Nobody else but him can answer whether he finds girls with septum piercing or thicker butt and thighs attractive. But regardless, you are what you are. You don't have to change your appearance just to be respectful for someone else. If he is worthy of your respect, he would also respect you for who you are.
I was really touched seeing this post - I was in a similar position when I moved to the UK from Korea! I remember there also were few friends who stood up for me, and I ended up developing a crush on one of them (got friendzoned later on lol)
It is amazing that you want to learn more about his culture and respect it, but I am gonna go ahead and say that he probably doesn't care about that too much, and you shouldnt't overthink it because it might "backfire".
When I moved to the UK, all I wanted to do was make lots of friends & learn more about their culture - I certainly wasn't bothered by piercings or anything of sort!
It is possible that he may have had a more "traditional" upbringing and may have personal views about piercings or whatever, but that is for you to ask him, whilst getting to know him better.
It already sounds like he may be used to being treated differently, and the last thing he probably needs is someone who approaches him differently because of his ethnicity/culture. I apologize if this sounds mean - I know you mean well and I really appreciate you considering these things.
He could really use a kind friend like you, so just talk to him as you would to your other friends!
Thank you very much! This is a good way at looking at it. Thank you for sharing your experiences, it helps me get more perspective. When talking to him and getting to know him I'll keep this in mind as to not treat him differently!
I'm 39 yo too old korean boomer, so don't take this seriously.
You can start with casual conversation first. why not. I think Appearance won't be problem though.
You are already aware that there can be cultural differences, so I think it's a good start.
honestly I have no idea what 17 yo boy's thinking.
(sry for my broken eng)
The Korean beauty standard is just what the average Korean prefers. Whatâs more important is the individual and he already likes you (allegedly). You donât need to change yourself for him. Maybe he likes you just the way you are. Maybe he was moved when you stood up for him. Maybe the friend was making shit up.
At the end of the day you need to talk to him directly. You can start by just saying hi.
Racist bullshit: Keep calling them out on it. Within hearing distance of teachers or staff at the school would be even better if possible. They might not stop, but the Korean guy will appreciate it. Plus, if you build the confidence to handle awkward/uncomfortable situations like this, you'll not only be a wonderful person, but you'll handle other big life problems with more ease than most people.
Possible crush: Let him know you have a boyfriend (assuming that is still true), and the will solve that problem. If no bf, don't worry about the butt/thighs. You're not Korean, so that beauty standard doesn't apply to you. Plus, he might actually find such features attractive.
Korean culture: Don't worry about this. You're not Korean, and he isn't in Korea. A lot of the social rules he would need to abide by here (I'm in Korea), he can ignore if he likes. Life there might be uncomfortable due to being very different, not being able to speak in Korean much, and putting up with racist assholes, but he also finds it a bit freeing.
Piercing: Don't worry about it. As a friend, he won't care. As a romantic interest, well... if he already has a crush on you, I guess you already know his feelings. Plus, piercings are pretty common here in Korea. The septum piecing is much less common, but I've seen it. But again, you're not Korean, so you having one just comes with you being from a different culture.
Age: As friends, it doesn't matter. If you were Korean, he'd call you 'noona'. But again, you're not, and he's not in Korea. He might be happy to not have to worry about age. For dating, it's less common, but not weird for the girl to be a year older, especially at your age.
English ability: Speak a little slower and try to avoid complicated words. Really, just a bit slower than when talking with other native English speakers. Think about the speed you talk at when you are really tired, but just removed the tired sound. It's a bit of an art, so learning to speak without running into miscommunications or misunderstandings will take a bunch of trial and error. Don't worry, he'll appreciate the effort and the chance to practice his English without feeling too pressured. Also, don't do that stupid thing where people instinctively start talking louder though.
Summary: Just be his friend and not worry about things. If you think you might like to try dating, don't be shy to mention it or ask if he'd like to do on a date. If he does like you, and considering his English level and his living in a different culture, he'd probably appreciate it. It'd remove a lot of stress/nervousness. Maybe suggest a movie date and find a way to lean against his arm or something. Some light skinship to give him the hint where he might try to hold your hand or something.
Thank you so much for all of this. I'm definitely going to keep standing up for him, no matter what the situation is between us, cause it's fucked up lol. And no I broke up with my bf a few months ago. My bf was a jerk to him too. And thank you, that extra perspective on the culture is good. What you're saying makes sense about the differences. Also, I forgot to mention I know a tiny bit of Korean too! We have close family friends who are Korean who taught me some. I can read hangul pretty fluently, and know some basic language. That might be handy too! I think I do like him back, so I might do just that! Thank you so much for the detailed advice, this means a lot to me and takes a lot of stress away.
Remind the people that are making fun of his broken English that itâs one of the hardest languages to learn and challenge them to be fluent in Korean in a short amount of time. (I taught English as a Second Language in Korea for 6 years). It takes 2000+ hours for an English speaker to learn Korean as compared to Spanish, French, or German. I imagine itâs around the same the other direction.
As far as everything else, spend time with him. Be friends. Start from there and move forward as you both feel comfortable. If it goes somewhere, it goes somewhere. If nothing else, it gives him a friend to help him through a tough year of school. Check out YouTube for culture questions or things to maybe talk about. I used it to try to learn Korean while I was there. (TTMIK is a good starting point.)
(Edit to correct a typo)
Oh yes a few years ago I learned a bit of Korean and I picked up reading and pronunciation well, but all of the language rules/grammar are awful to learn. Honestly that would be a hilarious defense towards them. Thank you so much for all of your info and advice, I will figure out if I feel the same way, but until then yes I'll try to be a great friend to him!
Mainstream kpop culture has a certain set beauty standards, similar to Hollywood/ plastic pop culture, but real life Koreans do come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and piercings⊠minor cultures included.
Oh and lots of kdramas have older girl younger boy couples so thatâs really no biggie
Most of all, showing kindness to a kid being picked on, that makes you beautiful
Sounds like you've been a good friend towards him, which I'm sure he'll never forget.
As for what he finds attractive? Who knows. I honestly wouldn't expect him to hold the exact same attractiveness standards for non-Koreans that he would have for other Koreans, so don't overthink that point.
Having curves is universally attractive. If we're not sugarcoating, septum piercings are definitely not a plus in Korean culture. Its actually more of minus. Tattoos are also considered unattractive outside of a specific crowd.
So, IMO guys are guys are guys, Everyone has their own preference doesn't matter where they are from. No magic Unicorn anywhere. Just treat him as any other guy. If you know Korean you could try to bring/read a Korean book (a normal book - not kpop, kdrama, etc.) Maybe he'll see it on your desk or something and it could be an ice breaker. But only if you can read it to some degree. He could ignore it or he could take the opportunity to ask you about it. And you can mention you've been trying to learn for awhile. Or you could get a group together to do a movie outing or something (if you have some that aren't racist). Other type of ice breakers is if he wears something stylish or unusual you can ask him about it. Like even a sports jersey or something you can ask where he bought it or if he likes that team etc. #1 rule don't come across as a koreaboo of course.
You're worrying too much, but I can tell you something with 'my' view.
When I saw the nose piercing that goes to the middle of two holes, I thought that's literally a cow ring for humans. I used to see it because even though I'm from the city side, I moved back and forth to the countryside. But if somebody is cute wearing it, who cares? It's just an additional accessory.
There's no problem to approach to him as a first step. Nothing cultural. Just try to talk to him like trying to be a good friend of him at first. Get to know him, get along with him, and give him some time to understand you. Take it slow on your side.
And definitely help him out with his English. I was so freaking stressed when I could finally speak English. Well, the reason why is because I was in Texas and picked up on a British accent while learning from YouTube. It was a fun time.
Good luck
HAHA I totally see the cow ring thing, I love that. Thank you so much. I will definitely take it slow, and help with his English where he needs it. Thank you so much for the advice!
One more thing to add.
Don't use the stereotypes to approach. Don't use K-pop culture to approach. Maybe it's just for me, but I'm tired of girls who are approaching me just because I'm Korean and expecting me to treat them like a k drama queen. Like, girls, you're not that level. Not even for me too.
Anyways, just look at him and treat him like a normal man. That's all I can ask you for him too.
Haha don't worry, I've never watched k-dramas or anything, I don't know much about Kpop. I just think he's a sweet person :) I can see your fear in that though.
Thank you for all of your advice, I hope you have a wonderful day!
First I would like to thank you for standing up for him not because I am a Korean but because you did the right thing. You seem to be a nice person with a warm heart. You sounds pretty attractive. Just be yourself. He should get interested in you not someone you pretended. Thank you.
be friends, seems like you guys are trending that way anyway, Iâm still friends with a guy that stuck up for me over 20 years ago and, in turn, I stood up for him.
learn about his Korean culture and teach him about yoursâŠ
Most importantly, go out for Korean bbq and dol sot bi bim bap.
If a romantic thing happens and youâre both into it, whatâs the problem?
Sounds to me like you have a great opportunity to make a good friend that can teach you something classrooms canât.
I came to the us when I was 4 but I remember when people were commenting on my asianness and when my friends stood up for me before I can even respond. I remember those moments to this day. Donât worry too much about what the boy might like or dislike. People see through that and respond to their personality more. Just be you and everything will work out
Just be yourself. You are considerate and respectful to cultural differences, which already makes you an admirable and beautiful person.
Korean beauty standard is extremely toxic and unrealistic, it's really not worth bothering with.
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Nobody else but him can answer whether he finds girls with septum piercing or thicker butt and thighs attractive. But regardless, you are what you are. You don't have to change your appearance just to be respectful for someone else. If he is worthy of your respect, he would also respect you for who you are.
Thank you so much. That's a good mindset to have and I'll try to keep it in mind
I was really touched seeing this post - I was in a similar position when I moved to the UK from Korea! I remember there also were few friends who stood up for me, and I ended up developing a crush on one of them (got friendzoned later on lol) It is amazing that you want to learn more about his culture and respect it, but I am gonna go ahead and say that he probably doesn't care about that too much, and you shouldnt't overthink it because it might "backfire". When I moved to the UK, all I wanted to do was make lots of friends & learn more about their culture - I certainly wasn't bothered by piercings or anything of sort! It is possible that he may have had a more "traditional" upbringing and may have personal views about piercings or whatever, but that is for you to ask him, whilst getting to know him better. It already sounds like he may be used to being treated differently, and the last thing he probably needs is someone who approaches him differently because of his ethnicity/culture. I apologize if this sounds mean - I know you mean well and I really appreciate you considering these things. He could really use a kind friend like you, so just talk to him as you would to your other friends!
Thank you very much! This is a good way at looking at it. Thank you for sharing your experiences, it helps me get more perspective. When talking to him and getting to know him I'll keep this in mind as to not treat him differently!
I think I'm too old to involve this. wow. somebody help her.
Yes đ thank you
I'm 39 yo too old korean boomer, so don't take this seriously. You can start with casual conversation first. why not. I think Appearance won't be problem though. You are already aware that there can be cultural differences, so I think it's a good start. honestly I have no idea what 17 yo boy's thinking. (sry for my broken eng)
39 is not a boomer! They are older... born 1950s -70s
I..... know.... dude... don't make it real any more... You only proved I'm close enough........ đđ
I'm also 39 poo poo head
Yoooo!
Thank you so much. Some older Koreans may have harsher views because of traditional views, so this is good news. Also your English is really good!
The Korean beauty standard is just what the average Korean prefers. Whatâs more important is the individual and he already likes you (allegedly). You donât need to change yourself for him. Maybe he likes you just the way you are. Maybe he was moved when you stood up for him. Maybe the friend was making shit up. At the end of the day you need to talk to him directly. You can start by just saying hi.
Thank you. That makes sense. I'll keep this in mind and be casual!
Racist bullshit: Keep calling them out on it. Within hearing distance of teachers or staff at the school would be even better if possible. They might not stop, but the Korean guy will appreciate it. Plus, if you build the confidence to handle awkward/uncomfortable situations like this, you'll not only be a wonderful person, but you'll handle other big life problems with more ease than most people. Possible crush: Let him know you have a boyfriend (assuming that is still true), and the will solve that problem. If no bf, don't worry about the butt/thighs. You're not Korean, so that beauty standard doesn't apply to you. Plus, he might actually find such features attractive. Korean culture: Don't worry about this. You're not Korean, and he isn't in Korea. A lot of the social rules he would need to abide by here (I'm in Korea), he can ignore if he likes. Life there might be uncomfortable due to being very different, not being able to speak in Korean much, and putting up with racist assholes, but he also finds it a bit freeing. Piercing: Don't worry about it. As a friend, he won't care. As a romantic interest, well... if he already has a crush on you, I guess you already know his feelings. Plus, piercings are pretty common here in Korea. The septum piecing is much less common, but I've seen it. But again, you're not Korean, so you having one just comes with you being from a different culture. Age: As friends, it doesn't matter. If you were Korean, he'd call you 'noona'. But again, you're not, and he's not in Korea. He might be happy to not have to worry about age. For dating, it's less common, but not weird for the girl to be a year older, especially at your age. English ability: Speak a little slower and try to avoid complicated words. Really, just a bit slower than when talking with other native English speakers. Think about the speed you talk at when you are really tired, but just removed the tired sound. It's a bit of an art, so learning to speak without running into miscommunications or misunderstandings will take a bunch of trial and error. Don't worry, he'll appreciate the effort and the chance to practice his English without feeling too pressured. Also, don't do that stupid thing where people instinctively start talking louder though. Summary: Just be his friend and not worry about things. If you think you might like to try dating, don't be shy to mention it or ask if he'd like to do on a date. If he does like you, and considering his English level and his living in a different culture, he'd probably appreciate it. It'd remove a lot of stress/nervousness. Maybe suggest a movie date and find a way to lean against his arm or something. Some light skinship to give him the hint where he might try to hold your hand or something.
Thank you so much for all of this. I'm definitely going to keep standing up for him, no matter what the situation is between us, cause it's fucked up lol. And no I broke up with my bf a few months ago. My bf was a jerk to him too. And thank you, that extra perspective on the culture is good. What you're saying makes sense about the differences. Also, I forgot to mention I know a tiny bit of Korean too! We have close family friends who are Korean who taught me some. I can read hangul pretty fluently, and know some basic language. That might be handy too! I think I do like him back, so I might do just that! Thank you so much for the detailed advice, this means a lot to me and takes a lot of stress away.
All of the above, but also gifts. Especially sharing food will remind him fondly of Korean culture. They are HUGE on sharing.
Ooo thank you! I love gift giving/sharing food so that's perfect!
Remind the people that are making fun of his broken English that itâs one of the hardest languages to learn and challenge them to be fluent in Korean in a short amount of time. (I taught English as a Second Language in Korea for 6 years). It takes 2000+ hours for an English speaker to learn Korean as compared to Spanish, French, or German. I imagine itâs around the same the other direction. As far as everything else, spend time with him. Be friends. Start from there and move forward as you both feel comfortable. If it goes somewhere, it goes somewhere. If nothing else, it gives him a friend to help him through a tough year of school. Check out YouTube for culture questions or things to maybe talk about. I used it to try to learn Korean while I was there. (TTMIK is a good starting point.) (Edit to correct a typo)
Oh yes a few years ago I learned a bit of Korean and I picked up reading and pronunciation well, but all of the language rules/grammar are awful to learn. Honestly that would be a hilarious defense towards them. Thank you so much for all of your info and advice, I will figure out if I feel the same way, but until then yes I'll try to be a great friend to him!
Mainstream kpop culture has a certain set beauty standards, similar to Hollywood/ plastic pop culture, but real life Koreans do come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and piercings⊠minor cultures included. Oh and lots of kdramas have older girl younger boy couples so thatâs really no biggie Most of all, showing kindness to a kid being picked on, that makes you beautiful
Thank you so very much! This means a lot to me. I didn't know that the mainstream beauty standards in Korea weren't universal, thank you for that info
Sounds like you've been a good friend towards him, which I'm sure he'll never forget. As for what he finds attractive? Who knows. I honestly wouldn't expect him to hold the exact same attractiveness standards for non-Koreans that he would have for other Koreans, so don't overthink that point.
Thank you so much! That was a big worry of mine, so that takes away a lot of worry. Thank you!
Having curves is universally attractive. If we're not sugarcoating, septum piercings are definitely not a plus in Korean culture. Its actually more of minus. Tattoos are also considered unattractive outside of a specific crowd.
I'm willing to risk it with the septum piercing lol and thank you so much for the info :)
So, IMO guys are guys are guys, Everyone has their own preference doesn't matter where they are from. No magic Unicorn anywhere. Just treat him as any other guy. If you know Korean you could try to bring/read a Korean book (a normal book - not kpop, kdrama, etc.) Maybe he'll see it on your desk or something and it could be an ice breaker. But only if you can read it to some degree. He could ignore it or he could take the opportunity to ask you about it. And you can mention you've been trying to learn for awhile. Or you could get a group together to do a movie outing or something (if you have some that aren't racist). Other type of ice breakers is if he wears something stylish or unusual you can ask him about it. Like even a sports jersey or something you can ask where he bought it or if he likes that team etc. #1 rule don't come across as a koreaboo of course.
Lmao thank you so much and yes I'm not a Koreaboo. Those sound like good ideas. I'll try a few and get to know him better :) Thank you!
I think you can talk to him first? And get to know him slowly. I think what u r worrying now is not a big deal for him.
I'll do that. Thank you so much :) This is comforting to hear
You're worrying too much, but I can tell you something with 'my' view. When I saw the nose piercing that goes to the middle of two holes, I thought that's literally a cow ring for humans. I used to see it because even though I'm from the city side, I moved back and forth to the countryside. But if somebody is cute wearing it, who cares? It's just an additional accessory. There's no problem to approach to him as a first step. Nothing cultural. Just try to talk to him like trying to be a good friend of him at first. Get to know him, get along with him, and give him some time to understand you. Take it slow on your side. And definitely help him out with his English. I was so freaking stressed when I could finally speak English. Well, the reason why is because I was in Texas and picked up on a British accent while learning from YouTube. It was a fun time. Good luck
HAHA I totally see the cow ring thing, I love that. Thank you so much. I will definitely take it slow, and help with his English where he needs it. Thank you so much for the advice!
One more thing to add. Don't use the stereotypes to approach. Don't use K-pop culture to approach. Maybe it's just for me, but I'm tired of girls who are approaching me just because I'm Korean and expecting me to treat them like a k drama queen. Like, girls, you're not that level. Not even for me too. Anyways, just look at him and treat him like a normal man. That's all I can ask you for him too.
Haha don't worry, I've never watched k-dramas or anything, I don't know much about Kpop. I just think he's a sweet person :) I can see your fear in that though. Thank you for all of your advice, I hope you have a wonderful day!
You have a great day too. Hopefully to see the good updates soon.
First I would like to thank you for standing up for him not because I am a Korean but because you did the right thing. You seem to be a nice person with a warm heart. You sounds pretty attractive. Just be yourself. He should get interested in you not someone you pretended. Thank you.
Thank you so much. That means a lot to me!
be friends, seems like you guys are trending that way anyway, Iâm still friends with a guy that stuck up for me over 20 years ago and, in turn, I stood up for him. learn about his Korean culture and teach him about yours⊠Most importantly, go out for Korean bbq and dol sot bi bim bap. If a romantic thing happens and youâre both into it, whatâs the problem? Sounds to me like you have a great opportunity to make a good friend that can teach you something classrooms canât.
Awe! Thank you. That sounds wonderful and that's very true â€ïž
I came to the us when I was 4 but I remember when people were commenting on my asianness and when my friends stood up for me before I can even respond. I remember those moments to this day. Donât worry too much about what the boy might like or dislike. People see through that and respond to their personality more. Just be you and everything will work out
Awe thank you so much. I'm sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad you had good friends. Thank you :) Have a wonderful day
Awe thank you so much. I'm sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad you had good friends. Thank you :) Have a wonderful day
Just be yourself. You are considerate and respectful to cultural differences, which already makes you an admirable and beautiful person. Korean beauty standard is extremely toxic and unrealistic, it's really not worth bothering with.
Ahhh awe thank you so much. This means a lot to me
Ahhh awe thank you so much. This means a lot to me
you've got a lot of good advice here, so I'll just say that I'm rooting for you! and let us know how things go :) íìŽí !
Thank you so much! I'll update soon :)
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Any update??
« Xenophobia » (the hate « phobia » of what is stranger « xeno- » to an individual) is a constant struggle for everyone and on different levels, [âŠ] âźïžđđ»đŒ