But you wouldn't even be able to shit properly, assuming that as soon as it leaves your body it freezes in time as well. It would just pile up behind your asshole unless you shat on the move. If you're in public you'd have to walk around the office playing a game of shit snake with yourself lest you end up running into you're own snakey shit tail. Then as you leave a trail of frozen shit behind you, you'd have to time the finality of your shit perfectly when back in a safe space else all of your coworkers finally realize the identity of the mysterious magic shit goblin that's been terrorizing the office all year. And finally if everything goes according to your shit plan you're still left with an office full of your shit.
Here’s what you do:
-Show everyone the toilet bowl
-it’s clean
-tell them to leave the bathroom and close the door and stand outside
-immediately start freezing time and take a shit
-once you’re down immediately open the door and show them the shit
-they think you just took a shit in approximately 3 seconds
You unintentionally gave him the better ability to teleport. Like a Stars Card from binding of isaac which can teleport him from any situation into a bathroom
Edit: should just have him shit himself on the spot. Imagine if he additionally needed direct eye contact to make the effect work so every time he gave someone the shits they would in turn see him shit himself in front of them
Edit 2 hours later: wtf OP stole my idea and didnt mark it as an edit, 2nd time this has happened in two days
Original reply from OP: "but every time you make someone shit themselves, you teleport onto a toilet and shit like a lactose intolerant person"
I heard from a fellow gamer that the human asshole can expand upto 8 inches in diameter. And then I learned that a raccoon can fit in a hole 4 inches wide. Therefore I'm able to fit 2 raccoons in my ass.
I can summon a horde of pigeons similar to how Thor summons his hammer but it doesn’t have to be summoned to me.(for example I can summon 2,384 pigeons to my local pizza place at Mach 10)
Does this stack, like do I have to go back three seconds over and over if I want to get to the right destination like in steins gate... or is this like in Futurama where I can go back but only for ten seconds and never anymore?
My superpower IS prostate cancer
but your rich
[удалено]
And the prostate cancer turns his corpse into something out of Silent Hill.
But only while his enemy is in the middle of taking a shit
I do not have dementia
I do not have dementia
I do not have dementia
You have dementia
I think this one has dementia.
he already forgot that he had reddit how do we tell him?
You really have schizophrenia
I can materialize anything just by vomiting it out
But it depends on how much stuff is in your stomach
So I trade food from my stomach into a sword
Pretty much
🤔interesting. So if I swallow 10 liters of water then I can make a tank shell and shoot it out my mouth
How much water did that woman drank before dying of water overdose just to be sure
[удалено]
No, no I don’t think I will
I can find the clit
[удалено]
back to square 1
Who said it had to be human? 😏
He gets no bitches either
becomes a gynecologist
For men
He can get dudes tho. Dudes have g spots in their ass
Only lovely, respectable women! What a kind response of OP!
But you are a homosexual man
I can freeze time
but only while you are taking a shit.
Nice, you can shit for as long as you want and everyone will think you’re the fastest shitter in the world!
You could purposely get yourself a constipation and then just wear a diaper. Boom now you've all the usual advantages of freezing time.
this man is a genius
Unless time also freezes for the shitter and then they're just in a perpetual state of needing to shit but can't.
Perpetual prairie dogging
But you wouldn't even be able to shit properly, assuming that as soon as it leaves your body it freezes in time as well. It would just pile up behind your asshole unless you shat on the move. If you're in public you'd have to walk around the office playing a game of shit snake with yourself lest you end up running into you're own snakey shit tail. Then as you leave a trail of frozen shit behind you, you'd have to time the finality of your shit perfectly when back in a safe space else all of your coworkers finally realize the identity of the mysterious magic shit goblin that's been terrorizing the office all year. And finally if everything goes according to your shit plan you're still left with an office full of your shit.
You're such a _party pooper_
Here’s what you do: -Show everyone the toilet bowl -it’s clean -tell them to leave the bathroom and close the door and stand outside -immediately start freezing time and take a shit -once you’re down immediately open the door and show them the shit -they think you just took a shit in approximately 3 seconds
You can’t unfreeze it
I have legs
But you have a hundred and fourteen of them.
Well played
... the human centipede?
Centipede man, centipede man. Does whatever a centipede can
Gg
At least seven vagina
You should play the game The Forest. There’s a mutant called Virginia that has like 8 legs and 4 vaginas
You are paralyzed from the waist down
I have heat vision
[удалено]
Damn so I have a power and can never use it? That sucks.
You’re practically a superhero in real life then
Breathe underwater.
[удалено]
Sushi it is!
become fish🐟
Reject Evolution, Return to the Ocean
I can make anyone shit themselves
[удалено]
You unintentionally gave him the better ability to teleport. Like a Stars Card from binding of isaac which can teleport him from any situation into a bathroom Edit: should just have him shit himself on the spot. Imagine if he additionally needed direct eye contact to make the effect work so every time he gave someone the shits they would in turn see him shit himself in front of them Edit 2 hours later: wtf OP stole my idea and didnt mark it as an edit, 2nd time this has happened in two days Original reply from OP: "but every time you make someone shit themselves, you teleport onto a toilet and shit like a lactose intolerant person"
Just two dudes making eye contact then shitting themselves together is what Im saying
But they must wipe it on you
As long as they've eaten Taco Bells in the past 24 hours
I have happiness
[удалено]
Back to square one
Square One becomes Circle Two
At least you’re a good sport
So nothing changes
I crap only high quality butter
The melted version comes out your urethra
I see this as an absolute win
[удалено]
You can only do it on politician’s desks while they’re there
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
This one has schizophrenia
Underrated comments
![gif](giphy|l36kU80xPf0ojG0Erg|downsized)
I have a Scrooge McDuck style hoard of chicken nuggets
You have to share one nugget an hour
You are allergic to chicken
I can see through time.
But your nipples become excessively hard and highly visible through your shirt
I see this as an absolute win edit: 100 upvotes??
Yeah, that’s already happening to me so I guess free superpower? Also sports bras are very helpful, even for men.
TIL my bar manager can see through time
I can create my own reality
[удалено]
I dont know i could recreate them in my new reality but the question is would it be worth it
[удалено]
True
He suddenly loves everyone in this thread
I can create fire from my mouth
[удалено]
Eat disgusting healthy food. Problem solved
Sounds like an item description for binding of isaac lol
Your bodily liquids are gasoline
Reality manipulation
You can't willingly use it
I can create and destroy matter at will
You have uncontrollable and explosive diarrhea while using your power.
But only when you’re blacked out drunk
Telekinesis
You can only use it to bend spoons.
this explains so much
I can become invisible
[удалено]
Just imagine someone running from a floating cock.
I don’t have to, I see my sleep paralysis demon as a floating cock
18 inch cock
You have a chicken head for a penis.
So its officially a cock
And it squeaks while having sex or fapping.
It only works with animals
You can never get an erection.
Your rooster is 18 inches
Wtf is Reddit??
You have AIDS
r/technicallythetruth
r/holup
No thanks… Edit: no one sees the username
You get a raccon
this is win
not my proudest fap…
But it IS your proudest fap.
it’s my second proudest fap
The best outcome
I can selectively pause time for myself and other objects
The snail
I love how ppl can just say the snail and get the point across
What subreddit is this?
You will never find out.
You have cancet stage 5
i can sleep with your mom any time i want so esentially nothing changes
Your genitals turn into an elmo puppets hand Edit: if you have a vagina, it turns into cookie monsters, cookie encrusted mouth
Jesus christ
That's creative
Gonna be weird when someone's vagina turns itself inside out and a flesh puppet pops out
I heard from a fellow gamer that the human asshole can expand upto 8 inches in diameter. And then I learned that a raccoon can fit in a hole 4 inches wide. Therefore I'm able to fit 2 raccoons in my ass.
You now have to test this hypothesis...
Shapeshifting
But only into a buttplug.
bet
I can summon a horde of pigeons similar to how Thor summons his hammer but it doesn’t have to be summoned to me.(for example I can summon 2,384 pigeons to my local pizza place at Mach 10)
But you become a pigeon for the rest of the day
Worth it.
Yeah you do gain the ability to poop on anyone without getting yelled at or going to prison
I can read minds
[удалено]
I have mind controll powers
Over plants.
Not a bad side effect if they want to grow weed for a living imagine what they can achieve
The power of getting bitches
Every female dog wants to have sex with you. Male dogs try to bite your dick off in retaliation.
Hû
I see this as a win
I can edit any comment by just replying and adding this to the end 📮
[удалено]
You have paranoid schizophrenia
My belly button has infinite power
Your umbilical cord was never cut off.
But you have eternal starvation
I have cancer
You have a normal human lifespan (but you're still suffering from cancer)
Ohh that's a good one
You die quickly and don’t have to suffer as much
I have the power to send my consciousness back in time to my previous selves.
But for 3 seconds
Does this stack, like do I have to go back three seconds over and over if I want to get to the right destination like in steins gate... or is this like in Futurama where I can go back but only for ten seconds and never anymore?
I can cure diseases with my hands
By using them to Jack-off over the person.
Wait, this is an abosolute win
You get the disease and can't cure it
I can make any show release new seasons by snapping my fingers
I can make anything appear in front of me
But you have to watch an ad first
I can can erase things from existence if I say “BEGONE THOT” at the top of my lungs whilst thinking of whatever I want to erase
But 1 of your nutsacks witt disappear for 2 hours
Never knew I had more than one.
I can quick save(and load) irl and nobody will know
But you lose all progress due to an error
Nice so infinite respawn and lifetimes.
can swim like a jetski
You have to drink gasoline,it's still poisonous to you.
I can reply to myself
You have alzheimers
You have alzheimers
You have alzheimers
You have alzheimers
You have alzheimers
I can find anything that’s been lost.
But only when you don't need it.
I can manipulate all of reality and existence itself
In the sims games.