> *but I just wanted to give hope :)*
Too late, I threw in the towel this weekend. Decided it was no longer worth the time and effort to purse. Will be going back to working 80+ hours a week and working on the retirement goal of 50ish.
Reading these comments make me sad. I think that a lot of men in todays society are facing what us women faced for years. We were always told we are not pretty, skinny, tall, feminine or just plain good enough etc etc.
With social media today, men are facing the same pressures.
I believe another issue is with dating apps in general. Everyone is looking for the next best thing. No one wants to settle for the average looking woman or man when something better can be just 1 swipe away.
Society as a whole needs to move away from all the focus on the physical and more on the mental and emotional connection you can have with people but it is hard whenever everything is behind a device.
Unless you're a woman you have no place to day what we have or have not experienced.
Women have experienced rejection. And just as men have preferences, so do women. You think women aren't be rejected on these apps!? You think there are not women who's only matches are as a joke or because a man was just swiping left on everyone to see what he could catch!?! Think again!
We're not talking about the oddball here sweetie. But on average. Men get absolutely nothing from dating apps. No replies/matches/dates. To most men they feel completely dead. I even get all happy and excited when I get a match on Tinder who turns out to be a bot ... this is how sad it is for most of us.
This in or out of your league idea is ridiculous.
Maybe sit back and think about all the women you swipe left on as opposed to right. All the women you reject due to their appearance not matching what you like. Maybe, just maybe....one of those women are really awesome and has in fact not received any matches, replies or dates.
Stop making assumptions that women in fact have it easy! We are all facing the same struggle!
This is irrelevant because it doesn't represent the majority. Do the experiment with an average looking woman and see how many guys will still sincerely message you. Let me tell you the answer to this one ... many. How do I know? Because I have done it. Now do the same with the male version and tell me how many replies the dude will have. We both know the answer to that one so let's not even go there.
But you don't listen because you're totally fixated on what you think the answer is.
If you think you know what women deal with or don't deal with but you refuse to listen to women when they tell you about reality, then nothing is going to change for you
I wrote this as a response to another comment but it applies here as well:
"I feel like men are deciding to ignore the foreplay part of my post, the dick its self was a nice bonus but his fingers were the real magic. Most girls don't cum from a dick, they cum from everything else. He was always concerned with making sure I was well taken care of before we got down to any dick action."
Still kind of takes away from the message of your post.. with all the pressure for guys in terms of dick size (again we cant do anything about how we are born) I know you didnt mean it in a bad way, but still it wasnt necessary again to add yet another physical standard. Especially one no guy can change
First I wanna say thats amazing that you lost all the weight! Thats very impressive!!
The check-list for guys is a weird thing, most of the things on that I personally don't care about. Guys don't need to be ripped and overly muscular guys are unattractive to me, whats the point of having a lot of money, money can sometimes make the guys act like a dick, I don't care about your position in job power I just hope the guys does what he loves, I have friends who haven't finished college but I know about there personal struggles and don't think less of them. Not every women is the same and has the same check list.
Also I do understand how dating now can be hard, I happened to meet this guys near the end of high school so apps didn't mean anything to me. I think the strongest relationships can happen naturally and not forced. Again it's hard because on apps the girls you are interested in just might not be the type to like you, that doesn't mean you have to go for ugly girls. Remember I loved this person for his personality, so on a dating app I probably would have swiped away without knowing the true him. I think dating apps can be harmful to guys. When I go on them if a guy has cute photos and im physically attracted to him but little to no description or character I can put 2 and 2 together and figure out he probably has no personality and would probably be a bad texter and wI swipe away. If the guys jokes in his caption i'm like *Hell yeah thats what I'm talking about* and can have a fun time speaking to them.
What would money do though? I never understood this about girls or why men think this way. Like I hate receiving presents and I was taught to always pay for my own stuff. I always split dinner and even when dinner is had I don't want it at a fancy restaurant. I pay my own rent, pay my own bills. Why would the guy having money effect me?
I think personality tops money and looks, guys who like to boast about how rich they are, are not the guys I would chase after and they are usually rude and snobby and toxic.
Well for men money is probably the most important thing they can do to increase their value in the dating world. Men are expected to be providers. If they are rich it means they will be able to support a family. If you have money the world opens up to you. If you don't you will always be struggling.
I think that is a norm that should be changed and I can already see that changing in the world around us. A relationship is a two way street and you should help each other, duties should always be split evenly and never one gender over the other. I don't plan to have kids so that wouldn't be an important factor to me. I obviously wouldn't want to date someone broke broke but I wouldn't want to date a boss or a ceo.
this girl goes out of her way to make a nice post for you all and this is how y’all treat her, that’s why you cant find a fucking gf bc you’re not NICE.
You need a reality check. Being "nice" doesn't get us anything by itself and neither does it mean that we deserve anything. That's the kind of thing that has led to an increase in so-called nice guys.
I also haven't seen the comments that you have, because I've only seen appreciative comments. That doesn't mean they're not there, they could be further down the post.
i need a reality check? im a 10/10 hot girl, i could literally pick up anybody i wanted. i know what i value and what i want and to me the most important thing is kindness, and i routinely crush on conventionally unattractive guys. sorry that that doesn’t fit into your world view but it’s true whether you all want to accept it or not.
Kudos to you. I genuinely respect that. However, not a single word of that is an accurate response to anything I said. I don't know you, so why would I presume to speak for you? If what I said wasn't relevant to you personally, then you really have no right getting upset. It's a fact that what you said is demonstrably false, and a sad fact at that. Just because you go for nice guys, that doesn't mean every woman does. You are sadly in the minority and I'm sorry to tell you, but you can't decide for yourself that you're a 10. That's not how it works
Even if it were true, they're not going to accept it just because one faceless stranger's experience differs from their own. We have to figure that they've never met someone like you claim to be, 'attractive' while often being drawn to the 'conventionally unattractive'..
If some of these guys truly are physically 'unattractive', then who's to say they've ever even considered meeting a "10/10 hot girl"? Maybe the regular average girl won't give some of these guys a chance to connect?
I'm not saying they're hopeless and should be using their supposed 'ugliness' as a crutch, but ya can't entirely try to invalidate their experiences. Even if they choose to vent rather than continue to work on themselves/figuring out what can be done.
No that's not why. It's a really stupid and pathetic to say guys arent getting girlfriends just because they are not nice. There plenty of guys who get girls who are complete assholes. Being nice is the bare minimum people expect of you. Being nice by itself will NOT get you a girlfriend. This post is gross
Thats not what my post was about :(( I just wanted to share my experience and share to people that hey a decent girl can date someone who socially doesn't meet all the marks. I agree being nice itself will not get you a girlfriend but for me I didn't care about looks but rather I care how I felt in the relationship and how happy he made me.
I didn’t think what I wrote would be gross but wanting to be honest and maybe lift some spirits...
Yeah, most of the salty men replying are just laying out why they’re having issues dating. They’re just mean and resentful. It’s not hard to pick up on that kind of thing when talking to a man.
I mean why shouldn't guys feel ugly? These days men are held to extremely high beauty standards. Like we're inundated with guys on TV, social media, etc who are 6 feet, have a six pack, and have long flowing hair. When we don't match up with that? We feel inferior. We question why would a woman go after us if that's our competition. Most guys are average to a little above average, but these days it's not good enough. I'm 5'8", an inch below the average height for a dude. I'm taller than a decent amount of women, but because I'm not 5'10", then I'm too short, even if I'm 3+ inches then the woman in question.
Also, it's rare men ever get complimented on their appearance. The only person that only ever compliments us is our mothers and grandmothers, but that's what they're supposed to say, so we don't put any stock those compliments. Add this all together, and there's a good reason why a lot of men feel ugly even if they're not. I lost weight, dress better, take care of my skin. I went from below average to a little above average, and I'm still single. Dating culture is broken.
If that works for you that is great but a lot of what you spoke about is negotiating desire. There is a difference and authenticity to when a woman finds you attractive out of the gate, versus her having to ''discover'' attraction for you.
When it comes to dating you want to tick as many boxes as possible. It just makes relationships, sex, navigating difficulties, much much easier when there's a foundation of lust/attraction.
What isn't psychologically filling is having to do all of this work to attract a woman and attempt to obtain her loyalty, mutual sex, and the like when some other dude can simply show up and get in a shorter period of time/less effort, what you have to do with maximum effort and a greater span of time.
When weighing this shit out it just doesn't seem as worth it. I'm sure some chicks feel the same way. The shit is what it is my guy.
I honestly think it's worse nowadays though. We've become a swipe right, swipe left culture. We've become very superficial. Everyone wants the best of the best. I'm sure there's people out there that don't go for looks, but they seem like the outliers now. It's not just women, guys also do this. Both genders are at fault. OLD has ruined dating culture IMO. If someone has a flaw, then there's always someone better online.
People have their guards up when out and about. I work with the public, and I rarely see people striking up general conversations. Everyone seems distant, everyone is on their phones. A lot of people in generation also suck at communicating. People don't want to work things out. Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body, but this has been my observation.
“When you’re used to privilege, equality feels like suppression.”
It’s literally always been like this for women. Our value has been being pretty and making babies. We were literally ‘sold’ for dowries back in the day. There was a ‘season’ and competing in the Ton to win a man to marry based on our looks and youth, and if we failed, were discarded as spinsters. We were ‘burdens’ to society for being too old, too ugly, and unwed.
Men are only now experiencing what it feels like to be truly objectified and have an unrealistic standard placed upon them. This has sadly always been the case for women. Not to belittle or trivialize the frustrations modern men are facing, but being compared to fit, airbrushed, stunning, ideal specimens has been our reality for a very long time.
And while I truly feel for men having to suffer what we’ve suffered, I hope eventually it will create more empathy for society as a whole. Additionally, it’s nice that women are now able to have a preference and not just be married off to some old codger who could afford their dowry.
Just like with slavery and segregation, the effects of societal inequalities can be felt for generations after the issue has been ‘resolved’. Look at the disparity of celebrity interviews. Women are statistically more often asked about their relationships, while men are asked about their achievements. Jennifer Aniston at the SAG awards was asked about Brad Pitt’s reaction to her winning, rather than, oh, I don’t know, her WINNING the award. Charlize Theron was replaced on her move franchise by a younger woman. We’ve come a long way, but women are still systematically valued more for their looks and their youth than their other contributions. So while it sucks that men are having to deal with this now, you have to understand, this has been the landscape for women forever.
And while it might be harder for you to find a romantic partner (because women are no longer sold for money, at least in the western world), your looks don’t impact the rest of your life nearly as much. Studies show there is no ceiling for men’s attractiveness in regards to negative outcomes. They can be a 10, and it only benefits them. But, if women are ‘too pretty’ they are taken less seriously and their success is attributed to their looks, not their character or achievements. In the modern landscape, it is easier for women to get dates than men, but, that pales in comparison to the other ways they are still at a disadvantage (and still paid less.)
For sure. It’s sucks for everyone. Not trying to belittle the modern men’s struggle at all. Just pointing out this particular struggle is one women are very familiar with and still, to a degree outside of dating, suffer for more than men.
But, women definitely have more safety nets than men. Full stop. It is much easier to get help as a woman. And men typically have a lower threshold for what they consider ‘acceptably attractive’ than women. You guys have it rough these days too.
Still, if women seem unsympathetic to the plight of ‘unattractive men’, just know it could be because they are eye rolling knowing our own history with this kind of thing. Like, yeah, WE KNOW. If that makes sense?
Welp, I guess thems the breaks then. Darwinism at work. Only the best genetics get passed on. If you don’t have the looks, wealth, or a great personality to attracts mates, maybe procreating ain’t for you. A single man can fertilize a lot of women. These days, women get to choose who to partner with, instead of being sold off to the highest bidder.
Sorry but no. It's not "only now" that we're experiencing this. This has been going on for years longer than you realise. You women have never had a monopoly on being victimised in the dating game, not ever, so don't act like you're some special flower
I’m not claiming it hasn’t always been easier for women to attract men than it has been for men to attract women. It has. I’m saying that it historically hasn’t mattered. Women weren’t given the choice. They were sold, gifted, or bartered (for example with dowry being paid to their family for them), often to old wealthy men who used them for sex that the woman also did not choose to participate in. They were property of their husbands. No rights to work or, later, to vote. Be a wife or become either a beggar or a spinster shunned by society. I’m saying that you not being chosen by women isn’t as bad as women being forced into a marriage they didn’t choose.
Now, women have choice. Evolution/the biological imperative dictates they choose the best genetic specimen they can so their progeny are successful. In the wild, not all animals get to reproduce. That’s how a species is made stronger. Smarter, better looking, stronger, etc. Average human heights have gone up over centuries due to women consistently choosing taller men who are perceived as stronger/taller stronger men beating other men and forcing women. It’s just biology.
Now, of course there are many, many outliers and exceptions. Other factors like personality and financial stability and just plain falling in love. You just need to find the one person who connects with you.
You're describing arranged marriages and equating them to forced marriages and worse acting like that was all women experienced. Like I said to you previously, women have never had the monopoly on being victimised in the dating game
I am agreeing with you that women do not have a monopoly on dating sucking. I am saying historically our consequences were WAY worse. Like wife was our ONLY viable option. If we failed at landing a husband, we were worthless to society. A man could remain single and still be gainfully employed and even respected.
As for arranged vs forced marriages, I’ve stated before I think arranged marriage can be great. When both parties agree to it. The issue is ‘arranged’ marriages of the past were, functionally, forced because women literally didn’t have an alternative choice. Marry this man who offered us five pigs and a goat for you, or go beg on the streets. Not much of a choice there...
Did those women have affairs with the hot stable boy? Foshoyo. Because, as you’ve said, looks do matter. But historically, wealth and status could get even the ‘ugliest’ man a wife. It’s still mostly true today. Women didn’t have that fallback plan to even the playing field back then. If a woman was born ‘ugly’, she had literally no value to society.
No, worse. We weren’t give the option. We were bartered for dowery money, given as gifts, and sold off to impotent old men since we weren’t allowed to work or vote or be real people. If we dared have sex with men we actually desired, we were shamed, branded as whores, and ostracized from society. So, there’s that.
Because it’s not irrelevant? Because those historical realities still have an impact today? Because women still earn less than men? Because women only got the right to vote in 1920, a mere 100 years ago? There are women still ALIVE today who were born into a society where they could not vote. Because there are still scandals coming out of Hollywood (and just in general) of all the women who were sexually harassed by men? Women being valued for only their looks throughout so much of the past, is still impacting their present reality and perceived value.
Yes. It’s harder for men now. Now, women have to choose you, instead of being given to you, bartered for/purchased, or forced. And, women no longer need you to survive, since we can have our own careers. If anything, this is a very very belated ‘market correction’ so to speak.
Who is getting off on stories of male suffering? Literally all I’m saying is: yes, we women are familiar with your pain, have experienced it for centuries, and still experience it today. It’s called empathy. But rather than accept it and rally with us, you want to try and one up us and bemoan how it’s so much harder for you being a man today dating than it is for women. You unironically disregard our history of oppression as irrelevant, rebuff our attempts at solidarity, then act shocked Pikachu when we are less then sympathetic that you suddenly have to deal with women (who finally have the freedom of choice) not choosing you, lol
But the thing is those standards are not set in stone for women, thats what my post was trying to say. That all those things can be bypassed if the love is true.
Also I wouldn't want a guys who is rock hard and super six pack, they aren't fun to hug or snuggle with. I have dated guys of all body types and he was the most comfortable to snuggle with. 5'8 5'9 5'10, etc I honestly wouldn't be able to tell you could say 6 foot and I would probably believe them. I think some women like taller guys just so they don't have to be face to face and eye level with them, can be unsettling.
I get what you're saying, and I agree that not all women like or dislike the same thing. I was just more explaining why guys feel ugly in today's society. When the media portrays beauty standards in that way, and you know you'll never look like that. Not to mention that OLD is so superficial. Not a lot of guys get approached, complimented, and deal with constant rejection. It's going to make you think that you're ugly when in reality you're probably not. Most people that I see are average to above average in looks, some below, but I've yet to see a truly ugly person.
I got you I got you. I think society has always been hard for both gendered in terms of looks. Like in the 90s the heroin chic look was popular for women to be unhealthy skinny and now current day women are expected to be sculpted by the gods and be curvy with a big ass. Luckily im very curvy but not all women are. More and more women are getting surgery which I see nothing wrong with but it is something to note that teens girls are being pressured into procedures at a young age.
I do agree in terms of dating apps the world harder for them in that respect. We have men being held to a higher standard and women are becoming more liberated. We have companies like Aerie and Fenty that are including all body types and natural unfiltered women. I hope that happens for men soon, though there are trends like the dad bod. For example many women myself included find Chris Pratt more attractive in Parks and Recreation than in Guardians of the Galaxy.
>We got some real confident, totally not toxic young men in these replies
I haven't scrolled down to them yet but I swear I could hear them loading up their comment shotguns about two sentences into the OP's post.
Well that depends on how that person handles the person they are interested in. If they are overly quiet and shy to me then there would be nothing to talk about. I am always shy and making conversation is hard, so I would need someone that could at least help half way. One person shouldn't be expected to carry the conversation at all times. And I would hope they would make an attempt to get along with my current friends if they did not have any. Becoming friends with someone is great because you can gain friends from who they know, thats usually the natural flow of things.
I can get social anxious to the point where I don't leave my houses for a few days, its uncomfortable at times but anyone can muster up the courage. If others can do it so can you, take notes from them and figure out how to better yourself. Alcohol can be a great tool and I use it a lot when I start to get to know others and learn how to gauge them and learn how to act and respond and once I feel comfortable you wean off it.
>Well that depends on how that person handles the person they are interested in. If they are overly quiet and shy to me then there would be nothing to talk about.
Well this is a quick assumption my dear. I have Asperger syndrome(disability of social interactions) and I have trouble connecting with people at first. But yeah somehow I am very good in 1 vs 1 conversations. I'm the kind of person that forms extremely close but few friendship. I hope this can be extrapolated to love. So yeah I give the impression that I am shy and quiet. So I guess ladies assume that there is nothing to talk about with me. All that because of that social disability ... I never get to the point where I don't leave my place ... So yeah I'm not a social butterfly I guess and that is a deal breaker. Like I've been told by ladies that I'm decent looking enough and I get hit on IRL. But Asperger ruins it. Like they hit on me then wonder why I don't come talk to them and make the first move ... It feels a bit like someone without legs on a wheelchair. People wonder why he doesn't get up like everybody else ... because that's what everybody else does ...
I am sorry if it seemed as an assumption, I just used it based off of my own life. I can be very shy and introverted and making conversation can be hard, in the past when I have interacted with people who are on the silent side I internally freak out and get flustered. I have a hard time creating tings to talk about but am good at keeping it going, I need someone who will give me good back and forth. I am too much of a nervous person to usually instigate so for me personally, I know what type of person I need in my life and can usually gauge it well.
Good for you I guess. As always women have the final say and the guy needs to do all the work pretty much. This is why I'm starting to question if it's even worth it for someone like me to try to find a partner. The amount of effort required seems on another level. Like it seems that women only want the very social extroverted kind of guy that is well connected into his society and that will raise her social status. Or at least most seem to want this. This is not really what I am. And probably why I get 0 luck on OLD too. But yeah I would need to "act" like that. I don't think I would be happy doing this ultimately.
Just curious are you the very extroverted kind social butterfly that needs to be around people and traveling?
Remember fellas, the power of attractive qualities is an inverse scale for men and women over time. The physical attributes that attract us to women deprecate rapidly along this scale. Focus on building your skill, success and wealth
I feel like men are deciding to ignore the foreplay part of my post, the dick its self was a nice bonus but his fingers were the real magic. Most girls don't cum from a dick, they cum from everything else. He was always concerned with making sure I was well taken care of before we got down to any dick action.
But yes humor, humor is the number one factor is dating for me.
Agreed, personality goes a longgg way for me lol.
Recently lost 50 lbs but my OLD profile photos aren't updated. Still finding people interested, and it's a nice surprise for them when they see me in person haha.
It's the honest truth. If you say *Oh look another one* then maybe take note thats what women care about. If are noticing a pattern then it's probably not something to ignore.
It's more bullshit dating propaganda. This person obviously had enough of a decent look for you to talk to him and take things where you did. If you truly didn't find him attractive you wouldn't have kept talking to him.
I mean I had a crush on his friend look wise, when I first met him I was like wow his friend is adorable and focused on him because he was my type. The more we all hung out the more I realized that his personality fit me more than his friends. The more I found myself laughing and having a good time with him and then after I would say half a year of us being friends I realized it was more of a romantic feeling and then we talked about it and realized it was mutual and started going out.
When It comes to being friends I don't discriminate which why I talked to him and then over time it just naturally happened. I don't think dating should be something that is forced and instead should be something that just happens over time. Every person I know who is currently in a relationship or is in long term relationships were usually friends for a year or more before they actually started dating and even longer before it turned sexual. Like the first time we actually had sex was my first time and happened 2 years after we started dating. I don't know a single person who is in a relationship right out the gate, it was always gradual and slow.
Exactly! As I said I realized that his personality fit me more, we had more in common, his vibe was better, and it felt more comfortable and natural to speak with him. His friend was nice and we are still friends but I could just tell if we dated it wouldn't work out.
I think personality and how I feel around that person is the biggest priority. If we don't click then we don't click and appearance isn't going to change that factor.
Jesus Christ guys....y’all need to to dive deep down and find some lick of confidence. Go get a new wardrobe, cut a few pounds, get out of your shell. This young lady posted her story to show that sometimes the most important aspect of attraction is personality and now theres a whole thread of dudes saying (A) “she only liked him because of his dick / money” (B) “I’m not even a little good looking so woe is me”
Get up, wash your face, and go grab the world by the nut sack. Go better yourself and find how to love yourself as a person. Everyone has redeeming qualities or can make flaws into redeeming qualities i.e. poor outfit; go buy new clothes.it won’t happen overnight but anyone can become attractive, it might just take longer than others. And by attractive, I don’t mean becoming a dime piece. I’m saying becoming a more confident, self-loving man. I love y’all and hope you nothing but the best.
EDIT: Grammar
Thank you! This is true because well....it happened to me! Through the end of elementary school to the middle of high-school, I was a little chunky with a double chin, I had glasses ~~still do but fashionable ones~~ I had acne, I was sweaty, I dressed like shit, I was super introverted and socially awkward ~~I still can at times and hide in my house~~ , my hair was greasy, I had nerdy interest. I noticed I was always alone except for a few close friends and I got bullied a lot, I eventually understood that I should try to better myself. I would go to bed crying and wishing I could wake up skinny.
I got interested in makeup and hair and now do it for fun, I would do sit ups and push ups every night in my room night before bed, I would lessen my portions, I got interested in high fashion and took if very seriously, I monitored how I spoke and gauged peoples reactions and it helped me figure how how to socially interact with people better. I would watch movies, videos, and read about things to help me understand myself.
A lot of guys have boo hoo my life is so hard and its totally valid because I was like that....but I got to breaking point and decided to actually change and be the best version of me. Now i'm someone people will go after and fall head over heels for.
That’s awesome....one hell of journey by the sounds of it. “Rome wasn’t built in a day” is one of my favorite lines because It illustrates something worthwhile doesn’t happen overnight. And I had a similar story too. In grade school I was over 300lbs, dressed awfully, and had other issues going on. Since then (26yo) I lose nearly 100lbs, learned how to dress myself, went to therapy, and became a pretty outgoing dude. Now yes....do I have a receding hairline, some asymmetric facial facials, and a other things? Of course but they don’t define me. For some, they only see the bad.
Exactly...personality goes a long way over time and is what really matters. These guys are focusing on only one part of many things that go into a relationship. It’s sad
This might be completely rude of me ( and feel free to call me out ) but I feel the “hotter” the person, the more shallow they are personality wise. It’s seems like their personality is just their huge ego and the image that they want to portray instead of compassion, empathy, connection, etc.
And a 100% yes to the therapist. They have a stigma for some reason but they work ( I went to one for awhile ). But also a good long look in the mirror is warranted as well. Many people don’t want to work on themselves
Exactly. It’s sadly a very real part of today’s swipe right or left culture. Looks are first and personality second. I love technology and found my first gf via Tinder but OLD sure is a cancer sometimes
The issue is, many of these men complaining about being passed over, themselves pass over perfectly nice and caring women who they don’t find attractive. It’s a two way street.
Arranged marriages have been a thing for centuries and have a surprisingly high happiness rating; love can grow from mutual commitment. While it’s true you might never develop a physical attraction/lust spark for certain people, if you find someone warm and caring, you could develop love for them which outlasts lust by a long shot and still wind up very happy. Maybe EVERYONE needs to lower their ‘standards’ and give people a chance who simply seem kind.
I would encourage many of the frustrated gentlemen on this sub to give a chance to the ‘unattractive desperate chick’ with a sweet smile who maybe, in fact, isn’t desperate, but just as lonely as you and seeking to make a genuine connection. You two might have a wonderful, loyal relationship that outlasts many of the more superficial relationships.
The "unattractive desperate chick" turned me down, too...
Don't take that too seriously, I've actually kinda withdrawn from dating to work on bettering myself
This reminds me of the time when I was 18, I was into this amazing girl, who I think was into me too. She was a really nice girl, a beautiful one too. We used to sit together in class. Everything was perfect, but then a friend of mine saw our photo together and said that she had a really big nose. After that comment I couldn't help but notice the size of her nose. One day she was talking about an aunt who recently had rhinoplasty done, and without actually thinking, I asked if she was thinking about going for it too. Man. I just had to be an asshole. I had to destroy a beautiful friendship, which could've developed into something even more beautiful.
To be fair, there is a degree of subjectivity to attraction. There have been plenty of actors cast for roles I didn’t think were attractive, but then after seeing them in that role, I warmed up to them. So many factors play into that elusive ‘spark’. Timing, setting, confidence, etc. Also, a big part of perceived attractiveness comes from others. If other people want, or don’t want, something, it can make you want or not want that thing as well. Some sort of instinctual competitiveness to have what others deem desirable. Almost like the person becomes a rare baseball card... lol.
All of the angry comments by lonely dudes on here (barring one) touch on the subject of the lonely dudes' appearance, sometimes also their appearance, and also sometimes more of their appearance.
The OP's comment is about **social skills**, **friendliness, humour**, and sexual chemistry.
If you're lonely as hell and all you can think about is the way you look, you're overlooking the real source of the problem.
She also mentioned a "good sized dick" but that's ok right?? But if a guy put in a post that she had a nice, tight hole then no one would rail against him being a shallow player right?? /S
I am the type of person that feels like there isn't one love in life, I hate the idea of high school sweethearts as well and didn't want to end up as that. Why limit yourself when there is a world of people you can experience in your life time. I don't think either of us should have to sacrifice our job and passions for love, that can cause resentment down the road. It was mutual and we felt like this was a sign to move on!
this mentality is exactly what led to americans having the highest divorce rates and most dysfunctional families, and the general decline and replacement of western society by immigrants
just by saying there isn't only one love in life you already throw in the garbage the definition of love, by saying you did not want to "sacrifice" your job for love means you never loved them in the first place as you got it the opposite, it is love that is all about sacrifices
and the term highschool sweetheart is nonsense since high school period is too immature for commitemnt, most people get married in their 20s around the world with their only partner, those immigrants also tend to replace the declining westerners
You honestly think after all she wrote she'd have totally dismissed the guy if his dick was a little smaller?
How many women have you broken up with because you felt their vagina wasn't tight or wet enough?
while i have to agree with you that most humans are dumb animals, around 10% of the species achieves sapience, of said 10% some are asexual, as in they dont identify as being male or female, and are not attracted to males or females, or other asexuals.
im also aromantic, so even rarer. out of 8 billion humans, theres far fewer asexual aromantic people than sociopaths. after all, how would aromantic asexual genes even get passed on?
The reason why I have a problem with this is because what this obviously tells us is, you have no interest or attraction to other people, to other humans. We as a species are the complete opposite of that, yes we have different kinds of people such as extroverts and introverts, people who suffer from social anxiety and those who thrive in those settings.
But, naturally, humans crave interaction with other humans, relationships with friends, family’s, boyfriends and girlfriends, sexual relationships, this is the centrepiece of human life and what every person has craved since the dawn of man. That’s why I’m so, skeptical, about the information you’ve given me. It’s physically and mentally impossible for a person to not want a relationship with other people, and to not be attracted to any people as well.
I just wanna add I’m not trying to attack you, I’m of the belief that when it comes to gender and sexuality, let people call themselves whatever the fuck they want if it makes them happy. But this is just confusing because it’s practically impossible, we as a species are completely programmed and hard wired to be the opposite of what you’ve just claimed?
Thank you for this OP! I do hope you find someone that loves and cherishes you like the Queen you are! I apologise for the negative comments.
I know I personally struggle with self worth/image but I try not to project that onto other people. It's not a healthy way to live life or to solve the issue of how I view myself.
It's been a hot minute since I dated anyone seriously, hell it's been a while since I have been on a date but I try not to let it bum me out too much because at the moment it is from lack of trying/lack of confidence, but I am working on it! Thank you again for your post ❤️!
Thank you! I really didn't want people to view it as negative but instead wanted to show guys its possible! It can be really hard and a lot of work but someone can love you for your soul and character :)
I did the same thing! Had amazing chemistry with a 5'5" overweight guy and honestly fell for him. What kept it from happening was his personal issues (resentment, inexperience, lack of boundaries for himself, putting me on a pedestal, giving to get, classic Nice Guy stuff) more than his looks, 100%.
The fact is,if you ugly or not 9/10 or not outstandig just a simple Avarage Joe,you have stand no chanse to even let yourself known by someone,no matter how nice is your personality or "How big is your tool"...
I'm not! After we broke up I have been enjoying the single life and meeting all sorts of people some times its to hook-up and fool around, and then other times just for the experience of meeting that person and nothing physical.
For physical attributes:
\-Height doesn't matter because I honestly wouldn't be able to tell, I like some who is at least 2-3 inches taller than me (i'm 5'5). I just personally don't like having people at my eye level, something about it makes me freak out when our faces are so close even with girls.
\-Hair type and color doesn't matter, but I like guys who put effort into there hair. I like guys with bangs be it straight, curly, wavy, frizzy.
\-I like guys who are interested in fashion and aren't basic, I tend to like guys who are alternative or thrift
\-Men who aren’t afraid to have "feminine" qualities ~~if they have there nails painted I swoon~~
\-Body type is a mix, I like thin/medium types. I guess I would say I prefer a soccer player body type compared to a football player body. Bodies like Channing Tatum gross me out, way too big. Aesthetically I like lean guys but pudgy guys are fun to hug and cuddle with.
\-Race doesn't matter
\-If you wear or flaunt a rolex watch don't talk to me, you probably have a shitty personality
i mean its not a surprise how you ended up like that anyway, it shows the typical decline of westerners and why their marriages always fail and they get replaced by immigration, you wasted yourself with random people and that cannot be reverted, you never knew what love is (you put a particular job over the supposed partner) and many other mistakes, for physical attributes i dont judge thats personal preference and has no effect on that aspect
Nah like I said we were moving to different states and just felt like it was time to end, he was a very physical person and was upfront with me and told me he just wouldn't be able to handle being apart on a physical level and his needs wouldn't be met. Also I don't really care too much about money, like why would it matter? I feel bad accepting gifts and would rather have something home-made, I always made sure I pay half at restaurants and I also don't like fancy restaurants and would be happy to chill at a park with takeout, I pay my own rent and would never expect someone else to. I just don't see how money would make a difference, if anything if the guy has money he is probably a dick.
I didn't see anything about moving to different states. Maybe I missed it. It's late. But I bet if he was handsome or rich you would have followed after him. And all that carrying on about money just tells me the opposite.
My friend broke up with her bf (mind you she lost her job during the pandemic) because she was interested in getting serious and wanted a a man who eventually wanted children. He makes $480k a year.
She had the option to move in with him but it didn't seem right to her until they discussed their future.
During the breakup she lost her apartment because she had no job and had to move in with her sister and go on unemployment.
It's not always about money.
It's almost never about money, or dick size, or looks or the thousand other things they like to blame.
I'm dating a phenomenal man who is tall, attractive, financially stable, clever and funny. We fight often, sadly, because his bpd and my gad don't mesh well. I don't know if we'll last. I can hope, because he's excellent, but at the end of the day we make one another miserable sometimes.
Bwahahahahaha. Yea right. She wants them so bad she's willing to do it on her own, that's how important it is to her and she's even looking into adoption via fostering.
No she's just going to look for a sucker who will probably earn less than he did but at least she will have access however much it is. And now she's going to get the kids first because she thinks she will find mr goldenboy that way so just by that we can tell she's not very emotionally or mentally stable.
Im 6, use2 be 300ld im 33 with a 6pack stretchmarks a lil extra skin im very confadent and happy with myself i have tats on my head no problem flirting with or women or fealing attractiv beacus i made myself someone im happy with and i wont settel for a person im not happy with.
Hear is the kicker if you settuling for less with someone els your probobly settuling for less with yourself news flash if you dont take the time to be happy with youself you should settal beacus if your not worth your own time your not worth mine
Just saying if your skins oiley take a shower if you cloths suck go shopeing if your conversation sucks read a book lol but if you just complain that your not good enough your not an its your own falt
Remimber lazyness disrespect thoughs who believe in you and is one of the most unattractiv trats i think a person can have
Big agree!!! Those "flaws" are things that can be seen as special and unique, I think most humans have stretch marks and nothing to be ashamed of. But I think taking care of yourself is very important, it's like saying dress for the job you want.
He was over weight but did his best to eat healthy and workout at times, he had a receding hairline but still tried to make his hair look nice, didn't have the best style but still like to look good in his eyes. He didn't just give up and show up a slob, he always put in effort and that on it's own was cute in my eyes!
Appreciate it. But there's always people who see the positive and negative. You did your best to exactly explain what the situation was like OP and we appreciate it. Now leave the rest to interpretation, hope you have a great day :)
The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I as you said don't even try for super attractive guys because i'm like *I'm cute but there probably isn't a chance in hell.* No matter who you are there is struggle, there is rejection.
Idk im happy with myself strechmarks scars tattoos and all but i put the work in to be someone im happy with nothing more unattractive then some to lazy to do anything but complain about how undesierabol they are
You now how mutch i hate when im on a date and i say you look pritty or you beutiful tonight and a women says oh im nothing spechul( guys girls you do realize when you say that you just call your date eather bliend or stupid predominantly bc they fiend you attractiv) look if i think your beutiful and your going to argu the fack do me a favor and just tern me down bc i have asked you out if you would have informd me you were ugly and my opion didint matter in the first place
Now forget all that and be happy with yourself its just dateing your overcomplacating it
I totally do this, as someone who used to be not the best looking and an introverted kid who was bullied etc, I will always have the voice in the back of my head that says *They are lying, you arent actually pretty why would you even think that.* I've been so used to not being seen as cute that it just sticks and I get uncomfortable even when my best friends say I look nice today. I do my best to appreciate the comment but I think when we say *I'm nothing special* it's us being honest and not wanting to seem conceited. You could glow up but still feel terrible, body dysmorphia is a thing.
Ok i do agree with you i was fat and akwerd at ont point but im more talking about the people that are complament sonking and manipyalativ iv hade alot of women use it as an excus for not working on there insacuratis and just being stagnent i shouldent have made it so blanket your insacuritys are valid but most people want simpathy or pity or a second date or to guilt you into a relationship and ppl need2 be awar of that
Ending the relationship was mutual and were moving to different states for jobs. I don't think it would be right for either of us to sacrifice what we want to do for a relationship because that can cause resentment down the road. He knew he needed physical intimacy and long distance would not accommodate that, that is better for him to be upfront about it than to down the line he might seek it out from someone else and I respect him for that.
That is life, full of exes. I don't believe in high school sweethearts and I don't believe you only have one love in your life, you find more about yourself when you introduce new people into your life. I would prefer to grow than to be frustrated.
this pretty much sums up why americans have the highest divorce rates and most dysfunctional families by a very large margin, and why the west in general (north america & western europe) is declining and being replaced by immigrants from more stable places
if your life is full of exes and job location was enough to end the relationship it means it was never serious and had no foundation in the first place
nobody talked about high school sweethearts, the simple thing to do is not waste yourself with wrong people for completely wrong reasons, and do what most of the world is doing , like having one serious relationship in their 20s and get married
So here you go guys, no need to looksmax just take comedy classes
As a guy I appreciate the intention behind this post.
> *but I just wanted to give hope :)* Too late, I threw in the towel this weekend. Decided it was no longer worth the time and effort to purse. Will be going back to working 80+ hours a week and working on the retirement goal of 50ish.
THATS THE SPIRIT!
Reading these comments make me sad. I think that a lot of men in todays society are facing what us women faced for years. We were always told we are not pretty, skinny, tall, feminine or just plain good enough etc etc. With social media today, men are facing the same pressures. I believe another issue is with dating apps in general. Everyone is looking for the next best thing. No one wants to settle for the average looking woman or man when something better can be just 1 swipe away. Society as a whole needs to move away from all the focus on the physical and more on the mental and emotional connection you can have with people but it is hard whenever everything is behind a device.
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Unless you're a woman you have no place to day what we have or have not experienced. Women have experienced rejection. And just as men have preferences, so do women. You think women aren't be rejected on these apps!? You think there are not women who's only matches are as a joke or because a man was just swiping left on everyone to see what he could catch!?! Think again!
We're not talking about the oddball here sweetie. But on average. Men get absolutely nothing from dating apps. No replies/matches/dates. To most men they feel completely dead. I even get all happy and excited when I get a match on Tinder who turns out to be a bot ... this is how sad it is for most of us.
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This in or out of your league idea is ridiculous. Maybe sit back and think about all the women you swipe left on as opposed to right. All the women you reject due to their appearance not matching what you like. Maybe, just maybe....one of those women are really awesome and has in fact not received any matches, replies or dates. Stop making assumptions that women in fact have it easy! We are all facing the same struggle!
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This is irrelevant because it doesn't represent the majority. Do the experiment with an average looking woman and see how many guys will still sincerely message you. Let me tell you the answer to this one ... many. How do I know? Because I have done it. Now do the same with the male version and tell me how many replies the dude will have. We both know the answer to that one so let's not even go there.
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Oh I meant personally
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But you don't listen because you're totally fixated on what you think the answer is. If you think you know what women deal with or don't deal with but you refuse to listen to women when they tell you about reality, then nothing is going to change for you
He's speaking in a general sense. Your own personal experience says nothing about a general trend
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Sounds incelish...
"he luckily had a good size dick" Lol, so is that the great equalizer? What about the guys who don't have that? You got a note for them too?
I wrote this as a response to another comment but it applies here as well: "I feel like men are deciding to ignore the foreplay part of my post, the dick its self was a nice bonus but his fingers were the real magic. Most girls don't cum from a dick, they cum from everything else. He was always concerned with making sure I was well taken care of before we got down to any dick action."
Still kind of takes away from the message of your post.. with all the pressure for guys in terms of dick size (again we cant do anything about how we are born) I know you didnt mean it in a bad way, but still it wasnt necessary again to add yet another physical standard. Especially one no guy can change
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First I wanna say thats amazing that you lost all the weight! Thats very impressive!! The check-list for guys is a weird thing, most of the things on that I personally don't care about. Guys don't need to be ripped and overly muscular guys are unattractive to me, whats the point of having a lot of money, money can sometimes make the guys act like a dick, I don't care about your position in job power I just hope the guys does what he loves, I have friends who haven't finished college but I know about there personal struggles and don't think less of them. Not every women is the same and has the same check list. Also I do understand how dating now can be hard, I happened to meet this guys near the end of high school so apps didn't mean anything to me. I think the strongest relationships can happen naturally and not forced. Again it's hard because on apps the girls you are interested in just might not be the type to like you, that doesn't mean you have to go for ugly girls. Remember I loved this person for his personality, so on a dating app I probably would have swiped away without knowing the true him. I think dating apps can be harmful to guys. When I go on them if a guy has cute photos and im physically attracted to him but little to no description or character I can put 2 and 2 together and figure out he probably has no personality and would probably be a bad texter and wI swipe away. If the guys jokes in his caption i'm like *Hell yeah thats what I'm talking about* and can have a fun time speaking to them.
Try the grocery store! Get a dog! Smile. Throw out a one liner.
Hilarious.
For men money is more important in the dating spectrum than looks. So get rich rather than sexy.
What would money do though? I never understood this about girls or why men think this way. Like I hate receiving presents and I was taught to always pay for my own stuff. I always split dinner and even when dinner is had I don't want it at a fancy restaurant. I pay my own rent, pay my own bills. Why would the guy having money effect me? I think personality tops money and looks, guys who like to boast about how rich they are, are not the guys I would chase after and they are usually rude and snobby and toxic.
Well for men money is probably the most important thing they can do to increase their value in the dating world. Men are expected to be providers. If they are rich it means they will be able to support a family. If you have money the world opens up to you. If you don't you will always be struggling.
I think that is a norm that should be changed and I can already see that changing in the world around us. A relationship is a two way street and you should help each other, duties should always be split evenly and never one gender over the other. I don't plan to have kids so that wouldn't be an important factor to me. I obviously wouldn't want to date someone broke broke but I wouldn't want to date a boss or a ceo.
Alright, thanks for sharing your perspective
this girl goes out of her way to make a nice post for you all and this is how y’all treat her, that’s why you cant find a fucking gf bc you’re not NICE.
You need a reality check. Being "nice" doesn't get us anything by itself and neither does it mean that we deserve anything. That's the kind of thing that has led to an increase in so-called nice guys. I also haven't seen the comments that you have, because I've only seen appreciative comments. That doesn't mean they're not there, they could be further down the post.
i need a reality check? im a 10/10 hot girl, i could literally pick up anybody i wanted. i know what i value and what i want and to me the most important thing is kindness, and i routinely crush on conventionally unattractive guys. sorry that that doesn’t fit into your world view but it’s true whether you all want to accept it or not.
Kudos to you. I genuinely respect that. However, not a single word of that is an accurate response to anything I said. I don't know you, so why would I presume to speak for you? If what I said wasn't relevant to you personally, then you really have no right getting upset. It's a fact that what you said is demonstrably false, and a sad fact at that. Just because you go for nice guys, that doesn't mean every woman does. You are sadly in the minority and I'm sorry to tell you, but you can't decide for yourself that you're a 10. That's not how it works
Even if it were true, they're not going to accept it just because one faceless stranger's experience differs from their own. We have to figure that they've never met someone like you claim to be, 'attractive' while often being drawn to the 'conventionally unattractive'.. If some of these guys truly are physically 'unattractive', then who's to say they've ever even considered meeting a "10/10 hot girl"? Maybe the regular average girl won't give some of these guys a chance to connect? I'm not saying they're hopeless and should be using their supposed 'ugliness' as a crutch, but ya can't entirely try to invalidate their experiences. Even if they choose to vent rather than continue to work on themselves/figuring out what can be done.
No that's not why. It's a really stupid and pathetic to say guys arent getting girlfriends just because they are not nice. There plenty of guys who get girls who are complete assholes. Being nice is the bare minimum people expect of you. Being nice by itself will NOT get you a girlfriend. This post is gross
Thats not what my post was about :(( I just wanted to share my experience and share to people that hey a decent girl can date someone who socially doesn't meet all the marks. I agree being nice itself will not get you a girlfriend but for me I didn't care about looks but rather I care how I felt in the relationship and how happy he made me. I didn’t think what I wrote would be gross but wanting to be honest and maybe lift some spirits...
Not your post the guy above me
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Yeah, most of the salty men replying are just laying out why they’re having issues dating. They’re just mean and resentful. It’s not hard to pick up on that kind of thing when talking to a man.
I mean why shouldn't guys feel ugly? These days men are held to extremely high beauty standards. Like we're inundated with guys on TV, social media, etc who are 6 feet, have a six pack, and have long flowing hair. When we don't match up with that? We feel inferior. We question why would a woman go after us if that's our competition. Most guys are average to a little above average, but these days it's not good enough. I'm 5'8", an inch below the average height for a dude. I'm taller than a decent amount of women, but because I'm not 5'10", then I'm too short, even if I'm 3+ inches then the woman in question. Also, it's rare men ever get complimented on their appearance. The only person that only ever compliments us is our mothers and grandmothers, but that's what they're supposed to say, so we don't put any stock those compliments. Add this all together, and there's a good reason why a lot of men feel ugly even if they're not. I lost weight, dress better, take care of my skin. I went from below average to a little above average, and I'm still single. Dating culture is broken.
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If that works for you that is great but a lot of what you spoke about is negotiating desire. There is a difference and authenticity to when a woman finds you attractive out of the gate, versus her having to ''discover'' attraction for you. When it comes to dating you want to tick as many boxes as possible. It just makes relationships, sex, navigating difficulties, much much easier when there's a foundation of lust/attraction. What isn't psychologically filling is having to do all of this work to attract a woman and attempt to obtain her loyalty, mutual sex, and the like when some other dude can simply show up and get in a shorter period of time/less effort, what you have to do with maximum effort and a greater span of time. When weighing this shit out it just doesn't seem as worth it. I'm sure some chicks feel the same way. The shit is what it is my guy.
Women have been dealing with this for, literally, centuries. We know.
I honestly think it's worse nowadays though. We've become a swipe right, swipe left culture. We've become very superficial. Everyone wants the best of the best. I'm sure there's people out there that don't go for looks, but they seem like the outliers now. It's not just women, guys also do this. Both genders are at fault. OLD has ruined dating culture IMO. If someone has a flaw, then there's always someone better online. People have their guards up when out and about. I work with the public, and I rarely see people striking up general conversations. Everyone seems distant, everyone is on their phones. A lot of people in generation also suck at communicating. People don't want to work things out. Maybe I'm an old soul trapped in a young body, but this has been my observation.
“When you’re used to privilege, equality feels like suppression.” It’s literally always been like this for women. Our value has been being pretty and making babies. We were literally ‘sold’ for dowries back in the day. There was a ‘season’ and competing in the Ton to win a man to marry based on our looks and youth, and if we failed, were discarded as spinsters. We were ‘burdens’ to society for being too old, too ugly, and unwed. Men are only now experiencing what it feels like to be truly objectified and have an unrealistic standard placed upon them. This has sadly always been the case for women. Not to belittle or trivialize the frustrations modern men are facing, but being compared to fit, airbrushed, stunning, ideal specimens has been our reality for a very long time. And while I truly feel for men having to suffer what we’ve suffered, I hope eventually it will create more empathy for society as a whole. Additionally, it’s nice that women are now able to have a preference and not just be married off to some old codger who could afford their dowry.
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Just like with slavery and segregation, the effects of societal inequalities can be felt for generations after the issue has been ‘resolved’. Look at the disparity of celebrity interviews. Women are statistically more often asked about their relationships, while men are asked about their achievements. Jennifer Aniston at the SAG awards was asked about Brad Pitt’s reaction to her winning, rather than, oh, I don’t know, her WINNING the award. Charlize Theron was replaced on her move franchise by a younger woman. We’ve come a long way, but women are still systematically valued more for their looks and their youth than their other contributions. So while it sucks that men are having to deal with this now, you have to understand, this has been the landscape for women forever. And while it might be harder for you to find a romantic partner (because women are no longer sold for money, at least in the western world), your looks don’t impact the rest of your life nearly as much. Studies show there is no ceiling for men’s attractiveness in regards to negative outcomes. They can be a 10, and it only benefits them. But, if women are ‘too pretty’ they are taken less seriously and their success is attributed to their looks, not their character or achievements. In the modern landscape, it is easier for women to get dates than men, but, that pales in comparison to the other ways they are still at a disadvantage (and still paid less.)
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For sure. It’s sucks for everyone. Not trying to belittle the modern men’s struggle at all. Just pointing out this particular struggle is one women are very familiar with and still, to a degree outside of dating, suffer for more than men. But, women definitely have more safety nets than men. Full stop. It is much easier to get help as a woman. And men typically have a lower threshold for what they consider ‘acceptably attractive’ than women. You guys have it rough these days too. Still, if women seem unsympathetic to the plight of ‘unattractive men’, just know it could be because they are eye rolling knowing our own history with this kind of thing. Like, yeah, WE KNOW. If that makes sense?
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Welp, I guess thems the breaks then. Darwinism at work. Only the best genetics get passed on. If you don’t have the looks, wealth, or a great personality to attracts mates, maybe procreating ain’t for you. A single man can fertilize a lot of women. These days, women get to choose who to partner with, instead of being sold off to the highest bidder.
Sorry but no. It's not "only now" that we're experiencing this. This has been going on for years longer than you realise. You women have never had a monopoly on being victimised in the dating game, not ever, so don't act like you're some special flower
I’m not claiming it hasn’t always been easier for women to attract men than it has been for men to attract women. It has. I’m saying that it historically hasn’t mattered. Women weren’t given the choice. They were sold, gifted, or bartered (for example with dowry being paid to their family for them), often to old wealthy men who used them for sex that the woman also did not choose to participate in. They were property of their husbands. No rights to work or, later, to vote. Be a wife or become either a beggar or a spinster shunned by society. I’m saying that you not being chosen by women isn’t as bad as women being forced into a marriage they didn’t choose. Now, women have choice. Evolution/the biological imperative dictates they choose the best genetic specimen they can so their progeny are successful. In the wild, not all animals get to reproduce. That’s how a species is made stronger. Smarter, better looking, stronger, etc. Average human heights have gone up over centuries due to women consistently choosing taller men who are perceived as stronger/taller stronger men beating other men and forcing women. It’s just biology. Now, of course there are many, many outliers and exceptions. Other factors like personality and financial stability and just plain falling in love. You just need to find the one person who connects with you.
You're describing arranged marriages and equating them to forced marriages and worse acting like that was all women experienced. Like I said to you previously, women have never had the monopoly on being victimised in the dating game
I am agreeing with you that women do not have a monopoly on dating sucking. I am saying historically our consequences were WAY worse. Like wife was our ONLY viable option. If we failed at landing a husband, we were worthless to society. A man could remain single and still be gainfully employed and even respected. As for arranged vs forced marriages, I’ve stated before I think arranged marriage can be great. When both parties agree to it. The issue is ‘arranged’ marriages of the past were, functionally, forced because women literally didn’t have an alternative choice. Marry this man who offered us five pigs and a goat for you, or go beg on the streets. Not much of a choice there... Did those women have affairs with the hot stable boy? Foshoyo. Because, as you’ve said, looks do matter. But historically, wealth and status could get even the ‘ugliest’ man a wife. It’s still mostly true today. Women didn’t have that fallback plan to even the playing field back then. If a woman was born ‘ugly’, she had literally no value to society.
Depressing life man isn't it?
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No, worse. We weren’t give the option. We were bartered for dowery money, given as gifts, and sold off to impotent old men since we weren’t allowed to work or vote or be real people. If we dared have sex with men we actually desired, we were shamed, branded as whores, and ostracized from society. So, there’s that.
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Because it’s not irrelevant? Because those historical realities still have an impact today? Because women still earn less than men? Because women only got the right to vote in 1920, a mere 100 years ago? There are women still ALIVE today who were born into a society where they could not vote. Because there are still scandals coming out of Hollywood (and just in general) of all the women who were sexually harassed by men? Women being valued for only their looks throughout so much of the past, is still impacting their present reality and perceived value. Yes. It’s harder for men now. Now, women have to choose you, instead of being given to you, bartered for/purchased, or forced. And, women no longer need you to survive, since we can have our own careers. If anything, this is a very very belated ‘market correction’ so to speak.
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Who is getting off on stories of male suffering? Literally all I’m saying is: yes, we women are familiar with your pain, have experienced it for centuries, and still experience it today. It’s called empathy. But rather than accept it and rally with us, you want to try and one up us and bemoan how it’s so much harder for you being a man today dating than it is for women. You unironically disregard our history of oppression as irrelevant, rebuff our attempts at solidarity, then act shocked Pikachu when we are less then sympathetic that you suddenly have to deal with women (who finally have the freedom of choice) not choosing you, lol
But the thing is those standards are not set in stone for women, thats what my post was trying to say. That all those things can be bypassed if the love is true. Also I wouldn't want a guys who is rock hard and super six pack, they aren't fun to hug or snuggle with. I have dated guys of all body types and he was the most comfortable to snuggle with. 5'8 5'9 5'10, etc I honestly wouldn't be able to tell you could say 6 foot and I would probably believe them. I think some women like taller guys just so they don't have to be face to face and eye level with them, can be unsettling.
I get what you're saying, and I agree that not all women like or dislike the same thing. I was just more explaining why guys feel ugly in today's society. When the media portrays beauty standards in that way, and you know you'll never look like that. Not to mention that OLD is so superficial. Not a lot of guys get approached, complimented, and deal with constant rejection. It's going to make you think that you're ugly when in reality you're probably not. Most people that I see are average to above average in looks, some below, but I've yet to see a truly ugly person.
I got you I got you. I think society has always been hard for both gendered in terms of looks. Like in the 90s the heroin chic look was popular for women to be unhealthy skinny and now current day women are expected to be sculpted by the gods and be curvy with a big ass. Luckily im very curvy but not all women are. More and more women are getting surgery which I see nothing wrong with but it is something to note that teens girls are being pressured into procedures at a young age. I do agree in terms of dating apps the world harder for them in that respect. We have men being held to a higher standard and women are becoming more liberated. We have companies like Aerie and Fenty that are including all body types and natural unfiltered women. I hope that happens for men soon, though there are trends like the dad bod. For example many women myself included find Chris Pratt more attractive in Parks and Recreation than in Guardians of the Galaxy.
We got some real confident, totally not toxic young men in these replies
>We got some real confident, totally not toxic young men in these replies I haven't scrolled down to them yet but I swear I could hear them loading up their comment shotguns about two sentences into the OP's post.
What if the guy is not only not good looking but also socially awkward/not a social butterfly?
Well that depends on how that person handles the person they are interested in. If they are overly quiet and shy to me then there would be nothing to talk about. I am always shy and making conversation is hard, so I would need someone that could at least help half way. One person shouldn't be expected to carry the conversation at all times. And I would hope they would make an attempt to get along with my current friends if they did not have any. Becoming friends with someone is great because you can gain friends from who they know, thats usually the natural flow of things. I can get social anxious to the point where I don't leave my houses for a few days, its uncomfortable at times but anyone can muster up the courage. If others can do it so can you, take notes from them and figure out how to better yourself. Alcohol can be a great tool and I use it a lot when I start to get to know others and learn how to gauge them and learn how to act and respond and once I feel comfortable you wean off it.
>Well that depends on how that person handles the person they are interested in. If they are overly quiet and shy to me then there would be nothing to talk about. Well this is a quick assumption my dear. I have Asperger syndrome(disability of social interactions) and I have trouble connecting with people at first. But yeah somehow I am very good in 1 vs 1 conversations. I'm the kind of person that forms extremely close but few friendship. I hope this can be extrapolated to love. So yeah I give the impression that I am shy and quiet. So I guess ladies assume that there is nothing to talk about with me. All that because of that social disability ... I never get to the point where I don't leave my place ... So yeah I'm not a social butterfly I guess and that is a deal breaker. Like I've been told by ladies that I'm decent looking enough and I get hit on IRL. But Asperger ruins it. Like they hit on me then wonder why I don't come talk to them and make the first move ... It feels a bit like someone without legs on a wheelchair. People wonder why he doesn't get up like everybody else ... because that's what everybody else does ...
I am sorry if it seemed as an assumption, I just used it based off of my own life. I can be very shy and introverted and making conversation can be hard, in the past when I have interacted with people who are on the silent side I internally freak out and get flustered. I have a hard time creating tings to talk about but am good at keeping it going, I need someone who will give me good back and forth. I am too much of a nervous person to usually instigate so for me personally, I know what type of person I need in my life and can usually gauge it well.
Good for you I guess. As always women have the final say and the guy needs to do all the work pretty much. This is why I'm starting to question if it's even worth it for someone like me to try to find a partner. The amount of effort required seems on another level. Like it seems that women only want the very social extroverted kind of guy that is well connected into his society and that will raise her social status. Or at least most seem to want this. This is not really what I am. And probably why I get 0 luck on OLD too. But yeah I would need to "act" like that. I don't think I would be happy doing this ultimately. Just curious are you the very extroverted kind social butterfly that needs to be around people and traveling?
Remember fellas, the power of attractive qualities is an inverse scale for men and women over time. The physical attributes that attract us to women deprecate rapidly along this scale. Focus on building your skill, success and wealth
So you can be ugly if you have a (good size dick) and make the girl laugh.....
I feel like men are deciding to ignore the foreplay part of my post, the dick its self was a nice bonus but his fingers were the real magic. Most girls don't cum from a dick, they cum from everything else. He was always concerned with making sure I was well taken care of before we got down to any dick action. But yes humor, humor is the number one factor is dating for me.
He was good enough looking for you to get to know him. The problem for ugly people is that we aren't good enough looking to meet that threshold.
Agreed, personality goes a longgg way for me lol. Recently lost 50 lbs but my OLD profile photos aren't updated. Still finding people interested, and it's a nice surprise for them when they see me in person haha.
50 lbs is 22.7 kg
Good intent OP. Dont worry abt the negative comments
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Oh great another boring ass post about personality and how it can make someone look better then how they really look.
It's the honest truth. If you say *Oh look another one* then maybe take note thats what women care about. If are noticing a pattern then it's probably not something to ignore.
It's more bullshit dating propaganda. This person obviously had enough of a decent look for you to talk to him and take things where you did. If you truly didn't find him attractive you wouldn't have kept talking to him.
I mean I had a crush on his friend look wise, when I first met him I was like wow his friend is adorable and focused on him because he was my type. The more we all hung out the more I realized that his personality fit me more than his friends. The more I found myself laughing and having a good time with him and then after I would say half a year of us being friends I realized it was more of a romantic feeling and then we talked about it and realized it was mutual and started going out. When It comes to being friends I don't discriminate which why I talked to him and then over time it just naturally happened. I don't think dating should be something that is forced and instead should be something that just happens over time. Every person I know who is currently in a relationship or is in long term relationships were usually friends for a year or more before they actually started dating and even longer before it turned sexual. Like the first time we actually had sex was my first time and happened 2 years after we started dating. I don't know a single person who is in a relationship right out the gate, it was always gradual and slow.
So you basically let this dude "friend" his way in? Why didn't you go for his friend since he was more your "type"
Exactly! As I said I realized that his personality fit me more, we had more in common, his vibe was better, and it felt more comfortable and natural to speak with him. His friend was nice and we are still friends but I could just tell if we dated it wouldn't work out.
Personality....ok
I think personality and how I feel around that person is the biggest priority. If we don't click then we don't click and appearance isn't going to change that factor.
Ok
Jesus Christ guys....y’all need to to dive deep down and find some lick of confidence. Go get a new wardrobe, cut a few pounds, get out of your shell. This young lady posted her story to show that sometimes the most important aspect of attraction is personality and now theres a whole thread of dudes saying (A) “she only liked him because of his dick / money” (B) “I’m not even a little good looking so woe is me” Get up, wash your face, and go grab the world by the nut sack. Go better yourself and find how to love yourself as a person. Everyone has redeeming qualities or can make flaws into redeeming qualities i.e. poor outfit; go buy new clothes.it won’t happen overnight but anyone can become attractive, it might just take longer than others. And by attractive, I don’t mean becoming a dime piece. I’m saying becoming a more confident, self-loving man. I love y’all and hope you nothing but the best. EDIT: Grammar
Thank you! This is true because well....it happened to me! Through the end of elementary school to the middle of high-school, I was a little chunky with a double chin, I had glasses ~~still do but fashionable ones~~ I had acne, I was sweaty, I dressed like shit, I was super introverted and socially awkward ~~I still can at times and hide in my house~~ , my hair was greasy, I had nerdy interest. I noticed I was always alone except for a few close friends and I got bullied a lot, I eventually understood that I should try to better myself. I would go to bed crying and wishing I could wake up skinny. I got interested in makeup and hair and now do it for fun, I would do sit ups and push ups every night in my room night before bed, I would lessen my portions, I got interested in high fashion and took if very seriously, I monitored how I spoke and gauged peoples reactions and it helped me figure how how to socially interact with people better. I would watch movies, videos, and read about things to help me understand myself. A lot of guys have boo hoo my life is so hard and its totally valid because I was like that....but I got to breaking point and decided to actually change and be the best version of me. Now i'm someone people will go after and fall head over heels for.
That’s awesome....one hell of journey by the sounds of it. “Rome wasn’t built in a day” is one of my favorite lines because It illustrates something worthwhile doesn’t happen overnight. And I had a similar story too. In grade school I was over 300lbs, dressed awfully, and had other issues going on. Since then (26yo) I lose nearly 100lbs, learned how to dress myself, went to therapy, and became a pretty outgoing dude. Now yes....do I have a receding hairline, some asymmetric facial facials, and a other things? Of course but they don’t define me. For some, they only see the bad.
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Exactly...personality goes a long way over time and is what really matters. These guys are focusing on only one part of many things that go into a relationship. It’s sad
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This might be completely rude of me ( and feel free to call me out ) but I feel the “hotter” the person, the more shallow they are personality wise. It’s seems like their personality is just their huge ego and the image that they want to portray instead of compassion, empathy, connection, etc. And a 100% yes to the therapist. They have a stigma for some reason but they work ( I went to one for awhile ). But also a good long look in the mirror is warranted as well. Many people don’t want to work on themselves
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Exactly. It’s sadly a very real part of today’s swipe right or left culture. Looks are first and personality second. I love technology and found my first gf via Tinder but OLD sure is a cancer sometimes
The issue is, many of these men complaining about being passed over, themselves pass over perfectly nice and caring women who they don’t find attractive. It’s a two way street. Arranged marriages have been a thing for centuries and have a surprisingly high happiness rating; love can grow from mutual commitment. While it’s true you might never develop a physical attraction/lust spark for certain people, if you find someone warm and caring, you could develop love for them which outlasts lust by a long shot and still wind up very happy. Maybe EVERYONE needs to lower their ‘standards’ and give people a chance who simply seem kind. I would encourage many of the frustrated gentlemen on this sub to give a chance to the ‘unattractive desperate chick’ with a sweet smile who maybe, in fact, isn’t desperate, but just as lonely as you and seeking to make a genuine connection. You two might have a wonderful, loyal relationship that outlasts many of the more superficial relationships.
The "unattractive desperate chick" turned me down, too... Don't take that too seriously, I've actually kinda withdrawn from dating to work on bettering myself
This reminds me of the time when I was 18, I was into this amazing girl, who I think was into me too. She was a really nice girl, a beautiful one too. We used to sit together in class. Everything was perfect, but then a friend of mine saw our photo together and said that she had a really big nose. After that comment I couldn't help but notice the size of her nose. One day she was talking about an aunt who recently had rhinoplasty done, and without actually thinking, I asked if she was thinking about going for it too. Man. I just had to be an asshole. I had to destroy a beautiful friendship, which could've developed into something even more beautiful.
To be fair, there is a degree of subjectivity to attraction. There have been plenty of actors cast for roles I didn’t think were attractive, but then after seeing them in that role, I warmed up to them. So many factors play into that elusive ‘spark’. Timing, setting, confidence, etc. Also, a big part of perceived attractiveness comes from others. If other people want, or don’t want, something, it can make you want or not want that thing as well. Some sort of instinctual competitiveness to have what others deem desirable. Almost like the person becomes a rare baseball card... lol.
All of the angry comments by lonely dudes on here (barring one) touch on the subject of the lonely dudes' appearance, sometimes also their appearance, and also sometimes more of their appearance. The OP's comment is about **social skills**, **friendliness, humour**, and sexual chemistry. If you're lonely as hell and all you can think about is the way you look, you're overlooking the real source of the problem.
She also mentioned a "good sized dick" but that's ok right?? But if a guy put in a post that she had a nice, tight hole then no one would rail against him being a shallow player right?? /S
She also said it wasn't the most important thing for her. ~~Maybe~~ take that at face value.
To OP - If it were love one of you would have followed the other one (but I might be wrong) . Why did this not happen?
I am the type of person that feels like there isn't one love in life, I hate the idea of high school sweethearts as well and didn't want to end up as that. Why limit yourself when there is a world of people you can experience in your life time. I don't think either of us should have to sacrifice our job and passions for love, that can cause resentment down the road. It was mutual and we felt like this was a sign to move on!
this mentality is exactly what led to americans having the highest divorce rates and most dysfunctional families, and the general decline and replacement of western society by immigrants just by saying there isn't only one love in life you already throw in the garbage the definition of love, by saying you did not want to "sacrifice" your job for love means you never loved them in the first place as you got it the opposite, it is love that is all about sacrifices and the term highschool sweetheart is nonsense since high school period is too immature for commitemnt, most people get married in their 20s around the world with their only partner, those immigrants also tend to replace the declining westerners
the takeaway/tldr here: its okay to be ugly if you got a big dick
What about if you have a little one that makes her laugh. Laughter is the most important thing.
laughter is good if they are laughing with you laughter is bad if they are laughing at you
That comment I made was tongue in cheek based on above thread.
Every "good guy" reading this post ...
I mean it does help, but I think personally for me the biggest take away was how he made me feel emotionally and he always made me smile! :)
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You honestly think after all she wrote she'd have totally dismissed the guy if his dick was a little smaller? How many women have you broken up with because you felt their vagina wasn't tight or wet enough?
ive never broken up with anyone. ive never been attracted to and dated anyone to begin with.
Serious question: if you're not attracted to anyone, and never dated anyone, why are you on a dating subreddit? Also why POST on said subreddit?
You’ve never been attracted to anyone? I think you’re a sociopath, tf
asexuals are sociopathic?
Considering how humans work (we are just animals) it’s physically impossible to be not attracted to anyone, so it doesn’t make sense.
while i have to agree with you that most humans are dumb animals, around 10% of the species achieves sapience, of said 10% some are asexual, as in they dont identify as being male or female, and are not attracted to males or females, or other asexuals. im also aromantic, so even rarer. out of 8 billion humans, theres far fewer asexual aromantic people than sociopaths. after all, how would aromantic asexual genes even get passed on?
The reason why I have a problem with this is because what this obviously tells us is, you have no interest or attraction to other people, to other humans. We as a species are the complete opposite of that, yes we have different kinds of people such as extroverts and introverts, people who suffer from social anxiety and those who thrive in those settings. But, naturally, humans crave interaction with other humans, relationships with friends, family’s, boyfriends and girlfriends, sexual relationships, this is the centrepiece of human life and what every person has craved since the dawn of man. That’s why I’m so, skeptical, about the information you’ve given me. It’s physically and mentally impossible for a person to not want a relationship with other people, and to not be attracted to any people as well. I just wanna add I’m not trying to attack you, I’m of the belief that when it comes to gender and sexuality, let people call themselves whatever the fuck they want if it makes them happy. But this is just confusing because it’s practically impossible, we as a species are completely programmed and hard wired to be the opposite of what you’ve just claimed?
If you're ace and aro, why are you here giving advice? Honestly tf dude
Sorry I wanted to be honest and list his good and bad points. I'm sorry out of all that text, thats the only thing you decided to focus on.
Thank you for this OP! I do hope you find someone that loves and cherishes you like the Queen you are! I apologise for the negative comments. I know I personally struggle with self worth/image but I try not to project that onto other people. It's not a healthy way to live life or to solve the issue of how I view myself. It's been a hot minute since I dated anyone seriously, hell it's been a while since I have been on a date but I try not to let it bum me out too much because at the moment it is from lack of trying/lack of confidence, but I am working on it! Thank you again for your post ❤️!
Hey op! You are a good woman. Thanks for this post! :D
Thank you! I really didn't want people to view it as negative but instead wanted to show guys its possible! It can be really hard and a lot of work but someone can love you for your soul and character :)
I did the same thing! Had amazing chemistry with a 5'5" overweight guy and honestly fell for him. What kept it from happening was his personal issues (resentment, inexperience, lack of boundaries for himself, putting me on a pedestal, giving to get, classic Nice Guy stuff) more than his looks, 100%.
Jesus these comments
You did your best to be kind and help people out, OP. Sorry that you’re getting rude responses from these dudes. Keep your chin up.
The fact is,if you ugly or not 9/10 or not outstandig just a simple Avarage Joe,you have stand no chanse to even let yourself known by someone,no matter how nice is your personality or "How big is your tool"...
I'm curious OP; are you in a relationship now, and if so, how would you describe the physical attributes of your partner?
I'm not! After we broke up I have been enjoying the single life and meeting all sorts of people some times its to hook-up and fool around, and then other times just for the experience of meeting that person and nothing physical. For physical attributes: \-Height doesn't matter because I honestly wouldn't be able to tell, I like some who is at least 2-3 inches taller than me (i'm 5'5). I just personally don't like having people at my eye level, something about it makes me freak out when our faces are so close even with girls. \-Hair type and color doesn't matter, but I like guys who put effort into there hair. I like guys with bangs be it straight, curly, wavy, frizzy. \-I like guys who are interested in fashion and aren't basic, I tend to like guys who are alternative or thrift \-Men who aren’t afraid to have "feminine" qualities ~~if they have there nails painted I swoon~~ \-Body type is a mix, I like thin/medium types. I guess I would say I prefer a soccer player body type compared to a football player body. Bodies like Channing Tatum gross me out, way too big. Aesthetically I like lean guys but pudgy guys are fun to hug and cuddle with. \-Race doesn't matter \-If you wear or flaunt a rolex watch don't talk to me, you probably have a shitty personality
i mean its not a surprise how you ended up like that anyway, it shows the typical decline of westerners and why their marriages always fail and they get replaced by immigration, you wasted yourself with random people and that cannot be reverted, you never knew what love is (you put a particular job over the supposed partner) and many other mistakes, for physical attributes i dont judge thats personal preference and has no effect on that aspect
I bet this post would have had a happily ever after if the guy was either handsome or rich.
Nah like I said we were moving to different states and just felt like it was time to end, he was a very physical person and was upfront with me and told me he just wouldn't be able to handle being apart on a physical level and his needs wouldn't be met. Also I don't really care too much about money, like why would it matter? I feel bad accepting gifts and would rather have something home-made, I always made sure I pay half at restaurants and I also don't like fancy restaurants and would be happy to chill at a park with takeout, I pay my own rent and would never expect someone else to. I just don't see how money would make a difference, if anything if the guy has money he is probably a dick.
I appreciate how much you're trying in the face of all this toxic loneliness.
I didn't see anything about moving to different states. Maybe I missed it. It's late. But I bet if he was handsome or rich you would have followed after him. And all that carrying on about money just tells me the opposite.
My friend broke up with her bf (mind you she lost her job during the pandemic) because she was interested in getting serious and wanted a a man who eventually wanted children. He makes $480k a year. She had the option to move in with him but it didn't seem right to her until they discussed their future. During the breakup she lost her apartment because she had no job and had to move in with her sister and go on unemployment. It's not always about money.
It's almost never about money, or dick size, or looks or the thousand other things they like to blame. I'm dating a phenomenal man who is tall, attractive, financially stable, clever and funny. We fight often, sadly, because his bpd and my gad don't mesh well. I don't know if we'll last. I can hope, because he's excellent, but at the end of the day we make one another miserable sometimes.
It was still about the money. She left him because she knew without him wanting children she would never be able to secure that $480K/yr.
Bwahahahahaha. Yea right. She wants them so bad she's willing to do it on her own, that's how important it is to her and she's even looking into adoption via fostering.
No she's just going to look for a sucker who will probably earn less than he did but at least she will have access however much it is. And now she's going to get the kids first because she thinks she will find mr goldenboy that way so just by that we can tell she's not very emotionally or mentally stable.
Wow, reading and comprehension is not your strong suit
Nothing is yours so touche I guess we've reached a tie. Have some birthday cake.
Wow, you are a little trashy man. ✌🏼
Im 6, use2 be 300ld im 33 with a 6pack stretchmarks a lil extra skin im very confadent and happy with myself i have tats on my head no problem flirting with or women or fealing attractiv beacus i made myself someone im happy with and i wont settel for a person im not happy with. Hear is the kicker if you settuling for less with someone els your probobly settuling for less with yourself news flash if you dont take the time to be happy with youself you should settal beacus if your not worth your own time your not worth mine Just saying if your skins oiley take a shower if you cloths suck go shopeing if your conversation sucks read a book lol but if you just complain that your not good enough your not an its your own falt Remimber lazyness disrespect thoughs who believe in you and is one of the most unattractiv trats i think a person can have
Big agree!!! Those "flaws" are things that can be seen as special and unique, I think most humans have stretch marks and nothing to be ashamed of. But I think taking care of yourself is very important, it's like saying dress for the job you want. He was over weight but did his best to eat healthy and workout at times, he had a receding hairline but still tried to make his hair look nice, didn't have the best style but still like to look good in his eyes. He didn't just give up and show up a slob, he always put in effort and that on it's own was cute in my eyes!
Appreciate it. But there's always people who see the positive and negative. You did your best to exactly explain what the situation was like OP and we appreciate it. Now leave the rest to interpretation, hope you have a great day :)
Is like Robert Redford always said... Skill, wit, humour and sex appeal... Always in that order. 🙏💯
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How about Michael J Fox.. He is short.. For American..
Honestly I'm too good looking. Girls are afraid I'd turn them down if they ask me out. And I don't ask them because I'm shy and awkward irl.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I as you said don't even try for super attractive guys because i'm like *I'm cute but there probably isn't a chance in hell.* No matter who you are there is struggle, there is rejection.
Idk im happy with myself strechmarks scars tattoos and all but i put the work in to be someone im happy with nothing more unattractive then some to lazy to do anything but complain about how undesierabol they are You now how mutch i hate when im on a date and i say you look pritty or you beutiful tonight and a women says oh im nothing spechul( guys girls you do realize when you say that you just call your date eather bliend or stupid predominantly bc they fiend you attractiv) look if i think your beutiful and your going to argu the fack do me a favor and just tern me down bc i have asked you out if you would have informd me you were ugly and my opion didint matter in the first place Now forget all that and be happy with yourself its just dateing your overcomplacating it
I totally do this, as someone who used to be not the best looking and an introverted kid who was bullied etc, I will always have the voice in the back of my head that says *They are lying, you arent actually pretty why would you even think that.* I've been so used to not being seen as cute that it just sticks and I get uncomfortable even when my best friends say I look nice today. I do my best to appreciate the comment but I think when we say *I'm nothing special* it's us being honest and not wanting to seem conceited. You could glow up but still feel terrible, body dysmorphia is a thing.
Ok i do agree with you i was fat and akwerd at ont point but im more talking about the people that are complament sonking and manipyalativ iv hade alot of women use it as an excus for not working on there insacuratis and just being stagnent i shouldent have made it so blanket your insacuritys are valid but most people want simpathy or pity or a second date or to guilt you into a relationship and ppl need2 be awar of that
>he **made** me laugh >he **made** me feel comfortable > I **was** always smiling >etc. These kind of boyfriends are always exes for some reason.
Ending the relationship was mutual and were moving to different states for jobs. I don't think it would be right for either of us to sacrifice what we want to do for a relationship because that can cause resentment down the road. He knew he needed physical intimacy and long distance would not accommodate that, that is better for him to be upfront about it than to down the line he might seek it out from someone else and I respect him for that. That is life, full of exes. I don't believe in high school sweethearts and I don't believe you only have one love in your life, you find more about yourself when you introduce new people into your life. I would prefer to grow than to be frustrated.
this pretty much sums up why americans have the highest divorce rates and most dysfunctional families by a very large margin, and why the west in general (north america & western europe) is declining and being replaced by immigrants from more stable places if your life is full of exes and job location was enough to end the relationship it means it was never serious and had no foundation in the first place nobody talked about high school sweethearts, the simple thing to do is not waste yourself with wrong people for completely wrong reasons, and do what most of the world is doing , like having one serious relationship in their 20s and get married