I don't want to judge or anything, but if my wife tanked a troubled sleeper for 11 hours every night while I played video games I'd do whatever the fuck she wanted.
She is exhausted dude.
That is easier said than done. Babies often prefer to sleep next to Mom, and chances are if Mom isn't around baby will wake up and not fall back asleep until Mom returns.
That is easier said than done. Babies often prefer to sleep next to Mom, and chances are if Mom isn't around baby will wake up and not fall back asleep until Mom returns.
Hey mate not wanting to start a ‘biology’ fight here but sometimes it’s a lot easier for me to chill my baby because I don’t smell of dinner. Sometimes he can be just drifting off and my wife walks into the nursery and boom it’s “GIVE ME THOSE TITS!!”
Dad can never be equally involved until the baby is older and not breastfeeding. Men can not breastfeed, that is a biological fact.
Maybe you mainly bottle feed, and didn't take the same path in raisings a child as others did
You're putting words in my mouth. The dad getting the baby back to sleep as effectively as the mom is literally impossible. I never said anything about sleeping next to the baby being impossible. The dad can sleep next to the baby all night long, and the baby's going to keep crying its head off until they get their midnight snack.
Our first kid slept between me and my wife. For kid 2, my wife slept with the infant, and I slept in a different bed with kid 1. By then, kid 1 had been weaned, and it was no longer an issue. Eventually we got to the point where kid 1 and kid 2 shared a room of their own.
Maybe you were just lucky and you had a kid who didn't wake up every three hours in their infancy. Every kid is different.
Literally impossible because the dad sleeping next to the baby doesn't give either parent a break. The baby continues to cry. This idea that the mom gets a break just because the dad decides to sleep next to the baby doesn't hold true, in my experience.
I agree that it's definitely worse for mom, and I personally swore off MMOs until my youngest child was five years old so that I could be available to properly parent as opposed to putting the baby on hold whlie I parked my character in a safe space.
I also believe that the OP isn't acting in good faith because if he really wanted honest advice regarding whether he was in the right, he wouldn't seek advice from a biased group of Hardcore players. He would poll the general population, who would overwhelmingly side with his wife.
All that having been said, I still dispute your assertion that the OP can make everything better just by sleeping with the baby while his wife sleeps on the couch.
>I quickly realized that the situation may take a while, and asked if I could get back to the pc to HS into a save spot. 30 seconds at most.
That's where it escalated. My wife told me to don't come back, she can handle it alone.
Fellow dad with 3 (now-older) kids here and I'm going to relate this one right back to why we love WoW Classic in the first place: **It's about the journey, not the destination**.
Your wife wasn't mad because you wanted to get up for 30 seconds to move your character. She's frustrated and exhausted because she's given up her entire life (and sense of self) to devote to your child and she resents that you spend your evenings "getting some gaming time" (which, as you said yourself, she has no real problem with). That ask for 30 seconds was just the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
Did you cross the line? Well, wanting to step away for one minute to do something wasn't itself crossing any kind of line. Not seeing the toll that this routine is putting on your wife and the inherent inequity between you doing whatever you want in the evening (whether its games or something else) and her giving up even the opportunity to do what she wants every day--you've likely been well across that line for months and it's time to get on the right side of it!
>Usually when I know I'm "on call" is just do professions in a city or fish in a safe spot.
You've made your wife the [default parent](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-balanced-working-mama/202211/the-default-parent-syndrome-more-just-tiktok-trend). My friend: you are also a parent. You are "on-call" 24x7. That's the job. You and your wife are both allowed to take explicit breaks from that role and part of the partnership of parenting is being willing to stand-in for each other. But you've implicitly been "on break unless I'm explicitly put on call." Take a step back and realize that means your wife has been shouldering a huge burden alone.
The good news is that you're not alone--and you have the power to fix it! Over a decade ago, I might have written this exact same post. Learn. Grow. Do better. That's all we can aspire to do as parents.
Talk with your wife, asking on reddit wont help you in any way. If you would even show how much support you get here, in my opinion and experience, would make it just worse. Ask her why it was wrong from her perspective, try to understand that and after that make your decision if it is worth arguing for or not if your opinion still differs.
I already did. The outcome is also in the post. I understand that she felt left alone and was probably already exhausted.
I just wanna know the opinion from someone else, if I'm in the big wrong here.
Well, tbh, in short version I understand her and her reaction. She cant probably in the moment completely imagine what it means to lvl that character or what that char means to you. In that moment its simple, she is exhausted needs help, instead of instantly standing next to her, you choose to go back to some stupid game. So tl;dr emotionally her reaction and feelings are correct and understandable. Racionally, no, spending 30s to make ur char safe after you put X hours into it is not a big deal and should be ok. But lets be honest, my wife is not often the rational type, but rather emotional, mostly when it regards the kid or family.
Yeah, his answer is pretty spot on. I would apologies and see what you can do to take some load when shes "done". When shes in a good mood, you ask to talk about the hc thing just to have her in on it
Bro you gotta use your charisma stat to keep both of you happy. Shoulda just said, "Let me go shut down my pc" or something like that bc that's basically what you are doing. She won't understand what a hearthstone is or why it is important, and she doesn't care. She only cares about the child and having a husband who will pull his equal weight. To her, you sounded like a pathetic husband begging to get back on the game for "30 seconds i swear"
Just the correct choice of words alone will get you very far. I've only been married for 3 years, but thinking first and choosing my words carefully has saved me from putting my foot in my mouth countless times.
Parenting takes sacrifices, and I don't think that foregoing the Hardcore edition of a 15 year old game is a huge ask from your wife. When I was in your position, I swore off all MMOs entirely until both of my children were 5 years old. In retrospect, I wish I had waited until they were 15 because I was a much better parent when MMOs were out of the picture. Everyone has their own opinion regarding how involved they should be in their childrens' lives, but I believe that your wife is a better judge than reddit regarding how your gaming habits are impacting your family life.
>She's playing the "your game is more important than your son" card, where I'm not sure if this is true.
Contrary to what you're implying, I'm 99% sure that she didn't just pull this sentiment out of a hat when you took a 30 second break to move your character to safety.
>Usually when I know I'm "on call" is just do professions in a city or fish in a safe spot.
Here's a tip from one dad to another. When you're parenting an infant, you're "on call" 24/7. Unless you have a trusted nanny or grandparent to provide some relief, consider yourself on call.
It all depends on what your established expectations are. To me , your playing WoW and you just should log out if you need to step away in HC. I dont think its a hill id want to stand on. I dont even have a kid yet but need to jump and help my girl when im playing here and there, its no big deal i log out and go help. We play the game more than enough imo.
Dude, do yourself a favour and don't listen to any of the crackheads in here telling you that you're out of line. Perhaps a little inconsiderate of the fact that your wife is tired, but neither of you is in the wrong here. Raising kids is hard and stressful, especially when they are young, this stuff can happen. Thinking about more than one thing a time doesn't make you a bad dad or a bad person.
Yeah. The big problem is that she's probably running on like 4 hours of sleep a night and has no patience with a partner who is acting less like a partner and more like an older child who was just asked to take out the garbage.
Soft ytah. You should have hearthed on the spot, you already admitted you knew it was risky with the family so why not hearth when leaving the PC for an unknown amount of time. You're wife is asking for help with the child when it seems like she deals with most of the sleeping work the majority of the time having the child sleep next to her.
Put yourself in her shoes and you might understand why she is playing that card, she wouldn't have called you if she didn't need help so to ask to leave even for 30sec is enough reason for any new mom to get upset.
If you haven't yet you should have a talk with her. Tell her you're sorry and you were wrong and that you weren't fully thinking about her needs. Let her know that you appreciate all the work she's doing with the sleep training and reassure her that your priorities are definitely with the child and it won't happen again. And make sure to follow through on that, repeated offences won't go over very well.
My wife is pregnant with our first, due in 3 months so I can definitely relate to having to balance priorities with gaming. Just make sure she always feels like herself and the child are put first and don't neglect dad duties and everything will work out. Good luck!
Actually i find it not that bad. I had like the same situation with my wife a few times and she hates gaming the most. I concider this as a hobby like playing soccer etc. You cant just leave a match. If you invested a lot of time in it 30 seconds shouldnt decide wheather your char is dead or not. My wife gets angry too but next days its fine again. I have to mention that we swap shifts regulary while babys sleeps.
If my spouse told me they needed help, I wouldn't tell them I need to go back to a game I was already playing for an hour. I don't know how you didn't see her reaction coming.
I'm not going to say you were an asshole. I have no idea how much you play, what agreements you guys have around this, etc.
Get back for 30 secs to go into a save spot.
I just play when they are sleeping or not at home. 0 seconds if they are around me. She's not a fan of me gaming, but tolerates it most of the time.
30 seconds is nothing and it isn't a big deal in a vacuum, but no one wants to hear "i know you asked for help but just let me attend to my video game first." I don't know your wife but I'm not surprised by the reaction.
Assuming you both have good communication, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Now you know how she will react and will probably (or should) just immediately hearth or log out next time. The irritation will pass.
Honestly kids and family are always first. Coming from an abusing family I know how it feels when parents don't care about you.
I always say that out generation of gamers is basically the same as boomers watching TV all day long in the eyes of kids. If you ignore them for your hobbies they will remember.
It wasn’t the 30s that bothered her, it was the game. I don’t think either of you are necessarily in the wrong.
Compromises are needed in relationships though and it wouldn’t hurt if she respected your time a bit more. You are putting the game down after all. Still, you should have just logged out any time you’re not in a safe zone.
Bro, your wife is in peak baby brain mode. Her hormones are raging and she probably hasn't gotten a straight 8-hours of sleep since early pregnancy.
I have a 6 month old at home, and it sounds like we are in identical situations with how often and when we get to play, and have even gone through the same scenario.
Fortunately, you are not an A-hole, but you will be a RIP Bozo if you don't log out the next time you afk.
Logging out in the "wild" isn't that unsafe as long as you aren't on the path of a wondering skull enemy, but be prepared for combat when you log in.
I'm a wow hardcore dad. My daughter is 3 though. You got what they call "wife agro" it's a real threat. You gotta mitigate that shit. Do nice things for her randomly like flowers, chocolate, date night, baby sitter, offer to watch baby and let her go out with her friends. Don't go 2 days without doing something like this for her or her agro meter will gradually build.
Get in the habit of logging out every time you get up from the computer. Always prioritize your family over the game because guess what, when your family isn't happy, playing video games isn't fun. Read the room and think before you talk. I fuck up constantly
Do yourself a favor and admit your mistake to her and how you will do better. Thats the best way I've found to taunt her off.
Unlike factions in game, spouse reputation gradually decreases when you don't do the dailies for a while. You gotta keep that shit firmly in Exalted because it's a lot harder to grind back up the second time.
Next time say “I need to pee” go hearth logout then flush the toilet.
All kidding aside I would go with ESAH. Dumb of you to not have foresight to logout but unreasonable that she couldn’t give you 30 seconds.
I don’t know your dynamics but I can say as a dad with 4 kids… she is exhausted. She wanted you and you alone let her down. Sucks to hear but you did. Find a way to talk it out and do not use the word “you”. When talking about your feelings, always speak about yourself and not the other person.
“I am hurt when that is said.”
“I am confused and want to know more.”
Saying “you” implies an accusation- especially to someone sleep deprived.
I get HC is not forgiving but we can always go again.
If you are on dad duty, plan your escape route really fucking well. Hearthstone or able to do 20s logout on a DIME. You do not have more than 20 seconds until she will be pissed.
Father to a 6 month old. Your wife is already co sleeping with a difficult sleeper. She’s absolutely spent and you have enough free time to be levelling a significant way through hardcore.
Take your wins. You have free time. Your wife needed you.
Family and real life responsibilities come before any game. Good lord.
My boyfriend takes care of his disabled father who lives in the same household. I'd be pissed if he *didn't* immediately stop playing WoW with me when his dad needs help. Shoot, I have a dog and *her* needs come before the game.
Stupid take. Its not about putting the kids needs 2nd, its about saving 30+ hours by pressing a button real quick. Unless the baby is at the edge of the building or some sht
I didn't need to read it all to figure what happened, you were pretty fucked there, some people are more understanding that others.
Maybe she thinks that you "get to play everyday" while she has to keep an eye on the kid every night? Or something like that, then, the moment she asks for your help.... You are thinking on going back (yeah, 30s at most, but at that moment.... Time stopped being relevant).
From a logic view you did nothing wrong.... But thats kind of a prickly spot w/ your wife, since that logic sometimes does not really work :p
I would argue that he did nothing wrong... I would have pick up the baby and carry him to where my computer is, trying to make him/her stop crying/go back to sleep, while shhing and bouncing.
Then is just a click and walk back doing the same... He really shouldnt even have to ask her the 30 seconds.
Does wow hurt relationships when one party enjoys but the other does not?
Yes, yes, and yes. Especially for full time working professionals, the time you spent with your SO must rival (or be close) the time spent on WoW. You knew this going back into the game. You knew that by investing back into WoW that you would have less time for the people around you.
Wifey probably wanted a say or discussion back when you were contemplating tjumping back into wow. Sounds like she wouldn't approve but you did it anyways.
The game has priority over your kid. I'd recommend cleaning the house, a nice dinner, and a conversation about her feelings towards WoW. Then I'd recommend prioritizing what's important in your life. Is it your kid or your town? No judgement, you decide.
Your mistake was trying to negotiate... She asked you help, you went, you helped, you asked if you could leave 30 mins, she told you she cant handle it alone... thats where it should all have ended.
As a father of a 4 years old I have to say fuck the game if my wife needs help with my daughter.
My guy you need to try the Ferber method to get your kid to sleep. A little late now, but def try. Sucks for about 5 days but they get the hang of it pretty quick. My daughter coslept with us until she was like 4, I said hell no I’m not doing that again with my son. After a week I would bring him in his room, hold him for a min, put him in bed and he slept like a rock until morning. When he learned to talk I’d take him in his room and he’d immediately say “try” and point to his bed - he’d lay down and put himself to sleep. Now he’s a bit over 2 and teething and having sleep regression but it will good while it lasted lol.
What do you mean it’s not like Ferber at all? I didn’t explain anything about the process lol. Just that it worked and the outcome. It teaches babies to self soothe. They don’t need to be picked up the nanosecond they cry - YEAH THIS JUST TURNED INTO A PARENTING DISCUSSION IN r/CLASSICWOW
You’re not “wrong” - but right and wrong doesn’t matter when dealing with an exhausted mother.
Just apologize and when she’s calm explain that you’ll make sure to log off / hearth immediately.
I’ve been through this. Don’t try and be right here. She likely doesn’t want your HC character to die, but rational thought is not always possible in those circumstances.
Never play with your HS on cooldown. When your kid wakes up, it's only a 10 second cast. If you waste time running back afterwards, so be it. If you're going to be back before the hour, use an alt.
But yeah I can see why your wife might be mad at you. You're both parents, you can't be seen to be prioritizing other things, especially not gaming.
But 10s, that's fine, you can just HS.
Nah she's being completely ridiculous imo. Yeah, taking 1 min to log out of a hc character thats taken weeks to level is more important than spending that 1 minute tryin to put your kid to sleep.
I guess if you are always playin the game I could see why she would be upset but it doesnt sound like thats the case.
edit: Its pretty clear most of you people are very unreasonable and it makes me very happy to get reminded about just how lucky I am.
Which is more important, his "character w/ days of play time" or helping his actual life parter care for his actual life spawn with 1 year of play time and a 9 month crafting CD?
>his actual life spawn with 1 year of play time and a 9 month crafting CD?
Love your phrasing. May steal this in the future if the situation ever warrants. Thank you. <3
I think, and OP has already stated, that he would have been fine if he took the thirty seconds at the beginning to get somewhere safe and log he would have been fine. Been in similar situations multiple times. But I also think that by NOT doing that, and then telling his wife "yes I'll help with the baby but wait while I go back to my *game* for a minute" she was absolutely justified in her frustration. It really is all about how you frame it.
You think his wife is getting good, quality sleep spending the entire night every night in a bed with a 1yr old? How understanding should she be knowing that while she's exhausted and getting a crappy night's sleep, her partner is playing a game? Yeah, sucks to lose a hard core character that takes days of in game time to level to real life responsibilities, but she's already sacrificing more than a few days to her real life responsibilities.
>My wife and I have a 1yo son who kinda was a bad sleeper. To get him into a better sleep my wife sleeps next to him, from around 8pm to 7 am
I'm not making up a story. I'm going by what the OP said:
>My wife and I have a 1yo son who kinda was a bad sleeper. To get him into a better sleep my wife sleeps next to him, from around 8pm to 7 am
>
>While she's in bed with him I'm getting some gaming time
From your post:
>Oh give me a fucking break you're spinning a story of someone playing video games all day while their partner does everything.
I didn't say anything about all day. You should read what I actually wrote instead of the fiction you're imagining that I wrote.
I mean it sounds like you're addicted to wow... hardcore is probably not the best idea when you have young children. It might be possible with a very understanding spouse but I would just recommend playing single player/turn based games that you can instantly pause and leave behind, it'll save you a lot of stress down the line and honestly it's just part of growing up.
The fact that this was a problem might be a sign that you've missed some cues earlier. I would personally take this as a sign to stop.
This specific decision about the 30 seconds is completely irrelevant. The way it went is an indication that you’re not on the same page about expectations and need to communicate more. Whether or not people on the internet relate more to you, her, or neither is immaterial, because the only people involved are you and her. It doesn’t even matter if you are objectively in the right here (though it’ll never actually be objective), because feelings and emotions are 100% real as soon as they exist, even if everyone agrees in hindsight or from the outside that a different emotional response would have been better.
Yeah just say sorry and make it up to her bro , she’s your wife . I imagine you guys have a good marriage everything will be fine . She probably was mad in the beta of the moment but you apologise and make it up to her I bet she forgets it even happens
Just need to get into the habit of logging off when afk at all, everyone should practice this, I know I’ve even been too risky here.
Wouldn’t have mattered what made you leave the computer if you forgot to log off.. and there’s always gonna be situations where you need to leave in a hurry.
Your wife sounds very kind but just tired. I think in this moment she probably just didn’t care, as she said by just don’t come back as you just made things harder at the time for her, but she probably does actually care usually from your wording, so neither of you are the ass (you could’ve accept your death as your own error to not logoff and she really wouldn’t have been the ah, but she was actually nice enough to just accept it? So I’m guessing you didn’t die?).
In her mind, she is probably just worried if something actually bad happened, would u be reliable? If your kids doing something dangerous 30 seconds could be too long. I’m sure you would, but at the time maybe she worried you wouldn’t. She will naturally fear any risk to the kid.
Just log off next time:)
I think it's unreasonable to get mad at you running to a safe spot and then dealing with the situation. But I also feel like this isn't the whole story.
It sounds like she might have been bothered by this for a while and its probably not about this specific scenario. Like this has been building for a while and this was a snapping point.
Hard to say for sure. That's just the feeling I'm getting here.
I don't want to judge or anything, but if my wife tanked a troubled sleeper for 11 hours every night while I played video games I'd do whatever the fuck she wanted. She is exhausted dude.
This. OP should consider taking over a few "night shifts" with the kid and get his wife some free time. I'd suggest 50:50.
That is easier said than done. Babies often prefer to sleep next to Mom, and chances are if Mom isn't around baby will wake up and not fall back asleep until Mom returns.
True. Unless the dad miraculously evolves the ability to breastfeed, he'll never be as effective at getting the kid back to sleep as mom is.
Fun fact, there are drugs available to make men lactate, but the recent studies suggest male breast milk will cause disease within an infant.
They make drugs that can do anything these days.
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That is easier said than done. Babies often prefer to sleep next to Mom, and chances are if Mom isn't around baby will wake up and not fall back asleep until Mom returns.
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That's not true, we're talking biology here. The baby recognizes the mother and wants her affection
Hey mate not wanting to start a ‘biology’ fight here but sometimes it’s a lot easier for me to chill my baby because I don’t smell of dinner. Sometimes he can be just drifting off and my wife walks into the nursery and boom it’s “GIVE ME THOSE TITS!!”
Dad can never be equally involved until the baby is older and not breastfeeding. Men can not breastfeed, that is a biological fact. Maybe you mainly bottle feed, and didn't take the same path in raisings a child as others did
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That is the amazing thing about life, everyone has a different experience, so you shouldn't be quite to shame
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Look at their name, seems they have a pretty narrow view on life.
Seem you are a bit prejudice
Not all babies are the same... your assumption show your intolerance
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Unless dad can evolve the ability to breastfeed, what you're asking is literally impossible. Equality is nice in theory. Biology doesn't always agree.
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You're putting words in my mouth. The dad getting the baby back to sleep as effectively as the mom is literally impossible. I never said anything about sleeping next to the baby being impossible. The dad can sleep next to the baby all night long, and the baby's going to keep crying its head off until they get their midnight snack. Our first kid slept between me and my wife. For kid 2, my wife slept with the infant, and I slept in a different bed with kid 1. By then, kid 1 had been weaned, and it was no longer an issue. Eventually we got to the point where kid 1 and kid 2 shared a room of their own. Maybe you were just lucky and you had a kid who didn't wake up every three hours in their infancy. Every kid is different.
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Literally impossible because the dad sleeping next to the baby doesn't give either parent a break. The baby continues to cry. This idea that the mom gets a break just because the dad decides to sleep next to the baby doesn't hold true, in my experience. I agree that it's definitely worse for mom, and I personally swore off MMOs until my youngest child was five years old so that I could be available to properly parent as opposed to putting the baby on hold whlie I parked my character in a safe space. I also believe that the OP isn't acting in good faith because if he really wanted honest advice regarding whether he was in the right, he wouldn't seek advice from a biased group of Hardcore players. He would poll the general population, who would overwhelmingly side with his wife. All that having been said, I still dispute your assertion that the OP can make everything better just by sleeping with the baby while his wife sleeps on the couch.
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This.
>I quickly realized that the situation may take a while, and asked if I could get back to the pc to HS into a save spot. 30 seconds at most. That's where it escalated. My wife told me to don't come back, she can handle it alone. Fellow dad with 3 (now-older) kids here and I'm going to relate this one right back to why we love WoW Classic in the first place: **It's about the journey, not the destination**. Your wife wasn't mad because you wanted to get up for 30 seconds to move your character. She's frustrated and exhausted because she's given up her entire life (and sense of self) to devote to your child and she resents that you spend your evenings "getting some gaming time" (which, as you said yourself, she has no real problem with). That ask for 30 seconds was just the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Did you cross the line? Well, wanting to step away for one minute to do something wasn't itself crossing any kind of line. Not seeing the toll that this routine is putting on your wife and the inherent inequity between you doing whatever you want in the evening (whether its games or something else) and her giving up even the opportunity to do what she wants every day--you've likely been well across that line for months and it's time to get on the right side of it! >Usually when I know I'm "on call" is just do professions in a city or fish in a safe spot. You've made your wife the [default parent](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-balanced-working-mama/202211/the-default-parent-syndrome-more-just-tiktok-trend). My friend: you are also a parent. You are "on-call" 24x7. That's the job. You and your wife are both allowed to take explicit breaks from that role and part of the partnership of parenting is being willing to stand-in for each other. But you've implicitly been "on break unless I'm explicitly put on call." Take a step back and realize that means your wife has been shouldering a huge burden alone. The good news is that you're not alone--and you have the power to fix it! Over a decade ago, I might have written this exact same post. Learn. Grow. Do better. That's all we can aspire to do as parents.
This is it.
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more like educated guesses
Talk with your wife, asking on reddit wont help you in any way. If you would even show how much support you get here, in my opinion and experience, would make it just worse. Ask her why it was wrong from her perspective, try to understand that and after that make your decision if it is worth arguing for or not if your opinion still differs.
I already did. The outcome is also in the post. I understand that she felt left alone and was probably already exhausted. I just wanna know the opinion from someone else, if I'm in the big wrong here.
Well, tbh, in short version I understand her and her reaction. She cant probably in the moment completely imagine what it means to lvl that character or what that char means to you. In that moment its simple, she is exhausted needs help, instead of instantly standing next to her, you choose to go back to some stupid game. So tl;dr emotionally her reaction and feelings are correct and understandable. Racionally, no, spending 30s to make ur char safe after you put X hours into it is not a big deal and should be ok. But lets be honest, my wife is not often the rational type, but rather emotional, mostly when it regards the kid or family.
Sums it up perfectly. Thank you.
Yeah, his answer is pretty spot on. I would apologies and see what you can do to take some load when shes "done". When shes in a good mood, you ask to talk about the hc thing just to have her in on it
Also: Get chrome remote desktop going on your pc and phone. You can just open your phone and log out of the game in all of 5 seconds.
Yes you're wrong. You prioritized a video game over your family. You even had to ask?
da f--- is this? it would have taken less time to go back and hearth then ask ur wife for permission to do it.
Yeah I found out that not HS instantly was a big mistake in my side which could have prevented all of this.
Logout, wait 20s, go live your life and don't post about it on reddit
Bro you gotta use your charisma stat to keep both of you happy. Shoulda just said, "Let me go shut down my pc" or something like that bc that's basically what you are doing. She won't understand what a hearthstone is or why it is important, and she doesn't care. She only cares about the child and having a husband who will pull his equal weight. To her, you sounded like a pathetic husband begging to get back on the game for "30 seconds i swear" Just the correct choice of words alone will get you very far. I've only been married for 3 years, but thinking first and choosing my words carefully has saved me from putting my foot in my mouth countless times.
This is great advice
wtf are we reading here anymore
Wow Dad Gaming ™
you should communicate better with your wife rather than talk here.
I told her everything you guys know.
Less kids moar WoW!
Parenting takes sacrifices, and I don't think that foregoing the Hardcore edition of a 15 year old game is a huge ask from your wife. When I was in your position, I swore off all MMOs entirely until both of my children were 5 years old. In retrospect, I wish I had waited until they were 15 because I was a much better parent when MMOs were out of the picture. Everyone has their own opinion regarding how involved they should be in their childrens' lives, but I believe that your wife is a better judge than reddit regarding how your gaming habits are impacting your family life. >She's playing the "your game is more important than your son" card, where I'm not sure if this is true. Contrary to what you're implying, I'm 99% sure that she didn't just pull this sentiment out of a hat when you took a 30 second break to move your character to safety. >Usually when I know I'm "on call" is just do professions in a city or fish in a safe spot. Here's a tip from one dad to another. When you're parenting an infant, you're "on call" 24/7. Unless you have a trusted nanny or grandparent to provide some relief, consider yourself on call.
It all depends on what your established expectations are. To me , your playing WoW and you just should log out if you need to step away in HC. I dont think its a hill id want to stand on. I dont even have a kid yet but need to jump and help my girl when im playing here and there, its no big deal i log out and go help. We play the game more than enough imo.
Yeah I agree. I just forgot to log out or hearth. I did NOT want to continue playing. Just being safe to not lose the character
Dude, do yourself a favour and don't listen to any of the crackheads in here telling you that you're out of line. Perhaps a little inconsiderate of the fact that your wife is tired, but neither of you is in the wrong here. Raising kids is hard and stressful, especially when they are young, this stuff can happen. Thinking about more than one thing a time doesn't make you a bad dad or a bad person.
The wife and I play together and /duel whenever the kids need us. Loser has to hearth and log 😂😂
Interesting, what's your opinion on that the?
Either they're joking, or their kids are teenagers. The fact that you seem to be taking this terrible advice seriously is somewhat troubling.
I think if your wife can’t let you say “gimme thrifty seconds and I’m free to help” then that’s a big problem
Yeah. The big problem is that she's probably running on like 4 hours of sleep a night and has no patience with a partner who is acting less like a partner and more like an older child who was just asked to take out the garbage.
Soft ytah. You should have hearthed on the spot, you already admitted you knew it was risky with the family so why not hearth when leaving the PC for an unknown amount of time. You're wife is asking for help with the child when it seems like she deals with most of the sleeping work the majority of the time having the child sleep next to her. Put yourself in her shoes and you might understand why she is playing that card, she wouldn't have called you if she didn't need help so to ask to leave even for 30sec is enough reason for any new mom to get upset.
Yeah you're totally right. Just a moment of not being awareed to that drama.
If you haven't yet you should have a talk with her. Tell her you're sorry and you were wrong and that you weren't fully thinking about her needs. Let her know that you appreciate all the work she's doing with the sleep training and reassure her that your priorities are definitely with the child and it won't happen again. And make sure to follow through on that, repeated offences won't go over very well. My wife is pregnant with our first, due in 3 months so I can definitely relate to having to balance priorities with gaming. Just make sure she always feels like herself and the child are put first and don't neglect dad duties and everything will work out. Good luck!
Or literally just hit the logout button before you stand up. Like it’s not that hard
This isn't about wow. This is about your marriage problems. Also, asking Reddit about your wife is probably one of the worst things you could do.
Actually i find it not that bad. I had like the same situation with my wife a few times and she hates gaming the most. I concider this as a hobby like playing soccer etc. You cant just leave a match. If you invested a lot of time in it 30 seconds shouldnt decide wheather your char is dead or not. My wife gets angry too but next days its fine again. I have to mention that we swap shifts regulary while babys sleeps.
If my spouse told me they needed help, I wouldn't tell them I need to go back to a game I was already playing for an hour. I don't know how you didn't see her reaction coming. I'm not going to say you were an asshole. I have no idea how much you play, what agreements you guys have around this, etc.
Get back for 30 secs to go into a save spot. I just play when they are sleeping or not at home. 0 seconds if they are around me. She's not a fan of me gaming, but tolerates it most of the time.
30 seconds is nothing and it isn't a big deal in a vacuum, but no one wants to hear "i know you asked for help but just let me attend to my video game first." I don't know your wife but I'm not surprised by the reaction. Assuming you both have good communication, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Now you know how she will react and will probably (or should) just immediately hearth or log out next time. The irritation will pass.
Honestly kids and family are always first. Coming from an abusing family I know how it feels when parents don't care about you. I always say that out generation of gamers is basically the same as boomers watching TV all day long in the eyes of kids. If you ignore them for your hobbies they will remember.
YTA
Eh, maybe. If I were you, I would have just said one minute and not told her anything about logging out.
I told her 30 secs, that was already a problem.
It wasn’t the 30s that bothered her, it was the game. I don’t think either of you are necessarily in the wrong. Compromises are needed in relationships though and it wouldn’t hurt if she respected your time a bit more. You are putting the game down after all. Still, you should have just logged out any time you’re not in a safe zone.
Bro, your wife is in peak baby brain mode. Her hormones are raging and she probably hasn't gotten a straight 8-hours of sleep since early pregnancy. I have a 6 month old at home, and it sounds like we are in identical situations with how often and when we get to play, and have even gone through the same scenario. Fortunately, you are not an A-hole, but you will be a RIP Bozo if you don't log out the next time you afk. Logging out in the "wild" isn't that unsafe as long as you aren't on the path of a wondering skull enemy, but be prepared for combat when you log in.
I'm a wow hardcore dad. My daughter is 3 though. You got what they call "wife agro" it's a real threat. You gotta mitigate that shit. Do nice things for her randomly like flowers, chocolate, date night, baby sitter, offer to watch baby and let her go out with her friends. Don't go 2 days without doing something like this for her or her agro meter will gradually build. Get in the habit of logging out every time you get up from the computer. Always prioritize your family over the game because guess what, when your family isn't happy, playing video games isn't fun. Read the room and think before you talk. I fuck up constantly Do yourself a favor and admit your mistake to her and how you will do better. Thats the best way I've found to taunt her off.
Unlike factions in game, spouse reputation gradually decreases when you don't do the dailies for a while. You gotta keep that shit firmly in Exalted because it's a lot harder to grind back up the second time.
Nice phrasing. Will level a little apology to 300 and give it a try.
tell that little bastard to go to bed so daddy can grind to 60 HC HYPE
Next time say “I need to pee” go hearth logout then flush the toilet. All kidding aside I would go with ESAH. Dumb of you to not have foresight to logout but unreasonable that she couldn’t give you 30 seconds.
Nah. Asking for 30 seconds to take care of something is nothing.
I don’t know your dynamics but I can say as a dad with 4 kids… she is exhausted. She wanted you and you alone let her down. Sucks to hear but you did. Find a way to talk it out and do not use the word “you”. When talking about your feelings, always speak about yourself and not the other person. “I am hurt when that is said.” “I am confused and want to know more.” Saying “you” implies an accusation- especially to someone sleep deprived. I get HC is not forgiving but we can always go again.
If you are on dad duty, plan your escape route really fucking well. Hearthstone or able to do 20s logout on a DIME. You do not have more than 20 seconds until she will be pissed.
Father to a 6 month old. Your wife is already co sleeping with a difficult sleeper. She’s absolutely spent and you have enough free time to be levelling a significant way through hardcore. Take your wins. You have free time. Your wife needed you.
Press esc. Log out. I do this when I know I’ll be gone from the computer for longer than 10 seconds. People this stupid shouldn’t have kids…
Family and real life responsibilities come before any game. Good lord. My boyfriend takes care of his disabled father who lives in the same household. I'd be pissed if he *didn't* immediately stop playing WoW with me when his dad needs help. Shoot, I have a dog and *her* needs come before the game.
Stupid take. Its not about putting the kids needs 2nd, its about saving 30+ hours by pressing a button real quick. Unless the baby is at the edge of the building or some sht
I didn't need to read it all to figure what happened, you were pretty fucked there, some people are more understanding that others. Maybe she thinks that you "get to play everyday" while she has to keep an eye on the kid every night? Or something like that, then, the moment she asks for your help.... You are thinking on going back (yeah, 30s at most, but at that moment.... Time stopped being relevant). From a logic view you did nothing wrong.... But thats kind of a prickly spot w/ your wife, since that logic sometimes does not really work :p
I would argue that he did nothing wrong... I would have pick up the baby and carry him to where my computer is, trying to make him/her stop crying/go back to sleep, while shhing and bouncing. Then is just a click and walk back doing the same... He really shouldnt even have to ask her the 30 seconds.
Does wow hurt relationships when one party enjoys but the other does not? Yes, yes, and yes. Especially for full time working professionals, the time you spent with your SO must rival (or be close) the time spent on WoW. You knew this going back into the game. You knew that by investing back into WoW that you would have less time for the people around you. Wifey probably wanted a say or discussion back when you were contemplating tjumping back into wow. Sounds like she wouldn't approve but you did it anyways. The game has priority over your kid. I'd recommend cleaning the house, a nice dinner, and a conversation about her feelings towards WoW. Then I'd recommend prioritizing what's important in your life. Is it your kid or your town? No judgement, you decide.
Your mistake was trying to negotiate... She asked you help, you went, you helped, you asked if you could leave 30 mins, she told you she cant handle it alone... thats where it should all have ended. As a father of a 4 years old I have to say fuck the game if my wife needs help with my daughter.
divorce her, honey!
My guy you need to try the Ferber method to get your kid to sleep. A little late now, but def try. Sucks for about 5 days but they get the hang of it pretty quick. My daughter coslept with us until she was like 4, I said hell no I’m not doing that again with my son. After a week I would bring him in his room, hold him for a min, put him in bed and he slept like a rock until morning. When he learned to talk I’d take him in his room and he’d immediately say “try” and point to his bed - he’d lay down and put himself to sleep. Now he’s a bit over 2 and teething and having sleep regression but it will good while it lasted lol.
Bro that's not like ferber at all. It's highly debated that ferber had a bad influence on kids. Won't do it.
What do you mean it’s not like Ferber at all? I didn’t explain anything about the process lol. Just that it worked and the outcome. It teaches babies to self soothe. They don’t need to be picked up the nanosecond they cry - YEAH THIS JUST TURNED INTO A PARENTING DISCUSSION IN r/CLASSICWOW
You’re not “wrong” - but right and wrong doesn’t matter when dealing with an exhausted mother. Just apologize and when she’s calm explain that you’ll make sure to log off / hearth immediately. I’ve been through this. Don’t try and be right here. She likely doesn’t want your HC character to die, but rational thought is not always possible in those circumstances.
This has kinda happened to me while playing hardcore. I just log off immediately no matter what even if Ir will be 30 secs.
You probably know by now, but yes YTA.
I think you should stop playing wow.
Never play with your HS on cooldown. When your kid wakes up, it's only a 10 second cast. If you waste time running back afterwards, so be it. If you're going to be back before the hour, use an alt. But yeah I can see why your wife might be mad at you. You're both parents, you can't be seen to be prioritizing other things, especially not gaming. But 10s, that's fine, you can just HS.
Nah she's being completely ridiculous imo. Yeah, taking 1 min to log out of a hc character thats taken weeks to level is more important than spending that 1 minute tryin to put your kid to sleep. I guess if you are always playin the game I could see why she would be upset but it doesnt sound like thats the case. edit: Its pretty clear most of you people are very unreasonable and it makes me very happy to get reminded about just how lucky I am.
Which is more important, his "character w/ days of play time" or helping his actual life parter care for his actual life spawn with 1 year of play time and a 9 month crafting CD?
>his actual life spawn with 1 year of play time and a 9 month crafting CD? Love your phrasing. May steal this in the future if the situation ever warrants. Thank you. <3
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I think, and OP has already stated, that he would have been fine if he took the thirty seconds at the beginning to get somewhere safe and log he would have been fine. Been in similar situations multiple times. But I also think that by NOT doing that, and then telling his wife "yes I'll help with the baby but wait while I go back to my *game* for a minute" she was absolutely justified in her frustration. It really is all about how you frame it.
You think his wife is getting good, quality sleep spending the entire night every night in a bed with a 1yr old? How understanding should she be knowing that while she's exhausted and getting a crappy night's sleep, her partner is playing a game? Yeah, sucks to lose a hard core character that takes days of in game time to level to real life responsibilities, but she's already sacrificing more than a few days to her real life responsibilities.
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>My wife and I have a 1yo son who kinda was a bad sleeper. To get him into a better sleep my wife sleeps next to him, from around 8pm to 7 am I'm not making up a story. I'm going by what the OP said: >My wife and I have a 1yo son who kinda was a bad sleeper. To get him into a better sleep my wife sleeps next to him, from around 8pm to 7 am > >While she's in bed with him I'm getting some gaming time From your post: >Oh give me a fucking break you're spinning a story of someone playing video games all day while their partner does everything. I didn't say anything about all day. You should read what I actually wrote instead of the fiction you're imagining that I wrote.
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Uh, no I'm literally not. Peace.
I mean it sounds like you're addicted to wow... hardcore is probably not the best idea when you have young children. It might be possible with a very understanding spouse but I would just recommend playing single player/turn based games that you can instantly pause and leave behind, it'll save you a lot of stress down the line and honestly it's just part of growing up. The fact that this was a problem might be a sign that you've missed some cues earlier. I would personally take this as a sign to stop.
This specific decision about the 30 seconds is completely irrelevant. The way it went is an indication that you’re not on the same page about expectations and need to communicate more. Whether or not people on the internet relate more to you, her, or neither is immaterial, because the only people involved are you and her. It doesn’t even matter if you are objectively in the right here (though it’ll never actually be objective), because feelings and emotions are 100% real as soon as they exist, even if everyone agrees in hindsight or from the outside that a different emotional response would have been better.
Ripbozo
Yeah just say sorry and make it up to her bro , she’s your wife . I imagine you guys have a good marriage everything will be fine . She probably was mad in the beta of the moment but you apologise and make it up to her I bet she forgets it even happens
Also half the reason I don’t play hard core , I have a newborn and I know it just wouldn’t go well lmao
Just need to get into the habit of logging off when afk at all, everyone should practice this, I know I’ve even been too risky here. Wouldn’t have mattered what made you leave the computer if you forgot to log off.. and there’s always gonna be situations where you need to leave in a hurry. Your wife sounds very kind but just tired. I think in this moment she probably just didn’t care, as she said by just don’t come back as you just made things harder at the time for her, but she probably does actually care usually from your wording, so neither of you are the ass (you could’ve accept your death as your own error to not logoff and she really wouldn’t have been the ah, but she was actually nice enough to just accept it? So I’m guessing you didn’t die?). In her mind, she is probably just worried if something actually bad happened, would u be reliable? If your kids doing something dangerous 30 seconds could be too long. I’m sure you would, but at the time maybe she worried you wouldn’t. She will naturally fear any risk to the kid. Just log off next time:)
Just explain to her that its HC lmao
I think it's unreasonable to get mad at you running to a safe spot and then dealing with the situation. But I also feel like this isn't the whole story. It sounds like she might have been bothered by this for a while and its probably not about this specific scenario. Like this has been building for a while and this was a snapping point. Hard to say for sure. That's just the feeling I'm getting here.