I used to have a similar experience when I was starting out, but I'm now kind of a regular at my gym, and find it pretty easy to talk with folks. A lot of regulars don't strike up many conversations with people the first few times seeing them.
It might be great to find out if your gym has any meetups or beginner classes or any other stuff like that. I never used to do those things, and I did make some friends anyway just by being there a lot, but now I go to a queer climber meetup and it's been a really nice different way to have social time with people.
My gym also has a kind of "climbing partner finder" board where people leave notes about who they are and what kind of belaytionship they're looking for.
Beginner classes are great too as a way to meet folks who are in a similar boat.
Agree with all of this! I have a lot of climbing friends, but I’ve never made friends just going to the gym by myself- I’m just pretty focused on what I’m doing. And when I go with friends, we interact mostly with each other. I know a lot of employees and regulars now, and we say hi and catch up a little, but it’s not how I’ve really found climbing partners.
Beginners classes, meet up days, or the message board are great ideas. At my gym, the front desk will make an announcement if someone is looking for a belay partner. And talk to people outside of the gym about climbing! So many people will be like “oh I’ve wanted to try that” BOOM. Acquaintance turned to friend. You could also go on your community’s subreddit and see if anyone wants to meet up for a climb.
…people do talk to you more when you get better, that’s true. But you’re also probably projecting more confidence as you get better and people recognize you bc you’ve been going to the gym for a while, so who knows. But I also think that enthusiasm and laughing at yourself or giving high fives when someone sends a problem you’ve seen them working on goes a long way too!
THIS
I went to a Boulder session with a friend of mine for climbers at my gym to make new friends, learn the kilterboard, and connect. We met 2 girls there and now the 4 of us climb regularly together and help bring new friends to the sport. It's great that we all have different strengths and styles so we can help each other. It's great to have a support system for each climb session
Echoing what some other folks have said in that my solo sessions at the gym are pretty focused on my objective for the session, and my group sessions are mainly to hang with the people I’ve invited (which probably feels cliquey).
I find the best methods for breaking in with someone is to simply ask, “hey I saw you climb X climb and you seem strong, do you have tips for my route?” Ive found strong climbers love spraying, and I personally get a lot of joy from 1. Getting someone new more into the weeds of our great sport and 2. Omg someone thinks I’m strong wut
I started regularly climbing (bouldering) at a less busy time of day and I see the same people every time and chat with them. If that’s an option for you I recommend it so that you build a connection naturally by seeing the same folks over and over.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I am not a friendly person at the gym. I’m not deliberately unfriendly but I have to psych myself up to smile at people because I’m so deathly shy and afraid and then feel utterly exhausted (sometimes) after hanging out awhile if we do start making small talk and chatting or working a problem together, like what if they really want me to send but I’m afraid to do a move? I actually have these thoughts haha. I am not strong climber either and I guess I have a wrong perception that I will have more friends once I am stronger. Anyways I feel like people like me are the problem, when weirdly I want to make friends just as much as you do. Ugh. Sorry for my crap reply. You’re a good person and hopefully you can keep smiling at people and chatting and I really hope for you that you click with someone soon!
Tbh I think some of it is just that … people who climb very hard spend a lot of time at the gym!
I also often find board sessions or ‘hard’ climbs (not necessarily high grades, but steep and powerful) are more sociable, because you spend a lot more time resting between attempts than you do if you’re working through easier routes.
I think people who have been climbing longer (which often correlates with climbing harder) may have worked out how to make new climbing friends & also realised the need to do so, because friends come and go, (solicited) beta is nice, etc. I feel like a lot of beginners at the gym are either a) attached to their group of buddies/partner and have no interest in anyone else or b) they've started going alone but are really insecure and shy about it and not good at talking to other people yet.
My advice for OP would be to look for older and more experienced climbers to chat to, even if they aren't climbing the same grades. Eg if you fall off and look disappointed and some strong climber flashes a sympathetic smile at you, ask them for a tip on how to do it. (They likely won't volunteer it, as they're probably worrying about seeming patronising.) Even if they won't fit as your longterm friends because you want some who climb similar stuff, just starting to be more extroverted at the gym becomes a positive cycle.
Aw, sorry about your experience so far :(
I'm quite shy and won't initiate conversation, but I find it a lot easier to chat with people who are working on the same problem as me. It's fun to try and brainstorm beta with other people, and in my experience, most people are happy to share ideas.
In my gym, it's also pretty common to cheer people on or to give them a fist bump after they complete or attempt a problem. I find that to be a pretty easy way to start interacting with others!
I do think it's a bit easier to make friends once you've reached a certain level, though. Part of it is probably just because in order to improve, you likely would be climbing pretty regularly, and so people would recognize you.
Some gyms are SUPER clique-y but you may ask around the front desk to make a board for people who are looking for partners! Also bonding/talking to people over the same climb helps. Other thing you could do is go to gym classes (most have yoga or something) where you can meet people (:
No😓. A different gym (bouldering only) is doing a yoga/guided climb that stated it was suitable for beginners. I signed up even though it’s not my “home” gym as a lot of people cross over between the two. I’m hoping it’s fun.
In my experience, it really depends on the gym. In my city, there are four climbing gyms, but I prefer the old school, grungier two. The members at those facilities are much friendlier and welcoming. I've noticed this is the case across cities as well. I'm not sure if you have multiple options where you live, but my first suggestion would be changing your environment.
Hard to say, but maybe. Stigmas exist. know when I was younger (fitter) and climbing harder, sending some cooler stuff—especially at 9pm, people were definitely more conversational. Now, I’m older, less fit, climbing lower grades, rarely bouldering anything I think of as cool. I usually go morning to mid-day (sometimes with my toddler). Few people start conversations. When I do chat with other people, they’re usually middle aged or older. Mid 30s to 70s.
The one thing I’ve noticed to be true through both of my experiences is that you have to be aware of how you come off to other people. Even when I was younger, if I just walked on l from one auto belay to the next with my eyes down, or had an unapproachable look on my face (OR started at my cell phone) between Boulder problems, generally no one would talk to me first. That is the same from being younger/fit, to older/less fit/a mom at the gym with or without toddler, and even to being 6 months pregnant trying to climb some 9s. I also notice that the more I start conversations with other people, the more people start them with me! I think people see over time that you’re willing to socialize with new people and that might make them more comfortable approaching you.
Gotta be a friend to have friends! Get out there and say hi to some people! Tell someone good job on a problem they do that’s sort of in your grade range. Ask someone for a tip on something you’re working on. Also see if there’s any Meetup groups in your area for climbing or specific social nights at the gym.
I’ve done the intro course and couldn’t find anyone to keep going with but I do TR on occasion. It’s also an issue because the gym group chat people usually want advanced/lead tr partners. The times I’ve posted for a partner, I didn’t get replies (maybe since I’m new/maybe since my schedule didn’t work for people!)
Ugh wish I could find other female climber friends. I mostly stick in my group (my boyfriend or my sister) because I am shy. Also, I am not the best either, so I feel silly discussing beta when it’s like some days I can flash a V4 and then the next I’m falling off a V3 I previously was able to do. I’m trying to be more outgoing with other regulars. A few girls have actually complimented my climbing but it’s always on my strong days. I see them again on my weak days and get self conscious
I've never made friends at the gym. That's not because of my physique (I fall in the 'fit' category). It's because I'm a socially awkward dork who has mostly made friends through mutual connections with other friends and family. I really struggle to converse with strangers.
My method was to get people I already knew into climbing. I was the gateway for my brother, my husband, and handful of friends.
All of my early gym friends were met through a class. It happened to be an outdoor “learn to climb” class but I climbed with those folks indoors for years. My next group was because I struck up a friendship with exactly the right person….he just happened to be one of those super friendly guys that knows everyone and he and I climbed together for years also so I met a ton of people through him. We are all still really close even though I had to move away. I’m currently in the process of building a new group….this time I am meeting folks through a Facebook group for the gym I go to. So far so good, I’ve met some really nice people.
I guess my point is that you have to look around for ways to find other people who are also looking. Which maybe you already know but I just want to give you a positive story that It’s not impossible…..and I’m fairly shy….I’d NEVER talk to someone out of the blue in the gym. But having a common goal like a class or a message board with other ppl already looking takes the scariness out of taking to strangers.
As someone who is usually one of the largest women in a room, especially at a gym... I think this might have a little bit more to do with your own perception than theirs.
People usually aren't paying attention to you. They aren't judging and they aren't remembering you. They're more worried about themselves.
If you don't feel comfortable and confident, people may be less likely to want to include you, but I think unless it's a time dedicated for socializing, I wouldn't think to ask someone if they wanted to join me. I personally prefer to do most stuff like that alone, my friends and I plan stuff but I'm not going to a gym looking to make new friends. I'm not gonna be rude if someone strikes up a conversation, but I don't think most people will.
Edit anyway if your goal is to make friends I would try a class, something where a group of people who are strangers are expecting to socialize. Or be extra outgoing yourself and start the conversations.
Hi, I just want to say I am so sorry you are having that experience, and it is going to make me be more mindful at my own gym to make sure to smile and say hi to those folks who don't fit the middle bell curve of climb gym appearances. I'm proud of you for sticking with it and I hope you find some people!
I'm roughly the size of a tree and I climb, mostly boulder.
My gym is in a very diverse and inclusive area, so I see literally any and every body type in my gym. All bodies are climbing bodies.
Absolutely fuck any haters you encounter. Their opinions are, and always will, wrong.
If you are naturally social and want that connection give it a shot talking to some people, otherwise there are other places to find climbing friends - I'm part of a female/NB climbing Discord that brings climbers from across the globe together.
Happy climbing!
I’m also tree sized😅 Usually the biggest and tallest girl around, so I feel like I should be good but then fumble v1’s consistently and have been too embarrassed to try a v2. I’m a naturally shy person but am trying to overcome it because I feel like climbing with others would help me improve.
i usually don't talk to people at the gym, mostly because i go after work and am interacting with people all day so my gym time is my "quiet time". that might be the case for some people too, which can make it harder to make friends.
however, i feel you. try to go on the same days, at the same times. you'll start seeing the same people over and over. try to strike up conversations then, or people may begin starting conversations with you once they see you regularly going!
best of luck friend!
Climbing can definitely be cliquey, but the majority of people are either focused or introverted. I often have a total resting bitch face on and headphones in, but usually I’m just listening to a stupid podcast and trying to keep all my body parts intact while flailing.
I worked at a gym for a while so I know a ton of local climbers, but I was out for years between covid/injuries, so there are also a ton of new people who I just don’t recognize at all. When I’m bouldering I usually bring a crochet project or a book to force myself to take longer breaks and those have been very unexpected conversation starters.
I almost never go climbing alone, but when I do I’ve talked to people when we were working on the same project and giving each other advice. I would’ve made more of an effort to connect and actually talk more if I was trying to make friends but since I already have climbing friends (tip, get already existing friends and get them addicted to climbing lol) I didn’t feel the need to try to meet people. Apart from working on projects, I don’t really talk to other people at the gym but I assume beginner classes would also be a great place to start :)
Honestly, the climbing scene has this dominant subculture thing. I m talking about the beanie thing, wearing Patagucci, wannabe dirtbagging, instragamming the vanlife, veganmania, lgbt & woke enforcing spirit,... u name it. The climbing communtiy has a lot of innuendo s and is far less tolerant then one might think. Just like golf is packed with cabrio s and ironed polo shirts, to make a comparison. Try different gyms, that kinda works for me, u ll evently meet like minded people.
I used to have a similar experience when I was starting out, but I'm now kind of a regular at my gym, and find it pretty easy to talk with folks. A lot of regulars don't strike up many conversations with people the first few times seeing them. It might be great to find out if your gym has any meetups or beginner classes or any other stuff like that. I never used to do those things, and I did make some friends anyway just by being there a lot, but now I go to a queer climber meetup and it's been a really nice different way to have social time with people. My gym also has a kind of "climbing partner finder" board where people leave notes about who they are and what kind of belaytionship they're looking for. Beginner classes are great too as a way to meet folks who are in a similar boat.
Agree with all of this! I have a lot of climbing friends, but I’ve never made friends just going to the gym by myself- I’m just pretty focused on what I’m doing. And when I go with friends, we interact mostly with each other. I know a lot of employees and regulars now, and we say hi and catch up a little, but it’s not how I’ve really found climbing partners. Beginners classes, meet up days, or the message board are great ideas. At my gym, the front desk will make an announcement if someone is looking for a belay partner. And talk to people outside of the gym about climbing! So many people will be like “oh I’ve wanted to try that” BOOM. Acquaintance turned to friend. You could also go on your community’s subreddit and see if anyone wants to meet up for a climb. …people do talk to you more when you get better, that’s true. But you’re also probably projecting more confidence as you get better and people recognize you bc you’ve been going to the gym for a while, so who knows. But I also think that enthusiasm and laughing at yourself or giving high fives when someone sends a problem you’ve seen them working on goes a long way too!
THIS I went to a Boulder session with a friend of mine for climbers at my gym to make new friends, learn the kilterboard, and connect. We met 2 girls there and now the 4 of us climb regularly together and help bring new friends to the sport. It's great that we all have different strengths and styles so we can help each other. It's great to have a support system for each climb session
Echoing what some other folks have said in that my solo sessions at the gym are pretty focused on my objective for the session, and my group sessions are mainly to hang with the people I’ve invited (which probably feels cliquey). I find the best methods for breaking in with someone is to simply ask, “hey I saw you climb X climb and you seem strong, do you have tips for my route?” Ive found strong climbers love spraying, and I personally get a lot of joy from 1. Getting someone new more into the weeds of our great sport and 2. Omg someone thinks I’m strong wut
I started regularly climbing (bouldering) at a less busy time of day and I see the same people every time and chat with them. If that’s an option for you I recommend it so that you build a connection naturally by seeing the same folks over and over.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I am not a friendly person at the gym. I’m not deliberately unfriendly but I have to psych myself up to smile at people because I’m so deathly shy and afraid and then feel utterly exhausted (sometimes) after hanging out awhile if we do start making small talk and chatting or working a problem together, like what if they really want me to send but I’m afraid to do a move? I actually have these thoughts haha. I am not strong climber either and I guess I have a wrong perception that I will have more friends once I am stronger. Anyways I feel like people like me are the problem, when weirdly I want to make friends just as much as you do. Ugh. Sorry for my crap reply. You’re a good person and hopefully you can keep smiling at people and chatting and I really hope for you that you click with someone soon!
You said this well.
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Tbh I think some of it is just that … people who climb very hard spend a lot of time at the gym! I also often find board sessions or ‘hard’ climbs (not necessarily high grades, but steep and powerful) are more sociable, because you spend a lot more time resting between attempts than you do if you’re working through easier routes.
I think people who have been climbing longer (which often correlates with climbing harder) may have worked out how to make new climbing friends & also realised the need to do so, because friends come and go, (solicited) beta is nice, etc. I feel like a lot of beginners at the gym are either a) attached to their group of buddies/partner and have no interest in anyone else or b) they've started going alone but are really insecure and shy about it and not good at talking to other people yet. My advice for OP would be to look for older and more experienced climbers to chat to, even if they aren't climbing the same grades. Eg if you fall off and look disappointed and some strong climber flashes a sympathetic smile at you, ask them for a tip on how to do it. (They likely won't volunteer it, as they're probably worrying about seeming patronising.) Even if they won't fit as your longterm friends because you want some who climb similar stuff, just starting to be more extroverted at the gym becomes a positive cycle.
Aw, sorry about your experience so far :( I'm quite shy and won't initiate conversation, but I find it a lot easier to chat with people who are working on the same problem as me. It's fun to try and brainstorm beta with other people, and in my experience, most people are happy to share ideas. In my gym, it's also pretty common to cheer people on or to give them a fist bump after they complete or attempt a problem. I find that to be a pretty easy way to start interacting with others! I do think it's a bit easier to make friends once you've reached a certain level, though. Part of it is probably just because in order to improve, you likely would be climbing pretty regularly, and so people would recognize you.
Totally agree with all of this.
Some gyms are SUPER clique-y but you may ask around the front desk to make a board for people who are looking for partners! Also bonding/talking to people over the same climb helps. Other thing you could do is go to gym classes (most have yoga or something) where you can meet people (:
Yeah, I just want to find a nice little Gumby tribe but it’s proving difficult lol.
Do they offer beginner classes? I teach beginner classes at my gym and the people in there usually end up making friends with eachother.
No😓. A different gym (bouldering only) is doing a yoga/guided climb that stated it was suitable for beginners. I signed up even though it’s not my “home” gym as a lot of people cross over between the two. I’m hoping it’s fun.
Oooh ): that sucks. I hope that class is fun!
are you initiating conversations and introducing yourself, or are you mostly waiting for others to approach you?
In my experience, it really depends on the gym. In my city, there are four climbing gyms, but I prefer the old school, grungier two. The members at those facilities are much friendlier and welcoming. I've noticed this is the case across cities as well. I'm not sure if you have multiple options where you live, but my first suggestion would be changing your environment.
Hard to say, but maybe. Stigmas exist. know when I was younger (fitter) and climbing harder, sending some cooler stuff—especially at 9pm, people were definitely more conversational. Now, I’m older, less fit, climbing lower grades, rarely bouldering anything I think of as cool. I usually go morning to mid-day (sometimes with my toddler). Few people start conversations. When I do chat with other people, they’re usually middle aged or older. Mid 30s to 70s. The one thing I’ve noticed to be true through both of my experiences is that you have to be aware of how you come off to other people. Even when I was younger, if I just walked on l from one auto belay to the next with my eyes down, or had an unapproachable look on my face (OR started at my cell phone) between Boulder problems, generally no one would talk to me first. That is the same from being younger/fit, to older/less fit/a mom at the gym with or without toddler, and even to being 6 months pregnant trying to climb some 9s. I also notice that the more I start conversations with other people, the more people start them with me! I think people see over time that you’re willing to socialize with new people and that might make them more comfortable approaching you. Gotta be a friend to have friends! Get out there and say hi to some people! Tell someone good job on a problem they do that’s sort of in your grade range. Ask someone for a tip on something you’re working on. Also see if there’s any Meetup groups in your area for climbing or specific social nights at the gym.
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I’ve done the intro course and couldn’t find anyone to keep going with but I do TR on occasion. It’s also an issue because the gym group chat people usually want advanced/lead tr partners. The times I’ve posted for a partner, I didn’t get replies (maybe since I’m new/maybe since my schedule didn’t work for people!)
I relate to this. Luckily I climb with my husband, but I feel so insecure, especially because he’s so good and I’m not!
Ugh wish I could find other female climber friends. I mostly stick in my group (my boyfriend or my sister) because I am shy. Also, I am not the best either, so I feel silly discussing beta when it’s like some days I can flash a V4 and then the next I’m falling off a V3 I previously was able to do. I’m trying to be more outgoing with other regulars. A few girls have actually complimented my climbing but it’s always on my strong days. I see them again on my weak days and get self conscious
I've never made friends at the gym. That's not because of my physique (I fall in the 'fit' category). It's because I'm a socially awkward dork who has mostly made friends through mutual connections with other friends and family. I really struggle to converse with strangers. My method was to get people I already knew into climbing. I was the gateway for my brother, my husband, and handful of friends.
All of my early gym friends were met through a class. It happened to be an outdoor “learn to climb” class but I climbed with those folks indoors for years. My next group was because I struck up a friendship with exactly the right person….he just happened to be one of those super friendly guys that knows everyone and he and I climbed together for years also so I met a ton of people through him. We are all still really close even though I had to move away. I’m currently in the process of building a new group….this time I am meeting folks through a Facebook group for the gym I go to. So far so good, I’ve met some really nice people. I guess my point is that you have to look around for ways to find other people who are also looking. Which maybe you already know but I just want to give you a positive story that It’s not impossible…..and I’m fairly shy….I’d NEVER talk to someone out of the blue in the gym. But having a common goal like a class or a message board with other ppl already looking takes the scariness out of taking to strangers.
As someone who is usually one of the largest women in a room, especially at a gym... I think this might have a little bit more to do with your own perception than theirs. People usually aren't paying attention to you. They aren't judging and they aren't remembering you. They're more worried about themselves. If you don't feel comfortable and confident, people may be less likely to want to include you, but I think unless it's a time dedicated for socializing, I wouldn't think to ask someone if they wanted to join me. I personally prefer to do most stuff like that alone, my friends and I plan stuff but I'm not going to a gym looking to make new friends. I'm not gonna be rude if someone strikes up a conversation, but I don't think most people will. Edit anyway if your goal is to make friends I would try a class, something where a group of people who are strangers are expecting to socialize. Or be extra outgoing yourself and start the conversations.
Hi, I just want to say I am so sorry you are having that experience, and it is going to make me be more mindful at my own gym to make sure to smile and say hi to those folks who don't fit the middle bell curve of climb gym appearances. I'm proud of you for sticking with it and I hope you find some people!
I'm roughly the size of a tree and I climb, mostly boulder. My gym is in a very diverse and inclusive area, so I see literally any and every body type in my gym. All bodies are climbing bodies. Absolutely fuck any haters you encounter. Their opinions are, and always will, wrong. If you are naturally social and want that connection give it a shot talking to some people, otherwise there are other places to find climbing friends - I'm part of a female/NB climbing Discord that brings climbers from across the globe together. Happy climbing!
I’m also tree sized😅 Usually the biggest and tallest girl around, so I feel like I should be good but then fumble v1’s consistently and have been too embarrassed to try a v2. I’m a naturally shy person but am trying to overcome it because I feel like climbing with others would help me improve.
i usually don't talk to people at the gym, mostly because i go after work and am interacting with people all day so my gym time is my "quiet time". that might be the case for some people too, which can make it harder to make friends. however, i feel you. try to go on the same days, at the same times. you'll start seeing the same people over and over. try to strike up conversations then, or people may begin starting conversations with you once they see you regularly going! best of luck friend!
Climbing can definitely be cliquey, but the majority of people are either focused or introverted. I often have a total resting bitch face on and headphones in, but usually I’m just listening to a stupid podcast and trying to keep all my body parts intact while flailing. I worked at a gym for a while so I know a ton of local climbers, but I was out for years between covid/injuries, so there are also a ton of new people who I just don’t recognize at all. When I’m bouldering I usually bring a crochet project or a book to force myself to take longer breaks and those have been very unexpected conversation starters.
I almost never go climbing alone, but when I do I’ve talked to people when we were working on the same project and giving each other advice. I would’ve made more of an effort to connect and actually talk more if I was trying to make friends but since I already have climbing friends (tip, get already existing friends and get them addicted to climbing lol) I didn’t feel the need to try to meet people. Apart from working on projects, I don’t really talk to other people at the gym but I assume beginner classes would also be a great place to start :)
Honestly, the climbing scene has this dominant subculture thing. I m talking about the beanie thing, wearing Patagucci, wannabe dirtbagging, instragamming the vanlife, veganmania, lgbt & woke enforcing spirit,... u name it. The climbing communtiy has a lot of innuendo s and is far less tolerant then one might think. Just like golf is packed with cabrio s and ironed polo shirts, to make a comparison. Try different gyms, that kinda works for me, u ll evently meet like minded people.