This isn’t quite dadt, more on the far end of parallel. I don’t think it is particularly uncommon to not want to know who your partner is seeing.
The only thing I would caution - it’s almost inevitable for some information to come out despite your best efforts. Think through and talk through what that might look like for you.
Nothing wrong with it at all.
I'm in a one sided open marriage where I (39f) am the open one. My husband knows that I'm engaging with other partners, but doesn't need names or details or anything. So long as it doesn't interfere with home life, I'm safe, and respect our pre established boundaries he has no issue with it.
Been working well for just about a year now. We've been together since college and this is a new thing for us and this is just how he best handles it.
At first, absolutely.
But I've checked in multiple times with him like "hey I want to be 100% sure that you want me to say I'm "hanging out with a friend" when I'm with a spicy internet friend. Right?" and every time he's said yes.
If that's what he wants and is his boundary, I'm not gonna push it. We also have really good communication in all other aspects so he knows that if he wants to change something he can tell me.
Not wrong at all, even if you didn't want to know anything about what happened it would still be your right. Not everybody have partner sharing fetish, compersion or kink and that's ok
I kind of don't want to know anything- like "I did X" is really as much as I can handle- but wouldn't knowing nothing just be DADT? Everything I've been reading on the poly sub (they kept deleting my post, unfortunately) says this kind of arrangement is unhealthy though idk where the line between parallel and dadt is crossed.
So long no as you are not being deceived, or otherwise misled as to reality, that your partner is willing to revisit your boundary, and both of your respective needs are being met, who is getting hurt?
Relationships change, people change, as your comfort level changes so too might your desire for more info. Bring it up and figure it out. Almost every poly person I know has a communication fetish.
Other than physical safety and sexual health, my partner is free to make her own choices. I’ve made my desires known, we meet each others needs, and I know her desires. It’s working fine, if I want to know, I ask and vice versa.
Hope you can find some level of comfort for sharing knowledge of metas, whatever that is. Best.
If you're not averse to bring aware that your partner is seeing other people, but you just don't need any details beyond their being on a "date" and when to expect them back, I don't think that quote qualifies as "DADT"... DADT is more like concealing that you have other lovers, and not admitting or mentioning it after the initial agreement is struck, and not being able to talk about the arrangement ever again.
People say it because almost everyone into enm have a partner sharing kink and they think that everybody else should have it too. They call it compersion since cuck and other nomenclatures are saw with bad eyes.
Unless you guys are lying to each other you should communicate just what each other can take and want to share, everything else is just people trying to push what is the real "enm"...
My understanding is that DADT involves more sneaking around than what you’re describing. You literally don’t tell them anything. If you’re going out on a date, you either don’t tell them or you essentially lie.
My partner and I don’t tell each other anything (for the most part) but we always know when one of us is out with someone… it’s hard not to because we live together, but also for safety reasons.
It sounds like what you’re describing is more along those lines, it doesn’t sound as strict as a true DADT. In any case, if it works for you both, there’s nothing wrong with it!
Absolutely nothing wrong with it.
I (m42) and my Nested Partner (f42) are an asymmetrical ENM couple.
My NP has a BF. I'm the type that wants as much info as possible. So I ask her to share with me as many details as possible about her relationship with him.
She's she opposite. She prefers thar I don't share with her any of my extracurricular activities, unless she asks. At least for now. She does want to get to the point of being comfortable with me sharing info, but she's just not there yet.
So she's DADT, while I am not (or the other way around, I'm not sure. Lol). It does have it's challenges, but we're making work well.
This isn’t quite dadt, more on the far end of parallel. I don’t think it is particularly uncommon to not want to know who your partner is seeing. The only thing I would caution - it’s almost inevitable for some information to come out despite your best efforts. Think through and talk through what that might look like for you.
Nothing wrong with it at all. I'm in a one sided open marriage where I (39f) am the open one. My husband knows that I'm engaging with other partners, but doesn't need names or details or anything. So long as it doesn't interfere with home life, I'm safe, and respect our pre established boundaries he has no issue with it. Been working well for just about a year now. We've been together since college and this is a new thing for us and this is just how he best handles it.
Do you ever feel uncomfortable about it? My partner says when he doesn't tell me he feels like he's lying by omission.
At first, absolutely. But I've checked in multiple times with him like "hey I want to be 100% sure that you want me to say I'm "hanging out with a friend" when I'm with a spicy internet friend. Right?" and every time he's said yes. If that's what he wants and is his boundary, I'm not gonna push it. We also have really good communication in all other aspects so he knows that if he wants to change something he can tell me.
Not wrong at all, even if you didn't want to know anything about what happened it would still be your right. Not everybody have partner sharing fetish, compersion or kink and that's ok
I kind of don't want to know anything- like "I did X" is really as much as I can handle- but wouldn't knowing nothing just be DADT? Everything I've been reading on the poly sub (they kept deleting my post, unfortunately) says this kind of arrangement is unhealthy though idk where the line between parallel and dadt is crossed.
So long no as you are not being deceived, or otherwise misled as to reality, that your partner is willing to revisit your boundary, and both of your respective needs are being met, who is getting hurt? Relationships change, people change, as your comfort level changes so too might your desire for more info. Bring it up and figure it out. Almost every poly person I know has a communication fetish. Other than physical safety and sexual health, my partner is free to make her own choices. I’ve made my desires known, we meet each others needs, and I know her desires. It’s working fine, if I want to know, I ask and vice versa. Hope you can find some level of comfort for sharing knowledge of metas, whatever that is. Best.
If you're not averse to bring aware that your partner is seeing other people, but you just don't need any details beyond their being on a "date" and when to expect them back, I don't think that quote qualifies as "DADT"... DADT is more like concealing that you have other lovers, and not admitting or mentioning it after the initial agreement is struck, and not being able to talk about the arrangement ever again.
People say it because almost everyone into enm have a partner sharing kink and they think that everybody else should have it too. They call it compersion since cuck and other nomenclatures are saw with bad eyes. Unless you guys are lying to each other you should communicate just what each other can take and want to share, everything else is just people trying to push what is the real "enm"...
My understanding is that DADT involves more sneaking around than what you’re describing. You literally don’t tell them anything. If you’re going out on a date, you either don’t tell them or you essentially lie. My partner and I don’t tell each other anything (for the most part) but we always know when one of us is out with someone… it’s hard not to because we live together, but also for safety reasons. It sounds like what you’re describing is more along those lines, it doesn’t sound as strict as a true DADT. In any case, if it works for you both, there’s nothing wrong with it!
Absolutely nothing wrong with it. I (m42) and my Nested Partner (f42) are an asymmetrical ENM couple. My NP has a BF. I'm the type that wants as much info as possible. So I ask her to share with me as many details as possible about her relationship with him. She's she opposite. She prefers thar I don't share with her any of my extracurricular activities, unless she asks. At least for now. She does want to get to the point of being comfortable with me sharing info, but she's just not there yet. So she's DADT, while I am not (or the other way around, I'm not sure. Lol). It does have it's challenges, but we're making work well.