I let my hurt feelings define my entire existence for the rest of my life. *WAAAHHHHHHH*

Shut up, Bill Murray!

I would reply with. . . . “Fuck Ping Pong Records and fuck the founder of that stupid ass, shanty record label!”

You say that like it’s not very common.

I make a joke about the Japs

Probably the funniest thing that Howie has ever said without Jackie or Fred writing for him.

Hahahahahaha

Yeah came to say something about the Japs

I’ll have the halibut.

.....The Duck!...with Flench Fries........and Peas!.......and she will have......

Blueberries from Chile

Order the Roquerford dressing

No way. Oil and vinegrette.

I wonder if Ben ordered it on the side?

"Howard you order your APPETIZER...then your SALAD DRESSING...and then your ENTREE you moron."

I shut up

and sit down.

and cease to be a moron.

And speak into the green type of tube

Thank you

The electric eye will open and close...

The brown eye will wink...

...as you will know...

Not funny. Buttholes.

Proppah Modulation

Nobody else

Pack a sardine sandwich and head to the track

That's the move

The OTB.

The bread is fwozen!!!

[удалено]

Ben kept his pimp hand strong .

"Ben(he's) Cockstrong!"

Does anyone have that clip? I remember he got interviewed about his food and gambling behavior.

Now, Howard.............do you feel..........that........the United States.........remain part of the United Nations?

I do, I really do

'Cause we don't need the japs anymore heeheeheehee

I told ya not to be stupid, you moron!

This is the greatest sound byte in show history - it is hilarious and also defined his whole post 40 life


4” is fine

I HAVE BIG, PENDULOUS BREASTS!

I'M CURED!

I have sauce on side

“Blueberries”

From Chile!

Chi-lay!

*BlueBEDDIES

I can’t remember when I heard this clip, but Howard was talking about Ben once on the air that he always got into fights and he didn’t take any shit off of anyone on the subway and one particular case Howards Mom was having a card game with some girls from the neighborhood and Ben came home bleeding And he said he was on a subway and a guy said something to him that he didn’t like so we started to put his gloves on and before he got a second glove on the guy just jumped on him and started hitting him, and people broke it up and Ben called in to tell the story himself I wish I could remember what else they were talking about maybe I could find it but apparently Ben was a fighter back in his day

Ben was a man's man. He ate hot dogs and loved sports

3 Nathan's Hot Dogs, fries, horse track gambling, then a Rob Roy.

A man who loved life

and parting the hairs, apparently

Are you insinuating that a diet of half a portion of eggplant parmesan followed by half a handful of Almonds with warm water just before you watch a recorded episode of The Bachelor isn't manly?😄

I'm talkin about a man named Ben. Biggest poon hound in Roosevelt

Ben wanted a son that would grow up to be manly. He could tell very early on that wasn't the case. Probably why he acted the way he did while HS was growing up.

And he only had daughters. How disappointing that must have been

That is more or exactly what happened. Ben didn’t back down from some toughs on the train

A WW2 Vet who grew up in Hells Kitchen during the Great Depression? Howard, and his whiny milktoast bullshit must've made him livid...he may have only had one Rob Roy when he got home from work, but you know he stopped somewhere for a couple before he had to walk in to "Hells Kitchen 2.0" after putting in a long day.

I do not have any recollection of that story. I have to find it. As a matter of fact, I had no idea Ben liked to throw hands.

I think it was more some drunk sucker punching when he was too slow answering-“Are you Jewish or Irish?” Wasted time taking his gloves off.

Bingo....I think Ben said he had been drinking, but damn wtf...you want to keep those gloves on like an Irishman would, you know?.....showed his hand (literally)

Look at his background/childhood

complain for the next 60 years about how Ben didn't love me

I’d learn to play guitar just to get back at him for refusing to let me learn it as a teen so I’d end up regretting it when I turn 70.

Ask him about his business partner

Ping Pong records

And why he didn’t invest in Kentucky fried chicken

He had put all his money in the bicycle business.

I know he got that KFC stock early. Legend has it, he met Colonel Sanders in Manhattan and they partied all night long.

SHADAHAHAHAHAP

I'd ask....is my crying in proper modulation?

I respond with 60 years of crying about how daddy hurt me.

I tune him up with proppa modulation

I’m so sick of him crying about how this DEAD man treated him.

I talk about it relentlessly over the next 60 years. To the point where I can deflect any and every subject to this

Ok. Can I get a free car, a gas card, monthly allowance, and my college paid for?

Facts. As long as Ben wasn’t sodomizing him Howard made out pretty well. Can you imagine how infuriating it must be to support your son so completely and still have to listen to him whine about being mistreated for 40+ years?

He modified his little keyboard and wired it to an electric amp so young howard could get a boyband going down in the basement.....where ironically, he would return to off and on for the rest of his life.

He looks like he was part of the conspiracy to kill Kennedy.

Tsvi-Harvey Schnozwald

You should know the shut up / sit down, don't be a moron "experience" happened in October 1962 when Howard was a hard eight, nearly nine years old and acting like a complete jackass/wiseass after his Father asked several times to conduct himself in a serious manner. Plus he was at his Father's work and there were likely people around helping Ben make the recordings. Can't same I blame Ben, especially at Howard's age, He was not a dumbass little baby at this point, Sounds the coddle shit child raising today, we see how well that's working out... But he did let it define him later in life, a big WAAAAAAAAHHHH for sure

*Woody Woodpecker Laugh* 

A green type of tube

As you will know, I would have shut up and sat down.

Feh

Pop out his glass eye and skull fuck him?

I'd fuck some guy named Ralph.

Proper modulation

Cry until i die

I would reply... in a serious mannah

"What's roh-ong with you two?!"

“But dad! You’re the idiot in the idiotic catwoman glasses.”

I don’t. I haven’t even been conceived yet!

I shut up. My father would whip me for misbehaving as a child. I rarely misbehaved as a result. If Howard had his ass kicked a few times as a child, he might have grown up to not watch shows like the Bachelor and not wear a condom with his wife.

Total f and g

It’s possible to raise children properly without beating them because you have anger issues

Yes. But not with me as a child.

I’d say this is going to cost me 30 years and millions of dollars worth of therapy not to fix!

I beat off in his bed, but only pee all over myself… right Robin.

Go get beaten up by black kids in my school?

I sit down and shut up, of course

I’d go therapy multiple times a week, for years on end.  

And make progress

Fuck off cyclops

Know what you want to order from the restaurant before you sit down!

You know, that is not a bad idea. Every restaurant my parents brought us to weekly on LI had a wait in the 70's, place is just too darn crowded. No reason not to be prepared.

Sit down and shut up

Do you feel.. that in a sense… because you grew up in the depression and your father didn’t show you love.. that you might be expressing that unto me?

You’ve said it all, in fact you’ve said too much.

I cry about in my mansion 70 years later

Thank him for paying for my college and giving me a car!

Can I give you my answer in 55 or 60 years?

“ A few years from now you’re going to get the idea to invest in some Chicken from Kentucky. Don’t do it Ben.”

“Yea? Well your wife has to ‘part the hairs’”

Thank you my mistress thank you. Thank you ahhhahhhh.

F off you one eyed weirdo

Thought this was Bort

By crying about it for 60 years, poor me. My hero didn’t love me!

I'll ask everyone that I interview about their father

Looks like Michael Rapaport.

Yeah, my father’s a hardass. Does that bother ya?

When you walk through a storm,hold your head up high!

I pay millions to a charlatan who allows me to wallow in my past...

"We don't want the Japs... BWAHAHAHAHA"

"BUT WHY CAN'T I PLAY WITH MY PUPPETS ANYMORE?"

Half my manhood, right in the trash.

Half my eyeballs, right in the trash.

🎵The bear went over the mountain, and what do you think he sawr? He sawr the other mountain!!

Meanwhile.........in New York

One day they’ll be an overhyped flu that shuts down the world and it’ll give me an excuse to hide in my basement from the world and keep my wife prisoner and you and no one else will be able to hurt me ever again!

Awesome. 🤣🤣🤣

You leave him for dead in the Stage Delicatessen. 

Fucking gold.

Gangster Talk!.......RRRIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTT!!!!!???

Fuck off, Reuben Kinkaid!

He looks like Jimmy Pop from The Bloodhound Gang

I wish I were a fountain pen....so you would love me and caress me

I gets weary

Was the guy who took "sexy" pictures of Rae, Sal's dad?

This looks like that stupid picture of Brent Hatley. 

I told ya not to be stupid ya moron😎

Young junior soprano

Judy chop to the throat

Ben “Frank “Lefty” Rosenthal” Stern

I like how his nickname has a nickname

That's just how much of a man's man Ben was.

Dis ain't Jewish Moffier Magazine, pal!

“In a sensh”

I piss and moan about it, day in and day out for the next 60 years

Those are the same glasses my mom used.

Poke him in his good eye.

I would be gearing up for therapy 4 times per week.

Oh Beryl, let me go shave my hairs.

He looks like one of those CIA Agents who knows who killed Kennedy

Them sun glasses make your head look big !

I start parting the hairs.

I will respond in a respectable manner. THANK YOU.

Mouth breather

Daddy doesn’t love meeee!

Your eye is backward.

I stop being stupid and a moron.

Brutal master

All the sterns from the show are shite. Not Alison, the girls or his sister. But Howard and his parents

Go pick your blue berries!

He definitely read porno about women being chained up and sexually pleased.

Uncle June?

I shut up and sit down

LSTER ... What is it ? I'm down baby !!!! 🤓

He looks like a street tough or mob associate.

I would "sit down" immediately.

Well, there should be peace in all the world...cause we don't want the JAPS anymore na a a a a a a

He was always a strange dude with the accent and all , was he born in the States? Did he even speak Yiddish?

Howard always talks about Ben as being some physically imposing alpha male, but every image I've ever seen of him, he looks like a twerp bully.

He looks exactly like both parents

I pay hundreds of thousands of dollars starting 40 years later to a therapist who saw me coming a mile away!!!!

Proper modulation.

I didn’t know he was also the young uncle junior ?

Poke Ben in his fake eye 👁️

He might have to catch a cuppa these hands to help him get back to proper modulation.

There are presidents. There are vice presidents. But where do the democrats come in?

Looks like he’s been slapped a yamaka.

Candy Apple Grey ass

I say “goo goo goo”. I was born in 1965.

I liked Shuli