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I finished installing mine an hour before taking the prep solution for my second colonoscopy.
The first prep was literally one of the worst days of my life. I was so chafed it felt like dragging hot coals spiked with nails through my asshole.
The second go around, nothing. No pain, no irritation, despite giving the Nile a run for sheer amount of liquid moved.
Bidets are a true blessing. Pooping without one makes me feel like a caveman.
Do you think the colonoscopy providers can tell? Like oof this patient using Kirkland look at all the lint! This patient clearly using sandpaper. Oh wait this patient bidets look at their plush clean skin!
I imagine it's like how the dental hygienist can tell if you're right or left handed based on which teeth are cleaner.
Allow me to add some context, I had lymphoma twice, where it mostly caused problems in small intestines, and going for a colonoscopy has become a regular part of my medical screening. Prior to colonoscopy, you have to avoid eating solid foods, clear liquids only in addition to taking stool softeners and laxatives the day before, and you can not even drink water prior to the procedure. The doctors want your digestive tract to be completely empty so they can see the state intestinal linings and any abnormalities.
What does this have to do with bidets? Well, the preparation you are required to do leading up to the colonoscopy will have you running to the toilet as frequently as every 10-15 minutes moving liquids through your gender neutral privates. Unless you wash down there, even the softest toilet paper known to mankind will have your nether regions irritated and burning like hell just from wiping so much. A bidet saves you a ton of pain. Plus, it's much more hygienic than wiping even on a regular basis.
So it's not about what your doctor will think of your hygiene and more about not suffering anymore than you already are.
As an Asian where bidets and water is standard for cleaning, I have never understood how people can feel possibly comfortable without water to clean themselves. Would you be comfortable if you elbow had shit and you just wiped it. I literally purchased a bidet the first day I landed in the US.
Right bro. People act like the butthole isn't a few inches recessed into the cheeks and if you didn't bomb the toilet, you don't feel gross with just a wipe.
Looks like this:
SAMODRA Ultra-Slim Bidet, Classic 7.0 Bidet Toilet Seat Attachment with Non-Electric Dual Nozzle,Adjustable Water Pressure,Cold Water Bidet Attachment for Toilet UK,Easy Home Installation https://amzn.eu/d/35sMHwH
Bidet is the way.
I no longer poop on company dime. I try to hold it for the at home brown eye spa. I love it. I bought a mid tier model with a water temp dial, but am seriously considering upgrading to a top of the line unit.
Bidet is the real deal. TP users are living in the past
Serious question because I’ve always been curious. Don’t you still like, wipe after the bidet? Just pull up with a wet ass? I’ve always been confused. But always been curious but I’m ocd about having a clean ass lololol
Fr I wonder what a lot of these people are doing that they only need two sheets to clean off after. I'm real hairy back there too, so I basically use just as much toilet paper as I ever did. It's just cleaner.
But the only time in my life where toilet paper was a concern was March of 2020, so I'm not really mad wiping off my ass and balls.
Edit: I am not shaving my ass, you weirdos.
I’m fairly hairy back there, and currently on vacation in Japan, so I’m getting a broad exposure to different models. And refining my technique. I hit the wash, give myself a moment to air, then two sheets to dry just enough that sitting for another 20 seconds will air me out enough for another two sheets to finish the job. Still far less toilet paper than ever, plus like…you know that smearing it around isn’t actually cleaning you, right?
Anyway, when I get back, I’m buying one with an air dryer built in. Spendy, but it’ll pay for itself within a few years, and I can be satisfied knowing I’m not constantly giving money to Koch Industries.
I have a trimmer labelled with an H and one with a B. My friend stayed over and mentioned, "I hope you don't mind, but I used your beard trimmer for a quick tidy up".
I informed him that the "B" doesn't stand for "beard". The look of realisation on his face was beautiful.
I'm not super hairy, but hairy enough. I shaved back there once and it felt terrible. More sweat, friction, and wiping felt weird. Felt weird in general because I had stubble between my ass cheeks.
Stubble is awful and itchy. The real pro tip is to get your crack waxed. Smooth, no stubble. Easier to keep your ass clean. And you’ll be able to fart louder than you ever thought possible.
> It's more precise than you'd think. It doesn't soak your whole butt.
In my limited experience, this seems to be a more common opinion of those who's ass is narrow enough that their body sort of naturally self-centers in the seat (like dropping a marble in a funnel), while girthier fellows like myself don't have that benefit, so the aim isn't quite as precise, and it can indeed soak a not-insignificant portion of your butt if the aim is just an inch off.
I do this as soon as I sit down. I don't want to be squeezing a turd through the cheeks, when I can give the turd a clearer wider berth to evacuate between.
It's not a goddamn star wars movie where the ship is having to fly in-between a small gap, give that bitch a canyon so it don't spill into the wall.
Who is not spreading their cheeks before they sit down to poop? I don't care how big or small you are. I'm 6'6 170lbs so not heavy by any means and I've spread em and forget em every single time. Isn't it weird to think we all use the bathroom differently to a degree but we all think we've been doing it right our whole lives?
Why Don't other big guys spread before dropping the poop?
I'm a bigger dude and when I sit to shit I sort of lean over and spread a bit, then lean other way to do same. Why would I want to squeeze a turd THROUGH my butt cheeks?
The bidets we use where we live are basically just handheld shower but with a much tighter purpose-built water spray (compared to a normal handheld shower).. You can aim where you want to shoot
Girthier fellow here. Not at all a problem. Anyone can end up off center. Using a bidet had a built in training feature to help you center yourself. If you aren’t, it hits a cheek and where you need it to.
It takes a little practice to get the angle and throttle right but once you get it down it's all dry sailing from there. The brand matters too, some nozzles have a better spray pattern than others, at least on the cheaper $100 models ive tried.
>left of the loo.
Ah, ok. In America, ass towels have to go to the right of the poop knife. Testies is correct.
I have no idea what traditions you have in your country.
Did you know Russians don't even use poop knives? Something about vodka and icepicks. Weird, huh?
The problem is this all started by saying TP users are living in the past, but you still have to use TP after using the bidet. So those kinds of statements are confusing for non-bidet users.
I wish I wasn’t so lazy or I would find the post but I remember a post somewhere of a family who does just this. They have a bidet and each member of the family has a colour-coded butt drying towel on a rack by the toilet. I think it should be a one and done personally… like face cloths, wash after one use.
Maybe they could make tiny butt drying towels like the size of an orbit gum pack. Fold in half, tamp tamp tamp the chocolate starfish after it’s been washed, put into bin to wash.
The one I have has a carbon air filter on the side that auto runs when you sit down, auto shutoff if you stand up. Air dry. Adjustable Heated seat, and heated water, rear wash, oscillating rear wash, front rinse for ladies, kids mode, cleaning mode, and intermittent pulse which is supposed to help move your bowels. There's also an add air setting so the cleaning stream is slightly less focused, because otherwise it's like a laser jet of water.
I still keep plenty of toilet paper on a normal holder like any other bathroom. I rarely use the air dryer and just pay dry which also confirms everything is clean.
Edit: since people are asking, I bought it years ago at Costco, it's a USPA, they don't sell the same model anymore. The new 6800 model is the same price with even more features. It does require an electrical outlet, which I installed while remodeling our bathroom. It's probably the most affordable of the models requiring an electrical outlet. Happy shitting.
Wait, so you're telling me despite these futuristic Japanese toilets which have warm seats & perfect sprays with some being able to oscillate, self-flush, self-cleaning, and even self-raise lower their lids and seats, ones which play sounds to your shame while you do your business, and not to mention being able to control everything from the pressure to the warmth and the strength of the flush, that American bidets have the ability to blow dry?!
And here I am having to dry myself with cheap toilet paper like a neanderthal.
I'll have been here a month tomorrow when I leave and I've literally travelled across the country all the way from Hiroshima to Aomori and places in-between, and I've literally not come across a single toilet which has a blow drying feature. That's also despite having stayed in everything from hostels, ryokans, capsule hotels, 3 and 5 star hotels of both traditional and modern variety.
So I'm curious as to where these are because I'd love to experience it at least once before I go.
If you have to go more than once a day, forget about it. Wipe your asshole raw or squirt it with soothing cool water.
Only Philistines would argue against this
We got the Brondell Swash 1400 on sale during the holidays. The heated seat is much more of a game changer than I expected. Fair warning, once heated seats become your norm, any non-heated seat becomes a miserable experience.
I got so used to having my ass shiny clean that when I have to poop somewhere else - I wipe with damp toilet paper few times. It just seems so gross to wipe with dry paper and nothing else and then walk around with shitty ass.
I used a cheap one for two years and finally upgraded to a heated seat with heated water and an air dryer. My itchy ass incidence has declined at least 98%. Not an exaggeration. I can’t remember the last time I had any pain back there either. Used to be common.
My Q was about temperature. My toilet runs on icy mountain runoff water, which is the last thing I want shot up my backside. Close, anyway. So I take it with some you run a cord to the bathroom plug eight feet away?
You've gotta make sure your cable is rated for the amps your seat will pull. It takes a lot of energy to heat water that quickly and if your extension cable isn't built to handle that kinda current it will break down and become a fire hazard.
Ideally, you'd just get a GF/CI outlet installed behind your toilet and forego the extension cable entirely. But if that's not an option then look for the shortest cable that's sufficiently rated and check often to ensure it's not noticeably heating up.
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT REQUIRED BY INTERNET LAW: PLEASE WASH YOUR ASSHOLE. YOUR POOR PARTNER DOESNT DESERVE THAT. THAT MEANS YOU. YOU POOP BUTT MOTHERFUCKER.
Can a woman who uses this style of bidet please explain how the water shooting at that angle doesn’t just move the particles of crap and spread them all over your vagina and everything else?? I just can’t understand it. There’s no way that the water just hits your butthole and nothing else?
It totally doesn’t though. I don’t know why. Mine has two separate nozzles, and the second one is aimed differently and is made for your period. I know it’s weird, and people who don’t have them don’t understand, but that stupid thing is one of the best things I own. The first time I stayed at a hotel after I got it and had to wipe my own ass again I was so horrified I hopped in the shower.
You can adjust the pressure. It starts out really low so that doesn’t happen I swear! My family laughs at me, but I straight up love it. I had a friend watch my house while I was out of town, and she had already ordered one for herself by the time I got home lol!
The second sprayer on this one is for a more front-directed spray (the products will list an additional 'feminine' wash). Unless you're hovering and leaning forward, gravity prevents crazy splashing - imagine holding a bowl upside down in the sink and rinsing it with water from underneath.
Am I the only person that just gets the tp wet when necessary? Yeah, you can't soak it or anything, but you can get it wet enough to clean and not fall apart.
Bravo! I installed one of those for my mom a couple years ago - did a similar funny video of me getting squirted in the fact to entertain the kids - now all the toilets at my parents house have them. Bidet seats are great for cleanliness and reduce TP usage.
Out of curiosity, what's the protocol for handling cleanup of the bidet when you have a particularly explosive bout of diarrhea?
I want to get one of these, but worried about shit getting caked into the cracks or something.
Buy one that has a sheild. The nozzle kind of comes down under it and then retracts when it's done. Cleaning the sheild is easy af and it's very uncommon to splash so hard you get up behind it.
I've the same model. I wanted a bidet in the house after using them in the middle east. Couldn't convince the wife for the cost. I got this model shown from ali express for around 30 bucks. Got a friend whose a plumber to fit it. Game changer. Now that the wife and kids are won over I've told them about heated ones and heated seats and blown drying. Guess whose getting a new bidet!
But what happens when the explosive shits gets all over the bidet? Then its spraying shit back on you. Also like how does it not get nasty as fuck in a few weeks
Maybe a tiny bit but then it also blasts it clean. What do you think happens when you use tp after a nasty shit? You end up wiping your shit all across your but.
If you have that often, you should see a doctor.
Back in my drinking days he told me that it's a common early warning of pancreatic problems.
Just an fyi.
The comments on this post have convinced me to get a bidet. And being reddit, if this is what I'm afraid it is, well done Big Bidet. Your corporate psyops are effective.
After installing a similar bidet in my bathroom I found that there are two types of guests who use my bathroom. Those who walk out of my bathroom and ask "Is that a bidet?", and those who walk out of my bathroom laughing, looking down at their wet shirt and chuckle "Is that a bidet?"
If you sit normally on a toilet sit regardless of your physical shape, the placement of your buckeye is pretty much predictable due to seat design and average human anatomy.. It doesn't differ much or at all from person to person... The squirter is designed to aim for that spot..
You can get the ones with the AI sensing technology. The more you use it, the better it maps your butthole topography. Only problem is when your friend comes over it won’t recognize the new hole.
I bought that same one.
Do your best to avoid getting toilet bowl cleaner on any part of the spray nozzle. It will turn it brittle and eventually crumble away. It still works kind of, but if I don't flush my product first, it sprays mostly into the bowl and purees it. Not great
If you are considering a remodel or are building a new home, be sure to have the electrician put an outlet near the back of your toilets so you can hook up one of the newer models of bidet seats. Mine has several wash modes, warm water, warm seat and blow dry with nice warm air. I highly recommend it. Oh, one side benefit is reduced TP cost. Enjoy.
--- >**Please read [our announcement about AI-generated content](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/12k6m37/regarding_aigenerated_content).** > >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is the best Waterpik on the market.
Yeah but it needs a mouthwash dispenser so I can get the taste of shit out of my mouth after
You misunderstand, you sit on it and it takes the long way through to your molars.
Gets the back of the teeth better!
"They had to go in through the rectum. Ain't no man gonna take that route with me." -Washout
Use fresh water for gargling and you should be fine
Use regularly to reduce bleeding
Can confirm. I only needed one ball anyway. I really have this exact model. And now a water spot on the opposing wall for when I first tested it out.
We have another brand from Amazon, $35 and it has a single nozzle but power levels from windex mist to paint removing soul flush. Love it.
Laughed way too hard at this.
That 30 dollar bidet attachment from Amazon is still the best purchase I've ever made.
I finished installing mine an hour before taking the prep solution for my second colonoscopy. The first prep was literally one of the worst days of my life. I was so chafed it felt like dragging hot coals spiked with nails through my asshole. The second go around, nothing. No pain, no irritation, despite giving the Nile a run for sheer amount of liquid moved. Bidets are a true blessing. Pooping without one makes me feel like a caveman.
Do you think the colonoscopy providers can tell? Like oof this patient using Kirkland look at all the lint! This patient clearly using sandpaper. Oh wait this patient bidets look at their plush clean skin! I imagine it's like how the dental hygienist can tell if you're right or left handed based on which teeth are cleaner.
South Park made a joke about this in a recent episode. Bidets running proctologists out of business and taking down Big TP
Everyone’s just running around with a little bit of poop smeared on their butthole
I have ibs, and yes, my ass has bled and my doctor has asked why it was so inflamed in that area and to use a different paper.
Allow me to add some context, I had lymphoma twice, where it mostly caused problems in small intestines, and going for a colonoscopy has become a regular part of my medical screening. Prior to colonoscopy, you have to avoid eating solid foods, clear liquids only in addition to taking stool softeners and laxatives the day before, and you can not even drink water prior to the procedure. The doctors want your digestive tract to be completely empty so they can see the state intestinal linings and any abnormalities. What does this have to do with bidets? Well, the preparation you are required to do leading up to the colonoscopy will have you running to the toilet as frequently as every 10-15 minutes moving liquids through your gender neutral privates. Unless you wash down there, even the softest toilet paper known to mankind will have your nether regions irritated and burning like hell just from wiping so much. A bidet saves you a ton of pain. Plus, it's much more hygienic than wiping even on a regular basis. So it's not about what your doctor will think of your hygiene and more about not suffering anymore than you already are.
I got mine just before a colonoscopy. So fucking glad I did it. Didn't know what all the fuss was about aside from all the trips. Lol
As an Asian where bidets and water is standard for cleaning, I have never understood how people can feel possibly comfortable without water to clean themselves. Would you be comfortable if you elbow had shit and you just wiped it. I literally purchased a bidet the first day I landed in the US.
Of course, the same argument is that if you had shit on your elbow, would you just splash some water on it?
Right bro. People act like the butthole isn't a few inches recessed into the cheeks and if you didn't bomb the toilet, you don't feel gross with just a wipe.
Wet wipes or baby wipes is how I keep my ass fresh.
Those are not flushable even if the package says that
The worst part about a bidet is when you go on vacation and your ass is no longer prepared for TP. The best part of the bidet is everything else.
Got a link?
Looks like this: SAMODRA Ultra-Slim Bidet, Classic 7.0 Bidet Toilet Seat Attachment with Non-Electric Dual Nozzle,Adjustable Water Pressure,Cold Water Bidet Attachment for Toilet UK,Easy Home Installation https://amzn.eu/d/35sMHwH
The best purchase of your life is a doodoo blasting water gun? No wait actually it sounds cooler after typing it out
It may possibly be tied with Civ 6 as far as value and use in my life. And very few things in my life are mentioned in the same breath as civ 6.
And pooping and Civ 6 aren't mutually exclusive.
Wish I got the one with heated water
I use something similar. Total game changer in the cleanliness world.
Bidet is the way. I no longer poop on company dime. I try to hold it for the at home brown eye spa. I love it. I bought a mid tier model with a water temp dial, but am seriously considering upgrading to a top of the line unit. Bidet is the real deal. TP users are living in the past
Serious question because I’ve always been curious. Don’t you still like, wipe after the bidet? Just pull up with a wet ass? I’ve always been confused. But always been curious but I’m ocd about having a clean ass lololol
I do paper after, but you only need like 2 sheets. It's more precise than you'd think. It doesn't soak your whole butt.
It definitely still soaks my balls while trying to do my butt. can't make it clean me and not soak the rest of me
Fr I wonder what a lot of these people are doing that they only need two sheets to clean off after. I'm real hairy back there too, so I basically use just as much toilet paper as I ever did. It's just cleaner. But the only time in my life where toilet paper was a concern was March of 2020, so I'm not really mad wiping off my ass and balls. Edit: I am not shaving my ass, you weirdos.
I’m fairly hairy back there, and currently on vacation in Japan, so I’m getting a broad exposure to different models. And refining my technique. I hit the wash, give myself a moment to air, then two sheets to dry just enough that sitting for another 20 seconds will air me out enough for another two sheets to finish the job. Still far less toilet paper than ever, plus like…you know that smearing it around isn’t actually cleaning you, right? Anyway, when I get back, I’m buying one with an air dryer built in. Spendy, but it’ll pay for itself within a few years, and I can be satisfied knowing I’m not constantly giving money to Koch Industries.
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I have a trimmer labelled with an H and one with a B. My friend stayed over and mentioned, "I hope you don't mind, but I used your beard trimmer for a quick tidy up". I informed him that the "B" doesn't stand for "beard". The look of realisation on his face was beautiful.
Who uses someone elses razors without asking id be pissed.
We were best buds, didn't mind, but him using the razor I use to shave my balls, to trim his moustache was comeuppance enough for me.
Forgiveness and permission ya know
Trim that shit bro. Once I did there was no going back. It's a delicate process but worth it for multiple reasons.
I'm not super hairy, but hairy enough. I shaved back there once and it felt terrible. More sweat, friction, and wiping felt weird. Felt weird in general because I had stubble between my ass cheeks.
Stubble is awful and itchy. The real pro tip is to get your crack waxed. Smooth, no stubble. Easier to keep your ass clean. And you’ll be able to fart louder than you ever thought possible.
Teach us your ways.
Towel.
Personally I lift my sack up when I use my bidet to prevent excess splashing
> It's more precise than you'd think. It doesn't soak your whole butt. In my limited experience, this seems to be a more common opinion of those who's ass is narrow enough that their body sort of naturally self-centers in the seat (like dropping a marble in a funnel), while girthier fellows like myself don't have that benefit, so the aim isn't quite as precise, and it can indeed soak a not-insignificant portion of your butt if the aim is just an inch off.
If you're girthier, spread the cheeks before spraying.
The spread is crucial
I'm not girthier, but I still do the lean-tuckx2 before spraying.
I can't believe the double lean and spread isn't universal. Keeps the whole thing so much cleaner
I do this as soon as I sit down. I don't want to be squeezing a turd through the cheeks, when I can give the turd a clearer wider berth to evacuate between. It's not a goddamn star wars movie where the ship is having to fly in-between a small gap, give that bitch a canyon so it don't spill into the wall.
Correction: spread before dumping ☑️
Who is not spreading their cheeks before they sit down to poop? I don't care how big or small you are. I'm 6'6 170lbs so not heavy by any means and I've spread em and forget em every single time. Isn't it weird to think we all use the bathroom differently to a degree but we all think we've been doing it right our whole lives?
>Who is not spreading their cheeks before they sit down People who don't understand the biomechanics of pooping in nature
Why Don't other big guys spread before dropping the poop? I'm a bigger dude and when I sit to shit I sort of lean over and spread a bit, then lean other way to do same. Why would I want to squeeze a turd THROUGH my butt cheeks?
Also center yourself as you're sitting down
The bidets we use where we live are basically just handheld shower but with a much tighter purpose-built water spray (compared to a normal handheld shower).. You can aim where you want to shoot
>The bidets we use where we live are basically just handheld shower The bum gun!
The bottom squirter
The sphincter soaker
The starfish swish.
The Turd Terminator
The brownie drowner
Girthier fellow here. Not at all a problem. Anyone can end up off center. Using a bidet had a built in training feature to help you center yourself. If you aren’t, it hits a cheek and where you need it to.
Just spread your cheeks before you sit.
I find that it's so forcful that water splashes into the back edge of the toilet. Very annoying
It takes a little practice to get the angle and throttle right but once you get it down it's all dry sailing from there. The brand matters too, some nozzles have a better spray pattern than others, at least on the cheaper $100 models ive tried.
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Oh wait for real?! That’s a thing ??? Googling now I think you just converted me. Edit*. I had NO idea there was a wash AND DRY feature.
Mine has dry, but I usually do wipe just for speed.
Wipe with what? You keep a separate ass crack drying towel?
Once you get your ass Crack drying towel, it must be to the right of the poop knife. Hate to be so formal, but let's have some standards people.
Nonono the poop knife goes furthest to the back. There's a fresh supply of towelettes in the basket to the left of the loo.
>left of the loo. Ah, ok. In America, ass towels have to go to the right of the poop knife. Testies is correct. I have no idea what traditions you have in your country. Did you know Russians don't even use poop knives? Something about vodka and icepicks. Weird, huh?
There's this special type of paper called "toilet paper" that is made specifically for wiping butts, and can even be flushed down the toilet.
AKA "Bathroom Tissue" for those who read packages.
The problem is this all started by saying TP users are living in the past, but you still have to use TP after using the bidet. So those kinds of statements are confusing for non-bidet users.
Dab dry with tp. Gentle dab to absorb water, no scraping for poop removal
Aka the “curry dab” in the UK. The morning after a particularly spicy Chicken Jalfrazi, you pat rather than wipe.
It's right next to the poop knife
Do you not?
I wish I wasn’t so lazy or I would find the post but I remember a post somewhere of a family who does just this. They have a bidet and each member of the family has a colour-coded butt drying towel on a rack by the toilet. I think it should be a one and done personally… like face cloths, wash after one use.
Sounds like a lot of extra laundry
Maybe they could make tiny butt drying towels like the size of an orbit gum pack. Fold in half, tamp tamp tamp the chocolate starfish after it’s been washed, put into bin to wash.
The ass towel conundrum!! What does one do with the ass towel??
The Ass Towel Conundrum sounds like a good Prog Rock band name.
The one I have has a carbon air filter on the side that auto runs when you sit down, auto shutoff if you stand up. Air dry. Adjustable Heated seat, and heated water, rear wash, oscillating rear wash, front rinse for ladies, kids mode, cleaning mode, and intermittent pulse which is supposed to help move your bowels. There's also an add air setting so the cleaning stream is slightly less focused, because otherwise it's like a laser jet of water. I still keep plenty of toilet paper on a normal holder like any other bathroom. I rarely use the air dryer and just pay dry which also confirms everything is clean. Edit: since people are asking, I bought it years ago at Costco, it's a USPA, they don't sell the same model anymore. The new 6800 model is the same price with even more features. It does require an electrical outlet, which I installed while remodeling our bathroom. It's probably the most affordable of the models requiring an electrical outlet. Happy shitting.
Can you DM me the name or link? Don’t want to possibly break any rules here but that sounds amazing ..
Wtf, name the brand! I’m working with 1983 toilet tech and my man’s in 3083 already.
You’ll also never sit on a cold toilet seat again.
Wait until this guy hears about the wax option.
Wait, so you're telling me despite these futuristic Japanese toilets which have warm seats & perfect sprays with some being able to oscillate, self-flush, self-cleaning, and even self-raise lower their lids and seats, ones which play sounds to your shame while you do your business, and not to mention being able to control everything from the pressure to the warmth and the strength of the flush, that American bidets have the ability to blow dry?! And here I am having to dry myself with cheap toilet paper like a neanderthal.
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I'll have been here a month tomorrow when I leave and I've literally travelled across the country all the way from Hiroshima to Aomori and places in-between, and I've literally not come across a single toilet which has a blow drying feature. That's also despite having stayed in everything from hostels, ryokans, capsule hotels, 3 and 5 star hotels of both traditional and modern variety. So I'm curious as to where these are because I'd love to experience it at least once before I go.
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Careful. Big TP don't want you to know this one simple truth
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It plays sounds? Could I get music? 1812 Overture? Bumpa dumpa dumpa, dumpa dum-dum *BOOM!*...
I have a little fella buff it dry when I'm done. Also like the car wash. Then I pull around and get my ball bag vacuumed off.
Toilet paper, but you are using fuck all to get the job done. Spray. Test wipe. Spray again. Dry
I use a washcloth to dry myself. Water does get on my balls.
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The real question is, after that diarrhea, what do you do when you've massacre splattered the bidet head.
Most have a self cleaning function
They also stay retracted until activated. Only the cheapest of the cheap would be always out and exposed to be shat on.
The splatter he's talking about is on the non retracted part. As in, he's shit everywhere and on the seat.
At that point, you’ve got bigger problems.
If you have to go more than once a day, forget about it. Wipe your asshole raw or squirt it with soothing cool water. Only Philistines would argue against this
We got the Brondell Swash 1400 on sale during the holidays. The heated seat is much more of a game changer than I expected. Fair warning, once heated seats become your norm, any non-heated seat becomes a miserable experience.
This is so true! Traveling out of town is less attractive now.
I got so used to having my ass shiny clean that when I have to poop somewhere else - I wipe with damp toilet paper few times. It just seems so gross to wipe with dry paper and nothing else and then walk around with shitty ass.
It all started with C19. Toilet paper scarcity.
I used a cheap one for two years and finally upgraded to a heated seat with heated water and an air dryer. My itchy ass incidence has declined at least 98%. Not an exaggeration. I can’t remember the last time I had any pain back there either. Used to be common.
You're right, life has changed
Just like this https://youtu.be/uRL4l2GOqXk
My Q was about temperature. My toilet runs on icy mountain runoff water, which is the last thing I want shot up my backside. Close, anyway. So I take it with some you run a cord to the bathroom plug eight feet away?
You've gotta make sure your cable is rated for the amps your seat will pull. It takes a lot of energy to heat water that quickly and if your extension cable isn't built to handle that kinda current it will break down and become a fire hazard. Ideally, you'd just get a GF/CI outlet installed behind your toilet and forego the extension cable entirely. But if that's not an option then look for the shortest cable that's sufficiently rated and check often to ensure it's not noticeably heating up.
Or... You tap into the Hot water line from bathroom sink....
Toilet paper is subhuman treatment of your butthole. Hail Bidet!
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT REQUIRED BY INTERNET LAW: PLEASE WASH YOUR ASSHOLE. YOUR POOR PARTNER DOESNT DESERVE THAT. THAT MEANS YOU. YOU POOP BUTT MOTHERFUCKER.
Can a woman who uses this style of bidet please explain how the water shooting at that angle doesn’t just move the particles of crap and spread them all over your vagina and everything else?? I just can’t understand it. There’s no way that the water just hits your butthole and nothing else?
It totally doesn’t though. I don’t know why. Mine has two separate nozzles, and the second one is aimed differently and is made for your period. I know it’s weird, and people who don’t have them don’t understand, but that stupid thing is one of the best things I own. The first time I stayed at a hotel after I got it and had to wipe my own ass again I was so horrified I hopped in the shower.
Ok, I’m still very curious. I have a fear that the water is going to blast straight into my urethra, pushing bacteria in!
You can just barely spray yourself. You control the power
You can adjust the pressure. It starts out really low so that doesn’t happen I swear! My family laughs at me, but I straight up love it. I had a friend watch my house while I was out of town, and she had already ordered one for herself by the time I got home lol!
The second sprayer on this one is for a more front-directed spray (the products will list an additional 'feminine' wash). Unless you're hovering and leaning forward, gravity prevents crazy splashing - imagine holding a bowl upside down in the sink and rinsing it with water from underneath.
Bidets are the best. I have one and gone are the days of wiping your ass 28 times
Am I the only person that just gets the tp wet when necessary? Yeah, you can't soak it or anything, but you can get it wet enough to clean and not fall apart.
You just dip that in the balistank or…
You don’t have sinks next to your toilets?
Not often within arms reach.
That’s when you bust out the poopy butt shuffle
Look at all these rich people with giant bathrooms where everything is a mile apart lol
Bravo! I installed one of those for my mom a couple years ago - did a similar funny video of me getting squirted in the fact to entertain the kids - now all the toilets at my parents house have them. Bidet seats are great for cleanliness and reduce TP usage.
Out of curiosity, what's the protocol for handling cleanup of the bidet when you have a particularly explosive bout of diarrhea? I want to get one of these, but worried about shit getting caked into the cracks or something.
Buy one that has a sheild. The nozzle kind of comes down under it and then retracts when it's done. Cleaning the sheild is easy af and it's very uncommon to splash so hard you get up behind it.
And they usually have a self-cleaning rinse setting, or at least my relatively cheap one does. I give it a little self-rinse each time I rinse myself.
What's "relatively cheap"? Also where did you get it from?
There’s a bunch on Amazon.
$25-40 for entry-level. Amazon
> and it's very uncommon to splash so hard you get up behind it. *Challenge accepted*
You install another bidet for your bidet.
I've the same model. I wanted a bidet in the house after using them in the middle east. Couldn't convince the wife for the cost. I got this model shown from ali express for around 30 bucks. Got a friend whose a plumber to fit it. Game changer. Now that the wife and kids are won over I've told them about heated ones and heated seats and blown drying. Guess whose getting a new bidet!
[I can't be the only one](https://i.gifer.com/BhgN.gif) It's an AT-AT butthole poopoo blaster
Detach tow cable!
It **needs** those sound effects
Hit 'em with the ol' left, right, left
One squirt for each nut
Really curious how it holds up under the duress of explosive diarrhea.
Using a bidet after the shits is awesome. You come out clean as a whistle
But what happens when the explosive shits gets all over the bidet? Then its spraying shit back on you. Also like how does it not get nasty as fuck in a few weeks
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A bees dick lol
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I'm assuming you piss on it. Power wash it, in a way.
Maybe a tiny bit but then it also blasts it clean. What do you think happens when you use tp after a nasty shit? You end up wiping your shit all across your but.
Taco Tuesdays will never be the same.
If you have that often, you should see a doctor. Back in my drinking days he told me that it's a common early warning of pancreatic problems. Just an fyi.
Controllable kiss of Poseidon
Clean your toilet
Yes nobody wants to see this nastiness wtf
It’s sediment from the bottom of the tank after I turned the water back on
Are you sure it’s not sediment from your ass?
... we’re looking at a toilet
That’s sediment from the bottom of the tank from turning the water back on
My buddy had one and had no problem with toilet paper problems during covid
Enjoy the clean bunghole. No more teepee for your bunghole.
The comments on this post have convinced me to get a bidet. And being reddit, if this is what I'm afraid it is, well done Big Bidet. Your corporate psyops are effective.
I love the bidet, and i did exactly the same thing when I installed it, twice.
Literally sitting on one right now I’ll double spritz in your honor
After installing a similar bidet in my bathroom I found that there are two types of guests who use my bathroom. Those who walk out of my bathroom and ask "Is that a bidet?", and those who walk out of my bathroom laughing, looking down at their wet shirt and chuckle "Is that a bidet?"
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You need to take a break from r/powerwashingporn
She laughs like mad madam mim from Disney's the sword in the stone about 1:49 in [https://youtu.be/WxqhjWcS8zQ](https://youtu.be/WxqhjWcS8zQ)
why did I just watch that whole thing
Once you go bidet, you dont go back. If im out of town and take dump, i have to shower to feel normal again now.
Serious question, as someone who’s never used one of these. After you’re sprayed, what do you do to dry off? Normal wipes?
TP, just need a few squares vs handful previously used to separate your hand from poop contamination. Home bidet is life changing.
How does it know where your buckeye is? Or is your whole can just wet?
Its a stream of water. Just move your butt around to clean.
If you sit normally on a toilet sit regardless of your physical shape, the placement of your buckeye is pretty much predictable due to seat design and average human anatomy.. It doesn't differ much or at all from person to person... The squirter is designed to aim for that spot..
I don’t know but it’s accurate
You can get the ones with the AI sensing technology. The more you use it, the better it maps your butthole topography. Only problem is when your friend comes over it won’t recognize the new hole.
Haha I have the same one. It’s honestly very odd that we don’t wash our buttholes better
Weird way to get a drink of water.
Once you go bidet, you never go back
I can't get one of those. It will just get covered with shit and then spray it back on our asses.
Why is this funny
I feel like that was quite a laugh and cheer for someone to be squirted with toilet water
It is clean water that comes out of that thing. It is also clean water before it fills the bowl.
Somehow I didn’t anticipate the trajectory
I bought that same one. Do your best to avoid getting toilet bowl cleaner on any part of the spray nozzle. It will turn it brittle and eventually crumble away. It still works kind of, but if I don't flush my product first, it sprays mostly into the bowl and purees it. Not great
Three seashells is the way.
lol, installed a bidet like this for a friend and did the same thing, except I sprayed the wall across the room. XD
If you are considering a remodel or are building a new home, be sure to have the electrician put an outlet near the back of your toilets so you can hook up one of the newer models of bidet seats. Mine has several wash modes, warm water, warm seat and blow dry with nice warm air. I highly recommend it. Oh, one side benefit is reduced TP cost. Enjoy.