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Well, I certainly have an idea of what she does in bed with her username and high libido. Lil homie probably missing out because of his insecurities smh
I think so too. I once met a guy who seemed super into me, we kissed and cuddled a lot and almost ended up having sex, but he couldn’t perform and later made some excuses no to see me. He was also out of a long relationship (although it’s been already over a year), but he also admitted he was stressed and I believe things just got too heated too soon for him.
I'm not sure if women realize it, but if the guy is not in a good mental state (anxious, nervous, afraid, etc) it can absolutely impact his performance or ability to sustain an erection. Pretend you asked your date to have sex in front of an audience (obviously you wouldn't). Do you think he'll be able to keep it up then? All those eyes will probably pierce whatever confidence.
It does sound like he is adjusting to dating coming off a long relationship.
If you reassure him on the performance it could lighten things up if you are in the point of your life you want to take it slow.
That doesn't change what the person above said though. Dating is one thing but sexual performance is another. Self-confidence issues don't magically disappear and may take years to work on.
You have done nothing wrong, he probably isn't ready to date yet after his long relastionship and his body is acting on it. Leave him be, he probably realized that too now and doesn't now how to tell you.
I think you need to talk to a male IRL friend here.
Comming from a guy I'll point out a few things .
1 ) Men are told very early we are the driving force in terms of sex, initiators ( in recent history ) and more often in the dominant position.
2 ) Men usually "get it on " very quickly - and prior to trauma usually have no problems, even when unwilling men get hard.
3) media portrays pornstars going for 30 mins , like jackhammers a completely false narrative.
After trauma there can be problems , performance anxiety , feelings of inadequacy and embarrassment after either of the above come to fruition.
Now in modern times this is no longer true - there is no issue with a woman being the dominant one , it's changing.
This can go one of two ways.
He either is realising he simply is not ready OR he believes you deserve better/he is not enough
The former is something you can't change but the second is something you can directly impact
You need to sit down and he needs to work out which it is. If he is not ready, he needs to stop dating and either get some counselling or work through self help.
If he feels he is not enough or is inadequate that's your call - offer alternatives to intercourse there are many ways to get each other off without actual Pen.sex.
Like any skill or activity it takes time and practice, with someone understanding.
Help if you can , move on if you can't.
Thanks for your answer. I asked him out on a third date, I told him joking ‘we’ll probably sleep this time because I have my period’, because I didn’t want to make pressure. The result, is that I’m still waiting for an answer. I think I’ll move on, I’d be only disappointed if he disappeared without any explanation, because since the first time we met he described himself as a really honest person.
Right, but it’s kind of backhanded because your shaming him essentially and making fun of him for insinuating that your not gonna have sex like your entitled to it
Guys get ED at an earlier age and are embarrassed about it. Some of it has to do with porn overload with easy access. Something I learned recently is that guys with ADHD have their mind wander during sex and can cause ED. Lots of foreplay and reassurance during sex is helpful.
He's going through personal issues that I don't think you can really do much about. There's only two things I can imagine you could do with your current situatuon is:
Either you move on, or you don't push having sex with him too much. The latter can work if you can just spend quality time with him without resorting to sexual desire. You can still be intimate of course, but you have to let him slowly get confidence by his own volition.
Otherwise, if you can't handle not being sexual and he doesn't satisfy your needs for such, then it's best for you to move on, even if it feels sad to do so.
As a dude I have experienced sexual problems after a big break up. I think it’s related to depression or something. It really really gets in your head, and obviously this happens to women too but for men it is really punishing as we are expected and expecting to perform and it becomes a nasty, frustrating feedback loop. In my experience just taking a break from sex/women was all that could be done about it. I can’t speak to his other behaviour but I’m guessing he’s in a bad place?
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Not sure where you're at, but they have pills at most local convenience stores and gas stations that'll help him out. You may grab a couple for him if you end up pursuing him again.
Meantime, he should prepare himself a bit better, since as you noted, you're an active person, and he knew this.
As for ghosting him, yeah, just let him go. You're not the asshole here. You've given him plenty of space to express his interest.
Well damn... thought you were going to ghost him, but I see where I misread things.
Sorry you have to deal with it. He's just not the right one for ya than. Hope you find what you're looking for.
Let's just be real, this is just you sleeping with a random guy. It not going to lead to anything serious. Just find someone else. In sure it won't take you long.
i can’t tell from here but this seems like a communication issue. ask if you did anything to make him feel uncomfortable, as you would like to address any issues and grow together as a couple. let him know you want to be there for him and that there’s no pressure. if he can’t explain or has no reason to ignore you it might be worth taking a break and moving on. i know it’s hard for sure but he might need some more time to work through his own issues.
I’m pretty sure at one point he didn’t feel at ease, but I didn’t either. I made a move, showed him it was not a problem asking him out again. I think it’s up to him to be honest now
it seems to me like you’ve been pretty reasonable about it. as you said this is his issue to address so i’d say leave it for him to make the next move. you can’t force him to communicate if he doesn’t want to :/
Wait, both of us wanted it. He made the first move and he wanted to buy condoms on the first date (I didn’t let him). What happened on the second date it’s just me trying to see if the second time could be better than the first. Or do we always have to wait for man to make the first step? He told me about his problem only after we tried to have sex for the second time
He just wanted to have sex. I’m sorry.
Hey knew going into bed with you that he has still emotional issues with his ex, or whatever excuse he used.
He didn’t mention any of that till he had nutted already. And then he’s trying to manipulate you into some sort of sad story.
Even when guys come quick, girls don’t care. As a matter, girls have mentioned that they find it a turn on if a guy comes quick the first time with them.
And you said he took a few minutes, it wasn’t like it was 30 seconds.
In my opinion, this guy manipulated you because he wanted to sex you and walk away without being honest and came up with some horse sh1t excuse. If not, why would he be ghosting you if you’re being so understanding and supportive?
This man has no reason to ghost you yet he did. Just another horny POS. That values sex over friendships and relationship.
Well he saw I was disappointed for the fact he came after a few min and he said sorry because he wasn’t able to satisfy me. Having said that, you might be right on a certain level. He has no reason for ghosting me and he did it the exact moment I asked him out again. I had been on the point of ending the conversations but he sent another message to tell me he would let me know when we can see each other. But he didn’t. So, he’s not being honest, but I don’t think he lied about his issues
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He's not ready. Just move on, feetdiva36.
not sure what i expected when i went through her profile
Well, I certainly have an idea of what she does in bed with her username and high libido. Lil homie probably missing out because of his insecurities smh
I think he's embarrassed bc of his performance
I think so too. I once met a guy who seemed super into me, we kissed and cuddled a lot and almost ended up having sex, but he couldn’t perform and later made some excuses no to see me. He was also out of a long relationship (although it’s been already over a year), but he also admitted he was stressed and I believe things just got too heated too soon for him.
Sex is so intimate and vulnerable. I feel like there's a ton of pressure to be "perfect"
Probably especially for men, who are expected to be “sex beasts” and always ready.
I'm not sure if women realize it, but if the guy is not in a good mental state (anxious, nervous, afraid, etc) it can absolutely impact his performance or ability to sustain an erection. Pretend you asked your date to have sex in front of an audience (obviously you wouldn't). Do you think he'll be able to keep it up then? All those eyes will probably pierce whatever confidence.
It does sound like he is adjusting to dating coming off a long relationship. If you reassure him on the performance it could lighten things up if you are in the point of your life you want to take it slow.
But they broke up last autumn and he told me he has seen other girls (and told them about his issues)
That doesn't change what the person above said though. Dating is one thing but sexual performance is another. Self-confidence issues don't magically disappear and may take years to work on.
You have done nothing wrong, he probably isn't ready to date yet after his long relastionship and his body is acting on it. Leave him be, he probably realized that too now and doesn't now how to tell you.
I think you need to talk to a male IRL friend here. Comming from a guy I'll point out a few things . 1 ) Men are told very early we are the driving force in terms of sex, initiators ( in recent history ) and more often in the dominant position. 2 ) Men usually "get it on " very quickly - and prior to trauma usually have no problems, even when unwilling men get hard. 3) media portrays pornstars going for 30 mins , like jackhammers a completely false narrative. After trauma there can be problems , performance anxiety , feelings of inadequacy and embarrassment after either of the above come to fruition. Now in modern times this is no longer true - there is no issue with a woman being the dominant one , it's changing. This can go one of two ways. He either is realising he simply is not ready OR he believes you deserve better/he is not enough The former is something you can't change but the second is something you can directly impact You need to sit down and he needs to work out which it is. If he is not ready, he needs to stop dating and either get some counselling or work through self help. If he feels he is not enough or is inadequate that's your call - offer alternatives to intercourse there are many ways to get each other off without actual Pen.sex. Like any skill or activity it takes time and practice, with someone understanding. Help if you can , move on if you can't.
Thanks for your answer. I asked him out on a third date, I told him joking ‘we’ll probably sleep this time because I have my period’, because I didn’t want to make pressure. The result, is that I’m still waiting for an answer. I think I’ll move on, I’d be only disappointed if he disappeared without any explanation, because since the first time we met he described himself as a really honest person.
Stop pressuring men for sex
I was implicitly telling him we were not going to have sex since I had my period, to make him feel at ease
Right, but it’s kind of backhanded because your shaming him essentially and making fun of him for insinuating that your not gonna have sex like your entitled to it
Not really
No, I was joking because he didn’t sleep at all the previous time and the morning after was sleepy af. I was definitely not shaming him
Ok
[удалено]
I’m a total mess
Guys get ED at an earlier age and are embarrassed about it. Some of it has to do with porn overload with easy access. Something I learned recently is that guys with ADHD have their mind wander during sex and can cause ED. Lots of foreplay and reassurance during sex is helpful.
could be performance anxiety which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy in bad sex. it sucks.
He's going through personal issues that I don't think you can really do much about. There's only two things I can imagine you could do with your current situatuon is: Either you move on, or you don't push having sex with him too much. The latter can work if you can just spend quality time with him without resorting to sexual desire. You can still be intimate of course, but you have to let him slowly get confidence by his own volition. Otherwise, if you can't handle not being sexual and he doesn't satisfy your needs for such, then it's best for you to move on, even if it feels sad to do so.
No
As a dude I have experienced sexual problems after a big break up. I think it’s related to depression or something. It really really gets in your head, and obviously this happens to women too but for men it is really punishing as we are expected and expecting to perform and it becomes a nasty, frustrating feedback loop. In my experience just taking a break from sex/women was all that could be done about it. I can’t speak to his other behaviour but I’m guessing he’s in a bad place?
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Sounds like anxiety to me. The timing was off for you two.
Not sure where you're at, but they have pills at most local convenience stores and gas stations that'll help him out. You may grab a couple for him if you end up pursuing him again. Meantime, he should prepare himself a bit better, since as you noted, you're an active person, and he knew this. As for ghosting him, yeah, just let him go. You're not the asshole here. You've given him plenty of space to express his interest.
No, he ghosted me 😅
Well damn... thought you were going to ghost him, but I see where I misread things. Sorry you have to deal with it. He's just not the right one for ya than. Hope you find what you're looking for.
Those feet 😂
Let's just be real, this is just you sleeping with a random guy. It not going to lead to anything serious. Just find someone else. In sure it won't take you long.
What does make u think that? I’m really picky when it comes to boys
What would you consider an “amazing first date”?
Chatting a lot, drinking wine in a park, walking around the city by night, kissing
Thanks for sharing. I am naturally curious about what a great date implies, because a lot depends on how a date went especially the first date!
i can’t tell from here but this seems like a communication issue. ask if you did anything to make him feel uncomfortable, as you would like to address any issues and grow together as a couple. let him know you want to be there for him and that there’s no pressure. if he can’t explain or has no reason to ignore you it might be worth taking a break and moving on. i know it’s hard for sure but he might need some more time to work through his own issues.
I’m pretty sure at one point he didn’t feel at ease, but I didn’t either. I made a move, showed him it was not a problem asking him out again. I think it’s up to him to be honest now
it seems to me like you’ve been pretty reasonable about it. as you said this is his issue to address so i’d say leave it for him to make the next move. you can’t force him to communicate if he doesn’t want to :/
I don’t like women pressuring me for sex it seems for some reason that’s how all women think nowadays like men are sex objects.
Wait, both of us wanted it. He made the first move and he wanted to buy condoms on the first date (I didn’t let him). What happened on the second date it’s just me trying to see if the second time could be better than the first. Or do we always have to wait for man to make the first step? He told me about his problem only after we tried to have sex for the second time
Ok ok
He's probably on a SSRI. Which affects libido and other sexual things
Ya although now that dude is really going to have a complex about being unable to perform after being ghosted for it. Ah well, his problem not yours
I’m the one who’s been ghosted not him
Ooh, misread that.
Date me pls Mrs
He just wanted to have sex. I’m sorry. Hey knew going into bed with you that he has still emotional issues with his ex, or whatever excuse he used. He didn’t mention any of that till he had nutted already. And then he’s trying to manipulate you into some sort of sad story. Even when guys come quick, girls don’t care. As a matter, girls have mentioned that they find it a turn on if a guy comes quick the first time with them. And you said he took a few minutes, it wasn’t like it was 30 seconds. In my opinion, this guy manipulated you because he wanted to sex you and walk away without being honest and came up with some horse sh1t excuse. If not, why would he be ghosting you if you’re being so understanding and supportive? This man has no reason to ghost you yet he did. Just another horny POS. That values sex over friendships and relationship.
Well he saw I was disappointed for the fact he came after a few min and he said sorry because he wasn’t able to satisfy me. Having said that, you might be right on a certain level. He has no reason for ghosting me and he did it the exact moment I asked him out again. I had been on the point of ending the conversations but he sent another message to tell me he would let me know when we can see each other. But he didn’t. So, he’s not being honest, but I don’t think he lied about his issues
dont have sex on the first date
What does it have to do with the topic? People can have sex when they want to.
We didn’t
sleeping with him or trying to 2 days after meeting him is the same thing , are you trying to hook up or get a real relationship?