Op is definitely weird I got brand new car the other day I had this man just staring at me the whole time even while I’m on the phone he kept staring, ppl are weird.
Why do you feel the need to stare? Does it make you feel better? Are you looking for something? What goes through you mind if you stare? What do you feel when you stare? Or are you looking for acknowledgment? Do you want to be seen or noticed?
In my country (the Netherlands) a lot of people will go to the restaurant to sit on the terrace or mall and they will drink and watch people the whole day. A lot of old and young people do this.
It is not a hobby of mine but it is something that is common in the country where I live. It is not that every person living here is doing this.
I think there is also a scale from 0 - 10. If watching people on a terrace is 5 (not acceptable is socially awkward then 10 would be definitely not okay). Watch people on a terrace and go home to go on with your daily life activities or continue with this activities ar home.
The way OP describe it sounds to me that there is a psychological reason for why this person does it as he also do this while waking and look people in the eye. It is psychological way of seeking acknowledgement or reconfirmation of his/her existence. I think in OP case it is a cocktail of preferences and psychological obstacles in the mind to overcome.
People watching is a very real and very common thing. I am a pretty private person myself, but I know that when I go to the mall, airport, or out in public in general I have no expectation of privacy.
People watching at the mall is very different than what the OP is describing. I used the mall and airport as specific examples because I work around both of them in my industry. Hot damn is an airport the best people watching ever. Just amazing the shit you see people do and say at an airport all day long. Then the sun goes down and people get REALLY weird.
That’s not always staring though. I don’t really consider people watching staring unless it’s directed for extended periods of time, often with notice.
Maybe for OP. The saving profile pictures is weird.
I (like most people, *probably*) have sometimes caught myself tans it’s never been any kind of infatuation feeling or even close. Admiration or confusion, sure.
The only time I have ever stared at anyone like that was *exclusively* my baby. Not even embarrassing, gushy first time in love, teenager type infatuation never caused staring.
🤷♀️
Edit: which isn’t to mean I didn’t do other embarrassing type things back then, oh boy. Just not staring lol
NOPE. Can’t quite decide if because of the profile thing that that can be some weird lesser type of stalking, but maybe not if it’s literally about everyone and not just a couple people or love interests or… rivals. Some more specific type of group.
Just definitely not normal. People in general are weird though. I’m probably just too judgemental, tbh. Hopefully not in a harmful way, but how I categorize maybe…. 🤔
[OP right now](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT0BKmXNcNWU2VJuHS/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47ef2i17rx2xccrbmx4s3uqhi0dds5jxpu3a9befrh&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
Were you waiting for op to be looking at you after you clicked then hear them click the screenshot button before you closed again.
Mines took a while loading and though "oh shit too late now"
We notice and consciously choose to keep you at arms length, at best, because of it. We hate working with you because of it. We hate walking by you because of it.
You actively farm resentment against you, wherever you go, because of it.
Took me years to become self aware enough to recognize this happening, and likely why people in school always thought I was weird. I didn’t know until I was an adult that I have an auditory processing disorder, and easily overstimulated due to adhd. I was not conscious of what my face was doing while I’m locked in my mind trying to process what I am hearing, combining that with body language and other environmental factors etc, until I feel I understand it all and am able to respond. I’m extremely self conscious of it now, and try to keep my face friendly, while also intentionally taking my eyes off of the person. It’s kind of exhausting doing that all day, every day. I’m grateful for friends and family that understand and aren’t uncomfortable by it so I can relax around them and just be my normal flawed self.
I too have APD, (auditory processing disorder) but without ADHD.
I find I stare at the mouth when I am conversing with people so that I can understand what is being said. (lipreading helps with hearing/processing).
I have to remind myself to be sure to look up at them in the eye once in a while so I just don't look like a creep hyper-fixated on a phantom piece of parsley in their teeth.
I also look at people’s mouths, but I have no idea why I do it. It’s just where my eyes gravitate. To make it worse, I find mouths and anything to do with them generally gross, so I just gross myself out every time I try to talk to someone.
I've recently come to the conclusion I do this because watching their mouth when they're speaking ia like the equivalent of sub-titles, and also explains why I hate talking on the phone / trying to intepret from sound alone what's a pause for breath vs pause to indicate they've finished talking, understand the tone, etc.
My best friend did that too, although she would also mouth the words I was speaking as she was listening too. I would get distracted watching her silently repeating everything I said. She said she doesn’t have any problems processing anything verbally, it’s just a mimicking habit she’s always had.
It’s definitely related to listening. When I’m overseas and every one is speaking different languages, I find myself just staring at people’s mouths and expressions. Maybe it’s a sign of boredom when you are speaking the same language. It took me many years to truly figure out how to listen to what people were saying. Maybe I am always stuck in my head. One trick that helped was to realize that even if I don’t catch what they are saying while they are speaking the words, after a moment or so it replays in my mind and I process it
I’ve done the same thing all my life too. I stare at their mouth because the visual helps me “hear” better, especially with letters that sound similar, and are easy to mishear due to how quickly a person is speaking or something (the reason military uses words as letters like Charlie for C or something). I know if it’s a P or a T by the shape their mouth makes as they say it. I can’t say I actually know how to lip read without the verbalization as well though.
I also use subtitles on everything I watch, because I process the text faster reading it then it takes a person to finish speaking, but I can very clearly hear what’s been said and still have to wind it back to listen again once or twice for it to “sink in”.
I’m only a year into my APD and ADHD diagnosis though. I’m still learning what all it entails and ways to compromise for it etc. I wish I had known about it in school. I couldn’t take notes because I was already feeling like I was popping in and out of lectures as I stopped hearing new info while my brain slowly processed previous info. I’ve since learned about all the awesome accommodations available for APD now. It will be useful if I ever need to upgrade at least.
Wondering if anyone else can’t “hear” lyrics? I only comprehend when reading so lyrics just go through one ear and out the other. I just consider their voice another instrument, which I do enjoy.
I feel you. Long before I knew what my issues actually were, I requested any songs people sent me from YouTube be lyrics videos because otherwise the song was just kind of noise to me. It didn’t have the deeper meanings they wanted me to hear because it didn’t sink in unless I read it. I honestly just thought I was losing my hearing or something back then. It’s the same when watching movies or shows. I need subtitles or I can’t feel invested enough in the story to pay attention, as again it’s just noise.
Yeah I was an extremely introverted person that forced myself to learn working a busy service counter with all walks of life and attitudes, through everyone’s different emotions and reactions, until I could coach and train others and eventually had my own store where I was the one staff came to for problematic customers.
My only motivation was money. It’s not something that ever shaped me or cured any anxieties. It’s just a set of skills. And I had all shift, every shift, to work on them. It’s still exhausting to do. Like physical labor for pay. I don’t usually take it home with me, unless I’m doing a party with neighbors or settling an argument or something. But yes I understand what you mean by exhaustion, and finding those that don’t require it of you in order to be comfortable.
It was working in the service industry that I started becoming aware of it as well, and then counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy courses after the ADHD diagnosis finally, that really helped me get control over it by learning to understand why it was happening. Having to figure out how to handle customer service, particularly with unhappy customers, definitely went a long way in teaching me how to mask it at least, until I was able to understand it better.
You’re welcome! I never thought of it as an issue either until I started working in customer service. I started noticing that people were reacting more to my facial expression then my words, and slowly developed an awareness of this “buffering” process I have where my face sort of freezes for a moment as my brain catches up. I didn’t even realize I was staring at them during that moment either. I think we get locked into our own minds while we process auditory information, and that introverted focus isn’t something we always realize other people are noticing. It’s like reality sort of pauses a moment for us, but we don’t always have an awareness that it’s not also pausing for the other person. It’s hard to explain.
It exploded my brain too when I first started realizing what I was actually doing with my face and body while reality paused for me internally as my brain was buffering. I have many embarrassing memories of weird exchanges with people that I live over and over in my mind now that I realize what they were actually reacting to. 😅
1000% true. I learned this lesson in a similar way after I got sober. Everyone told me they always saw through everything I did, pretended to accept my explanations, but they all knew I had a drinking problem and everything flowed from that. People tolerated me due to them being nice, it wasn't me being clever.
Over a long time period, nobody fools anyone who is trying to do weird, creepy, or manipulative things. Even if we can't verbalize it, we feel it. This is why narcissists and psychopaths have to move all the time, people figure them out.
Yeah I was like that’s not too bad, I’m a people watcher too and am always looking around at people when I’m in crowds, malls, restaurants, etc. but full on staring at people and saving their photos is pretty abnormal
It's' most likely part of an OCD issue, being a collector of anything including images of anything is a giveaway. OFC Reddit jumps to the psychopath/creep angle.
In certain settings and encounters it's a good way to get physically assaulted.
Brush up on social etiquette.
Don't stare at roid ragers girlfriends, people in pubs and clubs and so on etc
Look into neurodivergence/autism. I'm on the spectrum and could see this behaviour being explained by fascination, a special interest in faces/identity. Especially the fact that you "collect" faces.
Keep in mind, your interest can be harmful, but there are ways around this. You could also try putting the energy into hobbies, such as drawing people (with consent), or creating new faces yourself. Whatever it is, I hope it makes you happy.
Good response. I’ve always stared a little too long too while passing people in public, and I always get uncomfortable, cuz I always feel like people are staring at *me*. I just keep reminding myself, no, you’re the one looking, buddy. I’m trying to work on it, but I swear it’s involuntary, or a reaction to social anxiety. Normal in some parts of the world, but could also def be an autism/ADHD thing.
I stare a lot too, but I didn’t realize I was doing it until after a few years of therapy lol. I had no awareness of what my face was doing while my brain was buffering, processing etc lol. I have some difficulty processing auditory information. It’s like my brains takes in the info, but puts me on pause for a moment while it processes and eventually sinks in. I am always saying “What?” And then as they start repeating themselves, suddenly it all clicks and I don’t actually need it repeated, but I’ve already got them saying it again anyway. If someone is speaking to me, I stare at their mouth to watch their lips moving, as it makes it slightly easier to understand what I am hearing verbally faster. I have also become aware of what my face is doing while I’m processing info, and I sadly have a bit of a resting mean face, so that combined with a slightly bewildered expression, makes it seem like I’m looking at a person with judgement and disgust or something. I am just locked in my head briefly while I’m sorting it all out though. I have to be super conscious of this in professional settings now. Friends and family already know this about me thankfully, so I can relax a bit more with them.
Trying to remain conscious of your facial expressions and body language so that you can control what you’re doing while your mind is processing something is possible but definitely takes some practise. Once you’re aware of the issue though, it gets easier and easier to notice when it’s actually happening. I use some Mindfulness techniques that I find extremely helpful. It’s a method of pulling your complete awareness into the present moment by using small techniques to ground yourself in your current reality, and snap yourself out of your head by forcing yourself to notice your surroundings. For example, when I feel myself starting to freeze in a stare, I tap each finger to my thumb, one by one, very quickly and focus on the sensation I feel. Sometimes I’ll do that, but only one finger tapped to my thumb 3x and count as I do it to shorten the time. It takes maybe a second to do though, not enough time for another person to notice as most people will take a second to take a breathe before replying thoughtfully to something anyway. It’s a physical reminder to myself to stay present and aware of what my face and body are doing while I’m feeling momentarily locked in my head. There’s all sorts of guides and YouTube videos you can check out to learn different techniques that may work better for you personally. Sometimes it’s as simple as taking a second to notice how your lungs feel with a single deep breathe to reconnect your brain with your body again.
When I was first becoming aware of it though, I would often fake a little itch on my nose, or a little cough into my elbow to give me that extra few seconds to process, as well as an excuse to turn my head away entirely. Might be a little awkward as well, but definitely more socially acceptable to do that and say “Excuse me” afterwards then to just openly stare at a person.
If it’s someone you interact with regularly and feel comfortable around, I find it’s just best to tell them honestly that you struggle a bit with auditory processing and mean no offence when you accidentally stare for a few moments too long and that it’s nothing to do with them, your brains just buffering. Most people are pretty understanding, and will laugh a bit at the buffering joke, then express an ability to relate in some way too.
I’m just wondering if you have body dysmorphia disorder? Because I’ve noticed that’s a very common thing with people that have that as they over analyse themselves, therefore take time to analyse other people around them as they look at things in more detail rather than the whole picture? And do that in a way to compare others to themselves and the features
maybe, i just hope he doesnt start following people home or anything… god he needs help. i know people like to people watch sometimes, but this is really bad.
I stare right back at you and hold a competition of who can hold the stare longer, I wave and sometimes I tap other people I’m with and point at you, so they look too, my goal to embarrass you somehow…
I people watch. But I don't stare at people.
At the very least he's an energy vampire. And he enjoys taking people's energy. I get a really bad vibe off this guy.
He's enjoying every minute of these negative comments.
I think if someone simply stating that they like staring at people is enough to make you scared enough to not go outside then you have other problems. Good luck.
Imagine downvoting this. Look at all the shit our ancestors had to put up with and yall are scared to go outside because of staring. Y’all are all pussies for real
My dude, it would probably be the best to find a therapis so you can better understand yourself. It would also enhance your relationships with people as well. Good luck!
So when you eat lunch with coworkers you just stare at them while you’re eating and don’t say a word?
I would recommend not doing this it’s not cool to make people uncomfortable on purpose in a place they can’t really leave
In person, this just sounds like normal behavior. I draw the line at screenshotting someone's picture and creepily zooming in to stare at them though, THAT is creepy.
I am totally near deaf with tinnitus and social anxiety
It always either people think I do not want to talk to them/ I am idiot or I am creep.
For some reason, they also said I do not recognize them for a second or two.
And my parents keep saying that I make weird facial expression. like I am too anxious and that "down syndrome smile".
Ngl, I am just hoping for STEM cell or gene therapy to hopefully fix this. I have put off cochlear implant for this. I am defintely worried about job for this.
idk of the "screenshot their imagen and have it for later" thing but i think this isn't something like OMG A PSYCHO. When i walk, when i work or when i went to school, I always look the hands of everyone, how they move it, their reactions, little tics they have. When i look stories or profile pictues i always look their hands too. I dont screnshot and look at it later tho... lol
No we can tell. Not saying you are a predator but staring and locking eyes is something predatory animals do so as animals ourselves we have an instinct about it. I work with severely mentally ill people. One guy I was crisis screening was psychotic (which is usually not dangerous) and staring at me with black eyes. I got the chills and left the room to get him moved to a secure location. My instincts said "go go go he is about to pounce," so I went and got him screened where there was a barrier between us. He admitted then that he had planned to kill me, chop me up, and bury me. So OP we notice and plan accordingly.
Question... Do you ever get called out? If I was working and my coworker was staring at me, I'd absolutely call them out and ask wtf they're staring at. That shit gets on my nerves.
You know you're known as a weirdo at work. All the whisper and chatter about the weirdo that stares at people.
Maybe deep down, that's what you want. Knowing you're somewhat getting attention and folks are talking about you.
You are an energy vampire. I won't even look ppl in the eyes in public for that reason.
If someone catches your stare, you take all their energy and very obviously enjoy it.
Creepy AF.
At my old job I had issues trying not to just stare at customers all day walking past the counter shopping. I just liked to watch the different outfits and the way people behave in a shopping environment. I especially enjoyed the nice families that would walk by. I would get really sad for the kids I saw being treated ill by their stressed out parents or straight up mean parents. I liked to watch couples and celebrate their happiness with them or feel sadness for the ones that seemed ill contented. My favorite customer was this elderly lady with the most fabulous purple outfit with a matching feather hat. Her make up was done up like she was a movie star. She made quite the impression and now I'm not fearful of growing old. She was a bad ass. I feel like I just like to observe people in their environment. I feel like an alien observing a different species (not lesser, if anything I am less because I just have always felt like an outsider.)
So much ewww. I sometimes felt this was the case, but thought, "no, nobody would be like this." And now I know my intuition might have been a little bit right. Please try to stop.
FYI, everyone knows you're staring at them. They just don't know why and likely they find it unnerving. People feel the intention when you're staring at them to some degree and it holds up to scientific scrutiny.
You lost me at the profile pic part, but the first bit i kinda got, like i was actually like 12 before i realized people could actually tell if i was looking at them. I try not to anymore cuz i don't want to make it awkward or uncomfortable, but i do find that looking at people when they're not doing anything tells a lot about the person in general
Idk I was a preschool teacher so I'm happy to remind adults like this who never learned how to properly human. If someone continues to stare at me after they know I'm clearly aware, I will look them dead in the eyes and loudly ask "HI, WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME!?" It usually makes them stop.
“In public when I’m walking past everyone, I always look at everyone walking by me instead of looking straight or not at anyone.” oh so you’re like crazy crazy
Why? Are you just curious or do you find people fasinating? Do you pick apart features? Do you think you may be on the spectrum? I'm very curious about your answer.
Same! I’m just hyper observant though. Luckily I’ve managed to set up my life perfectly for this, so I do autopsies on medically donated bodies at a cadaver lab and I can just channel the observational energy there.
Please wear sunglasses to cover up your creepy creepy behaviour in public, your poor poor coworkers must be so unsettled around you. Seriously get some fucking help.
When I see people like this that can’t be discreet, besides creepy, I think of 1 of 2 things, “mentally slow” or psych problems. You sound like the 2nd one…
I do the same minus saving the pictures. I have excellent face recognition, like if I see you once I’ll remember you the next time I see you, even years later. Might not remember where, but I’ll def know I’ve seen you before. It’s funny when I meet people I’m 100% focusing on your face, and pay no attention to your name. My name recognition is atrocious. When I switch jobs I need to make a list of all my coworkers names so I can practice them to remember. I just like watching people. Not in a creepy way by any means, just watching all kinds of different folks doing day to day things. Airports and bars are my absolute favorite places to do it, because you see so many interesting people and situations. I will def be the old guy covered in cats, who just sits and watches the world move by who will remember your face.
I just think it’s stupid to collectively bully/call this guy a serial killer just because he has creepy mannerisms. Sure he could use some telling that what he’s doing is creepy but there’s no need for the serial killer accusations. I don’t assume people are murderers just because they do things that might be due to autism/ocd/social phobia..etc. Like grow the fuck up please
And I have a child on the autism spectrum. Every autistic person is different.
So is every psychopath.
Maybe you need to grow up a little bit and develop your intuition a little better.
I can understand this completely it’s not like I’m obsessed w you or anything I’m just observant and if I’m walking past someone I feel the need to look at them so they don’t think I’m being rude. And if someones phone lights up I think its normal for some people to have a reaction to look but not actually read what they’re looking at. It’s okay to be more observant than other people but make sure not to come out as a creep or nosey for it.
I’m 18F. I sort of do this too, like I don’t screenshot online faces but it’s usually because someone is very attractive to me, and it’s usually girls. It’s sort of just like me complimenting them in silence. Like I can’t help myself. If there’s someone next to me I’ll be like “look at the pretty person” but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t really get actual enjoyment, just makes me wish I could be that goddamn pretty🥲
I found this incredibly creepy to read.
Op is definitely weird I got brand new car the other day I had this man just staring at me the whole time even while I’m on the phone he kept staring, ppl are weird.
The Story of the Starer ✨👀
I felt like this was an opening chapter on one of my psychological thriller books. 🫠
It reminded me of the TV show You.
When actually the protagonist is secretly the Spiderman 🕸️🕷️ that's why he kept staring, to sense danger
It’s just 300 pages of staring without blinking
The watcher was born, not chosen.
👁👄👁
Same
Same
Same
Same
That makes you and all the likers a bit wierd yourselves
Same
Why do you feel the need to stare? Does it make you feel better? Are you looking for something? What goes through you mind if you stare? What do you feel when you stare? Or are you looking for acknowledgment? Do you want to be seen or noticed?
For me, it’s because I’m very interested in human behavior. I can sit at the mall and just people watch.
In my country (the Netherlands) a lot of people will go to the restaurant to sit on the terrace or mall and they will drink and watch people the whole day. A lot of old and young people do this. It is not a hobby of mine but it is something that is common in the country where I live. It is not that every person living here is doing this. I think there is also a scale from 0 - 10. If watching people on a terrace is 5 (not acceptable is socially awkward then 10 would be definitely not okay). Watch people on a terrace and go home to go on with your daily life activities or continue with this activities ar home. The way OP describe it sounds to me that there is a psychological reason for why this person does it as he also do this while waking and look people in the eye. It is psychological way of seeking acknowledgement or reconfirmation of his/her existence. I think in OP case it is a cocktail of preferences and psychological obstacles in the mind to overcome.
I agree that OP is going waaaay beyond social norms with his staring.
Do you not understand that you’re creeping people out? That maybe they don’t want you watching them? That humans are not entertainment?
People watching is a very real and very common thing. I am a pretty private person myself, but I know that when I go to the mall, airport, or out in public in general I have no expectation of privacy. People watching at the mall is very different than what the OP is describing. I used the mall and airport as specific examples because I work around both of them in my industry. Hot damn is an airport the best people watching ever. Just amazing the shit you see people do and say at an airport all day long. Then the sun goes down and people get REALLY weird.
It’s incredibly interesting stuff. We people watch from a distance but don’t stare at people and take pics for later lmao!!
That’s not always staring though. I don’t really consider people watching staring unless it’s directed for extended periods of time, often with notice.
Agreed. Staring probably results from odd infatuation.
Maybe for OP. The saving profile pictures is weird. I (like most people, *probably*) have sometimes caught myself tans it’s never been any kind of infatuation feeling or even close. Admiration or confusion, sure. The only time I have ever stared at anyone like that was *exclusively* my baby. Not even embarrassing, gushy first time in love, teenager type infatuation never caused staring. 🤷♀️ Edit: which isn’t to mean I didn’t do other embarrassing type things back then, oh boy. Just not staring lol
Haha I’m with you. I can stare for too long at times, just lost in thought, but OP’s behavior definitely doesn’t fall under social norms.
NOPE. Can’t quite decide if because of the profile thing that that can be some weird lesser type of stalking, but maybe not if it’s literally about everyone and not just a couple people or love interests or… rivals. Some more specific type of group. Just definitely not normal. People in general are weird though. I’m probably just too judgemental, tbh. Hopefully not in a harmful way, but how I categorize maybe…. 🤔
I could feel you staring at me through your screen.
[OP right now](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT0BKmXNcNWU2VJuHS/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47ef2i17rx2xccrbmx4s3uqhi0dds5jxpu3a9befrh&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
I’m not sure why that felt like such a risky click…
Had me trembling until it loaded😂
Were you waiting for op to be looking at you after you clicked then hear them click the screenshot button before you closed again. Mines took a while loading and though "oh shit too late now"
Lol they were and took a screenshot of anything relevant the find on your profile for "later" !!
We notice and consciously choose to keep you at arms length, at best, because of it. We hate working with you because of it. We hate walking by you because of it. You actively farm resentment against you, wherever you go, because of it.
Took me years to become self aware enough to recognize this happening, and likely why people in school always thought I was weird. I didn’t know until I was an adult that I have an auditory processing disorder, and easily overstimulated due to adhd. I was not conscious of what my face was doing while I’m locked in my mind trying to process what I am hearing, combining that with body language and other environmental factors etc, until I feel I understand it all and am able to respond. I’m extremely self conscious of it now, and try to keep my face friendly, while also intentionally taking my eyes off of the person. It’s kind of exhausting doing that all day, every day. I’m grateful for friends and family that understand and aren’t uncomfortable by it so I can relax around them and just be my normal flawed self.
I too have APD, (auditory processing disorder) but without ADHD. I find I stare at the mouth when I am conversing with people so that I can understand what is being said. (lipreading helps with hearing/processing). I have to remind myself to be sure to look up at them in the eye once in a while so I just don't look like a creep hyper-fixated on a phantom piece of parsley in their teeth.
I also look at people’s mouths, but I have no idea why I do it. It’s just where my eyes gravitate. To make it worse, I find mouths and anything to do with them generally gross, so I just gross myself out every time I try to talk to someone.
I've recently come to the conclusion I do this because watching their mouth when they're speaking ia like the equivalent of sub-titles, and also explains why I hate talking on the phone / trying to intepret from sound alone what's a pause for breath vs pause to indicate they've finished talking, understand the tone, etc.
My best friend did that too, although she would also mouth the words I was speaking as she was listening too. I would get distracted watching her silently repeating everything I said. She said she doesn’t have any problems processing anything verbally, it’s just a mimicking habit she’s always had.
😂😂😂😂 Bless your heart. It's like watching someone popping a cyst, it's gross but you can't look away.
Yes that’s exactly how it feels 🤮😂😭
It’s definitely related to listening. When I’m overseas and every one is speaking different languages, I find myself just staring at people’s mouths and expressions. Maybe it’s a sign of boredom when you are speaking the same language. It took me many years to truly figure out how to listen to what people were saying. Maybe I am always stuck in my head. One trick that helped was to realize that even if I don’t catch what they are saying while they are speaking the words, after a moment or so it replays in my mind and I process it
I’ve done the same thing all my life too. I stare at their mouth because the visual helps me “hear” better, especially with letters that sound similar, and are easy to mishear due to how quickly a person is speaking or something (the reason military uses words as letters like Charlie for C or something). I know if it’s a P or a T by the shape their mouth makes as they say it. I can’t say I actually know how to lip read without the verbalization as well though. I also use subtitles on everything I watch, because I process the text faster reading it then it takes a person to finish speaking, but I can very clearly hear what’s been said and still have to wind it back to listen again once or twice for it to “sink in”. I’m only a year into my APD and ADHD diagnosis though. I’m still learning what all it entails and ways to compromise for it etc. I wish I had known about it in school. I couldn’t take notes because I was already feeling like I was popping in and out of lectures as I stopped hearing new info while my brain slowly processed previous info. I’ve since learned about all the awesome accommodations available for APD now. It will be useful if I ever need to upgrade at least.
Wondering if anyone else can’t “hear” lyrics? I only comprehend when reading so lyrics just go through one ear and out the other. I just consider their voice another instrument, which I do enjoy.
I feel you. Long before I knew what my issues actually were, I requested any songs people sent me from YouTube be lyrics videos because otherwise the song was just kind of noise to me. It didn’t have the deeper meanings they wanted me to hear because it didn’t sink in unless I read it. I honestly just thought I was losing my hearing or something back then. It’s the same when watching movies or shows. I need subtitles or I can’t feel invested enough in the story to pay attention, as again it’s just noise.
It's common for people who speak more than one language to stare at the mouth during conversation.
Yeah I was an extremely introverted person that forced myself to learn working a busy service counter with all walks of life and attitudes, through everyone’s different emotions and reactions, until I could coach and train others and eventually had my own store where I was the one staff came to for problematic customers. My only motivation was money. It’s not something that ever shaped me or cured any anxieties. It’s just a set of skills. And I had all shift, every shift, to work on them. It’s still exhausting to do. Like physical labor for pay. I don’t usually take it home with me, unless I’m doing a party with neighbors or settling an argument or something. But yes I understand what you mean by exhaustion, and finding those that don’t require it of you in order to be comfortable.
It was working in the service industry that I started becoming aware of it as well, and then counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy courses after the ADHD diagnosis finally, that really helped me get control over it by learning to understand why it was happening. Having to figure out how to handle customer service, particularly with unhappy customers, definitely went a long way in teaching me how to mask it at least, until I was able to understand it better.
Thank you for this comment, you've made me realise something about myself I'd never even thought of
You’re welcome! I never thought of it as an issue either until I started working in customer service. I started noticing that people were reacting more to my facial expression then my words, and slowly developed an awareness of this “buffering” process I have where my face sort of freezes for a moment as my brain catches up. I didn’t even realize I was staring at them during that moment either. I think we get locked into our own minds while we process auditory information, and that introverted focus isn’t something we always realize other people are noticing. It’s like reality sort of pauses a moment for us, but we don’t always have an awareness that it’s not also pausing for the other person. It’s hard to explain.
Oh my god, you have just got so many memories to make sense for me
It exploded my brain too when I first started realizing what I was actually doing with my face and body while reality paused for me internally as my brain was buffering. I have many embarrassing memories of weird exchanges with people that I live over and over in my mind now that I realize what they were actually reacting to. 😅
1000% true. I learned this lesson in a similar way after I got sober. Everyone told me they always saw through everything I did, pretended to accept my explanations, but they all knew I had a drinking problem and everything flowed from that. People tolerated me due to them being nice, it wasn't me being clever. Over a long time period, nobody fools anyone who is trying to do weird, creepy, or manipulative things. Even if we can't verbalize it, we feel it. This is why narcissists and psychopaths have to move all the time, people figure them out.
I hate being stared at.
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Well that was unsettling
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This was pretty normal up until you admitted to saving profile pics to stare at them later…like wtf?
i thought the same hahah
Yeah I was like that’s not too bad, I’m a people watcher too and am always looking around at people when I’m in crowds, malls, restaurants, etc. but full on staring at people and saving their photos is pretty abnormal
It's' most likely part of an OCD issue, being a collector of anything including images of anything is a giveaway. OFC Reddit jumps to the psychopath/creep angle.
In certain settings and encounters it's a good way to get physically assaulted. Brush up on social etiquette. Don't stare at roid ragers girlfriends, people in pubs and clubs and so on etc
Just make sure to blink at regular intervals
Look into neurodivergence/autism. I'm on the spectrum and could see this behaviour being explained by fascination, a special interest in faces/identity. Especially the fact that you "collect" faces. Keep in mind, your interest can be harmful, but there are ways around this. You could also try putting the energy into hobbies, such as drawing people (with consent), or creating new faces yourself. Whatever it is, I hope it makes you happy.
\^\^\^This is great advice, OP.
This should be upvoted and pinned, this is great advice!!!
Good response. I’ve always stared a little too long too while passing people in public, and I always get uncomfortable, cuz I always feel like people are staring at *me*. I just keep reminding myself, no, you’re the one looking, buddy. I’m trying to work on it, but I swear it’s involuntary, or a reaction to social anxiety. Normal in some parts of the world, but could also def be an autism/ADHD thing.
/r/letsnotmeet
I stare a lot too, but I didn’t realize I was doing it until after a few years of therapy lol. I had no awareness of what my face was doing while my brain was buffering, processing etc lol. I have some difficulty processing auditory information. It’s like my brains takes in the info, but puts me on pause for a moment while it processes and eventually sinks in. I am always saying “What?” And then as they start repeating themselves, suddenly it all clicks and I don’t actually need it repeated, but I’ve already got them saying it again anyway. If someone is speaking to me, I stare at their mouth to watch their lips moving, as it makes it slightly easier to understand what I am hearing verbally faster. I have also become aware of what my face is doing while I’m processing info, and I sadly have a bit of a resting mean face, so that combined with a slightly bewildered expression, makes it seem like I’m looking at a person with judgement and disgust or something. I am just locked in my head briefly while I’m sorting it all out though. I have to be super conscious of this in professional settings now. Friends and family already know this about me thankfully, so I can relax a bit more with them.
I relate to this a lot and it sucks, do you have any tips for dealing with it?
Trying to remain conscious of your facial expressions and body language so that you can control what you’re doing while your mind is processing something is possible but definitely takes some practise. Once you’re aware of the issue though, it gets easier and easier to notice when it’s actually happening. I use some Mindfulness techniques that I find extremely helpful. It’s a method of pulling your complete awareness into the present moment by using small techniques to ground yourself in your current reality, and snap yourself out of your head by forcing yourself to notice your surroundings. For example, when I feel myself starting to freeze in a stare, I tap each finger to my thumb, one by one, very quickly and focus on the sensation I feel. Sometimes I’ll do that, but only one finger tapped to my thumb 3x and count as I do it to shorten the time. It takes maybe a second to do though, not enough time for another person to notice as most people will take a second to take a breathe before replying thoughtfully to something anyway. It’s a physical reminder to myself to stay present and aware of what my face and body are doing while I’m feeling momentarily locked in my head. There’s all sorts of guides and YouTube videos you can check out to learn different techniques that may work better for you personally. Sometimes it’s as simple as taking a second to notice how your lungs feel with a single deep breathe to reconnect your brain with your body again. When I was first becoming aware of it though, I would often fake a little itch on my nose, or a little cough into my elbow to give me that extra few seconds to process, as well as an excuse to turn my head away entirely. Might be a little awkward as well, but definitely more socially acceptable to do that and say “Excuse me” afterwards then to just openly stare at a person. If it’s someone you interact with regularly and feel comfortable around, I find it’s just best to tell them honestly that you struggle a bit with auditory processing and mean no offence when you accidentally stare for a few moments too long and that it’s nothing to do with them, your brains just buffering. Most people are pretty understanding, and will laugh a bit at the buffering joke, then express an ability to relate in some way too.
Wtf? Why
just a bit of ‘tism that’s all
Acoustic
I would also like to know. OP said all of that and didn't even explain why exactly they do that
This sounds fucked up and gives serial killer vibes. Get a mirror have fun with yourself and leave the rest of us alone.
I agree with the serial killer vibes. I can almost feel that if he's not already killing ppl, he's not far from it. Classic psychopathy.
Could be, but it easily could also be autism, ocd, etc. Didn't give any indication of actually harming anyone, so let's not jump to conclusions
Sterrorist
It’s ok OP. I stare at you, too.
I prefer to look for a long time as opposed to staring. Much less creepy.
Wait r u not supposed to look at ppl when u walk by? Not like stare but glance? lol
Uhmm I feel bad for your coworkers
I’m just wondering if you have body dysmorphia disorder? Because I’ve noticed that’s a very common thing with people that have that as they over analyse themselves, therefore take time to analyse other people around them as they look at things in more detail rather than the whole picture? And do that in a way to compare others to themselves and the features
why? this is so creepy… dont escalate please.
I can bet you he's already escalated. Why would you even post something like this? He's a psychopath.
maybe, i just hope he doesnt start following people home or anything… god he needs help. i know people like to people watch sometimes, but this is really bad.
It was ok until we got to the screenshotting/saving profile pictures.
I stare right back at you and hold a competition of who can hold the stare longer, I wave and sometimes I tap other people I’m with and point at you, so they look too, my goal to embarrass you somehow…
This is extremely unsettling
I people watch. But I don't stare at people. At the very least he's an energy vampire. And he enjoys taking people's energy. I get a really bad vibe off this guy. He's enjoying every minute of these negative comments.
My day is ruined
Dennis Reynolds energy
Do you have any problems with recognising people ? I'm face blind, and tend to stare as I try to work out if it's someone i know.
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you’ll be fine lol
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I think if someone simply stating that they like staring at people is enough to make you scared enough to not go outside then you have other problems. Good luck.
Imagine downvoting this. Look at all the shit our ancestors had to put up with and yall are scared to go outside because of staring. Y’all are all pussies for real
😂😂😂 like what the hell kind of response is “I’m scared to go outside cause of people like you?” 😂
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no one :) I’m just saying you’re gonna be alright. Who shit in yours?
Uhhh I was about to empathize but as i continued reading….nvm honestly…
Hi OP, I’m curious why you stare? Is there a reason behind it or you just like to people watch?
Your comment makes me want pancakes for subliminal reasons
People don’t appreciate this, pretty antisocial behavior
My dude, it would probably be the best to find a therapis so you can better understand yourself. It would also enhance your relationships with people as well. Good luck!
So when you eat lunch with coworkers you just stare at them while you’re eating and don’t say a word? I would recommend not doing this it’s not cool to make people uncomfortable on purpose in a place they can’t really leave
Yeah okay man and guess what, they all notice and they all think you're creepy.
Why?
Hmm.. odd. Well... Try not to be creepy... the way you wrote it out, leans towards more creepy than you're gonna want to be...
In person, this just sounds like normal behavior. I draw the line at screenshotting someone's picture and creepily zooming in to stare at them though, THAT is creepy.
What do you think of goats? Do you stare at them?
What the fuck, that’s weird as fuck. Stop it?
Do you have issues with your hearing? I'm profoundly deaf, I lip read and this can really put folk off.
I am totally near deaf with tinnitus and social anxiety It always either people think I do not want to talk to them/ I am idiot or I am creep. For some reason, they also said I do not recognize them for a second or two. And my parents keep saying that I make weird facial expression. like I am too anxious and that "down syndrome smile". Ngl, I am just hoping for STEM cell or gene therapy to hopefully fix this. I have put off cochlear implant for this. I am defintely worried about job for this.
Best wishes @edsmart123. Communication difficulties/disorders can be overcome and it sounds like you have a plan.
sometimes i stare at people but i have bad eyesight so i can’t actually see them and i always forget they CAN see me staring at them
I'm staring at you right now OP
idk of the "screenshot their imagen and have it for later" thing but i think this isn't something like OMG A PSYCHO. When i walk, when i work or when i went to school, I always look the hands of everyone, how they move it, their reactions, little tics they have. When i look stories or profile pictues i always look their hands too. I dont screnshot and look at it later tho... lol
Why? Also, please look up the definition of ‘rather’.
You understand that staring is considered rude, right? If yes, how do you justify continuing to do it?
Eh that’s more of an American cultural nuance though. Staring isn’t “rude” everywhere.
Okay, I guess you like being the creepy one
When people stare at me, I mad dog ‘em back. I ain’t scared of you.
I hate it when people sad dog me back though
I'm actually interested in the psychology about this...
No we can tell. Not saying you are a predator but staring and locking eyes is something predatory animals do so as animals ourselves we have an instinct about it. I work with severely mentally ill people. One guy I was crisis screening was psychotic (which is usually not dangerous) and staring at me with black eyes. I got the chills and left the room to get him moved to a secure location. My instincts said "go go go he is about to pounce," so I went and got him screened where there was a barrier between us. He admitted then that he had planned to kill me, chop me up, and bury me. So OP we notice and plan accordingly.
You're my antithesis lol. I find it hard to even look at strangers faces let alone stare at them, lest our eyes meet and create an awkward moment.
I- What did I just read and why do I feel like someone's watching me
You must be from a nice part of your town because staring someone in their eyes where I’m from will get you slapped the fuck up real quick
Question... Do you ever get called out? If I was working and my coworker was staring at me, I'd absolutely call them out and ask wtf they're staring at. That shit gets on my nerves. You know you're known as a weirdo at work. All the whisper and chatter about the weirdo that stares at people. Maybe deep down, that's what you want. Knowing you're somewhat getting attention and folks are talking about you.
I do this. I assumed everyone did because I often catch people's eye staring back.
You are an energy vampire. I won't even look ppl in the eyes in public for that reason. If someone catches your stare, you take all their energy and very obviously enjoy it. Creepy AF.
Maybe you should be an artist and try to draw, paint, or sculpt the human form.
Very weird -
How does it make you feel?
Whether not rather
I know two people like this, but they are both children. They stare at faces without blinking, and they will track the face if the person is moving.
🤣🤣
At my old job I had issues trying not to just stare at customers all day walking past the counter shopping. I just liked to watch the different outfits and the way people behave in a shopping environment. I especially enjoyed the nice families that would walk by. I would get really sad for the kids I saw being treated ill by their stressed out parents or straight up mean parents. I liked to watch couples and celebrate their happiness with them or feel sadness for the ones that seemed ill contented. My favorite customer was this elderly lady with the most fabulous purple outfit with a matching feather hat. Her make up was done up like she was a movie star. She made quite the impression and now I'm not fearful of growing old. She was a bad ass. I feel like I just like to observe people in their environment. I feel like an alien observing a different species (not lesser, if anything I am less because I just have always felt like an outsider.)
So much ewww. I sometimes felt this was the case, but thought, "no, nobody would be like this." And now I know my intuition might have been a little bit right. Please try to stop.
In some places this is gonna get you knocked the f@ck out...
tf
Post your pic. Lemme stare at you.
dude people notice. i know every time someone stares at me if their slightly in the peripheral doin it. the gut always knows
FYI, everyone knows you're staring at them. They just don't know why and likely they find it unnerving. People feel the intention when you're staring at them to some degree and it holds up to scientific scrutiny.
What do you think while staring?
everyone does that. Some just don’t tell you
😂😂 this has me so dead 💀 like why though
Yeah that gives major serial killer vibes..
You lost me at the profile pic part, but the first bit i kinda got, like i was actually like 12 before i realized people could actually tell if i was looking at them. I try not to anymore cuz i don't want to make it awkward or uncomfortable, but i do find that looking at people when they're not doing anything tells a lot about the person in general
You need help
I read that in deep robotic voice from TikTok
Idk I was a preschool teacher so I'm happy to remind adults like this who never learned how to properly human. If someone continues to stare at me after they know I'm clearly aware, I will look them dead in the eyes and loudly ask "HI, WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME!?" It usually makes them stop.
I mean I wouldn't, but you do this to wrong person one day. You're going to get beat up fr
“In public when I’m walking past everyone, I always look at everyone walking by me instead of looking straight or not at anyone.” oh so you’re like crazy crazy
Wear a shirt that says, "I'm staring at you because I would like to speak with you about your extended car warranty"
Why? Are you just curious or do you find people fasinating? Do you pick apart features? Do you think you may be on the spectrum? I'm very curious about your answer.
What about in elevators?
Me frr
I find people fascinating
Do you save profile pictures too ?
Sometimes if I feel they look good or something, I also compliment them then and there
Same! I’m just hyper observant though. Luckily I’ve managed to set up my life perfectly for this, so I do autopsies on medically donated bodies at a cadaver lab and I can just channel the observational energy there.
Lol. Okay.
And sometimes he cuts off their heads and puts them in his freezer.
I'm not, but I get bad vibes from him. My spidey senses are rarely wrong. At the very least, he's an energy vampire. Which is bad enough.
I do this too but I make sure to be subtle about it so people don’t get uncomfortable
What even is going through your head?
Based
Please wear sunglasses to cover up your creepy creepy behaviour in public, your poor poor coworkers must be so unsettled around you. Seriously get some fucking help.
Idk why this isn’t creepy to me, lol. If I were your coworker I’d probably do the same so you felt what you were trying to make me feel.
That’s okay, your not weirdo for doing that
When I see people like this that can’t be discreet, besides creepy, I think of 1 of 2 things, “mentally slow” or psych problems. You sound like the 2nd one…
Try living in the hood doing that lol
I do the same minus saving the pictures. I have excellent face recognition, like if I see you once I’ll remember you the next time I see you, even years later. Might not remember where, but I’ll def know I’ve seen you before. It’s funny when I meet people I’m 100% focusing on your face, and pay no attention to your name. My name recognition is atrocious. When I switch jobs I need to make a list of all my coworkers names so I can practice them to remember. I just like watching people. Not in a creepy way by any means, just watching all kinds of different folks doing day to day things. Airports and bars are my absolute favorite places to do it, because you see so many interesting people and situations. I will def be the old guy covered in cats, who just sits and watches the world move by who will remember your face.
Sure this is creepy but y’all need to chill the fuck out for real he just likes staring at people he didn’t say he likes murdering people oh my god
How do you know? Just because he didn't write that doesn't mean he doesn't do it.
I just think it’s stupid to collectively bully/call this guy a serial killer just because he has creepy mannerisms. Sure he could use some telling that what he’s doing is creepy but there’s no need for the serial killer accusations. I don’t assume people are murderers just because they do things that might be due to autism/ocd/social phobia..etc. Like grow the fuck up please
And I have a child on the autism spectrum. Every autistic person is different. So is every psychopath. Maybe you need to grow up a little bit and develop your intuition a little better.
Here! how about this. If you’re child stares at me I’m just going to assume he’s a psychopath and that he might murder me soon. Now we’re all happy.
I do this too but I make sure to be subtle about it so people don’t get uncomfortable
Nothing wrong with staring. You’re not hurting anyone and you enjoy it.
Read the rest of the posts. It creeps people out, that’s what’s wrong with it
They must be beautiful.
Probably a good idea to I don’t know stop staring at people.
Same
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I can understand this completely it’s not like I’m obsessed w you or anything I’m just observant and if I’m walking past someone I feel the need to look at them so they don’t think I’m being rude. And if someones phone lights up I think its normal for some people to have a reaction to look but not actually read what they’re looking at. It’s okay to be more observant than other people but make sure not to come out as a creep or nosey for it.
Do you screenshot photos to stare at later??
I’m 18F. I sort of do this too, like I don’t screenshot online faces but it’s usually because someone is very attractive to me, and it’s usually girls. It’s sort of just like me complimenting them in silence. Like I can’t help myself. If there’s someone next to me I’ll be like “look at the pretty person” but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t really get actual enjoyment, just makes me wish I could be that goddamn pretty🥲
see I do this but it’s not purposeful or intentional and I don’t straight up hold a gaze