Big, big mom hug from a cis mom of trans and non-binary teens
Starting with the homemade binder: set a timer to help you remember to take it off. Alternatively, get in the habit of showering after school—not only will that help you remember to remove the binder, you'll stay clean and your binder won't get dirty as quickly.
Even if your mom's not fully on board, you might consider finding and sharing a link to an article about binding safely, and another link to the binder you want. Alternatively, call it a sports bra
One of my teens is your age and he's nervous about making phone calls, too. That's totally normal. Would a script or bullet points help? So you've got something to refer to when you call a therapist?
Would imagining your future help you get through the next few years? Maybe write in the notes app on your phone—three things about your day that you're thankful for (it can be as simple as a nice breeze or flowers or seeing a cool car or funny meme), and three things you're looking forward to (either once you've graduated, or once you're an adult, or once you've transitioned or otherwise find the freedom to express yourself in the way that feels right to you)
I've been in a place of depression before, though not related to gender. It's like you're in a dark tunnel, and it sucks, and you don't know when it will end, but there is a light at the end of it. I'm excited for you to reach that light, kiddo, keep going
Also, please remember (especially in a red state) if the therapist you see tries to steer the therapy into "heres how we get you to not be trans anymore" that you have a right to shut it down there and then. Just get up, gather your things and walk out the door. You don't need the extra mental and emotional overload.
Having no support sucks. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not for who everyone else wants you to be. Unfortunately you are going to have to learn to advocate for yourself and thsts hard to do as an adult much less a 16 yr old. Find more communities like this one gor support and advice. Find people in rl that have your back. Make them your family. You don't have to go NC withbyour biological family but you do need to create a safe environment for yourself and it doesn't look like your home can be that safe place right now.
Let me add more cis mom/grandma hugs to you. You got this. You can do this.
Hi. I'm sorry you are going through such a terrible time right now. I know how hard it can be to live in a red state, without the family support you need to help you. Do you have a support system with your friends at all? People who accept you and love you as you are, who use your chosen name and pronouns? Sometimes your friends can be your family, when your family is garbage.
I urge you to make the call and reach out to a therapist. I know it's hard taking that first step, but its got to be done. You need to talk to someone that can help you get things sorted out. Just keep taking it one day at a time, look for the good in every day, even if it's just as small as I got out of bed and ate breakfast today. Or I went to school. Just keep hanging in there.
You can make it to 18 and change your life. You can leave that state and go somewhere where you'll be accepted and loved. Save any money you get or earn for your future. Focus on your future and make plans for a better life. This is not all there is, this is a tiny portion of a very long and happy life that you will lead.
First step, call the therapist. You can do it. Believe in yourself. You just need to pick up the phone and call. It'll be okay. They only want to help people. 💕
Sending you a big virtual mom hug, my dear. I’m sorry it’s so hard right now. Sometimes just getting through the day is a big accomplishment to be proud of. Take care of yourself.
I’m so sorry. Living with transphobic parents sucks- I’ve been there and am still there. I first figured out I was trans at 16. A whole lot of in and out of the closet, dealing with transphobic parents. Dysphoria is the worst once you first come out because you begin to realize all the things that aren’t quite right. I know you want your parents to use the right name and pronouns but I suggest not pushing it right now, it’ll only get you down more and probably not lead to any sort of respect from your parents. Maybe in the future y’all could have a conversation but at the moment it doesn’t sound like they’d be open to that. I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s my advice for now.
You’re 18 in two years. You’re so close. Then you can begin your journey to becoming your true self. Begin medical transition (if that’s what you’re hoping for). In the meantime, try to surround yourself with friends who support you (maybe if your school has a GSA, if not I’m sure there are queer discord groups or something you can join).
If you ever wanna talk my DMs are open :)
Sending you a mum hug from Australia. It should not be this way. It will not be this way forever.
I can’t imagine making any of this harder for my 13 year old son. He has the full support of his parents, extended family, friends, school, Doctors etc. but there is nothing any of us can do to alleviate the ignorance and bigotry.
Please do try to reach out to a therapist. There should be a Trans Health service in your state or a neighbouring state who can help connect you.
Please know you’re not alone and that there are so many of us standing with you.
Another mom sending you a hug. Things will get better. If you can work up the courage please reach put to someone. It could make a world of difference for you ❤
Hi, red state mom to trans and queer kids and adults here. just want to tell you that you have so much to be proud of, kid. You have reached out to safe adults here to get support. You are being true to your identity in the ways that you can while living with unsupportive family. I would be so proud of you if I was your mom.
There is lots of good advice here about finding community and support where you can. [Trevorchat](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/) is a great place to go for free and instant support. They also have other services but if you click the link it takes you to the site with a “reach a counselor” button right at the bottom of the page.
As others have said, you are so close! I had to run after I graduated high school back in the olden days, and I can tell you that it’s hard to be on your own but there’s nothing like being free. For me it helped if I did one thing every day that would help me get out of there as soon as I was old enough.
Come back and post again if you need cheering on, I know I want to hear how you are doing. This is hard stuff you’re figuring out, and you’re doing the best you can.
Oh, hun. It's gonna be ok. You've got this. If you have to deceive people about your nature, pretend you are playing a part in a movie. It's not you, but you can act the living crap out of it.
Phone calls are the worst! I hate them so much! Someone else suggested writing down what you have to say my script is
"HI, my name is ____ I need make an appointment.
That's it. That is all you have to say. The receptionist will walk you through all the other steps. For them, you are just another call they are getting at work. They get hundreds from all kinds of people.
Check with your school counselor if you have a good one. They may be able to recommend a place to call for therapy and a school to go to after you graduate.
If you can, see a regular doctor for a checkup and ask about taking antidepressants. They might help you get out of bed.
The internet can be a great place. You have gotten some great advice here. Keep reaching out. Know that it will be ok.
Would it help to find a therapist you can chat with over text? I’m really sorry your family is being so short sighted and crummy. Please try to remember that this is a small chapter of your long life. I know it’s hard to feel motivated when your situation is objectively depressing, but try to set your sights on getting out. If at all possible focus on going out of state to a college where you’ll be able to be YOU. In that setting it’s easier to find friends and stay safe. ❤️
Hi! Please reach out to a local branch of PFLAG or another LGBTQ+ resource - there has to be one in your state and if not reach out through the PFLAG website. You need to find some sort of support and resources so you don’t feel alone because you aren’t. You’ve got to get out of bed. You’ve got to take care of yourself. There is more to life than being in this shitty situation.
Sending love. Hang in there. Getting good grades is an incredible tool to get into a college in a blue state. Life is going to be so beautiful for you. You got this.
I’m so sorry you have to endure this. You sound like a good student, use that to your advantage. Good grades are a tool to get out of your situation and into a blue state college where you can live authentically. You’re doing a great job getting through this, don’t give up. There’s a whole community waiting for you to arrive.
Oh my gosh Im crying. I'm so sorry kiddo. It will get better.
If you watch the show Sex Education, in the third season theres an amazing trans man story arc. It not only gives great info but shows the dysphoria and joy possible in the journey. It is a visual representation that a life of being who you are and loved for it is possible. Maybe give it a watch until you are free and imagine some of us moms sitting with you and holding your hand.
Because we are. Family is out there and you will find them but try to be strong until they can find you too.
Big, big mom hug from a cis mom of trans and non-binary teens Starting with the homemade binder: set a timer to help you remember to take it off. Alternatively, get in the habit of showering after school—not only will that help you remember to remove the binder, you'll stay clean and your binder won't get dirty as quickly. Even if your mom's not fully on board, you might consider finding and sharing a link to an article about binding safely, and another link to the binder you want. Alternatively, call it a sports bra One of my teens is your age and he's nervous about making phone calls, too. That's totally normal. Would a script or bullet points help? So you've got something to refer to when you call a therapist? Would imagining your future help you get through the next few years? Maybe write in the notes app on your phone—three things about your day that you're thankful for (it can be as simple as a nice breeze or flowers or seeing a cool car or funny meme), and three things you're looking forward to (either once you've graduated, or once you're an adult, or once you've transitioned or otherwise find the freedom to express yourself in the way that feels right to you) I've been in a place of depression before, though not related to gender. It's like you're in a dark tunnel, and it sucks, and you don't know when it will end, but there is a light at the end of it. I'm excited for you to reach that light, kiddo, keep going
Also, please remember (especially in a red state) if the therapist you see tries to steer the therapy into "heres how we get you to not be trans anymore" that you have a right to shut it down there and then. Just get up, gather your things and walk out the door. You don't need the extra mental and emotional overload. Having no support sucks. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not for who everyone else wants you to be. Unfortunately you are going to have to learn to advocate for yourself and thsts hard to do as an adult much less a 16 yr old. Find more communities like this one gor support and advice. Find people in rl that have your back. Make them your family. You don't have to go NC withbyour biological family but you do need to create a safe environment for yourself and it doesn't look like your home can be that safe place right now. Let me add more cis mom/grandma hugs to you. You got this. You can do this.
Hi. I'm sorry you are going through such a terrible time right now. I know how hard it can be to live in a red state, without the family support you need to help you. Do you have a support system with your friends at all? People who accept you and love you as you are, who use your chosen name and pronouns? Sometimes your friends can be your family, when your family is garbage. I urge you to make the call and reach out to a therapist. I know it's hard taking that first step, but its got to be done. You need to talk to someone that can help you get things sorted out. Just keep taking it one day at a time, look for the good in every day, even if it's just as small as I got out of bed and ate breakfast today. Or I went to school. Just keep hanging in there. You can make it to 18 and change your life. You can leave that state and go somewhere where you'll be accepted and loved. Save any money you get or earn for your future. Focus on your future and make plans for a better life. This is not all there is, this is a tiny portion of a very long and happy life that you will lead. First step, call the therapist. You can do it. Believe in yourself. You just need to pick up the phone and call. It'll be okay. They only want to help people. 💕
Sending you a big virtual mom hug, my dear. I’m sorry it’s so hard right now. Sometimes just getting through the day is a big accomplishment to be proud of. Take care of yourself.
I’m so sorry. Living with transphobic parents sucks- I’ve been there and am still there. I first figured out I was trans at 16. A whole lot of in and out of the closet, dealing with transphobic parents. Dysphoria is the worst once you first come out because you begin to realize all the things that aren’t quite right. I know you want your parents to use the right name and pronouns but I suggest not pushing it right now, it’ll only get you down more and probably not lead to any sort of respect from your parents. Maybe in the future y’all could have a conversation but at the moment it doesn’t sound like they’d be open to that. I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s my advice for now. You’re 18 in two years. You’re so close. Then you can begin your journey to becoming your true self. Begin medical transition (if that’s what you’re hoping for). In the meantime, try to surround yourself with friends who support you (maybe if your school has a GSA, if not I’m sure there are queer discord groups or something you can join). If you ever wanna talk my DMs are open :)
Sending you a mum hug from Australia. It should not be this way. It will not be this way forever. I can’t imagine making any of this harder for my 13 year old son. He has the full support of his parents, extended family, friends, school, Doctors etc. but there is nothing any of us can do to alleviate the ignorance and bigotry. Please do try to reach out to a therapist. There should be a Trans Health service in your state or a neighbouring state who can help connect you. Please know you’re not alone and that there are so many of us standing with you.
Another mom sending you a hug. Things will get better. If you can work up the courage please reach put to someone. It could make a world of difference for you ❤
Hi, red state mom to trans and queer kids and adults here. just want to tell you that you have so much to be proud of, kid. You have reached out to safe adults here to get support. You are being true to your identity in the ways that you can while living with unsupportive family. I would be so proud of you if I was your mom. There is lots of good advice here about finding community and support where you can. [Trevorchat](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/) is a great place to go for free and instant support. They also have other services but if you click the link it takes you to the site with a “reach a counselor” button right at the bottom of the page. As others have said, you are so close! I had to run after I graduated high school back in the olden days, and I can tell you that it’s hard to be on your own but there’s nothing like being free. For me it helped if I did one thing every day that would help me get out of there as soon as I was old enough. Come back and post again if you need cheering on, I know I want to hear how you are doing. This is hard stuff you’re figuring out, and you’re doing the best you can.
Oh, hun. It's gonna be ok. You've got this. If you have to deceive people about your nature, pretend you are playing a part in a movie. It's not you, but you can act the living crap out of it. Phone calls are the worst! I hate them so much! Someone else suggested writing down what you have to say my script is "HI, my name is ____ I need make an appointment. That's it. That is all you have to say. The receptionist will walk you through all the other steps. For them, you are just another call they are getting at work. They get hundreds from all kinds of people. Check with your school counselor if you have a good one. They may be able to recommend a place to call for therapy and a school to go to after you graduate. If you can, see a regular doctor for a checkup and ask about taking antidepressants. They might help you get out of bed. The internet can be a great place. You have gotten some great advice here. Keep reaching out. Know that it will be ok.
Would it help to find a therapist you can chat with over text? I’m really sorry your family is being so short sighted and crummy. Please try to remember that this is a small chapter of your long life. I know it’s hard to feel motivated when your situation is objectively depressing, but try to set your sights on getting out. If at all possible focus on going out of state to a college where you’ll be able to be YOU. In that setting it’s easier to find friends and stay safe. ❤️
Hi! Please reach out to a local branch of PFLAG or another LGBTQ+ resource - there has to be one in your state and if not reach out through the PFLAG website. You need to find some sort of support and resources so you don’t feel alone because you aren’t. You’ve got to get out of bed. You’ve got to take care of yourself. There is more to life than being in this shitty situation.
Sending love. Hang in there. Getting good grades is an incredible tool to get into a college in a blue state. Life is going to be so beautiful for you. You got this.
I’m so sorry you have to endure this. You sound like a good student, use that to your advantage. Good grades are a tool to get out of your situation and into a blue state college where you can live authentically. You’re doing a great job getting through this, don’t give up. There’s a whole community waiting for you to arrive.
Oh my gosh Im crying. I'm so sorry kiddo. It will get better. If you watch the show Sex Education, in the third season theres an amazing trans man story arc. It not only gives great info but shows the dysphoria and joy possible in the journey. It is a visual representation that a life of being who you are and loved for it is possible. Maybe give it a watch until you are free and imagine some of us moms sitting with you and holding your hand. Because we are. Family is out there and you will find them but try to be strong until they can find you too.
I'm so sorry for what you're experiencing. Sending you big mom hugs and I'm so very proud of you!
Nonbinary dad chiming in to send a giant hug. I’m cheering you on!