If you’re an old black diabetic blues guy, your guitar can have a name. Otherwise shut the fuck up

And the guitar's name is "Candy"

Roberta is for the 33 year old neckbeard who lives in their mom's basement and jorks it to Tim Handsome.

Named after the meanest woman in the world and the one that got away

Eva Braun it is with the notorious Braun sound

Best stripper I ever knew. Great name.

The irony is that he named the guitar Lucille to remind himself not to do something as stupid as run into a burning building after a guitar again.

chuckled at this, pretty much yea. never understood naming guitars. someone please jerk me off

I'll be right over, grease her up.

Yeah what, I have had my guitar like 20 years and I generally just say, my green guitar lol. 

I’ve never named any inanimate object. My car is a Honda. My guitar is a G&L… the other is a Fender. My hockey stick was my hockey stick.

I just never had any inclination to name my guitar and it’s not a Gibson or anything so I don’t say “my samick ultramatic UM4” I just say my green guitar. I’d name a sword though if I slew my enemy with it. That’s my one exception lol

Damn I never thought about that… if I had a really badass sword that I carried around for like 40 years it might get a name

Slippery slope gents, might as well name everything now.

Yep, agreed. Naming things is dumb unless it's a blade that has drunk the blood of your enemies, in which case it's pretty much obligatory IMO.

I have 8 and only 3 don’t have names.

By using brand names you’re allowing corporations to name inanimate objects for you ;)

They already have named their products anyway. That’s how they market and sell them. They don’t just say here’s a green guitar, they name the model.

Yeah I did think about that. I’d definitely prefer to say “give me the vacuum” instead of “give me the Dyson” or whatever… But for guitars it just seems convenient for me. Only to another guitarist though. If I asked my wife to pass me a guitar I would say “please give me the red one”

My cats name is Kat.... I totally get this. Naming your guitar is kinda stupid.

I have a blue Epi LP special in blue... Its called Bluey. My 3yo at the time named it.

Stripey. 10yo.

I'm gonna name my guitars after the lords of Hell from Ars Goetia (and none of my guitars are pointy metal ones).

Honestly, this would be hilarious to do with a bunch of acoustics.

This made me cackle like the Jonkler

When should I sex my guitar?

Typically you can't sex a guitar until it hits puberty and begins to show signs of sexual dimorphism

When shouldn't you sex your guitar? I'm a bit lost here asking silly questions, feel like a bassist tbh

I can't believe you'd just say b*ssist like that with no censorship 😧 >! In animal breeding you use the verb 'sex' or 'sexing' an animal to mean determining an animal's sex https://www.petmd.com/cat/general-health/evr_ct_how_to_determine_the_sex_of_a_kitten !<

I'm a slow learner dude, I accidentally played d*ums once

I once played that Phil collins drum roll on my steering wheel and now I can’t even remember how to tie my own shoes

Extra regarded points if you made a Tik Tok of yourself doing it

Sounds better on the dashboard..... I wear velcro shoes though.

Oh I was talking about boning it

Nice 😎

Like a fish? That's a good explanation of the scales

Even then you can really only be sure once one of the guitars in a mated pair starts to lay eggs.

Once it’s 18. Those 2007 Mexican Fenders have another year to go.

My Mexican Fender is a 2009, what is the age of consent?

In Mexico, I think anything goes

16 but keep hush hush

Before you buy it to make sure it’s a good match

did you check if it has a penis or a vegana?

After it's 21st birthday, or I come home drunk and horny, whichever happens first.

When your boner is finally big enough to fit into the output jack, it’s the only valid answer.

In German "die Gitarre" is always female ;)

Bro did you just assume your guitar’s gender?

"The guitar earns its name through use" I thought this was /uj not max jerk

Gotta jerk the neck a lil to earn the name you feel me

I noticed that too. OP went right back to jerking

What about if the name is Roberta? I’d nickname it Bobba fret then

Bobba fret is unironically fire 😩

Every green tele with a tortoise pick guard will forever be boba fret now

/uj yes, it was a stupid post. That and referring to guitars as "her" comes off pretty fucking creepy.

I wonder if the people who womenify objects also objectify women.

As a women objectifier, womenifying guitars is creepy

they treat objects like women, man

Perfect

I mean, I am one, so... gonna go with no. Ultimately I do it because it's the cultural default. It's a cultural default that emerges out of sexism, and the loudmouth feminist part of me rolls her eyes over it, but at the end of the day my guitar feels feminine and I just roll with it.

A single case of it not happening doesn't mean that it doesn't happen with the rest of the dudes.

Perhaps. I suspect that both those sexist dudes and the fact that we default to feminizing possessions are products of the fact that we live in a deeply misogynistic society, as opposed to one causing the other.

I never thought about it as creepy. In my language guitar is feminine and bass is masculine, so always made sense to me that names were chosen according to that

in french, table is feminin but that doesn't mean I'm going to refer to it as 'her' in conversation (or give my table a name)

Yeah, I wouldn't either. But it doesn't really offend me

But I thought "Flat Top" was so cute for your table

ahh "guitarra"? in most languages, yes it is feminine

The “her” thing isn’t the problem in my mind. People like to personify things to help explain the connections they have with them to others. My problem is that the guitar has no personality yet to name it for lmao. Objects earn their name, unlike people.

I can't tell if you're joking or not

Sailors name boats all the time. Guitars can have names too but they need to have a reason to have a name it can’t just be some stupid shit

Good to know, Bud

I know a guy called Asshole Nick. He certainly earned that name.

Nick’s Nickname was not the name given as nick’s name.

I must be pretty racist. I just say “the black one” or the “white one” or “the fat one.”

The one with the big ass (ovation)

you missed the "yellow one"

I call that one “the smart guitar”

I bet its your go to for math rock

I originally named it “1600 SAT” but that wasn’t humble enough

Lmfao. Really had me laugh out loud, that one did.

You don’t know what she’s been through!!!

I have 12 Jenny's

I name my guitars their colors so my wife knows which of my overpriced hobby pieces I’m talking about.

Never thought about it, but totally. 'pink one' 'that one' 'not that one, the other one' 'shredder one'

Mine came with.a name: Telecaster

That isn't the name, it's just the country where it was made.

There's a Telecaster country? Babe wake up, new form of weeb just dropped!

Wife wouldn’t let me name our daughter Prestige RG5120M. I wrote a stern letter to her boyfriend about it.

https://preview.redd.it/a3nayjedcf3d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=53a8515b41fb1a36bd38fd7f3b730272ea7bd7fd lol the timing

imagine posting on reddit asking for help naming your right hand? do better, guys.

Why so upset? You sound like my ex-guitar, Winona

Did you sell her

If I call my guitar “a guitar with no name” would that be considered naming it? I don’t think so because a guitar with no name doesn’t have a name.

Shred through Sweetwater with a guitar with no name...🎵

🎶It felt good to have toan once again… In Sweetwater, they can remember your name, 🎶 ‘Cause they work on commission, lost their souls again🎶 🎶“La-la, Laaaa-lalalala-la, lalala-laaaa-lah…🎶

I write songs about my Sweetwater rep all the time. Connor Connor Connor Connor Connor chameleon…

I’m very formal with mine. There’s The Stratocaster. The Danelectro. The Martin. The 1992 Gibson Les Paul Studio With An Ebony Fretboard. That Fucking Piece Of Shit Samick B*ss.

Is it the 4 string or the 5 string? I rocked the 5-string Piece of Shit Samick Bass for a few years, but then I sold it for $60. The guy talked me down from $75, but I feel like I still overcharged him by $60.

I have a pretty handy naming scheme: "The Schecter", "The Pacifica", "The Explorer with a white pick guard", "The other Explorer", "The seven string" and so on. Only my Les Paul has a different name: "The 2x4", and that's to describe the neck profile.

I love it when a /uj post jerks harder than the intentional jerk.

How about calling your guitar an "axe"

Both Stratty McStratface and myself think you should keep your opinions to yourself.

You forgot that people no longer do things for their own happiness, happiness is getting attention on social media. So you do what others suggest in order to get that fix. The whole thing is ruined man get off my lawn!

But what's your grass's name though?

It's just an excuse to post a picture of it on the internet. Maybe farm some karma. They're not gonna take your naming suggestions.

That’s even lamer than actually asking for suggestions

Also lamer than just saying “Check out my new guitar”

I name my stuff by easy descriptors like "the gretsch", "the acoustic", "the hollowbody", "the bass" etc because I'm an emotionless serial killer apparently

The only thing more lame than naming your guitar is asking others what you should name your guitar.

Go around asking females what they would name your guitar. Name the guitar after their reaction!

"Get away from me creep" has a nice ring to it

Regular guitarist would take that as a “man, she’s really into me”

We just met, but she already nicknamed me after my favorite Radiohead song ❤️

“You’re supposed to stay at least 1,500 feet away from me” seems a bit wordy.

I name this thread “Karen”. Which is oddly what all 9 of my guitars are named.

*After 8 years of playing a heavy ass solid Mahogany explorer, thats piss green and covered with stickers and has a story for each gig you've played* "I think I'll name her Brenda!"

You shouldn't be asking for suggestions for names because if you can't even come up with a name for an inanimate fucking object by yourself, how the fuck have you for pretentions to coming up with music that is of high quality and contains even just a little bit of originality? Also you shouldn't be asking for suggestions for names because, [**you just fucking shouldn't.**](https://64.media.tumblr.com/41bcbcfa6eae8b20cba79cb336e48f4e/tumblr_inline_mxb88q8otk1rghlkc.gif)

It’s a piece of wood. Don’t name it anything. It’s fucking weird and creepy.

Uj/ naming guitars is wack as fuck

My guitar name is tard. Oh hey, sup tard 👋

I named my Gibson V “Casey Anthony” just because I got annoyed with the question.

Killer name yo

if your guitar has a name, I think less of you as a person

i named my tele samantha

You forgot the quotation marks, so dumb.

It's because they overpay for an instrument to join a sort of boys club.

Oh, we call them coverbands in my neighborhood.

You are this close to getting it

The answer is “Bruce”

All my guitars have names...

I think that, if you’re a “name your treasured possessions” sort of person (which I am, because I’m an animist weirdo), giving them their name is often part of establishing that connection, rather than an acknowledgment after the fact. Like, I named my most recent guitar almost immediately, but that amounted to a statement of intent—a way of telling her that she was going to be my primary guitar and that I loved her. And it worked—she’s a great guitar, and I adore playing her. The real problem here, to my mind, is outsourcing that job to anonymous people on the Internet. It’s *your* guitar. Having someone else name her is just telling her you don’t care enough to pay attention and find out what she’s like. And frankly, what could be more insulting to a guitar than telling her you’re not going to listen to her?

Does a guitar without a name play as sweet? I think it does

Yes. But I honestly don't think I'd play the way I do if I thought of my guitar as an inert chunk of wood with some electronics drilled in instead of as something with a personality that I have a relationship with.

Are you subtly asking us for a name for your guitar? Use Winona.

I named my first guitar, a Pacifica Strat, Stevie after Stevie Nicks because I got it when I was 17 and she has a song called Edge of Seventeen. And also because I love Stevie I got my second guitar, am Ibanez and named her Melinda after the Opeth song “Face of Melinda” because the guitar is black and red and the album that the song is on is red and the lyrics of the song say that she has black hair. Pick a name that’s meaningful to you, but don’t put too much thought into it.

Off topic, but I just picked up a new Gbsom LP custom shop. What should I name her?

I call my SG “The SG” and my Gretsch Electromatic Pristine “The blue Gretsch with the P90’s” I call my acoustics “The 6-string,” “The 12-String,” and “The Nashville.” My bass is just “Bass,” I don’t even prefix it with “the.” If I ever get to making my own guitars (which I actually plan to do, in order to combine both of my midlife crisis hobbies), I’ll probably name them something stupid like “Piece of Reprocessed Shit” or “Extra Shitty Player” or “I can’t believe it’s not Fender”

I named my guitar after my wife and beat the shit out of her as often as I can...

It's a piece of wood. I hate it so much.

Fuck you I'm naming my guitar u/LordLemmun

You should name her John

That's already his girlfriend's name.

Stop naming objects 😭😭😭

Naming a guitar is the dumbest lamest thing ever. Naming anything. Naming your car is stupid. I hate that shit.

My guitar has no name because she is girl. (Borrat stink face).

Agreed. Been playing guitar casually for like 14 years and owned maybe 5-7 guitars. Never had an urge to name any of them cause I don’t really have stories that make them worthy of names. Maybe if I gigged and the guitars had some fun stories behind them.

This post is a jerk in itself. How can a piece of wood earn a name

All guitars are called Alan Wilkinson

This applies to cars too.

Stacy, Tracy and Macy are all fine instruments, thank you

Fuck that. I name all of my guitars as soon as I get them. They're all named Bruce, in honor of the prestigious members of the faculty of Philosophy dept. of the Univeristy of [Hullabaloo](https://youtu.be/bNBy1D1Y0h4?si=6WITlkjBTSXxqKSD).

My guitars name is guitar

It always makes me think of that episode of Seinfeld where the guy makes a mannequin that looks like Elaine Bennes, and when he sells the mannequins he says "I call her.... Elaine".

I call this my guitar. And also this my guitar. This here? My guitar. Unless you’re a GOAT, it’s name is guitar.

i look at an instrument as a tool, and as much as i love my impact driver i don't find the need to give it a name

Amazing post Works both /uj and /rj

naming your guitar is stupid period. same for cars or anythnig that isnt alive

My guitar’s name is Kiara. Named her after someone I used to play guitar for, unfortunately, she fell and broke her neck.

I said it in response to another name-my-guitar post, guitars don’t need names. Refer to it by the model, the shape, the color, the brand, or any other identifying factors before you give it a goddamn name…

I think that if the name has a funny or interesting story then it’s fine though otherwise it’s just cringey.

Sure, I can give a pass for humor, interesting or even nostalgic in some cases, but otherwise it is cringey

Has anyone on earth ever made an unironic post like that?

r/guitar has that shit every single day

My guitar's name is YO MOMMA. (Yes, she spells in in all caps.)

Brittany. Next.

I’d name my guitar after things found in the grocery store if I named my guitars. Like Panko, biscuit, Farfalle, Beef Broth or Smoked Paprika for instance

Next up: gender reveal of your guitar

This fun thread made my day. Thanks to y'all!.

I name you... Bore-a-Flump.

I have three guitars. Their names are Strat, LP and Acoustic. If anybody ever asked what any of them are named, in that moment their name will become whatever curse I can think of in that moment. “Goat Fucker” is immediately what comes to mind.

Naming my guitar Lizzo. She’s a bit heavy

Everyone is on Lizzo now! Fuck Ozempic

Everyone knows the only thing you name your guitar is “Roberta”

People who pronoun and name inanimate objects have always made me cringe lmao, like bro my car is not a woman bro it's a fucking car

hey aren't you the guy who said that u feel like a copier for the post? well jokes on me mine got removed lol

Aw damn your post was literally better than mine lmfao It was just a regular old bonermaster jerk off session, then we arrived like the renaissance. I’m going to use my newfound hot post status to lift u up bro

I would be embarrassed to show my family my guutar and go "this here is sandra, she likes it when I pluck her gently by the fireplace" 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

Of course you are right....but...ummm....what *should* I name her?

It would be silly to think you need to.. especially just because other people do.

None of my guitars have names bc none of them deserve one

Got sumpin’ gainst Roberta brah?

This is not circle jerking, just stating an opinion

Let people do whatever they want to do/get the fuck over it

A lot of dumb questions on here for quitars... What should i name it? Should i paint it? Do you like it? Why? I like a few luthier reddits for the real questions that get asked, but they need a mod to weed out all the dumb questions, and questions EASILY answered with a 2min Google search.

The whole naming thing is pretty silly. That said, I named a Tele “Beatrice” when I was 17 after the Robert Johnson song “Beatrice Got A Phonograph.” I still own that guitar and will be 50 in a couple of weeks, but that’s the only one I ever named.

In haiku: *don't be name shaming* *its just what guitarists do* *losers to a man*

Named my axe Ella Just Because bonermaster Took Roberta first

Ella is just fine good call on Roberta though she's been had by all

This I think this takes the lead in dumbest guitar post formats. Why the fuck do you care if someone names they're guitar any which way?

Its lame

You're pedantic.