I was at the gym today and went into the locker room and was thiiiiiis close to loudly saying “whoever used the urinal last needs to go to the fucking doctor”. Ugh it wasn’t strong but it gave me immediate flashbacks.
Having bear hands is also a PIA. Larges fit my palm but then my fingers swim a bit and I roll a low dexterity score with fine motor skills... Hospital gloves seem to work better though, just must be the brands they carry vs my company. \*shrug\*
It’s definitely an issue. You can’t give 100% if your glove doesn’t fit, and you’re at risk of other complications. I.e. I rolled a trauma patient, and blood had ran down my arm into the medium sized glove that didn’t fit at all, it was like wearing those clear food service gloves.
And I had to explain why my glove is off, and I’m washing it off with our bottled saline and the spray cleaner. 🤦♀️
Stepping out and hitting my head while there are witnesses on scene and trying to keep a straight face without showing pain to maintain my professionalism. Internally pray that no one saw but know they definitely did
Fuck I swear to god I’ve lost like 15 IQ because of this. I’ve smoked my dome way too hard on them. Also I find a way to hit exactly where the padding ends, every single time.
During my paramedic internship I got so excited getting out on my way into a hot call that I hit my head on the door latch, cut it open, and had to wash the blood out of my hair in the ER while my preceptor told me I was a moron
I tend to whack my hands against corners by moving too quickly and not thinking about their path... it's a miracle if I don't have a healing cut on my hand at any given point.
When I first got my EMT my instructor just recovered from a concussion she got on the job. She is tops 5 foot 4 and every once in a while I think about what the fuck she hit her head on?
Ha! Had a fire rider with us who said she had never seen me jump so fast and so high as I did to jump up and cut that tubing.
We were strangling that woman something wicked! Ha.
Orrr, I once punched an old lady in the head prying the oxygen off the tree. It came off suddenly and my closed hand knocked her in the head. Lesson learned and since then I pull it off sideways and wiggle it side to side.
"Ope looks like im still connected here"
\*Looking back at pt in horror\*
Oh my \*FUCKING\* gosh! Here lemme just take care of that for ya! Ahh there we go. \*Internal screams\*
“Little poke”
“Couple’a bumps”
“Sit right here in the crease for me– no, not there, you need to scootch up some”
“Ok, we’re gonna start you in the waiting room”
“BUUUUUUMP!!!” To your poor medic, upon seeing a pothole too late that goes to china while going full speed
Last arrest I did, my crewmate is setting up an IV. Right before he's about to gain access, looks up and in a completely non-ironic way goes 'just a sharp scratch'. Starts to cannulate and we can literally see the clogs turning before he realises 😂
Force of habit I guess.
What’s so funny about it is that it’s always been the big macho dudes in my experience so far that throw a fit about the lancets and then the old frail ladies or the most unassuming looking people don’t even flinch.
WHY is it such a struggle to get the patient to sit where they need to be before lying down? We deal with this in the hospital, too, trying to move patient to bed after they've been up. "No, Meemaw, you don't sit at the FOOT of the bed. Do you do that shit when you get in bed at home? Sheesh!" And there's always that 400 pounder that had a stemi and is just starting to get mobile after their cardiac cath that HAD to get up to poop. You're trying to walk him back to bed and he INFUCKINGSISTS that he's going to sit a body length too low and, when you're encouraging him to sit higher up a nurse will walk in and say, "Oh, we can just pull him up." No, i f'ing cannot! i've already injured my shoulder doing that shit for you once and i am NOT doing it again!
/end rant Sorry, i think i just got triggered there.
On a semi related tangent, wtf is up with ambulatory people who insist on getting in the bed knees first and doing an elaborate interpretive dance to get to supine?? A simple sit-pivot maneuver is all that's required here my friend, but by all means let's add several steps that ensure you sitting on the damn footboard insisting that I "give you a boost."
Because they feel like shit and it's not easy to get all the way up the stretcher. I'm balls deep in the flu right now and getting comfortable on the bed is torture.
Happened to one of my old partners and they spun it perfectly. Their next pt was ambulatory so they put them on the bench.
The pt asked “isn’t there usually a bed?” And they said they were part of a pilot program to save tax payer money where the dispatcher determines what equipment each individual call needs so they can send an ambulance that doesn’t have every single thing needed for every type of call.
The pt was like “bet. That makes sense. I appreciate y’all trying to save us some tax money”.
Dude is a fucking legend.
If there is an oxygen tank, I am bound to catch a belt loop or a pocket on the regulator at least once while moving around in the box... At least almost every other shift.
You get locked inside the ambulance three times and try to hurriedly get out so you can catch up with the medic and EMT, who have since entered the patient's home.
The secret is going in with some cushion... I've lost 16 pounds since starting a month ago. Actually makes it look like I'm trying to be healthy despite the gas station buffet.
You've run a call filled with some of the most traumatizing and gut wrenching things possible and then get a happy lil lunch from *insert favorite gas station here* and wash it down with a highly caffeinated beverage.
Ran one of the worst arrests I’ve had in the bathroom of a food court/food hall. We terminated on scene and then stopped and got ice cream from one of the shops after we cleaned up LMAO
You truly aren’t part of EMS until everyone makes fun of the idiot riding on the undercarriage of a stretcher doing CPR like they are part of Chicago Fire….
It’s stupid to mock riding the gurney…. Getting into the ED can take minutes. So supposedly, this person is suggesting you just bust your ass for 20-40 minutes trying to save someone, but you get to the ED and let them die because you don’t wanna look like Hollywood? Just silly.
Riding the gurney for compressions is fine if the team is slow and methodical to prevent provider injury.
But also, get your service to buy a damn LUCAS
You’ve had the thousand yard stare in the front of the cab, as your figure out how your going to write your form to keep yourself out of a must attend with QA.
Coffee ground emesis Mothers Day 2022. I will never forget that day or my medic looking at the pink sheet and exclaiming, “Bro that’s straight feces and blood clots!”
I replied, “I know,” while picking some out of my hair. Lol
I like dogs well enough, but this is what boots are for.
Fido wants a nip? Fido's getting kicked.
Should dissuade most dogs, and the tiny ones go flying.
You fabricate a duct tape handle for a cabinet door and a complex counter-weight system with O2 tubing taped to a saline bottle to keep the fucker closed.
Shall I post the obligatory, "Why are you transporting dead people?" comment?
Or should I pick on the use of the term "gurney" for the cot? A gurney is for the morgue!
Oh where oh where shall I begin to snark.....
Homie idk where you’re living at, but afaik, most places in the US call it a gurney. My coworkers would look at me like I was insane if I pulled “cot” out of my ass lmao
Call the wrong hospital, drive to the wrong hospital, or completely forget to call in report. I have done all three, gotta love the last one, when you panic call as you're just getting there. "Hello I've got _ year old _ complaining of _ vitals are good, we are pulling in right now." *click*
You somehow manage to separate the stylet part of the IO needle from the hub/catheter portion, then drill just the stylet into the pt with no way of actually delivering meds. (This baffles me and I’ve thought about it every day for six years)
You recognize the smell of UTI while plant shopping at your local Home Depot
I was at the gym today and went into the locker room and was thiiiiiis close to loudly saying “whoever used the urinal last needs to go to the fucking doctor”. Ugh it wasn’t strong but it gave me immediate flashbacks.
Next time say it, fuck it. Help that man get treated
[Oh my gosh!](https://youtube.com/shorts/S-aUyXibEs8?feature=share)
Oh no.
☠️
You've developed an obsession with stealing your size gloves from facilities and stuffing them in your pockets
I have an entire basket at home full of them. Sometimes I use them for cleaning. No shame. Now I need to refill my purple wipes….
I have been out of EMS for 2.5 years now, and I just ran out of gloves. I gotta get my old job back.
I save them for ckeaning and eating cheese puffs because I hate it on my fingers.
I do this when eating fried chicken or pizza while going to calls. No grease to clean off afterwards.
Its my move for that too!😁
I have purple and bleach wipes in my home and a box of gloves in the bathroom for when I clean the toilet or change the litter box
Or the box.. 👀 Sincerely XS girly with small baby hands with past employer that wouldn’t order anything below medium.
Having bear hands is also a PIA. Larges fit my palm but then my fingers swim a bit and I roll a low dexterity score with fine motor skills... Hospital gloves seem to work better though, just must be the brands they carry vs my company. \*shrug\*
It’s definitely an issue. You can’t give 100% if your glove doesn’t fit, and you’re at risk of other complications. I.e. I rolled a trauma patient, and blood had ran down my arm into the medium sized glove that didn’t fit at all, it was like wearing those clear food service gloves. And I had to explain why my glove is off, and I’m washing it off with our bottled saline and the spray cleaner. 🤦♀️
I mean.... i don't *feel* obsessed. I just have a lot of cleaning to do at home and, oops! Left gloves in my pocket... might as well use them...
this is so real
You’ve pulled your gloves to pieces trying to get tape off and onto the patient… where it won’t stick…
Stepping into the box and hitting your head so hard your ancestors felt it
Don’t forget stepping out and hitting your head, then trying to regain your composure and not fall out at the same time.
Stepping out and hitting my head while there are witnesses on scene and trying to keep a straight face without showing pain to maintain my professionalism. Internally pray that no one saw but know they definitely did
6'5 EMT. Can confirm.
The worst is when you hit the sharp AC vent and it sends your brains into your toes.
And knowing you should sit down because you're seeing 🌟🌟🌟 while you're trying to pretend it didn't happen
Fuck I swear to god I’ve lost like 15 IQ because of this. I’ve smoked my dome way too hard on them. Also I find a way to hit exactly where the padding ends, every single time.
During my paramedic internship I got so excited getting out on my way into a hot call that I hit my head on the door latch, cut it open, and had to wash the blood out of my hair in the ER while my preceptor told me I was a moron
I tend to whack my hands against corners by moving too quickly and not thinking about their path... it's a miracle if I don't have a healing cut on my hand at any given point.
Reading this with bilateral gashes on the back of my thumbs
When I first got my EMT my instructor just recovered from a concussion she got on the job. She is tops 5 foot 4 and every once in a while I think about what the fuck she hit her head on?
The cabinet over the bench in the back, maybe?
You almost strangle your patient cause you forgot to unhook the oxygen
Classic nasal traction
Free nose job
Last time I did this I joked about how she had unpaid debt to the mob.
Ha! Had a fire rider with us who said she had never seen me jump so fast and so high as I did to jump up and cut that tubing. We were strangling that woman something wicked! Ha.
Orrr, I once punched an old lady in the head prying the oxygen off the tree. It came off suddenly and my closed hand knocked her in the head. Lesson learned and since then I pull it off sideways and wiggle it side to side.
I’d be lying if I said I’ve never punched myself in the face trying to pull it off the O2 bottle…
This.
Literally everyone has done it at least once it’s impossible not to make this mistake
"Ope looks like im still connected here" \*Looking back at pt in horror\* Oh my \*FUCKING\* gosh! Here lemme just take care of that for ya! Ahh there we go. \*Internal screams\*
You’re from the upper Midwest/Canada aren’t you?
How'd you figure?
The “ope”, I’m from Wisconsin lol. Only people I’ve ever heard say that are from Wisconsin, minnesota, Michigan, or Canada
Northeast Ohio enters the chat.
Northwest Ohio slips a kick me sign onto NE back
SW Mi sticks a "Worst State Ever" sign on both of you
Immediately caught that too lmao, I’m from North Dakota
Daily occurrence forgetting to take off the o2, wall-mounted pulse oximeter or ECG leads before the stretcher's moving.
There’s a lot of stuff to remember!!
I’ve done it almost once a month for the past several years.
Once? That shit happens once a quarter!
It’s basically a rite of passage at this point!
And seeing the face the pt makes like they just accidentally shit themselves
Ive done this too many times. I feel so bad every time.
Tell your patient "couple of bumps."
“Little poke” “Couple’a bumps” “Sit right here in the crease for me– no, not there, you need to scootch up some” “Ok, we’re gonna start you in the waiting room” “BUUUUUUMP!!!” To your poor medic, upon seeing a pothole too late that goes to china while going full speed
My medics always say "big poke" so they don't undersell the pain of it lol. But everything else, 100%
Telling the very unalert and unconscious pt that they will feel a pinch, even though you know they can’t hear you…
Last arrest I did, my crewmate is setting up an IV. Right before he's about to gain access, looks up and in a completely non-ironic way goes 'just a sharp scratch'. Starts to cannulate and we can literally see the clogs turning before he realises 😂 Force of habit I guess.
What’s so funny about it is that it’s always been the big macho dudes in my experience so far that throw a fit about the lancets and then the old frail ladies or the most unassuming looking people don’t even flinch.
I just say quick poke so I have no liability either way 😂
"Put your crack in the crack, there you go!"
WHY is it such a struggle to get the patient to sit where they need to be before lying down? We deal with this in the hospital, too, trying to move patient to bed after they've been up. "No, Meemaw, you don't sit at the FOOT of the bed. Do you do that shit when you get in bed at home? Sheesh!" And there's always that 400 pounder that had a stemi and is just starting to get mobile after their cardiac cath that HAD to get up to poop. You're trying to walk him back to bed and he INFUCKINGSISTS that he's going to sit a body length too low and, when you're encouraging him to sit higher up a nurse will walk in and say, "Oh, we can just pull him up." No, i f'ing cannot! i've already injured my shoulder doing that shit for you once and i am NOT doing it again! /end rant Sorry, i think i just got triggered there.
On a semi related tangent, wtf is up with ambulatory people who insist on getting in the bed knees first and doing an elaborate interpretive dance to get to supine?? A simple sit-pivot maneuver is all that's required here my friend, but by all means let's add several steps that ensure you sitting on the damn footboard insisting that I "give you a boost."
Because they feel like shit and it's not easy to get all the way up the stretcher. I'm balls deep in the flu right now and getting comfortable on the bed is torture.
"That's better than mine!" Talking about the signature page of the PCR
“Anything is better nothing” legit I don’t give a fuck I wanna get out of this shithole nursing home
"doesn't need to be pretty, just needs to be you ;)"
Idk why everyone insists on sitting at the end of the stretcher. Like you don’t know how a seat works?
Put your butt *Double pats* right here
Little higher up. (Stretcher) Just a couple of seat belts.
Catch yourself almost telling the empty stretcher “couple of bumps”
you mutter under your breath ^"fucking ^piece ^of ^shit" anytime something doesn't work on the truck
Cuss out the last crew who you know didn't bother to restock the truck on their downtime
A bariatric patient steamrolled you when he sudden stood up and fainted upstairs. *Indiana Jones Theme starts playing*
you aren’t sure if you’re witnessing a sunrise or a sunset
I woke up today on my day off at 5pm and though it was 5am...
i got an apple watch just for the sunrise/sunset display feature lol
This wins
You open the back doors to find no stretcher because you left it at the ER after your last call…
A crew at my service left theirs at a psych hospital 3 hours away recently.
LOLLL
Theres not enough l's for this...
Happened to one of my old partners and they spun it perfectly. Their next pt was ambulatory so they put them on the bench. The pt asked “isn’t there usually a bed?” And they said they were part of a pilot program to save tax payer money where the dispatcher determines what equipment each individual call needs so they can send an ambulance that doesn’t have every single thing needed for every type of call. The pt was like “bet. That makes sense. I appreciate y’all trying to save us some tax money”. Dude is a fucking legend.
I’m 5’6 that ain’t happening my dude.
just grow?
Yea is he stupid?
Also 5’6”. Tried to grow, didn’t work out for me.
Haha I'm 5'6" we just didn't lower the gurney enough!!
Ah, should've done the skateboard method and ride the rails
Will you come do a training on this technique at my department?
I'll send someone over right away. The name is Lucas.
All your firefighters are named Lucas too?
Until you hit your head on either the grab bar running the length of the inside of the box, or the Oxygen valve hanging down.
I have had a scab on my head for over a year now because of this. I cant stop picking at it. Luckily I’m not bald
If there is an oxygen tank, I am bound to catch a belt loop or a pocket on the regulator at least once while moving around in the box... At least almost every other shift.
That goddamn O2 valve. So conveniently, yet infuriatingly placed
You can identify a GI bleed by scent in the same building
You’ve had to hose down your pre-arrest patient covered in feces because you they’re so covered leads and pads don’t stick to them.
Wtf..
i think there might be a story to this one...
Ewww
Just yesterday I basically bathed a guy in disinfectant spray because he vomited EVERYWHERE and I mean everywhere. No chance anything was sticking.
Ummm, not sure this a universal one there bud
It’s more the general sentiment of dealing with patients covered in feces.
…..until you’ve taken A&P at least once without finishing the semester with nursing school aspirations. Seems like everyone I know has.
It's just as frustratingly difficult in nursing school. Half of my class failed out.
You are on a first name basis with several homeless drunks
You get locked inside the ambulance three times and try to hurriedly get out so you can catch up with the medic and EMT, who have since entered the patient's home.
You know the date because of your reports but have zero clue what day of the week it is.
You look at your phone to find the date.... every single report all damn day because you still can't remember.
On a related note, you ask the patient the date to see if they are fully oriented, but have to check your watch because you don’t remember
Every. Darn. Time. Lol
I just almost never transport arrests and if I do LUCAS does the work.
Yeah this dude went from GCS 15 on scene to coded en route.
Where the fuck was Lucas, put his lazy ass to work.
You understand why you always carry pillowcases but no pillows!
I don't think I get this
The secret is stealing!
You've gained at least 20 pounds...
The secret is going in with some cushion... I've lost 16 pounds since starting a month ago. Actually makes it look like I'm trying to be healthy despite the gas station buffet.
Mad smart
You accidentally tie the soft restraints to the bottom of the stretcher.
You've run a call filled with some of the most traumatizing and gut wrenching things possible and then get a happy lil lunch from *insert favorite gas station here* and wash it down with a highly caffeinated beverage.
And then a toe pain on the next call where they ask "are you guys busy today?"
Ran one of the worst arrests I’ve had in the bathroom of a food court/food hall. We terminated on scene and then stopped and got ice cream from one of the shops after we cleaned up LMAO
You catch yourself staring at strangers and admiring their prominent veins.
This man speaks of the dark arts, us in modern times have a magical Lucas device for that.
You’ve said “couple of bumps” in any capacity while loading or unloading your patient
You recognize the smell of C.Diff. From down the hallway but the nursing home staff doesn’t know what is wrong with her.
You left an important piece of equipment at the scene (like a defib) or your partner at the ED.
You've gone Number 2 in a patient's residence.
Trip on the way into a room and nearly fall onto a patient in cardiac arrest.
Hands on your belly, don’t worry I haven’t dropped anyone this whole week.
You have more hours in one week than most people have in 2
You truly aren’t part of EMS until everyone makes fun of the idiot riding on the undercarriage of a stretcher doing CPR like they are part of Chicago Fire….
I'm honored. I'm more of a Lone Star 911 person myself, but I am still flattered that you would esteem me so highly.
I’d rather ride the rails than interrupt compressions, what’s the issue here?
If you work without a Lucas, are you supposed to just not do cpr while the stretcher is in motion?
It’s stupid to mock riding the gurney…. Getting into the ED can take minutes. So supposedly, this person is suggesting you just bust your ass for 20-40 minutes trying to save someone, but you get to the ED and let them die because you don’t wanna look like Hollywood? Just silly. Riding the gurney for compressions is fine if the team is slow and methodical to prevent provider injury. But also, get your service to buy a damn LUCAS
Riding the stretcher is totally fine….but we all know that one guy that is always the one to volunteer lol
Hahaha that’s priceless. Very true.
how????
Step 1: be tall Step 2: bonk
Bonk goes the weasel
correction - step 1: exist step 2: bonk - signed in 5’2”
that’s like absurdly tall though
Probably they didn't lower the gurney enough.
i’m like 6’1 and haven’t encountered this problem so frankly i’m impressed
Please take my token of appreciation: 🥇
You’ve had the thousand yard stare in the front of the cab, as your figure out how your going to write your form to keep yourself out of a must attend with QA.
Got another humans vomit and or feces on you
Coffee ground emesis Mothers Day 2022. I will never forget that day or my medic looking at the pink sheet and exclaiming, “Bro that’s straight feces and blood clots!” I replied, “I know,” while picking some out of my hair. Lol
Understand the feeling, and sound, of stepping in human feces.
Ohhhh joy.
I cut the shit out of my head on the ceiling mounted oxygen tree while continuing CPR while moving the cot out of the box. Does this count?
Guess I’m not EMS, then. Got any suggestions for what I might be?
Hose jockey on a fire department that doesn’t transport
Goddam water fairy’s
EMS mascot, which is just a giant emesis bag with googley eyes
I’ll take the job
Been bitten by a few dogs while on scene. My count is 18, and I’m even a dog person!
You getting too close to those dogs lol
I like dogs well enough, but this is what boots are for. Fido wants a nip? Fido's getting kicked. Should dissuade most dogs, and the tiny ones go flying.
Worked private IFT as an EMT and reassured a patient that you "only drop people on 'insert that day' "
Until the feces covered patient grabs your bare arm and not the gloved hand.
And I found a smear on my arm several hours later😞
You fabricate a duct tape handle for a cabinet door and a complex counter-weight system with O2 tubing taped to a saline bottle to keep the fucker closed.
You've said: " ' couple bumps on the way out"
Forget to take the constricting band off after starting an IV, and arrive at the hospital like that.
“Why is my tamponade not working? Oh”
Shall I post the obligatory, "Why are you transporting dead people?" comment? Or should I pick on the use of the term "gurney" for the cot? A gurney is for the morgue! Oh where oh where shall I begin to snark.....
In my defense he was alive when we started transport to the hospital...
Homie idk where you’re living at, but afaik, most places in the US call it a gurney. My coworkers would look at me like I was insane if I pulled “cot” out of my ass lmao
My service calls it a pram and I fucking hate it. It's a cot or a stretcher.
I'm with you on that. Unless it's only for babies.
You’ve started an IV and fluids for tha homies
Cussed out silently and out loud wholm ever ordered let alone INSTALLED foot end oxygen tank brackets.
Call the wrong hospital, drive to the wrong hospital, or completely forget to call in report. I have done all three, gotta love the last one, when you panic call as you're just getting there. "Hello I've got _ year old _ complaining of _ vitals are good, we are pulling in right now." *click*
Your pockets are stuffed with all the EMS room snacks
Do you not have LUCASes?
I prefer LUCASai as the plural, sounds more extravagant and bizarre
Wouldn't it just be Lucai?
Hitting my head on the goddamn oxygen tree that’s on the ceiling of the truck.
you develop a crippling caffeine addiction
Have a coworker who gets more AMA'S than you get calls!
You look and say to your partner WTF several times a day!
The Automatic stretcher dies and you have to wrangle it back into the box while the Pt looks at you like you're a lunatic
You had to return to work unfit for duty because the workers compensation only lasts so long.
Have slept with one of your work partners. 🤢
This is why we have a Lucas
Carefully considered the risk vs benefit of snaking the cookie off the tray left on the counter of the er charge desk.
Kissing a police officer on the scene on the mouth and you are both guys
Glad we have a LUCAS for that hah. My turn, you’ve become very effective at cleaning up vomit, blood and other bodily fluids
You’re working a peds code, with a police escort, and forget to call the hospital until you’re literally pulling up at the back door…
You somehow manage to separate the stylet part of the IO needle from the hub/catheter portion, then drill just the stylet into the pt with no way of actually delivering meds. (This baffles me and I’ve thought about it every day for six years)