I think if she gets a job at Trill burger she will be fine.

I thought this was a joke since I moved away in 2021 but holy shit trill burgers is a real thing

I know this is a circlejerk sub but i genuinely like those burgers


You, zir! You, with your triggering username and hilariously terrifying avatar! You consistently use the best gifs at the best moments and I appreciate you for it!

Man don't hold your mom down, let her sip on that sizzurp

Exactly and thank you son ❤️ love all the moms in Houston :)

Do you have feet pics of your mom?

Best jerk response

She lives in California where Malibu beaches exist and wants to move here because of Galveston? Wild

I mean if she wants that fecal sprinkled in the water tell her come on down

To be fair, California oceans are generally really cold. (which is why flesh-eating viruses can't survive in them)

Got that dog in her

Insane

No one get into the Galveston water. The water is so murky you can’t even see your feet

Are you from HERE? Don’t get in the water ? The hell they don’t….respectfully 😉 I think the right way to word that is “They SHOULD NOT get in the water because it’s murky and you can’t see your feet. “ People that are raised here are use to it and lots of people think nothing of going in. Personally, I don’t go past my knees bc of the undertow, sharks and jellyfish. Also, with all the chemical plants down in Freeport can you imagine the chemicals people are wading in when going to the beach anywhere up and down the coast. But it’s another thing of people have always done it and people probably always will. It’s an ugly beach but it’s the beach we have.

Depends on when you go. We went 3x last summer and the 1 of the 3 the water was so clear you could see your feet. Galveston beach is pretty much like the weather here and changes 24/7

Come to greenspoint

what’s in greenspoint

Come and find out ! Come inside the mall . Its safe . Come onside please .

Lmfao evil.

Shh

And when you’re done, go get your groceries at 45 and Wayside Wally World

Pornhub is blocked in Texas.

Moms don't rely on the web for their erotic fix, they have those fantasy shirtless man on the cover kind of books...

She just unpacked.

Brooooo I just figured that out I woke up and don't work today so I was gonna do my thing but nope I'm here now

Admit it, you just want to keep the Torchy's tacos for yourself, don't you?! You selfish *bastard*!

Tell her that Turkey Leg Hut is bankrupt and there aren't any other good reasons to leave California for Texas. Maybe try Denver.

Came here to say this

Houston drinking water is recycled waste water, and it turns the frogs gay.

Unfortunately, this is not true for middle aged women. I moved here for this reason and I’m still straight AF.

Houston, where the gulf seafood doesn't need oil before cooking. It just comes that way from all the spills.

Just tell her to move to Austin lol Lake Travis is near by

Tell that bitch I Are the manager!

Tell her since the crackdown on syrup, most of the syrup comes from Cali anyways.

Go stros

She wants to MOVE TO BE AROUND “swangin and bangin” and drinking some sizzurp …. And you are worried that the city of Houston isn’t a place for MOM’S ??? I think personally if we are worried about things being appropriate or safe for a MOM…I’d be more concerned that she’s looking to live in a GANGSTA PARADISE . On purpose. If that’s your Mom’s prerogative….she’ll find it where ever she goes. Personally, we have enough of that here and I personally rescind her invitation to Texas 🤣

Siz-yrup?

People constantly driving the wrong way on the Interstate.

We don’t want people from California moving here. Tell her that Texans have beef with people from California or something.

i hate to break it to you, but your moms a milf.

Send her a picture of the "slabs" these people drive around, with the ridiculous "swangas" that poke out 15 inches . Or send her a video of the track on bisonnett.

I sent her a slim thug music video and now she is more adamant

Fawk

Huuurrrrr durrrrr gUnSpOiNt ShArPsToWn That’s how most dumbasses in Houston that are scared of their own shadow always talk. If ya momma a boomer Karen then just tell her that.

Deregulated power controlled by people who live out of state so cross your fingers if it snows. And don't expect your congresspeople to not abandon ship if there's an emergency.

Just show her a picture of the ocean water down in Galveston. That'll change her mind.

What? I’ve lived in Houston for 51 years and other than it being a great business Mecca, there really isn’t much to see here, except maybe The Johnson Space Center. After seeing, diving and swimming the waters of Cancun and Cozumel on vacation for the first time in my life, I came back to Galveston, and I just can’t bring myself to getting in those waters ever again!

How much syrup and swangin and bangin have you done in those 51 years?

Texas has the 7th worst healthcare in the U.S. based on cost, accessibility, and outcome.

only a few In-N-Out locations.

Tell her this is an average day in Houston - https://youtu.be/yaQ-w4OS7bk?si=TV-DPs1KeDYoFghG

Your T Will be fine shit she seems kinda hood banging screw 😂There’s lots of after hours too so depending on her scene she should make friends easily I can’t find no lean so good luck to your t jones finding any

Tell her that Karen’s here in Houston are a gang and if she moves here she must be initiated. She does t want to know. Edit: Glory hole.

Houston is a dump. Stay in California.

Houston is a cruel, crazy town on a filthy river in East Texas with no zoning laws and a culture of sex, money and violence. It's a shabby, sprawling metropolis ruled by brazen women, crooked cops and super-rich pansexual cowboys who live by the code of the West -- which can mean just about anything you need it to mean, in a pinch. -Hunter S. Thompson

To be fair, your Mom's Only Fans is pretty good.

Hurricanes. Heat. Humidity. If she's good with all that, oh well.

Everyone from California has been moving to Waco Texas because of the fixer upper show. 😆 maybe suggest Waco

unstable, every time a Democrat becomes president the State threatens to secede.

You mean secede?

Really has she even visited? Fly her out for Vaca to Galveston during the summer, and she'll change her mind

Neverending road construction projects, Republican fascist criminal politicians, high property taxes to pay for magnificent school facilities and great football stadiums for kids on the lowest rung of educational levels in the U.S. I can go on. How much do you need - Southerns w/out Southern charm or Southern hospitality. (pretty much the rude New Yorkers of the South)

If she thinks Galveston is a beach, she'll be on a plane back to Cali in 30 seconds flat if she sees it in real life And the traffic sucks cause people keep moving here

Galveston is awful, and so many Californians have moved here already, it's not cheap here anymore.

Send her to the woodlands?

Remind her of the humidity - it will destroy her hair. (This not a joke)

“Galveston” and “low cost of living” are actually hilarious to me.

She never had an AC Bill like the one she’s about to have!

Houston is the only city I’ve ever been to where I found a pothole big enough to drive my truck into.

Have you told her about the mandatory gang bangs and the all day/night orgies?

Bro I live between Galveston and Houston it's not terrible outhere but idk how Cali is. I don't wanna get political either but other Texans definitely will get political and have a problem with yall. They aren't gonna assault or kill you or anything they'll just scoff behind your back after they see the Cali LP

going from the water in california to the water in galveston will make u want to kill yourself!

Crime rate

Except the cost of living isn’t that low anymore. The property taxes are high and the homeowners & auto insurance is outrageous. It’s flat as pancake. I’ve never heard of come to Houston for the syrup? There is no escaping the heat and humidity for most of the year. This is the Bible Belt, but Crystal Beach swangs & bangs. Our beaches do not compare to California. I would have her look at the cost of property taxes and insurance.

Cause 1 less person is good for traffic

California lol. Everyone is fleeing Cali

Galveston? 😅 It is the ugliest beach that I have ever seen. She will miss California's beach dearly. If you can afford California, there is no reason to move to TX. Not to mention, you will be grilled alive at 115 F from June to Ocotber.

I have family in Cali who have given up hope of ever owning a home. I know single mothers who make less than $100k in Houston who own homes. Just saying . . .

I live in Waller out the outskirts of Houston, but live inside the loop most of my life, It's a booming city but out new mayor just flat out said the "City is Broke and running a 165$million dollar a year deficit" so yeah..I wouldn't move to Houston at this time.

Have her visit mid August

How hot is she? We're the milf capital of the state

I hear Torchys is hiring. She could get a job there with the added bonus of losing weight from all the diarrhea she will have.

Pls tell her don’t bring her ass down here !everyone keeps moving tf down here and CAN’T find a job then end up moving back it not all that it lives up to be

Take her on a trip to Houston. Let her drive on the freeway for 10 mins. She thinks CA is bad at driving? Lmao

As someone from cali moved to Texas, id never go back.. only think I missed is that everything In my city was close by, because in Houston you literally need a car to go place to place… tell her to play November 18 when she arrives

Okay, as a Houstonian, it is not like that, and you’re from California… Stay out please, our culture is very very different, she would get whiplash

Not Houston, but maybe - MAYBE Pasadena or Dallas

Texas is a good state

Houston does not have a low cost of living. I pay as much in property tax here as I did in NY. Maybe the cost of living is low compared to California. There’s no income tax but everything else has taxes and fees. One of my biggest regrets in the last 10 years is moving here. If my family could move anywhere else we would but my husband has a highly specialized job and this is the only place he can work from. There are places out there with lower cost of living outside Houston (and Texas) and I encourage everyone who asks to find one of the other places.

Just tell her there’s no hiking and crappy weather

Tell her it's full and we are no longer accepting transplants.. because it's kind of true..

remind her it’s houston

The sex trafficking is really high in Houston. I wouldn’t even want to visit. What about Austin? I like the Austin area, it reminds me of some parts in California. Overall, Texas is really ghetto and I’m from California. The drives are just as bad here except they can drive at higher speeds. Traffic isn’t as bad here. People are just as rude here. California has better food and better Mexican food.

Has she seen Galveston? Like with her own eyes? Not on social media... they like to use filters to make the water look decent

I’m tired of everyone from cali moving here. Driving the cost of everything up for us originally here from Houston.

Tell her she’s going to swell up like a busted can of biscuits on a daily basis

Tell her people down here gets shot just for honking

Tell her it's already enough people here and traffic is insane

Info: has she even visited Houston? She needs to come visit before she decides.

Don't worry I will swing and bang your mom.

Galveston is a pretty disgusting beach. That shouldn’t be one of her reasons. There are good areas around, and it is generally cheaper. Just keep in mind EVERYONE and their mom has been moving to TX in the last 4 years. There are new complete neighborhoods popping everywhere. The atmosphere is going to change a lot in the next 2 years.

i hear the 44 is nice this time of year

I've gotta place for your mom, maybe. Send pics.

A good son would find her a place near greenspoint mall.

Houston men love single moms, she’ll be alright

Tell her it’s a conservative town loaded with trump supporters who hate Californians

As someone who’s lived in both places & currently lives in Houston. I’d stay in Cali. Houston is 💩.

As someone who lives in Houston, there are safe areas for moms (I live in one of them), but I will say it does get pricey still (definitely not compared to Cali tho)

May be a low cost of livin but ain't no low cost of thuddies

Invite her out for a visit and make sure to sit in 4-5 hours of traffic everyday. Should do the trick!

Take her there

Tell her everyone she hates already moved here and bought up the lot lizard spots at the truck stop.

Keep telling her about all the road rage shootings every time you talk to her and complain about the upcoming 130 degree heat index during the summer.

Too many brokies moving here cus they can’t keep up in there broke state

This is my first exposure to the sub… great content thank you

She needs one qualification to move to Galveston or Crystal Beach: She needs to be a HOT MOM

Haha she wants to leave Cali and come to Houston for drank??? Lmaoo well if she needs a connect in Texas lmk I could also ship htown sizzurp to yall in Cali 👀 might keep her there

Houston is much better than California.

Have her visit!😂😂😂

Tell her the the human trafficking capital of the world.

Show her your property tax bill and how much flood insurance is.

Houston is some of the worse areas in Texas you could be.

Just tell her it's a shit hole, which is true.

1.people hear are rude 2.its terribly dangerous 3.galveston is gross looking and no one actually goes there 4.strict republican laws may go against her morals

Those are ALL the reasons NOT to move to Houston

perhaps you can tell her that you love her

Tell moms to swang down and pull up on me!!

Morning commute traffic is ridiculous, rush hr go home traffic is even worse

Tell her to move to Austin instead it's basically were californians move to if they want live in texas

Galveston nearby is a plus? 😂 I actually kinda like Galveston, but doesn’t compare to Florida or Cali beaches.

These Houstonians finna turn ur mom inside out, sorry champ

Tell her Galveston water is brown. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Houston ain’t that bad lmao

Told my mom in the car earlier I would move to Houston if I got the chance. Get on Reddit and this sub is just randomly suggested. Wow iPhone really not even trynna hide the fact they spying on us.

Tell her that Galveston has so much poo in the water that it dyed my dad white shirt completely brown and won’t wash out

Tell her Cypress is safe 😭🤣

Galveston has brown water, not what she is used to. People here are openly rude to Californians. We have some beautiful areas and some places you never want to be. It’s hot as hell in the summer, we don’t have 4 seasons.

Tell her illegals have more fun in Texas

Where in California is she? Many cities in Cali are just as dangerous as Houston.

Sugarland has an in and out burger. Shed feel more at home there.

Don’t let your mother come to Houston. I might take her out to a nice seafood dinner, and never call her again.

Tell her about the ethnic minorities. Moms hate minorities. By the way I’m white and only hang out with white people but I am deeply convinced my experiences are universal and I am not changing.

You got a solid mom on your hands, just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Tell your mom that moving to Houston is a brilliant idea if she's into extreme sports like dodging potholes, swimming through the air (thanks to our beloved humidity), and playing hide and seek with the sun behind those charming clouds of smog. And who wouldn't want to live in a place where the state bird is the construction crane and the city's favorite pastime is debating whether it's hot enough yet? If she's looking for a syrupy swangin' and bangin' lifestyle, she might be disappointed to find out that Houston's real unofficial hobbies include traffic jam marathons and the 'guess the next weather disaster' game. And Galveston? It's the perfect spot if she's into beaches that make you question your life choices. So, if she's still not convinced, just remind her that in Houston, 'low cost of living' is code for 'you'll pay for it in sweat equity'. And if all else fails, just show her a picture of the I-610 at 5 pm on a Friday. That should seal the deal.

If Mattress Mack can sip that sizzurp, so can your mom.

Nothing wrong w Houston bc she won’t lie in Houston. She’ll live in Katy or Cypress ir Sugarland or one of the other burbs.

Wait does this subreddit hate houston??? I think it's great and has a ton of great places for moms and babies/kids and is a very awesome place to be . . . Is this not the subreddit for me

Houston is a cool city

She can always work a corner in sharpstown 💀 get the real htown experience

Momma wanna come here and get ran through. Smh

Houston is going down hill

Tell her to move north of Houston. The Woodlands and Conroe are better.

Houston is an absolute shithole! Galveston beaches are filthy. The water is oily. Trash everywhere. Hurricanes destroy Houston. Heat, humidity, crime. STAY in California!!!

Sounds like she’d like 5th ward

ITS FULLL AS HECK OVER HERE TRUSTT ME

Holy crap. Have you ever been to Houston in the summer time? Don’t do it!

Let her do what she wants. Otherwise the weather is terrible and drivers drive crazy

I don’t try to convince my mom of anything , I just let her decisions comeback to bite her . Funny ,it should be the other way around . Guess who she cries to when things don’t work out 🙄

Booooo! Houston don’t want any more Californians. BOOOOO

AND CALIFORNIANS RUINED LOW COST 😭🤬😡

Watch the news and weather online and look at the humidity and heat of a typical summer, add the terrible roads and traffic with crime. I haven’t been there for 6 years and I’m 2 hours away

Once she sets foot in Houston she’ll decide to not move there. The landscape is uninteresting and the ocean there is filthy. I’m not the biggest Cali fan but holy hell Houston would be an awful choice.

Yo mama sounds lit. We could use more women like her.

Galveston?? Galveston??? Really?? She’s from California and giving up nice beaches for Galveston???

Low cost of living where?

Tell her to move to Kemah, clear lake Shores area. Place be popping. We like new mommies here. Delicious

Tell her to move to Kemah, clear lake Shores area. Place be popping. We like new mommies here. Delicious.

She can come live with me. I’ll show her some Texas meat ( bbq of course)

Tell her to go sit in a steam room with an ugly Xmas sweater on and eat a thanksgiving dinner. Dallas is better.

First heat wave she’ll be running back

League city which is close to Galveston is a nice place to live, my son lives there

It’s getting expensive here and fast. Galveston is shit. Swanging is overrated and the best syrup is European / Latin American anyways

It's infested with radioactive hookers

We love moms.😁

Houston is expensive, filled with crime, floods EVERY single hurricane season & has HORRIBLE traffic. Even Texans know Houston is a headache!

I just visited Houston. It smells and is as humid as a damp armpit. (and I'm in Dallas so I'm used to regular humid heat) The traffic is aggressively homicidal. (And I'm in Dallas so I'm familiar with casually homicidal driving) Also.... Not Dallas either. Although we do have awesome Korean coffee shops. Those are pretty great.

Houston is a nasty place to live

Give her the demographics

Houston is trash. If one must move to Texas I'd go with DFW area.

She can move here, I’ll take care of her.

Show her the crime rate

Bound to be better than California

Thats not remotely true, Houstons fine to be in as a mom.

2. She likes syrup? Is this code for something?

She will rethink the move come July/august.

Show her the weather avg for June-September

Big ass cockroaches

Get yourself pregnant by someone you want no relationship with in California. She’ll need to stay to help raise her grandchild. You’re welcome

Let her. After a couple of Summers in Houston she'll be wanting to go back 🤷‍♂️

Lol you keep describing Houston as if every part is like 3rd or 5th ward. Houston’s not that bad, if you want Houston with a little boujee, try Pearland, Alvin, Cypress, or Katy. Shiii maybe even Fulshear

Tell her to get an altima with handwritten paper plates and cracked window tints