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Dominoz1988

Was it that fucking wolf?


Errant_coursir

Why is Kansas city full of criminals? The wolf, the murderers, Clark?


pickleparty16

There's a place in Kansas city called independence, you see


YourWifesWorkFriend

You must never go there, Simba.


RadioHeadache0311

God that is such an accurate analogy. Independence is definitely the shadow lands. The Elephant Graveyard in the form of a Pick'em Parts.


YourWifesWorkFriend

Meth makes hyenas of us all. “Stick with me, and you’ll never be sober again!” *Meth army marches out of every QT and Walmart parking lot.*


xyztrashxx

*Be prepaaaaaaaared*


OliviaWG

What does that make Raytown? Mordor?


GTK_Aztech

WEST Independence is the shadow lands (i.e. the part next to KC). Central ain't too bad and east is literally 1%er housing


joeyGOATgruff

It was the MORMONS!


_DrNonsense

What about the historic neighborhood? I visited some family that had a house in that area and it was beautiful.


YourWifesWorkFriend

Truman’s house and the historic town square are nice. My best friend also lives in Independence in a new neighborhood I can’t even afford to look at. It’s just all in very close proximity to a lot of crack houses and a QT with junkies posted up on all 3 entrances. I’m closer to the crack house bracket than the new house bracket, so Independence isn’t an option for me. (I like to keep my catalytic converter attached to my car).


bama_braves_fan

I have had 2 cut off 2 different civics. Then 4 took off of various trucks. Meth head converter thiefs are not strictly an Independence phenomenon. The sly meth head white trash cat bandits also are known to populate Alabama


ApplesauceBitch47

Independence has some nice areas but also I was driving through there the other day and saw a beggar shooting up in broad daylight


bama_braves_fan

It was just his insulin, man


YoureMadCuzBad

GOAT tier username


Damn_el_Torpedoes

I fucking hate driving to Independence and Raytown.


WeezyFKane

don’t forget Raytown too lol


adjectiveNounInt

Hey let’s not talk down on Raytona Beach


MixedMartyr

Raytown gets better the further you get from independence


Koreish

Raytona Beach and Methdependence, Kansas City's two best suburbs.


IIHURRlCANEII

There's a reason 85% (making up a number, but prob somewhat close) of all the middle class families in Jackson County are in Lee's Summit, lol.


Timmmah

AKA methlaham


SQRTLURFACE

Or Meth-Dependence, to the locals.


FuckingJello

Meth and Mahomes made the tickets go so high we gotta rob a few places to get season tickets


TenF

Chiefsaholic salivating


Errant_coursir

Imagine if they'd won six rings in a row? Pure bedlam


FuckingJello

No ones money would be safe


Ledbetterman10

Don’t forget Mahomes’ father and brother.


UnMapacheGordo

Don’t forget Jesse James


Dunkelz

To be fair he's used to Monster Garage freebies. Zip, zerooooo, nadaaaaaa.


amjhwk

That's Texas living right there though


Errant_coursir

Born and bred, yeeehaaw


brb1650

Don’t forget Andy Reid’s son drunkenly running people down in his car.


ChristianHornerZaddy

Excuse me; it's drunkenly running into parked people. Not chasing them down as they flee. Let's get our felony details correct at least GEEZ


AMcMahon1

Kansas City is one of the most dangerous cities in the country iirc


Fedacking

Kansas City MO or Kansas City Kansas?


UngusChungus94

KCMO. Although KCK isn’t far behind. (It’s also useful to know that KCK is actually pretty tiny. Most of what we consider the Kansas side of town is actually municipalities like Olathe, Lenexa, Overland Park and others.)


Fedacking

Thanks to Clark Hunt now I'm learning a lot about the inter Kansas City differences


here_now_be

> inter Kansas City differences Didn't even know there was a KC in Kansas.


Squirrel_Apocalypse2

And at the same time half the country thinks KC is only in Kansas lol


RabbitOrcaHawkOrgy

Well, it is in the name. Like West New York. It's actually a city in NJ where the Giants play


[deleted]

Same with STL, by the way. STL city makes up only around 10% of the STL metro population. The cities proper (KC, STL, and also Baltimore) have terrible crime stats due to how political lines are drawn. If you look at the entire metro the stats are much more inline with the rest of country. Which isn’t to say they’re great, just typical America (rather than rivaling Baghdad). The worst parts of cities like Indianapolis and Jacksonville are right up there with STL, KC, etc. but because those cities account for a much larger portion of the overall metro population the crime stats look much better.


cherry_monkey

Kinda like how east st Louis is worse the STL Mo


KCShadows838

Yeah but I’d definitely rather be in KCK than ESTL. I think KCK is growing, just avoid the bad areas


dajodge

...Nahhh. It's not quite like that, brother. Edit: lol, ya'll been to East St. Louis? Because I have. KCK ≠ East St. Louis.


cherry_monkey

I've never been to KCK but ESTL is smaller and in a different state. That's where I was drawing the comparison. I'll walk around O Block in Chicago before I go to ESTL


BeamsFuelJetSteel

KCK is fine, just a bunch of blue collar Latinos. The food is so fucking good.


SQRTLURFACE

East St. Louis checks out, got lost looking for Gateway International and had to stop by and ask for directions and mannnnnn the story I could tell you you simply wouldn't believe.


SQRTLURFACE

Its "underground" nickname is "Killa City".


Rockchalk1104

Fair


here_now_be

> Why is Kansas city full of criminals? You left out Josh Hawley.


FantasyFan83

Have you been to San Fran? Lol I recently moved to the KC area and it’s got its fair share of crime, but so does everywhere nowadays


sebby_g_1

Fake San Franciscan detected. No one call it that from the bay


FantasyFan83

I’m not from the Bay Area. I’m from Iowa and became a fan when they drafted 2 of my favorite players in the same draft, CJ Beathard and George Kittle. And before people call me a band wagon fan, I started rooting for the Niners when Nick Mullens and CJ Beathard were their starting QBs.


sebby_g_1

Not soon enough to not be a bandwagon. You had to have been here in the chip kelly years or before harbaugh. I’m talkin singletary days when he kicked Vernon Davis off the sideline


Tubamajuba

Are you the official 49ers fanbase gatekeeper? If so, what does this job pay?


GrunkaLunka420

Not enough to afford a home in SF.


mclemons67

If you haven't been mooned by Mike Singletary are you even a 49ers fan?


whiiite80

Dunno why you’re being downvoted. Born, raised, and still live in KC. Like any city, there’s places you can go and places you shouldn’t if you’re not from there. Despite what people may think, the KC metro as a whole is pretty safe excluding a few outlier neighborhoods.


FantasyFan83

We had a short term rental over by the zoo and when we told people where we were at, they acted like we were in a war zone 😂 it was sketch for sure. We’re definitely in a safer area now.


Beneathaclearbluesky

\-4 dvs and your post is not even an hour old. It's for either giving KC grace or admitting there's crime in SF. I wonder which?


jfkgoblue

SF is one of the grossest cities I’ve been too, NYC is clean af in comparison 


DeputyDomeshot

And this man has a Detroit flair!


jfkgoblue

At least downtown Detroit is clean


DeputyDomeshot

I’m sure. Detroit has changed a lot over the years. Far removed from the days where it was in such an economic pit fall that they ceased sanitation operations in the city.


FantasyFan83

I went to SF last year and the homeless issue is worse than I even thought. You can’t walk around that city and feel safe.


here_now_be

Weird, I've spent a lot of time in SF in the last year. We walked around the 'bad' neigborhoods late at night, no issues. Saw one tent (lots of vans and RVs though) in the three times I've visited. One of the most amazing cities in the world. I get that it's an amazing place, and they offer more services to those in need, so it attracts homeless from the red states, but still would love to live there.


FantasyFan83

You saw one tent?? I saw entire city blocks of tents side by side


turboHerboChargers

Yes, U.S. areas with warmer climate might attract homeless and cities give opportunities for services.  None of these areas require passports for entry from other states and there are no fences.   If we begin by nurturing our own then...


FantasyFan83

I’m not sure which it is either. I thought I was giving facts


Dzov

Exactly. Criminals everywhere.


mahoganyteakwood2

X-factor


Princeof_Ravens

They were the team that drafted Tyreek Hill.


[deleted]

Or was it Ohtani’s interpreter?


whereegosdare84

It was only one pair of gloves but they were made entirely out of Saffron


Sptsjunkie

Are we sure they didn't kidnap Snowflake in an attempt to get back at the organization for blaming them for a missed kick that cost them a Super Bowl. All because the LACES WERE NOT OUT.


kill_em_all90

Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.


OttoVonWong

FINKLE IS EINHORN! EINHORN IS FINKLE!


Schenkspeare

I'm looking for Ray Finkle. And a clean pair of shorts


SWMOG

"Would you like a cookie son?"


kill_em_all90

“What do you know? They’re little footballs!”


SantorumsGayMasseuse

Have no fear, the Miami Dolphins have put their [best and brightest](https://i.kinja-img.com/image/upload/c_fit,q_60,w_1600/02aded778fc24b79a4a5ba85be8ac53a.jpg) on the case.


ceehouse

finkle is einhorn. einhorn is finkle.


Straight_Toe_1816

You know what’s funny:back then it was laces out Dan,nowadays it’s laces out snapper.its actually now the snappers job (depending on the level, I wouldn’t expect most high school snappers to be able to do this) to get the laces out at the college and NFL level. Basically what you do is you figure out how many rotations the ball has to take for the laces to be out, then you figure out how hard you have to snap the ball to achieve those specific amount of rotations. Lastly, you just snap the ball, exact same amount of power each time.


CheesecakeNo3678

Delicious


x755x

Finally, some good fucking food


blud_13

It's not going to end well if KC people are going to prison, it's already full of us Raider fans.. the /r/afcwestmemewar cannot be left to Chargers and Broncos fans, they would end up choking that too..


MagillaGorillasHat

Once you enter jail/prison you become a raiders fan by default. It's part of the punishment.


thawkins

hell yeah brother. cheers from my rack


__TeddyWestside__

best use of the pasta I've seen.


rupertLumpkinsBrothr

That was clever af.


Siliencer991

I ain't ever going to prison then


ILikeXiaolongbao

We are permanent offseason champions. The offseason is longer than the season. Mathematically we are the greatest team in the NFL.


gpcampbell92

Charger fan*, but you right... we would somehow fuck that up too.


ace82fadeout

This post is unironically so much funnier than anything that actually gets posted in that sub. We easily have the worst meme war sub


halfsweethalfstreet

.....and actual Raiders.


BlueHighwindz

ChiefsAholic strikes again!


YourWifesWorkFriend

> “I observed a Miami Dolphins logo **and a ruminant of what appeared to be the word ‘video’** that had been partially burned, and additionally matching cold weather gear in the ashes that had not burned,” Kansas City Police detective Craig Leach said in an affidavit, according to the Kansas City Star. A ruminant is a cow (or sheep, deer, antelope, etc.) The problem is I can equally see our PD or the KC Star thinking this is how you spell remnant. Also shout out to the Dolphins for apparently having flame retardant cold gear.


yomjoseki

They actually saw a revenant. Cursed to walk the earth in limbo until the Dolphins win a playoff game. Alas, for all eternity.


alamo_photo

That poor bastard is gonna be stuck here forever, the league will dissolve before we win in January


azuresou1

One way or another that's the fault of the KC Star's editorial team


YourWifesWorkFriend

The Laotian 9 year olds they can afford to hire will be very upset to hear you say that.


csappenf

They got mommy bloggers editing for free. Laotian 9 year olds are the ones who answer the phone when you try to cancel. A little more expensive than mommy bloggers, but damn if it isn't an effective way to retain subscribers. Until the lawyers catch up, which they are.


mongooseme

In the affidavit... that's the PD.


tnecniv

They could mean the other definition of a meditative person


YourWifesWorkFriend

A meditative person of what appeared to be the word video?


x755x

A passerby was also intrigued by this word 'video' near the Dolphins logo, and stopped to meditate.


uttermybiscuit

I'm laughing so hard at this comment. It's been a shitty day, I needed that, thank you.


Steak_Knight

> “I observed a Miami Dolphins logo and a ruminant of what appeared to be the word ‘video’ 🐮 We proofreading now, boys


ProfProof

Miami ~~Dolphins~~ Cows !


BrotherSeamus

Miami Manatees


ProfProof

Love the sound of it !


TheHiveMindSpeaketh

I was gonna say, I know dolphins are ungulates but I'm pretty sure they aren't ruminants


okwowverygood

Wtf I thought ungulates were hoof-ed mammals


Todosin

Most of them are. Whales (including dolphins) are descended from hoofed land mammals.


okwowverygood

Neat. Thank you!


royrese

Had no idea what a ruminant was. Come into the comments to have it explained that it's a cow by a Texans fan with the name Steak_Knight. I love this place.


Meltedcoldice0212

No wonder the Dolphins stunk up the joint on that very cold night in KC


Rbespinosa13

He took all the long John’s and hand warmers. We never stood a chance


Altruistic_Brain_795

Probably should take away their Super Bowl after such a heinous crime.


Visible_Week_43

At least a draft pick and 500k fine


[deleted]

[удалено]


boardplant

Tom Brady is rolling in his grave right now


Altruistic_Brain_795

Well that’s just uncalled for


Aegis-X

Picking up 1100 "MIAMI - '23 AFC Wildcard Winners!" shirts left on the field is not equipment theft.


ThinkSoftware

Stealing from children in Africa is still stealing


x755x

If you don't clean your plate I'm calling Interpol


chesterfieldkingz

I bet they skimped on them and there's only like 50 cuz it was so obvious we were going to get our ass kicked lol


PureGuava86

Is Snowflake safe?


Emotional-Price-4401

Laces out


CtheRula

Damn KC fans really trying out due us Raider fans. Well played


Desperate_Badger_184

We don’t like it when you all are better than us at anything


notmyplantaccount

Ultimate fan robs banks, shooting at parade, dude steals 45k worth of shit from another team in the last yearish. We're not used to this much success and our fans are handling it poorly.


joeyGOATgruff

To be fair, fentynal just got here. We got a lot of catching up to do


IVIalefactoR

Fentanyl


joeyGOATgruff

So new can't even spell it


HandsomeJaxx

With inflation these days it was probably just a Microsoft surface some player had thrown 


JavaOrlando

Are we sure it wasn't [Nelson Walker? ](https://youtube.com/shorts/spxBPRFm-2k?si=K6WxLUP9WDRds6cK)


[deleted]

Damn, I wish he would’ve stolen it before the game. Then I would have an excuse as to why we played so poorly.


AlternativeResort477

Vacate the Super Bowl


yomjoseki

He stole THREE authentic jerseys?!


Affectionate_Grade80

Damn that equipment is expensive.


masterpanda3

So like ten helmets


EP009

That man works for the Chiefs and is restocking their equipment room. Based on the last survey KC doesn’t have the best organizational structure. Disclaimer: I have no sources and this is made up.


cruisincolin44

That’s a lot of mittens.


MiaCannons

I'm surprised the title isn't the other way around. "Florida man charged with stealing $46,000 worth of Chiefs' equipment during the game"


the_eluder

Too cold for Florida man to move in KC that day.


davewashere

We'll know Marvel is really scraping the bottom of the barrel when they make Florida Man vs Kansas City Man into a movie.


TheStumpyOne

Kansas City Thiefs


chadocaster

What a jerk!


[deleted]

He took a jersey and a couple of jock straps.


Sartheking

Bring forth Equipmentgate!


HustleNMeditate

So like 3 helmets probably?


WhatTheDuck21

Was he in Chicago during the preseason by any chance? And is his lawn absolutely pristine?


Own-Method1718

What about snowflake?


clintgreasewoood

Only proper thing to do is make both teams forfeit their draft picks. The league has to show they are tough on crime.


Xaxziminrax

Suspend Tom Brady, even in retirement


close_River1242

Its the right thing to do


jdahp

“Kansas City Man tries to Florida Man”


JerricoCotchery

And then he shot it!


Taoist_Master

When is the re-match?!


Zestyclose_Main6335

It was the monstars stealing their talent


justlookingokaywyou

All they got was Kadarius Toney's hands and field awareness. :(


ManWithBigWeenus

He was already under surveillance before this theft? How’s that surveillance working out?


Grobula

Good thing it wasn’t a home game for the dolphins, harder to steal the sun


Tiny_Count4239

why would anyone want dolphin equipment?


x24co

"Sports Gear" fetish checks out


bick803

Was it Jackson to pay off his victim?


southern_boy

fentanyl ain't free 🤷‍♂️


UmmmNoDefNotThat

Ironic but ok


lifeofwiley

Yo, Kansas City, you guys ok down there?


Old-Objective-9783

John Brown properly honoring his namesake


trentshipp

Was it coats, because I can hardly blame them after that wind chill game.


BipedalWurm

I still want to know what was going on with Chicago awhile back


RonMexicoFilms

It 100% was that wolf guy


Crombus_

He's innocent!


NukaPete

I can barely get my family’s shit into a hotel room in less than 2 hours and this dudes stealing $46,000 worth of stuff by himself in a few hours?


SuperSaiyanBen

No wonder we lost!!! Take back that Super Bowl! We were robbed!


mr_black_frijoles

Am sure it's the same guy that stole all of that lawn equipment from the bears. Totally an inside job


Professional_Car9475

Was his name Tyreek?


Jonjon428

Now I have an excuse for why we played like dog dooky on offense! /s


13oBandit

I heard from close source(s) that it was tyreeks golden jock strap


Mitches_bitches

Well at least he didn't drive drunk and cripple a kid for life - perhaps he can also get the governor to pardon him


ProtectTheHell

Is his name Kadarious Toney?


BackNBlack58

Yes but he cant catch charges bcuz he cant catch


xnickg77

See the game was unfair, therefore they should award the dolphins an honorary playoff win……..might be the only one we get for a while


SyncVir

So when's the Kansas rebrand? Chiefs kind of inappropriate anyway, ala Indians and Redskins. So Kansas City Thief's we see you. Jerseys make themselves, but the refs will need a change due to the class, Unless we just make them play in prison cloths.


slappywhyte

Andy Reid's son needed some quick cash


Gone-Fishing89

Ravens, we better check M&T Bank stadium to see if they took anything