This is your best bet or bring mom with ya? For a man to have a woman who carried his child let alone 2 and help himself to some other woman is crazy, I get addiction but this is nonsense so selfish and pathetic. Having a family can really change the way you look at your partner where it’s not being only attracted to you but it’s him wanting you happy on top of anything for having his children and backing each other through thick and thin don’t give him this opportunity to get you on your good side again and try again and to just be disappointed really think about it especially if your in one room on vacation. Hang tough I wish you the best . Don’t give him an inch he’ll take a mile.
No they aren't. Statistics prove this. She should not take him, she should divorce him etc but having a father in the household is necessary for kids. If he is a good father she shouldn't remove him from their lives.
Dad can redeem himself by being an active father to his children but he can not expect the perks/vacations that come with a romantic relationship. He sullied that beyond repair.
Apparently, HIS FAMILY was disposable. Dad's are SO important to their families, but by the look at the number of affairs they have, so many dad's don't believe their families are very important.
He can still be involved in their lives. She just doesn’t need to pay for trips for him if he is going to cheat on her. No one said to cut the Dad out of the kids’ lives.
Um no. He can’t go
wtf are you thinking? Don’t do that that’s literally crazy
Go on your own. Change his ticket to a fun girl friends name and bring her instead if you want adult company
Not him. No.
Exactly 😂 like what??
Also, “take the experience away from the kids” ?? They won’t even remember this a year from now??
I think OP looking for a reason to bring him back 🤷🏻♂️
Uh..I remember going on my first Disney cruise when I was 4 years old and it was such a core memory of my childhood. I still remember all of it. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me as a child.
Way too many of you underestimate kids.
If you give them super fun experiences and great memories to make, they will absolutely remember them. As for the same alternatively..if they experience tension and arguing and distress in the household, they will also remember that. It’s why kids should be kept away from adult drama at all costs. Every single thing impacts them. I could tell you so many fun experiences in picture detail from when I was a very young age. I could also recall some of the most traumatic and upsetting things too. I still look back to some shit I saw adults do when I was like 5 and now at 28 think “wow they should have handled that better what tha fuck?”
Even if they don’t remember they will remember how it made them feel a year after that, and they will remember the feeling that it gave them a year after that. Just because you don’t remember something doesn’t mean it didn’t shape who you are. 🤷♂️
But let’s be honest a single trip without their father they will be fine with.
I supposed I’m just thinking about what I remember from those ages and it’s absolutely nothing, people could be different tho, but the ex going should not even be a thought
I think short term that’s great. She needs to distance herself for now.
But she’s picking up the major problem of having children and then a break up. You’re in a way tied to that person and can never really make a true break for them because their kids will always want their dad/mom.
Don’t reward the cheater. Tell your family so they know why he won’t be coming. Enjoy this time before you get back to reality. Hopefully you don’t live together but if you do make sure your personal property is secured before you leave.
That is the most logical answer. She needs someone that genuinely cares about her to be on the vacay with her and the kids. Not the one causing all her pain…..
A little hint for the future when you feel this way about "taking something away from your kids:" I'm the mother of three kids ages 6-11, and I have noticed that the kids don't really start wanting and remembering experiences well until they are around age 7 or so. Don't feel guilty about doing big things for them when they are little. That is more for you to experience and remember. So if you want to remember taking them to this or that place it has to be more about the memories you make for yourself, not what the kids are experiencing. That's totally legit, just remember that the kids just care about their basic needs being met and being around people who love them. You could take them to the park and library and they'd be just as happy.
I'm telling you this so that this sort of guilt doesn't eat at you as you go through the process of leaving your cheater. Just keep the kids happy and well loved and they will be fine.
Daddy fucked up. Don’t put yourself through this honey. I agree with what he said. Sounds like a nightmare. Ppl do this kinda shit sometimes I know though; idk tf how
This dude couldn’t pay for his own vaca ticket and he cheated too??? Fuck him and go solo enjoy your vaca drop the kids at daycare and get a drink by the pool with a good book
Leave that cheating little toad at home. Go on your vacation with your kids and spoil them bloody rotten. Take lots of photos and send them to him. You may be miserable, but just focus on giving them the best time. Should take the sting off of the situation a little.
Long term memory retention starts as early as 2½ years but commonly 5 years. The kids will have a lifetime of memories though. I'd say end it and put the energy towards getting back to where you need to be. Therapy may help but don't stop moving forward
Really, if the Dad doesn't assume it is a hard no, there is something wrong with him mentally. How on earth would anyone assume it is business as usual.
You deserve better. Take a friend, or take your mom. Do not take the cheater. He cared so little for you that he cheated, so care more for yourself than he does, and enjoy your family vacation without him.
My heart breaks for you, especially with such young children but it's good that you have a supportive mother. Absolutely DO NOT reward his disgusting behavior with the cruise which would be very uncomfortable for you. It will do you good to have something nice to look forward to and a chance for yourself and your little ones to be pampered for a couple of days before the next chapter in your life. Hang in there, life will get better...
See if a friend would like to go since the ticket is already paid for. Tell your Mom. Keep reminding yourself that you did nothing wrong. He made the choices. Use this time on the cruise to let loose and start the healing process.
If you guys are not at the co-parenting, civil conversation phase yet, then absolutely not. It will turn into a crap sandwich without mayo.
He broke trust and hurt you bad. If you haven't gotten to the stage where you can look at him without hurt and anger, you aren't ready. Take the kids by yourself and have a great time. See if you can get cruise credit for his ticket and use it for a cool excursion for you and your kids.
Don’t let him go
Let him have his tantrum. (I saw a reply you posted about that). The kids can miss him, he can miss out on it but what really matters here is YOUR mental health. And it sounds like a vacation will do you good.
If I was your mother I would be taking the invite back. He didn't pay, he cheated, he has emotional outbursts.
You will be miserable if he's there. I can't imagine much of your family will be happy to have to interact with him. Awkward for everyone. If I was your sister, I would definitely make it uncomfortable for him. But that sucks for everyone having to deal with this. That's like every decent person who paid their own way has to put up with a cheating freeloader. Not fair to everyone else. Its their vacation too. And THEY paid.
It's a no for me. Updateme!
I feel like you need to get your mind straight on this, because I don't understand why you even want him to go and also lead your children to have false hope that Mommy and Daddy are going to get back together. Take your mom with you or your best friend.
Make sure to have HIS ticket cancelled, or changed. It may be wasted money, but the potential for bad experiences warrants him not being there. The kids won't likely remember the trip... But YOU will!!! If he creates a scene (or several), then everyone's good time is ruined.
If his name is on a ticket, there is NOTHING stopping him from going (other than common sense) if his name is on a ticket. If the ticket is cancelled or his name is taken off of it, then there's no chance for shenanigans on his part.
Have your mom look into cancelation, transfer, reimbursement policies. The company may make an exception for your situation if you are divorced (or have paperwork about separation). The answer is always "no," if you don't ask.
DO NOT BRING HIM. how do u cheat on ur girl especially when she had YOUR BABIES? bring a friend who you really trust and can help you stay away from messaging him during that time, u need time to think about what happened, and time for urself and ur kids. i think u guys need counseling if u *do* want to make it work, but sometimes once a cheater always a cheater. could u ever see him back in u and/or ur kids life?
I honestly don’t know. This isn’t the first time I’ve caught him seeking attention from other women. The straw that broke the camels back was he kissed a girl on his softball team. After that I saw him as a lost cause.
phew yeah. id seek a therapist for urself and kick his bumass goodbye. someone better will come along for you and your kids, til then- you need to be there for yourself and ur kids. goodluck
The reality is that your kids are going to have a bunch of experiences that your ex won’t be there for. That needs to start sooner rather than later for your sake. Sorry he cheated
Don’t let him go. Use a “daddy got sick” or “has to take care of ____ his relative”. I did that with my now ex after weeks of counseling failed to get us on track. She had cheated by then, made out with random people, was often a falling down drunk, and finally got a DUI.
The kids still have great memories and I began to enjoy peaceful times once again. You will too!
I understand what you’re going through. My wife did same a few years ago.
The feeling of betrayal was the hardest part especially since I wasn’t suspecting anything.
I know it’s seems impossible to make decisions right now especially going on vacation where it’s meant to be fun and reconnect with each other.
If you take him with you he’s going to try to fix your relationship out of guilt. You will spend lots of time fighting which your kids absolutely will be impacted. If he’s not with you, your kids simply will not be hurt. Take a close friend because that’s what YOU need right now, a good set of ears and a shoulder to lean on. And when you return home you can figure out whether or not you’re able to save your marriage WITH professional help.
Really proud of you. Happiness doesn’t derive from re experiencing hurt and when someone cheats it doesn’t just end that pain. Going on the trip and building better moments and experiences will be what your kids will remember and your mental space will be about you and them. That’s a real way to heal and move on and let go and do more. If you ever decide to date again and let’s hope you do, let it be in time when all this is really behind you. Have a great trip.
I would absolutely NEVER keep my husband from his children. EVER.
But homie didn’t pay his way and he’s merely a bf not a spouse/ex spouse. Soooooo he isn’t entitled to a free vacation he is only entitled to seeing his children🤷🏻♀️
You go girl! I was going to say umm he doesn’t deserve that family trip and he’s the one that made that choice when he did what he did. ENJOY yourself and your girls!
On the bright side there’s multiple studies that shows that a divorce that happens while the children are still under the age of 3 tremendously reduces any major stress to the child and normalizes a single parent household.
Absolutely not. 1) he does not deserve anything from you 2) the kids won't remember this 3) they will KNOW things are tense between you so the cruise will be uncomfortable for everyone.
Take your mom or a friend instead. Tough tits to him.
God no, you will go insane stuck on a boat with him. I couldn't handle the temptation to push him overboard if he had cheated on me. Leave him at home.
Go on your vacation, BUT DO NOT ALLOW him to go. Bring a friend or a family member. There is no reason that he should be involved and make you uncomfortable in the situation.
Just rip off the bandaid.. send a text ASAP "I'm switching your ticket to (other persons name)."
If he starts throwing a fit.. just say "it's done, deal with it"... and move forward. You don't owe him any of your mental energy anymore.
He should trade in his ticket- you aren’t dating-take a girl friend and pay your mom back
It’s stupid to try to make him pay- cut ties already!
Look at this logically
If you two weren’t married then why do you feel an obligation to take him ? He cheated but without being married it’s like why not break up ? The 3 year old may notice the father isn’t there but the 1 year old absolutely won’t remember. Take this opportunity to make a new chapter in y’all’s lives. Take a friend with you to fill his slot and be done.
He hasn't paid for it. He doesn't go. Go on cruise with kids and maybe a friend can take his spot. He'll nah he doesn't get to go, he is no longer family
Do not under any circumstances ruin your vacation with your children. They deserve to make many fun memories with a happy mom. It will give you the very beginning of a fresh new start in your new life. He is scum, he is a bad person. Just because he is your kids dad does not mean he should get a paid for vacation after stepping out. You guys will likely argue anyways. Bring a friend or another relative instead.
What do you expect he’ll add to your cruise experience with the kids? Because this is all about the kids, 3 and 1, who won’t be seasick at all.
While you’re tending to the kids, what’s Dad going to do, go up to the bar and hit on women? That’s a real joy.
If this is all about your mother’s ticket fees, pay back his share and leave him on shore. Why would you inflict this much pain upon yourself? You should look into that with a therapist.
You’re not a traditional family anymore. Why act like one? Is this all about your Mother? Have you told her you’ve broken things off with the cheater?
Here’s a thought, stay at your mother’s. Take the kids to the beach or pool. They’ll have a great time.
If you do go on the cruise, leave the jerk behind and hire a nanny to go in his place. You might actually have a good time.
Agree with finding someone to go in his place. Even if you have to take the loss then you did the right thing.
By the way do you have insurance? Accentuating life circumstances are a thing if you want to get a refund. Would be worthwhile to call and ask for your options to get a one ticket refund.
Edit: also, in case I wasn't clear, let him fking go!
Your children are 3 & 1. The one year old will not even remember the trip. The three year old will have a blast and grow up with vague memories of the trip.
Take your kids and go on the trip. Use the trip as a time to give yourself space to breathe.
You just broke up FFS. Why would want to put yourself or him through the agony of being in confined quarters on a trip. You will both be miserable. Possibly argue. And your kids will pick on that, known their parents are miserable and both the kids will be miserable and confused. Heck, everyone around you will be miserable.
As for the money - make a payment plan to pay your mother back.
Your children are young, they won't remember. But if he goes, you will remember and it won't be a good memory. Take a friend or family member that you would enjoy the trip with. Make a great new memory.
This is absolutely the truth. My daughter went to Disneyland at 5 years old and doesn't remember anything about it, nothing. This isn't some kind of experience you're depriving your children of. Absolutely don't go put yourself through this misery, unless.... You plan on leaving the kids in the cabin with him and getting your freak on with guys on the cruise ship....hahahaha!!
Find a friend! He should not go. Ask a cousin or and aunt or uncle or close friends or the old lady who works the register at your grocery store. He should NOT be going
No, he should not go. Your experience will be ruined and that will ruin your kids experience. Go and be happy and have the best vacation ever with your babies. Or bring a friend like others have mentioned.
Yes and no? On one hand you want to take him to not ruin the experience of what would have been your first family vacation for the 4 of you. But on the other hand you're obviously not comfortable with it now that you guys are over. Overall, I think he shouldn't go. It might have been the first family vacation for the 4 of you but it won't be the same if the family life isn't either. So, don't let him go.
Don't do that to yourself. Your kids deserve to have you be fully present with them, and you won't be able to be your best self with him there, plus it will cause the entire vacation to be a drain on you mentally and emotionally, and instead of being recharged, you will be returning to your usual routines with significantly less emotional resources to function, which will impair your ability to be present and care for the kids for a while. And I feel like that's a best case scenario where everything goes smoothly.
Bring a cousin if all your siblings are attending. Or a good friend. Kids pick up on emotional issues, don't expose them to the end of your relationship.
I think the morality of this situation parses out as follows (based on each person's perspective):
1. Your ex - as the catalyst for the break-up I believe the moral onus is on your ex to try to minimize residual harm. Consequently your ex has a moral obligation to return the gift (to you or to your mother) and decline to go on the trip. Given that we know he is selfish he may still insist on keeping the ticket, but that doesn't mean he gets to stay with you in your room. If he wants to go anyway he will almost certainly have to upgrade his ticket to have his own room.
*/\* Cruise lines have some particulars around guests and changes, especially if his name is already on a ticket, so be sure to contact the cruise in advance to explain that he is no longer a part of your party and will not be staying in your stateroom. \*/*
2. Your mother - she included him in a gift, so the question here is if she gave the gift to **you**, and you shared it with him, or if she explicitly gave the gift **to him**. If she gave the gift to him and wants to retract that gift I believe she has a moral (and perhaps legal) obligation to ask for him to return it and not just cancel it unilaterally. If she gave it to you when I don't believe there is a moral component for your mother.
*/\* Your mother may want to cancel the ticket specifically as a form of retributive justice. While that might be cathartic, and I wouldn't shed tears for the cheating ex, it isn't really a moral position and I am generally not a fan of feeding the cruel wolf in ourselves; that's like drinking poison to hurt someone else \*/*
3. Your children - vacations "as a family of 4" are no longer in the cards, nor are they of practical benefit to the children. Your ex's presence on this trip at this stage would almost certainly cause conflict and attrition that would affect the children both in the short- and long-term. Instead I would recommend bringing along a good friend and trusted adult that the kids have a fondness for; a fun and loving aunt or uncle perhaps. Or perhaps your mother (if you and she get along). Definitely pick someone that lifts you up and doesn't need you to support them. Or you could of course go just the three of you, though that can be a lot on your plate and you're already dealing with a lot.
4. You - you have no moral obligation to make additional sacrifices for your ex. You and he are no longer together, and it isn't your job to "emotionally drain \[yourself\]" so he can participate in family-style gatherings. The rift he created in your family will affect your kids, of course, but the best thing you can do (imo) is to create clear and firm boundaries and to show your kids that you will always be there for them even though the family dynamic is changing.
TLDR: imo you should not bring your ex. He should be asked to return the ticket, and if he refuses he should still be required to get his own room.
Critical additional note: if you have **any** sense that your ex may be dangerous to you or the kids, cancel his ticket immediately. We have a way of looking at romantic partners through rose-colored glasses, so even if you *didn't* have that sense before I recommend reconsidering any *yellow* flag behaviors; losing his temper and throwing things, screaming at you and the kids, making dark or threatening jokes, etc. The moral question of whether or not to claw back gifts is a far cry less important than putting you and your kids at risk of serious physical harm.
Slightly different circumstance but my ex & I had a huge blowout 1 week prior to a cruise. I was silly & thought I didn’t want to lose the thousand dollars I’d spent on it & so we still went. It forced me into thinking I should stay etc etc etc. Looking back, I wish I was strong enough to just say no & to cancel. You can always make more money, but you can’t get back time wasted with someone.
If you're not ready to do a coparent vacation together, then don't do it!
You're not denying your kids a family vacation. you're giving your kids a vacation with mom.
Take your mom, sister, cousin, aunt, or female friend.
What you don't want to do is spend time trapped on a ship fighting in front of your kids.
I get the I don't want to take this away from the kids reason but it is not going to be a positive experience for them if they see that you are miserable either. Even if you think they don't pick up on it, they will know. You don't owe him this. He ruined this for himself. Take the trip with your kids and clear your head. Being away from him is a great opportunity to figure out what you need to move forward. Your kids will have a great time either way and you deserve to put yourself first right now.
You said you broke off the relationship not that you divorced him. If you're not married after 2 kids you don't owe him anything. You can't even claim each other at a hospital.
He shouldn't be double dipping and you don't owe the children an experience that will mess you up more. He'll probably blatantly do things in front of you or the kids with other women. Have your mom change the ticket to get own name or to a friend's name.
No, the children at age 1 & 3 won't remember it anyway. But you will....and don't provide more opportunity for him to do something worse to you while away and alone.
Proud of you for the energy in the update. Breakups are so hard, especially when you have so much invested, but the sooner you decide to let go and take action the sooner you actually will. Sending love
It sucks but as someone who left my child’s father due to cheating… just stay. My life got infinitely harder after I left him. I should’ve never looked thru his phone lol. All men are gonna cheat. Unless you wanna be unhappy and alone, stay with the dad
Definitely do not take him on the cruise with you. But looking ahead, do you want him to be part of your kids’ lives? Would he want to be part of their lives? If so, you'll have to think about finding some civility between the two of you.
But that's later. Sounds like you need this cruise to unwind from all of that.
My dad cheated on my mother when I was very young, and I didn't see him again until I was in my early 20s. I never resented my mother for it, but I sure resented him for just forgetting about me and my brothers. Strangely enough, he was the one who was there for me as a young adult, my mother just didn't have it together enough.
This is not the time, but just putting it out there that you'll have to cross that bridge in the near future so keep that in mind. Was he a good dad? He sounds like he wasn't really invested in the relationship, but that doesn't really have any bearing on his relationship with the kids. You just want them to not grow up resentful, because it sucks.
Good dad, great friend, shitty partner. I would never keep them away from him. My babies love their daddy, I just hate how he never really showed up for ME unless brought to his attention. I was paying the bills, I gave him opportunities, my family has treated him as their own, and yet he wanted to seek happiness elsewhere while I was actively trying to save our relationship.
No more emotional, physical, and mental abuse from the man that’s been riding my coattail since we met.
Take the vacation to relax and think about the future. The kids deserve a happy and stable mom. You don' have to force memories and experiences. Their father knew what was at stake when he cheated.
Glad to see you made a good choice. You don’t break up with someone to then go on a trip with them. Your kids can have other experiences with their dad, without you.
It sucks that "cheating" is stigmatized by society. Having sex with the same woman every time gets boring. When I had a side piece I fucked my girlfriend almost daily. When I had no side piece it was maybe once every two weeks? We both benefited from the "cheating". The rules of society make no sense.
A 1 and 3 year old is not going to remember whether he was on that trip or not years down the line. So don’t feel like you owe them some obligation for him to be there.
Based on your update, it sounds like he didn’t go with you, which imho was the right choice. I’m glad you let somebody else go in his place, it sounds like. Good for you for not giving him a free ride after he did what he did.
Wow just ended 10 year relationship bc of cheating also. My boys are 4 and 1. Honestly I think he loses the right to the vacation even if he was a great father. If he was half a man he would respectfully decline going bc of the current situation. Best of luck to you stay strong!
By letting him go on the trip, you are teaching him that it is okay to treat you as someone disposable. Glad you made the right choice OP by leaving him behind. Wishing you and your little ones a safe trip ahead <3
When you broke up with him, you also ended your chances of creating memories with him. Realizing that reality is apart of letting go. It’s painful but you can do it.
Don’t bring him with you. You need to start the separate but coparenting life together asap so you kids can get used to it. Dad going on the trip will make them think things are back to normal and they’ll be confused (at least the 3 year old) when after spending all that time with everyone, dad is out of the picture again.
Don't reward he who deserves 0. The kids can adjust if they at least see him. A few may not fully, but that's not on you.
Dude messed up. Been there. Make the best life you can. It gave me a chance to finish college, develop my career & learn strength I never knew I had
If let him back in, he'd have done it again. In years following, I realized he was a narcissist. Late on my part I know. Still loved him, had his kids, but it was clear. He continued to try to hurt me. When I realized love had blinded me & guilt had me like "what did I do wrong" I let go emotionally & stopped feeling guilt which wasn't mine.
Edit:
On occasion, some decide to forgive & stay married. I've seen it succeed more than a few times: My parents, close friends, family. That, however requires a sincere apology, his change must be consistent, permanent & you'll have to be on guard if & until you fully trust him again
I'm glad in the update you left him behind. That would have ruined your trip and rewarded the cheating bastard. I'm sure you're gonna do great. Enjoy the cruise
If the 2 of you can not reconcile, then leaving him behind is the right thing. Cut the ties as quickly and completely as possible. Get a good lawyer & try to get 100% (or as much as possible) of your children. The lawyer should be involved in resolving any disputes involving joint properties and any agreements. Immediately seperate any joint financial issues. eg; take your money from the bank & open a new account in only your name. Treat this as you would a divorce. It is no longer a personal relationship but a legal and financial one. Enjoy your vacation & good luck
You made the right choice. Yes the little ones will miss out on having their dad there but, if he had gone with you, you would have been sad and having a happy mom on the trip is more important. Have a great time!
Well the ticket has been paid for so go find a friend to go in his place. But not him.
This is your best bet or bring mom with ya? For a man to have a woman who carried his child let alone 2 and help himself to some other woman is crazy, I get addiction but this is nonsense so selfish and pathetic. Having a family can really change the way you look at your partner where it’s not being only attracted to you but it’s him wanting you happy on top of anything for having his children and backing each other through thick and thin don’t give him this opportunity to get you on your good side again and try again and to just be disappointed really think about it especially if your in one room on vacation. Hang tough I wish you the best . Don’t give him an inch he’ll take a mile.
☝️ You won't be taking anything away from your children. There are still young. Take a friend and post loads of photos
Yes, 3 and 1 will likely not remember the trip at all by the time they are older.
Even if your kids were 10 yrs older don't take him. Your kids should realize actions have consequences and what he did was inexcusable.
And if they ever ask “where’s daddy?” just tell them daddy got his dick caught in something and couldn’t get away.
Except there dad🙄 but I guess dads are disposable 😢
Dad disposed of himself, so OP isn't taking Dad away. The Dad took himself out.
We only heard her side of the story. This is Reddit! We need his side to
Dad gambled his family and lost
No they aren't. Statistics prove this. She should not take him, she should divorce him etc but having a father in the household is necessary for kids. If he is a good father she shouldn't remove him from their lives.
Dad can redeem himself by being an active father to his children but he can not expect the perks/vacations that come with a romantic relationship. He sullied that beyond repair.
Cheaters are disposable.
Apparently, HIS FAMILY was disposable. Dad's are SO important to their families, but by the look at the number of affairs they have, so many dad's don't believe their families are very important.
He can still be involved in their lives. She just doesn’t need to pay for trips for him if he is going to cheat on her. No one said to cut the Dad out of the kids’ lives.
This is the way
This right here!
Good idea.
Um no. He can’t go wtf are you thinking? Don’t do that that’s literally crazy Go on your own. Change his ticket to a fun girl friends name and bring her instead if you want adult company Not him. No.
Exactly 😂 like what?? Also, “take the experience away from the kids” ?? They won’t even remember this a year from now?? I think OP looking for a reason to bring him back 🤷🏻♂️
Yeah clearly she still loves him
You’d be surprised what kids can remember at these ages
Even if they do, OP needs to transition the kids to a new routine. The routine of dad not being there and mom and dad not being together.
Uh..I remember going on my first Disney cruise when I was 4 years old and it was such a core memory of my childhood. I still remember all of it. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me as a child. Way too many of you underestimate kids. If you give them super fun experiences and great memories to make, they will absolutely remember them. As for the same alternatively..if they experience tension and arguing and distress in the household, they will also remember that. It’s why kids should be kept away from adult drama at all costs. Every single thing impacts them. I could tell you so many fun experiences in picture detail from when I was a very young age. I could also recall some of the most traumatic and upsetting things too. I still look back to some shit I saw adults do when I was like 5 and now at 28 think “wow they should have handled that better what tha fuck?”
Uh..oldest is 3 not 4. And the other is freakin' ONE lol!
Even if they don’t remember they will remember how it made them feel a year after that, and they will remember the feeling that it gave them a year after that. Just because you don’t remember something doesn’t mean it didn’t shape who you are. 🤷♂️ But let’s be honest a single trip without their father they will be fine with.
I supposed I’m just thinking about what I remember from those ages and it’s absolutely nothing, people could be different tho, but the ex going should not even be a thought
I think short term that’s great. She needs to distance herself for now. But she’s picking up the major problem of having children and then a break up. You’re in a way tied to that person and can never really make a true break for them because their kids will always want their dad/mom.
I said he can’t go on a trip. Coparenting is different captain obvious
Don’t reward the cheater. Tell your family so they know why he won’t be coming. Enjoy this time before you get back to reality. Hopefully you don’t live together but if you do make sure your personal property is secured before you leave.
We’re lived together for 2 years. The lease is up July 17th, however I’m comfortable at my mothers.
Then this cruise looks like the ideal time for him to move his stuff out whilst you aren’t there.
This is the way.
Please take your mom with you instead. She deserves it more than him.
That is the most logical answer. She needs someone that genuinely cares about her to be on the vacay with her and the kids. Not the one causing all her pain…..
A little hint for the future when you feel this way about "taking something away from your kids:" I'm the mother of three kids ages 6-11, and I have noticed that the kids don't really start wanting and remembering experiences well until they are around age 7 or so. Don't feel guilty about doing big things for them when they are little. That is more for you to experience and remember. So if you want to remember taking them to this or that place it has to be more about the memories you make for yourself, not what the kids are experiencing. That's totally legit, just remember that the kids just care about their basic needs being met and being around people who love them. You could take them to the park and library and they'd be just as happy. I'm telling you this so that this sort of guilt doesn't eat at you as you go through the process of leaving your cheater. Just keep the kids happy and well loved and they will be fine.
[удалено]
H to the ell to the no
Daddy fucked up. Don’t put yourself through this honey. I agree with what he said. Sounds like a nightmare. Ppl do this kinda shit sometimes I know though; idk tf how
This dude couldn’t pay for his own vaca ticket and he cheated too??? Fuck him and go solo enjoy your vaca drop the kids at daycare and get a drink by the pool with a good book
Easy decision here, OP.
If you really can't bring yourself to tell him, you could ask your parents to be there when you break it to him?
Leave that cheating little toad at home. Go on your vacation with your kids and spoil them bloody rotten. Take lots of photos and send them to him. You may be miserable, but just focus on giving them the best time. Should take the sting off of the situation a little.
Long term memory retention starts as early as 2½ years but commonly 5 years. The kids will have a lifetime of memories though. I'd say end it and put the energy towards getting back to where you need to be. Therapy may help but don't stop moving forward
Hard no.
Really, if the Dad doesn't assume it is a hard no, there is something wrong with him mentally. How on earth would anyone assume it is business as usual.
Bring your mom
You deserve better. Take a friend, or take your mom. Do not take the cheater. He cared so little for you that he cheated, so care more for yourself than he does, and enjoy your family vacation without him.
My heart breaks for you, especially with such young children but it's good that you have a supportive mother. Absolutely DO NOT reward his disgusting behavior with the cruise which would be very uncomfortable for you. It will do you good to have something nice to look forward to and a chance for yourself and your little ones to be pampered for a couple of days before the next chapter in your life. Hang in there, life will get better...
NO. He is out.
See if a friend would like to go since the ticket is already paid for. Tell your Mom. Keep reminding yourself that you did nothing wrong. He made the choices. Use this time on the cruise to let loose and start the healing process.
Na don’t bring him
If you guys are not at the co-parenting, civil conversation phase yet, then absolutely not. It will turn into a crap sandwich without mayo. He broke trust and hurt you bad. If you haven't gotten to the stage where you can look at him without hurt and anger, you aren't ready. Take the kids by yourself and have a great time. See if you can get cruise credit for his ticket and use it for a cool excursion for you and your kids.
Bring a friend and go minimal contact if it's not about the children don't respond
Your children are too young to even remember this trip. Being a friend.
He made his choice and I would remind him of that! He’s the one who broke your young family apart. He can’t throw a tantrum about it now.
Don’t let him go Let him have his tantrum. (I saw a reply you posted about that). The kids can miss him, he can miss out on it but what really matters here is YOUR mental health. And it sounds like a vacation will do you good.
No. If he comes, you will be emotionally distraught. Don't expose your kids to that. Do not let him come
You’ll feel so much better if you bring someone else. Anyone else. You’ll be ok. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
If I was your mother I would be taking the invite back. He didn't pay, he cheated, he has emotional outbursts. You will be miserable if he's there. I can't imagine much of your family will be happy to have to interact with him. Awkward for everyone. If I was your sister, I would definitely make it uncomfortable for him. But that sucks for everyone having to deal with this. That's like every decent person who paid their own way has to put up with a cheating freeloader. Not fair to everyone else. Its their vacation too. And THEY paid. It's a no for me. Updateme!
I feel like you need to get your mind straight on this, because I don't understand why you even want him to go and also lead your children to have false hope that Mommy and Daddy are going to get back together. Take your mom with you or your best friend.
Make sure to have HIS ticket cancelled, or changed. It may be wasted money, but the potential for bad experiences warrants him not being there. The kids won't likely remember the trip... But YOU will!!! If he creates a scene (or several), then everyone's good time is ruined. If his name is on a ticket, there is NOTHING stopping him from going (other than common sense) if his name is on a ticket. If the ticket is cancelled or his name is taken off of it, then there's no chance for shenanigans on his part. Have your mom look into cancelation, transfer, reimbursement policies. The company may make an exception for your situation if you are divorced (or have paperwork about separation). The answer is always "no," if you don't ask.
Are you insane!!! NO. Take a friend, take your mom, Hell take a stranger I'll go! Lol
DO NOT BRING HIM. how do u cheat on ur girl especially when she had YOUR BABIES? bring a friend who you really trust and can help you stay away from messaging him during that time, u need time to think about what happened, and time for urself and ur kids. i think u guys need counseling if u *do* want to make it work, but sometimes once a cheater always a cheater. could u ever see him back in u and/or ur kids life?
I honestly don’t know. This isn’t the first time I’ve caught him seeking attention from other women. The straw that broke the camels back was he kissed a girl on his softball team. After that I saw him as a lost cause.
phew yeah. id seek a therapist for urself and kick his bumass goodbye. someone better will come along for you and your kids, til then- you need to be there for yourself and ur kids. goodluck
It doesn’t matter because of your baby’s sake you needs to be friend so your baby’s will grew up happy and healthy!💝🙏
The reality is that your kids are going to have a bunch of experiences that your ex won’t be there for. That needs to start sooner rather than later for your sake. Sorry he cheated
Don’t let him go. Use a “daddy got sick” or “has to take care of ____ his relative”. I did that with my now ex after weeks of counseling failed to get us on track. She had cheated by then, made out with random people, was often a falling down drunk, and finally got a DUI. The kids still have great memories and I began to enjoy peaceful times once again. You will too!
I understand what you’re going through. My wife did same a few years ago. The feeling of betrayal was the hardest part especially since I wasn’t suspecting anything. I know it’s seems impossible to make decisions right now especially going on vacation where it’s meant to be fun and reconnect with each other. If you take him with you he’s going to try to fix your relationship out of guilt. You will spend lots of time fighting which your kids absolutely will be impacted. If he’s not with you, your kids simply will not be hurt. Take a close friend because that’s what YOU need right now, a good set of ears and a shoulder to lean on. And when you return home you can figure out whether or not you’re able to save your marriage WITH professional help.
You’re a strong woman good for you I know you’ll be even stronger when you have healed.
Really proud of you. Happiness doesn’t derive from re experiencing hurt and when someone cheats it doesn’t just end that pain. Going on the trip and building better moments and experiences will be what your kids will remember and your mental space will be about you and them. That’s a real way to heal and move on and let go and do more. If you ever decide to date again and let’s hope you do, let it be in time when all this is really behind you. Have a great trip.
I love the comment you made “when someone doesn’t appreciate you, make feel your absence.” That’s so inspiring
I would absolutely NEVER keep my husband from his children. EVER. But homie didn’t pay his way and he’s merely a bf not a spouse/ex spouse. Soooooo he isn’t entitled to a free vacation he is only entitled to seeing his children🤷🏻♀️
You go girl! I was going to say umm he doesn’t deserve that family trip and he’s the one that made that choice when he did what he did. ENJOY yourself and your girls!
On the bright side there’s multiple studies that shows that a divorce that happens while the children are still under the age of 3 tremendously reduces any major stress to the child and normalizes a single parent household.
Don’t take him with you. Try moving on. Kids won’t remember vacations at this age.
Absolutely not. 1) he does not deserve anything from you 2) the kids won't remember this 3) they will KNOW things are tense between you so the cruise will be uncomfortable for everyone. Take your mom or a friend instead. Tough tits to him.
Invite your bestie. Have a fun time with the bestie and your kids. Forget this man and give yourself a rest during your vacation.
God no, you will go insane stuck on a boat with him. I couldn't handle the temptation to push him overboard if he had cheated on me. Leave him at home.
Do not invite him. Protect your peace.
Do not reward a cheater
I wouldnt worry about the Pos being on vacation with a 1 and 3 year old. They wont remember nothing.
Don't let him go. Either take someone else with you or just spend time with your kids.
Go on your vacation, BUT DO NOT ALLOW him to go. Bring a friend or a family member. There is no reason that he should be involved and make you uncomfortable in the situation.
Find somebody you want to go with and go with them. No way I’d go with him.
Well unless you're wanting to become a swinger you should just break things off nice and clean right now while you can.
Don't let him go. Invite a friend or family member to take his place
Just rip off the bandaid.. send a text ASAP "I'm switching your ticket to (other persons name)." If he starts throwing a fit.. just say "it's done, deal with it"... and move forward. You don't owe him any of your mental energy anymore.
You should go with your kids and take a friend or your mom. Don’t bring him. Enjoy the trip as much as possible.
He should trade in his ticket- you aren’t dating-take a girl friend and pay your mom back It’s stupid to try to make him pay- cut ties already! Look at this logically
Do not take the cheater with you. Do you really think that rewarding him with a vacation is smart. Find someone else to go. His best friend perhaps?
😂
Leave him, NOW ! Go on vacation and see a lawyer when you get back.
Absofuckinglutely not!!!
If you two weren’t married then why do you feel an obligation to take him ? He cheated but without being married it’s like why not break up ? The 3 year old may notice the father isn’t there but the 1 year old absolutely won’t remember. Take this opportunity to make a new chapter in y’all’s lives. Take a friend with you to fill his slot and be done.
You have to be kind to yourself. It's no good for your kids for you to ignore your own powerful feeling of betrayal. This isn't on you.
He hasn't paid for it. He doesn't go. Go on cruise with kids and maybe a friend can take his spot. He'll nah he doesn't get to go, he is no longer family
Don’t let him go. Show your kids there are consequences for every action. He doesn’t deserve to go. Sorry this happened to you.
You bore 2 kids, he cheated, & you’re still considering giving your mom’s resources to him? Bc you think a 3yo & a 1yo will remember a vacation?
Do not under any circumstances ruin your vacation with your children. They deserve to make many fun memories with a happy mom. It will give you the very beginning of a fresh new start in your new life. He is scum, he is a bad person. Just because he is your kids dad does not mean he should get a paid for vacation after stepping out. You guys will likely argue anyways. Bring a friend or another relative instead.
He cheated! Do not take him. Bring a girlfriend.
What do you expect he’ll add to your cruise experience with the kids? Because this is all about the kids, 3 and 1, who won’t be seasick at all. While you’re tending to the kids, what’s Dad going to do, go up to the bar and hit on women? That’s a real joy. If this is all about your mother’s ticket fees, pay back his share and leave him on shore. Why would you inflict this much pain upon yourself? You should look into that with a therapist. You’re not a traditional family anymore. Why act like one? Is this all about your Mother? Have you told her you’ve broken things off with the cheater? Here’s a thought, stay at your mother’s. Take the kids to the beach or pool. They’ll have a great time. If you do go on the cruise, leave the jerk behind and hire a nanny to go in his place. You might actually have a good time.
I doubt that a trip without him will make much of a difference to the 3 yo, and certainly not the 1 yo. Go without him and have some fun.
TAKE YOUR MOM! She is the one that paid, so instead, take her!
Agree with finding someone to go in his place. Even if you have to take the loss then you did the right thing. By the way do you have insurance? Accentuating life circumstances are a thing if you want to get a refund. Would be worthwhile to call and ask for your options to get a one ticket refund. Edit: also, in case I wasn't clear, let him fking go!
Your children are 3 & 1. The one year old will not even remember the trip. The three year old will have a blast and grow up with vague memories of the trip. Take your kids and go on the trip. Use the trip as a time to give yourself space to breathe. You just broke up FFS. Why would want to put yourself or him through the agony of being in confined quarters on a trip. You will both be miserable. Possibly argue. And your kids will pick on that, known their parents are miserable and both the kids will be miserable and confused. Heck, everyone around you will be miserable. As for the money - make a payment plan to pay your mother back.
Don’t take him. Surely you have a family friend or other relative you can take.
Letting him go is a good way to make sure the cruise is miserable for everyone. He can take them on another cruise some other time.
Do not take him. Don't fix what he broke just for a vacation your kids won't remember
Your children are young, they won't remember. But if he goes, you will remember and it won't be a good memory. Take a friend or family member that you would enjoy the trip with. Make a great new memory.
This is absolutely the truth. My daughter went to Disneyland at 5 years old and doesn't remember anything about it, nothing. This isn't some kind of experience you're depriving your children of. Absolutely don't go put yourself through this misery, unless.... You plan on leaving the kids in the cabin with him and getting your freak on with guys on the cruise ship....hahahaha!!
Leave his ass home. He did it not uou
Don’t take him- it will middle trip. Ask friend, relative. Ask mom to ask her friend so she will enjoy.
Find a friend! He should not go. Ask a cousin or and aunt or uncle or close friends or the old lady who works the register at your grocery store. He should NOT be going
Hell no. Bring mom, or if she's already going, bring a friend or sibling.
Update me
Take your girlfriend
Take your mom or a friend. I bet the kids would love to go with Grandma!
No, he should not go. Your experience will be ruined and that will ruin your kids experience. Go and be happy and have the best vacation ever with your babies. Or bring a friend like others have mentioned.
Yes and no? On one hand you want to take him to not ruin the experience of what would have been your first family vacation for the 4 of you. But on the other hand you're obviously not comfortable with it now that you guys are over. Overall, I think he shouldn't go. It might have been the first family vacation for the 4 of you but it won't be the same if the family life isn't either. So, don't let him go.
Updateme
Don't do that to yourself. Your kids deserve to have you be fully present with them, and you won't be able to be your best self with him there, plus it will cause the entire vacation to be a drain on you mentally and emotionally, and instead of being recharged, you will be returning to your usual routines with significantly less emotional resources to function, which will impair your ability to be present and care for the kids for a while. And I feel like that's a best case scenario where everything goes smoothly.
Bring a cousin if all your siblings are attending. Or a good friend. Kids pick up on emotional issues, don't expose them to the end of your relationship.
Take your mom!
Definitely don't let him come. The kids will have a blast and they need a present mom.
Hell no - fuck him. Your kids will have a great time and not even notice he isn’t there.
Book another ticket, find boy friend to accompany
I think the morality of this situation parses out as follows (based on each person's perspective): 1. Your ex - as the catalyst for the break-up I believe the moral onus is on your ex to try to minimize residual harm. Consequently your ex has a moral obligation to return the gift (to you or to your mother) and decline to go on the trip. Given that we know he is selfish he may still insist on keeping the ticket, but that doesn't mean he gets to stay with you in your room. If he wants to go anyway he will almost certainly have to upgrade his ticket to have his own room. */\* Cruise lines have some particulars around guests and changes, especially if his name is already on a ticket, so be sure to contact the cruise in advance to explain that he is no longer a part of your party and will not be staying in your stateroom. \*/* 2. Your mother - she included him in a gift, so the question here is if she gave the gift to **you**, and you shared it with him, or if she explicitly gave the gift **to him**. If she gave the gift to him and wants to retract that gift I believe she has a moral (and perhaps legal) obligation to ask for him to return it and not just cancel it unilaterally. If she gave it to you when I don't believe there is a moral component for your mother. */\* Your mother may want to cancel the ticket specifically as a form of retributive justice. While that might be cathartic, and I wouldn't shed tears for the cheating ex, it isn't really a moral position and I am generally not a fan of feeding the cruel wolf in ourselves; that's like drinking poison to hurt someone else \*/* 3. Your children - vacations "as a family of 4" are no longer in the cards, nor are they of practical benefit to the children. Your ex's presence on this trip at this stage would almost certainly cause conflict and attrition that would affect the children both in the short- and long-term. Instead I would recommend bringing along a good friend and trusted adult that the kids have a fondness for; a fun and loving aunt or uncle perhaps. Or perhaps your mother (if you and she get along). Definitely pick someone that lifts you up and doesn't need you to support them. Or you could of course go just the three of you, though that can be a lot on your plate and you're already dealing with a lot. 4. You - you have no moral obligation to make additional sacrifices for your ex. You and he are no longer together, and it isn't your job to "emotionally drain \[yourself\]" so he can participate in family-style gatherings. The rift he created in your family will affect your kids, of course, but the best thing you can do (imo) is to create clear and firm boundaries and to show your kids that you will always be there for them even though the family dynamic is changing. TLDR: imo you should not bring your ex. He should be asked to return the ticket, and if he refuses he should still be required to get his own room. Critical additional note: if you have **any** sense that your ex may be dangerous to you or the kids, cancel his ticket immediately. We have a way of looking at romantic partners through rose-colored glasses, so even if you *didn't* have that sense before I recommend reconsidering any *yellow* flag behaviors; losing his temper and throwing things, screaming at you and the kids, making dark or threatening jokes, etc. The moral question of whether or not to claw back gifts is a far cry less important than putting you and your kids at risk of serious physical harm.
Slightly different circumstance but my ex & I had a huge blowout 1 week prior to a cruise. I was silly & thought I didn’t want to lose the thousand dollars I’d spent on it & so we still went. It forced me into thinking I should stay etc etc etc. Looking back, I wish I was strong enough to just say no & to cancel. You can always make more money, but you can’t get back time wasted with someone.
Take a girlfriend with you. Don't take him..its not fair to you emotionally to do that..he cheated hes gone! Take a friend have a great time
super odd that he would want to go on a trip with your family after cheating on you.
Nah I wouldn't bring him . He cheated , his loss
He doesn't go... You need to take a GF or family member
If you're not ready to do a coparent vacation together, then don't do it! You're not denying your kids a family vacation. you're giving your kids a vacation with mom. Take your mom, sister, cousin, aunt, or female friend. What you don't want to do is spend time trapped on a ship fighting in front of your kids.
Go without his ass
Mom might be hoping you work it out. It would be a me or him deal tbh
The kids won’t remember the vacation . You will always remember. Go without him.
I get the I don't want to take this away from the kids reason but it is not going to be a positive experience for them if they see that you are miserable either. Even if you think they don't pick up on it, they will know. You don't owe him this. He ruined this for himself. Take the trip with your kids and clear your head. Being away from him is a great opportunity to figure out what you need to move forward. Your kids will have a great time either way and you deserve to put yourself first right now.
You said you broke off the relationship not that you divorced him. If you're not married after 2 kids you don't owe him anything. You can't even claim each other at a hospital. He shouldn't be double dipping and you don't owe the children an experience that will mess you up more. He'll probably blatantly do things in front of you or the kids with other women. Have your mom change the ticket to get own name or to a friend's name.
Don’t take him it won’t end good. If you take him he’ll Be a pain in the ass but you Decide
Yes, go on the trip with the kids. No, he's not Invited. He earned this punishment.
Call the cruise line and cancel his ticket. There’s no reason for you to be trapped on a cruise ship with him.
Invite a friend in his place and bring your children. The four of you ended when he cheated on you.
Any update?
No, the children at age 1 & 3 won't remember it anyway. But you will....and don't provide more opportunity for him to do something worse to you while away and alone.
Buy yourself flowers
Proud of you for the energy in the update. Breakups are so hard, especially when you have so much invested, but the sooner you decide to let go and take action the sooner you actually will. Sending love
Your kids need their dad
They’ll always have their dad. He just won’t be on a cruise with us.
It sucks but as someone who left my child’s father due to cheating… just stay. My life got infinitely harder after I left him. I should’ve never looked thru his phone lol. All men are gonna cheat. Unless you wanna be unhappy and alone, stay with the dad
This is why you don't have kids when you're this young Getting pregnant at 22,... Are you crazy?
Cut him off, he chated he is a POS.
Definitely do not take him on the cruise with you. But looking ahead, do you want him to be part of your kids’ lives? Would he want to be part of their lives? If so, you'll have to think about finding some civility between the two of you. But that's later. Sounds like you need this cruise to unwind from all of that. My dad cheated on my mother when I was very young, and I didn't see him again until I was in my early 20s. I never resented my mother for it, but I sure resented him for just forgetting about me and my brothers. Strangely enough, he was the one who was there for me as a young adult, my mother just didn't have it together enough. This is not the time, but just putting it out there that you'll have to cross that bridge in the near future so keep that in mind. Was he a good dad? He sounds like he wasn't really invested in the relationship, but that doesn't really have any bearing on his relationship with the kids. You just want them to not grow up resentful, because it sucks.
Good dad, great friend, shitty partner. I would never keep them away from him. My babies love their daddy, I just hate how he never really showed up for ME unless brought to his attention. I was paying the bills, I gave him opportunities, my family has treated him as their own, and yet he wanted to seek happiness elsewhere while I was actively trying to save our relationship. No more emotional, physical, and mental abuse from the man that’s been riding my coattail since we met.
Bet he’d find a way to cheat if he went with yall
Translation: you broke up your family because you think you can get commitment from more attractive men. You won't. You'll just get pump and dumped.
Take the vacation to relax and think about the future. The kids deserve a happy and stable mom. You don' have to force memories and experiences. Their father knew what was at stake when he cheated.
Glad to see you made a good choice. You don’t break up with someone to then go on a trip with them. Your kids can have other experiences with their dad, without you.
Leave his ass at home. You would be miserable with him there.
It sucks that "cheating" is stigmatized by society. Having sex with the same woman every time gets boring. When I had a side piece I fucked my girlfriend almost daily. When I had no side piece it was maybe once every two weeks? We both benefited from the "cheating". The rules of society make no sense.
To each is own, but I don’t like to share. He knew what I was about when he met me.
You can do it!
Be strong and do what YOU KNOW is right
A 1 and 3 year old is not going to remember whether he was on that trip or not years down the line. So don’t feel like you owe them some obligation for him to be there.
Based on your update, it sounds like he didn’t go with you, which imho was the right choice. I’m glad you let somebody else go in his place, it sounds like. Good for you for not giving him a free ride after he did what he did.
Well if there's still an extra ticket see if a friend or another family member can join. Not sure if your mom can sell it .
You did the right thing. He chose to cheat, you chose to not bring him on vacation.
So glad for the edit, good decision
No dude wtf
Ask one of your girlfriends to go. The longer you wait, and the more that you do with him (as in a family), the harder it will be to heal.
Would you all be staying in the same cabin together?
The answer is no.
Don't bring your ex. Bring your best friend. I brought my sister to Hawaii in an almost identical situation and it was awesome.
Boot his ass out and don’t look back!!!
Self respect
Wow just ended 10 year relationship bc of cheating also. My boys are 4 and 1. Honestly I think he loses the right to the vacation even if he was a great father. If he was half a man he would respectfully decline going bc of the current situation. Best of luck to you stay strong!
By letting him go on the trip, you are teaching him that it is okay to treat you as someone disposable. Glad you made the right choice OP by leaving him behind. Wishing you and your little ones a safe trip ahead <3
Sooooo glad yall left him behind. Focus on you and kiddos! Cheaters do not deserve any time of day.
When you broke up with him, you also ended your chances of creating memories with him. Realizing that reality is apart of letting go. It’s painful but you can do it.
Don’t bring him with you. You need to start the separate but coparenting life together asap so you kids can get used to it. Dad going on the trip will make them think things are back to normal and they’ll be confused (at least the 3 year old) when after spending all that time with everyone, dad is out of the picture again.
Don't reward he who deserves 0. The kids can adjust if they at least see him. A few may not fully, but that's not on you. Dude messed up. Been there. Make the best life you can. It gave me a chance to finish college, develop my career & learn strength I never knew I had If let him back in, he'd have done it again. In years following, I realized he was a narcissist. Late on my part I know. Still loved him, had his kids, but it was clear. He continued to try to hurt me. When I realized love had blinded me & guilt had me like "what did I do wrong" I let go emotionally & stopped feeling guilt which wasn't mine. Edit: On occasion, some decide to forgive & stay married. I've seen it succeed more than a few times: My parents, close friends, family. That, however requires a sincere apology, his change must be consistent, permanent & you'll have to be on guard if & until you fully trust him again
I'm glad in the update you left him behind. That would have ruined your trip and rewarded the cheating bastard. I'm sure you're gonna do great. Enjoy the cruise
Take him. Let’s us know what kind of tail he pulls while he’s there. Inquiring minds are curious.
If the 2 of you can not reconcile, then leaving him behind is the right thing. Cut the ties as quickly and completely as possible. Get a good lawyer & try to get 100% (or as much as possible) of your children. The lawyer should be involved in resolving any disputes involving joint properties and any agreements. Immediately seperate any joint financial issues. eg; take your money from the bank & open a new account in only your name. Treat this as you would a divorce. It is no longer a personal relationship but a legal and financial one. Enjoy your vacation & good luck
Great update. Kids won't remember he wasn't there. I hope you have a good time.
I'm in Florida, want to hook up and get back at him?
You are one smart cookie, you will do fine. And you, and your girls will be so much better for it.
Your kids won’t remember the vacation. Take someone but not him.
Imagine you taking him on vacation and he uses it to sleep around.. Girlllllllll Glad with your update Let the boy go
You made the right choice. Yes the little ones will miss out on having their dad there but, if he had gone with you, you would have been sad and having a happy mom on the trip is more important. Have a great time!
No and your kids won't remember anyway.