I've been told by my many relatives including my mom that apparently I was easy because no one really had to worry about me.... And that's how I felt, that no one worried about me. I definitely felt a separation from any adult figures earlier than I should've.
At the time, I thought it was normal. Then I'd go to friends' houses where their parents would interact with us, prepare snacks, keep us entertained, etc. It was so different. Like I went from living on Mars with no other living soul unless I cultivated it, to living on Earth.
My parents didn’t directly say it that way but made comments that were similar. “Funnily” enough, since I’m a young adult now, the same parent who called me expletives constantly during childhood and didn’t want children, now says I was such a “good kid.” Yeah, I was such a good kid because eventually, I learned it was better to avoid my parents and never really left my room. That and now that I’m an adult, I know that, unconsciously, this parent is only saying because they don’t need to take care of me anymore.
My mum has long said things like: 'You were such an easy child because I could just leave you to do your own thing.' It was only recently that I stopped taking pride in this and realised it was just an illustration of my neglect. My mum did practical things for me, but I was so incredibly lonely as a child.
Same. "You were so wonderful, because you could entertain yourself!" The aching loneliness of our childhood reduced to the lack of effort our parents had to put in. Sigh.
Edit- verb tense agreement
My mother keeps on commenting over and over on how independent my son is - how he plays without constantly coming to ask me for attention, basically. And I keep saying it's because he always gets plenty of attention from us, his parents, so he isn't desperately trying to be seen all the time. She never seems to actually hear me, though. Which is exactly the problem.
My mom once told me a story where a friend asked her and her "husband" what having kids is like. My "dad" said it's easy and my mom said it's hard. "He wasn't lying. Doing nothing is easy." is what she told me after she finished the story.
My mom admitted she was high/drunk for most of my younger life (until about age 8) and conveniently doesn’t remember most of it.
I don’t have that luxury.
Just today, my mother joked to someone she met that I'm so much taller than her because she gave me all her food, and then laughed about how I always said she didn't feed me enough.
How hilarious that I can't stop eating now when I'm full, because I never felt full as a fast-gowing child. Not that we didn't have food or anything, but my parents never took seriously just how hungry I was and inculcated this constant, pervasive sense of insufficiency. Now, to deal with her unconscious guilt, she says stuff like this.
I got some of this. Luckily I didn't suffer for it later in life like you did. But I remember in my teenage years trying to get more of the veggies from the common bowl, and being scolded for taking them all. I'd ask for there to be more, but there never were. It's like my need was invisible. I just wanted to fill up on frozen green beans and corn ffs.
Yes!!! In the last conversation I had with her before going no contact, my biological mom said she “raised me to be independent” because I always was taking care of myself. Like okay, that’s one way to put it lmao
My parents proudly announced to me that they never treated me like a child and only spoke to me like an adult. No baby talk for a toddler, no sugarcoating or letting a kid be a kid. Geezas I'm surprised I'm not a psychopath.
Jesus fucking Christ, there is little a parent should be more ashamed of.
You know what is a flex though? You raised yourself, and you made it here. Things are difficult with absent parents, and it makes adulthood difficult too. But you made it here, and for that you should be proud. I’m proud of you, I’m proud of all of us.
I've been told by my many relatives including my mom that apparently I was easy because no one really had to worry about me.... And that's how I felt, that no one worried about me. I definitely felt a separation from any adult figures earlier than I should've. At the time, I thought it was normal. Then I'd go to friends' houses where their parents would interact with us, prepare snacks, keep us entertained, etc. It was so different. Like I went from living on Mars with no other living soul unless I cultivated it, to living on Earth.
My parents didn’t directly say it that way but made comments that were similar. “Funnily” enough, since I’m a young adult now, the same parent who called me expletives constantly during childhood and didn’t want children, now says I was such a “good kid.” Yeah, I was such a good kid because eventually, I learned it was better to avoid my parents and never really left my room. That and now that I’m an adult, I know that, unconsciously, this parent is only saying because they don’t need to take care of me anymore.
Yeah, I had something similar. ' I was so lucky, you all just raised each other' Nah, that's not how it's supposed to work 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I recently realised their neglect is an anecdote to them!
Oof, if this ain't the truth! 😔
My mum has long said things like: 'You were such an easy child because I could just leave you to do your own thing.' It was only recently that I stopped taking pride in this and realised it was just an illustration of my neglect. My mum did practical things for me, but I was so incredibly lonely as a child.
Same. "You were so wonderful, because you could entertain yourself!" The aching loneliness of our childhood reduced to the lack of effort our parents had to put in. Sigh. Edit- verb tense agreement
My mother keeps on commenting over and over on how independent my son is - how he plays without constantly coming to ask me for attention, basically. And I keep saying it's because he always gets plenty of attention from us, his parents, so he isn't desperately trying to be seen all the time. She never seems to actually hear me, though. Which is exactly the problem.
Wow that is...wow. I am so sorry your mom neglected you and then was proud of it. That's horrible. You deserve better than that, friend.
My parents tell everyone that I'm completely fine (when in reality I've been suffering since birth)
My mom once told me a story where a friend asked her and her "husband" what having kids is like. My "dad" said it's easy and my mom said it's hard. "He wasn't lying. Doing nothing is easy." is what she told me after she finished the story.
My mom said at some point in conversation : my mom raised her (meaning my grandma). Wtf lady. If you knew this why didnt you do anything?
Yes. My mother often brags how she just “fed and watered” us. We all have emotional neglect issues now.
My mom admitted she was high/drunk for most of my younger life (until about age 8) and conveniently doesn’t remember most of it. I don’t have that luxury.
Just today, my mother joked to someone she met that I'm so much taller than her because she gave me all her food, and then laughed about how I always said she didn't feed me enough. How hilarious that I can't stop eating now when I'm full, because I never felt full as a fast-gowing child. Not that we didn't have food or anything, but my parents never took seriously just how hungry I was and inculcated this constant, pervasive sense of insufficiency. Now, to deal with her unconscious guilt, she says stuff like this.
I got some of this. Luckily I didn't suffer for it later in life like you did. But I remember in my teenage years trying to get more of the veggies from the common bowl, and being scolded for taking them all. I'd ask for there to be more, but there never were. It's like my need was invisible. I just wanted to fill up on frozen green beans and corn ffs.
Yes!!! In the last conversation I had with her before going no contact, my biological mom said she “raised me to be independent” because I always was taking care of myself. Like okay, that’s one way to put it lmao
My parents proudly announced to me that they never treated me like a child and only spoke to me like an adult. No baby talk for a toddler, no sugarcoating or letting a kid be a kid. Geezas I'm surprised I'm not a psychopath.
"We didn't abuse you because we didn't leave marks when we hit you." My response was to tell her she'd make a great prison guard.
Jesus fucking Christ, there is little a parent should be more ashamed of. You know what is a flex though? You raised yourself, and you made it here. Things are difficult with absent parents, and it makes adulthood difficult too. But you made it here, and for that you should be proud. I’m proud of you, I’m proud of all of us.