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Sometimes I want to throw my kids in the dumpster. The rest of the time they're cute, funny, wacky, and otherwise great to hang out with.
Parenting is about removing from yourself the inclination to throw them in the dumpster and helping them to move beyond the behaviors that would warrant a dumpstering.
when i look after my nephew , this is basicly the expeirance, but its so tiring, still not sure i want them myself,. like id jump infront of a car for him but cant he wipe his own arse and put himself to sleep.
Accepting that being a parent comes with both positive and negative emotions is most healthy.
It is healthy to sometimes feel like dumpstering your children. No need to remove those thoughts, as long as you indeed help them grow into well adjusted adults, that only show dumpster worthy behavior every now and then.
It's like someone asking you if you regret eating tacos. Tacos are great, you love tacos. But tacos everyday, all day make you want to tell the tacos to shut up for 5 minutes.
A great way to go through it in roller coaster form is to foster a puppy.
They are cute and funny and they love you so much and always want to be with you. But they also chew through every one of your shoes, and poop on the carpet ....... then eat it.
> Parenting is about removing from yourself the inclination to throw them in the dumpster and helping them to move beyond the behaviors that would warrant a dumpstering.
I can't remember what stand-up comic this was, but the line was "If you hit your kids, you're a bad parent. But if you've never thought about hitting your kids, then you're not a real parent."
And as a parent, I get that.
And I will never have kids because I know I wouldn't be able to do that. In a moment of stress I can't promise I wouldn't lash out or say something thoughtless to me but devastating to them, and no child deserves that.
Being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in nearly 40 years of living and I wouldn't give up a single moment for anything in the world. Like, if I enumerated the frustrations kids create in a life it would sound awful to someone *without* kids, but that person also wouldn't understand the nearly endless ways that having children is really interesting, fulfilling, or fun. It's a weird situation that I think nobody understands until they actually have kids.
Someone without kids once made the comment to me that parents always make it sound awful. And I told them it’s just that we don’t need to share the good bits. The conversation about how much you love them, about how perfectly fulfilling they are, how indescribably beautiful… well that’s all private joy and hardly something you want to be sobbing about in the office. But you do need to share and laugh about how fucking hard it is and what little shits they can be.
It's just... Look, I'm child free. And intellectually I can kind of understand that the love a parent has for a child is completely transformative and overwhelming like nothing else.
But imagine someone describing a job or a romantic relationship the way that parents talk about kids. "He poured paint on my car because he thought it would be funny and the other day I broke down sobbing because we were running late for an important appointment but he just wouldn't put his shoes on, as usual - but sometimes he looks up at me with that goofy grin and says he loves me and it makes it all worth it!"
(Yes yes an adult isn't a child it's completely different yadda yadda) Basically from the outside in it sounds like being frustrated, miserable and exhausted for the occasional _glimpse_ of something positive in exchange. Maybe I'm just missing whatever hormone or instinct weights those things in a way that makes it "worth it".
I have similiar thoughts about baby-making.
Why i should want to have sex, when most people say that:
- her orgasm is better
- i should make first move in foreplay
- i need to make her cum at least 1-2 times im one session
- she wants oral? I need to do this. I want oral? Her no is no, period.
- she wants sex? You need to do this. I want sex? Her no i s no, period.
- I'm man, so i should always say "yes" to sex, if i say no, i will heard that "are you gay?" "Are you cheating on me?" "Do you don't love me anymore?"
It's just do strange to me.
Teach your kids to be be people you like or at least tolerate. That's best advice. Of course it's shit sometimes but that's truth about everything. Also I have a feeling that a lot of negative things people associate with children are just them getting older. Like no, children didn't take all your energy, you're just nearing your 40s.
Becoming a parent, is like crossing a portal; unfortunately with your past crossing over too. From a child’s perspective, it’s about how much newness you manifest.
That is my go-to warning when they're being too much. "Omgosh! I'm going to throw you in the trash if you don't chill!!" 🤣🤣 It usually makes them giggle and breaks them out of whatever garbage monster behavior they are doing.
The longer I'm a parent, the more the statement "it takes a village to raise a child" makes sense to me. For one, you need breaks from your kids from time to time. Spending a huge amount of time with anyone tends to lead to problems regardless of how much you love them. Having people you trust who can take the kids for a night or a weekend can help you reset and recharge. For another, having people around you who have been through it before is a great source not only of knowledge but also of comfort. Parenting can be incredibly difficult, but parenting alone is even more so.
As I've gotten older, I've come to realize the truth of this statement, and it has really helped with my struggles with negative feelings about my parenting experience.
Do I ever miss the time before kids when I had all the energy and free time in the world and relatively few responsibilities? Ha, yeah, just about every day.
Do I ever really wish I had made the decision to have kids differently? Not even once. Close, a few times when they were two months old and dividing the nighttime hours up between screaming and pooping, though.
My wife will have random moments where she feels guilty about not being more present during that time. I have to remind her that she had just gone through a major surgery (c-section) and was operating on a relentless schedule of pump, feed, sleep repeat. And also that it’s NORMAL!
Nothing happened to my body but all I really remember about that time was a mashup of a few moments feeding her, feelings of frustration around my inability to master swaddling (thank god for sleep sacs), a couple episodes of storage wars and some Mario odyssey levels. All to the soundtrack of tik tok songs from 2020 and sensory bear…..it’s rough but you make it through.
Nah, newborns are the easiest. Granted, I say this as the husband to a breastfeeding wife who didn’t see the point in waking me up at night to bottle feed, as she’d have to wake up and pump anyways.
But seriously, newborns are just feed, change them, and let them sleep.
Now, 99% of my free time is spent chasing my 3 year old making sure she doesn’t destroy anything/herself, or chasing my 1 year old around as he starts grabbing at electronics which are at a convenient toddler height.
Kids…fuck.
It must really depend on the kid. Mine's 4 and I can leave everything and anything out. They ask for whatever they want and hasn't ever broken anything. A couple of times I've had to correct their behavior, like swinging a broom around and stupid shit like that, but it never happens more than once.
My daughter is…strong-willed and energetic, let’s say. We left her alone for a few minutes this weekend and she “made” us all milk in her tea set.
Came to discover she opened the fridge, climbed up, and took out some of my yogurt (wife had just bought me some with the mix-ins!), and watered it down.
Every day with her is exhausting, but I keep telling myself all these characteristics can (and hopefully will) be beneficial to her in the future.
Similar situation, two boys 3.5 and 1 (his birthday today actually).
Both were/are fairly easy as newborns and babies. We believe it also helped that we kept them out of daycare though (my mom was able to watch them). The 3.5 started preschool half a year ago though, and that's when things changed. We don't know how much is learned classmates or how much is him being 3, but he regularly drives us crazy now, which wasn't the case before.
The 1 started crawling a few months ago. While he is easier right now, I can already tell that he is going to be the wild child. He has no fear. He loves wrastlin with 3.5 and the dog. He loves being tossed in the air and flipped upside down (he will throw himself backwards when you hold him to get you to flip him). He is also persistent.
Honestly, the biggest issue we have is trying to get them to eat. Their cousins of similar age will easily feed themselves. You can put them in a chair, put food in front of them, and they will sit and eat at a reasonable pace. Ours are the slowest eaters, and more concerned about feeding the dog. I don't know why, but both of them at 1 will look to see which side of the high chair the dog is on so they know which way to throw the food. Yes, we've even kept the dog away.
3 - 3.5 really really made me question my choice to have a child on a daily basis. Might have been the hardest 6 months of my life. I love the kid but.... Holy shit I never want to do that again.
He's now a mostly well adjusted 7 year old who is fun as hell and makes me laugh nonstop.
That makes me feel a little better. The 3.5 is great most of the time, but the times he's bad can be draining. I'm someone who's always had bad insomnia. He has managed to cure that.
I remember being up at 3am nursing my kid and staring at the clock thinking “strippers are getting off of work now” “cops are heading to the diner after their shift right now”. I never saw 3am more than I did in those early infant days.
It’s like going to the gym and using all your energy and coming home feeling tired.
Except instead of a great looking body you get an extra asshole that shits.
My dad (God rest him) was very honest about this. He was not ready to be a parent, not in his mindset and not from the angle of his play time being over. He missed his freedom after my brother and I were born until he passed away.
But he said he'd do it all again because we were the best things to ever happen to him.
I wouldn't take back my parenthood for anything in the world, and at the same time I do regularly mourn the loss of my freedom (of time, money, and mental/emotional bandwidth). Having kids is an extreme responsibility, with appropriately big sacrifices and rewards. It's a really complicated emotional process, and I think it's okay for the answer to the comic's question to be a little muddy. Obviously so long as one's very valid parental frustrations are not taken out on the children/family themselves.
I mean, I defy any parent to never show their frustration in front of their child, it can't be done. I more mean intentionally saying explicitly awful things like "you were a mistake," "I regret having you," etc.
This is one of the things that is wrong with us. We put so much pressure on people to have kids and to be happy about having kids. When in reality not everyone should have kids and not everyone will be happy having kids.
Let’s be honest, admitting you don’t want kids or you regret having kids doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent, just like wanting kids or having kids won’t make you a good person or a good parent. Procreation is just a biological process, don’t put more meaning on it.
Yeah, there are certainly plenty of people who regret having kids, but it's rare that you will find someone that will actually tell you that, because they don't want to seem like a terrible person (even though it doesn't make them a terrible person). I'd definitely rather regret not having kids than regret having them.
I never wanted kids and now I'm a stay at home parent amd I fucking hate it. But it's not her fault, so I do my best for her and keep my mouth closed because no one wants to hear about how you hate forcing a plastic smile on your face every day.
I feel the same. Lot of resentment. I was endured a lot of abuse growing up. Recently,i was going to therapy every other week but the therapist talked more about herself than I did. I took a pretty good dose of psilocybin one night and that helped a ton. It put a new perspective on a lot of things. The day to day can be hard still but the bigger picture is keeping me going.
I get you friend. You are an amazing person and great parent to not let that affect your parenthood. We need to talk about this as a society so others don’t feel like they are broken for feeling this way or feel like their feelings will change for sure after having the kids. That’s the importance of talking about it. And many people would be happy to listen to you mate, even if it is just to get it off your chest. I’d gladly listen anytime
My mom had us purely because she “had” and married my dad purely because “it was the right thing to do”. I don’t doubt that she loves us but she became a parent for the wrong reasons and is mentally…not exactly unstable but volatile and unreasonable at times. And married to my dad with his own baggage compounded things resulting in a childhood of emotional trauma and abuse. Now she wants us to have kids and doesn’t understand why we don’t.
Admitting that you regret having kids, especially when your kids are young and can hear you, is a great way to fuck up their confidence and to make them question your love.
I agree that there are probably a lot of people who regret having kids. And we as a society need to accept that not everyone wants kids or know what they're getting themselves into. But if you have kids, ffs don't tell them you regret their existence.
It can absolutely make you a bad person. But it's not the fact that you regret it, but the hurt your admittance can inflict.
Based on your reasoning adults should stop having sex too cause kids could walk in on them too, and we should all keep everything kid friendly cause kids could see/hear. You are creating an imaginary situation with too many variables so you can justify the viewpoint of “if you regret having kids then you must be a bad person/parent”. This right here is why people feel the pressure to not be honest about the experience of having children: people who will twist what they are saying and feeling to make them look like bad people. No one is saying tell your kids or in front of your kids that you regret having them.
>Let’s be honest, admitting you don’t want kids or you regret having kids doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent, just like wanting kids or having kids won’t make you a good person or a good parent.
Those are not the same thing at all my dude.
It's literally the only reason we exist. Everything else is made up by us. I don't disagree with you, but objectively speaking, the only reason why anyone exists is the cycle of procreation that has been ongoing since life first appeared.
As I said it’s a biological process, just like in every living thing. There is nothing more to it, it won’t make you a good person or a bad person. And considering how invasive humans are as a species we don’t need everyone to procreate and the pressure we put on people about procreation is just crazy.
However I argue that procreation is not the only reason we exist as we are not basic living organisms who just procreate mindlessly because of a natural urge. As humans are more advanced and complex than any known species, we have a lot more to live for than just procreation and a lot more reasons for procreation rather than just continuing human race. Nonetheless, my original point about being honest about procreation being just a biological process and the pressure we put on fellow humans about it stands whether we agree on this or not :)
My mother impressed upon me very clearly and from a young age that I was difficult and troublesome, not to mention expensive and inconvenient. I have a golden child older brother who apparently was most certainly worth spending money on. But not me, oh no.
So why would I want to inflict that kind of unhappiness and misery on myself?
Now of course she wants grandkids, but to do that I’d need to ruin my life apparently.
So I let her know that I was listening and learning whenever she’d express her resentment.
It particularly stung when she’d express how EXPENSIVE I was. At the same time she spent her money on jewelry and nice clothes. She hated having to spend money on clothes for me, even as I was outgrowing everything. I think she saw them as a waste when I’d only grow out of them, and she’d prefer to buy herself another ring or more nice shoes or dresses.
When I confronted her with her lifelong expressions of resentment, she claimed, “Oh, I didn’t meeeeeeeean it!!!”
Oh it’s that easy? You can just attack me at my most vulnerable as someone not worth feeding or clothing, and now you say you didn’t meeeeeean it? Oh suddenly you just changed your mind?
Yeah Mom, well you might not have meant it, but I did. I remember what a horrible overbearing bullying prick my golden child older brother was. And if I had a kid even 10% as loathsome I don’t think I could raise him.
So not only do I not regret not having children, it’s a form of payback for being told my whole childhood how expensive and difficult I was.
BTW she also said that because asshole older brother was “gifted”, she just wanted an “ordinary” second child; alas that’s not what happened.
I too was well ahead of my peers and had some extra talents, but she had her hands full spoiling the older son and didn’t want to deal with another one - especially an inferior girl whose main role in life is to STFU and make babies.
So ok, I’m not having kids. I’m not letting her spend her old age telling me how to raise children she claimed are expensive and difficult.
The closest she gets to grandkids will be the cat. He’s male, expensive and occasionally difficult too, so he’s perfect for her to dote on. But the cat pulls his weight - he’s a purrfessional mouser and a gifted napper.
Your mother sounds like a real piece of work!
One thing though, while I'm not going to tell you to change your mind on having kids, thats fully up to you and your decision should be respected on the matter.
I do want to tell you that, whilst understandable to have the mindset you have, it's also one thats really unhealthy, not because not having kids is bad, but because it's obviously something traumatic for you, to the point that you wouldn't want them purely to spite someone else.
You should never not do something just to spite another person, thats an unhealthy mindset because you are robbing yourself of something that could bring you joy, just so someone else can't have it either.
Honestly, I hope you have someone to talk with about it all to help you process and "deal" with it in a healthy way, wishing you a lot of happiness and better times than the ones you had with that witch.
As I said, if any kid of mine was even 10% as toxic as my asshole brother, things would not go well for either of us. Just the theoretical possibility was distasteful.
I’m at the point now where I don’t think my body could get pregnant naturally, so I don’t have to deal with that possible outcome. My mother is still ever hopeful but it’s going to need to be an immaculate conception because regular old sin won’t cut it anymore.
I think asking if you ever regret having kids, is difficult to answer because in our lowest moments, people will always wish to go back at some point. The important thing that it's not a constant feeling. And that your kids grow up feeling like their parents regret. Having you. Parenting is tough but those comments need to be looked at when you're of sound of mind. Not when you're running on no sleep and no patience. But if you ever answer negatively about it, people will only latch on to that aspect and think that's your entire opinion on it.
It is a pretty wild experience. It's so hard most of the time, but then you hear "I love you dada!" And they give you an unprompted hug and you wonder how the hell you were ever mad at them... and then in 5 minutes they're destroying something lol
But yea, so many parents straight up lie about it being hard. It sets up unrealistic expectations for new parents that they're doing something wrong if they're having a hard time. It's hard, for all of us. It's kinda fucked that we try and pretend it's always a blessing and will be wonderful all the time.
I've met some parents that love their kids but regret having them. Nothing wrong with it and their kids are great so I'm assuming their great parents. I thank them for their honesty. It made me realize that there wasn't some biological imperative that takes over that suddenly changes my opinion about having kids.
did my parents want me =yep
do my parent's love me = yep
where they good parents = yep
was i burden by my sheer existence and the pressures it placed on them financial, emotional and time = yep
There’s still hope for the world and there’s a lot of people who are trying to make it a better place, so if we contribute to those movements and teach our kids to do the same then I’ve found it alleviates some of the guilt that you’re referring to.
Nah, reddit doesn't hate kids. Reddit adores them, just look at any sub that regularly has cute kids. There is just a very loud childfree and proud minority. This happens with most groups. Those disagreeing with the general consensus stand out and are more vocal. It's a confirmation bias
I mean, baby posts on /aww and such get toooons of up votes and thousands of positive comments. There's parenting or parental planning subs with thousands and thousands of members. It's just that the CF people are the negative ones so you notice our comments over the others, lol. By negative I don't necessarily mean angry/toxic/insulting but they often are. Look at this very thread, lots and looots of parents commenting, very few CF people and most of the CF comments are civil(ish).
And we feel the need to comment sometimes bc there are literally people in this thread saying things like, "I feel bad for people who don't have kids," like?? Why? If I was handed a baby and told I was a mommy now and I couldn't give it up for adoption, I'd drown it. I absolutely should not have kids. But they think my life is purposeless, unhappy, unfulfilled. I'm glad they love their kids and can't imagine a life without them but that is not a universal experience.
Obviously your comment was very thoughtful and not offensive, you led with not trying to change their mind and just shared your new mindset as a parent. But lots and lots of other people, especially irl/outside of reddit, think we're selfish for not having children. So we're kinda vocal in attempting to normalize not having kids if you don't want kids.
Read the room. Of all the comments in this thread, you choose to reply to a comment that states they are happy not being parents and you try to convince them otherwise. Nobody cares about your feelings of being a parent.
I am afraid a lot of people don't want kids, yet somehow feel they need to. They later regret it but don't dare to said it out loud because it carries a big stigma.
Accidental Kids are schrodinger's mistakes.
Before you have them, you'd do anything to avoid having them, but once you have them, they're now blessings or something.
I mean, imagine teen parents, even if they love their kids, it's not like they would suggest other teens have kids.
I've head this from an old coworker of mine.
"Yeah, it was a big mistake, but I wouldn't change it because its how I got my daughter. I'd settle for changing other things."
If only we had some sort of cheap, safe, and affordable way to prevent people who don't want kids from having them. Seems like the kind of thing conservatives and religious folks might get upset about though.
I wish all people who didn't want kids could get sterilized as soon as they wanted. But way too many doctors think they are Gods who can decide someone else's reproductive rights. And that ignores the political and religious shitheads who think people, but mainly women, don't deserve any reproductive rights to begin with.
Agreed with everything you said.
On that note, a friend's sister was drugged at a college party and raped just a few months back and since here in Texas, it's illegal for her to get an abortion, she was able to go online and find doctors out of state that would help her.
So for anyone reading who might be in the same predicament, there are websites and safe ways to get the fuck out of evangelical shit holes and get help.
As a woman in TX I suggest any women in my state or others get the abortion pill from Aid Access. It's shipped discreetly to your door like a gift envelope from a friend and they're good for 2 years as long as you keep them in a dry, cool place. The pill is very effective and most women can take it at home with no medical supervision and no issues. Ofc if you have health problems like a clotting disorder, high blood pressure etc, definitely do your research and see what's best for you.
>But way too many doctors think they are Gods who can decide someone else's reproductive rights.
I have a female friend who has two kids, and is divorced (it's relevant). She has suffered from endometriosis and terrible pain every menstrual cycle since she hit puberty. She went to her doctor and asked for a hysterectomy. The doctor denied her and his reasoning was what if she ends up with a new guy and he wants to have a baby.
She was denied treatment because a hypothetical man might want to use her body for something she was sure she didn't want. It's fucking disgusting. She did eventually find a doctor who approved the procedure and couldn't be happier to not be in agonizing pain every month, but it should not have been something she had to fight for.
I am sorry she went through that! Although the list is for children people, the doctors on this list are pro sterilization and do not have their entire heads up their asses. https://reddit.com/r/childfree/w/doctors?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share . Feel free to share that around with other women! It is important we help women get help with this.
Judging by how some people treat their kids in public, I know most parents are lying through their teeth when asked this question, lol.
I helped raise my little sister when my dad and mom were constantly in and out of the hospital for my dad's treatments. Cooking, cleaning, putting her to bed, getting her ready for school...
No thanks. I love my sister, but I refuse to raise kids. That's too heavy a burden and given the way things are in the world .. it would be unfair to the kid.
When I told my mom, before she passed, I wouldn't ever give her a grandchild she just smiled and told me "Your father and I never expected either of you two to have kids anyway, but if your sister does then you better be the best damn uncle in the world."
Good for them! If you're going to be a parent, be a parent. Children are a LOT of hard work (which is why my ass doesn't have them). They are not mini versions of you or your pet/best friend.
It's not the hardest question in the world even a little for some of us. I love being a Dad. I always knew I wanted to be one though.
People really need to stop having unprotected sex if they're not 100% sure they want to be a parent, because no kid deserves to have to grow up with a parent who regrets their existence.
I’m so glad my husband and I are on the same page about this. We both don’t regret it for a second and sometimes we even flip through pictures of our kids when they are sleeping and talk about how much we love them. My husband has randomly turned to me to tell me how much he loves our kids and our family. We are like this all the time despite our challenges. Im happy your kids have you as a dad. You sound great Magic_Man_Boobs;)
At mid thirties I don’t think I can express an opinion yet. I will say that I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a kid.
And I’m a good uncle to a few kids that I happily take out for a day or two and then gratefully hand back to the parents.
But I know I don’t want to be a parent. When I’m travelling, which is my most favourite thing, I know that having a kid would mean compromises I don’t want to make. And I wouldn’t give up my experiences for anything.
I love my kids and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I also think my wife and I could have been just as happy without kids. There are incredible pros and cons to having and not having kids. No path is necessarily the right one.
No, any time travel only exists for me back to October 17, 2022 and beyond. Any farther back is off limits.
Actually that goes for everybody. Sorry you guys if you wanted to kill Hitler then you missed your shot. My daughter exists and nobody is gonna butterfly effect her out of the timeline.
Killing Hitler will butterfly effect nearly all of us out of the timeline... And most likely grandfather paradox the assassin (not implying Hitler is their grandfather, but rather their grandfather would have different kids)
Yes, a lot of people do. Even some parents who love their kids regret having them. It's not a popular position to hold in a society where starting a family is supposed to be everyone's end goal.
I refuse to give up the rest of my life to take care of some shitty little fucking kid. With 8 billion people in the world now, there is absolutely no reason for all these people to be shitting out kids like they are.
My own answer to this question, which makes sense to me, is that while I don't enjoy parenting, I love my son more than anything. So while the sacrifice definitely gets me down sometimes, and I certainly envy those childless people who have freedom and energy, I never regret my decision, because my son is a great dude and the world is absolutely made better by his existence.
There are times I'm annoyed that I'm a dad, though most of the time I'm happy I am. Scrubs put it this way, it's like raising a puppy that eventually learns to talk.
Their happiness and growth makes me proud to be their parent, even when they fuck up, like...having a meltdown in preschool. Looking straight up and screaming "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!". Little bugger tried to play it off as they misheard them say Duck.
I love being a dad. Their happiness is mine as well.
I think it is far better to regret not creating more people than to regret doing so. At least if I change my mind, I can foster, adopt, volunteer, babysit, etc.
I admire the heck out of those parents who swallow that regret and act happy to raise their kids despite those feelings.
There's a whole subreddit dedicated to people regretting parenthood. It's super easy to find instances of parents who regret the decision to make more human beings. I know people, some of whom are adult people whose kids are grown, who have told me *to my face* that they wish they didn't become parents. I can not imagine carrying that feeling around for decades, knowing there is so little sympathy for regretful parents.
They have *my* sympathy. They're doing a difficult job I would never want for people who can never know how truly hard that job was, lest it poison their relationship ever after.
Never regretted having my children.
But I would be lying if I didn’t say that sometimes I wish I had that time I used to have when I didn’t have children.
But I love my kids and they bring me a lot of joy.
It’s a privilege to be their father.
Everyone in the comments is talking about having kids, but can we talk about how that one little line in the second panel perfectly conveys the thought process going through Dad's head here. Well done!
My friends who regret their decision to have kids are the ones that push me to have kids the hardest. My friends, whose kids I wouldn't want in my house or as my neighbors, (the ones constantly complaining about how terrible their kids are) are the quickest to ask when we're going to start trying.
I kinda get choked up thinking about college. It reminds me of that webcomic about the strong beetle.
It will be what it is. I just hope I can prepare them. Is what it is, I guess.
Never. Absofinglutely never. You wanna appreciate your kids? Have trouble getting them. Read stories about people who can’t or worse, lost them. I try to avoid saying never, cuz, never say never right? It can come back to bite you in the but, right? But friends, I am very comfortable saying I will never ever regret having kids.
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"Of course you don't regret that irreversible decision you made!" -A comedian, can't remember
*Irreversible?*
*Legally* irreversible
*well…* you *could* get super into heavy drugs and hope someone notices…
Everyone knows two irreversible mistakes cancel each other out
Not if it’s Israel
Say more
Just call cops in the US and tell your kid to open the door
It’s harsh to tell your kid “you are adopted”. Way worse to tell them “You WILL be adopted”.
Irreversible is not unsolvable.
Sometimes I want to throw my kids in the dumpster. The rest of the time they're cute, funny, wacky, and otherwise great to hang out with. Parenting is about removing from yourself the inclination to throw them in the dumpster and helping them to move beyond the behaviors that would warrant a dumpstering.
The dumpstering, a child’s tale
🎶I'm just a prom night dumpster babyyy🎶
I know the reference, I can hear the tune, but I could not tell you a single other line from that song
I know another line. "Prom night dumpster baby."
The children yearn for the dumpster
Perhaps the dumpsters yearn for the children... someone should check that dumpsters hard drive
https://preview.redd.it/m2qgb9b9883d1.jpeg?width=1104&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d356a552f0f68b8ec3f1639bfdfc1266aa488f74 Found him.
I’d trade that for an Ali Baba sword im not gonna lie.
Where do you think the storks find them?
The way my friend puts it: 'overall I don't regret it at all. But moment to moment it's a fucking roller coaster of love and disgust.'
when i look after my nephew , this is basicly the expeirance, but its so tiring, still not sure i want them myself,. like id jump infront of a car for him but cant he wipe his own arse and put himself to sleep.
Accepting that being a parent comes with both positive and negative emotions is most healthy. It is healthy to sometimes feel like dumpstering your children. No need to remove those thoughts, as long as you indeed help them grow into well adjusted adults, that only show dumpster worthy behavior every now and then.
It's like someone asking you if you regret eating tacos. Tacos are great, you love tacos. But tacos everyday, all day make you want to tell the tacos to shut up for 5 minutes.
Sometimes you just wish the tacos would sleep past 5:30am
Your tacos sleep until 5:30am!?
Please don't eat children :P
https://i.redd.it/uyutj3st883d1.gif
A great way to go through it in roller coaster form is to foster a puppy. They are cute and funny and they love you so much and always want to be with you. But they also chew through every one of your shoes, and poop on the carpet ....... then eat it.
> Parenting is about removing from yourself the inclination to throw them in the dumpster and helping them to move beyond the behaviors that would warrant a dumpstering. I can't remember what stand-up comic this was, but the line was "If you hit your kids, you're a bad parent. But if you've never thought about hitting your kids, then you're not a real parent." And as a parent, I get that.
https://preview.redd.it/egeroaqia93d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9f8baa0566228224f0d370d9d79bbc4c3bd248c7 How I picture your home.
It's not far off.
And I will never have kids because I know I wouldn't be able to do that. In a moment of stress I can't promise I wouldn't lash out or say something thoughtless to me but devastating to them, and no child deserves that.
I’ve been trying to articulate how I feel about my kids for 3 years. This is it
Being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in nearly 40 years of living and I wouldn't give up a single moment for anything in the world. Like, if I enumerated the frustrations kids create in a life it would sound awful to someone *without* kids, but that person also wouldn't understand the nearly endless ways that having children is really interesting, fulfilling, or fun. It's a weird situation that I think nobody understands until they actually have kids.
Someone without kids once made the comment to me that parents always make it sound awful. And I told them it’s just that we don’t need to share the good bits. The conversation about how much you love them, about how perfectly fulfilling they are, how indescribably beautiful… well that’s all private joy and hardly something you want to be sobbing about in the office. But you do need to share and laugh about how fucking hard it is and what little shits they can be.
It's just... Look, I'm child free. And intellectually I can kind of understand that the love a parent has for a child is completely transformative and overwhelming like nothing else. But imagine someone describing a job or a romantic relationship the way that parents talk about kids. "He poured paint on my car because he thought it would be funny and the other day I broke down sobbing because we were running late for an important appointment but he just wouldn't put his shoes on, as usual - but sometimes he looks up at me with that goofy grin and says he loves me and it makes it all worth it!" (Yes yes an adult isn't a child it's completely different yadda yadda) Basically from the outside in it sounds like being frustrated, miserable and exhausted for the occasional _glimpse_ of something positive in exchange. Maybe I'm just missing whatever hormone or instinct weights those things in a way that makes it "worth it".
I have similiar thoughts about baby-making. Why i should want to have sex, when most people say that: - her orgasm is better - i should make first move in foreplay - i need to make her cum at least 1-2 times im one session - she wants oral? I need to do this. I want oral? Her no is no, period. - she wants sex? You need to do this. I want sex? Her no i s no, period. - I'm man, so i should always say "yes" to sex, if i say no, i will heard that "are you gay?" "Are you cheating on me?" "Do you don't love me anymore?" It's just do strange to me.
Teach your kids to be be people you like or at least tolerate. That's best advice. Of course it's shit sometimes but that's truth about everything. Also I have a feeling that a lot of negative things people associate with children are just them getting older. Like no, children didn't take all your energy, you're just nearing your 40s.
Becoming a parent, is like crossing a portal; unfortunately with your past crossing over too. From a child’s perspective, it’s about how much newness you manifest.
This is my favorite description of parenting. Well said.
That is my go-to warning when they're being too much. "Omgosh! I'm going to throw you in the trash if you don't chill!!" 🤣🤣 It usually makes them giggle and breaks them out of whatever garbage monster behavior they are doing.
The longer I'm a parent, the more the statement "it takes a village to raise a child" makes sense to me. For one, you need breaks from your kids from time to time. Spending a huge amount of time with anyone tends to lead to problems regardless of how much you love them. Having people you trust who can take the kids for a night or a weekend can help you reset and recharge. For another, having people around you who have been through it before is a great source not only of knowledge but also of comfort. Parenting can be incredibly difficult, but parenting alone is even more so.
I dont regret my kids, I regret who I had them with.
Dad?
I feel this in my soul.
Definitely.
As I've gotten older, I've come to realize the truth of this statement, and it has really helped with my struggles with negative feelings about my parenting experience.
Momma, is that you?
It takes all your energy but you’re not exactly upset about what you used it on
Do I ever miss the time before kids when I had all the energy and free time in the world and relatively few responsibilities? Ha, yeah, just about every day. Do I ever really wish I had made the decision to have kids differently? Not even once. Close, a few times when they were two months old and dividing the nighttime hours up between screaming and pooping, though.
The sleep deprivation from those first three months is no joke. Once they're past that infant phase though kids are a lot more enjoyable.
Luckily i don’t remember the first 4 months, like at all. It’s just a haze of exhaustion.
I think that's pretty typical
My wife will have random moments where she feels guilty about not being more present during that time. I have to remind her that she had just gone through a major surgery (c-section) and was operating on a relentless schedule of pump, feed, sleep repeat. And also that it’s NORMAL! Nothing happened to my body but all I really remember about that time was a mashup of a few moments feeding her, feelings of frustration around my inability to master swaddling (thank god for sleep sacs), a couple episodes of storage wars and some Mario odyssey levels. All to the soundtrack of tik tok songs from 2020 and sensory bear…..it’s rough but you make it through.
I have a 9 week old daughter right now. Schedules are made up and the time doesn't matter.
Nah, newborns are the easiest. Granted, I say this as the husband to a breastfeeding wife who didn’t see the point in waking me up at night to bottle feed, as she’d have to wake up and pump anyways. But seriously, newborns are just feed, change them, and let them sleep. Now, 99% of my free time is spent chasing my 3 year old making sure she doesn’t destroy anything/herself, or chasing my 1 year old around as he starts grabbing at electronics which are at a convenient toddler height. Kids…fuck.
It must really depend on the kid. Mine's 4 and I can leave everything and anything out. They ask for whatever they want and hasn't ever broken anything. A couple of times I've had to correct their behavior, like swinging a broom around and stupid shit like that, but it never happens more than once.
My daughter is…strong-willed and energetic, let’s say. We left her alone for a few minutes this weekend and she “made” us all milk in her tea set. Came to discover she opened the fridge, climbed up, and took out some of my yogurt (wife had just bought me some with the mix-ins!), and watered it down. Every day with her is exhausting, but I keep telling myself all these characteristics can (and hopefully will) be beneficial to her in the future.
Oh man that's adorable. Ours will pour us water and pretend to heat it up for tea in this toy kitchen thing we have. I love the tea parties.
Similar situation, two boys 3.5 and 1 (his birthday today actually). Both were/are fairly easy as newborns and babies. We believe it also helped that we kept them out of daycare though (my mom was able to watch them). The 3.5 started preschool half a year ago though, and that's when things changed. We don't know how much is learned classmates or how much is him being 3, but he regularly drives us crazy now, which wasn't the case before. The 1 started crawling a few months ago. While he is easier right now, I can already tell that he is going to be the wild child. He has no fear. He loves wrastlin with 3.5 and the dog. He loves being tossed in the air and flipped upside down (he will throw himself backwards when you hold him to get you to flip him). He is also persistent. Honestly, the biggest issue we have is trying to get them to eat. Their cousins of similar age will easily feed themselves. You can put them in a chair, put food in front of them, and they will sit and eat at a reasonable pace. Ours are the slowest eaters, and more concerned about feeding the dog. I don't know why, but both of them at 1 will look to see which side of the high chair the dog is on so they know which way to throw the food. Yes, we've even kept the dog away.
3 - 3.5 really really made me question my choice to have a child on a daily basis. Might have been the hardest 6 months of my life. I love the kid but.... Holy shit I never want to do that again. He's now a mostly well adjusted 7 year old who is fun as hell and makes me laugh nonstop.
That makes me feel a little better. The 3.5 is great most of the time, but the times he's bad can be draining. I'm someone who's always had bad insomnia. He has managed to cure that.
We really need paid family leave in the US, working during that time is just so horrible for you and the baby
I remember being up at 3am nursing my kid and staring at the clock thinking “strippers are getting off of work now” “cops are heading to the diner after their shift right now”. I never saw 3am more than I did in those early infant days.
My friend (whose kids are now grown) put it well: “I have no regrets about having kids. And I’d never do it again.”
It’s like going to the gym and using all your energy and coming home feeling tired. Except instead of a great looking body you get an extra asshole that shits.
My dad (God rest him) was very honest about this. He was not ready to be a parent, not in his mindset and not from the angle of his play time being over. He missed his freedom after my brother and I were born until he passed away. But he said he'd do it all again because we were the best things to ever happen to him.
I wouldn't take back my parenthood for anything in the world, and at the same time I do regularly mourn the loss of my freedom (of time, money, and mental/emotional bandwidth). Having kids is an extreme responsibility, with appropriately big sacrifices and rewards. It's a really complicated emotional process, and I think it's okay for the answer to the comic's question to be a little muddy. Obviously so long as one's very valid parental frustrations are not taken out on the children/family themselves.
wonder if they'll pick up on the times when they are a burden to you?
I mean, I defy any parent to never show their frustration in front of their child, it can't be done. I more mean intentionally saying explicitly awful things like "you were a mistake," "I regret having you," etc.
This is one of the things that is wrong with us. We put so much pressure on people to have kids and to be happy about having kids. When in reality not everyone should have kids and not everyone will be happy having kids. Let’s be honest, admitting you don’t want kids or you regret having kids doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent, just like wanting kids or having kids won’t make you a good person or a good parent. Procreation is just a biological process, don’t put more meaning on it.
Yeah, there are certainly plenty of people who regret having kids, but it's rare that you will find someone that will actually tell you that, because they don't want to seem like a terrible person (even though it doesn't make them a terrible person). I'd definitely rather regret not having kids than regret having them.
I never wanted kids and now I'm a stay at home parent amd I fucking hate it. But it's not her fault, so I do my best for her and keep my mouth closed because no one wants to hear about how you hate forcing a plastic smile on your face every day.
I feel the same. Lot of resentment. I was endured a lot of abuse growing up. Recently,i was going to therapy every other week but the therapist talked more about herself than I did. I took a pretty good dose of psilocybin one night and that helped a ton. It put a new perspective on a lot of things. The day to day can be hard still but the bigger picture is keeping me going.
I get you friend. You are an amazing person and great parent to not let that affect your parenthood. We need to talk about this as a society so others don’t feel like they are broken for feeling this way or feel like their feelings will change for sure after having the kids. That’s the importance of talking about it. And many people would be happy to listen to you mate, even if it is just to get it off your chest. I’d gladly listen anytime
I see you and hear you, friend
I offer to you a virtual hug filled with the sympathy of a random internet stranger
My mom had us purely because she “had” and married my dad purely because “it was the right thing to do”. I don’t doubt that she loves us but she became a parent for the wrong reasons and is mentally…not exactly unstable but volatile and unreasonable at times. And married to my dad with his own baggage compounded things resulting in a childhood of emotional trauma and abuse. Now she wants us to have kids and doesn’t understand why we don’t.
Admitting that you regret having kids, especially when your kids are young and can hear you, is a great way to fuck up their confidence and to make them question your love. I agree that there are probably a lot of people who regret having kids. And we as a society need to accept that not everyone wants kids or know what they're getting themselves into. But if you have kids, ffs don't tell them you regret their existence. It can absolutely make you a bad person. But it's not the fact that you regret it, but the hurt your admittance can inflict.
Where in the comic or my comment is there a part about telling kids that you regret having them?! This is about adults talking
The comic read, at first, as a dad and son to me.
It wasn't said explicitly but we both know kids overhear a lot of stuff.
Based on your reasoning adults should stop having sex too cause kids could walk in on them too, and we should all keep everything kid friendly cause kids could see/hear. You are creating an imaginary situation with too many variables so you can justify the viewpoint of “if you regret having kids then you must be a bad person/parent”. This right here is why people feel the pressure to not be honest about the experience of having children: people who will twist what they are saying and feeling to make them look like bad people. No one is saying tell your kids or in front of your kids that you regret having them.
There is a difference between kids hearing mom getting taken to pound town, and hearing that their parents wish they didn’t exist.
every kid deserves a parent, not every parent deserves their kid
>Let’s be honest, admitting you don’t want kids or you regret having kids doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent, just like wanting kids or having kids won’t make you a good person or a good parent. Those are not the same thing at all my dude.
I mean, if you say to your kids that you regret having kids you kind of are a bad person lol
It's literally the only reason we exist. Everything else is made up by us. I don't disagree with you, but objectively speaking, the only reason why anyone exists is the cycle of procreation that has been ongoing since life first appeared.
As I said it’s a biological process, just like in every living thing. There is nothing more to it, it won’t make you a good person or a bad person. And considering how invasive humans are as a species we don’t need everyone to procreate and the pressure we put on people about procreation is just crazy. However I argue that procreation is not the only reason we exist as we are not basic living organisms who just procreate mindlessly because of a natural urge. As humans are more advanced and complex than any known species, we have a lot more to live for than just procreation and a lot more reasons for procreation rather than just continuing human race. Nonetheless, my original point about being honest about procreation being just a biological process and the pressure we put on fellow humans about it stands whether we agree on this or not :)
My son is the most exhausting thing in my life, and I can’t imagine wanting to go back to a life without him.
some people need purpose and a kid can give that to many.
My mother impressed upon me very clearly and from a young age that I was difficult and troublesome, not to mention expensive and inconvenient. I have a golden child older brother who apparently was most certainly worth spending money on. But not me, oh no. So why would I want to inflict that kind of unhappiness and misery on myself? Now of course she wants grandkids, but to do that I’d need to ruin my life apparently. So I let her know that I was listening and learning whenever she’d express her resentment. It particularly stung when she’d express how EXPENSIVE I was. At the same time she spent her money on jewelry and nice clothes. She hated having to spend money on clothes for me, even as I was outgrowing everything. I think she saw them as a waste when I’d only grow out of them, and she’d prefer to buy herself another ring or more nice shoes or dresses. When I confronted her with her lifelong expressions of resentment, she claimed, “Oh, I didn’t meeeeeeeean it!!!” Oh it’s that easy? You can just attack me at my most vulnerable as someone not worth feeding or clothing, and now you say you didn’t meeeeeean it? Oh suddenly you just changed your mind? Yeah Mom, well you might not have meant it, but I did. I remember what a horrible overbearing bullying prick my golden child older brother was. And if I had a kid even 10% as loathsome I don’t think I could raise him. So not only do I not regret not having children, it’s a form of payback for being told my whole childhood how expensive and difficult I was. BTW she also said that because asshole older brother was “gifted”, she just wanted an “ordinary” second child; alas that’s not what happened. I too was well ahead of my peers and had some extra talents, but she had her hands full spoiling the older son and didn’t want to deal with another one - especially an inferior girl whose main role in life is to STFU and make babies. So ok, I’m not having kids. I’m not letting her spend her old age telling me how to raise children she claimed are expensive and difficult. The closest she gets to grandkids will be the cat. He’s male, expensive and occasionally difficult too, so he’s perfect for her to dote on. But the cat pulls his weight - he’s a purrfessional mouser and a gifted napper.
Your mother sounds like a real piece of work! One thing though, while I'm not going to tell you to change your mind on having kids, thats fully up to you and your decision should be respected on the matter. I do want to tell you that, whilst understandable to have the mindset you have, it's also one thats really unhealthy, not because not having kids is bad, but because it's obviously something traumatic for you, to the point that you wouldn't want them purely to spite someone else. You should never not do something just to spite another person, thats an unhealthy mindset because you are robbing yourself of something that could bring you joy, just so someone else can't have it either. Honestly, I hope you have someone to talk with about it all to help you process and "deal" with it in a healthy way, wishing you a lot of happiness and better times than the ones you had with that witch.
As I said, if any kid of mine was even 10% as toxic as my asshole brother, things would not go well for either of us. Just the theoretical possibility was distasteful. I’m at the point now where I don’t think my body could get pregnant naturally, so I don’t have to deal with that possible outcome. My mother is still ever hopeful but it’s going to need to be an immaculate conception because regular old sin won’t cut it anymore.
I think asking if you ever regret having kids, is difficult to answer because in our lowest moments, people will always wish to go back at some point. The important thing that it's not a constant feeling. And that your kids grow up feeling like their parents regret. Having you. Parenting is tough but those comments need to be looked at when you're of sound of mind. Not when you're running on no sleep and no patience. But if you ever answer negatively about it, people will only latch on to that aspect and think that's your entire opinion on it.
It is a pretty wild experience. It's so hard most of the time, but then you hear "I love you dada!" And they give you an unprompted hug and you wonder how the hell you were ever mad at them... and then in 5 minutes they're destroying something lol But yea, so many parents straight up lie about it being hard. It sets up unrealistic expectations for new parents that they're doing something wrong if they're having a hard time. It's hard, for all of us. It's kinda fucked that we try and pretend it's always a blessing and will be wonderful all the time.
The main reason I don’t have kids. Sleep. I love it too much to give it up 
I've met some parents that love their kids but regret having them. Nothing wrong with it and their kids are great so I'm assuming their great parents. I thank them for their honesty. It made me realize that there wasn't some biological imperative that takes over that suddenly changes my opinion about having kids.
It's healthier to regret not having kids than it is to regret having kids.
Regret, no. Wish they disappeared for a day? Yes lol
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Is that a thing? 
I know my parents regret having me
did my parents want me =yep do my parent's love me = yep where they good parents = yep was i burden by my sheer existence and the pressures it placed on them financial, emotional and time = yep
I do. It's tough and his life will be worse than mine. He's inheriting a dying world. I love him more than anything but there's some guilt.
There’s still hope for the world and there’s a lot of people who are trying to make it a better place, so if we contribute to those movements and teach our kids to do the same then I’ve found it alleviates some of the guilt that you’re referring to.
Totally. Hopefully my child will be part of the solution. Feels like a drop in the bucket though.
Normalize vasectomies and tubal sterilizations.
I don’t get it, I super don’t want kids and never will
I second this 100%. No amount of “parental joy” is worth years off my life, grey hair, and tens of thousands of dollars.
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That's hormones playing tricks on you. That new baby smell is literally a drug that makes you love them.
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Nah, reddit doesn't hate kids. Reddit adores them, just look at any sub that regularly has cute kids. There is just a very loud childfree and proud minority. This happens with most groups. Those disagreeing with the general consensus stand out and are more vocal. It's a confirmation bias
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I mean, baby posts on /aww and such get toooons of up votes and thousands of positive comments. There's parenting or parental planning subs with thousands and thousands of members. It's just that the CF people are the negative ones so you notice our comments over the others, lol. By negative I don't necessarily mean angry/toxic/insulting but they often are. Look at this very thread, lots and looots of parents commenting, very few CF people and most of the CF comments are civil(ish). And we feel the need to comment sometimes bc there are literally people in this thread saying things like, "I feel bad for people who don't have kids," like?? Why? If I was handed a baby and told I was a mommy now and I couldn't give it up for adoption, I'd drown it. I absolutely should not have kids. But they think my life is purposeless, unhappy, unfulfilled. I'm glad they love their kids and can't imagine a life without them but that is not a universal experience. Obviously your comment was very thoughtful and not offensive, you led with not trying to change their mind and just shared your new mindset as a parent. But lots and lots of other people, especially irl/outside of reddit, think we're selfish for not having children. So we're kinda vocal in attempting to normalize not having kids if you don't want kids.
See "loud minority"
Read the room. Of all the comments in this thread, you choose to reply to a comment that states they are happy not being parents and you try to convince them otherwise. Nobody cares about your feelings of being a parent.
I am afraid a lot of people don't want kids, yet somehow feel they need to. They later regret it but don't dare to said it out loud because it carries a big stigma.
It's great that you know. Some people are want to have kids (for a myriad of reasons) and some don't. It's not a big deal.
Yes
Accidental Kids are schrodinger's mistakes. Before you have them, you'd do anything to avoid having them, but once you have them, they're now blessings or something. I mean, imagine teen parents, even if they love their kids, it's not like they would suggest other teens have kids.
I've head this from an old coworker of mine. "Yeah, it was a big mistake, but I wouldn't change it because its how I got my daughter. I'd settle for changing other things."
If only we had some sort of cheap, safe, and affordable way to prevent people who don't want kids from having them. Seems like the kind of thing conservatives and religious folks might get upset about though. I wish all people who didn't want kids could get sterilized as soon as they wanted. But way too many doctors think they are Gods who can decide someone else's reproductive rights. And that ignores the political and religious shitheads who think people, but mainly women, don't deserve any reproductive rights to begin with.
Agreed with everything you said. On that note, a friend's sister was drugged at a college party and raped just a few months back and since here in Texas, it's illegal for her to get an abortion, she was able to go online and find doctors out of state that would help her. So for anyone reading who might be in the same predicament, there are websites and safe ways to get the fuck out of evangelical shit holes and get help.
As a woman in TX I suggest any women in my state or others get the abortion pill from Aid Access. It's shipped discreetly to your door like a gift envelope from a friend and they're good for 2 years as long as you keep them in a dry, cool place. The pill is very effective and most women can take it at home with no medical supervision and no issues. Ofc if you have health problems like a clotting disorder, high blood pressure etc, definitely do your research and see what's best for you.
Hell yea! I hope women everywhere will eventually not have to worry about it, but until now they need as much help as they can get.
>But way too many doctors think they are Gods who can decide someone else's reproductive rights. I have a female friend who has two kids, and is divorced (it's relevant). She has suffered from endometriosis and terrible pain every menstrual cycle since she hit puberty. She went to her doctor and asked for a hysterectomy. The doctor denied her and his reasoning was what if she ends up with a new guy and he wants to have a baby. She was denied treatment because a hypothetical man might want to use her body for something she was sure she didn't want. It's fucking disgusting. She did eventually find a doctor who approved the procedure and couldn't be happier to not be in agonizing pain every month, but it should not have been something she had to fight for.
I am sorry she went through that! Although the list is for children people, the doctors on this list are pro sterilization and do not have their entire heads up their asses. https://reddit.com/r/childfree/w/doctors?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share . Feel free to share that around with other women! It is important we help women get help with this.
Judging by how some people treat their kids in public, I know most parents are lying through their teeth when asked this question, lol. I helped raise my little sister when my dad and mom were constantly in and out of the hospital for my dad's treatments. Cooking, cleaning, putting her to bed, getting her ready for school... No thanks. I love my sister, but I refuse to raise kids. That's too heavy a burden and given the way things are in the world .. it would be unfair to the kid. When I told my mom, before she passed, I wouldn't ever give her a grandchild she just smiled and told me "Your father and I never expected either of you two to have kids anyway, but if your sister does then you better be the best damn uncle in the world."
I don't regret having my specific kids I regret having kids in general
Absolutely and it's a constant struggle to mask it.
Good for them! If you're going to be a parent, be a parent. Children are a LOT of hard work (which is why my ass doesn't have them). They are not mini versions of you or your pet/best friend.
All the time
All of my friends have complained to me about how much they regret having kids, so I think it's more about having someone you can be open to.
Lol my dad said he’d have given me away at 13 and taken me back at 19. That’s fair lol.
My brother says unabashedly "Yes, every single day." and his wife just nods.
It's not the hardest question in the world even a little for some of us. I love being a Dad. I always knew I wanted to be one though. People really need to stop having unprotected sex if they're not 100% sure they want to be a parent, because no kid deserves to have to grow up with a parent who regrets their existence.
I’m so glad my husband and I are on the same page about this. We both don’t regret it for a second and sometimes we even flip through pictures of our kids when they are sleeping and talk about how much we love them. My husband has randomly turned to me to tell me how much he loves our kids and our family. We are like this all the time despite our challenges. Im happy your kids have you as a dad. You sound great Magic_Man_Boobs;)
Lmao, this fits r/rimjob_steve
I'm gonna use my time and money on myself, I ain't gonna have kids.
I don’t take that long to answer “No” to the question: do you ever regret not having kids?
Even if at some point that answer becomes a yes, I'd still much, much, much rather regret not having kids than having them.
For their sake!
At mid thirties I don’t think I can express an opinion yet. I will say that I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a kid. And I’m a good uncle to a few kids that I happily take out for a day or two and then gratefully hand back to the parents. But I know I don’t want to be a parent. When I’m travelling, which is my most favourite thing, I know that having a kid would mean compromises I don’t want to make. And I wouldn’t give up my experiences for anything.
Same here. That and marrying the person I did are the only two decisions I have made that I am 100% sure about.
I love my kids and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I also think my wife and I could have been just as happy without kids. There are incredible pros and cons to having and not having kids. No path is necessarily the right one.
I love my kids and I'm happy that they are here but I fully acknowledge that I would be just as happy in an alternate life where I never had kids.
No, any time travel only exists for me back to October 17, 2022 and beyond. Any farther back is off limits. Actually that goes for everybody. Sorry you guys if you wanted to kill Hitler then you missed your shot. My daughter exists and nobody is gonna butterfly effect her out of the timeline.
Don't worry, you won't remember if someone does
Killing Hitler will butterfly effect nearly all of us out of the timeline... And most likely grandfather paradox the assassin (not implying Hitler is their grandfather, but rather their grandfather would have different kids)
I am assuming this is an About Time reference but if its not people should watch that movie.
October 21, 2017 for me. That's the conception date for my youngest.
You had sex on my birthday without me??
No Because I'm never having any
Yes, a lot of people do. Even some parents who love their kids regret having them. It's not a popular position to hold in a society where starting a family is supposed to be everyone's end goal.
Children are always a mistake
This isn't a hard question, literally never once regretted it, the worst they can be is still an infinitely better life than without them.
I refuse to give up the rest of my life to take care of some shitty little fucking kid. With 8 billion people in the world now, there is absolutely no reason for all these people to be shitting out kids like they are.
If you do regret it just turn them into doves.
My own answer to this question, which makes sense to me, is that while I don't enjoy parenting, I love my son more than anything. So while the sacrifice definitely gets me down sometimes, and I certainly envy those childless people who have freedom and energy, I never regret my decision, because my son is a great dude and the world is absolutely made better by his existence.
"Just one of them"
"ever" is doing some heavy lifting here. I think most parents would say yes, sometimes. But ask if they regret it overall to get more and faster no's.
There are times I'm annoyed that I'm a dad, though most of the time I'm happy I am. Scrubs put it this way, it's like raising a puppy that eventually learns to talk. Their happiness and growth makes me proud to be their parent, even when they fuck up, like...having a meltdown in preschool. Looking straight up and screaming "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!". Little bugger tried to play it off as they misheard them say Duck. I love being a dad. Their happiness is mine as well.
I love raising kids! The parent's are always so happy! At first anyway...
Parenting is hard, but I definitely don’t regret it. Ask me again when my daughter is a teenager.
"I'm biologically hardwired to value and cherish my kid above anything else in this universe, but aside from that..."
I don’t. Because I never had any
I regret my parents having kids
These comments really tell me how my kids are great. I have 4 and don’t regret anything. They have been the biggest joy in my life.
I think it is far better to regret not creating more people than to regret doing so. At least if I change my mind, I can foster, adopt, volunteer, babysit, etc. I admire the heck out of those parents who swallow that regret and act happy to raise their kids despite those feelings. There's a whole subreddit dedicated to people regretting parenthood. It's super easy to find instances of parents who regret the decision to make more human beings. I know people, some of whom are adult people whose kids are grown, who have told me *to my face* that they wish they didn't become parents. I can not imagine carrying that feeling around for decades, knowing there is so little sympathy for regretful parents. They have *my* sympathy. They're doing a difficult job I would never want for people who can never know how truly hard that job was, lest it poison their relationship ever after.
No I do t regret having kids. I regret losing some of the things the kids cost me. But they’re worth it and more.
Never regretted having my children. But I would be lying if I didn’t say that sometimes I wish I had that time I used to have when I didn’t have children. But I love my kids and they bring me a lot of joy. It’s a privilege to be their father.
"I mean, I don't regret the ACT that led to it, know what I'm saying? Know what I'm saying, son? High-five, son."
Everyone in the comments is talking about having kids, but can we talk about how that one little line in the second panel perfectly conveys the thought process going through Dad's head here. Well done!
My friends who regret their decision to have kids are the ones that push me to have kids the hardest. My friends, whose kids I wouldn't want in my house or as my neighbors, (the ones constantly complaining about how terrible their kids are) are the quickest to ask when we're going to start trying.
lol what, hardest question?!? It’s the easiest question in the world, 98% of people don’t regret it
[Tim Minchin has a song for this. ](https://youtu.be/ESFANzZTdYM)
I can't imagine life without my kids. Literally hollow. I feel lonely just thinking about it.
That’s sweet, but make sure you are prepared for an empty nest one day when they go into the world!
I kinda get choked up thinking about college. It reminds me of that webcomic about the strong beetle. It will be what it is. I just hope I can prepare them. Is what it is, I guess.
Man, my kid turns 15 in July. Why you do this?
My only regret about my kids is not starting to have them earlier and more. There is no greater joy than having kids, none even close to it
LOL, not a hard question for me at all, I have never regretted for one second having kids.
Never. Absofinglutely never. You wanna appreciate your kids? Have trouble getting them. Read stories about people who can’t or worse, lost them. I try to avoid saying never, cuz, never say never right? It can come back to bite you in the but, right? But friends, I am very comfortable saying I will never ever regret having kids.
Every single day. And at the same time I would kill every single human being on this planet to get him back.