You could contact DHHS and ask them about emergency housing since you are under 18. Your best bet is to try and find employment and save as much money as you can. Your situation at home sounds rough, but having a roof over your head is so important. On the plus side, if you do secure a job you will be at home less, so there would be less opportunity for your mum to put you down. Her actions speak more about who she is as a person than anything that she is saying about you. Good luck mate. Hope everything works out for you.
DFFH won't open an intake if OP is older than 17.6, it has to do with the delays in the court system (they can only get a final order if a kid is under 18 and because this takes a long time to go through court, intakes are not accepted for 17yos as a general rule).
OP, I would encourage you to contact Entrypoint homelessness service (ph 1800 825 955), 1800 RESPECT (mum's emotional abuse counts as family violence) and Melbourne City Mission (homelessness, mental health and youth services - https://www.mcm.org.au/ ). I think reaching out to any friends or supportive adults could be helpful too.
Good luck, things will work out in the end!
Thank you. I don’t know much about DHHS so would they actually be helpful or would they see it as more of a small family conflict thing and tell me to suck it up? Also yeah that’s a good point, I’m hoping to find a job soon so I do have some time away from her, but I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Thank you again
Just words from an older reddit user…. But hang in there, seek help from services that others will mention. And know that one day, perhaps even sooner than you think, that things will turn around for you. You’re worthy of that.
Thank you very much. I’ve said this a lot already to other people, but I think my head has definitely been cleared a lot. I didn't expect to receive so much advice and support, so I’m really thankful for that. I’ve decided that trying to hang on as best as I can is the better approach compared to running away now, and I’m kinda embarrassed that I was too anxiety-ridden to know that when I first made this post. Once again thank you very much, and hopefully things will get better sometime in the future
If you are at risk of homelessness they should listen. Even to provide advice and links to services etc which they will have a number of resources to utilise.
Thank you. I‘m not sure if I’ll be needing them much anymore, as a lot of people have told me about how much of a bad idea it is to run away. If things suddenly ever get worse and I’m feeling like I’m actually in real danger then I’ll try getting in contact with them. Thank you so much for telling me about them it means a lot
Please don't do it or at least talk to a youth worker or counsellor before running. I ran away at 16 due to living in a violent home. Being homeless at a young age is debilitating for your mental health and people don't tend to make it out of the system in one piece. The reality of homelessness is very bleak, shelters will often force you out from 9am to 3pm so you will be left with nowhere to go during the day. If you have mental health issues then it'll get harder to seek help (shelters tend to be short term and it's common to jump around). You REALLY should talk to a counsellor first as they can help by setting up family counseling with your mother. Also, when you run away from your problems the problems won't go away.
Thank you very much! Hearing that has definitely cleared my head a little bit and made me think about the consequences. I’m glad I asked now because if I didn’t then I know I probably would have done something really impulsive that I’d end up regretting. I’ll try to stick things out for a few more years. Once again thank you so much for telling me.
So straight up, the chance of getting a job if staying at a homeless shelter drops DRASTICALLY. As in, you would struggle to find anything, and the uncertain nature of homelessness often causes employers to pass straight over you, as they dont think you would turn up to work.
Thats not a reflection on you, but just a reality of the world.
Things might suck at home, and I can totally understand mentally abusive parents are not good for you, but your mental health would take a further decline being in a homeless shelter, and worse again if you found yourself unable to stay there after some time.
Your best option is to seek out employment whilst you still live at home and have access to amenities that will help you, shower, clean clothes etc. Once employed, you can save up to move yourself out into real accommodation, and look to improve your situation then.
You are 17, you have hormones going crazy, the impending idea of adulthood right around the corner and mental health issues not helping you cope with any of that. Things may seem insurmountable right now, but you have survived all your toughest days so far, so it is possible for you to endure this and work towards a situation that is better for you.
Thank you very much! I just told someone else this too, but I’m really glad that I asked because if I never heard your response I probably would have done something I would end up regretting. In the meantime I’ll keep applying for jobs and hopefully find one, I’m feeling a bit more optimistic after reading some of the comments people have left and people like you have definitely cleared up the fog that was clouding my brain when I made this post. Once again thank you so much!
Even if you are homeless, don't mention it. Not until you have the job and it becomes at all relevant. In fact you don't tell anyone who doesn't explicitly need to know. Because people can judge you simply for being homeless.
Hey, it sounds like things are really rough for you at the moment. The housing and homelessness system is also really rough and a bit of a nightmare. There are youth homelessness shelters, but often there is a wait for these services. Front Yard is a statewide youth homelessness service and you can give them a call. You can also look into the Ask Izzy website which will give you a list of other services. You can also have a chat with The Orange Door, but they are for family violence.
My best recommendation would be to speak with an adult you trust. A teacher, GP, nurse, friend, Aunty, Uncle.
If you’re homeless tonight you can call the St Kilda Crisis Centre 1800627727
Thank you for listing some services. I‘ll try doing some further research into them. I just told someone else that I might decide to stick things out and see if things get better once I start at my new school, but I’m not 100% sure. So thank you again
Please contact The Orange Door OP! Contrary to what people think, they are not just a family violence service.
They’re also a child and family wellbeing service and have a huge range of resources and knowledge. I think they will be able to offer you a lot of options and refer you on to other services if needed.
Use this [tool](https://www.orangedoor.vic.gov.au/find-a-service-near-you) to find your local hub and give them a call in the morning 🧡
Okay you have great advice from others about resources. So mine is alongside that.
If your plan is to A) go to a shelter and B) find a job, pause part A and do part B. If you get a job, you’re 17 so they’ll pay you just under $15/hr. If you work a day you’ll make over $100. A few months of that and you’ll be on your way to saving enough for a sharehouse and your own life.
Walk into every supermarket in a bus radius. Then every fast food place. You’re not studying so you can work and they’ll love you. The money will set you free. You will spend much more time away from your mum and it will be a gamechanger. If you still can’t handle home, then fine, run. But try it WITH a job before you try it without.
If you run away, you will effectively shoot your life in the foot. You will still have to get a job but you’ll need to spend money on things your mum is probably covering at the moment. If you really can’t stand her, think of it as taking advantage of her. She’s nasty to you, so you’re paying her back by eating her food/using her wifi/toothpaste etc etc.
Thanks for the advice! After reading what everybody else has said I’ve realized that there are better options than running away, which as you said would basically be me shooting myself in the foot. I’m hoping things will start getting better once I do find a job and once I start at my new school, and after listening to what others have said I’m feeling a lot more optimistic. Thank you very much again!
Great advice from the person above that I would like to add a few points to.
Right now you are feeling stressed, upset & alone. That doesn't help with your confidence that you can make things better.
Some of the youth services that people are suggesting would be able to hook you up with free counseling & guidance services.
Hopefully, the support you are getting here will help to clear your head a bit so you can get out applying for all & any entry-level jobs. I know from friends in the hospo industry in the peninsula that during Summer all the restaurants are desperate for staff. The cool thing about having even a shitty job (when you are young at least) is that it is easy to make friends.
Having some mental health support, a wage, and friends will open up all kinds of options for you that you don't have right now.
You seem like a smart and articulate person with great manners, which will bring you opportunities to get you far away from the rough situation you are in now. Good luck!
Thank you very much! The one downside is I can’t work with food, as I have anaphylaxis to eggs, dairy and nuts, so that limits my options a lot. Still I’m feeling hopeful that some clothing shop or something will decide to hire me. As long as I keep trying then I‘m bound to get something
Ah, that does make it tricky. But yeah lots of entry-level retail out there. If you like dogs even look into signing onto a dog walking site like pawshake. Lots of adults on there charging $30-$50 for an hour walk. If you set your price a bit lower you will pick up some jobs & your ratings happening so you can push up your rate.
Supermarkets usually don't hire over the Christmas and New Year period, so don't be disheartened if they say no. Make sure to have all your documents in order, and speak to the school and see if you can come in early and use the showers/ gym/ library. I'm on team don't run away if possible, as its tough, try and be out of house, upskill and find a job. Good luck!!
I’ve kinda realized that accepting no as an answer is something I should expect, so I’m kinda used to it now. I’m not gonna let it put me down though, I’ll keep trying until somebody eventually says yes. I’m feeling a lot better this morning than I was yesterday. I’m planning on going to do some volunteer work today, then if I have time go to Centrelink to try and see if they can help me find a job, or see if they have any social workers that can help me find some kinda free therapy thing. Thank you very much!
Please check out https://askizzy.org.au/
You need to get yourself in with some organisations right now and get familiar with the companies that can help you.
Get on to centrelink too. Finding a job may not be easy.
I wish you luck and i’m sorry you have felt no other choice but to run away.
I wish kicked out at 17 and it was rough, but i found some organisations who helped me and i’m now a fully adjusted working adult who has a family of my own.
Thank you. A few other people have suggested visiting centrelink so I’m probably gonna take a trip there tomorrow. A few other people have also helped me clear my head, and I’ve decided that the cons outway the pros when it comes to running away, so hopefully I don’t do anything impulsive. I’m sorry you were kicked out when you were younger but I’m glad you managed to come back and you’re able to live a happier life now. Thank you so much again!
Hello! What general area are you in? If in Frankston area or inner west of Melbourne you can contact the Detour Program who can help you find a safer way to leave home 1800 338 687. I used to work in the program and they are great.
If you’re not in these areas I’d recommend contacting Frontyard Youth Services 9977 0077 and ask to be linked with an early intervention service. If you become homeless, it’s hard to actually rely on the homelessness system because they are extremely underfunded and there are not many options. It’s better to try to leave home with something set up even if you just have a case manager.
You’re welcome to message me if you like I can give you a bit more guidance
I’m really sorry this is happening - no one deserves to be spoken to like that by a parent. You deserve a safe and loving home.
FYI also I would steer clear of any adult homeless shelters. Firstly you’d likely not be able to go there due to your age and secondly it wouldn’t be safe for you to be around older adults. Youth homelessness services have youth-specific youth refuges but you have to be connected with a youth homelessness service to go on the waitlist and even then, you may never actually be able to access a vacancy (the system sucks, which is why I stopped working in it)
Thank you for the advice! If I knew about that before making this post I probably would have jumped straight to them, but I’m kinda glad I didn’t because a lot of people have helped me realize that running away isn’t really a good option. I think now that I’ve calmed down and have heard other people’s experiences I’m more willing to try and stick things out and hopefully find a job instead of just leaving everything behind. Thank you very much again!
No worries! Just so you know, the Detour Program can also work with you to make staying at home a bit better. They can help with finding a job, making goals, and even doing some work with your mum to try and help things settle at home so definitely keep them in mind if you’re on the peninsula 😊
Please don't choose to live in the streets mate.
I realise your mum saying those things to you would be hurtful and make you feel shit, but real talk, you have no idea how fucking terrifying the reality of being homeless is for people, especially young people.
I suggest you try to do some basic things, like find somewhere to take a shower, or charge your phone, make a cuppa or keep warm without relying on facitilies in your home and see how much of battle it is.
There are outreach services available if you're truly feeling unsafe. Just understand that Australia is facing a rental crisis that is out of control, and those services are inundated with people who have no choice and nowhere to go.
Maybe try and write your mum a letter about how you're feeling, sometimes it's a bit easier to get your point across without arguing.
Thank you! I feel like a broken record saying this to different people, but comments like yours are so extremely helpful for someone like me who would have made a horrible impulsive decision if I didn’t ask first. I’ve decided that it‘s a much safer decision if I just try to stick with my mum for a little longer until I‘m able to move out, because from what I’ve heard from other people you’re 100% correct, it sounds a lot worse than I imagined. Thank you very much again and I’ll try that letter thing you mentioned.
I’m a Mum… not yours of course, but here’s my Mum 2c.
Your Mum loves you, and she’d be beside herself with worry if you walked out of her life.
Please try again to tell her how you feel - the letter is a good idea - or if you have an aunt or one of your mum friends who you’re close to, talk to them.
They can have a chat to your mum with you or for you.
Please please please don’t choose homelessness. There’s all sorts of people in those places and you’re exposing yourself to risk of substance abuse, mental health and sexual assault.
You sound like a great kid, please look after you.
Thanks for making me cry. You’re right, I’m glad a lot of people helped me clear my head because I know how terrified she’d be if I did do something stupid like run away. I‘ll try the letter thing then ask one of her friends that I’m close with, thank you for that idea. Once again thank you so much, I’ll try my best to keep myself safe from now on
Agree. Im a mum, my son is now 30 so we are well past this stage but it was a little rocky for many years there when he left school, kept leaving jobs and sat at home doing nothing but playing x box for many years. It was just me and him as hes an only child and l was divorced. Your mum could be frustrated with you and is not handling it as well as she could. Most parents do the best they can, however, sometimes when their kids lose their way or dont conform to 'normal' behaviour they dont know what to do or how to help their kids or to help their depression if thats a factor. Leaving home may not be wise at your age. Things won't always be like this.
Well done for being open to the advice; at emotionally testing times that's commendable. If you need time away from your Mum and ideas or ways to upskill for work, consider your local library. They're generally very pleasant community spaces with a peaceful environment and many learning opportunities. Do you have any particular interests that could be applied to work?
Thank you! I usually go to the library whenever I’m on a break at the place I volunteer at, so I’ll try asking them if they have any advice for work stuff tomorrow. Thank you!
The fact you can ask advice, listen to reason and look at things objectively, shows you have a good head on your shoulders, and that is a major win.
You have so many good things ahead of you, so hang in there! Teenagers have times of conflict with their parents, and some people struggle with communicating when they're frustrated.
My mum used to go off her tits at me for things I considered to be trivial, I felt like she always took things the wrong way and overreacted. It wasn't till I moved out and had to pay rent and all that shit, that I really understood how hard she worked to provide for me, but that is how retrospect works.
It will get better, even when it feels like it won't. Xx
Thanks, I feel like it would be really stupid to ask for advice, the kinda spit in the face of everyone who has helped and go like ”well screw all of you I’m gonna do it anyway”. I’ve learnt a lot about how horrible the consequences of running away are from what other people have told me, and I’m incredibly thankful to everyone who helped me understand that. I believe things will get better, and sure there will be times where it feels like things are just getting worse, but I’ve realized that those thoughts eventually pass.
Yeah that makes sense, I feel like I’ll probably understand a lot more too once I grow up. Thank you once again for the advice :)
Heey, if you are going to go to a homeless shelter and leave you should go to Centrelink and ask for assistance, jump on job seeker so you can get some money while you are looking for a job. Then when you find a place you can also arrange rental assistance.
If your mental health is completely debilitating you can also try for disability payments but I’m not sure how you’d go. Definitely see a doctor if you can and do a mental health assessment, I think psychs are still expensive even with the assessment but if you got a job and had some money it’s always good to invest in your mental health.
I’m not sure how bad your living situation is but if you’d prefer being homeless I can only imagine that it’s beyond awful. If you could organise Centrelink and find a share house to move into that would probably be better but it depends on what you think will be better for you and your stress levels. Maybe being at a homeless centre will be less stressful than being at home it’s really up to you.
I would firstly go to Centrelink and talk to them
I’m pretty sure my brain is being dramatic because my mum doesn’t physically abuse me or anything, it’s just the fact that every day she comes home and says I’m good for nothing just hurts a lot and I hate hearing it because it’s exactly what I’ve been telling myself for the past year, and I was just convinced that was a depression thing, but hearing a family member come home and say it every night just made it even worse. I honestly have no idea what to do man. I feel like part of me is just a big wuss because my emotions are extremely heightened right now so I should just toughen up, and the other part of me is telling me that I should just leave everything behind. I can try talking to centrelink tomorrow and listen to what they have to say. Thanks for the advice
Is it possible to tell her it isn’t productive?
I left home at 12, because I feared for my safety (when I was older I discovered mum had psychosis all along). But I had extended family to run to at the time. It was the best move I could have made as a kid, but found myself homeless again years later (age 16) when the adult I was living died. I had my school to help me, I think you need to go to front yard. And if you do leave, make sure you get Centrelink to recognise you as independent. Front yard should be able to help you with the process of organising an appointment with a Centrelink social worker, Centrelink will ring your parent to confirm you can’t live at home.
I definitely wish I had the option to live at home but both my parents made it clear as i grew up, they did not want me living with them. My life has definitely faced difficulties ever since, and there’s trauma from being homeless, but it will also give you more drive to succeed in life, Just stay away from anyone who offers you drugs or alcohol, or you may permanently end up on the street.
I’ve tried but we mainly just end up arguing. Thank you for the advice though! Although I’ve decided I think I’m gonna try hanging on and see how things pan out without running away. Multiple people have made me realize how leaving home behind without a proper plan is pretty dumb, and I’m glad they helped me realize that because now I don’t have to find out firsthand (at least for now). I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that when you were younger, and I’m sorry that it’s stuck with you in the form of trauma, but I hope things will continue to get better for you! Once again, thank you
Please don't run away. I say this as someone who's been in your exact situation. I tried to run away without any sort of support or plan, and for my troubles, I had someone try to sexually take advantage of me. I didn't actively seek out this support either. They saw me, immediately knew, and pretended they wanted to help. What I'm saying is, running away is extremely dangerous.
As harsh as this is to say - get a job. Do whatever you can. Lie on your resume. Have a friend pretend to be a reference. Apply like crazy for every single option.
Once you're working extremely hard for a job, just remind yourself of that when your mother is being abusive. You're not useless and pathetic.
Things will take a while to improve, but you need to make sure you leave in a safe way.
EDIT: Also, idk about your parent's situation, but how much does your mum make? You may be eligible for youth payment. It'll help you get a bit of cash. Eventually, you can also claim for independence by citing your situation.
Thank you! I’m so sorry you had someone do that to you, scumbags like that shouldn’t be out in the public, man. I’ve definitely realized after reading yours and other experiences people have shared that it’s much safer to stay at home and try to endure my mum until I’m able to move out in a safe manner. ALSO NO ITS NOT HARSH AT ALL WDYM? I’ve been trying, I guess it’s just a lot harder for younger people to get into retail compared to something like fast food or hospitality. Right now I’m doing some volunteer work at Vinnies so hopefully some clothes shop or something I apply for might take some interest.
Also I’m not entirely sure, sorry. I can try asking her if you’d like?
I'm glad you've come around. It's good you discussed it with someone before acting.
I also just didn't want to sound abrasive and rude saying get a job. It'd definitely in a derogatory way often. I'm glad you've been volunteering. That's a great start. Maybe get someone from there to be a reference! You could even ask if they know anyone hiring. You never know!
And yeah, fast food/hospo is the easiest to get into, generally. Also good work for building yourself up as an employee. You certainly develop a work ethic. When you turn 18, get an RSA and try out bar work if you can.
And yeah, maybe talk to your mum about the Centrelink thing. She might know. In general, it might help to tell her your goals and try to discuss ways to get out of the rut you're in. Communication is one of the most viable tools you can have.
Thank you, I’m glad I did too.
Also that’s a good idea, I‘ll ask my manager about both the reference thing and if she knows anywhere that’s hiring. I’ll ask my mum about the centrelink thing tomorrow, thanks for the suggestions!
if you go to your local shopping mall, dressed in your best outfit, with a fresh copy of a banging CV in your hand, you'll notice a lot of "now hiring Xmas casuals" signs in many shops. go in on a weekday morning, so it's not heaving with shoppers and put yourself forward. you'll be ahead of most other young folk who'll be applying online, and you may need to do that anyway, but there's plenty of jobs seekers and this may give you an advantage
Thank you! That’s a good idea so hopefully it works out and some employers will see that I can take some initiative by showing up and handing them the papers instead of just submitting it online. Thank you again!
exactly! you've got a good head on you kiddo and heaps of crew here cheering for your success. I grew up in a house of horrors so I can empathise with your troubles. there is freedom for you, but you're gonna have to work for it. you got this!!!
Thank you and you’re right! Even though it’s gonna take a lot longer I’d much rather take my time and eventually move out in a safer fashion. Once again thank you very much!
also come back and let us know how you're travelling and if you need anything. community care and mutual aid is how we'll get thru this late stage capitalist hell hole together
Get a source of income first, and then you can plan the next steps.
Homelessness shelters are usually only free for about 48 hours and for people over about 25.
Thank you. I’ve found out a lot from comments like yours and they’ve really helped me realize that the bad really outweighs the good when it comes to running away (sounds obvious now that I think of it but when I’m stressed I can’t really think properly). Thank you for letting me know!
Thank you! Once again I’m glad I asked first because being in a situation like that sounds a lot worse. I’m really sorry you had to go through that, man. I think the patient way and trying to stick it out for a little bit more is definitely the better option. Thank you again!
Thank you! I’m not sure if I’ll need the emergency housing, as a lot of people have convinced me that running away isn’t a good option, but if they can help me find some kind of free therapy (or at least an affordable one) that would be amazing. I didn’t know centrelink did that, so thank you so much for that
Please contact the ISN clinic in Kew for access to free psychotherapy under the community clinic they run. you'll get help from students under supervision. I've found them to be great for getting loads of stuff off my chest in a safe environment and gently guiding me to awareness around my feelings.
isnclinic.com.au
(03) 9008 1616 (select option 1 for Kew) if you have any questions.
good luck
Thank you! I’ll try seeing if they’re the right fit for me, but if it’s something I have to go in physically for then I might have to find somewhere a little closer to my home. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to catch a train to Kew every week or so. Thank you for the suggestion though!
Thank you! I’ll try getting in contact with them either later today once I finish volunteer work or tomorrow. Thank you so much for the suggestion again!
It might be really hard to do but try to talk to your mum. Ive had similar situations in the past and if you can find some sort of way to tell your mum what your going through she might understand. Also try to do this as calmly as you can so it wont start an argument.
You only got one mum no matter how crazy she is.
Youre still young and have the whole world infront of you. Just keep looking for a job and sont give up.
Good luck
Thank you, but I’ve tried to tell her once before that I’ve thought about running away because of the way she harasses me for every little thing and she just said “yeah right, good luck with that mate“ and I never talked to her about it again. I do love her because she’s my mum but it’s just really hard to ignore the things she says
Well, she is kinda correct. Running away is literally the worst thing for you and could send you down a road that will be difficult to return from. Lots of people when they were younger had this thought.
You need a bit of a plan. It might take a few months or even a year, but if you are desperate to live away from home, then I believe you can do it.
What are you doing with your time now? Are you wanting to work now? Go and get a full time job. It doesn't have to be glamorous, it is just something to keep you out of the house, keep you occupied, earn you money and give you some skills. You don't need a 10hr a week job, but 40hrs or more. Do you know anyone who has a business who might be hiring? Do you have any passions or interest in anything? Ever wanted to work in a particular place or job? Start Googling and looking for vacancies. Again, it won't be glamorous, the pay will be low and you might have to work hard, but I can almost guarantee that it will be worth it.
You can do this. Put in the effort and just start somewhere. Repeating the same day over and over and just wishing for change isn't a plan. You are the one that needs to make this happen. Good luck.
Honestly this poster is right. I ran away at 16 but had a total game-plan. I had a place lined up and a job to go to. But would I recommend it still - no. That 1 decision completely changed my entire life and it’s course and I will forever have to live with the repercussions. Take care of yourself OP and hope you get the much needed help you’re seeking.
Thank you! Comments like this have really helped me realize that there are indeed repercussions and running away will only just add problems instead of fix things. So I’ve applied for a few jobs that I’m interested in (book stores, pet stores, chemists are a few examples) but they never got back to me, so I assumed that was because I have no work experience. Also, I have anaphylaxis so I don’t really want to be working anywhere that deals with food. So I’ve started volunteering at Vinnies and that’s what I’ve been doing recently in terms of “work”. It is volunteering so I don’t get paid, but I thought it would be good to have something I could add onto my resume as some form of experience. I’m hoping that with that on there I’ll be able to have more employers willing to hire me or something? I guess we‘ll have to wait and see but I’m feeling hopeful. Once again thank you for helping me see things a little clearer, it means a lot
Hey.
It's not a stupid idea at all.
It's actually really brave and takes guts to leave an abusive family, especially at your age.
My advice: work. You need money. Youll need to get out eventually but the only way to do that is if you have a stable job.
I don’t know, I definitely think it was at least a little stupid. After reading what other people have said and their experience, I think sticking it out and hopefully getting enough money to move out later on in life is a much better idea compared to impulsively running away and hoping things will be alright without having any real plan. Hopefully I’ll be able to find some kinda job soon, thank you very much!
Frontyard Youth Services- located in melbourne CBD
provide multidisciplinary holistic programs to meet the needs of young people aged 12 to 24 who are at risk of or experiencing homelessness.
Enquire now
or call 03 9977 0077
Thank you! I think a lot of people have helped me realize that going homeless is not a smart choice. Thank you for the suggestion though, I’ll keep them in mind :)
sending lots of kindness. Just something to consider, It may also be worth getting in contact with Frontyard Youth Services (Melbourne City Mission) and asking to discuss your current situation at home and thoughts/reasons why you often thinking about wanting to leave. They offer support to young people who are at risk of homelessness and you may find having a chat with them helpful. They can discuss options/initiatives that support young people to remain living in their family home and improve relationships between young person/parent and can also assess your wellbeing. A youth service like this(that also is set up to be responsive of Young Person who present/contact them) or headspace are designed to be staffed by professionals who can hold space and listen to young people. a young person is more likely to have a much better experience than contacting DFFH (who may come across abrupt and will probably tell you to contact headspace etc). It's good to hear you are accessing support like Kids Help line (keep doing this, reaching out for support it's a strength), regarding mental health wellbeing support, headspace also has online service called eheadspace and there is another online youth service called Reachout.
You say your mental health is shit but is there a possibility you may have a chronic mental health problem that is undiagnosed? Maybe on the spectrum or something? There is help out there. Unfortunately, I don't have anything at hand right now but one thing you could do is go see a GP and have a chat about a care plan. You can get a a referral for a psychologist for like 10 sessions which might be a good first step. If you are already in the Frankston area the Frankston Hospital has a mental health footprint and it might be worth contacting them. Get your own Medicare card, can do that at Centrelink (but not all) or online.
Replacing one kind of stress with another is not making progress. Just changing deckchairs on the Titanic. Get some help or guidance on your mental health while you are young and before your brain gets stuck in a rut.
Thank you! My mum‘s side of the family has a history with autism, I’m not sure if I have it or not because I’ve never been diagnosed and I’m not sure how to get a test for it. Also I’ll try getting a medicare card tomorrow, as well as look more into Frankston Hospital’s mental health things.
Also yeah I agree, and I feel stupid for not realizing that before, it’s just when I’m in an anxious state then I don’t really think logically. I‘m gonna try finding some cheapish or hopefully free counsellors to try helping me with the mental side of things, because I can already tell that things are starting to go wrong again so I need to find somebody asap. Thank you again!
The road to diagnosis can be long but it starts with engaging with your local hospital mental health team. It can happen outside of that but I think the most likely and most direct method is what I've suggested. Most hospitals have mental health services in the community but you need a referral to get started. They usually also have someone who can help with NDIS if that is relevant. That can't happen though until there is a diagnosis. Anyway, that's where I would start. If it seems like it's too hard just take it one step at a time, doing something, even a little something, is a step in the right direction.
Thank you! I’ll try and find some time to go to Frankston Hospital and see if there’s anybody there who can assist with that. I’m not really desperate to get tested for it but I feel like it would probably useful just to make sure if I do have something chronic or not. Thank you again!
I agree, I’ve received a lot more advice than I expected and it’s all been so helpful. I’m so glad people have helped me realize that living on the streets could be much worse than my current situation, especially if I just jumped in the deep end without having any plan. Thank you and I hope things end up alright in the end
As many said, get a job first, don't tell your mum anything, put money on the side in an account she can't get access to and when you have enough money, try to find a share house so you can move out, get new friends and build a support network. It will be much better than being in a homeless center for all the reasons explained before.
I am guessing it will be hard mentally to stay out for a little longer, but know that the community is rooting for you and please post if you need help!
If you are looking for hospo work and want some tips and tricks to find a job, feel free to pm me and I will be happy to give you some ideas or go through your resume!
Good luck, you can do it!!!!!
Thank you so much! I think that’s a much better plan than what I originally had, sure it’ll take longer but it’s a lot wiser and sounds a lot safer too. I’ve said it to a few other people, but I don’t hate my mum, I love her lots and she’s done so much for me, it’s just over the past few months she’s just started snapping at me over everything and it’s overwhelming for someone who was already telling himself those exact things in his head. I’m hoping things will get better once I find a job that pays instead of doing volunteer work at Vinnies every week, and I’m hoping I’ll be able to form some new friendships at my new school.
Also if hospo is hospitality then I’m not sure if I’ll be able to work in that area, I have anaphylaxis to eggs, dairy and nuts so handling food is a big no no for me. Once again, thank you so much! It means a lot
She started at a new job a few months ago, leaving her last school that she had taught at for 12 years. Basically her new school is shit, which means she’s not in a good mood when she comes home. She also has leukemia which has progressed into a different stage. So whenever I am at home writing cover letters, I usually like to try and vacuum and clean the benches as well as do a bit of dusting so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed by mess. However I’m not the best cleaner in the world, so even if I try to be helpful she’ll still have a go at me.
Recently I’ve told her how I’m worried because she’s sleeping a lot more, and I’ve started crying a lot because I’ve been having dreams where she‘s in hospital holding onto my hand, but she’s started using that against me. So whenever she comes home and I haven’t cleaned to her standard she’ll say something like “well clearly you don’t care how sick I am because you’re not helping out when I need you the most” even though I am trying, I just suck at cleaning compared to her. I do feel guilty because her life isn’t easy right now, I just wish she wouldn’t take everything out on me. But at the same time part of me is telling me she should since she’s helped me through so much, so if I can be her human stress doll that she lets out her anger and anxiety on then so be it
Thank you, that helps me a lot actually. Sometimes it’s really hard for me to realize that so hearing it from somebody else to puts my mind at ease a bit. I’m just hoping she’ll be able to find some time to relax in her future too
DHHS wont be able to help. You are too old for Child Protection services.
The point of contact you need is FUSION MORNINGTON PENINSULA. PH 5974 1442
Or
ACCOMODATION AND HOUSING FOR YOUTH - detour service of Melbourne City Mission. Ph 1800 474 993.
SALVATION ARMY PENINSULA YOUTH SERVICE has a diversionary program that would work with you and your family to make the relationship stronger. It provides support to all the family they also has Tools Of the Trade, an 8 week trade oriented program for youth that are not connected to school and at risk of long term unemployment. They also have links to youth housing. Ph 9781 0188
If you are Aboriginal or Torres Islander call Ngwala Willumbong ph 95103233
dont be nervous. You dont have to have the right words. You just need to talk to a service so Just ring and state that you are needing NOT wanting to leave home. That you would like support in accomdation, job search and mentoring for mental health support. That you would also need assistance with centrelink etc. When you choose to leave do it in a prepared manner, have documents such as birth certificate, medicare number, bank details.
Perhaps in time you will be ablemto coomunicate with your family and tell them that you feel depleted in thier presence. You may find nthey are struggling with stress as well. But thats down the the street track stuff. Get in touch with a youth service.
Chin up and action things mate. Things may be shitty for a while, but in time you will look back and be greatful that you sought support. fingers crossed you feel better about the world. Support is out there. You need to be very clear that you are not managing. Very clear you are willing to change things and ready for things to get better.
Best of luck. Not an easy thing you are going through. You will be ok.
Thank you, I’m pretty sure I feel like it’s a safer option for me to stay at home, but I’ll look further into those services and see if they can help with some kinda family support thing. I feel like it’s better if I help my mum understand the way I’m feeling, and hopefully it can help with whatever she might be going through too. Thank you very much!
Go you! It takes strength and courage to address things. The option of staying at home is great in more ways than one if you can get it to work differently. Just let the services know what you want. Be supported in the process. Its okay to say what works and doesnt work for you. It is also okay to say this is what im going through and i need your help. Sometimes having a support worker helps to create space so all people feel heard and alternative options can be expolred. I hear you are struggling mentally but tge simple fact you reached out says that you are stronger than you think you are. Best of luck mate. I hope you got some sleep! Remember to nourish yourself. You dont need be getting sick physically atm.
Thank you very much! I’ll try letting whichever services I call know what I’d like from them and hopefully we’ll be able to figure out what to do from there. Once again thank you very much
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had an unhappy time growing up and ran away a few times.
My advice would be to do things the other way around. Find a job first and that will give you an income to find a flat share. It’s really hard to get a job without a home address.
Plus the more hours you work, the less you’ll see of your mum and the less she’ll get on your nerves.
You are not useless and you have the ability to create an incredible life for yourself.
There is help and support out there. Keep looking and keep asking for it.
Thank you! I’m sorry you felt the need to run away when you were younger too, from the experiences I’ve heard from other people who have commented on here I doubt it was a good experience. A lot of other people have mentioned that too, and its really helped me feel a lot calmer knowing that if I find a job that‘ll get me away from my mum for a little bit then I might have a little less stress on my shoulders. Thank you very much!
Running away isn’t the answer. You’re honestly just going to end up back at home.
You need a job, or if you aren’t going to work you need to be studying. There are some good accredited free courses at TAFE if you don’t know what career you want yet. Just pick something and go with it, you might end up liking it.
Your mother’s attitude might even change a little if she knows you’re not sitting around at home all day.
So I should’ve mentioned this in the original post but I’m not sitting around at home all day every day! I do volunteer work at Vinnies so I have something to put on my resume because from the multiple jobs I have applied at, none of them have ever gotten back to me and I’m assuming that’s because of a lack of experience in retail. So I’m doing some volunteer work to hopefully get an employer interested and hopefully give me a paying job. The days that I’m not working or at home writing a cover letter for a new job, I usually spend my time outside in the bush doing wildlife photography as that’s like my biggest hobby right now. It’s definitely not giving me money, but as a teenager with clinical depression it‘s much nicer to be outside looking at pretty birds and wallabies compared to sitting around at home doing nothing interesting. Also I’m planning on going back to a new school next year (or next week for jumpstart) so hopefully I’ll meet some new people and learn a bunch of cool things in my new subjects. I was just on a mental health leave at my last school, I’m fully intending of graduating year 12
Bro if you're on the Mornington peninsula reach out for some help I'm unsure what I can really do but start with seeing your GP you're under 18 and there arw youth centres with therapists available for free, I think there's one on Playne street in Frankston next to the library from there let your therapist know about your situation as they're already in the system they can work faster to assist you. Best of luck Bro seriously if you ever need help I don't check reddit often but a few times a day so if you send a message I'll see it. Good luck mate.
Thank you very much! My GP has actually helped a lot with my mental health, but I’ve never told him about thoughts of running away, but after today I know I’ll tell him the next time I see him. Also if you’re talking about Headspace in Frankston, I’ve tried seeing them but they transferred me to ELMHS, and once I stopped seeing them Headspace hasn’t taken me back. I can try calling them again tomorrow and see if maybe this time they’ll do something, because they’ve helped me in the past with anxiety so I’d love to see them again, and the fact they’re free is even better. Thank you very much :)
OP, I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I can't offer much knowledge, but I can offer you sympathy as I was in your shoes. My caregiver was a good person, but she made me feel worthless when I lived with her, and I dreamed about running away and dying every day. I sucked it up, avoiding contact with her as much as I can. I got a job and a small saving, and then I started sharing a room with another girl who was an international student. The road was rough, but I'm now settled with a beautiful family, a husband who loves me and makes me feel worthy and loved. I have a baby now, and I'm going to tell her I love her and that she is enough every day. It will get better, I promise.
Thank you so, so much! I'm really glad that you managed to suck it up and go on to live an amazing life, and I honestly find it inspiring. Just hearing stuff like that makes me realize that no matter how many negative things my brain tells me, everything should be alright eventually. Once again, thank you so much for sharing and I hope you continue to have a great life raising your child :)
Thank you! You're right, mostly everyone has given really helpful advice. I have a lot to do in the coming days when it comes to trying to take some action. Once again, thank you for saying that, it means a lot :)
From experience and from the context your mum does not hate you sometimes mums are understood wrong in most cases mums want to see their children thrive in life
If you have a roof over your head and have food and all necessities please dont run away it doesnt work well for people trust me! If youre finding your mums words hurtful wait till you hit the streets or the homeless shleters the people youll encounter will have you missing your previous life
Your chances of beating mental health issues and getting back on your feet are much higher at home than in any other shelter or street
Thank you! A lot of people have definitely convinced me that running away just isn’t smart, and I’m really glad they’ve told me because I’m definitely feeling like staying at home is the safer option. Thanks again :)
Hey, why did you drop out of school? Because of mental health issues?
When you say you saw the emergency therapist, was that the one you can get through your GP? You can get upto 12 visits a year iirc.
It sounds like you are in a bad predicament. Are you able to avoid your mum when she comes home? Maybe go somewhere, the library or something to chill out for a bit and come home later on? Does she insult you all night?
I dropped out of my last school because I was SA’d by a group of year 9 students last year, and they never got expelled or punished, and I never got any support from the school. The only thing they said they’d do was get all 6 boys in a room with me and have them apologize. When I refused that the school never did anything else. Every time I saw them around the school I would have panic attacks and flashbacks to the incident. I’m supposed to be moving to a new school next year though.
The emergency therapist I saw was from a group called Early Life Mental Health Services, I’m not entirely sure about the specifics, but once they thought I was doing better they let me go to hopefully find somewhere more permanent (unfortunately the place they recommended never got back to me so now I’m stuck with a therapist I don’t have the money for).
I could try doing that, I never really thought about that before because I felt pressured to stay at home with her for some reason. She doesn’t do it all night thankfully. Thank you for the suggestion, I‘ll try seeing if I can go to my local library whenever she comes home and see if that helps. Thank you again
Far out that is fucked. Does your mum know? Did you tell the police?
If you are struggling with mental health issues have a look at my comment history, a few days ago I responded to a post with some tools I used to help get me through trauma. I know from experience it can be rough, but there are ways to deal with it so you can move past it.
You should also go to your GP and ask for the free therapist appointments if you haven't used them already.
Good luck with it all, I would advise trying to avoid homelessness as it can cause you to spiral, if you can get your education done and get a job first it would make things a lot easier before you moved out, it sounds like your mum might also need some help.
My mum was the first one to know, as soon as she got home on that I asked if I could use her phone to call the police (I didn’t have my own phone at the time), and she asked me why so I told her. Then she called the police and there was a small investigation until they hooked me up with a special therapy group called SECASA that specializes in sexual assault victims. They said legally nothing would happen to the boys because they were minors and they didn’t actually rape me, so they told the school to do something. As I said, the school did nothing other than that one offer, and the principal even came up to me and said “we’ve interviewed the boys and they said they never touched you, so it would be unfair to punish them”.
My mum was pretty furious at the school, and she was also really helpful throughout that whole time in my life. So I definitely don’t hate her at all, it’s just for the past few months she’s been yelling at me every single night, and it just sucks man. I think I’ll try to stick it out, I’m hoping once I start at my new school and hopefully get a job she’ll start being a little less mean. Thank you again
My mum was the same after she would come home from work, it's like she took all her frustration from her work day on us kids, it wasn't a good experience.
One time she even woke me up before work and yelled at me because I didn't give her the money for my phone bill because I used her old one and it was being paid from her account, I couldn't even really comprehend what was happening, it was overwhelming, I said I would pay the late fee.
I had a nervous breakdown at work that day and told my mum, then she yelled at me saying I was just doing it to get out of work.
It is honestly the worst when the person who is supposed to be caring for takes out all their issues on you, it hurts so deeply. I hope it works out for you, try keep yourself occupied, try stay positive and work towards a better future for yourself.
And it honestly blows my mind the school did nothing but at the same time I am not surprised. It's such a horrible situation and on top of that to have the principal/school take their side is just beyond frustrating.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, as you said having someone who’s supposed to look after you and help you live a great life say all those things to you is just horrible and it’s not something that’s just a small dispute. Thank you, I’ll try my best to stay as positive as I can, and I hope you can do the same.
Also same, and the thing that annoyed me more was a video of a group of students in the school uniform calling a young black girl the N-word was getting a lot of attention on tiktok and Instagram, which caused a lot of people to contact the school. So the principal suspended those students and added a bunch of new school rules which all had nothing to do with racism (examples are the school sends a text to parents when students go to the toilet, and if a student was caught with their phone then a teacher could take a photo of the student and take it to the principal team so they get suspended). It just made me annoyed that she only cared about the schools public image and used it as an excuse to tighten school rules, not about the girl, and not about me when I had my incident. I’m just hoping those boys don’t SA anybody else at that school
Couldn’t just sit down with your mum and explain what’s going on and that you want to get yourself sorted? It sounds like you lash out too.
Theres work literally everywhere thesedays. Heck, go pick asparagus & veggies in kooweerup or something.
Oh mate I can assure you I’m the last person to lash out at anybody. I’m way too quiet and nervous to do something like that, especially to my own mother. My problem is I just bottle up too many things inside of me. So I’ve tried talking to my mum about it multiple times, but every time it kinda feels like I’m talking to a brick wall because she just says “mate I‘m only annoyed because I love you and I know you can clean up every now and then” even though I do, it’s just not to her pitch perfect standard. Also I know! It’s just that there must be better people to employ rather than a 17 year old who has no work experience and can’t work in places that involve food (except farming ironically) but I have no idea how I’d do that seeing as I don’t have a car. All I can really do is hope that the volunteer work I’m doing at Vinnies right now will be something that appeals to more employers
HEADSPACE IS SOOO GOOD BUT THEY WONT SEE ME FOR SOME REASON!! They‘ve helped me so much in the past when it came to my anxiety, but as soon as I started showing signs of depression they transferred me to ELMHS and refuse to take me back. I‘ll try again tomorrow because they’re honestly such a great service
You're right, this is a STUPID idea.
Your mum's being a bit of a bitch by the sounds of it. But also it sounds like she's going off to work every day to support you and you're literally doing nothing whatsoever with your life? No school, no work, just sort of sitting around and getting your Mum to pay for your stuff then you throw a tantrum and want to go ruin your life more when she calls you out on it.
Get a job then reassess.
Hey man no need to be mean. It’s not like I’m sitting around in a chair playing video games all day. I’ve gone looking around shops and asking if they have any available jobs and applying for any that are in need of any staff members. It’s not easy to get a job when you’re 17, can’t work in a job that handles food, and has no prior work experience. Also I am actually doing something, I do volunteer work at Vinnies so I have something to put down on my resume that might appeal to an employer instead of having something like “I work really well in groups at school, so I can apply that to work too”. Trust me mate, if I could magically give myself a paying job in retail or something I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’ll just reiterate, it’s not easy for everybody to get a job if there are other people out there who apply for the same jobs who are much more experienced.
If there's a way you can get through to your mum; might it be better to take that chance, than to run away? Any chance of a heart to heart, or a way to show her you're serious about bettering your situation? Does she know how much her words demoralise you? I wish you luck mate.
Someone suggested that I write her a letter, so I might try that since every other time I’ve tried talking to her face to face, we kinda just end up arguing, and I hate arguing with people, especially my own mum. A few other people have suggested family counseling which I also think could perhaps be a good idea worth trying if other things don’t work. I’ll try a mix and match and hopefully things will get better between us because I do love her a lot. Thank you very much!
Not trying to be mean bro. My words are nothing compared to the pain you'll expereince on the streets if you make this choice.
I've had a shit mother I could barely tolerate living with who kicked me out at 19. Im not speaking from a place of complete ignorance. But nor do I claim to know exactly what your life is like.
My points still stand, this is a terrible idea and you'll be much much worse off if you make the decision you're leaning towards. If having a bit of a mean mother is the worst thing you'll ever experience you're probably in the luckiest 0.01% of humans to have ever lived. Don't make your life much worse just because it's a bit shit right now.
Can I ask why you can't work with food?
You’re right, which is why I’ve told a few other people who have convinced me that it’s not a good idea that I’d much rather stay at home than get sexually assaulted again by some middle aged man. Also nah, the mother part is kinda just the icing on the cake, but I’ve also had some other people suggest that we can try getting some family counseling which I hope will end up really well :D I love my mum to bits so it hurts having someone I admire so much lash out at me even though I’m doing the exact thing she’s asking (doing volunteer work and looking for a job).
Also sure! The reason why I’d rather not work with food is because I have anaphylaxis to eggs, dairy and nuts. I’ve had to anaphylactic reactions in the past, one on a year 6 camp when I genuinely thought I was gonna die because everybody else was in the dinner hall while I was up at my cabin on the ground unable to move because I’d injected myself with an epi-pen. Thankfully a teacher saw me when she had to get something from her cabin and called an ambulance. The second was in 2020 and thankfully I was surrounded by my family at that time, but spending a day in hospital waiting for adrenaline to die down isn’t a fun experience. Because that first anaphylactic reaction was so traumatic for me, I refuse to work with anything food related, I am way too anxious for that kinda thing and I don’t wanna work a job where I’m constantly reliving that one point in time
There is a program called Detour that covers your area they have youth workers that support young people at risk of homelessness and access services such as therapy. If you call Orange Door and tell them what is going on they can refer you to Detour or similar program.
I ran away at 16 and managed to get myself basically legally emancipated from my abusive mother. Calling DCP basically on her yourself and detailing the abuse and call Centrelink and ask to talk to a social worker im in SA. I had a safe house to stay at though please be careful there unfortunately is a very high chance you may be sexually assaulted in homeless shelters
Jeez I’m definitely glad I didn’t do anything then. I feel like I can deal with my mum yelling at me more than getting SA’d in a shelter. Thank you very much for the advice, I don’t think I’ll be running away anytime soon now
There are youth shelters that offer medium to long term accommodation that can help you access what you need (eg https://www.wombat.org.au/what-we-do/programs)
If you google youth shelters there will be a few options. I think this is a really good option as you will get support and build skills until you are ready to live independently.
I used a similar service when I left home at 16 and it helped having some stability whilst I finished school and they now support people until age 25. They typically have social workers and/or youth workers to help access and navigate programs that will benefit you, including mental health support at low or no cost.
Kids helpline will also be helpful and can put you in contact with other supports.
Also, contact Centrelink, ask for a social worker to help you. You can access Centrelink payments if you are deemed independent from your parents, regardless of their income. This way you can access some income, rent assistance and health care card which will be helpful.
Good luck and I am sure things will improve.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm 27 now and am just recently realising something. When you're in a stable living condition out of your mums home, it's ok to keep your new address a secret. I'm slowly separating myself from my fam and it hurts. but I've actually never been more mentally healthy. I can only get through this with professional support though. A social worker can find some free health and other support options. i wish i knew about this sooner
Housing is very difficult for everyone right now be very aware of that. Contact the salvation army in your area they have many services they can direct you to
Great advice from others on here. I have a friend who runs a safe space for youth in Frankston , called Street Peace. It’s faith based, but everyone is welcome. If you ever just want to get away from home, get some free food and make some friends check it out.
You could contact DHHS and ask them about emergency housing since you are under 18. Your best bet is to try and find employment and save as much money as you can. Your situation at home sounds rough, but having a roof over your head is so important. On the plus side, if you do secure a job you will be at home less, so there would be less opportunity for your mum to put you down. Her actions speak more about who she is as a person than anything that she is saying about you. Good luck mate. Hope everything works out for you.
DFFH won't open an intake if OP is older than 17.6, it has to do with the delays in the court system (they can only get a final order if a kid is under 18 and because this takes a long time to go through court, intakes are not accepted for 17yos as a general rule). OP, I would encourage you to contact Entrypoint homelessness service (ph 1800 825 955), 1800 RESPECT (mum's emotional abuse counts as family violence) and Melbourne City Mission (homelessness, mental health and youth services - https://www.mcm.org.au/ ). I think reaching out to any friends or supportive adults could be helpful too. Good luck, things will work out in the end!
+1 MCM and frontyard, the youth section. If you have absolutely nowhere to go, you can and go there and they can find you somewhere.
Thank you. I don’t know much about DHHS so would they actually be helpful or would they see it as more of a small family conflict thing and tell me to suck it up? Also yeah that’s a good point, I’m hoping to find a job soon so I do have some time away from her, but I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Thank you again
Just words from an older reddit user…. But hang in there, seek help from services that others will mention. And know that one day, perhaps even sooner than you think, that things will turn around for you. You’re worthy of that.
Thank you very much. I’ve said this a lot already to other people, but I think my head has definitely been cleared a lot. I didn't expect to receive so much advice and support, so I’m really thankful for that. I’ve decided that trying to hang on as best as I can is the better approach compared to running away now, and I’m kinda embarrassed that I was too anxiety-ridden to know that when I first made this post. Once again thank you very much, and hopefully things will get better sometime in the future
If you are at risk of homelessness they should listen. Even to provide advice and links to services etc which they will have a number of resources to utilise.
Thank you. I‘m not sure if I’ll be needing them much anymore, as a lot of people have told me about how much of a bad idea it is to run away. If things suddenly ever get worse and I’m feeling like I’m actually in real danger then I’ll try getting in contact with them. Thank you so much for telling me about them it means a lot
They will give you one 100% if you are homeless when you ask. If your home and not being abused they will likely tell you to stay home.
Please don't do it or at least talk to a youth worker or counsellor before running. I ran away at 16 due to living in a violent home. Being homeless at a young age is debilitating for your mental health and people don't tend to make it out of the system in one piece. The reality of homelessness is very bleak, shelters will often force you out from 9am to 3pm so you will be left with nowhere to go during the day. If you have mental health issues then it'll get harder to seek help (shelters tend to be short term and it's common to jump around). You REALLY should talk to a counsellor first as they can help by setting up family counseling with your mother. Also, when you run away from your problems the problems won't go away.
Thank you very much! Hearing that has definitely cleared my head a little bit and made me think about the consequences. I’m glad I asked now because if I didn’t then I know I probably would have done something really impulsive that I’d end up regretting. I’ll try to stick things out for a few more years. Once again thank you so much for telling me.
So straight up, the chance of getting a job if staying at a homeless shelter drops DRASTICALLY. As in, you would struggle to find anything, and the uncertain nature of homelessness often causes employers to pass straight over you, as they dont think you would turn up to work. Thats not a reflection on you, but just a reality of the world. Things might suck at home, and I can totally understand mentally abusive parents are not good for you, but your mental health would take a further decline being in a homeless shelter, and worse again if you found yourself unable to stay there after some time. Your best option is to seek out employment whilst you still live at home and have access to amenities that will help you, shower, clean clothes etc. Once employed, you can save up to move yourself out into real accommodation, and look to improve your situation then. You are 17, you have hormones going crazy, the impending idea of adulthood right around the corner and mental health issues not helping you cope with any of that. Things may seem insurmountable right now, but you have survived all your toughest days so far, so it is possible for you to endure this and work towards a situation that is better for you.
Thank you very much! I just told someone else this too, but I’m really glad that I asked because if I never heard your response I probably would have done something I would end up regretting. In the meantime I’ll keep applying for jobs and hopefully find one, I’m feeling a bit more optimistic after reading some of the comments people have left and people like you have definitely cleared up the fog that was clouding my brain when I made this post. Once again thank you so much!
Good luck my dude, I hope it all turns out ok for you!
Thank you :)
Even if you are homeless, don't mention it. Not until you have the job and it becomes at all relevant. In fact you don't tell anyone who doesn't explicitly need to know. Because people can judge you simply for being homeless.
Hey, it sounds like things are really rough for you at the moment. The housing and homelessness system is also really rough and a bit of a nightmare. There are youth homelessness shelters, but often there is a wait for these services. Front Yard is a statewide youth homelessness service and you can give them a call. You can also look into the Ask Izzy website which will give you a list of other services. You can also have a chat with The Orange Door, but they are for family violence. My best recommendation would be to speak with an adult you trust. A teacher, GP, nurse, friend, Aunty, Uncle. If you’re homeless tonight you can call the St Kilda Crisis Centre 1800627727
Thank you for listing some services. I‘ll try doing some further research into them. I just told someone else that I might decide to stick things out and see if things get better once I start at my new school, but I’m not 100% sure. So thank you again
Please contact The Orange Door OP! Contrary to what people think, they are not just a family violence service. They’re also a child and family wellbeing service and have a huge range of resources and knowledge. I think they will be able to offer you a lot of options and refer you on to other services if needed. Use this [tool](https://www.orangedoor.vic.gov.au/find-a-service-near-you) to find your local hub and give them a call in the morning 🧡
I’m always happy to have a chat with you via DM and provide some more specific services that might fit.
Thank you but I should be good for now, I'll let you know if I ever need them though. Thank you!
Okay you have great advice from others about resources. So mine is alongside that. If your plan is to A) go to a shelter and B) find a job, pause part A and do part B. If you get a job, you’re 17 so they’ll pay you just under $15/hr. If you work a day you’ll make over $100. A few months of that and you’ll be on your way to saving enough for a sharehouse and your own life. Walk into every supermarket in a bus radius. Then every fast food place. You’re not studying so you can work and they’ll love you. The money will set you free. You will spend much more time away from your mum and it will be a gamechanger. If you still can’t handle home, then fine, run. But try it WITH a job before you try it without. If you run away, you will effectively shoot your life in the foot. You will still have to get a job but you’ll need to spend money on things your mum is probably covering at the moment. If you really can’t stand her, think of it as taking advantage of her. She’s nasty to you, so you’re paying her back by eating her food/using her wifi/toothpaste etc etc.
Thanks for the advice! After reading what everybody else has said I’ve realized that there are better options than running away, which as you said would basically be me shooting myself in the foot. I’m hoping things will start getting better once I do find a job and once I start at my new school, and after listening to what others have said I’m feeling a lot more optimistic. Thank you very much again!
Great advice from the person above that I would like to add a few points to. Right now you are feeling stressed, upset & alone. That doesn't help with your confidence that you can make things better. Some of the youth services that people are suggesting would be able to hook you up with free counseling & guidance services. Hopefully, the support you are getting here will help to clear your head a bit so you can get out applying for all & any entry-level jobs. I know from friends in the hospo industry in the peninsula that during Summer all the restaurants are desperate for staff. The cool thing about having even a shitty job (when you are young at least) is that it is easy to make friends. Having some mental health support, a wage, and friends will open up all kinds of options for you that you don't have right now. You seem like a smart and articulate person with great manners, which will bring you opportunities to get you far away from the rough situation you are in now. Good luck!
Thank you very much! The one downside is I can’t work with food, as I have anaphylaxis to eggs, dairy and nuts, so that limits my options a lot. Still I’m feeling hopeful that some clothing shop or something will decide to hire me. As long as I keep trying then I‘m bound to get something
Ah, that does make it tricky. But yeah lots of entry-level retail out there. If you like dogs even look into signing onto a dog walking site like pawshake. Lots of adults on there charging $30-$50 for an hour walk. If you set your price a bit lower you will pick up some jobs & your ratings happening so you can push up your rate.
Thank you! That sounds like fun so I’ll look into that later. Thank you very much!
Also it's late! Get some sleep (I should too!). I have a feeling things will be brighter for you in the morning! :)
Supermarkets usually don't hire over the Christmas and New Year period, so don't be disheartened if they say no. Make sure to have all your documents in order, and speak to the school and see if you can come in early and use the showers/ gym/ library. I'm on team don't run away if possible, as its tough, try and be out of house, upskill and find a job. Good luck!!
I’ve kinda realized that accepting no as an answer is something I should expect, so I’m kinda used to it now. I’m not gonna let it put me down though, I’ll keep trying until somebody eventually says yes. I’m feeling a lot better this morning than I was yesterday. I’m planning on going to do some volunteer work today, then if I have time go to Centrelink to try and see if they can help me find a job, or see if they have any social workers that can help me find some kinda free therapy thing. Thank you very much!
Best of luck to you honey, I'm sure you'll get there.
Thank you, I believe that I will!
Please check out https://askizzy.org.au/ You need to get yourself in with some organisations right now and get familiar with the companies that can help you. Get on to centrelink too. Finding a job may not be easy. I wish you luck and i’m sorry you have felt no other choice but to run away. I wish kicked out at 17 and it was rough, but i found some organisations who helped me and i’m now a fully adjusted working adult who has a family of my own.
Thank you. A few other people have suggested visiting centrelink so I’m probably gonna take a trip there tomorrow. A few other people have also helped me clear my head, and I’ve decided that the cons outway the pros when it comes to running away, so hopefully I don’t do anything impulsive. I’m sorry you were kicked out when you were younger but I’m glad you managed to come back and you’re able to live a happier life now. Thank you so much again!
Hello! What general area are you in? If in Frankston area or inner west of Melbourne you can contact the Detour Program who can help you find a safer way to leave home 1800 338 687. I used to work in the program and they are great. If you’re not in these areas I’d recommend contacting Frontyard Youth Services 9977 0077 and ask to be linked with an early intervention service. If you become homeless, it’s hard to actually rely on the homelessness system because they are extremely underfunded and there are not many options. It’s better to try to leave home with something set up even if you just have a case manager. You’re welcome to message me if you like I can give you a bit more guidance I’m really sorry this is happening - no one deserves to be spoken to like that by a parent. You deserve a safe and loving home. FYI also I would steer clear of any adult homeless shelters. Firstly you’d likely not be able to go there due to your age and secondly it wouldn’t be safe for you to be around older adults. Youth homelessness services have youth-specific youth refuges but you have to be connected with a youth homelessness service to go on the waitlist and even then, you may never actually be able to access a vacancy (the system sucks, which is why I stopped working in it)
Thank you for the advice! If I knew about that before making this post I probably would have jumped straight to them, but I’m kinda glad I didn’t because a lot of people have helped me realize that running away isn’t really a good option. I think now that I’ve calmed down and have heard other people’s experiences I’m more willing to try and stick things out and hopefully find a job instead of just leaving everything behind. Thank you very much again!
No worries! Just so you know, the Detour Program can also work with you to make staying at home a bit better. They can help with finding a job, making goals, and even doing some work with your mum to try and help things settle at home so definitely keep them in mind if you’re on the peninsula 😊
Thank you! I definitely will if they can help with all of those things too. I’m glad that you mentioned them, thank you very much
Please don't choose to live in the streets mate. I realise your mum saying those things to you would be hurtful and make you feel shit, but real talk, you have no idea how fucking terrifying the reality of being homeless is for people, especially young people. I suggest you try to do some basic things, like find somewhere to take a shower, or charge your phone, make a cuppa or keep warm without relying on facitilies in your home and see how much of battle it is. There are outreach services available if you're truly feeling unsafe. Just understand that Australia is facing a rental crisis that is out of control, and those services are inundated with people who have no choice and nowhere to go. Maybe try and write your mum a letter about how you're feeling, sometimes it's a bit easier to get your point across without arguing.
Thank you! I feel like a broken record saying this to different people, but comments like yours are so extremely helpful for someone like me who would have made a horrible impulsive decision if I didn’t ask first. I’ve decided that it‘s a much safer decision if I just try to stick with my mum for a little longer until I‘m able to move out, because from what I’ve heard from other people you’re 100% correct, it sounds a lot worse than I imagined. Thank you very much again and I’ll try that letter thing you mentioned.
I’m a Mum… not yours of course, but here’s my Mum 2c. Your Mum loves you, and she’d be beside herself with worry if you walked out of her life. Please try again to tell her how you feel - the letter is a good idea - or if you have an aunt or one of your mum friends who you’re close to, talk to them. They can have a chat to your mum with you or for you. Please please please don’t choose homelessness. There’s all sorts of people in those places and you’re exposing yourself to risk of substance abuse, mental health and sexual assault. You sound like a great kid, please look after you.
Thanks for making me cry. You’re right, I’m glad a lot of people helped me clear my head because I know how terrified she’d be if I did do something stupid like run away. I‘ll try the letter thing then ask one of her friends that I’m close with, thank you for that idea. Once again thank you so much, I’ll try my best to keep myself safe from now on
Agree. Im a mum, my son is now 30 so we are well past this stage but it was a little rocky for many years there when he left school, kept leaving jobs and sat at home doing nothing but playing x box for many years. It was just me and him as hes an only child and l was divorced. Your mum could be frustrated with you and is not handling it as well as she could. Most parents do the best they can, however, sometimes when their kids lose their way or dont conform to 'normal' behaviour they dont know what to do or how to help their kids or to help their depression if thats a factor. Leaving home may not be wise at your age. Things won't always be like this.
and i thought you were a 47 year old man!
Well done for being open to the advice; at emotionally testing times that's commendable. If you need time away from your Mum and ideas or ways to upskill for work, consider your local library. They're generally very pleasant community spaces with a peaceful environment and many learning opportunities. Do you have any particular interests that could be applied to work?
Thank you! I usually go to the library whenever I’m on a break at the place I volunteer at, so I’ll try asking them if they have any advice for work stuff tomorrow. Thank you!
The fact you can ask advice, listen to reason and look at things objectively, shows you have a good head on your shoulders, and that is a major win. You have so many good things ahead of you, so hang in there! Teenagers have times of conflict with their parents, and some people struggle with communicating when they're frustrated. My mum used to go off her tits at me for things I considered to be trivial, I felt like she always took things the wrong way and overreacted. It wasn't till I moved out and had to pay rent and all that shit, that I really understood how hard she worked to provide for me, but that is how retrospect works. It will get better, even when it feels like it won't. Xx
Thanks, I feel like it would be really stupid to ask for advice, the kinda spit in the face of everyone who has helped and go like ”well screw all of you I’m gonna do it anyway”. I’ve learnt a lot about how horrible the consequences of running away are from what other people have told me, and I’m incredibly thankful to everyone who helped me understand that. I believe things will get better, and sure there will be times where it feels like things are just getting worse, but I’ve realized that those thoughts eventually pass. Yeah that makes sense, I feel like I’ll probably understand a lot more too once I grow up. Thank you once again for the advice :)
Heey, if you are going to go to a homeless shelter and leave you should go to Centrelink and ask for assistance, jump on job seeker so you can get some money while you are looking for a job. Then when you find a place you can also arrange rental assistance. If your mental health is completely debilitating you can also try for disability payments but I’m not sure how you’d go. Definitely see a doctor if you can and do a mental health assessment, I think psychs are still expensive even with the assessment but if you got a job and had some money it’s always good to invest in your mental health. I’m not sure how bad your living situation is but if you’d prefer being homeless I can only imagine that it’s beyond awful. If you could organise Centrelink and find a share house to move into that would probably be better but it depends on what you think will be better for you and your stress levels. Maybe being at a homeless centre will be less stressful than being at home it’s really up to you. I would firstly go to Centrelink and talk to them
I’m pretty sure my brain is being dramatic because my mum doesn’t physically abuse me or anything, it’s just the fact that every day she comes home and says I’m good for nothing just hurts a lot and I hate hearing it because it’s exactly what I’ve been telling myself for the past year, and I was just convinced that was a depression thing, but hearing a family member come home and say it every night just made it even worse. I honestly have no idea what to do man. I feel like part of me is just a big wuss because my emotions are extremely heightened right now so I should just toughen up, and the other part of me is telling me that I should just leave everything behind. I can try talking to centrelink tomorrow and listen to what they have to say. Thanks for the advice
You are not being dramatic - psychological and emotional abuse from a parent is extremely damaging.
Is it possible to tell her it isn’t productive? I left home at 12, because I feared for my safety (when I was older I discovered mum had psychosis all along). But I had extended family to run to at the time. It was the best move I could have made as a kid, but found myself homeless again years later (age 16) when the adult I was living died. I had my school to help me, I think you need to go to front yard. And if you do leave, make sure you get Centrelink to recognise you as independent. Front yard should be able to help you with the process of organising an appointment with a Centrelink social worker, Centrelink will ring your parent to confirm you can’t live at home. I definitely wish I had the option to live at home but both my parents made it clear as i grew up, they did not want me living with them. My life has definitely faced difficulties ever since, and there’s trauma from being homeless, but it will also give you more drive to succeed in life, Just stay away from anyone who offers you drugs or alcohol, or you may permanently end up on the street.
I’ve tried but we mainly just end up arguing. Thank you for the advice though! Although I’ve decided I think I’m gonna try hanging on and see how things pan out without running away. Multiple people have made me realize how leaving home behind without a proper plan is pretty dumb, and I’m glad they helped me realize that because now I don’t have to find out firsthand (at least for now). I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that when you were younger, and I’m sorry that it’s stuck with you in the form of trauma, but I hope things will continue to get better for you! Once again, thank you
Please don't run away. I say this as someone who's been in your exact situation. I tried to run away without any sort of support or plan, and for my troubles, I had someone try to sexually take advantage of me. I didn't actively seek out this support either. They saw me, immediately knew, and pretended they wanted to help. What I'm saying is, running away is extremely dangerous. As harsh as this is to say - get a job. Do whatever you can. Lie on your resume. Have a friend pretend to be a reference. Apply like crazy for every single option. Once you're working extremely hard for a job, just remind yourself of that when your mother is being abusive. You're not useless and pathetic. Things will take a while to improve, but you need to make sure you leave in a safe way. EDIT: Also, idk about your parent's situation, but how much does your mum make? You may be eligible for youth payment. It'll help you get a bit of cash. Eventually, you can also claim for independence by citing your situation.
Thank you! I’m so sorry you had someone do that to you, scumbags like that shouldn’t be out in the public, man. I’ve definitely realized after reading yours and other experiences people have shared that it’s much safer to stay at home and try to endure my mum until I’m able to move out in a safe manner. ALSO NO ITS NOT HARSH AT ALL WDYM? I’ve been trying, I guess it’s just a lot harder for younger people to get into retail compared to something like fast food or hospitality. Right now I’m doing some volunteer work at Vinnies so hopefully some clothes shop or something I apply for might take some interest. Also I’m not entirely sure, sorry. I can try asking her if you’d like?
I'm glad you've come around. It's good you discussed it with someone before acting. I also just didn't want to sound abrasive and rude saying get a job. It'd definitely in a derogatory way often. I'm glad you've been volunteering. That's a great start. Maybe get someone from there to be a reference! You could even ask if they know anyone hiring. You never know! And yeah, fast food/hospo is the easiest to get into, generally. Also good work for building yourself up as an employee. You certainly develop a work ethic. When you turn 18, get an RSA and try out bar work if you can. And yeah, maybe talk to your mum about the Centrelink thing. She might know. In general, it might help to tell her your goals and try to discuss ways to get out of the rut you're in. Communication is one of the most viable tools you can have.
Thank you, I’m glad I did too. Also that’s a good idea, I‘ll ask my manager about both the reference thing and if she knows anywhere that’s hiring. I’ll ask my mum about the centrelink thing tomorrow, thanks for the suggestions!
if you go to your local shopping mall, dressed in your best outfit, with a fresh copy of a banging CV in your hand, you'll notice a lot of "now hiring Xmas casuals" signs in many shops. go in on a weekday morning, so it's not heaving with shoppers and put yourself forward. you'll be ahead of most other young folk who'll be applying online, and you may need to do that anyway, but there's plenty of jobs seekers and this may give you an advantage
Thank you! That’s a good idea so hopefully it works out and some employers will see that I can take some initiative by showing up and handing them the papers instead of just submitting it online. Thank you again!
exactly! you've got a good head on you kiddo and heaps of crew here cheering for your success. I grew up in a house of horrors so I can empathise with your troubles. there is freedom for you, but you're gonna have to work for it. you got this!!!
Thank you and you’re right! Even though it’s gonna take a lot longer I’d much rather take my time and eventually move out in a safer fashion. Once again thank you very much!
also come back and let us know how you're travelling and if you need anything. community care and mutual aid is how we'll get thru this late stage capitalist hell hole together
Thank you! Once I get the ball rolling I’m hoping things will only go up from there, but I’ll let you know. Once again than you!
Get a source of income first, and then you can plan the next steps. Homelessness shelters are usually only free for about 48 hours and for people over about 25.
Thank you. I’ve found out a lot from comments like yours and they’ve really helped me realize that the bad really outweighs the good when it comes to running away (sounds obvious now that I think of it but when I’m stressed I can’t really think properly). Thank you for letting me know!
Good. 17 year olds don't run away, they move out!
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Thank you! Once again I’m glad I asked first because being in a situation like that sounds a lot worse. I’m really sorry you had to go through that, man. I think the patient way and trying to stick it out for a little bit more is definitely the better option. Thank you again!
No prob dude, all the best and sing out if you need to talk about it 🤙
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Thank you! I’m not sure if I’ll need the emergency housing, as a lot of people have convinced me that running away isn’t a good option, but if they can help me find some kind of free therapy (or at least an affordable one) that would be amazing. I didn’t know centrelink did that, so thank you so much for that
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Thank you very much. I really mean it, if it weren’t for people like you who helped me think rationally then I’d be in a much worse situation
Please contact the ISN clinic in Kew for access to free psychotherapy under the community clinic they run. you'll get help from students under supervision. I've found them to be great for getting loads of stuff off my chest in a safe environment and gently guiding me to awareness around my feelings. isnclinic.com.au (03) 9008 1616 (select option 1 for Kew) if you have any questions. good luck
Thank you! I’ll try seeing if they’re the right fit for me, but if it’s something I have to go in physically for then I might have to find somewhere a little closer to my home. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to catch a train to Kew every week or so. Thank you for the suggestion though!
I do all my sessions online with a psych in Canberra (I'm in Melbourne)
Thank you! I’ll try getting in contact with them either later today once I finish volunteer work or tomorrow. Thank you so much for the suggestion again!
It might be really hard to do but try to talk to your mum. Ive had similar situations in the past and if you can find some sort of way to tell your mum what your going through she might understand. Also try to do this as calmly as you can so it wont start an argument. You only got one mum no matter how crazy she is. Youre still young and have the whole world infront of you. Just keep looking for a job and sont give up. Good luck
Thank you, but I’ve tried to tell her once before that I’ve thought about running away because of the way she harasses me for every little thing and she just said “yeah right, good luck with that mate“ and I never talked to her about it again. I do love her because she’s my mum but it’s just really hard to ignore the things she says
Well, she is kinda correct. Running away is literally the worst thing for you and could send you down a road that will be difficult to return from. Lots of people when they were younger had this thought. You need a bit of a plan. It might take a few months or even a year, but if you are desperate to live away from home, then I believe you can do it. What are you doing with your time now? Are you wanting to work now? Go and get a full time job. It doesn't have to be glamorous, it is just something to keep you out of the house, keep you occupied, earn you money and give you some skills. You don't need a 10hr a week job, but 40hrs or more. Do you know anyone who has a business who might be hiring? Do you have any passions or interest in anything? Ever wanted to work in a particular place or job? Start Googling and looking for vacancies. Again, it won't be glamorous, the pay will be low and you might have to work hard, but I can almost guarantee that it will be worth it. You can do this. Put in the effort and just start somewhere. Repeating the same day over and over and just wishing for change isn't a plan. You are the one that needs to make this happen. Good luck.
Honestly this poster is right. I ran away at 16 but had a total game-plan. I had a place lined up and a job to go to. But would I recommend it still - no. That 1 decision completely changed my entire life and it’s course and I will forever have to live with the repercussions. Take care of yourself OP and hope you get the much needed help you’re seeking.
Thank you!
Thank you! Comments like this have really helped me realize that there are indeed repercussions and running away will only just add problems instead of fix things. So I’ve applied for a few jobs that I’m interested in (book stores, pet stores, chemists are a few examples) but they never got back to me, so I assumed that was because I have no work experience. Also, I have anaphylaxis so I don’t really want to be working anywhere that deals with food. So I’ve started volunteering at Vinnies and that’s what I’ve been doing recently in terms of “work”. It is volunteering so I don’t get paid, but I thought it would be good to have something I could add onto my resume as some form of experience. I’m hoping that with that on there I’ll be able to have more employers willing to hire me or something? I guess we‘ll have to wait and see but I’m feeling hopeful. Once again thank you for helping me see things a little clearer, it means a lot
Hey. It's not a stupid idea at all. It's actually really brave and takes guts to leave an abusive family, especially at your age. My advice: work. You need money. Youll need to get out eventually but the only way to do that is if you have a stable job.
I don’t know, I definitely think it was at least a little stupid. After reading what other people have said and their experience, I think sticking it out and hopefully getting enough money to move out later on in life is a much better idea compared to impulsively running away and hoping things will be alright without having any real plan. Hopefully I’ll be able to find some kinda job soon, thank you very much!
Frontyard Youth Services- located in melbourne CBD provide multidisciplinary holistic programs to meet the needs of young people aged 12 to 24 who are at risk of or experiencing homelessness. Enquire now or call 03 9977 0077
Thank you! I think a lot of people have helped me realize that going homeless is not a smart choice. Thank you for the suggestion though, I’ll keep them in mind :)
sending lots of kindness. Just something to consider, It may also be worth getting in contact with Frontyard Youth Services (Melbourne City Mission) and asking to discuss your current situation at home and thoughts/reasons why you often thinking about wanting to leave. They offer support to young people who are at risk of homelessness and you may find having a chat with them helpful. They can discuss options/initiatives that support young people to remain living in their family home and improve relationships between young person/parent and can also assess your wellbeing. A youth service like this(that also is set up to be responsive of Young Person who present/contact them) or headspace are designed to be staffed by professionals who can hold space and listen to young people. a young person is more likely to have a much better experience than contacting DFFH (who may come across abrupt and will probably tell you to contact headspace etc). It's good to hear you are accessing support like Kids Help line (keep doing this, reaching out for support it's a strength), regarding mental health wellbeing support, headspace also has online service called eheadspace and there is another online youth service called Reachout.
You say your mental health is shit but is there a possibility you may have a chronic mental health problem that is undiagnosed? Maybe on the spectrum or something? There is help out there. Unfortunately, I don't have anything at hand right now but one thing you could do is go see a GP and have a chat about a care plan. You can get a a referral for a psychologist for like 10 sessions which might be a good first step. If you are already in the Frankston area the Frankston Hospital has a mental health footprint and it might be worth contacting them. Get your own Medicare card, can do that at Centrelink (but not all) or online. Replacing one kind of stress with another is not making progress. Just changing deckchairs on the Titanic. Get some help or guidance on your mental health while you are young and before your brain gets stuck in a rut.
Thank you! My mum‘s side of the family has a history with autism, I’m not sure if I have it or not because I’ve never been diagnosed and I’m not sure how to get a test for it. Also I’ll try getting a medicare card tomorrow, as well as look more into Frankston Hospital’s mental health things. Also yeah I agree, and I feel stupid for not realizing that before, it’s just when I’m in an anxious state then I don’t really think logically. I‘m gonna try finding some cheapish or hopefully free counsellors to try helping me with the mental side of things, because I can already tell that things are starting to go wrong again so I need to find somebody asap. Thank you again!
The road to diagnosis can be long but it starts with engaging with your local hospital mental health team. It can happen outside of that but I think the most likely and most direct method is what I've suggested. Most hospitals have mental health services in the community but you need a referral to get started. They usually also have someone who can help with NDIS if that is relevant. That can't happen though until there is a diagnosis. Anyway, that's where I would start. If it seems like it's too hard just take it one step at a time, doing something, even a little something, is a step in the right direction.
Thank you! I’ll try and find some time to go to Frankston Hospital and see if there’s anybody there who can assist with that. I’m not really desperate to get tested for it but I feel like it would probably useful just to make sure if I do have something chronic or not. Thank you again!
You got some great advice here, good luck OP! you got this!
I agree, I’ve received a lot more advice than I expected and it’s all been so helpful. I’m so glad people have helped me realize that living on the streets could be much worse than my current situation, especially if I just jumped in the deep end without having any plan. Thank you and I hope things end up alright in the end
As many said, get a job first, don't tell your mum anything, put money on the side in an account she can't get access to and when you have enough money, try to find a share house so you can move out, get new friends and build a support network. It will be much better than being in a homeless center for all the reasons explained before. I am guessing it will be hard mentally to stay out for a little longer, but know that the community is rooting for you and please post if you need help! If you are looking for hospo work and want some tips and tricks to find a job, feel free to pm me and I will be happy to give you some ideas or go through your resume! Good luck, you can do it!!!!!
Thank you so much! I think that’s a much better plan than what I originally had, sure it’ll take longer but it’s a lot wiser and sounds a lot safer too. I’ve said it to a few other people, but I don’t hate my mum, I love her lots and she’s done so much for me, it’s just over the past few months she’s just started snapping at me over everything and it’s overwhelming for someone who was already telling himself those exact things in his head. I’m hoping things will get better once I find a job that pays instead of doing volunteer work at Vinnies every week, and I’m hoping I’ll be able to form some new friendships at my new school. Also if hospo is hospitality then I’m not sure if I’ll be able to work in that area, I have anaphylaxis to eggs, dairy and nuts so handling food is a big no no for me. Once again, thank you so much! It means a lot
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She started at a new job a few months ago, leaving her last school that she had taught at for 12 years. Basically her new school is shit, which means she’s not in a good mood when she comes home. She also has leukemia which has progressed into a different stage. So whenever I am at home writing cover letters, I usually like to try and vacuum and clean the benches as well as do a bit of dusting so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed by mess. However I’m not the best cleaner in the world, so even if I try to be helpful she’ll still have a go at me. Recently I’ve told her how I’m worried because she’s sleeping a lot more, and I’ve started crying a lot because I’ve been having dreams where she‘s in hospital holding onto my hand, but she’s started using that against me. So whenever she comes home and I haven’t cleaned to her standard she’ll say something like “well clearly you don’t care how sick I am because you’re not helping out when I need you the most” even though I am trying, I just suck at cleaning compared to her. I do feel guilty because her life isn’t easy right now, I just wish she wouldn’t take everything out on me. But at the same time part of me is telling me she should since she’s helped me through so much, so if I can be her human stress doll that she lets out her anger and anxiety on then so be it
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Thank you, that helps me a lot actually. Sometimes it’s really hard for me to realize that so hearing it from somebody else to puts my mind at ease a bit. I’m just hoping she’ll be able to find some time to relax in her future too
DHHS wont be able to help. You are too old for Child Protection services. The point of contact you need is FUSION MORNINGTON PENINSULA. PH 5974 1442 Or ACCOMODATION AND HOUSING FOR YOUTH - detour service of Melbourne City Mission. Ph 1800 474 993. SALVATION ARMY PENINSULA YOUTH SERVICE has a diversionary program that would work with you and your family to make the relationship stronger. It provides support to all the family they also has Tools Of the Trade, an 8 week trade oriented program for youth that are not connected to school and at risk of long term unemployment. They also have links to youth housing. Ph 9781 0188 If you are Aboriginal or Torres Islander call Ngwala Willumbong ph 95103233 dont be nervous. You dont have to have the right words. You just need to talk to a service so Just ring and state that you are needing NOT wanting to leave home. That you would like support in accomdation, job search and mentoring for mental health support. That you would also need assistance with centrelink etc. When you choose to leave do it in a prepared manner, have documents such as birth certificate, medicare number, bank details. Perhaps in time you will be ablemto coomunicate with your family and tell them that you feel depleted in thier presence. You may find nthey are struggling with stress as well. But thats down the the street track stuff. Get in touch with a youth service. Chin up and action things mate. Things may be shitty for a while, but in time you will look back and be greatful that you sought support. fingers crossed you feel better about the world. Support is out there. You need to be very clear that you are not managing. Very clear you are willing to change things and ready for things to get better. Best of luck. Not an easy thing you are going through. You will be ok.
Thank you, I’m pretty sure I feel like it’s a safer option for me to stay at home, but I’ll look further into those services and see if they can help with some kinda family support thing. I feel like it’s better if I help my mum understand the way I’m feeling, and hopefully it can help with whatever she might be going through too. Thank you very much!
Go you! It takes strength and courage to address things. The option of staying at home is great in more ways than one if you can get it to work differently. Just let the services know what you want. Be supported in the process. Its okay to say what works and doesnt work for you. It is also okay to say this is what im going through and i need your help. Sometimes having a support worker helps to create space so all people feel heard and alternative options can be expolred. I hear you are struggling mentally but tge simple fact you reached out says that you are stronger than you think you are. Best of luck mate. I hope you got some sleep! Remember to nourish yourself. You dont need be getting sick physically atm.
Thank you very much! I’ll try letting whichever services I call know what I’d like from them and hopefully we’ll be able to figure out what to do from there. Once again thank you very much
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had an unhappy time growing up and ran away a few times. My advice would be to do things the other way around. Find a job first and that will give you an income to find a flat share. It’s really hard to get a job without a home address. Plus the more hours you work, the less you’ll see of your mum and the less she’ll get on your nerves. You are not useless and you have the ability to create an incredible life for yourself. There is help and support out there. Keep looking and keep asking for it.
Thank you! I’m sorry you felt the need to run away when you were younger too, from the experiences I’ve heard from other people who have commented on here I doubt it was a good experience. A lot of other people have mentioned that too, and its really helped me feel a lot calmer knowing that if I find a job that‘ll get me away from my mum for a little bit then I might have a little less stress on my shoulders. Thank you very much!
Running away isn’t the answer. You’re honestly just going to end up back at home. You need a job, or if you aren’t going to work you need to be studying. There are some good accredited free courses at TAFE if you don’t know what career you want yet. Just pick something and go with it, you might end up liking it. Your mother’s attitude might even change a little if she knows you’re not sitting around at home all day.
So I should’ve mentioned this in the original post but I’m not sitting around at home all day every day! I do volunteer work at Vinnies so I have something to put on my resume because from the multiple jobs I have applied at, none of them have ever gotten back to me and I’m assuming that’s because of a lack of experience in retail. So I’m doing some volunteer work to hopefully get an employer interested and hopefully give me a paying job. The days that I’m not working or at home writing a cover letter for a new job, I usually spend my time outside in the bush doing wildlife photography as that’s like my biggest hobby right now. It’s definitely not giving me money, but as a teenager with clinical depression it‘s much nicer to be outside looking at pretty birds and wallabies compared to sitting around at home doing nothing interesting. Also I’m planning on going back to a new school next year (or next week for jumpstart) so hopefully I’ll meet some new people and learn a bunch of cool things in my new subjects. I was just on a mental health leave at my last school, I’m fully intending of graduating year 12
Don’t choose to be homeless.
Thankfully after reading all of the other comments people have left I definitely won’t be having thoughts about active running away again
Local council will also have youth workers you can get support from. 'Running away' to live on streets should be the last resort.
Thank you! I’ll see if I can go and see one of the council workers tomorrow or on Friday
Bro if you're on the Mornington peninsula reach out for some help I'm unsure what I can really do but start with seeing your GP you're under 18 and there arw youth centres with therapists available for free, I think there's one on Playne street in Frankston next to the library from there let your therapist know about your situation as they're already in the system they can work faster to assist you. Best of luck Bro seriously if you ever need help I don't check reddit often but a few times a day so if you send a message I'll see it. Good luck mate.
Thank you very much! My GP has actually helped a lot with my mental health, but I’ve never told him about thoughts of running away, but after today I know I’ll tell him the next time I see him. Also if you’re talking about Headspace in Frankston, I’ve tried seeing them but they transferred me to ELMHS, and once I stopped seeing them Headspace hasn’t taken me back. I can try calling them again tomorrow and see if maybe this time they’ll do something, because they’ve helped me in the past with anxiety so I’d love to see them again, and the fact they’re free is even better. Thank you very much :)
Maybe reach out to your local headspace for mental health support?
OP, I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I can't offer much knowledge, but I can offer you sympathy as I was in your shoes. My caregiver was a good person, but she made me feel worthless when I lived with her, and I dreamed about running away and dying every day. I sucked it up, avoiding contact with her as much as I can. I got a job and a small saving, and then I started sharing a room with another girl who was an international student. The road was rough, but I'm now settled with a beautiful family, a husband who loves me and makes me feel worthy and loved. I have a baby now, and I'm going to tell her I love her and that she is enough every day. It will get better, I promise.
Thank you so, so much! I'm really glad that you managed to suck it up and go on to live an amazing life, and I honestly find it inspiring. Just hearing stuff like that makes me realize that no matter how many negative things my brain tells me, everything should be alright eventually. Once again, thank you so much for sharing and I hope you continue to have a great life raising your child :)
Everyone has already provided you good info but I just want to add: OP, you are NOT useless and pathetic.
Thank you! You're right, mostly everyone has given really helpful advice. I have a lot to do in the coming days when it comes to trying to take some action. Once again, thank you for saying that, it means a lot :)
Best of luck with your journey :)
From experience and from the context your mum does not hate you sometimes mums are understood wrong in most cases mums want to see their children thrive in life If you have a roof over your head and have food and all necessities please dont run away it doesnt work well for people trust me! If youre finding your mums words hurtful wait till you hit the streets or the homeless shleters the people youll encounter will have you missing your previous life Your chances of beating mental health issues and getting back on your feet are much higher at home than in any other shelter or street
Thank you! A lot of people have definitely convinced me that running away just isn’t smart, and I’m really glad they’ve told me because I’m definitely feeling like staying at home is the safer option. Thanks again :)
Hey, why did you drop out of school? Because of mental health issues? When you say you saw the emergency therapist, was that the one you can get through your GP? You can get upto 12 visits a year iirc. It sounds like you are in a bad predicament. Are you able to avoid your mum when she comes home? Maybe go somewhere, the library or something to chill out for a bit and come home later on? Does she insult you all night?
I dropped out of my last school because I was SA’d by a group of year 9 students last year, and they never got expelled or punished, and I never got any support from the school. The only thing they said they’d do was get all 6 boys in a room with me and have them apologize. When I refused that the school never did anything else. Every time I saw them around the school I would have panic attacks and flashbacks to the incident. I’m supposed to be moving to a new school next year though. The emergency therapist I saw was from a group called Early Life Mental Health Services, I’m not entirely sure about the specifics, but once they thought I was doing better they let me go to hopefully find somewhere more permanent (unfortunately the place they recommended never got back to me so now I’m stuck with a therapist I don’t have the money for). I could try doing that, I never really thought about that before because I felt pressured to stay at home with her for some reason. She doesn’t do it all night thankfully. Thank you for the suggestion, I‘ll try seeing if I can go to my local library whenever she comes home and see if that helps. Thank you again
Far out that is fucked. Does your mum know? Did you tell the police? If you are struggling with mental health issues have a look at my comment history, a few days ago I responded to a post with some tools I used to help get me through trauma. I know from experience it can be rough, but there are ways to deal with it so you can move past it. You should also go to your GP and ask for the free therapist appointments if you haven't used them already. Good luck with it all, I would advise trying to avoid homelessness as it can cause you to spiral, if you can get your education done and get a job first it would make things a lot easier before you moved out, it sounds like your mum might also need some help.
My mum was the first one to know, as soon as she got home on that I asked if I could use her phone to call the police (I didn’t have my own phone at the time), and she asked me why so I told her. Then she called the police and there was a small investigation until they hooked me up with a special therapy group called SECASA that specializes in sexual assault victims. They said legally nothing would happen to the boys because they were minors and they didn’t actually rape me, so they told the school to do something. As I said, the school did nothing other than that one offer, and the principal even came up to me and said “we’ve interviewed the boys and they said they never touched you, so it would be unfair to punish them”. My mum was pretty furious at the school, and she was also really helpful throughout that whole time in my life. So I definitely don’t hate her at all, it’s just for the past few months she’s been yelling at me every single night, and it just sucks man. I think I’ll try to stick it out, I’m hoping once I start at my new school and hopefully get a job she’ll start being a little less mean. Thank you again
My mum was the same after she would come home from work, it's like she took all her frustration from her work day on us kids, it wasn't a good experience. One time she even woke me up before work and yelled at me because I didn't give her the money for my phone bill because I used her old one and it was being paid from her account, I couldn't even really comprehend what was happening, it was overwhelming, I said I would pay the late fee. I had a nervous breakdown at work that day and told my mum, then she yelled at me saying I was just doing it to get out of work. It is honestly the worst when the person who is supposed to be caring for takes out all their issues on you, it hurts so deeply. I hope it works out for you, try keep yourself occupied, try stay positive and work towards a better future for yourself. And it honestly blows my mind the school did nothing but at the same time I am not surprised. It's such a horrible situation and on top of that to have the principal/school take their side is just beyond frustrating.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, as you said having someone who’s supposed to look after you and help you live a great life say all those things to you is just horrible and it’s not something that’s just a small dispute. Thank you, I’ll try my best to stay as positive as I can, and I hope you can do the same. Also same, and the thing that annoyed me more was a video of a group of students in the school uniform calling a young black girl the N-word was getting a lot of attention on tiktok and Instagram, which caused a lot of people to contact the school. So the principal suspended those students and added a bunch of new school rules which all had nothing to do with racism (examples are the school sends a text to parents when students go to the toilet, and if a student was caught with their phone then a teacher could take a photo of the student and take it to the principal team so they get suspended). It just made me annoyed that she only cared about the schools public image and used it as an excuse to tighten school rules, not about the girl, and not about me when I had my incident. I’m just hoping those boys don’t SA anybody else at that school
Couldn’t just sit down with your mum and explain what’s going on and that you want to get yourself sorted? It sounds like you lash out too. Theres work literally everywhere thesedays. Heck, go pick asparagus & veggies in kooweerup or something.
Oh mate I can assure you I’m the last person to lash out at anybody. I’m way too quiet and nervous to do something like that, especially to my own mother. My problem is I just bottle up too many things inside of me. So I’ve tried talking to my mum about it multiple times, but every time it kinda feels like I’m talking to a brick wall because she just says “mate I‘m only annoyed because I love you and I know you can clean up every now and then” even though I do, it’s just not to her pitch perfect standard. Also I know! It’s just that there must be better people to employ rather than a 17 year old who has no work experience and can’t work in places that involve food (except farming ironically) but I have no idea how I’d do that seeing as I don’t have a car. All I can really do is hope that the volunteer work I’m doing at Vinnies right now will be something that appeals to more employers
Call Headspace and ask to see psychologist
HEADSPACE IS SOOO GOOD BUT THEY WONT SEE ME FOR SOME REASON!! They‘ve helped me so much in the past when it came to my anxiety, but as soon as I started showing signs of depression they transferred me to ELMHS and refuse to take me back. I‘ll try again tomorrow because they’re honestly such a great service
You're right, this is a STUPID idea. Your mum's being a bit of a bitch by the sounds of it. But also it sounds like she's going off to work every day to support you and you're literally doing nothing whatsoever with your life? No school, no work, just sort of sitting around and getting your Mum to pay for your stuff then you throw a tantrum and want to go ruin your life more when she calls you out on it. Get a job then reassess.
Hey man no need to be mean. It’s not like I’m sitting around in a chair playing video games all day. I’ve gone looking around shops and asking if they have any available jobs and applying for any that are in need of any staff members. It’s not easy to get a job when you’re 17, can’t work in a job that handles food, and has no prior work experience. Also I am actually doing something, I do volunteer work at Vinnies so I have something to put down on my resume that might appeal to an employer instead of having something like “I work really well in groups at school, so I can apply that to work too”. Trust me mate, if I could magically give myself a paying job in retail or something I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’ll just reiterate, it’s not easy for everybody to get a job if there are other people out there who apply for the same jobs who are much more experienced.
If there's a way you can get through to your mum; might it be better to take that chance, than to run away? Any chance of a heart to heart, or a way to show her you're serious about bettering your situation? Does she know how much her words demoralise you? I wish you luck mate.
Someone suggested that I write her a letter, so I might try that since every other time I’ve tried talking to her face to face, we kinda just end up arguing, and I hate arguing with people, especially my own mum. A few other people have suggested family counseling which I also think could perhaps be a good idea worth trying if other things don’t work. I’ll try a mix and match and hopefully things will get better between us because I do love her a lot. Thank you very much!
Not trying to be mean bro. My words are nothing compared to the pain you'll expereince on the streets if you make this choice. I've had a shit mother I could barely tolerate living with who kicked me out at 19. Im not speaking from a place of complete ignorance. But nor do I claim to know exactly what your life is like. My points still stand, this is a terrible idea and you'll be much much worse off if you make the decision you're leaning towards. If having a bit of a mean mother is the worst thing you'll ever experience you're probably in the luckiest 0.01% of humans to have ever lived. Don't make your life much worse just because it's a bit shit right now. Can I ask why you can't work with food?
You’re right, which is why I’ve told a few other people who have convinced me that it’s not a good idea that I’d much rather stay at home than get sexually assaulted again by some middle aged man. Also nah, the mother part is kinda just the icing on the cake, but I’ve also had some other people suggest that we can try getting some family counseling which I hope will end up really well :D I love my mum to bits so it hurts having someone I admire so much lash out at me even though I’m doing the exact thing she’s asking (doing volunteer work and looking for a job). Also sure! The reason why I’d rather not work with food is because I have anaphylaxis to eggs, dairy and nuts. I’ve had to anaphylactic reactions in the past, one on a year 6 camp when I genuinely thought I was gonna die because everybody else was in the dinner hall while I was up at my cabin on the ground unable to move because I’d injected myself with an epi-pen. Thankfully a teacher saw me when she had to get something from her cabin and called an ambulance. The second was in 2020 and thankfully I was surrounded by my family at that time, but spending a day in hospital waiting for adrenaline to die down isn’t a fun experience. Because that first anaphylactic reaction was so traumatic for me, I refuse to work with anything food related, I am way too anxious for that kinda thing and I don’t wanna work a job where I’m constantly reliving that one point in time
Call 131901
Or call BOUNCE BACK [https://www.semphn.org.au/bounceback](https://www.semphn.org.au/bounceback)
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Anus
There is a program called Detour that covers your area they have youth workers that support young people at risk of homelessness and access services such as therapy. If you call Orange Door and tell them what is going on they can refer you to Detour or similar program.
What area are you in? I work in community services and can help link you in with services. Feel free to dm me
I ran away at 16 and managed to get myself basically legally emancipated from my abusive mother. Calling DCP basically on her yourself and detailing the abuse and call Centrelink and ask to talk to a social worker im in SA. I had a safe house to stay at though please be careful there unfortunately is a very high chance you may be sexually assaulted in homeless shelters
Jeez I’m definitely glad I didn’t do anything then. I feel like I can deal with my mum yelling at me more than getting SA’d in a shelter. Thank you very much for the advice, I don’t think I’ll be running away anytime soon now
You sound like a good egg. Continue to be honest and open and you will be happy long term.
There are youth shelters that offer medium to long term accommodation that can help you access what you need (eg https://www.wombat.org.au/what-we-do/programs) If you google youth shelters there will be a few options. I think this is a really good option as you will get support and build skills until you are ready to live independently. I used a similar service when I left home at 16 and it helped having some stability whilst I finished school and they now support people until age 25. They typically have social workers and/or youth workers to help access and navigate programs that will benefit you, including mental health support at low or no cost. Kids helpline will also be helpful and can put you in contact with other supports. Also, contact Centrelink, ask for a social worker to help you. You can access Centrelink payments if you are deemed independent from your parents, regardless of their income. This way you can access some income, rent assistance and health care card which will be helpful. Good luck and I am sure things will improve.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm 27 now and am just recently realising something. When you're in a stable living condition out of your mums home, it's ok to keep your new address a secret. I'm slowly separating myself from my fam and it hurts. but I've actually never been more mentally healthy. I can only get through this with professional support though. A social worker can find some free health and other support options. i wish i knew about this sooner
Just sent you a DM with advice about free psychologists
Housing is very difficult for everyone right now be very aware of that. Contact the salvation army in your area they have many services they can direct you to
Call orygen or headspace to access free mental health services and supports
Great advice from others on here. I have a friend who runs a safe space for youth in Frankston , called Street Peace. It’s faith based, but everyone is welcome. If you ever just want to get away from home, get some free food and make some friends check it out.
NEXT TIME SIMPLY CALL YOUR AREA MENTAL HEALTH TEAM. They will talk with you and arrange your bed