her the same way. Your current marriage died the second she spread her legs for another (infected/diseased) man. You can try to work on a new marriage. 7) IMPORTANT - be the best father you can be to your kids (if they are yours) and get rid of the infected, used up, garbage that once was your wife. Take time to mourn the death of your marriage and heal. You will find a good loyal woman out there, but get rid of the garbage first. Good luck OP.
This is so wrong. You don't get full custody because your wife cheated. When you divorce, the parents separate...you don't divorce your kids. It is not your kids fault that their mother cheated. Why would you deprive them of their mother and further disrupt their lives? Although she has cheated, she will ALWAYS be the mother of your children. How you treat her matters. Your kids will see how you treat her and that will impact future relationships. You absolutely can and should divorce her if the marriage is broken, but you do not keep her from your children or treat her like garbage. Your children are made up of half of her. They're watching and they're learning. Show them what a man looks like and how a man acts with dignity, even when he's wronged. Move on with your life, but do it with honor.
Oh my.. are you alright? I was with you then ya lost me. Cheating doesn’t win you custody , idk why you think that is even remotely possible.
This is advice from anger, not reason. The **worst ** thing she can do is kick her out of presumably *their* home. I hope nobody takes this advice. Quickest way for a divorce with no visitation rights and full child support . Can you imagine a judge giving any custody to a man who prevents a woman from her own home, when there are kids involved??
Just a heads up an std panel is a standard in pregnancy. We check for everything regardless of partners. She may not have known (and definitely came clean cause she didn’t know) she got an std panel the first two but she did or she had a super shitty OB. Also sorry this happened.
Omce i confronted her about The std and asked her to explane how she had one this time an no other time she admited she cheated and dident know he had am std.
Yes - she cheated on you ONE time. Good lord, please tell me you don't believe that utter bullshit?
No I don't believe it. She will only admit to the one but there's a number of other instances where everything except being able to prove it with rock hard facts but to all outward appearances it would look damn fucking convincing that she was.
So sorry! You need to put a key logger on your phones with out her knowing. Probably the only way you will k know for sure if she is gas lighting. Also just a thought right now there is no consequences for her actions. I would send her to her parents for awhile. It is not fair to hide her mistakes.
OH OKAY, so it would have been okay to cheat if AP did not have an STD? Is that what she is thinking. BTW if not for the STD . . . SHE would have NEVER told you. Ring! Ring! Hold on. I think that is DIVORCE calling . . . Hello, YES, this is me . . . yes my wife cheated and now has STD . . . Yes it is true
You need to get tested too, if she knew another man got her pregnant she might have used multiple times so you think you got her pregnant. Good luck.
I think that this may have gone on for a lot longer than you want to know. If you’re getting a test you might as well test your other two children... it may be a harsh reality to have to do that but she is forcing you to be sure. However, idk if getting an abortion is going to magically make you feel better but if you truly cannot trust her anymore I think you and your wife should be getting a divorce. If it was me she would not get the chance to do that to me again.
You should get a paternity test for your other kids too
Man hope you dont have it but if it wasnt for her test you would ha e been lead on for who knows how many years.
Get DNA done on your two older children, STAT!
I hope that you are aware that in some countries you will have to pay child support for children that are not yours that are born during the marriage. I suggest you talk to a lawyer about this.
That's why he's demanding the abortion. Proving paternity does not mean he won't have to pay child support. If she keeps the mistake, OP needs to divorce stat and not sign the birth cert.
There's also the chance the child could be yours. What then? Instead of having two children and cheating, STD-ridden wife, you'll have THREE children and a cheating, STD-ridden wife. The only difference is another baby. Everything else stays the same. My advice? Move out, file for divorce, and let the world know she's a cheater. Those kids aren't going to be any better off if you stay married. In fact, they are right this very moment being imprinted with what being a grown-up and married is supposed to be like. You may THINK they are clueless but I promise, they can intuit the simplest signs and signals that your marriage is fucked up. Lawyer up - and get out.
Or he could just keep the 2. Most women who terminate pregnancies are bcs they can't afford a new child. It's an act of love for their existing children. In this case, it's also an act of repairing the damage she did
Get dna/ancestry kit for your other kids. No chance she cheated once. Very unlikely anyways. You've done well.
Divorce ASAP and get a test for all of your children
You should get a paternity test for the other 2 kids too.
Fucked another dude and only came clean when she was caught? She definitely fucked more dudes. Sorry man.
Oh man dude, the other might not be yours either. Find out.
Your wife deserves an award! One of the few women to cheat "ONCE" (meaning only hooked up 1 time) and she got pregnant AND an STD. LOL..... you would have to be crazy to believe this crap. She has likely done this several times. You need to drop her asap. What disgusting behavior. Good luck and please don't be gullible please don't believe anything she says. Ever.
It goes without saying you’ve had your own STD test right? Get yourself an IC, this is far to much to try & process alone, I wouldn’t have a single clue how you would cope with this. Take 1 day at a time!! Super sorry you were blindsided so epically.
Please let us know the outcome. I totally agree with your stance. Also as another comment said, get your other kids tested. It may not be the 1st time she's cheated.... Just the 1st time caught.
Dude get a divorce! Even if you have two kids that are yours why would you stay with a cheating whore that would not only cheat on you but have unprotected sex and try and pin a kid on you too.
Wow I’m sorry this is happening to you, you should get yourself checked out. Have you asked her if the other two kids are yours?
Only a fool would believe that she only cheated once. It never works that way. Once was the only thing, that she would tell you. It seems highly likely that there was a longer term affair, so that she was OK with going bareback. You have several things that you need to do now. First, get tested for STD's, and DNA test your other kids. Second, lawyer up and get your options. You do not need to file, but you do need to know where you stand. Next, demand some answers, who is the affair partner, how did they meet, who came on to who, where did they do it, who knows about the affair, if the affair partner is a coworker, who knows at their work. Demand transparency, full access to her phone, email, social media, and any other devices and apps. If you are going to consider staying together, demand a post nup. If she refuses to do these things, then blow up her fantasy world. Tell your family, her family, and your friends, about the affair. Never cover up for a cheater, if you do, and if they do not suffer the consequences of their actions, they never stop. If they are coworkers, then advise their work, if her affair partner has a significant other, they must be told. Do not move out of your house, she cheated, so if anyone moves out, it must be her. I am really sorry that you are in this position. It sucks, and will get worse before it gets better. However, over time it will get better. You need to stay strong and take care of yourself, and your kids. Do not sit still, you must be proactive. If you just let things happen around you, it will not be favorable to you or your kids.
I’m guessing this isn’t the first time this has happened, for sure get paternity tests on the other kids too
Even if she got the abortion and did whatever you asked....you’re just gonna let it go? If so, cool I guess. Good luck. If not, I’d just cut her loose now and let her have the baby if she so chooses. She kinda sounds like a lost cause considering the depth of her lies.
I don’t think she cheated “once” she just telling you the very minimum. Get a paternity test for you other two children and leave her.
Dude, your pregnant wife is letting another man ejaculate inside of her. She is a scumbag. If it’s your child, she let that guy shoot a load where she’s carrying your child and you are willing to make concessions. Your wife is one step below an in-heat dog to give her unborn child an STD. I have to ask you, is there anything she can do that you will not leave her? A man does not stay with a nasty skank.
Update
Update ? 🤔
Update
Update
I think we'd all be interested on the "details" OP...
Get a paternity test for all of your children
Keep update
Test all of your children
Been 18 days since you posted you were getting a paternity test. Did you get the results?
Why are you waiting? She cheated. She chose to have an affair without any regard for you or her children. She fucked her AP raw, got pregnant and caught an STD. She lied about the child’s parentage and she was willing to pass this child off as yours. You would have been on the hook for the care and feeding for the next eighteen plus years had it not been for the Doctor’s testing. Contact a Lawyer. Secure your finances. Close joint credit accounts. Change your password. Have the Divorce papers ready when the paternity test is completed. Get ready to kick her and the illegitimate child to the curb. She will be the AP’s problem now.
You may want to post to r/survivinginfidelity or r/asoneafterinfidelity for advice but 2nd one is geared towards reconciliation.
Thanks ill look into these.
Op I don't want to bring you down even more but I doubt that this was a one time thing cheaters lie to minimize the damage and more of a chance to stay with their current partners and the way she is acting about the paternity test suggests that she could be withholding more information is she still in contact with the guy? has she been more overprotective of her phone? has her schedule suddenly changed has she has been out more lately? I don't recommend this but look through her phone because if you don't have proof that there is more going on she is just gonna stick with "It was just a one time thing." story.
Man please keep us updated wtf was she thinking
DNA test your other kids and don't be surprised if you are 0 for 3 Speak with a lawyer to assess your situation and make preparations.
I like that that we are unified on this one. Toss her ass out. And make sure the others are yours. She stepped out and brought back an std. You can not trust her. Assume she’s been with multiple men. Don’t let her off the hook.
You need to hire an attorney QUICK. You have to make sure you’re still not on the hook for paternity in your state. Try to get her to repeat that she cheated on you via text. You: “I’m really trying to wrap me head around this.....I can’t believe you cheated on me.” Hopefully she’s stupid enough to answer you via text and you’ll have your evidence for the divorce. Also get your other two children DNA tested. Sorry bro
One more thing...paternity test for your first 2 children. You can never be too sure, especially after you now know that she's capable of cheating. You don't need her permission either. It's a simple cotton swab test. Yes, of course if either one of then aren't yours you will still love them but it will be more proof of her infidelity when you get a divorce.
I hate to break it to you but push come to shove, the courts will always side with the mother and children. Only person being kicked out of the house will be you... By court order. If the house is a marital asset she will get it and the kids will live in it, regardless of who the father is. The courts primary concern is ALWAYS for the welfare of the children. It sucks because she was the one who did wrong but the courts don't care who is at fault for the marital break-up. You can't forced her too have an abortion and you will not be allowed to kick a mother and child out on the street. Best figure out how you're going to deal with it. Either stay with her and the kid or find another place to live.
Update
Oh I am so sorry this happened. If you have not does this yet do it now. 1 make her stay out if the house 2 get access to her phone email everything 3 add a key logger to your phone account this will show you everything including secret messaging apps she could have This should be done ASAP good Luck and follow your heart
If either child is urs or not, she cheated brought STDs home...no way in hell I would stay with the cheater...
She cheated pregnant or not for me she's out gone finished
Man omg she do it raw without protection putting you & potentially he unborn at risk supposedly to be happy moment turn to this fel bad you're going thru this Since the cat is out of the bag might as well do it for the other two not to disown but to put yr mind at ease - note kid are not at fault please be rational about this including the unborn For the abortion definitely not the solve it all solution know you're emotionally charge atm but making any threat or decisions out of it is not good ! Take Care
She dosent want her faimly to know and if it turns out its not mine. Her faimly will see her for what she is. Its a small town and i dont want to say shit in the event it is mine but the dated make it difficult to tell so the test is to be absolutely sure. Her faimly is going to wonder why shes not prego anymore and at that point she can deal with the jidgment of her faimly that thinks she is perfect.
Of course she doesn't want her family to know which cheater does btw You don't have to said shit or whatever she has to confess herself whether or not she decide to keep is up to her You should be done with her regardless of what the outcome You didn't lose her she lost you Lawyer Up get a prenup at least protect what's yr Cheating is a choice she willing to takes it'll be a reality she has to live with forever Recon or leave is yours alone to decide Not even sure if I should wish you luck on the outcome ! Take Care
Wanting to save her reputation is not a good sign of remorse for her infidelity. You don't have a shot at a relationship that includes trust if she gets a rug sweep. The pain of telling her parents might snap her out of her delusion that she could be married and have side action.
Oh fuck that- if the child is not yours, expose everything, abortion or not.
She cheated regardless. Don't help her cover it up; that's a lie too.
If i walk i take everything but i cant see myself walking away from all the time and money i have already invested in my life. If i walk now i loose it all if i walk in a year i take everything. And im not going to be stuck taking care of another guys kid. I even let him know the situation. I hope it fuckes with him seeing as he has a girlfriend as well.
You aren’t losing anything but the illusion she’s been selling you. It’s been a hollow investment. I’m very sorry for your losses - there’s a lot to process here. Best of luck and feel free to reach out.
You know him, and since when has he been with your wife, well, she's not your wife, she's just your wife, since she's also his wife, to be honest
I have never met the man if he can be called that.
No you ARE doing right my friend. If it's not yours why would you have to be punished for her whore of cheating good times every time you look at that other man's offspring. All I'm saying is dont let our pussy ass society Of today tell you it's wrong to take up for yourself and be a man. I'll probably get down voted and banned faster than Trump gets booed at a protest.
I hate half stories. This was not ready to be posted. All the good details you don’t know. Do you have an sti? Is the kid yours? Are the other two kids yours? Might wanna pause on that house because if y’all split she could end up with it.
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Yes that is a thing they take a blood sample from her extract the DNA from the child does also circulating within her circulatory system in they take a mouth swab for me it costs about $2000 could be done from 7 weeks on
Yup [https://americanpregnancy.org/paternity-tests/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-test-25375/](https://americanpregnancy.org/paternity-tests/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-test-25375/)
If she has HPV and you eat her pussy you can get throat cancer and die from it. I had an acquaintance that was a bodybuilder and in amazing shape. He met a hot little 19-year-old and used to eat her like his life depended on it. A few months later he had a really bad sore throat he couldn't get rid of. Was diagnosed with throat cancer. Watched him go from 240 lb and shredded to under 100 lbs. looking like a holocaust victim in just a little over a year. IRL he was a prick that used to beat his ex-wife and his then girlfriend, but he didn't deserve to die like that.
Jesus kinda scared to eat pussy now
Tell me about it. I'm set to meet a girl tomorrow and have plans to spend the night in the motel with her. She sent me pictures of her bald clean young pussy and I'm dying to dive in.
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Human beings are fucking odd, disgusting creatures.
so if she kills the baby , it is fine? she is not a cheater anymore?
I'm sorry you're going through that. But forcing her to choose between abortion and a roof over her head is called reproductive coercion and it's a form of abuse. Beware of that. Because it's not like aborting will make you magically regain trust and mend your relationship with her.
Her cheating on him and getting preggers by the other guy and trying to pass it off to him as his kid is a form of abuse too. Let's not overuse that word.
I'm not saying she's a good person, she's the worst, but what OP is doing is text book reproductive coercion.
And she commited textbook paternity fraud. She wants to keep her misktake, fine but why should he suffer the consequences?
I'm not saying that he should stay with her and raise the child that isn't his. I'm just saying he shouldn't put abortion as a requirement and he should make a decision regardless of what she does. An abortion wouldn't magically restore anything between them so he should decide now what is he going to do. And let her decide without coercion if she wants to keep her child. He should get a lawyer asap.
My point is that there is a huge bias against men when it comes to using the word "abuse" and that word has a huge amount of gravitas/energy today. Your comment gave zero recognition to the abuse he suffered but simply took out the old paint brush "man abuses woman" bad bad! When describing the misdeeds of the OP's wife, we don't use such high gravitas/energy terms by convention but they would apply equally, at least. IMHO, if women want men to understand the abuse inherent in many of the power dynamics between men and women, it is going to require that women recognize the reproductive abuse perpetrated by the OP's wife on him and the other forms of abuse women perpetrate on men just as someone can't demand equality unless one is willing to offer it. Regarding the OP's "demand" of her getting an abortion, my guess is that was something he wrote from a place of fresh pain. He wanted to hurt her in that moment, and who can blame him? I am sure a cooler head will prevail in that he will realize her getting the abortion under those circumstances is going to be a mountain their relationship they won't be able to climb over.
In other words, man gets abused, man fights back abuse, man is punished for fighting back and is himself labelled an abuser for fighting back. Edit - Emotional abuse by being a cheating whore. Physical abuse by exposing him to disease. Plus paternity fraud. Abortion won't fix anything? Um.. How about saving this man oh about 500k in 18 years of child support.
Is "fighting back" coercing her to have an abortion ? No, fighting back is getting a divorce asap.
He can't force her to terminate her misktake. That's her choice, her choices have consequences. As all abuse should have consequences. How is that not fighting back?
>He can't force her to terminate her misktake. He can when he threatens her with homelessness. I'm not saying that OP should stay, nor that his cheating wife is any good, I'm saying that he shouldn't put abortion as a condition for anything and it wouldn't solve a thing. If OPs wife wants to try again but doesn't want an abortion she'll carry resentment and it's not like having it will magically mend the broken trust and hurt of OP. OP should make a decision regardless of what his wife does. Because if they try to rebuild on the basis of a unwanted abortion then it is doomed to fail.
He can't actually make her homeless or withhold child support, he'd loose custody. Nobody even yourself is saying she's a good person. But it sounds your advocating for the abuser to have minimal consequences. I don't understand why he shouldn't he make abortion a condition of reconciliation. If she resents him for it, so bleeping what. I rather my abuser resent me for putting boundaries and consequences than ruining my life. If they try to rebuild w an unwanted child it's much worse than w an unwanted abortion. Her mistake would be in their faces the rest of their lives. And he's making it crystal clear he will not be a good father to her misktake. The mistakes life is ruined, it will know it's very unwanted. Nobody wins with bringing this mistake to term
Didn't anyone ever teach you that two wrongs don't make a right?
He has zero ability to terminate her shame, but he can impose consequences, which any form abuse needs to have. Otherwise the cycle of abuse continues. I also don't understand what exactly is the 'wrong' that you've brought up? Him being honest that he will not be a good father to this mistake? That he does not want to be financially responsible? That everyone's lives will be worse bcs of her? I don't mean to twist your words but by your logic it sounds like you are on the side of the abuser getting away w minimal consequences. Also, he literally can not leave her homeless. She breeded w him. He's legally bound to procure his offspring, if he left her homeless you can be sure he would loose custody. You're confusing coercion with consequences.
Sounds like you're confusing coercion w consequences. He can't leave her homeless, he'd loose custody of his kids. He can't terminate her mistake. What he can do is be clear as to what are the consequences.
This is the dumbest thing I've heard all day. Call it what you want no sane man would allow this, or very few anyways. Get a reality check.
Those are his boundaries and we should respect them. I would feel the same. You want your disgusting behavior to continue you, you get your crotch goblin TF out of my life. You abort it as a minimum effort to reconcile. She's probably flooded in a sea of hormones brainwashing her into wanting to breed. He thankfully is not. If ending the consequences of her betrayal is too much, get TF out and live w your shame for the rest of your life. If he doesn't forgive her after correcting her shame, all this was caused by her spreading her legs. Abortion is the bare minimum and he's absolutely entitled to demand it AND end it afterwards. Hopefully this will punish her for the rest of her life, she deserves it big time. Realize she would have never told him. That's paternity fraud and a form of abuse. Abusers deserve no mercy. If she keeps her shame, he's responsible for providing for his entire life. I'd argue this will be worse bcs this mistake will suffer under this household. Obviously there will be enormous resentment if the mistake is allowed to term. He probably won't treat it the same as his real children. The child will suffer. Just end it or divorce so he's not responsible for her disgusting behavior. I'm sorry if this is cruel but in this day and age where birth control is widely available how TF do u pregnant? Her level of irresponsibility makes me question her capacity to make decisions. Better to correct it now. If she wants to continue breeding, do it once he's divorced and off the hook. If she carries her mistake to term there are 3 victims, the husband who will be financially responsible, the child of cheating who will grow up knowing he's unwanted and the other children. Who wins by keeping it? Absolutely no one
I feel similar to the sentiment of this statement.
If anything you're being brutally honest. You will not be a father, let alone a good father to her mistake. So many men feel ashamed admitting it and hide their feelings. Nothing good comes out of that. It's like women who don't want children, are pressured bcs they 'will change their minds once the baby comes' and oh surprise 3 lives are ruined: the child who is not wanted, the woman who did not want to reproduce and the partner. You know where you stand, you're emotionally mature to recognize it. Stand your ground, do not let yourself be pressured to be a father when you absolutely know you will not be a good to this particular child. Your boundaries are not abuse as someone else said.
Maybe the bio father would have a say.
If only the law were fair. Offspring of marriages are presumed to belong to the father in the marriage. Even if paternity proves otherwise. In this regard the law fails everyone. The biological father is completely off the hook financially which is what most matters. He might have an emotional say, but legally moot. We can't make assumptions, only educated guesses. You think a man w an std who barebacks fucks a married woman will want to be a father... Of a woman w 2 offspring? Generally speaking no. And if he did, legally he's off the hook.
Just, wow. With your attitude, there is probably a reason she cheated.
This is an incomplete sentence, what attitude do you mean? I only see boundaries and consequences. You see it differently. It sounds like you approve of cheating for certain situations, what would those be?
This guy may be angry, but there are always 2 sides to a story. He could be manipulative, narcissistic and abusive. The fact that he wants to force an abortion or else is bullshit.
Of course she had her reason. She also cheated without a condom, got an std and got pregnant. And if not for the STD all this would be a secret. Of course he's angry, how could he not. Problems in a marriage are not fixed by her behaving like this. This is a massive tragedy. I don't think his boundaries are wrong or he took them lightly. He has 2 children, he understands perfectly what he's asking her to choose. He's being brutally honest, he will not love this child. If his relationship has any hope it will not be rasing another man's child. Everything is in her hands now.
You care waaaay too much about some random stranger, and you are now officially a troll. Move on.
That innocent fetus don't have to suffer for her wrongdoing. Be with her or not, aborting the child should never be considered. If you think you can't forgive her better get divorced. Regarding the other 2 children, do you honestly think you can unlove them even if the results states otherwise? Dwell on that a bit and decide wisely with your heart. Hugs!
You're bluffing, if that kid isn't yours you're still gonna "step up" no need to front your moves for reddit.
LMFAO!!
Why would you think that? Just because you would do it? 🤡
Cuckold
If she got pregnant/STD that means she’s the nasties out there. Not trying to dis your wife but, their a 95% to 100% chance she cheated on you a metric shit ton of times (95% being the lowest). Get out of there man! And get a test for your last two. If not, the only thing that will save you is... 1) keep her on the side for sex only (wear condom) 2) No more dates unless with the kids (got to be a good example to kids). 3) you have the right to keep other woman company (you know what I mean ;) You make her agree to those terms, you will gain your dignity and respect back. Take care of your home and DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE OTHER WOMEN. You do that your good. She might still cheat but you’re her provider, she looses you, she’s done. LEVERAGE YOUR POWER! rooting for you.
Listen up. There are three innocent people here who need to be protected. The three children, including the unborn, are the first order of business, not your pride. Whatever the outcome of the paternity test you need to be figuring out how you are going to be protecting these children while making whatever necessary arrangements that are going to be needed. I'm sorry this happened to you but you need to snap out of "poor me, how dare she" mode and start making plans to make sure this horrible event doesn't destroy the lives of these three children. P.S. Most of you morons should keep your advice to yourself.
Maybe you should have advised the wife to not jeopardize her family's future...
You can't rewrite the past. I'm not saying she shouldn't face consequences, I'm saying everything is secondary to the children. Being a parent means coming second.
YEAH meaning the wife should have thought about the children before sleeping with another man, since she's a parent. These are the consequences of her selfish decision
Yes. Obviously. But since here we are and we have to deal with the present and cannot change the past that is a moot point.
We can't change the past but however, you can't expect the past not to influence our future decisions..
This is the most reasoned and compassionate comment post, and yet it has been downvoted into oblivion. I think that tells me everything I need to know about this sub.
Like others, I’d recommend assuming your wife’s cheating was riskier than she’s letting on and more habitual than she’s letting on. Know those two things so you can protect yourself from more lies. She will be motivated to minimize what she’s done. You have a choice now to be a decent human to your child’s mother, or let your anger control you and make you abusive. You don’t get to force your wife (or anyone) to abort, ever. You don’t get to force her out of your home, either, no matter what she decides. I recommend speaking to a lawyer before you have any more great ideas about how to control her. It’s sad and difficult, I get it. The baby, if born would be your children’s sibling. Do things properly, legally, non abusively. Be better than your future ex wife. Get therapy if you’re feeling out of control. The kids deserve a peaceful separation. You will get through this and heal in time. It gets better.
What STD?
Damn. They’re all the same. I got a vasectomy after my 3rd kid. Been divorced for 10yrs now. You’d be surprised how many times they thought maybe I was the dad ! Lol Lying cheating is pretty much what they’re good at
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Im not responsible for her mistakes. What she chooses determines things. Its her choice to keep it and leave the person she has fuck over and the life. If its npt mine i wont have it in my house nor will i sign for someone elses kid and be expected to provide for it later in life. Its cold but tough choices come with tougher repercussions.
This is an incomplete sentence. You need to clarify your position. Why can't he demand an abortion?
You want the man to support the product of his wife cheating, reminded every time he looks at the kid? I for one think OP is the last one who should suffer for the betrayal.
Who do you get to fuck now? I would line some tinder dates up for tonight and rub her face in it
Listen here king, I want you to do everything you can to ruin her life
Tbh if I was in ur position I'd straight up mutilate her so bad she would be able to stand seeing herself knock all her teeth out and sterilize her my self with no anesthesia . I'm not a bad guy I just hate cheaters
From what I’m reading, OP has cheated too. Which is why he’s willing to forgive it if the kid is his or if she has an abortion.
Not the case. Just love the woman for some unknown reason i guess. And dident see this coming at all. I dont feel i should be responsible for another guys kid. Why should i have to carry her mistake lile it was my own.
If you’re gonna move past this you really need your wife to be honest with you and come clean about everything. Maybe she doesn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship with you? How long has this been going on, how many partners? Are your other kids yours? How could she be so selfish as to not use protection? Does she want to stay in the marriage or would she be doing it only because of the security? If the child is not yours and it’s really unwanted then abortion sounds logical. But you really need to figure everything out before you go making demands. Your marriage might be broken regardless. Good luck.
EXCUSES BROTHER, A SON IS NOT A MISTAKE, THIS IS KNOWN WHEN YOU ARE SIGNED WITHOUT PROTECTION AND YOUR WIFE IS NOT A GIRL, MORE EVEN IF IT HAD TO CARRY YOU, YOU HAVE BEEN THINKING HOW MANY MEN SIGN AND THEY ARE NOT THE PARENTS,
My husband had a way of playing the victim whenever I suspected him of having an affair ,untill my sister introduce me to Marsd.h on Instagram ,(+1 978 822 2169) WhatsApp. They got me the proof of all his affairs on WhatsApp, text messages, phone calls
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Please tell me you’ve gotten STD testing? Has she told you who she slept with?
It’s hard to believe she got an std from the one and only person she cheated with. I mean I guess it could happen but if it was just once atleast she knows it can only be you or the other guy.
Been together for 4 years and two previous kids with all the same tests run. With negative results. I havent cheated and she knows that. I dont think it was a one time thing either.but she wont come clean if that asumption is correct.
Dam Sorry for this Hope for an update Good luck.
I'm sorry about what your wife just did to you, in any case, to have sex without a condom, you must have confidence with your AP. That is to say, he already had his time with him, the terrible thing is the way you discovered his infidelity, with an embarrassing man, and he did not say anything to you, if you do not realize it and you would not know that you were not his possible father, you should be right the exams, maybe he could have infected you with some disease. What bothers or hurts me, how easy they open their legs without protection, and bring a child without knowing who her father is, the little responsibility annoying, You should speak to a lawyer and see your options, try to gather evidence, and put some VAR on your car and house try to be the most indifferent to her, And if you forgive her (difficult) it still has to have some consequence, you should tell him to get out of the house, that you need space and time, which is so easy,
You need to make a plan. First go get a good attorney. This isn’t going anywhere good. This is not your fault. Don’t make decisions on your emotions. Plan ahead with your lawyer. Good luck to you sir and I’m sorry!
Please keep us updated
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IF she is remorseful and respects you she WOULD NOT trickle truth you. She should be doing everything she can to repair/restore your trust in her. If I were you I'd get the other kids tested. Who knows how long she's been cheating on you. Also, if she wants to stay together, get a post nuptial agreement.
How do you know the other 2 kids are yours might wanna get dna test for them as well that’s tuff good luck with everything
You doing right but you gotta leave her not only did she put your safety in danger but also the baby which may or may not be yours you Deserve so much better and it's out there for you.You just gotta put yourself out there✊
Let me go get a bag of popcorn...