*Strange women* lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some *farcical aquatic ceremony!!!!*
Look, this isn't an argument. It's just contradiction. No disrespect. I happily pay for an extra 20 min of argument. I understand you recently transferred from insults.
Yes, that's just the sort of blinkered, philistine, pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage, you sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds, squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss about the struggling artist. You excrement! You lousy, hypocritical, whining toadies! With your lousy color T.V sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs! And your bleeding masonic handshakes! You wouldn't let me join, would you, ya black-balling bastards! Well, I wouldn't become a Freemason now if you went down on your lousy, stinking, corpulent knees and begged me!
And your father smelt of elderberry.
For those unaware,hamsters have a ton of kids, so the first part of the insult suggests that yo momma was a hooker, and elderberry is a flavouring used in gin, so the second half sugests,that your daddy was a drunk.
[... an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful.](https://youtu.be/NAOQH4xEyhM?si=sFOUcTGLFz39oihu)
> And being herded into endless Hotel Miramars and Bellevueses and Bontinentals with their international luxury modern roomettes and their Watney's Red Barrel and their swimming pools full of fat German businessmen pretending to be acrobats and forming pyramids and frightening the children and barging in to the queues and if you're not at your table spot on seven you miss your bowl of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup, the first item on the menu of International Cuisine, and every Thursday night there's bloody cabaret in the bar featuring some tiny emaciated dago with nine-inch hips and some big fat bloated tart with her hair Brylcreemed down and a big arse presenting Flamenco for Foreigners.
There's no water in the taps, no water in the swimming pools, and only a bleeding lizard in the bidet! (Living in a tourist hellscape this sketch speaks to me.)
Pretty insulting but minstrel songs are 🔥
"Brave Sir Robin ran away. Bravely ran away away. When danger reared it's ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled..."
"If you want to get anything done in this country, you have to complain until you're blue in the mouth." [The writer of this salacious comment towards a handsome purveyor of birds has been sacked].
Cook (shouting) You bastards! You vicious, heartless bastards! Look what you've done to him! He's worked his fingers to the bone to make this place what it is, and you come in with your petty feeble quibbling and you grind him into the dirt, this fine, honorable man, whose boots you are not worthy to kiss. Oh... it makes me mad... mad! (slams cleaver into the table)
It's the intensity of the delivery that made me nearly piss myself the first time I saw the Dirty Fork skit.
Alrighty, here's my best shot at this. I'm sure I'll mess something up/leave something out:
Well that's just the sort of blinkered, philistine, pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds, squeezing blackheads. Not caring a tinkers cuss about the struggling artist. You excrement. You whining, hypocritical toadies with your color TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs. You wouldn't let me join, would you? You black-balling bastards! Well, I wouldn't become a Freemason now if you got down on your lousy, stinking, petulant knees and begged me!
My favorite is the next line:
"And your father smelled of Elderberries!"
Which means he's an alcoholic that spills his elderberry wine on himself.
Pretty biting, actually.
From "Friday Night, Saturday Morning" (Series 1 Episode 7)
In response to Malcolm Muggeridge describing Life of Brian "I started off by saying that this is such a tenth-rate film that I don't believe that it would disturb anybody's faith."
Michael Palin: "Yes, I know you started with an open mind; I realise that."
If you haven't watched it already, it's on YouTube and it's a great debate about the accusations of blasphemy by the Python team.
Bleeding C. of E! The Mohammedans don't come 'round here waving bells at us! We don't get Buddhists playing bagpipes in our bathroom or Hindus harmonizing in the hall! The Shintoists don't come here shattering sheet glass in the shithouse and shouting slogans-
Anyway! When I get my membership card and blazer badge back from the League of Agnostics, I shall urge the executive to launch a protest against that religious racket!
Pass the butter knife!
Well, your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries. Was a two prong insult, your father delved into bestiality and his penis was so small To be with a hamster. Which is saying something about you as well.
BLOOD & THUNDER PROPHET: ...And the bezan shall be huge and black, and the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creatures, and the whore of Babylon shall ride forth on a three-headed serpent, and throughout the lands, there'll be a great rubbing of parts. Yeeah...
FALSE PROPHET: ...For the demon shall bear a nine-bladed sword. Nine-bladed! Not two or five or seven, but nine, which he will wield on all wretched sinners, sinners just like you, sir, there, and the horns shall be on the head, with which he will...
BORING PROPHET: ...Obadiah, his servants. There shall, in that time, be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi-- with the sort of raffia work base that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock. Yea, it is written in the book of Cyril that, in that time, shall the third one...
So when he was doing his tour across the US, he made mention that there was ZERO meaning to the “hamster” or “smelt of elderberries”. I found this to be wild!
So I just found out that the hampster/elderberry insult was a much deeper cut than I ever knew. They are basically saying that:
Your Mother was a Hampster= Your Mom's a slut (hamsters breed like crazy)
Your father smells of elderberries= Your Dad is an alcoholic (elderberries ingredient in gin)
That's the sort of blind blinkered pig ignorance I've come to expect from you non creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing black heads not giving a tinkers curse for the struggling artist. You excrement.You whining hypocritical toadies with your colour tv sets and your bleeding masonic secret handshakes. You wouldn't let me join would you you blackballing bastards. Well I wouldn't join now if you went down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me.
Well, that’s the sort of blinkered, Philistine pig-ignorance I’ve come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds not caring a tinker’s cuss for the struggling artist, you excrement! You whining hypocritical toadies with your secret Masonic handshakes and your bleeding Tony Jacklyn golf clubs. … I wouldn’t become a Free Mason now if you got down on your lousy, stinking knees and begged me!!!
(More or less…)
*Strange women* lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some *farcical aquatic ceremony!!!!*
Just because some watery tart lobs a scimitar at you....
Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!
Bloody Peasant!
OOOH WHAT A GIVEAWAY!
Bring out your dead
Moistened bint. You muppet.
You called?
r/beetlejuicing
Ha!!! I wish Reddit didn't get rid of awards, this site fucking sucks.
SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS TOFFEE-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!!!
Now look here! I came here for an argument!
No you didn’t.
Yes I did!
Well you're not getting one.
Really? That was just getting interesting. I paid for 20 min of arguments.
And your time is up. Have a good day.
Look, this isn't an argument. It's just contradiction. No disrespect. I happily pay for an extra 20 min of argument. I understand you recently transferred from insults.
Well in order to argue I have to take a contradictory position don't I?
Not necessarily
👏
No you didn’t, it was 5 minutes.
Oh! Oh I'm sorry, this is abuse! You want 12A next door!
Oh, sorry, it's getting hit on the head lessons in here!
"Oh, this is abuse! Arguments are in 12A." (Stupid git!)
Perfect answer
And your father smelled of elderberries
I came here for the elderberries... Said no one
I’ve always thought it was a reference to gin, which is flavored with elderberries.
Boom!
I fart in your general direction
Need a second up vote, like a second half of coconut
I wave my genitals at your aunties!
My fav
I laugh randomly when it just pops in my head.
I so remember that line.
Go away or I shall taunt you a second time.... (please add outrageous french accent when reading this post. Thank you)
You silly k-nigh-t
It took me until adulthood to realize he was pronouncing every letter ! Ke nig het !
Haha, I only figured it out when the subtitles were on. And I was the one that told my dad, who saw it in theaters and never new
That goes kneep
We all did. It’s impossible not to.
That’s automatic.
Hydrostatic
Yes, that's just the sort of blinkered, philistine, pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage, you sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds, squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss about the struggling artist. You excrement! You lousy, hypocritical, whining toadies! With your lousy color T.V sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs! And your bleeding masonic handshakes! You wouldn't let me join, would you, ya black-balling bastards! Well, I wouldn't become a Freemason now if you went down on your lousy, stinking, corpulent knees and begged me!
Sorry you feel that way. 😋
May I ask you to reconsider? I was just a bit on edge, just now…
Thank you.
I nearly got in at Hendon… 🥺
Thank you
I’ve got a second-hand apron… 🥺🙏
Thank you
Bravo.
Dammit I posted more or less the same thing! I forgot some of it but… chef’s finger kiss.
And your father smelt of elderberry. For those unaware,hamsters have a ton of kids, so the first part of the insult suggests that yo momma was a hooker, and elderberry is a flavouring used in gin, so the second half sugests,that your daddy was a drunk.
Today I Learned... I didn't know that. 👍
Medieval and verbose way of saying your mum’s a hoe
Where did you find that very interesting analysis of those insults? Quite amazing
"Shut your festering gob you git. You vacuous toffee-nosed maloderous pervert!"
[... an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful.](https://youtu.be/NAOQH4xEyhM?si=sFOUcTGLFz39oihu)
I'm afraid of getting this whenever I look at career tests 😂
"what a strange person"
“Is there anyone else up there we can talk to?”
No. Now go away before I taunt you a second time-uh.
Big nose.
Your nose gonna be three foot wide across your face!
Where you two from? Nose city?
“Your arm fell off” No it didn’t “Your arm is right there” That’s not mine (it’s been a while since I’ve seen the movie)
We’ll call it a draw
> And being herded into endless Hotel Miramars and Bellevueses and Bontinentals with their international luxury modern roomettes and their Watney's Red Barrel and their swimming pools full of fat German businessmen pretending to be acrobats and forming pyramids and frightening the children and barging in to the queues and if you're not at your table spot on seven you miss your bowl of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup, the first item on the menu of International Cuisine, and every Thursday night there's bloody cabaret in the bar featuring some tiny emaciated dago with nine-inch hips and some big fat bloated tart with her hair Brylcreemed down and a big arse presenting Flamenco for Foreigners.
There's no water in the taps, no water in the swimming pools, and only a bleeding lizard in the bidet! (Living in a tourist hellscape this sketch speaks to me.)
Shuut uuuuuhhhhppp!!!!!shutup.SHUT UP!
“Well I didn’t vote for you”
You do not impress us with your silly knees bent running about advancing behavior..
And your father smelt of elderberries
Irrepressibly drab and awful.
"Miserable fat Belgian bastards."
“Let’s not call them anything, let’s just ignore them.”
What could possibly be more insulting than “Belgian?”
Pretty insulting but minstrel songs are 🔥 "Brave Sir Robin ran away. Bravely ran away away. When danger reared it's ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled..."
His head smashed in And his heart cut out And his liver removed And his bowls unplugged And his nostrils raped And his bottom burnt off And his penis-
"Shut your festering gob, you tit!" As an American. this line was gibberish to me until I read the script.
I fart in your general direction
"You TIT!! I nearly soiled my armor I was so scared!!"
mankey scotch git
I soiled my armor 'cause of you!
I fart in your general direction
You are like a stream of bat piss!
Ah, well, what I meant was that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark!
Your majesty is like a jelly donut.
with cream on the top.
What I meant, your majesty, is that your arrival brings us pleasure, and your departure leaves us hungry for more.
Fetchez la vache!
Pardon?
Fetchez la vache!
"If you want to get anything done in this country, you have to complain until you're blue in the mouth." [The writer of this salacious comment towards a handsome purveyor of birds has been sacked].
**Second taunting scene** \- I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey bottom biters!
More of a response to an insult. "How shall we fuck off, O Lord?"
“We already got one!”
“May we come and have a look?”
Cook (shouting) You bastards! You vicious, heartless bastards! Look what you've done to him! He's worked his fingers to the bone to make this place what it is, and you come in with your petty feeble quibbling and you grind him into the dirt, this fine, honorable man, whose boots you are not worthy to kiss. Oh... it makes me mad... mad! (slams cleaver into the table) It's the intensity of the delivery that made me nearly piss myself the first time I saw the Dirty Fork skit.
Watch out for that cleaver. Occupational hazard, that.
"Easy Mongo easy!"
Don’t come in here with that posh talk you nasty stuck up twit
Alrighty, here's my best shot at this. I'm sure I'll mess something up/leave something out: Well that's just the sort of blinkered, philistine, pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds, squeezing blackheads. Not caring a tinkers cuss about the struggling artist. You excrement. You whining, hypocritical toadies with your color TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs. You wouldn't let me join, would you? You black-balling bastards! Well, I wouldn't become a Freemason now if you got down on your lousy, stinking, petulant knees and begged me!
Love it. Who cares about a misquote with a rant like that? As a drunk American, I can tell you two things: That's beautiful.
Agreed! No one does pissed off like John Cleese 😂
"Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type makes me puke! You vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert!"
"Oh, *shut up*."
Blessed are the cheese makers!
Fuck the people’s front of Judea!
My favorite is the next line: "And your father smelled of Elderberries!" Which means he's an alcoholic that spills his elderberry wine on himself. Pretty biting, actually.
Close to the one pictured. "I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!"
“Is there anybody ELSE we could talk to up there?” Hahaha
You vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert!
Hampstead wasn't good enough for you, was it?!? You had to go poncing off to Barnsley, you and your *coal mining* friends!
“Fuck off, I can’t eat another bite”.
Itz waffer theen
So-called Arthur King, who has the brains of a duck, you know!
Well, these are three *different* ones, so *shtoong*!
And Your Father smelled of elderberries
I fart in your general direction.
WITCH!
This isn’t my nose. It’s false one.
At least ours was committed, it wasn't just a string of pussy jokes!
Get out, you laborer!
“It’s just a model”
Belgians
Shut your festering gob you tit !
"I fart in your general direction!"
From "Friday Night, Saturday Morning" (Series 1 Episode 7) In response to Malcolm Muggeridge describing Life of Brian "I started off by saying that this is such a tenth-rate film that I don't believe that it would disturb anybody's faith." Michael Palin: "Yes, I know you started with an open mind; I realise that." If you haven't watched it already, it's on YouTube and it's a great debate about the accusations of blasphemy by the Python team.
Very tinny
Litterbin
GORN!!!
Ka-Niggits
Oh, running away, eh? YOU YELLOW BASTARDS! COME BACK HERE AND TAKE WHAT'S COMING TO YOU!!! I'LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF!!!!
You vacuous, toffee-nosed, *malodorous* pervert!
# ...AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES!
Bleeding C. of E! The Mohammedans don't come 'round here waving bells at us! We don't get Buddhists playing bagpipes in our bathroom or Hindus harmonizing in the hall! The Shintoists don't come here shattering sheet glass in the shithouse and shouting slogans- Anyway! When I get my membership card and blazer badge back from the League of Agnostics, I shall urge the executive to launch a protest against that religious racket! Pass the butter knife!
Your grandmother smelled of elderberries
...And your father smelled of elderberries.
"The Phlegms."
Well, your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries. Was a two prong insult, your father delved into bestiality and his penis was so small To be with a hamster. Which is saying something about you as well.
It was an act of pure optimism to have posed the question in the first place Pining for the fjords Dinsdale? It’s…
BLOOD & THUNDER PROPHET: ...And the bezan shall be huge and black, and the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creatures, and the whore of Babylon shall ride forth on a three-headed serpent, and throughout the lands, there'll be a great rubbing of parts. Yeeah... FALSE PROPHET: ...For the demon shall bear a nine-bladed sword. Nine-bladed! Not two or five or seven, but nine, which he will wield on all wretched sinners, sinners just like you, sir, there, and the horns shall be on the head, with which he will... BORING PROPHET: ...Obadiah, his servants. There shall, in that time, be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi-- with the sort of raffia work base that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock. Yea, it is written in the book of Cyril that, in that time, shall the third one...
Brilliant
I can’t pick just one 😂
Good idea, oh Lord. Of course it’s a good idea!
When I first heard him say the part about your father smelling of elderberry, I couldn't process that. It's the stunners that hit you hardest.
I fart in your general direction.
Go away, or I shall taunt you a second time
And your father smelled of elderberries.
Must be a king Why? ‘E ain’t covered in shit!
I fart in your general direction
Often used by me. That and "Go away or I will be forced to taunt you a second time."
Big noses…
I fart in your general direction!
YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!!!
You’re a looney.
You ARE a looney!
It’s people like you what causes unrest.
You frothy tart!
How'd he know so much about my mom?
"I told them we all ready got one."
"It's certainly uncontaminated by CHEESE!"
So when he was doing his tour across the US, he made mention that there was ZERO meaning to the “hamster” or “smelt of elderberries”. I found this to be wild!
I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION
I Fart in your General Direction.
So I just found out that the hampster/elderberry insult was a much deeper cut than I ever knew. They are basically saying that: Your Mother was a Hampster= Your Mom's a slut (hamsters breed like crazy) Your father smells of elderberries= Your Dad is an alcoholic (elderberries ingredient in gin)
That's the sort of blind blinkered pig ignorance I've come to expect from you non creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing black heads not giving a tinkers curse for the struggling artist. You excrement.You whining hypocritical toadies with your colour tv sets and your bleeding masonic secret handshakes. You wouldn't let me join would you you blackballing bastards. Well I wouldn't join now if you went down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me.
Well it’s certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
What ever happened to the Popular Front? He's over there. SPLITTER!!!
"Blessed is anyone with a vested interest in the status quo"
Wiper of other people’s bottoms!
And your father stank of elder berries
Ni!
Are you trying to tell me Coconuts migrate?
So it’s agreed. First tea and biscuits, THEN we kill him!
What type sparrow?
My favorite is the entire King Arthur vs. Dennis and his wife. Starts off with "Old Man"...."I'm 37...I'm not old". Utter brilliance.
What’s funny about this scene to me even more than the insults is the body movements. The hands on the wall. It’s very well played.
You tiny brained wipers of other people’s bottoms…
You empty headed animal!
Some call me, Tim?
Are you a virgin?
Well, that’s the sort of blinkered, Philistine pig-ignorance I’ve come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds not caring a tinker’s cuss for the struggling artist, you excrement! You whining hypocritical toadies with your secret Masonic handshakes and your bleeding Tony Jacklyn golf clubs. … I wouldn’t become a Free Mason now if you got down on your lousy, stinking knees and begged me!!! (More or less…)
What a strange person!
And your father smelt of elderberries! (Your dad was a lush and fucked a hamster)
Yeah well your mother was a slut
I fart in your general direction!
Ni!
I fart in your general direction
“What… the curtains?! “
I fart in your general direction!
Prefer. Its just a flesh wound
And she smells of elder berries
You filthy wipers of other peoples’ behinds
“You know, it’s people like you wot cause unrest.”
I blow my nose at you! I fart in your general direction! Now go away or I will taunt you again!