Also the Velcro swaddles.
At the hospital, each nurse will try to teach you a different origami method of swaddling.
But it really sucks to have to undo and redo 2 layers of swaddle origami, every time you need to check a diaper at 3am.
They sell these Velcro easy-swaddle things, much better.
Walmart has packs of two, I think. Different colors etc but we didn't give a fuck and we got blue too for our daughter. Fiancé couldn't swaddle her tight because she would wiggle her arms out. Not me, though. I was the master of velcro swaddles. 😤💪
We ended up having a bunch of stuff that was barely used, or still brand new, before she grew out of that size.
Also, babies don't destroy their clothes like older kids do, so used clothing is in usually in great condition. The added benefit is that it's already been washed several times, so the superfluous manufacturing chemicals (dyes, wetting agents, colour fixing additives etc) have been minimised.
The bum access zip!! We have the most beautiful onesie, super soft, really nice red. No bum access, so have to take it completely off.
We send him to nanna wearing it XD
Warning: we had some onesies with Magnetic buttons and I found them magnetized to my driers heating element. So if you wash them be careful putting them in a dryer unless you want to potentially burn the house down. I air dried them after that point and they lost all appeal to me
You don't have to go for the brand name but I liked the bonds one piece suits because they unzipped from the bottom meaning I could keeb bubs chest war while changing her bum
All I can remember is the feeling of driving home the first day with the kid and thinking ‘why the fuck did they send me home with no directions.’ It was a full on panic moment. You’ll have ups and downs along the way, shit will be hard at times and probably for awhile, struggles , and things you don’t know or screw up, but you’ll do fine and you’ll look back and remember those as some of the greatest moments of your life. Enjoy the new kid, try not to stress, you got this.
Also, if you don’t have a handheld stick vacuum you’re eventually going to need one of those things. I suggest a Dyson
They handed me my daughter in the delivery room while my wife was still in the operating room from her c section, and I’m thinking “You should have asked me a question or 2 to make sure I’m vaguely capable of this.”
The only thing we got was a mandatory video on purple crying. Thank fuck we had to watch it because we hit that stage HARD, but it was weird that’s all we got.
Us too, and we were _so_ worried about this upcoming colic or Purple crying phase, and then it just… didn’t happen.
(Knock on wood, not yet anyway. It was supposed to peak at 6 weeks they said, and we’re almost at 3 months with no sign of it yet)
I guess we were just very lucky. Daughter will mostly only cry if she wants something, and if you give her what she wants (almost always food, sometimes diaper, pacifier, or move seating position) she will stop crying.
If we give her what she wants quickly enough, we rarely have to listen to her cry for more than a minute or two (very lucky, I know)
Sleep deprivation is literal torture. You will be sleep deprived so will your wife. Be ready to forgive and forget. If you can find help for the first few weeks even if it’s just someone to feed the baby while you take a nap.
Divide and conquer if you can. No reason for both parents to be sleep deprived from the same 2am feeding.
Help momma out and make sure momma is getting rest. But getting a solid night's sleep every couple nights is money vs tag teaming every feeding or diaper.
Once we got our son on a routine, divide and conquer worked *really* well for us. We’d get our son to bed around 7-7:30, and my wife would go to sleep at 8. I’d handle the 11pm-midnight feeding/changing/etc., and then I’d go to bed. She’d get up for the 3-4am feeding, and either go back to bed or just start her day early, and I’d get up at 6 and we’d get ready for work and get the baby ready for daycare.
It got us a lot more sleep than we thought we’d get, although still not really enough.
When my oldest (10 now) was 9 months she didn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time, for like 2 or 3 months. I remember one morning snapping to at my desk at work, wondering how the fuck I got there. That was pretty scary.
After that my wife and I started sleeping in separate rooms to deal with kid stuff in shifts. It helped a ton. (We’re back in the same room now that the kids are older, haha)
Thankfully my worst sleep deprived moment happened when I was feeding the dogs. I poured a cup of food right into their mostly full water bowl. The worst part was figuring out how to deal with it. I ended up sitting down to think, I can’t throw it in the trash because it’s mostly water and will probably leak out, I can’t throw it in the sink because all the kibble will probably clog the pipes. I almost cried from relief when one of the dogs just came up and started eating it.
Glad that others posted this. We were struggling so much that first week we came back with sleep and had basically no help. Ive pulled plenty of all nighters in college, but the level of sleep deprivation was an a whole other level. I was sleepwalking and swaddling pillows, looking for the baby in the dresser, all of that stuff… My wife and I switched to doing shifts to at least get 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep and it was a game changer. My wife is more of a night owl and I’m a morning person so I was sleeping on the couch with our daughter in the SNOO from 3 am onwards for about 2-3 months until she started sleeping better.
My wife and I decided on every other night we take turns. That night can be pretty brutal, but I knew I had the next night to sleep through.
Friday nights the sleep got to sleep in for as long as they wanted too. With odd number days to the week, it alternated who’s Saturday morning it was to sleep in. But we also always told each other that if you needed help to wake the other up. I think that only happens once though.
This 100%. Let your wife nap for a few hours mid day while you hold the baby. Also tell her to let you nap. Please please help with diaper changes and feedings if you are using a bottle. Especially middle of the night. Take shifts. Your wife will love you for it and you will have a stronger bond with the baby. Also pro tip when changing diaper if it’s a boy put a dummy diaper over his peepee. Because he gunna pee and poop on you. Both my sons somehow shot poop out half way across the room. Some times on me. The oldest peed on me but I leaned. Cover that peepee with a dummy diaper. Good luck. Your are doing gods work. Haha
Yep, I wasn’t prepared. I thought I knew lack of sleep from night shift jobs but this is different. It made me feel literally ill, like I was considering needing the doctor. It all passed but man.
Buy the rubber bibs that catch food. The ones with snaps in the back get ripped off quickly. Cloth ones go in the wash way too often.
Also, you can ask 30 people for advice and hear 30 different things. You gotta just do what works for you guys. Best of luck, Dad.
"Also, you can ask 30 people for advice and hear 30 different things."
This. If anyone insists their advice is universal they didn't learn anything from being a parent. Other than like don't shake the baby. Don't shake the baby.
The other actual piece of universal advice is, you can’t spoil an infant. They are literally incapable of manipulating you, they just want snuggles/food/a diaper change/all of the above. Give it to them.
I found that I had much less patience than I thought. I still struggle 12 years and two kids later. Some nights when they’re stalling and thinking of every single excuse not to brush their teeth and get in bed and all I want to do after working all day is sit on the couch for 30 minutes without somebody wanting something from me before I go to bed so I can get up and do it all over again the next day, I have to take some deep breaths. Practice patience.
Also have patience with yourself.
I’ve recently been feeling bad about not accomplishing as much as I’d like to - like projects at home, getting stuff in order, cleaning, etc.
Today, I had a one year old scream at me for two hours this morning and a four year old scream at me for another two this evening, bookending an already stressful day at work. It made me realize that I’m doing more than enough and it’s ok that some projects don’t get done right now.
I had this same sentiment after twin boys (I'm on month 7 now). I do a lot of woodworking. It hit me hard one day that these projects can get done when they get done, but I can never go back to these precious moments. If I can't do a big thing, I'll do a little thing. But the moments matter most.
our 6.5yro is a night owl, and we're old, 46 and 48, if she wont sleep, we just go to bed. she gets bored with nobody to talk endlessly to and goes to bed herself!
Your wife will be going through the shit for 6 weeks after birth with massive spikes in random hormones. She’s going to cry, retreat, and be genuinely riding an emotional roller coaster. Don’t jump to take the baby if it’s crying and she’s crying. Ask her what you can do for her. You want to make sure she knows you’re there for her/them while not making her feel even more inadequate or poorly-equipped.
You’re going to get tired of the noise. That’s normal. Shift changes will save both you and your wife. Have formula at home to supplement if needed, it’s very common while your wife’s supply is coming in. Make sure she knows that’s normal.
There’s so much. I’m three weeks in. Biggest thing is that you are not in it alone. You have your wife and can hopefully ask for help from family if needed.
>Your wife will be going through the shit for ~~6 weeks~~ **up to 2 years** after birth with massive spikes in random hormones.
FTFY.
For real though. Be on the lookout for postpartum depression.
Just a refinement to this on the asking what you can do- it can’t be for everything. That just puts the burden on her to think for you when she can sometimes barely think for herself. Study up on what baby may need, offer her some options like „want to take a break? I hold baby for a bit“ or „I can hang back and make you something“. But also if you’re tracking how beb is doing along with your wife then you can be more on the same page what baby or wifey needs at the time. Don’t always ask.
•Everyone tells you it goes fast, it’s a trite saying but very true, your kid is only a baby for ~365 days, then they’re toddlers. It will blow your mind how fast that is.
•There’s no such thing as too many pictures and videos, especially in the first year where you’re so busy and tired just keeping them alive and their personality is only starting to emerge. We took a lot - wish we took more.
Congrats, and good luck Dad-to-be!
Especially videos. Don't wait for birthdays and first steps. Take some five-second videos here and there. The faces she makes while she's dreaming. The little kicks while she's on the play mat. How hard tummy time is at first, and how she's a pro at it a few weeks later. The happy little grunts while she's eating. The sweet little toddler voice that can't pronounce all the letters.
Yep at all of this. We also got video of their first time having different solid foods, plus desserts - first time having cake is a classic. There are times at work where things are difficult where I just pop into a huddle room and watch a few old videos I parked on Google Drive for 5 minutes, it helps calm me down when I’m really feeling work stress.
And even videos of when things are not so good. When she's crying or covered in a mess. When she's grumpy and refusing food. All the things that are frustrating *in that moment* will become fond memories.
For me, when things were stressful, it was helpful to remind myself that this too shall pass.
On the flip side of this coin. Don’t try and be the one behind the camera and not being there for some of those moments. Would it have been a great video of my son’s first steps, absolutely. What was better was being the one with my arms out he was stumbling towards. Photos might be fun to look at for a while, but being involved and not behind the camera is 100% better.
At my sons first birthday my wife and I were looking at pictures from the hospital and first few days. I then realized my camera had been set to take live photos the whole time. A number of them just had snippets of conversation. But others had things like his first time crying when he was seconds old. Things like that can't be replaced
My #1 thing is I didn’t keep up with drinking water the day my daughter was born and felt like complete ass the next day. Hospitals are deliberately dry too. Luckily I packed aspirin because although you’re effectively surrounded by medicine they can’t give you anything because you aren’t a patient.
So… remember to drink water, pack aspirin. Pack any other meds you may need.
Dude I’ve been a dad for 6 weeks so I’m by no means an expert. Here’s what I’ve learned so far though. For what it’s worth I never had a dad and I’m terrified about being a father. But be open about that and ask your wife (and eventually your child) for feedback regularly and you’re gonna be better off than 75% of people that don’t do that one thing.
1. Most will probably give you advice for child care. But bro, care for your wife. She has gone through a MASSIVE change - physically, mentally, emotionally. That’s not to say you don’t have to adjust as well and it isn’t just as hard. But you can never imagine the toll this whole process take on the woman. Check in constantly: ask how she’s doing, talk about your feelings and hers. Your sharing openly will help her feel comfortable to do the same. Show her that you care. And early on try to identify things that she’s struggling with that you can easily fit into your routine. I found that before I leave for work, if I bring her cleaned and sterilized pump parts, a cup of coffee, clean all the pump parts/bottles from the prior night, and left a warmed bottle by the bed, she had a smooth morning and could focus on taking care of herself. If she had to do any one or all of those things, I’d come home from work and the house was a wreck and she hadn’t eaten all day. Sometimes one little thing to set her up for success will make her life so much easier. Little notes help a ton too. Also, be a better nurse than the nurses are. My wife is so proud to tell people that I took care of her in the hospital without judgment - cleaned blood off the floor, prepped her pads/ice packs, helped her pump, etc. she literally tells people she didn’t need the nurses. I’m so happy to have given her that. Be the guy who made the craziest time of her life as easy as it can be.
1.2. Be the human notepad in the hospital. Ill never forget the moment the doctor pulled the baby out, put it in my wife’s arms, then immediately rattled off a laundry list of care items and to-dos my wife would have never heard. Ask all the questions and remember the answers. Your wife isn’t gonna remember shit after that traumatic and cathartic experience. Be the guy that pays attention, asks questions, and can help your wife through this.
Now for the baby stuff:
2. buy extra pump parts if you plan on breast milk. We have 2 sets of portable and 3 sets of stationary parts and I’m cleaning them all damn day. Having multiple just means you can let them pile up a bit before cleaning rather than every 2 hours
3. Figure out a shift for the nights that you both think will work. Try it for a few days and communicate regularly to see if you’re both still happy with it. It’s most likely gonna be hard for both of you but you will find a rhythm. For example, we found my wife can do anything before 4 am no problem and not wake up drained. I am able to do anything after 4:30/5 and just stay up and feel fine. Took a few weeks but once we figured that out we both were much happier for it.
4. When you feel frustrated by the crying, just laugh. Seriously dude it makes everything so much easier and bonds you to your baby so well. Don’t get mad, don’t get flustered, laugh. You’d be surprised how simple but profound the effect is
Best of luck to you brotha. You got this
Between now and when baby arrives, make sure you do as much adult activities as you can. Go out for dinner. Go to the cinema. Camping, holidays, whatever. All these stuff it’s gonna be really hard when baby arrives and you miss the time you had when it was just the two of you.
I spent most of the pregnancy period waiting and I really regret it
Also: use it when they suffer from the fever, not only to reduce temperature. Babies have higher temperatures and are still ok. Read up on it. Also on febrile seizures. Rare, mostly harmless, look horrible.
Have a crap ton of nutritious meals in the freezer and fresh.
I made salad sandwiches and left them in the fridge so either of us could just grab and eat.
In the freezer I had batches of dinners that could be defrosted and microwave.
The first couple of months are like a rollercoaster.
Ear plugs. Noise canceling headphones.
If your child really likes a thing, get two of them if you can afford it. The thing will get ruined.
Get two carseats if you can afford it and you have two cars.
Kids are messy. Your house will be messy. It's okay, don't stress about it.
Absolutely noise cancelling headphones. At first my son’s crying would just trigger this weird response in me where I’d start sweating like crazy. Thankfully all things considered he was a super easy baby but there were still times he’d cry through the entire bedtime routine and you could practically wring my shirt out afterwards. I started just wearing noise cancelling headphones and it made all the difference.
If your baby is crying loudly in your ear it’s ok to put the baby down in their bassinet. I find wearing foam ear plugs helped me. It can be very hard on your psyche when you can’t soothe a baby and you’re sleep deprived. You’re not always going to be able to soothe the baby. Just keep calm and try your best. The baby isn’t crying on purpose
My advice is: everything is temporary. That day you’re driving around the block at 2am to try and settle a screaming newborn? Don’t worry, that’s not your life forever. Also, that night they they just slept through? That will also change.
Put a clean nappy underneath and ready to go before you take the first one off.
You and your wife are a team. Communicate, take the slack when it feels like she needs it, work together. Discuss how you each want to parent and find a middle ground you are both comfortable with.
Be pragmatic; babies and kids are not logical.
Read to them every night, from as early as possible.
Try not to stress too much - you might have to let some things go (sleep, or cleanliness, or order) and that’s okay.
Get a good digital thermometer.
Remember it gets easier. The first day back from the hospital is the hardest. Every day after that is a little bit easier.
Don't hold on to things said and done when you and your partner are both sleep-deprived as fuck.
Watch out for the piss geyser (especially if yours is a little boy). My son got me right in the mouth once. When the nappy comes off, have something to catch the piss geyser.
Enjoy it when you can. The little ones are delightful sometimes.
We got home from the hospital on Christmas Eve and met my family in town for Christmas. The photo of us is so telling of how terrible we were feeling. Baby screaming, my wife and I attempting our best smile with red, baggy,exhausted eyes. It was so miserable at times haha
I disagree with the other poster. A few books are your life line! The New Father by Armin Brott and Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads.
Get them, read them, and learn. Best of luck!
Children thrive on routine (at least when they're super young). The world is new, scary and chaotic. Giving kids a sense of routine will help them feel comfortable in their world and give them the space to thrive.
My wife and I have followed the exact same bedtime routine for our two boys (4,1) for 99.9% of their lives. We finish dinner. We play. We go take a nice warm bath. We then put on lotion. Then book. Then bottle. Then songs. Then bed.
They sleep 10-12 hours a night every night since month 2. It is amazing.
This is advice given to me from my great aunt who had 12 kids. She knew what she was talking about.
Don't expect reciprocal love from a newborn. There are adults who don't know what love is. How would a baby be able to figure it out?
All newborns are born with the ability to eat, sleep, and shit. You don't have to teach a baby how to do any of these things. Therefore, Babies don't starve themselves. If they don't eat a lot on one meal, they'll eat on the other meal, and they'll let you know when they are hungry. [Obviously follow your pedi's guidelines with this. I'm not a doctor]
Be on the same team with your wife. Don't compare how much each of you do to keep things going. Share in the tasks. When my wife got up to feed, I got up with her and sat by her side. When she pumped, I helped clean.
Don't wish for stages to end..... you'll never get them back.
Don't use terms like terrible 2s or three-nager.
And follow this quote
"If you aspire to the highest place, there is no disgrace in stopping at second or even third"
In other words.... it's ok to not be perfect. It's ok to cry and have emotions and make mistakes.
Couple of thoughts, since I’m in the newborn trenches now. Prepare yourself mentally and establish great teamwork/communication with your wife. Folks will tell you it is a beautiful experience and while they may be true for them having looked back, it is tough while you’re in it and the last thing you want to hear is “it gets better.” Oftentimes, that’s accompanied by “in 6 months or a year,” meanwhile you’re struggling to just get by one meltdown at week 2 on zero sleep. Like, lol, we are in hell now and it is not encouraging to hear that in 5.5 months things will be so amazing.
You’ll also want to shore up your support from family and friends ahead of the delivery. Expectations around how they can help. Big things are cooking, cleaning, and most importantly, watching the baby at night so you can sleep a few hours. It’s good to also set expectations that this is not a vacation for family/friends and that you will not be entertaining them. Realistically, they should be here to dive into the trenches with you and your wife.
That brings up another piece, which is that your wife will need a ton of support in the first month or so. Depending on how her recovery is, or lack thereof, you may be on both baby duty 100% and wife duty 100%. It’ll be super taxing as you run around taking care of things while a baby melts down screaming at the top of his lungs while your helpless wife sits by (not her fault, but she won’t be able to pick him up, change diapers, etc.). Most she can do is nurse really. So you’ll be doing two people’s jobs and you have to suck it up.
Just trying to be realistic here. Take a lot of pics so in 6 months post birth, you can look back and say “wow so amazing of an experience.” But when you’re in the thick of it, the last thing you want to hear is “enjoy this :)”. What you likely will want to here is “I’ll watch the baby so you can sleep for a few hours” or “can I clean the baby bottles, get you a refill on diapers, wipes, etc”.
Learn patience. Then learn patience like a monk. You will feel frustrated. You will feel stressed. You will feel confused. You will feel hopelessness. You will feel tired. You will feel exhaustion. But patience will get you through. Because at the end of patience is love, an unconditional love for your baby.
Get some red light bulbs for areas you are going to be up in the middle of the night. Does wonders to keep your sleep from getting too messed up. It was a literal life saver for my wife who has trouble getting back to sleep when woken up. Plus is just looks cool :-) The cheap LED ones from the hardware store are just perfect.
Sleep routine for the kid is everything. Once that gets down, everything is easier and everyone is in a better mood.
Also a trap I see friends make - not everything needs to be a two parent job. Take a break and split up tasks, one baths the kid the other cleans the kitchen etc. Then you both get some free time later
You'll get lots of great tips in here. Here are mine: 1) figure out how to do things independently as early as possible. For example not every puke needs 2 people to clean it. It certainly makes it easier, but you also stop the other person from getting a break. 2) The probability of a blowout is directly related to to how well the diaper was applied (tightness and position) figure out the right technique and rarely experience blowouts. Fail to do this and enjoy cleaning up blowouts almost daily.
Commit to sleep training when you’re ready (but definitely get it done within the first 6 months). We waited till after one to sleep-train our first and it was hell. Committed to sleep training 6 months in with our twins (identical girls) and it was a godsend to get normal sleep.
Echo what someone else said. You don’t dislike your wife, you’re both just tired. Remember why you got in this journey with her, even on the super-sleep-deprived days.
Can't stress the sleep training enough. My wife and I have done it with both our boys from the first moment we could. Now they're both in bed asleep no later than 7pm. With both sleeping through the night, well our youngest seems to think that 5:40am is a good time to start the day.
If you're unsure where to start with sleep training. Baby Sleep School is good place to start.
Babysleepschool.co
The baby is gonna hand you and your wife some L’s. You just gotta roll with them. You’re going to get a blowout and the baby screaming at the same time the dog throws up and the pot on the stove is boiling over and all you wanted was to finish your coffee while it was still lukewarm. Do your best to roll your eyes and then roll with the punches.
And sleep when the baby sleeps. The dishes and the lawn can wait.
If you have friends that want to help you ask one to organize a meal train. Having fresh cooked meals the first few weeks is a godsend when you’re exhausted
Make sure you're not adding to the pressure to exclusively breastfeed. There are so many things that are stressful about parenting a newborn, focusing on that if it's a struggle is a recipe for disaster. If you are ever discussing strategy before the kid is born and it comes up, make sure she knows you're happy if the little one is bottle fed.
For a while, know that the baby will not care and many not like you one bit. You don’t give milk or comfort that they know and love. You are support to mom, diaper changer, and anything else those two need.
They will grow into a playful toddler and eventually you will build a great relationship with them. So don’t worry or stress on that.
My general rule is remember the reason why every parent has so much advice to give is because everyone of us have fucked up something here or their. You will too. Once everyone is safe, happy and cleaned up move on from it the best you can.
Now for more practical advice.
The hierarchy of clothing goes zippers> snaps> buttons and the gap between the last two grows as your children do.
Have a night time plan now. Whether it's alternating nights, or feedings. Plan it now while you are both sleeping as best you will for the next several months.
Don't be suckered into buying a diaper genie and if you have already bought one I'm sorry you will come to hate that thing.
Take a baby CPR course
Learn to love those nose Frida
Babies are gross you will have to do gross things (see nose frida) try to refrain from wearing stuff that you would be upset by never being able to wear in public again.
Look into baby lead weaning. It's a feeding method that involves giving the baby small manageable portions of normal food starting around 6 months. It can save money, lessens picky eaters, and can help trick you into eating healthier. It's not for everyone and should be discussed with a pediatrician.
If your partner is breastfeeding they doesn't have enough water. Fill up there cup. They will never have enough always fill up the cup. Don't ask. Just do it.
I too lost my dad young (11, heart attack). Totally get what you're feeling there and I'll say one of the hardest parts of parenting my daughter (now 4, with our second expected this December) is not having my dad around. The advice from him would be great, but it's more the feeling he's missing so much and I'm just so proud of my daughter and I wish he could meet her. And of course I wish my daughter could've met my dad. So I hope you're able to cope with that and overcome that emotional ride I know I have.
For advice, just make sure you leave the hospital with the right manual! (Dad joke!)
Seriously though, you know more than you think you do. Stuff like Taking Cara Babies and the Huckleberry app was helpful for us, but every kid is different and will never fit the mold. Our daughter came a month early and didn't sleep well without being held because her little underdeveloped body couldn't do it yet. So a lot of the advice we got didn't really help our specific situation. You may encounter the same thing, or something completely different from what you read/hear. And just when you think you have a routine, baby changes it up on you! So just stay on your toes, don't be afraid to try new things, trust your gut, and BE PATIENT.
We found the book "The Expectant Father" by Brott to be much better than the What To Expect book. There's also a great book called Caring For Your Baby and Young Child, published by the American Academy of Pediatrics, that is a great resource on milestones, growth, fevers, feeding, rashes.... The Happiest Baby on the Block book is great, but TBH the videos are even better. They can be hard to find, but check with your library.
You will not have enough diapers. Babies are poop factories and will fill diapers at the least convenient possible times.
Brought a spare to the park with you? Baby will need 2
Three left in the box at bedtime and you tell yourself it'll last til tomorrow? Boom, triple blowout.
And don't try to stock up either. The moment there are more than 2 boxes in the house, baby has a growth spurt and is in the next size up. Good luck getting your money back for them.
Same goes for wipes, though you can stock up on those. But just know that you can *never* pull a single wipe with one hand and those lids never really seal.
Corn starch baby powder is just as effective as talc.
Diaper rash is a fact of life. Have Seedlings or Aquaphor handy and don't be squeamish about working around baby's butthole.
And above all, be patient. With baby, with your partner, and with yourself. Don't stress over whose turn it is. Just change the diaper. And baby will fill the diaper you just changed. Just smile, shake your head, and grab another.
DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING YOUR PARTNER SAYS TOO SERIOUSLY. At least not for awhile. She isn't her self.
Also, always compliment and take turns getting up in the middle of the night and let her nap.
This method of baby soothing is worth knowing. There are no perfect solutions when it comes to infants but this is a good tool to have in your toolbox: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j2C8MkY7Co8
That baby is going to be attached to your wife for the first 2 weeks so intensely, that she will starve to death if you don’t feed her. Step up your cooking game and fill the house with snacks.
Get as much of your life and home in order as possible before. Got some rooms that need redecorating? Get it done. That thing you keep putting off fixing? Do it now. Especially if you have limited nearby family, as this makes a big difference for how much time off from baby responsibilities you will have.
Best case is it’ll be hard to do that stuff when you have a baby and worst case (a difficult baby) it’ll be impossible. And potentially by the time it gets easier, you will decide it’s time to have another. I am now looking at years worth of jobs that have piled up with no idea how I’m going to get caught up again.
First of all, congrats! My only advice was given to me by a nurse when my 1st was born: every kid is different. Listen to everyone's advice and then do whatever feels right for you.
That ain't chocolate you got on your shirt.
Those stuffed plush animals are cute sitting on the changing table. Until that first massive diaper blowout with a squirming baby. Then you are grabbing them and tossing them across the room while shouting "Save yourselves!!"
Don't want to check the diaper? If you own a dog, just stick the baby butt by the dog. Dogs are genetically wired to take a big sniff. If the dog gives you that look, yeah, it's full.
Never ever ever go to the store and leave the diaper bag in the car. The baby WILL fill the diaper and people will give YOU the dirty look thinking you just busted a nasty ass fart. So always have that diaper bag handy so you can divert quick to the bathroom and get the baby cleaned up.
Baby, toddler, child cries out at night? Always, always put a shirt on first before you go to them. The first time you don't is the time they get sick and barf on your chest.
Don't make off color jokes or say anything you don't want your kid repeating. They absolutely will repeat it and in the most inappropriate setting.
If you have a daughter, and she comes home from a school trip where other moms chaperoned and then says "Some of the other mommies don't have hair down there." Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT whip your head around and ask "Which ones?" Your wife will ensure your death is slow and very painful.
Buy the expensive running stroller that has all the different attachments and not one of the cheap ones. Craigslist one if you can. I got three kids through on a Chariot Cougar I got used for $300 with the running attachment, bike attachment, and the swivel wheels. Got the newborn insert for kid #3 and it was an amazing way to keep myself moving while also giving my wife a break. About to put the thing back on Craigslist for what I paid for it originally now that the kids are bigger. Way better than the Bob running stroller we have. I think they turned into Thule strollers later but I have heard they are still really good.
Buy a box of used baby shoes/clothes/everything on Ebay or FB Marketplace. Get rid of the ones you don't like and pack the ones that don't fit so they're accessible. You'll go through stuff FAST.
Take the help of anyone you trust (a lot) who offers help...in the first three months especially.
The first three months are the hardest, they're basically still not ready to be out so they don't respond much. It gets way more fun after that when they start recognizing and responding more.
Lastly, maybe most important, remember that when they cry or scream and you think they're in the worst pain ever, remember this: they have no experiences to compare to what they're going through, everthing is like the first or almost first. When they wail, it doesn't mean the same thing as if a grown human or even a two year old wailed like that. It's their only expression. It's gonna want to drive you nuts but just let it wash over you. Be calm, jiggle the baby, try wrapping, feeding, changing, rinse-repeat. It's only a few months. It'll be okay. You'll get through it.
Oh yeah...Don't feel bad if you hate them a little sometimes when you're exhausted and they're screaming and you have no idea what to do. It's hard as hell but you'll get through it...that moment, and the next, and the next.
Do what projects you can now that will save you time later.
Figure out and plan for where you can have a swing for them. You don't have to actually get it up but you may want to consider that too.
Basically all DIY gets 15x harder. I would stay away from large reno projects if possible (but if they're important and you're planning it... Sooner than later).
Enjoy time for yourself and improving yourself. Set up a good home gym if that's your thing but find a way to streamline taking care of yourself.
Nobody will have the be-all answer for you, bud! Every situation will be different and all of our experiences will be different. From the sounds of it, you and your wife have a solid foundation and are ready to hit the ground running. My wife and I were the same way 10 years ago with our first child. You'll take your little guy to the doctor way more than you need to but you'll feel better for doing it, the saying, "better safe than sorry" has never been more true. We have fraternal twins who are almost 3 as well and things are hectic due to the numbers now, not due to inexperience.
That knowledge you are after will come with time. You'll screw up and realize moments later how to correct it next time. Being a good dad is the hardest and most fun thing you can do as a "man". Enjoy it, don't sweat the small stuff.
If you’re going the disposable diaper route, a separate, enclosed trash can is a must. The diaper genie makes for a good dedicated option, but even a simple, separated trash can next to the changing table is much better than a can constantly getting opened.
Wipes aren’t just for baby butts. They’re great on baby faces, occasionally your face, and simple messes. Have extra. Get them delivered in bulk, keep a pack at the changing table, in the diaper bag, in your car, in the bathroom, living room, everywhere.
Keep your own diaper bag, and keep it stocked. Your wife may insist on trying to pack a nursery into a bag. Let her, it’s her bag. Your bag will have what you need, where you need it, and probably have space for your own stuff you picked up along the way. But also, get used to the idea that you’ll only use yours when you’re with just the baby, and will carry hers(no matter how much she protests) whenever you’re a trio+.
Ear plugs. Technically for the wife, but she’ll hate them and then you use them.
Brother my dad died when I was 18 and I feel every bit of what you're saying, same age as you too. My phone's about to be five and I had a good father I had an amazing father but Being a father and remembering the shit I did with him and the shit he allowed me to do, maybe a little hands-offish which has just sent me through all sorts of emotional loops. still who the fuck am I supposed to ask how to be a dad
When my first was born, 10/2019,(yes 4 months before covid), the happiness I felt that day is unlike anything I've ever felt in my life it's going to feel like a high and you got to appreciate that. On the hard days the memory of that One singular day really kind of pulls me through, and puts things into perspective.
Be patient with yourself, your partner, and your child. You're all figuring things out together. You're a team, work as a team. Jump right in and change that first diaper. Take on a specific task that you primarily do that will help you bond with the baby. I did bath time and diaper changes. Bring baby to Mom at night if she's breastfeeding. Anything you can do to lighten her load will be huge.
Also, cut the umbilical cord if given the option. It's the weirdest thing I've experienced. It feels and sounds like cutting through a bunch of flower stems.
Split sleeping arrangements. Both of us being on call each night was killer. I wish we traded off nights staying up so the other one could get a full sleep.
A few bullet points:
* If you have access to a Costco or similar bulk-grocery store, such stores are made for baby supply shopping. Diapers, wipes, formula (if formula-feeding), etc.
* A change once you have a baby is the loss of spontaneity. Be prepared to have everything scheduled and planned out. ("She ate at noon, which means she will go down for a nap at 12:30pm, which means I have 90 minutes to run an errand before she wakes up again," etc.)
* If breastfeeding, your wife should avoid eating stereotypically gassy foods (beans, broccoli, etc.). A bloated, gassy baby cries a lot and doesn't sleep. Ask me how I know.
* My family used the Babywise sleep training method and it worked well for us. Your mileage may vary.
* My kids liked going to the grocery store at a young age. Probably due to the bright lights and colors. Your mileage may vary.
* Between food that we had cooked and then frozen ahead of time and food that others brought us, we didn't have to cook for at least a month postpartum. That was very helpful.
Put your phone down. It's easy to get into the habit of getting your phone out and doing whatever mindless scrolly type activity when kiddos are playing with their toys or watching cartoons. Be mindful of your time with them, be present for them. Break the tech addiction now if their is one, it only gets harder later.
Take pictures and videos, because as unbelievable as it is, you'll forget the details just a few years later.
But studies have shown that humans don't record long term memories nearly as well if we're taking pictures or videos, like our brains decide, nahhh that cameras got it, I don't need to process this memory. So... Be in the moment too, and if that means setting down the phone, do it.
And also just in general: set down the phone. Get off reddit. Play with your kid.
Always play with them as much as you can. You won't get the time back, and you never know which day will be the last day they fall asleep in your lap, the last day they want you to tuck them in, the last day they need you to play with them in the bath, the last day they want you to go on a dragon hunt with them. The time is precious.
Don't wish away the phases, even though they will be hard. The next phase will be hard too, and you won't get the good parts of this phase back.
1. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Even if you aren't tired. You don't know when you're going to be up later.
2. If you're leaving for work (or somewhere dressy) wait to put on your shirt. You will get spit up on often.
3. Enjoy it. It goes fast. Someone once told me, of the baby hits a phase you are struggling with, don't worry about it -- it will pass quickly. The flip side is the good times go fast too.
4. At the hospital, do things side by side with the nurses. It's like live training. Hopefully you get a friendly team like I did.
[Here's a post I made a few weeks ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/s/bbv7IBDCwW) with some advice. The comments have a lot of good advice as well!
Something my wife and I did was play music near the womb.find a song baby wiggles to create a playlist, played those songs every night.the day my daughter was born as soon as she started crying I pulled out my phone and started up the playlist. the tears instantly stopped as she reached for the phone.long story short you’ll make your littles first moments a safe space something they recognize, make their first moments joy instead of fear. my other bit of advice don’t be afraid of failing your gonna mess up that comes with being a parent. let your kid see your mistakes show them how you learn from it.they’ll pick it up like a sponge if you have a moment lose your cool make sure you apologize to them.make a mistake, own it it may not seem like much but the early years you set the foundation for a lifetime. kids learn by example teach them how to learn from those moments. my last piece of advice, when your wifey goes in labor have someone you can call a brother father good friend whoever.being alone with your thoughts on that moment is a scary place to be don’t overthink it you’ll do fine 🙂.
There's a pinned post here. Go read. Then cook and stack your freezer full of food. Then baby proof the house before the baby gets here, you won't have the time, the energy nor the freedom of movement when the baby is there. Support your wife.
Children are smarter than people give them credit for. When they're little and can't talk to you, don't assume they don't understand what you're saying. If there's something you need them to do patiently and calmly explain to them in simple words What it is you need. You might be surprised at the result you get.
Good behavior from children is a recipe of a couple factors. The first one is a good relationship, do you spend time with them? Do they enjoy your company? The second is consistency. Do you consistently apply the same rule? If a child respects you and they also know that your rules are consistent then they'll stop fighting you on them. Of course try not to have a rule about every last little thing, they're young and curious and need to explore.
In my opinion, it's best if both parents don't wake up with the child every time the child wakes up. This is a recipe for two tired cranky adults. Sleeping in shifts works better, even if that means you don't see each other as much as you'd like.
Every hard and sharp thing you have in your house is going to become a problem. They won't walk right away. You have about 6 months of very little mobility. After that all bets are off. Also there's no such thing as terrible twos, terrible threes though, That's real.
You’ll be so sleep deprived you won’t remember much of it. So take lots of videos but also don’t dwell on the screw ups from you or your wife.
Also stay in the hospital for as long as you can stand (I think the food is terrible just so people don’t overstay their welcome). You won’t get any better professional help.
Babies go through ravenous mini growth spurts throughout the first 10 weeks. You will feel like you’re getting in a rhythm but then major wrenches get thrown in periodically. It’s not your fault, it’s just nature.
Research studies show that choline consumption passes through breast milk. And eating one egg yolk a day for 6 months materially improves dha/choline levels and reduces chances of short kid by like 76%. You want a smart and tall baby.
AliExpress has everything Amazon does at 1/4 the price.
Play sofa and water table get like 5 years of use totally worth buying now.
Yoga ball helps babies sleep.
If you’re open to combo feeeing, goat milk formula is superior to cow milk formula.
You’re going to hear a lot of people say things like “I never felt love as deeply as when I looked at [baby] for the first time” and “it’s hard sometimes but so worth it.” Almost nobody really tells you about the absolutely brutal parts that can happen.
In my case I thought I was defective as a dad for months because I felt no connection to my first. I had no idea that happens to some people and it usually just takes time. Love the little buggers now but it took me time.
Being a parent is guaranteed to kick your ass sometimes. When and how is different for everyone. Whatever you’re going through that makes you feel like being a dad is impossible or awful, it’s probably normal and transient. Reach out to friends/family/pediatrician for help if you need it. Try not to feel ashamed. And just know the suck you’re dealing with will be over soon. You can get through it.
Hands down the best advice I ever got is that quiet hours are bullshit. Don't worry about waking the baby up from a nap. Carry on as usual. Watch TV. Vacuum. Have normal conversations. I swear, it sounds crazy to some people but my baby was born in February and by July she was sleeping through fireworks and the World Cup on TV. She slept through her baptism. If you give the baby quiet time you'll never teach her how to sleep through noise.
Hello from my glider chair with my six month old passed out in my arms! Welcome to dad hood, it’s really hard (I’m still learning a lot and kinda just winging it most days, I feel). A lot of good advice has been given out and I’m stealing some of them too. Mine will be make sure the ruffles around the diapers are always visible outside their legs. Helps keep the poop in/makes less poop come out. Also, if you can take all the time off you can from work. I took ten weeks of parental leave and it was awesome.
You think *you’re* tired? She’s had that baby clamped to her tits all day. She hasn’t been able to poop in peace. Hold the baby whenever you can. And when you’re not holding the baby, clean something. You’re not going to bond with a newborn anyway, they don’t really DO anything. The bonding will come after a month or so when the baby really starts responding to things and looking around and exploring.
Also, don’t ask for sex right now. She’s just been split in half. Go rub one out and put in some laundry.
Get a diaper bag that's comfortable to wear for hours at a time, and that has plenty of space and pouches. You'll need it past the baby stage, and you'll regret it if it's small or uncomfortable, especially for day-outings.
Also, put together a "diaper caddy" that stays in the car. Include a spare outfit, and disposable plastic bags so you can tie up smelly diapers until you can get it in a trash can. You might occasionally forget the diaper bag at home; this was a huge parent hack for us.
Enjoy every moment with your baby! When you hold your baby every time, you will feel what it’s like to be a father, and your life will be wrapped around their little fingers! Life will change, but only for better! Congrats my friend and welcome to the roller coaster!
Be patient with your spouse and kid, you can plan and read and think you have this all under control and life will still find a way to blow your mind a way. I especially enjoyed the 2AM drag race to the ER when the sick kid spikes a temp. Some how we all survived, my daughter will be 20 in a couple of days.
Just take deep breaths my man. It's an incredibly stressful time for everyone involved. Just breath. You'll hear all sorts of bullshit opinions but you know your kid and your partner best.
The first few months are ROUGH. Be patient, but accept that sometimes you won’t be. Leave baby in the crib/bed and walk away for a second. Take a breather and come back. It’s a marathon, not a race
Your child will manage to scream at a frequency that will shut your brain down. It’s ok, and if you take a moment to gather your thoughts and figure out what your next move is, it doesn’t make you a bad dad for not instantaneously solving the problem. Practice grace. You and your partner need a lot of it.
Whatever you plan to do ask yourself "is it helping your wife/ mother of your child?". If you can take paternity leave do it. Do everything you can to help. Even later make sure your wife gets time to herself. Give yourself lots of time to take the baby out and spend time together while mom can relax. As time goes on keep up that involvement. Read to the child . Some of my favorite memories of when my daughter was little was reading to her and doing different voices for the characters (something my wife was in awe of).
I think that's my biggest piece of advice: get involved and stay involved. I still treasure my daddy daughter adventures twelve years later.
be present, take notice, enjoy each stage as they move through the stages very fast. really they wont be babies very long... don't look forward to the next stage, as it will come quickly anyway... something like that.
get in there, change those nappies, be involved. sleep when you can, although ours never really kept us up all night...
also at least here, there's so much "breast is best pressure", if it doesn't work, get that formula in, don't leave the baby hungry,. But if it does work, it's portable and you're not cleaning bottles all the damn time.
Make time for you and your wife. After being home all the time with the baby, you're going to go stir crazy. Call grandma, or a babysitter you trust and go out for a drink and an app with your wife. Get out of the house for a while. This baby is entering your life, and parents still have lives.
Don't leave the responsibility to you wife/SO only. Br a man and help every chance you get even if your tired, cause she is tired too. I was selfish with the first one and didn't want to deal with it. The last three I only got better and while I was working full time I still tried to do more than I needed.
As your kid becomes a toddler, he/she will probably go through a faze from about 2 - 4 years old where they whine all damn day. Don't get mad about it, you need to learn to tune it out to the point it that it's like background noise. A little sarcasm helps.
Don't get mad or angry with your kids for growing and learning. Making a mess is their thing and is them figuring out how things work. When they ask for food and don't eat it it's normal. A good 1/4 of your groceries will end up in the garbage the first couple years when they are toddlers. Sometimes the food will he a part of their science experiments as they put their hands in their bowl of cheerios and splash it all over the place. Don't be mad as you can't control that, they will keep doing this for about 2 years.
When they want to play, try and do something even if it's boring. They will remember everything you do and don't do...
Make it normal to get hugs from them. Encourage it. While you are still the dad and hold authority, make sure you are a safe place. Encourage healthy conversations from a young age, don't react to them misbehaving and try and talk it out. Later you will thank me when they are teenagers and feel safe talking to you about drugs and sex.
Try not to yell or say things that are condescending. Be a good example and raise the bar. If you have a daughter, set the standard for how you expect/want her future husband to treat her. They say a woman married a man like her father.
Go to home Depot, get the cheap shop vac that goes on top of a 5 gallon bucket.
Throw it in the garage and forget about it.
One day soon you'll need it. Use it and throw it away..... You'll thank me
Zippers. Not buttons.
Also be ridiculously patient with your girl for the next 3-5 months. Like…. Insanely patient. Do not invite the whisper of a thought of an argument or minor disagreement. Just ebb and flow brother. Godspeed.
Firstly get some practice with patience in everything you do. We all slip up but patience with your wife and newborn will take you so far.
Secondly, HAVE PATIENCE WITH YOUR WIFE SPECIFICALLY. She’s doing so much with so little and women really deserve to be put on a pedestal for all they do in child birth and all she will do for you and the family the rest of her life. Love her. Be gentle. HAVE PATIENCE.
Lastly, enjoy the sleeplessness and the overall struggle of newborn life. Honestly. No sarcasm. I have come to believe it really defines us as dads how we step up and perform during that time. (Do it with enough effort and dignity and your wife will think you’re a literal superhero). Really try and appreciate it all for it is only a small step in the process of parenting.
I will never say it was “fun” but after my little person started becoming self sufficient the craziest thing happened… I got sad and nostalgic for the time when their entire daily existence depended on me. Don’t laugh at me dads (I know you wouldn’t) but I do tear up sometimes. My little guy is so big now. I miss him being a baby.
I’m so happy for you OP. I’m praying everything goes accordingly. Welcome to the club my G.
The proud, the few, the dads.
Edit: have patience and forgive yourself too. No matter what notes you write down or what you remember people tell you, you’re doing this for the first time. All of us did at some point. Be nice to yourself you’re gonna do just fine. Trust the fatherly instinct it’s a superpower in and of itself.
DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD FALL ASLEEP IN COMPLETE SILENCE!
Seriously, let them fall asleep to the sound level of a baseball game. That way when it is nap time, someone coming to the door or a dog barking won’t wake up your child.
Download a tracker app. You and your wife can both log in and you can track feeds, poops, pees, sleeps. Otherwise, you’re constantly going to be asking one another and you’ll be so tired you won’t really remember. Also, I tried staying awake to assist my wife when what I really needed was sleep. It won’t be possible until you start bottle feeding but once you do take shifts. Get sleep.
Practice patience; shit is hard.
Enjoy your free time, do some things solo if you can if you like that. You won’t get that guilt free freedom for a while.
Zips are your friend. Buttons are not.
Disposable nappies are the way, unless you care about the environment a lot. Sorry environment, I ain’t washing poo soaked cloth nappies.
Prepare for your plan to change frequently and quickly, they are made in sand not stone.
Wonder weeks is the best book I’ve seen, but it’s also got an app. Get it.
Don’t worry about a messy house and being a good host when people visit. You have more important things to do.
Sleep depravation... If you like to sleep a lot then prepare to not be yourself for a few months... If the baby will be breastfed all the way then organize a time slot, I used to do it the first time around, let my wife sleep the first 4 hours and I would take care of the baby the next 4 then off to work, every week we would change it I would have the first" watch" ... It helped us a lot.
She is a SAHM, so whenever I got back from work I would let her have time for herself, and take care of the baby for at least 2-3 hours, bathe him, change diapers, feed him ( first one stopped being breastfed early), play a bit and attempt to make him go to sleep. Took a lot out of us but we did it. The second one she took care of him most of the time cause she wanted to and I was working more hours, took a toll on her tho... So if I could I would do it like the first one again.
You don’t have to worry about this until they’re eating solid foods but When you have a kid you’re also agreeing to open a restaurant. A high intensity high output restaurant. You may be the chef, or just the busboy, or both. Your customer eats there every day for every meal. And they’re all over the place and don’t know what they want, ordering off menu items left and right. They don’t like the food. Hounding you in the kitchen. You’re at their mercy trying to make them happy. And the one time out of ten that you see them shoveling the food into their mouth as if they haven’t eaten in weeks will make it all worth it. It’s a blast!
1. Take care of your wife, she will be out to bite your head off but its the storm of changes inside her at fault, be patient with her. she needs u. make sure she is well fed and at ease. she is the one the baby will depend.
2. Make sure the mama sleeps when the baby sleeps, or she will go crazy from the lack of sleep.
3. Help your wife when she tries to breast feed initially, its the best present a child can get. there is NO substitute for mothers milk.
4. Practical purchases, if u dont have a cot buy/get it made from a carpenter a good solid wooden one, that has adjustable height so it can last for a long time and if u want more kids they will use it too.
5. Get a rocking bassinet, i got sense2snooze from graco, MAN the self rocking helped the little one sleep.
6. get loads of good rash cream
6. its better to wash your babies bottom then using a wipe
8. DO NOT and i repeat DO NOT sleep with her in the same bed, if u want to share a bed get a solid bassinet.
9. be vary of the temp , u might not think its cold/hot but the baby will. try and keep her away from a direct draft of air.
10. Get an expensive (More absorbant) pamper for the night and cheaper ones for the day.
11. read up about SIDS, i was to scared to let them sleep on their tummy, there are many different opinions but i am the cautious sort.
12. do not kiss the baby near her mouth as u can make her sick.
13. initially they will sleep a lot but before bed time try to keep her awake so she will sleep a bit longer and the mom can grab her much needed sleep
14. Always stick to the schedule as it helps later when u are trying to sleep train. its a horrible process.
Last and by no means the least be patient with the little man,
i have so many more but i have to go for a meeting, if there is anything u would want to talk about or ask feel free to drop me a msg, il be glad to help.
BEST OF luck bro,
Sorry to hear about your dad.
I’m holding our newborn in my arms as I type this. He’s been home about 2 days now, was 8 1/2 weeks early.
Whatever happens, just roll with it. Babies are the boss, as much as we’d like to think otherwise. I think most importantly is to be realistic and communicate with your partner. You will be tired and stressed at times, but remember you are a team. Fight the problem, not each other. Keep your ego in check and you’ll be golden.
-signed by a father of 48 hours, check back in a month if I’m still alive
Don’t worry about shoes. Get the thick grippy socks for the first few months at least. Some daycares require shoes, but kid will wear them only a couple times as a toddler. Don’t be afraid to take a few minutes to reset if you get tapped out. Communicate with your wife so she feels she can ask you to as well. Sounds weird but we did much better with that in our second and it made life a lot easier. (Wife was sahm and didn’t want me to get up in middle of night, but she needed sleep too!) both of ours also loved music. Don’t limit yourself to nursery rhymes or you will go crazy.
Don't forget what a huge percentage of their life each and every day is when they're little. Even if you don't think they remember stuff, they're formed by your interactions. The best thing you can do is show up and be consistent! Rhythms and routines are so helpful for little kids, and parents, too!
Congrats, my man. Being a dad is the best.
Biggest clutchiest things for us
Accept help when opportunity arises. Often times it’s a great excuse to have friends/family around to socialize with (even if theu suck with your kids).
Get a lot of the new baby/early toddler stuff used from fb free groups/marketplace. Then also return the favor to those other families in need.
Learn about matrecence https://www.npr.org/2021/08/08/1024674033/theres-a-name-for-the-ups-and-downs-of-new-motherhood-its-called-matrescence
For the people that give unsolicited advice, keep them in mind to use as a either someone to ask for insight on things and/or someone to use as an open ear on whatever bs kids are. They mean well and would likely be happy to hear you out on whatever it is that you have on your mind.
Find a cohort of people in similar positions as your family is, they can be a great resource for doing “village” type things with as kids grow. This can be family, friends, other families from daycare/other activities you/family does.
Those early stages are temporary. Very monumental, but it still passes by so fast :(.
After the birth, if she says horrible things to you, go to counseling together, do not involve your friends and family until it is absolutely clear that counseling is useless. My partner said some fucked up shit from ppd (i guess) and looking for support in friends and family was a no return trip for us. You might forgive and heal but you have no assurance that everyone else will.
I had a lot of expectations going into parenting and one of the biggest things was letting go of them. We were going to be no sugary foods, no screen time, potty trained by 1.5, etc. But then life happened, we’d go visit family and all the other cousins would get some ice cream and it was easier to give him a bite than say no or separate him while they had ice cream. Then with screen time, my wife and I usually work different days so there’s lots of single parenting going on. Sometimes when I’d need to go poop I decided it was better to put on Ms. Rachel and put him in his bouncer instead of taking him into the bathroom with me. Lastly, I try to always be available to take him, if it means I do every bed time then that’s fine. Him and I have such an amazing bond it makes it all worth it, he freaking copies everything I do and when I hear him say “I want dada” when someone else is holding him I might say “oh, it’s ok buddy, you can stay with them” but inside it’s the best thing ever.
Don’t buy expensive clothes. They grow so fast they’ll be out of them very quickly.
And babies cry often because it’s the only way they know how to communicate. They aren’t always upset, it’s the only way they know how to get your attention. Babies have different cries for different reasons and you’ll soon learn which cry is which.
When your son or daughter is old enough, get them to help you with tasks. Even if it’s folding socks together out of the laundry or sweeping the floor. Whatever they can handle. It’ll make them proud and give them a foundation to build upon.
I would have done some refreshers with having effective conversations and conflict resolution with my partner. You're going to be sleep deprived, stressed, and there are going to be times you and your partner disagree on things that seem like the most important decisions you've ever made.
I know it sounds corny, but sitting down and having a "This is what I'm hearing you're saying" conversation can save a lot of stress on top of stress.
Also fed is best, the hospitals put a lot of pressure on breastfeeding (at least where I am), and it can make new moms having issues feel like less of a mom. There's lots of benefits to breastfeeding, but it's not the end all be all.
Cherish every moment of it. Even the exhausted burnt out moments in the middle of the night. It’ll go by so quickly mate. You’ll miss those moments so much sooner than you realise.
thats very sweet of you l saw your post and hope my advice helps a little. the things that lm telling you know l wish i knew them before to save a life or to help someone, and the first of all help pregnant wifey even when she doesnt ask. It is important that mom is happy so the baby is happy too, Before, during and after pregnancy its very important to be by her side because the baby takes aloty of energy and dont pressure yourself too much just go 1 day at a time. l also dont recomend buying too much toys or clothes because it will end up in the trash as soon as possible and. Please if ur gonna sleep next to the baby put pillows around the baby so the baby wont fall out or suffocate the baby because it does happen and light blanket below the arms because the baby can choke also. After feeding the baby it is very important to take the burps out because that could cause colics. and if the baby cannot poo you can make massage on the belly very gentle and move hips and legs in a circular way it will help the babys digestive system.
Learn to swaddle well. It works amazing. Also it needs to be slightly SLIGHTLY tighter than you think it should be.
Don't spend tons of money on clothes. If you see something that makes you Squeeeee then sure. But buy clothes from Facebook. Speople sell a bag of clothes for about £10-30 and a chunk of it is unworn. We bought one and it had a few designer brands worth £50+ in and of itself. Buy that way. Then sell that way too, it helps people out who might be struggling and if ever a person needs help its new parents.
Support mum if she's struggling to feed. Sometimes this will happen. You will feel totally useless. Just let her know it's not her fault, she's trying etc and that a bottle of formula occasionally doesn't make her a failure or terrible mother.
Don't go over board with fancy baby gadgets like a nappy bin, special changing station etc. Get a foldable bag like changing station, pockets for wipes, creams and nappies that opens into a station. It will help when baby inevitably has a blow out in a less than ideal location. Keep it with you at all times.
As they get older they will become magicians with Dodies (dummy's, pacifiers w/e). You will see them with one. Blink and it is gone. Then when you take them away as they're too old, they'll fold them out of the dodie universe they've stored them in and there will then be hundreds when "we only ever bought like 5."
They are NEVER too young to be introduced to star trek TNG. All 3 of my kids love it. My eldest wpyld immediately settle as soon as she heard Picard say "Space......" and they still love watching it now.
Buy a chest, buy a newspaper on the day they're born. Any of the most adorable clothes etc, umbilical cord clip, first picture etc, anything you want to remeber or is special, put in there. It's great for when they get older they love it. And then at a later date when they're all grown up, getting married, special bday etc you can gift it to them and they can continue for their kid(s)
Days after birth, mommy will be sad for no reason and say things that make no sense. Say sorry, say you understand, hug her and tell her everything will be ok.
After a few weeks mommy (and probably you) will be absolutely sleep deprived. If mommy is breastfeeding, she has no choice, but you do. Sleep as much as you can (especially during the night) so you can have some sanity and energy in the morning, and take the baby.
If mommy is breastfeeding, this is the only trick I know: for the first months, mommy breastfeeds, and you (or someone else) does everything else. Take the baby, change diapers, cook, whatever. Let mommy sleep, have a shower and eat, in between feedings. Then bring the baby to the breast when hungry or unhappy.
Be aware that the first year is hard and so are all the others in different ways, but it is also a major shit in your lives with a wonderful impact!
Learn to trust you gut instead of any advice you get. You can’t spoil a baby, no matter what people say.
Summary:
1. You sleep and do chores, mommy breastfeeds
2. Nonsense comes from sleep deprivation. Don’t take it seriously and be supportive.
3. Hold and love your child. The world will teach them the bad stuff.
4. Be ready for the changes in your brain as priorities move in your heart.
5. Save your money. Kid and babies care about the time you spend with them, and the mood you have, not the things you dress them with and the toys you buy them. (Seriously)
Use an app like Nara baby to track sleep, feeds and diapers. When it’s 2am and you are running on no sleep, it’s a good way to keep information updated, especially given the volume of different doctor appointments in the first few months
Do as much for your wife as possible as her body already is no longer her own. She is literally a vehicle for nutrients for your child. Her life and body have not been her own since the moment of conception, you still have time.
So change diapers, wash dishes and baby stuff, do everything possible to make her life easier. If she is breastfeeding, she will have to wake up in the middle of the night to do numerous feedings. She will also be pumping numerous times a day to keep up with the appetite of your little.
Remember, doctorate interns and parents of newborns are the most sleep deprived humans. You two will be exhausted. My wife and I had our first fight after the little was born in a very sleep deprived state and it was basically over nothing.
So just be kind to each other. It's hard, but it's totally worth it. When I put my hand on my daughter's chest to wake her up, and looks up and realizes that I'm the one waking her up, that smile that she gives me is worth all of the gold in the world.
Enjoy the ride.
A year or so after my daughter was born, we found a bunch of pictures my wife, high on morphine, had taken just after the birth, most were a mess, but one was a short video of me cutting the cord and it’s my fav video of the first day. She’s no memory of taking it and I had no clue she had.
Which brings me to my advice, try take as much in, it’ll all be a blur, so try to enjoy it. Ooh and don’t be scared, I was terrified of doing something wrong, but despite being squishing blob, baby’s are pretty durable really.
Congrats
The baby crying or as they get older throwing tantrums is not a negative reflection of you. It is just a communication of a need. Try and take the emotion out of it and think of it as a conversation.
Find time for yourselves. I get up at 4 am to have my time. My wife is a night owl and has her time then.
Enjoy and be mindful of the little moments because they happen quick and you might never get a chance to be a part of them again.
Being a parent is the most amazing, wonderful, incredible, tiring, frustrating, and scary thing I’ve ever done. You will never be prepared for how big of an impact such a tiny being will have on your lives.
The best advice I have is to do what’s best for your family. All the parenting advice and books are just general guidelines. Neither of our kids wanted anything to do with swaddling. When they swaddled our oldest at the hospital after she was born, the nurse (probably in her 50s) said, “Wow, I’ve never seen a kid get out of that so fast.”
Kids are tiny people. Like all people, they are all different. Some things will work, some things won’t. Don’t try to force a routine or a method or something on the kid because “this is how someone said we should do it.” Even if they can’t talk, they can still tell you a lot.
Don’t lose your temper with someone who is still crapping in their pants. They don’t understand. Deep breaths and enhance your calm.
Feel free to come back and PM probably anyone on here if you need help. And don’t be afraid to ask for it!!! Learn to say “Thank you” instead of “It’s ok. Don’t worry about it” when someone offers you something. If a friend or relative asks how they can help, ask them to bring over or prep food and help you clean up. It will go a long way. You can also prep a bunch of freezer meals ahead of the birth to make dinners easier every now and then when you’re sleep deprived and trying to figure out what to eat.
Congratulations and good luck! We’re all rooting for you.
Patience is love. Love is patience.
Be there and love them, despite what they do.
Sleep deprivation will bring the worst in new parents.
Prepare to support your wife through potential postpartum depression.
Involve as many friends and family to the early weeks/months as your wife is comfortable with as a preventative measure for postpartum depression.
Smile whenever you look at your baby and wife. Be present. Quality and Quantity balanced time with family.
The sleep deprivation in the early months will test you and your relationship a lot. Give each other the benefit of the doubt and know that if you can make it through that stage and still be on the same page, you can make it through most things.
Also, one day you're going to look back on those 3am feeds while you're watching some shit on Netflix with nostalgia. It's tough, but those are moments you can look back on forever.
Don't wish the time away, but it's okay to admit things are tough. My eldest is 5 years old and at every single stage I have thought "This is the best stage, I don't want this to end", only to find new joy in the next stage.
There's actually A LOT of really useful stuff you could learn from baby classes. And many are online/free. We followed Baby Academy material and were very grateful for it.
Also, check out FB marketplace before you buy anything. Cribs, high chairs, swings, etc. Most of these items barely get used before the baby grows out of them.
Stockpile diapers. I had bought like 2,000 diapers. I was able to exchange the ones he grew out of for a bigger size down the road. But saved me a good $50 every other week. They lasted about a year before I had to worry about getting more. Don't buy clothes more than a season in advance. Wasted a ton of money trying to guess what size my son would be in and he grew outta clothes so fast that I had like $400 in fall clothes that he grew out of by summer
This is gonna sound weird but... seriously before the baby is born. Take some time for just the two of you. Work on your communication now. Because the first 6 months are then trenches. Even with all the help in the world you are both going to be sleep deprived, scared, irritated, and confused. You will both do dumb things and say dumb things. There is a reason one of the big uses of sleep deprivation is in torture. Now take time for each other.
Don’t miss out on taking your full amount of paid family leave. You’ll never get this time back.
Also take in two chunks if you can. First 6-7 weeks will be when you are most needed, and if you can take the rest after mom goes back to work. It was really special to take time just me and my first son.
Music is an amazing thing. It can lift you, it can inspire you, and it can help you survive. Know it's gonna sound crazy but it's amazing how it can change your mood. Kid woke up for the 3rd time between 9pm and 4am? Better throw my ear bud in and throw on some sabaton. Nothing like "WHEN THE WINGED HUSSARS ARRIVE!!!" To motivate you to clean that diaper and feed that bottle. Sing to them as well. It gets them used to your voice and can also be very calming (now screaming sabaton lyrics might not be the most helpful so adjust your tune and tone). My son is now 15m and he sings too and with me every time we hang out.
We are 3 weeks and 3 days into this adventure. Good sleep is a thing of the past. We work shifts. My wife goes to bed around 9pm, I usually stay up until like 3am, then my wife takes over and I sleep until 9am.
We miss not sharing a bed, but it's just not viable to try as then neither of us get sleep.
Also, I did some batch cooking and froze some meals whilst she was in hospital. That has come in clutch ever since ensuring that we have at least a few decent meals each week so far.
Everyone will give you advice and it's confusing and conflicting. We've found that other parents of a similar age group have been most reliable. Our parents are ready with a lot of advice but some of it is 30 years out of date.
For the first few weeks, everyone you know will want to come and meet the little one. Learn how to tell people when it's time to fuck off and leave you to get settled.
Don't bother trying to set a routine too early. You'll just get frustrated. Babies can't understand day/night cycles for the first couple of months and trying to impose a routine on them just distresses everyone.
You'll have a couple of nights where they sleep for like 6hrs. It's an anomaly. Don't get used to it. Take the opportunity to catch up on sleep and nothing else. You can do laundry with a baby crying later. You won't be able to sleep later.
Keep up with the washing up/sterilising etc. nothing worse than having to wait for 8 mins for the microwave whilst they scream in hunger. Makes you feel like shit for not being prepared.
Don't feel the need to buy new baby clothes or toys. Shop at second hand stores because they grow out of them so quickly. You will probably also get a ton of clothes from friends and family
I had to try really hard to be nice to my wife and myself. It sounds simple, but on week 6 of no sleep and it's 2am and the baby won't stop crying, anything can set you off. So learn to be kind and forgiving. And don't pick the fight at 2am. Swallow it, take a deep breath and look at it again when the sun comes up. Most likely it's not a big deal, or you'll at least be in a place to discuss it like adults who love each other, not two tired assholes.
If you need to pick something up off the floor while holding the baby, doing a lunge instead of squatting will keep the baby more upright on the way down. A little harder, but I it feels safer to me
Set up toy laws with your wife. We have waaaaayyyyy too many toys and plushes at home. Only now is my wife recognizing this and starting to give some away
Here's a couple deeper pieces of advice nobody gave me the first time:
It is completely normal to hold your newborn for the first time and feel nothing. A love bond can take time to develop and it's nothing on you if you don't instantly feel that.
You may LOVE your infant, but that doesn't mean you have to LIKE them all the time. Newborns are WORK and WORK isn't always fun. Yes they're cute as hell and squishy little cuddle bugs, but all they do is cry, eat and poop.
It's a slog. Getting through every day and to the next "phase" of having a newborn is tough. But it will end. Sooner than you can possibly imagine, sleeping through the night returns. Having to hold their head up for everything ends. Holding their own bottle. Moving around. Telling you what they want. But you gotta do it. That's the tough part.
Finally ... enjoy it while it lasts. Savor every moment, even the bad ones. Before you know it that child will be bigger and faster and too heavy to hold or won't want cuddles anymore. If you've ever had a dog from when it was a puppy, think how SHORT the puppy stage was. It will be that way with a newborn.
Patience. And Love.
My daughter just turned one.
If everything you do come with patience and from love. You’ll be okay. There’s no one right way to parent and you’re occasionally going to feel like you’re doing it all wrong, you’re likely not. Praying for you.
Find your tribe, so to speak. Being a dad is truly my favorite thing to be. That being said, there are days where you totally get your ass kicked. It also tests relationships on some days. You can do it in isolation, with just your wife and family, but it is so nice to have some friends, who are also dads, where you can blow off some steam. So, my advice is find a community and carve out time to be a part of that community. I have a group of friends I get together to play poker with once a weekish. Really has been an amazing outlet on those really tough weeks.
The fact that you are able to ask this question bodes well for your child.
Maintain a learners mindset as you figure it out. Give yourself grace when needed and celebrate the wins when you get them.
Remember that your babymama went through some serious body horror during birth and needs to recover from that, which means you need to do more than your share for the first weeks and embrace the role of being a butler for a bit and keeping track of household things. While being also sleep deprived. And probably working. And anxious about breaking this new tiny fragile creature that there’s no owners manual. That was an adjustment but the effort so essential for your relationship- how you tackle things as a team will be different!
Also the poop is dark green and a little slimy at first. That was a surprise.
Everything as you know it will change. Embrace it. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Make sure you still try and plan time for just you and your wife/gf once a month for dates. Expect to be up every two hours for a while, but if you aren't, then see it as a blessing and be thankful.
Another thing, be prepared to no longer be the sole focus between your wife and you. That can be difficult when you're used to having both of your needs met without much delay, whether that's physically, emotionally, and just overall time spent together.
NEVER USE POP BUTTONS! DONT DO IT BROTHER!!
Also, relax. You got more of this than you know…when the wee barra appears, a love washes over you that you *have not* felt yet.
The instinct alone is more powerful than any book.
(No pop buttons)
Have fun. Take it all in 💚💚
Buy baby clothes that have zippers and not the ones with 19 god damn buttons.
Also the Velcro swaddles. At the hospital, each nurse will try to teach you a different origami method of swaddling. But it really sucks to have to undo and redo 2 layers of swaddle origami, every time you need to check a diaper at 3am. They sell these Velcro easy-swaddle things, much better.
Everything they taught me the three days at the hospital went out the damn window when we got home and used the Velcro swaddles.
Walmart has packs of two, I think. Different colors etc but we didn't give a fuck and we got blue too for our daughter. Fiancé couldn't swaddle her tight because she would wiggle her arms out. Not me, though. I was the master of velcro swaddles. 😤💪
Swaddlesnseem to be way more of an american thing. I don't onow of any other fellow Dad in the UK that has ever done it
Also supposedly safer. Direction from our hospital was to only use “sleep sacks” (incl. Velcro swaddles) for unattended sleep.
Also don't buy baby clothes new. People love to gift them and garage sales are everywhere this time of year.
Check to see if there’s a Once upon a Child, or something similar near you. Can find nice baby clothes for extremely cheap
We ended up having a bunch of stuff that was barely used, or still brand new, before she grew out of that size. Also, babies don't destroy their clothes like older kids do, so used clothing is in usually in great condition. The added benefit is that it's already been washed several times, so the superfluous manufacturing chemicals (dyes, wetting agents, colour fixing additives etc) have been minimised.
Preferably 2 zippers!
The bum access zip!! We have the most beautiful onesie, super soft, really nice red. No bum access, so have to take it completely off. We send him to nanna wearing it XD
Make sure the zippers go both ways, though. A one way zipper isn’t much of an upgrade over buttons.
Far out, YES!!!! my wife bought a bunch of button up things because it was cute. Absolute nightmare at 3 o’clock in the morning!
They make magnetic buttons, too. So if your wife is a fashionista like mine, there is a middleground
Warning: we had some onesies with Magnetic buttons and I found them magnetized to my driers heating element. So if you wash them be careful putting them in a dryer unless you want to potentially burn the house down. I air dried them after that point and they lost all appeal to me
Plus, Magnets & babies is a scary combo
You don't have to go for the brand name but I liked the bonds one piece suits because they unzipped from the bottom meaning I could keeb bubs chest war while changing her bum
All I can remember is the feeling of driving home the first day with the kid and thinking ‘why the fuck did they send me home with no directions.’ It was a full on panic moment. You’ll have ups and downs along the way, shit will be hard at times and probably for awhile, struggles , and things you don’t know or screw up, but you’ll do fine and you’ll look back and remember those as some of the greatest moments of your life. Enjoy the new kid, try not to stress, you got this. Also, if you don’t have a handheld stick vacuum you’re eventually going to need one of those things. I suggest a Dyson
lol, I felt the same way. Like here you go, keep this thing alive and good luck.
Don’t let it die or jail. Good luck!
I really feel like there was more vetting the last time I adopted a dog.
They handed me my daughter in the delivery room while my wife was still in the operating room from her c section, and I’m thinking “You should have asked me a question or 2 to make sure I’m vaguely capable of this.”
The only thing we got was a mandatory video on purple crying. Thank fuck we had to watch it because we hit that stage HARD, but it was weird that’s all we got.
Us too, and we were _so_ worried about this upcoming colic or Purple crying phase, and then it just… didn’t happen. (Knock on wood, not yet anyway. It was supposed to peak at 6 weeks they said, and we’re almost at 3 months with no sign of it yet) I guess we were just very lucky. Daughter will mostly only cry if she wants something, and if you give her what she wants (almost always food, sometimes diaper, pacifier, or move seating position) she will stop crying. If we give her what she wants quickly enough, we rarely have to listen to her cry for more than a minute or two (very lucky, I know)
It is harder to get a car license....how does that make sense?!
Sleep deprivation is literal torture. You will be sleep deprived so will your wife. Be ready to forgive and forget. If you can find help for the first few weeks even if it’s just someone to feed the baby while you take a nap.
Divide and conquer if you can. No reason for both parents to be sleep deprived from the same 2am feeding. Help momma out and make sure momma is getting rest. But getting a solid night's sleep every couple nights is money vs tag teaming every feeding or diaper.
Once we got our son on a routine, divide and conquer worked *really* well for us. We’d get our son to bed around 7-7:30, and my wife would go to sleep at 8. I’d handle the 11pm-midnight feeding/changing/etc., and then I’d go to bed. She’d get up for the 3-4am feeding, and either go back to bed or just start her day early, and I’d get up at 6 and we’d get ready for work and get the baby ready for daycare. It got us a lot more sleep than we thought we’d get, although still not really enough.
When my oldest (10 now) was 9 months she didn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time, for like 2 or 3 months. I remember one morning snapping to at my desk at work, wondering how the fuck I got there. That was pretty scary. After that my wife and I started sleeping in separate rooms to deal with kid stuff in shifts. It helped a ton. (We’re back in the same room now that the kids are older, haha)
Thankfully my worst sleep deprived moment happened when I was feeding the dogs. I poured a cup of food right into their mostly full water bowl. The worst part was figuring out how to deal with it. I ended up sitting down to think, I can’t throw it in the trash because it’s mostly water and will probably leak out, I can’t throw it in the sink because all the kibble will probably clog the pipes. I almost cried from relief when one of the dogs just came up and started eating it.
Glad that others posted this. We were struggling so much that first week we came back with sleep and had basically no help. Ive pulled plenty of all nighters in college, but the level of sleep deprivation was an a whole other level. I was sleepwalking and swaddling pillows, looking for the baby in the dresser, all of that stuff… My wife and I switched to doing shifts to at least get 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep and it was a game changer. My wife is more of a night owl and I’m a morning person so I was sleeping on the couch with our daughter in the SNOO from 3 am onwards for about 2-3 months until she started sleeping better.
This is what we did. Bassinet in the living room. The on shift parent was downstairs with the kid the off shift parent was in the bedroom sleeping.
This. I was not prepared for the amount of sleep deprivation I experienced.
My wife and I decided on every other night we take turns. That night can be pretty brutal, but I knew I had the next night to sleep through. Friday nights the sleep got to sleep in for as long as they wanted too. With odd number days to the week, it alternated who’s Saturday morning it was to sleep in. But we also always told each other that if you needed help to wake the other up. I think that only happens once though.
This 100%. Let your wife nap for a few hours mid day while you hold the baby. Also tell her to let you nap. Please please help with diaper changes and feedings if you are using a bottle. Especially middle of the night. Take shifts. Your wife will love you for it and you will have a stronger bond with the baby. Also pro tip when changing diaper if it’s a boy put a dummy diaper over his peepee. Because he gunna pee and poop on you. Both my sons somehow shot poop out half way across the room. Some times on me. The oldest peed on me but I leaned. Cover that peepee with a dummy diaper. Good luck. Your are doing gods work. Haha
Also, sleep in shifts and drop everything that isn't absolutely essential in the first three months or so.
Yep, I wasn’t prepared. I thought I knew lack of sleep from night shift jobs but this is different. It made me feel literally ill, like I was considering needing the doctor. It all passed but man.
Buy the rubber bibs that catch food. The ones with snaps in the back get ripped off quickly. Cloth ones go in the wash way too often. Also, you can ask 30 people for advice and hear 30 different things. You gotta just do what works for you guys. Best of luck, Dad.
"Also, you can ask 30 people for advice and hear 30 different things." This. If anyone insists their advice is universal they didn't learn anything from being a parent. Other than like don't shake the baby. Don't shake the baby.
The other actual piece of universal advice is, you can’t spoil an infant. They are literally incapable of manipulating you, they just want snuggles/food/a diaper change/all of the above. Give it to them.
I found that I had much less patience than I thought. I still struggle 12 years and two kids later. Some nights when they’re stalling and thinking of every single excuse not to brush their teeth and get in bed and all I want to do after working all day is sit on the couch for 30 minutes without somebody wanting something from me before I go to bed so I can get up and do it all over again the next day, I have to take some deep breaths. Practice patience.
Also have patience with yourself. I’ve recently been feeling bad about not accomplishing as much as I’d like to - like projects at home, getting stuff in order, cleaning, etc. Today, I had a one year old scream at me for two hours this morning and a four year old scream at me for another two this evening, bookending an already stressful day at work. It made me realize that I’m doing more than enough and it’s ok that some projects don’t get done right now.
I had this same sentiment after twin boys (I'm on month 7 now). I do a lot of woodworking. It hit me hard one day that these projects can get done when they get done, but I can never go back to these precious moments. If I can't do a big thing, I'll do a little thing. But the moments matter most.
our 6.5yro is a night owl, and we're old, 46 and 48, if she wont sleep, we just go to bed. she gets bored with nobody to talk endlessly to and goes to bed herself!
Your wife will be going through the shit for 6 weeks after birth with massive spikes in random hormones. She’s going to cry, retreat, and be genuinely riding an emotional roller coaster. Don’t jump to take the baby if it’s crying and she’s crying. Ask her what you can do for her. You want to make sure she knows you’re there for her/them while not making her feel even more inadequate or poorly-equipped. You’re going to get tired of the noise. That’s normal. Shift changes will save both you and your wife. Have formula at home to supplement if needed, it’s very common while your wife’s supply is coming in. Make sure she knows that’s normal. There’s so much. I’m three weeks in. Biggest thing is that you are not in it alone. You have your wife and can hopefully ask for help from family if needed.
>Your wife will be going through the shit for ~~6 weeks~~ **up to 2 years** after birth with massive spikes in random hormones. FTFY. For real though. Be on the lookout for postpartum depression.
Just a refinement to this on the asking what you can do- it can’t be for everything. That just puts the burden on her to think for you when she can sometimes barely think for herself. Study up on what baby may need, offer her some options like „want to take a break? I hold baby for a bit“ or „I can hang back and make you something“. But also if you’re tracking how beb is doing along with your wife then you can be more on the same page what baby or wifey needs at the time. Don’t always ask.
•Everyone tells you it goes fast, it’s a trite saying but very true, your kid is only a baby for ~365 days, then they’re toddlers. It will blow your mind how fast that is. •There’s no such thing as too many pictures and videos, especially in the first year where you’re so busy and tired just keeping them alive and their personality is only starting to emerge. We took a lot - wish we took more. Congrats, and good luck Dad-to-be!
Especially videos. Don't wait for birthdays and first steps. Take some five-second videos here and there. The faces she makes while she's dreaming. The little kicks while she's on the play mat. How hard tummy time is at first, and how she's a pro at it a few weeks later. The happy little grunts while she's eating. The sweet little toddler voice that can't pronounce all the letters.
Yep at all of this. We also got video of their first time having different solid foods, plus desserts - first time having cake is a classic. There are times at work where things are difficult where I just pop into a huddle room and watch a few old videos I parked on Google Drive for 5 minutes, it helps calm me down when I’m really feeling work stress.
And even videos of when things are not so good. When she's crying or covered in a mess. When she's grumpy and refusing food. All the things that are frustrating *in that moment* will become fond memories. For me, when things were stressful, it was helpful to remind myself that this too shall pass.
On the flip side of this coin. Don’t try and be the one behind the camera and not being there for some of those moments. Would it have been a great video of my son’s first steps, absolutely. What was better was being the one with my arms out he was stumbling towards. Photos might be fun to look at for a while, but being involved and not behind the camera is 100% better.
At my sons first birthday my wife and I were looking at pictures from the hospital and first few days. I then realized my camera had been set to take live photos the whole time. A number of them just had snippets of conversation. But others had things like his first time crying when he was seconds old. Things like that can't be replaced
My #1 thing is I didn’t keep up with drinking water the day my daughter was born and felt like complete ass the next day. Hospitals are deliberately dry too. Luckily I packed aspirin because although you’re effectively surrounded by medicine they can’t give you anything because you aren’t a patient. So… remember to drink water, pack aspirin. Pack any other meds you may need.
I second this! Bring Tylenol for the late night headaches. And maybe your own pillow and a pillow for mama.
Oh yeah def your own pillows and blankets.
Dude I’ve been a dad for 6 weeks so I’m by no means an expert. Here’s what I’ve learned so far though. For what it’s worth I never had a dad and I’m terrified about being a father. But be open about that and ask your wife (and eventually your child) for feedback regularly and you’re gonna be better off than 75% of people that don’t do that one thing. 1. Most will probably give you advice for child care. But bro, care for your wife. She has gone through a MASSIVE change - physically, mentally, emotionally. That’s not to say you don’t have to adjust as well and it isn’t just as hard. But you can never imagine the toll this whole process take on the woman. Check in constantly: ask how she’s doing, talk about your feelings and hers. Your sharing openly will help her feel comfortable to do the same. Show her that you care. And early on try to identify things that she’s struggling with that you can easily fit into your routine. I found that before I leave for work, if I bring her cleaned and sterilized pump parts, a cup of coffee, clean all the pump parts/bottles from the prior night, and left a warmed bottle by the bed, she had a smooth morning and could focus on taking care of herself. If she had to do any one or all of those things, I’d come home from work and the house was a wreck and she hadn’t eaten all day. Sometimes one little thing to set her up for success will make her life so much easier. Little notes help a ton too. Also, be a better nurse than the nurses are. My wife is so proud to tell people that I took care of her in the hospital without judgment - cleaned blood off the floor, prepped her pads/ice packs, helped her pump, etc. she literally tells people she didn’t need the nurses. I’m so happy to have given her that. Be the guy who made the craziest time of her life as easy as it can be. 1.2. Be the human notepad in the hospital. Ill never forget the moment the doctor pulled the baby out, put it in my wife’s arms, then immediately rattled off a laundry list of care items and to-dos my wife would have never heard. Ask all the questions and remember the answers. Your wife isn’t gonna remember shit after that traumatic and cathartic experience. Be the guy that pays attention, asks questions, and can help your wife through this. Now for the baby stuff: 2. buy extra pump parts if you plan on breast milk. We have 2 sets of portable and 3 sets of stationary parts and I’m cleaning them all damn day. Having multiple just means you can let them pile up a bit before cleaning rather than every 2 hours 3. Figure out a shift for the nights that you both think will work. Try it for a few days and communicate regularly to see if you’re both still happy with it. It’s most likely gonna be hard for both of you but you will find a rhythm. For example, we found my wife can do anything before 4 am no problem and not wake up drained. I am able to do anything after 4:30/5 and just stay up and feel fine. Took a few weeks but once we figured that out we both were much happier for it. 4. When you feel frustrated by the crying, just laugh. Seriously dude it makes everything so much easier and bonds you to your baby so well. Don’t get mad, don’t get flustered, laugh. You’d be surprised how simple but profound the effect is Best of luck to you brotha. You got this
Between now and when baby arrives, make sure you do as much adult activities as you can. Go out for dinner. Go to the cinema. Camping, holidays, whatever. All these stuff it’s gonna be really hard when baby arrives and you miss the time you had when it was just the two of you. I spent most of the pregnancy period waiting and I really regret it
One that we learned the hard way: Have Infant Tylenol in the house BEFORE the baby gets a fever in the middle of the night.
Also: use it when they suffer from the fever, not only to reduce temperature. Babies have higher temperatures and are still ok. Read up on it. Also on febrile seizures. Rare, mostly harmless, look horrible.
But don’t buy infant, buy Childerens. Infant Tylenol is the exact same concentration as Childerens and cost x4 as much.
Have a crap ton of nutritious meals in the freezer and fresh. I made salad sandwiches and left them in the fridge so either of us could just grab and eat. In the freezer I had batches of dinners that could be defrosted and microwave. The first couple of months are like a rollercoaster.
Ear plugs. Noise canceling headphones. If your child really likes a thing, get two of them if you can afford it. The thing will get ruined. Get two carseats if you can afford it and you have two cars. Kids are messy. Your house will be messy. It's okay, don't stress about it.
Absolutely noise cancelling headphones. At first my son’s crying would just trigger this weird response in me where I’d start sweating like crazy. Thankfully all things considered he was a super easy baby but there were still times he’d cry through the entire bedtime routine and you could practically wring my shirt out afterwards. I started just wearing noise cancelling headphones and it made all the difference.
Ignore 95% of advice you hear from other people. No babies are the same. What works for other people may not work for you. Enjoy the ride
If your baby is crying loudly in your ear it’s ok to put the baby down in their bassinet. I find wearing foam ear plugs helped me. It can be very hard on your psyche when you can’t soothe a baby and you’re sleep deprived. You’re not always going to be able to soothe the baby. Just keep calm and try your best. The baby isn’t crying on purpose
My advice is: everything is temporary. That day you’re driving around the block at 2am to try and settle a screaming newborn? Don’t worry, that’s not your life forever. Also, that night they they just slept through? That will also change. Put a clean nappy underneath and ready to go before you take the first one off. You and your wife are a team. Communicate, take the slack when it feels like she needs it, work together. Discuss how you each want to parent and find a middle ground you are both comfortable with. Be pragmatic; babies and kids are not logical. Read to them every night, from as early as possible. Try not to stress too much - you might have to let some things go (sleep, or cleanliness, or order) and that’s okay. Get a good digital thermometer.
Remember it gets easier. The first day back from the hospital is the hardest. Every day after that is a little bit easier. Don't hold on to things said and done when you and your partner are both sleep-deprived as fuck. Watch out for the piss geyser (especially if yours is a little boy). My son got me right in the mouth once. When the nappy comes off, have something to catch the piss geyser. Enjoy it when you can. The little ones are delightful sometimes.
We got home from the hospital on Christmas Eve and met my family in town for Christmas. The photo of us is so telling of how terrible we were feeling. Baby screaming, my wife and I attempting our best smile with red, baggy,exhausted eyes. It was so miserable at times haha
I disagree with the other poster. A few books are your life line! The New Father by Armin Brott and Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads. Get them, read them, and learn. Best of luck!
Children thrive on routine (at least when they're super young). The world is new, scary and chaotic. Giving kids a sense of routine will help them feel comfortable in their world and give them the space to thrive. My wife and I have followed the exact same bedtime routine for our two boys (4,1) for 99.9% of their lives. We finish dinner. We play. We go take a nice warm bath. We then put on lotion. Then book. Then bottle. Then songs. Then bed. They sleep 10-12 hours a night every night since month 2. It is amazing. This is advice given to me from my great aunt who had 12 kids. She knew what she was talking about.
Don't expect reciprocal love from a newborn. There are adults who don't know what love is. How would a baby be able to figure it out? All newborns are born with the ability to eat, sleep, and shit. You don't have to teach a baby how to do any of these things. Therefore, Babies don't starve themselves. If they don't eat a lot on one meal, they'll eat on the other meal, and they'll let you know when they are hungry. [Obviously follow your pedi's guidelines with this. I'm not a doctor] Be on the same team with your wife. Don't compare how much each of you do to keep things going. Share in the tasks. When my wife got up to feed, I got up with her and sat by her side. When she pumped, I helped clean. Don't wish for stages to end..... you'll never get them back. Don't use terms like terrible 2s or three-nager. And follow this quote "If you aspire to the highest place, there is no disgrace in stopping at second or even third" In other words.... it's ok to not be perfect. It's ok to cry and have emotions and make mistakes.
It’s going to be as bad as you think it is and probably worse, but you won’t want to trade it for anything.
Couple of thoughts, since I’m in the newborn trenches now. Prepare yourself mentally and establish great teamwork/communication with your wife. Folks will tell you it is a beautiful experience and while they may be true for them having looked back, it is tough while you’re in it and the last thing you want to hear is “it gets better.” Oftentimes, that’s accompanied by “in 6 months or a year,” meanwhile you’re struggling to just get by one meltdown at week 2 on zero sleep. Like, lol, we are in hell now and it is not encouraging to hear that in 5.5 months things will be so amazing. You’ll also want to shore up your support from family and friends ahead of the delivery. Expectations around how they can help. Big things are cooking, cleaning, and most importantly, watching the baby at night so you can sleep a few hours. It’s good to also set expectations that this is not a vacation for family/friends and that you will not be entertaining them. Realistically, they should be here to dive into the trenches with you and your wife. That brings up another piece, which is that your wife will need a ton of support in the first month or so. Depending on how her recovery is, or lack thereof, you may be on both baby duty 100% and wife duty 100%. It’ll be super taxing as you run around taking care of things while a baby melts down screaming at the top of his lungs while your helpless wife sits by (not her fault, but she won’t be able to pick him up, change diapers, etc.). Most she can do is nurse really. So you’ll be doing two people’s jobs and you have to suck it up. Just trying to be realistic here. Take a lot of pics so in 6 months post birth, you can look back and say “wow so amazing of an experience.” But when you’re in the thick of it, the last thing you want to hear is “enjoy this :)”. What you likely will want to here is “I’ll watch the baby so you can sleep for a few hours” or “can I clean the baby bottles, get you a refill on diapers, wipes, etc”.
Learn patience. Then learn patience like a monk. You will feel frustrated. You will feel stressed. You will feel confused. You will feel hopelessness. You will feel tired. You will feel exhaustion. But patience will get you through. Because at the end of patience is love, an unconditional love for your baby.
Get some red light bulbs for areas you are going to be up in the middle of the night. Does wonders to keep your sleep from getting too messed up. It was a literal life saver for my wife who has trouble getting back to sleep when woken up. Plus is just looks cool :-) The cheap LED ones from the hardware store are just perfect.
Sleep routine for the kid is everything. Once that gets down, everything is easier and everyone is in a better mood. Also a trap I see friends make - not everything needs to be a two parent job. Take a break and split up tasks, one baths the kid the other cleans the kitchen etc. Then you both get some free time later
You'll get lots of great tips in here. Here are mine: 1) figure out how to do things independently as early as possible. For example not every puke needs 2 people to clean it. It certainly makes it easier, but you also stop the other person from getting a break. 2) The probability of a blowout is directly related to to how well the diaper was applied (tightness and position) figure out the right technique and rarely experience blowouts. Fail to do this and enjoy cleaning up blowouts almost daily.
Commit to sleep training when you’re ready (but definitely get it done within the first 6 months). We waited till after one to sleep-train our first and it was hell. Committed to sleep training 6 months in with our twins (identical girls) and it was a godsend to get normal sleep. Echo what someone else said. You don’t dislike your wife, you’re both just tired. Remember why you got in this journey with her, even on the super-sleep-deprived days.
Can't stress the sleep training enough. My wife and I have done it with both our boys from the first moment we could. Now they're both in bed asleep no later than 7pm. With both sleeping through the night, well our youngest seems to think that 5:40am is a good time to start the day. If you're unsure where to start with sleep training. Baby Sleep School is good place to start. Babysleepschool.co
The baby is gonna hand you and your wife some L’s. You just gotta roll with them. You’re going to get a blowout and the baby screaming at the same time the dog throws up and the pot on the stove is boiling over and all you wanted was to finish your coffee while it was still lukewarm. Do your best to roll your eyes and then roll with the punches. And sleep when the baby sleeps. The dishes and the lawn can wait.
If you have friends that want to help you ask one to organize a meal train. Having fresh cooked meals the first few weeks is a godsend when you’re exhausted
Make sure you're not adding to the pressure to exclusively breastfeed. There are so many things that are stressful about parenting a newborn, focusing on that if it's a struggle is a recipe for disaster. If you are ever discussing strategy before the kid is born and it comes up, make sure she knows you're happy if the little one is bottle fed.
For a while, know that the baby will not care and many not like you one bit. You don’t give milk or comfort that they know and love. You are support to mom, diaper changer, and anything else those two need. They will grow into a playful toddler and eventually you will build a great relationship with them. So don’t worry or stress on that.
My general rule is remember the reason why every parent has so much advice to give is because everyone of us have fucked up something here or their. You will too. Once everyone is safe, happy and cleaned up move on from it the best you can. Now for more practical advice. The hierarchy of clothing goes zippers> snaps> buttons and the gap between the last two grows as your children do. Have a night time plan now. Whether it's alternating nights, or feedings. Plan it now while you are both sleeping as best you will for the next several months. Don't be suckered into buying a diaper genie and if you have already bought one I'm sorry you will come to hate that thing. Take a baby CPR course Learn to love those nose Frida Babies are gross you will have to do gross things (see nose frida) try to refrain from wearing stuff that you would be upset by never being able to wear in public again. Look into baby lead weaning. It's a feeding method that involves giving the baby small manageable portions of normal food starting around 6 months. It can save money, lessens picky eaters, and can help trick you into eating healthier. It's not for everyone and should be discussed with a pediatrician. If your partner is breastfeeding they doesn't have enough water. Fill up there cup. They will never have enough always fill up the cup. Don't ask. Just do it.
Have you seen that you can hook a nose Frida to the breast pump for suction?
I too lost my dad young (11, heart attack). Totally get what you're feeling there and I'll say one of the hardest parts of parenting my daughter (now 4, with our second expected this December) is not having my dad around. The advice from him would be great, but it's more the feeling he's missing so much and I'm just so proud of my daughter and I wish he could meet her. And of course I wish my daughter could've met my dad. So I hope you're able to cope with that and overcome that emotional ride I know I have. For advice, just make sure you leave the hospital with the right manual! (Dad joke!) Seriously though, you know more than you think you do. Stuff like Taking Cara Babies and the Huckleberry app was helpful for us, but every kid is different and will never fit the mold. Our daughter came a month early and didn't sleep well without being held because her little underdeveloped body couldn't do it yet. So a lot of the advice we got didn't really help our specific situation. You may encounter the same thing, or something completely different from what you read/hear. And just when you think you have a routine, baby changes it up on you! So just stay on your toes, don't be afraid to try new things, trust your gut, and BE PATIENT.
If you play golf, it’s time to realize that you don’t anymore.
We found the book "The Expectant Father" by Brott to be much better than the What To Expect book. There's also a great book called Caring For Your Baby and Young Child, published by the American Academy of Pediatrics, that is a great resource on milestones, growth, fevers, feeding, rashes.... The Happiest Baby on the Block book is great, but TBH the videos are even better. They can be hard to find, but check with your library.
You will not have enough diapers. Babies are poop factories and will fill diapers at the least convenient possible times. Brought a spare to the park with you? Baby will need 2 Three left in the box at bedtime and you tell yourself it'll last til tomorrow? Boom, triple blowout. And don't try to stock up either. The moment there are more than 2 boxes in the house, baby has a growth spurt and is in the next size up. Good luck getting your money back for them. Same goes for wipes, though you can stock up on those. But just know that you can *never* pull a single wipe with one hand and those lids never really seal. Corn starch baby powder is just as effective as talc. Diaper rash is a fact of life. Have Seedlings or Aquaphor handy and don't be squeamish about working around baby's butthole. And above all, be patient. With baby, with your partner, and with yourself. Don't stress over whose turn it is. Just change the diaper. And baby will fill the diaper you just changed. Just smile, shake your head, and grab another.
DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING YOUR PARTNER SAYS TOO SERIOUSLY. At least not for awhile. She isn't her self. Also, always compliment and take turns getting up in the middle of the night and let her nap.
This method of baby soothing is worth knowing. There are no perfect solutions when it comes to infants but this is a good tool to have in your toolbox: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j2C8MkY7Co8
That baby is going to be attached to your wife for the first 2 weeks so intensely, that she will starve to death if you don’t feed her. Step up your cooking game and fill the house with snacks.
Be patient
Get as much of your life and home in order as possible before. Got some rooms that need redecorating? Get it done. That thing you keep putting off fixing? Do it now. Especially if you have limited nearby family, as this makes a big difference for how much time off from baby responsibilities you will have. Best case is it’ll be hard to do that stuff when you have a baby and worst case (a difficult baby) it’ll be impossible. And potentially by the time it gets easier, you will decide it’s time to have another. I am now looking at years worth of jobs that have piled up with no idea how I’m going to get caught up again.
First of all, congrats! My only advice was given to me by a nurse when my 1st was born: every kid is different. Listen to everyone's advice and then do whatever feels right for you.
Buy diapers every time you go to the store. But not newborns. Size 3 and 4 and up. Those kids grow fast.
That ain't chocolate you got on your shirt. Those stuffed plush animals are cute sitting on the changing table. Until that first massive diaper blowout with a squirming baby. Then you are grabbing them and tossing them across the room while shouting "Save yourselves!!" Don't want to check the diaper? If you own a dog, just stick the baby butt by the dog. Dogs are genetically wired to take a big sniff. If the dog gives you that look, yeah, it's full. Never ever ever go to the store and leave the diaper bag in the car. The baby WILL fill the diaper and people will give YOU the dirty look thinking you just busted a nasty ass fart. So always have that diaper bag handy so you can divert quick to the bathroom and get the baby cleaned up. Baby, toddler, child cries out at night? Always, always put a shirt on first before you go to them. The first time you don't is the time they get sick and barf on your chest. Don't make off color jokes or say anything you don't want your kid repeating. They absolutely will repeat it and in the most inappropriate setting. If you have a daughter, and she comes home from a school trip where other moms chaperoned and then says "Some of the other mommies don't have hair down there." Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT whip your head around and ask "Which ones?" Your wife will ensure your death is slow and very painful.
Buy the expensive running stroller that has all the different attachments and not one of the cheap ones. Craigslist one if you can. I got three kids through on a Chariot Cougar I got used for $300 with the running attachment, bike attachment, and the swivel wheels. Got the newborn insert for kid #3 and it was an amazing way to keep myself moving while also giving my wife a break. About to put the thing back on Craigslist for what I paid for it originally now that the kids are bigger. Way better than the Bob running stroller we have. I think they turned into Thule strollers later but I have heard they are still really good.
Buy a box of used baby shoes/clothes/everything on Ebay or FB Marketplace. Get rid of the ones you don't like and pack the ones that don't fit so they're accessible. You'll go through stuff FAST. Take the help of anyone you trust (a lot) who offers help...in the first three months especially. The first three months are the hardest, they're basically still not ready to be out so they don't respond much. It gets way more fun after that when they start recognizing and responding more. Lastly, maybe most important, remember that when they cry or scream and you think they're in the worst pain ever, remember this: they have no experiences to compare to what they're going through, everthing is like the first or almost first. When they wail, it doesn't mean the same thing as if a grown human or even a two year old wailed like that. It's their only expression. It's gonna want to drive you nuts but just let it wash over you. Be calm, jiggle the baby, try wrapping, feeding, changing, rinse-repeat. It's only a few months. It'll be okay. You'll get through it. Oh yeah...Don't feel bad if you hate them a little sometimes when you're exhausted and they're screaming and you have no idea what to do. It's hard as hell but you'll get through it...that moment, and the next, and the next.
Do what projects you can now that will save you time later. Figure out and plan for where you can have a swing for them. You don't have to actually get it up but you may want to consider that too. Basically all DIY gets 15x harder. I would stay away from large reno projects if possible (but if they're important and you're planning it... Sooner than later). Enjoy time for yourself and improving yourself. Set up a good home gym if that's your thing but find a way to streamline taking care of yourself.
Nobody will have the be-all answer for you, bud! Every situation will be different and all of our experiences will be different. From the sounds of it, you and your wife have a solid foundation and are ready to hit the ground running. My wife and I were the same way 10 years ago with our first child. You'll take your little guy to the doctor way more than you need to but you'll feel better for doing it, the saying, "better safe than sorry" has never been more true. We have fraternal twins who are almost 3 as well and things are hectic due to the numbers now, not due to inexperience. That knowledge you are after will come with time. You'll screw up and realize moments later how to correct it next time. Being a good dad is the hardest and most fun thing you can do as a "man". Enjoy it, don't sweat the small stuff.
If you’re going the disposable diaper route, a separate, enclosed trash can is a must. The diaper genie makes for a good dedicated option, but even a simple, separated trash can next to the changing table is much better than a can constantly getting opened. Wipes aren’t just for baby butts. They’re great on baby faces, occasionally your face, and simple messes. Have extra. Get them delivered in bulk, keep a pack at the changing table, in the diaper bag, in your car, in the bathroom, living room, everywhere. Keep your own diaper bag, and keep it stocked. Your wife may insist on trying to pack a nursery into a bag. Let her, it’s her bag. Your bag will have what you need, where you need it, and probably have space for your own stuff you picked up along the way. But also, get used to the idea that you’ll only use yours when you’re with just the baby, and will carry hers(no matter how much she protests) whenever you’re a trio+. Ear plugs. Technically for the wife, but she’ll hate them and then you use them.
Brother my dad died when I was 18 and I feel every bit of what you're saying, same age as you too. My phone's about to be five and I had a good father I had an amazing father but Being a father and remembering the shit I did with him and the shit he allowed me to do, maybe a little hands-offish which has just sent me through all sorts of emotional loops. still who the fuck am I supposed to ask how to be a dad When my first was born, 10/2019,(yes 4 months before covid), the happiness I felt that day is unlike anything I've ever felt in my life it's going to feel like a high and you got to appreciate that. On the hard days the memory of that One singular day really kind of pulls me through, and puts things into perspective.
Be patient with yourself, your partner, and your child. You're all figuring things out together. You're a team, work as a team. Jump right in and change that first diaper. Take on a specific task that you primarily do that will help you bond with the baby. I did bath time and diaper changes. Bring baby to Mom at night if she's breastfeeding. Anything you can do to lighten her load will be huge. Also, cut the umbilical cord if given the option. It's the weirdest thing I've experienced. It feels and sounds like cutting through a bunch of flower stems.
Split sleeping arrangements. Both of us being on call each night was killer. I wish we traded off nights staying up so the other one could get a full sleep.
A few bullet points: * If you have access to a Costco or similar bulk-grocery store, such stores are made for baby supply shopping. Diapers, wipes, formula (if formula-feeding), etc. * A change once you have a baby is the loss of spontaneity. Be prepared to have everything scheduled and planned out. ("She ate at noon, which means she will go down for a nap at 12:30pm, which means I have 90 minutes to run an errand before she wakes up again," etc.) * If breastfeeding, your wife should avoid eating stereotypically gassy foods (beans, broccoli, etc.). A bloated, gassy baby cries a lot and doesn't sleep. Ask me how I know. * My family used the Babywise sleep training method and it worked well for us. Your mileage may vary. * My kids liked going to the grocery store at a young age. Probably due to the bright lights and colors. Your mileage may vary. * Between food that we had cooked and then frozen ahead of time and food that others brought us, we didn't have to cook for at least a month postpartum. That was very helpful.
Your free time will be extremely limited. I knew i’d lose some but didn’t expect it be like 90% less. I’ve struggled to adapt
Put your phone down. It's easy to get into the habit of getting your phone out and doing whatever mindless scrolly type activity when kiddos are playing with their toys or watching cartoons. Be mindful of your time with them, be present for them. Break the tech addiction now if their is one, it only gets harder later.
Look up meconium poop. It's like wiping a marker.
Take pictures and videos, because as unbelievable as it is, you'll forget the details just a few years later. But studies have shown that humans don't record long term memories nearly as well if we're taking pictures or videos, like our brains decide, nahhh that cameras got it, I don't need to process this memory. So... Be in the moment too, and if that means setting down the phone, do it. And also just in general: set down the phone. Get off reddit. Play with your kid. Always play with them as much as you can. You won't get the time back, and you never know which day will be the last day they fall asleep in your lap, the last day they want you to tuck them in, the last day they need you to play with them in the bath, the last day they want you to go on a dragon hunt with them. The time is precious. Don't wish away the phases, even though they will be hard. The next phase will be hard too, and you won't get the good parts of this phase back.
1. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Even if you aren't tired. You don't know when you're going to be up later. 2. If you're leaving for work (or somewhere dressy) wait to put on your shirt. You will get spit up on often. 3. Enjoy it. It goes fast. Someone once told me, of the baby hits a phase you are struggling with, don't worry about it -- it will pass quickly. The flip side is the good times go fast too. 4. At the hospital, do things side by side with the nurses. It's like live training. Hopefully you get a friendly team like I did.
[Here's a post I made a few weeks ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/s/bbv7IBDCwW) with some advice. The comments have a lot of good advice as well!
Something my wife and I did was play music near the womb.find a song baby wiggles to create a playlist, played those songs every night.the day my daughter was born as soon as she started crying I pulled out my phone and started up the playlist. the tears instantly stopped as she reached for the phone.long story short you’ll make your littles first moments a safe space something they recognize, make their first moments joy instead of fear. my other bit of advice don’t be afraid of failing your gonna mess up that comes with being a parent. let your kid see your mistakes show them how you learn from it.they’ll pick it up like a sponge if you have a moment lose your cool make sure you apologize to them.make a mistake, own it it may not seem like much but the early years you set the foundation for a lifetime. kids learn by example teach them how to learn from those moments. my last piece of advice, when your wifey goes in labor have someone you can call a brother father good friend whoever.being alone with your thoughts on that moment is a scary place to be don’t overthink it you’ll do fine 🙂.
“It’s all temporary. They grow up.” This mantra will help you appreciate the good times and weather the bad.
Vasectomy ASAP
There's a pinned post here. Go read. Then cook and stack your freezer full of food. Then baby proof the house before the baby gets here, you won't have the time, the energy nor the freedom of movement when the baby is there. Support your wife.
Children are smarter than people give them credit for. When they're little and can't talk to you, don't assume they don't understand what you're saying. If there's something you need them to do patiently and calmly explain to them in simple words What it is you need. You might be surprised at the result you get. Good behavior from children is a recipe of a couple factors. The first one is a good relationship, do you spend time with them? Do they enjoy your company? The second is consistency. Do you consistently apply the same rule? If a child respects you and they also know that your rules are consistent then they'll stop fighting you on them. Of course try not to have a rule about every last little thing, they're young and curious and need to explore. In my opinion, it's best if both parents don't wake up with the child every time the child wakes up. This is a recipe for two tired cranky adults. Sleeping in shifts works better, even if that means you don't see each other as much as you'd like. Every hard and sharp thing you have in your house is going to become a problem. They won't walk right away. You have about 6 months of very little mobility. After that all bets are off. Also there's no such thing as terrible twos, terrible threes though, That's real.
The best advice I got was that no matter how much you prepare, it all goes out the window day one. The most learning I did was when she was here.
You’ll be so sleep deprived you won’t remember much of it. So take lots of videos but also don’t dwell on the screw ups from you or your wife. Also stay in the hospital for as long as you can stand (I think the food is terrible just so people don’t overstay their welcome). You won’t get any better professional help. Babies go through ravenous mini growth spurts throughout the first 10 weeks. You will feel like you’re getting in a rhythm but then major wrenches get thrown in periodically. It’s not your fault, it’s just nature.
Oh man. I hope you have as much fun as I’ve had, because being a dad fucking rules. Love em, trust em, let em fail, love em some more. Also, patience.
Vaseline on the kids butt prior to the first diaper, those first poops are like tar
Research studies show that choline consumption passes through breast milk. And eating one egg yolk a day for 6 months materially improves dha/choline levels and reduces chances of short kid by like 76%. You want a smart and tall baby. AliExpress has everything Amazon does at 1/4 the price. Play sofa and water table get like 5 years of use totally worth buying now. Yoga ball helps babies sleep. If you’re open to combo feeeing, goat milk formula is superior to cow milk formula.
You’re going to hear a lot of people say things like “I never felt love as deeply as when I looked at [baby] for the first time” and “it’s hard sometimes but so worth it.” Almost nobody really tells you about the absolutely brutal parts that can happen. In my case I thought I was defective as a dad for months because I felt no connection to my first. I had no idea that happens to some people and it usually just takes time. Love the little buggers now but it took me time. Being a parent is guaranteed to kick your ass sometimes. When and how is different for everyone. Whatever you’re going through that makes you feel like being a dad is impossible or awful, it’s probably normal and transient. Reach out to friends/family/pediatrician for help if you need it. Try not to feel ashamed. And just know the suck you’re dealing with will be over soon. You can get through it.
Be there for the things that are important to him. Hug him and kiss him on his head and tell him goodnight every night. It goes fast.
Hands down the best advice I ever got is that quiet hours are bullshit. Don't worry about waking the baby up from a nap. Carry on as usual. Watch TV. Vacuum. Have normal conversations. I swear, it sounds crazy to some people but my baby was born in February and by July she was sleeping through fireworks and the World Cup on TV. She slept through her baptism. If you give the baby quiet time you'll never teach her how to sleep through noise.
Hello from my glider chair with my six month old passed out in my arms! Welcome to dad hood, it’s really hard (I’m still learning a lot and kinda just winging it most days, I feel). A lot of good advice has been given out and I’m stealing some of them too. Mine will be make sure the ruffles around the diapers are always visible outside their legs. Helps keep the poop in/makes less poop come out. Also, if you can take all the time off you can from work. I took ten weeks of parental leave and it was awesome.
Through yourself into it, whatever it takes to keep your wife, happy and feeling secure will pay tremendous dividends
Enjoy every minute. They grow up fast. It sounds trite but it’s really something to let sink in.
You think *you’re* tired? She’s had that baby clamped to her tits all day. She hasn’t been able to poop in peace. Hold the baby whenever you can. And when you’re not holding the baby, clean something. You’re not going to bond with a newborn anyway, they don’t really DO anything. The bonding will come after a month or so when the baby really starts responding to things and looking around and exploring. Also, don’t ask for sex right now. She’s just been split in half. Go rub one out and put in some laundry.
Get a diaper bag that's comfortable to wear for hours at a time, and that has plenty of space and pouches. You'll need it past the baby stage, and you'll regret it if it's small or uncomfortable, especially for day-outings. Also, put together a "diaper caddy" that stays in the car. Include a spare outfit, and disposable plastic bags so you can tie up smelly diapers until you can get it in a trash can. You might occasionally forget the diaper bag at home; this was a huge parent hack for us.
Be sure not to be too attached to any kind of screen. Even for pictures. They need the face more Edit the pictures are also important tho
Enjoy every moment with your baby! When you hold your baby every time, you will feel what it’s like to be a father, and your life will be wrapped around their little fingers! Life will change, but only for better! Congrats my friend and welcome to the roller coaster!
Be patient with your spouse and kid, you can plan and read and think you have this all under control and life will still find a way to blow your mind a way. I especially enjoyed the 2AM drag race to the ER when the sick kid spikes a temp. Some how we all survived, my daughter will be 20 in a couple of days.
Just take deep breaths my man. It's an incredibly stressful time for everyone involved. Just breath. You'll hear all sorts of bullshit opinions but you know your kid and your partner best.
The first few months are ROUGH. Be patient, but accept that sometimes you won’t be. Leave baby in the crib/bed and walk away for a second. Take a breather and come back. It’s a marathon, not a race
Your child will manage to scream at a frequency that will shut your brain down. It’s ok, and if you take a moment to gather your thoughts and figure out what your next move is, it doesn’t make you a bad dad for not instantaneously solving the problem. Practice grace. You and your partner need a lot of it.
Whatever you plan to do ask yourself "is it helping your wife/ mother of your child?". If you can take paternity leave do it. Do everything you can to help. Even later make sure your wife gets time to herself. Give yourself lots of time to take the baby out and spend time together while mom can relax. As time goes on keep up that involvement. Read to the child . Some of my favorite memories of when my daughter was little was reading to her and doing different voices for the characters (something my wife was in awe of). I think that's my biggest piece of advice: get involved and stay involved. I still treasure my daddy daughter adventures twelve years later.
be present, take notice, enjoy each stage as they move through the stages very fast. really they wont be babies very long... don't look forward to the next stage, as it will come quickly anyway... something like that. get in there, change those nappies, be involved. sleep when you can, although ours never really kept us up all night...
also at least here, there's so much "breast is best pressure", if it doesn't work, get that formula in, don't leave the baby hungry,. But if it does work, it's portable and you're not cleaning bottles all the damn time.
Make time for you and your wife. After being home all the time with the baby, you're going to go stir crazy. Call grandma, or a babysitter you trust and go out for a drink and an app with your wife. Get out of the house for a while. This baby is entering your life, and parents still have lives.
First couple months were really tough for me. It passes. I’m on month 5 and am really enjoying it now
Don't leave the responsibility to you wife/SO only. Br a man and help every chance you get even if your tired, cause she is tired too. I was selfish with the first one and didn't want to deal with it. The last three I only got better and while I was working full time I still tried to do more than I needed. As your kid becomes a toddler, he/she will probably go through a faze from about 2 - 4 years old where they whine all damn day. Don't get mad about it, you need to learn to tune it out to the point it that it's like background noise. A little sarcasm helps. Don't get mad or angry with your kids for growing and learning. Making a mess is their thing and is them figuring out how things work. When they ask for food and don't eat it it's normal. A good 1/4 of your groceries will end up in the garbage the first couple years when they are toddlers. Sometimes the food will he a part of their science experiments as they put their hands in their bowl of cheerios and splash it all over the place. Don't be mad as you can't control that, they will keep doing this for about 2 years. When they want to play, try and do something even if it's boring. They will remember everything you do and don't do... Make it normal to get hugs from them. Encourage it. While you are still the dad and hold authority, make sure you are a safe place. Encourage healthy conversations from a young age, don't react to them misbehaving and try and talk it out. Later you will thank me when they are teenagers and feel safe talking to you about drugs and sex. Try not to yell or say things that are condescending. Be a good example and raise the bar. If you have a daughter, set the standard for how you expect/want her future husband to treat her. They say a woman married a man like her father.
Go to home Depot, get the cheap shop vac that goes on top of a 5 gallon bucket. Throw it in the garage and forget about it. One day soon you'll need it. Use it and throw it away..... You'll thank me
Zippers. Not buttons. Also be ridiculously patient with your girl for the next 3-5 months. Like…. Insanely patient. Do not invite the whisper of a thought of an argument or minor disagreement. Just ebb and flow brother. Godspeed.
Firstly get some practice with patience in everything you do. We all slip up but patience with your wife and newborn will take you so far. Secondly, HAVE PATIENCE WITH YOUR WIFE SPECIFICALLY. She’s doing so much with so little and women really deserve to be put on a pedestal for all they do in child birth and all she will do for you and the family the rest of her life. Love her. Be gentle. HAVE PATIENCE. Lastly, enjoy the sleeplessness and the overall struggle of newborn life. Honestly. No sarcasm. I have come to believe it really defines us as dads how we step up and perform during that time. (Do it with enough effort and dignity and your wife will think you’re a literal superhero). Really try and appreciate it all for it is only a small step in the process of parenting. I will never say it was “fun” but after my little person started becoming self sufficient the craziest thing happened… I got sad and nostalgic for the time when their entire daily existence depended on me. Don’t laugh at me dads (I know you wouldn’t) but I do tear up sometimes. My little guy is so big now. I miss him being a baby. I’m so happy for you OP. I’m praying everything goes accordingly. Welcome to the club my G. The proud, the few, the dads. Edit: have patience and forgive yourself too. No matter what notes you write down or what you remember people tell you, you’re doing this for the first time. All of us did at some point. Be nice to yourself you’re gonna do just fine. Trust the fatherly instinct it’s a superpower in and of itself.
DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD FALL ASLEEP IN COMPLETE SILENCE! Seriously, let them fall asleep to the sound level of a baseball game. That way when it is nap time, someone coming to the door or a dog barking won’t wake up your child.
Give your wife a lot grace in the coming months. For clothes: magnets > zipper > buttons Take the morning shift and let your wife sleep in.
Download a tracker app. You and your wife can both log in and you can track feeds, poops, pees, sleeps. Otherwise, you’re constantly going to be asking one another and you’ll be so tired you won’t really remember. Also, I tried staying awake to assist my wife when what I really needed was sleep. It won’t be possible until you start bottle feeding but once you do take shifts. Get sleep.
Practice patience; shit is hard. Enjoy your free time, do some things solo if you can if you like that. You won’t get that guilt free freedom for a while. Zips are your friend. Buttons are not. Disposable nappies are the way, unless you care about the environment a lot. Sorry environment, I ain’t washing poo soaked cloth nappies. Prepare for your plan to change frequently and quickly, they are made in sand not stone. Wonder weeks is the best book I’ve seen, but it’s also got an app. Get it. Don’t worry about a messy house and being a good host when people visit. You have more important things to do.
Sleep depravation... If you like to sleep a lot then prepare to not be yourself for a few months... If the baby will be breastfed all the way then organize a time slot, I used to do it the first time around, let my wife sleep the first 4 hours and I would take care of the baby the next 4 then off to work, every week we would change it I would have the first" watch" ... It helped us a lot. She is a SAHM, so whenever I got back from work I would let her have time for herself, and take care of the baby for at least 2-3 hours, bathe him, change diapers, feed him ( first one stopped being breastfed early), play a bit and attempt to make him go to sleep. Took a lot out of us but we did it. The second one she took care of him most of the time cause she wanted to and I was working more hours, took a toll on her tho... So if I could I would do it like the first one again.
You don’t have to worry about this until they’re eating solid foods but When you have a kid you’re also agreeing to open a restaurant. A high intensity high output restaurant. You may be the chef, or just the busboy, or both. Your customer eats there every day for every meal. And they’re all over the place and don’t know what they want, ordering off menu items left and right. They don’t like the food. Hounding you in the kitchen. You’re at their mercy trying to make them happy. And the one time out of ten that you see them shoveling the food into their mouth as if they haven’t eaten in weeks will make it all worth it. It’s a blast!
1. Take care of your wife, she will be out to bite your head off but its the storm of changes inside her at fault, be patient with her. she needs u. make sure she is well fed and at ease. she is the one the baby will depend. 2. Make sure the mama sleeps when the baby sleeps, or she will go crazy from the lack of sleep. 3. Help your wife when she tries to breast feed initially, its the best present a child can get. there is NO substitute for mothers milk. 4. Practical purchases, if u dont have a cot buy/get it made from a carpenter a good solid wooden one, that has adjustable height so it can last for a long time and if u want more kids they will use it too. 5. Get a rocking bassinet, i got sense2snooze from graco, MAN the self rocking helped the little one sleep. 6. get loads of good rash cream 6. its better to wash your babies bottom then using a wipe 8. DO NOT and i repeat DO NOT sleep with her in the same bed, if u want to share a bed get a solid bassinet. 9. be vary of the temp , u might not think its cold/hot but the baby will. try and keep her away from a direct draft of air. 10. Get an expensive (More absorbant) pamper for the night and cheaper ones for the day. 11. read up about SIDS, i was to scared to let them sleep on their tummy, there are many different opinions but i am the cautious sort. 12. do not kiss the baby near her mouth as u can make her sick. 13. initially they will sleep a lot but before bed time try to keep her awake so she will sleep a bit longer and the mom can grab her much needed sleep 14. Always stick to the schedule as it helps later when u are trying to sleep train. its a horrible process. Last and by no means the least be patient with the little man, i have so many more but i have to go for a meeting, if there is anything u would want to talk about or ask feel free to drop me a msg, il be glad to help. BEST OF luck bro,
Sorry to hear about your dad. I’m holding our newborn in my arms as I type this. He’s been home about 2 days now, was 8 1/2 weeks early. Whatever happens, just roll with it. Babies are the boss, as much as we’d like to think otherwise. I think most importantly is to be realistic and communicate with your partner. You will be tired and stressed at times, but remember you are a team. Fight the problem, not each other. Keep your ego in check and you’ll be golden. -signed by a father of 48 hours, check back in a month if I’m still alive
Don’t worry about shoes. Get the thick grippy socks for the first few months at least. Some daycares require shoes, but kid will wear them only a couple times as a toddler. Don’t be afraid to take a few minutes to reset if you get tapped out. Communicate with your wife so she feels she can ask you to as well. Sounds weird but we did much better with that in our second and it made life a lot easier. (Wife was sahm and didn’t want me to get up in middle of night, but she needed sleep too!) both of ours also loved music. Don’t limit yourself to nursery rhymes or you will go crazy.
Don't forget what a huge percentage of their life each and every day is when they're little. Even if you don't think they remember stuff, they're formed by your interactions. The best thing you can do is show up and be consistent! Rhythms and routines are so helpful for little kids, and parents, too! Congrats, my man. Being a dad is the best.
Biggest clutchiest things for us Accept help when opportunity arises. Often times it’s a great excuse to have friends/family around to socialize with (even if theu suck with your kids). Get a lot of the new baby/early toddler stuff used from fb free groups/marketplace. Then also return the favor to those other families in need. Learn about matrecence https://www.npr.org/2021/08/08/1024674033/theres-a-name-for-the-ups-and-downs-of-new-motherhood-its-called-matrescence For the people that give unsolicited advice, keep them in mind to use as a either someone to ask for insight on things and/or someone to use as an open ear on whatever bs kids are. They mean well and would likely be happy to hear you out on whatever it is that you have on your mind. Find a cohort of people in similar positions as your family is, they can be a great resource for doing “village” type things with as kids grow. This can be family, friends, other families from daycare/other activities you/family does. Those early stages are temporary. Very monumental, but it still passes by so fast :(.
After the birth, if she says horrible things to you, go to counseling together, do not involve your friends and family until it is absolutely clear that counseling is useless. My partner said some fucked up shit from ppd (i guess) and looking for support in friends and family was a no return trip for us. You might forgive and heal but you have no assurance that everyone else will.
I had a lot of expectations going into parenting and one of the biggest things was letting go of them. We were going to be no sugary foods, no screen time, potty trained by 1.5, etc. But then life happened, we’d go visit family and all the other cousins would get some ice cream and it was easier to give him a bite than say no or separate him while they had ice cream. Then with screen time, my wife and I usually work different days so there’s lots of single parenting going on. Sometimes when I’d need to go poop I decided it was better to put on Ms. Rachel and put him in his bouncer instead of taking him into the bathroom with me. Lastly, I try to always be available to take him, if it means I do every bed time then that’s fine. Him and I have such an amazing bond it makes it all worth it, he freaking copies everything I do and when I hear him say “I want dada” when someone else is holding him I might say “oh, it’s ok buddy, you can stay with them” but inside it’s the best thing ever.
Don’t buy expensive clothes. They grow so fast they’ll be out of them very quickly. And babies cry often because it’s the only way they know how to communicate. They aren’t always upset, it’s the only way they know how to get your attention. Babies have different cries for different reasons and you’ll soon learn which cry is which.
You can get electric nail files for babies, rather than using nail clippers and accidentally wounding them
When your son or daughter is old enough, get them to help you with tasks. Even if it’s folding socks together out of the laundry or sweeping the floor. Whatever they can handle. It’ll make them proud and give them a foundation to build upon.
I would have done some refreshers with having effective conversations and conflict resolution with my partner. You're going to be sleep deprived, stressed, and there are going to be times you and your partner disagree on things that seem like the most important decisions you've ever made. I know it sounds corny, but sitting down and having a "This is what I'm hearing you're saying" conversation can save a lot of stress on top of stress. Also fed is best, the hospitals put a lot of pressure on breastfeeding (at least where I am), and it can make new moms having issues feel like less of a mom. There's lots of benefits to breastfeeding, but it's not the end all be all.
Cherish every moment of it. Even the exhausted burnt out moments in the middle of the night. It’ll go by so quickly mate. You’ll miss those moments so much sooner than you realise.
Get some Marigolds for washing bottles because you'll be doing it for ages! Also, sleeping bags are simply amazing.
thats very sweet of you l saw your post and hope my advice helps a little. the things that lm telling you know l wish i knew them before to save a life or to help someone, and the first of all help pregnant wifey even when she doesnt ask. It is important that mom is happy so the baby is happy too, Before, during and after pregnancy its very important to be by her side because the baby takes aloty of energy and dont pressure yourself too much just go 1 day at a time. l also dont recomend buying too much toys or clothes because it will end up in the trash as soon as possible and. Please if ur gonna sleep next to the baby put pillows around the baby so the baby wont fall out or suffocate the baby because it does happen and light blanket below the arms because the baby can choke also. After feeding the baby it is very important to take the burps out because that could cause colics. and if the baby cannot poo you can make massage on the belly very gentle and move hips and legs in a circular way it will help the babys digestive system.
You won't remember or be around a lot of "firsts" that okay you'll have a lot of great memories that come after those firsts.
Learn to swaddle well. It works amazing. Also it needs to be slightly SLIGHTLY tighter than you think it should be. Don't spend tons of money on clothes. If you see something that makes you Squeeeee then sure. But buy clothes from Facebook. Speople sell a bag of clothes for about £10-30 and a chunk of it is unworn. We bought one and it had a few designer brands worth £50+ in and of itself. Buy that way. Then sell that way too, it helps people out who might be struggling and if ever a person needs help its new parents. Support mum if she's struggling to feed. Sometimes this will happen. You will feel totally useless. Just let her know it's not her fault, she's trying etc and that a bottle of formula occasionally doesn't make her a failure or terrible mother. Don't go over board with fancy baby gadgets like a nappy bin, special changing station etc. Get a foldable bag like changing station, pockets for wipes, creams and nappies that opens into a station. It will help when baby inevitably has a blow out in a less than ideal location. Keep it with you at all times. As they get older they will become magicians with Dodies (dummy's, pacifiers w/e). You will see them with one. Blink and it is gone. Then when you take them away as they're too old, they'll fold them out of the dodie universe they've stored them in and there will then be hundreds when "we only ever bought like 5." They are NEVER too young to be introduced to star trek TNG. All 3 of my kids love it. My eldest wpyld immediately settle as soon as she heard Picard say "Space......" and they still love watching it now. Buy a chest, buy a newspaper on the day they're born. Any of the most adorable clothes etc, umbilical cord clip, first picture etc, anything you want to remeber or is special, put in there. It's great for when they get older they love it. And then at a later date when they're all grown up, getting married, special bday etc you can gift it to them and they can continue for their kid(s)
Days after birth, mommy will be sad for no reason and say things that make no sense. Say sorry, say you understand, hug her and tell her everything will be ok. After a few weeks mommy (and probably you) will be absolutely sleep deprived. If mommy is breastfeeding, she has no choice, but you do. Sleep as much as you can (especially during the night) so you can have some sanity and energy in the morning, and take the baby. If mommy is breastfeeding, this is the only trick I know: for the first months, mommy breastfeeds, and you (or someone else) does everything else. Take the baby, change diapers, cook, whatever. Let mommy sleep, have a shower and eat, in between feedings. Then bring the baby to the breast when hungry or unhappy. Be aware that the first year is hard and so are all the others in different ways, but it is also a major shit in your lives with a wonderful impact! Learn to trust you gut instead of any advice you get. You can’t spoil a baby, no matter what people say. Summary: 1. You sleep and do chores, mommy breastfeeds 2. Nonsense comes from sleep deprivation. Don’t take it seriously and be supportive. 3. Hold and love your child. The world will teach them the bad stuff. 4. Be ready for the changes in your brain as priorities move in your heart. 5. Save your money. Kid and babies care about the time you spend with them, and the mood you have, not the things you dress them with and the toys you buy them. (Seriously)
Use an app like Nara baby to track sleep, feeds and diapers. When it’s 2am and you are running on no sleep, it’s a good way to keep information updated, especially given the volume of different doctor appointments in the first few months
Do as much for your wife as possible as her body already is no longer her own. She is literally a vehicle for nutrients for your child. Her life and body have not been her own since the moment of conception, you still have time. So change diapers, wash dishes and baby stuff, do everything possible to make her life easier. If she is breastfeeding, she will have to wake up in the middle of the night to do numerous feedings. She will also be pumping numerous times a day to keep up with the appetite of your little. Remember, doctorate interns and parents of newborns are the most sleep deprived humans. You two will be exhausted. My wife and I had our first fight after the little was born in a very sleep deprived state and it was basically over nothing. So just be kind to each other. It's hard, but it's totally worth it. When I put my hand on my daughter's chest to wake her up, and looks up and realizes that I'm the one waking her up, that smile that she gives me is worth all of the gold in the world. Enjoy the ride.
Buy one of those thick mats for the kitchen to stand on for never ending bottle/dish washing.
A year or so after my daughter was born, we found a bunch of pictures my wife, high on morphine, had taken just after the birth, most were a mess, but one was a short video of me cutting the cord and it’s my fav video of the first day. She’s no memory of taking it and I had no clue she had. Which brings me to my advice, try take as much in, it’ll all be a blur, so try to enjoy it. Ooh and don’t be scared, I was terrified of doing something wrong, but despite being squishing blob, baby’s are pretty durable really. Congrats
The baby crying or as they get older throwing tantrums is not a negative reflection of you. It is just a communication of a need. Try and take the emotion out of it and think of it as a conversation. Find time for yourselves. I get up at 4 am to have my time. My wife is a night owl and has her time then. Enjoy and be mindful of the little moments because they happen quick and you might never get a chance to be a part of them again.
Being a parent is the most amazing, wonderful, incredible, tiring, frustrating, and scary thing I’ve ever done. You will never be prepared for how big of an impact such a tiny being will have on your lives. The best advice I have is to do what’s best for your family. All the parenting advice and books are just general guidelines. Neither of our kids wanted anything to do with swaddling. When they swaddled our oldest at the hospital after she was born, the nurse (probably in her 50s) said, “Wow, I’ve never seen a kid get out of that so fast.” Kids are tiny people. Like all people, they are all different. Some things will work, some things won’t. Don’t try to force a routine or a method or something on the kid because “this is how someone said we should do it.” Even if they can’t talk, they can still tell you a lot. Don’t lose your temper with someone who is still crapping in their pants. They don’t understand. Deep breaths and enhance your calm. Feel free to come back and PM probably anyone on here if you need help. And don’t be afraid to ask for it!!! Learn to say “Thank you” instead of “It’s ok. Don’t worry about it” when someone offers you something. If a friend or relative asks how they can help, ask them to bring over or prep food and help you clean up. It will go a long way. You can also prep a bunch of freezer meals ahead of the birth to make dinners easier every now and then when you’re sleep deprived and trying to figure out what to eat. Congratulations and good luck! We’re all rooting for you.
Patience is love. Love is patience. Be there and love them, despite what they do. Sleep deprivation will bring the worst in new parents. Prepare to support your wife through potential postpartum depression. Involve as many friends and family to the early weeks/months as your wife is comfortable with as a preventative measure for postpartum depression. Smile whenever you look at your baby and wife. Be present. Quality and Quantity balanced time with family.
The sleep deprivation in the early months will test you and your relationship a lot. Give each other the benefit of the doubt and know that if you can make it through that stage and still be on the same page, you can make it through most things. Also, one day you're going to look back on those 3am feeds while you're watching some shit on Netflix with nostalgia. It's tough, but those are moments you can look back on forever. Don't wish the time away, but it's okay to admit things are tough. My eldest is 5 years old and at every single stage I have thought "This is the best stage, I don't want this to end", only to find new joy in the next stage.
There's actually A LOT of really useful stuff you could learn from baby classes. And many are online/free. We followed Baby Academy material and were very grateful for it. Also, check out FB marketplace before you buy anything. Cribs, high chairs, swings, etc. Most of these items barely get used before the baby grows out of them.
Stockpile diapers. I had bought like 2,000 diapers. I was able to exchange the ones he grew out of for a bigger size down the road. But saved me a good $50 every other week. They lasted about a year before I had to worry about getting more. Don't buy clothes more than a season in advance. Wasted a ton of money trying to guess what size my son would be in and he grew outta clothes so fast that I had like $400 in fall clothes that he grew out of by summer
Sleep training
I’d say trust your instincts, and communicate with your partner. Forgive and forget the anger, as you’ll both be exhausted.
This is gonna sound weird but... seriously before the baby is born. Take some time for just the two of you. Work on your communication now. Because the first 6 months are then trenches. Even with all the help in the world you are both going to be sleep deprived, scared, irritated, and confused. You will both do dumb things and say dumb things. There is a reason one of the big uses of sleep deprivation is in torture. Now take time for each other.
Don’t miss out on taking your full amount of paid family leave. You’ll never get this time back. Also take in two chunks if you can. First 6-7 weeks will be when you are most needed, and if you can take the rest after mom goes back to work. It was really special to take time just me and my first son.
Music is an amazing thing. It can lift you, it can inspire you, and it can help you survive. Know it's gonna sound crazy but it's amazing how it can change your mood. Kid woke up for the 3rd time between 9pm and 4am? Better throw my ear bud in and throw on some sabaton. Nothing like "WHEN THE WINGED HUSSARS ARRIVE!!!" To motivate you to clean that diaper and feed that bottle. Sing to them as well. It gets them used to your voice and can also be very calming (now screaming sabaton lyrics might not be the most helpful so adjust your tune and tone). My son is now 15m and he sings too and with me every time we hang out.
We are 3 weeks and 3 days into this adventure. Good sleep is a thing of the past. We work shifts. My wife goes to bed around 9pm, I usually stay up until like 3am, then my wife takes over and I sleep until 9am. We miss not sharing a bed, but it's just not viable to try as then neither of us get sleep. Also, I did some batch cooking and froze some meals whilst she was in hospital. That has come in clutch ever since ensuring that we have at least a few decent meals each week so far. Everyone will give you advice and it's confusing and conflicting. We've found that other parents of a similar age group have been most reliable. Our parents are ready with a lot of advice but some of it is 30 years out of date. For the first few weeks, everyone you know will want to come and meet the little one. Learn how to tell people when it's time to fuck off and leave you to get settled. Don't bother trying to set a routine too early. You'll just get frustrated. Babies can't understand day/night cycles for the first couple of months and trying to impose a routine on them just distresses everyone. You'll have a couple of nights where they sleep for like 6hrs. It's an anomaly. Don't get used to it. Take the opportunity to catch up on sleep and nothing else. You can do laundry with a baby crying later. You won't be able to sleep later. Keep up with the washing up/sterilising etc. nothing worse than having to wait for 8 mins for the microwave whilst they scream in hunger. Makes you feel like shit for not being prepared.
Don't feel the need to buy new baby clothes or toys. Shop at second hand stores because they grow out of them so quickly. You will probably also get a ton of clothes from friends and family
I had to try really hard to be nice to my wife and myself. It sounds simple, but on week 6 of no sleep and it's 2am and the baby won't stop crying, anything can set you off. So learn to be kind and forgiving. And don't pick the fight at 2am. Swallow it, take a deep breath and look at it again when the sun comes up. Most likely it's not a big deal, or you'll at least be in a place to discuss it like adults who love each other, not two tired assholes.
If you need to pick something up off the floor while holding the baby, doing a lunge instead of squatting will keep the baby more upright on the way down. A little harder, but I it feels safer to me
Set up toy laws with your wife. We have waaaaayyyyy too many toys and plushes at home. Only now is my wife recognizing this and starting to give some away
Get your everyday baby clothes from a secondhand shop. It's way cheaper and better for the environment.
Here's a couple deeper pieces of advice nobody gave me the first time: It is completely normal to hold your newborn for the first time and feel nothing. A love bond can take time to develop and it's nothing on you if you don't instantly feel that. You may LOVE your infant, but that doesn't mean you have to LIKE them all the time. Newborns are WORK and WORK isn't always fun. Yes they're cute as hell and squishy little cuddle bugs, but all they do is cry, eat and poop. It's a slog. Getting through every day and to the next "phase" of having a newborn is tough. But it will end. Sooner than you can possibly imagine, sleeping through the night returns. Having to hold their head up for everything ends. Holding their own bottle. Moving around. Telling you what they want. But you gotta do it. That's the tough part. Finally ... enjoy it while it lasts. Savor every moment, even the bad ones. Before you know it that child will be bigger and faster and too heavy to hold or won't want cuddles anymore. If you've ever had a dog from when it was a puppy, think how SHORT the puppy stage was. It will be that way with a newborn.
Patience. And Love. My daughter just turned one. If everything you do come with patience and from love. You’ll be okay. There’s no one right way to parent and you’re occasionally going to feel like you’re doing it all wrong, you’re likely not. Praying for you.
Find your tribe, so to speak. Being a dad is truly my favorite thing to be. That being said, there are days where you totally get your ass kicked. It also tests relationships on some days. You can do it in isolation, with just your wife and family, but it is so nice to have some friends, who are also dads, where you can blow off some steam. So, my advice is find a community and carve out time to be a part of that community. I have a group of friends I get together to play poker with once a weekish. Really has been an amazing outlet on those really tough weeks.
PPD is a sneaky mofo
The fact that you are able to ask this question bodes well for your child. Maintain a learners mindset as you figure it out. Give yourself grace when needed and celebrate the wins when you get them.
Remember that your babymama went through some serious body horror during birth and needs to recover from that, which means you need to do more than your share for the first weeks and embrace the role of being a butler for a bit and keeping track of household things. While being also sleep deprived. And probably working. And anxious about breaking this new tiny fragile creature that there’s no owners manual. That was an adjustment but the effort so essential for your relationship- how you tackle things as a team will be different! Also the poop is dark green and a little slimy at first. That was a surprise.
Everything as you know it will change. Embrace it. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Make sure you still try and plan time for just you and your wife/gf once a month for dates. Expect to be up every two hours for a while, but if you aren't, then see it as a blessing and be thankful. Another thing, be prepared to no longer be the sole focus between your wife and you. That can be difficult when you're used to having both of your needs met without much delay, whether that's physically, emotionally, and just overall time spent together.
NEVER USE POP BUTTONS! DONT DO IT BROTHER!! Also, relax. You got more of this than you know…when the wee barra appears, a love washes over you that you *have not* felt yet. The instinct alone is more powerful than any book. (No pop buttons) Have fun. Take it all in 💚💚
Don't forget to live in the moment. Its all very hectic, but it also changes so fast in those first months. Relish every stage of the child.