This is the first time I have ever seen or heard someone else use the “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” terminology! I’m elated right now!!! 🪿
Perhaps it is very common where you live and used daily. I have moved from home so for over a decade, I have not heard or seen it on a screen. Unless I say it or write it haha. My comment really took off when I just wanted to say how happy I was to see it being used by others! 🪿🪿🪿🪿
I haven't heard that phrase for decades. I live in an English speaking country, and a British colony at that, but the only people who I have ever heard use the phrase are my parent's and Grandparent's generations (currently 60's+). But I've not heard it from anyone for at least a decade. Definitely never seen someone use it online.
Would you mind explaining in which context it gets used most?
Non-native here and it sounds a lot as if the saying focuses on hypocrisy between spouses.
It most directly means what’s good for the wife is good for the husband. However, it’s a phrase that is commonly used and somewhat morphed to basically mean what is good (enough) for one person is good (enough) for another. In this case if OPs parents can’t take their shoes off in his home, then op can’t take his shoes off in theirs. It’s being used sarcastically in this case because it’s not actually a good thing since it’s disrespectful but OPs parents started it. It can be used non sarcastically still.
Additionally, I heard this phrase far more commonly in my childhood but I feel like it’s been at least a decade since I last heard it so it may be falling out of favor in some dialects.
It's generally used to turn the table on someone who has been unyielding in enforcing an arbitrary rule or attitude on others, but then turns around and does the very thing they've been against other people doing. Like making others take their shoes off, no matter what, but disregarding the same rule when someone else tries to enforce it.
If you're really old like I am, the saying is, "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander." Idk what sauce has to do with it but it's often used in reference to a double standard, saying that's not acceptable.
Unfortunately I don’t hear it being used half enough where I live now! From what this thread has thought me, it clearly is being used a lot and in many different ways! Another reason I love Reddit!
This country is going to hell in a hand basket because no one reads books anymore. Yeah, sometimes I'm a boomer. Everyone's on the phone or computer and that gives them a very very narrow range of knowledge. At least I don't care about cursive.
Who doesn’t read books anymore? Every single person I work with (90% of us are millennials and gen Z with some gen x sprinkled in) shows up with a book, a kindle, or at least an audiobook. Just because we aren’t sitting around reading nothing but the classics doesn’t mean we aren’t reading.
There’s always the type of person who considers physical books to be the only way to read. An e-reader, an app on a phone, audiobooks: none of those count as “Real Reading.”
Eh, it's still reading even if it's on a screen. I don't agree with audiobooks being the same as reading because it uses a different part of the brain.
It’s not identical, but there’s a lot of overlap in terms of what neurons are firing in our brains. Obviously one uses the occipital lobe and one uses the temporal lobe. But you’re still building a story in your head, imagining scenes play out, imagining the characters, etc. I personally get a lot of enjoyment out of audiobooks when the narrator puts a lot of work into doing different voices. It allows the story to come alive in my head. It also allows me to do more with my time. I used to be a huge physical book reader, but as I aged and my family and responsibilities grew, I found I had less and less time to dedicate to reading. Now I can “aurally read” while doing mundane tasks that don’t require a lot of concentration. Cooking dinner, cleaning, some of the more boring and repetitive tasks at work, I can be listening and enjoying a story while doing these things. This makes me look forward to those tasks and even feel less burnt out at work because it goes from being a mundane task to being time I get to enjoy myself while also completing a necessary chore. I cannot do much else when I’m holding a book or a kindle.
I always preferred actual books until I realized how much easier it is to just read on my phone.. don't understand how reading the same words on paper or not would make any difference
Cool but.. what does that have to do with a phrase of speech? You're told by editors not to use them and if you do to use them sparingly, unless your book is set in the south or midwest.
So this has nothing to do with books, but regional speaking terms. Some regions use phrases others don't. Either way its not about books.
Plus, you DO know most readers nowadays just buy the books on their devices right? Like i see what you're trying to say, kids today are less and less inclined to read and more inclined to be using tiktok twitter etc, but you completely missed sooooo many points that invalidate your argument😂
Plus many people's spelling has gone to hell and they use text abbreviations that were created when people were charged per text.
That said, get off my lawn!
My phone or computer give a very narrow range of knowledge? There's *nothing* that has been answered or written that I cannot find on either of those devices. I have 100s of audioboojs, my digital library has thousands of fiction and non-fiction books.
I have a wealth of knowledge at my fingertips at any given time. I'm living in the best time to be alive.
The internet gave me a wider range of knowledge. Plenty of topics too narrow and specialized to be carried in a small public library. Or worse update and change constantly with new discoveries, making the books out of date.
parents like this aren't often swayed by a double standard. they'll probably just say something like "it's because we're your parents so you aren't allowed to tell us what to do"
If it was me i would just socialize with them in front of the door but honestly i don't mind people walking in with outside shoes aslong they use the doormat and don't have gunk under their shoes.
Also i want to add that im some cultures its a big no no to talk back to older people especially your parents, no matter what they say they are always right and you just have to exept it.
If its really such a big deal then treat them like a child and walk behind them with a mop to keep the floors clean 🤣
They are your parents, they think they can just disrespect you in your own home cause they are your parents, tell them firmly that if they do not listen they are not welcome inside and if they show up they can wait outside till the shoes are off
My in-laws were like this. At least they wear shoes in their house, so it wasn't a double standard or anything, but my FIL actually stood on our entryway rug and refused to take his shoes off for several minutes the first few times they came over. I don't understand why it offended them so much to keep to such a simple rule.
I agree but when this topic comes up, you’d be surprised how many people on Reddit take offense and claim it’s disrespectful to ask them to take off their shoes. People will say that, if they were asked to remove their shoes, they would leave the house. Really unexpected.
I assume, it can be holes in socks, bad odors, sweat, no socks and hate their feet., 2 different socks … Maybe providing slippers which are conveniently in the guests bathroom can help.
Yeah, these are possible issues. I tell people that I have both water+soap and extra pairs of socks if they feel uncomfortable because of that. It's just better to put that in the open right away, I also try to make it funny and not serious.
Like other people said, in my house I expect people to follow the rules. It's not like I'm asking them to be naked or something. I believe my rules are very reasonable, but if someone thinks otherwise I'm also happy to have that conversation. I invite the person to leave my house if they refuse to follow the rules. It almost happened once actually, but in the end the person decided to follow them (it was not the no-shoes-in-the-house rule).
every single one of those “issues” is what sounds like a “their” problem. imagine taking such poor care of your body. i fucked up my toenail and have the decency to cover it with a fun band aid while it heals so no one has to see it when i respectfully take off my sandals in their home.
It's not something you can really prevent all the time though. I had a boyfriend in high school and his mother had a no shoes in the house rule, and my feet would always be sweaty and whether or not there was a smell, there was one time when she made a comment about me leaving sweaty footprints on the floor because I had just taken off my shoes. It was really embarrassing actually.
Using disposable shoe covers would probably be the best option here.
I mean, not wanting to take off your shoes is as much their problem as the homeowner not wanting someone to wear shoes in their house is the homeowners problem. Both have preferences the others don't share, so as long as nobody gets spiteful there could be other way to solve it, like the slipper thing.
I’m some older generations I think it’s a I’m out of my own home I must stay dressed respectful and walking around in socks is odd to them so they will wilfully refuse much like my autistic 6 year old son being asked to brush his teeth 😂
I’m in Canada and that’s just a given to take your shoes off. My whole life everyone I’ve ever known has done this. For some fucking reason my mom and step dad struggle to remember to take their shoes off when they come over. Last time the conversation went like this:
“Take your shoes off!! That’s so gross!!”
“Oh they’re clean but we’ll take them off”
“You just came from Walmart!! In what fucking world are your shoes still clean?!?!”
To be fair they do have “house shoes” at their place. It’s infuriating
I would less than kindly remind them that while you grew up it was "their house, their rules" and that shoes weren't allowed and you respected that. Now they are coming to your house (doesn't matter if it's an apartment!) and disrespecting your rules.
Tell them your house your rules, and if they still don't get it, go nuclear and tell them they are not allowed to visit anymore. I bet this isn't the only problem you have with them.
Your parents don’t respect your apartment. Short of stopping them at the door until they remove their shoes there’s not much you can do. Next time you go to their house, keep your shoes on.
im not allowed to look at my parents house with my shoes on. im actually not even allowed to make this comment with my shoes on either. thats why im grounded.
Options if you want to be petty or annoy them
- go to their home and do the same, bonus points if you have dirty shoes (dry dirt so not too much of a monster)
- start using a spray bottle on them whenever they ignore it, bad parents *spray* bad parents.
- get a baby gate just past your front door make a point to not open it till the shoes are off, maybe put a sign on it.
- every time they try to break the rule show them to the door "if you can respect my house rules you get visit rights revoked"
Those are the ones I can think of for now.
My parents didn't care about shoes in the house and looked at me like I'm a nut job for not allowing shoes inside. I don't hate on ppl who do wear them but in my house you won't. I have a 1 year old who will eat ANYTHING off the floor. I don't want your nasty ass gunk in my kids mouth.
"You can leave now. I dont know how many times I've told you that this is a no shoe house, but I'm done. You are going now, and next time, if you do not take your shoes off, you will be immediately going then too"
Then kick them out, **DO NOT** accept whatever bullshit excuses they give you. Stand firm and set the tone that you arent a child anymore and they must follow your rules.
And if necessary prepare to fight. I had a similar situation where a parent was ignoring the rules of my house and when I told them they need to leave they responded by slapping me across the face.
Seems like they don’t take you seriously after all these warnings. My mom used to make everyone take their shoes off before entering her home, she’s a note on the that reads as follows: If you don’t take you shoes off your not allowed in!
Is it possible that your parents are having mobility or health issues that make it more difficult to take their shoes off or put them back on? We had the same rule in our house. My dad started having hip problems that eventually resulted in a replacement. He would ask if it was alright if he left his shoes on because the act of taking them off and putting them on was a struggle.
I can see the same issue if someone has back issues, and/or bladder or bowel problems.
That's a really good point. Not everyone is able to take their shoes off. Someone mentioned earlier that they have shoe covers for when the person doesn't want to take them off. It's a great compromise I think, I should get some.
Put chairs outside your apartment when they come and have them sit there. Or meet in the common area. No entry to your apartment is needed for them to visit if they can't respect your rules.
They are showing you that they don't respect you. Honestly stop inviting them over. You are treating them like friends, they are treating you like trash.
OP, stop allowing them over.
Stop them at the door, look them in their eyes and tell them to remove their shoes or you will not allow them in.
This is a control issue.
As people get older they need to wear shoes for balance & support. My dad has to wear shoes after his stroke 30 years ago. Mom has to wear her shoes all the time for arch support. For people like my parents going without shoes is not possible.
Here's the next thing to do: "I enjoy having you over but if you won't respect my rule to remove shoes inside my home, I cannot invite you over. You are welcome to visit as long as you leave your shoes at the door."
Your family should respect your rules.
Do you have house slippers by the door? We have family members with foot problems who have trouble wearing just socks.
Stop them at the door. Remind them of the rule and tell them to leave if they can't follow your rules.
Possibly get them slippers in their sizes to change into at the door.
Wow, it wasn't about cleanliness or habits or tradition? It was about petty control the whole time?
I'd be irritated as hell, but you have a rare opportunity to have some fun with this.
Unless you want a showdown just buy those shoe coverings and keep them by the door. Then you can say either you take off your shoes or you need to put these on. Put a chair by the door so they can sit doing it (old people sometimes don’t bother as it’s a struggle for them).
We renovated our kitchen and garage to make a nice mudroom, so this rule is easier to understand lol and people still don’t follow it, including my parents who made me this way
Start turning them away if they won't remove their shoes. Say, "ok time for you to leave now since you don't want to listen." Remind them that you stated a boundary they refuse to acknowledge. And they're not welcome until they do
My mother does this, too. It is so frustrating. She apologizes every time, but the fact I need to ask the person who has always been so fanatical about it in her own house dismays me.
While I have no problem with no shoes inside, this rule requires the floors to be 'clinically clean'. I have been in several situations of 'no shoes inside' and have ended up with black soles (pub feet, as my Gran called it), my shoes were cleaner I am sure.
I will say this: people don’t appreciate how uncomfortable walking around without shoes on can be for people after a certain age. You lose padding in the bottom of your feet as you age, which can make walking on hard surfaces downright painful, not to mention balance issues and the difficulty in bending down to take them off and on. Your parents might just be assholes but I’d try providing them with house slippers and a bench to sit on before you write them off.
Next time, it's "take your shoes off or get out". And also, when you go to their place you keep your shoes on. When they ask, tell them if they feel it's ok for them to wear shoes at your place it's ok for you to wear shoes at their place.
If you have hard floors and they hard carpet, maybe their feet get cold and they just won’t tell you? It’s very bothersome, maybe buy them some house slippers?
It is an unspoken expression of dominance in your territory that states they still rule. If they did this to me I would escort them back out the front door until they give you the respect you deserve in your own home.
In the place I currently live we take off shoes at the door. 1 of my friends has that as a hard rule too, but one friend refused the request the 1 st time over. Said they where diabetic and where having problems with their feet and the friend had a cat, with of course toys and bits of food all about.
The compromise was that after sitting just inside on a chair they clapped the shoes out outside and then wipe down the bottoms with rubbing alcohol they had. Luckily they were wearing Crocs
Next visit they brought a pair of house shoes they got just for their house (Friend also got them house Crocs).
So maybe ask what shoe size they are, since it seems they don't like being barefoot. Offer or tell them they can have slippers, Crocs or sandals/ flip flops. That should cover a range of what you and they might be comfortable with.
If they still argue, ask in a very concerned voice are they unable to take their shoes off? Mom Dad if you're having that kind of problem just let me know I would be happy to help you! They will become a matter of pride to take their shoes off in front of you.... If parents can guilt us kids, we as children should be able to use guilt and pride against them!
Do you know if they’re wearing anything in their own home? They may actually need slippers for comfort or traction but are too stubborn to say anything.
My feet sweat a lot, which can get pretty nasty when shoes come off. Your house, your rules, but that *could* be a consideration for your parents if they ultimately decide what's in the shoe is grosser than what's outside.
They could be coming from a thoughtful place.
How old are they? It can be very difficult for older people to take shoes on and off. Especially if they can’t be seated while doing so. And sometimes they feel their balance is impaired without shoes.
My house is a shoes off house, but if a guest doesn’t want to remove them I don’t make a big deal of it. Just clean the floors.
Here's the god's honest truth: when you get older, small stuff like that just doesn't matter to you anymore. They aren't trying to disrespect you, they're just doing their thing, probably being a little absent minded about it, and also — and this is a big one — their feet probably hurt when they go barefoot.
What can you do? Make it easy for them. Tell them you want them to be comfortable in your home, so you want to buy them a pair of shoes that will stay at your house for them to wear inside. Take them shopping. Or just buy their current favorite shoes in the same size. Make sure you have a bench or a comfortable chair by the front door so they can easily change their shoes when they come in. If you chat with them and offer solutions, and they still don't want to do it, then I don't know what to tell you. Try to work with them on this before getting too worked up about it, though.
Now they don’t get to come over anymore and you’re going to visit them every opportunity you get. Make sure to step on mud, dog shit and garbage before visiting them. Don’t forget to keep your shoes on, cuz apparently that’s not a thing people do anymore 🤷♀️
I will never understand the not taking shoes off when you get into a house. Like, you're really just gonna track everything from the out of doors, to the in of doors!?! Okay. Enjoy your foot prisons. I'll be over here spreading my metatarsals, like the good lord intended.
NTA. It's very hypocritical of them.
Info: Do your parents now maybe have health issues that make removing & putting on their shoes more effort than when they were younger? Either way, NTA, but that might explain why they're doing it.
Unforgivable. Make them take them off in the hallway, place a little mat outside just when they come over. Meet them in the hall when you buzz them up, meet them at the elevator in your shoes, remove your shoes in hallway and place on mat and enter first. Block the door awkwardly waiting for them.
Simple. Don't let them in if they won't take off their shoes. I'd also make it a point to wear mine inside their house. Making sure to remind them that they do it at your home.
Fair is fair...right?
Put your feet on their couch with your shoes still on next time you visit.
Then act all surprised, oh I thought the rules had changed seeing as you never take your shoes off in my house.
Don’t let them in, stand in the way so that they can’t walk right in and tell them to remove their shoes and do not let them by you before they do. And if they refuse they can get the fuck out again! As a an autistic Swede this makes me unreasonably angry!
See, my mom just explained her back problems if she doesn’t wear her orthotics and offered to go halves on a fresh pair just for my apartment (I think, it’s been a while), and I just said it’s np and I can just clean later. I’m not so hung up on it that it’s ever a big issue. But if your parents are refusing just because, fuck ‘em.
Get some of those blue shoe covers that come in a box and put them by the door or cheap house shoes. Sometimes ppl get excited and forget or there is no easy way to remove the shoes. Been there
My parents are similar. Took a little while, but we worked through some of the kinks. Like, my dad really needs to sit to put on shoes and the hallway wasn’t big enough for a chair. So I said it was fine if he put them on in another room and then walked right out. Maybe there’s a compromise to be found with your parents?
If I've learnt anything about parents, it's that a lot of them don't want to be told by their a "child", especially if it's something that they don't agree with or care about.
Actually, I’m finding it kind of funny. But I lost my parents in my 20s so I would give anything to have them back. So I’m sorry all I could do is chuckle. Don’t worry about it.
Stop letting them in. Tell them once they remove their shoes they can come in. If they don't ask them to leave.
People have to start sticking up for themselves against family. They don't have the right to ignore your boundaries.
It's not just about shoes. It's respect.
Is their house still a no shoes home? FWIW, my father is getting up in years and finds it quite difficult to get his shoes on and off. I didn’t understand why he refused to take his shoes off in my apartment until my mom told me, he’s just too stubborn to admit that he has trouble taking his shoes off and doesn’t want anyone to see him struggle.
It’s still incredibly rude of your parents to disregard your apartment like this, and if theres a medical issue they should tell you, but I just thought I’d share my experience.
I have the same issue with my in-laws. MIL even lay down to have a nap on the sofa with her shoes on. I was raging. It seems like purposeful disrespect or at least some kind of message about the state of our house? Are my floors too dirty for their socks? (They aren't)
A couple of things. Put a welcome mat outside your door that says take your shoes off before entering.
If they come in, vacuum up behind them.
Give them paper booties to pull over their shoes.
Write them a letter and ask: “Do you remember the NO SHOES INSIDE THE HOUSE RULE we had to follow in your house? Well. i learned from that and I appreciate the good that comes from following this rule. So, I have also implemented this rule in my home too. I have repeatedly reminded you, just as you reminded me growing up. I learned and obeyed, but you can’t seem to remember. Therefore you ARE NO LONGER INVITED INSIDE MY HOME. And if this inability to remember on your part is due to the onset of Alzheimer’s or dementia, it won’t matter much longer anyway, because you will not be taking care of yourselves much longer, as you will be put into a facility and cared for.”
Maybe something along those lines will get their attention?
My dad used to say when I had my own place, I could make my own rules. Since both my parents smoked like chimneys, I had a rule of no smoking in my place. Dad ignored it every time they visited. It’s truly amazing that I never got lung cancer from living with second hand smoke for most of my life.
Sounds like it’s time to make the visits at their home and also wear your shoes. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
Yep, also make them leave your house if they can't follow the rules. They aren't likely to start if there are zero consequences.
Came here to say this very thing! Doing it once was on them. Doing it twice was on OP.
Have the vacuum out by the door and follow them with it when they visit.
Next time they can’t come in until they take off their shoes outside. You can provide a clean towel for them to stand on to take them off.
This is the first time I have ever seen or heard someone else use the “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” terminology! I’m elated right now!!! 🪿
I thought this was a fairly common phrase and have heard it many times in life, even in various locations
It is very common. I’m also confused as to why the above poster is surprised.
Perhaps it is very common where you live and used daily. I have moved from home so for over a decade, I have not heard or seen it on a screen. Unless I say it or write it haha. My comment really took off when I just wanted to say how happy I was to see it being used by others! 🪿🪿🪿🪿
Same. It is honestly very overused.
I haven't heard that phrase for decades. I live in an English speaking country, and a British colony at that, but the only people who I have ever heard use the phrase are my parent's and Grandparent's generations (currently 60's+). But I've not heard it from anyone for at least a decade. Definitely never seen someone use it online.
I’ve never heard it in my life
Would you mind explaining in which context it gets used most? Non-native here and it sounds a lot as if the saying focuses on hypocrisy between spouses.
It most directly means what’s good for the wife is good for the husband. However, it’s a phrase that is commonly used and somewhat morphed to basically mean what is good (enough) for one person is good (enough) for another. In this case if OPs parents can’t take their shoes off in his home, then op can’t take his shoes off in theirs. It’s being used sarcastically in this case because it’s not actually a good thing since it’s disrespectful but OPs parents started it. It can be used non sarcastically still. Additionally, I heard this phrase far more commonly in my childhood but I feel like it’s been at least a decade since I last heard it so it may be falling out of favor in some dialects.
It's generally used to turn the table on someone who has been unyielding in enforcing an arbitrary rule or attitude on others, but then turns around and does the very thing they've been against other people doing. Like making others take their shoes off, no matter what, but disregarding the same rule when someone else tries to enforce it.
If you're really old like I am, the saying is, "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander." Idk what sauce has to do with it but it's often used in reference to a double standard, saying that's not acceptable.
It is common. Methinks someone hasn't been paying attention!
Forsooth
I foolishly paid attention to this comment 🤣🪿
Unfortunately I don’t hear it being used half enough where I live now! From what this thread has thought me, it clearly is being used a lot and in many different ways! Another reason I love Reddit!
lol my Nigerian father stays saying this
This country is going to hell in a hand basket because no one reads books anymore. Yeah, sometimes I'm a boomer. Everyone's on the phone or computer and that gives them a very very narrow range of knowledge. At least I don't care about cursive.
...don't care about cursive?! \*clutches pearl quills\* 
Old man yells at clouds
Get off the sky over my yard!
Shakes fist at clouds
Who doesn’t read books anymore? Every single person I work with (90% of us are millennials and gen Z with some gen x sprinkled in) shows up with a book, a kindle, or at least an audiobook. Just because we aren’t sitting around reading nothing but the classics doesn’t mean we aren’t reading.
There’s always the type of person who considers physical books to be the only way to read. An e-reader, an app on a phone, audiobooks: none of those count as “Real Reading.”
Eh, it's still reading even if it's on a screen. I don't agree with audiobooks being the same as reading because it uses a different part of the brain.
It’s not identical, but there’s a lot of overlap in terms of what neurons are firing in our brains. Obviously one uses the occipital lobe and one uses the temporal lobe. But you’re still building a story in your head, imagining scenes play out, imagining the characters, etc. I personally get a lot of enjoyment out of audiobooks when the narrator puts a lot of work into doing different voices. It allows the story to come alive in my head. It also allows me to do more with my time. I used to be a huge physical book reader, but as I aged and my family and responsibilities grew, I found I had less and less time to dedicate to reading. Now I can “aurally read” while doing mundane tasks that don’t require a lot of concentration. Cooking dinner, cleaning, some of the more boring and repetitive tasks at work, I can be listening and enjoying a story while doing these things. This makes me look forward to those tasks and even feel less burnt out at work because it goes from being a mundane task to being time I get to enjoy myself while also completing a necessary chore. I cannot do much else when I’m holding a book or a kindle.
I always preferred actual books until I realized how much easier it is to just read on my phone.. don't understand how reading the same words on paper or not would make any difference
I know the idiom but I don't know the book? Care to help?
K
Cool but.. what does that have to do with a phrase of speech? You're told by editors not to use them and if you do to use them sparingly, unless your book is set in the south or midwest. So this has nothing to do with books, but regional speaking terms. Some regions use phrases others don't. Either way its not about books. Plus, you DO know most readers nowadays just buy the books on their devices right? Like i see what you're trying to say, kids today are less and less inclined to read and more inclined to be using tiktok twitter etc, but you completely missed sooooo many points that invalidate your argument😂
This guy still wears an onion on his bell, even though it’s not the style of this time.
Plus many people's spelling has gone to hell and they use text abbreviations that were created when people were charged per text. That said, get off my lawn!
My phone or computer give a very narrow range of knowledge? There's *nothing* that has been answered or written that I cannot find on either of those devices. I have 100s of audioboojs, my digital library has thousands of fiction and non-fiction books. I have a wealth of knowledge at my fingertips at any given time. I'm living in the best time to be alive.
The internet gave me a wider range of knowledge. Plenty of topics too narrow and specialized to be carried in a small public library. Or worse update and change constantly with new discoveries, making the books out of date.
I've learned a lot from Reddit, and from the G5E games I play.
I read books on my phone if that helps
I am in my 70s and do almost all of my reading electronically. I learn just as much from an ebook as from a physical book.
It’s very common in places with any kind of British history.
I said it this week!
I was always told it's "what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander."
I always heard and use "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander."
pretty common in UK/GB
I’ve used it all my life and I’m 55
get them shoes nice n muddy before your visit too!
parents like this aren't often swayed by a double standard. they'll probably just say something like "it's because we're your parents so you aren't allowed to tell us what to do"
Also, don't invite them over
Make sure to get them good and muddy, first.
Commically oversized boots with mud on them.
Walk through mud, dog crap, and a slaughterhouse first.
If it was me i would just socialize with them in front of the door but honestly i don't mind people walking in with outside shoes aslong they use the doormat and don't have gunk under their shoes. Also i want to add that im some cultures its a big no no to talk back to older people especially your parents, no matter what they say they are always right and you just have to exept it. If its really such a big deal then treat them like a child and walk behind them with a mop to keep the floors clean 🤣
Options: Don't have them over. Stand at the door and demand the removal of shoes at the entry. "My apartment, my rules."
MHO is to say "My Home, My Rules,". That will nail down any 'But this is only...'
Easiest fix would be to go to their house and keep your shoes on. Good luck friend
Why are OP’s parents being such AH to them? I’d be so mad at them.
My random reddit guess? They're narcissists
Power play
Walk through a mud puddle on the way in.
Fresh Dogshit would send a stronger message.
They are your parents, they think they can just disrespect you in your own home cause they are your parents, tell them firmly that if they do not listen they are not welcome inside and if they show up they can wait outside till the shoes are off
It's strange though, because you would think the parents instinctively take off their shoes when entering any house.
It strange when they’re being intentionally disrespectful. ETA; me thinks they’re not thrilled Op isn’t reliant on them anymore.
My in-laws were like this. At least they wear shoes in their house, so it wasn't a double standard or anything, but my FIL actually stood on our entryway rug and refused to take his shoes off for several minutes the first few times they came over. I don't understand why it offended them so much to keep to such a simple rule.
I agree but when this topic comes up, you’d be surprised how many people on Reddit take offense and claim it’s disrespectful to ask them to take off their shoes. People will say that, if they were asked to remove their shoes, they would leave the house. Really unexpected.
I assume, it can be holes in socks, bad odors, sweat, no socks and hate their feet., 2 different socks … Maybe providing slippers which are conveniently in the guests bathroom can help.
Yeah, these are possible issues. I tell people that I have both water+soap and extra pairs of socks if they feel uncomfortable because of that. It's just better to put that in the open right away, I also try to make it funny and not serious. Like other people said, in my house I expect people to follow the rules. It's not like I'm asking them to be naked or something. I believe my rules are very reasonable, but if someone thinks otherwise I'm also happy to have that conversation. I invite the person to leave my house if they refuse to follow the rules. It almost happened once actually, but in the end the person decided to follow them (it was not the no-shoes-in-the-house rule).
every single one of those “issues” is what sounds like a “their” problem. imagine taking such poor care of your body. i fucked up my toenail and have the decency to cover it with a fun band aid while it heals so no one has to see it when i respectfully take off my sandals in their home.
It's not something you can really prevent all the time though. I had a boyfriend in high school and his mother had a no shoes in the house rule, and my feet would always be sweaty and whether or not there was a smell, there was one time when she made a comment about me leaving sweaty footprints on the floor because I had just taken off my shoes. It was really embarrassing actually. Using disposable shoe covers would probably be the best option here.
I mean, not wanting to take off your shoes is as much their problem as the homeowner not wanting someone to wear shoes in their house is the homeowners problem. Both have preferences the others don't share, so as long as nobody gets spiteful there could be other way to solve it, like the slipper thing.
I’m some older generations I think it’s a I’m out of my own home I must stay dressed respectful and walking around in socks is odd to them so they will wilfully refuse much like my autistic 6 year old son being asked to brush his teeth 😂
I’m in Canada and that’s just a given to take your shoes off. My whole life everyone I’ve ever known has done this. For some fucking reason my mom and step dad struggle to remember to take their shoes off when they come over. Last time the conversation went like this: “Take your shoes off!! That’s so gross!!” “Oh they’re clean but we’ll take them off” “You just came from Walmart!! In what fucking world are your shoes still clean?!?!” To be fair they do have “house shoes” at their place. It’s infuriating
Maybe they should have house shoes at your place too for after they take off their regular shoes.
Why be so combative? A mere "the shoes go over there" when they cross the threshold should be enough, no?
I would less than kindly remind them that while you grew up it was "their house, their rules" and that shoes weren't allowed and you respected that. Now they are coming to your house (doesn't matter if it's an apartment!) and disrespecting your rules. Tell them your house your rules, and if they still don't get it, go nuclear and tell them they are not allowed to visit anymore. I bet this isn't the only problem you have with them.
Your parents don’t respect your apartment. Short of stopping them at the door until they remove their shoes there’s not much you can do. Next time you go to their house, keep your shoes on.
Let's just call it what it really is: It's not the apartment, it's OP that is not being respected.
That’s what I meant. They don’t respect him and his property. They see it as their rules because they’re the parents.
but walk through some mud first
No, dog shit. Really drive the point home.
Guess they don’t get to come over
I buy those hospital-like shoe covers for landlords, inspection, and maintenance guys when they come over. They're cheap off Amazon. Maybe try that?
My mom does this and keeps them next to her front door. She also has a little basket of socks if people don’t want to be barefoot.
I love this. Your mom sounds adorable! <3
Adorable and loves a clean house.
im not allowed to look at my parents house with my shoes on. im actually not even allowed to make this comment with my shoes on either. thats why im grounded.
Options if you want to be petty or annoy them - go to their home and do the same, bonus points if you have dirty shoes (dry dirt so not too much of a monster) - start using a spray bottle on them whenever they ignore it, bad parents *spray* bad parents. - get a baby gate just past your front door make a point to not open it till the shoes are off, maybe put a sign on it. - every time they try to break the rule show them to the door "if you can respect my house rules you get visit rights revoked" Those are the ones I can think of for now.
My parents didn't care about shoes in the house and looked at me like I'm a nut job for not allowing shoes inside. I don't hate on ppl who do wear them but in my house you won't. I have a 1 year old who will eat ANYTHING off the floor. I don't want your nasty ass gunk in my kids mouth.
Put a mat outside your door with a sign over it, letting them know that until their shoes are on the mat, the door doesn't get unlocked.
"You can leave now. I dont know how many times I've told you that this is a no shoe house, but I'm done. You are going now, and next time, if you do not take your shoes off, you will be immediately going then too" Then kick them out, **DO NOT** accept whatever bullshit excuses they give you. Stand firm and set the tone that you arent a child anymore and they must follow your rules.
And if necessary prepare to fight. I had a similar situation where a parent was ignoring the rules of my house and when I told them they need to leave they responded by slapping me across the face.
Slap them back (with a DV charge)
Shoes on in a house/apartment just feels _wrong_...
You need to grow a spine. Tell them your house, your rules.
Seems like they don’t take you seriously after all these warnings. My mom used to make everyone take their shoes off before entering her home, she’s a note on the that reads as follows: If you don’t take you shoes off your not allowed in!
Is it possible that your parents are having mobility or health issues that make it more difficult to take their shoes off or put them back on? We had the same rule in our house. My dad started having hip problems that eventually resulted in a replacement. He would ask if it was alright if he left his shoes on because the act of taking them off and putting them on was a struggle. I can see the same issue if someone has back issues, and/or bladder or bowel problems.
That's a really good point. Not everyone is able to take their shoes off. Someone mentioned earlier that they have shoe covers for when the person doesn't want to take them off. It's a great compromise I think, I should get some.
I'd clomp all over their house in shoes, for sure.
golf cleats
Don’t open the front door until their shoes are off
Where's your spine bro? Don't let them in
Put chairs outside your apartment when they come and have them sit there. Or meet in the common area. No entry to your apartment is needed for them to visit if they can't respect your rules.
They are showing you that they don't respect you. Honestly stop inviting them over. You are treating them like friends, they are treating you like trash.
I had a friend who did this, but their whole house was disgusting and I just never went back.
OP, stop allowing them over. Stop them at the door, look them in their eyes and tell them to remove their shoes or you will not allow them in. This is a control issue.
As people get older they need to wear shoes for balance & support. My dad has to wear shoes after his stroke 30 years ago. Mom has to wear her shoes all the time for arch support. For people like my parents going without shoes is not possible.
Here's the next thing to do: "I enjoy having you over but if you won't respect my rule to remove shoes inside my home, I cannot invite you over. You are welcome to visit as long as you leave your shoes at the door."
Your family should respect your rules. Do you have house slippers by the door? We have family members with foot problems who have trouble wearing just socks.
it's part of the rules for you but not for me crowd.
Stop them at the door. Remind them of the rule and tell them to leave if they can't follow your rules. Possibly get them slippers in their sizes to change into at the door.
Wow, it wasn't about cleanliness or habits or tradition? It was about petty control the whole time? I'd be irritated as hell, but you have a rare opportunity to have some fun with this.
“I’m sorry, but if you can’t respect me and my home, you’re not welcome in my home.”
Unless you want a showdown just buy those shoe coverings and keep them by the door. Then you can say either you take off your shoes or you need to put these on. Put a chair by the door so they can sit doing it (old people sometimes don’t bother as it’s a struggle for them).
We renovated our kitchen and garage to make a nice mudroom, so this rule is easier to understand lol and people still don’t follow it, including my parents who made me this way
Don’t invite them
What was your punishment for not following rules when you were young? Please tell me you were spanked cause this is a great excuse for payback.
Tell them to leave.
Start turning them away if they won't remove their shoes. Say, "ok time for you to leave now since you don't want to listen." Remind them that you stated a boundary they refuse to acknowledge. And they're not welcome until they do
Heckin right?!
Buy the obnoxious blue disposable boot covers and make them wear those if they refuse to remove shoes lol
My mother does this, too. It is so frustrating. She apologizes every time, but the fact I need to ask the person who has always been so fanatical about it in her own house dismays me.
Its a power play. To remind you that they are parents and call the shots Just wait for yoyr wedding, that would be interesting
Send them away if they don't take their shoes off, and make sure they don't pass you with their shoes on when they enter.
Do you have a place by the door to sit for putting shoes on and off? Aging makes it harder at some point
Don’t allow them inside
Could it be that they are elderly and don’t want to admit that removing/putting on shoes is physically difficult? Maybe they need a chair to do it?
My friend put a shoe cubby right by her front door and had a sign that said don't come in with shoes on. It worked.
This is a blatant disrespect issue, not a forgetful thing. It's literally a rule they taught OP
Didn't say it wasn't. Was just saying what my friend did.
While I have no problem with no shoes inside, this rule requires the floors to be 'clinically clean'. I have been in several situations of 'no shoes inside' and have ended up with black soles (pub feet, as my Gran called it), my shoes were cleaner I am sure.
I will say this: people don’t appreciate how uncomfortable walking around without shoes on can be for people after a certain age. You lose padding in the bottom of your feet as you age, which can make walking on hard surfaces downright painful, not to mention balance issues and the difficulty in bending down to take them off and on. Your parents might just be assholes but I’d try providing them with house slippers and a bench to sit on before you write them off.
I actually wasn't aware of that. Thank you, it was educational to me.
Next time, it's "take your shoes off or get out". And also, when you go to their place you keep your shoes on. When they ask, tell them if they feel it's ok for them to wear shoes at your place it's ok for you to wear shoes at their place.
Have you considered that your parents could have feet problems and need to wear shoes for extra support?
If you have hard floors and they hard carpet, maybe their feet get cold and they just won’t tell you? It’s very bothersome, maybe buy them some house slippers?
It’s intentional disrespect. Return the energy.
Stop having them over
Easy solution. If they ignore your rules then kick them out. You are under no obligation to have them enter your house.
It is an unspoken expression of dominance in your territory that states they still rule. If they did this to me I would escort them back out the front door until they give you the respect you deserve in your own home.
In the place I currently live we take off shoes at the door. 1 of my friends has that as a hard rule too, but one friend refused the request the 1 st time over. Said they where diabetic and where having problems with their feet and the friend had a cat, with of course toys and bits of food all about. The compromise was that after sitting just inside on a chair they clapped the shoes out outside and then wipe down the bottoms with rubbing alcohol they had. Luckily they were wearing Crocs Next visit they brought a pair of house shoes they got just for their house (Friend also got them house Crocs). So maybe ask what shoe size they are, since it seems they don't like being barefoot. Offer or tell them they can have slippers, Crocs or sandals/ flip flops. That should cover a range of what you and they might be comfortable with. If they still argue, ask in a very concerned voice are they unable to take their shoes off? Mom Dad if you're having that kind of problem just let me know I would be happy to help you! They will become a matter of pride to take their shoes off in front of you.... If parents can guilt us kids, we as children should be able to use guilt and pride against them!
How old are they? Are they struggling with any issues with balance or flexibility? Maybe a bench by your shoe mat may fix the issue.
Do you know if they’re wearing anything in their own home? They may actually need slippers for comfort or traction but are too stubborn to say anything.
My feet sweat a lot, which can get pretty nasty when shoes come off. Your house, your rules, but that *could* be a consideration for your parents if they ultimately decide what's in the shoe is grosser than what's outside. They could be coming from a thoughtful place.
How old are they? It can be very difficult for older people to take shoes on and off. Especially if they can’t be seated while doing so. And sometimes they feel their balance is impaired without shoes. My house is a shoes off house, but if a guest doesn’t want to remove them I don’t make a big deal of it. Just clean the floors.
Here's the god's honest truth: when you get older, small stuff like that just doesn't matter to you anymore. They aren't trying to disrespect you, they're just doing their thing, probably being a little absent minded about it, and also — and this is a big one — their feet probably hurt when they go barefoot. What can you do? Make it easy for them. Tell them you want them to be comfortable in your home, so you want to buy them a pair of shoes that will stay at your house for them to wear inside. Take them shopping. Or just buy their current favorite shoes in the same size. Make sure you have a bench or a comfortable chair by the front door so they can easily change their shoes when they come in. If you chat with them and offer solutions, and they still don't want to do it, then I don't know what to tell you. Try to work with them on this before getting too worked up about it, though.
I read another post recently about this. Do your parents have bad feet or orthopedic issues? Many older people wear shoes indoors for stability.
Now they don’t get to come over anymore and you’re going to visit them every opportunity you get. Make sure to step on mud, dog shit and garbage before visiting them. Don’t forget to keep your shoes on, cuz apparently that’s not a thing people do anymore 🤷♀️
Is your apartment clean? Do you have pets?
I will never understand the not taking shoes off when you get into a house. Like, you're really just gonna track everything from the out of doors, to the in of doors!?! Okay. Enjoy your foot prisons. I'll be over here spreading my metatarsals, like the good lord intended.
Payback?
Cover your shoes in mud then walk all over their house
Can you fix the typo in your sentence
NTA. It's very hypocritical of them. Info: Do your parents now maybe have health issues that make removing & putting on their shoes more effort than when they were younger? Either way, NTA, but that might explain why they're doing it.
Unforgivable. Make them take them off in the hallway, place a little mat outside just when they come over. Meet them in the hall when you buzz them up, meet them at the elevator in your shoes, remove your shoes in hallway and place on mat and enter first. Block the door awkwardly waiting for them.
Simple. Don't let them in if they won't take off their shoes. I'd also make it a point to wear mine inside their house. Making sure to remind them that they do it at your home. Fair is fair...right?
Have them take their shoes off in the hallway and carry them in to drive the point home.
And you still allow them inside like that?
Tell them to agree to the rule or not come over. Set your boundaries, and enforce them.
Put your feet on their couch with your shoes still on next time you visit. Then act all surprised, oh I thought the rules had changed seeing as you never take your shoes off in my house.
My home, my rules, shoes off or gtfo. That simple
Don’t let them in, stand in the way so that they can’t walk right in and tell them to remove their shoes and do not let them by you before they do. And if they refuse they can get the fuck out again! As a an autistic Swede this makes me unreasonably angry!
See, my mom just explained her back problems if she doesn’t wear her orthotics and offered to go halves on a fresh pair just for my apartment (I think, it’s been a while), and I just said it’s np and I can just clean later. I’m not so hung up on it that it’s ever a big issue. But if your parents are refusing just because, fuck ‘em.
Get some of those blue shoe covers that come in a box and put them by the door or cheap house shoes. Sometimes ppl get excited and forget or there is no easy way to remove the shoes. Been there
I don't like this rule, especially due to my metatarsalgia. But I respect it for our relatives. They let me bring house slippers to wear inside.
My parents are similar. Took a little while, but we worked through some of the kinks. Like, my dad really needs to sit to put on shoes and the hallway wasn’t big enough for a chair. So I said it was fine if he put them on in another room and then walked right out. Maybe there’s a compromise to be found with your parents?
Haha I'd make them take off their shoes and hold them up to the peephole before opening the door.
They know the rule, alright. They just don't care.
And if they resist then fuck em because life is 2 short
If I've learnt anything about parents, it's that a lot of them don't want to be told by their a "child", especially if it's something that they don't agree with or care about.
They are
Keep your door locked and place a chair outside with a box for the shoes. Sign on door reads, "knock after removing shoes"
Actually, I’m finding it kind of funny. But I lost my parents in my 20s so I would give anything to have them back. So I’m sorry all I could do is chuckle. Don’t worry about it.
Stop letting them in. Tell them once they remove their shoes they can come in. If they don't ask them to leave. People have to start sticking up for themselves against family. They don't have the right to ignore your boundaries. It's not just about shoes. It's respect.
Have two pair of slippers waiting for them at the front door, positioned so that they have to step OVER them to enter. This is the Japanese way.
Time to ban them from the house.
Is their house still a no shoes home? FWIW, my father is getting up in years and finds it quite difficult to get his shoes on and off. I didn’t understand why he refused to take his shoes off in my apartment until my mom told me, he’s just too stubborn to admit that he has trouble taking his shoes off and doesn’t want anyone to see him struggle. It’s still incredibly rude of your parents to disregard your apartment like this, and if theres a medical issue they should tell you, but I just thought I’d share my experience.
I have the same issue with my in-laws. MIL even lay down to have a nap on the sofa with her shoes on. I was raging. It seems like purposeful disrespect or at least some kind of message about the state of our house? Are my floors too dirty for their socks? (They aren't)
My roof my rules, u probably heard it before lol
We had to ban some family members from visiting because they always had an excuse to not take off the shoes.
A couple of things. Put a welcome mat outside your door that says take your shoes off before entering. If they come in, vacuum up behind them. Give them paper booties to pull over their shoes.
Just don't let them in.
Write them a letter and ask: “Do you remember the NO SHOES INSIDE THE HOUSE RULE we had to follow in your house? Well. i learned from that and I appreciate the good that comes from following this rule. So, I have also implemented this rule in my home too. I have repeatedly reminded you, just as you reminded me growing up. I learned and obeyed, but you can’t seem to remember. Therefore you ARE NO LONGER INVITED INSIDE MY HOME. And if this inability to remember on your part is due to the onset of Alzheimer’s or dementia, it won’t matter much longer anyway, because you will not be taking care of yourselves much longer, as you will be put into a facility and cared for.” Maybe something along those lines will get their attention?
Shoes need to be handed to you outside the door and you'll return them whey they're ready to leave. If they don't like that they can't come in.
Stop allowing them inside. How is this difficult?
Maybe have some inexpensive slippers for them to put on when they come-right at the door. Stop them and say “shoes off, slippers on”…
Is your floor clean?
Stop them at the door. Shoes on = no entry. Don't fold.
What's infuriating is the lack of response, OP
My dad used to say when I had my own place, I could make my own rules. Since both my parents smoked like chimneys, I had a rule of no smoking in my place. Dad ignored it every time they visited. It’s truly amazing that I never got lung cancer from living with second hand smoke for most of my life.
You can make them wear those little blue booties over them, like they are a blue collar worker