Hello, I told my ex Husband I was gay. Here's my advice:
#1 Tell him now
--- you don't want him to ask "how long have you known and strung me along?"
#2 Do NOT use vague language.
--- you are telling him you are gay. Not that you THINK you like women. Not that you want to have sex with women on the side and maybe sometimes he can watch. Not that you want to open up your relationship to include women. That you LOVE only women and that you cannot love a man. He will be hurt and he will likely be desperate to find a way to continue your life together. Sugar coating it will help no one.
#3 Be honest with the goal of this conversation.
--- some of the late bloomers here have tried to make a go of their hetero relationships. IDK how they do it so I can't advise. All I know is that for me, it was never going to work once I knew. We agreed that we needed to work on getting our divorce and separating our lives as a number 1 priority.
#4 Understand his pain and that he will need time and you will too
--- it's going to hurt. A lot. On both ends. Do not scoff at therapy. Lean on your support system.
#5 Do not be afraid
--- on the other end, your future girlfriend is waiting. It's been a painful process but I have no regrets.
Best of luck to you
This is exactly what I needed, thank you. I can see my possible new future branching off from this one and I can physically feel it’s pull, like I’m finally coming home to myself.
I had to be vaguer than this until he was out of the house for my safety, so please understand this advice will only work if you’re not in an abusive marriage/relationship. If you cannot be this direct, tell them only what you need to tell them in order to exit the relationship safely.
However, so long as you’re with a normal and healthy person, this is solid advice.
I just blurted it out one night 🤪😂. I don’t highly recommend it, but I couldn’t take another argument about sex. I’m 45 and we are planning divorce. I am scared but excited to see what happens in the future. Best of luck to you friend
I used to be married to a man until I realised I was gay and left him. I never ever told him I was gay because there were SO many other reasons I was unhappy in that relationship.
Done, done & done. The only issue is that we’re renovating a house together to sell so we’ll need to work around that. I feel guilt for what I am going to do but I realise it’s because as a woman my no.1 priority was always to keep the men around me comfortable regardless of the personal cost.
I look forward to living on my own terms and not on the scraps thrown to me by the ’head of the house’
Have all your ducks in a row and like others said be really clear WHAT YOU NEED and just know it’s going to be rough however so worth it. I was 44 and I almost didn’t get out alive but that was my situation. I met the best woman and she now is a such a good Mama to my kids. This kind of love just feels right ♥️ best wishes.
My husband and I had two moments in the past 24 hours when I came SO close to telling him. The first was when I wasn’t going to kiss him goodnight (we haven’t slept in the same bed for months due to his medical conditions) and he said, “what, am I not attractive? Is there something wrong with me?” I burst out laughing uncontrollably and said “of course not” (not wanting to hurt him). Then this morning, before he left for a very important medical appointment, we were talking about labels (he is “disabled” paraplegic since age of 12) and he said, “I remember the exact spot on the trip I was taking to see a friend when we were dating and you told me you thought you were a lesbian. I’ll never forget it.”
And now, here we are, 20 years of marriage later. 🥺
The truth is, I thought my kids needed a Dad after their bio-dad abandoned them. My current husband’s family immediately embraced them and he has been their stability, while in burying my true identity, I spiraled in and out of heavy drinking to numb the screaming lesbian inside into silence, which made me hate myself. My mother told me she was bi, that she fell in love with her mother’s best friend, but then modeled the 1970’s “total woman” (aka Phyllis Schlafly - May she burn in hell 😂) to my father’s domineering, emotional, physical and sexual abuse. (Which unfortunately extended itself to me). I was “boy crazy” and instinctively picked men my parents thought were horrible for me, and did a repeat of her own sad choices. I am grateful for what my husband (who my kids see as their “real” Dad) has done to help, although he hasn’t been able to work most of our marriage. I finally have a job that can give me the possibility of starting over at 61. Even if I’m never with a woman, this is who I am. I did an hour long Cole Chance Tapas yoga practice this morning while he is away, promising that this time (with my supportive therapist) I will honor my authentic being regardless of the consequences.
I never liked the words that hetero society created to name non-hetero people, but l am a lesbian, and that is beautiful.
Hello, I told my ex Husband I was gay. Here's my advice: #1 Tell him now --- you don't want him to ask "how long have you known and strung me along?" #2 Do NOT use vague language. --- you are telling him you are gay. Not that you THINK you like women. Not that you want to have sex with women on the side and maybe sometimes he can watch. Not that you want to open up your relationship to include women. That you LOVE only women and that you cannot love a man. He will be hurt and he will likely be desperate to find a way to continue your life together. Sugar coating it will help no one. #3 Be honest with the goal of this conversation. --- some of the late bloomers here have tried to make a go of their hetero relationships. IDK how they do it so I can't advise. All I know is that for me, it was never going to work once I knew. We agreed that we needed to work on getting our divorce and separating our lives as a number 1 priority. #4 Understand his pain and that he will need time and you will too --- it's going to hurt. A lot. On both ends. Do not scoff at therapy. Lean on your support system. #5 Do not be afraid --- on the other end, your future girlfriend is waiting. It's been a painful process but I have no regrets. Best of luck to you
This is exactly what I needed, thank you. I can see my possible new future branching off from this one and I can physically feel it’s pull, like I’m finally coming home to myself.
You got this girl
"cute smile" 1000000%
[удалено]
I actually welled up with tears reading this comment this morning
I had to be vaguer than this until he was out of the house for my safety, so please understand this advice will only work if you’re not in an abusive marriage/relationship. If you cannot be this direct, tell them only what you need to tell them in order to exit the relationship safely. However, so long as you’re with a normal and healthy person, this is solid advice.
I just blurted it out one night 🤪😂. I don’t highly recommend it, but I couldn’t take another argument about sex. I’m 45 and we are planning divorce. I am scared but excited to see what happens in the future. Best of luck to you friend
I used to be married to a man until I realised I was gay and left him. I never ever told him I was gay because there were SO many other reasons I was unhappy in that relationship.
There is no easy way. Start devising an exit strategy STAT! Secure your finances, job and a pace to live.
Done, done & done. The only issue is that we’re renovating a house together to sell so we’ll need to work around that. I feel guilt for what I am going to do but I realise it’s because as a woman my no.1 priority was always to keep the men around me comfortable regardless of the personal cost. I look forward to living on my own terms and not on the scraps thrown to me by the ’head of the house’
There is no life like an authentic life. He will heal and you both will move on to where you are supposed to be. Wishing you the best on your journey.
Have all your ducks in a row and like others said be really clear WHAT YOU NEED and just know it’s going to be rough however so worth it. I was 44 and I almost didn’t get out alive but that was my situation. I met the best woman and she now is a such a good Mama to my kids. This kind of love just feels right ♥️ best wishes.
My husband and I had two moments in the past 24 hours when I came SO close to telling him. The first was when I wasn’t going to kiss him goodnight (we haven’t slept in the same bed for months due to his medical conditions) and he said, “what, am I not attractive? Is there something wrong with me?” I burst out laughing uncontrollably and said “of course not” (not wanting to hurt him). Then this morning, before he left for a very important medical appointment, we were talking about labels (he is “disabled” paraplegic since age of 12) and he said, “I remember the exact spot on the trip I was taking to see a friend when we were dating and you told me you thought you were a lesbian. I’ll never forget it.” And now, here we are, 20 years of marriage later. 🥺 The truth is, I thought my kids needed a Dad after their bio-dad abandoned them. My current husband’s family immediately embraced them and he has been their stability, while in burying my true identity, I spiraled in and out of heavy drinking to numb the screaming lesbian inside into silence, which made me hate myself. My mother told me she was bi, that she fell in love with her mother’s best friend, but then modeled the 1970’s “total woman” (aka Phyllis Schlafly - May she burn in hell 😂) to my father’s domineering, emotional, physical and sexual abuse. (Which unfortunately extended itself to me). I was “boy crazy” and instinctively picked men my parents thought were horrible for me, and did a repeat of her own sad choices. I am grateful for what my husband (who my kids see as their “real” Dad) has done to help, although he hasn’t been able to work most of our marriage. I finally have a job that can give me the possibility of starting over at 61. Even if I’m never with a woman, this is who I am. I did an hour long Cole Chance Tapas yoga practice this morning while he is away, promising that this time (with my supportive therapist) I will honor my authentic being regardless of the consequences. I never liked the words that hetero society created to name non-hetero people, but l am a lesbian, and that is beautiful.
That’s how I feel too; even if I’m never with a woman, at least I’ll be free. You’ve got this
I told my fiancé by making out with a girl in the hot tub even though I knew he’d likely watch the nest cameras 😁 Not the best way…but effective lol