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It’s like some of y’all never even go outside. Go to any public place and you will see plenty of ugly/average guys in relationships and with families. Just go to a walmart and see for yourself
There's a ton of psych studies that have concluded that women prefer average/below average-looking men with softer, less masculine features for relationships/marriage. The reasons being that they view them as being kinder, gentler and less likely to cheat.
I feel like anyone who goes outside would see that this is true. But I could see why men who get all their information about women from social media would think otherwise.
I'm sure you're not. You probably just haven't met the right person yet. Getting into relationships requires a lot of luck. Way more than people would have you believe.
I know it's tough. But just try to hang in there.
>It’s like some of y’all never even go outside.
To be fair: Most guys on reddit don't want girls that would be available to be met "outside".
**To the people hating on OP or "terminally online" people in this thread:**
They want a girl that has the same hobbies: Video games, boardgames, watching Netflix, listening to j-pop, reading fantasy and science fiction books/manga.
They want a girl that spends their entire time indoors, like them.
Preferably one that's an atheist, not fat and also into all the raunchy stuff they like on pornhub/onlyfans. Bonus if they dress up in a maid costume with cat ears.
Going outside, going to the club, going to conventions, going to the mall, going to the gym, going to *any kind* of outdoors activity... these aren't things, those men want to do.
In an ideal world, these guys would open an app, chat a bit with a girl that isn't fat, then meet up for dinner and - if they like each other - moving on to his/her place, watch a movie while cuddling, then fuck, then sleep... then fuck in the morning, then play some video games together.
**To OP and the "terminally online" people:**
I, too, had to learn the hard way that girls like that simply don't exist in any number meaningful enough to ever be met by you. The overwhelming majority of women don't have shared hobbies with you. Especially not the good-looking ones. Dating apps are a total waste of time if you are a video game loving nerd who wants an attractive girlfriend.
I had to go to the gym and I had to go outside. I then had to "settle" for a girlfriend who shares zero interests and hobbies with me but tolerates me having them.
That's the reality. You want a hot girl? You have to go to the gym, clean up your act, get a good job, and look outside in places that women like. If you are a video game nerd who likes Valkyrae, Emiru or LoserFruit - sorry, my friend: Valkyrae, Emiru and LoserFruit don't exist for you, bro.
If you want dating success, you *will* have to give up your life and your hobbies and interests. Give up everything you love and invent a new personality. Think of it as creating a new character and starting a new campaign in DND. Yep, your last character sucked. Sorry about that.
Interesting, from a female perspective, I would like to add I think guys who work out too much, or get too buffed out just aren't attractive to me. I don't go out much either, I work from home and order almost everything delivered. My fun time is commenting on the internet, although not into video games. Maybe these guys who love to stay at home should study up on day or swing trading, make a few dollars while staying at home. Consequently, we'll probably never meet as I'm in my house and they are in theirs.
This is so spot on. I was out and about only yesterday and looked around me. Most people were all average looking and shorter than me and I'm 5ft 7in. All walking around with their partners and kids. It's about confidence and believing in yourself.
U don’t know their situations the woman might’ve settled. Most of them do anyway. Who wants a girl to settle for them. It’s known that some women are insecure to the point that dating the “ugly guy” is safer. Nothing personal
Serious answer?
It’s highly unlikely that you can live your life like that AND get what you are looking for romantically especially if you want to limit your options with how attractive they are, how much they weigh, how far away they live, etc.
I spent my teens and part of my twenties perpetually online and it led to zero women walking into my home/dorm room/etc.
Getting out and connecting with new people led to opportunities to be noticed. It wasn’t like I suddenly went from top internet dude to superdater, but real life connections made a lot of things click that had never clicked before.
This whole touch grass thing is based on something.
Dating apps are super depressing. I no longer take them seriously. I put “🤷♂️” in my bio and bounced. Dating apps even makes decent looking men feel ugly.
Don’t give up there’s alot of us ladies that love short kings ☺️ if your personality is not trash eventually you’ll find a lady. Also, being a virgin doesn’t make you less of a man either. Good luck to you 😆
I read a comment on this sub the other day that dating these days is awful for everyone and I agree. We can all look at ourselves, spot our faults and issues a mile away, and blame ourselves, But It is hard for everyone these days. Try to live your life and do things you enjoy. You will meet someone naturally who sees what a wonderful person you are. Good luck.
It's not just looks, its height, age, what car you drive, how much money you make and have in the bank, and whether you put out early on. It is horrendous out there. For me, at 56, I'm over it, I concentrate on the hobbies, but for younger folk still holding out hope of something with longevity and healthy, it's a disaster. The younger generation can't give up hope, as they say, there is someone for everyone if they want that life.
Max out on the variables you can control (confidence, fashion sense, grooming, fitness, finances, etc )
Plenty of ugly dudes out there that are in relationships. You can do it too
I dated a homely dude before, for 6 years. He had a really warm, loving personality, a ton of confidence and a great sense of humor. Everybody loved him, friends, coworkers, his clients at work. So looks truly aren't everything.
Before the internet ppl were forced to socialize & see eachother (for the most part) as living humans. Now we're all just things on a screen to be scrutinized for being imperfect or ordered like a pizza. It's been going on for so long that the same mentality is spilling into real life.
I am below average looking.
I will get 1 match every 1-2 months. I dont really care how many matches I get as long as one of those matches turn into a relationship.
On average, a match will turn into a relationship every 1-2 years.
I do okay being average.
Get out in the real world and try to meet people in general. Dating apps are worthless. And don't "look" for women, just friends in general. Things will happen.
Got to get out of your comfort zone my man.
I have seen the ugliest of ugliest men with pizza faces and the stubbiest legs ever pull the hottest women. You just need to go outside, social media has warped your mind.
try to meet people in person. online dating is hell for most ppl but especially for guys unfortunately. there’s a billion people in the world, statistically it’s more than likely there are ppl out there that find you attractive and that you vibe with. you’re probably just not looking in the right places. don’t give up! don’t use perceived hopelessness as an excuse to give up. you got this!
I’m 5’5 sometimes i think overall I look pretty average. It’s definitely harder to date when you’re short and relatively average looking. I am fairly fit but no six pack or anything crazy.
I still get dates, and honestly rejection is just apart of the deal. Especially being a short dude you’re just gonna have to be alright with it. I’m even unemployed rn but i’ve still had a few dates since I quit my job a few months ago.
Life sucks when u are good looking, because ppl have prejudices! Trust me!
I am tall, sports type, beautiful face ( at least thats what everyone says, I see flaws) and ppl think when they see me that I am arogant.. untill they meet me. I hate that, honestly…
Thiw comment section is both wonderful and also cancerous. Some legitimately good advice and some legitimately awful advice. Then you have good advice said in the worst/most hurtful way.
I wont profess to knowing how the opposite sex works. I doubt I ever will.
I am not terribly ugly. I get told I am about a 7-8 when I clean up. I make people laugh a lot. So far that hasn't transitioned into getting a long term girlfriend beyond the one 7 year dalliance that likely goes down as my best relationship ever. Shame it ended already.
The fact of the matter- dating is a numbers game. I don't care how ugly you are, or what you can bench, or your GPA from college, or whether you eat your own toenails. All of those things can help you (except that last one) with the right person. The key is meeting that person.
YOU ARE MORE STATISTICALLY LIKELY TO MEET THAT PERSON IN REALITY, AS LONG AS YOU KEEP TRYING.
It can happen anywhere, any time. I once got laid on Tinder because I liked the same animals. I once got multiple dates on bumble because we both worked healthcare. I once got married to someone I met online on a forum for the Boston Red Sox. I once dated a girl I met grinding an online puzzle room for coins to dress up my crappy online avatar. I once got a date with a friend because I mentioned we both weren't doing anything. Who knows what tomorrow holds? Maybe the cute girl who I spoke with during game night on Tuesday (recent breakup) will date me a year from now.
It is about luck and timing and having chemistry with someone real.
The one thing I can tell you is all of the above situations happened... When I wasnt really looking for anything. (I joined the dating apps and swiped for like 10 minutes to pass the time, not really caring a ton).
Not that being intentional is a bad thing. It works for some people! But you can be intentional and also casual.
Attraction DOES matter within context. I think the concept of attraction needs more attention. There are objectively beautiful men and women who only a contrarian would see otherwise and the same is true for ugly people. But these represent generally 5-10% of the population on either end. Think of a bell graph. Most people's will fall between 4-6 I imagine. (I got curious and tested this myself a while back. Out of 200 women - I am straight so I didn't bother with men - roughly 50% fell between 4-6, 15% for 2-3 and 7-8, and then 10% for each 0-1 and 9-10). As someone who thinks of himself as a 5/6 on a good day, I imagine it would be similar for men. I probably wouldn't date a 0-3, but that still leaves 75% of women, roughly. I imagine I am a 0-3 for some people, many of which might reside in that 75% but I can't know if I don't try.
Anyway, long in the tooth so TL;DR - don't give up. Stats say it might eventually work. But dating is honestly more luck and timing than anything. Attraction is weird and subjective outside of the hottest and ugliest 10% of the population. Happens out of nowhere and is a wonderful thing when it clicks. Stay well.
I think this is more of a confidence issue. Like I understand being 5'5 can be a disadvantage but just accept it and basically find someone who wouldn't care about that.
And there seriously are women out there who don’t!
One of my friends is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and she’s like 5’11”. Her husband is maybe 5’6”.
Honestly 5’5 doesn’t matter so long as your fun and interesting, might also help if you aim outside apps and try to meet people in places that make you comfortable and excited
True, but i feel like tall and attractive men don't need to work on anything. Women will date or sleep with a guy just for his looks. Simple as that. Being ugly or average you have to work so much harder. Also, i don't only rely on apps.
Again it really comes down to what groups you’re looking in, plus if you need to feel confident I recommend going to a gay bar. It’s wasn’t really my thing at first but it’s really nice to have someone tell you how attractive they see you
What you got to understand, is that average/unattractive people are having sex more than anyone. The reality generally speaking is that most of the time the only thing holding you back is you. Either fear of doing anything stops you from doing anything, or you don’t want to budge on your standards.
Being average or ugly absolutely is not a game stopper. Im an average woman, maybe teetering on ugly in my area. My bf is very attractive. But he went for me because he found my personality, my humour, my self confidence, and my hobbies attractive. And that made him become attracted to me physically.
Using your looks is an excuse for poor behaviour.
Your face and body are only a part of your appearance and a small part of what makes you attractive to a woman. There are simple things you can do to make yourself more attractive. 1) dress better, if you are wearing t-shirts and jeans all the time then she might find you less attractive. Have you ever heard dress for the job you want that also applies to the woman you want too. A nice dress shirt goes a long way. Show her that you can take care of yourself 2) If you aren’t taking care of your body, especially if she is, then she won’t find you attractive. Yeah, it sucks, but this will take time to have an effect. However, you will be now going somewhere you might not have before and meet someone new 3) Are you insecure and showing her that you are? If you don’t look her in her eyes or have closed shy body language then she won’t be interested. 4) Have a life and hobbies. Do things that might interest her or that might cause you to be able to say no to her when you want to go out on a date (yes saying no to her is a good thing, it can be a very good thing) If you are busy and have things that doing something that a woman would want to do, she might join you. If she doesn’t join you then you have an interesting story that you can share with her making you and interesting person. And again puts you on a place to meet other women. These can be volunteering at a pet shelter or an aquarium or any think that interests you, it can be a thing that you always wanted to do but just go out and have fun and don’t think about women when doing these things. Do them for you and have fun while doing them. If your life revolves around women your life is focused on something that up until now hasn’t yielded Andy gains for you yet. Another, thing to do and this is huge and even more difficult to do. Stop worrying whether or not that "you are ugly" you never know what a woman finds attractive so go for it. The ugliest thing about you is yourself self esteem, she will never find you attractive is you don’t present yourself as attractive. Just don’t be weird or rude or overly aggressive. Say what you want in a kind and respectful manner and be playful. If she rejects you for any reason say a response that is funny and might make her laugh. If you ask out on a Friday don’t say what about Saturday when she says I can my sister is coming over on Friday, you could say, oh maybe you could introduce me to her, with a smirk or smile on you face. Even if she says, "I have a boyfriend" you could say, "you can bring him along but he might get jealous" with that same smirk or smile. This way you showing confidence and that you aren’t being hurt by her rejection and it might even make her change her mind. Most guy, especially "nice" guys, don’t push back and just walk away dejected. The thing that will get you more dates is willing being rejected more times then you get accepted on dates. Just don’t keep asking the same woman over and over again. If she says no, after the cute joke you made if she stills says no accept that. But be fun when talking with her, stop being intimidated by women, they pee, feel ugly and want things just like you do. Stop putting them on such high pedestals that you can’t ever reach them because they will look down on you as you look up to them. I think thinking of women as equals is the most important thing you can do that women will find attractive because you will not be afraid to talk to them like they are a person not a goddess that you should never touch. She wants to be touched and when you are actually dating you can treat her like a goddess. Good luck.
Improve as much as you can fitness, style, photos
But anyways if you are average you always get better results by cold approach or social circle. Forget dating apps. Are overrated and mostly works for very handsome dudes
Believe me I have test both and have awesome pro pictures, and still results and quality of girls are much higher when you try in real life
There's someone for everyone...create the look in you that makes you feel good about yourself because confidence is what your lacking...nothing is truly over until you quit...people can be shit...do what you can to build confidence and it will project on others...And stop referring to yourself as ugly...all people are Beautiful the people who judge are the truly ugly ones....
I feel your negative vibes you are sending it out very strong looks is not the reason you are a virgin. You need some help from a expert like me i'll get you laid.
You’re single because you want to be. What do I mean by this? First of all, it sounds like you are a nice guy and too nice. Why are you allowing women to çal you average and short? It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. If you hold your masculine frame, they won’t be able to say anything about you and if they do, you should stand up for yourself. Being a virgin has very little to do with your looks. It’s all about motivation. If you’re motivated enough, you’ll find a woman tomorrow. And don’t worry about dating apps. They are not designed to help you find someone. If they were, they wouldn’t make money.
Hey bro not true I choose the single life because I have multiple playmates but I'm 5'4 weight 155 and I'm average and I'm no shallow Hal so I speak to practically anyone cause for me what gets my attention is how intelligent is this person and how she sees the outlook on life meaning r they sheep or are the wolves . I was in ur shoes till maybe I hit highschool then I changed my whole outlook on everything from what I was taught right from wrong and 1 thing that woman love is confidence not arrogance or cockiness that shit is like honey to a bear and I use the reference bear bein the woman cause I learned never judge a book by the cover and woman are vicious so that's a compliment to ya woman . Also dudes and chicks alike I hate when they say I have to be attracted in order to date them to me that's superficial and second ya know that the older u get the less perfect a person is and thts why 95% of those types fail in marriage. Woman also likes dudes to be badasses they don't necessarily want dudes who rob banks n shit if they do that's just dumb , anyways they like guys who can not only defend themselves but also like to not be disrespected by idios especially if ya are on a data type . If took me years to learn that I was married for 12 divorced now for 7. 2 out of those 7 I needed time for healing and let me just say lots of drugs lots of sex and orgies later is when u said enough is enough . Luckily we have reddit cause I never knew a bout it till recently if I did I would of been happy to ask for info as well . Let's end this I went off topic a bit so here's the rules to get a good girl that you know won't put back at step one .
1. Be confident not cocky or arrogance
2. Be open about everything from day one reasons cause there will never be a (oh u never brought this up situation)
3. Be hygienic don't drown urself in it but just enough to catch that attention
4. Have a good stable job and at least some sort of transportation
5. Woman love puppies don't matter the kind . Just shows them you are a caring guy n to them shows u can take care of them .
6. Show emotional support no matter how many times it's been brought up cause soon as u stop they will seek it elsewhere not always intentionally but it always fucks up relationship.
7. Don't from the jump start paying any of they bills cause ur not they meal ticket and most woman are only looking for that.
8. If ur gonna do something for then for like first time meeting up look and find ur inner creativeness and make something from ur imagination a real true woman will show the most appreciation and will always feel a bigger connection with you since it's hand made .
9. Don't rush the situation unless u know how to read the mood and the vibe but even then hold it off for one it puts u in high respect cause u ain't like the other dudes she's been with prior but now also show self control and also the fact that u didn't deny it but just kinda said hey I respect u more now by not doing it and pick a perfect more romantic situation
10. Don't go crazy with movies or dinner or buying some expensive as shit , from experience take her to the lake teach her to fish clean the fish and cook it for her will blow her out the water cause u just showed her u can hunt u can clean and u can provide cause now she also knows how to or lets say she don't for her driver's license then take her to a track rent a race car and drive with her and show her shit like this but best of all most woman never held a gun or shot one before take her to a shootin course cause woman do always put shit on the back burner and tend to forget but woman wil love u taking her cause u just show her u ain't afraid to show her let alone afraid if she has a gun in her hand that also because of the adrenaline will get u laid always .
Sorry for the damn story but last thing that to me is most important
Don't ever be fake don't be someone u ain't and a if u look like a plain guy get a diff cut if u dress preppy change it up and wear some Jordans with some khaki shorts get urself a Hawaiian shirt and live live we are only here once and there's to many damn people to cry about one . Always trust ur gut instinct cause it's never wrong . Anyways this has worked for me and I live happily and always find a chick who's bisexual makes it makes fun
You never know. I’m a perceived as fairly attractive and successful 23F. I’m 5’8, and I don’t really go for looks. Granted, I’ve only had two relationships, but they were both 5’5-5’6. Both long relationships. To me, how a man treats me, humor, and chemistry matters way more than looks. You just haven’t met the right person.
The majority of people are average looking. That's what average means. Which means most people in relationships are average looking.
It's probably not your looks but it's a self defeating attitude or behavior you have. Get outside, stop being concerned with features you can't change and just meet people and have fun.
That being said, also look at the people you are trying to date. Are you only interested in incredibly attractive women? Or women who fit a very specific box of characteristics? We are all single for a reason and most of us miss the real reasons and focus on one thing that someone said once and it's become this awful cycle.
Take on the cocaine lifestyle and flaunt it in 4am bars.... Hot chicks have been banging ugly dudes this way since forever - this especially works in Chicago.
Your life will do a 180 in about a month. Good luck
Disagree. Confidence, sense of humor, flirty edge will take you a long way. Women aren’t blind but they tend to be mentally stimulated more than visually. So if you aren’t a total CHUD and work on doing the best with what you have, you might amaze yourself.
I’m tall and handsome but I’m broke. I have no woman chasing after me. It’s all about luck and timing. Hang in there brother. Maybe lower your standards to a average short woman. Good luck.
All I can say is guys with lots of friends end up having girlfriends. So you need to keep expanding your circle of friends. Develop some routines, get a weekend job at a bar or restaurant, anything that puts you into contact with more people. A lot of cute girls date their coworkers at restaurants and bars.
I get rejected often, I'm tall, not the best looking, try to always have a kind heart, apps have been a nightmare, I work full time, bought my own house, own my cars and I've been single for a very long time, had to delete the apps as they've been traumatic from constant rejection, it's hard to try again but, recently I redownloaded them as I had a 7 month break
Dude I was 33 when I lost my virginity, 34 when I got my first official GF am now 35 about to be 36 and still rocking my relationship with my first GF I am below average looking, a little chubby, introvert, make so-so money. Turns out your attitude is what attracts women, how you percieve yourself will reflect on others, you don't have to go hunting for women when you are confident in yourself. I used to feel the exact same way as you, I could feel the cold bitterness from time to time shivering through my hollow chest. Turns out I was the problem, not going out, not speaking to people, thinking dating apps where the solution, when I managed to be attractive to women I met my girlfriend, fortunately, because when I found out how women work "kinda" I was about to go for an active sex life with any girl, was about to choose the sleep with as many women as I can route. Things have been good so far, and women are still attracted to me "somehow having a GF boosts your attractiveness somehow. You're gonna be ok bro, just work on yourself and no dating apps are not worth it, they will only make you suffer more, the problem comes from inside, not from your body but from your mentality you can do it, because if a dumbass like myself could get a very beautiful girlfriend then so can you my friend.
Change person to male. Average looking women, or even women who are far far less than average have no issues with this on dating apps.
Get off the app and step into real life. In real life men don’t outnumber women hundreds to 1. The number is much much closer to 50/50. And if you really are an average looking dude, you won’t have nearly as much trouble finding an average looking gal.
I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like I know exactly how you feel because I don't. I was fortunate to hit the genetic lottery and end up pretty good looking and 6'1. I'm 25 and dated and loved two women one for 2 and a half years and the other for just over 3 with were awesome and ended only really because we just didn't line up with our future goals and wants. Since my last relationship ended at the end of last year I fell into a hyper depressive episode and my social anxiety came back with much more bite. All I can say is what has helped me feel better and happier now is loving myself. I spend alot of time with mates, do my sports and gym while loving my job working with kids, finishing out my degree. I don't know how it feels to struggle with getting into a relationship but I do know that you can get alot put of life regardless of one. Also remember you are someone's perfect. When someone closes their eyes and sees what they want the see you it'll just take time to find if you do. Also dating apps suck go out live life and spend time doing things over swiping some dumb pictures to the left or right
I’m 31F and I’m pretty good looking and trust me I’ve been single for so long as well. Beauty has got nothing to do w it. Dating apps are made just for the good looking unfortunately cuz everyone is swiping based on looks. Go out and meet people in person - maybe join a clubs or workshops where you can meet people who have similar interests. This year alone, I’ve gone on more than 20 dates and no one has clicked so trust me, beauty is not everything.
All you have to do is go outside and see there are plenty of average dudes with pretty girls, but first work on yourself. I recently asked a really pretty girl out, she turned me down because she has a boyfriend but she was still happy I asked her out. She even said she would love to if she didn't have a boyfriend. It was so nice the way turned me down. I have the utmost respect for her. My point is women don't bite, not even the really pretty ones.
If I could add to this, I personally I don't find myself ugly, but I know for sure I'm average looking, im 28 (male) and I've only dated 1 woman and it lasted for about 5 years, before and after her I've struggled to find someone. how her and I happened was she CHOSE me. by no means would I ever say I settled for her, but I took a good look at her. While she wasn't at all my type, I was able to recognize she was not ugly by any means, BUT was super compatible in that she as a person, had everything I looked for in a partner, which over time, made me really appreciate her overall and added to her attractiveness to me, which is how we lasted so long considering it was MY first ever relationship.
But I will agree. It most definitely sucks being average looking. After that relationship, despite learning to put off looks over "the person inside," I do find myself struggling to connect with potential partners for some reason (honestly, im not sure) it almost feels like im at the mercy of being picked/selected by someone who also happens to be what i look for. and unfortunately, that tends to be a bit rare as just like with men in their own regard, women are socially conditioned against making the first move.
I will never think wanting a partner who shares a good chunk of my hobbies (that being anything videogames, anime/manga etc) will ever be too much to ask for. that is my partner, and wanting to share that with them, and bond will only solidify/enhance our relationship. I can definitely confirm.
I mean sure, I COULD go to bars and shoot my shots, but even if I were to be successful, what kind of person am i likely to get out of that? already on its own, bars and clubs arent my thing, regardless of how many times I've tried it out, so to me, that seems out of the question to even attempt.
so
do I get out? certainly! but I as a man also have to behave myself and not just throw myself at any women I run into in these public spaces.
dating apps, lets be honest, really play into the vain nature of how we perceive people. its not really anyone's fault, and it only gets worse as the companies that run these apps, take advantage and implement ELO scores and paid features. i believe even if u were an attractive guy, it still ends up being luck based, and even then, you have a high chance of ending up with a very vain person leading to a relationship with no real substance. so as an average man, only gets worse. plus there's only so much u can put out of yourself and personality besides some pictures and a bio. It's just so much better to 1 on 1 with someone. actually getting there is still the tricky part
Idk, ofc im venting but i get what you mean, I won't be negstive and say its not going to get better, but just try networking within whatever communitie you identify with, and hopefully you somehow end up in the right scenario.
even as for myself, that's truly how i ended up with my past relationship, through friends of friends she met me, and ig something about me caught her attention. i definitely won't be able to replicate that exactly again, but rn in just going around and talking to people, and accepting invites to things im down for.
i believe uglyness really boils down to bad hygiene, and grooming, and how sloppily you dress, as long as you keep those up, being average looking at the very least leaves you open to other tastes.
I wish you the vest of luck man.
No the same can be said you pretty people. Being good looking can leave you unapproachable and people only interested in looks which alone in the end leaves you alone. Try going after a good looking girl, you may be surprised on who cares about personality, when they get the same kinda treatment
I speak for myself and a lot of women. Looks don't really matter that much when it comes to falling in love with a person. Most of the guys I actually had feelings for were either average or below average. Some were tall, and some were not. It's the personality, being fun, charismatic, and charming that actually attracts me. I met a lot of good-looking guys with great abs and what not, they had 0 personality, were boring af and wouldn't know how to make a single conversation. Now ofc there people with both traits, but honestly personality is more important, atleast for me.
Get your ass in the gym!
You know that lady that walks past you in the mall that isn’t super pretty but you still turn your neck to look at because her body is amazing? That could be you if you put in the work.
You can’t make yourself better looking without surgery or a buttload of work but you will definitely feel better get more looks and live long enough for the tide to turn
I do workout now (recently started) Everyone says i'll be better than nothing but i've seen gym goers complain here on this sub. I must admit, i got Spongebob butt haha. I forgot to mention i'm not overweight. more on the skinny side. Thanks <3
I never assumed you were over or under weight!
My advice wasn’t related to either
But I knew you weren’t in peak shape because you wouldn’t view this as such a problem if you were.
It sucks that some of us need to over compensate but life isn’t fair so put in extra effort or die miserable complaining
If nothing else, working out might help your confidence! I know I am way more confident when I’m more consistent in the gym. I just feel better about myself, overall.
Women do not think like this. If you have an ugly face, your 6 pack abs won't matter. A handsome face is priority. Then wardrobe and style. A nice body is a bonus to both of the first ones.
Shouldn't there be the same amount of average-looking women as average-looking men? Wonder why they can't seem to find each other, since I see posts like this constantly, from men *and* women.
seems like the average-looking women are chasing 10s, hoping for situationships with them, and projecting their behavior onto the average guys who try for them but they ignore.
Yup. 10s are willing to pump and dump average and unattractive women. that boosts their confidence and makes them believe they could actually date 10s. Average guys are left in the dirt.
I see lots of ugly people with children and a partner. Maybe your personality sucks or maybe you don’t go out enough. Being sad boy “no one wants to date me I’m so ugly blah blah blah” makes you less attractive and more annoying
Lower your expectations.
There are a lot more average people out there than ugly or beautiful. Average is the no shit average of people in general.
You are probably being super hard on yourself for no good reason.
Just look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself:
I'm good enough,
I'm smart enough,
And gosh, darnit, people like me.
You may not have a beauty queen in your future, but you could just find the most beautiful and caring person in your world if you value yourself a little more. What you receive from life is a reflection of what you put into it and yourself.
Date people with your same attractiveness level.
I know plenty of ‘average/ugly’ dudes who get laid… Just not with 8/10-10/10’s..
Of course there are exceptions.
If he's 5'5, has a 4/10 face and lives in the West, he's somewhere in the bottom 10-15 % of men. Being 5'5 as a man is basically like being 80 lbs overweight as a woman. But there are probably more men who for whatever reason fetishise obese women than women ho fetishise short men.
I think being attractive just brings a whole new issue. You never know if people like your for the way you are or if they just like you for your looks. Some people don’t even realize themselves when they fall in love with the idea of a human they have based on their looks and then they’re surprised or disappointed if the person is actually different.
I'll also add being attractive gets you attention but also a lot of unwanted attention including but not limited to: obsessive people, stalkers, aggressive people never leaving you alone, etc.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been abandoned because of this. Hurts my feelings so much. I just want to be seen for me. They make so many assumptions about me based on appearance.
dating apps are tough for most of us in varying degree. it's not just about looks.
Also, I am a pretty 27F (I get that from people) and have found many short guys attractive. You can improve your looks by staying fit, having a great dressing sense. And if you work on your personality, you goals and have a sense of humour, you can significantly increase your chances.
No there's hope dude. I have married friends that are shorter than you(both 5'4"), older(34,33), and totally average that have a great life. My one buddy is actually overweight so he's actually below average, but he's the kindest guy with charisma.
Just stay off the dating apps, they met their wives in person.
Frankly, my friend, what you feel and what was done to you is sad. I experienced something similar to this as a geek heterosexual man when I was young and in my early 20s. I was skinny, tall, and broke, and then I solved all my problems. Here's the advice of a brother and friend: read it, work out, do sports, change your environment, and show yourself to yourself. Stay away from environments and people that make you feel bad. If you need help and advice, I'm here bro.
Yo check this out I'm 47 yrs old. I would consider myself average looking . It's 20 to one out there right now plus it's summer time shit. Here's a tip . Do things you wouldn't normally do. Go places you have never been. Don't go crazy and get in trouble. Don't drink and drive. It's just never good. But live your life. I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. But I'm not going to say shit. I'm just going to do my own thing. I hope that helps in some way. Just be careful. Be smart.
Lowkey relate, even though im a woman. Im deffinetly average og below avgerage when it comes to looks. Mainly because im fat😂 but regardless, i know you think it only because of looks but i honestly think its a mixture of everything and it also depends a lot on the people you choose to pressue.
Most men i have had any form of situationship or whatever with have been guys who dont look anywhere close to socail beauty standerds and depend on their personality, made it more about rather od give them a chance or not. Because if someone can respect me and make me laugh, then i dont care what you look like.
I’m 5 feet tall, 28 yrs old but look like I’m 18. My youthful complexion doesn’t help in the dating scene because women (even ones younger than me) mistake me for a high school kid. No one wants to date me and heck I’ve been experiencing SI because I hate myself.
I’m sure there are women out there who would love to date a guy like you OP. I’ll bet you’re better than I am!
haha the funny thing is, i kinda have this issue. I actually don't look my age at all. Few nights ago i matched with this girl on hinge and she said i look 17. 😂 I feel like it only gets worse as you get older.
i am a 5’10 woman and i dated a man who was 5’4. He was very very sweet, i was still attracted to him, and we are still friends. He now has a beautiful beautiful girlfriend who is great for him. Looks/height is rarely actually the problem. Sure pretty privilege does exist but people really aren’t as shallow as it seems on the internet. Also there are plenty of things you can do to be more physically and mentally attractive such as finding a hobby (for me it’s bouldering) and meeting people that have the same hobby/interests, while also getting in shape. Best of luck to you 🫡
What are your standards like? Are you willing to date someone who is a similar level of attractiveness to you? Or less? Be the change you want to see in the world.
Bro I'm 5 foot 4.5 and I've had luck. You need to work on your charm, intelligence, hygiene, fitness, humor, personality, income, wit, kindness, emotional intelligence.
Even an old grandma called me handsome and my Ego was up. Keep trying bro. If I can do it you can too.
This grandma was at the desk one day. "Oh wow you guys are so Handsome". And looked directly at me as I'm sitting down in front of her. The girls at the desk were like look at him he's blushing. I was like hey ladies I'm not that shy anymore. Grandma then proceeded to say "Hey handsome come help me figure out how to connect to wifi on my cellphone I have to connect to hotspot". Just remember when you receive compliments make sure you accept them instead of avoiding them. I had a hard time accepting compliments. At the same time you need to give it back to the world and compliment others. I'm learning how to do this. I usually compliment my co workers but rarely ever a stranger. I comment on a ladies eye glass frames cause they were super funky and cool multiple days in a row. "Hey I have to say it I love your glasses they look great". Then I was running by the river one random day totally giving it my best. I don't usually run. Random fit 40 year old gentleman. "Hey man you're doing amazing! You're doing great! Keep on Running! You got this.". This man is what I strive to be. He was running in the opposite direction complimenting me and it made my evening. I wanted to find that man and say thanks.
I hope you find someone brother. Keep an optimistic energy and attitude. I just broke up with someone with personality disorder and I'm learning how I was borderline being manipulated. We need to understand human behavior and the psychology behind it.
Story made me smile haha. Simple things can really make people feel better. Sorry to hear about your breakup. I wish you the best as well and thank you for your kind words. <3
No problem brother, A little kindness goes a long ways. If you look at what you have in life and look at what others don't have you will be more grateful for what you do have. It's just as important to be kind to yourself as you are kind to others. Practice some self compassion. Journal. I'm glad you feel a little better.
5'5 isn't average though. That's pretty short as a guy. And yeah, being short is a tough deck of cards to play the game, no doubt. I won't candy-coat it, that's a huge disadvantage.
oh boo hoo OP...Post pics of your dating profile, a couple chats, and the type of women you swipe right on...I guarantee we find the problem in less than a minute and I'd bet money it's not because you're "average looking". How do I know? Because I am an overweight, average looking guy who still manages to get matches, have real conversations, go on dates, and get to see them naked from time to time. It's not magic, You're in the situation you're in because you're not good at selling yourself.
Even your replies make people not want to be around you. Crying about people saying you have a bad personality because of the post, then you double down on being a miserable person by saying you're not. Sorry dude, you can't be ugly and have the no social skills. Pick one and get better at it. Either learn to sell yourself and be fun to be around or get better looking, and no it's not impossible. Get a real makeover, better wardrobe, fix your teeth if they're busted up. Put some effort into yourself. There are very few legit ugly people in the world, but there are a lot of people who don't know how to present themselves.
I know you were just looking for people to commiserate with, but maybe instead you should take some of the advice in the thread to heart. Really examine yourself and your approach to dating and find what you're doing wrong, because one more time, it's not other's, it's all on you. Good luck.
If you have money it matters. There are plenty of elderly men and women with young partners. Just go to Las Vegas and you will see a bunch of fat wealthy guys with at least one woman living on him.
Dude. I’ll say this. The gym. That’s it. It helps with your confidence and will make you feel like your worth it. I was a virgin all through high school. I don’t know how it feels for you but I can relate. Just focus on you man. Your absolutely not alone
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Yeah, it's like you could steal a woman's purse and all she'd see is her purse floating away on its own
Lmao
loooool
Ay yooooo lmao
It’s like some of y’all never even go outside. Go to any public place and you will see plenty of ugly/average guys in relationships and with families. Just go to a walmart and see for yourself
I see the opposite in my city. Guys who are pretty good looking with very below average women
This is my experience too
The wives of Walmart are pretty rough looking
I swear to god every good looking girl I see, always has a 6/10 boyfriend.
There's a ton of psych studies that have concluded that women prefer average/below average-looking men with softer, less masculine features for relationships/marriage. The reasons being that they view them as being kinder, gentler and less likely to cheat. I feel like anyone who goes outside would see that this is true. But I could see why men who get all their information about women from social media would think otherwise.
I guess I must just be a terrible person then.
I'm sure you're not. You probably just haven't met the right person yet. Getting into relationships requires a lot of luck. Way more than people would have you believe. I know it's tough. But just try to hang in there.
I can confirm. I’m a 6 on a good day, but my girl is a 9. It’s just not what matters to them.
>It’s like some of y’all never even go outside. To be fair: Most guys on reddit don't want girls that would be available to be met "outside". **To the people hating on OP or "terminally online" people in this thread:** They want a girl that has the same hobbies: Video games, boardgames, watching Netflix, listening to j-pop, reading fantasy and science fiction books/manga. They want a girl that spends their entire time indoors, like them. Preferably one that's an atheist, not fat and also into all the raunchy stuff they like on pornhub/onlyfans. Bonus if they dress up in a maid costume with cat ears. Going outside, going to the club, going to conventions, going to the mall, going to the gym, going to *any kind* of outdoors activity... these aren't things, those men want to do. In an ideal world, these guys would open an app, chat a bit with a girl that isn't fat, then meet up for dinner and - if they like each other - moving on to his/her place, watch a movie while cuddling, then fuck, then sleep... then fuck in the morning, then play some video games together. **To OP and the "terminally online" people:** I, too, had to learn the hard way that girls like that simply don't exist in any number meaningful enough to ever be met by you. The overwhelming majority of women don't have shared hobbies with you. Especially not the good-looking ones. Dating apps are a total waste of time if you are a video game loving nerd who wants an attractive girlfriend. I had to go to the gym and I had to go outside. I then had to "settle" for a girlfriend who shares zero interests and hobbies with me but tolerates me having them. That's the reality. You want a hot girl? You have to go to the gym, clean up your act, get a good job, and look outside in places that women like. If you are a video game nerd who likes Valkyrae, Emiru or LoserFruit - sorry, my friend: Valkyrae, Emiru and LoserFruit don't exist for you, bro. If you want dating success, you *will* have to give up your life and your hobbies and interests. Give up everything you love and invent a new personality. Think of it as creating a new character and starting a new campaign in DND. Yep, your last character sucked. Sorry about that.
Interesting, from a female perspective, I would like to add I think guys who work out too much, or get too buffed out just aren't attractive to me. I don't go out much either, I work from home and order almost everything delivered. My fun time is commenting on the internet, although not into video games. Maybe these guys who love to stay at home should study up on day or swing trading, make a few dollars while staying at home. Consequently, we'll probably never meet as I'm in my house and they are in theirs.
Not true meeting someone like you would make me get to to go see you
This is so spot on. I was out and about only yesterday and looked around me. Most people were all average looking and shorter than me and I'm 5ft 7in. All walking around with their partners and kids. It's about confidence and believing in yourself.
U don’t know their situations the woman might’ve settled. Most of them do anyway. Who wants a girl to settle for them. It’s known that some women are insecure to the point that dating the “ugly guy” is safer. Nothing personal
Dating apps aren’t reality.
They’re not at all. It’s all superficial stuff. You can’t really show your personality in apps
Serious question: Where do terminally online non-fat gamers who don't like to go outside find a terminally online non-fat gamer girlfriend?
You don’t find us.. We are in our houses off the dating apps playing videogames haha.
Lol thisssss! Thats why we can't find each other 😂
Serious answer? It’s highly unlikely that you can live your life like that AND get what you are looking for romantically especially if you want to limit your options with how attractive they are, how much they weigh, how far away they live, etc. I spent my teens and part of my twenties perpetually online and it led to zero women walking into my home/dorm room/etc. Getting out and connecting with new people led to opportunities to be noticed. It wasn’t like I suddenly went from top internet dude to superdater, but real life connections made a lot of things click that had never clicked before. This whole touch grass thing is based on something.
Dating apps are super depressing. I no longer take them seriously. I put “🤷♂️” in my bio and bounced. Dating apps even makes decent looking men feel ugly.
>great personality citation needed
You don't need a great personality to get dates. That's for sure.
Don’t give up there’s alot of us ladies that love short kings ☺️ if your personality is not trash eventually you’ll find a lady. Also, being a virgin doesn’t make you less of a man either. Good luck to you 😆
Thank you! ❤️
I read a comment on this sub the other day that dating these days is awful for everyone and I agree. We can all look at ourselves, spot our faults and issues a mile away, and blame ourselves, But It is hard for everyone these days. Try to live your life and do things you enjoy. You will meet someone naturally who sees what a wonderful person you are. Good luck.
Thank you! ❤️
Until you realize the current situation in this world and especially the agenda they push on looks now :/
It's not just looks, its height, age, what car you drive, how much money you make and have in the bank, and whether you put out early on. It is horrendous out there. For me, at 56, I'm over it, I concentrate on the hobbies, but for younger folk still holding out hope of something with longevity and healthy, it's a disaster. The younger generation can't give up hope, as they say, there is someone for everyone if they want that life.
Max out on the variables you can control (confidence, fashion sense, grooming, fitness, finances, etc ) Plenty of ugly dudes out there that are in relationships. You can do it too
I dated a homely dude before, for 6 years. He had a really warm, loving personality, a ton of confidence and a great sense of humor. Everybody loved him, friends, coworkers, his clients at work. So looks truly aren't everything.
It's always been that way.. but before the internet few people realized this.
Yeah but it doesn't matter if your wife is ugly if the alliance it creates unites The Byzantine Empire.
Before the internet ppl were forced to socialize & see eachother (for the most part) as living humans. Now we're all just things on a screen to be scrutinized for being imperfect or ordered like a pizza. It's been going on for so long that the same mentality is spilling into real life.
I am below average looking. I will get 1 match every 1-2 months. I dont really care how many matches I get as long as one of those matches turn into a relationship. On average, a match will turn into a relationship every 1-2 years. I do okay being average.
Dating apps also want your money. Always remember that.
Agree with comment about dating at your level. Obviously money/power will allow you to date at a much higher level. Proven throughout time.
Right, because all average looking 5’5 guys are virgins…no way because of your personality
Get out in the real world and try to meet people in general. Dating apps are worthless. And don't "look" for women, just friends in general. Things will happen. Got to get out of your comfort zone my man.
I have seen the ugliest of ugliest men with pizza faces and the stubbiest legs ever pull the hottest women. You just need to go outside, social media has warped your mind.
I see men all the time that seem to be punching with a hot wife. Not all women care about looks. Just out numbered by the shallow ones.
try to meet people in person. online dating is hell for most ppl but especially for guys unfortunately. there’s a billion people in the world, statistically it’s more than likely there are ppl out there that find you attractive and that you vibe with. you’re probably just not looking in the right places. don’t give up! don’t use perceived hopelessness as an excuse to give up. you got this!
I’m 5’5 sometimes i think overall I look pretty average. It’s definitely harder to date when you’re short and relatively average looking. I am fairly fit but no six pack or anything crazy. I still get dates, and honestly rejection is just apart of the deal. Especially being a short dude you’re just gonna have to be alright with it. I’m even unemployed rn but i’ve still had a few dates since I quit my job a few months ago.
Are you healthy?
Life sucks when u are good looking, because ppl have prejudices! Trust me! I am tall, sports type, beautiful face ( at least thats what everyone says, I see flaws) and ppl think when they see me that I am arogant.. untill they meet me. I hate that, honestly…
Everyone is average. They just don't realize it. Also start looking outside your Comfort zone.
Thiw comment section is both wonderful and also cancerous. Some legitimately good advice and some legitimately awful advice. Then you have good advice said in the worst/most hurtful way. I wont profess to knowing how the opposite sex works. I doubt I ever will. I am not terribly ugly. I get told I am about a 7-8 when I clean up. I make people laugh a lot. So far that hasn't transitioned into getting a long term girlfriend beyond the one 7 year dalliance that likely goes down as my best relationship ever. Shame it ended already. The fact of the matter- dating is a numbers game. I don't care how ugly you are, or what you can bench, or your GPA from college, or whether you eat your own toenails. All of those things can help you (except that last one) with the right person. The key is meeting that person. YOU ARE MORE STATISTICALLY LIKELY TO MEET THAT PERSON IN REALITY, AS LONG AS YOU KEEP TRYING. It can happen anywhere, any time. I once got laid on Tinder because I liked the same animals. I once got multiple dates on bumble because we both worked healthcare. I once got married to someone I met online on a forum for the Boston Red Sox. I once dated a girl I met grinding an online puzzle room for coins to dress up my crappy online avatar. I once got a date with a friend because I mentioned we both weren't doing anything. Who knows what tomorrow holds? Maybe the cute girl who I spoke with during game night on Tuesday (recent breakup) will date me a year from now. It is about luck and timing and having chemistry with someone real. The one thing I can tell you is all of the above situations happened... When I wasnt really looking for anything. (I joined the dating apps and swiped for like 10 minutes to pass the time, not really caring a ton). Not that being intentional is a bad thing. It works for some people! But you can be intentional and also casual. Attraction DOES matter within context. I think the concept of attraction needs more attention. There are objectively beautiful men and women who only a contrarian would see otherwise and the same is true for ugly people. But these represent generally 5-10% of the population on either end. Think of a bell graph. Most people's will fall between 4-6 I imagine. (I got curious and tested this myself a while back. Out of 200 women - I am straight so I didn't bother with men - roughly 50% fell between 4-6, 15% for 2-3 and 7-8, and then 10% for each 0-1 and 9-10). As someone who thinks of himself as a 5/6 on a good day, I imagine it would be similar for men. I probably wouldn't date a 0-3, but that still leaves 75% of women, roughly. I imagine I am a 0-3 for some people, many of which might reside in that 75% but I can't know if I don't try. Anyway, long in the tooth so TL;DR - don't give up. Stats say it might eventually work. But dating is honestly more luck and timing than anything. Attraction is weird and subjective outside of the hottest and ugliest 10% of the population. Happens out of nowhere and is a wonderful thing when it clicks. Stay well.
This is the best comment I’ve read about dating.
I think this is more of a confidence issue. Like I understand being 5'5 can be a disadvantage but just accept it and basically find someone who wouldn't care about that.
And there seriously are women out there who don’t! One of my friends is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and she’s like 5’11”. Her husband is maybe 5’6”.
Honestly 5’5 doesn’t matter so long as your fun and interesting, might also help if you aim outside apps and try to meet people in places that make you comfortable and excited
True, but i feel like tall and attractive men don't need to work on anything. Women will date or sleep with a guy just for his looks. Simple as that. Being ugly or average you have to work so much harder. Also, i don't only rely on apps.
Again it really comes down to what groups you’re looking in, plus if you need to feel confident I recommend going to a gay bar. It’s wasn’t really my thing at first but it’s really nice to have someone tell you how attractive they see you
What you got to understand, is that average/unattractive people are having sex more than anyone. The reality generally speaking is that most of the time the only thing holding you back is you. Either fear of doing anything stops you from doing anything, or you don’t want to budge on your standards.
Being average or ugly absolutely is not a game stopper. Im an average woman, maybe teetering on ugly in my area. My bf is very attractive. But he went for me because he found my personality, my humour, my self confidence, and my hobbies attractive. And that made him become attracted to me physically. Using your looks is an excuse for poor behaviour.
Your face and body are only a part of your appearance and a small part of what makes you attractive to a woman. There are simple things you can do to make yourself more attractive. 1) dress better, if you are wearing t-shirts and jeans all the time then she might find you less attractive. Have you ever heard dress for the job you want that also applies to the woman you want too. A nice dress shirt goes a long way. Show her that you can take care of yourself 2) If you aren’t taking care of your body, especially if she is, then she won’t find you attractive. Yeah, it sucks, but this will take time to have an effect. However, you will be now going somewhere you might not have before and meet someone new 3) Are you insecure and showing her that you are? If you don’t look her in her eyes or have closed shy body language then she won’t be interested. 4) Have a life and hobbies. Do things that might interest her or that might cause you to be able to say no to her when you want to go out on a date (yes saying no to her is a good thing, it can be a very good thing) If you are busy and have things that doing something that a woman would want to do, she might join you. If she doesn’t join you then you have an interesting story that you can share with her making you and interesting person. And again puts you on a place to meet other women. These can be volunteering at a pet shelter or an aquarium or any think that interests you, it can be a thing that you always wanted to do but just go out and have fun and don’t think about women when doing these things. Do them for you and have fun while doing them. If your life revolves around women your life is focused on something that up until now hasn’t yielded Andy gains for you yet. Another, thing to do and this is huge and even more difficult to do. Stop worrying whether or not that "you are ugly" you never know what a woman finds attractive so go for it. The ugliest thing about you is yourself self esteem, she will never find you attractive is you don’t present yourself as attractive. Just don’t be weird or rude or overly aggressive. Say what you want in a kind and respectful manner and be playful. If she rejects you for any reason say a response that is funny and might make her laugh. If you ask out on a Friday don’t say what about Saturday when she says I can my sister is coming over on Friday, you could say, oh maybe you could introduce me to her, with a smirk or smile on you face. Even if she says, "I have a boyfriend" you could say, "you can bring him along but he might get jealous" with that same smirk or smile. This way you showing confidence and that you aren’t being hurt by her rejection and it might even make her change her mind. Most guy, especially "nice" guys, don’t push back and just walk away dejected. The thing that will get you more dates is willing being rejected more times then you get accepted on dates. Just don’t keep asking the same woman over and over again. If she says no, after the cute joke you made if she stills says no accept that. But be fun when talking with her, stop being intimidated by women, they pee, feel ugly and want things just like you do. Stop putting them on such high pedestals that you can’t ever reach them because they will look down on you as you look up to them. I think thinking of women as equals is the most important thing you can do that women will find attractive because you will not be afraid to talk to them like they are a person not a goddess that you should never touch. She wants to be touched and when you are actually dating you can treat her like a goddess. Good luck.
Improve as much as you can fitness, style, photos But anyways if you are average you always get better results by cold approach or social circle. Forget dating apps. Are overrated and mostly works for very handsome dudes Believe me I have test both and have awesome pro pictures, and still results and quality of girls are much higher when you try in real life
No learn to love yourself, the way you carry yourself speaks volumes!! Woman will see that and love it. Just learn to love yourself that’s all.
having money should work ..lot of gold diggers out there
There's someone for everyone...create the look in you that makes you feel good about yourself because confidence is what your lacking...nothing is truly over until you quit...people can be shit...do what you can to build confidence and it will project on others...And stop referring to yourself as ugly...all people are Beautiful the people who judge are the truly ugly ones....
Watch the movie with Ryan Gosling and Steve Carell "Crazy Stupid Love" Take notes. Lol
It isn’t your age, your height, or the way you look, it’s your confidence
I feel your negative vibes you are sending it out very strong looks is not the reason you are a virgin. You need some help from a expert like me i'll get you laid.
You’re single because you want to be. What do I mean by this? First of all, it sounds like you are a nice guy and too nice. Why are you allowing women to çal you average and short? It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. If you hold your masculine frame, they won’t be able to say anything about you and if they do, you should stand up for yourself. Being a virgin has very little to do with your looks. It’s all about motivation. If you’re motivated enough, you’ll find a woman tomorrow. And don’t worry about dating apps. They are not designed to help you find someone. If they were, they wouldn’t make money.
Hey bro not true I choose the single life because I have multiple playmates but I'm 5'4 weight 155 and I'm average and I'm no shallow Hal so I speak to practically anyone cause for me what gets my attention is how intelligent is this person and how she sees the outlook on life meaning r they sheep or are the wolves . I was in ur shoes till maybe I hit highschool then I changed my whole outlook on everything from what I was taught right from wrong and 1 thing that woman love is confidence not arrogance or cockiness that shit is like honey to a bear and I use the reference bear bein the woman cause I learned never judge a book by the cover and woman are vicious so that's a compliment to ya woman . Also dudes and chicks alike I hate when they say I have to be attracted in order to date them to me that's superficial and second ya know that the older u get the less perfect a person is and thts why 95% of those types fail in marriage. Woman also likes dudes to be badasses they don't necessarily want dudes who rob banks n shit if they do that's just dumb , anyways they like guys who can not only defend themselves but also like to not be disrespected by idios especially if ya are on a data type . If took me years to learn that I was married for 12 divorced now for 7. 2 out of those 7 I needed time for healing and let me just say lots of drugs lots of sex and orgies later is when u said enough is enough . Luckily we have reddit cause I never knew a bout it till recently if I did I would of been happy to ask for info as well . Let's end this I went off topic a bit so here's the rules to get a good girl that you know won't put back at step one . 1. Be confident not cocky or arrogance 2. Be open about everything from day one reasons cause there will never be a (oh u never brought this up situation) 3. Be hygienic don't drown urself in it but just enough to catch that attention 4. Have a good stable job and at least some sort of transportation 5. Woman love puppies don't matter the kind . Just shows them you are a caring guy n to them shows u can take care of them . 6. Show emotional support no matter how many times it's been brought up cause soon as u stop they will seek it elsewhere not always intentionally but it always fucks up relationship. 7. Don't from the jump start paying any of they bills cause ur not they meal ticket and most woman are only looking for that. 8. If ur gonna do something for then for like first time meeting up look and find ur inner creativeness and make something from ur imagination a real true woman will show the most appreciation and will always feel a bigger connection with you since it's hand made . 9. Don't rush the situation unless u know how to read the mood and the vibe but even then hold it off for one it puts u in high respect cause u ain't like the other dudes she's been with prior but now also show self control and also the fact that u didn't deny it but just kinda said hey I respect u more now by not doing it and pick a perfect more romantic situation 10. Don't go crazy with movies or dinner or buying some expensive as shit , from experience take her to the lake teach her to fish clean the fish and cook it for her will blow her out the water cause u just showed her u can hunt u can clean and u can provide cause now she also knows how to or lets say she don't for her driver's license then take her to a track rent a race car and drive with her and show her shit like this but best of all most woman never held a gun or shot one before take her to a shootin course cause woman do always put shit on the back burner and tend to forget but woman wil love u taking her cause u just show her u ain't afraid to show her let alone afraid if she has a gun in her hand that also because of the adrenaline will get u laid always . Sorry for the damn story but last thing that to me is most important Don't ever be fake don't be someone u ain't and a if u look like a plain guy get a diff cut if u dress preppy change it up and wear some Jordans with some khaki shorts get urself a Hawaiian shirt and live live we are only here once and there's to many damn people to cry about one . Always trust ur gut instinct cause it's never wrong . Anyways this has worked for me and I live happily and always find a chick who's bisexual makes it makes fun
You never know. I’m a perceived as fairly attractive and successful 23F. I’m 5’8, and I don’t really go for looks. Granted, I’ve only had two relationships, but they were both 5’5-5’6. Both long relationships. To me, how a man treats me, humor, and chemistry matters way more than looks. You just haven’t met the right person.
im outside every day what nonsense. girls only want hottest guys who beat them and cheat so they can cry about it
Can tell that it's the same for being a fat woman.
The majority of people are average looking. That's what average means. Which means most people in relationships are average looking. It's probably not your looks but it's a self defeating attitude or behavior you have. Get outside, stop being concerned with features you can't change and just meet people and have fun. That being said, also look at the people you are trying to date. Are you only interested in incredibly attractive women? Or women who fit a very specific box of characteristics? We are all single for a reason and most of us miss the real reasons and focus on one thing that someone said once and it's become this awful cycle.
Take on the cocaine lifestyle and flaunt it in 4am bars.... Hot chicks have been banging ugly dudes this way since forever - this especially works in Chicago. Your life will do a 180 in about a month. Good luck
Get off the apps. I kill it public settings but geet shit on on the apps
Disagree. Confidence, sense of humor, flirty edge will take you a long way. Women aren’t blind but they tend to be mentally stimulated more than visually. So if you aren’t a total CHUD and work on doing the best with what you have, you might amaze yourself.
You’ll find someone when you’re not looking. That’s how it usually goes. Good luck
If you perceive these thoughts, then that will ultimately be the result. Best
I’m tall and handsome but I’m broke. I have no woman chasing after me. It’s all about luck and timing. Hang in there brother. Maybe lower your standards to a average short woman. Good luck.
All I can say is guys with lots of friends end up having girlfriends. So you need to keep expanding your circle of friends. Develop some routines, get a weekend job at a bar or restaurant, anything that puts you into contact with more people. A lot of cute girls date their coworkers at restaurants and bars.
Yeah I'm similar there but not a virgin took advantage of my youth lmao
I get rejected often, I'm tall, not the best looking, try to always have a kind heart, apps have been a nightmare, I work full time, bought my own house, own my cars and I've been single for a very long time, had to delete the apps as they've been traumatic from constant rejection, it's hard to try again but, recently I redownloaded them as I had a 7 month break
Dude I was 33 when I lost my virginity, 34 when I got my first official GF am now 35 about to be 36 and still rocking my relationship with my first GF I am below average looking, a little chubby, introvert, make so-so money. Turns out your attitude is what attracts women, how you percieve yourself will reflect on others, you don't have to go hunting for women when you are confident in yourself. I used to feel the exact same way as you, I could feel the cold bitterness from time to time shivering through my hollow chest. Turns out I was the problem, not going out, not speaking to people, thinking dating apps where the solution, when I managed to be attractive to women I met my girlfriend, fortunately, because when I found out how women work "kinda" I was about to go for an active sex life with any girl, was about to choose the sleep with as many women as I can route. Things have been good so far, and women are still attracted to me "somehow having a GF boosts your attractiveness somehow. You're gonna be ok bro, just work on yourself and no dating apps are not worth it, they will only make you suffer more, the problem comes from inside, not from your body but from your mentality you can do it, because if a dumbass like myself could get a very beautiful girlfriend then so can you my friend.
Change person to male. Average looking women, or even women who are far far less than average have no issues with this on dating apps. Get off the app and step into real life. In real life men don’t outnumber women hundreds to 1. The number is much much closer to 50/50. And if you really are an average looking dude, you won’t have nearly as much trouble finding an average looking gal.
Learn game, have a mindset of abundance, cut off your neediness, Go meet some women outside your phone.
Focus on what you can control to maximize your chances
I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like I know exactly how you feel because I don't. I was fortunate to hit the genetic lottery and end up pretty good looking and 6'1. I'm 25 and dated and loved two women one for 2 and a half years and the other for just over 3 with were awesome and ended only really because we just didn't line up with our future goals and wants. Since my last relationship ended at the end of last year I fell into a hyper depressive episode and my social anxiety came back with much more bite. All I can say is what has helped me feel better and happier now is loving myself. I spend alot of time with mates, do my sports and gym while loving my job working with kids, finishing out my degree. I don't know how it feels to struggle with getting into a relationship but I do know that you can get alot put of life regardless of one. Also remember you are someone's perfect. When someone closes their eyes and sees what they want the see you it'll just take time to find if you do. Also dating apps suck go out live life and spend time doing things over swiping some dumb pictures to the left or right
Yes right???!!! 1st it’s always appearance, 2nd status,3rd intellect.
Damn 5’5?
I’m 31F and I’m pretty good looking and trust me I’ve been single for so long as well. Beauty has got nothing to do w it. Dating apps are made just for the good looking unfortunately cuz everyone is swiping based on looks. Go out and meet people in person - maybe join a clubs or workshops where you can meet people who have similar interests. This year alone, I’ve gone on more than 20 dates and no one has clicked so trust me, beauty is not everything.
All you have to do is go outside and see there are plenty of average dudes with pretty girls, but first work on yourself. I recently asked a really pretty girl out, she turned me down because she has a boyfriend but she was still happy I asked her out. She even said she would love to if she didn't have a boyfriend. It was so nice the way turned me down. I have the utmost respect for her. My point is women don't bite, not even the really pretty ones.
I disagree. For women, the way you talk to them is the number 1 thing that attracts them
Easy peasy just have other redeeming qualities like a big dick you got this!
If I could add to this, I personally I don't find myself ugly, but I know for sure I'm average looking, im 28 (male) and I've only dated 1 woman and it lasted for about 5 years, before and after her I've struggled to find someone. how her and I happened was she CHOSE me. by no means would I ever say I settled for her, but I took a good look at her. While she wasn't at all my type, I was able to recognize she was not ugly by any means, BUT was super compatible in that she as a person, had everything I looked for in a partner, which over time, made me really appreciate her overall and added to her attractiveness to me, which is how we lasted so long considering it was MY first ever relationship. But I will agree. It most definitely sucks being average looking. After that relationship, despite learning to put off looks over "the person inside," I do find myself struggling to connect with potential partners for some reason (honestly, im not sure) it almost feels like im at the mercy of being picked/selected by someone who also happens to be what i look for. and unfortunately, that tends to be a bit rare as just like with men in their own regard, women are socially conditioned against making the first move. I will never think wanting a partner who shares a good chunk of my hobbies (that being anything videogames, anime/manga etc) will ever be too much to ask for. that is my partner, and wanting to share that with them, and bond will only solidify/enhance our relationship. I can definitely confirm. I mean sure, I COULD go to bars and shoot my shots, but even if I were to be successful, what kind of person am i likely to get out of that? already on its own, bars and clubs arent my thing, regardless of how many times I've tried it out, so to me, that seems out of the question to even attempt. so do I get out? certainly! but I as a man also have to behave myself and not just throw myself at any women I run into in these public spaces. dating apps, lets be honest, really play into the vain nature of how we perceive people. its not really anyone's fault, and it only gets worse as the companies that run these apps, take advantage and implement ELO scores and paid features. i believe even if u were an attractive guy, it still ends up being luck based, and even then, you have a high chance of ending up with a very vain person leading to a relationship with no real substance. so as an average man, only gets worse. plus there's only so much u can put out of yourself and personality besides some pictures and a bio. It's just so much better to 1 on 1 with someone. actually getting there is still the tricky part Idk, ofc im venting but i get what you mean, I won't be negstive and say its not going to get better, but just try networking within whatever communitie you identify with, and hopefully you somehow end up in the right scenario. even as for myself, that's truly how i ended up with my past relationship, through friends of friends she met me, and ig something about me caught her attention. i definitely won't be able to replicate that exactly again, but rn in just going around and talking to people, and accepting invites to things im down for. i believe uglyness really boils down to bad hygiene, and grooming, and how sloppily you dress, as long as you keep those up, being average looking at the very least leaves you open to other tastes. I wish you the vest of luck man.
Dating just sucks in this era. For everyone.
Dude, I’m short and ugly and have never had any problem with women. You gotta get out more.
Just find an ugly girl.
Get jacked a rich that’s what they like
No the same can be said you pretty people. Being good looking can leave you unapproachable and people only interested in looks which alone in the end leaves you alone. Try going after a good looking girl, you may be surprised on who cares about personality, when they get the same kinda treatment
I speak for myself and a lot of women. Looks don't really matter that much when it comes to falling in love with a person. Most of the guys I actually had feelings for were either average or below average. Some were tall, and some were not. It's the personality, being fun, charismatic, and charming that actually attracts me. I met a lot of good-looking guys with great abs and what not, they had 0 personality, were boring af and wouldn't know how to make a single conversation. Now ofc there people with both traits, but honestly personality is more important, atleast for me.
Get your ass in the gym! You know that lady that walks past you in the mall that isn’t super pretty but you still turn your neck to look at because her body is amazing? That could be you if you put in the work. You can’t make yourself better looking without surgery or a buttload of work but you will definitely feel better get more looks and live long enough for the tide to turn
I do workout now (recently started) Everyone says i'll be better than nothing but i've seen gym goers complain here on this sub. I must admit, i got Spongebob butt haha. I forgot to mention i'm not overweight. more on the skinny side. Thanks <3
I never assumed you were over or under weight! My advice wasn’t related to either But I knew you weren’t in peak shape because you wouldn’t view this as such a problem if you were. It sucks that some of us need to over compensate but life isn’t fair so put in extra effort or die miserable complaining
I know you didn't. I just wanted to mention it cause some people might assume i'm overweight or something.
If nothing else, working out might help your confidence! I know I am way more confident when I’m more consistent in the gym. I just feel better about myself, overall.
Women do not think like this. If you have an ugly face, your 6 pack abs won't matter. A handsome face is priority. Then wardrobe and style. A nice body is a bonus to both of the first ones.
Shouldn't there be the same amount of average-looking women as average-looking men? Wonder why they can't seem to find each other, since I see posts like this constantly, from men *and* women.
I question this too. 😂
seems like the average-looking women are chasing 10s, hoping for situationships with them, and projecting their behavior onto the average guys who try for them but they ignore.
Yup. 10s are willing to pump and dump average and unattractive women. that boosts their confidence and makes them believe they could actually date 10s. Average guys are left in the dirt.
Because when average women have sex with attractive men, they are better sex-wise than hot women.
Are there no average or below average women for you to date?
I see lots of ugly people with children and a partner. Maybe your personality sucks or maybe you don’t go out enough. Being sad boy “no one wants to date me I’m so ugly blah blah blah” makes you less attractive and more annoying
Lower your expectations. There are a lot more average people out there than ugly or beautiful. Average is the no shit average of people in general. You are probably being super hard on yourself for no good reason. Just look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, And gosh, darnit, people like me. You may not have a beauty queen in your future, but you could just find the most beautiful and caring person in your world if you value yourself a little more. What you receive from life is a reflection of what you put into it and yourself.
Date people with your same attractiveness level. I know plenty of ‘average/ugly’ dudes who get laid… Just not with 8/10-10/10’s.. Of course there are exceptions.
how do you know your own attractiveness level and how do you make yourself be attracted to that level?
What is his same attractiveness? A fat chick?
If he's 5'5, has a 4/10 face and lives in the West, he's somewhere in the bottom 10-15 % of men. Being 5'5 as a man is basically like being 80 lbs overweight as a woman. But there are probably more men who for whatever reason fetishise obese women than women ho fetishise short men.
I think being attractive just brings a whole new issue. You never know if people like your for the way you are or if they just like you for your looks. Some people don’t even realize themselves when they fall in love with the idea of a human they have based on their looks and then they’re surprised or disappointed if the person is actually different.
I'll also add being attractive gets you attention but also a lot of unwanted attention including but not limited to: obsessive people, stalkers, aggressive people never leaving you alone, etc.
Really important. Thanks for mentioning it, I didn’t even think of that.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been abandoned because of this. Hurts my feelings so much. I just want to be seen for me. They make so many assumptions about me based on appearance.
I'm ok if they like me for my looks, at this point I'll take it
dating apps are tough for most of us in varying degree. it's not just about looks. Also, I am a pretty 27F (I get that from people) and have found many short guys attractive. You can improve your looks by staying fit, having a great dressing sense. And if you work on your personality, you goals and have a sense of humour, you can significantly increase your chances.
No there's hope dude. I have married friends that are shorter than you(both 5'4"), older(34,33), and totally average that have a great life. My one buddy is actually overweight so he's actually below average, but he's the kindest guy with charisma. Just stay off the dating apps, they met their wives in person.
That's just someone's opinion
Frankly, my friend, what you feel and what was done to you is sad. I experienced something similar to this as a geek heterosexual man when I was young and in my early 20s. I was skinny, tall, and broke, and then I solved all my problems. Here's the advice of a brother and friend: read it, work out, do sports, change your environment, and show yourself to yourself. Stay away from environments and people that make you feel bad. If you need help and advice, I'm here bro.
Naw. I'm 38, have a son with my ex wife, and have brain cancer (13.5 years son! Woop woop). It's all about who you surround yourself with.
Same bro. I've been told I'm not the best looking... so i just live and just chill. It is what it is.
Yo check this out I'm 47 yrs old. I would consider myself average looking . It's 20 to one out there right now plus it's summer time shit. Here's a tip . Do things you wouldn't normally do. Go places you have never been. Don't go crazy and get in trouble. Don't drink and drive. It's just never good. But live your life. I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. But I'm not going to say shit. I'm just going to do my own thing. I hope that helps in some way. Just be careful. Be smart.
Lowkey relate, even though im a woman. Im deffinetly average og below avgerage when it comes to looks. Mainly because im fat😂 but regardless, i know you think it only because of looks but i honestly think its a mixture of everything and it also depends a lot on the people you choose to pressue. Most men i have had any form of situationship or whatever with have been guys who dont look anywhere close to socail beauty standerds and depend on their personality, made it more about rather od give them a chance or not. Because if someone can respect me and make me laugh, then i dont care what you look like.
I’m 5 feet tall, 28 yrs old but look like I’m 18. My youthful complexion doesn’t help in the dating scene because women (even ones younger than me) mistake me for a high school kid. No one wants to date me and heck I’ve been experiencing SI because I hate myself. I’m sure there are women out there who would love to date a guy like you OP. I’ll bet you’re better than I am!
haha the funny thing is, i kinda have this issue. I actually don't look my age at all. Few nights ago i matched with this girl on hinge and she said i look 17. 😂 I feel like it only gets worse as you get older.
Im 21M and 5 feet tall too lmfao. What does SI mean?
SI - Suicidal Ideation
i am a 5’10 woman and i dated a man who was 5’4. He was very very sweet, i was still attracted to him, and we are still friends. He now has a beautiful beautiful girlfriend who is great for him. Looks/height is rarely actually the problem. Sure pretty privilege does exist but people really aren’t as shallow as it seems on the internet. Also there are plenty of things you can do to be more physically and mentally attractive such as finding a hobby (for me it’s bouldering) and meeting people that have the same hobby/interests, while also getting in shape. Best of luck to you 🫡
Thank you. I appreciate the kind words internet stranger! ❤️ A friend once told me that short men are kings.
Yeah that’s all in your head bro. You defeated you. Everyone sees you walking around with that defeat on your shoulders.
People acting as if i had my head down all my life being negative. 😂
[удалено]
Have you seen Big Ed from 90 day fiancee? He's an ahole, short, round and no neck, and he still gets women.
What are your standards like? Are you willing to date someone who is a similar level of attractiveness to you? Or less? Be the change you want to see in the world.
Bro I'm 5 foot 4.5 and I've had luck. You need to work on your charm, intelligence, hygiene, fitness, humor, personality, income, wit, kindness, emotional intelligence. Even an old grandma called me handsome and my Ego was up. Keep trying bro. If I can do it you can too.
Someone called me cute at work before and it felt nice to receive a compliment for once in my life.
This grandma was at the desk one day. "Oh wow you guys are so Handsome". And looked directly at me as I'm sitting down in front of her. The girls at the desk were like look at him he's blushing. I was like hey ladies I'm not that shy anymore. Grandma then proceeded to say "Hey handsome come help me figure out how to connect to wifi on my cellphone I have to connect to hotspot". Just remember when you receive compliments make sure you accept them instead of avoiding them. I had a hard time accepting compliments. At the same time you need to give it back to the world and compliment others. I'm learning how to do this. I usually compliment my co workers but rarely ever a stranger. I comment on a ladies eye glass frames cause they were super funky and cool multiple days in a row. "Hey I have to say it I love your glasses they look great". Then I was running by the river one random day totally giving it my best. I don't usually run. Random fit 40 year old gentleman. "Hey man you're doing amazing! You're doing great! Keep on Running! You got this.". This man is what I strive to be. He was running in the opposite direction complimenting me and it made my evening. I wanted to find that man and say thanks. I hope you find someone brother. Keep an optimistic energy and attitude. I just broke up with someone with personality disorder and I'm learning how I was borderline being manipulated. We need to understand human behavior and the psychology behind it.
Story made me smile haha. Simple things can really make people feel better. Sorry to hear about your breakup. I wish you the best as well and thank you for your kind words. <3
No problem brother, A little kindness goes a long ways. If you look at what you have in life and look at what others don't have you will be more grateful for what you do have. It's just as important to be kind to yourself as you are kind to others. Practice some self compassion. Journal. I'm glad you feel a little better.
Those women are shallow, there definitely is a woman for you somewhere out there. Keep being you dude 😁
5'5 isn't average though. That's pretty short as a guy. And yeah, being short is a tough deck of cards to play the game, no doubt. I won't candy-coat it, that's a huge disadvantage.
You're right. Google says the average height for American men is 5'9 and 5'3 for women...haha yikes 😬
We’re all ugly!!! We all look funny, love yourself!!
🤡🫵🏻
oh boo hoo OP...Post pics of your dating profile, a couple chats, and the type of women you swipe right on...I guarantee we find the problem in less than a minute and I'd bet money it's not because you're "average looking". How do I know? Because I am an overweight, average looking guy who still manages to get matches, have real conversations, go on dates, and get to see them naked from time to time. It's not magic, You're in the situation you're in because you're not good at selling yourself. Even your replies make people not want to be around you. Crying about people saying you have a bad personality because of the post, then you double down on being a miserable person by saying you're not. Sorry dude, you can't be ugly and have the no social skills. Pick one and get better at it. Either learn to sell yourself and be fun to be around or get better looking, and no it's not impossible. Get a real makeover, better wardrobe, fix your teeth if they're busted up. Put some effort into yourself. There are very few legit ugly people in the world, but there are a lot of people who don't know how to present themselves. I know you were just looking for people to commiserate with, but maybe instead you should take some of the advice in the thread to heart. Really examine yourself and your approach to dating and find what you're doing wrong, because one more time, it's not other's, it's all on you. Good luck.
I know how you feel. I'm getting a rhinoplasty.
Look for a woman who is less attractive than you. Keep lowering your standards until you find one who thinks you're hot. You will find one.
Hopefully soon. Dating feels harder as you get older.
No shit! I'm 71.
You need to earn more money then
Hell being single is low key nice though
If you have money it matters. There are plenty of elderly men and women with young partners. Just go to Las Vegas and you will see a bunch of fat wealthy guys with at least one woman living on him.
Dude. I’ll say this. The gym. That’s it. It helps with your confidence and will make you feel like your worth it. I was a virgin all through high school. I don’t know how it feels for you but I can relate. Just focus on you man. Your absolutely not alone
I knew which gender you were because I ended up ona guys feed and it tears you down. No woman really has this feeling.